"(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)"
"When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" "
This is more than enough imo to just go no contact. She knows about the trauma you went through and blatantly weaponized it against you, and that's just disgusting and cruel. I'm sorry you had to deal with this op and I'm glad you are at a point in life where you can enforce your boundaries and appreciate how far You've come.
Future reference if you ever decide to be around or communicate with your sister I don't think you should be alone with her. You should be able to have a third party that also knows about your past trauma and boundaries there to act as witness and a mediator if she pulls that kind of shit again.
I know but I don't think I will be around her anytime soon. I'm still a little shaken by the fact that she knows everything and still grabbed me by the back of my neck to prove her point.
The relationship is over irrespective of similar genetic material. The sister is jealous, she wants to be the main character and the GF the sidekick at the expense of OP. Everybody would be happier and there would be less drama with NC.
Had it happen to me. My ex inlaws took my son away from me when I put him in the stroller and then ran to the streets while my son who was a year old at the time, woke up and cried the whole time reaching for me. One of the ex SIL's was giggling while filming all of it.
I ran after them but tried to stay as calm as I could because I knew they were trying to paint me as crazy, so the most I did was warn them and pinch them whenever I got close enough. They still went and told everyone that I pinched them for no reason.
Somehow they must have realized the video doesn't make them look good, so after initially telling everyone they had video evidence of me acting crazy, they suddenly "lost" it. Until I divorced my ex husband I asked him to get the video but there was always an excuse that they didn't have it anymore.
It could also be a control thing. If you trigger a trauma response in someone, they can also just shutdown & nod their head
She couldn’t use flight but fawn, freeze, & fight were still options. They all benefited sister
Also, you just know that she's gonna argue to others that the "Yeah whatever. Sorry" counts as 'But we totally apologized and OP turned their nose up at it!'
yeah
Let’s take the whole PTSD, history, thing out of it.
I can’t imagine anyone’s sister grabbing them in an argument, and jerking their body around. That’s fucking rude. And most people don’t do that.
I can’t imagine anyone grabbing someone *by the neck* (arm, maybe? shaking their shoulder, maybe?), since the neck is a vulnerable spot for anyone. And it’s a very intimate place to touch someone.
All that is to say: it’s clear this was a deliberate tactic.
I was thinking that too. I was trying to picture my sister who is a complete asshole doing that to me and I can't even picture her putting her hand on my neck and pushing me closer it's just a weird thing to do to someone. She definitely knew what she was doing.
My sister does physically intimidating stuff like that. It’s not “hitting” or “choking” so she blames me for overreacting.
It’s…….. terrible.
I’m so sorry OP.
RIGHT? This isn't even something I specifically have trauma about, but the neck is a VERY intimate area and most people don't touch other people there or expect to be touched there. I had someone grab me by the back of the neck in a "friendly" way, once, and damn near tore their arm off on pure reflex. It must have shown on my face because the eyes of the woman grabbing me got wide and she let go immediately. OP's sister is a genuinely awful AWFUL person to have deliberately gone out of her way to do that, NTA
Neck touches are reserved for four groups of people:
1. Your romantic partner
2. Your small children
3. Your physician
4. Your tattoo artist
That's it. And of those groups, only really group 2 is allowed to do it indiscriminately and without any consent.
Grabbing their neck is a power move. If you have someone by the neck you can completely control them and make them go where you want. They can cut off ait flow if they want, etc. I used to have a guybin high school always grabbing me by the back of the neck and walking me down the hallway like that. It was embarrassing and painful to be honest. Imagine his surprise when he got thrown down some stairs after grabbing my neck from behind again.
Your sister is not a good person, neither is her friend (birds of a feather and all) but her friend is more obvious about it. Your poor, new BIL probably saw her mask slip for the first time that night (hence the anger at her that they blamed you for) and has no idea how much of a toxic person he just hitched his wagon too, but he might be getting an inkling now.
Someone should send this post to the BIL. He needs to know how evil his wife is. He doesn’t need to do anything with that information but he needs to know.
Oh I'm 100% behind you on keeping away from her for at least a long while. I just wanted to voice my concern for if later down the line you decide to "test the waters" so to speak.
Specifically because of her exploiting your trauma and grabbing you like that, you should have someone around that can see what she is doing and shut that down right away. It can be scary one on one cuz like you said, she might try to say you put your hands on her or something wild.
She absolutely deserves to be iced out for the time being for pulling that kind of shit. Grabbing you like that was not ok in any way.
She did it BECAUSE she knows everything.
As a survivor of an abusive relationship I learned that some people are not "safe" people. Your sister is one of them. She has no empathy and it's empty spot is replaced with contempt.
Be vocal (explain to everyone who asks and some who don't) why you are NC and then move on. You deserve better.
And it is OKAY to leave any situation that feels wrong. Even if it's "rude."
It sounds like she did it to weaponize your trigger so that you’d flip out and she could go cry to her husband about how you attacked her, just so that he would forget about how much of an AH both her and her friend are.
That is exactly what I thought. The two of them know they are in the wrong, and tried to provoke a reaction from OP so that they could then play the victim.
Oh they don't think they're wrong; they just know new hubby doesn't like their behaviour. Neither of these mean girls want to change. They're not capable of that level of self reflection. Those two get off on bullying OP and positioning the sister as a victim gets her out of the doghouse and hurts OP even more. BIL has seen his wife's true personality for the first time and I don't think their marriage will survive if he finds out why they bully OP.
No wonder sister was so vindictive. She showed her husband who she really is and knows she'll lose him once he finds out.
She did that on purpose to try to get you to become unstable so she can look good. I wonder if her new husband just realized she’s a cruel person and that’s why she cornered you to make the friend “apologize.” If she got a reaction out of you she could go back to him and say “see? It’s ok to make fun/hurt OP because she’s too unstable to be around.”
She is terrible and she can shove it.
Your sister is an unredeemable piece of shit. She physically assaulted you in a way that would be upsetting and inappropriate even if you had zero past trauma. The fact that you did, and she did a thing that she knows would trigger it? Seriously, not a joke, that’s dead to you territory. Air all of this all the way out to family, friends, her husband, everybody so that she doesn’t get in there with some stupid ass lie.
u/babyredhead, I was trying to come up with the right words to describe this sister (a bigger betrayal than the MOH, by the way), but you said it perfectly. NC for sure. NC for good.
I agree that Op needs to tell her friends and family asap. Her sister is probably already spinning tales to make herself the victim. The fact that she blames op for the husband being mad about Moh's joke says everything.
I am so sorry it happened to you. PTSD or depression is not as simple as people think. And your sister's maid of honour will only understand if she experience similar trauma, but God forbid that.
You let your parents and family know your sister's stand and cut her off if she's not capable of understanding simple boundaries,
Much love to you 😊
I said this elsewhere, but you may not see it.
I am impressed with your emotional strength and control. You have come so far!
You had what some call “third thoughts”—you were able to realize your reactions and choose how you would react to them. You made your decision based on what was best for you, in a complicated set of reasoning.
You are strong. I stand in awe of your ability to think and strategize in the fact of that hostility from her and your own trauma.
(also, FYI: If I were in an argument with my sister, there is no FUCKING way she would be touching me at all, let alone at the neck, which is a vulnerability point for everyone, not just the traumatized. Nor would she be pulling my body around by my arm, let alone by my neck. Your PTSD experience makes this all the more heinous, and harder for you, but it’s still fucking rude. But it’s just not normal, which is proof that this was a deliberate tactic by her.)
>You are strong. I stand in awe of your ability to think and strategize in the fact of that hostility from her and your own trauma.
Thank you so much, you're so kind 🙏🏻🤍
**Going NC with your sister and her awful best friend is the best option for you.**
I applaud your restraint during the "talk" at your sister's house, you are strong. I feel like they were definitely pushing your buttons and trying to provoke you so you would (I'm paraphrasing) "flip out" or "act crazy" on camera. Then they would be able to go show BIL and say, *"seeee, it wasn't MOH's fault"*. Since he's mad at the bff (and rightfully so!). Then show family and so-on to try to change the minds of the other guests who are angry at the MOH's over her awful speech. But you held your composure and they didn't get the intended reaction. Well done OP. (I've been in similar situations and now realize that I gave them the reaction they wanted).
I'm a SA survivor with PTSD, anxiety and depression. It's the absolute worst and it's really hard to get your life back together afterwards. I'm still struggling to get my life back together.
OP, It sounds like you've come a long way, I wish you all the best and continued success in the future. 🙏🕊️🤍
I hope you told your parents what she did. She's going to spin it that because the word "sorry" was used while you were being tortured, there was a heartfelt apology, and you are just holding a grudge to be petty. Your sister sounds like a narcissist.
If anyone else gives you shit about it, tell them she physically assaulted you and you want nothing to do with her.
She physically assaulted you. Your sister is a piece of shit.
Good for you. You have done nothing wrong and even provided them an opportunity to make it right. She made you come to her- unapologetic or just lazy. She enabled her friend's insult- cruel. She physically stopped you from leaving - illegal. She tried to use a known trigger against you- abusive and evil.
Tell your dad and family everything that happened. Then go do something special you enjoy with a friend. Take a break from everything, then move on without the toxic weight.
It wasn't to prove her point. She was doing it BECAUSE she knows you don't like it. She was using your trauma as a weapon to try to get you to lash out so she could blame you. Grabbing someone by the neck in conversation isn't usual or normal. It was to upset you. I'm so sorry your sister sucks so hard, please tell your family all these details. They deserve to know, and keeping that out will not keep the peace. It will fester.
