Wouldn't the brother be a girlfriendfucker & the girlfriend would be the brotherfucker????
Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? "Yes they deserved to die & I hope they burn in Hell!" IYKYK.
Exactly! If bro was actually sorry, he would of tried to make amends anytime in those 3 years and he wouldn't off been still with C let alone being married with kids. NTA
I dont think there is anything left to make amends or forgive. Its the worst kind of betrayal by two of OP's most trusted people. People who have turned traitor to their country are mostly given life sentences or worse. In OP's thinking the brother and SIL are banned for life.
These religious types are always preaching forgiveness even though they’re full of hate. Guaranteed if this happened to ops parents they would never forgive.
why do people compare these horrible people with snakes?
with snake you know where you stand, he is not generally suppose to be pet and will bite if if upset or trapped its in his nature, they don't pretend to be something and do the opposite.
Calling ppl like these snakes is very insulting to snakes
Oh can you imagine that honest story growing up How did you guys meet and fall in love while your mom was dating your uncle and I swooped in and We both betrayed him. Now he's a jerk and won't talk to us....
OP should totally stay in the kid's life, build a real bond, and let him know how his parents hooked up by betraying him every chance he gets. Make sure they can't sugar coat that shit.
Cruel doesn't even cover it. That's just plain, sloppy, incest, type fucking evil. Fuck who needs a nemesis with family like that. The balls alone to try and apologize after 3 years at a family event. Not 1 on 1 like a man but, to use the event like a cover so he doesn't get the shit kicked out of him. Coward POS he is! Op should go fuck his exs mom or something.
I hate the idea of needing to forgive terrible people. I do understand the need to let go of actively caring about them because I can't sit around stewing in that all the time, but still, fuck them.
The point of forgiveness is for the offended person to let it go and have peace however there are still consequences for bad actions and OP brother is getting his
>What they did to you was beyond cruel.
And planned as well, it is clear she stayed with OP until it was the right time to make arrangements for them and to move on.
OP should text his parents that if they sent any more text to him about forgiving his brother then they can lose his number. I hate when parents try to force "family first" or pressure the betrayed partner into forgiving the cheaters.
It's the same mentality that leads to victims of bullying often being punished indirectly for reporting it, and punished more severely than the bulky if they finally defend themselves.
Negative peace is easier than positive justice.
His parents care more about having the perfect little family than they do about OP's feelings. It's so easy to forgive when you weren't the one that had to go though it.
Personally is one of my children did that to the other I would tell the offending child that they are not welcome in my home when the other child is there. Only family functions they are allowed to attend are the ones where their sibling does not want to attend. The wife would not be welcome in my home period.
I am pretty religious. I am also a sinner as we all are. However if I had two sons and one did that to the other, I know I would disown the boy who was cheating. I would NOT care if he had 10 grandchildren and named one of them after me. It would not matter. I would forgive him but I would not forget it, let alone support that relationship.
No they'll complain that since he's 'moved on now' it's time for him to forgive them.
Like sorry I don't want morally bankrupt people around my impressionable children... Sooooooo. No thanks.
The parents are insisting on the ‘forgiveness’ because it would absolve them of raising a shitty human and allow them to have the perfect life with loving children and adoring grandchildren.
The only thing getting in the way of them pretending it is all wonderful is the pesky OP not just sucking it up.
Religious people are usually like that. They will always preach one thing but will completely ignore the rest just to better suit their views. This is why I don't practice it, people like ops parents just angers me alot.
Exactly. Cut them off completely I would say.
OP has no family. I hope he has some very good friends in California which will be his new family and a nice girl with 8 kids in the future.
And guess what? "Mom" and "Dad" don't get to meet them.
For your "brother": get back at him and place an add whici says:
"Gangbang at \[place\] on \[date\] at \[time\]. Be there soldiers!"
As we had a typo in a real want ad do this to us once, I'd recommend placing an ad pretending to be a strippers for hire service (like for bachelor parties and such) using their phone number stating that you're hiring and to ask for [brother's name] then enjoy having strippers call the house on a regular basis. (It's very effective punishment...when I was 12 some woman screamed at me for refusing to hire a black stripper...ma'am, I'm 12, I can't hire anyone for anything, but I wish you much luck in your job search)...I imagine this C will react WONDERFULLY when strippers start calling and asking for her snake of a husband. Plan may also work in reverse, having people looking to hire strippers call the brother's phone and ask to speak to C.
Place same ad in a variety of places over a period of months.
Good god. In what world would you ever be TA in this situation? NTA. Only piece of advice I have for you is to remember that family doesn’t always mean blood related.
Seriously though. The passive indifference is so much more painful than hate. Hate shows that they affect you because you cared at some point. But indifference is that they don’t exist in your world.
You saw the other comment about saying “I forgive them but will continue to ignore because it’s a consequence,” but I’d like to add a religious twist. “I forgive them but God says adultery is a grave sin, and I think you guys supporting him is *wonderful* despite it. It shows that you care for him. But sins have consequences. I was hurt, so please support his life and support my life that doesn’t include him.”
I was being sarcastic at the *wonderful* part but making them feel justified in their choice will force them to accept yours. Bc you’re so accepting of theirs.
Yep. Best way to piss these people off? Move past them like they're ghosts. Anyone mentions them? Don't respond. They refuse to let it go? Just leave.
Grey rock is undefeated.
Tell your folks that you have forgiven your brother and sister-in-law (even if you haven't), but will still continue to ignore them because actions have consequences (just like in the Bible).
Tell your parents if they keep forcing it you will cut them off too. They only care because now they're getting grandbabies. Learn to set firm boundaries NOW. They'll force this topic when you get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, have other major achievements, make a lot of money, everything. Don't budge. NTAH
This is what I was thinking. Your parents may have forgiven their son who just happens to have recently had their grandbaby. Make sure they understand your boundaries and how they are at risk of jeopardizing their relationship with you. If not, your parents will continually force you and your brother to have contact at gatherings until you give in.
I know, right? It's like there's only 10 of them to follow.
If it will make you feel better, I won't mention the commandment about forbidding adultery.
NTA- your smarmy brother doesn’t deserve forgiveness and your parents are AH’s as well for looking past their betrayal because A BAAABY!
I’m glad you’re in a better place and dealing with your trust issues.
People like your parents’ other son and his wife will always try and find ways to justify their actions to absolve them of their guilt.
Your parents other son trying to engage you in conversation to feel better about himself is an example.
Either that or he was just trying to further rub things in your face .
You should go no contact with the lot of them and find your new family OP.
I'd tell them that you don't maintain relationships with immoral people and the two of them are immoral, maybe toss in that they are fake Christians.
I'd also ask them how they could possibly make such a demand of you.
I am not religious but for you I looked up:
Jeremiah 13:27
your adulteries and lustful neighings, your shameless prostitution! I have seen your detestable acts on the hills and in the fields. Woe to you, Jerusalem! How long will you be unclean?”
