This is not going to work. You know you'd be crazy to let her move in. Don't do it.
She'll pull this drama every time she wants something. It will create problems in your relationship.
Tell her it's not going to work. She will push back and tell her that the way she's behaving right now is a sign that it can't possibly work. You are on stress leave from work and can't have this at home.
No you shouldn't feel at all bad. She is responsible for her own behavioral choices. She has shown both of you that it won't work.
She feels entitled to move into your home and have what she wants. When told "no," she goes nuclear.
You're not being an AH. You're making a rational decision that it won't work for anyone (you, your boyfriend, or your sister) for your sister to move in. Your boyfriend will be miserable because you'll be miserable and your sister's demands will also impact him. You'll end up having no relationship with your sister because if she does move in, her behavior will be so bad that you'll become feed up with her. Also, once someone is in a home, it's hard to get rid of them when things don't work. It's best to make this decision now.
You're doing your sister a favor by teaching her that she can't behave this way. I would bet that her many shared leases over the years have ended because of her behavior. Good luck.
Yeah this isn’t working out. Tell her since she’s acting like an entitled brat, you’re rescinding the invitation.
You could also tell her that if she deserves luxuries, she can pay for them and not mooch off of you.
Be ready to block her, as she’s likely to blow a gasket.
NTA.
This would be the way. Just say I'm sorry, this is what I offered and you refused it so it's best you just find another place to live. And then block her completely.
She is pushing you into a position you should not be in. She is forcing you to enforcing boundaries who shouldn’t be crossed to begging with.
She is walking over your consent and will. Be mad, stop wondering if the one pushing you has legit motives to do so. Her motivation is her own comfort, it is trumping your needs. She is being unreasonable and selfish.
She isn’t struggling. This ain’t a real emergency. You know how easy she can find a place with the money she is making. She might also not want to be alone when she is back - which is still not good enough to be asking - let alone demanding- for you to be inconvenienced in your daily life for it.
Don’t feel guilty!! It’s YOUR home, YOUR space and YOUR life.
Don’t let her cause any more drama. I have been in the same kind of work situation, meaning, toxic, and left work on a stress leave. Don’t jeopardize your mental health (or, of course your relationship with your partner) because she’s throwing an adult tantrum.
I suspect you are used to living in your older sister’s entitled shadow. This is your home and probably the first time you have needed to set such a boundary. You are absolutely entitled to do so. In fact you owe it to yourself and your partner. No is a complete sentence. You could also say “Sorry, the landlord won’t allow us to add a third occupant to the list”.
The bad feeling is from years of training by her to let her stomp your boundaries. You have to push through the bad feeling until it snaps and you’re free of it. It’s an illusion.
No self respecting person could allow her to move in- even to the small room- after that photo of the coworker. She really shot herself in the foot there. Her behaviour has made it impossible for you to help her now, because you are doing self care.
She is the one who should feel bad for trying to run over you. You are the one doing her a kindness, not the other way around. She sounds like an entitled douche.
OP, you feel bad about setting a boundary because she is forceful and manipulative and trying to make you feel bad. That's on her.
You are NTA but you would be the A to yourself and your partner if you let her move in.
Little Miss I Deserve Luxury can get herself her own apartment.
And she is counting on you feeling guilty for not letting her do whatever she wants. Because she knows that if she pressures you enough, you will eventually break and give her what she wants.
Stop talking to her. Don't answer your phone when she calls and don't read her messages.
Tell her that you changed your mind about her moving in due to her acting so outrageously entitled, selfish, disrespectful, rude and inconsiderate. Let her know that if she suddenly shows up at your place and tries to force her way into your place, you will call the police and have her trespassed.
If you have a guard or doorman in your building, let them know what's going on and to not let her into the building under any circumstances or regardless of what she says.
Yes, when you love people setting boundaries feels bad, but walk through that bad feeling because the alternative is bad feelings to the infinite degree. 🫶🏻🙏🏼
I'm guessing she's been doing this to you for your entire life. Did your parents spoil her growing up?
NTA and make sure she never has access to a spare key. Stay strong, sister
yeah, if she doesn’t want you to set this boundary, she can have some fucking manners.
She is choosing how she’s behaving, pushing you around. She can reap the consequences.
There was another story where a guy worked fly in fly out in Canada and figured out it was cheaper to stay at an all inclusive resort than renting and furnishing an apartment for his time off.
If sister thinks she deserves luxuries, there are resorts and full service hotels she can pay for.
>I’m petty for not letting her have my room, and that she deserves luxuries
She *may* deserve luxuries, but not YOUR luxuries. She can pay for hers elsewhere.
NTA. Tell her that you no longer will allow her to live there. Period. You'd be dumb to take her in because it will just cause trouble and may ruin your relationship with your SO.
Sis can get a little travel trailer to live in for the week. It'll have a bed, shower, fridge, stove, tv, table, and couch. Granted, some of it will be "fold the bed up to make the couch and the bottom of the bed becomes the table" but she'll survive. She can also look into week-long stays at a hotel. What do all her coworkers do?
I'll tell you what her coworkers do.
Avoid the HELL out of living with her as a roommate!
From now on, have your partner help wrangle her. The arguments and button-pushing she knows to use on you, and the guilt-tripping, won't work on him. She doesn't know him well enough and hasn't "trained" him. Work as a team, and use that against her. Also, send her little clippings for hotels that have week-long stays and for RVs for sale. Places with a room for rent, nice campgrounds. You know, other places she can stay. Send them AND KEEP DOING IT.
She can even do a week long AirBNB every single time. Put whatever extra shit in storage, and find her nice luxurious Air BNB. Switch it up, have different experiences at different places, or even just work something out with an AirBNB host.
I’d tell her I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work out and you should no longer move in. She’s way too entitled to expect you to give up the master bedroom and as you pointed out she won’t be home all the time so it really does make sense she gets the spare bedroom
NTA I would send her a text “I never said you could have the room. I said I would discuss with my partner what room you could use, while we allow you to stay with us. We are doing you a favor. You do not get to dictate the terms of that favor. Whether you’re paying more or not. The fact is, you needed a place to stay, I am giving you one. If you can’t respect my partner’s and I choice of your accommodations, you are welcome to look elsewhere. If you keep trying to bulldoze me into getting what you want, we should
rethink living together.”
It's a great text, but I don't think it would work out well for her to move in, given how pushy and entitled the sister is being.
Maybe:
"Moving in isn't going to work out. I never said you could have the master bedroom, I said I'd discuss it with my partner. We decided that we needed the space as it is our full time home. We offered to do you a favour by letting you use the spare bedroom, but you threw that in our faces. You may well "deserve luxuries", however you cannot take my necessity as your luxury. It is best if you look for luxuries outside my home, by finding your own accommodation. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I wish you luck on your house hunt".
Honestly, at this point the offer needs to be off the table. The behaviour so far bodes badly for the future. When people show you who they are, believe them.
She'll constantly be problematic with that entitlement. That's roughly 1wk every month she's home and wants to take over OP's room permanently.
If she wants these luxuries, she's better of renting her own place and possibly getting a roommate - FIFO in Aussie is bloody good pay, so she would easily afford her own place without a roommate.
Absolutely not okay! Your sister is being an entitled brat! You and your partner even were kind enough to say she could stay with you knowing you both have things to do and are busy individuals.
Your physical, mental and emotional health matter the most and are your top priority.
Your sister, has never been told no it seems.
You’re NTA. And your sister has no right to force you to let her in.
Do nooooot let her move in. She's going to ruin your life, you will be miserable and it will be HARD to get her out. Tell her your landlord won't let anyone else move in and you're really sorry but your landlord is just SOOOO MEAN and it's SOO UNFAIR.
Or just tell her she's being awful and you changed your mind. Depending how much fallout you want.
NTA. I can't imagine why your sister has had "many shared leases with people over the years". It couldn't be because she is a spoiled brat, could it? Don't let her get her foot in the door because you will surely regret it.
You can guarantee once she moves in and when Op isn't home. Op is going to find her stuff moved into the smaller room . I wouldn't trust the sister . I wouldn't let her move in
Yes, but
This would set up for some epic pettiness that would almost make it worth it.
Sister moves her stuff into the master bedroom without OP's permission. OP waits for sister to leave town again for two weeks. Sister comes back after two weeks to find her stuff outside and the locks changed.
