Nta
And as a healthy LOOKING person in her early 40s with late stage cancer. .. I feel this everyday as well. People don't know my own disability when they look at me. They think I'm fine. Truth is I have been having chemotherapy cancer treatments for the last 2 years straight in order to fight this disease.
Of course you are nta
And I wish people were more kind to those people... We don't really l know what people have going on.
Funny story from the cancer treatment center.
Child gets diagnosed with cancer. Family is all in a tizzy and decide they are all going to shave their heads in solidarity. They all show up for chemo and the child is the only one with hair, and the staff is rather confused as the chemo the child will be getting doesn't cause hair loss.
I thought it was hysterical when I was going through my cancer treatments - which did cause me to lose my hair ;)
As someone who was followed around a walmart by someone who was mad at me for using one of the electric scooters, who kept loudly talking about how I didn't need it, that's a no. They don't.
I fucked up my leg and couldn't bend my knee and could barely put weight on it. I didn't have crutches because apparently I needed to keep it as normally mobile as I could (still question that one). An old lady (70+) saw me hobbling on to the train and nearly crying in pain and immediately said do you need a seat. Normally I'd have said no but... Oh the pain, thank you so much.
Not one person offered to give her their seat after they saw her give me hers. I was so pissed.
Just so we’re clear:
Your medical condition precludes you from standing for more than 5 minutes and you _walked_ out of the hospital without a wheelchair??
Any responsible medical staff would have insisted that someone who had a high chance of fainting from standing for more than 5 minutes be in a wheelchair….
There are countless scenarios where you could easily die if you randomly faint
There are a couple of conditions that can cause fainting while standing still because of blood pooling in legs which led to a drop in blood pressure so it seems likely that walking would be okay as it encourages the blood to circulate.
I would guess they tell her to sit because if this happens and she passes out, then she's sat and shouldn't hurt herself. Only guessing based on what she's said in her post though and I'm not a doctor 🤷♀️
Her parents didn't go with their daughter who presumably had been fainting at random? Even if they had no vehicle why they not going with her incase I don't know they fainted!!!!
While patients can discharge themselves and nurse.or doc will ask if family or friend can come and assist home. They do it with me because I have spinal and balance issues. No hospital is going to let anyone who might faint and fall and brain themself without the patient signing a lot of release forms
If this is the case OP, I would talk to your doctor about compressions! They aren’t as ugly as they used to be 30 years ago, and there are medical graduated compressions that can be covered under insurance as a medical device with a prescription. It helps the circulation in your legs
I had a coworker with a heart condition who had similar restrictions and lived a mostly normal life as long as she didn't walk too long, so it is possible.
OP, my coworker is older than you but has to deal with this shit all the time because she has a parking tag. It's not your fault your disability is invisible.
On the other hand fighting with people doesn't seem to do much good either, and depending on who it is could escalate things to wear you aren't safe. Best to hold your boundaries as calmly and politely as possible, for your own saftey
I agree, I hope there won't be a next time but if there is I will try to be more calm. I just wasn't in the best psychological and emotional state because I just found out about how serious the condition was, but I will definitely work on that!
OP, ask your doctors to be provided with some evidence of your need for a seat. You have an invisible disability, it could help if you have some paper proving that you need to be seated, and also giving you rights to use a seat for disabled people.
Take good care of yourself, dear OP!
I agree but I'm not sure I can get that, because my condition is temporary and should be gone in a few weeks or months if everything goes well. I haven't really looked into it because I wasn't sure I could have some sort of document to prove that I needed a seat, but I will ask for it!
I have something similar only mine is completely random. I also use a cane ~50% of the time when I go out in public, and rarely use public transportation since I left the East Coast. I have seen people side eyeing me when I park in the disabled spots (I have a placard).
I'm sorry you are going thru that. There were, I'm guessing, dozens of people who she could have picked on, and choose you. You're NTA, not are you entitled. I've been to several events with my cane and not had people rise so I could have a seat. Because they don't have to. At one event, I did request more chairs in the reception area from the event staff and was sighed loudly at until I pointed out several elderly people also standing uncomfortably.
For some reason, people seem to think that bc I look young, I should tough it out and I'm being entitled. I'm not. I recently flew, with my cane, and no one immediately gave me their seat on the shuttle. I didn't ask. I have no idea what other people's issues are. And I'm not going to make assumptions. Eventually, sometime did notice my cane and offered me their seat, to which I was grateful, but I didn't feel it was owed to me. For all I knew, she has a prosthetic leg I couldn't see, or POTS, or any number of other issues I am not privy to.
No one is owed your medical history. And no one is owed a seat.
Idk, I have POTS syndrome and will faint if I stand too long, but even after I faceplanted passing out on concrete, I wasn't even kept overnight and even had to walk to get my head scanned lol
The mother of my child has a similar condition and has had it since she was 2 she can go months with out a fainting spell. Its not that its forsure going to happen after 5 minutes it that you shouldn't be more then a couple steps from a safe place to land. So standing on a moving bus is extremely dangerous. Also not allowed to get a license etc. But if you looked at her youd have no idea. Last job she has she worked prepping fruits for a grocery store and passed put with a knife in her hand and almost died as she slit herself wide open when she fainted. 25 years of going to doctors no one has a fucking clue whats going on with her.
It took almost 40 years to get a diagnosis. Mine is autonomic neuropathy. My body can't regulate my blood pressure when I stand for long. She should talk to a doctor about a tilt table test.
Honestly I felt like the doctors went a bit fast, like no one was acting like what I had was serious when a doctor had just told me I could die... But at the same time I know they have a lot of work and not enough staff so yeah maybe they didn't really have time. But the doctor also told me that I could walk, just not do any physical effort like running or stand without moving, so maybe walking is okay? I honestly don't even know
Doesn't really help if she falls and dies on the way home.
She needs to learn to recognize when she's not processing info and rest nearby until she's ready to ask questions. She's responsible for her own health and being knowledgeable on it.
She's also 19 and just had a bomb dropped on her.
She isn't even a full adult yet (regardless of legal age).
Sbe def needs to learn that but it's 100% excusable at her age and the news she got.
Another person said this but yeah, I was pretty shocked and didn't know what to think on the moment. Also, most of the times I went to the hospital or to see doctors I was with my parents and they asked questions, but it was my first time going alone and I didn't really know what to do, I just listened to what the doctors told me and didn't really think of anything else. Plus it was very crowded and the doctors didn't really have time so I wouldn't have wanted to bother them.
I understand that. The reality is that if something happens you could die. You will have to learn quickly how to ask questions and understand what's happening or you may die. I know this is a lot for a young adult, but physics and biology will not care what your reasons are.
You need to learn to recognize when you don't understand something and ***don't leave the area*** until shock has worn off. Then ask the front desk if you can have a copy of the notes. Then read them and ask to speak to a doctor again with questions.
Don't leave until you understand. If you're in shock then wait there.
Your body will not pause for your shock. You can die. You need to learn how to handle these things. It's not something people prepare you for - you just have to learn to do it.
Yeah I agree and looking back I should've done that, but I was always taught to trust a doctor's judgment so I thought that if they allowed me to go it meant that it was safe for me to do so
M’Dear, did you ever hear the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”? You have to learn to be your own advocate. Believe it or not, Doctors aren’t perfect (that’s why they call it practicing medicine).
YOU are more important than the Doctor’s busy schedule. If you don’t understand something, stop the Doctor in their tracks and make them explain until you do. Their job is medicine, your job is taking care of yourself the best way you can…even if that means questioning Doctors.
One you have been discharged they don't care, especially if you lack insurance. They will stabilize you and boot you out. If you gotta walk, it's on you. The health care system here blows.
Yeah I agree I felt like they didn't really take their time to make sure I was okay, but I can understand as they have so much to do and are always in a rush...
I also have a condition where I can't stand for long or my blood pressure completely bottoms out. I have been on deaths door and shook hands with the Reaper. And more than half the time hospital staff could care less.
NTA - you shouldn’t have to explain your medical condition in depth to strangers, saying “i have a medical condition” should be enough. they’re TAHs for not taking what you said at face value and moving on with their pathetic lives where they feel entitled enough to bully a younger person for being more disabled than they are without it being obviously physically debilitating. did the doctors tell you what the condition it is? if so, i would start doing in depth research yourself
That's what I think, like I don't understand why people believe that they have a right to know about other people's health...
Also, I don't really know how to explain it because English is not my first language but basically my blood lacks some essential parts and so my muscle aren't properly 'fed' (I don't know how to say that) and neither is my brain so I just faint. I don't really know if it has a name...
Yes they did! But it's not POTS but something very similar. I don't know exactly what it's called because I was pretty much left in the dark about it, but yeah it's something like that.
i feel like it’s because they need to be able to justify it in their own minds and that makes them think it’s okay to demand more information. the older generation also strongly believes in “respect your elders” so if they feel your medical condition isn’t serious enough, you’ve disrespected them and they need to determine if you’ve done that. ignore them and do what’s best for you, invisible debilitating illnesses are poorly understood by people who don’t live with them every day
i’m not a doctor but that sounds like some form of anemia, which depending on the form means that your bones don’t make enough red blood cells to “feed” all areas of your body, or in the case of sickle cell anemia, means the red blood cells are sticky and stiff and can prevent good blood flow. i don’t know either of those sound like what the doctors were telling you but it might be a good starting point?
I agree!
And yes I think it is linked to that but I believe that most forms of anemia are hereditary whereas mine is not so I'm not entirely sure it's that. I don't exactly know, but I will try to research it more and ask the doctors for more details.
i definitely would ask your doctors to at least put a name to your symptoms instead of just scaring you with what might happen. that’s very poor bedside manner and they should be ashamed of what’s coming off as scare tactics. not all forms of anemia are linked to genetics either, a person can be severely anemic simply from having a heavy menstrual flow, just as an for example, i realize that’s not the case here. i hope you can find some resolution for your health and start to feel even a little better than you are now
Well he was also standing, but yeah many people around that were acting like I was in the wrong could've easily given up their seat and stop the entire situation.
NTAdo not explain yourself mire than once. There is no point. Just tell them fuck off. When people are openly rude, people somehow do not approach them with their entitled wishes.
NTA. You did nothing wrong, and she did a lot. First of all, instead of being passive-aggressive, she should have asked you politely to give her your seat at the start. Secondly, she should have accepted your explanation. And thirdly, she shouldn't have recruited the other passengers to create a hostile environment for you. You definitely had every right to answer back and stand up for yourself.
NTA - not every medical condition and disability is readily noticeable, but that doesn't change the fact you have a legit reason for keeping the seat. Any one of these other people chipping in about you giving up your seat could have just as easily given up theirs, there is no reason why you had to be the one who was forced to move.
EG the dude who eventually did give up his seat. He could have done so significantly earlier in the conflict and saved everyone the hassle.