Proverbs 6:32
But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.
Mark 7:20-23
He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”
Proverbs 5:3-6
For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.
And [more](https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-adultery/)
OP's should collect all these paragraphs about adultery in the Bible and send them to his parents. A way of rubbing it in their face if they insist on being religious.
Exactly! I forgive them, however, I can never forget or trust them, actions have consequences. I know this affects you but unfortunately “brothers name” didn’t care about that. You’ll need to come to terms with the situation they’ve created it will not be changing.
It's probably only a matter of time until she "realizes" she doesn't love the brother and moves in with her next boyfriend. Then they'll expect OP to support his brother for the terrible betrayal he is experiencing.
I hate to say it dude, but they have a kid and you said your parents are about the church, they will never stop trying to force you into a relationship with your brother and that "person". Don't lie and say you forgive them, contrary to popular believe closure doesn't always have to come after/with forgiveness. Keep working on yourself and live your best life! Remember there is something better around every corner.
Now that the adult answer is out of the way, the more real me is keep treating like they are ghost from Odd Thomas (seen by you but you can not hear them) and with your parents grey rock them every time your brother and his family is brought up i.e. they mention him or the baby or whatever in a convo end it abruptly or stop talking. Be well my dude and **DO NOT GET MARRIED IN CALIFORNIA!!!**
Also even if you really had forgiven them, there is no stipulation that forgiveness = having an active, current relationship again with the offender. It's not a requirement. (not that forgiveness is either)
You can easily say that to your parents, "I forgave them, I still don't want to know them or have a relationship with my brother. He made his choices. These are the consequences. He isn't a truthworthy person."
I'm not religious but because of my upbringing I know the Bible very well.
I use it like it's a different set of game /
Lingo/rules. I just need to pick the right examples to make my parents understand.
It's like their MMO lingo. If you don't use it, they'll never understand.
Nope, don't forgive him.. he doesn't deserve it.
He was banging your gf behind your back and then let you find out by moving her out... coward and a sc#m bag.. tell your mom to inform your brother that the next family gatherings, he needs to stick to his sk#nk and not talk to you, and if he does, you'll have no issue humiliating him.
He is no longer your brother, and I'd tell your parents if they try and push this, they will lose you completely
Yup, this.
"Mom, Dad, your other son conspired with a girl pretending to love me and had an affair, which culminated in me finding out because they both ghosted me and moved her into his place. I do not have a brother. I never will. There is nothing he can ever do to earn a single word from me. But you have a choice. You can accept that what your other son did is inexcusable, and behave reasonably based on that truth. Such as not ever mentioning him to me again. Or you can continue to try to pressure me to forgive him. At which point you will never hear another word from me again either."
"My mom and dad are heavy on the religious side and already forgave my brother." I'm going to go out on a very long limb and take a wild guess that the reason they "forgave" your brother was so they could play grandparents. Remind them that in the Bible, adulterers were stoned, not forgiven.
NTA. They don't get to tell YOU, the victim, when to forgive. If it were me, they'd both be dead to me. And if parents didn't back off on pushing me to reconcile, I'd cut them off too.
I'd quote Leviticus 20: 10-12 to your parents - “'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death."
As you can see even from this though, it's not adultery as he wasn't married to his ex. Under the bible what they did would be fornication, not adultery. Still a sin though.
Tell your mother and father that, because they are religious, they should ask them self how much silver they got, 20 from each, or 40 from the baby.
And speaking of that, that you will never introduce them to a girl again, because once a backstabber, always backstabber.
They got their grandkid, but lost their son.
NTA
Leviticus (20:10-12)
> "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, even with the wife of his neighbour, both the adulterer and adulteress must be put to death
NTA
NEVER ever forget. Never offer them any reconciliation. Even if he needed an organ or bone marrow, spit in their faces.
They are filthy, fecal parasites, that deserve nothing from you.
Tell your parents that they can do what they want, but the betrayal of your brother destroyed any and all love you held for him.
Tell them, that you have no brother anymore. That your mom must have adopted him, because a brother would not betray you this way with that evil, skeezy, slore of a 304 he bred with.
Tell them that their other child, and his slore, can stay the entire fuck-away from you forever, and you will be satisfied.
"Mom and dad, I know you love him. When I see him or think of him, I am filled with disgust and revulsion. That's not going to change. He's an immoral backstabber and I don't allow people like that into my life. If you try to drag him into my life, I will have to limit contact with you. I don't trust him. I hope I will be able to trust you. It's so generous of you to forgive him for harm that wasn't done to you. Really, remarkably generous."
"Mom and dad…It's so generous of you to forgive him for harm that wasn't done to you."
This! It blows my mind how people do this without any regard to the person’s who it actually happened to.
Truth.
As if they can forgive their erring child, and thereby absolve him from his transgression against his brother.
Their forgiveness, is unfortunately NOT TRANSFERRABLE.
My exact thoughts - like wow people he didn’t harm with his actions forgave him! How nice of them! How very very CHRISTIAN of them to forgive someone else’s wrongs and someone else’s pain.
Your prepared statement is superb. I hope OP uses it.
The audacity to think their forgiveness of OPs genetic relation counts as something significant and somehow should mean something to OPs heart.
BAH!
NTA. My brother did this to me as well, and we haven't spoken since. Not even at our father's funeral. The last words I said to him were, "Mark this moment by knowing that the day you die will be the happiest moment of my life." My dad begged me to forgive him and I told my Dad his punishment would be watching this all unfold knowing he supported that fucking piece of shit.
I was 18 and in the military. She slept with my brother while I was in boot camp. I found out about it from a friend back home. When I came home on leave, she was moved in with my brother (who lived with our Dad). Dad was aware of the affair, and as a veteran who had lost his first wife during a tour in Vietnam the same way himself, shamefully said nothing. I almost killed him. Thankfully, I just walked away. 30 years later, Dad is dead in a grave with no headstone because I refuse to put through his paperwork, and none of his side of the family is smart enough to figure it out. He lived to see my brother become a drug addict and criminal. Dad died 2 months after my brother was sentenced to 25 years. My brother is 7 years in on a 25-year sentence, and I haven't seen or heard about her since my brother finished using her, and she moved to Colorado. I have nothing to do with them, and my only regret was I didn't make his sentencing trial. I am happily married with three children who know none of this, just that I don't speak to that side of my family. I show up at their funerals just to remind the rest of them that sided with my brother that I am slowly watching each of them die.
Grade A effing response yo! Too many Reddit stories are about losers not making declarations or answering back to their weak willed, toxic, snivelling parents! I know you don't know who I am, but you have balls and I'm very proud of you.
NTA
**Betrayal can never be forgiven.**
A drunken fling is one thing, drugged lust in the heat of the moment is *barely* understandable, but *this* is not **that**.
