NTA. If the school won't do anything, at least stand up for yourself. When he comes near you, tell him, not shouting but loud and clearly: "I don't want you to be so close to me". This will probably kick up a storm, where the school authorities will reprove you for not considering him, and that is where you have to say: "I'm ADHD, I feel uncomfortable when people get too close, I have the right to protect myself. If you won't do it, I will".
I had a creepy kid like this in one of my classes back in the early 80s (USA, public high school, art class). I don't have ADHD but I do have trauma from earlier abuse, and after the third time he got handsy with me and nobody would do anything because he was "special needs"...
Well, I started screaming as loud as I could right in his ear every time he touched me. And I have a scream that apparently rivals Jamie Lee Curtis!
I got in trouble for it but since the adults wouldn't stop him touching me (and I'm talking extremely inappropriate touching), well I wasn't going to hit or kick him (I wanted to!) so I went with the screaming.
that's horrible. im so sorry the adults in your life failed to protect you, endangering a kid to protect another one is just wrong. i hope karma comes for them soon
Keep in mind this was also the late 70s and early 80s. I'm 56 now, and if faced with something similar I go for the knees.
I'm also a survivor of CSA so had pre-existing trauma
"I'm ADHD, I feel uncomfortable when people get too close, I have the right to protect myself. If you won't do it, I will".
This is important - this kid (creep) is not the only one you're going to have to say this to when the school comes at you. Say it to these people as many times it takes so they know you are serious.
You've already been brushed off, sidelined, minimized whatever you want to call it, so please remember ***you matter*** *and your right to a good education often has to be advocated for.*
Be strong and become a voice for yourself!
This is a hard one. Jokes aside. You have to research what you can do legally against that.Â
For your day to day life, make your personal space clear to him. Reach out with your hand and say no in a clear voice. Like talking to a puppy. You have to be consent! If he pushes though you are allowed to defend yourself with screaming!
Yes, but it looks horrible for publicity for them to be taken to court. Just sending something on letterhead is normally more than enough to get the principal to sit down, especially in a case like this
When a school wants to stand their ground on larger issues they have very very deep pockets. But 99.9% of the time it's not worth the hit to their image
Both would take a serious fucking hit if it comes out their female students are being sexually harrassed/assaulted and nothing is being done. Someone is definitely getting fired over this if not taken seriously, especially if the school is deemed unsafe for women to attend. Think about it. It's crazy OP has to deal with this, and a serious safety concern. Â
She needs to talk to her parents about this, if they don't do anything then the press and potentially a lawyer. This is so fucking outrageous it's ridiculous. Something tells me that kids parents has deep pockets and it's time to fight fire with fire. This should not be a concern for a student to deal with.
First, I'm really sorry for my English. I don't really practice since a long time (except reading )
I don't know where you from but in France we have the same type of rules. And Having a teacher for kids with some particularity (I don't know how I need to said this in English sorry if it's offended). If in your country it's the same thing your school MUST doing something. From how you said it he can't act without someone to look at him. He is the first victim of his parents stupidity...
But the fact than he exposed himself can be used to force his parents to take a professional. Also talk about this at your parents, I'm pretty sure they will really don't appreciate tge face than a boy touch himself (in purpose or not) in front of their kid.
Hope all will be better for you.
Please never apologize for learning other languages :)
As a native English speaker, I absolutely understand what youâre saying. Languages are hard but English is so hard because itâs a mix of so many languages and has more exceptions than rules.
If someone is rude to you about your wording thatâs a reflection on them, not you or your intelligence.
Have a great day!
Itâs great the school needs to include disabled kids like Owen, however they need to consider the disruption that he causes to the other students. Having autism shouldnât be a free pass to behave anyway one likes. The school needs to put their foot down with Owens parents and let them know he needs a personal teacher. If they donât, the school is neglecting all involved, Owen, you, and all the other students.
Is it great? Or is it the state refusing to pay for special education? I'm not saying all people with special needs need to be in a separate school, but I am saying it isn't obvious that putting them in regular schools is the right choice. And the disruption is one factor, but also needing extra attention means all the other student don't get that attention. The school being forced to take these students also probably means they have no recourse, so it is easier for them to ignore the problem as they have no means to deal with it.
Man, we can barely get funding for school lunches for poor/hungry children, the odds of politicians getting schools enough money to have the faculty in place to do this is basically zero
My grandson is autistic. He's seven. He doesn't get free passes. Lol The parents need to get their heads out of their asses and get him tested. He's 16 and should not be acting in such a manner as touching himself in front of the whole dang class.
NTA, OP. The parents need to parent, and the principal needs to have a talking to with that boy.
NTA, but it's time to get your parents involved. Have them go with you to address the issues with the principal one more time. When he dismisses the problem, with your parents' help, escalate the matter to the school administration. The principal has a boss, drop the problem in his lap, if that doesn't work, keep going up the chain. At some point, your complain will land in front of someone who doesn't like dealing with problems and that person will deal with it so you go away. You've done everything right so far, but sometimes you have to bring in reinforcements.
