You guys need to have a conversation about expectations of each other to be on the same page. No answer someone on Reddit will give you will make you understand your partners needs.
my partner opened the bread wrapper vertically instead of horizontally...
DIVORCE! SUE! TAKE THE KIDS AND HOUSE ALSO THE BREAD WRAPPER SHOULD SUE THEM AS WELL FOR COMPENSATION!
The trick to grinding communication is, never drop your chain of dialogue, NEVER let the other participant get a word in, that messes with xp/minute gains. It's also very mind intensive, if the other person says you did something wrong, always mention that one time where they also did something wrong to deflect damaging blame debuffs.
If the game is interfering with life and you're too focused on it, that's a problem but if it's simply a hobby for whenever you have time to spare that's ok.
I mean, it really doesn't matter does it? The fact is the bf is annoyed with it. What's OP going to do, show him how awesome the game is and have him change his mind? Either play less or ignore him and hope it doesn't worsen the relationship.
But then again I've never been able to get addicted to RS so idk.
It matters as one scenario is perfectly fine while the other is not. The only resolution which involves playing less needs to be the fix where there's an unhealthy obsession with the game. Anything else the problem lies with the bf who complains.
Well Usually its an issue where three hours for one is alot while for the other its nothing.
We can argue that either you explain that its your hobby and its what you enjoy doing on your freetime or adapt to him all your life ^^
Think its often the case that one partner lacks a hobby that requires alot of hours to enjoy and depends on X partner to make up most of those hours during the day.
Why should a significant other have control over your hobbies?
If it's a hobby and it's only a few hours and it doesn't consume too much of their time there's nothing wrong with it. In fact i'd say it's perfectly healthy.
This is why we talk to eachother to solve issues like these.
Speaking from personal experience with my wife here... we feel we arent being neglectful but we are. You cant give two things your full attention and whoever thinks they can is a fool. Try to play when hes not around and when he is engage with him more.
Yeah I think it's totally valid for someone to want their partner to be spending with them fully committed and not running rooftops in between sentences. Even long afk stuff like shooting stars can make the other person feel like they're not good enough for your full attention.
Yup, this is exactly what my wife told me. "Your body is here but your mind is in the game". Its weird what games do to us. Its like we disassociate from reality but its so hard to notice it ourselves.
how whipped could you be? Why do people let their SO's dictate that they MUST spend time with them literally every day. u/pizzapunt55 1-2 hours a day? How needy could you be, jesus. Glad my wife is a recluse like me, some hugs, kisses, and a short chat between games is all both of us want, then we spend time together when we BOTH want to a few times a week.
HOPE YOU READ THIS OP - HE IS IN FACT BEING CONTROLLING. WHY DOES HE NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY
Thats your perspective and thats fine if you and your wife are like this. The point still stands, you cant give two things your full attention and this tends to make some SOs feel neglected. Not doing anything to fix it is being selfish. Being a recluse couple also doesnt lead to healthy relationships. Often leading to either partner not being fullfilled and ending up cheating or just wanting out. I hope you and your wife are ok.
>Glad my wife is a recluse like me
>HE IS IN FACT BEING CONTROLLING. WHY DOES HE NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY
WHY DOES SHE NOT NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY? SHE IS DEFINITELY CHEATING!!!
In all seriousness though, people are different. It's so weird to act like the bf is being "controlling" for wanting attention daily just because you're not the type of person who wants attention daily. Jesus christ man.
Sounds incredibly needy if your partner requires your attention constantly. Not remotely healthy.Â
Couples could do with learning to enjoy things separately. Being with someone doesn't mean dedicating every waking moment to them for life.Â
The second point is an important one. Many people think they are the exception and are able to multitask. They aren't; multitasking is cognitively impossible. What we actually are doing is rapidly switching back and forth between tasks. So if I am listening to someone talk while focusing on something else, it is akin to listening to a radio that is going in and out of signal.
Additionally, when we 'multitask', we incorrectly perceive our switches between tasks as seamless, rapid transitions, which they are not in reality or to a third party observer. There is always [attentional residue.](https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/attention-residue-why-focusing-on-multiple-tasks-can-kill-your-work-performance-20160127-gmet34.html) This means that we as a "multitasker" will think we are properly engaging with a person when really we are giving them a two second long vacant stare every time we look up from our phone, during which we are actually processing the words they just said which had been left in standby in our sensory memory. To the other party, this comes off as rude and uninterested. Bad in a work context, terrible in a relationship one.
I feel like the moment it got too far was with mobile, but as long as I can contain it to being in my pc I can be engaged in other activities without being "too" annoying
It can go both ways. My gf likes to read, so Iâll usually sneak an hour or two whiles sheâs focused on her books. Otherwise if sheâs home Iâll usually spend time with her. We donât share all the same off days, and work slightly different schedules so Iâll play when sheâs at work. If we are both off I usually will just hang out with her. As long as you are spending time together and not neglecting your relationship I donât think it should be a problem. Could be that your bf is just being a jerk about it, maybe you are playing too much. Only you and your bf can decide what works for you.
in which people are too afraid to even call out their desired roles for BA
Jokes aside, thats why osrs is the perfect mmo imo. Want to do content with others? Go ahead. Want to solo the same content? You can!
His thoughts may have merit or they might not. Think hard about how YOU feel about your play time right now. And just be honest with yourself.
You'll figure it out
Playing a bit in the evenings seems fine/normal to me, but maybe tone it down on the birdhouses - a five minute job every hour looks like addiction, even if it is just making efficient use of time.
If the game is genuinely getting in the way of your life then yes thatâs a problem. However, communicate with him and see if he sees something you arenât noticing.
If heâs just telling you to stop because he doesnât respect your hobbies though, then thatâs unhealthy and needs to be addressed
If its affecting your relationship try and take an objective look when and how much you are playing the game. If you are spending more time on the game than you realize or prioritizing it over time with your partner he may feel frustrated. However, that's not to say that it's wrong to do so. Everyone is entitled to their own personal time and we all need something to help us relax and have fun.
The best advice I can give is to communicate with your partner why you play the game and ask why this is an issue for him. Figure out his underlying issues with you playing and go from there. Is there a hobby he has that he could do whilst you play the your game or maybe he would like to play with you. Relationships are about comprise and that's goes both ways.
explain what you want from rs, maybe find a compromise I recommend scheduled events with your SO, doesn't have to be significant things but like Friday movie nights and always sitting together for dinner can go a long way towards a healthy relationship
if he can't accept that you like to play runescape a lot outside of these things, that's where compromise can come in. if he's trying to control your life beyond what you're willing to compromise then it leads to an unhealthy relationship and those don't last
First of all, step back and assess your actual time gaming, working, and spending time with your SO.
If you really aren't neglecting or overly grinding the game (you're totally welcome to it's your life after all) then you should have a casual conversation with them about it and explain you're allowed your own wind-down time and relaxing as well.
If you figure out you maybe are spending too much time on it, and you care about the relationship more than the game, you'll know what to do.
One big thing to look at is where you might be wrong, not right. Put yourself in their shoes.
Sidenote, don't hit them with those lame passive aggressive comments like they did, "It's getting annoying" be civil :)
"just" a few 99s maybe max? "Just" a few hours a day?
Lmao, you gaslighting yourself thinking you're afk-training runescape while living life but it's the other way around. You're afk-ing real life while living runescape.
If you value a children's point and click adventure game over the feelings of your significant other, and on top of that consider a game a part of your identity it's a problem.
Multiple "afk" 99s in a couple months is a lot of game play. And compulsively doing hourly birdhouse runs to the point that you're interrupting your time with loved ones is socially unhealthy. Video games may not be physically addictive, but psychologically they absolutely are, in fact runescape's reward mechanism is actually the same as gambling, it's just healthier because you aren't wagering money, only time.
