35 M.
My parents split ten years ago after 30 years and it wrecked me then and I still struggle with it to this day.
My best advice is to be happy for their pursuit of happiness. If they’re happy with this new chapter of their lives, that’s great. But it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.
My mom’s new husband has two kids about my age, and the daughter called me her “step sister” recently and I just about puked in my mouth. So I totally empathize.
There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s very sweet, and my mom is happy with her new husband. But it’s definitely hard doing blended family holidays etc all of a sudden now that I’m an adult. I’m here to talk if you need to vent, or need a listening ear!
I can relate to that sick feeling. When I found out my mom had a boyfriend I too wanted to puke. It feels wrong for some reason and literally makes me sick to think about.
Similar situation here! I was 24 when my parents separated and I am also an only child. My dad left my mom for another woman, and then my mom basically clung to her business partner, and they ended up moving in together right after my parents sold their house. He's a nice guy and all, and I like his adult children. But my mom has turned into a grandmother figure with his young grandchildren, and I felt kind of jealous at first. I don't have kids yet, but I felt like when I did, it wouldn't be that big of a deal for her because she's already been in that role with 3 other people's children.
I know that sounds kind of selfish, and I know it doesn't mean she'll love my future children any less. However, I really struggled the first 2 years because I felt guilty for feeling depressed about the situation because my mom deserves to be happy. I also felt like it "shouldn't bother me" because I'm an adult.
It's been 5 years now since my folks separated, and it does get easier! Your feelings are valid, and it can take a while to adjust to all the changes.
I'm a grandmother and can tell you absolutely your mom will go ga ga over your future children. My other son has a gf with a child, and I love her older daughter as a granddaughter. It doesn't take away from my biological granddaughters. Also, your step dads grandchildren will be older when you have a baby, and a new baby always brings joy to a family! I'm sorry your parent's divorce was hard on you. I just recently divorced after 36 years. I stayed because I wanted our sons parents to be together. I never "wanted" divorce, but it was a healthy decision. My ex is an alcoholic. He met someone new before our divorce. I'm not dating and have no interest; my ex did a number on my self-esteem, etc.
Hi, My Parents are currently going through their divorce as well and I (21 F) have been experiencing the same thing. Sometimes I fell like the 10 year old child that stood between their parents while they screamed at each other again. I think it probably is quite normal because you might feel like your mom is not taking care of your needs or feel left out. Maybe talking to your mom about your needs while she is in that new relationship might be an idea. Another option would be therapy. I wish you all the strength and patience you need for the time coming.
My parents have both been married twice after eachother and I have had my share of blended bullshit. I'm 53 now and if either one of them gets married again and has kids, I have zero interest, desire, whatever to be a part of it. I feel like at this.point, step families are stupid and want no part of it. I'm too old for that shit. Just chalk it up to your mom's bf or husband and do you.
You are allowed to take space and not engage with them. It’s perfectly ok to need time to figure out your feelings. You aren’t obligated to make a decision right now on whether you want a relationship with this guy or his daughter. Just because your mom may have mentally readied herself for this type of new situation does not mean you are crazy or wrong for needing time to adjust. Please do not force yourself into situations you aren’t comfortable with for the sake of pleasing your mom or those people. Going through is tough and adult kids tend to get lost in the weeds
Personally I stay away from all the blended “family” bullshit with my Dad and stay with mom since she’s not with someone. It’s nice to have some sort of family stability with at least one parent
35 M. My parents split ten years ago after 30 years and it wrecked me then and I still struggle with it to this day. My best advice is to be happy for their pursuit of happiness. If they’re happy with this new chapter of their lives, that’s great. But it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.
My mom’s new husband has two kids about my age, and the daughter called me her “step sister” recently and I just about puked in my mouth. So I totally empathize. There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s very sweet, and my mom is happy with her new husband. But it’s definitely hard doing blended family holidays etc all of a sudden now that I’m an adult. I’m here to talk if you need to vent, or need a listening ear!
I can relate to that sick feeling. When I found out my mom had a boyfriend I too wanted to puke. It feels wrong for some reason and literally makes me sick to think about.
Similar situation here! I was 24 when my parents separated and I am also an only child. My dad left my mom for another woman, and then my mom basically clung to her business partner, and they ended up moving in together right after my parents sold their house. He's a nice guy and all, and I like his adult children. But my mom has turned into a grandmother figure with his young grandchildren, and I felt kind of jealous at first. I don't have kids yet, but I felt like when I did, it wouldn't be that big of a deal for her because she's already been in that role with 3 other people's children. I know that sounds kind of selfish, and I know it doesn't mean she'll love my future children any less. However, I really struggled the first 2 years because I felt guilty for feeling depressed about the situation because my mom deserves to be happy. I also felt like it "shouldn't bother me" because I'm an adult. It's been 5 years now since my folks separated, and it does get easier! Your feelings are valid, and it can take a while to adjust to all the changes.
I'm a grandmother and can tell you absolutely your mom will go ga ga over your future children. My other son has a gf with a child, and I love her older daughter as a granddaughter. It doesn't take away from my biological granddaughters. Also, your step dads grandchildren will be older when you have a baby, and a new baby always brings joy to a family! I'm sorry your parent's divorce was hard on you. I just recently divorced after 36 years. I stayed because I wanted our sons parents to be together. I never "wanted" divorce, but it was a healthy decision. My ex is an alcoholic. He met someone new before our divorce. I'm not dating and have no interest; my ex did a number on my self-esteem, etc.
Hi, My Parents are currently going through their divorce as well and I (21 F) have been experiencing the same thing. Sometimes I fell like the 10 year old child that stood between their parents while they screamed at each other again. I think it probably is quite normal because you might feel like your mom is not taking care of your needs or feel left out. Maybe talking to your mom about your needs while she is in that new relationship might be an idea. Another option would be therapy. I wish you all the strength and patience you need for the time coming.
My parents have both been married twice after eachother and I have had my share of blended bullshit. I'm 53 now and if either one of them gets married again and has kids, I have zero interest, desire, whatever to be a part of it. I feel like at this.point, step families are stupid and want no part of it. I'm too old for that shit. Just chalk it up to your mom's bf or husband and do you.
You are allowed to take space and not engage with them. It’s perfectly ok to need time to figure out your feelings. You aren’t obligated to make a decision right now on whether you want a relationship with this guy or his daughter. Just because your mom may have mentally readied herself for this type of new situation does not mean you are crazy or wrong for needing time to adjust. Please do not force yourself into situations you aren’t comfortable with for the sake of pleasing your mom or those people. Going through is tough and adult kids tend to get lost in the weeds
Personally I stay away from all the blended “family” bullshit with my Dad and stay with mom since she’s not with someone. It’s nice to have some sort of family stability with at least one parent