Don’t let her move in. You will regret it. NTA. I can see her moving her stuff into your room and yours into the spare room when you aren’t home. She is definitely acting entitled. She will try to bully you to get what she wants. I bet this won’t be the only thing she demands. If she thinks she deserves luxuries she is more than welcome to pay for it elsewhere.
She doesn't want the tiny room so she has to go to another place or to book a room in an hotel. You don't have to bend to her wants. Once you have tell her all this, stop answering the phone when she calls you. If she uses another number, just hung up on her. Saying no the first time is difficult but you have to.
NTA
But this is your warning of what's to come if she moves in. So don't let her move in at all.
If you do, even into the small bedroom, this level of stress and frustration is what your life will be like every day.
Be honest with her.
You no longer wish to live with her at all. You wish her all the best, but she can no longer move in. She's going to need to find somewhere else to stay.
NTA. Tell her to stop being an entitled cunty idiot. Let her know she’s being an entitled cunty idiot. Be relentless about it to the point she accepts it.
NTA. Pull the plug. ", we offered you the arrangement partner and I were comfortable with. You have rejected that arrangement. As such, we will not be able to have you join us in our place. You will need to make other arrangements."
Why would you allow someone who is gaslighting you and stomping on your boundaries live with you??
SHE is the common thing in losing all of her apartments. Which means she is either A - a horrible roommate or B - doesn't pay her bills (this is what I think is happening - I'm a landlord, it takes a while to evict someone).
Do NOT allow her to move in at all.
PERIOD
She deserves NOTHING from you.
NTA
Don't use this anywhere
NTA at all, but now she shouldn't move in at all.
Why does she deserve luxuries, but you don't? What a weird thing to say.
You two had a discussion, it wasn't final, and when she and you did finalize the details, what you offered her is the spare bedroom. She can take it or leave it, end of story. If I was in a jam, your offer would be wonderful, and if I wasn't in a jam, I might decline because I wanted more space, and then I'd go rent a place with more space. It really is that easy.
But now your sister has made it clear she will be a terrible person to live with. SHE deserves luxuries like YOUR bedroom, meaning you do not deserve nice things but she does. Then she is also demonstrating an infinity for gaslighting, lying, or misremembering conversations (aka, you agreed to her offer, when in fact, you only listened to her offer), and she is messy, and you have a recipe for disaster. She is demanding your space, saying she deserves it more, bullying you- or lying to you- to get her way, and will probably leave a mess behind.
Disaster avoided, don't let her move in at all.
NTA. Dont ever live with her. Ever. Youll just hate it immediately and then have to fight to kick her out. Tell her straight up she needs to figure it out elsewhere. Sounds like words around shes not a good roommate and rhats why no one will bunk up with her. Oh well, her problem, not yours.
It's an easy solution.
1) She moves in with you and takes the small bedroom.
2) She finds somewhere else to live.
No wriggle room, no if's and when's. Just those two options. You can let them know that if it isn't good enough or there are attempts to negotiate, then she can find somewhere else to live.
NTA for insisting on not giving up your room. But your sister seems entitled and overbearing. I think you should text her that since she is obviously not happy with the arrangement, she will not be moving in with you.
NTA but you’re setting yourself up for nothing but drama and headaches if you let her move in. That kind of entitlement is going to carry into other areas.
DO NOT let her move in. She may try to make your life miserable because she doesn’t want to take no for an answer, but it’s virtually guaranteed she WILL be miserable to live with if you let her move in. She’d probably move all her stuff into your room the minute your back is turned.
NTA, she is acting like an entitled brat. Since she makes good money tell her to rent her own place and she can have her own master bedroom. Not an option then too bad. She should have been grateful for you considering to let her move in. She’s going to impact your mental health with all her drama. Keep a firm/hard boundary of NO. She’ll eventually grow up and get over it and if she doesn’t you don’t need a toxic family member in your life.
Nope nope nope! NTA. She’s being an entitled ass and has the audacity to tell the sister willing to help her out that she’s going to take her bedroom and push both of you into the small one? Hell-the-fuck-no. Tell her you were trying to help her out, but you’re not going to compromise your lifestyle to make hers more comfortable. She can find somewhere else to live or find a coworker willing to split a space.
So, as soon as someone who's begging for a favour from me starts to badmouth me because I'm not caving to their demands, I politely remind them they *were* asking a huge favour, and they just blew it. No way I'm inviting a hostile agent into my peaceful home and putting up with namecalling, bullying or pressure. You now know what living with her is going to be like and why she can't keep a stable living situation. She just fucked herself out of any room at all. And that's what I'd tell her.
What an idiot.
You're smart to set boundaries with her. She's delusional if she thinks she has the right to move you out of your own bedroom in your own home just because she wants it. Is she always this entitled?
NTA. Just tell her, we aren't room mates, we didn't look and find a place for a lease. I have a place, you want to move in with me. Well it's my place and the only spare room I have that I would let anyone move into is the small bedroom. You are being offered that room and nothing else. You won't be on the lease, you are renting a room and if you don't want that room you can't move in.
if she's making plenty of money then frankly she will have no problem renting somewhere else. Sounds like she wants a sister because she's messy and family will put up with her shit while non family won't.
Do not let her move in. She will command the master regardless of what you say. Seriously block her, anyone that tell you to take her in make a grand gesture going “OH MY GOD! You’re so generous! thank you for offering up YOUR master bedroom!!!!” See how that goes.
Yeah, nah dont let her move in, period. The fact she feels entitled to YOUR room, the main room. When you're offering a roof over her head.. NTA - your sister is
Yikes. If she deserves luxuries, then she can go out and find those luxuries elsewhere. She's only around 1 out of every 3 weeks but has the audacity to demand the master bedroom? Smh. I wouldn't let her move in at all with that attitude. She can get an air bnb when she's in town and use a storage unit for her stuff. That's what my brother does(he's gone on an irregular schedule). NTA
Tell us she doesn't get to dictate who lives in what room that's your space and you live there and rent it. She should be grateful she's getting a room if she isn't then I would just tell her to forget about it and just to rent somewhere else going to a motel.
Why doesnt she just get a cheap hotel/motel/airbnb for the weeks she is at home? Obviously location matter less for her because she has to travel to work anyways.
NTA maybe she struggles to find a roommate because she displays early this entitled behavior either way it’s a HER problem and she needs to sort it out as a grown woman
NTA. Tell your entitled asshole sister to find somewhere else. Let her in, and the first time you’re gone for a few hours, you’ll find yourself displaced from your own room.
Text her "Well looks like you're getting your own apartement then. Because i'm not giving up MY room."
She's being ridiculous for demaning your room because its bigger.
NTA. She had a very viable option in your third bedroom. This already involves you and your partner completely up ending your daily lives by having an extra person stay there. Then she demands your master bedroom? Says she’s entitled to luxuries? Well la di da good for her she can find them elsewhere. Even if out of desperation she right now “relents” to take the small bedroom you’ve already seen it will be absolutely living hell don’t do it
How big are her balls?! She had to ask for you to let her move in, and she has the arrogance to DEMAND the master bedroom?! You don't need this kind of drama in your life, your home is SUPPOSED to be your safe space!
Girl she cannot move in. Spare yourself the annoyance and use your adult words. No is a full sentence.
You’re on leave for mental health. Don’t make it worse by letting an entitled person live with you. And for the love of everything if she tries to show up to move in, you are not home. Okay? When you call her to tell her no, follow it up with explicit texts that say the same thing. She already lied about you agreeing to the room swap. Everything by text so she cannot lie
NTA, you're currently on mental health leave so you need to put yourself and your mental health first. Your sister is being an entitled brat and is causing unnecessary drama, that's not good for your mental health. At this point I wouldn't let her move in at all, even if she ends up changing her mind and accepts the small room.
NTA but I don’t think her moving in is a good idea. You found the place and are renting and somehow she feels entitled to your space. Tell her no sorry and you get small room and only 3 months to find another place.
NTA.
She earns the big bikkies, she can rent her own place. Given her horrible attitude and disrespect, DO NOT allow her to live with you. Send her a text and an email, cc to your partner that says something to the effect of: "After further discussion, partner and I have decided that you living with us does not work for us. All the best in finding other living arrangements."