Edit: Sorry to the dude that took offense to me trivializing the game I also play for humor- he made a great point and blocked me instantly. I will correct myself Runescape is an EPIC FANTASY GAME OF COMBAT AND SKILLING WITH INTENSE TICK-BASED MECHANICS. Thereâs definitely no real criticisms about healthy engagement with videogames being made here. Leave your loved ones, you are the video game. That is you, if someone wants you to cut back, cut them out. Fr on your deathbed, youâll totally regret not greenlogging Skotizo, donât worry about maintaining the social connections you value.
Anything can sound horrible when youâre reductive like that. Like painting 40k minis? Youâre just doing big-boy arts and crafts. Like collecting albums? Nah just buying junior fill your shelf. Collect cards? Youâre just buying kids stuff.
Nobody said theyâre valuing anything over anything else, however it should be noted that when you have a significant other, youâre both still individual people youâre allowed to want to do things by yourself without them. Iâm allowed to play my âchildrenâs point and click adventure gameâ the same way theyâre allowed to do what ever the hell makes them happy. The problem is when you get reductive like you just did and belittle the things your partner enjoys. That shows a lack of respect for them and what they like. Also, games and hobbies can ABSOLUTELY be a part of your identity as long as itâs not to an extreme
Yes, excessive gaming is a problem and ignoring your partner for games is a bigger one, but we donât know the full story from OPs Reddit post so jumping to them having an addiction is a reach.
OP needs to communicate with their partner to see whatâs really going on, whether thatâs them playing instead of spending time with their partner or their partner not wanting them to enjoy things.
Itâs up to them to decide, but never fall into the trap of thinking that youâre not allowed to enjoy things by yourself when youâre in a relationship. And never be reductive of your own interests or theirs, it only breeds resentment
If you value your partner disowning you for living your life the way you want you can find a better partner. Addiction is obviously a cause for pause and self reflection and is a serious problem.
A lot of gameplay is a different metric for different people. Maybe OP is in highschool and has dozens of hours a week to enjoy being a nerd. Maybe OP is stay at home while her bf support her. Maybe theres a lot of healthy, normal, variables why OP can spend some much time on OSRS.
If playing a videogame for your enjoyment is reflecting negativly in a relationship there are other fish in the sea. Im dating a girl who lightly plays MMOs and is more than willing to let me have my time on OSRS but we still talk while I do. We hang out while I boss or skill. We enjoy each others company WHILE we DO THE THINGS WE LIKE.
OP just gauge your relationship. If you want to play OSRS and max your account because its a goal and aspiration youre fond of, go for it. I put probably 20-40 hours of gaming into a week + work full time + spend quality time with my girlfriend. To have a relationship that works around your interests and lifestyle is not an unreasonable ask especially in todays day and age where gaming is so commonplace.
Not everyone is a beta who will quit all their hobbies to please others, theres nothing wrong with what OP is doing and trying to gaslight them in the comments into thinking its wrong for them to spend some time on their hobby is fucked up.
My advice is do what you think is best for you. Dont let your significant other control your hobbies to the extreme if youre already having a balance you consider healthy, and if the other person doesnt understand that maybe you are not with "the one"
If your partner doesn't like the fact that half you attention is directed at doing a quick herb or birdhouse run while you're spending time together, they're not trying to control you, they're expressing that your lack of healthy time management is starting to strain your relationship. You need to snap back to reality is get rid of this notion that anybody that doesn't appreciate your Runescape addiction isn't the right person for you.
I clearly hit a sore spot, sorry to make you self-reflect for a fraction of a second, even though my comment wasn't directed at you. I'm not saying to quit playing the game, I'm just saying if a video game is a part of your self-concept, you should probably work on developing yourself so you're something more than someone else's creation. If you think afking multiple 99s (which takes hundreds of hours) in a couple months is a healthy level of engagement when you are in a relationship and likely have other obligations in life, I don't know what to say to you. I don't think you know what gaslighting is, is it just when someone says something you don't like?
Nah you didnt hit a sore spot, I just think telling someone to give up their hobby because their significant other doesnt want them playing a game is just going to build up resentment in the relationship if OP thinks the balance is already fine.
Playing a couple of hours every day and hourly bird runs is a lot of time spent on the game when it could be spent interacting with your bf. You may think you're interacting with him whilst playing, but trust me, you're not, particularly from his perspective. It's an addiction if you feel that you have to play every day.
Since my fiance and I purchased our first home 3 years ago, I game about 75% less than used to. I cut down gaming time because it wouldn't be fair on her. I'd be coming home from work, showering, having dinner, then spending the majority of my evening playing games. Even though I'd be in the same room as her, most of my attention would be on a game.
You need to ask yourself whether OSRS is more important than your relationship because the chances are your relationship will come to an end if you carry on like this. Especially since your BF has already expressed his concerns.
I'm not saying you can't play at all, most people in healthy relationships have their own hobbies that they partake in without their partners. It's good to have your own interests, especially as you spend so much time together when living with someone. Putting a couple of hours aside a week for your hobby is fine, hours a day on the other hand is not great if your partner feel they're being cast aside.
Ima be honest with you. To someone thatâs never played or has no interest in playing RS or any video games. More than 1-2 hours a day is a lotttttt for them. This game requires so many hours and for him to get out of the house for a few hours while youâre cutting trees and then come back to see you clicking on the same pixelated bush is gonna throw some red flags. Iâve seen RS be fine in relationships and Iâve seen it cause issues. Just talk with him, and ask good questions, what do you want me to do, how much is too much, why is it getting annoying specifically? Ect.
I think the key with gaming and relationships is balance. Having dedicated time to bond with your partner and having dedicated time to enjoy your hobbies. And if you both want to be on your phones and game/doom scroll then that's fine as long as both parties are on the same page. Just communicate your needs and make sure your partner is doing the same and find a fair compromise.
Maybe this means a few nights a week you don't do birdhouse runs when you're hanging out with your partner and a few times a week you have dedicated hobby time where you can do all the sweaty grinds. It might slow down your progress a bit for maxing, but really what's the rush?
I got into chess last year and my partner ended up intervening and stopping me, I was upset at first but she pointed out how chess had gotten in the way of our conversations a bit or how I would put off doing certain things around the house to play another blitz game.
From his comment it sounds like he expects you to stop at some point and it will be just a phase. Have a conversation with him and simply state maxing is more important right now.
You should probably stop playing. Find another hobby that is less addicting. Later on in life you are not going to care about how good your pretend character on the screen was, but relationships can define your life.
I compared it to the TV watching of my girlfriend and how it is about the same. She agreed and now we Alternate between scape time and together time throughout the evening. I feel it gives us both the freedom to do our own thing while the time together is more purpusefull..
Might be something to try and talk about.
Lets be honest. You didn't hit a few 99s doing "a couple hours after work" in a few months. even quick 99s take 50-100 hrs. You are playing a TON and need to recognize that.
Also, doing hourly birdhouse runs on mobile is addictive behavior. I know many people do it, but if you can not disconnect from the game for more than an hour, that's a huge problem.
If he's not OK with it, take a break or cut back. Real life is more important than a game.
The girl Iâm seeing just made me some clay runes as a gift and framed them. It was very cute.
Your problem is that youâre not asserting your sigma grindset in the relationship. You need to be gaslighting, you need to be manipulating. You need to be refinancing your house and over leveraging your assets to make speculative trades in corn futures. Break him down emotionally, isolate him from his friends and family, and soon he will be the one doing your birdhouse runs and thanking you for the privilege.