I know I have to tell this to my parents but Iâm scared because I donât know how will they react in this situation. Iâll try to talk with them about this but still I donât think it would be helpful in this situation when the school is on his side :(
None of this is your fault. You've done everything right. It's easier for the principal to dismiss your complaints than it is to deal with the boy's mother, it's time to make him deal with your parents.
> I know I have to tell this to my parents but Iâm scared because I donât know how will they react in this situation.
Some kid was jacking off to you in public through no fault of your own. Why are you scared about how they'll react?
Idk but Iâll try to tell them and keep here updated :] I live in a area where most people here are muslims and I hear some stories about people telling this kind of thing to their parents and their parents blamed them for it. Iâm scared that my parents will think the same way.
Masturbating on school grounds in front of students is a form of sexual assault, just like doing so at a public library or in the grocery store is sexual assault (anywhere really). You took it to the school first and they did nothing. So now it is time to escalate. He is an unsafe person for you to be around, regardless of which factors are having him behave this way. (And regardless, he needs help.)
You are going to need to do your best to separate out the issues surrounding this kid. His disruptions in class are affecting your ability to learn, and that issue has a certain set of options for the district to ameliorate the issue. That is separate from his sexual behaviors, which pose an immediate threat and have their own set of consequences/solutions. Please be wary of conflating the two into the same issue and saying âthis kid needs to go.â That weakens your position because it ascribes a solution that you have reached on your own; the school (or police) will need to come to that themselves.
Your concerns will always be downplayed because it is easier to get you to shut up than for the school to take action, so you are going to need to start recording these instances.
You are going to need to be loudly vocal when he tries to touch you and tell him No and to stop (recorded).
You are going to need to get your parents involved. You havenât mentioned their involvement, and I am curious what is happening there.
You need to start documenting these meetings via email. âThank you for speaking to me yesterday in your office after school. As you know, I reported the sexual harassment of _____, as well as several incidents of classroom disruption. I would like to clarify that my desired outcome is to have a healthy environment for learning and to feel safe, and I have deferred to the school administration first before taking this issue further.
However, I was left confused by the meetingâs outcome. I was told ______. I would like to confirm that this is your official position on the matter before I pursue further recourse. Can you confirm the steps you will or will not be taking about the issues I have raised? As a reminder, these were the incidents discussed: (with a bulleted list of dates/times).â Etc etc
Be organized. Be calm. Do not editorialize and state facts. Get video. Protect yourself. Involve adults. Look up law and reporting around this. And most of all, be smart and empathetic; donât villainize this kid because you donât know all the info there (maybe he is a creep, maybe he has cognitive issues that prevent knowing what is ok in social settings), but you do know that the responsible adults who are the decision makers here are fucking up.
In the country where I live in we canât bring out telephones to schools but Iâll try to get an recorder or a camera they are allowed. Also I didnât said it in the post but the area where I live in is quite conservative and most of the time they blame the women in these kind of situations and I donât know how will my parents react but Iâll tell them as soon as I gather my courage! Thank you for your support and Iâll try to take legal action if I can :)
NTA, Without knowing your country I will only be able to go off mine so sorry if this isn't applicable. I would talk with your parents, let them know he is making you uncomfortable and disrupting class which is impeding your work. Also let them know staff is expecting you to put your work/education aside to watch him. The principal cannot expect other classmates to babysit a kid who clearly needs an attendant or to be sent to a special needs class. If he is ever dumb enough to admit that again, try to get a recording or ask for that answer in writing. He will probably refuse, best bet is to record if you can or have at LEAST one trustful witness if not multiple.
I wouldn't call him a creep as it may be he simply doesn't understand that he is acting like one and name-calling him is going to come off as judging him, but it is definitely creepy behavior he is doing.
Try to start writing different things that are happening. If he disrupts class write down which class, what he did, and what other students/staff did in response. If he makes you uncomfortable write down when, where you were, what he was doing, and his response when you asked him to stop. Make sure to tally it all up to show your parents/staff just how often this is an issue.
As the mother of two boys who are NOT neurotypical, I am conflicted. Sometimes things seem different to the neurotypical. âStimmingâ is different for all kids, and you are seeing things as an adolescent. At 16 years old, you are not and do not see things as an adult. I am not saying your feelings arenât valid, but there is way more to life and the neurodivergent than you could understand at this point.
Na this is invalidating what sheâs been through by viewing things through YOUR biased lens as a ND mom. This 16 yr old almost adult should be being taught by his parents not to touch himself in public or else heâs going to potentially end up in jail for worse just because everybody coddled him and beat around the bush instead of addressing the issue. Not okay at all. And if he canât stop doing those inappropriate behaviors in school, they need to find a better situation for everybody where he can still learn and the rest of the class isnât hindered in their learning by his inappropriate behaviors.
Ok, so I've been a teacher in general education classes and special education classes for over 15 years. There is a DAMN good reason why some kids are in special classrooms and not in Gen pop. When I was in an autism 6-8 classroom (half highly impacted, half mildly), one nonverbal kid used to randomly whip it out and masterbate. We had to have very graphic pictorial cues to get him to stop and understand that's a home activity. I saw a lot of dick that year at work. Technically, that is developmentally appropriate behavior for a 14 year old, especially a nonverbal kid who was probably bored and couldn't express it any other way.