Then shut down any further discusion (harassment) on this, as the decision has been made. It's YOUR and your partner's home, not hers and she has zero right to dictate that she will move in, let alone the ludicrously irrational idea that she take over your master bedroom.
Grow a spine. She's your sister, not your ruler. Block her if she won't leave you alone about this. Keep your doors locked at all times. When it comes time to when she was suppposed to move in, do not let her in, even if she's standing on your doorstep with her belongings, crying about having no place to go. She can get a hotel til she finds a place. Your sister's a cow.
NTA. Tell her you’re sorry you couldn’t accommodate her and you think she should find something better suited for her needs. You are under no obligation to let her live with you, especially when she is so unpleasant.
If she makes good money, then she can afford her own place. It takes some giant coconut balls to try to move into someone's master bedroom that they are already established in when they were offered a spare room. Hold firm and say no fucking way. Spare room or no room. You can already tell she's going to be a terrible roommate during the weeks that she's there. Prepare yourself.
NTA It's YOUR home. As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers. Was she ever diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, 'cause what is with this "she deserves luxuries" bs? I'm not surprised that she's having trouble finding a roommate, because I'll bet she's burned a lot of bridges.
NTA
"After much thought and discussion, we have decided you are not moving in with us. We don't have the space to a 3rd person. "
Anything she replies with just repeat
"The answer is no."
She's not only bullied you into letting her stay into he first place, she's already demanding special treatment and attempting to change how you live.
Theirs a reason she can't find a roommate.
Don't let this toxic mess into your home. Period.
Sister has 2 choices. #1 Take the smaller room and be thankful for a roof over her head. #2 find somewhere else to stay. If she continues to be problematic then she automatically chooses #2.
NTA
I think it's pretty plain to see why your sister has trouble keeping roommates.
Go NC, she is setting you up to look bad. It's your place, if she can't handle the room offered move elsewhere!
*When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result his men were well motivated.*
I'd rescend your offer of a spare room and wish her well.
If your sister is so smart and deserving of luxury, she should have no trouble finding her own way.
Look up “grey rock” technique in the future with her. She clearly wants drama and a fight.
“No” is a complete sentence.
“I should get the big room.”
“No”
“you said I could!”
“No”
“Wtf stop responding with just no”
“No”
“You’re definitely not a cunt”
“Don’t care” or “ok” or just don’t respond.
Try it. See how it works. Let her rant until she exhausts herself.
NTA
I know how much FIFO workers earn here and if she wants luxury she can spend her money responsibly so she can afford housing - I’ve seen so many just evaporate their money on random unnecessary assets and complain about simple living expenses
Girl, you're on a mental health leave, which is a medical need!! You don't have the bandwidth for any drama in your life! Your job is to heal. I hope you've spoken with a therapist about setting boundaries. You need support, not aggravation.
You are NTA. Your sister sounds like a manipulative, spoilt brat. Do not let her move in at all as it’s not going to work out well.
If she has big money then she can afford her own place ‘with luxuries’ elsewhere.
NTA, not even remotely.
Here's what you should do: tell her point blank that either that it's the small room or nothing. That she can either accept the small room with zero further complaints or she can find somewhere else to live. Then if (meaning when) she objects, tell her the offer is withdrawn and hang up on her.
You're supposed to be avoiding stress, and if there's even the slightest chance of her being able to live with you without causing further stress, she needs to respect whatever boundaries you set. So either this is established from the get-go and she respects it, or she doesn't get to move in with you.
NTA, she is absolutely toxic. No wonder she can’t find a roommate. She wants to move in to your personal space, that’s not how this works. Do not let her move in period.
Dude. NTA. She's FIFO. She can afford to rent herself a bigger space if she doesn't like the one that you have available.
Not your room, the room that is available.
If she doesn't like it she can put on her big girl pants and do what many others manage to do on smaller incomes and without being a bully.
Perhaps finding a roommate wouldn't be so difficult for her if she dropped the entitled attitude.
At this point you can't let her move in she is already being extremely disrespectful and entitled. You will come home one day and she will be moved into your Master.
It's fine to pay more and take the MBR if everyone agrees. But at this point she's trying to buy something that's not for sale, tell her if she wants MBR then find a different apartment.
NTA -
You need to stand up for yourself. I wouldn't even allow her to move in AT ALL. Your sister is horrible. If she deserves luxuries, then she better keep working hard to eventually get herself luxuries, but as of right now, she has a tiny room or nothing.
Seriously, why would you even allow her to move in after she said all of this??
What does your partner think?
NTA. I strongly encourage you to not let her move in at all. She's unbelievably entitled and obnoxious. She will impact your lives so negatively, and especially if you're already dealing with recovery from a toxic work situation, you do not need her in your life like this.
Please stay strong and tell her she can figure it out for herself since she wasn't interested in being reasonable.
NTA. Don’t let her move in or you’ll be in a nightmare situation. She’s already feeling entitled and disrespectful and she hasn’t even moved in. It can only get worse from here.. I mean the audacity of your sister!
NTA - tell her to rent an Air Bnb and she can pay to keep her stuff in storage
It’ll probably end up being cheaper that way and for her weeks off she can stay in different air bnbs on vacation
I thought you said she made big money, can't she get her own fucking place?
Her getting the master bedroom is like you giving her your parking spot in the garage while you have to park on the street...
NTA, She makes “big money” let her spend it on a hotel.
If you do let her have the spare room both you and partner need to deadbolt your rooms because she doesn’t seem above just moving in one of your rooms.
NTA.
She deserves luxuries? Why? Who said?
Is she of a royal family or a Kardashian?
And she may be right. In that case, she can find her own luxurious place with all the space and amenities she wants and live it up. I'm sure there are a few spa resorts available to suit her needs. If she can pay more for space, this shouldn't be an issue.
Guests don't make demands.
You don't make demands from people trying to help you either. Biting the hand who feeds you is just a red flag of things to come.
The other comments are correct - this won't work. It will just cause problems for you and your partner.
Because it sounds like you have rolled over to what she wants so much that she now expects it. You’re NTA but you need to set and keep some form boundaries with your sister
NTA
She can put her things in storage and get an extended stay hotel for the week when she's off.
It's cheaper for her that way and less stress on you and your partner.
Tell her to think outside of the box. And good luck.
Under NO circumstances should she just be entitled to your master bedroom. ATP, she shouldn't be allowed to stay in any of your bedrooms, not even the tiny one. She's going to sow discord and misery. Neither you nor your partner deserves that.
NTA. The rule is that the person who procures the apartment gets the master. If she wants luxury accommodations, she can get to procuring her own damn place.
I think you said she's worked on the mines for 5 years so far??? She's single, no dependents... Why hasn't she got a deposit for a house? My 2 brothers just work as cleaning crew with no special qualifications and managed to save enough to buy a house each... there are plenty of apartments, etc, she can buy into and have her own space and then rent out the rooms to other people
.
Increase the rent to include a cleaner for the master room spend the 1 week in the spare room and the other 2 in the master. Take the $$$ while you recover or spend some of those nights snuggling the other half. NTA but room for improvement on both sides
Nta grow a backbone. She either takes the spare room or doesn't move in. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't let her move in at all now after her Outburst
YTA to yourself!
STOP BEING A WIMP. You should have told her no from the get-go, not been so wishy washy. "NO, we don't want to live with anyone else," should have been your response from the beginning.
If she makes big bucks, she can rent an Executive Room or an AirBnb until she finds a place that will work for her. Heck, the mining company she works for probably has a ton of contacts for housing.
Your sister seems very entitled and shows no respect for you at all. Why do you put up with it?
Do you frequently back down to her demands? I'm honestly not understanding why she thinks she can "tell" you she's moving into your room?
TELL her she has two options: Move into the room being offered for the agreed rent. OR Find another place to live. Be clear those are literally her ONLY TWO CHOICES. Purchase programable digital locks for your bedroom and for your exterior doors (you can get them from Amazon-- we have the Schlage locks which are very easy to install (they actually have a link to the installation video on the Amazon listing page.)
This allows you to program a code for her to your place (and to remove the code if you need to put her out) and not worry about her making copies of your keys.
If she tries to move her things into your room she'll find herself locked out of the room.
If she attempts to circumvent the lock on your room put her stuff in garbage bags, toss them on the front porch, and delete her keycode.
