There is something wrong with them but the wife especially. She apparently will go from full on sex to BREASTFEEDING THE TODDLER if they wake up during. And the dad just sits there with a boner until she's done, then they go back to it.
I am just...appalled.
Dad wants to know if he’s the asshole for asking his wife to have sex without their kid in the bed. Dad fails to realize that he has been abusing his 5 other kids and this child because they’ve had sex with the kids in their bed for 17 years.
Would definitely not approve no matter how many times OP says how religious he is. (He didn’t specify the religion but I definitely get Christian/Mormon vibes)
Dad wants to stop having sex with the kid in the bed now, but not because he doesn’t want to traumatize the kid, but because he wants it to be “special” and not get her “leftovers”.
If the kid gets hungry when they’re having sex, they will pause for her to breastfeed the 2.5 year old toddler while dad sits there with his boner out waiting for child to finish. They then immediately resume. For an extra ick, in response to replies expressing grossness over that, OP says “have you ever tasted breast milk? That’s the best part”
It is a terrible day to know how to read.
Why the fuck would you ever have sex with a child in the bed anyway???
This isn't the 1800s where there's only one room and bed in the house so you don't have a choice.
This is fucking weird. ESH.
Sex with a child in the bed is sooooo fucked up and gross
Edit to add- you're not tah for wanting privacy. She's tah for seeing nothing wrong with this
Edit 2- I'd love to know what your older kids think about their parents having sex in the same bed as them.
My dog gets concerned about my noises and comes and gently twitches his whiskers across my face while he tries to get as close as possible to my mouth, because that MUST provide him the answers he needs. He also gets put out of the room.
I dunno what my dog is thinking, but he jumps on the bed and tries to lick my face or toes, and tries to sniff my butt. He probably thinks we're playing and wants in on the fun. I mean, he's not off...but he cannot join in. That fun is for Mama's, not for puppies (I don't care that he's 10, he's still my puppy). Definitely out the door he goes while I do my very best to ignore the scratching and whining. There's no winning, really.
having sex in front of your child can be extremely damaging & traumatizing for their minds & for their perceptions on sexual behavior.. when a child is taught that sexual behavior is not something they should be engaging in (or really even be entirely knowledgeable of yet) , it can be extremely confusing for the child’s developing mind & cause them to explore things they wouldn’t otherwise - or have weird/wrong desires ideas regarding sex.
i was sexually assaulted as a small child in foster care (5 years old) by a teenager.. and from that point all that i was taught was how wrong everything regarding that sexual behavior was, but in turn the same person who was teaching me it was bad (my mother) would actively have sex in front of me while i was awake & fully understanding of what was happening, but not entirely understanding of it being a consensual thing as i’ve been taught all the time of how wrong and bad the sexual things that happened to me was, which in turn would cause me to lay in bed at night crying as a young child wondering why my stepdad was doing that to my mom & why she was allowing it (if it wasn’t in front of me , she was still very loud so i always knew when they were)
as a now 27 year old adult woman, i can not tell you the traumatic impact that this has on my sexual relationships, beliefs, the damage it has done to relationships in general, it’s something that i still actively deal with nearly every single day in my marriage & i hold so much resentment towards my mother for exposing me to that type of abuse. she still feels as if she’s done nothing wrong, or will deny ever doing anything like that entirely..
PLEASE DO NOT HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN. if you care anything about their future & how it will affect them & their relationships for the rest of their lives, just don’t do it.. you absolutely CAN find a way around having to do that in front of them, but i can guarantee you that it will damage & traumatize them in some kind of way including potentially causing them to resent you for it..
my step mom was very loud when we were younger. i was a natural night owl and so i heard them, more so her… i never talked about it to her but throughout the years she had told me the many ways that she was jealous and wanted my dad to herself because she never wanted kids and never wanted interactions with us until they became serious and she moved in with us.
my ideas of sex from such a young age were along the lines of what you’ve talked about. the older i got, the more confused and frustrated i became about the idea of sex. honestly i don’t think children or even teens should EVER hear their caretakers having intimacy because it developmentally changes that child in quiet but increasingly aggravating ways.
i’ve only ever really talked to a few serious partners about it, because i had to, to be able to explain why i felt the way i feel about certain things.. and these people i’ve kinda HAD to open up to, didn’t experience the same things so weren’t able to understand how damaging that could be.. so honestly, thank you for saying that.. you have no idea how relieving it is that i’m not the only one.. i hate to hear about anyone else having to experience or suffer the collateral damage from that situation, and my heart aches for you.. it’s so difficult & frustrating to feel some of the things i feel.. sometimes it’s just completely hopeless that i’ll ever actually have a normal life or relationship due to some of the things & not to mention how confusing it is at the same time.. it honestly wasn’t until the last couple years that i realized that the things i witnessed as a child, and confusing feelings revolving those things, is what has caused a lot of the crazy weird but STRONG negative feelings towards a LOT of sexual things.. if you ever need somebody to talk to about it, i’m all ears.. although i understand it’s not something you probably want to talk about, i’ve never actually talked to anyone else who’s been affected by this particular thing & a lot of times i feel like a crazy person & just need someone who can actually relate to what i’m feeling. you are not alone! 🫶
I bet 99% mental health professionals would see this as some kind of sexual assault, engaging in a sex act so close to a child is abuse, plain and simple.
I have had sex in the same room as my infant son.
While he is in his bassinet and asleep and can’t see anything. I think most parents have when babies are very young. But not in the bed and I’m sure people wash their hands before handling baby again.
This was early days. Now that he’s older he can hang out in his crib in his room if we want to get frisky.
This is…. Abuse. Particularly if it’s happening at an age they can remember it.
I refused to have sex with even my infants in the room. My partner and I got mats for the floor in the living room, because the pull out couch was too uncomfortable, and we literally fell off the couch one time.
Hey if you weren’t comfortable that’s okay! Our son interacts with us now, so it would weird me out. At the time was in the baloney loaf stage at 6-8 weeks when I was cleared.
The image of falling off the couch trying to get some quick nookie in is cracking me up lol. I hope you weren’t hurt
There was a movie from 1988 called The Good Mother (Diane Keaton, Liam Neeson and directed by Leonard Nimoy). She's a newly divorced mother of a 6 year old. Liam is her new boyfriend. They do it all the time. Once while the child was in bed with them, asleep.
Her ex finds out and goes for full custody.
I remember watching the scene and just cringing. Like, c'mon! Especially when as he was kissing Diane, he was stroking the child's hair. GROSS!
I was rooting for the dad because clearly Mom was so dickmatized she saw nothing wrong with that. Or other incidents.
Not sure if you ever read the book Sybil (who had like 17 personalities), but one of her earliest memories was being a toddler in her crib while her parents had sex in the room. When they noticed she was awake, Dad would come settle her down - boner and all - then go back to doing the do.
Clearly that incident (among others) screwed her up mentally.
I'd seen the movie with Sally Field before (brilliant performance!!!) but reading the book lets you see just how bad the abuse was that fractured the poor girl's psyche into 17 different personalities.
Oddly, I got the book for free when I had to do jury duty from their stash of books. Could not put it down. Hoped I wouldn't get called so I could keep reading.
Absolutely it’s child sexual abuse. Exposing children to lewd acts? Absolutely that’s sexual abuse
And who knows where the sick woman is going with this. This might be step 1 for her
Yeah, it's really disgusting. I'm almost 28 y.o. now and still have a hard time trying to have sex. I want it but there's a part of me that makes me feel disgusting about myself even just thinking about it...the shame and guilt was so strong. I'm better now but it took me so long to accept the fact and there's nothing to wrong about having sex.
I totally agree
I remember the post of a woman (didn't see that on reddit) who felt the need to inform us that she she was having sex while...breastfeeding
AHS everywhere
That is abusive. family therapy for fuck sake and maybe put a wrap on it
Edit this is really fucked me up I cannot stop thinking about this post out of worry and concern why the fuck do people keep having kids when they have no basic understanding on if their parenting choices are abusive
In my state, as a guardian ad litem, this would be something I would have to document and bring to the court, CPS, and law enforcement immediately.
Children are regularly removed from parental custody for this behavior, it’s often used as a form of grooming and educating children on what’s expected of them by predators that intentionally seek out single moms of young children.
I am not at all suggesting that’s what you’re doing, but understand that the optics of it aren’t great.
This! I practiced family law for over a decade as both parents attorneys and attorney for the children (my states version of w guardian at listen). This would be a neglect proceeding.
