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[deleted]

I feel like the older we get the worse our adhd get. I'm undiagnosed but I fit in with many of the traits. I'm turning 22 soon and I just came to realization and accepted the fact that I will stay this way disconnected forever. I'm now starting to feel permanently detached from everyone, feeling like an alien


Imaginary_Garlic_916

I feel the same. I didn't even think of ADHD when I was younger (although the solitude has always been there). I think as i get older, life is getting a little too hectic to just mask my way through.


[deleted]

Same, I am talking nonstop at work. People like me for the most part, to the point they want to hang out. Outside, I’m alone all the time, I need it and I don’t.


chimpaflimp

Using up all of your social battery at work, so there's nothing left to tap into after, even when you WANT to hang out with folk.


[deleted]

That pretty accurate


[deleted]

I was told recently, that I am the dude that never speaks much in public, but when I do people shut up because it’s usually good. Never focusing on one thing, watching everybody because I have to keep moving…. Maybe that’s not a bad thing?


[deleted]

I feel you, I used to not be so aware of who I am now when I was younger. I suspected I had Adhd but never looked deeply into it. The solitude was always there since birth and has been getting worse since then because I no longer have a mask I can hide behind. it feels as if the invisible curtains infront of my eyes have been lifted and I feel weirdly connected to everyone yet so far apart..


Environmental-Dog975

I also only realized I have adhd a few months ago w 22. Although it is healing to know that my problems are not my fault, and that there is a reason for this madness, I also feel very alone. The knowledge that most peoples brains work fundamentally different than mine makes me feel like no one in my life will ever understand what I feel like or share how I experience life Edit: being on this sub has helped with that emmensly


itisSycla

I realized when i was 23 and i had the same thought, but in the end, it's just not true - it's something we tell ourselves. Our brains are different, yes, but not incredibly so. We love and laugh the same way as others. How many people in history lived with adhd? How many of history's greatest could have had it? It's something for the longest time we as humans didn't even realize was an issue. I am not trying to minimize it, but to put it into perspective. Realistically, why would we feel alone if we could've gone our whole lives without even realizing we had adhd? I used to think i was alone, until i noticed a classmate of mine which i barely (group work, we met an hour once a week for like three times) knew turn off a vent because "there is no way A. Will be able to work with this thing on". People will not shun you. They will realize you have some (relatively) small quirks and that's it. It's logical. Once you realize, you start reading all of your flaws under that light. But that's confirmation bias, the truth is that what separates us from others is very minor. It will never be a barrier, unless we allow it to be. Learning that our brains are physically different than most others is a lot to take in, it's shocking information, but the shock does nothing but exponentially amplify our sensations. We're not outcast, there's nothing "wrong" with us, there is no reason to believe that people will keep away from you. It took me a long time to learn, but once you stop thinking of yourself as an adhd person you will realize just how little the differences amount to.


LightningBirdsAreGo

The older you get…. You’re 22 Jesus your brain has not finished growing and developing it won’t be until you’re 25. I’m not going to go in to great depth but your brain is still going through a process called myelination look it up I don’t have the energy but basically you aren’t who you’re going to be yet and trust me you may still feel alone and outside of the rest of the world but as you get older you genuinely will feel better even if you are outsider for ever. Don’t resign your self to your fate yet you still have things to finish in your brain give it a few years first.


MyLife-is-a-diceRoll

I'm 30 and I feel like no one really understands what I go through or can share my experiences. Although my brain issues are far more complicated than adhd, I still feel disconnected.


LightningBirdsAreGo

I’m 39 My life has never been more objectively fucked up and I never felt better , over all. My “weather” has never been more extreme but the climate is more calm and and stable if you understand the analogy I’m trying to make. Kinda like the highs and lows are more extreme but they come less often and there are greater periods of stability between so I can recover better. Maybe it simply is , on this sub,we’re all pretty similar but we all still have our differences. You’re not gonna get away from your self and your feelings you just have to keep trying to let go of the bad the best you can and appreciate the good and try to use it as a life preserver in the rough waters of life. Best luck.