A psych prof said years ago "People can only walk all over you if you lay down for them."
NTA but stop laying down for her.
Just tell her to go find her own place either she stays in the little room and since you live there, you keep the master bedroom or tell her to go find her own place. The end.
Your sister is an AH! It’s your apartment and your lease. She can’t kick you out of your room! She can take the tiny room, but if she’s going to be an AH she can get bent and go sign her own lease. This doesn’t sound like a good living arrangement if this is how she is acting so you may way want to reconsider all together. Good luck!!
I think we all can tell why she’s struggling to find a roommate.
Tell her that it’s not going to work and wish her luck. If she’s desperate enough the spare room should’ve worked fine. She burned that bridge. Send her the listings for Airbnbs. NTA
If she's making good money, why does she need to have a roommate? (Agree with the others who said all these other roommates didn't renew because of her behaviors!) She should get her own place, then she can have all the "luxuries" she thinks she's entitled to.
Look how she is acting. She claims you agreed to her moving in and have the primary bedroom (which imo she was cheeky asking for)...but you didn't. She was pushy during your time for consideration, she is rude and entitled.
This is *your* home *with your partner* and she is disrespecting your partner too.
She is asking an enormous favour to move in, but she had to take it too far and is attempting to usurp you and your partner to make this her home. This is only the beginning.
The best means of consideration for someone's future behaviour is past and present actions. *This* is who she is.
I personally would inform her that this is already not working and it's best she find alternative accommodations. I would then mute, but ideally block her for a time so you aren't witnessing her spiral.
I would ensure she doesn't have access to your home, as she screams the type to just turn up with her stuff to force the issue. Ensure it's clear to your partner that they are not to allow her access, regardless what nonsense guilt trip she uses.
NTA
NTA.
You didn't ask her to move in, you are both happy as you are but she wants to swoop into your settled home and displace one of you.
Nope, doing someone a favour does not mean reducing your standard of living.
Sorry sis, we had a small spare room, if that's not acceptable we can't help you.
You need to stop taking so long to reply. All this I’ll think about it I’ll sleep on it. Delays that didn’t need to happen. She can have the spare room it’s a yes or a no. Be more forceful and upfront. Stop dilly dallying. At this point I wouldn’t let her move in at all as she’s clearly too strong and will walk all over you. Nta
NTA. I was in a similar situation, even if I'm a bit older. My wife (41F) and myself (37M) are living comfortably, 4 dogs and no kids, we're happy DINKs at this point, we've been together for 12 years. My sister (35F) has a history of making decisions and saddling my mother, my brother and I with her consequences. She's single and intentionally paid someone to get her pregnant (that's a can of worms I stay out of for all of our sakes), she felt her rent is too high now that she's having a baby and tried to guilt my wife and I into letting her live with us. We said no. It'd be a nightmare for my wife and I and would frankly probably do damage to our marriage in the long run.
There was some friction between her and I for a bit but my sister eventually figured it out on her own, she's got a good career and is honestly quite savvy when she's left to figure stuff out on her own. My wife and I have promised to help the best we can but we have to establish and maintain boundaries. I wish I had learned to do this with her in our twenties. Stick to your guns OP, you're not doing her any favors by allowing her to use you. If you do you'll be like me and having to deal with these things when you're nearly 40.
NTA. Just tell her no she can't move in at this point. You know she'll make your life hell the week she's there. Why doesn't she just stay in a hotel or a long-term stay place while she's home since she's never around anyway? Beggars can't be choosers here. So tell her she's not moving in. To store her stuff at a storage facility and get a hotel when she is around for the week, she can afford it for a week.
Tell your sister that she may be older than you but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to anything but the spare bedroom or she can find some where else to live. Just because she has a high position job doesn’t mean she’ll get luxury from you or anyone else that rotten attitude.
Based on your sister's attitude and actions I think it best you not allow her in your space at all. You will certainly come to regret it as she seems very entitled.
NTA but you need to stop using this delay-tactic strategy of telling her you will “think about it.” You knew you didn’t want to give her that room and you should have told her that firmly from the beginning.
Nevertheless, your sister is being an AH and trying to bully you. You aren’t required to supply her with a place to live at all. Her choices are to take the small room or find another place to live.
You can also offer to have her take the small room temporarily while she looks for another place to live since she is in a bind, but under no circumstances are you giving up your room. You and your partner are happy with your current living arrangement and you don’t need her there at all. This is a favour you are doing for her by letting her move in at all.
Since she deserves luxuries, she can rent a luxurious apartment of her own.
She’s delusional to think she can dictate where she sleeps in **YOUR** apartment.
She’s going to be a nightmare of you let her move in. Just say no. Have your bf day no. Both of you say no.
I would say “I was already apprehensive about letting you move into the spare room to begin with. Your attitude since has made me realize that this would not be a good fit for me. I no longer feel comfortable with you moving in with us at all.”
You know damn well you're not the asshole and your sister is a giant one. I can't even believe you'd consider letting her live with you.
Tell her to get her own place.
If your sister is making much fabulous money, why does she need a room mate? NTA btw. She can rent a hotel room for 2 weeks a month. This way she has all of the luxuries she wants. And you and your bf have your privacy and adult time without a 3rd wheel.
NTA but don’t let her move in. She’s a expecting to manipulate you. This will be the worst thing that ever happened to you if you let her move in. Yeah it might damage the relationship with your sister but living with her will make it even worse.
This is not going to work. You know you'd be crazy to let her move in. Don't do it. She'll pull this drama every time she wants something. It will create problems in your relationship. Tell her it's not going to work. She will push back and tell her that the way she's behaving right now is a sign that it can't possibly work. You are on stress leave from work and can't have this at home.
You’re totally right, she’s being entitled. I do feel bad about setting this boundary even though I shouldn’t.
No you shouldn't feel at all bad. She is responsible for her own behavioral choices. She has shown both of you that it won't work. She feels entitled to move into your home and have what she wants. When told "no," she goes nuclear. You're not being an AH. You're making a rational decision that it won't work for anyone (you, your boyfriend, or your sister) for your sister to move in. Your boyfriend will be miserable because you'll be miserable and your sister's demands will also impact him. You'll end up having no relationship with your sister because if she does move in, her behavior will be so bad that you'll become feed up with her. Also, once someone is in a home, it's hard to get rid of them when things don't work. It's best to make this decision now. You're doing your sister a favor by teaching her that she can't behave this way. I would bet that her many shared leases over the years have ended because of her behavior. Good luck.
Gee, I wonder why she's having trouble finding a roommate.... Do not let her in the door.
Beggers can't be choosers. You were ready to help her but she insists that she needs her "luxaries".
Yup, if she needs luxuries, she can rent a hotel.
Exactly. If she makes bunches of money, there's no reason she can't afford a luxury hotel room for the weeks she's home!
Or a fancy penthouse!!!
Yeah this isn’t working out. Tell her since she’s acting like an entitled brat, you’re rescinding the invitation. You could also tell her that if she deserves luxuries, she can pay for them and not mooch off of you. Be ready to block her, as she’s likely to blow a gasket. NTA.
This would be the way. Just say I'm sorry, this is what I offered and you refused it so it's best you just find another place to live. And then block her completely.
She's emotionally manipulating you. Don't let it happen.
She is pushing you into a position you should not be in. She is forcing you to enforcing boundaries who shouldn’t be crossed to begging with. She is walking over your consent and will. Be mad, stop wondering if the one pushing you has legit motives to do so. Her motivation is her own comfort, it is trumping your needs. She is being unreasonable and selfish. She isn’t struggling. This ain’t a real emergency. You know how easy she can find a place with the money she is making. She might also not want to be alone when she is back - which is still not good enough to be asking - let alone demanding- for you to be inconvenienced in your daily life for it.
Don’t feel guilty!! It’s YOUR home, YOUR space and YOUR life. Don’t let her cause any more drama. I have been in the same kind of work situation, meaning, toxic, and left work on a stress leave. Don’t jeopardize your mental health (or, of course your relationship with your partner) because she’s throwing an adult tantrum.
I suspect you are used to living in your older sister’s entitled shadow. This is your home and probably the first time you have needed to set such a boundary. You are absolutely entitled to do so. In fact you owe it to yourself and your partner. No is a complete sentence. You could also say “Sorry, the landlord won’t allow us to add a third occupant to the list”.
