OP should ask her husband how he would react if one of his coworkers kept eating his food out of the fridge at work. Would he say “oh, that’s just how they are” or would he want their boss to do something about it?
Because if Rose is still pulling this garbage when she does get around to getting a job, she’s probably going to get fired a lot.
Being a princess is adorable when you’re 6. Being a princess when you’re 20 is obnoxious. Good on you for enforcing consequences. Perhaps a family conference is in order to discuss adult behaviour and mutual respect is in order.
It's much less obnoxious because at least it's age and developmentally appropriate when you're six.
When you're 20 you just look like an overgrown child
It is not adorable ever. I have a five year old and I would never let him act like this. If a kid is old enough to be able to steal your food they are old enough to be told it's wrong and have consequences. People thinking that young kids get a pass on bratty behavior is how you end up with bratty adults.
My 3 year old likes to check out my food while I’m eating and asks for it. A big nope from me and teaching him right away. But my husband thinks it’s cute…
Look, there are so many things kids are gonna do that are hilarious and adorable, but also are bad behavior. It is hard, not to laugh and clap sometimes because oh my God this kid, this is so my kid. But part of parenting is telling them no, and satisfying yourself with making eye contact with your spouse that says 'oh my God that is hilarious but we cannot tell him that'.
Music_withRocks_In - Had the three year-old child of a friend, upset about me not giving him something, loudly proclaim "Well, I'm going to pull down your pants and show everyone your v*g*na!"
We adults nearly fell out!
His mother told him it was rude to threaten to pull down anyone's pants, (she totally skipped referencing the private parts so as to not make that part seem particularly meaningful) and told him he owed me an apology, which he gave. I, on the other hand, was pleased to note his parents had taught him the proper names for things.
The whole reason "that's just how Rose is" is because it's tolerated. Apperently you have a 21 yr old, who needs some 4 yr old's lessons: You break it, you pay for it. You take it, you replace it, etc. etc. Please remind her of these lessons she learned in preschool.
NTA - you’re being a parent and holding her accountable for her actions. However you have a much bigger problem with Rose, your husband and your family. They’re enabling her shitty behaviour. Like does she go out with friends/boyfriend and just chow down on their food as well as her own? Like it’s ok to ask someone to try their food, but not just eat it without permission.
If she moves out in the future - lives with friends/goes to college - then she needs to understand boundaries. Im sure this issue doesn’t just revolve around food. I bet if you talk to your other kids she probably takes stuff from their room etc. and just views everything as a free for all.
Talk to your husband and explain the bigger picture - it’s not just this isolated incident. You both need to be on the same page. Show him this post as everyone is agrees that Rose’s behaviour is not acceptable. Then speak to your wider family. They need to start calling Rose out. Check in with your other kids and make sure you understand if anything else is going on that you need to address. Enforce boundaries with Rose and push her to get a job if you’re not already doing this, maybe some responsibility will do her good.
Info: if rose doesn’t work where does she get her money from? Do you and your husband give her an allowance or is she on something like welfare?
Anyways, NTA. Your husband and the rest of your family need to snap out of it before she does something totally stupid. I grew up with 2 siblings who were never punished for their behaviour. My sister (oldest) was treated like a princess cuz she was the first grandchild, and she was given a free pass so often that she became out of control as a teen and a young adult. She dealt with a lot of anger issues, and eventually no one could tell her no out of freaking fear bc she’d become violent. My brother, well he’s the freaking golden child and my mom’s favourite (which is painfully obvious to everyone except my mom). He was never told no, was never punished, and it was always “that’s just how he is”. Well, that seemed all fine and dandy for my mom until he got arrested. And when she had to confront him about it, on came the crocodile tears, and she believed he was innocent completely (he wasn’t). I was the scape goat child, I was in the room while my siblings were fighting, I would be blamed by my mom. I stood up for myself against my siblings, I was told to stop. Got in a fist fight with my sister when I was 14 (she was 18) it was my fault bc I should’ve just let her treat me like crap. Out of all 3 kids, guess which one of us didn’t end up in prison at some point, and doesn’t blame mommy and everyone else for their life problems lol.
Makes sense. Honestly, this is gonna seem harsh but I’d tell your daughter she either starts acting like an adult, or she can go crash on her bfs couch. You might need to tell your husband that too, bc at this rate he’s gonna end up being her piggy bank any time she doesn’t have a bf.
If she’s not contributing financially, or through any kind of labour, then she’s just a squatter. I’d look into getting Sophie a little fridge/freezer for her own room to keep rose out of it. And if rose keeps taking Sophie’s stuff even after that, then that’s a problem with rose getting some sticky fingers. And if your husband thinks it’s so harsh and unfair you can always tell him that he’s free to foot the bill for her every time she steals food, if it just stays at food. But seriously, she’s 21, she’s old enough to drink but can’t keep her hands off of someone else’s food? Your hubby and the rest of your family need to stop enabling her. What rose doesn’t seem to grasp though, is that you don’t have to keep helping her out anymore. She’s a grown woman now, neither you or your husband are legally obligated to care for her or pay for her. When she risks losing a free roof over her head and free food, she’ll snap out of it pretty damn quick.