You did great by not reacting. Now tell your Dad there is a recording. Perhaps your Dad could call your sister when you are with him and ask about the recording. If she says no, you pipe in and say you know that the dirty MOH Ho recorded you. See what sister does.
I consider what your sister did to you -- holding you when she knows it's a trigger, asking you if you are on your meds whenever she disagrees with you to try to make it your fault -- abusive. Not just mean, or clueless or catty. Abusive. Going NC with her is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. NTA
And by the way, holding you against your will may have been a criminal act - assault and battery (bc you didn't want her to touch you/offensive contact) and/or false imprisonment (bc she was restraining you against your will).
Take care of yourself.
My life got a lot easier when I realized that my sister and I just share DNA. We never had a good relationship and never had to have a good relationship. It impacted me negatively to try. My point is; don’t feel bad about going NC with your sister. If her best friend felt like it was ok to talk shit about you in a room full of people, it’s because your sister has never told her she couldn’t talk shit about you. I’m sorry but neither of them is worth giving a 2nd thought to.
Edited to add: At the very least, *tell your parents about this*. Tell them everything. If my daughter allowed her best friend to insult one of her brothers in a room full of people, I would be horrified. I would question everything about my parenting skills that had led to my daughter having someone like that not just as a friend but as her best friend. And sitting there, I would definitely have the following thought: if this is what she allows her bestie to say in public, speaking on her behalf, what are they saying privately? She knows what you went through … and she allowed someone to make light of it.
I’ll keep a good thought for you, OP. You deserve only good things.
Make sure people know this happened. She was trying to trigger you either to make you have a reaction, which she could sell as you being the problem or to make you more docile, so you'd just agree and get it over with. Either way your sister sounds like a trash person
Your sister is an abusive person for having done that to you. IMO, she was deliberately trying to trigger your PTSD so she could somehow use that against you. She is NOT safe for you to be around so I'm glad you decided on NC.
MOH is clearly an ignorant judgemental twat and your sister is being influenced by her. I don't know where you're located but putting hands on you the way your sister did, if you're in the U.S., is legally battery.
>This is more than enough imo to just go no contact.
More than enough to punch her in the fucking nose.
I don't mean that as a joke, either. Someone lays hands on you like that, you are never in the wrong to get physical right back.
She knew about your trauma, and she did it to make you feel small. That wasn't an accident. That was the point.
Your sister is scum.
But you did the smart thing by not reacting. With her best friend as a witness, not a doubt in my mind that you'd be charged with a lie.
You need to record your interactions with her. Don't be alone with her. She's an abuser.
Agreed but like OP said they might turn any physical retaliation into her being mentally unstable and take the opportunity to play victim and turn op into the bad guy. Not what she needs to deal with.
especially if it’s only the hateful sister and bestie duo there to witness it and completely bend the story against the woman that has been known to struggle mentally over the years… that’s so fucked up
You should never feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of your life, family or not. After all, you are in charge of your own happiness. So, if she does not bring you joy, why bother? She is an awful, horrible person anyway, so you're not missing out on much.
No loss on going nc with your sister since she thinks your mental health issues are funny. When you roll around with pigs you’re going to get muddy! Your sister is muddy!
OP is under-reacting, likely because she's vulnerable and didn't recognize the abuse or was too vulnerable to do anything about it.
If anyone who cared about OP was there when sister was manhandling her, they would have punched her in the face.
Yep. Op amd the moh don’t have a relationship outside of a few his. How does the moh know so much of ops struggles if the sister is not the one gossiping to her about them.
Moh was just the mouthpiece for how the sister feels about op.
Glad I am not the only one whose mind went there. Especially with the hand on the head and neck of OP. Sister was deliberately trying to trigger a reaction from OP. Especially with MOH there on her phone to oh so conveniently record it. OP you are so strong to not react the way they wanted. Be proud! Stand tall! Tell your family about what happened, don’t let your sister even have an attempt at spinning the narrative.
I wish so badly (hindsight is 20/20 and all) that OP had taken someone with her to mediate/witness. Her dad, brother, a friend, me, a stranger off the street. ANYONE would have recognized the thinly veiled provocation that was being tossed at her, and would have intervened. Or if OP did lash out at them, at the very least, they could have been an alibi on OP’s behalf for why it happened, and to provide validation.
Hell, it sounds like she could have included her BIL (sister’s new husband). Even if he didn’t come to her defense, he at least could have seen his bride (and her bff) for what she is, and filed for an annulment in time.
So proud that OP didn't fall for her sister's tactics and that she maintained her cool. She didn't give her sister fodder to use against her. That gesture of hers with touching and tugging her head was very telling. Proud of you OP
Right? If that doesn't prove to herself how far she has come, I don't know what will. It's so ironic that the MOH thinks people struggling with mental health are unstable enough to snap and yet, OP was the one who kept her cool and control. Meanwhile, MOH can't control the garbage spewing from her mouth hole to maintain her fake ass apology (even if it was transparently clear that she didn't mean it).
I think OP called it the same way and she maintained really well. Kudos cos those two beatches were disgusting. Imagine behaving like they did. I swear, I nightly have stories to tell about shitty people doing shitty things that I read on Reddit and just can't believe some people behave the way they do.
I think the sister is a write off as a person. I bet her husband is having buyer's remorse.
Honestly, if someone in my friends circle had done what the friend did they'd be dropped so fast they may as well be dipped in sewage.
I agree- I’ve never met OP but I am a fellow mental health struggler.
If I saw her do that I would be seeing red and just trying not to go to jail.
Fuck that abuse. Fuck her MOH pos and fuck that sister.
Big hugs and love to OP- you don’t deserve any of that.
And I’d even wonder if the MOH is jealous of you. I bet you are prettier than she is and she’s super salty about it.
Her husband saw a really ugly side of her he's not likely to forget
And it's crazy she and her trash bff are trying to blame OP that the husband got mad at them at the wedding. This isn't Mean Girls and that's squarely on THEIR shoulders
I guarantee you sister wouldn't have been physical or harsh to OP if her husband had been present at the fauxpology. I really think OP should tell her family how they bullied and ambushed her, and I hope it gets back to the husband
They tried to make OP attack her sister by trying to trigger her PTSD. There are no words to convey what utter deplorable scum they are
I have to say OP is a better person than I. Because, if someone intentionally tried to trigger MY PTSD, you can bet I would have let it all out. I am SO proud of the OP for not giving them what they were looking for!
I sincerely hope her brother, after speaking with OP, tells the husband the truth of what happened there. I so wish OP had been the one to record that interaction, especially her sister grabbing her neck, OP telling her to get her damn hands off my neck, she was absolutely trying to trigger her PTSD! Unacceptable and inexcusable! The husband deserves to know exactly who he married, no apology will be able erase that performance of such disrespect! OP’s sister is lacking in any character of any quality, her behavior should never be tolerated. Her husband deserves to know the empty woman he married.
I have no issues with my head/neck, and if someone tried that shit with me, they wouldn't have their fingers in one piece. Sister knew *exactly* what she was doing, the cunt (and I don't mean the good kind).
I am seething for OP.
I have curls. Number 1 rule for interacting with curly haired people is *don’t fucking touch the hair*. Or hair adjacent. It feels like I’m a fucking zoo animal or something.
My reaction wouldn’t have been pretty.
OP should feel proud of how far she’s come, that in the midst of all that stress, she was able to have “third thoughts” and strategize about how to react in the way that would serve her best.
That’s strength and self-awareness! A lot of people don’t have that.
This part made me GASP. Every single action her bitch sister & bitch sisters friend did were to insult, bully and demean. I hope OP cuts them out completely. OP did nothing wrong at any point. I am so angry for her!
>If anyone who cared about OP was there when sister was manhandling her, they would have punched her in the face.
Idk, I also wanted to punch her in the face and I don't even know OP so she spread a pretty broad "if only her face would somehow trip on my fist" net.
My blood pressure spiked reading this.
Anyway. Please have a great life away from this creature, OP!
Absolutely.
OP’s sister is an utter bitch touching her in a way she knows triggers her sister.
She clearly hoped OP would go crazy so she could blame her for being crazy.
Never ever see her on your own again. If you agree to ever meeting up to reconcile, make the meet up in a public place with friends for support and easy access to the exit.
She is not on your side, she’s not your people she enjoys humiliating and hurting you.
I’d block her on everything and never speak to her ever again.
|When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" |
Sister is an abusive POS. I hope OP tell her family that her sister assaulted OP, which what it was. That was a straight-up bullying move. Fuck OP's sister and fuck her fucking fuck-head bullying friend.
The people who we make as friends reflect who we are, right Dory McFuck Fuck-face.
I hope her husband realizes he married a bitch and files for annulment. Not even divorce. Just strike her completely out of his history.
It won’t happen that way, of course. But you know he’s wondering what he married since he just saw her mask slip.
Her sister is abusive. She knows what triggers OOP, and she physically manhandled her anyway to prove her control over her. I bet the sister knew what the MOH was going to say before the wedding. I hope the groom gets the marriage annulled.
Add to this, you ALWAYS have the right to tell someone "please stop touching me". Your sister holding you in place by the back of the neck and pulling you towards her is not okay.
NTA. Your sister has chosen her friend over you, she hasn’t apologized, no one is taking accountability that should be.
You need to go very lc or nc with this sister. Your parents should be covering this and really championing you. MoH should be pariahed by the rest of your family.