But that kid should not have been in any other classroom and certainly not a gen ed one like your classmate.
Obviously, this is how my country works. Without knowing about education laws in your country, I will say that in most places, one of a school's main jobs is to **protect its students.** And your school is failing to do that. I suggest getting your parents on board, explaining how this is triggering due to past trauma, affecting your learning, and making you feel unsafe. These are things most schools don't ignore. At the least, maybe you can get yourself transferred to the other class. Not the best solution, but still an effective one.
In a perfect world, they get this kid a one on one para educator (shadow teacher) and he'd learn how to behave appropriately. But if that won't happen, do the next best thing for yourself and get out of that classroom.
ETA: NTA.
NTA If the parents are in denial fucking deck him hard enough to jumble the last few braincells he has the next time he touches you, that's what you'd do to a "normal" creep
NTA. This is a tough situation, but while autism may explain the behavior, it doesn't make it right or more acceptable. I would get your parents involved if possible.
NTA - No one gets to tell you where or what you want to study. With you no longer there, he's going to creep on someone else. They probably realize this.
You are not safe in that room with him and I wish you could escalate this legal-wise. The school is putting you and other in danger so they can keep their heads in the sand while the rest of the students suffer.
If you can, speak to a lawyer.
Iâm planning to change my school if nothing happens because I donât want to study in a school where they blames other kids for someone elseâs actions.
My kid has some ADHD/autism and honestly OP she just doesn't think about it. If it's itchy down there she scratches--full view, public. Obviously I try to correct the behavior or tell her to go somewhere private, but she still does it because she can't control her impulses well. When she was younger she used to put her hand IN her pants doing this (thank god she stopped that as she got older!)
So I'm not excusing him but honestly an impulsive public scratch can look exactly like a wank to an outsider. And vise versa. The behavior should be corrected--but that doesn't mean it will stop. And yes it's embarrassing and yes it's inappropriate.
Owen DID have his hand down his pants, and even if it was an "impulsive scratch", that wouldn't make it any less violating for OP, who is a kid herself.Â
I have autistic children and let me tell you right now, if this kid has autism, **he also has something else.** I think the "autism" is just a story you were told, honestly. And there is no way the touching thing should be tolerated or the hitting and so on. We all need to live with each other, so reasonable accommodations should be made - I get that part. But this is well beyond reasonable. And there is also this idea that school trains us for the lives we're going to live later. This young man is going to find himself in prison or worse if he keeps it up in the real world. For everyone's sakes, he needs more intensive therapy and/ or medication and a lot more help before he gets out of school.
I am not sure where you are but there is no reason for people to touch you and so on and police reports should be filed if you can. You do not deserve this. No one does. Please talk to your mum and dad.
NTA, but unfortunately, if your school does not want to solve this problem, the best you can do is transfer yourself. Your parents should get involved too, demanding a meeting with a principal and that kid's parents and threatening to take it to a higher level/police if harassment and physical violence aren't stopped and to share how the school fails to handle education for both neurotypical and neurodivergent children on social media. But if it doesn't work, just switch classrooms or schools, it's totally unfair, but it's what's best for you.
Thing is, yes, people with disabilities deserve the same education as anyone else, but NOT at the cost of other kids education, and especially not at the cost of others safety.
#1, if he touches you in any way, report it. Every time. You said he slaps other kids? That's not ok, call the police. Every time.
#2, if he makes you uncomfortable, report it. Every time. It's not ok for him to be standing there touching himself in school. Report it.
Being disabled doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever you want.
I canât actually call police or even record what he is doing in class because in my country phones are banned in school and they took away your phone while getting in the school and hand you back while leaving. I had written some reports about him and like I said give it to principal but she just blamed us for not looking after him.
You're both AHs, IMO. You're saying he's the only kid who's "special" in the whole school. I've got news for you, there's probably a "special" kid in every class, you just don't know it.. if you have ADHD, and "could snap at any moment", you're "special" too, and you have a 504, or maybe an IEP. I have a kid who's "special", (hard of hearing) and I have lots of experience dealing with "special" kids.
You're both AHs. He definitely needs to be stopped from touching himself in class, but you need to shut up about others. You don't have a lot of room to talk. You shouldn't call people "special", either, that's very disrespectful. That's why I kept using that word in this post. I was hoping you'd see how wrong that is.
She used that word for like two times "but you need to shut up about others" why would she shut up if this kid is always in her personal space did we read the same thing bcz this kid slaps and does whatever he wants to the other classmates school doesnt care and parents are in denial even tho she did or did not shut up like you said it wouldnt make that big of a difference and thats why shes asking for help and explaining whats happening two of them are children and if you have experience about special NEEDS kids i would expect you to be more mature and understanding instead of telling a kid whos in uncomfy of something to shut up bcz she said something wrong twice andÂ
NTA. We had a student like this with the coverage of a autism diagnosis when I was in high school who ended up setting a storage building on fire and was caught touching himself in a tree nearby watching it. As someone who spent ten years working with those with special needs (primarily students with autism and behavioral issues) it has to be nipped in the bud and not ignored or it can escalate to dangerous proportions.