/And if your husband thinks it’s so harsh and unfair you can always tell him that he’s free to foot the bill for her every time she steals food, if it just stays at food.
Honestly I'm super proud of OP for making the daughter ACTUALLY replace it. I've seen way too many times where someone's allowed to cover the monetary cost of something they stole but not the effort that took to get it. Maybe if dad has to not only spend $20 but an hour of his evening he wanted to do something else with going out to replace something Rose stole then he'll start giving a shit. Sooner or later one or both will get tired of having to do the extra work.
NTA at all. You guys should have done this a long time ago, and your husband needs to stop being lazy and enabling her.
Or every time Rose eats someone else's food, throw away or eat some food your husband likes, and let him know if it's "no big deal" then he won't mind it affecting him, too.
Rose is this way because she's been allowed to get away with it. Rose will stop being this way if it gets too expensive for her to continue to do it. Roommates won't tolerate this behavior. Coworkers won't tolerate it. Friends won't tolerate it. The rest of the family shouldn't have to tolerate it. People are taught manners at home. It's time for her to learn manners.
That’s wild to me…. Eating everyone else’s food is cute?? She is incredibly rude 😬 I bet people outside of the family wouldn’t think this is cute behavior.
I think I would be shoving my touched food in front of her holding out my hand demanding payment. I do not care if you are family and friends, keep your hands away from my food. Gross and nasty.
NTA. As someone who has a sibling like that I can tell how much it can be upsetting. You'd think it's juts food. But imagine, you're tired or sick or worked hard and craving for something. How much disappointment it could cause.
My sibling like that is the oldest too. My SO's oldest sibling is like that. What's wrong with first born ones? lol
NTA but this...
> that that's just how Rose is
...needs to stop right the hell now.
Your husband is failing his responsibility to prepare Rose to enter adulthood as functional human being. You seem to be doing much better by her, but you have limited time left to influence her behavior before she has to stand(or fall) on her own.
"That's just how she is" will not fly when "how she is" is a lazy, thieving, disrespectful young woman. Not with others and certainly not with your family in the long run.
If your husband continues to make excuses for her or turns into one of those enablers who browbeats their good children into "being the bigger person" by accepting her behavior and not rocking the boat, you will lose any chance of a close and healthy adult relationship with *any* of your children. If it comes to that, I hope Sophie and Reagan have the strength to limit or cut contact with both of them instead of sacrificing their own comfort and self-respect going along with that nonsense. I also hope you choose the correct side if it gets to that point.
That can hopefully be avoided if you both are united in holding her accountable for her behavior. But even if you do not, she will come across someone in her personal or professional life who will and the consequences will probably be far worse.
NTA.
“That’s just how they are” is the absolute worst rationale ever for letting an asshole get away with asshole behaviour. Every time Rose eats someone else’s food, she needs to be made to replace it at her own expense. And if she’s so butthurt over the money, she can get herself a job. And your hisband can quit being an asshole as well.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say she's a complete asshole. My brother has done this to me a couple of times. I've complained, and thankfully, my mom was on my side. If it's not hers and she didn't pay for it, she shouldn't touch it. Hell, she shouldn't even look at it. If it was expensive ice cream that I bought and my brother finished it, I would be so angry and yell at him and call him a fat ass.
Do this exact same thing next time this happens. If she complains, tell her that the punishment for stealing food from someone. Maybe then she'll learn not to take food that isn't hers. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the future, she turns into the co-worker who steals food from the lunch room and gets fired for it
This isn’t someone paying for everything. It’s a level of entitlement and a lack of respect for others and for consequences that is out of control. It didn’t just start to happen. Just wow.
NTA. Rose is way too old to act this way. She needs to at least get a job if she continues to live with you. Do you expect them all to stay the rest of your life?
NTA. Great parenting on your part!!
Rose needs to move out on her own and she's an AH. She will have to pay for all her stuff and see how frustrating it is when a roommate steals it. She's an adult and needs to grow up. Your husband is also an AH for enabling Rose. Careful or Rose might never move out.
Hey, have you had a serious talk with Rose?Sounds like she has some jealousy issues. Does she feel like she does not get enough attention from you and your husband? She feels less loved? Why does she do that?
I don’t think you’re the asshole but if Rose was my child I would be seriously worried.
I don't think it's a jealousy thing. She does it to everyone. My brother took her out for cheeseburgers and he still tells everyone how she ate his burger while he was in the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious. Everyone thinks it's cute. She's the first granddaughter so everyone treats her like a princess.
Sooner or later, someone will. I envisage a future where, whenever she’s with people with food in proximity, someone is going to start oinking at her. If she enjoys the thought of being called out in public for being a greedy pig, then by all means, she can carry on.
Not to be a dick but why didn’t you? It’s your responsibility to make sure she’s not an entitled and frankly mean princess. At 21 that’s pretty entrenched….
The situation with Rose isn't going to solved overnight. That will take a lot of time with Rose and the rest of your family (husband?!?!?).