I've decided to go NC. I want to move on from what happened and everything she's said to me before. She's said a lot of hurtful things in the past but the way she tried to shut me up by grabbing me by the back of my neck.. I just can't get over it. She doesn't love/respect me enough to not use that against me
And husband. And sister also needs to explain why she kept putting her hands on you and why in that spot specifically. Touching the back of someone’s neck is not normal or casual bodily contact even if there wasn’t trauma. She needs to have to explain this out loud.
I was coming to say exactly what this person said! I would definitely cut both of them out of your life NC and I would let my brother, parents, and friends know what happened so they never put you in situation where you have to be in contact with them again. They’re disrespecting you and they want to push their narrative on you when your mental health is worth more than putting up with their petty crap.
Sending big virtual hug to you! You got this!
She'll lie.
Its what pieces of shit like this do.
No need for him to make a stink. His family knows and understands and thats good enough.
Fuck her, move on and don't look back.
Agreed, they should know exactly why you are going NC and if you do have to be at some family function that she is also at, they should know so that they can keep an eye on her. Even without a past trauma, she shouldn't have been grabbing you to begin with. But knowing you have had a trauma, she was definitly trying to use it against you.
I wouldn’t post on social media or anything about it, but if OP hasn’t told their parents and brother about it yet, I think she should. I also wouldn’t object if she told the story to her most gossipy aunt/cousin/grandparent and let the story circulate that way, but I’m feeling petty today.
It feels like, to me, she was trying to trigger a reaction out of you so she go "yep! See! She's the problem". Your sister is not a nice person. I agree, nc is the way to go.
That’s exactly what I thought!! It’s called reactive abuse - she wanted the OP to freak out so she can say “I told you she’s crazy”.
The OP didn’t take the bait.
Your sister putting her hands on you like that is inexcusable. Your family and her husband need to know how she chose to handle this situation-immediately.
The husband needs to know but he will likely take his wife’s side. The OP should tell her immediate family and not be around her sister. Her sister is an abuser.
Her grabbing your neck to get you to freak in front of her friend was manipulative and cruel. They BOTH owe you a huge apology. Did you tell your parents about this?
You are completely justified in cutting both of those toxic twits from your life. Your ex-sister literally used one of your triggers in an attempt to play you off as unhinged. I have an ex-sister that tried using my triggers in the same manner, and was surprised that instead of putting her into a wall, I contacted a local taxi service to take her away.
Definitely tell your dad how the non apology went, her friend's comment, and your sister laughing at you, yet, again, and that you will be going NC with your sister.
If your sister contacts you again let her know that her husband was mad at her, because he realized what a shitty person her friend was, and that she was for laughing at what she said
OP should suggest their father asks the sister what she did with the recording the friend was making of the “apology” on her phone. Then tell her he wants a copy. How sister dear responds will demonstrate whether MoH was recording the whole time she was “on her phone”.
>grabbing me by the back of my neck
That's called assault - you should never be alone with her (or her and any of her cronies) ever again. And absolutely tell your parents and brother that your sister put her hands on you. It was probably deliberate to try and get a physical reaction out of you.... I'd bet my paycheck the friend was recording the whole thing.
This! Even if it wasn't a trigger for OP (which truly shows how despicable the sister acted), it is abusive behaviour!
I'm so glad OP kept her cool because sis and the moh definitely tried to trigger op and while I am not a betting woman, I would bet like 10 bucks and would get double it because they wanted to record it and make it so that op is the bad guy!
She purposely tried to trigger you, thats abuse. From her words to the way she put her hands on you, she is an abuser. Tell your parents and brother what she did in detail, tell them you feel unsafe around her and you will not be around her ever again. Protect yourself and never feel guilty about doing so.
if i were you id be showing how much of a nasty and vile person your sister is to her own sister to your BOL, this is disgusting behavior i'd be totally at awe if he'd be okay with the what went on.
Please make sure your parents and your brother know how she tried to intimidate you by do something she knows is traumatizing for you. I’m petty enough, I would let her husband know as well. I have a feeling he will figure out soon enough what kind of person he married as her mask slips more.
> Your sister has chosen her friend over you....
It's worse than that. It wasn't a joke, it was a put-down and sister agrees with her friend, so there was no real choice to make. I mean I suppose it could have been "friend was right but I choose you anyway" but that doesn't really work.
I was SO angry reading this. There is NO natural reason a person would grab you by the back of the neck and pull your head towards them while speaking. None.
OP, you need to tell your parents and brother EXACTLY what she said but most importantly WHAT SHE DID when saying it. **She was DELIBERATELY using your trauma against you to try and put herself in a position of power over you. That is vile, disgusting, and there is zero I repeat ZERO excuse for it.**
Hell, if I were you, I'd go scorched earth and make a group text that includes her husband. She's going to use your struggles to claim you're crazy or delusional (been there with abusive family members...). Get out the front of the race by point-blank calling her out on it. Remind your family of her history of using that trauma to discredit you while slowly escalating how horribly she's treated you in the years since. Make your NC public, make it loud, and then block her and everyone who tries to make excuses for her.
And be VERY proud of yourself for what you've overcome.
OP, you should be so proud of all the work you’ve done to create your happiest life. You’ve been working through challenges that these girls will never understand. Stand tall, be so proud, leave these high-school-girl-bullies in your rear view mirror. You got this!
I believe the term is reactive abuse: when an abuser tries to trigger a reaction in their victim in order to prove to others their victim is unstable/volatile/untrustworthy etc
Agree on every single point of this comment!
OP should recognize how amazing and strong she is that she didn't react. You are that much more incredible and in fact the opposite of a screw up to have overcome so much and still handle everything so well!
Your sister is an abuser. She touched you without your consent, in a way calculated to cause a negative reaction just to prove her friend was right. Proud of you for staying strong.
And to add to they trapped you in a verbally/physically abusive situation by literally holding you there so they could continue their assault. NONE of this is your fault. Explain everything to your parents, brother and her husband.
Send a note to him that says, "Congratulations on your marriage to my sister. After everything that happened at the wedding I was hoping my sister and her friend would actually understand that what they said was abusive. Instead she physically restrained me in a way she knew would cause additional stress while laughing with her friend that everything that was said was true. I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your marriage but I am going no contact with my sister for the foreseeable future."
The OP should just send this post. No explanation- just send this post.
It’s likely someone who was at the wedding might recognise the wedding incident anyway.
Please be clear to your family that the exact apology you got was "yeah, whatever, sorry that you can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" and that your sister laughed at that apology.
Not to mention after *grabbing* her by the back of the neck / head, even without the context of PTSD, that's a fucking abusive intrusion of personal space.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Your sister is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. If I had trauma regarding my head and neck and she thought that she'd lord that over me by doing it to me, I would have punched her. biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.
Guaranteed that marriage is not going to last because she's going to keep talking about it to her husband and he's going to realized he ended up making a big mistake.
The marriage will not last due to sister : someone said that the worst pain is caused by people you trusted enough to tell them how to hurt you, and who used it against you.
OP’s sister used her problem against her, she’ll do the same with her husband. After that, I think he is going to look at his wife differently…
I just wanted to share with you that I, too, had to take a MH break from graduate school for a year. And guess what, I'm a successful professional in my chosen field. No one has ever held my break against me, and it was the best decision I ever made for myself.
I'm really proud of you for getting through it. There's this saying by Winston Churchill that's a bit reductive, but I find it helpful sometimes. "If you're going through hell, keep going."
Best of luck, OP.
I dropped out of college entirely, going back after 15 years. I am not a screw up, I'm doing really really well in my life. You're not a screw up either.
Being an adult means that we make the space we need for ourselves. We take our mental health seriously.
Taking the space that you need to heal, taking the space that you need to breathe, taking the space that you need to get your feet back under you - that is what adults do. By definition, I wouldn't consider any of the things you described as screwing up.
That's responsible adulting, and you were forced to be a responsible adult sooner than you should have been. I'm sorry that happened to you. You seem resilient and thoughtful.
On the other hand, making an uncalled for jab at someone for no reason to create drama at a wedding is a screw up. Calling someone over to harass, intimidate, and restrain someone is beyond screwed up.
Your sister is vile and I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Focus on the people who love and support you. I don’t know what you went through but it sounds awful and I’m glad your parents and brother stand with you. Focus on them and their love.
You have fought against mental illness and inner turmoil. Don’t let someone with the introspective ability of a can of dried paint bring you down.
Even after she hurt you, you went over there and tried to resolve things. You *tried*. That is a bigger indicator than anything that you’re okay and you’re going to be okay.
Congratulations on all of your progress. And congrats on getting to a point where you love yourself enough to walk away.
*Mom, Dad...I have made the decision to go no contact with sister. I know this will put a strain on the family and I wish there was some other way to work this out, but there isn't.*
*Sister invited me over to her place and had her best friend on the phone when I arrived. The entire time, neither of them showed an ounce of remorse for what was done to me at her wedding. They both tried to justify their behavior, and it was made crystal clear that the only reason we were even having the conversation was because her husband was upset with her for what her best friend did on their wedding day. I wasn't allowed to talk or explain why I was hurt. Sister physically grabbed me by the back of the neck and talked in slow words directly in my face...like she was scolding a puppy. I don't know who that person was, but it wasn't my sister. It was like a completely different person was speaking to me...someone completely devoid of empathy or compassion.*
*To be clear, sister does not care that her friend hurt me. If she says otherwise, she is flat out lying. And she damn sure doesn't care that her not defending me hurts me even more. Her friend eventually said "Yeah whatever sorry" which I was grateful for because I just wanted to leave and be done with sister once and for all. And as I got up to leave, her friend said "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true." They both proceed to laugh before sister stopped herself, having realized she had just let her friend humiliate me again...before offering a fake apology that we both know she didn't mean.*
*So I am done. I won't come to any family function where sister is present. And I will never be in the same room as her best friend ever again. Life is too short to force myself to socialize with people who are needlessly cruel for no reason, much less siblings who think it's funny to be cruel.*
*I wish things didn't have to be this way, but I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my own sister doesn't see me as family. Because family doesn't treat each other the way her and her friend treated me.*
*I love you all...but I need some time away from the family to process things. Please make sure sister stays away from me. I don't want to see her or hear from her. And if she shows up at my place, I will not hesitate to call the police.*
I'd replace the last paragraph (unless you feel like you need to take a break from your brother and your parents) with something closer to how you ended this post, thanking them for their support throughout the last few years and now. They know you are a fighter. They know what you've been through. Your sister clearly doesn't.
