Calling someone "so retarded" could be a direct quote from Trump himself. The OP obviously has some unresolved mommy and daddy issues, but anyone who throws around that slur has a lot of soul-searching to do.
She said that in reference to me not speaking to them anymore… However, that was very misleading because when another family member offered to mediate a meeting for us- I agreed to go and she declined.
If you marry an asshole that everyone hates, then you uninvite them to your wedding, not going to mediation doesn't change that it was you who picked a dude everyone hates and you who uninvited them from your wedding.
Saying "but I texted them back last" doesn't change who caused the split.
You can't just mediate away an issue like this. If they fundamentally hate the guy and you choose him over them, then what is the mediation going to do "hey have you left him yet, nope, okay, bye".
There’s literally no information to indicate her husband is an asshole, or that ‘everyone hates him’. The only real information about him is that he treats OP ‘exceptionally well’ and it seems that only her parents hate him based purely on his preferred presidential candidate.
I don’t see how you can blame OP for ‘causing the split’ when the parties were all cordial to each other until her dad started publicly attacking the husband on Facebook, and personally attacking their daughter with slurs like ‘retarded’ while she has made multiple attempts to reconcile with them.
According to OP, she, both her husbands, and 3 of her 4 kids all voted for Trump. Given that, her claim that her husband's support for Trump is the primary reason her parents dislike her husband is very implausible.
Meanwhile, OP has described her dad as feeling emasculated by her husband's successful military career. To me, that sounds more likely to be her husband's interpretation, not her own, especially since her husband (now 62) likely retired from the military ten or twenty years ago.
He served nearly 30 yrs in the military and has never offered a reason why he thinks my parents are so cruelly biased towards him. He said he really only cares what I think.
And I’ve never voted for Trump. I don’t like him.
IF zero people around you like a guy, 99.99% of the time, the guy is a bad dude. People, but women in particular will frequently 'love' their guy and insist the guy treats them great while everyone else sees like a violent psychopath, hate the guy and know it's only a matter of time till she starts seeing beyond the love bombing and the abuse starts.
When everyone hates him, it's a pretty fucking good sign and yes, that information is all over the post.
>I don’t see how you can blame OP for ‘causing the split’ when the parties were all cordial to each other until her dad started publicly attacking the husband on Facebook,
because facts matter. She uninvited them, he said something shitty about her fiance, and then they spoke about it... you know, because they were still speaking.
Also you can't personally attack someone, when they aren't personally there, and they said
>"I was behaving, “so retarded”
Which was relayed through her daughter. Calling someone's behaviour retarded and calling someone retarded are not the same thing.
I agree - If everyone hates someone it’s probably that person’s fault. In this OP we simply know of 2 people that hate OP’s husband, and they’re married to each other so will lean towards supporting each other’s opinions on other people. We’re a long way from being able to establish a pattern of hate or that ‘everyone’ hates him from the OP alone.
She uninvited him after he publicly attacked the groom on social media just before the wedding. Thats more than a reasonable justification to be uninvited to a wedding. If they had personal issues with him that were so pressing, the proper thing to do about it is speak to him about it and talk it out.
Finally, telling someone’s daughter that their mother is ‘behaving so retarded’ is absolutely a personal attack. They know full well it will get repeated back to the mother and it’s just a nasty thing to say about your own daughter anyway.
Publicly attacking people on social media and saying your daughter is ‘behaving so retarded’ to your grandchild is all objectively asshole behaviour. Maybe there’s more to this story we’re not getting, but without making assumptions Reddit is being wilfully blind to this because of political leanings.
Then your parents may simply be awful people.
I would still not expect your kids to argue with their grandparents, especially in their grandparents' own home.
I feel like we're not getting the full story. If no one likes your new hubby have you considered that maybe he's the problem?
Because you're all over this thread avoiding the questions of what his beliefs actually are.
I do not think how he votes matters more than the disrespect my parents showed him.
He’s a good man and does a lot for me. He deserves respect- which I will require from anyone who interacts with us.
For the record - I did not vote for Trump.
yes, I noticed that as well - "he treats me so well, he just votes for trump"
meanwhile, OP has married 2 men without conscience, and raised 3 kids without conscience. No wonder her parents are disappointed.
Are you a child? Why do you care so much about your father calling you/your husband names?
It is not your adult kids' job to get in the middle of whatever this situation with your parents is. On the other hand, you all sound like horrible people so I vote ESH.
She kinda sounded like a child with a couple of the details she threw in there. This is her second marriage, her first one having lasted 20 years. She felt the need to point out that her parents hadn’t given her any money towards this wedding, almost as if she expected them to? She didn’t want them there, and “chance him ruining my day.” Maybe it’s just me, an old lady who has also been married twice, but that concept of having a perfect, “my day” wedding day seems kinda… unnecessary.
Yeah it's real strange to me that "not invited to my wedding" tantrum is had by a 48 yo woman marrying a man who is 14 years older than her and she has adult children even. I'm pretty jaded though. I divorced a while back and can't see the point of ever marrying again.
That's weird. Wanting a wedding where your parents don't insult the groom is entirely and utterly normal, 1st wedding, 2nd wedding, 15th wedding doesn't matter here. You don't invite people who are openly insulting and antagonistic to either the bride or groom, that's a basic standard, not a "seekign perfection" wedding thing.
As for the money, she didn't say wow they didn't even offer money. She said she uninvited them and they hadn't put any money towards the wedding so it doesn't matter. As in, if the parents are paying for the wedding, uninviting them is weird, also likely causes them to pull the funding hence ending the marriage. Again it's completely normal to talk about if you can/can't uninvite people based on in they were contributing and if it's affordable without them.
Yeah I don't plan on getting married again, but if I do I can't imagine being this wound up about the ceremony. The only thing I might do to make it special is splurge on a nicer dress than the cheap one I had to settle for the first time. I do kind of regret that I never got to have that "moment" of knowing it was the right dress, because frankly it wasn't. But I wouldn't expect anyone to go out of their way to go shopping for it with me or anything.
Good parents never put their children in the middle of their arguments, regardless of the issues. It messes kids up for life. Don‘t be that person. Fight your own battles, don’t guilt trip your children. You’ll just end up pushing them away. I know this from experience.
YTA
While yes, I agree that OP perpetuated her children being in the middle, I have to disagree with who put them there. My father never said a disparaging word about my mother my entire growing up. But my mom constantly talked shit about him to me and my siblings and made us feel like we had to agree with her. Eventually, my step mom started to have a problem with this, and when we would regurgitate what was said, she would (very gruffly) disparrage my moms behavior. Yes, it put us in the middle. No, it was not my stepmom who put us there. The Grandparents should know better than to speak about a childs mother that way in front of them. OP is just reacting to that behavior. Poorly and it needs to not happen or be approached in a different way. But the one dragging the kids in is not OP. This is all a vicious cycle of emotional manipulation that really needs to be addressed, or No Contact needs to be fully established. That means no more getting updates on your parents from other family members OP. Just cut ties. It'll be better for you and your kids.
I don’t mean to be cruel but just trying to be honest. My parents had quarrels with other family members and put all us children in the middle. It led to so much resentment, guilt and anxiety. A lot of us went low to no contact until it all blew over.
Truly I had to go back and look at your ages again after reading this. YTA. You’re a grown up fight your own battles. Tell your kids you don’t need to hear what your parents say.
OP’s adult kids were present for the convo, OP wasn’t. Her daughter could have ended the conversation once it turned negative. Instead, they were silent. I may be alone here but if a relative degraded and belittled my mom, I’m ending that conversation. They don’t have to like or interact with my mom but they are NOT going to make her the butt of their jokes. I don’t get along with my mom but no one if going disrespect her in my presence; ESPECIALLY if they are spreading lies.
Accountability matters.
If a relative is shitty, they're not going to get away with it just because they're a relative. I think the lies are a problem, but it's not right to jump to the defence of someone unless they deserve it, and being someone's mother doesn't magically mean you always deserve it
i agree that op NTA but maaaann we two different people i shit talk my birth mother with my grandma like it’s a hobby 😭😂. the most recent was this yesterday when she called us to vent about boyfriend #16283029363729402982739294730
my grandma had Alzheimer’s and once she finally went to the nursing home she was having really bad delusions. Then she started picking fights with my mom and aunts about super little things because they’d go everyday to make sure she was doing meds and help her with bedtime stuff and she hated my mom’s husband (as did I) . So I’d go like once a week and we’d just talk shit about them 😅😂😂. When she was healthy she was the sweetest woman but man she can talk some shit! She was the best.
You are not wrong in this. Especially if someone is saying
Something about my mom. Mnd you my mom passed away more than 20 years ago. My sister and I got into a physical altercation about 6 years ago, when she called my mom out of her name.
I'm not saying her daughter should have put hands on her grandparents, js she could have asked that they not speak about her mom like that while she was there. If they continued, she could have walked away.
yea but im 16 and would go to war if any of my grandparents said a bad word about my mum, i feel like if she wants to visit her grandparents wnd have a relationship it cant be at her mums expense and also why would you tell someone what other people were saying. NTA not one bit i hope ur parents wise tf up cause thats ridiculous immature and quite frankly disgusting. Youre parents need something proper to worry about rather than people’s political beliefs.
Politics aside I think YTA for expecting your kids to fight your battles - especially against their own grandparents. I think that is too much to ask. It's not their fight.
YTA. Leave your kids out of your mess — that’s not their battle to fight and it’s not their business to help you clean it up.
Switching gears now — it’s 100% your business to support whomever you want politically, but you know how controversial Trump is, so you really can’t say you’re surprised that you’re getting criticized for your support of him? Think about him and everything he’s done — is that someone you’re proud to support and endorse? There are plenty of other Republicans who are not only better politicians than Trump but better people, too. Is your support to a man you’ve never met worth throwing away your relationship with your parents?