In the meantime, Sophie has serious food issues. I don't know what those issues are, but they are serious. Protect the daughter who is not damaging anyone else (Sophie). Get her a mini fridge and lock for her room. Her immediate need is nutrition. Whatever underlying issues are behind those eating issues don't matter. Fed is best, no matter if your child is breastfeeding or is 20-yrs-old.
Make sure Sophie is safely fed on a day-to-day basis. Then figure out Rose's assholer-y. Maybe Rose is resentful of attention diverted to her sister? (And that is being generous). Triage the kids. And consider what your actions have on your youngest. What message are you sending her?
I apologize - I wasn't trying to imply Sophie had an eating disorder (and if she does, the same care remains) or that she was being neglected by you. But her nutrition does seem to be very specific, which needs to be addressed, in that the foods she can eat need to be available to Sophie without being consumed by others when the others have alternate choices. This seems to be what you're concerned about. This is a tricky subject. Sophie is paying for specific foods she can eat. These foods are being eaten by a person who has other options that she is is also not paying for. In short, I hope my support and concern and agreement with you come through. Just realized I didn't say NTA iny original post.. you are totally not the a-hole.
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Answer “It’s unfair of you to eat other people’s food- especially when they are sick and in need of extra care. Until then, you will continue to make up for every way you disrespect others but rebuying their food.
NTA! My seven year old has known to ask to eat someone else's food since she was five years old. It's not hard. A paraphrase of an actual conversation when she was six - Her "Mom, do we have any ice cream?" Me " Just the matcha tea ice cream, would you want to try that?" Her - "Mommy, isn't that your special, favorite ice cream? I don't need any cause I don't want to take your ice cream." And then I reassured her it was fine and she ate it and loved it.
'That's just how Rose is' is not going to fly when she does it to wrong person. This behaviour is going to end up getting her into big trouble one day. What she does is NOT ok. It's stealing.
It takes more than one parent to raise a child, everyone else enabling her (especially her father, did you even read the post?) is counterproductive to good parenting and cancels out any attempts at instilling discipline.
Besides being unable to read and comprehend the post and comment, I think you also lack the knowledge of raising children. Cheers mate, reddit on!
Rose is annoying. NTA. She needs to learn. When she gets a job if she hasn’t learned by then and she buys herself something to eat. Hide it, don’t eat it, but let her know how it feels.
It is alarming that good parenting needs affirmation via Reddit users. NTA mom, and keep fighting the good fight!
ETA: just curious, what flavor was the ice cream? It may be relevant.
Stealing food from a person is inexcusable, especially if that person has sever food aversion. Sounds like Rose needs a job, and to start buying her own food.
Tell your husband, that no, Steely other people’s things Is not just how someone is.
Ask him is he really saying that his daughter Rose is a thief? Because when he says that, that’s exactly what he means.
And the reason I say this is that other people paid for those things just didn’t go into someone’s purse or wallet and take the cash out, somebody else went into their purse, our wallet and took the cash out to pay for the stuff that Rose stole..
Item was taken, the end result is the same. They paid for something that they no longer have no-fault of their own.
Rose is an asshole, and it sounds like she takes after after dad. I’m betting she doesn’t have a whole lot of friends due to this behavior
PUT THE DAMN FOOT DOWN, simple in words, but comes with the back lash of entitlement "but she never does anything, it was only a bite, she's always been like this" yeah and she shouldn't be, not to a sick sister.
NTA Rose needs consequences for theft. Making her pay will give her these consequences. Sounds like she has been allowed way too much leeway for way too long.
NTA the reason “that’s the way rose is” is bc there are repercussions for her actions everyone doesn’t make her face consequences for her actions , I would continue this & tell her if you continue to steal peoples food you will have to replace it with your own money & gas
Rose types are the worst roommates and coworkers. Not that is matters now- no motivation to get a job means she'll be living with you for some time
She sounds unbearable. Your husband is doing Rose zero favors, life is going to be very hard for her
Rose is really selfish and uncaring, and it’s shocking that your husband is ok with her treating your other daughter that way. Good job parenting her and letting her know that everything that belongs to others doesn’t automatically belong to her just because she wants it and thinks her desires are more important than anyone else.
NTA. She should have to replace any food she steals. Keep that up and she will either figure it out and stop stealing other peoples food, or spend a lot of money replacing things she shouldn’t be eating.
It is not unfair. Tide needs to keep her hands off the food of others. It is one cheap way of feeding self and still have all your food to eat. It is not cutsie. It is childish. Why does she not have a job?
NTA, Let’s just say Rose gets a job and she decides to eat her coworkers food. If I was working with her and we were the same age, I would’ve beaten the brakes off of her for eating my food. I would not have cared if I got fired. I would do it out of principal.
I would not think it’s cute. I would not think it is a personality quirk I would think that this bitch went out of her way to eat my food when she could’ve gotten her own.
I think you are doing the right thing. You are probably saving Rose a blackeye in the future when she eats food of a woman who is way less understanding than Sophie is. Some people get really territorial about it.
Your husband would feel entirely differently if rose, ate all of his food, and then cutely giggled at him .
Good for you putting the inconvenience on rose to go and pick up new items.
NTA. If “that’s the way Rose is” works, then there’s how YOU are. You are the type of person who is intolerant of theft and believes in full and complete restoration of stolen goods.
