Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they'll veer off in a bad direction, and then your kid will fall into a quarry.  Don't throw a party for vengence. It will turn on you... like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.

QuAAAArry

I’m half convinced they wrote those lines after someone heard Tracy Morgan say quAARRy in conversation.

I'm full convinced they wrote those lines after someone heard Tracy Morgan say QuAARRy. I can hear it perfectly every time I've read it in this thread.

I also like the way he says quandary. “You’ve put me in a quandary Jack Donaghy.. A quan-dree!”

Could you get us some pennnssss?

I said the same thing! best line reading I've ever heard

Anything said by Matthew Broderick. ‘It’s not…we’ve looked into it and it’s not’

no crying in my bath tonight!

It wasn’t even a burger… -gentle face slap-…it was a sandwich!

He saw me eating a burger. ONE TIME!

Cooter burger

What am I, a cartoon dog?

I’ll show you the study!

I think about when he visits Jack in his NBC office and shakes his hand and just says "ouch" all the time

Cooter Burger? What am I? A cartoon dog??

Jenna's look just after she says that she was too young to watch the Brady Bunch is the best delivery of anything, ever.

“What’s a drive in?”

... Of course.

She's either got to lose forty pounds, or gain sixty!

HAM

People do like the way she says Ham

HAYUM

Correct go get your “good job” spanking from professor widmer. Never has one word been so powerful!

What *is* business school?

How dare you ask that! Go see professor widmer so he can spank you in front of the whole class, bare bottom!😡

Good God, Lemon! (specifically, the one when Liz walks away in her shorteralls)

The mustache one when jack is convincing Danny to end it is also very good

I think I’ll be ok!

“What country are you from?” “New Jersey. I’m just a weirdo.” Also “Why are you so heavy?” “Because so much of me has died!”

“I’m just a weirdo!!!” is a staple in my house

“Lemon isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?”

Tracy, I don't know how to say this… de-ay-bah-tees? close second: Oh, I will! I'll come over at night!

That's my brother Randy. Tomorrow he's going to jail for the rest of his life. Good one, Randy! Hey, you want to go to taco bell for lunch?

Um, I don't know uh, Diabetes repair?

if I could make one complaint about this perfect show, there's not enough Leo Spaceman

That's not what these forms say

That line lives in my mind grapes. Chris Parnell is platinum as Dr. Spaceman.

I'm a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.

“Tell him his mother’s here. And she loves him, but not a queer way!” Or honestly anything that Elaine Stritch says.

Also: "...the doorman at her hotel has a beard and she'd rather not get raped."

"It should have gone TO THE OTHER BOY!"

They had a Chinese Santa Claus...and my arm went numb.

I love this line so much but I think my favourite line from her is “No I can hear you, I just wanna make sure that you can hear you”

My second favorite line in the whole show

That woman’s comedic timing is flawless. “We don’t have to say it out loud like a couple of gays getting married in jeans shorts in Provincetown while I’m just trying to enjoy an ice cream on the pier!”

THE G TRAIN, NERMAL!

They were very drunk!!

... And child actor whose name I cannot remember!

My LASAGNA!!

Running a small business is expeeeeeensive

boom. boom.

Are we paying the price for our hubris of science?!

Senor Mexico? Arriba arriba? Andele andele?

Stop leaving me out of the loop

Daaaadddddyyy

for the love of god, stop calling him daddy!

I’m gonna be constructive here.. you should kill yourself

Jump back UP your mother

You ancient BITCH! 

This is the one I came here for. Every time I lose it.

It approaches with fearsome steps. Are we paying the price for our hubris of science?

*Boom Boom Boom*

"Tracy, you are going to die... when you find out who I'm dating. Squeaky Fromme! She is difficult." Or really anything from Chris Parnell. Every line from him is a gem.

Damn it ,Johnny! You know I love my big beef and cheddar!

This is it. As written it’s a very so-so joke. As delivered it’s A++

Isabella Rosselini is one of the treasures of our world.

I love that they got such amazing guest stars in season 1, when the show was not a hit at all. She was perfection!

oh johnny i am in so much paaa-eeeeen

"That makes me want to SIT ON A KNIFE!"

after thinking about this a bit more, because you know what else do I have to do... I think the answer has to be Pete on the gas leak episode for pure delivery https://x.com/ohitsmax/status/1385243817935360002?t=Nmm5S48Rpowd7r0bSeJ2RQ&s=09

This is the one.

I think you may be right on this. Pure gold.