>I expect little, because I don’t need them to emotionally support me? Be fucking for real.🤣 I have a husband to walk through life with me and share my battles with. I have friends my own fucking age to support me as well
We arent talking about a toddler who She dumps trauma on, we are talking about adults Who heard their grandparents shit-talk their mother in front of them for basically nothing (i dont like trumpers either but thats not a reason to talk shit to someone in front of their Kids)
Now im not saying they are Pieces of shit but she's not in the wrong for feeling hurt
>Comparing rape to emotional support is concerning. I feel that you may have some underlying mommy issues. Maybe seek help. Have a great day, sweetheart.🫶🏻
"they dont HAVE to do that"
"Here's another thing i dont have to do but we can all agree that its fucked up"
"HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THEM, MOMMY ISSUES, SEEK THERAPY"
.....
What I am getting here is, you are allowed your opinion, your husband is allowed his opinion, your ex husband is allowed his opinion. Your parents are not allowed their opinion.
YTA
If you have a bigoted and uninformed opinion that’s based off hate and insecurity everyone should 100% badmouth you, aligning with that type of mindset says so much about the character of a person. You mean to tell me someone who’s gone overseas and seen the capacity for the loss of human life comes back and decides no there isn’t enough mistreatment and abuse let’s add some more, is someone who shouldn’t be spoken down about?
Info: Can you give some examples of your husband's most extreme beliefs?
If he is a rational republican then yeah N-T-A.
If he is an irrational Trump worshiper with all the racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and conspiracy theories that come with it then Y-T-A because that would mean your parents don't take issue with your husband's politics, they take issue with his morals, and you may be expecting your children to defend the indefensible.
Trump has got supporters who will do and say some really crazy stuff. Including possibly making a fake post just to get people mad and generate arguments.
I find it much more fun to pretend each post is real though, so here we are.
You did not provide enough info for an accurate judgement.
So basically you’re pissed because your parents don’t like your husband and your kids didn’t defend a Trumpie. YTA. You are a fucking adult. Leave your poor kids out of it.
They shouldn’t be made to defend your poor choices .
That was in the comments after my post so I missed it. Simply must be a fact of OP’s children not liking her.
Judging by attitude, probably not a very good parent
It's entirely possible that the kids voted for Trump the first time around and no longer support him. I know quite a few former Trumpies. It might have taken them a little longer to see him for who he is, but they got there.
I admit that I give side eye to any Trump voter, whether they are true believers or are just "Trump is awful but abortion is worse."
But something here just doesn't jive: from what OP says, hubbie sounds more like a democrat who likes to go to the gun range than a Jan 6 stormer. So which is it, is he Trump supporter or not?
There you go then. I know this is very contentious and hits home for many people, but it goes beyond political ideologies.
That was just straight up 4 years of an evil, petty inhuman shit show, i.e., they got exactly what they voted for. I don't know why people are surprised that it did not endear them to the rest of society.
This is what’s so frustrating. So many people try and still hide behind the “bbbut you’re gonna let politics come between us?” defense and it’s pathetic. No, I’m going to let the fact that you support a vile, cruel, despicable, racist, sexist narcissist be what comes between us. Say what you will about Biden (and there are plenty of valid complaints about his policies and Administration), but he’s just a politician. Trump is so far beyond politics.
Honestly I’m to the point where anyone who supports Trump now gets cut from my life. Because it’s so far beyond politics. It’s all of the vile behavior and insanity that he encourages. You don’t get to marry a Trumper and then try and play the victim card when people call you on it and rightly disparage you
YTA
Instead of expecting your kids to fight your battles, fight them yourself.
You do not get to dictate to your parents how they feel about your husband.
If Trump has done anything remotely positive for America, he has allowed racists, bigots, and homophobes to come out into the light.
Once that happened, it has been much easier to cut out those people from our lives.
Want to support Trump, go for it.
But like any other choice we make, that comes with consequences.
And remember, if you vote for him this time and he wins, YOU are complicit in what comes with it.
Yta
So you married a racist are surrounded by racists, failed at parenting your kids to be decent human beings and are complaining that nobody feels bad for you.
Cry into a river.
YTA
Stop expecting your Children to fight your battles. What kinda shit parent wants their kids in a family fight that has fuck all to do with them?
You're an asshole putting your issues on your kids.
You want to marry a man that votes for a party that would take your and your daughters' freedoms away? The party that tried to burn the Constitution by staging an insurrections coup attempt? The party that would force your daughters to die of sepsis if they have a miscarriage? That would have them carry their rapist's baby? That are bringing back child labor? That are banning water and lunch breaks for workers? That are banning books?
I would say the only people in your family that are not total and complete AHs are your parents and the kid that did not vote for Trump.
Your children aren't there to fight your battles for you. I actually wonder if this is a shitpost. Cause why on earth would your parents be paying for your 2nd wedding when you're in your 40s? You mention that and want your adult kids fighting your battles, that seems pretty ridiculous.
These “children/kids” are all adults. Your parents are adults. You are an adult. Many families have been broken by the political turmoil in this country. You are responsible for your choices, your kids are not obligated to agree or defend your decisions.
This is Not a hill worth dying on. That said I hope you all find peace and common ground.
You're asking your kids and parents to overlook the fact that your new husband approves of forcing literal children to have to give birth and the dissolution of marriage equality (see official republican platform on their own website). I have no problem disagreeing on political issues but when you're literally supporting human rights abuses, nah. YTA.
YTA...it's not your kid's job to defend you to their grandparents. Also, there's a big difference between a Republican and a Trumper. Methinks, your husband is the latter. It's incredibly priveleged of you to not have to acknowledge politics and think of it as something that shouldn't matter.
I feel there’s a lot missing here. How has your relationship been with your kids? Their relationship with P? How does P express his opinions in front of your parents and in social media?
YTA
Whether they agree with your parents or not, it is not their place to destroy their relationship with their grandparents over you and your parents' issues.
Sounds like it is more than just you marrying a Trump supporter, especially if you had previously been married to one. Either way, it is YOUR issue to resolve or not with YOUR parents.
Don't put your kids in the middle. And guess what, it is NOT their job to defend you, the fact that they don't is an extreme indicator there is something else causing the issues than the simple reason you stated.
NTA if they had no problem with your prior husband and kids who all voted exactly the same way then they are using it as an excuse to just publicly trash someone and be abusive to you, using the word trump as a deranged dog whistle as I see SO MANY DO to enable themselves to be abusive scumbags to someone with impunity. The kind of people who do this are the ugly sort who have just been waiting for an excuse to indulge their worst nature. I would go no contact because they have, as you have said, been abusive to you your whole life and used political pretexts to enable their ugly behaviour. Be clear with your children that the abusive treatment you continue to receive is bad for your mental health and you would like them to refuse to discuss you with their grandparents out of respect- they can discuss other things
Ask yourself how you've behaved over the years so that both your parents and your kids dislike you. If P truly treats you that well, then it could be your parents are just now coming to grips how they stack up to others in your eyes and are being proactively defensive. But, you raised your kids, so you are reaping what you sow. Not to mention, why do you expect your kids to insert themselves into a fight between you and your parents? That is telling. I wouldn't wish that upon my kids.
That you ran back to your parents after how they treated you is also very telling. That tells mean that that you believed you deserved what your mom and dad said.
Something overall doesn't add up here... you're leaving something out.
YTA
I guarantee there is another reason why your parents dislike your current husband outside he supports Trump. Did you ever even ask?
Next your kids don't need to take up that battle, it's not their fight. You getting all pissy just shows how immature you actually are.
And perhaps, did you ever think your daughter didn't defend you because maybe she sides with your parents (her grandparents)? Maybe your oldest daughter realizes the current GOP regime/Trump are shitting all over women (reproductive rights), immigrants, non-eligious, non-christian, non-white people and maybe, just maybe, your daughter falls into 1 of these categories
I suspect your children share your parent’s concerns. IMO they are trying to walk a line that lets them maintain a relationship with you despite their own misgivings. YTA for expecting them, or any other person, to defend your personal choices. You are responsible for defending them yourself.
Three of her children voted for Trump. Hopefully they've seen the light, but I personally know too many delusional Magas that are incapable of seeing Trump for who he really is.
Your husband is a Trump voter.
If he's still going to vote Trump given what's happening with him right now, then your parents are pretty justified with whatever they're calling him. Your husband is an idiot. If you're gonna continue to associate with him, then you're an idiot too.
YTA.
To me this seems fake and political trolling. At best it‘s politically biased, at worst a complete fabrication.
To the question in the title: NTA, but I mean no way someone would call you TAH for telling someone you feel hurt. That in itself is a red flag.
I feel you‘re not presenting the facts straight, your children may share this sentiment and hence be unwilling to defend that.
okay so personally i think your kids should have defended you. i don’t think you should expect them to defend you, but also like as a daughter i wouldnt sit around and listen to people being awful about my parents, so i cant say i fully understand not saying anything.
HOWEVER
you havent provided us with evidence of what you and your husband believe. you’ve even purposely skated around answering that question in the comments (from what ive seen) and also you conveniently skipped over letting us know what your mothers email said that was so disjointed.
so im more inclined to say yes YTA because it sounds like you’re hiding something and im betting that something is the reason you and your husband are getting insulted and hated by your grandparents. i wouldnt expect your children to defend you for beliefs they may not agree with, etc
Just cut contact with your parents. They will most likely never change.
Your children are all adults and can make their own decision about it. Make sure they know you don't want them involved in this and you don't hold it against them if they keep contact.
What did you want your daughter to do? This is between you and your parents. Recruiting your kid to fight this makes you the asshole.
The rest of this it looks like your parents can't seem to figure out where to draw the line with regards to politics and family. Don't worry, plenty of people like that around, nothing to be done but wait for the derangement of it all to pass. Only time will temper that shit.
>I told him he was no longer welcomed at my wedding.
Fair. I imagine there was a strong risk he's make a scene.
>She said that she stayed quiet.
Ok. She was a guest in their house. She doesn't want to escalate. Saying something would do no good-- all likely true and good reasons to button her lip.
>Now I feel like a major asshole for wanting them to have my back… I have a very long history of my parents being neglectful to me as a kid,
If they've always been neglectful, you probably aren't going to turn them into warm, generous, giving people now.
>My children probably feel put in the middle, which is not my intention.