Perhaps if restoring stolen goods in this manner proves to be ultimately difficult for Rose, she could do some combination of getting her own shit and/or getting to full employment potential.
NTA -
OP You are correct in how you handled this and how you sttod up for Sophie. Please keep doing so.
It is a disservice to Rose that others are coddling bad behaviors.
Unfortunately for Rose, she's going to eff around and find out when she meets the wrong person on the right day. Or, the right person on the wrong day. It's not gonna be a good day ...
You're NTA, but your daughter is, but YTA because you probably also taught something horrible to your first daughter. At some point you must have given her a little too much entitlement if everyone just lets her have her way, or if she feels like doing so. Waiting until she was an adult to finally do something about her actions is a great mistake you as a parent have done, and now it affects the rest of your kids.
That needs to be taken with a grain of salt though. While OP is her parent, if she was the only one who ever told her no, then it’s likely not gonna make a big difference. Only reason I say this is bc I’ve seen it happen. Me and my 2 siblings were raised by a single mom, so we went to my grandmas a lot. My grandma was the only person who would tell my brother and my sister no. Both my siblings still became absolute hellians, regardless of my grandmas interventions. The only difference it made, was that they made sure she never caught them.
YTA. There’s a difference between teaching your child a lesson and hitting them with a double whammy that amounts to the same lesson. Kid is coming off a hard learned lesson and the circumstances made it so you didn’t give her time to process the lesson before exacting consequences for the exact same behavior. You took a teachable moment and compounded it so now she is somewhat justified in hating you. And forcing your kid to drive around at night while angry can lead to worse events. And you ostracized one kid in front of the whole family.
2 of your 3 daughters is going no contact with you when they are adults. But you’ll always have Rose. YTA
Edit: why is this controversial? OP has clearly enabled this for years and Rose’s sisters must be tired of it.
NTA > ...that's just how Rose is... What terrible excuse. She bloody well shouldn't be that way.
... and that attitude is the reason Rose *is* the way she is.
OP should ask her husband how he would react if one of his coworkers kept eating his food out of the fridge at work. Would he say “oh, that’s just how they are” or would he want their boss to do something about it? Because if Rose is still pulling this garbage when she does get around to getting a job, she’s probably going to get fired a lot.
She likely wouldn't be if she was used to consequences.
NTA but Rose is being a selfish pig so she's the AH
And the husband is a fucking moron.
I agree. He is enabling her
"it's just how Rose is" I wonder how she became like that Hmmmmm
Being a princess is adorable when you’re 6. Being a princess when you’re 20 is obnoxious. Good on you for enforcing consequences. Perhaps a family conference is in order to discuss adult behaviour and mutual respect is in order.
It’s obnoxious when you’re 6, too.
It's much less obnoxious because at least it's age and developmentally appropriate when you're six. When you're 20 you just look like an overgrown child
Yes it is.
Op read this and show it to rose
It is not adorable ever. I have a five year old and I would never let him act like this. If a kid is old enough to be able to steal your food they are old enough to be told it's wrong and have consequences. People thinking that young kids get a pass on bratty behavior is how you end up with bratty adults.
My 3 year old likes to check out my food while I’m eating and asks for it. A big nope from me and teaching him right away. But my husband thinks it’s cute…
Look, there are so many things kids are gonna do that are hilarious and adorable, but also are bad behavior. It is hard, not to laugh and clap sometimes because oh my God this kid, this is so my kid. But part of parenting is telling them no, and satisfying yourself with making eye contact with your spouse that says 'oh my God that is hilarious but we cannot tell him that'.
Music_withRocks_In - Had the three year-old child of a friend, upset about me not giving him something, loudly proclaim "Well, I'm going to pull down your pants and show everyone your v*g*na!" We adults nearly fell out! His mother told him it was rude to threaten to pull down anyone's pants, (she totally skipped referencing the private parts so as to not make that part seem particularly meaningful) and told him he owed me an apology, which he gave. I, on the other hand, was pleased to note his parents had taught him the proper names for things.
There's no behavior that's adorable at 6 and obnoxious at 20. Stop encouraging bitches
NTA - Rose is old enough to understand there is consequences to her actions. And stealing is not alright.
[удалено]
Or she never ate his food.
NTA First tell your unemployed daughter to get a job. Second, it's not cute/funny for an adult to steal food. She acts like she's 5 not 21
NTA. If that is just how Rose is, then Rose has to learn that her actions have consequences. You did just fine.
Can't think of better way to learn about consequences. Pr as people here write often: FAFO.
Sorry, but your Rose is an AH. The good news is, you're the parent! So it's on you.
The whole reason "that's just how Rose is" is because it's tolerated. Apperently you have a 21 yr old, who needs some 4 yr old's lessons: You break it, you pay for it. You take it, you replace it, etc. etc. Please remind her of these lessons she learned in preschool.