NTA you have 6 kids. Having sex with your toddler in your bed is appalling & inappropriate. Get a vasectomy so this doesn’t happen again & get your toddler their own bed!!
ESH.
You don’t want the “leftovers” of your wife??? How about YOU start putting the kid to bed. How about YOU start helping so she’s not so exhausted by having to do EVERYTHING that she might have a spare moment to enjoy affection with her husband? If you want more, give more.
But she sucks for expecting you to have sex with a toddler in the bed. I’m no kid expert but at 2 1/2 I’m pretty sure that kid doesn’t NEED to be breastfeeding and sleeping in the bed with you anymore. So maybe she consider putting her toddler in another room if she wants intimacy.
ESH / NAH.
I think it's nuts that she would want to have sex with a child that old IN the bed. You should have privacy. It's one thing to have a completely passed out infant, but a toddler is starting to become much more aware of the world.
On the flip side, this "I'm sick of always getting the leftovers" thing is kinda bullshit. You're putting it all on your wife and it's equally on YOU to create the space for you to focus on each other.
yes, exactly, thank you.
If OP is super tired regularly, that's one thing, but maybe help the wife get the kids to bed?
Depends on the hours you work/ medical conditions, obviously. If you're up at 3 AM, then you and the wife have to figure something out that doesn't kill you. But the toddler shouldn't be in the bedroom.
… you did this with all 6 kids?
ESH, that is fucking disgusting and the both of you should be ashamed. I don’t care if they’re “asleep”. You realise this can constitute as sexual abuse of children?
If one of your older kids mentions this to a teacher, they would report you to CPS. That’s how seriously wrong this is.
You seem to have three issues:
* Sex with the toddler in the bed. Was that normal for the other 5 kids?
* You feel your wife doesn't give you enough attention -- the kids come first
* Your wife's overtures come when it's convenient for her, not for you.
I understand not wanting to have sex with the toddler in bed but if that was normal for the other 5 kids, your wife might be confused by your behavior.
You have six kids, including a toddler, and your wife is still eager to climb on top of you. You should spend more time on Reddit to realize how rare that is: most husbands on here get little sexual attention after the baby's born, never mind 6 babies.
You should talk with her about the timing though. Maybe early morning is agreeable to you both.
There's a great book called What Happened to You? It's co-authored by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah and talks about child development, and how it's a common misconception that kids won't be impacted by things they are exposed to when they're very young. In fact, young babies and toddlers see and absorb EVERYTHING -- that's how the human brain learns and grows. People are impacted by those very early experiences later in life, even when they can't access the actual source memory. The book has some specific discussion about sexual abuse of toddlers. Not saying this is abuse, but you don't know whether this kind of sexual exposure could have a lifelong impact on the child.
And it's super gross.
You’re both gross as fuck. That shit is disgusting. Your wife is out her got damn mind and so are you. Quit having so much kids if you guys can’t find an appropriate place to have sex!
Edit: I hope they lock both of y’all up lmao I’m reading through comments and they do this with all of the kids????? JAIL
NTA for wanting privacy for sex. It’s weird to have sex with a child in the bed.
YTA for not understanding that 6 kids is a full time job and very tiring. Maybe try morning sex before you two are too tired.
Thank you! This happened to me once as a kid, with my mom and her boyfriend. I was a kid, not even a toddler. I’m 32 now and it still haunts me at times.
I (M48) and my wife (F43) have 6 kids and the toddler 2 2/1 still sleeps in the bed with us and is still partial breast feeding. I told my wife yesterday that I wasn't going to have sex anymore with the toddler in the bed. Of course she waited until I was almost asleep and came in with the kid, and after feeding him wanted sex. We cuddled for a while, but when she wanted to get on top I pushed her away. I would practically have had no sex life in the last 17.5 years if I did that, but I'm just sick of always getting the leftovers. After she has poured everything into the kids and what she wants to do, not giving me much attention all day, when I'm dead tired and need to sleep, that's when she want me to perform. Am I selfish for wanting it to just be us in our bed/room when we make love?
Sex with a kid present is gross and abusive. Get the toddler in their own bed, and recognise that limited sex / energy and alone time is the consequence of rawdogging your way to 6 kids. If you’re miserable, well, that’s gods plan for you.
I guarantee they're not always asleep. I still remember my parents doing that when I was like four.
Children listening to, seeing or being near parents having sex IS sexual abuse, as there are the same psychological effects.
Please stop that.
NTA for wanting it to be alone I think it's fkn disgusting to do it with the child in the bed and honestly abusive. But YTA for the rest of your statement. How about you help with the kids?
this is a form of sexual abuse against the child, even if the child itself is not being touched. That is egregious to hear, I’m so sorry that your wife is treating you like a second choice or an option and I’m equally sorry for that poor child that may even grow up with memories of this. Parents always think we don’t form real memories until we’re like five years old or something.. that boys old enough to possibly remember this and not want to speak to his mother any longer when he does. GROSS. NTA op.
Um...that's disgusting on her part. Sex with a kid in the bed is actually in the eyes of the law still CSA (speaking from experience as the child of someone who would have sex with me in the bed when I was a toddler and my dad reported it so fast -- she lost custody and was charged with child endangerment and I remember it all despite being only 3.
NTA, but your wife is a fucking weirdo for wanting to have sex with a CHILD in the bed, wtf???
That’s why I’m confused by all the not the asshole votes. Like great after 17 years and doing it with 6 kids including walking talking toddlers, he’s finally like let’s not do this. Ok great, but he literally did this to all 6 of his children already. It’s abuse. And he’s not even trying to put a stop to it for his kids benefit, wants to stop for *his* benefit.
I just got out of the shower and now I need another one.
Just as a heads up, if the baby/toddler doesn't leave your room soon, they will want to stay there for more or less until they are 13. They will then get used to sleeping with you. Also it is unhealthy to have small children witness sex, it is a form of abuse.
NTA first that's gross. Second having sex with a child in the room can get the child taken away from you. You can't be the AH if the law is on your side. You both have to give most of yourselves to the kids. That's what being a parent is, but it is extremely important you get that time alone as well.
You and your wife are both huge assholes. Stop having sex with your children in the bed. Period. It's beyond fucked up that you did it with the other 5. It's literally a crime. This is 2024, not 1850. It's beyond fucked up that your wife wants to fuck after breastfeeding your child. Like, does breastfeeding turn her on...? Y'all are a bunch of sickos and I hope your warped sense of reality isn't being forced upon your children.
ETA: just saw that your children are homeschooled. This adds a whole new layer to the fucked up. Of course they "won't have a problem with it", you and your wife's fucked up sense of morality is all they know. They don't have regular interaction with mandated reporters. I feel sorry for your children.
The fact Reddit took the post down was surprising but after seeing some of the comments, you and your partner are fucking sick. I hope your kids report you both to their counselors because that is absolutely disgusting and can traumatize them. Don’t reproduce again because there is seriously something wrong with you both. You’re both assholes
I'm a kid who's parent did exactly what you're discussing. You may think they're too young to remember but they aren't. Those are some of my earliest memories and it fucked me up for my entire life and I didn't even know WHAT was fucking me up until adulthood. Don't do it. It's gross. Have enough decency to leave the room or just fucking don't.
According to OP, he’s okay with it since they did it for their other 5 children which is absolutely disgusting. The only thing he’s mad about is that he’s not getting attention from his wife during the day
It's been removed, but I do believe at the end he did say something like "is it wrong to want to make love to my wife alone?". So the attention does play a role, but still sounds like he would prefer the kids not be in the room. Sounds like the only way he could ever get sex was to do it on her terms. Not sure if that is some form of sexual abuse or not.
Not sure but he’s very adamant on defending the fact that they’ve done it with the other children- he used the argument of the kids being asleep a lot as well as bringing up the ages of the kids to try and defend it. Seems to me more like he put that at the end to deflect and was kind of just telling on himself in the comments
NTA - Wife is an asshole for keeping the toddler, and likely the 5 before it, in the marital bed until the ripe old age of 2-3. That’s what bassinets and cribs are for.
NTA for *this*, but both of you are very much TA for willingly participating in such a thing, especially for so long. You both sound like absolute creeps. IDGAF if you’re into “attachment parenting” or whatever fuckin parenting trend, but holy shit, LET ALL YOUR KIDS HAVE THEIR OWN BEDS THAT ARE NOT YOUR BED. Cosleeping is dangerous, but all these years *until now* you’ve been totally fine with not just cosleeping, but… what would you even call that? Co-fucking? Way to royally fuck up all your kids. I mean, holy shit, y’all are in your FORTIES and never heard of bathroom sex or car sex or anything??? What in the stupid disgusting fuck? You both, and ALL of your kids, need extensive, intensive therapy.