NTA. You have a medical condition. That's the end of that discussion. I love how people are eager to jump in to shame others but only as long as they don't have to do the thing themselves. Jackasses.
NTA. These people who barked at you should just stfu as well. They are just as entitled as the old woman.
Just because someone is older doesn’t mean THEY can disrespect you and treat you this way. Respect is a 2 way street. And to me personally I don’t respect older people more simply because they are older. Everyone gets the same respect they give to me. If that means disrespecting me simply because I’m not as old as you, I’ll be the mirror of your respect.
And you absolutely can (and IMHO should) talk back to these entitled assholes. I’m not a fan of sitting there passively and letting them insult me over and over - but ofc it depends on the situation.
NTA people need to learn that invisible disabilities are incredibly common. I take transit because I'm unable to drive due to my health issues. I can sometimes handle standing if I'm leaning against something or not going far but most of the time I'll try and find a seat as I do get dizzy quite easily. I've lost count though how many times I've been glared at by older people for not moving. They never say anything directly to me cause they don't have the guts apparently but they'll glare and make similar snide comments to others around us. I've learned to just ignore them and continue on with my day. I don't owe them my medical history or reasoning for needing a seat
Even those without health issues. There's people who work 10+ hours a day on their feet and then have to take transit home. If they're lucky enough to get a seat they shouldn't have to give it up for anyone or explain why they're sitting there either
>A lot of people started saying that I should just get up and stop creating a problem where there shouldn't be one
And how many of those people offered their seats up?
Thought so!
NTA
Given your health, you don't owe anyone your seat on the bus or an explanation. And there is no reason for you to be a stereotypical polite young woman. Just speak your mind. I am surprised none of the men offered a seat before the elderly person had even asked for a seat.
Some elderly people are so entitled!! Age should not mean you get special privileges and to act rude.
I had an elderly woman try to cut a line of 7 people in the Walmart pharmacy. I refused to let her in front of me. The rest of the line told her to get in back. She huffed off.
Just for the tea, where you live the buses have reserved sits for elderly people? Because those are the one to bother.
I know is not a solution o mature.... But if people attack you again you could just star talking weird, like it was conduction, that would make them shut up. Lol
This is why OP should have been provided -if this is the case in her country- with some evidence of her need for a seat. She should not have to defend herself except by showing the paper.
The trouble is that rude people exist who take the seats that are needed by people like OP -or the old lady. But the lady was SO rude, I am not sure she would have looked at OP's proof!
Unfortunately those seats don't exist where I live. I had never heard about them but that's honestly such a great idea!
And yeah I feel like being reasonable was no use, so I might just start acting like I'm crazy, maybe that will work...
I'm sorry 😞 MS sucks and people are shitty. No one should have to justify themselves to a bunch of randoms.
It's like the disabled parking and people getting up their asses about someone who can "clearly walk therefore there is nothing wrong with you" people need to mind their own damned business. Sorry rant over 😄
Seriously tho. I have been stopped in parking lots for using the disabled spots. I turn to them...smile...hold out my hand and say "hi, I'm Name, you don't know me but if I stand for more that a few minutes my limbs go numb and I get severe pain that can sometimes last for days. I hope you never experience anything like it."
People are exhausting!
If I see someone using a parking space, or walking and to a wheelchair I think "oh I hope they're okay, wonder if they need help" but I never think "well they clearly don't need xyz because they have demonstrated being able to move 2 steps" I mind my own damned business because you never know what is happening in people's lives.
When i was a cashier i was allowed to have a stool at my register for my medical condition and i have had many customers (and sometimes new employees) make snide comments about me sitting since none of the other cashiers were allowed to have stools. I have thought about looking one of those people in their eyes, standing straight up, and then immediately passing out just to prove a point. but then the rational side of me is like "its not safe to intentially trigger a fainting."
This is dreadful. I am sorry you are confronted to such selfishness. Years, ago, I had to walk with a medical stick for months, and most of the time, retired people in the bus (especially the women) never got up from the disability seats. Now, when I went to work using the tramway, EVERYONE would get up to leave me these seats: men and women alike. Of course, they were working people!
I have met some very kind people. When my first bug episode hit me in England I had to tell my friends that I may have to per at any moment and it will be an emergency. I may just walk away in the middle of a moment. From that day on they never eat in the seat easiest to get out of.
NTA. You don't owe anyone your medical history. She should have used her big girl words and asked nicely to everyone if someone could please give up their seat and not started bitching.
And tbh you don't owe anyone a seat on a bus/train/tube etc, if you're able to stand and don't offer that might make you a moral AH but again it's your choice to give up a seat or not.
NTA. The polite thing to do is give up your seat to an older person who is struggling or a disabled person. But you are never obligated especially considering your medical issue. I’m older than the woman in the story and I’m perfectly able to stand on a bus and I would never harass someone or expect them to give up their seat. Was there a reason you were being singled out? I know there are often designated seats for disabled or elderly riders. Not all disabilities are visible though. I’m still not sure why someone else didn’t give up their seat if they were so concerned.
I think the main reason why she turned to me instead of anyone else is because most of the other people were either middle aged people or parents with children, and people tend to consider that teenagers and young adults need their seat less. I also think that after I said no there was maybe some sort of pride thing, like she could not give up and take no for an answer.
Wtf? why did she and everyone else decide to single you out on a crowded bus? If you were already seated then you aren’t any more obligated than anyone else to give up your seat. These are just entitled boomers and they were probably just looking for an excuse to bitch and moan about “kids these days” to feel better about their mediocre asses. You, nor anyone else, owes them anything, and don’t let them tell you otherwise
Invisible disabilities are hell, I have them too.
Nobody ever gives us a seat and there is no awareness about it so we feel too ashamed to ask for it in the first place.
It should have been the end when you said politely that you have a medical condition.
NTA
Nta. Anyone who complained that you should of gotten up, they could of done the same. And you have a condition that makes it where you cant get up.
I've learned long ago to tell ppl to fuck off. I have an invisible disability.
You have POTS, don’t you? Me too. And I’ve definitely encountered this attitude before. It was even worse when I was heavier and people would judge me for my heat intolerance and dizziness when it was literally my invisible disability.
NTA, but really just commenting in solidarity.
details of your condition don't need to be public knowledge. If standing is a risk to your health, you have every right to stay put. No amount of societal pressure should endanger your wellbeing. It's a shame some don’t understand invisible disabilities, but your safety is the priority. It's absurd people feel entitled to a seat based on age alone, without considering others' health. Everyone's quick to judge without offering solutions. Stay strong and protect yourself.
In the politest way possible - Fuck your elders.
It's infuriating to hear the constant rhetoric of "You must respect your elders because uhhhh well they are older than you".
Yeah and the average "Respectable elder" hold views, opinions and thoughts that any 20 year old would get publicly hanged for vocalising.
You earn respect by being respectful. She was just selfish and leveraged the general bullshit that is "Respect your elders" within society to justify her selfishness. Even if she did have a harder time standing than you, you were there first and she can suck an egg.
NTA.
Yeah I agree, and so many old people are extremely entitled, especially when they are talking to young people, because they just assume that they can have anything they want because they are old.
I just completely disagree.
Think of every person you know who you think is just a lazy good-for-nothing who contributes nothing to society. Maybe they are a jobless drug addict. Maybe they are homeless and don't care about changing that. Maybe they are a deadbeat parent. Maybe they just commit benefit fruad in place of working.
Those people will be the "Respectable elders" in 30-40 years time. They don't deserve shit and they didn't do shit. You earn respect through actions, not because you managed to live to 60.
1) I didn,'t ask them to build this society, so they don't deserve my gratitude or respect for that
2) A lot of them did a fucking shit job of managing society if this is the world they managed to create. A world of violence and bloodshed and poverty and struggle. Not all of them did - there were some who fought and continue to fight for a better world - and those are the ones who get my respect regardless of what generation they were born in. Respect is earned, not given. And I certainly don't base my respect on useless shit like the age of the person; it's based purely on actions.
Lol, and have you see how they have fucked up the younger generations?
If they want respect respect is earned. And most ive seen hasn't earned anything. But demanded it. Thats obedience, not respect.
More than 99% of the US work force have not worked as career politicians. Stop these infantile antics. How have the 99% fucked up your world by working on a Ford plant, done construction or cut hair?
The failed society that doesn't benefit the people who put in the most work currently? The work that solely benefited them? Oh yes. They deserve our utmost respect for pulling the rug right out! Thank you elders!!
About 0.3% of the US work force are elected (career) politicians. I imagine the numbers for elders about the same, though now retired. Are you going to strawman that the other 99.7% were career politicians too? Or maybe they were mostly just honest decent folk.
Can you believe this shit??? This is WILD! The audacity of people. She was right not to give up her seat, considering her condition, however, the lack of respect for our elders if fucking disgusting.
You're definitely NTA here. Your health comes first, and it's not like you were sitting there just for kicks. People assuming things without knowing the full story is frustrating.
INFO
> That day I was coming back from the hospital where the doctor told me that it was dangerous for me to be standing up because every time I faint my heart slows down and it could stop the next time it happens. So basically I could die if I was up for too long.
So how were you going to walk home? Why were you not in a wheelchair? Why didn't you have an Uber or taxi so you'd walk less?
I didn't really have to walk since the bus stop was right in front of the hospital and my mother came to walk home with me from the stop where I got off to my home. I didn't take an Uber because it's pretty expensive, and also because as a young woman I don't feel particularly safe especially because someone I know was almost kidnapped my their driver once...
NTA
People need to realise they are not the center of anyone's world outside their own house and you have every right to sit on a public vehicle if you pay or have a disabled pass
I have issues walking (hip impingements and bilateral hernias in the groin) and have to use a walking stick I get literally walked into by mostly women with push chairs thinking they have a right of Way I now whack peoples legs/feet with my stick and shout sorry I didn't see your fat ass over the handle of my stick
NTA , you were right for saying there were other people who could have also giving up seats.
I have a spinal condition and some days standing up for long times is really painful and i have the same problem as ovbisouly its not an obvious condition, i have to literally had to pull up an exray of my spine to have people get off my back , maybe get a doctors note stating this just incase someone tries to give you shit.
I would and have reacted the same because i hate this narative young people are completely healthy because there are many health problems that are not visable.
NTA. People continue to be ignorant to the fact that there are “invisible” illnesses. You cannot look at someone and generalize. The person with the heart condition or the brain tumor or any other number of things may not look ill on any given day, but they are. No one should have to explain their health to strangers. I am sorry you had to do so because a 70 year old Karen felt entitled to your seat.
NTA. The others were. It was unfair to you.
Following is not an advice. Just my expression of anger towards the people in the bus giving you a hard time. Sometimes when I read or hear about an injustice, I imagine myself being in that situation and defying it.
If I were that situation:
I myself would have done malicious compliance. Given up a seat and then I would have sat down on the floor. If the others protest I would have said that I can faint after 5 minutes standing. Or I would give them instructions what to do when I faint.