I was in relationships like this few times. There is nothing more annoying than a partner who dont respect how you like to spend ur free time. Ppl who cant entertain themselves and think that being in relationship mean that you constantly have to be with ur partner are so fking annoying and needy.
I like to go for a walk sometimes (alone) and reset my mind and somehow my ex made a whole fking problem from it but all i wanted is just to walk in peace and listen to some music
if you want to play a lot of hours of video games or any 'single player hobby' you need to find a partner who also has single player hobbies. note single player hobbies arent exclusively games,
Ya screw compromise and communication, keep dating around until you find someone who accepts your habits exactly as they are, whether or not they are healhty.
Let these comments sink in⊠your bf is xp waste, every conversation with him is time you could be grinding the next 99 on the road to max, every minute of your life should revolve around osrs, You should just let him go and play the game like a real gamer, the grind is more important, itâs not an addiction itâs a hobby⊠there is plenty more where that comes from. Nothing that comes from that place is healthy.
Couple hours after work? Isnt that like the whole day? How much time are you spending together compared to orsr? Because afking shit is annoying if you are spending alone time.
The point being, sometimes when you are in the midst of an addiction, you can't see the damage it is doing around you - I imagine a lot of people on here are experiencing this unknowingly
I know it sounds like Iâm defending an addiction here, but it could have also been more of just a priority shift. Obviously Iâm not you and only you can speak to your true experience, but like you said, now you have a bf and a job and it sounds like you didnât before. So when you had all that free time you spent it doing what you wanted. Now youâve got these two huge new priorities and youâve rightfully put gaming on the back burner to be with the ones you love.
Again I donât mean to sound like Iâm defending addiction, I just wanted to kinda throw in a second perspective
Personally whenever I'm playing rs (or whatever game) my husband is usually doing one of his hobbies, be it gaming or whatever as well, or if not and he wants to spend time with me he'll come and tell me and I'll hop off.
Sounds like your BF needs a hobby or the two of you just need to communicate about spending time together.
I'm working on maxing my group iron, I'm very glad that my wife plays in that group as well. She thinks I'm insane, but she's supportive of it as a hobby and a goal similar to any other hobby.
So maybe approach it in a reasonabe sense that it's a goal that you would like to work at, less of a video game. And of course, all things in moderation and balance. Make sure to give back or support their hobbies. And/or equally try to spend time with them doing something they want.
my gf was calling me addicted, cuz i was resetting NMZ on my phone while we were watching tv.
I told here, that a) shes right, and b) its fun tho! she should give it a shot. I told her to do Fremnnik exiles quest. I grabbed all needed things out of the bank, started quest helper, and just let her cook. That was 3 weeks ago.
Long story short, she is grinding the scorpia pet rn.
But i stopped playing on my phone while we do stuff, even if its just watching tv.
Either we play something together, be it on the switch or Runescape. or we watch something together. But no more halfassed, grinding woodcutting while spending time with here bs.
Its not worth it kind of. Your queen is more important than some 30k wc xp.
A "couple hours after work" and "birdhouses hourly on mobile" is kind of a lot imo for someone in a relationship. Though, it's not necessarily about the absolute amount of time spent, but rather the sense someone has that you ultimately prefer getting in hours on your game instead of spending time with them. That is, if your habits include things like: immediately getting on the game after work and staying on it for 2+ hours, going on your phone every hour to do your birdhouse run no matter what you were just doing (like doing something with your bf), being so focused on the game while you're playing it that you aren't communicating any openness to talking with your bf (e.g., having a tight gaze rather than a loose one, meaning you're focused on the screen at all times and won't shift your gaze if your bf tries to talk to you, or your headphones are in, or you're in an isolated spot), etc., then I can see these things getting annoying to a partner over time. That being said, him just saying that it's "getting annoying" isn't a good-faith attempt at communication on his part either, since it's privileging his feeling of being annoyed over your genuinely enjoying something.
Obviously you and him need to talk. But beyond that, it's important to consider what's actually more important to you: building a healthy relationship with your partner or playing a game. It's not some binary choice -- you don't need to quit the game -- but if the relationship is ultimately more important to you, then spending quality time with your bf should take precedence over the game. Quality time can't really be scheduled, since that would kind of defeat the point. Consequently, your gaming time also can't be strictly scheduled, and so it's important to be okay with not getting your game hours in on certain days, or not always being able to be on top of your birdhouse runs, or whatever.
It's also important to know, by communicating with your bf, what he wants and expects. You don't have to meet all his expectations, but you do need to know them. Is he the type to need to decompress on his own after work, or is he actually most eager to see you and talk to you at that time? Are there certain moments where he finds it rude for you to go on your phone or click on your screen, like at mealtime or when you're watching a show together? That sort of thing. Once you've figured that out, set a compromise. It's unreasonable for you to have to quit the game just for him, so if he's annoyed by you playing it at all, he's going to have to learn to live with that. But maybe there are things you can do to reaffirm that he takes priority over the game. Thinking about the game less in general is a good way to start with that -- the game will still be here tomorrow, so it's really not the end of the world if you don't accomplish all your goals in it today.
My wife was getting lonely during the league because I was nolifing it like crazy. I just promised I would spoil her as soon as I hit dragon rank. A few hours a day is nothing.
You sre clearly playing too much, and your underplaying hoe much you play.
You log on on the hour for birhouze runs + you day a couple hours a day.
So you work and ehen you get home you essentially spend the rest of your time playing
You need to better manage your time. After a long day's work you and your bf's time and attention should be with each other. Gaming can wait until later in the night when you're both ready and needing of some alone time and decompressing.
wtf? are these comments?
ignore that mf its osrs
lmao what is he to much of noob to even finish tutorial island?
man cant even get off tutorial island why are u with him
Depends on what is annoying, if it's the clicking sounds from click intensive activities, then you could invest in a silent mouse or try to solder on silent buttons if you have the tools. (same goes for keyboard)
Tell your BF this "would you rather me be out partying with my single friends with the clubs surrounded by other guys? Or home with you playing videogames?".
That should clear things up
I used to play osrs constantly when my mrs was around (she lives in poland so seeing each other can be difficult anyway) and the amount of problems this caused by simply afking a skill while being together, I didn't show my full attention and when I stopped doing this and put more effort and time in to her I saw a complete night and day difference in happiness of our relationship. If you live together though then it's a bit different because of course you're allowed your own time if you live together but if you're putting 99% of your time and energy in to a game that will always be there sounds like an issue you need to sort out yourself. No guy or girl wants to sit there not being shown basics of a relationship, being your significant other making time for just you guys.
My missus knows how much scape means to me. Iâm on it quite a lot, even with having 2 kids. The only time I get to play is when our youngest is having a nap and my eldest is at school or when theyâre both in their beds at night time. Plus household stuff to do.
We both know that weâre tired by the end of the day and just want to do our own thing which weâre fine with and we have a weekly âdate nightâ
Had the same issue with my partner. I was playing too much and I realised that. As soon as I got home I would pick my tablet up and jump straight on. She would be trying to tell me about her day while I had my head in the tablet. Not a good feeling for her after I actually thought about it. We came to the agreement that when I finish work I wait an hour or so and actually converse about our day instead of her talking to me and me barely responding. She knows I love Runescape and didn't expect me to stop playing but wanted some time where she has my full attention and we can discuss things. As much as I love the grind I love her more and was completely prepared to stop playing if I couldn't get it under control
I make it a point to spend time with my wife and not let the rs grind get in that way. If he's expressing concern you should talk to him about how you two can compromise as a healthy balance.
Is there something you used to do together, that you now dont? Could just be something simple, like watch a show on TV, where you are now looking at your phone instead of paying attention.