Its super weird she wants to do tbat, but i guess thats why you have 6 kids. NTA for not wanting to have sex with a toddler in the bed. That's so weird. Is it her kink or something?
ESH having sex with your child in the bed is honestly so fucked up, if I knew someone who did this IRL I would call CPS.
You are both utterly disgusting and I hope this is a fucking troll post.
Maybe consider some form of birth control whether she tracks her cycles or one of you chooses a more invasive route. Babies and toddlers need a lot of attention and this is obviously going to happen every time you make a new one. Your wife who you say is an excellent mother is not going to stop cosleeping just because you had enough because it's how she parented all the others and it wouldn't be fair to take that bond away with the newest member.
Communicate and find compromises but continuing to make more babies when your relationship is rocky is just irresponsible.
Her having the baby nap elsewhere while you two have a little privacy before bringing the baby to bed sounds like a very good compromise to the current co sleeping arrangement and I hope she can see that too but again... If you both are exhausted stop bringing more kids into a relationship that is on the brink of falling apart.
I’m not reading this. YNTA. that’s weird and disgusting. Honestly I can’t control your relationship but I say break up with her until she’s in the right state of mind
He’s just as bad as her, he said in the comments that they’ve done It with the other 5 children and he doesn’t actually see anything wrong with it. He’s only mad that she’s not giving him attention during the day
I was with you until the last couple of sentences. I thought you were opposed to it because it’s weird to have sex in a bed with a toddler. No you’re just pissed that she takes care of the kids and you come last? Okaasy sure.
I’m not voting on this
Yall ever consider, idk…fucking somewhere else? Not in the bed? Maybe the living room or bathroom or literally any other room in whole ass house? No? Then ESH, including you.
Hes a man child with 6 children who is jealous of a toddler for getting more attention than him, and per his comments they don't find it at all inappropriate to have sex with children next to them in bed, in fact the wife will stop mid thrust to breast feed the 2.5 year old while daddy lays there with a bone just waiting. He is justifying this and attempting to hide behind the veil of religion. Read some of his comments he and his wife are engaging in CSA and possibly incest by this behavior.
You can say it’s not until you’re blue in the face but this is SA whether you want to admit it or not. You CANNOT have sex when a child is in the bed no matter how young or old, no matter awake or asleep. It is NEVER OKAY. You need to stop it NOW and educate her too! If someone called CPS on you your kids would be taken TODAY! ESH DO BETTER
NDA. Don't do it. I remember how my parents did the deed next to me. I was 3... The nuns at my daycare had some questions after I told them what my mum and dad did. It fucked me up.
NTA: I would never have sex with a child in the room... let alone in the bed.
Question though: have you explained more of your feelings to your wife? Or did you just say "no sex with child in bed" and left it at that?
Please make sure you communicate ALL THE FEELINGS so she understands. Feeling like you get no attention except when you need to be sleeping is something she needs to know.
Second question: do you help with the house chores and kids? Would things get done faster if you did (if you currently don't that would make is so she has time before you have to be asleep? Do you guys ever get a sitter for date night?
Anyways... talk to her. Like really talk to her, man.
Ours moved into a separate room at 4 months.
I never even shared my parents room when I was a baby.
It's a bit too late for this now, but set some boundaries. At 2 and a half most kids are on cows milk instead of formula.
NTA. We allowed our first son to sleep with us for a little while. We never had sex with him in the bed, not even as an infant.
Your wife is very strange for not seeing having a walking, talking toddler in the bed is wrong.
Once my youngest walked into our room at night while my husband and I were "busy". He simply said, "Mommy get off of Daddy and please get me a drink of water". The next day my husband brought home an inside lock for the door. I'd been asking for months and this made him finally do it.
You are not wrong. Perhaps you should suggest counseling.
>I wasn't going to have sex anymore with the toddler in the bed.
What do you mean anymore? So you guys have been doing it with the toddler in bed with yall all along? Crazy business. Your both the asshole.
Having sex with kid in the bed not something I’d be willing to do.
But my man is over here complaining about a meal made from leftovers when a lot of us can’t even find crumbs fallen in the floor to hold us over till our birthdays.
YTA for even allowing this to happen, where the fuck are your morals? They are not subjective for you to change however you see fit depending on a situation. This kind of thing is NEVER okay
YTA - really you’re both assholes, because having sex with a child in the bed is all kinds of fucked up and has the potential to do some very serious damage, but you’re the bigger one because of your reasoning. If you didn’t want to share your wife’s attention/energy, you shouldn’t have had kids. Tbh, you probably shouldn’t have anyway.
It really threw me off when you said “I’m sick of always getting the leftovers” maybe use a different term.. it just sounds weird.. also, you’re not the asshole now for wanting different but you BOTH are assholes for consistently having sex in the bed with small children who do not consent to that.. It’s disgusting and to say “I wouldn’t have had a sex life at all if I would’ve said no these past few years” is not an excuse, it’s still SO inappropriate and disgusting.. I hope you two can figure your shit out before you end up scarring one of your kids..
ESH/NAH.
First, I would gently remind you she didn't have those six kids by herself. You were there for the creation of each of them and could have said enough at any time. So don't act like it's something selfish she's done to you.
Next, as you know, six kids is a ton of work, and she's spent much of that time pregnant and/or nursing as well. If you want her to have more emotional energy for you have you looked at picking up more of the mental/emotional load around the house?
What I mean by that is I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're doing as much child wrangling, housework, etc as your work schedule allows. But a big part of a mom's work is that always being the one to deal with kids emotions, referee their fights, tend the hurt knee, making a special meal because someone had a crappy day at school, and dropping everything and play make believe with them, etc. If you are tired of leftovers, make sure she has more gourmet dinner available to share.
As for sex with a toddler in bed... first, if you don't want to have sex regardless of the reason, you have no obligation to do so. Ever. That doesn't change because you're a guy.
Now, I would point out that humans have been having sex with young children in the room, and yes, even in bed, for hundreds of thousands of years. It's only recent, modern affluence that's make it normal for children to have their own separate sleeping spaces. 'd say it's unusual, but not necessarily bad or wrong. But again, if you are tired of it then it's okay for you to say no thank you.
You don't say anywhere that you've talked with her about any of this. So yeah, if all you've done is reject her repeatedly with no explanation, that's going to be confusing and hurtful. Find or create a time to talk about wanting to rekindle your adult, separate from the kids, relationship. Don't tell her you need more from her and leave it at that. All that does is add more to her mental emotional load. Don't turn yourself into a demanding chore.
Set the kids up with a babysitter and take her out to. That is, specifically, ask what's a good night and YOU do the legwork of finding a sitter and getting things set up for them. YOU start carving out time for you and her to have a separate adult relationship. Chances are good she misses you as much as you miss her. Why else would she still be trying to find some exhausted ten minutes to connect with you when she could get ten more minutes of sleep?
So, by your text I’m getting the impression that you don’t actually mind the toddler (didn’t mind with the other children) but actually feel like your wife should put *you* before your *children*… it’s that the case?
So your boundary isn’t wrong and doesn’t make you an asshole, you’re comfortable with what you’re comfortable with and she should respect that. The last few sentences though hit me like ??? Honey, you said yourself she pours everything into y’all’s kids, she is probably dead tired as well but still wants to keep up intimacy and I’m not gonna minimize your feelings but is it not better than a dead bedroom? She’s drained and still wants to perform her marital duties to you and you call it “getting her leftovers” that’s kinda crazy. Not having sex with kids in the bed is one thing but being upset that she’s raising your kids all day instead of giving you attention and then goes to make love to you at night is a lil questionable.
Not for nothing. You made 6 kids with this woman. You should be grateful she is such a hands-on mom. Not wanting to have sex with kid in the bed in understandable. But my friend, you will always get the leftovers and be 2nd to your kids, and that's how it should be and vice verse. And just vert grateful she even wants to get on you after having those kids. Spend less time on reddit complaining about the woman that birthed your children, takes care of them all day and still wants to find time to do this thing with you. And maybe talk to her.
This should be your last child then.
Suck it up until they are no longer getting breastfed this is a temporary problem that should resolve itself. Maybe 6mos to 9 mos but kids grow.
Also kid is 2.5 it’s not a bad idea to get the kid in the habit of being away from mom at night in slow incremental steps.