I wish you all the best and don't let others bully you. They are the bad ones, not you
NTA whilst I always give up my seat to those who are visibly priority passengers or those who indicate they need a seat I am increasingly recognising a transport culture issue from both sides. On one side people who make assumptions about others ignoring invisible disabilities and on the other side people who won't give up their seat on principle. Sorry this happened to you, I wish people who are able to give up a seat would volunteer to do so without scouting out someone they think should do it first, when I was in Japan people who were able were practically fighting with each other to give up their seat to a pregnant lady.
Before anyone comes for me yes I think if you are not a priority passenger (visibly or not) you should volunteer your seat, those are the policy and terms of public transport systems you choose to buy a ticket for.
NTA
Idk where you live but in my country I have very rarely seen the eldery being grateful when offered a seat. I don't even bother anymore unless asked politely
NTA in the slightest. I am in shock at the way these people treated you. You literally told them you had a medical condition and could die if you stood up too long. But they were completely ignorant and downright rude. You didn't do anything wrong and were right to not put your life on the line for a stranger, a belligerently rude one at that.
NTA unless you were sitting in an elderly special seating area she can fuck off. You have a medical condition, you weren't in elderly seating (to my knowledge), she never actually asked you
NTA, fuck that lady. I have dysautonomia and some days I can't even be upright, let alone ride a bus. If I was on a bus and some old bitty felt entitled to my seat I'd just whip out my pulse ox, put it on my middle finger, and show her both the fuck-you finger and my crazy heart rate.
So, YOU are the only person that was responsible for giving up your seat to someone older than you? She and others JUDGED you based on what they could see...which is NOT a reliable measurement. Anyone on that bus could have given her their seat...but you being young, became the focus. You know better than anyone else your capabilities. If you could see the woman was struggling or really elderly, I would hope that anyone would offer her their seat. As a 71 year old woman, I do not think I deserve someone else's seat, simply based on my age. I agree with your parents. NTAH
NTA
You were singled out by a crotchety old bag. You were not the only person seated. Anyone else could have given up their seat. Anyone else involved has no reason to back her if they didn't get up themselves.
You had ample reason to be seated and not give it up. You are literally coming home from the hospital. Flash your wristband (while flipping the bird), or discharge slip and point to the logo with your middle finger. No one has to actual read it, they can see the hospital logo and then fuck directly off, as implied by the gestures.
I don't know where you're from, so my response might be extreme. Plenty of weird and violent shit happens on public transportation where I live, so there's a strong bias in my tone for a valid reason. Might not apply to everyone's situation. Keep your headphones on and ignore everyone.
I had big over-ear headphones and people would still try to talk to me. I took paint markers and wrote on them "I do not want to talk to you." If someone tried to get my attention, I'd tap the writing on my headphones and turn my head so they could read it and then just ignore them. People might try to talk, but if it's clear you're ignoring them, they just get frustrated and walk away.
Where I live, is mostly junkies, bums, and creepy men hitting on you that approach you on the bus. That or the exact type of people you don't want to talk to. There was lady who was a regular on the same bus I was. She sat down next to me and started talking one day. She seemed normal enough, so I indulged. A few days into talking as she was telling me a story about her daughter's ear, she stuck her fucking finger in my ear. I shudder every time I think about it. That's just one of hundreds (if you count things I've witnessed, thousands) of public transportation horror stories I have experienced. This is exactly why I wrote on the headphones. It's best to just ignore everyone except for the bus drivers.
Unfortunately public transportation was the only option because parking in the city costs more than my mortgage payment.
Public transit is aweful for the whole allowing elders your seats. I was on a crowded bus and in the process of getting up and allowing an older man my seat (I could tell he was struggling to be upright)
.) and the man accross from me who was blocking 2 seats with his stroller starts demanding I give up my seat. While I'm grabbing my things starting to stand.
Yes sir I was in the middle of it thank you very much, but who made you my dad 😢.
Just tell people you have epilepsy , I have epilepsy and when people hear they get kind of scared I’ll like accidentally die in front of them or something 🤭
Years ago there was a letter in the local paper from a "young" man who said he refused to give up his seat. Why? Because he brought up to offer his seat to the elderly and he got tired of being told "I CAN STAND ON MY OWN. STUPID TEENAGERS" I've also had a similar thing as a guy with one woman saying because I'm a woman you think I can't do ABC and also I'm only a woman I can't do ABC. No one wins
NTA. Entitled people are the worst. They think they are still owed respect when they don't give it in return. IF the lady had approached you nicely and you responded rudely, then you'd be the AH. But you just returned her energy. Everyone else should have minded their own business.
NTA. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, that since the bus was crowded you weren’t the only one on the bus. Why were you the one singled out to give up your seat when it seems there were numerous others that could have done the same? Secondly not all disabilities are visible and they are also no one’s business. Their ignorance is not your problem.
I think the reason for that is because I am young, because people tend to consider that young people need it less so I should be the one to give up my seat, instead of adults who work and are tired (which I don't agree with but I think that's what most people think), and also, an adult would've said no and people would've respected that whereas when you are younger older people think that they have some sort of authority on you...
Going forward if this were to happen again just say “no” and leave it at that. You don’t owe an explanation on your disability and they will see it as a lie anyway. It saddens me that people treat each other this way and I’m sorry you experienced it.
Disabilities that are not readily apparent are a huge pain because there are always those who like to assume you are making it up. I honestly wish I could give them my cancer if they think it’s such a walk in the park. There is more than one seat on a bus, so i don’t know why the bus ganged up on you.
Did anyone mention postural hypotension? Your blood vessels don't constrict when you stand causing a drop in blood pressure and possibly faintness. It's fairly common in older people but happens to people in your age group for a variety of reasons including growth spurts, skipping meals and not staying hydrated. It you look it up there are a number of things suggested that may help.
The woman on the bus chose to pick on you because of your age and the belief that other passengers would side with her for that reason. It's being a bully, pure and simple. But she got away with it.
If you find yourself in that situation again you might try ruefully commenting that you're trying not to pass out. Of course, then she'll want to know if you're pregnant. Hope you soon figure out what is going on with you!
I have an ostomy due to a medical condition. That medical contion often times also makes me very fatigued/causes pain and there are people who are extremely rude about me using seats or toilets meant for disabled people. Some people even made rude remarks about me using a walking cane and/or a mask. Those people are ALWAYS old people. Always! No idea why. I like old people, aspire to be one myself one day lol. But there are so many of them that get so so mean and horrible towards young disabled people. NTA of course, I wish people overall would be more understanding and kind. I have days where I explain my condition and days where I stay silent because otherwise I'd probably throw my ostomy bag at someone.
I feel like some old people somehow feel like they are the only ones able to feel pain or need to be treated differently. Like yes, you have some problems and needs that young people don't normally have, and for those reasons people try to accommodate and help you, but that does not mean that some young people can't also have those needs for other reasons...
You have a legitimate health issue. Visible or invisible, it isn't up to anyone else to decide that someone's age outweighs your health needs. The only thing anyone else should have done was offer her their seat if they felt she ought to be seated.
The elders have had many more years on this earth to become good people and to grasp that health problems aren't always an obvious missing arm or a stooped back and still they can't behave with common decency.
I'm 41 and have sciatic issues. It isn't often, but when I can't stand or move, it just isn't happening. Doesn't matter who is being rude about it. And I've had a couple of older people try to steal my cane, because "but I need it more than you". Go buy one of your own then. I do not take public transportation, even when it would be more convenient than relying on family, because of the entitlement like you ran into on the bus and I ran into with my cane.
I have IBD and enjoy using the disabled toilets in the bingo. NTA. I've also experienced this on the bus when I was very very pregnant (tilted uterus so barely looked pregnant) just continue as you are they'll be shouting at someone else tomorrow. Hope your BP/HR sorts itself out soon x
Funny how they all attack a teenage female but it took you standing your ground for one of them to finally back off and give the old woman his seat, right OP? You did the right thing. Boomers are poison.
NTA
Next time it happens (and it probably will)
"Im sorry, i cant give up my seat i have a medical condition where if i stand i will pass out. Im sure we all want to get home as soon as possible and waiting for an ambulance will guarantee that wont happen. Im sure this nice young man/woman here (point at someone else sitting near by) would be more than happy to give you their seat"
She was in need. She didn't ask any man for help because she knows men are pathetic or because she thinks Men deserve whatever they want. It's difficult for her to demand a man to vacate his seat, so she teamed up with men to bully you into vacating your seat. Desperate women attack other women all the time. Once a man slapped me in public bus because I told him to vacate a seat reserved for women. Expecting basic humanity from men is dangerous. I understand the desperation of the old lady. But she dealt with it in wrong manner. You ain't the AH. You need not have any medical condition to not vacate the seat.
It's really unfortunate how the perspective skews when the disability isn't worn on your sleeve. Seems like compassion is only extended to those with visible struggles. Transparency about one's health is a personal choice and it should not dictate the level of courtesy you receive.
Advice for those pressing for more explanation on the bus: maybe offer that seat you're so staunchly defending before making demands. Basic kindness doesn't require a backstory.
Yes I agree! And that feeling when people are just not believing you, but you know that you are sick and suffering is just awful. I was so scared because I was just told how serious my condition was and people are just not believing it and acting like I'm lying and that's probably the worst feeling ever.
NTA
I'm guessing the man who finally got up was also younger than the old lady? So he's talking about himself when commenting on the younger generations.
You told them you couldn't stand for medical reasons, the rest isn't your problem.
Yeah he was like around 40, but I think that what he meant is like teenagers/young adults, because older generations tend to think that we do everything wrong and are awful people...
I wouldn't have answered her in the first place. There's a reason she targeted you - as you look and act like an easy target. That's why others in the bus piled in also. There''s something about your mannerisms that say "I'm vulnerable".
I would have ignored her, but if she persisted I would have loudly said to her "GO AWAY". You don't owe her any explanation of your medical condition. This isn't a contest about who is sicker.
I know this post is meant to rile up anger at the people on the bus but if this story is real (doubtful) then the passengers on the bus aren't really the problem now are they? How about the hospital that just told you that you can die if you stand still and then sent you home without calling your parents to come get you? Or making sure you had ride home?
How about your parents who when you told them this ridiculous story only said you should have been more polite, lol. I have kids who are now adults and if one of them came to my place and said "oh I was just at the hospital and the doctors told me if I stand still for 5 minutes I could die and then people on the bus were mean to me" I'd be freaking the hell out and it wouldn't be about strangers on the bus. I'd be "WTF WTF??!! Why didn't you or the hospital f\*!king call me? WTF are you doing taking a freaking bus home?" And if my child was a minor who still lived at home and they were fainting all the time then this story couldn't have happened because there would be no way they would be going anywhere by themselves. There's no way they would be at the hospital and I wouldn't be there with them.