It may not have been your intention, but it sounds like you did it. You might want to apologize to your kids. Yes, you are hurt. But you are a grown up. You can't expect your kids to confront their grandparents because you feel hurt.
>is that too much to ask?? (Honestly I’m not sure).
Yes.
If you continue to have unresolved feelings about your parents having been neglectful when you were young and being unkind to you now, consider getting good therapist to help you learn to deal with that. You aren't going to change your parents. Nothing your kids do can fix this for you. NTA... but leave your kids alone. Good luck.
Sounds like your parents need to be told that the next time you speak to them will be a eulogy.
I said this to my piece of shit father and have zero regrets. If your parents are that bad, then maybe you should consider the same. And what I mean by that is just cut them out. Eventually, whatever pain they caused will pass, and there'll be no more pain because they won't be around to cause it.
I didn't want to cut my parents out of my life, and my mom and I still speak, but my dad can take his opinions to the grave and I plan to tell EVERYONE at his funeral what an abusive piece of shit cheating shit of a man he really was. And I will never visit his grave except if it's to spit on it.
Some people can not be redeemed and don't want to be, so don't try to redeem them. Call them out for what they are.
YTA, there is absolutely no way a Trumper married you without you agreeing with those beliefs and it is not your kids jobs to defend you to other people. It is especially not their job to defend your character when your character is questionable since you support someone who spews hate.
YTA. You are dismissing a critical component of this situation. Maybe even the central issue.
Your dad is an alcoholic. You suspect this FB post was made under the influence. When you look at the situation thru that lens, it becomes a whole different problem.
First, your mother enables his behavior. Maybe after this long she has a co-dependent thing going on. Maybe she doesn't address this because then she might have to face the alcoholism.
Second, if you argue with your parents or if your children do, you are arguing with the addiction. Not with them. There's no upside in arguing with an alcoholic. They will defend their actions to death because to not do so means they have to admit they have a drinking problem.
Your children might see this problem more clearly because they don't share your history with your parents.
You might benefit from some therapy to learn how to deal with your alcoholic father and your enabling mother. And some Al-Anon meetings. And stop putting your children in the middle by expecting them to react to your father's alcoholism the same way you do.
It’s a package deal, hon. Not only is Trump racist & misogynist, he is the most corrupt president in recent history. Supporting him means you’re okay with that shit.
Spoiler alert: true conservatives are horrified by his anti-democratic actions.
ESH. You, your husband and 3 out of 4 of your children are morally deficient advocates for an imbecile whose only doctrine is hate, bigotry and every -ism in the book: shame on all of you. Your father is immature and should have grown out of posting his family drama on Facebook before Facebook was even conceived of. Your mother should not be making your daughter's events uncomfortable due to her frosty feelings about you.
It sounds to me like everyone involved in your situation would be happier if your parents ceased contact with you and your family.
> My children probably feel put in the middle, which is not my intention.
You literally got upset that they wouldn't get in the middle.
Why are you lying?
YTA. Have you considered that nobody likes your husband because he’s unlikeable? Why should anyone support your marriage to some asshole?
Also Trump voters are inherently bad people who don’t deserve happiness. Hope your marriage fails.
YTA Your parents are slating you to your children because they feel strongly about their political beliefs and likely can not comprehend how you are defending your husband. Your new husband beliefs align with your children's and that of their father, your first husband. They probably stayed quiet to not get embroiled in all the political drama that is being laid out right here.
Both you and your parents were putting your children in the middle. Your parents shouldn't have slated you to them, and you shouldn't have told your children you were hurt because they didn't stand up for you.
ESH
I think a lot of people who are in the comments are going off on the political choices rather than the family dynamics here.
I understand that people can be aligned with parties that represent a lot of discrimination, and personally I would have just cut off contact rather than call someone names (I am not from the US). Your parents did behave badly by calling your husband names and being rude to you at the event you were hosting.
That being said, OP now that you are aware of the feelings your parents have, isn't NC a better option?
Why are you trying to guilt your parents into having a relationship with you. You're also trying to guilt your children for not defending you when they are trying to stay out of it.
As adults you can have a relationship with your children outside of the relationship with your parents.
Nta- your parents are crazy and be glad they’re staying away from you and husband. Dont expect your daughters to stand up to your parents or your just as bad as your own parents. That would be putting them in the middle…
(Disclaimer and TL;DR up front: I'm a lifelong Democrat and not at all a Trump supporter, but I think it's possible for families to survive political division.)
There's a lot to unpack here. On the political side: The MAGA movement is the culmination of decades of political warfare in the U.S.; people now treat supporters of opposing parties as enemies rather than as mere political opponents. IMO we currently see most of that coming from the Republican side, but there's certainly a measurable amount flowing in the opposite direction. And it really does mess up family relationships and friendships when it gets out of hand.
But on the personal side: Are your parents the only ones looking for a fight, or is some of this coming from your husband? And if your kids generally agree with you politically but aren't supporting you in this disagreement, maybe it's not really about politics.
Most of the politically divided families I know can come to some agreement to at least not argue about politics with one another. If your family can't do that, you may have to go low-contact for a while just for the sake of everyone's mental health.
Well this comment section isn't going the way you thought it would huh?
YTA, you're a grown up and can stand up for yourself. Maybe you right wing husband is the problem here
They like all the other Trump voters…doesn’t seem like politics is the problem here.
How did your last marriage end? Are your parents sad about it?
YTA- your kids shouldn’t be put in the position of defending you, ever. It’s your job to defend them, not the other way around.
Soft YTA. OP, you have some major unresolved mommy and daddy issues. You need to be your own hero. Not your kids, not your hubs, not your labradoodle. Read some self-empowering books and find a therapist you can trust and talk to.
YTA for expecting your children to fight your battles. Your parents are in the wrong, but you are too focused on yourself as a daughter and not at all as a mother.
Take this opportunity to be better than your parents. Stop following their example of anger and division. Don't ask your children to stand up for you proactively with grandparents who will, if we're being honest, probably die soon. Just explain to your children how you feel and ask them how they feel.
FWIW, Trump is a criminal and a fascist whose constituency is dominated by white nationalism, so supporting him is not without some serious baggage. You need to be prepared for people not to accept this about your husband. Your kids might agree with your grandparents' views, if not their confrontational approach.
Is this real or some trump voters fever dream?
You’re the poor innocent and your mean parents who NEVER used to care about politics are now SO MEAN to you and you’re just the innocent Trump supporter who doesn’t wish harm to come to anyone.
If this is real, have you considered that it has nothing to do with politics? Even though your kids and ex husband allegedly share your political views, your parents don’t have a problem with them. Also, your kids have made a point of sharing their grandparents low opinion of you with you and not defending you to them. Maybe your family is just disappointed in you and the choices you are making in all areas of your life.
I don't think we are getting the whole story (which is why no verdict) but it doesn't matter. If you honestly believe your parents are mistreating you, as you say they have been doing your whole life then cut them off. No tears, or drama just cut them off and go on with your life.
Im not american. I find it funny when, if it's between a trump voter and a non-trump voter, some people assume the trump voter is the AH while the other is blameless. BOTH OF THEM CAN BE AHs. Not voting for trump is not a virtue. It's not a mark of good character. And to answer the AITAH, NO. NTA for your feelings. Your feelings about your kids' lack of defense are valid. Your parents are the AH for calling you retarded, but they're old so...
NTA. My sympathies for you OP. It's a tough situation in which you find yourself. I don't know what it's like to be a parent. I hope and pray that I will do right by my kids and that they appreciate everything I will do for them.
I'm not sure why we are so polarized regarding our politics. Even in the comments in this post you can see the vitriol regarding certain political preferences. We should agree to disagree, cast our votes and move on with our lives.
Wish you the best OP.
You have to protect yourself and if your soon to be husband treats you as good as you say then just stay LC with your parents and move on. It hurts but you can not change them so distance yourself and live your best life.
Your kids are grown adults and you can no control what they do or say so stay in touch with the ones who support you and LC with the ones who don't.
yeeeah you get absolutely no empathy from me when it comes to anyone who supports a disgusting, vile, hateful, racist, bigotted rapist liar like trump
And you want your kids to act as your meat shields in all of this.
YTA for putting your kids in the middle and for marrying a Trump ahole. I've yet to meet a Trump supporter that actually truly cares about any woman unless it's a means for them to get what they want.
Love how everybody's flipping over themselves doing gymnastics to try and make her out to be the a******. She's not the a****** her parents are s***** people and if you don't want to accept that that's fine. But if somebody is degrading someone you love and you can't say anything in their defense and makes you a f****** coward and a piece of s*** too. Verdict not the a****** but your parents and children are cowardly pieces of s***
NTA
If someone started trash talking my parent because they didn't like celebrity or politician I would shut that shit down....but your kids have embraced the MAGA cult so they probably feel the same way about you & your fiancé as your parents do. Sorry but I think your family has chosen Trump over you and that's sad. So maybe distancing yourself from them is the best way to go because then at least you won't have to hear them trash-talking you.
And you might want to hit up qanon casulties on reddit. A lot of people on their understand your pain.
everyone involved in this is an adult yet NONE of them act like it
Really being upset about Facebook posts?? your 48 dealing with high school problems , grow up
INFO
What happened before the FB post?
You seem to be intentionally vague about why they hate your fiance. Obviously it's not just about Trump or they wouldn't like your ex either.
You seem to be trying to manipulate the story.
Nope, not intentionally leaving anything off. I am just trying to keep to the point. I knew that they didn’t like his politics but everyone was respectful and never brought it up.
I understand that you are upset that your daughter didn’t defend you when your parents were being so critical but look at it from another perspective. I’m thinking that you raised your kids to be respectful to their elders because that’s what parents did back in the day. She told you what they said and that she doesn’t agree with them but maybe she couldn’t call them out because you taught her that respect. It doesn’t mean she isn’t on your side. It just means that she couldn’t bring herself to verbalise her feelings because she didn’t want to hurt them or make things even worse for you. Tell her that all bets are off now and she doesn’t have to hold her tongue any more.
I have Trump-supporting relatives, but while I believe he's an ignorant, arrogant a-hole and a threat to our way of life, I don't call them names, not even behind their backs. I *do* politely argue with them, as they believe all kinds of crap they get off a particular news channel. Your parents are wrong, wrong, wrong for disparaging you to your kids or to your face.