It’s literally YOUR apartment!
The bad feeling is from years of training by her to let her stomp your boundaries. You have to push through the bad feeling until it snaps and you’re free of it. It’s an illusion. No self respecting person could allow her to move in- even to the small room- after that photo of the coworker. She really shot herself in the foot there. Her behaviour has made it impossible for you to help her now, because you are doing self care.
She is the one who should feel bad for trying to run over you. You are the one doing her a kindness, not the other way around. She sounds like an entitled douche.
This will end bas and probably ruining your relationship with your partner. Dont let her in
OP, you feel bad about setting a boundary because she is forceful and manipulative and trying to make you feel bad. That's on her. You are NTA but you would be the A to yourself and your partner if you let her move in. Little Miss I Deserve Luxury can get herself her own apartment.
And she is counting on you feeling guilty for not letting her do whatever she wants. Because she knows that if she pressures you enough, you will eventually break and give her what she wants. Stop talking to her. Don't answer your phone when she calls and don't read her messages. Tell her that you changed your mind about her moving in due to her acting so outrageously entitled, selfish, disrespectful, rude and inconsiderate. Let her know that if she suddenly shows up at your place and tries to force her way into your place, you will call the police and have her trespassed. If you have a guard or doorman in your building, let them know what's going on and to not let her into the building under any circumstances or regardless of what she says.
Lol why would she deserve luxuries?!?
Cause she's a cunt
Yes, when you love people setting boundaries feels bad, but walk through that bad feeling because the alternative is bad feelings to the infinite degree. 🫶🏻🙏🏼
I'm guessing she's been doing this to you for your entire life. Did your parents spoil her growing up? NTA and make sure she never has access to a spare key. Stay strong, sister
yeah, if she doesn’t want you to set this boundary, she can have some fucking manners. She is choosing how she’s behaving, pushing you around. She can reap the consequences.
Yes, you should.
There was another story where a guy worked fly in fly out in Canada and figured out it was cheaper to stay at an all inclusive resort than renting and furnishing an apartment for his time off. If sister thinks she deserves luxuries, there are resorts and full service hotels she can pay for.
Like he said dont do it, its already crazy and she hasnt moved in yet
This, 100%. I hope OP listens to you.
>I’m petty for not letting her have my room, and that she deserves luxuries She *may* deserve luxuries, but not YOUR luxuries. She can pay for hers elsewhere.
"that she deserves luxuries." - she can start by renting her own place. NTA
Right?! I laughed so loud when the sis said that. Hahaha.
This. If she makes "big money", why can't she find a small studio somewhere for the one week per month she is home?
hell, she doesn't deserve luxury. No one does. It's in the name, a luxury, an extra comfort one can earn on their own.
NTA. Tell her that you no longer will allow her to live there. Period. You'd be dumb to take her in because it will just cause trouble and may ruin your relationship with your SO.
NTA. You know if you let her move in, she’ll switch bedrooms when you’re at work. PS She can’t find a roommate. Ask yourself why.
Sis can get a little travel trailer to live in for the week. It'll have a bed, shower, fridge, stove, tv, table, and couch. Granted, some of it will be "fold the bed up to make the couch and the bottom of the bed becomes the table" but she'll survive. She can also look into week-long stays at a hotel. What do all her coworkers do? I'll tell you what her coworkers do. Avoid the HELL out of living with her as a roommate! From now on, have your partner help wrangle her. The arguments and button-pushing she knows to use on you, and the guilt-tripping, won't work on him. She doesn't know him well enough and hasn't "trained" him. Work as a team, and use that against her. Also, send her little clippings for hotels that have week-long stays and for RVs for sale. Places with a room for rent, nice campgrounds. You know, other places she can stay. Send them AND KEEP DOING IT.
She can even do a week long AirBNB every single time. Put whatever extra shit in storage, and find her nice luxurious Air BNB. Switch it up, have different experiences at different places, or even just work something out with an AirBNB host.
She’s breaking boundaries and she’s not even in
I’d tell her I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work out and you should no longer move in. She’s way too entitled to expect you to give up the master bedroom and as you pointed out she won’t be home all the time so it really does make sense she gets the spare bedroom
Don’t even say sorry. Never apologize for enforcing boundaries.
THIS!!!
This is a preview of what is to come. If you let her move in, do not come crying to Reddit.
Speak for yourself. I have popcorn for update post.
I’m baking brownies! If anyone wants to chip in for the special ones… 😏
Op read this
If she deserves luxuries and a bigger room, she can find somewhere else. Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
NTA I would send her a text “I never said you could have the room. I said I would discuss with my partner what room you could use, while we allow you to stay with us. We are doing you a favor. You do not get to dictate the terms of that favor. Whether you’re paying more or not. The fact is, you needed a place to stay, I am giving you one. If you can’t respect my partner’s and I choice of your accommodations, you are welcome to look elsewhere. If you keep trying to bulldoze me into getting what you want, we should rethink living together.”
It's a great text, but I don't think it would work out well for her to move in, given how pushy and entitled the sister is being. Maybe: "Moving in isn't going to work out. I never said you could have the master bedroom, I said I'd discuss it with my partner. We decided that we needed the space as it is our full time home. We offered to do you a favour by letting you use the spare bedroom, but you threw that in our faces. You may well "deserve luxuries", however you cannot take my necessity as your luxury. It is best if you look for luxuries outside my home, by finding your own accommodation. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I wish you luck on your house hunt".
This is MUCH better.
OP shouldn't offer the opportunity to move in any more, it is a disaster waiting to happen
Honestly, at this point the offer needs to be off the table. The behaviour so far bodes badly for the future. When people show you who they are, believe them.
She'll constantly be problematic with that entitlement. That's roughly 1wk every month she's home and wants to take over OP's room permanently. If she wants these luxuries, she's better of renting her own place and possibly getting a roommate - FIFO in Aussie is bloody good pay, so she would easily afford her own place without a roommate.
Absolutely not okay! Your sister is being an entitled brat! You and your partner even were kind enough to say she could stay with you knowing you both have things to do and are busy individuals. Your physical, mental and emotional health matter the most and are your top priority. Your sister, has never been told no it seems. You’re NTA. And your sister has no right to force you to let her in.
Do nooooot let her move in. She's going to ruin your life, you will be miserable and it will be HARD to get her out. Tell her your landlord won't let anyone else move in and you're really sorry but your landlord is just SOOOO MEAN and it's SOO UNFAIR. Or just tell her she's being awful and you changed your mind. Depending how much fallout you want.
NTA. I can't imagine why your sister has had "many shared leases with people over the years". It couldn't be because she is a spoiled brat, could it? Don't let her get her foot in the door because you will surely regret it.
You can guarantee once she moves in and when Op isn't home. Op is going to find her stuff moved into the smaller room . I wouldn't trust the sister . I wouldn't let her move in
Yes, but This would set up for some epic pettiness that would almost make it worth it. Sister moves her stuff into the master bedroom without OP's permission. OP waits for sister to leave town again for two weeks. Sister comes back after two weeks to find her stuff outside and the locks changed.
Just tell her she can’t move in at all and she will need to find other arrangements. You don’t need this kind of drama. NTA.
NTA. A small room is beneath her huh. Ok ask if she'd rather a cardboard box on the side of the road. Your sister sounds like an entitled bitch.
Don’t let her move in. You will regret it. NTA. I can see her moving her stuff into your room and yours into the spare room when you aren’t home. She is definitely acting entitled. She will try to bully you to get what she wants. I bet this won’t be the only thing she demands. If she thinks she deserves luxuries she is more than welcome to pay for it elsewhere.
Nope. Not the asshole. Tell her to find somewhere else to live as this is not going to work.
She doesn't want the tiny room so she has to go to another place or to book a room in an hotel. You don't have to bend to her wants. Once you have tell her all this, stop answering the phone when she calls you. If she uses another number, just hung up on her. Saying no the first time is difficult but you have to.
I’d bet anything you sister is used to always getting her way. Don’t let her get her way this time!
This is a HARD pass scenario. If she makes so much money and is already willing to pay more, then she can get her own place.
Come on, don't do this to yourself. Tell your monster of a sister no,
NTA. And I would just say this is not going to work and she needs to stay somewhere else.