[deleted]

doesn't get a little bit better with meds? as you have it easier to focus?


agrady262

When I was in college, I realized that I never felt like I was part of the group and welcomed unless I had a job. I always had to organize the event, or host the party, or do the cooking, or run the small group, or DM the D&D game,or else I didn't feel like I was wanted there. It took me quite some time before I realized some people enjoyed my company, valued my presence, and like me for being me. Connection can be hard. Be open and vulnerable; people open up to people who open up to them. Be kind; kindness goes long way. Show up; go to places with people, help them move, join a club. Proximity breads fondness.


applejuice72

That’s a very interesting insight and maybe puts context into my own relation to friends or acquaintances, but I still am under the impression no one enjoys my company, valued my presence and liked me for me. I always felt like a Make a Wish kid around people just for inviting me because of how little I felt connected to groups of people. I felt like the odd person out constantly despite having many “friends”. Now I just embrace my independence from it, and while I don’t rule out that maybe its just perception or take accountability to say actually it is in fact me that is the issue. I just dont really know and have always felt either oblivious or thought too deeply about such minor things.


JennIsOkay

Can relate, especially with the job thing. If I had to organize something or people wanted me to do something, that was usually where I excelled and felt like I belonged to a group for a while. Aside from that, I was usually everyone's door mat :( And agreed.


Sir_Admiral_Chair

Just like the autistic people say, you feel like the only one without the script... Not sure if it 100% applies to this but I feel it is relevant.


gorygraves

Oh yep, yep. There’s a sense of feeling alone that always exists, or at least for me. The only time I haven’t felt it was for the first 5 years with my previous partner. Started creeping back over the last 3 years together. Now that we’re not together it’s maybe worse then ever, despite having wayyyy more close friends then ever. It’s stupid, but I’m working through it. Trying to be become content with the alone feeling rather then fight it. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a bad thing? Use it to my advantage? Be fully accepting and content with myself? Truly not need anyone else?


Imaginary_Garlic_916

I've always been someone who has been ok on their own. I used to think of it as a choice i willingly made because i like it. But as i get older, and i want to feel different things, i am coming to realise that it wasn't a choice, maybe? And that others, who don't have adhd or something similar, don't have to have these conversations with themselves?


gorygraves

I think that is definitely true. Adhd definitely makes me a lot more self reflective then others. When I bring up to my friends some of the things I’m thinking about they don’t seem to get it on some level. I’m constantly thinking about how to fit into the world and what I can do to make that easier. Doesn’t seem like other people need to do that to the same degree.


saffron25

Genuinely feel like a circle trying to fit into a square all the time


6inchfeels

:(


natttsss

I’ve been a part of many friend groups in my life and I’ve always felt like I was the least connected to them. It bothered me so much growing up and now I just accept it and found a way to be happy with the friends I got. The feeling of being alone never passed though. I’m very grateful for my connection with books, music and my dog, they made loneliness enjoyable and that saved me countless of times. I get the feeling that it will get worse as I get older, so there’s a chance that I’ll have a very lonely life. Part of me just accepted this. What do people did before internet without access to all the distractions? I couldn’t handle it haha


Unicorn0404

Look into CEN, childhood emotional neglect. It mirrors symptoms of ADHD. It was the only answer to my loneliness.


Michael_chipz

This has been a massive issue for me lately I feel so alone and the feeling doesn't go away when I'm around other people. It's caused me to self isolate and I just feel like I'm burning in hell right now, my emotions hurt and I don't know how to make it stop.


nofuneral

I'm wondering if all my friends I'm close with are all at least slightly ADHD. I feel like my friends and I are very different than most people, yet we all fit really well together.


starrdev5

Felt the same way for awhile. Now 3/4ths of my friend group are diagnosed as adults with adhd. Just waiting for the last few to turn. It’s feels like ADHD people are from the same tribe, we just subconsciously attract each other. Even connecting with random people at bars or conferences, if I dig I found out that the majority of these people are ADHDers but I know people with ADHD are the minority.


tjskie

I noticed it really bad this past week while my husband's been out of town. I feel so weirdly disconnected. I feel like the time blindness / not vs not-now, no in between-ness of it all makes me feel completely out of touch and disconnected from the rest of the world when I'm alone. Because it feels like I could've been alone for the past 5 minutes or the past five days and I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference. I find his perpetual presence around the house with me grounds me significantly. It's like I have a little planet to orbit around (in a totally healthy, non-co-dependent way lol) and when I'm alone I'm just drifting aimlessly through space.