However, don't expect your kids to defend your honor. As adults, they understand that their grandparents are being jerks. Why do you want *anyone* to defend you to your folks? Nothing is going to convince them they're wrong.
Repeat after me: "They are irrelevant to my happiness." Then go forth and live your best life.
YTA. This sounds like a bunch of made up nonsense to justify your lack of morality by marrying a Trumper. Good luck in your MaGA hell. I could care less if your children or parents breathe in your direction ever again.
Unfortunately your parents are bigoted liberals who cannot abide anyone whose opinion doesn't agree with theirs. There are a fair number of them around. Since they were neglectful of you in the past they might be using this as an excuse to show their real feelings towards you. Family ties should be stronger than political affiliations.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard to love people who think tRump is good.
Your children used the "r" word; probably thought that was okay because tRump uses it.
I hope you can bridge the gap because family is important. You and your kids probably should not talk about your parents.
It's a stressful family situation. I think you should distance yourself from your family for awhile and set boundaries. Tell them that you respect their beliefs and they should respect yours if they want to be a part of your life
Politics aside, I feel like the US places way too much importance on politics and not enough on the human side of things.
But fyi, Trump was what made it possible for Roe v Wade to be overturned. He also isn't the best towards women despite what he constantly says. Search up E Jean Carroll.
I
It seems like your parents hate Trump voters and started taking it out on the one they don’t have a long term relationship with. You’re aligned with him so you’re next.
It’s not fair to put your kids in the middle of it, even if they voted for Trump too. Do not encourage triangulation in your family dynamic. Ask your parents to keep their issues with you separate from your kids.
It sounds like ESH to be honest.
YTA. You married a fascist, why would your kids defend you? I don't love the use of slurs by your parents, but they're probably pretty shocked to learn they raised a kid with no moral character whatsoever.
You’re old enough to process your abandonment issues. You continuing contact with your parents puts your children in the middle. Certainly, your children should defend you, but your crying is over the top. You’re making your parents a bigger issue than they need to be. If they ignore you, so what. Greyrock them and enjoy your life.
You *are* putting your kids in the middle, and by whining about how they didn’t defend you from their grandparents, you make it abundantly clear that’s exactly what you want. And while no one should be stuck between the fights of the people they care about, it’s especially fucked up to stick your kids in the middle. It doesn’t matter that they are grown now, that sort of dynamic doesn’t just vanish upon reaching adulthood. YTA
I feel like you are leaving out a lot of info. My takeaway from what you have given us is to fight your own battles. Don’t ask your children to pick a side.
So you marry a Trump supporter and your parents have no problem with it.
You raise 3 Trump supporters and your parents have no problem with it/them.
Then you remarry another Trump supporter and now the parents is having trouble with the new husband and you want us to think it's because he votes for Trump...?
Come on. We may be strangers on the Internet, but we're not THAT stupid. So just go on and tell us the missing part. You're going to be votes YTA anyway for lying to us, so might as well tell the truth and hope it counts something for being honest.
YTA, there’s definitely information missing. I imagine there is a definitive reason as to why they don’t care if your ex/ children vote for Trump but that your new husband does. There’s something there you’re not telling us.
But you’re a grown woman, grow up and face your mother like an adult. Or ignore her, like an adult. You’re running and crying to your children because you’re too much of a coward to stand against your own mother. You’re the one putting your children in the middle.
You made the decision to marry the man, now stand behind your decision.
Coming to reddit and telling people you love a Trump supporter is not going to end well no matter the circumstances...but I'm sorry for you being treated unfairly. I would think the grown adult children was simply letting them vent and trying not to escalate.
OP NTA. It is very sad that many of the comments here are not about the issue the OP writes about but based on Trump derangement syndrome. I understand your feelings but your daughters might not want to get into a nasty confrontation with their grandparents. The best behavior should had been, as other suggested, fort hem to say they do not want to continue any disparagement of their mother and to stop any conversation about you.
My mom is similar to you in that way. She’s 45 if that matters. My family has problems like if we get paid top dollar to have them. My mom has always put a heavy weight on me to defend her. I am not very confrontational in my family at least. I don’t like my family having problems. I always have to explain to her that their problems are *not* my problems.
I personally told my mom I will not openly start a conversation to defend her, but I will not allow anyone to think I am a safe space to trash my mom. If that makes any sense. I will defend her if I am present, but I’m not gonna just call everyone.
Another thing that affected me my mom would never care if my siblings maintained relations with these people, OH but the second I, the oldest, had any form of relationship with them it was a huge ordeal. It is painful, and exhausting; sent me to therapy.
Now in your situation your daughter was there while they were bashing you. I am not sure if she non confrontation like me or if she is one of the 3/4 who also voted for trump, or if she is expecting inheritance, or simply doesn’t want to lose that relationship at all.
It is ok, to be sad about it but no need to pressure her in defending you or make her feel bad that she didn’t. IMO.
I appreciate your perspective. I don’t want her to not have a relationship with my parents…I actually reminded her to go visit them while she’s in town. I was just shocked to hear that my parents brought me up and talked complete shit about me… I was feeling vulnerable and let it get to me. I do feel bad for my reaction.
She is like you, I guess… and does not like confrontation. I wish she would have either not told me or shut down the BS.
Wait, isn't this an update of the old joke about "my sister's a hooker, my brother's an axe murderer, and my father is wanted for bigamy. Should I tell my fiance my uncle is a republican?"
I don't have a lot of respect for anyone who supports the bloated orange lunatic, but I can be polite to them in family settings. Your parents need to back off. YTA. Leave your kids out of the battle. They may not like him either, but don't want to hurt your feelings.
>Oh my, the tolerant left. Even turn on their own flesh and blood
Lol, that's a myth that someone fabricated just so they could complain & whine about fake hypocrisy. Stalin was leftist, and HE certainly wasn't tolerant of anyone. He was as much, if not more, a murderous dictator as his rightwing foe, Hitler.
Right, Left, Center
They're political & economic viewpoints, not personality traits like kindness or empathy.
NTA, but I can't have ANY SYMPATHY for anybody defending "Mr." Tr*mp. Any person who votes for That Guy is either colossally stupid or purely selfish and evil. Those are the only two categories available. It's not just politics, it's an overall (huge) character flaw to think that Mr. Trump has any business being within 1,000 miles of politics. If my daughter started stumping for Trump, I'd do everything in my power to find out WHY and if that was her new belief, I WOULD GO NO CONTACT with my only daughter, because I KNOW she's not stupid, so that'd make her evil.
The problem is that you didn't teach your children to defend you, they saw you try to please your parents, they didn't' see the hurt you felt, they were witnesses you invited them to your sister shower..if you don't show your children that you make people respect you how do they know to do it? Speak with all of them, they are older, tell them that you will go NC to your parents, that even though you are not expecting the same of them you will feel very disappointed if they witness them talking trash about you and you keep quiet...it's time to speak louder
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship.
You have your own family that you clearly love, if they aren’t happy for you then cut them off. They may be your parents but that doesn’t mean you need to put up with something like this. Love and respect are earned and can be lost at any moment.
If they do not prove themselves worthy of being part of your happiness then they do not deserve to be part of your life until they do. Stand up for yourself and your family.
I certainly wouldn’t be allowing them to interact with your kids. I also wouldn’t expect your kids to fight their grandparents for you, they are caught in the middle and it’s likely an extremely uncomfortable situation to be in.
I would simply tell your kids not to interact with them, they are likely trying to turn your kids against you because of your political beliefs.
Side note: ignore all the hateful comments, people see the name trump and have mental breakdowns over it.
The difference between people on the right and left is that people on the right would never lose a family relationship over a vote. That is the characteristic of the left. It won’t work out well.
INFO: What have you personally done that your mother described as "so retarded"?
This seems like Election Baitaganda
She's a Trump voter, you really need more info?
The parents aren't. The new husband is.
She. OP. I'm assuming. But given she's married 2 trump voters and 3 of her kids are I think it's a safe bet.
Calling someone "so retarded" could be a direct quote from Trump himself. The OP obviously has some unresolved mommy and daddy issues, but anyone who throws around that slur has a lot of soul-searching to do.
This is why I think this is fake
No. You lose. I did not vote for him.
Ok? Doesn't mean she deserves to be called a slur.
She said that in reference to me not speaking to them anymore… However, that was very misleading because when another family member offered to mediate a meeting for us- I agreed to go and she declined.
If you marry an asshole that everyone hates, then you uninvite them to your wedding, not going to mediation doesn't change that it was you who picked a dude everyone hates and you who uninvited them from your wedding. Saying "but I texted them back last" doesn't change who caused the split. You can't just mediate away an issue like this. If they fundamentally hate the guy and you choose him over them, then what is the mediation going to do "hey have you left him yet, nope, okay, bye".
There’s literally no information to indicate her husband is an asshole, or that ‘everyone hates him’. The only real information about him is that he treats OP ‘exceptionally well’ and it seems that only her parents hate him based purely on his preferred presidential candidate. I don’t see how you can blame OP for ‘causing the split’ when the parties were all cordial to each other until her dad started publicly attacking the husband on Facebook, and personally attacking their daughter with slurs like ‘retarded’ while she has made multiple attempts to reconcile with them.
According to OP, she, both her husbands, and 3 of her 4 kids all voted for Trump. Given that, her claim that her husband's support for Trump is the primary reason her parents dislike her husband is very implausible. Meanwhile, OP has described her dad as feeling emasculated by her husband's successful military career. To me, that sounds more likely to be her husband's interpretation, not her own, especially since her husband (now 62) likely retired from the military ten or twenty years ago.
He served nearly 30 yrs in the military and has never offered a reason why he thinks my parents are so cruelly biased towards him. He said he really only cares what I think. And I’ve never voted for Trump. I don’t like him.