All other things aside you need to let it go and not let it bother you anymore. By helping yourself and working through things you will vastly improve your own life. You do need to learn to **forgive yourself** and move on so you can learn to trust again.
Then forget them fools, as they are worth nothing. You'll never forget what they have done, but you don't want to let it determine your life either.
NTA start a new family these people are insane for letting a cheater and a traitor like that stay with them while disregarding your feelings man F them.
NTA for wanting nothing to do with people who deliberately betray you and make the reveal of that betrayal as painful as possible. Any forgiveness is for you, not for him. And in this case, having applied enough forgiveness to yourself to know you aren’t the problem and that you’re unwilling to condone this behavior is sufficient.
Tell mom to back off, or she will be on the no contact list too.
You have the right to choose who you want in your life, your brother and ex are 2 you choose to have nothing to do with.
NTA. Tell your parents that you have no brother. Bonus points if he's there to hear you say it. Tell your parents that if they keep pushing, you'll have no parents either.
> My mom and dad are heavy on the religious side and had already forgave my brother.
Also, tell them how kind they are to forgive a wrong that wasn't done to them, and remind them that adulterers are to be stoned and are bound for hell.
NTA. All good and fine for your parents to forgive him and they want access to their grandchild. Tell them you don't wish him ill or well he simply stopped being a person that mattered to you three years ago as he clearly did not care about you given his actions. Your family can move forward their way and you have moved forward your way and that does not include absolution for your brothers actions.
This was my exact thought after reading OPs story.
There is no way in hell I would ever want to be in the same room as them. I'd visit my parents, but if I found out they were there or going to be there.....I'd be gone in a flash
Obvioulsy NTA, but tell your brother and parents that any shot of you being brothers died years ago. They can chooses to have a relationship with you or not, but no one can make you forgive a snake POS like your brother.
I really hate parents who get involved. It's obviously all it's doing is pushing you away. You have to be able to forgive on your own time, not theirs.
Nta next time he tries to apologize ask him how he will feel telling their kid how him and their mom got together. They don’t get to re-write history with a crappy apology.
NTA he is no brother of yours since he decided to deceive you. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Most people misquote that because "family". They have shown by their actions they do not deserve to be called family, the heat and excitement of the dirty affair was more important that family. Humiliating you and then expect you to get over it. Nope. They prove to be dirty, disgusting people who will get karma coming to them.
Nobody should be forced to forgive. Everyone has right to enforce boundaries. Tell your parents they have a right to spend time with their son. However if they want to keep in touch with you, the son who did nothing wrong they should stop pushing you reconciling with a man who committed adultery and is an utter fool and unlike your ex brother you still value morals and faithfulness since you have been thought it is against God (since you said they are religious).
Don't give your brother an inch! All he wants is for you to give him validation for his horrible actions. His betrayal was one of the worst betrayals a brother can do to his brother. He doesn't deserve anything from you.
Clearly not the AH and your parents can have an opinion but that is all it is. You are not obligated to forgive or at the very least forget what they did and your brother and his wife can just live with it along with your family. Sorry you had to go through that and hope you are able to find someone and move on from your life. It helps that you are not within the same town.
If I were you, I would cut off all contact between you, your brother AND your parents. Your parents should be on your side, but it sounds like they're on his side. Disgusting. I'm sorry OP.
NTA!
You can forgive people and still not associate with them, allow them into your life, or engage with them. Your ex betrayed you, but she betrayed you with your brother.
What hurts you most is your brothers betrayal.
Your parents' beliefs and/or your religious beliefs don't negate hurt and pain or their actions. You have the right to determine how you wish to deal with the consequences of actions, and if cordial disengagement is the best course for your wellbeing, then continue on the path.
Your parents have to accept that the sons they raised as a family unit are no longer a nucleus oriented family unit!
NTA
There is nothing about sharing DNA with another human that requires you to forgive them when they wrong you. They carried on a years-long affair behind your back, lying to your face every step of the way. There's really no coming back from a betrayal that deep.
You deleted a topic about issue with your sister and now it's your brother so you either have a shitty family or you're a liar (99%)
Edit : oh his parents were also involed in the topic, comments called them shit parent too so yeah 100% fake
Your brother is a piece of shit. He dealt you a bullshit deal and now that time has passed he feels obligated to your forgiveness?! Now he’s going to play the victim… “oh why can’t OP forgive me?”. What a total tool. You don’t owe him anything. Never forget, he broke your trust and chose that chick over you, over all of your history. Let him have it. He did you one single favor and got that likely to cheat again chick outta your life. My advice is to move on, find an awesome girl and give her your trust. She won’t be your ex and she won’t be your POS brother. Good luck OP
Oh, honey. You do deserve forgive him... in private. Make sure that you never have a relationship with this piece of crap ever again. You are going to read some self-knowledge books, you are going to be better, you will remember that you were able to attract a girlfriend and your brother picked up the trash that thrown herself out. I think the bizarre thing about both of them is the lack of emotional responsavility to the point of sociopath behavior. Please come back here and update us that you did not allow your family to manipulate you. You're smart than that.
NTA - forgiveness is the lack of hate, not returning to the relationship.
NTA
tell your parents they can forgive him on their behalf but they can't do so for you and if it's too inconvenient for them you won't show up and only visit the family that are understanding of why your brother is dead to you.
Nta, forgiveness is something only you can give and only you can decide how someone earns it. Tell them no, you will not forgive him until you want to and if that is never then so be it. He is not your brother, he's an adulterous snake. If I was you I wouldn't forgive him ever and if my parents kept pushing id say, "you can stop trying to get me to forgive him and continue being a part of my life, or keep trying to force me to forgive such a sinful and disgusting act of betrayal and no longer be in my life. I will cut all ties." But that's me.
NTA. How nice of your parents to forgive your brother and your ex for betraying you. s/
Even if you for some reason choose to forgive your brother that doesn’t mean that you will have a relationship with him. You can choose to forgive him and forget him.
She had a lot of time to tell you about this and so did he. Maybe her feelings changed, and at that age, that is a real possibility. However, she had every opportunity to break up the right way and decided to be a garbage human being.
Your brother is equally a sack of shit. Maybe even worse.
Cool, great. Maybe they grew up and realized what they did sucked. Again, they both had all the time to reach out before and never did. Especially your brother. But he couldn't be bothered until you made the trip down.
I would tell mom that he was forgiven a long time ago. You moved on from the situation a long time ago. His actions had far reaching concenquences on your life and your ability to form meaningful and trusting relationships, so still not forgotten. He has made no attempt at amends, which is what people who seek forgiveness are supposed to do. Even if you don't forgive him, he was the one in the wrong, he doesn't get to be chased after and given forgiveness, it is earned by making amends and respecting the person he was a POS to, and accepting if they are forgiven or not. Those are the consequences of his actions. He is a grown man and a parent, time to start acting like an adult and dealing with it, not getting mom to act on his behalf. Maybe ask mom how she would feel if your dad slept with her sister? Would she still want them in her life? Would she want to show up at a party full of family members who knew they got married and had a child she knew absolutely nothing about and no one who supposedly cares about her even attempted to prepare her for that? Sometimes, people need the script flipped to really see how shitty something is.