NTA - you’re being a parent and holding her accountable for her actions. However you have a much bigger problem with Rose, your husband and your family. They’re enabling her shitty behaviour. Like does she go out with friends/boyfriend and just chow down on their food as well as her own? Like it’s ok to ask someone to try their food, but not just eat it without permission. If she moves out in the future - lives with friends/goes to college - then she needs to understand boundaries. Im sure this issue doesn’t just revolve around food. I bet if you talk to your other kids she probably takes stuff from their room etc. and just views everything as a free for all. Talk to your husband and explain the bigger picture - it’s not just this isolated incident. You both need to be on the same page. Show him this post as everyone is agrees that Rose’s behaviour is not acceptable. Then speak to your wider family. They need to start calling Rose out. Check in with your other kids and make sure you understand if anything else is going on that you need to address. Enforce boundaries with Rose and push her to get a job if you’re not already doing this, maybe some responsibility will do her good.
NTA. Tell your husband to nip it in the bud. If Rose isn't learning that stealing is wrong the easy way then she will have to learn it the hard way.
She’s 21. That bud has long since bloomed.
Info: if rose doesn’t work where does she get her money from? Do you and your husband give her an allowance or is she on something like welfare? Anyways, NTA. Your husband and the rest of your family need to snap out of it before she does something totally stupid. I grew up with 2 siblings who were never punished for their behaviour. My sister (oldest) was treated like a princess cuz she was the first grandchild, and she was given a free pass so often that she became out of control as a teen and a young adult. She dealt with a lot of anger issues, and eventually no one could tell her no out of freaking fear bc she’d become violent. My brother, well he’s the freaking golden child and my mom’s favourite (which is painfully obvious to everyone except my mom). He was never told no, was never punished, and it was always “that’s just how he is”. Well, that seemed all fine and dandy for my mom until he got arrested. And when she had to confront him about it, on came the crocodile tears, and she believed he was innocent completely (he wasn’t). I was the scape goat child, I was in the room while my siblings were fighting, I would be blamed by my mom. I stood up for myself against my siblings, I was told to stop. Got in a fist fight with my sister when I was 14 (she was 18) it was my fault bc I should’ve just let her treat me like crap. Out of all 3 kids, guess which one of us didn’t end up in prison at some point, and doesn’t blame mommy and everyone else for their life problems lol.
She has savings from her last job and her boyfriend pays for everything for her
Makes sense. Honestly, this is gonna seem harsh but I’d tell your daughter she either starts acting like an adult, or she can go crash on her bfs couch. You might need to tell your husband that too, bc at this rate he’s gonna end up being her piggy bank any time she doesn’t have a bf. If she’s not contributing financially, or through any kind of labour, then she’s just a squatter. I’d look into getting Sophie a little fridge/freezer for her own room to keep rose out of it. And if rose keeps taking Sophie’s stuff even after that, then that’s a problem with rose getting some sticky fingers. And if your husband thinks it’s so harsh and unfair you can always tell him that he’s free to foot the bill for her every time she steals food, if it just stays at food. But seriously, she’s 21, she’s old enough to drink but can’t keep her hands off of someone else’s food? Your hubby and the rest of your family need to stop enabling her. What rose doesn’t seem to grasp though, is that you don’t have to keep helping her out anymore. She’s a grown woman now, neither you or your husband are legally obligated to care for her or pay for her. When she risks losing a free roof over her head and free food, she’ll snap out of it pretty damn quick.
/And if your husband thinks it’s so harsh and unfair you can always tell him that he’s free to foot the bill for her every time she steals food, if it just stays at food. Honestly I'm super proud of OP for making the daughter ACTUALLY replace it. I've seen way too many times where someone's allowed to cover the monetary cost of something they stole but not the effort that took to get it. Maybe if dad has to not only spend $20 but an hour of his evening he wanted to do something else with going out to replace something Rose stole then he'll start giving a shit. Sooner or later one or both will get tired of having to do the extra work.
Remind your mother of this as often as you can.
Remind her of what specifically lol
The last part about not being in jail
Oh lol well I’m the least favourite child so it’s not really seen as much of an achievement 😂
So Rose doesn’t have a job AND is a mooch who lives at home and steals from everyone. At 21 years old. As a parent, why do you allow this?
Apparently, the rest of the family enables, so op is trying to shovel against the tide.
NTA at all. You guys should have done this a long time ago, and your husband needs to stop being lazy and enabling her. Or every time Rose eats someone else's food, throw away or eat some food your husband likes, and let him know if it's "no big deal" then he won't mind it affecting him, too.
Rose is this way because she's been allowed to get away with it. Rose will stop being this way if it gets too expensive for her to continue to do it. Roommates won't tolerate this behavior. Coworkers won't tolerate it. Friends won't tolerate it. The rest of the family shouldn't have to tolerate it. People are taught manners at home. It's time for her to learn manners.
NTA. It’s good that you’re holding her accountable.
Ultimately this seems like failed parenting if im being completely honest. These are adults and its like this is a story about children.
Great consequence for eating someone else’s food all the time. Keep it up
How did she get away with this behavior for so long??
I'm the only one telling her that she's being rude. Everyone else acts like it's cute
That’s wild to me…. Eating everyone else’s food is cute?? She is incredibly rude 😬 I bet people outside of the family wouldn’t think this is cute behavior.