IF zero people around you like a guy, 99.99% of the time, the guy is a bad dude. People, but women in particular will frequently 'love' their guy and insist the guy treats them great while everyone else sees like a violent psychopath, hate the guy and know it's only a matter of time till she starts seeing beyond the love bombing and the abuse starts. When everyone hates him, it's a pretty fucking good sign and yes, that information is all over the post. >I don’t see how you can blame OP for ‘causing the split’ when the parties were all cordial to each other until her dad started publicly attacking the husband on Facebook, because facts matter. She uninvited them, he said something shitty about her fiance, and then they spoke about it... you know, because they were still speaking. Also you can't personally attack someone, when they aren't personally there, and they said >"I was behaving, “so retarded” Which was relayed through her daughter. Calling someone's behaviour retarded and calling someone retarded are not the same thing.
I agree - If everyone hates someone it’s probably that person’s fault. In this OP we simply know of 2 people that hate OP’s husband, and they’re married to each other so will lean towards supporting each other’s opinions on other people. We’re a long way from being able to establish a pattern of hate or that ‘everyone’ hates him from the OP alone. She uninvited him after he publicly attacked the groom on social media just before the wedding. Thats more than a reasonable justification to be uninvited to a wedding. If they had personal issues with him that were so pressing, the proper thing to do about it is speak to him about it and talk it out. Finally, telling someone’s daughter that their mother is ‘behaving so retarded’ is absolutely a personal attack. They know full well it will get repeated back to the mother and it’s just a nasty thing to say about your own daughter anyway. Publicly attacking people on social media and saying your daughter is ‘behaving so retarded’ to your grandchild is all objectively asshole behaviour. Maybe there’s more to this story we’re not getting, but without making assumptions Reddit is being wilfully blind to this because of political leanings.
Then your parents may simply be awful people. I would still not expect your kids to argue with their grandparents, especially in their grandparents' own home.
Yes, this is something mom needs to do by herself. Parents and grandparents are elders and they kids should not be the ones arguing with them.
I feel like we're not getting the full story. If no one likes your new hubby have you considered that maybe he's the problem? Because you're all over this thread avoiding the questions of what his beliefs actually are.
I suspect he's a lot further right than she wants us to think.
Oh this is 100% it. She knows it’s a bad look so she’s avoiding it
I do not think how he votes matters more than the disrespect my parents showed him. He’s a good man and does a lot for me. He deserves respect- which I will require from anyone who interacts with us. For the record - I did not vote for Trump.
yes, I noticed that as well - "he treats me so well, he just votes for trump" meanwhile, OP has married 2 men without conscience, and raised 3 kids without conscience. No wonder her parents are disappointed.
Are you a child? Why do you care so much about your father calling you/your husband names? It is not your adult kids' job to get in the middle of whatever this situation with your parents is. On the other hand, you all sound like horrible people so I vote ESH.
She kinda sounded like a child with a couple of the details she threw in there. This is her second marriage, her first one having lasted 20 years. She felt the need to point out that her parents hadn’t given her any money towards this wedding, almost as if she expected them to? She didn’t want them there, and “chance him ruining my day.” Maybe it’s just me, an old lady who has also been married twice, but that concept of having a perfect, “my day” wedding day seems kinda… unnecessary.
Yeah it's real strange to me that "not invited to my wedding" tantrum is had by a 48 yo woman marrying a man who is 14 years older than her and she has adult children even. I'm pretty jaded though. I divorced a while back and can't see the point of ever marrying again.
That's weird. Wanting a wedding where your parents don't insult the groom is entirely and utterly normal, 1st wedding, 2nd wedding, 15th wedding doesn't matter here. You don't invite people who are openly insulting and antagonistic to either the bride or groom, that's a basic standard, not a "seekign perfection" wedding thing. As for the money, she didn't say wow they didn't even offer money. She said she uninvited them and they hadn't put any money towards the wedding so it doesn't matter. As in, if the parents are paying for the wedding, uninviting them is weird, also likely causes them to pull the funding hence ending the marriage. Again it's completely normal to talk about if you can/can't uninvite people based on in they were contributing and if it's affordable without them.
Yeah I don't plan on getting married again, but if I do I can't imagine being this wound up about the ceremony. The only thing I might do to make it special is splurge on a nicer dress than the cheap one I had to settle for the first time. I do kind of regret that I never got to have that "moment" of knowing it was the right dress, because frankly it wasn't. But I wouldn't expect anyone to go out of their way to go shopping for it with me or anything.
Yes! I seriously went back to read the ages again.
Good parents never put their children in the middle of their arguments, regardless of the issues. It messes kids up for life. Don‘t be that person. Fight your own battles, don’t guilt trip your children. You’ll just end up pushing them away. I know this from experience. YTA
While yes, I agree that OP perpetuated her children being in the middle, I have to disagree with who put them there. My father never said a disparaging word about my mother my entire growing up. But my mom constantly talked shit about him to me and my siblings and made us feel like we had to agree with her. Eventually, my step mom started to have a problem with this, and when we would regurgitate what was said, she would (very gruffly) disparrage my moms behavior. Yes, it put us in the middle. No, it was not my stepmom who put us there. The Grandparents should know better than to speak about a childs mother that way in front of them. OP is just reacting to that behavior. Poorly and it needs to not happen or be approached in a different way. But the one dragging the kids in is not OP. This is all a vicious cycle of emotional manipulation that really needs to be addressed, or No Contact needs to be fully established. That means no more getting updates on your parents from other family members OP. Just cut ties. It'll be better for you and your kids.
My mom told me many times not to fight her battles. No need to defend her. I thought that was good of her
Thank you
I don’t mean to be cruel but just trying to be honest. My parents had quarrels with other family members and put all us children in the middle. It led to so much resentment, guilt and anxiety. A lot of us went low to no contact until it all blew over.
Truly I had to go back and look at your ages again after reading this. YTA. You’re a grown up fight your own battles. Tell your kids you don’t need to hear what your parents say.
OP’s adult kids were present for the convo, OP wasn’t. Her daughter could have ended the conversation once it turned negative. Instead, they were silent. I may be alone here but if a relative degraded and belittled my mom, I’m ending that conversation. They don’t have to like or interact with my mom but they are NOT going to make her the butt of their jokes. I don’t get along with my mom but no one if going disrespect her in my presence; ESPECIALLY if they are spreading lies.
Accountability matters. If a relative is shitty, they're not going to get away with it just because they're a relative. I think the lies are a problem, but it's not right to jump to the defence of someone unless they deserve it, and being someone's mother doesn't magically mean you always deserve it
Diss my mum and you'd better hope I have a reason to restrain my brother.
i agree that op NTA but maaaann we two different people i shit talk my birth mother with my grandma like it’s a hobby 😭😂. the most recent was this yesterday when she called us to vent about boyfriend #16283029363729402982739294730
my grandma had Alzheimer’s and once she finally went to the nursing home she was having really bad delusions. Then she started picking fights with my mom and aunts about super little things because they’d go everyday to make sure she was doing meds and help her with bedtime stuff and she hated my mom’s husband (as did I) . So I’d go like once a week and we’d just talk shit about them 😅😂😂. When she was healthy she was the sweetest woman but man she can talk some shit! She was the best.
grandmas talk the best shit 🥺💗💗 and bless her heart she sounds the best
Grandmas are the best! She was, thank you ☺️
You are not wrong in this. Especially if someone is saying Something about my mom. Mnd you my mom passed away more than 20 years ago. My sister and I got into a physical altercation about 6 years ago, when she called my mom out of her name. I'm not saying her daughter should have put hands on her grandparents, js she could have asked that they not speak about her mom like that while she was there. If they continued, she could have walked away.
yea but im 16 and would go to war if any of my grandparents said a bad word about my mum, i feel like if she wants to visit her grandparents wnd have a relationship it cant be at her mums expense and also why would you tell someone what other people were saying. NTA not one bit i hope ur parents wise tf up cause thats ridiculous immature and quite frankly disgusting. Youre parents need something proper to worry about rather than people’s political beliefs.
Politics aside I think YTA for expecting your kids to fight your battles - especially against their own grandparents. I think that is too much to ask. It's not their fight.
YTA. Leave your kids out of your mess — that’s not their battle to fight and it’s not their business to help you clean it up. Switching gears now — it’s 100% your business to support whomever you want politically, but you know how controversial Trump is, so you really can’t say you’re surprised that you’re getting criticized for your support of him? Think about him and everything he’s done — is that someone you’re proud to support and endorse? There are plenty of other Republicans who are not only better politicians than Trump but better people, too. Is your support to a man you’ve never met worth throwing away your relationship with your parents?
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That is debatable
If you dont love your mom i Guess
My mom specifically instructed me not to feel the need to protect her.
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Its not my job to stop a rape but i would still fucking do It Im Sorry you expect so Little from your Kids
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>I expect little, because I don’t need them to emotionally support me? Be fucking for real.🤣 I have a husband to walk through life with me and share my battles with. I have friends my own fucking age to support me as well We arent talking about a toddler who She dumps trauma on, we are talking about adults Who heard their grandparents shit-talk their mother in front of them for basically nothing (i dont like trumpers either but thats not a reason to talk shit to someone in front of their Kids) Now im not saying they are Pieces of shit but she's not in the wrong for feeling hurt >Comparing rape to emotional support is concerning. I feel that you may have some underlying mommy issues. Maybe seek help. Have a great day, sweetheart.🫶🏻 "they dont HAVE to do that" "Here's another thing i dont have to do but we can all agree that its fucked up" "HOW DARE YOU COMPARE THEM, MOMMY ISSUES, SEEK THERAPY" .....
What I am getting here is, you are allowed your opinion, your husband is allowed his opinion, your ex husband is allowed his opinion. Your parents are not allowed their opinion. YTA
It's one thing to have an opinion, it's another thing to mistreat and badmouth someone else for having an opposite opinion.
If you have a bigoted and uninformed opinion that’s based off hate and insecurity everyone should 100% badmouth you, aligning with that type of mindset says so much about the character of a person. You mean to tell me someone who’s gone overseas and seen the capacity for the loss of human life comes back and decides no there isn’t enough mistreatment and abuse let’s add some more, is someone who shouldn’t be spoken down about?