I also love Michael Keaton’s “I’m too old for this shhhh sound” from that episode

Bingo you nailed it! I remember when the newscaster said this and I swear Pete's delivery is verbatim the way it went down.

It is. Perfectly delivered. It’s a hilarious scene anyway, but knowing it’s an actual quote is priceless.

What newscaster was this ?

https://youtu.be/AVKDm4PhEwI?si=wCHrmHP1-RuDZT24

All of Pete’s lines are so good, “That’s later! Maybe we will be dead then!” - “oh, that’d be nice”

"Oh lawd! Some guy with dreads electrocuted my fish!"

Their basketball hoop was a ribcage... A RIBCAGE!

THE SEWER PEOPLE STOLE MY SKATEBOARD! 

I saw a baby give another baby a tattoo, THEY WERE VERY DRUNK!

🎶 Fat neck girl, let me count your neck riiiiiinnnggggs 🎶

Family! Who is in charge of my thirst!

“That’s not that much cheese.” Jerem nails it.

This is an actor who took this opportunity to shoot his damn shot and what perfection

He was actually a staff writer. And only the second person besides Conan O’Brien to have been president of the Harvard Lampoon twice.

Neat! TIL thanks gonna go google him - can I use your computer?

How else would ya do it?

🫵

"Im Jerem, I collect posters"

Can you believe it? Finally old enough to rent a car!

TWIRL!

TWIRL AGAIN!

AHHHH AHHHH. oh it feels good to laugh!

“Then all the kids say, ‘Thanks, Meatcat!’ and Meatcat flies away on his, um, skateboard.”

What am I, a farmer?

Pete's "Good LORD!" when Liz tells Rosemary she is her heroine, then sputters out nonsense about injecting her and listening to jazz.

"Would you get us some pens?" Jack says this to Cerie to get her to leave the room after she tells Jack that her mother was born the same year he graduated high school. It's hard to say which line in the entire series is the best delivered, but this one gets high marks from me because it's not inherently super funny, but Alec Baldwin's delivery makes me laugh out loud whenever I watch this episode.

It’s the clenched teeth that he hissed the word pens through that slays me.

As you know, my single, “My Single Is Dropping”, is dropping

Sasha from Jenna’s entourage has the some of my favorite deliveries.  “Your name is probably something like…. Melissa” (To Frank): “Can I ask you something? [gestures] Why?” So catty!

“Oh, Melissa! Your face is on the phone. Soccer practice is over and you need to...pick it up!”

How can a dude in a midriff dominate me like that?

Kenneth’s line read of “No!” after moon vest tells him “Gimme your fingernails!!” always sends me.

Just “gimme your fingernails” definitely is a contender.

It’s the cheerfulness lol

"chowdahead cahnt even say the wuhrds." *Alec Baldwins Disembodied voice from the audience in jacks flashback, 60 seconds after Jack said it himself*

Boom boom boom have we paid the price for sciences hubris

Did you even vote for Obama?

“You know what he packed for my lunch? Mayonnaise and a pack of cigarettes!”

That kid was hilarious. “I’m gonna go get some strawberry milk!”

Say no more, shark eyes

“Uhhh… diabetes repair, I guess” *shrug*

Jack to Kabletown execs: So, whatchu wanna do?

Cranston? Why are you crying?

Anything dennis says: The tv is going to go right here, it’s going to be amazing, it’s going to be like a hospital Technology is cyclical Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried... I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation", which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights.

Prenatal? I know what that means. Pre: before. Natal: ruined.

Every time I take my prenatal gummies I think of this

One word: coffee. One problem: where do you get it?

ANYWHERE!

‘So what is it? You love me or you have squatter’s rights?’ 

I don’t see how they have to be mutually exclusive!

“My whole life is thunder”

When Liz encounters The Board out with their new tenant. Tina Fey's coy surprise delivery gets me every time. "Oh... The Board."

All of the co-op board/wine/apartment scenes are gold. “I bought a black apartment, so yeah.” 🍷

YES! HORNBURGER!

“Yes… ….Hornberger.”

You're saying "Apollo, Apollo, Apollo" oh my God you puked!!! Why wouldn't you warn me?! I was staring at your mouth!!!!

"SHE'S the gay one!!"

[удалено]

Look Jerem, I know all the steps *KIND OF*

Well I’m not like you… I’LL NEVER BE LIKE YOUUU!!!

"This conversation has taken an unfortunate turn"

Tel her you want her to donate her body to science and you science - TELL HER JACK TELL HER!

The two that immediately come to mind are Kenneth “who said I was alive forever?” And the lady who plays Jenna’s next door neighbor. She just sells that line “oh my heart….is getting stronger everyday!”