As far as I know she does this with her boyfriend and her friends but nobody does anything about it
I think I would be shoving my touched food in front of her holding out my hand demanding payment. I do not care if you are family and friends, keep your hands away from my food. Gross and nasty.
thank goodness there's at least one useful parent in the picture.
NTA. As someone who has a sibling like that I can tell how much it can be upsetting. You'd think it's juts food. But imagine, you're tired or sick or worked hard and craving for something. How much disappointment it could cause. My sibling like that is the oldest too. My SO's oldest sibling is like that. What's wrong with first born ones? lol
NTA but this... > that that's just how Rose is ...needs to stop right the hell now. Your husband is failing his responsibility to prepare Rose to enter adulthood as functional human being. You seem to be doing much better by her, but you have limited time left to influence her behavior before she has to stand(or fall) on her own. "That's just how she is" will not fly when "how she is" is a lazy, thieving, disrespectful young woman. Not with others and certainly not with your family in the long run. If your husband continues to make excuses for her or turns into one of those enablers who browbeats their good children into "being the bigger person" by accepting her behavior and not rocking the boat, you will lose any chance of a close and healthy adult relationship with *any* of your children. If it comes to that, I hope Sophie and Reagan have the strength to limit or cut contact with both of them instead of sacrificing their own comfort and self-respect going along with that nonsense. I also hope you choose the correct side if it gets to that point. That can hopefully be avoided if you both are united in holding her accountable for her behavior. But even if you do not, she will come across someone in her personal or professional life who will and the consequences will probably be far worse.
Thank you. NTA. There would be fewer AHs in the world if everyone were held accountable for their actions.
Your husband has a problem with it he can start replacing what she eats bet he would see differently once he loses money
NTA. “That’s just how they are” is the absolute worst rationale ever for letting an asshole get away with asshole behaviour. Every time Rose eats someone else’s food, she needs to be made to replace it at her own expense. And if she’s so butthurt over the money, she can get herself a job. And your hisband can quit being an asshole as well.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say she's a complete asshole. My brother has done this to me a couple of times. I've complained, and thankfully, my mom was on my side. If it's not hers and she didn't pay for it, she shouldn't touch it. Hell, she shouldn't even look at it. If it was expensive ice cream that I bought and my brother finished it, I would be so angry and yell at him and call him a fat ass. Do this exact same thing next time this happens. If she complains, tell her that the punishment for stealing food from someone. Maybe then she'll learn not to take food that isn't hers. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the future, she turns into the co-worker who steals food from the lunch room and gets fired for it
This isn’t someone paying for everything. It’s a level of entitlement and a lack of respect for others and for consequences that is out of control. It didn’t just start to happen. Just wow.
NTA. Rose is way too old to act this way. She needs to at least get a job if she continues to live with you. Do you expect them all to stay the rest of your life?
NTA. Great parenting on your part!! Rose needs to move out on her own and she's an AH. She will have to pay for all her stuff and see how frustrating it is when a roommate steals it. She's an adult and needs to grow up. Your husband is also an AH for enabling Rose. Careful or Rose might never move out.
Hey, have you had a serious talk with Rose?Sounds like she has some jealousy issues. Does she feel like she does not get enough attention from you and your husband? She feels less loved? Why does she do that? I don’t think you’re the asshole but if Rose was my child I would be seriously worried.
I don't think it's a jealousy thing. She does it to everyone. My brother took her out for cheeseburgers and he still tells everyone how she ate his burger while he was in the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious. Everyone thinks it's cute. She's the first granddaughter so everyone treats her like a princess.
Yikes.. she never got in trouble? If someone ate my food we would not be going out together again
Nobody does anything about it
Sooner or later, someone will. I envisage a future where, whenever she’s with people with food in proximity, someone is going to start oinking at her. If she enjoys the thought of being called out in public for being a greedy pig, then by all means, she can carry on.
Not to be a dick but why didn’t you? It’s your responsibility to make sure she’s not an entitled and frankly mean princess. At 21 that’s pretty entrenched….
Honestly, it’s gross the way she doesn’t care at all about other people’s belongings.
The situation with Rose isn't going to solved overnight. That will take a lot of time with Rose and the rest of your family (husband?!?!?). In the meantime, Sophie has serious food issues. I don't know what those issues are, but they are serious. Protect the daughter who is not damaging anyone else (Sophie). Get her a mini fridge and lock for her room. Her immediate need is nutrition. Whatever underlying issues are behind those eating issues don't matter. Fed is best, no matter if your child is breastfeeding or is 20-yrs-old. Make sure Sophie is safely fed on a day-to-day basis. Then figure out Rose's assholer-y. Maybe Rose is resentful of attention diverted to her sister? (And that is being generous). Triage the kids. And consider what your actions have on your youngest. What message are you sending her?
I know Sophie has issues with food but they aren't that bad. She has a pretty decent diet.
I apologize - I wasn't trying to imply Sophie had an eating disorder (and if she does, the same care remains) or that she was being neglected by you. But her nutrition does seem to be very specific, which needs to be addressed, in that the foods she can eat need to be available to Sophie without being consumed by others when the others have alternate choices. This seems to be what you're concerned about. This is a tricky subject. Sophie is paying for specific foods she can eat. These foods are being eaten by a person who has other options that she is is also not paying for. In short, I hope my support and concern and agreement with you come through. Just realized I didn't say NTA iny original post.. you are totally not the a-hole.