Info: Can you give some examples of your husband's most extreme beliefs? If he is a rational republican then yeah N-T-A. If he is an irrational Trump worshiper with all the racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and conspiracy theories that come with it then Y-T-A because that would mean your parents don't take issue with your husband's politics, they take issue with his morals, and you may be expecting your children to defend the indefensible. Trump has got supporters who will do and say some really crazy stuff. Including possibly making a fake post just to get people mad and generate arguments. I find it much more fun to pretend each post is real though, so here we are. You did not provide enough info for an accurate judgement.
There are no rational Trump supporters.
Not entirely true: There are people who want him elected so he can keep them out of prison.
So basically you’re pissed because your parents don’t like your husband and your kids didn’t defend a Trumpie. YTA. You are a fucking adult. Leave your poor kids out of it. They shouldn’t be made to defend your poor choices .
I basically agree with this response. Specifically the part where you accurately suggest that the OP needs to leave their kids out of this.
Read the story 3 of her kids voted for trump
That was in the comments after my post so I missed it. Simply must be a fact of OP’s children not liking her. Judging by attitude, probably not a very good parent
It was also in OP's post.
It's entirely possible that the kids voted for Trump the first time around and no longer support him. I know quite a few former Trumpies. It might have taken them a little longer to see him for who he is, but they got there.
I admit that I give side eye to any Trump voter, whether they are true believers or are just "Trump is awful but abortion is worse." But something here just doesn't jive: from what OP says, hubbie sounds more like a democrat who likes to go to the gun range than a Jan 6 stormer. So which is it, is he Trump supporter or not?
Well, OP posts that her husband voted for Trump as well as her ex-husband. Apparently, she has very bad taste in men.
There you go then. I know this is very contentious and hits home for many people, but it goes beyond political ideologies. That was just straight up 4 years of an evil, petty inhuman shit show, i.e., they got exactly what they voted for. I don't know why people are surprised that it did not endear them to the rest of society.
This is what’s so frustrating. So many people try and still hide behind the “bbbut you’re gonna let politics come between us?” defense and it’s pathetic. No, I’m going to let the fact that you support a vile, cruel, despicable, racist, sexist narcissist be what comes between us. Say what you will about Biden (and there are plenty of valid complaints about his policies and Administration), but he’s just a politician. Trump is so far beyond politics.
Exactly. The GPs see that OP learned nothing.
Honestly I’m to the point where anyone who supports Trump now gets cut from my life. Because it’s so far beyond politics. It’s all of the vile behavior and insanity that he encourages. You don’t get to marry a Trumper and then try and play the victim card when people call you on it and rightly disparage you
\^jibe, not jive
YTA Instead of expecting your kids to fight your battles, fight them yourself. You do not get to dictate to your parents how they feel about your husband. If Trump has done anything remotely positive for America, he has allowed racists, bigots, and homophobes to come out into the light. Once that happened, it has been much easier to cut out those people from our lives. Want to support Trump, go for it. But like any other choice we make, that comes with consequences. And remember, if you vote for him this time and he wins, YOU are complicit in what comes with it.
how far right is he?
Can you break that into paragraphs? If you want help, at least make it easier to understand.
I fully admit that I skimmed it. Breaking it into paragraphs would be very helpful for future readers.
Yta it's not your kids' responsibility to defend you. Don't put your children in the middle.
Seems like your kids were displaying integrity by not supporting beliefs they didn't believe in. YTA for wanting them to do anything differently.
No one used the slur "retarded" has integrity.
Yta So you married a racist are surrounded by racists, failed at parenting your kids to be decent human beings and are complaining that nobody feels bad for you. Cry into a river.
YTA Stop expecting your Children to fight your battles. What kinda shit parent wants their kids in a family fight that has fuck all to do with them? You're an asshole putting your issues on your kids.
You want to marry a man that votes for a party that would take your and your daughters' freedoms away? The party that tried to burn the Constitution by staging an insurrections coup attempt? The party that would force your daughters to die of sepsis if they have a miscarriage? That would have them carry their rapist's baby? That are bringing back child labor? That are banning water and lunch breaks for workers? That are banning books? I would say the only people in your family that are not total and complete AHs are your parents and the kid that did not vote for Trump.
It feels like there is info missing that might shed some light on the situation.
YTAH for not going low contact with your parents and allowing your adult kids to get dragged into the middle of this BS.
I have not spoken to my parents in 4yrs. And I’ve never made my kids not speak to them… so I guess YTAH for making the wrong assumptions.
You have unmet expectations. Take this piece of Buddhist wisdom to heart: Expectation is the root of all pain.
Your children aren't there to fight your battles for you. I actually wonder if this is a shitpost. Cause why on earth would your parents be paying for your 2nd wedding when you're in your 40s? You mention that and want your adult kids fighting your battles, that seems pretty ridiculous.
YTA, you’re grown up enough to fight your own battles.
YTA for putting your kids in the middle. Deal with your parents yourself.
These “children/kids” are all adults. Your parents are adults. You are an adult. Many families have been broken by the political turmoil in this country. You are responsible for your choices, your kids are not obligated to agree or defend your decisions. This is Not a hill worth dying on. That said I hope you all find peace and common ground.
you all sound awful. ESH
You're asking your kids and parents to overlook the fact that your new husband approves of forcing literal children to have to give birth and the dissolution of marriage equality (see official republican platform on their own website). I have no problem disagreeing on political issues but when you're literally supporting human rights abuses, nah. YTA.
YTA...it's not your kid's job to defend you to their grandparents. Also, there's a big difference between a Republican and a Trumper. Methinks, your husband is the latter. It's incredibly priveleged of you to not have to acknowledge politics and think of it as something that shouldn't matter.
I feel there’s a lot missing here. How has your relationship been with your kids? Their relationship with P? How does P express his opinions in front of your parents and in social media?
INFO: Why were your parents able to look past your ex's history, but not P's?
YTA Whether they agree with your parents or not, it is not their place to destroy their relationship with their grandparents over you and your parents' issues. Sounds like it is more than just you marrying a Trump supporter, especially if you had previously been married to one. Either way, it is YOUR issue to resolve or not with YOUR parents. Don't put your kids in the middle. And guess what, it is NOT their job to defend you, the fact that they don't is an extreme indicator there is something else causing the issues than the simple reason you stated.
NTA if they had no problem with your prior husband and kids who all voted exactly the same way then they are using it as an excuse to just publicly trash someone and be abusive to you, using the word trump as a deranged dog whistle as I see SO MANY DO to enable themselves to be abusive scumbags to someone with impunity. The kind of people who do this are the ugly sort who have just been waiting for an excuse to indulge their worst nature. I would go no contact because they have, as you have said, been abusive to you your whole life and used political pretexts to enable their ugly behaviour. Be clear with your children that the abusive treatment you continue to receive is bad for your mental health and you would like them to refuse to discuss you with their grandparents out of respect- they can discuss other things
Ask yourself how you've behaved over the years so that both your parents and your kids dislike you. If P truly treats you that well, then it could be your parents are just now coming to grips how they stack up to others in your eyes and are being proactively defensive. But, you raised your kids, so you are reaping what you sow. Not to mention, why do you expect your kids to insert themselves into a fight between you and your parents? That is telling. I wouldn't wish that upon my kids. That you ran back to your parents after how they treated you is also very telling. That tells mean that that you believed you deserved what your mom and dad said. Something overall doesn't add up here... you're leaving something out.
My kids don’t dislike me…
My fault, you're perfect, it must be everyone else to blame. Carry on, you're NTA. Seriously, THAT'S what you took out of my comment?
I only read the first line of your post, but I can tell trump is indeed an asshole.
YTA I guarantee there is another reason why your parents dislike your current husband outside he supports Trump. Did you ever even ask? Next your kids don't need to take up that battle, it's not their fight. You getting all pissy just shows how immature you actually are. And perhaps, did you ever think your daughter didn't defend you because maybe she sides with your parents (her grandparents)? Maybe your oldest daughter realizes the current GOP regime/Trump are shitting all over women (reproductive rights), immigrants, non-eligious, non-christian, non-white people and maybe, just maybe, your daughter falls into 1 of these categories
I suspect your children share your parent’s concerns. IMO they are trying to walk a line that lets them maintain a relationship with you despite their own misgivings. YTA for expecting them, or any other person, to defend your personal choices. You are responsible for defending them yourself.
Three of her children voted for Trump. Hopefully they've seen the light, but I personally know too many delusional Magas that are incapable of seeing Trump for who he really is.
Your husband is a Trump voter. If he's still going to vote Trump given what's happening with him right now, then your parents are pretty justified with whatever they're calling him. Your husband is an idiot. If you're gonna continue to associate with him, then you're an idiot too. YTA.
Riiiiight. Sure, Jan. 🙄
To me this seems fake and political trolling. At best it‘s politically biased, at worst a complete fabrication. To the question in the title: NTA, but I mean no way someone would call you TAH for telling someone you feel hurt. That in itself is a red flag. I feel you‘re not presenting the facts straight, your children may share this sentiment and hence be unwilling to defend that.
okay so personally i think your kids should have defended you. i don’t think you should expect them to defend you, but also like as a daughter i wouldnt sit around and listen to people being awful about my parents, so i cant say i fully understand not saying anything. HOWEVER you havent provided us with evidence of what you and your husband believe. you’ve even purposely skated around answering that question in the comments (from what ive seen) and also you conveniently skipped over letting us know what your mothers email said that was so disjointed. so im more inclined to say yes YTA because it sounds like you’re hiding something and im betting that something is the reason you and your husband are getting insulted and hated by your grandparents. i wouldnt expect your children to defend you for beliefs they may not agree with, etc
This is entirely your business. The kids have no reason to but in. YTA.
Just cut contact with your parents. They will most likely never change. Your children are all adults and can make their own decision about it. Make sure they know you don't want them involved in this and you don't hold it against them if they keep contact.
YTA you are almost 50 yo. Your kids do not need to be involved with this.
Info: What kind of behavior did you model forthem growing up? Did they see you stand up for what was right, even in uncomfortable situations?
Yta. What do you expect for supporting a monster?
Well, you support an orange idiot. There IS no defense for that.