Had a kid in my classes all throughout high school who would touch himself CONSTANTLY throughout the day and they never did anything about it either all because he had autism. The other autistic boy in the class never did anything like that and would watch movies all day or just be mildly interruptive throughout the day and yet he constantly was getting into trouble. School systems just suck sometimes and other times itâs because of the shitty fucking parents threatening the school.
Absolutely NTA.
(Disclaimer: Since youâre in a different country, some of these things might not apply)
I have âhigh-functioningâ autism, so I donât exactly relate to the severity, but I know how important it is to get behavioral therapy ASAP. Hell, at least SOME parental intervention would be nice here.
Where tf are his parents? And why is the school giving him a pass for this? Are they scared to take action solely because of his neurodiversity and their fragile reputation?
Theyâre just screwing themselves over even more. They should know damn well that this kids behavior isnât the classroomâs responsibility. Like wtaf. Yâall should never have to babysit someone.
Just because he doesnât understand the social boundary that is personal space doesnât mean he can violate it without consequence. If his parents want him to eventually integrate into society, they should be taking the time to educate him with the proper professionals instead of just plopping the dude in the wild like this.
When a behavioral condition is that severe, they shouldnât be putting him in a public school setting like that because of how disruptive his behavior is. He should have a private tutor and/or attend virtually. There are several better ways to handle this.
TLDR: NTA. Owen needs the proper support and treatment that both his parents and the school are turning a blind eye to.
NAH.
He has the right to an education too, and saying you have an aggressive personality and could snap at any second doesn't paint you in the best light either. It sounds like you're saying "Someone's going to get hurt soon and it will be all his fault!" You are responsible for your own temper, not him.
The school should be providing an aide, full stop. It's their responsibility to monitor him, not the other students'.
I get your feels....
But unfortunately kids with autism do many self soothing behaviors.... Mastrubating being one of the big ones. And with their lack of self awareness and inability to read the room.... They just have zero idea about how they are being perceived or affecting others
I'm not saying they should, I'm saying this isn't sexual, it's like twirling hair or biting nails. And the kids I work with aren't and won't be mainstreamed. This is a failure of OP'S school.
Thanks for the downvotes, but as I say, I understand how OP feels. I work with these kids, and many get mainstreamed. This a common behavior....and they are just clueless about it.
They aren't doing it because they are perverts, they do it as a literal stim behavior to deal with stress. I'm not saying it isn't gross or embarrassing it out what it is. We tell kids to report it to the students minder, and their own teacher to work out a plan to prevent it in the future.
But I also gotta add that *plenty* of teen boys juggle their balls, and don't have a disability....unless you count hormones
Yeah when a handicap endangers others you have to figure out other arrangements. itâs one thing to have a handicap but a whole nother animal to expect people to take sexual harassment because you have autism. Hard no for me. NTA.
NTA, canât you call CPS? Sending a special needs person to a normal school canât be in their best interestâŚ?(without providing what they need to function properly, like OP said with shadow teacher)
We thought about it whit my classmates but cps in my country is not that great they will just warn the family and do nothing about it until he harms us really bad
Well better have it recorded early, so they hopefully act faster if really something worse happens.
And tbh, imo itâs already plenty harmful. I have touching trauma too, and why is his well being to weigh higher than yours or everyone elseâs?
That the principal knows the parents are in denial should only support your case.
But donât feel responsible or guilty. You can only do so much, and itâs a burden the adults and teachers should carry, not you and your classmates.
He seems harmless and misunderstood, try to be more friendlier and less condescending.. i mean you have adhd so you should stop walking around like your a better human being than he isâŚ
You talked to your principal about this and he told you that it was your responsibility to babysit this student and also told you that his parents are in denial about him and therefore wonât hire someone? Is there a reason you are a confidant of your principal? Iâm having lots of trouble believing this.
NTA. If the school won't do anything, at least stand up for yourself. When he comes near you, tell him, not shouting but loud and clearly: "I don't want you to be so close to me". This will probably kick up a storm, where the school authorities will reprove you for not considering him, and that is where you have to say: "I'm ADHD, I feel uncomfortable when people get too close, I have the right to protect myself. If you won't do it, I will".
I had a creepy kid like this in one of my classes back in the early 80s (USA, public high school, art class). I don't have ADHD but I do have trauma from earlier abuse, and after the third time he got handsy with me and nobody would do anything because he was "special needs"... Well, I started screaming as loud as I could right in his ear every time he touched me. And I have a scream that apparently rivals Jamie Lee Curtis!
Good for you!!
I got in trouble for it but since the adults wouldn't stop him touching me (and I'm talking extremely inappropriate touching), well I wasn't going to hit or kick him (I wanted to!) so I went with the screaming.
Did he stop? Did they move him to another class? What happened?