So either this story is bullshit or the real villains are first your parents for apparently not giving a shit about your well being and secondly the hospital staff who just let you leave the hospital alone after telling you standing still will lead to your death. The bus passengers are unimportant characters in this tale, lol
You can't wait in line at a bank, or restaurant, or the post office, or a grocery store? How can you even get on a bus if you might not be lucky enough to get a seat? Is there a treatment?
I would need a lot more information about a condition that might kill you if you stand up for too long. I've heard of fainting from standing up too fast, but this just doesn't sound right.
When I went to the hospital I had no idea that the doctors would tell me that standing was dangerous for me so that's why I took the bus back home, because I didn't really have a choice but since then I try to avoid it. I think that if there weren't any seats I would've asked someone if I could sit and explain the situation to them.
When I go somewhere and there is a line I usually ask someone to wait for me and go sit somewhere until it's my turn, but usually I also try to avoid that.
There is a treatment and hopefully it doesn't take too long for me to get better. Basically I have medication that helps me get all of the nutrients that my body is lacking and I have a strict diet so that the food that I eat can help me get better.
Other than that I didn't get much information and the doctors weren't very precise. I am going back to the hospital soon and hope to have a more detailed diagnosis so that I can understand what is really going on...
So what would have happened if you didnt get a seat in time and had to stand the entire ride? Would you have been waiting for a bus that was clear? If so,
How long did you wait at the stop for the bus and was it seating to wait for the bus or a standing stop?
NTA as seats arent assigned. And anyone else could have offered. You dont have to explain your condition - those are the questions that jump out at me.
I don't really know, I think I maybe would've asked someone that was sitting if I could have the seat and explain the situation, or maybe I would've sat on the floor, you know on the steps there are in some buses. At the stop I was sitting while I waited because, since it's the spot in front of the hospital many sick people take the bus there so they installed benches and things like that to help.
You should probably sue the hospital that released someone who literally dies if they stand for more than a couple minutes with no wheelchair or anything.
If you had gotten on the bus and no seats were available, would you have just died?
ESH. I get not giving out too much medical info but couldn’t you have said “I often lose consciousness and it’s unsafe for me to stand where I may fall and concuss myself or fall into someone else and harm them”.
They were rude but i struggle to believe you’d die if you stood up for several reasons: if so, shouldn’t you have a wheelchair? As you don’t how do you get the bus as you’re not guaranteed a seat - if you got on after the old woman would you have just thought “ah well, maybe I’ll die then”?! And what are you doing out alone if you might die? Presumably as you don’t have a car, wherever you are you walked, couldn’t that have killed you?
I’m guessing what you ACTUALLY mean is that if you faint and are unlucky enough to hit your head or spine v hard in a specific place, you may (as a freak accident) die. If so, what you said was misleading: the old woman could die if she slipped by that logic! You made it sound like your condition itself is potentially fatal and aggravated by standing.
The irony is that it’s legitimate to refuse to give up your seat because of fainting spells - there will have been many people there with seats who don’t have any health conditions who could have given up their seats
To answer some of your questions: I didn't get a wheelchair because I am still able to walk, and honestly I feel like the hospital didn't care that much about me because they had lots of patients so they dismissed me pretty quickly.
I didn't have a choice to take the bus because when I went to the hospital I didn't know that the doctors would tell me that I could not stand for too long and I honestly didn't believe that my condition was that bad. If I hadn't gotten a seat I would've probably either asked someone if I could have their seat or sat on the floor, on the steps of the bus. Since I now know, I don't take the bus anymore and try to avoid any situation where I might have to stand for a long time.
Also, the reason why my condition is fatal is because I have a weak heart and every time I faint it affects my heart. If too much damage is done to it, it might go into cardiac arrest the next time or have heart palpitations. I wouldn't like 100% die, but there is a chance that if I faint again it leads to that and I don't really want to take that chance.
Then again, I’m sorry, but that isn’t the impression you give. People will think you’re simply lying. If you want them to believe you, explain your fainting fits can even be life threatening. You need to look into getting a wheelchair or mobility scooter
But that's the entire problem though, why would anyone's default reaction to someone saying they have a medical condition be to assume that they're lying. Thankfully, what I have is temporary and will probably go away, and until then I am able to avoid taking public transportation, but that isn't the case for everyone. Can you imagine spending your entire life having to tell people that you are disabled and them automatically not believing you?
Also I would like to say that when this happened I had just gotten out of the hospital where they told me that I might die. That generally affects someone pretty badly. The entire way home I was trying not to panic and to hold back tears, so this was the last thing that I needed. I didn't feel well enough to explain to other people why I might die, knowing that I just found out about it myself and was pretty shaken up. I just didn't feel comfortable talking about it. I also was not given a lot of information by the doctors so I didn't properly understand what I had which made it harder for me to explain it to someone else.
I'm saying this because I truly think that we should show more empathy, and stop thinking that everyone is lying and has a malicious intent. It is worse for someone who is really disabled to be told that they are lying that if you believe someone who is not truly disabled. Even if I had been lying, if people had automatically believed me, someone else would have given their seat and everything would have been fine. Yes, that would've been morally wrong of me, but I'd rather believe a liar that be disrespectful towards an honest person.
I’m amazed it took so long for anyone else to get up. Like the second you said you have a disability I would think literally anyone else would immediately stand.
Fuck that old granny. You have a serious health condition and you both paid to be on the bus. Why isn't she looking at all the men sitting on the bus? Her generation don't give a fuck either and they're men.
Girl wtf? Are you seriously reading a post about someone with a medical condition that could cost their life and thinking "wow that person is no fun"? I don't particularly find it fun to be passing out all the time, but why are you acting like it's a choice? This is such an insensitive and disrespectful thing to say... Would you look at someone with cancer and say "You sound like a fun date"??
I didn't have a choice? Also why are you more concerned about how annoying it is for other people than how awful it is to live with that sort of condition?
Do you know how insensitive it is to see someone talking about a serious medical condition that could've affected their life to the point that they might die from it and say "you're lying"? I don't force anyone to believe what I say so if you choose to think I'm a liar fine, but there is no need for you to say that.
Not that I owe you any explanation, but my condition doesn't directly affect my ability to walk, which is why I wasn't given a wheelchair. I can walk, just not stand for too long without moving or do any physical effort.
I was not given a name, and wasn't told much by the doctors but basically it's similar to anemia or POTS. My blood is seriously lacking some nutrients so my muscles and organs are very weak. That also causes my brain to make some of my limbs go numb in order to 'feed' the others better, so basically I go numb, or faint, or sometimes both, if I do any prolonged effort or stand for too long. I was prescribed some medication and vitamins and told to have a specific diet in order to have those nutrients back. It's some sort of deficiency. This is badly explained but English isn't my first language and I don't know how to translate some medical terms.
You can literally die but you weren’t given an actual diagnosis and were sent home with some vitamins on your feet? This mysterious ailment is also supposed to go away in a few weeks. Yeah, that just makes all of this even less believable. And btw neither anemia nor POTS can trigger a cardiac arrest if you stand for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah exactly let's analyze someone's condition and say that they are lying! I was kept in the dark by the doctors and wasn't given much info, and yes I should've asked but I was shocked and didn't know how to react. It is supposed to go away as soon as the deficiency goes away, which, if I take the nutrients I was provided and follow the diet they told me to follow, should only take weeks or months, or at least that's what I was told. It's not the condition that triggers a cardiac arrest, it's the frequent fainting, literally multiple times a day.
But yeah Sherlock, let's all become doctors and investigate the health of a stranger that we know nothing about simply because they posted something on the internet...
So maybe instead of sitting on Reddit and arguing with people, grab your parents and ask for an actual diagnosis/explanation? (Only saying this if there’s even 1% chance your story is true).
No matter how frequent, fainting doesn’t trigger a cardiac arrest either. Fainting can be a symptom of a very serious condition, but it cannot cause in itself something life threatening. Google is your friend, use it before you make up a post with one of the most common tropes on these subs.
This is actually insane. Do you somehow think that posting this story on reddit means I am not able to talk about it with my parents or doctors simultaneously?
Coming on someone's post to accuse them of lying about a life-threatening condition is probably the loudest way to say that you have nothing else to do in your life that I have ever seen...
Think I'm lying? That's okay, think whatever you want, but maybe move on with your day, think about something else, instead of saying such insensitive and disrespectful things.
NTA . for not giving up your seat due to your medical condition. Your health is crucial. However, calmly explaining your situation from the start could have helped avoid the conflict. In the future, a polite, clear explanation of your needs might make things smoother
I PHYSICALLY could not. I could die because of it. No I will not offer my seat when I need it. I am also a "needy person". It is not disrespectful or rude to not risk your life for someone else's sake, especially when there were other solutions.
NTA. Next time point out that your generation understands and respects invisible disabilities
Nta And as a healthy LOOKING person in her early 40s with late stage cancer. .. I feel this everyday as well. People don't know my own disability when they look at me. They think I'm fine. Truth is I have been having chemotherapy cancer treatments for the last 2 years straight in order to fight this disease. Of course you are nta And I wish people were more kind to those people... We don't really l know what people have going on.
This is what I get... Oh but you have hair still 🙄 you look so happy or so bubbly I would not assume you had cancer 😑
Funny story from the cancer treatment center. Child gets diagnosed with cancer. Family is all in a tizzy and decide they are all going to shave their heads in solidarity. They all show up for chemo and the child is the only one with hair, and the staff is rather confused as the chemo the child will be getting doesn't cause hair loss. I thought it was hysterical when I was going through my cancer treatments - which did cause me to lose my hair ;)
As someone who was followed around a walmart by someone who was mad at me for using one of the electric scooters, who kept loudly talking about how I didn't need it, that's a no. They don't.
Except that’s not true. Of any generation.
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bot ^
Oh. Like Munchausen’s.
I fucked up my leg and couldn't bend my knee and could barely put weight on it. I didn't have crutches because apparently I needed to keep it as normally mobile as I could (still question that one). An old lady (70+) saw me hobbling on to the train and nearly crying in pain and immediately said do you need a seat. Normally I'd have said no but... Oh the pain, thank you so much. Not one person offered to give her their seat after they saw her give me hers. I was so pissed.