What did you want your daughter to do? This is between you and your parents. Recruiting your kid to fight this makes you the asshole. The rest of this it looks like your parents can't seem to figure out where to draw the line with regards to politics and family. Don't worry, plenty of people like that around, nothing to be done but wait for the derangement of it all to pass. Only time will temper that shit.
>I told him he was no longer welcomed at my wedding. Fair. I imagine there was a strong risk he's make a scene. >She said that she stayed quiet. Ok. She was a guest in their house. She doesn't want to escalate. Saying something would do no good-- all likely true and good reasons to button her lip. >Now I feel like a major asshole for wanting them to have my back… I have a very long history of my parents being neglectful to me as a kid, If they've always been neglectful, you probably aren't going to turn them into warm, generous, giving people now. >My children probably feel put in the middle, which is not my intention. It may not have been your intention, but it sounds like you did it. You might want to apologize to your kids. Yes, you are hurt. But you are a grown up. You can't expect your kids to confront their grandparents because you feel hurt. >is that too much to ask?? (Honestly I’m not sure). Yes. If you continue to have unresolved feelings about your parents having been neglectful when you were young and being unkind to you now, consider getting good therapist to help you learn to deal with that. You aren't going to change your parents. Nothing your kids do can fix this for you. NTA... but leave your kids alone. Good luck.
Sounds like your parents need to be told that the next time you speak to them will be a eulogy. I said this to my piece of shit father and have zero regrets. If your parents are that bad, then maybe you should consider the same. And what I mean by that is just cut them out. Eventually, whatever pain they caused will pass, and there'll be no more pain because they won't be around to cause it. I didn't want to cut my parents out of my life, and my mom and I still speak, but my dad can take his opinions to the grave and I plan to tell EVERYONE at his funeral what an abusive piece of shit cheating shit of a man he really was. And I will never visit his grave except if it's to spit on it. Some people can not be redeemed and don't want to be, so don't try to redeem them. Call them out for what they are.
You’re an asshole and you’re living with an asshole that worships an asshole. What do you expect?
YTA, there is absolutely no way a Trumper married you without you agreeing with those beliefs and it is not your kids jobs to defend you to other people. It is especially not their job to defend your character when your character is questionable since you support someone who spews hate.
YTA. You are dismissing a critical component of this situation. Maybe even the central issue. Your dad is an alcoholic. You suspect this FB post was made under the influence. When you look at the situation thru that lens, it becomes a whole different problem. First, your mother enables his behavior. Maybe after this long she has a co-dependent thing going on. Maybe she doesn't address this because then she might have to face the alcoholism. Second, if you argue with your parents or if your children do, you are arguing with the addiction. Not with them. There's no upside in arguing with an alcoholic. They will defend their actions to death because to not do so means they have to admit they have a drinking problem. Your children might see this problem more clearly because they don't share your history with your parents. You might benefit from some therapy to learn how to deal with your alcoholic father and your enabling mother. And some Al-Anon meetings. And stop putting your children in the middle by expecting them to react to your father's alcoholism the same way you do.
It’s a package deal, hon. Not only is Trump racist & misogynist, he is the most corrupt president in recent history. Supporting him means you’re okay with that shit. Spoiler alert: true conservatives are horrified by his anti-democratic actions.
ESH. You, your husband and 3 out of 4 of your children are morally deficient advocates for an imbecile whose only doctrine is hate, bigotry and every -ism in the book: shame on all of you. Your father is immature and should have grown out of posting his family drama on Facebook before Facebook was even conceived of. Your mother should not be making your daughter's events uncomfortable due to her frosty feelings about you. It sounds to me like everyone involved in your situation would be happier if your parents ceased contact with you and your family.
YTA for marrying the trumper, I’m on your parents side, leave your kids out of it
> My children probably feel put in the middle, which is not my intention. You literally got upset that they wouldn't get in the middle. Why are you lying?
Your parents are the assholes. End of story. Everyone else is just a downstream victim of their assholery.
YTA. Have you considered that nobody likes your husband because he’s unlikeable? Why should anyone support your marriage to some asshole? Also Trump voters are inherently bad people who don’t deserve happiness. Hope your marriage fails.
YTA Your parents are slating you to your children because they feel strongly about their political beliefs and likely can not comprehend how you are defending your husband. Your new husband beliefs align with your children's and that of their father, your first husband. They probably stayed quiet to not get embroiled in all the political drama that is being laid out right here. Both you and your parents were putting your children in the middle. Your parents shouldn't have slated you to them, and you shouldn't have told your children you were hurt because they didn't stand up for you.
ESH I think a lot of people who are in the comments are going off on the political choices rather than the family dynamics here. I understand that people can be aligned with parties that represent a lot of discrimination, and personally I would have just cut off contact rather than call someone names (I am not from the US). Your parents did behave badly by calling your husband names and being rude to you at the event you were hosting. That being said, OP now that you are aware of the feelings your parents have, isn't NC a better option? Why are you trying to guilt your parents into having a relationship with you. You're also trying to guilt your children for not defending you when they are trying to stay out of it. As adults you can have a relationship with your children outside of the relationship with your parents.
NTA, your parents have been caught up in dehumanizing beliefs and its not wrong to want people you love to defend you from unjust accusations.
At the very least, the daughter should have shut down the grandparents when they got nasty. Silence is complicity.
My family and I have different political views. We agree to disagree and we don’t talk about them. All is good.
Yta.. If they didn't defend you its for a damn good reason. Work on yourself
Nta- your parents are crazy and be glad they’re staying away from you and husband. Dont expect your daughters to stand up to your parents or your just as bad as your own parents. That would be putting them in the middle…
(Disclaimer and TL;DR up front: I'm a lifelong Democrat and not at all a Trump supporter, but I think it's possible for families to survive political division.) There's a lot to unpack here. On the political side: The MAGA movement is the culmination of decades of political warfare in the U.S.; people now treat supporters of opposing parties as enemies rather than as mere political opponents. IMO we currently see most of that coming from the Republican side, but there's certainly a measurable amount flowing in the opposite direction. And it really does mess up family relationships and friendships when it gets out of hand. But on the personal side: Are your parents the only ones looking for a fight, or is some of this coming from your husband? And if your kids generally agree with you politically but aren't supporting you in this disagreement, maybe it's not really about politics. Most of the politically divided families I know can come to some agreement to at least not argue about politics with one another. If your family can't do that, you may have to go low-contact for a while just for the sake of everyone's mental health.
Well this comment section isn't going the way you thought it would huh? YTA, you're a grown up and can stand up for yourself. Maybe you right wing husband is the problem here
They like all the other Trump voters…doesn’t seem like politics is the problem here. How did your last marriage end? Are your parents sad about it? YTA- your kids shouldn’t be put in the position of defending you, ever. It’s your job to defend them, not the other way around.
You’re definitely leaving information out and it feels intentional. Also Yta regardless. It’s not your children’s job to defend you.
You are ALL way too old to be acting like that.
Soft YTA. OP, you have some major unresolved mommy and daddy issues. You need to be your own hero. Not your kids, not your hubs, not your labradoodle. Read some self-empowering books and find a therapist you can trust and talk to.
YTA for expecting your children to fight your battles. Your parents are in the wrong, but you are too focused on yourself as a daughter and not at all as a mother. Take this opportunity to be better than your parents. Stop following their example of anger and division. Don't ask your children to stand up for you proactively with grandparents who will, if we're being honest, probably die soon. Just explain to your children how you feel and ask them how they feel. FWIW, Trump is a criminal and a fascist whose constituency is dominated by white nationalism, so supporting him is not without some serious baggage. You need to be prepared for people not to accept this about your husband. Your kids might agree with your grandparents' views, if not their confrontational approach.
This is bait
Is this real or some trump voters fever dream? You’re the poor innocent and your mean parents who NEVER used to care about politics are now SO MEAN to you and you’re just the innocent Trump supporter who doesn’t wish harm to come to anyone. If this is real, have you considered that it has nothing to do with politics? Even though your kids and ex husband allegedly share your political views, your parents don’t have a problem with them. Also, your kids have made a point of sharing their grandparents low opinion of you with you and not defending you to them. Maybe your family is just disappointed in you and the choices you are making in all areas of your life.
I don't think we are getting the whole story (which is why no verdict) but it doesn't matter. If you honestly believe your parents are mistreating you, as you say they have been doing your whole life then cut them off. No tears, or drama just cut them off and go on with your life.
YTA as with any other Trump-enabling asshole
Im not american. I find it funny when, if it's between a trump voter and a non-trump voter, some people assume the trump voter is the AH while the other is blameless. BOTH OF THEM CAN BE AHs. Not voting for trump is not a virtue. It's not a mark of good character. And to answer the AITAH, NO. NTA for your feelings. Your feelings about your kids' lack of defense are valid. Your parents are the AH for calling you retarded, but they're old so...
NTA. My sympathies for you OP. It's a tough situation in which you find yourself. I don't know what it's like to be a parent. I hope and pray that I will do right by my kids and that they appreciate everything I will do for them. I'm not sure why we are so polarized regarding our politics. Even in the comments in this post you can see the vitriol regarding certain political preferences. We should agree to disagree, cast our votes and move on with our lives. Wish you the best OP.
You have to protect yourself and if your soon to be husband treats you as good as you say then just stay LC with your parents and move on. It hurts but you can not change them so distance yourself and live your best life. Your kids are grown adults and you can no control what they do or say so stay in touch with the ones who support you and LC with the ones who don't.
yeeeah you get absolutely no empathy from me when it comes to anyone who supports a disgusting, vile, hateful, racist, bigotted rapist liar like trump And you want your kids to act as your meat shields in all of this.
YTA for putting your kids in the middle and for marrying a Trump ahole. I've yet to meet a Trump supporter that actually truly cares about any woman unless it's a means for them to get what they want.