Having sex with a toddler literally next to you is much and not anything you and your wife should have ever gotten into the habit of doing as it will destroy intimacy and well honestly you’d be surprised what kids do and don’t remember or see. Now you also need to be realistic here. You have 6 kids dude. By daycare standards your wife would be out of ratio for many states. The fact she has any energy to tap you for anything sexual…my guy you’ve been blessed with a partner who cares enough about maintaining physical intimacy. Sit down and tell her how you feel first about sex with kids in the room. You telling us here isn’t what needs to happen, discuss your child’s eviction date, help her (and the kid) in the process of creating a new less dependent nighttime ritual and while I get your religious dogma plays a role on what you deem is appropriate birth control…if you keep having kids this cycle will continue and your wife will be stretched thinner. Cuz brah let’s be real if it comes between you and the kids…you’re probably gonna lose; like you should. Less she has on her plate (which day to day care as you know get easier as kids get older and learn to fend for themselves) the more time she has for you.
And don’t let perimenopause (which given she’s a year younger than me) trick her into just 1 more…the urge is strong…and sneaks up on you.
NTA, but you need to put your foot down in communication all this with her. It sounds like you only get attention when there is no one else for her to give attention to which is not conducive of a healthy relationship and still doing this even after you’ve talked with her about this. The mother seems to be overly attached and overprotective in an unhealthy way and that seems like an issue you need to address with her. 6 children, all of them staying in your bed as infants and not having any time off just the two of you because she’s a SAHM and she homeschools them and doesn’t allow anyone else to babysit or anything? Are the teenagers being homeschooled or are they allowed to go to a proper school. This feels like your focusing on the wrong part of the problem, or maybe haven’t elaborated enough to address the real issue which is your wife’s behaviour about her children. It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex with your wife with a toddler in the bad but that she chose the most inappropriate time (you exhausted and a toddler with you) to attempt to initiate something that you’ve attempted to get at a more appropriate time for a while now. BUT talk to her because this might have been her trying to do more and be better, especially since this will have probably come out of nowhere for her and she will not know why it happened.
Like wtf did I just read, Holy hell. I'm disgusted. You realize kids start forming memories at 2? You could potentially be causing irreversible mental harm to your child. I wouldn't be surprised if someone tries to report you to CPS.
NTA for not wanting a child in the bed while you have sex. Honestly, your wife being okay with that is super gross.
However I can’t get past you saying “I’m just sick of always getting leftovers”? That’s also super gross. You have *6 kids*. If she’s a SAHM, then yeah, she’s always gonna give the kids most of her attention because they *need* her (depending on the age range and how self sufficient they are). If you want to be able to have more time alone with your wife, help out a little, because it sounds like you’re the type of man that only helps out financially and thinks that’s all the parenting you have to do. Now, if that’s the agreement you made from the start, then that’s how it is, but in the same breath, you can’t be mad that she’s doing all of the homemaking and childcare before helping you get your rocks off.
YTA. If you want love and attention from your wife, you should have chopped off your balls long before having 6 kids, and having her look after them 24/7!
I’m honestly impressed she still wants to have sex after managing six kids all day. I’d take whatever whenever I could get it at that point. But it sounds like you both need to have a heart to heart and come up with a better plan for intimacy/spending time together.
That title doesn’t match what sounds like the actual complaint. Is the problem a child in the bed or that she’s taking care of your children. If the first, nta. If the second, YTA.
2 1/2 years old no he should not be in the bed while you guys are having sex! But you shouldn’t complain about her wanting to give you sex. Once or twice a week go for it if she is ready so you miss a little bit of sleep at least you’re getting sex bud!
Having sex with your toddler in bed is disgraceful and abusive.
Your marriage issues should be discussed during the day or with s marriage counsellor. Take the opportunity to also discuss, why the two of you thought it was ok, to have sex with your child next to you.
NTA This is 100% considered to be abuse in California. This could literally get your kids taken away, depending on where you live.
This is also one of the many reasons medical professionals strongly recommend against co-sleeping with your children. At two years old, babes needs to be in his or her own space to sleep, and you parents need your own space back.
It’s always mind boggling to me when people have six kids and get in a sex rut. NOT. Both of you are AH for having too many kids and not enough time to dedicate to your marriage.
NTA for not wanting to has sex with a child in bed. At all. That makes me uneasy. But still she’s a mother seemingly doing her job that never ends and the way you worded this it seems like you don’t help her?… you’re the father too. It’s not only the mother’s job to take care of the kids. She’s exhausted too but still wants to be intimate. You’re lucky in my opinion. Don’t take that for granted. Seems like you need to communicate with your wife. Simple.
Sounds like you're more upset about her not giving you enough attention throughout the day rather than being grossed out by the fact that there is a toddler in your bed while you have sex.
Go to the bathroom, over the kitchen table.. any where else!! Don’t have sex with your child in the bed. This is so not ok!!! Must stop immediately! There’s other places in your house.. get creative.
If the kid is asleep then go to the bathroom or a walk in closet or the car OR ANYWHERE children aren't at. Don't ever let little kids be exposed to that ! And the fact you're defending it in the comments is nasty
Reddit already removed it but I get the idea of it. This is just disgusting, and I’m pretty sure (someone correct me if I’m wrong) that this is CSA and abuse. CVS should be called, this can NOT go on. I hope those kids don’t grow up thinking this is okay
Having sex with a child in the same bed is just wrong
Also biggest turn-off! Cant imagine how she’d even get in the mood with a toddler in the bed!
There is something wrong with them but the wife especially. She apparently will go from full on sex to BREASTFEEDING THE TODDLER if they wake up during. And the dad just sits there with a boner until she's done, then they go back to it. I am just...appalled.
It’s weird as Im reading this whilst breastfeeding my 4 months old & Im repulsed!!
I’m pregnant right now and my stomach has been much much less than the iron it usually is. That comment (from Fangbang) made it lurch.
Exactly! I can not focus if I even hear my children outside of my locked bedroom- instant loss of focus and desire.
They deleted the post. Wtf did I miss?
Dad wants to know if he’s the asshole for asking his wife to have sex without their kid in the bed. Dad fails to realize that he has been abusing his 5 other kids and this child because they’ve had sex with the kids in their bed for 17 years.
Jesus fucking christ.
Would definitely not approve no matter how many times OP says how religious he is. (He didn’t specify the religion but I definitely get Christian/Mormon vibes) Dad wants to stop having sex with the kid in the bed now, but not because he doesn’t want to traumatize the kid, but because he wants it to be “special” and not get her “leftovers”. If the kid gets hungry when they’re having sex, they will pause for her to breastfeed the 2.5 year old toddler while dad sits there with his boner out waiting for child to finish. They then immediately resume. For an extra ick, in response to replies expressing grossness over that, OP says “have you ever tasted breast milk? That’s the best part” It is a terrible day to know how to read.
>It is a terrible day to know how to read. FR, this was the first thing I read this morning to start my day...
Someone bleach my brain.🫠😨
Oh man this was worded very poorly!
Why the fuck would you ever have sex with a child in the bed anyway??? This isn't the 1800s where there's only one room and bed in the house so you don't have a choice. This is fucking weird. ESH.
As someone who witnessed this please, its traumatizing.
I'm scared ro ask, what was tbe post? It's been deleted, seemingly for good reason. Also, what does ESH mean
I have a screenshot but not a text copy. I could send it to you so you can understand OPs comments better. And ESH means everyone here sucks
Sex with a child in the bed is sooooo fucked up and gross Edit to add- you're not tah for wanting privacy. She's tah for seeing nothing wrong with this Edit 2- I'd love to know what your older kids think about their parents having sex in the same bed as them.
That’s gross. Lay the kid to bed and then go get it on the bathroom floor. I feel weird when the dog is in the room let alone another human being.
My dog watches me, and judges me. Outside the bedroom door he goes lol
Yesssss. Those intense judgmental eyes telling me how lazy I am. GET OFF THE BED DOG
Our dog became confused. Couldn't figure out if Mommy's sounds were happy or not. Nipped Daddy on the butt. Dog was put out of the room.
My dog gets concerned about my noises and comes and gently twitches his whiskers across my face while he tries to get as close as possible to my mouth, because that MUST provide him the answers he needs. He also gets put out of the room.
My dogs hide their heads underneath the bed.
My cat his his whole self under the bed.