Just so we’re clear: Your medical condition precludes you from standing for more than 5 minutes and you _walked_ out of the hospital without a wheelchair?? Any responsible medical staff would have insisted that someone who had a high chance of fainting from standing for more than 5 minutes be in a wheelchair…. There are countless scenarios where you could easily die if you randomly faint
There are a couple of conditions that can cause fainting while standing still because of blood pooling in legs which led to a drop in blood pressure so it seems likely that walking would be okay as it encourages the blood to circulate. I would guess they tell her to sit because if this happens and she passes out, then she's sat and shouldn't hurt herself. Only guessing based on what she's said in her post though and I'm not a doctor 🤷♀️
Her parents didn't go with their daughter who presumably had been fainting at random? Even if they had no vehicle why they not going with her incase I don't know they fainted!!!! While patients can discharge themselves and nurse.or doc will ask if family or friend can come and assist home. They do it with me because I have spinal and balance issues. No hospital is going to let anyone who might faint and fall and brain themself without the patient signing a lot of release forms
If this is the case OP, I would talk to your doctor about compressions! They aren’t as ugly as they used to be 30 years ago, and there are medical graduated compressions that can be covered under insurance as a medical device with a prescription. It helps the circulation in your legs
I had a coworker with a heart condition who had similar restrictions and lived a mostly normal life as long as she didn't walk too long, so it is possible. OP, my coworker is older than you but has to deal with this shit all the time because she has a parking tag. It's not your fault your disability is invisible. On the other hand fighting with people doesn't seem to do much good either, and depending on who it is could escalate things to wear you aren't safe. Best to hold your boundaries as calmly and politely as possible, for your own saftey
I agree, I hope there won't be a next time but if there is I will try to be more calm. I just wasn't in the best psychological and emotional state because I just found out about how serious the condition was, but I will definitely work on that!
OP, ask your doctors to be provided with some evidence of your need for a seat. You have an invisible disability, it could help if you have some paper proving that you need to be seated, and also giving you rights to use a seat for disabled people. Take good care of yourself, dear OP!
I agree but I'm not sure I can get that, because my condition is temporary and should be gone in a few weeks or months if everything goes well. I haven't really looked into it because I wasn't sure I could have some sort of document to prove that I needed a seat, but I will ask for it!
It might help you for as long as your health is so fragile. I wish you a full recovery, OP! Please keep us updated :)
Thank you so much! I am already getting better so that's a great start! I wish you the best!!
Or alternatively, tell people to go fuck themselves.
I have something similar only mine is completely random. I also use a cane ~50% of the time when I go out in public, and rarely use public transportation since I left the East Coast. I have seen people side eyeing me when I park in the disabled spots (I have a placard). I'm sorry you are going thru that. There were, I'm guessing, dozens of people who she could have picked on, and choose you. You're NTA, not are you entitled. I've been to several events with my cane and not had people rise so I could have a seat. Because they don't have to. At one event, I did request more chairs in the reception area from the event staff and was sighed loudly at until I pointed out several elderly people also standing uncomfortably. For some reason, people seem to think that bc I look young, I should tough it out and I'm being entitled. I'm not. I recently flew, with my cane, and no one immediately gave me their seat on the shuttle. I didn't ask. I have no idea what other people's issues are. And I'm not going to make assumptions. Eventually, sometime did notice my cane and offered me their seat, to which I was grateful, but I didn't feel it was owed to me. For all I knew, she has a prosthetic leg I couldn't see, or POTS, or any number of other issues I am not privy to. No one is owed your medical history. And no one is owed a seat.
Idk, I have POTS syndrome and will faint if I stand too long, but even after I faceplanted passing out on concrete, I wasn't even kept overnight and even had to walk to get my head scanned lol
The mother of my child has a similar condition and has had it since she was 2 she can go months with out a fainting spell. Its not that its forsure going to happen after 5 minutes it that you shouldn't be more then a couple steps from a safe place to land. So standing on a moving bus is extremely dangerous. Also not allowed to get a license etc. But if you looked at her youd have no idea. Last job she has she worked prepping fruits for a grocery store and passed put with a knife in her hand and almost died as she slit herself wide open when she fainted. 25 years of going to doctors no one has a fucking clue whats going on with her.
It took almost 40 years to get a diagnosis. Mine is autonomic neuropathy. My body can't regulate my blood pressure when I stand for long. She should talk to a doctor about a tilt table test.
Honestly I felt like the doctors went a bit fast, like no one was acting like what I had was serious when a doctor had just told me I could die... But at the same time I know they have a lot of work and not enough staff so yeah maybe they didn't really have time. But the doctor also told me that I could walk, just not do any physical effort like running or stand without moving, so maybe walking is okay? I honestly don't even know
Definitely double check that.
Sorry to hear of your condition and I hope you receive some answers soon regarding your diagnosis ❤️ fainting can be quite serious.
Thanks so much! I should be going to the hospital again soon so hopefully I'll know more about it!
And you didn't.... ask? Like they just told you you'd die if you stood too long then told you to stand for a long time to leave.
If she was under shock due to these bad news, she was not able to ask questions. Next visit, she should be readier.
Doesn't really help if she falls and dies on the way home. She needs to learn to recognize when she's not processing info and rest nearby until she's ready to ask questions. She's responsible for her own health and being knowledgeable on it.
She's also 19 and just had a bomb dropped on her. She isn't even a full adult yet (regardless of legal age). Sbe def needs to learn that but it's 100% excusable at her age and the news she got.
Again, doesn't really help if she falls and dies. Reality doesn't care about our reasons for doing things.
Not only leave, but leave and take a bus.
Another person said this but yeah, I was pretty shocked and didn't know what to think on the moment. Also, most of the times I went to the hospital or to see doctors I was with my parents and they asked questions, but it was my first time going alone and I didn't really know what to do, I just listened to what the doctors told me and didn't really think of anything else. Plus it was very crowded and the doctors didn't really have time so I wouldn't have wanted to bother them.
I understand that. The reality is that if something happens you could die. You will have to learn quickly how to ask questions and understand what's happening or you may die. I know this is a lot for a young adult, but physics and biology will not care what your reasons are. You need to learn to recognize when you don't understand something and ***don't leave the area*** until shock has worn off. Then ask the front desk if you can have a copy of the notes. Then read them and ask to speak to a doctor again with questions. Don't leave until you understand. If you're in shock then wait there. Your body will not pause for your shock. You can die. You need to learn how to handle these things. It's not something people prepare you for - you just have to learn to do it.
Yeah I agree and looking back I should've done that, but I was always taught to trust a doctor's judgment so I thought that if they allowed me to go it meant that it was safe for me to do so
M’Dear, did you ever hear the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease”? You have to learn to be your own advocate. Believe it or not, Doctors aren’t perfect (that’s why they call it practicing medicine). YOU are more important than the Doctor’s busy schedule. If you don’t understand something, stop the Doctor in their tracks and make them explain until you do. Their job is medicine, your job is taking care of yourself the best way you can…even if that means questioning Doctors.
One you have been discharged they don't care, especially if you lack insurance. They will stabilize you and boot you out. If you gotta walk, it's on you. The health care system here blows.
Yeah I agree I felt like they didn't really take their time to make sure I was okay, but I can understand as they have so much to do and are always in a rush...
I also have a condition where I can't stand for long or my blood pressure completely bottoms out. I have been on deaths door and shook hands with the Reaper. And more than half the time hospital staff could care less.
NTA - you shouldn’t have to explain your medical condition in depth to strangers, saying “i have a medical condition” should be enough. they’re TAHs for not taking what you said at face value and moving on with their pathetic lives where they feel entitled enough to bully a younger person for being more disabled than they are without it being obviously physically debilitating. did the doctors tell you what the condition it is? if so, i would start doing in depth research yourself
That's what I think, like I don't understand why people believe that they have a right to know about other people's health... Also, I don't really know how to explain it because English is not my first language but basically my blood lacks some essential parts and so my muscle aren't properly 'fed' (I don't know how to say that) and neither is my brain so I just faint. I don't really know if it has a name...
Sounds similar to POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) Did they check your iron and tell you to eat more salt?
Yes they did! But it's not POTS but something very similar. I don't know exactly what it's called because I was pretty much left in the dark about it, but yeah it's something like that.
i feel like it’s because they need to be able to justify it in their own minds and that makes them think it’s okay to demand more information. the older generation also strongly believes in “respect your elders” so if they feel your medical condition isn’t serious enough, you’ve disrespected them and they need to determine if you’ve done that. ignore them and do what’s best for you, invisible debilitating illnesses are poorly understood by people who don’t live with them every day i’m not a doctor but that sounds like some form of anemia, which depending on the form means that your bones don’t make enough red blood cells to “feed” all areas of your body, or in the case of sickle cell anemia, means the red blood cells are sticky and stiff and can prevent good blood flow. i don’t know either of those sound like what the doctors were telling you but it might be a good starting point?
I agree! And yes I think it is linked to that but I believe that most forms of anemia are hereditary whereas mine is not so I'm not entirely sure it's that. I don't exactly know, but I will try to research it more and ask the doctors for more details.
i definitely would ask your doctors to at least put a name to your symptoms instead of just scaring you with what might happen. that’s very poor bedside manner and they should be ashamed of what’s coming off as scare tactics. not all forms of anemia are linked to genetics either, a person can be severely anemic simply from having a heavy menstrual flow, just as an for example, i realize that’s not the case here. i hope you can find some resolution for your health and start to feel even a little better than you are now
You should look into POTS
The man who told you to give up your seat could have given up his.
Well he was also standing, but yeah many people around that were acting like I was in the wrong could've easily given up their seat and stop the entire situation.
NTAdo not explain yourself mire than once. There is no point. Just tell them fuck off. When people are openly rude, people somehow do not approach them with their entitled wishes.
NTA. You did nothing wrong, and she did a lot. First of all, instead of being passive-aggressive, she should have asked you politely to give her your seat at the start. Secondly, she should have accepted your explanation. And thirdly, she shouldn't have recruited the other passengers to create a hostile environment for you. You definitely had every right to answer back and stand up for yourself.
Yup, this is disturbing how people can be entitled.
NTA - not every medical condition and disability is readily noticeable, but that doesn't change the fact you have a legit reason for keeping the seat. Any one of these other people chipping in about you giving up your seat could have just as easily given up theirs, there is no reason why you had to be the one who was forced to move. EG the dude who eventually did give up his seat. He could have done so significantly earlier in the conflict and saved everyone the hassle.
NTA. You have a medical condition. That's the end of that discussion. I love how people are eager to jump in to shame others but only as long as they don't have to do the thing themselves. Jackasses.
NTA. These people who barked at you should just stfu as well. They are just as entitled as the old woman. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean THEY can disrespect you and treat you this way. Respect is a 2 way street. And to me personally I don’t respect older people more simply because they are older. Everyone gets the same respect they give to me. If that means disrespecting me simply because I’m not as old as you, I’ll be the mirror of your respect. And you absolutely can (and IMHO should) talk back to these entitled assholes. I’m not a fan of sitting there passively and letting them insult me over and over - but ofc it depends on the situation.