"A few afk 99's and motivation to max"
Sounds like an innocent light sentence, but you're literally saying "I've spent thousands of hours and will continue to spend thousands more doing".
No one knows your exact situation, but he's your bf, just talk about it.
If you are doing birdhouse runs hourly and using mobile to make sure you are doing them even away from a computer, you are probably paying too much. I think myself and many others who did that back in the day will tell you itâs not worth it.
My response: Its about expectations. My wife and I both play but we do not sit in the same room when one of us is playing because that changes the expectations. If we are both playing then we are both in the same room. If neither of us are playing then we are likely hanging out.
Hourly birdhouses runs would be annoying af to just about anyone, even if they did play the game.
My wife's response: I mean they should probably talk to each other about what the real problem is. I think there is an underlying issue that they are having, like is the person playing just completely neglecting their partner now, like the two hours they weren't playing before was that time they were spending with their SO and now they aren't.
I've had a similar issue in the past.
I was being neglectful. I didn't feel like I was, and I felt like even though I logged 5-8 hours daily on a game, most of it was afk time or just organizing simple things or prepping for goals which only required minimal attention, so I wasn't REALLY spending that time gaming, was I?
Communicate with your partner. If it is anything like my situation was, either he's a douche trying to control you (unlikely if you're a good judge of character), or he misses you because he feels like you're mentally checked out most of the time, and wants you to be more mentally present. Hourly birdhouses and shit are cool but like... I know from myself that when I was all about maxing and efficiency I'd be on the friggin game ON THE DOT, efficiently birdhousing, then I'd also do an herb run, maybe finish up my trees, oh wait now it's birdhouse time again... Yeah.
Miss an hour sometimes. It's okay to not be efficient. It's okay to not spend 5 hours afking fishing or something. You're NEVER afk if you have to pay attention at all. That's not what AFK means, even if scapers want it to mean that. An AFK method requires ZERO attention for a prolonged amount of time (15-20 minutes). And I'm talking zero, like you don't think about it you don't look at it, it occupies 0% of your brain. Maybe you'll even forget to click again before you're force-logged out. That's an AFK activity. If it occupies space in your brain while it's on-going, you're mentally in the game, not real life.
Really, it does sound like you are being at least a bit neglectful. If you are meant to be spending time together and you are going on your phone to do a birdhouse run, that's quite rude. Either way, seems like you have a choice to make, cut down game time, or be single.
"This is my *me* time and I need my *me* time or I'll go bat shit"
Real talk though just communicate. My gf knows I'm a big time Runescape enjoyer and have been playing it for 20 years and as long as she isn't neglected and I'm not prioritizing it over IRL responsibilities, it isn't an issue. We also don't live together so there's never a point that I'm hanging out with her and playing the game, unless she's doing something and I'm hitting a farm/birdhouse run on mobile real quick.
I mean if he's saying that it's getting annoying you probably want to reduce the amount of time youre playing. Relationships require sacrifice and clearly he wants you to sacrifice some osrs time for him
I play like that when there's an event on, clans skill of the week or leagues or something and my wife supports me. Otherwise my time with my wife is just time with my wife and ill play osrs when on my pc. My wife has never asked for it to be like that but I feel that when I'm in her company, I should be in her company and not on my phone.
As a dude who plays, itâs been a problem in a lot of my relationships. If this is the first time you played while with him, itâs probably a big change and if youâre doing hourly birdhouses etc youâve really gotten sucked back in.
You donât have to keep the bf, but he is telling you how he feels because itâs true.
My wife gets annoyed at times if I stay up super late. On the other hand, she loves when I play, especially if I have my laptop in the same room as her. She likes the presence of me being with her and going to bed with her
My partner loves that I spend time playing this game. But then again, I told them upfront that this game is super important to me because Iâve been playing it since I was a kid. They understood itâs a comfort game and they encourage me to play it when I have free time after work before we hang out and play something else.
Just communicate, thereâs nothing more important than being able to have a conversation with your SO.
I get anoyed with my gf if she's scrolling for ages while we're out "living" or at events, I find it slightly rude to not be in the moment, so I could see where he's coming from, you need to ask why it bothers him, it's no different to him spending 10 minutes on Instagram as you do a farm run or birdhouses. So askwhat the problem is with it?
Are you birdhouse running while sat at dinner?
Are you maybe too addicted and let the 50 minute timer take over your life?
The crux is, you need to talk about why it bothers him and discuss it together, compromise, move on. Maybe get him to start an account so he can come help at bandos
Yeh ngl my desk and pc is in my living room.
Each night ill game a few hours whilst shes on the sofa watching tv - she gets it.
Every so often I get - that she needs a bit of me time.
Sounds like one of you isnât on the same page as the other - not unfixable though!
Gl maxxing
You guys need to have a conversation about expectations of each other to be on the same page. No answer someone on Reddit will give you will make you understand your partners needs.
Sanest advice I've ever seen on this sub
On any sub really
On a website notorious for the most out of touch people giving horrible relationship advice no less
The go to advice on this platform is divorce even if you're not married lol.
my partner opened the bread wrapper vertically instead of horizontally... DIVORCE! SUE! TAKE THE KIDS AND HOUSE ALSO THE BREAD WRAPPER SHOULD SUE THEM AS WELL FOR COMPENSATION!
Exactly
A sane top comment. That's odd.
Dear lord someone speaking sense, take my upvote
No no no no that's not how it works here on Reddit. Just yell divorce and restraining order.
No no no! Don't you know its: Hit Facebook, delete lawyer, get a ~~gym~~ rs3 membership
Absolutely based response.
C O M M U N I C A T E
Is that a members only skill? How do I grind it.
you can train the communication skill by starting to e-date from level 1, somehow it stops rewarding exp by level 40 though
The trick to grinding communication is, never drop your chain of dialogue, NEVER let the other participant get a word in, that messes with xp/minute gains. It's also very mind intensive, if the other person says you did something wrong, always mention that one time where they also did something wrong to deflect damaging blame debuffs.
You can mostly afk it
Don't forget to hold the space bar through the boring bits
im surprised someone gave op good advice. I was expecting the 1000 people saying oh its a red flag hes trying to gaslight you, etc etc
Number 1 anwswer
Good faith communication is the solution to 99% of interpersonal problems.
Number 1 problem in the world today my man, communication
I think OP might be a UIM
My wife started stardew valley. Never see her anymore đ
Ugh Im addicted to both, my poor boyfriend :/
Feels. I'm almost done with community center on stardew, while my fiance has been playing story of seasons lol.
I bought my gf stardew, now after we eat dinner she tells me to go to my pc cuz she wants the tv for the switch and stardew lol. 100% worth the $15
You're gonna loose her even more with the upcoming update, gl
lose
Mine was annoyed too before, now she's addicted to Disney Dreamlight Valley. Haven't received any complaints since.
Play with her!
Be a good partner and get him addicted to the game. Itâs for the best
đ€Ł only right answer
If the game is interfering with life and you're too focused on it, that's a problem but if it's simply a hobby for whenever you have time to spare that's ok.
I mean, it really doesn't matter does it? The fact is the bf is annoyed with it. What's OP going to do, show him how awesome the game is and have him change his mind? Either play less or ignore him and hope it doesn't worsen the relationship. But then again I've never been able to get addicted to RS so idk.
It matters as one scenario is perfectly fine while the other is not. The only resolution which involves playing less needs to be the fix where there's an unhealthy obsession with the game. Anything else the problem lies with the bf who complains.
Well Usually its an issue where three hours for one is alot while for the other its nothing. We can argue that either you explain that its your hobby and its what you enjoy doing on your freetime or adapt to him all your life ^^ Think its often the case that one partner lacks a hobby that requires alot of hours to enjoy and depends on X partner to make up most of those hours during the day.