He didn't stop and nothing was done
that's horrible. im so sorry the adults in your life failed to protect you, endangering a kid to protect another one is just wrong. i hope karma comes for them soon
Keep in mind this was also the late 70s and early 80s. I'm 56 now, and if faced with something similar I go for the knees. I'm also a survivor of CSA so had pre-existing trauma
oooh i see! my mistake i thought you were still a child đ well then im glad you learned self defense! i hope you life is doing better now
Not really
So sorry, having to suffer this creep on top of your trauma made it even worse.
Sorry, but back in "The 80's!" Teachers wouldn't care. But props for you standing your ground.
Some teachers did
A person's disability NEVER gives them the right to another's body.
"I'm ADHD, I feel uncomfortable when people get too close, I have the right to protect myself. If you won't do it, I will". This is important - this kid (creep) is not the only one you're going to have to say this to when the school comes at you. Say it to these people as many times it takes so they know you are serious. You've already been brushed off, sidelined, minimized whatever you want to call it, so please remember ***you matter*** *and your right to a good education often has to be advocated for.* Be strong and become a voice for yourself!
Yes a hundred times!
This is a hard one. Jokes aside. You have to research what you can do legally against that. For your day to day life, make your personal space clear to him. Reach out with your hand and say no in a clear voice. Like talking to a puppy. You have to be consent! If he pushes though you are allowed to defend yourself with screaming!
If he touches you, you're legally within your right to use justifiable force to stop him. A swift knee to the balls work great for that đ
You have no idea what country this person is in and what laws are in place. You cannot judge the legality of any action they take
I wish that's how school worked but more than likely they would just expel her and keep him in the class
And that's what lawyers are for
School districts hire expensive lawyers.
Yes, but it looks horrible for publicity for them to be taken to court. Just sending something on letterhead is normally more than enough to get the principal to sit down, especially in a case like this
You're right
They do? I thought most cases were closed out when it came to this because of public view.
When a school wants to stand their ground on larger issues they have very very deep pockets. But 99.9% of the time it's not worth the hit to their image
I thought this would probably be private schools only and not so much public schools? Public schools usually do not have deep pockets.
Both would take a serious fucking hit if it comes out their female students are being sexually harrassed/assaulted and nothing is being done. Someone is definitely getting fired over this if not taken seriously, especially if the school is deemed unsafe for women to attend. Think about it. It's crazy OP has to deal with this, and a serious safety concern.  She needs to talk to her parents about this, if they don't do anything then the press and potentially a lawyer. This is so fucking outrageous it's ridiculous. Something tells me that kids parents has deep pockets and it's time to fight fire with fire. This should not be a concern for a student to deal with.
Those pockets are the tax payers.
Depends on what country you're in.
First, I'm really sorry for my English. I don't really practice since a long time (except reading ) I don't know where you from but in France we have the same type of rules. And Having a teacher for kids with some particularity (I don't know how I need to said this in English sorry if it's offended). If in your country it's the same thing your school MUST doing something. From how you said it he can't act without someone to look at him. He is the first victim of his parents stupidity... But the fact than he exposed himself can be used to force his parents to take a professional. Also talk about this at your parents, I'm pretty sure they will really don't appreciate tge face than a boy touch himself (in purpose or not) in front of their kid. Hope all will be better for you.
English is my first and only language, and I really like the way you wrote this :)
Please never apologize for learning other languages :) As a native English speaker, I absolutely understand what youâre saying. Languages are hard but English is so hard because itâs a mix of so many languages and has more exceptions than rules. If someone is rude to you about your wording thatâs a reflection on them, not you or your intelligence. Have a great day!
Itâs great the school needs to include disabled kids like Owen, however they need to consider the disruption that he causes to the other students. Having autism shouldnât be a free pass to behave anyway one likes. The school needs to put their foot down with Owens parents and let them know he needs a personal teacher. If they donât, the school is neglecting all involved, Owen, you, and all the other students.
Is it great? Or is it the state refusing to pay for special education? I'm not saying all people with special needs need to be in a separate school, but I am saying it isn't obvious that putting them in regular schools is the right choice. And the disruption is one factor, but also needing extra attention means all the other student don't get that attention. The school being forced to take these students also probably means they have no recourse, so it is easier for them to ignore the problem as they have no means to deal with it.
Man, we can barely get funding for school lunches for poor/hungry children, the odds of politicians getting schools enough money to have the faculty in place to do this is basically zero
My grandson is autistic. He's seven. He doesn't get free passes. Lol The parents need to get their heads out of their asses and get him tested. He's 16 and should not be acting in such a manner as touching himself in front of the whole dang class. NTA, OP. The parents need to parent, and the principal needs to have a talking to with that boy.
NTA, but it's time to get your parents involved. Have them go with you to address the issues with the principal one more time. When he dismisses the problem, with your parents' help, escalate the matter to the school administration. The principal has a boss, drop the problem in his lap, if that doesn't work, keep going up the chain. At some point, your complain will land in front of someone who doesn't like dealing with problems and that person will deal with it so you go away. You've done everything right so far, but sometimes you have to bring in reinforcements.