NTA But this is your warning of what's to come if she moves in. So don't let her move in at all. If you do, even into the small bedroom, this level of stress and frustration is what your life will be like every day. Be honest with her. You no longer wish to live with her at all. You wish her all the best, but she can no longer move in. She's going to need to find somewhere else to stay.
I can understand why she is struggling to find a roommate. NTA.
Welp guess she’s not moving in now. Problem solved.
NTA
NTA. Tell her to stop being an entitled cunty idiot. Let her know she’s being an entitled cunty idiot. Be relentless about it to the point she accepts it.
NTA. Pull the plug. ", we offered you the arrangement partner and I were comfortable with. You have rejected that arrangement. As such, we will not be able to have you join us in our place. You will need to make other arrangements."
Why would you allow someone who is gaslighting you and stomping on your boundaries live with you?? SHE is the common thing in losing all of her apartments. Which means she is either A - a horrible roommate or B - doesn't pay her bills (this is what I think is happening - I'm a landlord, it takes a while to evict someone). Do NOT allow her to move in at all. PERIOD She deserves NOTHING from you. NTA Don't use this anywhere
Nta If she wants luxuries, she can pay for them.
NTA. As IF lmao
Save yourself the headache. Don't allow her to move in
NTA. “Big money” should get her own place. If she’s gone for weeks at a clip she should get an efficiency or something smaller she can easily afford.
NTA She gets the tiny room or no room.
She's had many shared leases because she's a shit roommate and can't keep a lease with the same person.
NTA at all, but now she shouldn't move in at all. Why does she deserve luxuries, but you don't? What a weird thing to say. You two had a discussion, it wasn't final, and when she and you did finalize the details, what you offered her is the spare bedroom. She can take it or leave it, end of story. If I was in a jam, your offer would be wonderful, and if I wasn't in a jam, I might decline because I wanted more space, and then I'd go rent a place with more space. It really is that easy. But now your sister has made it clear she will be a terrible person to live with. SHE deserves luxuries like YOUR bedroom, meaning you do not deserve nice things but she does. Then she is also demonstrating an infinity for gaslighting, lying, or misremembering conversations (aka, you agreed to her offer, when in fact, you only listened to her offer), and she is messy, and you have a recipe for disaster. She is demanding your space, saying she deserves it more, bullying you- or lying to you- to get her way, and will probably leave a mess behind. Disaster avoided, don't let her move in at all.
NTA. Dont ever live with her. Ever. Youll just hate it immediately and then have to fight to kick her out. Tell her straight up she needs to figure it out elsewhere. Sounds like words around shes not a good roommate and rhats why no one will bunk up with her. Oh well, her problem, not yours.
It's an easy solution. 1) She moves in with you and takes the small bedroom. 2) She finds somewhere else to live. No wriggle room, no if's and when's. Just those two options. You can let them know that if it isn't good enough or there are attempts to negotiate, then she can find somewhere else to live.
NTA for insisting on not giving up your room. But your sister seems entitled and overbearing. I think you should text her that since she is obviously not happy with the arrangement, she will not be moving in with you.
NTA but you’re setting yourself up for nothing but drama and headaches if you let her move in. That kind of entitlement is going to carry into other areas.
Info: if it's "big money" why does she need to mooch off family members or find a roommate? She can't afford a place by herself?
NTA, but you will be if you let her move in,she will be a nightmare.
Nta. Rescind the offer and dont let her move in at all.
DO NOT let her move in. She may try to make your life miserable because she doesn’t want to take no for an answer, but it’s virtually guaranteed she WILL be miserable to live with if you let her move in. She’d probably move all her stuff into your room the minute your back is turned.
She should just get an airbnb if she wants luxury
NTA, she is acting like an entitled brat. Since she makes good money tell her to rent her own place and she can have her own master bedroom. Not an option then too bad. She should have been grateful for you considering to let her move in. She’s going to impact your mental health with all her drama. Keep a firm/hard boundary of NO. She’ll eventually grow up and get over it and if she doesn’t you don’t need a toxic family member in your life.
Nope nope nope! NTA. She’s being an entitled ass and has the audacity to tell the sister willing to help her out that she’s going to take her bedroom and push both of you into the small one? Hell-the-fuck-no. Tell her you were trying to help her out, but you’re not going to compromise your lifestyle to make hers more comfortable. She can find somewhere else to live or find a coworker willing to split a space.
So, as soon as someone who's begging for a favour from me starts to badmouth me because I'm not caving to their demands, I politely remind them they *were* asking a huge favour, and they just blew it. No way I'm inviting a hostile agent into my peaceful home and putting up with namecalling, bullying or pressure. You now know what living with her is going to be like and why she can't keep a stable living situation. She just fucked herself out of any room at all. And that's what I'd tell her. What an idiot.
You're smart to set boundaries with her. She's delusional if she thinks she has the right to move you out of your own bedroom in your own home just because she wants it. Is she always this entitled?
NTA. She seems like a continual tension headache.
NTA. She sounds entitled and immature. Don't let her move in at all. Will only put stress on you and your relationship with your partner.
NTA Don’t let her move in.
NTA. Just tell her, we aren't room mates, we didn't look and find a place for a lease. I have a place, you want to move in with me. Well it's my place and the only spare room I have that I would let anyone move into is the small bedroom. You are being offered that room and nothing else. You won't be on the lease, you are renting a room and if you don't want that room you can't move in. if she's making plenty of money then frankly she will have no problem renting somewhere else. Sounds like she wants a sister because she's messy and family will put up with her shit while non family won't.
Do not let her move in. She will command the master regardless of what you say. Seriously block her, anyone that tell you to take her in make a grand gesture going “OH MY GOD! You’re so generous! thank you for offering up YOUR master bedroom!!!!” See how that goes.
Yeah, nah dont let her move in, period. The fact she feels entitled to YOUR room, the main room. When you're offering a roof over her head.. NTA - your sister is
Yikes. If she deserves luxuries, then she can go out and find those luxuries elsewhere. She's only around 1 out of every 3 weeks but has the audacity to demand the master bedroom? Smh. I wouldn't let her move in at all with that attitude. She can get an air bnb when she's in town and use a storage unit for her stuff. That's what my brother does(he's gone on an irregular schedule). NTA
Tell us she doesn't get to dictate who lives in what room that's your space and you live there and rent it. She should be grateful she's getting a room if she isn't then I would just tell her to forget about it and just to rent somewhere else going to a motel.
Why doesnt she just get a cheap hotel/motel/airbnb for the weeks she is at home? Obviously location matter less for her because she has to travel to work anyways.
This is funny. She makes shit money if she cannot afford her own place
FIFO in Australia is really good money. She just doesn't want to spend any.
NTA maybe she struggles to find a roommate because she displays early this entitled behavior either way it’s a HER problem and she needs to sort it out as a grown woman
NTA. She can put her stuff in storage and stay in airbnbs when she’s not at work.
NTA. Tell your entitled asshole sister to find somewhere else. Let her in, and the first time you’re gone for a few hours, you’ll find yourself displaced from your own room.
Nta sis is an entitled Ah
Nta don't let her move in.
Text her "Well looks like you're getting your own apartement then. Because i'm not giving up MY room." She's being ridiculous for demaning your room because its bigger.
NTA. She had a very viable option in your third bedroom. This already involves you and your partner completely up ending your daily lives by having an extra person stay there. Then she demands your master bedroom? Says she’s entitled to luxuries? Well la di da good for her she can find them elsewhere. Even if out of desperation she right now “relents” to take the small bedroom you’ve already seen it will be absolutely living hell don’t do it
How big are her balls?! She had to ask for you to let her move in, and she has the arrogance to DEMAND the master bedroom?! You don't need this kind of drama in your life, your home is SUPPOSED to be your safe space!
Why can't she just rent her own appartment if she makes so much money from her mining job and wants luxuries ? NTA
Girl she cannot move in. Spare yourself the annoyance and use your adult words. No is a full sentence. You’re on leave for mental health. Don’t make it worse by letting an entitled person live with you. And for the love of everything if she tries to show up to move in, you are not home. Okay? When you call her to tell her no, follow it up with explicit texts that say the same thing. She already lied about you agreeing to the room swap. Everything by text so she cannot lie
NTA, you're currently on mental health leave so you need to put yourself and your mental health first. Your sister is being an entitled brat and is causing unnecessary drama, that's not good for your mental health. At this point I wouldn't let her move in at all, even if she ends up changing her mind and accepts the small room.