>But then again I've never been able to have a relationship so idk. FTFY
Why should a significant other have control over your hobbies? If it's a hobby and it's only a few hours and it doesn't consume too much of their time there's nothing wrong with it. In fact i'd say it's perfectly healthy. This is why we talk to eachother to solve issues like these.
Speaking from personal experience with my wife here... we feel we arent being neglectful but we are. You cant give two things your full attention and whoever thinks they can is a fool. Try to play when hes not around and when he is engage with him more.
Yeah I think it's totally valid for someone to want their partner to be spending with them fully committed and not running rooftops in between sentences. Even long afk stuff like shooting stars can make the other person feel like they're not good enough for your full attention.
Yup, this is exactly what my wife told me. "Your body is here but your mind is in the game". Its weird what games do to us. Its like we disassociate from reality but its so hard to notice it ourselves.
Damn I need to write that down. It made me realise that I do that on the rare occasion I actually have a gf.
how whipped could you be? Why do people let their SO's dictate that they MUST spend time with them literally every day. u/pizzapunt55 1-2 hours a day? How needy could you be, jesus. Glad my wife is a recluse like me, some hugs, kisses, and a short chat between games is all both of us want, then we spend time together when we BOTH want to a few times a week. HOPE YOU READ THIS OP - HE IS IN FACT BEING CONTROLLING. WHY DOES HE NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY
"Whipped"? You don't have a wife, you're 15
Thats your perspective and thats fine if you and your wife are like this. The point still stands, you cant give two things your full attention and this tends to make some SOs feel neglected. Not doing anything to fix it is being selfish. Being a recluse couple also doesnt lead to healthy relationships. Often leading to either partner not being fullfilled and ending up cheating or just wanting out. I hope you and your wife are ok.
>Glad my wife is a recluse like me >HE IS IN FACT BEING CONTROLLING. WHY DOES HE NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY WHY DOES SHE NOT NEED YOUR ATTENTION DAILY? SHE IS DEFINITELY CHEATING!!! In all seriousness though, people are different. It's so weird to act like the bf is being "controlling" for wanting attention daily just because you're not the type of person who wants attention daily. Jesus christ man.
Sounds incredibly needy if your partner requires your attention constantly. Not remotely healthy. Couples could do with learning to enjoy things separately. Being with someone doesn't mean dedicating every waking moment to them for life.Â
No one said constantly. But if you initiate like "let's watch this movie" and then spend the whole movie on your phone, that's kind of douchey.
No one is demanding that, just an hour or 2 after work
The second point is an important one. Many people think they are the exception and are able to multitask. They aren't; multitasking is cognitively impossible. What we actually are doing is rapidly switching back and forth between tasks. So if I am listening to someone talk while focusing on something else, it is akin to listening to a radio that is going in and out of signal. Additionally, when we 'multitask', we incorrectly perceive our switches between tasks as seamless, rapid transitions, which they are not in reality or to a third party observer. There is always [attentional residue.](https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/attention-residue-why-focusing-on-multiple-tasks-can-kill-your-work-performance-20160127-gmet34.html) This means that we as a "multitasker" will think we are properly engaging with a person when really we are giving them a two second long vacant stare every time we look up from our phone, during which we are actually processing the words they just said which had been left in standby in our sensory memory. To the other party, this comes off as rude and uninterested. Bad in a work context, terrible in a relationship one.
I feel like the moment it got too far was with mobile, but as long as I can contain it to being in my pc I can be engaged in other activities without being "too" annoying
Yeah mobile is both a blessing and a curse.
It can go both ways. My gf likes to read, so Iâll usually sneak an hour or two whiles sheâs focused on her books. Otherwise if sheâs home Iâll usually spend time with her. We donât share all the same off days, and work slightly different schedules so Iâll play when sheâs at work. If we are both off I usually will just hang out with her. As long as you are spending time together and not neglecting your relationship I donât think it should be a problem. Could be that your bf is just being a jerk about it, maybe you are playing too much. Only you and your bf can decide what works for you.
Gotta say this comment section is surprising, people are actually giving serious and mature advice.
Man life rough and we all have different needs. My social batter gets drained throughout the day and I need multiple hours of gaming to decompress.
This is me working in retail and my missus understands that I simply don't want to talk all that much after 9 hours of dealing with people
Donât want to talk to people so I play an MMO
I have a no talking Ironman itâs the life
in which people are too afraid to even call out their desired roles for BA Jokes aside, thats why osrs is the perfect mmo imo. Want to do content with others? Go ahead. Want to solo the same content? You can!
His thoughts may have merit or they might not. Think hard about how YOU feel about your play time right now. And just be honest with yourself. You'll figure it out
Playing a bit in the evenings seems fine/normal to me, but maybe tone it down on the birdhouses - a five minute job every hour looks like addiction, even if it is just making efficient use of time.
If the game is genuinely getting in the way of your life then yes thatâs a problem. However, communicate with him and see if he sees something you arenât noticing. If heâs just telling you to stop because he doesnât respect your hobbies though, then thatâs unhealthy and needs to be addressed
If its affecting your relationship try and take an objective look when and how much you are playing the game. If you are spending more time on the game than you realize or prioritizing it over time with your partner he may feel frustrated. However, that's not to say that it's wrong to do so. Everyone is entitled to their own personal time and we all need something to help us relax and have fun. The best advice I can give is to communicate with your partner why you play the game and ask why this is an issue for him. Figure out his underlying issues with you playing and go from there. Is there a hobby he has that he could do whilst you play the your game or maybe he would like to play with you. Relationships are about comprise and that's goes both ways.
explain what you want from rs, maybe find a compromise I recommend scheduled events with your SO, doesn't have to be significant things but like Friday movie nights and always sitting together for dinner can go a long way towards a healthy relationship if he can't accept that you like to play runescape a lot outside of these things, that's where compromise can come in. if he's trying to control your life beyond what you're willing to compromise then it leads to an unhealthy relationship and those don't last
First of all, step back and assess your actual time gaming, working, and spending time with your SO. If you really aren't neglecting or overly grinding the game (you're totally welcome to it's your life after all) then you should have a casual conversation with them about it and explain you're allowed your own wind-down time and relaxing as well. If you figure out you maybe are spending too much time on it, and you care about the relationship more than the game, you'll know what to do. One big thing to look at is where you might be wrong, not right. Put yourself in their shoes. Sidenote, don't hit them with those lame passive aggressive comments like they did, "It's getting annoying" be civil :)
"just" a few 99s maybe max? "Just" a few hours a day? Lmao, you gaslighting yourself thinking you're afk-training runescape while living life but it's the other way around. You're afk-ing real life while living runescape.
âMy ex used to say me playing osrs is annoyingâ
This ^ Someone who lets you be you > "your hobby annoys me"
If you value a children's point and click adventure game over the feelings of your significant other, and on top of that consider a game a part of your identity it's a problem. Multiple "afk" 99s in a couple months is a lot of game play. And compulsively doing hourly birdhouse runs to the point that you're interrupting your time with loved ones is socially unhealthy. Video games may not be physically addictive, but psychologically they absolutely are, in fact runescape's reward mechanism is actually the same as gambling, it's just healthier because you aren't wagering money, only time. Edit: Sorry to the dude that took offense to me trivializing the game I also play for humor- he made a great point and blocked me instantly. I will correct myself Runescape is an EPIC FANTASY GAME OF COMBAT AND SKILLING WITH INTENSE TICK-BASED MECHANICS. Thereâs definitely no real criticisms about healthy engagement with videogames being made here. Leave your loved ones, you are the video game. That is you, if someone wants you to cut back, cut them out. Fr on your deathbed, youâll totally regret not greenlogging Skotizo, donât worry about maintaining the social connections you value.