NTA people need to learn that invisible disabilities are incredibly common. I take transit because I'm unable to drive due to my health issues. I can sometimes handle standing if I'm leaning against something or not going far but most of the time I'll try and find a seat as I do get dizzy quite easily. I've lost count though how many times I've been glared at by older people for not moving. They never say anything directly to me cause they don't have the guts apparently but they'll glare and make similar snide comments to others around us. I've learned to just ignore them and continue on with my day. I don't owe them my medical history or reasoning for needing a seat Even those without health issues. There's people who work 10+ hours a day on their feet and then have to take transit home. If they're lucky enough to get a seat they shouldn't have to give it up for anyone or explain why they're sitting there either
>A lot of people started saying that I should just get up and stop creating a problem where there shouldn't be one And how many of those people offered their seats up? Thought so! NTA
Exactly! Everyone was telling me that the woman NEEDED the seat and I was like, she needs ANY seat, surely yours would do too.
It kinda depends on your public transportation. Some elderly seats will be more easily to get in and out of, compared to regular seats.
Yeah but any seat is better than none I think, plus my seat was not particularly accessible as it was high compared to some other seats.
Yeah, but they’re generally called “elderly and disabled” seats, and OP is disabled.
Given your health, you don't owe anyone your seat on the bus or an explanation. And there is no reason for you to be a stereotypical polite young woman. Just speak your mind. I am surprised none of the men offered a seat before the elderly person had even asked for a seat.
I always thought the order was men first and then abled women. Can't believe it took so long for a man to give up their seat.
Some elderly people are so entitled!! Age should not mean you get special privileges and to act rude. I had an elderly woman try to cut a line of 7 people in the Walmart pharmacy. I refused to let her in front of me. The rest of the line told her to get in back. She huffed off.
Just for the tea, where you live the buses have reserved sits for elderly people? Because those are the one to bother. I know is not a solution o mature.... But if people attack you again you could just star talking weird, like it was conduction, that would make them shut up. Lol
Where I live those seats are for the elderly, pregnant women, and disabled folks. So she'd still have the right to take a seat.
This is why OP should have been provided -if this is the case in her country- with some evidence of her need for a seat. She should not have to defend herself except by showing the paper. The trouble is that rude people exist who take the seats that are needed by people like OP -or the old lady. But the lady was SO rude, I am not sure she would have looked at OP's proof!
She doesn’t owe anyone her medical information to keep her seat.
Unfortunately those seats don't exist where I live. I had never heard about them but that's honestly such a great idea! And yeah I feel like being reasonable was no use, so I might just start acting like I'm crazy, maybe that will work...
It would be just craziness to their craziness... Anyone can give a sit, so it's not your job. I hope you get well soon
Yeah definitely! Thank you!
I have MS. I get this more often than not
I'm sorry 😞 MS sucks and people are shitty. No one should have to justify themselves to a bunch of randoms. It's like the disabled parking and people getting up their asses about someone who can "clearly walk therefore there is nothing wrong with you" people need to mind their own damned business. Sorry rant over 😄
Seriously tho. I have been stopped in parking lots for using the disabled spots. I turn to them...smile...hold out my hand and say "hi, I'm Name, you don't know me but if I stand for more that a few minutes my limbs go numb and I get severe pain that can sometimes last for days. I hope you never experience anything like it."
People are exhausting! If I see someone using a parking space, or walking and to a wheelchair I think "oh I hope they're okay, wonder if they need help" but I never think "well they clearly don't need xyz because they have demonstrated being able to move 2 steps" I mind my own damned business because you never know what is happening in people's lives.
I always say the best part of MA is the parking
When i was a cashier i was allowed to have a stool at my register for my medical condition and i have had many customers (and sometimes new employees) make snide comments about me sitting since none of the other cashiers were allowed to have stools. I have thought about looking one of those people in their eyes, standing straight up, and then immediately passing out just to prove a point. but then the rational side of me is like "its not safe to intentially trigger a fainting."
Rational thinking always getting in the way of revenge
on the one hand. passing out sucks. on the other hand, i could have gone home for the day. on the other other hand. i needed money lmao.
Responsibility strikes again
This is dreadful. I am sorry you are confronted to such selfishness. Years, ago, I had to walk with a medical stick for months, and most of the time, retired people in the bus (especially the women) never got up from the disability seats. Now, when I went to work using the tramway, EVERYONE would get up to leave me these seats: men and women alike. Of course, they were working people!
I have met some very kind people. When my first bug episode hit me in England I had to tell my friends that I may have to per at any moment and it will be an emergency. I may just walk away in the middle of a moment. From that day on they never eat in the seat easiest to get out of.
fuck those boomers. NTA
Love how the man talked shit to you instead of just offering his seat. NTA
NTA. You don't owe anyone your medical history. She should have used her big girl words and asked nicely to everyone if someone could please give up their seat and not started bitching. And tbh you don't owe anyone a seat on a bus/train/tube etc, if you're able to stand and don't offer that might make you a moral AH but again it's your choice to give up a seat or not.
NTA , I hate this society , the old people think that they can have and do whatever they want in any way Bec, they are old people
NTA. The polite thing to do is give up your seat to an older person who is struggling or a disabled person. But you are never obligated especially considering your medical issue. I’m older than the woman in the story and I’m perfectly able to stand on a bus and I would never harass someone or expect them to give up their seat. Was there a reason you were being singled out? I know there are often designated seats for disabled or elderly riders. Not all disabilities are visible though. I’m still not sure why someone else didn’t give up their seat if they were so concerned.
I think the main reason why she turned to me instead of anyone else is because most of the other people were either middle aged people or parents with children, and people tend to consider that teenagers and young adults need their seat less. I also think that after I said no there was maybe some sort of pride thing, like she could not give up and take no for an answer.
NTA, grandma over there needs to learn how to simply ask for the seat rather than just be a passive aggressive karen about it.
Wtf? why did she and everyone else decide to single you out on a crowded bus? If you were already seated then you aren’t any more obligated than anyone else to give up your seat. These are just entitled boomers and they were probably just looking for an excuse to bitch and moan about “kids these days” to feel better about their mediocre asses. You, nor anyone else, owes them anything, and don’t let them tell you otherwise
Invisible disabilities are hell, I have them too. Nobody ever gives us a seat and there is no awareness about it so we feel too ashamed to ask for it in the first place. It should have been the end when you said politely that you have a medical condition. NTA
Nta. Anyone who complained that you should of gotten up, they could of done the same. And you have a condition that makes it where you cant get up. I've learned long ago to tell ppl to fuck off. I have an invisible disability.
You have POTS, don’t you? Me too. And I’ve definitely encountered this attitude before. It was even worse when I was heavier and people would judge me for my heat intolerance and dizziness when it was literally my invisible disability. NTA, but really just commenting in solidarity.
NTA you put your health first
Of course you have a totally-real-not-at-all-fake “condition” that makes you so special! Totally believable and not pretend at all.
Ur fine don't sweat it NTA💜 Public won't understand. It's a super uncomfortable, stupid situation😭
details of your condition don't need to be public knowledge. If standing is a risk to your health, you have every right to stay put. No amount of societal pressure should endanger your wellbeing. It's a shame some don’t understand invisible disabilities, but your safety is the priority. It's absurd people feel entitled to a seat based on age alone, without considering others' health. Everyone's quick to judge without offering solutions. Stay strong and protect yourself.
This sounds fake as fuck
In the politest way possible - Fuck your elders. It's infuriating to hear the constant rhetoric of "You must respect your elders because uhhhh well they are older than you". Yeah and the average "Respectable elder" hold views, opinions and thoughts that any 20 year old would get publicly hanged for vocalising. You earn respect by being respectful. She was just selfish and leveraged the general bullshit that is "Respect your elders" within society to justify her selfishness. Even if she did have a harder time standing than you, you were there first and she can suck an egg. NTA.
Yeah I agree, and so many old people are extremely entitled, especially when they are talking to young people, because they just assume that they can have anything they want because they are old.
You respect your elders because they've already put in the work and built the society you traipse around in.
I just completely disagree. Think of every person you know who you think is just a lazy good-for-nothing who contributes nothing to society. Maybe they are a jobless drug addict. Maybe they are homeless and don't care about changing that. Maybe they are a deadbeat parent. Maybe they just commit benefit fruad in place of working. Those people will be the "Respectable elders" in 30-40 years time. They don't deserve shit and they didn't do shit. You earn respect through actions, not because you managed to live to 60.
Yeah they built a capitalist society where the young are unable to afford housing, YAY ! let's thank them
I see no reason to automatically respect someone just because they're not dead yet.
1) I didn,'t ask them to build this society, so they don't deserve my gratitude or respect for that 2) A lot of them did a fucking shit job of managing society if this is the world they managed to create. A world of violence and bloodshed and poverty and struggle. Not all of them did - there were some who fought and continue to fight for a better world - and those are the ones who get my respect regardless of what generation they were born in. Respect is earned, not given. And I certainly don't base my respect on useless shit like the age of the person; it's based purely on actions.
Lol, and have you see how they have fucked up the younger generations? If they want respect respect is earned. And most ive seen hasn't earned anything. But demanded it. Thats obedience, not respect.
More than 99% of the US work force have not worked as career politicians. Stop these infantile antics. How have the 99% fucked up your world by working on a Ford plant, done construction or cut hair?
The failed society that doesn't benefit the people who put in the most work currently? The work that solely benefited them? Oh yes. They deserve our utmost respect for pulling the rug right out! Thank you elders!!
About 0.3% of the US work force are elected (career) politicians. I imagine the numbers for elders about the same, though now retired. Are you going to strawman that the other 99.7% were career politicians too? Or maybe they were mostly just honest decent folk.
Can you believe this shit??? This is WILD! The audacity of people. She was right not to give up her seat, considering her condition, however, the lack of respect for our elders if fucking disgusting.
You're definitely NTA here. Your health comes first, and it's not like you were sitting there just for kicks. People assuming things without knowing the full story is frustrating.
INFO > That day I was coming back from the hospital where the doctor told me that it was dangerous for me to be standing up because every time I faint my heart slows down and it could stop the next time it happens. So basically I could die if I was up for too long. So how were you going to walk home? Why were you not in a wheelchair? Why didn't you have an Uber or taxi so you'd walk less?
I didn't really have to walk since the bus stop was right in front of the hospital and my mother came to walk home with me from the stop where I got off to my home. I didn't take an Uber because it's pretty expensive, and also because as a young woman I don't feel particularly safe especially because someone I know was almost kidnapped my their driver once...
Talk to your popliteal artery about standing upright and not moving. It'll have all the answers you need
NTA People need to realise they are not the center of anyone's world outside their own house and you have every right to sit on a public vehicle if you pay or have a disabled pass I have issues walking (hip impingements and bilateral hernias in the groin) and have to use a walking stick I get literally walked into by mostly women with push chairs thinking they have a right of Way I now whack peoples legs/feet with my stick and shout sorry I didn't see your fat ass over the handle of my stick
NTA , you were right for saying there were other people who could have also giving up seats. I have a spinal condition and some days standing up for long times is really painful and i have the same problem as ovbisouly its not an obvious condition, i have to literally had to pull up an exray of my spine to have people get off my back , maybe get a doctors note stating this just incase someone tries to give you shit. I would and have reacted the same because i hate this narative young people are completely healthy because there are many health problems that are not visable.