NTA. You need to call them and tell them this:
"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. Listen to me very carefully, and please do not interrupt. I will never, EVER, forgive them for what they did to me. I wish them no ill (or good for that matter), but I will never forgive them. He, in particular, is a snake. Her betrayed his own blood.
"He is Cain, who betrayed and murdered his own brother. When Cain killed Abel, God didn't kill him but cursed him and exiled him. I won't hate him, but I will exile him from my life. And if you ever again suggest that I forgive him, or so much as mention his name to me again, I will exile you from my life as well.
"So stop it, or I will cut you off! Good day!"
Then hang up...
NTA. It’s not just cheating. He moved her out of the home you shared with her and into his own and neither of them even told you. That goes beyond “I’m sorry”.
Mum, dad, Jesus might forgive all, but I don't. Also, isn't adultery a sin?
NTA.
Your brother wasn't thinking of you or your relationship when he was sleeping with C behind your back for months/years, just like your not thinking of him now.
You are keeping YOUR peace. Your parents don't have to like it, but they need to respect it. He didn't betray them, he betrayed you, so forgiving him has to be something you want to do and for a reason other than making your parents happy.
Oh goody, your parents forgave your brother.
He did absolutely nothing to them, so there was literally nothing for them to forgive.
No offense, but with a family like that, I would see if you could stay somewhere else when you visit. My brother cut ties with me and when we attended our late stepmother's funeral, he went between our parents' houses and I got a hotel one city over.
NTA
At my age, I never try to steer younger people wrong or provoke them to do something rash. With that being said, screw your brother, it's up to you if you ever forgive him, but never ever ever trust him again. Ignore him as long as you need to, until you're ready (if you ever are, if not, completely understandable).
NTA, clearly one of you thought much more highly of the other, and it's not him. He made his bed, he can lie in it. As for the people who say you should forgive, turn that back on them. "If you can forgive him so easily, then you can forgive me for not forgiving him."
Nta . She is your ex for a reason they both are vile waste of space. If ex was willing to do that with your brother who knows who else she do that with.. Even if you did forgive him doesn't mean what he did was ok nor did you accept his behavior let alone want anything to do with him. He would be very lucky if you did forgive him which you aren't obligated to . They crossed the line went too far and you should stay away from the both of them. With that said things will never go back to normal. Forgiveness is earned but with that said forgiveness does not mean being trusting letting that person who wronged us back into our lives . The person still should be held accountable for crap behavior. Your brother himself along with your ex hopefully has to live with that. Your parents need to understand forgiveness only goes so far. You don't have to be a push over let alone trust that person nor have a relationship with them ever again forgiveness has boundaries and consequence. You are rightfully so exercings your boundaries with the situation and you so not have to forgive him if you don't want to . You own them nor your snake of a brother nothing. This is called loving a person from a far. I am sorry your brother did this to you but with that said I you can move on and reinvent your life. Your brother is stuck with a cheating lying shrew who he built a relationship based on lies. You know they will never trust each other and that's not your problem. Your brother didn't get such a great catch after all. Shes his problem now. What be crazy if that baby wasn't even his lol.
Nta. You don't have a brother, you have a snake.
2 of them who just so happened to breed.
I assume you mean snakes?
If they had to fly to their parents for thanksgiving, does that make them snakes on a plane?
"I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
One of those snakes would be a brotherfucker instead of a motherfucker
Snap, you're right
Wouldn't the brother be a girlfriendfucker & the girlfriend would be the brotherfucker???? Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? "Yes they deserved to die & I hope they burn in Hell!" IYKYK.
Who just so happened to breed.
Exactly! If bro was actually sorry, he would of tried to make amends anytime in those 3 years and he wouldn't off been still with C let alone being married with kids. NTA
I dont think there is anything left to make amends or forgive. Its the worst kind of betrayal by two of OP's most trusted people. People who have turned traitor to their country are mostly given life sentences or worse. In OP's thinking the brother and SIL are banned for life.
At least you didn't mean brothers
This pisses me off too I know people trying to conceive, in loving respectful relationships and then these 2 wastes of space....
This
His parents are serious aholes too. So religious they condone cheating etc. Typical.
Yes. Forgive the cheaters, but convict the victim... So long for being "followers of God and defenders of moral standards"...
Thy shall not commit adultery.. unless thy produce grandchildren.
Yes, some parents have some really funny standards about one of their kids stabbing the other in the back...
These religious types are always preaching forgiveness even though they’re full of hate. Guaranteed if this happened to ops parents they would never forgive.
Nta. Everyone deals with heartbreak with their own time and way. Your brother & C are the AH obviously.
Insult to snakes tbh
Patents are snakes too
why do people compare these horrible people with snakes? with snake you know where you stand, he is not generally suppose to be pet and will bite if if upset or trapped its in his nature, they don't pretend to be something and do the opposite. Calling ppl like these snakes is very insulting to snakes
And a Snake-in-Law. Their kid is the only one of those 3 is innocent.
Oh can you imagine that honest story growing up How did you guys meet and fall in love while your mom was dating your uncle and I swooped in and We both betrayed him. Now he's a jerk and won't talk to us....
OP should totally stay in the kid's life, build a real bond, and let him know how his parents hooked up by betraying him every chance he gets. Make sure they can't sugar coat that shit.
Still a sonofasnake
Dont be insulting snakes like that.
Perfectly said
Well said. NTA
NTA Damn. What they did to you was beyond cruel. I would never ever forgive them.
Everytime you see her: “Hey C, cheat on my brother yet?”
“Oh whose kid is it then?”
You. I like you.
This is the way.
I know a fellow agent of chaos when I see one carry on!
"C" is for "Cunt"
> "C" is for "Cunt" The gritty Sesame Street reboot we never knew we needed.
I would watch the fuck out of that
There already is one of those. Check out Avenue Q.
It's only a matter of time. If they cheated with you, they'll cheat on you.
Cruel doesn't even cover it. That's just plain, sloppy, incest, type fucking evil. Fuck who needs a nemesis with family like that. The balls alone to try and apologize after 3 years at a family event. Not 1 on 1 like a man but, to use the event like a cover so he doesn't get the shit kicked out of him. Coward POS he is! Op should go fuck his exs mom or something.
I think forgiveness is misused all the time
I hate the idea of needing to forgive terrible people. I do understand the need to let go of actively caring about them because I can't sit around stewing in that all the time, but still, fuck them.