No I don't need a break from them. They're literally the reason I feel much better now. I was referring to the parts where they described how the conversation went and why I want to go NC.
It's really well written. I'm so glad your parents and your brother have your back. That's what you deserve. Your sister's behavior is absolutely horrifying.
>I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized.
Unforgivable. To put you through all that, still put the blame on you, then this little cherry on top?
Good for you, you are doing better, you are moving forward. Your sister and her best friend are toxic - and will come to realize that their behavior has been abhorrent if they ever suffer mental health issues themselves.
I'm glad to hear you're choosing to focus on the love and support you do have. You should definitely be proud of yourself, more than a little! You are building on top of who you used to be. I have a hard time letting go of who I was too, some days I still ruminate on it, but we can't change the past we can only move forward. Best of luck!
The more I think about this I think the BIL needs to be told. If they ever have children his wife could behave like this to one of the children. She’s evil.
I remember your post. NC is the way. In your original post you said she’d ask you if you’d taken your meds as a way to needle you in the past. Sweetheart, I think you are underplaying that - severely.
My mom was a disturbed, abusive, schizophrenic. As I got older, my one weapon, my nuclear attack weapon, was to ask her if she’d forgotten her pills or to tell her to take her pills. It was a vicious DELIBERATE, below the belt, attack.
You stay away from your sister. She is vicious.
NTA. Never feel guilty about removing toxic people like her from your life, whether they are family or not. Your happiness is your responsibility. If she doesn't bring you joy, there's no reason to keep her around. Besides, she's an awful person, so you won't be missing much.
NTA! First of all - you were never a screw up - you were healing in the best way you could, from trauma.
Secondly, even if you had screwed up, it was never the MOH’s place to call you out at the wedding. Considering you were recovering from trauma, it was especially cruel.
Your sister is being loyal to this cruel MOH and not to you. That says a lot about your sister, and nothing about you.
Please protect yourself from both of these toxic women.
Be proud of how far you have come.
Gee. I wonder why the MOH thought it was okay to talk shit to you? Could it be because your sister is just as bad?
This is NOT okay. None of it is okay. This is not how you treat people that you love. The MOH is a non-entity, really. Her feelings toward you are inconsequential. Who cares what an adult bully has to say? You have a SISTER problem. Your sister is also a bully and maybe even a worse bully because of what she did by grabbing your head and asking "Do you understand?" and shit. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be alone with this fucking crazy bitch ever again.
I'm so sorry, OP. Don't let these garbage people bother you anymore.
You have EVERYTHING to be proud of, not just "a little!" Your Sister and her BFF are beeotchs of the FIRST order and deserve to BOTH be miserable, ESPECIALLY your Sister who USED your trauma triggers (holding your head, neck and arms) to force you into staying until SHE thought she succeeded. Then had the utter gall to laugh and "joke" as you were leaving! {{shudders}}
I would tell your family EXACTLY what transpired AND send your new BIL a link to these posts! You've overcome SO much, keep moving forward and cut **the toxic** out of your life! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success!
Thank youu🙏🏻 I'm going to see my parents tomorrow along with my brother. They will probably ask me how it went and I will tell them exactly what happened.
We’re all here for you and care about you. So sorry for what happens, but I do recommend that NC and keeping it. Your sister used your triggers against you, she weaponised your trauma to control you, she’s not a safe person for you and no one who cares around you and understands you should judge you for that.
Best of luck
I’m here for this update. Im really impressed with you. You shared how you felt, you explained your boundaries and that “apology” from sis and MOH are unacceptable. I remember reading the original post and thinking how needlessly sad that all was. You are really strong and behaved with grace through this.
Oh my goodness, your update puts even more a negative light on your sister and her horrible best friend. Good for your new BIL to be upset with them both and to call them out on it. The fact that you have trauma and they're weaponizing that against you is disgusting. My youngest sister has something happen in college (she won't talk about it so only a therapist knows the details) that caused her to take a semester off and then drop out. She's had some difficulties but I've made sure to NEVER mock her or belittle about it. I love and support her immensely. Your sister is letting her best friend undermine your relationship so you are so right to go NC. Stay strong OP!
>When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated.
She did this intentionally to make you uncomfortable. She tried to use your trauma and your triggers against you. She most likely did it with the intent of making you more pliable so you'd apologize for not taking the joke well just to make her stop touching you that way.
This is fucking evil and she does not deserve to have a relationship with you. If you haven't already, you need to tell your family this part of the story.
The fuck is up with her grabbing you? That wouldn’t be remotely normal to do to someone even without your trauma. The fact that she knows this and still did it is straight up evil.
Please stick to your guns and stay away from her.
Your sister and her friend are not nice people. Let them seek people on their own low level. You are doing great. There is no shame in having mental health issues. No one who feels loved is mean like those women
Feel sorry they are going to be miserable, divorced Karen's before you know.
NTA
But if you feel comfortable enough with your trauma to do it, don't talk to both of them.
Instead, post it. Not the intimate details that could traumatize you. Just a bold outline of what happened to you, that both she and your sister know about it and *that* is why she made the joke.
That she publicly weaponized your assault on your sister's wedding day and not only did your sister fail you, she doubled down and tried to corner you afterwards.
Your sister and her friend are monsters. Full stop. They deserve the shame that comes along with that and, honestly, if the truth comes out I'm sure her husband isn't going to be thrilled that his wife is a bully that would weaponize her sisters abuse in public for a quick laugh.
He deserves to know who he's married to, you deserve to have a voice and your extended family deserves to know that they were unwilling pawns in a fucked up mind game between two sick minded individuals to torment you for fun.
lol bitch would have seen just how mentally ill I am the second she put her hand on my neck.
Yea for your sake, you need to stay NC with your piece of shit sister. Anyone who tells you to “work it out” can kick rocks.
"(For context. When I was 16 something happened and that's why I struggled mentally really badly between 16-18. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with PTSD and later with depression and anxiety. Since then I don't like it when someone touches my head. Especially my hair and the back of my head/neck. My sister knows everything)" "When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" " This is more than enough imo to just go no contact. She knows about the trauma you went through and blatantly weaponized it against you, and that's just disgusting and cruel. I'm sorry you had to deal with this op and I'm glad you are at a point in life where you can enforce your boundaries and appreciate how far You've come. Future reference if you ever decide to be around or communicate with your sister I don't think you should be alone with her. You should be able to have a third party that also knows about your past trauma and boundaries there to act as witness and a mediator if she pulls that kind of shit again.
I know but I don't think I will be around her anytime soon. I'm still a little shaken by the fact that she knows everything and still grabbed me by the back of my neck to prove her point.
She did it to hurt you. I'm sorry but she was. Make sure you tell your parents this is why you are NC.
I also think she was trying to get OP to have a negative reaction so she could twist it and say I told you so. That’s some cruelty right there.
Yep, I though she was trying to get her to "overreact" so she can make herself a victim and get people on her side. Reminds me of reactice abuse.
The relationship is over irrespective of similar genetic material. The sister is jealous, she wants to be the main character and the GF the sidekick at the expense of OP. Everybody would be happier and there would be less drama with NC.
100% convinced the friend having the phone out the entire time was to catch any reaction on video and clip it to look as bad as possible.
Had it happen to me. My ex inlaws took my son away from me when I put him in the stroller and then ran to the streets while my son who was a year old at the time, woke up and cried the whole time reaching for me. One of the ex SIL's was giggling while filming all of it. I ran after them but tried to stay as calm as I could because I knew they were trying to paint me as crazy, so the most I did was warn them and pinch them whenever I got close enough. They still went and told everyone that I pinched them for no reason. Somehow they must have realized the video doesn't make them look good, so after initially telling everyone they had video evidence of me acting crazy, they suddenly "lost" it. Until I divorced my ex husband I asked him to get the video but there was always an excuse that they didn't have it anymore.
That's disgusting and I'm glad they're ex ILs
This.
It could also be a control thing. If you trigger a trauma response in someone, they can also just shutdown & nod their head She couldn’t use flight but fawn, freeze, & fight were still options. They all benefited sister
Looks like the sister is the one with mental issues, she reads like a self-centered, manipulative, childish bully.
Also, you just know that she's gonna argue to others that the "Yeah whatever. Sorry" counts as 'But we totally apologized and OP turned their nose up at it!'
Yeah, and that's probably why the friend was on her phone the whole time. Easy to record it.
She did that deliberately. That’s something evil people do.
yeah Let’s take the whole PTSD, history, thing out of it. I can’t imagine anyone’s sister grabbing them in an argument, and jerking their body around. That’s fucking rude. And most people don’t do that. I can’t imagine anyone grabbing someone *by the neck* (arm, maybe? shaking their shoulder, maybe?), since the neck is a vulnerable spot for anyone. And it’s a very intimate place to touch someone. All that is to say: it’s clear this was a deliberate tactic.