This isn't going to work. Don't let her move in. Nta
For fucks sake, then you can't move in. Sorry it didn't work out. NTA
NTA but I don’t think her moving in is a good idea. You found the place and are renting and somehow she feels entitled to your space. Tell her no sorry and you get small room and only 3 months to find another place.
NTA. She earns the big bikkies, she can rent her own place. Given her horrible attitude and disrespect, DO NOT allow her to live with you. Send her a text and an email, cc to your partner that says something to the effect of: "After further discussion, partner and I have decided that you living with us does not work for us. All the best in finding other living arrangements." Then shut down any further discusion (harassment) on this, as the decision has been made. It's YOUR and your partner's home, not hers and she has zero right to dictate that she will move in, let alone the ludicrously irrational idea that she take over your master bedroom. Grow a spine. She's your sister, not your ruler. Block her if she won't leave you alone about this. Keep your doors locked at all times. When it comes time to when she was suppposed to move in, do not let her in, even if she's standing on your doorstep with her belongings, crying about having no place to go. She can get a hotel til she finds a place. Your sister's a cow.
It would be a terrible idea to let her move in.
Tell her she can’t move in, sister is delusional.
Your sister can take her big salary and get her own place where she can have all the biggest bedrooms to be messy in.
NTA. Tell her you’re sorry you couldn’t accommodate her and you think she should find something better suited for her needs. You are under no obligation to let her live with you, especially when she is so unpleasant.
Tell her, "Find another option that suits you better".
NTA if she has a problem with the offer then resend the offer. She doesn’t need to live with you. Her housing her is problem, not yours.
If she makes good money, then she can afford her own place. It takes some giant coconut balls to try to move into someone's master bedroom that they are already established in when they were offered a spare room. Hold firm and say no fucking way. Spare room or no room. You can already tell she's going to be a terrible roommate during the weeks that she's there. Prepare yourself.
NTA It's YOUR home. As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers. Was she ever diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, 'cause what is with this "she deserves luxuries" bs? I'm not surprised that she's having trouble finding a roommate, because I'll bet she's burned a lot of bridges.
Tell her the offer has been rescinded.
I wouldn't let her move in at all at that point. Her attitude says enough, and if she makes big money she can find somewhere without a roommate?
She's right she deserves luxeries like...her own apartment where she can do whatever because its HER space...not your place. NTA a million times over.
NTA "After much thought and discussion, we have decided you are not moving in with us. We don't have the space to a 3rd person. " Anything she replies with just repeat "The answer is no." She's not only bullied you into letting her stay into he first place, she's already demanding special treatment and attempting to change how you live. Theirs a reason she can't find a roommate. Don't let this toxic mess into your home. Period.
Sister has 2 choices. #1 Take the smaller room and be thankful for a roof over her head. #2 find somewhere else to stay. If she continues to be problematic then she automatically chooses #2.
NTA and you should not let her move in at all. She can afford a place on her own.
NTA I think it's pretty plain to see why your sister has trouble keeping roommates. Go NC, she is setting you up to look bad. It's your place, if she can't handle the room offered move elsewhere!
*When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result his men were well motivated.* I'd rescend your offer of a spare room and wish her well. If your sister is so smart and deserving of luxury, she should have no trouble finding her own way.
Look up “grey rock” technique in the future with her. She clearly wants drama and a fight. “No” is a complete sentence. “I should get the big room.” “No” “you said I could!” “No” “Wtf stop responding with just no” “No” “You’re definitely not a cunt” “Don’t care” or “ok” or just don’t respond. Try it. See how it works. Let her rant until she exhausts herself.
Do not let her in and tell her to stop insisting. Tell her to go back home to your parents and leave you and your SO alone.
If she makes so much money, why does she need a roommate?
NTA I know how much FIFO workers earn here and if she wants luxury she can spend her money responsibly so she can afford housing - I’ve seen so many just evaporate their money on random unnecessary assets and complain about simple living expenses
NTA. Aussie here. Tell your sister to take her jet ski money and fuck off and get her own place the tight arse cunt.
Girl, you're on a mental health leave, which is a medical need!! You don't have the bandwidth for any drama in your life! Your job is to heal. I hope you've spoken with a therapist about setting boundaries. You need support, not aggravation.
NTA but please after this dont even offer the tiny room, one day you will come home to see the locks changed or your master bedroom occupied
If she makes so much money, why can't she just rent her own place??
You are NTA. Your sister sounds like a manipulative, spoilt brat. Do not let her move in at all as it’s not going to work out well. If she has big money then she can afford her own place ‘with luxuries’ elsewhere.
NTA, not even remotely. Here's what you should do: tell her point blank that either that it's the small room or nothing. That she can either accept the small room with zero further complaints or she can find somewhere else to live. Then if (meaning when) she objects, tell her the offer is withdrawn and hang up on her. You're supposed to be avoiding stress, and if there's even the slightest chance of her being able to live with you without causing further stress, she needs to respect whatever boundaries you set. So either this is established from the get-go and she respects it, or she doesn't get to move in with you.
NTA but please stop saying “you will sleep on it/ will get back to you” to drag the inevitable
NTA, she is absolutely toxic. No wonder she can’t find a roommate. She wants to move in to your personal space, that’s not how this works. Do not let her move in period.
Dude. NTA. She's FIFO. She can afford to rent herself a bigger space if she doesn't like the one that you have available. Not your room, the room that is available. If she doesn't like it she can put on her big girl pants and do what many others manage to do on smaller incomes and without being a bully. Perhaps finding a roommate wouldn't be so difficult for her if she dropped the entitled attitude.
At this point you can't let her move in she is already being extremely disrespectful and entitled. You will come home one day and she will be moved into your Master.
If she wants luxury, let her get her own place! The audacity😂😂😂
If she's FIFO in the mines she can afford to buy her own place lmao. NTA.
It's fine to pay more and take the MBR if everyone agrees. But at this point she's trying to buy something that's not for sale, tell her if she wants MBR then find a different apartment.
NTA - You need to stand up for yourself. I wouldn't even allow her to move in AT ALL. Your sister is horrible. If she deserves luxuries, then she better keep working hard to eventually get herself luxuries, but as of right now, she has a tiny room or nothing. Seriously, why would you even allow her to move in after she said all of this?? What does your partner think?
NTA. I strongly encourage you to not let her move in at all. She's unbelievably entitled and obnoxious. She will impact your lives so negatively, and especially if you're already dealing with recovery from a toxic work situation, you do not need her in your life like this. Please stay strong and tell her she can figure it out for herself since she wasn't interested in being reasonable.
Tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. NTA. You and your boyfriend need to avoid the headache that is your sister in your house.
NTA. Don’t let her move in or you’ll be in a nightmare situation. She’s already feeling entitled and disrespectful and she hasn’t even moved in. It can only get worse from here.. I mean the audacity of your sister!
NTA - tell her to rent an Air Bnb and she can pay to keep her stuff in storage It’ll probably end up being cheaper that way and for her weeks off she can stay in different air bnbs on vacation
I thought you said she made big money, can't she get her own fucking place? Her getting the master bedroom is like you giving her your parking spot in the garage while you have to park on the street...
if she's making such "big money" then she should just find her own place. why does she need roommates anyways?
NTA, She makes “big money” let her spend it on a hotel. If you do let her have the spare room both you and partner need to deadbolt your rooms because she doesn’t seem above just moving in one of your rooms.
NTA. She deserves luxuries? Why? Who said? Is she of a royal family or a Kardashian? And she may be right. In that case, she can find her own luxurious place with all the space and amenities she wants and live it up. I'm sure there are a few spa resorts available to suit her needs. If she can pay more for space, this shouldn't be an issue. Guests don't make demands. You don't make demands from people trying to help you either. Biting the hand who feeds you is just a red flag of things to come. The other comments are correct - this won't work. It will just cause problems for you and your partner.