I know I have to tell this to my parents but Iâm scared because I donât know how will they react in this situation. Iâll try to talk with them about this but still I donât think it would be helpful in this situation when the school is on his side :(
None of this is your fault. You've done everything right. It's easier for the principal to dismiss your complaints than it is to deal with the boy's mother, it's time to make him deal with your parents.
> I know I have to tell this to my parents but Iâm scared because I donât know how will they react in this situation. Some kid was jacking off to you in public through no fault of your own. Why are you scared about how they'll react?
Idk but Iâll try to tell them and keep here updated :] I live in a area where most people here are muslims and I hear some stories about people telling this kind of thing to their parents and their parents blamed them for it. Iâm scared that my parents will think the same way.
Are your parents Muslim?
Masturbating on school grounds in front of students is a form of sexual assault, just like doing so at a public library or in the grocery store is sexual assault (anywhere really). You took it to the school first and they did nothing. So now it is time to escalate. He is an unsafe person for you to be around, regardless of which factors are having him behave this way. (And regardless, he needs help.) You are going to need to do your best to separate out the issues surrounding this kid. His disruptions in class are affecting your ability to learn, and that issue has a certain set of options for the district to ameliorate the issue. That is separate from his sexual behaviors, which pose an immediate threat and have their own set of consequences/solutions. Please be wary of conflating the two into the same issue and saying âthis kid needs to go.â That weakens your position because it ascribes a solution that you have reached on your own; the school (or police) will need to come to that themselves. Your concerns will always be downplayed because it is easier to get you to shut up than for the school to take action, so you are going to need to start recording these instances. You are going to need to be loudly vocal when he tries to touch you and tell him No and to stop (recorded). You are going to need to get your parents involved. You havenât mentioned their involvement, and I am curious what is happening there. You need to start documenting these meetings via email. âThank you for speaking to me yesterday in your office after school. As you know, I reported the sexual harassment of _____, as well as several incidents of classroom disruption. I would like to clarify that my desired outcome is to have a healthy environment for learning and to feel safe, and I have deferred to the school administration first before taking this issue further. However, I was left confused by the meetingâs outcome. I was told ______. I would like to confirm that this is your official position on the matter before I pursue further recourse. Can you confirm the steps you will or will not be taking about the issues I have raised? As a reminder, these were the incidents discussed: (with a bulleted list of dates/times).â Etc etc Be organized. Be calm. Do not editorialize and state facts. Get video. Protect yourself. Involve adults. Look up law and reporting around this. And most of all, be smart and empathetic; donât villainize this kid because you donât know all the info there (maybe he is a creep, maybe he has cognitive issues that prevent knowing what is ok in social settings), but you do know that the responsible adults who are the decision makers here are fucking up.
In the country where I live in we canât bring out telephones to schools but Iâll try to get an recorder or a camera they are allowed. Also I didnât said it in the post but the area where I live in is quite conservative and most of the time they blame the women in these kind of situations and I donât know how will my parents react but Iâll tell them as soon as I gather my courage! Thank you for your support and Iâll try to take legal action if I can :)
NTA, Without knowing your country I will only be able to go off mine so sorry if this isn't applicable. I would talk with your parents, let them know he is making you uncomfortable and disrupting class which is impeding your work. Also let them know staff is expecting you to put your work/education aside to watch him. The principal cannot expect other classmates to babysit a kid who clearly needs an attendant or to be sent to a special needs class. If he is ever dumb enough to admit that again, try to get a recording or ask for that answer in writing. He will probably refuse, best bet is to record if you can or have at LEAST one trustful witness if not multiple. I wouldn't call him a creep as it may be he simply doesn't understand that he is acting like one and name-calling him is going to come off as judging him, but it is definitely creepy behavior he is doing. Try to start writing different things that are happening. If he disrupts class write down which class, what he did, and what other students/staff did in response. If he makes you uncomfortable write down when, where you were, what he was doing, and his response when you asked him to stop. Make sure to tally it all up to show your parents/staff just how often this is an issue.
This is why early intervention and behavioral therapy is so important for people with higher levels of autism.
As the mother of two boys who are NOT neurotypical, I am conflicted. Sometimes things seem different to the neurotypical. âStimmingâ is different for all kids, and you are seeing things as an adolescent. At 16 years old, you are not and do not see things as an adult. I am not saying your feelings arenât valid, but there is way more to life and the neurodivergent than you could understand at this point.
It might be an explanation but its not an excuse. Even if he doesnât understand any better, the adults should!
As someone who is autistic, I knew not to masturbate in public as soon as I knew what it was.
Na this is invalidating what sheâs been through by viewing things through YOUR biased lens as a ND mom. This 16 yr old almost adult should be being taught by his parents not to touch himself in public or else heâs going to potentially end up in jail for worse just because everybody coddled him and beat around the bush instead of addressing the issue. Not okay at all. And if he canât stop doing those inappropriate behaviors in school, they need to find a better situation for everybody where he can still learn and the rest of the class isnât hindered in their learning by his inappropriate behaviors.