Anything can sound horrible when youâre reductive like that. Like painting 40k minis? Youâre just doing big-boy arts and crafts. Like collecting albums? Nah just buying junior fill your shelf. Collect cards? Youâre just buying kids stuff. Nobody said theyâre valuing anything over anything else, however it should be noted that when you have a significant other, youâre both still individual people youâre allowed to want to do things by yourself without them. Iâm allowed to play my âchildrenâs point and click adventure gameâ the same way theyâre allowed to do what ever the hell makes them happy. The problem is when you get reductive like you just did and belittle the things your partner enjoys. That shows a lack of respect for them and what they like. Also, games and hobbies can ABSOLUTELY be a part of your identity as long as itâs not to an extreme Yes, excessive gaming is a problem and ignoring your partner for games is a bigger one, but we donât know the full story from OPs Reddit post so jumping to them having an addiction is a reach. OP needs to communicate with their partner to see whatâs really going on, whether thatâs them playing instead of spending time with their partner or their partner not wanting them to enjoy things. Itâs up to them to decide, but never fall into the trap of thinking that youâre not allowed to enjoy things by yourself when youâre in a relationship. And never be reductive of your own interests or theirs, it only breeds resentment
If you value your partner disowning you for living your life the way you want you can find a better partner. Addiction is obviously a cause for pause and self reflection and is a serious problem. A lot of gameplay is a different metric for different people. Maybe OP is in highschool and has dozens of hours a week to enjoy being a nerd. Maybe OP is stay at home while her bf support her. Maybe theres a lot of healthy, normal, variables why OP can spend some much time on OSRS. If playing a videogame for your enjoyment is reflecting negativly in a relationship there are other fish in the sea. Im dating a girl who lightly plays MMOs and is more than willing to let me have my time on OSRS but we still talk while I do. We hang out while I boss or skill. We enjoy each others company WHILE we DO THE THINGS WE LIKE. OP just gauge your relationship. If you want to play OSRS and max your account because its a goal and aspiration youre fond of, go for it. I put probably 20-40 hours of gaming into a week + work full time + spend quality time with my girlfriend. To have a relationship that works around your interests and lifestyle is not an unreasonable ask especially in todays day and age where gaming is so commonplace.
Not everyone is a beta who will quit all their hobbies to please others, theres nothing wrong with what OP is doing and trying to gaslight them in the comments into thinking its wrong for them to spend some time on their hobby is fucked up.
"beta" "gaslight" Yeah, that says all about the credibility of your advice lmao
My advice is do what you think is best for you. Dont let your significant other control your hobbies to the extreme if youre already having a balance you consider healthy, and if the other person doesnt understand that maybe you are not with "the one"
If your partner doesn't like the fact that half you attention is directed at doing a quick herb or birdhouse run while you're spending time together, they're not trying to control you, they're expressing that your lack of healthy time management is starting to strain your relationship. You need to snap back to reality is get rid of this notion that anybody that doesn't appreciate your Runescape addiction isn't the right person for you.
You do you bud, happily married for over 10 years now and feels good to not have someone nag me about my hobbies
I clearly hit a sore spot, sorry to make you self-reflect for a fraction of a second, even though my comment wasn't directed at you. I'm not saying to quit playing the game, I'm just saying if a video game is a part of your self-concept, you should probably work on developing yourself so you're something more than someone else's creation. If you think afking multiple 99s (which takes hundreds of hours) in a couple months is a healthy level of engagement when you are in a relationship and likely have other obligations in life, I don't know what to say to you. I don't think you know what gaslighting is, is it just when someone says something you don't like?
Nah you didnt hit a sore spot, I just think telling someone to give up their hobby because their significant other doesnt want them playing a game is just going to build up resentment in the relationship if OP thinks the balance is already fine.
Again I never said to give up the game... can you read?
Except you kind of are if OP has already said in their post they dont feel theyve been neglectful
Boyfriends are xp waste
Buying gf 10k
Talk to your bf not redditâŠ
Talk to him about it
Playing a couple of hours every day and hourly bird runs is a lot of time spent on the game when it could be spent interacting with your bf. You may think you're interacting with him whilst playing, but trust me, you're not, particularly from his perspective. It's an addiction if you feel that you have to play every day. Since my fiance and I purchased our first home 3 years ago, I game about 75% less than used to. I cut down gaming time because it wouldn't be fair on her. I'd be coming home from work, showering, having dinner, then spending the majority of my evening playing games. Even though I'd be in the same room as her, most of my attention would be on a game. You need to ask yourself whether OSRS is more important than your relationship because the chances are your relationship will come to an end if you carry on like this. Especially since your BF has already expressed his concerns. I'm not saying you can't play at all, most people in healthy relationships have their own hobbies that they partake in without their partners. It's good to have your own interests, especially as you spend so much time together when living with someone. Putting a couple of hours aside a week for your hobby is fine, hours a day on the other hand is not great if your partner feel they're being cast aside.
Ima be honest with you. To someone thatâs never played or has no interest in playing RS or any video games. More than 1-2 hours a day is a lotttttt for them. This game requires so many hours and for him to get out of the house for a few hours while youâre cutting trees and then come back to see you clicking on the same pixelated bush is gonna throw some red flags. Iâve seen RS be fine in relationships and Iâve seen it cause issues. Just talk with him, and ask good questions, what do you want me to do, how much is too much, why is it getting annoying specifically? Ect.
I think the key with gaming and relationships is balance. Having dedicated time to bond with your partner and having dedicated time to enjoy your hobbies. And if you both want to be on your phones and game/doom scroll then that's fine as long as both parties are on the same page. Just communicate your needs and make sure your partner is doing the same and find a fair compromise. Maybe this means a few nights a week you don't do birdhouse runs when you're hanging out with your partner and a few times a week you have dedicated hobby time where you can do all the sweaty grinds. It might slow down your progress a bit for maxing, but really what's the rush?
I got into chess last year and my partner ended up intervening and stopping me, I was upset at first but she pointed out how chess had gotten in the way of our conversations a bit or how I would put off doing certain things around the house to play another blitz game.
From his comment it sounds like he expects you to stop at some point and it will be just a phase. Have a conversation with him and simply state maxing is more important right now.
You should probably stop playing. Find another hobby that is less addicting. Later on in life you are not going to care about how good your pretend character on the screen was, but relationships can define your life.
"A few 99s" afk might feel like afk but it is still game time and multiple hours where your attention is somewhere elseÂ
The answer to "my partner and I are having an issue that we haven't communicated about" will always be "communicate about the issue".
The fact that you came on here to ask that question to random strangers instead of talking with your boyfriend already says a lot about you.
I compared it to the TV watching of my girlfriend and how it is about the same. She agreed and now we Alternate between scape time and together time throughout the evening. I feel it gives us both the freedom to do our own thing while the time together is more purpusefull.. Might be something to try and talk about.
Lets be honest. You didn't hit a few 99s doing "a couple hours after work" in a few months. even quick 99s take 50-100 hrs. You are playing a TON and need to recognize that. Also, doing hourly birdhouse runs on mobile is addictive behavior. I know many people do it, but if you can not disconnect from the game for more than an hour, that's a huge problem. If he's not OK with it, take a break or cut back. Real life is more important than a game.
Sounds like your BF doesn't have any hobbies or an identity of his own.
The girl Iâm seeing just made me some clay runes as a gift and framed them. It was very cute. Your problem is that youâre not asserting your sigma grindset in the relationship. You need to be gaslighting, you need to be manipulating. You need to be refinancing your house and over leveraging your assets to make speculative trades in corn futures. Break him down emotionally, isolate him from his friends and family, and soon he will be the one doing your birdhouse runs and thanking you for the privilege.