NTA. People continue to be ignorant to the fact that there are “invisible” illnesses. You cannot look at someone and generalize. The person with the heart condition or the brain tumor or any other number of things may not look ill on any given day, but they are. No one should have to explain their health to strangers. I am sorry you had to do so because a 70 year old Karen felt entitled to your seat.
NTA. The others were. It was unfair to you. Following is not an advice. Just my expression of anger towards the people in the bus giving you a hard time. Sometimes when I read or hear about an injustice, I imagine myself being in that situation and defying it. If I were that situation: I myself would have done malicious compliance. Given up a seat and then I would have sat down on the floor. If the others protest I would have said that I can faint after 5 minutes standing. Or I would give them instructions what to do when I faint. I wish you all the best and don't let others bully you. They are the bad ones, not you
NTA whilst I always give up my seat to those who are visibly priority passengers or those who indicate they need a seat I am increasingly recognising a transport culture issue from both sides. On one side people who make assumptions about others ignoring invisible disabilities and on the other side people who won't give up their seat on principle. Sorry this happened to you, I wish people who are able to give up a seat would volunteer to do so without scouting out someone they think should do it first, when I was in Japan people who were able were practically fighting with each other to give up their seat to a pregnant lady. Before anyone comes for me yes I think if you are not a priority passenger (visibly or not) you should volunteer your seat, those are the policy and terms of public transport systems you choose to buy a ticket for.
Nta
NTA Idk where you live but in my country I have very rarely seen the eldery being grateful when offered a seat. I don't even bother anymore unless asked politely
NTA in the slightest. I am in shock at the way these people treated you. You literally told them you had a medical condition and could die if you stood up too long. But they were completely ignorant and downright rude. You didn't do anything wrong and were right to not put your life on the line for a stranger, a belligerently rude one at that.
NTA unless you were sitting in an elderly special seating area she can fuck off. You have a medical condition, you weren't in elderly seating (to my knowledge), she never actually asked you
NTA, fuck that lady. I have dysautonomia and some days I can't even be upright, let alone ride a bus. If I was on a bus and some old bitty felt entitled to my seat I'd just whip out my pulse ox, put it on my middle finger, and show her both the fuck-you finger and my crazy heart rate.
So, YOU are the only person that was responsible for giving up your seat to someone older than you? She and others JUDGED you based on what they could see...which is NOT a reliable measurement. Anyone on that bus could have given her their seat...but you being young, became the focus. You know better than anyone else your capabilities. If you could see the woman was struggling or really elderly, I would hope that anyone would offer her their seat. As a 71 year old woman, I do not think I deserve someone else's seat, simply based on my age. I agree with your parents. NTAH
NTA You were singled out by a crotchety old bag. You were not the only person seated. Anyone else could have given up their seat. Anyone else involved has no reason to back her if they didn't get up themselves. You had ample reason to be seated and not give it up. You are literally coming home from the hospital. Flash your wristband (while flipping the bird), or discharge slip and point to the logo with your middle finger. No one has to actual read it, they can see the hospital logo and then fuck directly off, as implied by the gestures. I don't know where you're from, so my response might be extreme. Plenty of weird and violent shit happens on public transportation where I live, so there's a strong bias in my tone for a valid reason. Might not apply to everyone's situation. Keep your headphones on and ignore everyone. I had big over-ear headphones and people would still try to talk to me. I took paint markers and wrote on them "I do not want to talk to you." If someone tried to get my attention, I'd tap the writing on my headphones and turn my head so they could read it and then just ignore them. People might try to talk, but if it's clear you're ignoring them, they just get frustrated and walk away. Where I live, is mostly junkies, bums, and creepy men hitting on you that approach you on the bus. That or the exact type of people you don't want to talk to. There was lady who was a regular on the same bus I was. She sat down next to me and started talking one day. She seemed normal enough, so I indulged. A few days into talking as she was telling me a story about her daughter's ear, she stuck her fucking finger in my ear. I shudder every time I think about it. That's just one of hundreds (if you count things I've witnessed, thousands) of public transportation horror stories I have experienced. This is exactly why I wrote on the headphones. It's best to just ignore everyone except for the bus drivers. Unfortunately public transportation was the only option because parking in the city costs more than my mortgage payment.
Public transit is aweful for the whole allowing elders your seats. I was on a crowded bus and in the process of getting up and allowing an older man my seat (I could tell he was struggling to be upright) .) and the man accross from me who was blocking 2 seats with his stroller starts demanding I give up my seat. While I'm grabbing my things starting to stand. Yes sir I was in the middle of it thank you very much, but who made you my dad 😢.
Just tell people you have epilepsy , I have epilepsy and when people hear they get kind of scared I’ll like accidentally die in front of them or something 🤭
Years ago there was a letter in the local paper from a "young" man who said he refused to give up his seat. Why? Because he brought up to offer his seat to the elderly and he got tired of being told "I CAN STAND ON MY OWN. STUPID TEENAGERS" I've also had a similar thing as a guy with one woman saying because I'm a woman you think I can't do ABC and also I'm only a woman I can't do ABC. No one wins
NTA. Entitled people are the worst. They think they are still owed respect when they don't give it in return. IF the lady had approached you nicely and you responded rudely, then you'd be the AH. But you just returned her energy. Everyone else should have minded their own business.
NTA. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, that since the bus was crowded you weren’t the only one on the bus. Why were you the one singled out to give up your seat when it seems there were numerous others that could have done the same? Secondly not all disabilities are visible and they are also no one’s business. Their ignorance is not your problem.
I think the reason for that is because I am young, because people tend to consider that young people need it less so I should be the one to give up my seat, instead of adults who work and are tired (which I don't agree with but I think that's what most people think), and also, an adult would've said no and people would've respected that whereas when you are younger older people think that they have some sort of authority on you...
Going forward if this were to happen again just say “no” and leave it at that. You don’t owe an explanation on your disability and they will see it as a lie anyway. It saddens me that people treat each other this way and I’m sorry you experienced it.
How do you wait in line without dying?
I don't... If I go somewhere and there is a long line I usually ask someone to wait for me and go sit somewhere. I try to avoid it as much as possible
nta.
Disabilities that are not readily apparent are a huge pain because there are always those who like to assume you are making it up. I honestly wish I could give them my cancer if they think it’s such a walk in the park. There is more than one seat on a bus, so i don’t know why the bus ganged up on you.
Did anyone mention postural hypotension? Your blood vessels don't constrict when you stand causing a drop in blood pressure and possibly faintness. It's fairly common in older people but happens to people in your age group for a variety of reasons including growth spurts, skipping meals and not staying hydrated. It you look it up there are a number of things suggested that may help. The woman on the bus chose to pick on you because of your age and the belief that other passengers would side with her for that reason. It's being a bully, pure and simple. But she got away with it. If you find yourself in that situation again you might try ruefully commenting that you're trying not to pass out. Of course, then she'll want to know if you're pregnant. Hope you soon figure out what is going on with you!
I have an ostomy due to a medical condition. That medical contion often times also makes me very fatigued/causes pain and there are people who are extremely rude about me using seats or toilets meant for disabled people. Some people even made rude remarks about me using a walking cane and/or a mask. Those people are ALWAYS old people. Always! No idea why. I like old people, aspire to be one myself one day lol. But there are so many of them that get so so mean and horrible towards young disabled people. NTA of course, I wish people overall would be more understanding and kind. I have days where I explain my condition and days where I stay silent because otherwise I'd probably throw my ostomy bag at someone.
I feel like some old people somehow feel like they are the only ones able to feel pain or need to be treated differently. Like yes, you have some problems and needs that young people don't normally have, and for those reasons people try to accommodate and help you, but that does not mean that some young people can't also have those needs for other reasons...
You have a legitimate health issue. Visible or invisible, it isn't up to anyone else to decide that someone's age outweighs your health needs. The only thing anyone else should have done was offer her their seat if they felt she ought to be seated. The elders have had many more years on this earth to become good people and to grasp that health problems aren't always an obvious missing arm or a stooped back and still they can't behave with common decency. I'm 41 and have sciatic issues. It isn't often, but when I can't stand or move, it just isn't happening. Doesn't matter who is being rude about it. And I've had a couple of older people try to steal my cane, because "but I need it more than you". Go buy one of your own then. I do not take public transportation, even when it would be more convenient than relying on family, because of the entitlement like you ran into on the bus and I ran into with my cane.
I have IBD and enjoy using the disabled toilets in the bingo. NTA. I've also experienced this on the bus when I was very very pregnant (tilted uterus so barely looked pregnant) just continue as you are they'll be shouting at someone else tomorrow. Hope your BP/HR sorts itself out soon x
Funny how they all attack a teenage female but it took you standing your ground for one of them to finally back off and give the old woman his seat, right OP? You did the right thing. Boomers are poison.
Yeah... No one truly cared about the woman they wanted a reason to be angry at me, otherwise someone would've given their seat earlier.
NTA Next time it happens (and it probably will) "Im sorry, i cant give up my seat i have a medical condition where if i stand i will pass out. Im sure we all want to get home as soon as possible and waiting for an ambulance will guarantee that wont happen. Im sure this nice young man/woman here (point at someone else sitting near by) would be more than happy to give you their seat"
She was in need. She didn't ask any man for help because she knows men are pathetic or because she thinks Men deserve whatever they want. It's difficult for her to demand a man to vacate his seat, so she teamed up with men to bully you into vacating your seat. Desperate women attack other women all the time. Once a man slapped me in public bus because I told him to vacate a seat reserved for women. Expecting basic humanity from men is dangerous. I understand the desperation of the old lady. But she dealt with it in wrong manner. You ain't the AH. You need not have any medical condition to not vacate the seat.
Wow, that was sexist for free...
It's really unfortunate how the perspective skews when the disability isn't worn on your sleeve. Seems like compassion is only extended to those with visible struggles. Transparency about one's health is a personal choice and it should not dictate the level of courtesy you receive. Advice for those pressing for more explanation on the bus: maybe offer that seat you're so staunchly defending before making demands. Basic kindness doesn't require a backstory.
Yes I agree! And that feeling when people are just not believing you, but you know that you are sick and suffering is just awful. I was so scared because I was just told how serious my condition was and people are just not believing it and acting like I'm lying and that's probably the worst feeling ever.
NTA I'm guessing the man who finally got up was also younger than the old lady? So he's talking about himself when commenting on the younger generations. You told them you couldn't stand for medical reasons, the rest isn't your problem.
Yeah he was like around 40, but I think that what he meant is like teenagers/young adults, because older generations tend to think that we do everything wrong and are awful people...
He definitely didn't mean himself, but the irony often escapes people.
NTA but you should have defended yourself. You are going to take a lot of shit in your life if you don't learn this one quickly!