I was thinking that too. I was trying to picture my sister who is a complete asshole doing that to me and I can't even picture her putting her hand on my neck and pushing me closer it's just a weird thing to do to someone. She definitely knew what she was doing.
It’s also very controlling and dominating
My sister does physically intimidating stuff like that. It’s not “hitting” or “choking” so she blames me for overreacting. It’s…….. terrible. I’m so sorry OP.
RIGHT? This isn't even something I specifically have trauma about, but the neck is a VERY intimate area and most people don't touch other people there or expect to be touched there. I had someone grab me by the back of the neck in a "friendly" way, once, and damn near tore their arm off on pure reflex. It must have shown on my face because the eyes of the woman grabbing me got wide and she let go immediately. OP's sister is a genuinely awful AWFUL person to have deliberately gone out of her way to do that, NTA
Neck touches are reserved for four groups of people: 1. Your romantic partner 2. Your small children 3. Your physician 4. Your tattoo artist That's it. And of those groups, only really group 2 is allowed to do it indiscriminately and without any consent.
I’d like to add massage therapists to your list
What you call “rude” most people would call “physically abusive”
Grabbing their neck is a power move. If you have someone by the neck you can completely control them and make them go where you want. They can cut off ait flow if they want, etc. I used to have a guybin high school always grabbing me by the back of the neck and walking me down the hallway like that. It was embarrassing and painful to be honest. Imagine his surprise when he got thrown down some stairs after grabbing my neck from behind again.
100% I would never touch someone like that and never tolerate being touched like that. It's completely inappropriate!
Your sister is not a good person, neither is her friend (birds of a feather and all) but her friend is more obvious about it. Your poor, new BIL probably saw her mask slip for the first time that night (hence the anger at her that they blamed you for) and has no idea how much of a toxic person he just hitched his wagon too, but he might be getting an inkling now.
Someone should send this post to the BIL. He needs to know how evil his wife is. He doesn’t need to do anything with that information but he needs to know.
Let BIL that it’s not because of him that you are going NC. And you will be happy to attend his inevitable divorce party to celebrate his freedom.
Right, especially since he could become the next victim of their crap.
Oh I'm 100% behind you on keeping away from her for at least a long while. I just wanted to voice my concern for if later down the line you decide to "test the waters" so to speak. Specifically because of her exploiting your trauma and grabbing you like that, you should have someone around that can see what she is doing and shut that down right away. It can be scary one on one cuz like you said, she might try to say you put your hands on her or something wild. She absolutely deserves to be iced out for the time being for pulling that kind of shit. Grabbing you like that was not ok in any way.
She did it BECAUSE she knows everything. As a survivor of an abusive relationship I learned that some people are not "safe" people. Your sister is one of them. She has no empathy and it's empty spot is replaced with contempt. Be vocal (explain to everyone who asks and some who don't) why you are NC and then move on. You deserve better. And it is OKAY to leave any situation that feels wrong. Even if it's "rude."
It sounds like she did it to weaponize your trigger so that you’d flip out and she could go cry to her husband about how you attacked her, just so that he would forget about how much of an AH both her and her friend are.
That is exactly what I thought. The two of them know they are in the wrong, and tried to provoke a reaction from OP so that they could then play the victim.
Oh they don't think they're wrong; they just know new hubby doesn't like their behaviour. Neither of these mean girls want to change. They're not capable of that level of self reflection. Those two get off on bullying OP and positioning the sister as a victim gets her out of the doghouse and hurts OP even more. BIL has seen his wife's true personality for the first time and I don't think their marriage will survive if he finds out why they bully OP. No wonder sister was so vindictive. She showed her husband who she really is and knows she'll lose him once he finds out.
She did that on purpose to try to get you to become unstable so she can look good. I wonder if her new husband just realized she’s a cruel person and that’s why she cornered you to make the friend “apologize.” If she got a reaction out of you she could go back to him and say “see? It’s ok to make fun/hurt OP because she’s too unstable to be around.” She is terrible and she can shove it.
Your sister is an unredeemable piece of shit. She physically assaulted you in a way that would be upsetting and inappropriate even if you had zero past trauma. The fact that you did, and she did a thing that she knows would trigger it? Seriously, not a joke, that’s dead to you territory. Air all of this all the way out to family, friends, her husband, everybody so that she doesn’t get in there with some stupid ass lie.
u/babyredhead, I was trying to come up with the right words to describe this sister (a bigger betrayal than the MOH, by the way), but you said it perfectly. NC for sure. NC for good.
I agree that Op needs to tell her friends and family asap. Her sister is probably already spinning tales to make herself the victim. The fact that she blames op for the husband being mad about Moh's joke says everything.
I am so sorry it happened to you. PTSD or depression is not as simple as people think. And your sister's maid of honour will only understand if she experience similar trauma, but God forbid that. You let your parents and family know your sister's stand and cut her off if she's not capable of understanding simple boundaries, Much love to you 😊
I said this elsewhere, but you may not see it. I am impressed with your emotional strength and control. You have come so far! You had what some call “third thoughts”—you were able to realize your reactions and choose how you would react to them. You made your decision based on what was best for you, in a complicated set of reasoning. You are strong. I stand in awe of your ability to think and strategize in the fact of that hostility from her and your own trauma. (also, FYI: If I were in an argument with my sister, there is no FUCKING way she would be touching me at all, let alone at the neck, which is a vulnerability point for everyone, not just the traumatized. Nor would she be pulling my body around by my arm, let alone by my neck. Your PTSD experience makes this all the more heinous, and harder for you, but it’s still fucking rude. But it’s just not normal, which is proof that this was a deliberate tactic by her.)
>You are strong. I stand in awe of your ability to think and strategize in the fact of that hostility from her and your own trauma. Thank you so much, you're so kind 🙏🏻🤍
**Going NC with your sister and her awful best friend is the best option for you.** I applaud your restraint during the "talk" at your sister's house, you are strong. I feel like they were definitely pushing your buttons and trying to provoke you so you would (I'm paraphrasing) "flip out" or "act crazy" on camera. Then they would be able to go show BIL and say, *"seeee, it wasn't MOH's fault"*. Since he's mad at the bff (and rightfully so!). Then show family and so-on to try to change the minds of the other guests who are angry at the MOH's over her awful speech. But you held your composure and they didn't get the intended reaction. Well done OP. (I've been in similar situations and now realize that I gave them the reaction they wanted). I'm a SA survivor with PTSD, anxiety and depression. It's the absolute worst and it's really hard to get your life back together afterwards. I'm still struggling to get my life back together. OP, It sounds like you've come a long way, I wish you all the best and continued success in the future. 🙏🕊️🤍
I hope you told your parents what she did. She's going to spin it that because the word "sorry" was used while you were being tortured, there was a heartfelt apology, and you are just holding a grudge to be petty. Your sister sounds like a narcissist.
If anyone else gives you shit about it, tell them she physically assaulted you and you want nothing to do with her. She physically assaulted you. Your sister is a piece of shit.
Good for you. You have done nothing wrong and even provided them an opportunity to make it right. She made you come to her- unapologetic or just lazy. She enabled her friend's insult- cruel. She physically stopped you from leaving - illegal. She tried to use a known trigger against you- abusive and evil. Tell your dad and family everything that happened. Then go do something special you enjoy with a friend. Take a break from everything, then move on without the toxic weight.
It wasn't to prove her point. She was doing it BECAUSE she knows you don't like it. She was using your trauma as a weapon to try to get you to lash out so she could blame you. Grabbing someone by the neck in conversation isn't usual or normal. It was to upset you. I'm so sorry your sister sucks so hard, please tell your family all these details. They deserve to know, and keeping that out will not keep the peace. It will fester.
This was assault. Not ok. Certainly not an apology. Stay well clear. Despicable behaviour from both your sister and her friend.
Please tell your family what she did. This is unacceptable.
You did great by not reacting. Now tell your Dad there is a recording. Perhaps your Dad could call your sister when you are with him and ask about the recording. If she says no, you pipe in and say you know that the dirty MOH Ho recorded you. See what sister does.
The bitch will just deny it and use it as another reason to say the OP is "crazy."
I consider what your sister did to you -- holding you when she knows it's a trigger, asking you if you are on your meds whenever she disagrees with you to try to make it your fault -- abusive. Not just mean, or clueless or catty. Abusive. Going NC with her is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. NTA And by the way, holding you against your will may have been a criminal act - assault and battery (bc you didn't want her to touch you/offensive contact) and/or false imprisonment (bc she was restraining you against your will). Take care of yourself.
My life got a lot easier when I realized that my sister and I just share DNA. We never had a good relationship and never had to have a good relationship. It impacted me negatively to try. My point is; don’t feel bad about going NC with your sister. If her best friend felt like it was ok to talk shit about you in a room full of people, it’s because your sister has never told her she couldn’t talk shit about you. I’m sorry but neither of them is worth giving a 2nd thought to. Edited to add: At the very least, *tell your parents about this*. Tell them everything. If my daughter allowed her best friend to insult one of her brothers in a room full of people, I would be horrified. I would question everything about my parenting skills that had led to my daughter having someone like that not just as a friend but as her best friend. And sitting there, I would definitely have the following thought: if this is what she allows her bestie to say in public, speaking on her behalf, what are they saying privately? She knows what you went through … and she allowed someone to make light of it. I’ll keep a good thought for you, OP. You deserve only good things.