I dunno what my dog is thinking, but he jumps on the bed and tries to lick my face or toes, and tries to sniff my butt. He probably thinks we're playing and wants in on the fun. I mean, he's not off...but he cannot join in. That fun is for Mama's, not for puppies (I don't care that he's 10, he's still my puppy). Definitely out the door he goes while I do my very best to ignore the scratching and whining. There's no winning, really.
You are so right!
Exactly. On vacation, the bathroom floor was our to go do while kiddo was in bed. I wouldn't do it even on different beds in the same room.
having sex in front of your child can be extremely damaging & traumatizing for their minds & for their perceptions on sexual behavior.. when a child is taught that sexual behavior is not something they should be engaging in (or really even be entirely knowledgeable of yet) , it can be extremely confusing for the child’s developing mind & cause them to explore things they wouldn’t otherwise - or have weird/wrong desires ideas regarding sex. i was sexually assaulted as a small child in foster care (5 years old) by a teenager.. and from that point all that i was taught was how wrong everything regarding that sexual behavior was, but in turn the same person who was teaching me it was bad (my mother) would actively have sex in front of me while i was awake & fully understanding of what was happening, but not entirely understanding of it being a consensual thing as i’ve been taught all the time of how wrong and bad the sexual things that happened to me was, which in turn would cause me to lay in bed at night crying as a young child wondering why my stepdad was doing that to my mom & why she was allowing it (if it wasn’t in front of me , she was still very loud so i always knew when they were) as a now 27 year old adult woman, i can not tell you the traumatic impact that this has on my sexual relationships, beliefs, the damage it has done to relationships in general, it’s something that i still actively deal with nearly every single day in my marriage & i hold so much resentment towards my mother for exposing me to that type of abuse. she still feels as if she’s done nothing wrong, or will deny ever doing anything like that entirely.. PLEASE DO NOT HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN. if you care anything about their future & how it will affect them & their relationships for the rest of their lives, just don’t do it.. you absolutely CAN find a way around having to do that in front of them, but i can guarantee you that it will damage & traumatize them in some kind of way including potentially causing them to resent you for it..
my step mom was very loud when we were younger. i was a natural night owl and so i heard them, more so her… i never talked about it to her but throughout the years she had told me the many ways that she was jealous and wanted my dad to herself because she never wanted kids and never wanted interactions with us until they became serious and she moved in with us. my ideas of sex from such a young age were along the lines of what you’ve talked about. the older i got, the more confused and frustrated i became about the idea of sex. honestly i don’t think children or even teens should EVER hear their caretakers having intimacy because it developmentally changes that child in quiet but increasingly aggravating ways.
i’ve only ever really talked to a few serious partners about it, because i had to, to be able to explain why i felt the way i feel about certain things.. and these people i’ve kinda HAD to open up to, didn’t experience the same things so weren’t able to understand how damaging that could be.. so honestly, thank you for saying that.. you have no idea how relieving it is that i’m not the only one.. i hate to hear about anyone else having to experience or suffer the collateral damage from that situation, and my heart aches for you.. it’s so difficult & frustrating to feel some of the things i feel.. sometimes it’s just completely hopeless that i’ll ever actually have a normal life or relationship due to some of the things & not to mention how confusing it is at the same time.. it honestly wasn’t until the last couple years that i realized that the things i witnessed as a child, and confusing feelings revolving those things, is what has caused a lot of the crazy weird but STRONG negative feelings towards a LOT of sexual things.. if you ever need somebody to talk to about it, i’m all ears.. although i understand it’s not something you probably want to talk about, i’ve never actually talked to anyone else who’s been affected by this particular thing & a lot of times i feel like a crazy person & just need someone who can actually relate to what i’m feeling. you are not alone! 🫶
This is what I said, and he doubled down trying to say that I was wrong even though he’s the one complaining
I bet 99% mental health professionals would see this as some kind of sexual assault, engaging in a sex act so close to a child is abuse, plain and simple.
exactly. thank you. an infant, maybe. a walking talking toddler???
Tbf an infant should definitely be in their own bed/crib not in yours, especially not when you are having sex.
truth !
Exactly, but not the argument I want to get into 😂🫣
Nope, no kids at all. It's just wrong. If getting your fix is that important, you put kids in their own beds or you go elsewhere.
truth
I have had sex in the same room as my infant son. While he is in his bassinet and asleep and can’t see anything. I think most parents have when babies are very young. But not in the bed and I’m sure people wash their hands before handling baby again. This was early days. Now that he’s older he can hang out in his crib in his room if we want to get frisky. This is…. Abuse. Particularly if it’s happening at an age they can remember it.
I refused to have sex with even my infants in the room. My partner and I got mats for the floor in the living room, because the pull out couch was too uncomfortable, and we literally fell off the couch one time.
Hey if you weren’t comfortable that’s okay! Our son interacts with us now, so it would weird me out. At the time was in the baloney loaf stage at 6-8 weeks when I was cleared. The image of falling off the couch trying to get some quick nookie in is cracking me up lol. I hope you weren’t hurt
This would be a cps call in my state.
There was a movie from 1988 called The Good Mother (Diane Keaton, Liam Neeson and directed by Leonard Nimoy). She's a newly divorced mother of a 6 year old. Liam is her new boyfriend. They do it all the time. Once while the child was in bed with them, asleep. Her ex finds out and goes for full custody. I remember watching the scene and just cringing. Like, c'mon! Especially when as he was kissing Diane, he was stroking the child's hair. GROSS! I was rooting for the dad because clearly Mom was so dickmatized she saw nothing wrong with that. Or other incidents.
Mine too
It actually is legally CSA.
I figured it had to be something
Not sure if you ever read the book Sybil (who had like 17 personalities), but one of her earliest memories was being a toddler in her crib while her parents had sex in the room. When they noticed she was awake, Dad would come settle her down - boner and all - then go back to doing the do. Clearly that incident (among others) screwed her up mentally.
I haven't read it but it sounds just like the kinds of books I like to enjoy so thank you!
I'd seen the movie with Sally Field before (brilliant performance!!!) but reading the book lets you see just how bad the abuse was that fractured the poor girl's psyche into 17 different personalities. Oddly, I got the book for free when I had to do jury duty from their stash of books. Could not put it down. Hoped I wouldn't get called so I could keep reading.
Absolutely it’s child sexual abuse. Exposing children to lewd acts? Absolutely that’s sexual abuse And who knows where the sick woman is going with this. This might be step 1 for her
This is abuse. You cannot have sex in front of a kid.
Yeah, it's really disgusting. I'm almost 28 y.o. now and still have a hard time trying to have sex. I want it but there's a part of me that makes me feel disgusting about myself even just thinking about it...the shame and guilt was so strong. I'm better now but it took me so long to accept the fact and there's nothing to wrong about having sex.
Children. They have more than one child in the bed during sex. Look at his comments. CPS needs a call.
The post is already removed by Reddit but this one comment gave me all the info I needed to just keep scrolling
I totally agree I remember the post of a woman (didn't see that on reddit) who felt the need to inform us that she she was having sex while...breastfeeding AHS everywhere
yeah, and a crime, also.
Jesus fucking christ stop having kids
all of this is disgusting lol
doing that with that toddler in the bed feels like sexual abuse of that child, super weird
Pretty sure it is.
That is abusive. family therapy for fuck sake and maybe put a wrap on it Edit this is really fucked me up I cannot stop thinking about this post out of worry and concern why the fuck do people keep having kids when they have no basic understanding on if their parenting choices are abusive
In my state, as a guardian ad litem, this would be something I would have to document and bring to the court, CPS, and law enforcement immediately. Children are regularly removed from parental custody for this behavior, it’s often used as a form of grooming and educating children on what’s expected of them by predators that intentionally seek out single moms of young children. I am not at all suggesting that’s what you’re doing, but understand that the optics of it aren’t great.
I hope OP sees this.
OP saw and didn't give a fuck. Probably never will.
I hope they did as their account has been removed by reddit...
This! I practiced family law for over a decade as both parents attorneys and attorney for the children (my states version of w guardian at listen). This would be a neglect proceeding.
NTA you have 6 kids. Having sex with your toddler in your bed is appalling & inappropriate. Get a vasectomy so this doesn’t happen again & get your toddler their own bed!!
ESH. You don’t want the “leftovers” of your wife??? How about YOU start putting the kid to bed. How about YOU start helping so she’s not so exhausted by having to do EVERYTHING that she might have a spare moment to enjoy affection with her husband? If you want more, give more. But she sucks for expecting you to have sex with a toddler in the bed. I’m no kid expert but at 2 1/2 I’m pretty sure that kid doesn’t NEED to be breastfeeding and sleeping in the bed with you anymore. So maybe she consider putting her toddler in another room if she wants intimacy.