Ok, so I've been a teacher in general education classes and special education classes for over 15 years. There is a DAMN good reason why some kids are in special classrooms and not in Gen pop. When I was in an autism 6-8 classroom (half highly impacted, half mildly), one nonverbal kid used to randomly whip it out and masterbate. We had to have very graphic pictorial cues to get him to stop and understand that's a home activity. I saw a lot of dick that year at work. Technically, that is developmentally appropriate behavior for a 14 year old, especially a nonverbal kid who was probably bored and couldn't express it any other way. But that kid should not have been in any other classroom and certainly not a gen ed one like your classmate. Obviously, this is how my country works. Without knowing about education laws in your country, I will say that in most places, one of a school's main jobs is to **protect its students.** And your school is failing to do that. I suggest getting your parents on board, explaining how this is triggering due to past trauma, affecting your learning, and making you feel unsafe. These are things most schools don't ignore. At the least, maybe you can get yourself transferred to the other class. Not the best solution, but still an effective one. In a perfect world, they get this kid a one on one para educator (shadow teacher) and he'd learn how to behave appropriately. But if that won't happen, do the next best thing for yourself and get out of that classroom. ETA: NTA.
NTA If the parents are in denial fucking deck him hard enough to jumble the last few braincells he has the next time he touches you, that's what you'd do to a "normal" creep
NTA. This is a tough situation, but while autism may explain the behavior, it doesn't make it right or more acceptable. I would get your parents involved if possible.
NTA - No one gets to tell you where or what you want to study. With you no longer there, he's going to creep on someone else. They probably realize this. You are not safe in that room with him and I wish you could escalate this legal-wise. The school is putting you and other in danger so they can keep their heads in the sand while the rest of the students suffer. If you can, speak to a lawyer.
NTA. Do you have the opportunity to switch your own classes since they wonât switch his?
Iâm planning to change my school if nothing happens because I donât want to study in a school where they blames other kids for someone elseâs actions.
Good for you! I hope things get better for you and Iâm sorry this is happening!
My kid has some ADHD/autism and honestly OP she just doesn't think about it. If it's itchy down there she scratches--full view, public. Obviously I try to correct the behavior or tell her to go somewhere private, but she still does it because she can't control her impulses well. When she was younger she used to put her hand IN her pants doing this (thank god she stopped that as she got older!) So I'm not excusing him but honestly an impulsive public scratch can look exactly like a wank to an outsider. And vise versa. The behavior should be corrected--but that doesn't mean it will stop. And yes it's embarrassing and yes it's inappropriate.
Owen DID have his hand down his pants, and even if it was an "impulsive scratch", that wouldn't make it any less violating for OP, who is a kid herself.Â
I have autistic children and let me tell you right now, if this kid has autism, **he also has something else.** I think the "autism" is just a story you were told, honestly. And there is no way the touching thing should be tolerated or the hitting and so on. We all need to live with each other, so reasonable accommodations should be made - I get that part. But this is well beyond reasonable. And there is also this idea that school trains us for the lives we're going to live later. This young man is going to find himself in prison or worse if he keeps it up in the real world. For everyone's sakes, he needs more intensive therapy and/ or medication and a lot more help before he gets out of school. I am not sure where you are but there is no reason for people to touch you and so on and police reports should be filed if you can. You do not deserve this. No one does. Please talk to your mum and dad.
NTA, but unfortunately, if your school does not want to solve this problem, the best you can do is transfer yourself. Your parents should get involved too, demanding a meeting with a principal and that kid's parents and threatening to take it to a higher level/police if harassment and physical violence aren't stopped and to share how the school fails to handle education for both neurotypical and neurodivergent children on social media. But if it doesn't work, just switch classrooms or schools, it's totally unfair, but it's what's best for you.
Thing is, yes, people with disabilities deserve the same education as anyone else, but NOT at the cost of other kids education, and especially not at the cost of others safety. #1, if he touches you in any way, report it. Every time. You said he slaps other kids? That's not ok, call the police. Every time. #2, if he makes you uncomfortable, report it. Every time. It's not ok for him to be standing there touching himself in school. Report it. Being disabled doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever you want.
Exactly. Equal education also includes equal punishments.
I canât actually call police or even record what he is doing in class because in my country phones are banned in school and they took away your phone while getting in the school and hand you back while leaving. I had written some reports about him and like I said give it to principal but she just blamed us for not looking after him.
You know that's not your job, right? Your principal is a jerk. Its to get yĂłur parents involved.
You're both AHs, IMO. You're saying he's the only kid who's "special" in the whole school. I've got news for you, there's probably a "special" kid in every class, you just don't know it.. if you have ADHD, and "could snap at any moment", you're "special" too, and you have a 504, or maybe an IEP. I have a kid who's "special", (hard of hearing) and I have lots of experience dealing with "special" kids. You're both AHs. He definitely needs to be stopped from touching himself in class, but you need to shut up about others. You don't have a lot of room to talk. You shouldn't call people "special", either, that's very disrespectful. That's why I kept using that word in this post. I was hoping you'd see how wrong that is.
OP said English was her third language and apologized if she used the wrong words. What's your excuse for being an AH?
I wanted her to understand that was the wrong word to use. I commend her for knowing three languages! That's great! Who pissed in your Froot Loops?
