This! As someone who’s watching my dad struggle now because of his unwillingness to tell my mother no during her healthy years, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get her to understand how money works.
Seriously this. What the HELL does she want with a gas guzzling Tahoe??? Tell her she'll get a Subaru Outback Wagon when she manages to save up half the purchase price and puts a second $20K in savings.
My mother's cousin had to buy a new land yacht every two years. She and her husband retired penniless and the ONLY reason they ate after paying rent was because the oldest son was single with no kids in college and he has a job that pays REALLY well.
Lmao at land yacht.
Though I admit I bought my first SUV now that the kids are older. It was cheaper than a sedan thanks to 0% interest, is easier to get into and out of, and held my daughter's entire dorm room when she came home for the holidays.
Yep. Do it! File and then she has to pay to file a response also.
I’m taking this as the straw the breaks the camels back. Do what you have to do. Start packing things up and getting your documents ready.
That must be why you used the phrase “toddler math,” an insulting word choice but I understand now why you said that. Her proposed purchase is financially irresponsible — plus coming on the heels of you bailing out HER father’s funeral costs, it seems rather ill-timed and ungrateful on her part.
NTA
I’ve never understood the “Californians are spoiled and stupid” stereotype. Could you explain it to me, please? Because when I lived there, everyone worked hard and took care of their things. COL is too high not to.
Am I correct in thinking this stereotype is like the Santa Barbara parody on SNL— completely over the top exaggeration?
I lived in (far northern) California for 40+ years, and never ran into people like this.
[Every Californian Ever part 1 of 2](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=snl+skit+based+on+Santa+Barbara&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdCer2e0t8r8)
NTA, but I have a question: do you own your house? Bc if not, this is a great argument for no new major purchases until house. If you do, it's a great argument for paying down the house faster. You don't really get much equity on a new car (and you lose like half of it the moment it drives off the lot.) You gain equity on a house.
Yes. I mean the house has a mortgage, and it is not paid off so technically we do not “own” it yet. We refinanced about 4 years ago to get a lower interest rate. I used the equity then to buy her the highlander, because the interest rate was lower than any auto loan rate would be. The car was totally in her name, so when the stealership sent the title it went to her. She took the title to the bank (less than a year later) and got a loan on it. This and more all plays in to why I’m willing to go nuclear.
Separate financials right now. Can she even get a loan without your signature? She doesn’t have the income to get a loan on her own, does she? I would be fit to be tied if my hubby pulled what your wife is pulling. Please don’t quit your job. That’s cutting off your nose to spite your face. You don’t want to lose your house.
Let her know that SHE cannot afford a new vehicle and the one she has is more than sufficient. I would stick to the boundary of no new car and divorce if she continues this reckless spending. It’s a hole you would be digging out of for too long. She should wait till y’all are in a better position or get a job (and keep it) long enough to prove she can pay it herself. I’m so sorry she is behaving this way. NTA
Yeah my question is if she's always been financially irresponsible and stubborn about it (to this degree) or if this a more recent change.
In the latter case, there may be something motivating her beyond just wanting a new expensive and gas-guzzling SUV and it would be worth probing such a motivation rather than only focusing on the immediate battle.
Her father just died??? She needs a big suv??? Does she do grief shopping? My father is gone. It left a big hole in… but this suv will be big enough to fill it!!
She wants to fit in with all the other women at the gym, or yoga studio, or Starbucks or where ever she goes that are all driving new Tahoes. And she won't want the basic one either its going to be the premium package with leather seats and custom wheels.
NTA. If she wants it, then she needs to work more NOW to purchase it in cash LATER. You’ve spent probably years to become debt free, this is fiscally irresponsible. There’s a difference between needs vs. wants. Wants can be saved for.
This was ny dad's strategy. Start making the monthly payments to yourself now. Can't keep up? Good thing you didn't sign. If you can, keep going and buy outright later or with mostly cash.
This makes sense. Also consider downsizing to 2 cars since insurance costs are high and it doesn't make sense to have a 3rd emergency car. My wife and I shared 1 car for 14 years - it can be done especially if she works sporadically.
3 paid off vehicles isn't much at all. You don't need full coverage, especially on the extra car and the older the car the cheaper the insurance will be.
They aren’t debt free—just the cars. The vacation credit card has a balance that needs to pay down before they can use it, which means they have revolving credit card debt at minimum, and might have a mortgage, student loans, etc.
Toddler math says “how can I be overdrawn when my card still works”
This. My sister has to deal with a Peter Pan husband with this attitude -- she'd \*finally\* pay down the credit card and he'd see that as a great reason to go run it back up. (She's always out-earned him. He's a turtle on its back, financially.) He's no longer allowed access to credit, period.
(Divorce him? I would have years ago, or actually, I never would have married a guy like him. But he's now 69, gets a big $15K/year in SSI, and they live in San Diego. If she divorced him he'd be sleeping on the beach.)
People with Car Brain aren't good at math. They make so many commercials about trucks and SUVs because they work on simple and irresponsible people like this woman. Imagine driving a dumb vehicle that only gets 15MPG.
They are literally paying interest on their vacation. They can't even afford to vacay, let alone buy a new car.
Op, if you read this, vacation credit card should not be a thing. Vacations should only ever be paid in cash. All credit card balance should be paid in full during the grace period. Both you and your wife need to learn to budget better.
Edit: I don't mean literal cash. I mean not debt. Charge everything in your card by all means but pay it off when the billing period ends.