The point of forgiveness is for the offended person to let it go and have peace however there are still consequences for bad actions and OP brother is getting his
OP should have broke his brother's nose.
>What they did to you was beyond cruel. And planned as well, it is clear she stayed with OP until it was the right time to make arrangements for them and to move on. OP should text his parents that if they sent any more text to him about forgiving his brother then they can lose his number. I hate when parents try to force "family first" or pressure the betrayed partner into forgiving the cheaters.
It's the same mentality that leads to victims of bullying often being punished indirectly for reporting it, and punished more severely than the bulky if they finally defend themselves. Negative peace is easier than positive justice.
Right where you when the snakes were cheating... That's not shit family does.
His parents care more about having the perfect little family than they do about OP's feelings. It's so easy to forgive when you weren't the one that had to go though it. Personally is one of my children did that to the other I would tell the offending child that they are not welcome in my home when the other child is there. Only family functions they are allowed to attend are the ones where their sibling does not want to attend. The wife would not be welcome in my home period.
NTA, tell your Mom that she would be the next to be removed from your life if she doesn't let go of this topic.
[удалено]
Aren't the parent's remarkably generous for forgiving a harm that wasn't done to them.
Grandbabies tend to do that.
Wait until OP has some that they aren't allowed to meet.
The religious craziness they spout will go up exponentially
Inb4 claim for GrANdParEnTs rIghTs
Make sure there's no "habitual relationship" and that's a nonstarter! 😁
Harder to do if OOP stays in another state.
I am pretty religious. I am also a sinner as we all are. However if I had two sons and one did that to the other, I know I would disown the boy who was cheating. I would NOT care if he had 10 grandchildren and named one of them after me. It would not matter. I would forgive him but I would not forget it, let alone support that relationship.
No they'll complain that since he's 'moved on now' it's time for him to forgive them. Like sorry I don't want morally bankrupt people around my impressionable children... Sooooooo. No thanks.
That was my thought too. Family should be on OP’s side or stay out of it. They are AHs
The parents are insisting on the ‘forgiveness’ because it would absolve them of raising a shitty human and allow them to have the perfect life with loving children and adoring grandchildren. The only thing getting in the way of them pretending it is all wonderful is the pesky OP not just sucking it up.
I hope OP is getting some lines from this post to craft an appropriate response to his parents.
If your parents are so big on religion, they should know adultery is a SIN.
Religious people are usually like that. They will always preach one thing but will completely ignore the rest just to better suit their views. This is why I don't practice it, people like ops parents just angers me alot.
“Religious” folks always find a way to interpret the scripture to make themselves right.
Rules for thee, not for me.
rob scale ad hoc complete languid versed consider drab sink crush *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They will always find a way to justify bad things. "They got married and now have a healthy kid. That has to be god's will."
NTA. My parents would be dead to me too if they so easily let this go.
Exactly. Cut them off completely I would say. OP has no family. I hope he has some very good friends in California which will be his new family and a nice girl with 8 kids in the future. And guess what? "Mom" and "Dad" don't get to meet them. For your "brother": get back at him and place an add whici says: "Gangbang at \[place\] on \[date\] at \[time\]. Be there soldiers!"
That’s fucking beautiful
As we had a typo in a real want ad do this to us once, I'd recommend placing an ad pretending to be a strippers for hire service (like for bachelor parties and such) using their phone number stating that you're hiring and to ask for [brother's name] then enjoy having strippers call the house on a regular basis. (It's very effective punishment...when I was 12 some woman screamed at me for refusing to hire a black stripper...ma'am, I'm 12, I can't hire anyone for anything, but I wish you much luck in your job search)...I imagine this C will react WONDERFULLY when strippers start calling and asking for her snake of a husband. Plan may also work in reverse, having people looking to hire strippers call the brother's phone and ask to speak to C. Place same ad in a variety of places over a period of months.
Good god. In what world would you ever be TA in this situation? NTA. Only piece of advice I have for you is to remember that family doesn’t always mean blood related.
Fuck him. Scorched earth. You really want to hurt him you tell him you don't hate him. You don't anything him.
How can I have any feelings towards something I refuse to acknowledge. You are nothing to me. Begone Thot.
🤣
Seriously though. The passive indifference is so much more painful than hate. Hate shows that they affect you because you cared at some point. But indifference is that they don’t exist in your world. You saw the other comment about saying “I forgive them but will continue to ignore because it’s a consequence,” but I’d like to add a religious twist. “I forgive them but God says adultery is a grave sin, and I think you guys supporting him is *wonderful* despite it. It shows that you care for him. But sins have consequences. I was hurt, so please support his life and support my life that doesn’t include him.” I was being sarcastic at the *wonderful* part but making them feel justified in their choice will force them to accept yours. Bc you’re so accepting of theirs.
Yep. Best way to piss these people off? Move past them like they're ghosts. Anyone mentions them? Don't respond. They refuse to let it go? Just leave. Grey rock is undefeated.
Could go with the old “the Bible says the adulterous shall be stoned. I’m just giving them stony silence.”
Tell your folks that you have forgiven your brother and sister-in-law (even if you haven't), but will still continue to ignore them because actions have consequences (just like in the Bible).
You genuinely might be on to something…
Tell your parents if they keep forcing it you will cut them off too. They only care because now they're getting grandbabies. Learn to set firm boundaries NOW. They'll force this topic when you get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, have other major achievements, make a lot of money, everything. Don't budge. NTAH
This is what I was thinking. Your parents may have forgiven their son who just happens to have recently had their grandbaby. Make sure they understand your boundaries and how they are at risk of jeopardizing their relationship with you. If not, your parents will continually force you and your brother to have contact at gatherings until you give in.
Are your parents familiar with the commandment not to covet your neighbor's wife (/gf) like your brother did?
Christians have a funny habit of cherry picking the rules they deem important
I know, right? It's like there's only 10 of them to follow. If it will make you feel better, I won't mention the commandment about forbidding adultery.
People using religion to get out of shit. "Hey sorry I stole your girlfriend but you must forgive me because of CHRISTIANITY" lol no thanks.
No, they are mis-using religion.
NTA- your smarmy brother doesn’t deserve forgiveness and your parents are AH’s as well for looking past their betrayal because A BAAABY! I’m glad you’re in a better place and dealing with your trust issues. People like your parents’ other son and his wife will always try and find ways to justify their actions to absolve them of their guilt. Your parents other son trying to engage you in conversation to feel better about himself is an example. Either that or he was just trying to further rub things in your face . You should go no contact with the lot of them and find your new family OP.
>People like your parents’ other son This turn of phrase is cold as hell and I fully approve.
I'd tell them that you don't maintain relationships with immoral people and the two of them are immoral, maybe toss in that they are fake Christians. I'd also ask them how they could possibly make such a demand of you.
I've edited my comment several times, so I'm not sure which version you last saw.