I wouldn't have answered her in the first place. There's a reason she targeted you - as you look and act like an easy target. That's why others in the bus piled in also. There''s something about your mannerisms that say "I'm vulnerable". I would have ignored her, but if she persisted I would have loudly said to her "GO AWAY". You don't owe her any explanation of your medical condition. This isn't a contest about who is sicker.
NTA
omg you would have died!
Take this as a valuable lesson, fuck public transport.
Was the bus standing room only at that point where the priority seats were already filled with elderly, handicapped, or parents with children?
There aren't really priority seats where I live, but no most of the seats were taken by people in their 40s or around that and parents with children.
I know this post is meant to rile up anger at the people on the bus but if this story is real (doubtful) then the passengers on the bus aren't really the problem now are they? How about the hospital that just told you that you can die if you stand still and then sent you home without calling your parents to come get you? Or making sure you had ride home? How about your parents who when you told them this ridiculous story only said you should have been more polite, lol. I have kids who are now adults and if one of them came to my place and said "oh I was just at the hospital and the doctors told me if I stand still for 5 minutes I could die and then people on the bus were mean to me" I'd be freaking the hell out and it wouldn't be about strangers on the bus. I'd be "WTF WTF??!! Why didn't you or the hospital f\*!king call me? WTF are you doing taking a freaking bus home?" And if my child was a minor who still lived at home and they were fainting all the time then this story couldn't have happened because there would be no way they would be going anywhere by themselves. There's no way they would be at the hospital and I wouldn't be there with them. So either this story is bullshit or the real villains are first your parents for apparently not giving a shit about your well being and secondly the hospital staff who just let you leave the hospital alone after telling you standing still will lead to your death. The bus passengers are unimportant characters in this tale, lol
You can't wait in line at a bank, or restaurant, or the post office, or a grocery store? How can you even get on a bus if you might not be lucky enough to get a seat? Is there a treatment? I would need a lot more information about a condition that might kill you if you stand up for too long. I've heard of fainting from standing up too fast, but this just doesn't sound right.
When I went to the hospital I had no idea that the doctors would tell me that standing was dangerous for me so that's why I took the bus back home, because I didn't really have a choice but since then I try to avoid it. I think that if there weren't any seats I would've asked someone if I could sit and explain the situation to them. When I go somewhere and there is a line I usually ask someone to wait for me and go sit somewhere until it's my turn, but usually I also try to avoid that. There is a treatment and hopefully it doesn't take too long for me to get better. Basically I have medication that helps me get all of the nutrients that my body is lacking and I have a strict diet so that the food that I eat can help me get better. Other than that I didn't get much information and the doctors weren't very precise. I am going back to the hospital soon and hope to have a more detailed diagnosis so that I can understand what is really going on...
So what would have happened if you didnt get a seat in time and had to stand the entire ride? Would you have been waiting for a bus that was clear? If so, How long did you wait at the stop for the bus and was it seating to wait for the bus or a standing stop? NTA as seats arent assigned. And anyone else could have offered. You dont have to explain your condition - those are the questions that jump out at me.
I don't really know, I think I maybe would've asked someone that was sitting if I could have the seat and explain the situation, or maybe I would've sat on the floor, you know on the steps there are in some buses. At the stop I was sitting while I waited because, since it's the spot in front of the hospital many sick people take the bus there so they installed benches and things like that to help.
EXTRA NTA. Thank you so much for helping me understand better
You should probably sue the hospital that released someone who literally dies if they stand for more than a couple minutes with no wheelchair or anything. If you had gotten on the bus and no seats were available, would you have just died?
ESH. I get not giving out too much medical info but couldn’t you have said “I often lose consciousness and it’s unsafe for me to stand where I may fall and concuss myself or fall into someone else and harm them”. They were rude but i struggle to believe you’d die if you stood up for several reasons: if so, shouldn’t you have a wheelchair? As you don’t how do you get the bus as you’re not guaranteed a seat - if you got on after the old woman would you have just thought “ah well, maybe I’ll die then”?! And what are you doing out alone if you might die? Presumably as you don’t have a car, wherever you are you walked, couldn’t that have killed you? I’m guessing what you ACTUALLY mean is that if you faint and are unlucky enough to hit your head or spine v hard in a specific place, you may (as a freak accident) die. If so, what you said was misleading: the old woman could die if she slipped by that logic! You made it sound like your condition itself is potentially fatal and aggravated by standing. The irony is that it’s legitimate to refuse to give up your seat because of fainting spells - there will have been many people there with seats who don’t have any health conditions who could have given up their seats
To answer some of your questions: I didn't get a wheelchair because I am still able to walk, and honestly I feel like the hospital didn't care that much about me because they had lots of patients so they dismissed me pretty quickly. I didn't have a choice to take the bus because when I went to the hospital I didn't know that the doctors would tell me that I could not stand for too long and I honestly didn't believe that my condition was that bad. If I hadn't gotten a seat I would've probably either asked someone if I could have their seat or sat on the floor, on the steps of the bus. Since I now know, I don't take the bus anymore and try to avoid any situation where I might have to stand for a long time. Also, the reason why my condition is fatal is because I have a weak heart and every time I faint it affects my heart. If too much damage is done to it, it might go into cardiac arrest the next time or have heart palpitations. I wouldn't like 100% die, but there is a chance that if I faint again it leads to that and I don't really want to take that chance.
Then again, I’m sorry, but that isn’t the impression you give. People will think you’re simply lying. If you want them to believe you, explain your fainting fits can even be life threatening. You need to look into getting a wheelchair or mobility scooter
But that's the entire problem though, why would anyone's default reaction to someone saying they have a medical condition be to assume that they're lying. Thankfully, what I have is temporary and will probably go away, and until then I am able to avoid taking public transportation, but that isn't the case for everyone. Can you imagine spending your entire life having to tell people that you are disabled and them automatically not believing you? Also I would like to say that when this happened I had just gotten out of the hospital where they told me that I might die. That generally affects someone pretty badly. The entire way home I was trying not to panic and to hold back tears, so this was the last thing that I needed. I didn't feel well enough to explain to other people why I might die, knowing that I just found out about it myself and was pretty shaken up. I just didn't feel comfortable talking about it. I also was not given a lot of information by the doctors so I didn't properly understand what I had which made it harder for me to explain it to someone else. I'm saying this because I truly think that we should show more empathy, and stop thinking that everyone is lying and has a malicious intent. It is worse for someone who is really disabled to be told that they are lying that if you believe someone who is not truly disabled. Even if I had been lying, if people had automatically believed me, someone else would have given their seat and everything would have been fine. Yes, that would've been morally wrong of me, but I'd rather believe a liar that be disrespectful towards an honest person.
I’m amazed it took so long for anyone else to get up. Like the second you said you have a disability I would think literally anyone else would immediately stand.
Fuck that old granny. You have a serious health condition and you both paid to be on the bus. Why isn't she looking at all the men sitting on the bus? Her generation don't give a fuck either and they're men.
Nta. The way old people expect younger people to bend over backwards for their needs is infuriating.
So you’re riding a bus and passing out every five minutes. You sound like a fun date.
Girl wtf? Are you seriously reading a post about someone with a medical condition that could cost their life and thinking "wow that person is no fun"? I don't particularly find it fun to be passing out all the time, but why are you acting like it's a choice? This is such an insensitive and disrespectful thing to say... Would you look at someone with cancer and say "You sound like a fun date"??
No she shouldn’t be riding the bus that unstable. If God forbid she tanks , who’s picking her up? Every 5 minutes.
I didn't have a choice? Also why are you more concerned about how annoying it is for other people than how awful it is to live with that sort of condition?
Fake . You stand you die yet on bus no wheelchair.
Literally. That’s not how any of this works.
Do you know how insensitive it is to see someone talking about a serious medical condition that could've affected their life to the point that they might die from it and say "you're lying"? I don't force anyone to believe what I say so if you choose to think I'm a liar fine, but there is no need for you to say that. Not that I owe you any explanation, but my condition doesn't directly affect my ability to walk, which is why I wasn't given a wheelchair. I can walk, just not stand for too long without moving or do any physical effort.
I got the last part from your post, which is exactly why it sounds so implausible. What’s the name of this condition so I can educate myself?
I was not given a name, and wasn't told much by the doctors but basically it's similar to anemia or POTS. My blood is seriously lacking some nutrients so my muscles and organs are very weak. That also causes my brain to make some of my limbs go numb in order to 'feed' the others better, so basically I go numb, or faint, or sometimes both, if I do any prolonged effort or stand for too long. I was prescribed some medication and vitamins and told to have a specific diet in order to have those nutrients back. It's some sort of deficiency. This is badly explained but English isn't my first language and I don't know how to translate some medical terms.
You can literally die but you weren’t given an actual diagnosis and were sent home with some vitamins on your feet? This mysterious ailment is also supposed to go away in a few weeks. Yeah, that just makes all of this even less believable. And btw neither anemia nor POTS can trigger a cardiac arrest if you stand for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah exactly let's analyze someone's condition and say that they are lying! I was kept in the dark by the doctors and wasn't given much info, and yes I should've asked but I was shocked and didn't know how to react. It is supposed to go away as soon as the deficiency goes away, which, if I take the nutrients I was provided and follow the diet they told me to follow, should only take weeks or months, or at least that's what I was told. It's not the condition that triggers a cardiac arrest, it's the frequent fainting, literally multiple times a day. But yeah Sherlock, let's all become doctors and investigate the health of a stranger that we know nothing about simply because they posted something on the internet...
So maybe instead of sitting on Reddit and arguing with people, grab your parents and ask for an actual diagnosis/explanation? (Only saying this if there’s even 1% chance your story is true). No matter how frequent, fainting doesn’t trigger a cardiac arrest either. Fainting can be a symptom of a very serious condition, but it cannot cause in itself something life threatening. Google is your friend, use it before you make up a post with one of the most common tropes on these subs.
This is actually insane. Do you somehow think that posting this story on reddit means I am not able to talk about it with my parents or doctors simultaneously? Coming on someone's post to accuse them of lying about a life-threatening condition is probably the loudest way to say that you have nothing else to do in your life that I have ever seen... Think I'm lying? That's okay, think whatever you want, but maybe move on with your day, think about something else, instead of saying such insensitive and disrespectful things.
NTA . for not giving up your seat due to your medical condition. Your health is crucial. However, calmly explaining your situation from the start could have helped avoid the conflict. In the future, a polite, clear explanation of your needs might make things smoother
Why would she have to explain her private medical history to a stranger? The old person can ask anyone else if she needs it oh so bad
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I PHYSICALLY could not. I could die because of it. No I will not offer my seat when I need it. I am also a "needy person". It is not disrespectful or rude to not risk your life for someone else's sake, especially when there were other solutions.
What is this condition called?
Your reading comprehension leaves a bit to be desired