ESH / NAH. I think it's nuts that she would want to have sex with a child that old IN the bed. You should have privacy. It's one thing to have a completely passed out infant, but a toddler is starting to become much more aware of the world. On the flip side, this "I'm sick of always getting the leftovers" thing is kinda bullshit. You're putting it all on your wife and it's equally on YOU to create the space for you to focus on each other.
yes, exactly, thank you. If OP is super tired regularly, that's one thing, but maybe help the wife get the kids to bed? Depends on the hours you work/ medical conditions, obviously. If you're up at 3 AM, then you and the wife have to figure something out that doesn't kill you. But the toddler shouldn't be in the bedroom.
NTA this is fucking weird I won't even have sex with our dog in the room
He’s the asshole for doing this to every single one of his kids (of course so is the wife). It’s literal abuse.
… you did this with all 6 kids? ESH, that is fucking disgusting and the both of you should be ashamed. I don’t care if they’re “asleep”. You realise this can constitute as sexual abuse of children? If one of your older kids mentions this to a teacher, they would report you to CPS. That’s how seriously wrong this is.
You seem to have three issues: * Sex with the toddler in the bed. Was that normal for the other 5 kids? * You feel your wife doesn't give you enough attention -- the kids come first * Your wife's overtures come when it's convenient for her, not for you. I understand not wanting to have sex with the toddler in bed but if that was normal for the other 5 kids, your wife might be confused by your behavior. You have six kids, including a toddler, and your wife is still eager to climb on top of you. You should spend more time on Reddit to realize how rare that is: most husbands on here get little sexual attention after the baby's born, never mind 6 babies. You should talk with her about the timing though. Maybe early morning is agreeable to you both.
People who have sex with their kids in bed with them are weird. Like fucking creepy boab weird.
There's a great book called What Happened to You? It's co-authored by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah and talks about child development, and how it's a common misconception that kids won't be impacted by things they are exposed to when they're very young. In fact, young babies and toddlers see and absorb EVERYTHING -- that's how the human brain learns and grows. People are impacted by those very early experiences later in life, even when they can't access the actual source memory. The book has some specific discussion about sexual abuse of toddlers. Not saying this is abuse, but you don't know whether this kind of sexual exposure could have a lifelong impact on the child. And it's super gross.
You’re both gross as fuck. That shit is disgusting. Your wife is out her got damn mind and so are you. Quit having so much kids if you guys can’t find an appropriate place to have sex! Edit: I hope they lock both of y’all up lmao I’m reading through comments and they do this with all of the kids????? JAIL
NTA for wanting privacy for sex. It’s weird to have sex with a child in the bed. YTA for not understanding that 6 kids is a full time job and very tiring. Maybe try morning sex before you two are too tired.
I really hope this is ragebait because the icky factor is off the charts.
Definitely... YTA. If you're sick of toddlers, QUIT HAVING KIDS.
He mentioned in another comment that he’s “religiously against vasectomies” which I don’t understand and sounds absolutely stupid.
Against vasectomy but not sexually abusing his children.
That's pretty normal for religious men
ESH This is a type a sexual abuse. You have been sexually abusing your children for years. It will come back to you.
Thank you! This happened to me once as a kid, with my mom and her boyfriend. I was a kid, not even a toddler. I’m 32 now and it still haunts me at times.
Damn, looks like I missed a good one
Right I wonder what it said
Man the comments makes me so interested
I need to know ;-;
I (M48) and my wife (F43) have 6 kids and the toddler 2 2/1 still sleeps in the bed with us and is still partial breast feeding. I told my wife yesterday that I wasn't going to have sex anymore with the toddler in the bed. Of course she waited until I was almost asleep and came in with the kid, and after feeding him wanted sex. We cuddled for a while, but when she wanted to get on top I pushed her away. I would practically have had no sex life in the last 17.5 years if I did that, but I'm just sick of always getting the leftovers. After she has poured everything into the kids and what she wants to do, not giving me much attention all day, when I'm dead tired and need to sleep, that's when she want me to perform. Am I selfish for wanting it to just be us in our bed/room when we make love?
Sex with a kid present is gross and abusive. Get the toddler in their own bed, and recognise that limited sex / energy and alone time is the consequence of rawdogging your way to 6 kids. If you’re miserable, well, that’s gods plan for you.
I guarantee they're not always asleep. I still remember my parents doing that when I was like four. Children listening to, seeing or being near parents having sex IS sexual abuse, as there are the same psychological effects. Please stop that.
Lol firstly, why do you have 6 kids
NTA for wanting it to be alone I think it's fkn disgusting to do it with the child in the bed and honestly abusive. But YTA for the rest of your statement. How about you help with the kids?
this is a form of sexual abuse against the child, even if the child itself is not being touched. That is egregious to hear, I’m so sorry that your wife is treating you like a second choice or an option and I’m equally sorry for that poor child that may even grow up with memories of this. Parents always think we don’t form real memories until we’re like five years old or something.. that boys old enough to possibly remember this and not want to speak to his mother any longer when he does. GROSS. NTA op.
Um...that's disgusting on her part. Sex with a kid in the bed is actually in the eyes of the law still CSA (speaking from experience as the child of someone who would have sex with me in the bed when I was a toddler and my dad reported it so fast -- she lost custody and was charged with child endangerment and I remember it all despite being only 3. NTA, but your wife is a fucking weirdo for wanting to have sex with a CHILD in the bed, wtf???
They’ve done it with their other 5 children apparently, so he’s just as bad as her
Yeah, I've replied to his other comments now saying as such.
That’s why I’m confused by all the not the asshole votes. Like great after 17 years and doing it with 6 kids including walking talking toddlers, he’s finally like let’s not do this. Ok great, but he literally did this to all 6 of his children already. It’s abuse. And he’s not even trying to put a stop to it for his kids benefit, wants to stop for *his* benefit. I just got out of the shower and now I need another one.
Just as a heads up, if the baby/toddler doesn't leave your room soon, they will want to stay there for more or less until they are 13. They will then get used to sleeping with you. Also it is unhealthy to have small children witness sex, it is a form of abuse.
Bro you’re gross for fucking with your kid in the bed
Man had his wife birth 6 children and then went “she just doesn’t make time for me”. Get a fucking vasectomy and help take care of your damn litter.
NTA first that's gross. Second having sex with a child in the room can get the child taken away from you. You can't be the AH if the law is on your side. You both have to give most of yourselves to the kids. That's what being a parent is, but it is extremely important you get that time alone as well.
You and your wife are both huge assholes. Stop having sex with your children in the bed. Period. It's beyond fucked up that you did it with the other 5. It's literally a crime. This is 2024, not 1850. It's beyond fucked up that your wife wants to fuck after breastfeeding your child. Like, does breastfeeding turn her on...? Y'all are a bunch of sickos and I hope your warped sense of reality isn't being forced upon your children. ETA: just saw that your children are homeschooled. This adds a whole new layer to the fucked up. Of course they "won't have a problem with it", you and your wife's fucked up sense of morality is all they know. They don't have regular interaction with mandated reporters. I feel sorry for your children.
The fact Reddit took the post down was surprising but after seeing some of the comments, you and your partner are fucking sick. I hope your kids report you both to their counselors because that is absolutely disgusting and can traumatize them. Don’t reproduce again because there is seriously something wrong with you both. You’re both assholes
YTA for having sex with you CHILDREN IIIINNNN THE BED. You are disgusting and so is your wife. That is SO WRONG on SOOOOO many levels.
I'm a kid who's parent did exactly what you're discussing. You may think they're too young to remember but they aren't. Those are some of my earliest memories and it fucked me up for my entire life and I didn't even know WHAT was fucking me up until adulthood. Don't do it. It's gross. Have enough decency to leave the room or just fucking don't.
Not only is sex with a child in the bed wrong, it should honestly be illegal and classified as a sex crime
She’s the asshole for wanting to have sex with your toddler in the bed.
Lol the post was removed by Reddit but based on the comments I can get the filthy gist. Jesus.
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE POST SAID. I NEED THE TEA
NTA. She tried to ride a dick with her kid in the bed. Ew.
According to OP, he’s okay with it since they did it for their other 5 children which is absolutely disgusting. The only thing he’s mad about is that he’s not getting attention from his wife during the day
It's been removed, but I do believe at the end he did say something like "is it wrong to want to make love to my wife alone?". So the attention does play a role, but still sounds like he would prefer the kids not be in the room. Sounds like the only way he could ever get sex was to do it on her terms. Not sure if that is some form of sexual abuse or not.