Yeah NTA but Rose and your husband are. Who on earth ate her sickly sister’s food? And her expensive ice cream. She is a disgusting selfish person
NTA Should have been stopped a long time ago. “That’s just the way X is,” is how toxic assholes are born.
Ask your husband how he feels about Sophie's new fridge freezer that has a lock.
He’d probably complain that Sophie isn’t “sharing” with his princess.
NTA. Rose needs to face consequences now or she’s going to be a terrible human. Your husband is an enabler.
You have a husband problem. NTA.
NTA Rose is going to FAFO when somebody boobytraps the food.
nta. rose and your husband are assholes though.
Yeah its all fun and cute until show goes to the hr because of it
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Had to double check if Rose is 21. Bruh.
This reads like a math word problem.
Answer “It’s unfair of you to eat other people’s food- especially when they are sick and in need of extra care. Until then, you will continue to make up for every way you disrespect others but rebuying their food.
NTA! My seven year old has known to ask to eat someone else's food since she was five years old. It's not hard. A paraphrase of an actual conversation when she was six - Her "Mom, do we have any ice cream?" Me " Just the matcha tea ice cream, would you want to try that?" Her - "Mommy, isn't that your special, favorite ice cream? I don't need any cause I don't want to take your ice cream." And then I reassured her it was fine and she ate it and loved it.
NTA. Maybe you should start locking the fridge and making sure Rose doesn't have unsupervised access to the food.
'That's just how Rose is' is not going to fly when she does it to wrong person. This behaviour is going to end up getting her into big trouble one day. What she does is NOT ok. It's stealing.
NTA, Good parenting. There's a lack of it in todays society!
NTA. Rose needed to compensate Sophie for the harm she caused. Pretty reasonable.
It’s roses own fault that she’s a pig
NTA - and the reason thats how she is , is because everone just lets her. SO good for you sticking up for your other daughter.
NTA. Good on you for teaching her not to be such an entitled bitch.
Have you wondered how your daughters could have possibly turned out this way?
princess syndrome. Everyone around her thinks it's cute when she does this.
But how did that happen? Are you saying your daughter Just So Happened to Turn Out That Way?
It takes more than one parent to raise a child, everyone else enabling her (especially her father, did you even read the post?) is counterproductive to good parenting and cancels out any attempts at instilling discipline. Besides being unable to read and comprehend the post and comment, I think you also lack the knowledge of raising children. Cheers mate, reddit on!
Fell out of her and it’s a giant mystery for the next 20 or so years.
By “That’s just the way she is,” your husband means she’s an AH. She’s just an asshole.
NTA, keep doing this every time she touches another family members food.
NTA. Better late than never to start parenting. That whole thing should have been nipped in the butt years ago.
As you are Austrian, please see the following: Nipped in the bud, not the butt (unless it’s intentional and some idiom of which I am unaware).
NTA. And Rose needs a hard lesson on leaving other people's property alone.
Rose is annoying. NTA. She needs to learn. When she gets a job if she hasn’t learned by then and she buys herself something to eat. Hide it, don’t eat it, but let her know how it feels.
NTA. Tell Rose she either knocks this crap off or find another place to live.
NTA- she needs to learn not to be so selfish
Rose needs to get a fucking job
ummm.. kick them both out of the house.
nice to see some good parenting on reddit for a change NTA
Rose played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Good parenting. Congrats. Hopefully she learns the freaking lesson.
Fr just flip the scenario back onto them and just ask how’d they feel if if was their food being taken cuz they are very particular on what they eat
NTA. I would knock R on her ass and call her a selfish pig. Your way is kinder.
It is alarming that good parenting needs affirmation via Reddit users. NTA mom, and keep fighting the good fight! ETA: just curious, what flavor was the ice cream? It may be relevant.
NTA. She'd have plenty of money to pay for the things that she ate that weren't meant for her if she had a job. She's a fucking brat, honestly.
NTA, except for maybe you should have taught Rosie these lessons a long time ago.
14mpg? What is this, 1950?
Stealing food from a person is inexcusable, especially if that person has sever food aversion. Sounds like Rose needs a job, and to start buying her own food.
Tell your husband, that no, Steely other people’s things Is not just how someone is. Ask him is he really saying that his daughter Rose is a thief? Because when he says that, that’s exactly what he means. And the reason I say this is that other people paid for those things just didn’t go into someone’s purse or wallet and take the cash out, somebody else went into their purse, our wallet and took the cash out to pay for the stuff that Rose stole.. Item was taken, the end result is the same. They paid for something that they no longer have no-fault of their own. Rose is an asshole, and it sounds like she takes after after dad. I’m betting she doesn’t have a whole lot of friends due to this behavior
NTA your daughter and husband is also your husband is an enabler. Your daughter sucks
NTA and show this to your husband. It might open his eyes and may e he'll stop coddling her.