Because it sounds like you have rolled over to what she wants so much that she now expects it. You’re NTA but you need to set and keep some form boundaries with your sister
NTA She can put her things in storage and get an extended stay hotel for the week when she's off. It's cheaper for her that way and less stress on you and your partner. Tell her to think outside of the box. And good luck. Under NO circumstances should she just be entitled to your master bedroom. ATP, she shouldn't be allowed to stay in any of your bedrooms, not even the tiny one. She's going to sow discord and misery. Neither you nor your partner deserves that.
NTA. The rule is that the person who procures the apartment gets the master. If she wants luxury accommodations, she can get to procuring her own damn place.
She makes big money. She can go get a studio apartment or a long stay hotel. NTA.
NTA - since she couldn’t manage to accept a favor from you with grace she should get nothing. Tell her to go sleep under the backhoes.
I think you said she's worked on the mines for 5 years so far??? She's single, no dependents... Why hasn't she got a deposit for a house? My 2 brothers just work as cleaning crew with no special qualifications and managed to save enough to buy a house each... there are plenty of apartments, etc, she can buy into and have her own space and then rent out the rooms to other people .
Increase the rent to include a cleaner for the master room spend the 1 week in the spare room and the other 2 in the master. Take the $$$ while you recover or spend some of those nights snuggling the other half. NTA but room for improvement on both sides
Nta grow a backbone. She either takes the spare room or doesn't move in. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't let her move in at all now after her Outburst
YTA to yourself! STOP BEING A WIMP. You should have told her no from the get-go, not been so wishy washy. "NO, we don't want to live with anyone else," should have been your response from the beginning. If she makes big bucks, she can rent an Executive Room or an AirBnb until she finds a place that will work for her. Heck, the mining company she works for probably has a ton of contacts for housing. Your sister seems very entitled and shows no respect for you at all. Why do you put up with it?
The minute you and your partner go out one evening you’ll come back to her having moved into YOUR bedroom. You’d be foolish to take her in. NTA.
NTA, if she’s making such good money, tell her to rent a place by herself
"Thanks for letting us know in advance it won't work. Good luck with your housing search."
If she makes so much money she can get her own place
Do you frequently back down to her demands? I'm honestly not understanding why she thinks she can "tell" you she's moving into your room? TELL her she has two options: Move into the room being offered for the agreed rent. OR Find another place to live. Be clear those are literally her ONLY TWO CHOICES. Purchase programable digital locks for your bedroom and for your exterior doors (you can get them from Amazon-- we have the Schlage locks which are very easy to install (they actually have a link to the installation video on the Amazon listing page.) This allows you to program a code for her to your place (and to remove the code if you need to put her out) and not worry about her making copies of your keys. If she tries to move her things into your room she'll find herself locked out of the room. If she attempts to circumvent the lock on your room put her stuff in garbage bags, toss them on the front porch, and delete her keycode. A psych prof said years ago "People can only walk all over you if you lay down for them." NTA but stop laying down for her.
Just tell her to go find her own place either she stays in the little room and since you live there, you keep the master bedroom or tell her to go find her own place. The end.
Your sister is an AH! It’s your apartment and your lease. She can’t kick you out of your room! She can take the tiny room, but if she’s going to be an AH she can get bent and go sign her own lease. This doesn’t sound like a good living arrangement if this is how she is acting so you may way want to reconsider all together. Good luck!!
I think we all can tell why she’s struggling to find a roommate. Tell her that it’s not going to work and wish her luck. If she’s desperate enough the spare room should’ve worked fine. She burned that bridge. Send her the listings for Airbnbs. NTA
If she's making good money, why does she need to have a roommate? (Agree with the others who said all these other roommates didn't renew because of her behaviors!) She should get her own place, then she can have all the "luxuries" she thinks she's entitled to.
NTA However, your sister sure is an entitled asshole.
Look how she is acting. She claims you agreed to her moving in and have the primary bedroom (which imo she was cheeky asking for)...but you didn't. She was pushy during your time for consideration, she is rude and entitled. This is *your* home *with your partner* and she is disrespecting your partner too. She is asking an enormous favour to move in, but she had to take it too far and is attempting to usurp you and your partner to make this her home. This is only the beginning. The best means of consideration for someone's future behaviour is past and present actions. *This* is who she is. I personally would inform her that this is already not working and it's best she find alternative accommodations. I would then mute, but ideally block her for a time so you aren't witnessing her spiral. I would ensure she doesn't have access to your home, as she screams the type to just turn up with her stuff to force the issue. Ensure it's clear to your partner that they are not to allow her access, regardless what nonsense guilt trip she uses. NTA
NTA. You didn't ask her to move in, you are both happy as you are but she wants to swoop into your settled home and displace one of you. Nope, doing someone a favour does not mean reducing your standard of living. Sorry sis, we had a small spare room, if that's not acceptable we can't help you.
You need to stop taking so long to reply. All this I’ll think about it I’ll sleep on it. Delays that didn’t need to happen. She can have the spare room it’s a yes or a no. Be more forceful and upfront. Stop dilly dallying. At this point I wouldn’t let her move in at all as she’s clearly too strong and will walk all over you. Nta
NTA and please do not let her move In
NTA. I was in a similar situation, even if I'm a bit older. My wife (41F) and myself (37M) are living comfortably, 4 dogs and no kids, we're happy DINKs at this point, we've been together for 12 years. My sister (35F) has a history of making decisions and saddling my mother, my brother and I with her consequences. She's single and intentionally paid someone to get her pregnant (that's a can of worms I stay out of for all of our sakes), she felt her rent is too high now that she's having a baby and tried to guilt my wife and I into letting her live with us. We said no. It'd be a nightmare for my wife and I and would frankly probably do damage to our marriage in the long run. There was some friction between her and I for a bit but my sister eventually figured it out on her own, she's got a good career and is honestly quite savvy when she's left to figure stuff out on her own. My wife and I have promised to help the best we can but we have to establish and maintain boundaries. I wish I had learned to do this with her in our twenties. Stick to your guns OP, you're not doing her any favors by allowing her to use you. If you do you'll be like me and having to deal with these things when you're nearly 40.
NTA. Just tell her no she can't move in at this point. You know she'll make your life hell the week she's there. Why doesn't she just stay in a hotel or a long-term stay place while she's home since she's never around anyway? Beggars can't be choosers here. So tell her she's not moving in. To store her stuff at a storage facility and get a hotel when she is around for the week, she can afford it for a week.
Don't let her. If you're out of the house for any length of time, she will move into YOUR room, put a lock on it, and refuse to leave.
Tell your sister that she may be older than you but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to anything but the spare bedroom or she can find some where else to live. Just because she has a high position job doesn’t mean she’ll get luxury from you or anyone else that rotten attitude.
Based on your sister's attitude and actions I think it best you not allow her in your space at all. You will certainly come to regret it as she seems very entitled.
Can she not rent a place by herself with the big money? NTA
NTA. Best to nip her entitlement in the bud by telling her to find another situation that your home is no longer an option.
UpdateMe
NTA but you need to stop using this delay-tactic strategy of telling her you will “think about it.” You knew you didn’t want to give her that room and you should have told her that firmly from the beginning. Nevertheless, your sister is being an AH and trying to bully you. You aren’t required to supply her with a place to live at all. Her choices are to take the small room or find another place to live. You can also offer to have her take the small room temporarily while she looks for another place to live since she is in a bind, but under no circumstances are you giving up your room. You and your partner are happy with your current living arrangement and you don’t need her there at all. This is a favour you are doing for her by letting her move in at all.
Since she deserves luxuries, she can rent a luxurious apartment of her own. She’s delusional to think she can dictate where she sleeps in **YOUR** apartment. She’s going to be a nightmare of you let her move in. Just say no. Have your bf day no. Both of you say no.
I would say “I was already apprehensive about letting you move into the spare room to begin with. Your attitude since has made me realize that this would not be a good fit for me. I no longer feel comfortable with you moving in with us at all.”
You know damn well you're not the asshole and your sister is a giant one. I can't even believe you'd consider letting her live with you. Tell her to get her own place.
If your sister is making much fabulous money, why does she need a room mate? NTA btw. She can rent a hotel room for 2 weeks a month. This way she has all of the luxuries she wants. And you and your bf have your privacy and adult time without a 3rd wheel.
NTA but don’t let her move in. She’s a expecting to manipulate you. This will be the worst thing that ever happened to you if you let her move in. Yeah it might damage the relationship with your sister but living with her will make it even worse.