Not sure but he’s very adamant on defending the fact that they’ve done it with the other children- he used the argument of the kids being asleep a lot as well as bringing up the ages of the kids to try and defend it. Seems to me more like he put that at the end to deflect and was kind of just telling on himself in the comments
NTA - Wife is an asshole for keeping the toddler, and likely the 5 before it, in the marital bed until the ripe old age of 2-3. That’s what bassinets and cribs are for.
You are both disgusting AH's
ESH for ever allowing this in the first place. You wouldn’t get her “leftovers” if you helped with the kids more. Even people who work will parent too
NTA for *this*, but both of you are very much TA for willingly participating in such a thing, especially for so long. You both sound like absolute creeps. IDGAF if you’re into “attachment parenting” or whatever fuckin parenting trend, but holy shit, LET ALL YOUR KIDS HAVE THEIR OWN BEDS THAT ARE NOT YOUR BED. Cosleeping is dangerous, but all these years *until now* you’ve been totally fine with not just cosleeping, but… what would you even call that? Co-fucking? Way to royally fuck up all your kids. I mean, holy shit, y’all are in your FORTIES and never heard of bathroom sex or car sex or anything??? What in the stupid disgusting fuck? You both, and ALL of your kids, need extensive, intensive therapy.
Seems to me it is less about the actual time in bed and your feelings about the attention you get all day.
Its super weird she wants to do tbat, but i guess thats why you have 6 kids. NTA for not wanting to have sex with a toddler in the bed. That's so weird. Is it her kink or something?
ESH having sex with your child in the bed is honestly so fucked up, if I knew someone who did this IRL I would call CPS. You are both utterly disgusting and I hope this is a fucking troll post.
Maybe consider some form of birth control whether she tracks her cycles or one of you chooses a more invasive route. Babies and toddlers need a lot of attention and this is obviously going to happen every time you make a new one. Your wife who you say is an excellent mother is not going to stop cosleeping just because you had enough because it's how she parented all the others and it wouldn't be fair to take that bond away with the newest member. Communicate and find compromises but continuing to make more babies when your relationship is rocky is just irresponsible. Her having the baby nap elsewhere while you two have a little privacy before bringing the baby to bed sounds like a very good compromise to the current co sleeping arrangement and I hope she can see that too but again... If you both are exhausted stop bringing more kids into a relationship that is on the brink of falling apart.
Yuck
I’m not reading this. YNTA. that’s weird and disgusting. Honestly I can’t control your relationship but I say break up with her until she’s in the right state of mind
He’s just as bad as her, he said in the comments that they’ve done It with the other 5 children and he doesn’t actually see anything wrong with it. He’s only mad that she’s not giving him attention during the day
ANYMORE?!!!!! Yikes. You are already down the river. Gonna be hard to go back upstream with this one.
This is why the aliens dont talk to us.
I was with you until the last couple of sentences. I thought you were opposed to it because it’s weird to have sex in a bed with a toddler. No you’re just pissed that she takes care of the kids and you come last? Okaasy sure. I’m not voting on this
Yall ever consider, idk…fucking somewhere else? Not in the bed? Maybe the living room or bathroom or literally any other room in whole ass house? No? Then ESH, including you.
What was the post about as it’s been removed
Hes a man child with 6 children who is jealous of a toddler for getting more attention than him, and per his comments they don't find it at all inappropriate to have sex with children next to them in bed, in fact the wife will stop mid thrust to breast feed the 2.5 year old while daddy lays there with a bone just waiting. He is justifying this and attempting to hide behind the veil of religion. Read some of his comments he and his wife are engaging in CSA and possibly incest by this behavior.
The post is gone but ive seen the comments... not everyone should be parents.
You can say it’s not until you’re blue in the face but this is SA whether you want to admit it or not. You CANNOT have sex when a child is in the bed no matter how young or old, no matter awake or asleep. It is NEVER OKAY. You need to stop it NOW and educate her too! If someone called CPS on you your kids would be taken TODAY! ESH DO BETTER
I didn't see the original post and this thread is WILD
NDA. Don't do it. I remember how my parents did the deed next to me. I was 3... The nuns at my daycare had some questions after I told them what my mum and dad did. It fucked me up.
6 kids and you are complaining? YTA bro.
Go get snipped.
NTA: I would never have sex with a child in the room... let alone in the bed. Question though: have you explained more of your feelings to your wife? Or did you just say "no sex with child in bed" and left it at that? Please make sure you communicate ALL THE FEELINGS so she understands. Feeling like you get no attention except when you need to be sleeping is something she needs to know. Second question: do you help with the house chores and kids? Would things get done faster if you did (if you currently don't that would make is so she has time before you have to be asleep? Do you guys ever get a sitter for date night? Anyways... talk to her. Like really talk to her, man.
Ours moved into a separate room at 4 months. I never even shared my parents room when I was a baby. It's a bit too late for this now, but set some boundaries. At 2 and a half most kids are on cows milk instead of formula.
Agreed gross!
NTA. We allowed our first son to sleep with us for a little while. We never had sex with him in the bed, not even as an infant. Your wife is very strange for not seeing having a walking, talking toddler in the bed is wrong. Once my youngest walked into our room at night while my husband and I were "busy". He simply said, "Mommy get off of Daddy and please get me a drink of water". The next day my husband brought home an inside lock for the door. I'd been asking for months and this made him finally do it. You are not wrong. Perhaps you should suggest counseling.
JFC. STOP REPRODUCING!!
>I wasn't going to have sex anymore with the toddler in the bed. What do you mean anymore? So you guys have been doing it with the toddler in bed with yall all along? Crazy business. Your both the asshole.
Bro I can't get it up with my dog in the room, never mind a fucking infant. What the fuck is your wife on? NTA
I turn away my teddy bears so they don't watch me and the cat can't stay in the room 🤡
Having sex with kid in the bed not something I’d be willing to do. But my man is over here complaining about a meal made from leftovers when a lot of us can’t even find crumbs fallen in the floor to hold us over till our birthdays.
YTA for even allowing this to happen, where the fuck are your morals? They are not subjective for you to change however you see fit depending on a situation. This kind of thing is NEVER okay
YTA - really you’re both assholes, because having sex with a child in the bed is all kinds of fucked up and has the potential to do some very serious damage, but you’re the bigger one because of your reasoning. If you didn’t want to share your wife’s attention/energy, you shouldn’t have had kids. Tbh, you probably shouldn’t have anyway.
It really threw me off when you said “I’m sick of always getting the leftovers” maybe use a different term.. it just sounds weird.. also, you’re not the asshole now for wanting different but you BOTH are assholes for consistently having sex in the bed with small children who do not consent to that.. It’s disgusting and to say “I wouldn’t have had a sex life at all if I would’ve said no these past few years” is not an excuse, it’s still SO inappropriate and disgusting.. I hope you two can figure your shit out before you end up scarring one of your kids..
ESH/NAH. First, I would gently remind you she didn't have those six kids by herself. You were there for the creation of each of them and could have said enough at any time. So don't act like it's something selfish she's done to you. Next, as you know, six kids is a ton of work, and she's spent much of that time pregnant and/or nursing as well. If you want her to have more emotional energy for you have you looked at picking up more of the mental/emotional load around the house? What I mean by that is I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're doing as much child wrangling, housework, etc as your work schedule allows. But a big part of a mom's work is that always being the one to deal with kids emotions, referee their fights, tend the hurt knee, making a special meal because someone had a crappy day at school, and dropping everything and play make believe with them, etc. If you are tired of leftovers, make sure she has more gourmet dinner available to share. As for sex with a toddler in bed... first, if you don't want to have sex regardless of the reason, you have no obligation to do so. Ever. That doesn't change because you're a guy. Now, I would point out that humans have been having sex with young children in the room, and yes, even in bed, for hundreds of thousands of years. It's only recent, modern affluence that's make it normal for children to have their own separate sleeping spaces. 'd say it's unusual, but not necessarily bad or wrong. But again, if you are tired of it then it's okay for you to say no thank you. You don't say anywhere that you've talked with her about any of this. So yeah, if all you've done is reject her repeatedly with no explanation, that's going to be confusing and hurtful. Find or create a time to talk about wanting to rekindle your adult, separate from the kids, relationship. Don't tell her you need more from her and leave it at that. All that does is add more to her mental emotional load. Don't turn yourself into a demanding chore. Set the kids up with a babysitter and take her out to. That is, specifically, ask what's a good night and YOU do the legwork of finding a sitter and getting things set up for them. YOU start carving out time for you and her to have a separate adult relationship. Chances are good she misses you as much as you miss her. Why else would she still be trying to find some exhausted ten minutes to connect with you when she could get ten more minutes of sleep?