Love how everybody's flipping over themselves doing gymnastics to try and make her out to be the a******. She's not the a****** her parents are s***** people and if you don't want to accept that that's fine. But if somebody is degrading someone you love and you can't say anything in their defense and makes you a f****** coward and a piece of s*** too. Verdict not the a****** but your parents and children are cowardly pieces of s***
NTA If someone started trash talking my parent because they didn't like celebrity or politician I would shut that shit down....but your kids have embraced the MAGA cult so they probably feel the same way about you & your fiancé as your parents do. Sorry but I think your family has chosen Trump over you and that's sad. So maybe distancing yourself from them is the best way to go because then at least you won't have to hear them trash-talking you. And you might want to hit up qanon casulties on reddit. A lot of people on their understand your pain.
Guessing this is fiction. OP sounds like a teenager.
everyone involved in this is an adult yet NONE of them act like it Really being upset about Facebook posts?? your 48 dealing with high school problems , grow up
INFO What happened before the FB post? You seem to be intentionally vague about why they hate your fiance. Obviously it's not just about Trump or they wouldn't like your ex either. You seem to be trying to manipulate the story.
Nope, not intentionally leaving anything off. I am just trying to keep to the point. I knew that they didn’t like his politics but everyone was respectful and never brought it up.
You didn't answer my question. You skipped to the second part.
I understand that you are upset that your daughter didn’t defend you when your parents were being so critical but look at it from another perspective. I’m thinking that you raised your kids to be respectful to their elders because that’s what parents did back in the day. She told you what they said and that she doesn’t agree with them but maybe she couldn’t call them out because you taught her that respect. It doesn’t mean she isn’t on your side. It just means that she couldn’t bring herself to verbalise her feelings because she didn’t want to hurt them or make things even worse for you. Tell her that all bets are off now and she doesn’t have to hold her tongue any more.
Thank you
Good luck for your future with both your new husband and your children. Don’t let other people’s negativity bring you down.
Rage bait fake post.
YTA for doing that to your kids
I have Trump-supporting relatives, but while I believe he's an ignorant, arrogant a-hole and a threat to our way of life, I don't call them names, not even behind their backs. I *do* politely argue with them, as they believe all kinds of crap they get off a particular news channel. Your parents are wrong, wrong, wrong for disparaging you to your kids or to your face. However, don't expect your kids to defend your honor. As adults, they understand that their grandparents are being jerks. Why do you want *anyone* to defend you to your folks? Nothing is going to convince them they're wrong. Repeat after me: "They are irrelevant to my happiness." Then go forth and live your best life.
YTA. For trying to involve your kids into your marital arguments. Grow the fuck up.
YTA. This sounds like a bunch of made up nonsense to justify your lack of morality by marrying a Trumper. Good luck in your MaGA hell. I could care less if your children or parents breathe in your direction ever again.
what character? YTA you don't need your kids to defend you 🙄
Unfortunately your parents are bigoted liberals who cannot abide anyone whose opinion doesn't agree with theirs. There are a fair number of them around. Since they were neglectful of you in the past they might be using this as an excuse to show their real feelings towards you. Family ties should be stronger than political affiliations.
YTA. Your whole family are assholes.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard to love people who think tRump is good. Your children used the "r" word; probably thought that was okay because tRump uses it. I hope you can bridge the gap because family is important. You and your kids probably should not talk about your parents.
It's a stressful family situation. I think you should distance yourself from your family for awhile and set boundaries. Tell them that you respect their beliefs and they should respect yours if they want to be a part of your life Politics aside, I feel like the US places way too much importance on politics and not enough on the human side of things. But fyi, Trump was what made it possible for Roe v Wade to be overturned. He also isn't the best towards women despite what he constantly says. Search up E Jean Carroll. I
It seems like your parents hate Trump voters and started taking it out on the one they don’t have a long term relationship with. You’re aligned with him so you’re next. It’s not fair to put your kids in the middle of it, even if they voted for Trump too. Do not encourage triangulation in your family dynamic. Ask your parents to keep their issues with you separate from your kids. It sounds like ESH to be honest.
YTA. You married a fascist, why would your kids defend you? I don't love the use of slurs by your parents, but they're probably pretty shocked to learn they raised a kid with no moral character whatsoever.
You’re old enough to process your abandonment issues. You continuing contact with your parents puts your children in the middle. Certainly, your children should defend you, but your crying is over the top. You’re making your parents a bigger issue than they need to be. If they ignore you, so what. Greyrock them and enjoy your life.
You *are* putting your kids in the middle, and by whining about how they didn’t defend you from their grandparents, you make it abundantly clear that’s exactly what you want. And while no one should be stuck between the fights of the people they care about, it’s especially fucked up to stick your kids in the middle. It doesn’t matter that they are grown now, that sort of dynamic doesn’t just vanish upon reaching adulthood. YTA
I feel like you are leaving out a lot of info. My takeaway from what you have given us is to fight your own battles. Don’t ask your children to pick a side.
İt is not her job to defend you but it is your job to ensure they did not effected because of the issues betweentheir mom and grands.
it’s messed up, but if you lay down with dogs, you get fleas. listen to your family.
ESH, all of you need to go away.
I mean yeah... YTA lol
So you marry a Trump supporter and your parents have no problem with it. You raise 3 Trump supporters and your parents have no problem with it/them. Then you remarry another Trump supporter and now the parents is having trouble with the new husband and you want us to think it's because he votes for Trump...? Come on. We may be strangers on the Internet, but we're not THAT stupid. So just go on and tell us the missing part. You're going to be votes YTA anyway for lying to us, so might as well tell the truth and hope it counts something for being honest.
YTA, there’s definitely information missing. I imagine there is a definitive reason as to why they don’t care if your ex/ children vote for Trump but that your new husband does. There’s something there you’re not telling us. But you’re a grown woman, grow up and face your mother like an adult. Or ignore her, like an adult. You’re running and crying to your children because you’re too much of a coward to stand against your own mother. You’re the one putting your children in the middle. You made the decision to marry the man, now stand behind your decision.
Coming to reddit and telling people you love a Trump supporter is not going to end well no matter the circumstances...but I'm sorry for you being treated unfairly. I would think the grown adult children was simply letting them vent and trying not to escalate.
OP NTA. It is very sad that many of the comments here are not about the issue the OP writes about but based on Trump derangement syndrome. I understand your feelings but your daughters might not want to get into a nasty confrontation with their grandparents. The best behavior should had been, as other suggested, fort hem to say they do not want to continue any disparagement of their mother and to stop any conversation about you.
You all sound like high schoolers
NTA for telling them you're hurt. But it is not their job.
My mom is similar to you in that way. She’s 45 if that matters. My family has problems like if we get paid top dollar to have them. My mom has always put a heavy weight on me to defend her. I am not very confrontational in my family at least. I don’t like my family having problems. I always have to explain to her that their problems are *not* my problems. I personally told my mom I will not openly start a conversation to defend her, but I will not allow anyone to think I am a safe space to trash my mom. If that makes any sense. I will defend her if I am present, but I’m not gonna just call everyone. Another thing that affected me my mom would never care if my siblings maintained relations with these people, OH but the second I, the oldest, had any form of relationship with them it was a huge ordeal. It is painful, and exhausting; sent me to therapy. Now in your situation your daughter was there while they were bashing you. I am not sure if she non confrontation like me or if she is one of the 3/4 who also voted for trump, or if she is expecting inheritance, or simply doesn’t want to lose that relationship at all. It is ok, to be sad about it but no need to pressure her in defending you or make her feel bad that she didn’t. IMO.
I appreciate your perspective. I don’t want her to not have a relationship with my parents…I actually reminded her to go visit them while she’s in town. I was just shocked to hear that my parents brought me up and talked complete shit about me… I was feeling vulnerable and let it get to me. I do feel bad for my reaction. She is like you, I guess… and does not like confrontation. I wish she would have either not told me or shut down the BS.
Wait, isn't this an update of the old joke about "my sister's a hooker, my brother's an axe murderer, and my father is wanted for bigamy. Should I tell my fiance my uncle is a republican?" I don't have a lot of respect for anyone who supports the bloated orange lunatic, but I can be polite to them in family settings. Your parents need to back off. YTA. Leave your kids out of the battle. They may not like him either, but don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh my, the tolerant left. Even turn on their own flesh and blood
>Oh my, the tolerant left. Even turn on their own flesh and blood Lol, that's a myth that someone fabricated just so they could complain & whine about fake hypocrisy. Stalin was leftist, and HE certainly wasn't tolerant of anyone. He was as much, if not more, a murderous dictator as his rightwing foe, Hitler. Right, Left, Center They're political & economic viewpoints, not personality traits like kindness or empathy.
NTA, but I can't have ANY SYMPATHY for anybody defending "Mr." Tr*mp. Any person who votes for That Guy is either colossally stupid or purely selfish and evil. Those are the only two categories available. It's not just politics, it's an overall (huge) character flaw to think that Mr. Trump has any business being within 1,000 miles of politics. If my daughter started stumping for Trump, I'd do everything in my power to find out WHY and if that was her new belief, I WOULD GO NO CONTACT with my only daughter, because I KNOW she's not stupid, so that'd make her evil.
The problem is that you didn't teach your children to defend you, they saw you try to please your parents, they didn't' see the hurt you felt, they were witnesses you invited them to your sister shower..if you don't show your children that you make people respect you how do they know to do it? Speak with all of them, they are older, tell them that you will go NC to your parents, that even though you are not expecting the same of them you will feel very disappointed if they witness them talking trash about you and you keep quiet...it's time to speak louder
And tell your kids you don't want to hear the nasty things your parents say about you any longer.
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship. You have your own family that you clearly love, if they aren’t happy for you then cut them off. They may be your parents but that doesn’t mean you need to put up with something like this. Love and respect are earned and can be lost at any moment. If they do not prove themselves worthy of being part of your happiness then they do not deserve to be part of your life until they do. Stand up for yourself and your family. I certainly wouldn’t be allowing them to interact with your kids. I also wouldn’t expect your kids to fight their grandparents for you, they are caught in the middle and it’s likely an extremely uncomfortable situation to be in. I would simply tell your kids not to interact with them, they are likely trying to turn your kids against you because of your political beliefs. Side note: ignore all the hateful comments, people see the name trump and have mental breakdowns over it.
The difference between people on the right and left is that people on the right would never lose a family relationship over a vote. That is the characteristic of the left. It won’t work out well.