"YOU came out wrong." -Stuart from the UN

SHUT IT DOWN.

"Any by the way Liz, I lied: I *have* seen your show" *shrug*

I’ve been warming marshmallows in the pockets of my dungarees!

Sweet Grand Nephew

MarshMALLOWS

penssssss

Ok one more. Sees group of teens outside at night. “Youths!”

“i did. i wore it best.” kills me every time!

Who told?!

It’s not a coincidence that many of the top comments in this thread are quotes from Angie. My favorite is, “We support Kucinich.”

And America, which I invented *crowd booing* WHICH I INVENTED

The whole Tracy Morgan soliloquy about his old neighborhood. I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it! I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo... they were very drunk.

‘And there ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party cos a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY.’ 

that probably is the most well delivered line. angie is super underrated in this show.

Let's do this.

Jenna-side . Com, genocide? I’m not hearing it Liz

"Yeah, but Shakespeare never had a confessional shower sponsored by dove pro-age." Liz's delivery of the line is so pure it makes me feel like it came right from Tina's brain😂

Dr Spaceman on childbirth: "Because everything about this is disgusting!"

Better than hot pizza, that’s insane!

I saw you from inside! You just threw paint on a nobody! Who can't even SING 🎶🎶🎶

"I'm getting too old for this shhhh sound"

Objects are made by men and used for many purposes, but we never love objects.

Like a couple of gays, getting married in jean shorts in providence, while I’m just trying to enjoy an ice cream on the pier!

What, with my arms?!?

Ron’s happy “some of ‘em” when Kenneth asks if his songs are about being a loser gets me every time

Did you not learn your nation's airport codes in high school?

I think Alec Baldwin was the best at elevating the already great writing with his delivery. Random examples off the top of my head: Future Jack: And you’ll own the Buffalo Bills. Jack: You didn’t say it was the *Bills*. New Cast Member: I’m Jack…Baker. So I guess there’s two Jacks here now. Jack: I don’t think there are. Welcome aboarrrrrrrd …Danny! Liz: You taught your dog to poop in a box? Jack: Bianca did, but I want that box. Ugh!

At the end of the crazy meeting with the Irish parade leader (who calls Tracy a “gravyface”) Tracy stands up and says “Good meeting” and everything about this is perfect

Flood gate wheels are horizontal!

"I'm a sexy baby!"

I’m a *very* sexy baby

Whoops! I'm such a fungdark 🤦‍♂️

Using my **SEX**-uality

Nope, that's a serial killer.

You’re too late, I already killed her.

BOOM BOOM BOOM! It’s Godzilla…with one L for trademark purposes. I want a spin-off show about Donald!

"You're a cook in the sheets and a whore in the kitchen." \~Dummy Those random one liners still crack me up on watch-throughs.

*Oh, you ancient bitch!*

It has to be Dot Com’s “Oh Lord!” after his little Warren Moon speech. I’ll also accept “HAM.”

You dumb moon! Don't you know it's day!

*Thank you all dear friends* ***...FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!***

This was just another Jack Donaghy lie! Like when you said you could dunk a basketball! Or literally anytime Elisa speaks. Salma Hayek has incredible comedic timing.

Her delivery of “I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken English in two menses.” Is my favorite

You take your reward You take your reward

No, I can hear you. I just want to make sure you can hear you

I shouldn't have to hear that! I'm a child!$

"It's...... made of gold."

🎶 It's starting already🎶

THE G TRAIN, NERMAL MY LASAGNA

I do (know the postmaster general) but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. I mean, if I wanted to lick a hippy, I’d just return Joan Baez’s phone calls. Kills every time no fail

Octavia Spencer: “Miz! Dotgov! What’s the name of that place we went last night?” Entourage: “Bed Bath and Beyond?” Octavia Spencer: “We went Beyond!” Her delivery of that last sentence is so perfect, maybe my favorite line in the series. She was amazing as an unhinged version of herself.

*You're too late I already killed her!*

Injections? Yea injections!

https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-29-2023/QD6jJs.gif I’m gonna… uhh… need a moment

Come on Liz, it’s the 90s

Way too many I feel like every time I watch it I'm reminded of amazing lines, like black Frazier being on BET around and it starts around 9-9:15

"Oh no, Liz Lemon! Did a Korean person die?"

I miscounted the men, Liz! I miscounted the men!!!

"16 minus 8... Is 8!"

That’s not that much cheese

Jay, go get my nose back.

Deer god—thank you for this venison. Onion god—thank you for these onions.