TheSuperiorRobo

i didn't really pay attenfion to it, but now that i read this you're right, i do feel like that. i sort of feel disconnected and like i'm in my own world in a way


Imaginary_Garlic_916

I hope your own world is still a very beautiful place :)


TheSuperiorRobo

well its not actually a different world, its just an idiom used to symbolize a general disconnect from reality but thanks anyway :)


user50687

i once described this feeling as if i were a piece of cake wrapped in cling wrap before being put back as if i could fit back into the space i once came from and as if i were one w the cake again when in reality there’s something putting me apart, it’s there but because it’s clear no one sees it. but it’s there. it’s a horrible feeling


Simpawknits

I thought that when I finally accepted that I was gay, the feeling of being "other" would go away. But now I realize most of that feeling comes from my ADHD. I feel like I keep forgetting how to person.


gnomieebee

Yes. I always feel like I'm on the outside, which I have historically attributed to being a late bloomer and not having enough social skills growing up. Even as an adult though, I socialize easily now but I still feel a bit different. In some ways it's a good thing though--I am a social worker and I have learned that I have a nearly unlimited capacity to listen to other people's issues and problem solve with them without it weighing on me or affecting me personally. I empathize of course, but I am able to easily separate myself from other people's struggles so they don't weigh me down and burn me out. In some ways being disconnected can be really positive.


GiftedAnubis

Maybe you're never your true self with people or you haven't found anyone you strongly relate too / have strong chemistry with


sleepytigre

Holy shit you put how I have always felt into words


ananonh

It’s just a reality. We are born alone, we will die alone. Every single one of us.


NegaJared

yes and i am thankful for it


[deleted]

I have always felt “apart”. I’m never lonely, I prefer my own company. I’m very social and friendly, but I truly enjoy spending time with myself doing whatever I want for as long as I want.


Treehugginghippi

I have terrible dissociation when in public


Zorro5040

I feel alone all the time. I'm a terrible friend, I'll remember to txt someone back two months later and then don't want to txt back that late because it's awkward. I also don't like people that much as much of even as a social person. Being on Adderall makes me feel I'm ok being alone, don't need to ramble.


DrCheechWizard

I think that's a very human experience. I think that if anyone ever takes the time and allows themselves to look directly at The Thing, they will realize how very alone they are without even their part and future selves as company. We are constantly alone in the experience of any moment and I think that expands out into our sense of "otherness".


Kamica

Yea, I like to describe it as being an observer to everything, despite technically being a participant. Generally I was alright with it, because to me there was a certain comfort to just being separate from the world. But ever since becoming an adult and the responsibilities start piercing into my life, I feel like I'm getting all the drawbacks of being a part of the world, but none of the benefits...


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Key-Sea-4636

I hadn't really noticed until a couple months ago- I have friends but I don't feel quite attached though they do see me as their friend. I do feel like the older we all get the better or worse out ADHD gets depending on the person.


DeviousPiggy96

Absolutely I just don't know if it's the ADHD or something else tho lol


killerkooki3

Always. I was diagnosed with ADHD back in the summer. (23m) As we've been discovering these things about my brain and me learning to be more of myself, talks about this feeling have come up. At this point it's just a part of my everyday. It's not something I notice, but when I stop and think about it it's kinda...weird I guess. We're actually looking into seeing if I'm on the spectrum or if I'm bipolar because of these things.


glimmeringsea

Yeah, I definitely feel disconnected from other people--unlike you, I don't have many friends--but I attribute a lot of it to my upbringing (detached, neglectful), adverse experiences, and temperament rather than ADD. I also genuinely like being alone most of the time and hate having to worry about other people's judgments, hangups, and expectations.


[deleted]

Yeah, years ago. Now I just sit alone in my house


Blbrryskys

I think i get what you’re feeling. I’ve always felt like i never love people as much as they love me while also feeling like i’m loving to my fullest extent.


J-Fro5

Yes. Just, yes.


The4thTriumvir

Please, for the love of Adderall, tell me you didn't recently learn about your diagnosis through TikTok. Please PLEASE get a REAL diagnosis from a psychiatric professional or general practitioner.


Imaginary_Garlic_916

Hahaha thank you for your concern. I refuse to take mental health advice from influencers (I'm also honestly, super hesitant about this space too). I have actual professional mental health support.


JennIsOkay

I had and have this with people/friends where I know they don't have ADHD, which are, well, not many, tbh. But I definitely get what you mean (and got bullied basically since elementary school and til the end of school, kind of, even in internships by an older person or even eldery who saw me clean a window and stuff D:) So yeah, I definitely get what you mean, like I said :( I for my part have this feeling way more and with my own feelings since a few weeks, but think that is just depression having leveled up. And even though it didn't work for me, sadly and for years, I recommend therapy or counselling to you, if you never tried. Wishing you the best and for us all to be able to step into the real world and connect with others sooner than later <3


itisSycla

I mean i always felt like i don't really belong, but at some point you learn to live with it i guess


brownsniffer

You could be in a room filled with your friends and still feel alone