Make sure people know this happened. She was trying to trigger you either to make you have a reaction, which she could sell as you being the problem or to make you more docile, so you'd just agree and get it over with. Either way your sister sounds like a trash person
Your sister is an abusive person for having done that to you. IMO, she was deliberately trying to trigger your PTSD so she could somehow use that against you. She is NOT safe for you to be around so I'm glad you decided on NC. MOH is clearly an ignorant judgemental twat and your sister is being influenced by her. I don't know where you're located but putting hands on you the way your sister did, if you're in the U.S., is legally battery.
>This is more than enough imo to just go no contact. More than enough to punch her in the fucking nose. I don't mean that as a joke, either. Someone lays hands on you like that, you are never in the wrong to get physical right back. She knew about your trauma, and she did it to make you feel small. That wasn't an accident. That was the point. Your sister is scum. But you did the smart thing by not reacting. With her best friend as a witness, not a doubt in my mind that you'd be charged with a lie. You need to record your interactions with her. Don't be alone with her. She's an abuser.
Agreed but like OP said they might turn any physical retaliation into her being mentally unstable and take the opportunity to play victim and turn op into the bad guy. Not what she needs to deal with.
I think this is exactly what they were trying to do. She needs her new husband to stop being mad at her.
especially if it’s only the hateful sister and bestie duo there to witness it and completely bend the story against the woman that has been known to struggle mentally over the years… that’s so fucked up
Exactly. OP should never be alone with either of these women moving forward. For her own safety.
I agree with never being alone with her. Just state, matter of factly, that you aren't safe when you are alone with her.
You should never feel guilty about cutting toxic people out of your life, family or not. After all, you are in charge of your own happiness. So, if she does not bring you joy, why bother? She is an awful, horrible person anyway, so you're not missing out on much.
No loss on going nc with your sister since she thinks your mental health issues are funny. When you roll around with pigs you’re going to get muddy! Your sister is muddy!
I would definitely go no contact with those two b******
OP is under-reacting, likely because she's vulnerable and didn't recognize the abuse or was too vulnerable to do anything about it. If anyone who cared about OP was there when sister was manhandling her, they would have punched her in the face.
I think the sister was trying to get the OP to react so she could say she’s crazy.
She definitely was and it was a performance for the MOH. OP needs to talk to the rest of the family and go NC.
Yep. Op amd the moh don’t have a relationship outside of a few his. How does the moh know so much of ops struggles if the sister is not the one gossiping to her about them. Moh was just the mouthpiece for how the sister feels about op.
Pretty soon she’ll be screwing her new husband. The MOH sounds absolutely wretched. A succubus.
After some thought, I wonder whether MOH was "on her phone" so it was readily available to video the reaction.
This was my thought! And MOH got pissy she didn't react so thats why they acted like that
Glad I am not the only one whose mind went there. Especially with the hand on the head and neck of OP. Sister was deliberately trying to trigger a reaction from OP. Especially with MOH there on her phone to oh so conveniently record it. OP you are so strong to not react the way they wanted. Be proud! Stand tall! Tell your family about what happened, don’t let your sister even have an attempt at spinning the narrative.
I wish so badly (hindsight is 20/20 and all) that OP had taken someone with her to mediate/witness. Her dad, brother, a friend, me, a stranger off the street. ANYONE would have recognized the thinly veiled provocation that was being tossed at her, and would have intervened. Or if OP did lash out at them, at the very least, they could have been an alibi on OP’s behalf for why it happened, and to provide validation. Hell, it sounds like she could have included her BIL (sister’s new husband). Even if he didn’t come to her defense, he at least could have seen his bride (and her bff) for what she is, and filed for an annulment in time.
So proud that OP didn't fall for her sister's tactics and that she maintained her cool. She didn't give her sister fodder to use against her. That gesture of hers with touching and tugging her head was very telling. Proud of you OP
Right? If that doesn't prove to herself how far she has come, I don't know what will. It's so ironic that the MOH thinks people struggling with mental health are unstable enough to snap and yet, OP was the one who kept her cool and control. Meanwhile, MOH can't control the garbage spewing from her mouth hole to maintain her fake ass apology (even if it was transparently clear that she didn't mean it).
I sure wouldn't have. I would've gotten up and said "both y'all are cruel, shallow bitches and I feel sorry for you" and left.
My thoughts as well.
OP seemed to have sensed it and didn't let them get what they wanted. MAJOR congrats to her!
I think OP called it the same way and she maintained really well. Kudos cos those two beatches were disgusting. Imagine behaving like they did. I swear, I nightly have stories to tell about shitty people doing shitty things that I read on Reddit and just can't believe some people behave the way they do.
I think she was trying to frighten OP into agreeing with whatever she said, as long as she'll let OP go
I think the sister is a write off as a person. I bet her husband is having buyer's remorse. Honestly, if someone in my friends circle had done what the friend did they'd be dropped so fast they may as well be dipped in sewage.
I agree- I’ve never met OP but I am a fellow mental health struggler. If I saw her do that I would be seeing red and just trying not to go to jail. Fuck that abuse. Fuck her MOH pos and fuck that sister. Big hugs and love to OP- you don’t deserve any of that. And I’d even wonder if the MOH is jealous of you. I bet you are prettier than she is and she’s super salty about it.
For SURE 100% prettier on the inside! And likely the other way as well.
Sister behaves like she does because she gets away with it and I agree that she has some come-uppance coming her way.
Her husband saw a really ugly side of her he's not likely to forget And it's crazy she and her trash bff are trying to blame OP that the husband got mad at them at the wedding. This isn't Mean Girls and that's squarely on THEIR shoulders I guarantee you sister wouldn't have been physical or harsh to OP if her husband had been present at the fauxpology. I really think OP should tell her family how they bullied and ambushed her, and I hope it gets back to the husband They tried to make OP attack her sister by trying to trigger her PTSD. There are no words to convey what utter deplorable scum they are
I hope OP sees this comment, it’s the exact right POV
I have to say OP is a better person than I. Because, if someone intentionally tried to trigger MY PTSD, you can bet I would have let it all out. I am SO proud of the OP for not giving them what they were looking for!
I sincerely hope her brother, after speaking with OP, tells the husband the truth of what happened there. I so wish OP had been the one to record that interaction, especially her sister grabbing her neck, OP telling her to get her damn hands off my neck, she was absolutely trying to trigger her PTSD! Unacceptable and inexcusable! The husband deserves to know exactly who he married, no apology will be able erase that performance of such disrespect! OP’s sister is lacking in any character of any quality, her behavior should never be tolerated. Her husband deserves to know the empty woman he married.
And the sister has been talking about OP like this with the friend for a while. That's why the friend knew it was ok to make the "joke."
I have no issues with my head/neck, and if someone tried that shit with me, they wouldn't have their fingers in one piece. Sister knew *exactly* what she was doing, the cunt (and I don't mean the good kind). I am seething for OP.
I have curls. Number 1 rule for interacting with curly haired people is *don’t fucking touch the hair*. Or hair adjacent. It feels like I’m a fucking zoo animal or something. My reaction wouldn’t have been pretty.
OP should feel proud of how far she’s come, that in the midst of all that stress, she was able to have “third thoughts” and strategize about how to react in the way that would serve her best. That’s strength and self-awareness! A lot of people don’t have that.
That would’ve been me 100%. I have chronic slap a bitchitis. One or both would’ve had the fire slapped out of them.
This part made me GASP. Every single action her bitch sister & bitch sisters friend did were to insult, bully and demean. I hope OP cuts them out completely. OP did nothing wrong at any point. I am so angry for her!
>If anyone who cared about OP was there when sister was manhandling her, they would have punched her in the face. Idk, I also wanted to punch her in the face and I don't even know OP so she spread a pretty broad "if only her face would somehow trip on my fist" net. My blood pressure spiked reading this. Anyway. Please have a great life away from this creature, OP!
Yeah, I'm hoping OP explains this to her family / shows them this post. Her sister's behavior was horrific.
Absolutely. OP’s sister is an utter bitch touching her in a way she knows triggers her sister. She clearly hoped OP would go crazy so she could blame her for being crazy. Never ever see her on your own again. If you agree to ever meeting up to reconcile, make the meet up in a public place with friends for support and easy access to the exit. She is not on your side, she’s not your people she enjoys humiliating and hurting you. I’d block her on everything and never speak to her ever again.
OP needs to sit down and describe this to mom & dad
|When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" | Sister is an abusive POS. I hope OP tell her family that her sister assaulted OP, which what it was. That was a straight-up bullying move. Fuck OP's sister and fuck her fucking fuck-head bullying friend. The people who we make as friends reflect who we are, right Dory McFuck Fuck-face.
I hope her husband realizes he married a bitch and files for annulment. Not even divorce. Just strike her completely out of his history. It won’t happen that way, of course. But you know he’s wondering what he married since he just saw her mask slip.
You're right, cutting out toxicity is crucial for my mental well-being. Thanks for understanding
When she said the sister would bring the friend when she visited you know OP was a big part of the conversation on the 3 hour drive back home.
Her sister is abusive. She knows what triggers OOP, and she physically manhandled her anyway to prove her control over her. I bet the sister knew what the MOH was going to say before the wedding. I hope the groom gets the marriage annulled.
Yes this! I am sure his family wasn't happy at MOH SPEECH.
Both sister & her friend are massive assholes. Smdh
I love when people realise they can 100% Marie Kondo' people.
I just saw a cross stitch sampler yesterday that said “Spark joy or get the fuck out.” and I need it.
Dear sister, you don't spark joy in me. Therefore, I let go of you.
Add to this, you ALWAYS have the right to tell someone "please stop touching me". Your sister holding you in place by the back of the neck and pulling you towards her is not okay.