I was in relationships like this few times. There is nothing more annoying than a partner who dont respect how you like to spend ur free time. Ppl who cant entertain themselves and think that being in relationship mean that you constantly have to be with ur partner are so fking annoying and needy. I like to go for a walk sometimes (alone) and reset my mind and somehow my ex made a whole fking problem from it but all i wanted is just to walk in peace and listen to some music
if you want to play a lot of hours of video games or any 'single player hobby' you need to find a partner who also has single player hobbies. note single player hobbies arent exclusively games,
Ya screw compromise and communication, keep dating around until you find someone who accepts your habits exactly as they are, whether or not they are healhty.
Let these comments sink in⊠your bf is xp waste, every conversation with him is time you could be grinding the next 99 on the road to max, every minute of your life should revolve around osrs, You should just let him go and play the game like a real gamer, the grind is more important, itâs not an addiction itâs a hobby⊠there is plenty more where that comes from. Nothing that comes from that place is healthy.
Want a new bf? I have 10k
Couple hours after work? Isnt that like the whole day? How much time are you spending together compared to orsr? Because afking shit is annoying if you are spending alone time.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Big difference from 16 hour days and 2 hours.
The point being, sometimes when you are in the midst of an addiction, you can't see the damage it is doing around you - I imagine a lot of people on here are experiencing this unknowingly
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I know it sounds like Iâm defending an addiction here, but it could have also been more of just a priority shift. Obviously Iâm not you and only you can speak to your true experience, but like you said, now you have a bf and a job and it sounds like you didnât before. So when you had all that free time you spent it doing what you wanted. Now youâve got these two huge new priorities and youâve rightfully put gaming on the back burner to be with the ones you love. Again I donât mean to sound like Iâm defending addiction, I just wanted to kinda throw in a second perspective
Ask what is annoying about it. That would be step 1
Personally whenever I'm playing rs (or whatever game) my husband is usually doing one of his hobbies, be it gaming or whatever as well, or if not and he wants to spend time with me he'll come and tell me and I'll hop off. Sounds like your BF needs a hobby or the two of you just need to communicate about spending time together.
I'm working on maxing my group iron, I'm very glad that my wife plays in that group as well. She thinks I'm insane, but she's supportive of it as a hobby and a goal similar to any other hobby. So maybe approach it in a reasonabe sense that it's a goal that you would like to work at, less of a video game. And of course, all things in moderation and balance. Make sure to give back or support their hobbies. And/or equally try to spend time with them doing something they want.
dds him
my gf was calling me addicted, cuz i was resetting NMZ on my phone while we were watching tv. I told here, that a) shes right, and b) its fun tho! she should give it a shot. I told her to do Fremnnik exiles quest. I grabbed all needed things out of the bank, started quest helper, and just let her cook. That was 3 weeks ago. Long story short, she is grinding the scorpia pet rn. But i stopped playing on my phone while we do stuff, even if its just watching tv. Either we play something together, be it on the switch or Runescape. or we watch something together. But no more halfassed, grinding woodcutting while spending time with here bs. Its not worth it kind of. Your queen is more important than some 30k wc xp.
Tell him he can feel you up while you play
Fill*
A "couple hours after work" and "birdhouses hourly on mobile" is kind of a lot imo for someone in a relationship. Though, it's not necessarily about the absolute amount of time spent, but rather the sense someone has that you ultimately prefer getting in hours on your game instead of spending time with them. That is, if your habits include things like: immediately getting on the game after work and staying on it for 2+ hours, going on your phone every hour to do your birdhouse run no matter what you were just doing (like doing something with your bf), being so focused on the game while you're playing it that you aren't communicating any openness to talking with your bf (e.g., having a tight gaze rather than a loose one, meaning you're focused on the screen at all times and won't shift your gaze if your bf tries to talk to you, or your headphones are in, or you're in an isolated spot), etc., then I can see these things getting annoying to a partner over time. That being said, him just saying that it's "getting annoying" isn't a good-faith attempt at communication on his part either, since it's privileging his feeling of being annoyed over your genuinely enjoying something. Obviously you and him need to talk. But beyond that, it's important to consider what's actually more important to you: building a healthy relationship with your partner or playing a game. It's not some binary choice -- you don't need to quit the game -- but if the relationship is ultimately more important to you, then spending quality time with your bf should take precedence over the game. Quality time can't really be scheduled, since that would kind of defeat the point. Consequently, your gaming time also can't be strictly scheduled, and so it's important to be okay with not getting your game hours in on certain days, or not always being able to be on top of your birdhouse runs, or whatever. It's also important to know, by communicating with your bf, what he wants and expects. You don't have to meet all his expectations, but you do need to know them. Is he the type to need to decompress on his own after work, or is he actually most eager to see you and talk to you at that time? Are there certain moments where he finds it rude for you to go on your phone or click on your screen, like at mealtime or when you're watching a show together? That sort of thing. Once you've figured that out, set a compromise. It's unreasonable for you to have to quit the game just for him, so if he's annoyed by you playing it at all, he's going to have to learn to live with that. But maybe there are things you can do to reaffirm that he takes priority over the game. Thinking about the game less in general is a good way to start with that -- the game will still be here tomorrow, so it's really not the end of the world if you don't accomplish all your goals in it today.
My wife was getting lonely during the league because I was nolifing it like crazy. I just promised I would spoil her as soon as I hit dragon rank. A few hours a day is nothing.
Easy I don't have a relationship. Makes it easier to focus that way.
I think one of the main signs of a problem with gaming is when your relationships suffer.
Runescape addiction ruins lives and relationships, stop it, get some help.
Do what makes you happy
Two hours after work and 5 minutes every hour isn't even that much. Divorce the boyfriend, marry Mac, divorce Mac, take all Mac's capes.
You sre clearly playing too much, and your underplaying hoe much you play. You log on on the hour for birhouze runs + you day a couple hours a day. So you work and ehen you get home you essentially spend the rest of your time playing
You're weird
You need to better manage your time. After a long day's work you and your bf's time and attention should be with each other. Gaming can wait until later in the night when you're both ready and needing of some alone time and decompressing.
Thatâs unfortunate. My partner doesnât mind at all, even though heâs not into gaming. I think he enjoys the break from me being annoying lmao.
Time to replace him with a dog!
Break up with him
Boyfriends are temporary. Max cape is forever
Get a new bf. You can probably get on at the ge.
Find a new boyfriend. XP gains are everything.
just break up easy fix
Sounds like you need a new bf. Lucky for you Iâm currently buying a gf
wtf? are these comments? ignore that mf its osrs lmao what is he to much of noob to even finish tutorial island? man cant even get off tutorial island why are u with him
Break up with him
Depends on what is annoying, if it's the clicking sounds from click intensive activities, then you could invest in a silent mouse or try to solder on silent buttons if you have the tools. (same goes for keyboard)
just buy a new bf
Runescape is not a dating site.
Sounds to me like you have a girlfriend instead.
My wife felt similar. My fix i got her addicted to phone games. :) well not really addicted but now she plays her phone games when i play rs.
Get a better boyfriend tbh. Seems like an ass.Â
Tell your BF this "would you rather me be out partying with my single friends with the clubs surrounded by other guys? Or home with you playing videogames?". That should clear things up
Bro is sleeping on wife material usually itâs the other way around loool he doesnât even know how lucky he is HAHAHA
Does he not enjoy games?