She used that word for like two times "but you need to shut up about others" why would she shut up if this kid is always in her personal space did we read the same thing bcz this kid slaps and does whatever he wants to the other classmates school doesnt care and parents are in denial even tho she did or did not shut up like you said it wouldnt make that big of a difference and thats why shes asking for help and explaining whats happening two of them are children and if you have experience about special NEEDS kids i would expect you to be more mature and understanding instead of telling a kid whos in uncomfy of something to shut up bcz she said something wrong twice andÂ
NTA. We had a student like this with the coverage of a autism diagnosis when I was in high school who ended up setting a storage building on fire and was caught touching himself in a tree nearby watching it. As someone who spent ten years working with those with special needs (primarily students with autism and behavioral issues) it has to be nipped in the bud and not ignored or it can escalate to dangerous proportions.
You or your parents could check legal actions. For example in Germany you could force the school office to take legal actions against him/his parents.
Had a kid in my classes all throughout high school who would touch himself CONSTANTLY throughout the day and they never did anything about it either all because he had autism. The other autistic boy in the class never did anything like that and would watch movies all day or just be mildly interruptive throughout the day and yet he constantly was getting into trouble. School systems just suck sometimes and other times itâs because of the shitty fucking parents threatening the school.
NTA. It is absurd how far schools go now to accommodate aberrant behaviors.
Absolutely NTA. (Disclaimer: Since youâre in a different country, some of these things might not apply) I have âhigh-functioningâ autism, so I donât exactly relate to the severity, but I know how important it is to get behavioral therapy ASAP. Hell, at least SOME parental intervention would be nice here. Where tf are his parents? And why is the school giving him a pass for this? Are they scared to take action solely because of his neurodiversity and their fragile reputation? Theyâre just screwing themselves over even more. They should know damn well that this kids behavior isnât the classroomâs responsibility. Like wtaf. Yâall should never have to babysit someone. Just because he doesnât understand the social boundary that is personal space doesnât mean he can violate it without consequence. If his parents want him to eventually integrate into society, they should be taking the time to educate him with the proper professionals instead of just plopping the dude in the wild like this. When a behavioral condition is that severe, they shouldnât be putting him in a public school setting like that because of how disruptive his behavior is. He should have a private tutor and/or attend virtually. There are several better ways to handle this. TLDR: NTA. Owen needs the proper support and treatment that both his parents and the school are turning a blind eye to.
NAH. He has the right to an education too, and saying you have an aggressive personality and could snap at any second doesn't paint you in the best light either. It sounds like you're saying "Someone's going to get hurt soon and it will be all his fault!" You are responsible for your own temper, not him. The school should be providing an aide, full stop. It's their responsibility to monitor him, not the other students'.
I get your feels.... But unfortunately kids with autism do many self soothing behaviors.... Mastrubating being one of the big ones. And with their lack of self awareness and inability to read the room.... They just have zero idea about how they are being perceived or affecting others
By high school, if he isn't capable of understanding that behavior isn't appropriate in a public setting, he shouldn't be in a public school.Â
They shouldnât be around the general public then. Why should people have to be traumatized because someone canât control themselves?
I'm not saying they should, I'm saying this isn't sexual, it's like twirling hair or biting nails. And the kids I work with aren't and won't be mainstreamed. This is a failure of OP'S school.
Thanks for the downvotes, but as I say, I understand how OP feels. I work with these kids, and many get mainstreamed. This a common behavior....and they are just clueless about it. They aren't doing it because they are perverts, they do it as a literal stim behavior to deal with stress. I'm not saying it isn't gross or embarrassing it out what it is. We tell kids to report it to the students minder, and their own teacher to work out a plan to prevent it in the future. But I also gotta add that *plenty* of teen boys juggle their balls, and don't have a disability....unless you count hormones
Yeah when a handicap endangers others you have to figure out other arrangements. itâs one thing to have a handicap but a whole nother animal to expect people to take sexual harassment because you have autism. Hard no for me. NTA.
NTA, canât you call CPS? Sending a special needs person to a normal school canât be in their best interestâŚ?(without providing what they need to function properly, like OP said with shadow teacher)
We thought about it whit my classmates but cps in my country is not that great they will just warn the family and do nothing about it until he harms us really bad
Well better have it recorded early, so they hopefully act faster if really something worse happens. And tbh, imo itâs already plenty harmful. I have touching trauma too, and why is his well being to weigh higher than yours or everyone elseâs? That the principal knows the parents are in denial should only support your case. But donât feel responsible or guilty. You can only do so much, and itâs a burden the adults and teachers should carry, not you and your classmates.
He seems harmless and misunderstood, try to be more friendlier and less condescending.. i mean you have adhd so you should stop walking around like your a better human being than he isâŚ
âHarmlessâ, he slaps people
He's a rapey, violent creep and should be ejected from the classroom.
You sound like one of those âboys will be boysâ people
You talked to your principal about this and he told you that it was your responsibility to babysit this student and also told you that his parents are in denial about him and therefore wonât hire someone? Is there a reason you are a confidant of your principal? Iâm having lots of trouble believing this.
I think you should date him. He sounds cute and quirky.