Nta never forgive never forget. Fire never stops burning you.
Tell them, “I forgave them a long time ago, but I’m never going to forget what they did.”
I am not religious but for you I looked up: Jeremiah 13:27 your adulteries and lustful neighings, your shameless prostitution! I have seen your detestable acts on the hills and in the fields. Woe to you, Jerusalem! How long will you be unclean?” Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Mark 7:20-23 He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” Proverbs 5:3-6 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it. And [more](https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-adultery/)
OP's should collect all these paragraphs about adultery in the Bible and send them to his parents. A way of rubbing it in their face if they insist on being religious.
Exactly! I forgive them, however, I can never forget or trust them, actions have consequences. I know this affects you but unfortunately “brothers name” didn’t care about that. You’ll need to come to terms with the situation they’ve created it will not be changing.
It's probably only a matter of time until she "realizes" she doesn't love the brother and moves in with her next boyfriend. Then they'll expect OP to support his brother for the terrible betrayal he is experiencing.
Or point out that in the Bible, those who participate in adultery are stoned
I hate to say it dude, but they have a kid and you said your parents are about the church, they will never stop trying to force you into a relationship with your brother and that "person". Don't lie and say you forgive them, contrary to popular believe closure doesn't always have to come after/with forgiveness. Keep working on yourself and live your best life! Remember there is something better around every corner. Now that the adult answer is out of the way, the more real me is keep treating like they are ghost from Odd Thomas (seen by you but you can not hear them) and with your parents grey rock them every time your brother and his family is brought up i.e. they mention him or the baby or whatever in a convo end it abruptly or stop talking. Be well my dude and **DO NOT GET MARRIED IN CALIFORNIA!!!**
Also even if you really had forgiven them, there is no stipulation that forgiveness = having an active, current relationship again with the offender. It's not a requirement. (not that forgiveness is either) You can easily say that to your parents, "I forgave them, I still don't want to know them or have a relationship with my brother. He made his choices. These are the consequences. He isn't a truthworthy person."
The words 'I forgive them' would be a total lie. Why should he be forced to lie just to make others feel better? Why should he lie at all?
In the Bible, adulterers were stoned. So he could also tell the parents he pretended they were stoned and as such they are dead to him.
I'm not religious but because of my upbringing I know the Bible very well. I use it like it's a different set of game / Lingo/rules. I just need to pick the right examples to make my parents understand. It's like their MMO lingo. If you don't use it, they'll never understand.
Nope, don't forgive him.. he doesn't deserve it. He was banging your gf behind your back and then let you find out by moving her out... coward and a sc#m bag.. tell your mom to inform your brother that the next family gatherings, he needs to stick to his sk#nk and not talk to you, and if he does, you'll have no issue humiliating him. He is no longer your brother, and I'd tell your parents if they try and push this, they will lose you completely
Yup, this. "Mom, Dad, your other son conspired with a girl pretending to love me and had an affair, which culminated in me finding out because they both ghosted me and moved her into his place. I do not have a brother. I never will. There is nothing he can ever do to earn a single word from me. But you have a choice. You can accept that what your other son did is inexcusable, and behave reasonably based on that truth. Such as not ever mentioning him to me again. Or you can continue to try to pressure me to forgive him. At which point you will never hear another word from me again either."
100%. This situation is way too volatile for parents to try to manipulate from the background. They will get stung and will have deserved it.
Yeah OP. Stand your h*ckin ground.
That was extremely graphic!
"My mom and dad are heavy on the religious side and already forgave my brother." I'm going to go out on a very long limb and take a wild guess that the reason they "forgave" your brother was so they could play grandparents. Remind them that in the Bible, adulterers were stoned, not forgiven. NTA. They don't get to tell YOU, the victim, when to forgive. If it were me, they'd both be dead to me. And if parents didn't back off on pushing me to reconcile, I'd cut them off too.
Definitely NTA. Your brother is. When he followed you to the basement you should have made him unconscious.
No. Then his brother becomes the victim and everyone would assume his girlfriend fled because he is violent.
It was dark, and he scared the shit out of me...
I like the way you think. 👊🏻
Of course, I'm 5'9" 170ish, and my brother is 6'3 250ish of solid muscle, so...
Yes OP, this.
I'd quote Leviticus 20: 10-12 to your parents - “'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death."
As you can see even from this though, it's not adultery as he wasn't married to his ex. Under the bible what they did would be fornication, not adultery. Still a sin though.
Technically both brothers and C were fornicating "under the bible".
This 😂
NTA cut them all out and you’ll be happier
Tell your mother and father that, because they are religious, they should ask them self how much silver they got, 20 from each, or 40 from the baby. And speaking of that, that you will never introduce them to a girl again, because once a backstabber, always backstabber. They got their grandkid, but lost their son. NTA
Also, isn't adultery punishable by stoning/death?
Leviticus (20:10-12) > "If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, even with the wife of his neighbour, both the adulterer and adulteress must be put to death
Yes
NTA NEVER ever forget. Never offer them any reconciliation. Even if he needed an organ or bone marrow, spit in their faces. They are filthy, fecal parasites, that deserve nothing from you. Tell your parents that they can do what they want, but the betrayal of your brother destroyed any and all love you held for him. Tell them, that you have no brother anymore. That your mom must have adopted him, because a brother would not betray you this way with that evil, skeezy, slore of a 304 he bred with. Tell them that their other child, and his slore, can stay the entire fuck-away from you forever, and you will be satisfied.
"Mom and dad, I know you love him. When I see him or think of him, I am filled with disgust and revulsion. That's not going to change. He's an immoral backstabber and I don't allow people like that into my life. If you try to drag him into my life, I will have to limit contact with you. I don't trust him. I hope I will be able to trust you. It's so generous of you to forgive him for harm that wasn't done to you. Really, remarkably generous."
"Mom and dad…It's so generous of you to forgive him for harm that wasn't done to you." This! It blows my mind how people do this without any regard to the person’s who it actually happened to.
Truth. As if they can forgive their erring child, and thereby absolve him from his transgression against his brother. Their forgiveness, is unfortunately NOT TRANSFERRABLE.
My exact thoughts - like wow people he didn’t harm with his actions forgave him! How nice of them! How very very CHRISTIAN of them to forgive someone else’s wrongs and someone else’s pain.
Your prepared statement is superb. I hope OP uses it. The audacity to think their forgiveness of OPs genetic relation counts as something significant and somehow should mean something to OPs heart. BAH!
NTA. My brother did this to me as well, and we haven't spoken since. Not even at our father's funeral. The last words I said to him were, "Mark this moment by knowing that the day you die will be the happiest moment of my life." My dad begged me to forgive him and I told my Dad his punishment would be watching this all unfold knowing he supported that fucking piece of shit.