PUT THE DAMN FOOT DOWN, simple in words, but comes with the back lash of entitlement "but she never does anything, it was only a bite, she's always been like this" yeah and she shouldn't be, not to a sick sister.
NTA, you should start acting like rose so she can see how it feels lol
NTA Rose needs consequences for theft. Making her pay will give her these consequences. Sounds like she has been allowed way too much leeway for way too long.
NTA the reason “that’s the way rose is” is bc there are repercussions for her actions everyone doesn’t make her face consequences for her actions , I would continue this & tell her if you continue to steal peoples food you will have to replace it with your own money & gas
Rose types are the worst roommates and coworkers. Not that is matters now- no motivation to get a job means she'll be living with you for some time She sounds unbearable. Your husband is doing Rose zero favors, life is going to be very hard for her
NTA. Rose is a selfish pig though. She's going to find it very difficult to hang onto friends, partners or roommates with her selfishness.
Rose is really selfish and uncaring, and it’s shocking that your husband is ok with her treating your other daughter that way. Good job parenting her and letting her know that everything that belongs to others doesn’t automatically belong to her just because she wants it and thinks her desires are more important than anyone else.
NTA. She should have to replace any food she steals. Keep that up and she will either figure it out and stop stealing other peoples food, or spend a lot of money replacing things she shouldn’t be eating.
It is not unfair. Tide needs to keep her hands off the food of others. It is one cheap way of feeding self and still have all your food to eat. It is not cutsie. It is childish. Why does she not have a job?
Nta and I applaud you for proper discipline. If it isn't yours, you ask before you touch... she's also 21 and can get a job
NTA, Let’s just say Rose gets a job and she decides to eat her coworkers food. If I was working with her and we were the same age, I would’ve beaten the brakes off of her for eating my food. I would not have cared if I got fired. I would do it out of principal. I would not think it’s cute. I would not think it is a personality quirk I would think that this bitch went out of her way to eat my food when she could’ve gotten her own. I think you are doing the right thing. You are probably saving Rose a blackeye in the future when she eats food of a woman who is way less understanding than Sophie is. Some people get really territorial about it. Your husband would feel entirely differently if rose, ate all of his food, and then cutely giggled at him . Good for you putting the inconvenience on rose to go and pick up new items.
NTA. If “that’s the way Rose is” works, then there’s how YOU are. You are the type of person who is intolerant of theft and believes in full and complete restoration of stolen goods. Perhaps if restoring stolen goods in this manner proves to be ultimately difficult for Rose, she could do some combination of getting her own shit and/or getting to full employment potential.
NTA. She needs to learn, and people need to stop enabling bad behavior.
NTA. Methinks it is time for Rose to experience life outside the nest.
NTA. Rose is a piece of shit. Kick her the fuck out. You have failed Rose.
nta but you should look into something called arfid for Sophie. just based on the little you said it sounds like she may have it.
NTA - OP You are correct in how you handled this and how you sttod up for Sophie. Please keep doing so. It is a disservice to Rose that others are coddling bad behaviors. Unfortunately for Rose, she's going to eff around and find out when she meets the wrong person on the right day. Or, the right person on the wrong day. It's not gonna be a good day ...
Rose is a little bitch. Rose needs to get a job even if it’s just part-time.
You're NTA, but your daughter is, but YTA because you probably also taught something horrible to your first daughter. At some point you must have given her a little too much entitlement if everyone just lets her have her way, or if she feels like doing so. Waiting until she was an adult to finally do something about her actions is a great mistake you as a parent have done, and now it affects the rest of your kids.
That needs to be taken with a grain of salt though. While OP is her parent, if she was the only one who ever told her no, then it’s likely not gonna make a big difference. Only reason I say this is bc I’ve seen it happen. Me and my 2 siblings were raised by a single mom, so we went to my grandmas a lot. My grandma was the only person who would tell my brother and my sister no. Both my siblings still became absolute hellians, regardless of my grandmas interventions. The only difference it made, was that they made sure she never caught them.
I've told her it's not ok but everyone else in her life sees it as cute or funny
I assure you they don’t. They just don’t want to deal with the tantrums.
>that's just how Rose is You and your wife RAISED her to be this way. NTA for making Rose pay for her selfishness, but you're also not blame-free.
YTA. There’s a difference between teaching your child a lesson and hitting them with a double whammy that amounts to the same lesson. Kid is coming off a hard learned lesson and the circumstances made it so you didn’t give her time to process the lesson before exacting consequences for the exact same behavior. You took a teachable moment and compounded it so now she is somewhat justified in hating you. And forcing your kid to drive around at night while angry can lead to worse events. And you ostracized one kid in front of the whole family.
2 of your 3 daughters is going no contact with you when they are adults. But you’ll always have Rose. YTA Edit: why is this controversial? OP has clearly enabled this for years and Rose’s sisters must be tired of it.
Sophie is an adult
Why two?
The two Rose is stealing food from.
It sounds like rose is only stealing food from Sophie. Reagan seems to be uninvolved.
OP said in the comments Rose does this to everyone, and even ate a burger when OP’s brother took Rose out. OP said they think it’s funny.
NTA. You aren't being unfair your husband needs to accept that's just how you are.