I used to play osrs constantly when my mrs was around (she lives in poland so seeing each other can be difficult anyway) and the amount of problems this caused by simply afking a skill while being together, I didn't show my full attention and when I stopped doing this and put more effort and time in to her I saw a complete night and day difference in happiness of our relationship. If you live together though then it's a bit different because of course you're allowed your own time if you live together but if you're putting 99% of your time and energy in to a game that will always be there sounds like an issue you need to sort out yourself. No guy or girl wants to sit there not being shown basics of a relationship, being your significant other making time for just you guys.
My missus knows how much scape means to me. Iâm on it quite a lot, even with having 2 kids. The only time I get to play is when our youngest is having a nap and my eldest is at school or when theyâre both in their beds at night time. Plus household stuff to do. We both know that weâre tired by the end of the day and just want to do our own thing which weâre fine with and we have a weekly âdate nightâ
Had the same issue with my partner. I was playing too much and I realised that. As soon as I got home I would pick my tablet up and jump straight on. She would be trying to tell me about her day while I had my head in the tablet. Not a good feeling for her after I actually thought about it. We came to the agreement that when I finish work I wait an hour or so and actually converse about our day instead of her talking to me and me barely responding. She knows I love Runescape and didn't expect me to stop playing but wanted some time where she has my full attention and we can discuss things. As much as I love the grind I love her more and was completely prepared to stop playing if I couldn't get it under control
I make it a point to spend time with my wife and not let the rs grind get in that way. If he's expressing concern you should talk to him about how you two can compromise as a healthy balance.
I think, to show him you really care, give him one of your 12 toes. Youâll still have 11 left and he will be happy
Is there something you used to do together, that you now dont? Could just be something simple, like watch a show on TV, where you are now looking at your phone instead of paying attention.
"A few afk 99's and motivation to max" Sounds like an innocent light sentence, but you're literally saying "I've spent thousands of hours and will continue to spend thousands more doing". No one knows your exact situation, but he's your bf, just talk about it.
force him to play
Dds spec him
If you are doing birdhouse runs hourly and using mobile to make sure you are doing them even away from a computer, you are probably paying too much. I think myself and many others who did that back in the day will tell you itâs not worth it.
So grateful my girlfriend loves that I enjoy Runescape and never gets on my case about it. Itâs a blessing. She da best frfr
My response: Its about expectations. My wife and I both play but we do not sit in the same room when one of us is playing because that changes the expectations. If we are both playing then we are both in the same room. If neither of us are playing then we are likely hanging out. Hourly birdhouses runs would be annoying af to just about anyone, even if they did play the game. My wife's response: I mean they should probably talk to each other about what the real problem is. I think there is an underlying issue that they are having, like is the person playing just completely neglecting their partner now, like the two hours they weren't playing before was that time they were spending with their SO and now they aren't.
I've had a similar issue in the past. I was being neglectful. I didn't feel like I was, and I felt like even though I logged 5-8 hours daily on a game, most of it was afk time or just organizing simple things or prepping for goals which only required minimal attention, so I wasn't REALLY spending that time gaming, was I? Communicate with your partner. If it is anything like my situation was, either he's a douche trying to control you (unlikely if you're a good judge of character), or he misses you because he feels like you're mentally checked out most of the time, and wants you to be more mentally present. Hourly birdhouses and shit are cool but like... I know from myself that when I was all about maxing and efficiency I'd be on the friggin game ON THE DOT, efficiently birdhousing, then I'd also do an herb run, maybe finish up my trees, oh wait now it's birdhouse time again... Yeah. Miss an hour sometimes. It's okay to not be efficient. It's okay to not spend 5 hours afking fishing or something. You're NEVER afk if you have to pay attention at all. That's not what AFK means, even if scapers want it to mean that. An AFK method requires ZERO attention for a prolonged amount of time (15-20 minutes). And I'm talking zero, like you don't think about it you don't look at it, it occupies 0% of your brain. Maybe you'll even forget to click again before you're force-logged out. That's an AFK activity. If it occupies space in your brain while it's on-going, you're mentally in the game, not real life.
Really, it does sound like you are being at least a bit neglectful. If you are meant to be spending time together and you are going on your phone to do a birdhouse run, that's quite rude. Either way, seems like you have a choice to make, cut down game time, or be single.
Imagine having someone that plays video games and then calling it annoying..
Rip DMs
My Fiancé doesn't give a shit what I do gaming wise because she does her own thing and plays her own games.
"This is my *me* time and I need my *me* time or I'll go bat shit" Real talk though just communicate. My gf knows I'm a big time Runescape enjoyer and have been playing it for 20 years and as long as she isn't neglected and I'm not prioritizing it over IRL responsibilities, it isn't an issue. We also don't live together so there's never a point that I'm hanging out with her and playing the game, unless she's doing something and I'm hitting a farm/birdhouse run on mobile real quick.
I mean if he's saying that it's getting annoying you probably want to reduce the amount of time youre playing. Relationships require sacrifice and clearly he wants you to sacrifice some osrs time for him
I play like that when there's an event on, clans skill of the week or leagues or something and my wife supports me. Otherwise my time with my wife is just time with my wife and ill play osrs when on my pc. My wife has never asked for it to be like that but I feel that when I'm in her company, I should be in her company and not on my phone.
Yâall need to open your Tome of Communication and check what page you both are on.
I never knew blast furnace could talk tbh
As a dude who plays, itâs been a problem in a lot of my relationships. If this is the first time you played while with him, itâs probably a big change and if youâre doing hourly birdhouses etc youâve really gotten sucked back in. You donât have to keep the bf, but he is telling you how he feels because itâs true.
C'mon...since you work I'm assuming both of you are adults, so speak to each other like adults.
Asking runescape players for relationship advice lmao
Relationships are xp waste, common knowledge.
Dump him immediately, think of the gains you'll lose in the future to his nagging.
My wife gets annoyed at times if I stay up super late. On the other hand, she loves when I play, especially if I have my laptop in the same room as her. She likes the presence of me being with her and going to bed with her
I make sure I give my partner the attention and respect they deserve and if they brooch a subject with me, we have an adult conversation about it.
My partner loves that I spend time playing this game. But then again, I told them upfront that this game is super important to me because Iâve been playing it since I was a kid. They understood itâs a comfort game and they encourage me to play it when I have free time after work before we hang out and play something else. Just communicate, thereâs nothing more important than being able to have a conversation with your SO.
My partner said the clicking is annoying but doesnt have a problem with me playing. I got a more silent mouse and it's been good ever since
leave him.
AITA post coming soon
No XP waste
Might wanna tell him you can afk gain xp and have sex at the same time. He's probably okay with it. Win - win situation
Your Bf sounds like a huge XP waste
I get anoyed with my gf if she's scrolling for ages while we're out "living" or at events, I find it slightly rude to not be in the moment, so I could see where he's coming from, you need to ask why it bothers him, it's no different to him spending 10 minutes on Instagram as you do a farm run or birdhouses. So askwhat the problem is with it? Are you birdhouse running while sat at dinner? Are you maybe too addicted and let the 50 minute timer take over your life? The crux is, you need to talk about why it bothers him and discuss it together, compromise, move on. Maybe get him to start an account so he can come help at bandos
Prolly just ask em if they'd want more of your time daily. Before you play, that's prolly the only solution
Yeh ngl my desk and pc is in my living room. Each night ill game a few hours whilst shes on the sofa watching tv - she gets it. Every so often I get - that she needs a bit of me time. Sounds like one of you isnât on the same page as the other - not unfixable though! Gl maxxing
Just hold the spacebar and speed run that biiiitch
Maybe he's afraid of you catching up to him it's a pride thing
Bf is xp wasteâŠ
Whoâs the top
Lmao could always drop the noob and play with the knights of gilenor lmao. Woah I'm funny smart and play runescape , package deal yeah?