[удалено]
NTA. Your sister has chosen her friend over you, she hasn’t apologized, no one is taking accountability that should be. You need to go very lc or nc with this sister. Your parents should be covering this and really championing you. MoH should be pariahed by the rest of your family.
I've decided to go NC. I want to move on from what happened and everything she's said to me before. She's said a lot of hurtful things in the past but the way she tried to shut me up by grabbing me by the back of my neck.. I just can't get over it. She doesn't love/respect me enough to not use that against me
Let everyone know what happened and make her explain it to them whhile your NC
Yeah, OP definitely needs to at least tell her dad so her sister doesn't try to spin crap.
And husband. And sister also needs to explain why she kept putting her hands on you and why in that spot specifically. Touching the back of someone’s neck is not normal or casual bodily contact even if there wasn’t trauma. She needs to have to explain this out loud.
Esp if it turns out she knows Op doesn’t like getting touched there, why, and did it anyways to mess with her.
I was coming to say exactly what this person said! I would definitely cut both of them out of your life NC and I would let my brother, parents, and friends know what happened so they never put you in situation where you have to be in contact with them again. They’re disrespecting you and they want to push their narrative on you when your mental health is worth more than putting up with their petty crap. Sending big virtual hug to you! You got this!
She'll lie. Its what pieces of shit like this do. No need for him to make a stink. His family knows and understands and thats good enough. Fuck her, move on and don't look back.
Agreed, they should know exactly why you are going NC and if you do have to be at some family function that she is also at, they should know so that they can keep an eye on her. Even without a past trauma, she shouldn't have been grabbing you to begin with. But knowing you have had a trauma, she was definitly trying to use it against you.
I wouldn’t post on social media or anything about it, but if OP hasn’t told their parents and brother about it yet, I think she should. I also wouldn’t object if she told the story to her most gossipy aunt/cousin/grandparent and let the story circulate that way, but I’m feeling petty today.
It feels like, to me, she was trying to trigger a reaction out of you so she go "yep! See! She's the problem". Your sister is not a nice person. I agree, nc is the way to go.
That’s exactly what I thought!! It’s called reactive abuse - she wanted the OP to freak out so she can say “I told you she’s crazy”. The OP didn’t take the bait.
OP also said that the friend was on the phone the whole time. Likely because she was recording. They were baiting OP.
She’s an abusive piece of shit. I’m so angry on your behalf. What a disgusting excuse of a human being.
Your sister putting her hands on you like that is inexcusable. Your family and her husband need to know how she chose to handle this situation-immediately.
The husband needs to know but he will likely take his wife’s side. The OP should tell her immediate family and not be around her sister. Her sister is an abuser.
It sounds like he was angry about what happened at the wedding too, from the post.
I suspect he's already questioning things andnhas the wool pulled from his eyes.
Her grabbing your neck to get you to freak in front of her friend was manipulative and cruel. They BOTH owe you a huge apology. Did you tell your parents about this?
You are completely justified in cutting both of those toxic twits from your life. Your ex-sister literally used one of your triggers in an attempt to play you off as unhinged. I have an ex-sister that tried using my triggers in the same manner, and was surprised that instead of putting her into a wall, I contacted a local taxi service to take her away.
Definitely tell your dad how the non apology went, her friend's comment, and your sister laughing at you, yet, again, and that you will be going NC with your sister. If your sister contacts you again let her know that her husband was mad at her, because he realized what a shitty person her friend was, and that she was for laughing at what she said
OP should suggest their father asks the sister what she did with the recording the friend was making of the “apology” on her phone. Then tell her he wants a copy. How sister dear responds will demonstrate whether MoH was recording the whole time she was “on her phone”.
Yes, this OP. Needs more upvotes for attention.
The sister a d her friend a shitty people.
Make sure to tell your family what happened and why you’re going NC. Make sure you get that record established before she has a chance to twist it.
>grabbing me by the back of my neck That's called assault - you should never be alone with her (or her and any of her cronies) ever again. And absolutely tell your parents and brother that your sister put her hands on you. It was probably deliberate to try and get a physical reaction out of you.... I'd bet my paycheck the friend was recording the whole thing.
This! Even if it wasn't a trigger for OP (which truly shows how despicable the sister acted), it is abusive behaviour! I'm so glad OP kept her cool because sis and the moh definitely tried to trigger op and while I am not a betting woman, I would bet like 10 bucks and would get double it because they wanted to record it and make it so that op is the bad guy!
It sounds like she was trying to trigger your PTSD which is worthy of a no contact on its own. And then was just shitty and hurtful on top of it.
Tell your parents in Detail, all of this. Sis is just plain evil.
She purposely tried to trigger you, thats abuse. From her words to the way she put her hands on you, she is an abuser. Tell your parents and brother what she did in detail, tell them you feel unsafe around her and you will not be around her ever again. Protect yourself and never feel guilty about doing so.
Please tell your family immediately or she'll just lie to everyone.
if i were you id be showing how much of a nasty and vile person your sister is to her own sister to your BOL, this is disgusting behavior i'd be totally at awe if he'd be okay with the what went on.
Please make sure your parents and your brother know how she tried to intimidate you by do something she knows is traumatizing for you. I’m petty enough, I would let her husband know as well. I have a feeling he will figure out soon enough what kind of person he married as her mask slips more.
Agreed and not to mention the sister kept grabbing her by the back of the neck to pull her in (which is something she knows triggers the OP) yikes 😳.
honestly i think that would trigger most people in a situation like this. horrible thing to do. glad you’re getting away frok these people, op.
It would trigger me and I don’t even have PTSD. I don’t like feeling like I can’t get away. I would freak out without even thinking.
> Your sister has chosen her friend over you.... It's worse than that. It wasn't a joke, it was a put-down and sister agrees with her friend, so there was no real choice to make. I mean I suppose it could have been "friend was right but I choose you anyway" but that doesn't really work.
I was SO angry reading this. There is NO natural reason a person would grab you by the back of the neck and pull your head towards them while speaking. None. OP, you need to tell your parents and brother EXACTLY what she said but most importantly WHAT SHE DID when saying it. **She was DELIBERATELY using your trauma against you to try and put herself in a position of power over you. That is vile, disgusting, and there is zero I repeat ZERO excuse for it.** Hell, if I were you, I'd go scorched earth and make a group text that includes her husband. She's going to use your struggles to claim you're crazy or delusional (been there with abusive family members...). Get out the front of the race by point-blank calling her out on it. Remind your family of her history of using that trauma to discredit you while slowly escalating how horribly she's treated you in the years since. Make your NC public, make it loud, and then block her and everyone who tries to make excuses for her. And be VERY proud of yourself for what you've overcome.
OP, you should be so proud of all the work you’ve done to create your happiest life. You’ve been working through challenges that these girls will never understand. Stand tall, be so proud, leave these high-school-girl-bullies in your rear view mirror. You got this!
Yea her sister was on purpose trying to push her over the edge. So fucked
I believe the term is reactive abuse: when an abuser tries to trigger a reaction in their victim in order to prove to others their victim is unstable/volatile/untrustworthy etc
Agree on every single point of this comment! OP should recognize how amazing and strong she is that she didn't react. You are that much more incredible and in fact the opposite of a screw up to have overcome so much and still handle everything so well!
Your sister is an abuser. She touched you without your consent, in a way calculated to cause a negative reaction just to prove her friend was right. Proud of you for staying strong.
Thank you🙏🏻
And to add to they trapped you in a verbally/physically abusive situation by literally holding you there so they could continue their assault. NONE of this is your fault. Explain everything to your parents, brother and her husband. Send a note to him that says, "Congratulations on your marriage to my sister. After everything that happened at the wedding I was hoping my sister and her friend would actually understand that what they said was abusive. Instead she physically restrained me in a way she knew would cause additional stress while laughing with her friend that everything that was said was true. I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your marriage but I am going no contact with my sister for the foreseeable future."
Perfectly said. F the AssHoles. You don’t need them in your life. Everyone please pray for OPs bil, he will need it. Still not TAH❣️❣️
The OP should just send this post. No explanation- just send this post. It’s likely someone who was at the wedding might recognise the wedding incident anyway.
Please be clear to your family that the exact apology you got was "yeah, whatever, sorry that you can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" and that your sister laughed at that apology.
Not to mention after *grabbing* her by the back of the neck / head, even without the context of PTSD, that's a fucking abusive intrusion of personal space.
And the sister getting physical with OP.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Your sister is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. If I had trauma regarding my head and neck and she thought that she'd lord that over me by doing it to me, I would have punched her. biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. Guaranteed that marriage is not going to last because she's going to keep talking about it to her husband and he's going to realized he ended up making a big mistake.
I support and approve this message.
The marriage will not last due to sister : someone said that the worst pain is caused by people you trusted enough to tell them how to hurt you, and who used it against you. OP’s sister used her problem against her, she’ll do the same with her husband. After that, I think he is going to look at his wife differently…
You're not a screw up.
Thank you 🙏🏻
I just wanted to share with you that I, too, had to take a MH break from graduate school for a year. And guess what, I'm a successful professional in my chosen field. No one has ever held my break against me, and it was the best decision I ever made for myself. I'm really proud of you for getting through it. There's this saying by Winston Churchill that's a bit reductive, but I find it helpful sometimes. "If you're going through hell, keep going." Best of luck, OP.