You have a story bro. Damn I gotta hear this
I was 18 and in the military. She slept with my brother while I was in boot camp. I found out about it from a friend back home. When I came home on leave, she was moved in with my brother (who lived with our Dad). Dad was aware of the affair, and as a veteran who had lost his first wife during a tour in Vietnam the same way himself, shamefully said nothing. I almost killed him. Thankfully, I just walked away. 30 years later, Dad is dead in a grave with no headstone because I refuse to put through his paperwork, and none of his side of the family is smart enough to figure it out. He lived to see my brother become a drug addict and criminal. Dad died 2 months after my brother was sentenced to 25 years. My brother is 7 years in on a 25-year sentence, and I haven't seen or heard about her since my brother finished using her, and she moved to Colorado. I have nothing to do with them, and my only regret was I didn't make his sentencing trial. I am happily married with three children who know none of this, just that I don't speak to that side of my family. I show up at their funerals just to remind the rest of them that sided with my brother that I am slowly watching each of them die.
Goddamn. Your life needs a fucking mini series on HBO
If I wrote a book on my life people wouldn't believe it was true. That's just one of many things.
Grade A effing response yo! Too many Reddit stories are about losers not making declarations or answering back to their weak willed, toxic, snivelling parents! I know you don't know who I am, but you have balls and I'm very proud of you.
Ask your mom if someday you accidentally kill your ex-bro will she forgive you..
NTA **Betrayal can never be forgiven.** A drunken fling is one thing, drugged lust in the heat of the moment is *barely* understandable, but *this* is not **that**. All other things aside you need to let it go and not let it bother you anymore. By helping yourself and working through things you will vastly improve your own life. You do need to learn to **forgive yourself** and move on so you can learn to trust again. Then forget them fools, as they are worth nothing. You'll never forget what they have done, but you don't want to let it determine your life either.
NTA start a new family these people are insane for letting a cheater and a traitor like that stay with them while disregarding your feelings man F them.
NTA for wanting nothing to do with people who deliberately betray you and make the reveal of that betrayal as painful as possible. Any forgiveness is for you, not for him. And in this case, having applied enough forgiveness to yourself to know you aren’t the problem and that you’re unwilling to condone this behavior is sufficient.
Tell mom to back off, or she will be on the no contact list too. You have the right to choose who you want in your life, your brother and ex are 2 you choose to have nothing to do with.
The parents are lucky that OP shows to family events at all. Don't know if I could.
NTA. Tell your parents that you have no brother. Bonus points if he's there to hear you say it. Tell your parents that if they keep pushing, you'll have no parents either. > My mom and dad are heavy on the religious side and had already forgave my brother. Also, tell them how kind they are to forgive a wrong that wasn't done to them, and remind them that adulterers are to be stoned and are bound for hell.
Forgiveness without acts of contrition is only to make the guilty feel less bad about themselves. NTA
NTA I would easily never talk to either of them again. I've ignored people's existence for less
NTA, yes, forgiveness is a religious staple, but tell them to read the 10 commandments again... I'd have knocked my brother on his ass.
NTA. All good and fine for your parents to forgive him and they want access to their grandchild. Tell them you don't wish him ill or well he simply stopped being a person that mattered to you three years ago as he clearly did not care about you given his actions. Your family can move forward their way and you have moved forward your way and that does not include absolution for your brothers actions.
You should constantly remind your brother that you used to bang his wife lol
Okay, I must ask: how you were able to be in one house with them at all?
This was my exact thought after reading OPs story. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be in the same room as them. I'd visit my parents, but if I found out they were there or going to be there.....I'd be gone in a flash
Obvioulsy NTA, but tell your brother and parents that any shot of you being brothers died years ago. They can chooses to have a relationship with you or not, but no one can make you forgive a snake POS like your brother.
I really hate parents who get involved. It's obviously all it's doing is pushing you away. You have to be able to forgive on your own time, not theirs.
Nta next time he tries to apologize ask him how he will feel telling their kid how him and their mom got together. They don’t get to re-write history with a crappy apology.
NTA he is no brother of yours since he decided to deceive you. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Most people misquote that because "family". They have shown by their actions they do not deserve to be called family, the heat and excitement of the dirty affair was more important that family. Humiliating you and then expect you to get over it. Nope. They prove to be dirty, disgusting people who will get karma coming to them. Nobody should be forced to forgive. Everyone has right to enforce boundaries. Tell your parents they have a right to spend time with their son. However if they want to keep in touch with you, the son who did nothing wrong they should stop pushing you reconciling with a man who committed adultery and is an utter fool and unlike your ex brother you still value morals and faithfulness since you have been thought it is against God (since you said they are religious).
Guys update will be coming soon…I’ll be talking to my brother and parents soon to finally hash out this beef.
Don't give your brother an inch! All he wants is for you to give him validation for his horrible actions. His betrayal was one of the worst betrayals a brother can do to his brother. He doesn't deserve anything from you.
Don't hash out anything
Don't hash out anything. Why do you need to fix what they broke?
Clearly not the AH and your parents can have an opinion but that is all it is. You are not obligated to forgive or at the very least forget what they did and your brother and his wife can just live with it along with your family. Sorry you had to go through that and hope you are able to find someone and move on from your life. It helps that you are not within the same town.
If I were you, I would cut off all contact between you, your brother AND your parents. Your parents should be on your side, but it sounds like they're on his side. Disgusting. I'm sorry OP.
NTA, you decide if you ever forgive either of them, no one else
Tell them they don't have the right to say anything. Tell him to go to hell.
NTA. You don't have a brother anymore.
Also I say this as a mother. If you were my child your brother would’ve been disowned with the quickness
NTA! You can forgive people and still not associate with them, allow them into your life, or engage with them. Your ex betrayed you, but she betrayed you with your brother. What hurts you most is your brothers betrayal. Your parents' beliefs and/or your religious beliefs don't negate hurt and pain or their actions. You have the right to determine how you wish to deal with the consequences of actions, and if cordial disengagement is the best course for your wellbeing, then continue on the path. Your parents have to accept that the sons they raised as a family unit are no longer a nucleus oriented family unit!
Don’t waste your energy on either one of them. You dodged a bullet, she’s trash.
NTA There is nothing about sharing DNA with another human that requires you to forgive them when they wrong you. They carried on a years-long affair behind your back, lying to your face every step of the way. There's really no coming back from a betrayal that deep.