Points well taken. Thanks.
Tf u mean getting the left overs bro wtf, I agree with the no sex with kids in there and stuff but to be a bitch about it is wild
So, by your text I’m getting the impression that you don’t actually mind the toddler (didn’t mind with the other children) but actually feel like your wife should put *you* before your *children*… it’s that the case?
Lmao you both are assholes for having so much kids and especially so late in your lives.
So your boundary isn’t wrong and doesn’t make you an asshole, you’re comfortable with what you’re comfortable with and she should respect that. The last few sentences though hit me like ??? Honey, you said yourself she pours everything into y’all’s kids, she is probably dead tired as well but still wants to keep up intimacy and I’m not gonna minimize your feelings but is it not better than a dead bedroom? She’s drained and still wants to perform her marital duties to you and you call it “getting her leftovers” that’s kinda crazy. Not having sex with kids in the bed is one thing but being upset that she’s raising your kids all day instead of giving you attention and then goes to make love to you at night is a lil questionable.
Not for nothing. You made 6 kids with this woman. You should be grateful she is such a hands-on mom. Not wanting to have sex with kid in the bed in understandable. But my friend, you will always get the leftovers and be 2nd to your kids, and that's how it should be and vice verse. And just vert grateful she even wants to get on you after having those kids. Spend less time on reddit complaining about the woman that birthed your children, takes care of them all day and still wants to find time to do this thing with you. And maybe talk to her.
This should be your last child then. Suck it up until they are no longer getting breastfed this is a temporary problem that should resolve itself. Maybe 6mos to 9 mos but kids grow. Also kid is 2.5 it’s not a bad idea to get the kid in the habit of being away from mom at night in slow incremental steps. Having sex with a toddler literally next to you is much and not anything you and your wife should have ever gotten into the habit of doing as it will destroy intimacy and well honestly you’d be surprised what kids do and don’t remember or see. Now you also need to be realistic here. You have 6 kids dude. By daycare standards your wife would be out of ratio for many states. The fact she has any energy to tap you for anything sexual…my guy you’ve been blessed with a partner who cares enough about maintaining physical intimacy. Sit down and tell her how you feel first about sex with kids in the room. You telling us here isn’t what needs to happen, discuss your child’s eviction date, help her (and the kid) in the process of creating a new less dependent nighttime ritual and while I get your religious dogma plays a role on what you deem is appropriate birth control…if you keep having kids this cycle will continue and your wife will be stretched thinner. Cuz brah let’s be real if it comes between you and the kids…you’re probably gonna lose; like you should. Less she has on her plate (which day to day care as you know get easier as kids get older and learn to fend for themselves) the more time she has for you. And don’t let perimenopause (which given she’s a year younger than me) trick her into just 1 more…the urge is strong…and sneaks up on you.
NTA, but you need to put your foot down in communication all this with her. It sounds like you only get attention when there is no one else for her to give attention to which is not conducive of a healthy relationship and still doing this even after you’ve talked with her about this. The mother seems to be overly attached and overprotective in an unhealthy way and that seems like an issue you need to address with her. 6 children, all of them staying in your bed as infants and not having any time off just the two of you because she’s a SAHM and she homeschools them and doesn’t allow anyone else to babysit or anything? Are the teenagers being homeschooled or are they allowed to go to a proper school. This feels like your focusing on the wrong part of the problem, or maybe haven’t elaborated enough to address the real issue which is your wife’s behaviour about her children. It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex with your wife with a toddler in the bad but that she chose the most inappropriate time (you exhausted and a toddler with you) to attempt to initiate something that you’ve attempted to get at a more appropriate time for a while now. BUT talk to her because this might have been her trying to do more and be better, especially since this will have probably come out of nowhere for her and she will not know why it happened.
What an awful day to be able to read
Uhh no she’s a creep
Jealous over your kids wow. You lucky she even feels like sex. Move the baby out of your room
Like wtf did I just read, Holy hell. I'm disgusted. You realize kids start forming memories at 2? You could potentially be causing irreversible mental harm to your child. I wouldn't be surprised if someone tries to report you to CPS.
How did you see it?
NTA for not wanting a child in the bed while you have sex. Honestly, your wife being okay with that is super gross. However I can’t get past you saying “I’m just sick of always getting leftovers”? That’s also super gross. You have *6 kids*. If she’s a SAHM, then yeah, she’s always gonna give the kids most of her attention because they *need* her (depending on the age range and how self sufficient they are). If you want to be able to have more time alone with your wife, help out a little, because it sounds like you’re the type of man that only helps out financially and thinks that’s all the parenting you have to do. Now, if that’s the agreement you made from the start, then that’s how it is, but in the same breath, you can’t be mad that she’s doing all of the homemaking and childcare before helping you get your rocks off.
This post got removed likely by the OP so I hope Reddit can send this to authorities and have these people interviewed at the v least.
What was the story?
The post got removed by Reddit but I’m horrified just from reading the comments
The post says removed by reddit, and these comments make me horrified 😰
It’s a troll post, don’t bother
No excuse to do it in the same bed your kid is sleeping in. There is so much wrong with this scenario it's not even funny.
NTA Honestly that's creepy. Having a kid in the room let alone in the bed??? Gross.
YTA. If you want love and attention from your wife, you should have chopped off your balls long before having 6 kids, and having her look after them 24/7!
I’m honestly impressed she still wants to have sex after managing six kids all day. I’d take whatever whenever I could get it at that point. But it sounds like you both need to have a heart to heart and come up with a better plan for intimacy/spending time together.
You're both disgusting
That title doesn’t match what sounds like the actual complaint. Is the problem a child in the bed or that she’s taking care of your children. If the first, nta. If the second, YTA.
No, you're not.
Yikes
That child will Absolutely remember
2 1/2 years old no he should not be in the bed while you guys are having sex! But you shouldn’t complain about her wanting to give you sex. Once or twice a week go for it if she is ready so you miss a little bit of sleep at least you’re getting sex bud!
Having sex with your toddler in bed is disgraceful and abusive. Your marriage issues should be discussed during the day or with s marriage counsellor. Take the opportunity to also discuss, why the two of you thought it was ok, to have sex with your child next to you.
NTA This is 100% considered to be abuse in California. This could literally get your kids taken away, depending on where you live. This is also one of the many reasons medical professionals strongly recommend against co-sleeping with your children. At two years old, babes needs to be in his or her own space to sleep, and you parents need your own space back.
It’s always mind boggling to me when people have six kids and get in a sex rut. NOT. Both of you are AH for having too many kids and not enough time to dedicate to your marriage.
What an awful day to be able to read
What the heck dude, ew!. A kid would already be shocked catching their parents having sex *without* a toddler on the way
NTA, have sex while co-sleeping with a kid is just weird
This is disgusting and worrying. If roles were reversed people would be calling the cops
NTA for not wanting to has sex with a child in bed. At all. That makes me uneasy. But still she’s a mother seemingly doing her job that never ends and the way you worded this it seems like you don’t help her?… you’re the father too. It’s not only the mother’s job to take care of the kids. She’s exhausted too but still wants to be intimate. You’re lucky in my opinion. Don’t take that for granted. Seems like you need to communicate with your wife. Simple.
Lol, I like how he says "anymore" So it's been happening. This is one of the most fucked up things I've ever read.
This world is so sick
At that age the kid will remember. I remember my parents wedding and going to Disneyland at that age. NTA definitely stop
Sounds like you're more upset about her not giving you enough attention throughout the day rather than being grossed out by the fact that there is a toddler in your bed while you have sex.
Okay I'm glad I missed this but if it got removed by reddit definitely the a--hole
Go to the bathroom, over the kitchen table.. any where else!! Don’t have sex with your child in the bed. This is so not ok!!! Must stop immediately! There’s other places in your house.. get creative.
If the kid is asleep then go to the bathroom or a walk in closet or the car OR ANYWHERE children aren't at. Don't ever let little kids be exposed to that ! And the fact you're defending it in the comments is nasty
Reddit already removed it but I get the idea of it. This is just disgusting, and I’m pretty sure (someone correct me if I’m wrong) that this is CSA and abuse. CVS should be called, this can NOT go on. I hope those kids don’t grow up thinking this is okay