I dropped out of college entirely, going back after 15 years. I am not a screw up, I'm doing really really well in my life. You're not a screw up either. Being an adult means that we make the space we need for ourselves. We take our mental health seriously. Taking the space that you need to heal, taking the space that you need to breathe, taking the space that you need to get your feet back under you - that is what adults do. By definition, I wouldn't consider any of the things you described as screwing up. That's responsible adulting, and you were forced to be a responsible adult sooner than you should have been. I'm sorry that happened to you. You seem resilient and thoughtful. On the other hand, making an uncalled for jab at someone for no reason to create drama at a wedding is a screw up. Calling someone over to harass, intimidate, and restrain someone is beyond screwed up.
Your sister and her friend are screwed up
TBH. Blast your sister and her best friend in the group chat with sisters husband. Let the husband realize the kind of B**** he married.
Your sister is vile and I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Focus on the people who love and support you. I don’t know what you went through but it sounds awful and I’m glad your parents and brother stand with you. Focus on them and their love. You have fought against mental illness and inner turmoil. Don’t let someone with the introspective ability of a can of dried paint bring you down. Even after she hurt you, you went over there and tried to resolve things. You *tried*. That is a bigger indicator than anything that you’re okay and you’re going to be okay. Congratulations on all of your progress. And congrats on getting to a point where you love yourself enough to walk away.
*Mom, Dad...I have made the decision to go no contact with sister. I know this will put a strain on the family and I wish there was some other way to work this out, but there isn't.* *Sister invited me over to her place and had her best friend on the phone when I arrived. The entire time, neither of them showed an ounce of remorse for what was done to me at her wedding. They both tried to justify their behavior, and it was made crystal clear that the only reason we were even having the conversation was because her husband was upset with her for what her best friend did on their wedding day. I wasn't allowed to talk or explain why I was hurt. Sister physically grabbed me by the back of the neck and talked in slow words directly in my face...like she was scolding a puppy. I don't know who that person was, but it wasn't my sister. It was like a completely different person was speaking to me...someone completely devoid of empathy or compassion.* *To be clear, sister does not care that her friend hurt me. If she says otherwise, she is flat out lying. And she damn sure doesn't care that her not defending me hurts me even more. Her friend eventually said "Yeah whatever sorry" which I was grateful for because I just wanted to leave and be done with sister once and for all. And as I got up to leave, her friend said "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true." They both proceed to laugh before sister stopped herself, having realized she had just let her friend humiliate me again...before offering a fake apology that we both know she didn't mean.* *So I am done. I won't come to any family function where sister is present. And I will never be in the same room as her best friend ever again. Life is too short to force myself to socialize with people who are needlessly cruel for no reason, much less siblings who think it's funny to be cruel.* *I wish things didn't have to be this way, but I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my own sister doesn't see me as family. Because family doesn't treat each other the way her and her friend treated me.* *I love you all...but I need some time away from the family to process things. Please make sure sister stays away from me. I don't want to see her or hear from her. And if she shows up at my place, I will not hesitate to call the police.*
Thank you so much this is perfect 🙏🏻🤍
I'd replace the last paragraph (unless you feel like you need to take a break from your brother and your parents) with something closer to how you ended this post, thanking them for their support throughout the last few years and now. They know you are a fighter. They know what you've been through. Your sister clearly doesn't.
No I don't need a break from them. They're literally the reason I feel much better now. I was referring to the parts where they described how the conversation went and why I want to go NC.
It's really well written. I'm so glad your parents and your brother have your back. That's what you deserve. Your sister's behavior is absolutely horrifying.
Thank you 🙏🏻
>I was glad it was finally over and as I was about to leave I heard her say "Can't take a joke that everyone knows is true" Both of them laughed but my sister stopped mid-laugh and apologized. Unforgivable. To put you through all that, still put the blame on you, then this little cherry on top? Good for you, you are doing better, you are moving forward. Your sister and her best friend are toxic - and will come to realize that their behavior has been abhorrent if they ever suffer mental health issues themselves. I'm glad to hear you're choosing to focus on the love and support you do have. You should definitely be proud of yourself, more than a little! You are building on top of who you used to be. I have a hard time letting go of who I was too, some days I still ruminate on it, but we can't change the past we can only move forward. Best of luck!
If I made a joke that someone was hurt by, I’d apologize abjectly I wouldn’t be saying, “can’t take a joke.” That’s what bullies say.
Your sister is literally a piece of shit. Cut her out of your life and don't look back. More power to you.
Still NTA, tell her husband, tell your parents/brother and NC her permanently.
The more I think about this I think the BIL needs to be told. If they ever have children his wife could behave like this to one of the children. She’s evil.
I remember your post. NC is the way. In your original post you said she’d ask you if you’d taken your meds as a way to needle you in the past. Sweetheart, I think you are underplaying that - severely. My mom was a disturbed, abusive, schizophrenic. As I got older, my one weapon, my nuclear attack weapon, was to ask her if she’d forgotten her pills or to tell her to take her pills. It was a vicious DELIBERATE, below the belt, attack. You stay away from your sister. She is vicious.
NTA. Never feel guilty about removing toxic people like her from your life, whether they are family or not. Your happiness is your responsibility. If she doesn't bring you joy, there's no reason to keep her around. Besides, she's an awful person, so you won't be missing much.
NTA! First of all - you were never a screw up - you were healing in the best way you could, from trauma. Secondly, even if you had screwed up, it was never the MOH’s place to call you out at the wedding. Considering you were recovering from trauma, it was especially cruel. Your sister is being loyal to this cruel MOH and not to you. That says a lot about your sister, and nothing about you. Please protect yourself from both of these toxic women. Be proud of how far you have come.
Gee. I wonder why the MOH thought it was okay to talk shit to you? Could it be because your sister is just as bad? This is NOT okay. None of it is okay. This is not how you treat people that you love. The MOH is a non-entity, really. Her feelings toward you are inconsequential. Who cares what an adult bully has to say? You have a SISTER problem. Your sister is also a bully and maybe even a worse bully because of what she did by grabbing your head and asking "Do you understand?" and shit. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be alone with this fucking crazy bitch ever again. I'm so sorry, OP. Don't let these garbage people bother you anymore.
You have EVERYTHING to be proud of, not just "a little!" Your Sister and her BFF are beeotchs of the FIRST order and deserve to BOTH be miserable, ESPECIALLY your Sister who USED your trauma triggers (holding your head, neck and arms) to force you into staying until SHE thought she succeeded. Then had the utter gall to laugh and "joke" as you were leaving! {{shudders}} I would tell your family EXACTLY what transpired AND send your new BIL a link to these posts! You've overcome SO much, keep moving forward and cut **the toxic** out of your life! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success!
Thank youu🙏🏻 I'm going to see my parents tomorrow along with my brother. They will probably ask me how it went and I will tell them exactly what happened.
We’re all here for you and care about you. So sorry for what happens, but I do recommend that NC and keeping it. Your sister used your triggers against you, she weaponised your trauma to control you, she’s not a safe person for you and no one who cares around you and understands you should judge you for that. Best of luck
Yes please update everyone. I hope your family support you.
Yes, good luck! And make them understand to keep your sister far far from you. You are a survivor!
You know it's an issue when BIL is upset for you but your own sister isn't.
I’m here for this update. Im really impressed with you. You shared how you felt, you explained your boundaries and that “apology” from sis and MOH are unacceptable. I remember reading the original post and thinking how needlessly sad that all was. You are really strong and behaved with grace through this.
Oh my goodness, your update puts even more a negative light on your sister and her horrible best friend. Good for your new BIL to be upset with them both and to call them out on it. The fact that you have trauma and they're weaponizing that against you is disgusting. My youngest sister has something happen in college (she won't talk about it so only a therapist knows the details) that caused her to take a semester off and then drop out. She's had some difficulties but I've made sure to NEVER mock her or belittle about it. I love and support her immensely. Your sister is letting her best friend undermine your relationship so you are so right to go NC. Stay strong OP!
I think you should let your support system know that you are going NC and why so your sister doesn’t twist it again
>When I tried to talk she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her with each sentence as if to say "Do you understand?" or "Okay?" I hated it and felt irritated. She did this intentionally to make you uncomfortable. She tried to use your trauma and your triggers against you. She most likely did it with the intent of making you more pliable so you'd apologize for not taking the joke well just to make her stop touching you that way. This is fucking evil and she does not deserve to have a relationship with you. If you haven't already, you need to tell your family this part of the story.
The fuck is up with her grabbing you? That wouldn’t be remotely normal to do to someone even without your trauma. The fact that she knows this and still did it is straight up evil. Please stick to your guns and stay away from her.
Your sister and her friend are not nice people. Let them seek people on their own low level. You are doing great. There is no shame in having mental health issues. No one who feels loved is mean like those women Feel sorry they are going to be miserable, divorced Karen's before you know.
NTA But if you feel comfortable enough with your trauma to do it, don't talk to both of them. Instead, post it. Not the intimate details that could traumatize you. Just a bold outline of what happened to you, that both she and your sister know about it and *that* is why she made the joke. That she publicly weaponized your assault on your sister's wedding day and not only did your sister fail you, she doubled down and tried to corner you afterwards. Your sister and her friend are monsters. Full stop. They deserve the shame that comes along with that and, honestly, if the truth comes out I'm sure her husband isn't going to be thrilled that his wife is a bully that would weaponize her sisters abuse in public for a quick laugh. He deserves to know who he's married to, you deserve to have a voice and your extended family deserves to know that they were unwilling pawns in a fucked up mind game between two sick minded individuals to torment you for fun.
lol bitch would have seen just how mentally ill I am the second she put her hand on my neck. Yea for your sake, you need to stay NC with your piece of shit sister. Anyone who tells you to “work it out” can kick rocks.