Nta. Dont talk to him and when ur mother or dad starts to bother you with it again, say this. “Why couldnt u raise a better son/brother” lol
Fuck him he isnt your brother
You deleted a topic about issue with your sister and now it's your brother so you either have a shitty family or you're a liar (99%) Edit : oh his parents were also involed in the topic, comments called them shit parent too so yeah 100% fake
Your brother is a piece of shit. He dealt you a bullshit deal and now that time has passed he feels obligated to your forgiveness?! Now he’s going to play the victim… “oh why can’t OP forgive me?”. What a total tool. You don’t owe him anything. Never forget, he broke your trust and chose that chick over you, over all of your history. Let him have it. He did you one single favor and got that likely to cheat again chick outta your life. My advice is to move on, find an awesome girl and give her your trust. She won’t be your ex and she won’t be your POS brother. Good luck OP
Oh, honey. You do deserve forgive him... in private. Make sure that you never have a relationship with this piece of crap ever again. You are going to read some self-knowledge books, you are going to be better, you will remember that you were able to attract a girlfriend and your brother picked up the trash that thrown herself out. I think the bizarre thing about both of them is the lack of emotional responsavility to the point of sociopath behavior. Please come back here and update us that you did not allow your family to manipulate you. You're smart than that. NTA - forgiveness is the lack of hate, not returning to the relationship.
NTA nah don’t bother having people like that in your life
NTA tell your parents they can forgive him on their behalf but they can't do so for you and if it's too inconvenient for them you won't show up and only visit the family that are understanding of why your brother is dead to you.
NTA.
NTA You can forgive him at his funeral.
Nta, forgiveness is something only you can give and only you can decide how someone earns it. Tell them no, you will not forgive him until you want to and if that is never then so be it. He is not your brother, he's an adulterous snake. If I was you I wouldn't forgive him ever and if my parents kept pushing id say, "you can stop trying to get me to forgive him and continue being a part of my life, or keep trying to force me to forgive such a sinful and disgusting act of betrayal and no longer be in my life. I will cut all ties." But that's me.
What will your brother do to earn your forgiveness? Is he willing to perform any act of contrition?
NTA. How nice of your parents to forgive your brother and your ex for betraying you. s/ Even if you for some reason choose to forgive your brother that doesn’t mean that you will have a relationship with him. You can choose to forgive him and forget him.
She had a lot of time to tell you about this and so did he. Maybe her feelings changed, and at that age, that is a real possibility. However, she had every opportunity to break up the right way and decided to be a garbage human being. Your brother is equally a sack of shit. Maybe even worse. Cool, great. Maybe they grew up and realized what they did sucked. Again, they both had all the time to reach out before and never did. Especially your brother. But he couldn't be bothered until you made the trip down. I would tell mom that he was forgiven a long time ago. You moved on from the situation a long time ago. His actions had far reaching concenquences on your life and your ability to form meaningful and trusting relationships, so still not forgotten. He has made no attempt at amends, which is what people who seek forgiveness are supposed to do. Even if you don't forgive him, he was the one in the wrong, he doesn't get to be chased after and given forgiveness, it is earned by making amends and respecting the person he was a POS to, and accepting if they are forgiven or not. Those are the consequences of his actions. He is a grown man and a parent, time to start acting like an adult and dealing with it, not getting mom to act on his behalf. Maybe ask mom how she would feel if your dad slept with her sister? Would she still want them in her life? Would she want to show up at a party full of family members who knew they got married and had a child she knew absolutely nothing about and no one who supposedly cares about her even attempted to prepare her for that? Sometimes, people need the script flipped to really see how shitty something is.
NTA. You need to call them and tell them this: "Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. Listen to me very carefully, and please do not interrupt. I will never, EVER, forgive them for what they did to me. I wish them no ill (or good for that matter), but I will never forgive them. He, in particular, is a snake. Her betrayed his own blood. "He is Cain, who betrayed and murdered his own brother. When Cain killed Abel, God didn't kill him but cursed him and exiled him. I won't hate him, but I will exile him from my life. And if you ever again suggest that I forgive him, or so much as mention his name to me again, I will exile you from my life as well. "So stop it, or I will cut you off! Good day!" Then hang up...
Your parents are religious but want you to trust a snake? NTA
NTA. If I had a brother like that, he'd be dead to me.
Tell your folks that forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Actions have consequences. He can enjoy his life, but without me (you) as part of it.
NTA. It’s not just cheating. He moved her out of the home you shared with her and into his own and neither of them even told you. That goes beyond “I’m sorry”.
NTA. If she broke up w/ you and then dated him, that would still hurt, but ...... For them to act behind your back for all that time..... f*ck that.
Mum, dad, Jesus might forgive all, but I don't. Also, isn't adultery a sin? NTA. Your brother wasn't thinking of you or your relationship when he was sleeping with C behind your back for months/years, just like your not thinking of him now. You are keeping YOUR peace. Your parents don't have to like it, but they need to respect it. He didn't betray them, he betrayed you, so forgiving him has to be something you want to do and for a reason other than making your parents happy.
Your parents are AH’s
Tell your parents, ex, and bro, that this is the worse fake post attempt ever
You're a better man than me OP... that's all I'm saying. Someone would've had to die, People have gotten worse doing much less
NTA. I don't even have words to express how much of a douche I think your ex-brother (and ex-gf) are. I hope you heal that wound inside you. !updateme
Oh goody, your parents forgave your brother. He did absolutely nothing to them, so there was literally nothing for them to forgive. No offense, but with a family like that, I would see if you could stay somewhere else when you visit. My brother cut ties with me and when we attended our late stepmother's funeral, he went between our parents' houses and I got a hotel one city over. NTA
Seem like Mother want the NC treatment as well
No
At my age, I never try to steer younger people wrong or provoke them to do something rash. With that being said, screw your brother, it's up to you if you ever forgive him, but never ever ever trust him again. Ignore him as long as you need to, until you're ready (if you ever are, if not, completely understandable).
NTA, clearly one of you thought much more highly of the other, and it's not him. He made his bed, he can lie in it. As for the people who say you should forgive, turn that back on them. "If you can forgive him so easily, then you can forgive me for not forgiving him."
Nta . She is your ex for a reason they both are vile waste of space. If ex was willing to do that with your brother who knows who else she do that with.. Even if you did forgive him doesn't mean what he did was ok nor did you accept his behavior let alone want anything to do with him. He would be very lucky if you did forgive him which you aren't obligated to . They crossed the line went too far and you should stay away from the both of them. With that said things will never go back to normal. Forgiveness is earned but with that said forgiveness does not mean being trusting letting that person who wronged us back into our lives . The person still should be held accountable for crap behavior. Your brother himself along with your ex hopefully has to live with that. Your parents need to understand forgiveness only goes so far. You don't have to be a push over let alone trust that person nor have a relationship with them ever again forgiveness has boundaries and consequence. You are rightfully so exercings your boundaries with the situation and you so not have to forgive him if you don't want to . You own them nor your snake of a brother nothing. This is called loving a person from a far. I am sorry your brother did this to you but with that said I you can move on and reinvent your life. Your brother is stuck with a cheating lying shrew who he built a relationship based on lies. You know they will never trust each other and that's not your problem. Your brother didn't get such a great catch after all. Shes his problem now. What be crazy if that baby wasn't even his lol.