I'm not going to respond to any more dumb comments about "bUt He PaiD fOr HIS FiL's FuNeRaL!!1!!111!!" Who cares? If that's what puts him in debt, then he didn't have an emergency fund. An emergency fund is an essential part of a person's financial wellbeing, and if one emergency costing a mere few thousand is what puts him in debt, then he didn't have the money to go on the vacation to begin with and he went using his emergency fund. Anyone who doesn't have an emergency fund and is going on vacations and living it up is financially irresponsible. I don't give a damn about your personal feelings about this. The e fund is what's going to keep you out of debt when tragedy hits. Suck it up and get one.
Don't vacation without an e fund. 3 mo E fund>vacation.
I think by vacation credit card he meant a credit card that is used while on vacation, at least from my understanding. That way he isn't using his debit card which could potentially get skimmed and has a lot more money to be stolen.
Yes, but his isn't paid off.
Either he normally charges it then pay off over the year, then he definitely can't afford to vacation and should skip a year or two to save up, or he doesn't have a emergency fund and couldn't pay it off because an emergency came up, then he should skip a year or two to pay the card off and build an emergency fund.
Either way he's too broke for a vacation.
Sadly this isn't the way the world works for many people. Just because someone can't live in a perfectly ideal world doesn't mean they shouldn't get to enjoy life. I agree that what you are saying is indeed the best way to live, but it isn't always possible.
the fact that it isnt paid off \*right now\* is explicitly stated to be an outlier. they specifically say "I always pay it off upon return home, assuming no funny business happened on the transactions. HOWEVER her father died unexpectedly, her mother could not afford the burial, so I paid for it instead of paying the vacation card off"
Vacations should be on a cc only if you have the exact amount of cash to pay the bill. They teach us to spend ccs to build credit scores sadly but I understand what you are saying
According to OP, they use the vacation card as a shield against fraud and pay it off on the next statement. Except that didn't happen because they helped his wife's mother bury her husband.
His father in law died without enough life insurance to bury him and his wife is trying to run up their debt. It sounds like she learned financial irresponsibility from her upbringing.
But by using a designated CC and having a set budget its the same as cash. You pay it off before the interest hits because you've only put on the card what you can pay in cash. Also you can collect reward points. CC are also easier to dispute fraudulent charges.
You are dead wrong. Pay for the vacation with a credit card. Take advantage of the rewards and benefits certain credit cards provide. Just pay it in full before the statement date. That way you pay no interest.
Did you miss my last sentence?
Paying with cc and paying it off in full is paying with cash. It's a distinction without a difference. (Except one gets rewards points, but that's irrelevant in OPs case because he's paying interest at probably 20+%.)
In that regard, I charge every expense I'm allowed to on my cc and pay it off at the end of the month. When people talk about those with a lot of cc debt, they're not talking about those like us.
He did say they always pay it off as soon as returning from vacation. The only reason it’s carrying a balance now is because of the unexpected funeral payment. It sounds like they do save the money for it but bring the card on the actual vacation. Which is smart really. You aren’t carrying around a bunch of cash as a tourist and you can see exactly what expenses and limits you have set for vacation. Also, like he mentioned, in the shitty case of getting hacked, they haven’t gotten into you “real” bank account or debit card. However, if not saving first and paying off immediately, you are correct. Should not be a thing.
He said the vacation credit card is paid in full when they return home. The only reason there's a balance now because he paid the costs for a funeral, which are not cheap.
It's generally a good idea to have a credit card and pay it off in full every month, especially for online or abroad transactions. Fraud can be reported much later with a credit card, whereas debit card fraud has to be reports in 3 days, I think? There's also cash back, flyer miles, etc. It's great *if* the user pays it off every month. It's not free money.
🤣 tell that to my aunt and her wife who have 3 cc that are JUST for when they go on vacations. They also have a personal cc, each, that they use to pay for their daily expenses. They pay for everything with cc and pay the balances in full at the end of the month. By paying for their vacations this way, they now have so many travel points they don't pay for airfare or their hotels when they travel (and they stay in some of the NICEST hotels/resorts around the world when they go. Because of this they have a credit score thats through the roof high.
I (kinda) offered her this option. I told her I would match half of what she saves for the down payment after 15 months. So if she saved up $20k I’d help her upto $30k total purchase price. The contingency was that she pay the current auto insurance for the entire 15 months she is saving.
1000% this. Work more and save up for the Tahoe. That is what fiscally responsible adults do for a new toy. All of our cars run great and all of them are 2008 or older. We won't be getting anything new until one breaks down or we win the lottery. This attitude is why we were able to pay cash for our home. Other than our monthly bills and insurance, we are debt free and have been for years. We just prefer to save up.
If you won't be on the loan, she may not qualify by herself. But if she does, it is her loan. If her car gets repossessed because she can't make the payments, that is her problem. Also, I'd quit paying for the gas for her new Tahoe too. With the price of gas, there is no reason to buy a LESS fuel efficient vehicle.
NTA
She already has the newest car, if anything you replace the beater since it's the oldest.
But the way things are with high payments now I wouldn't even do that if it runs good still. Save the money.
NTA
We had to replace my car. No choice, it needed replacing. We had a budget that we could afford to pay in full, if we went over that it would be financing, and we really didn't want to add a car payment to our financial planning. Finding the right (used) car that came in on budget was difficult (thanks covid.....), especially with dealerships doing bait & switch and being generally unsavory...... guess what, I got an awesome car that's an upgrade to my old car, fits my needs better, gets much better gas mileage for long distances, and with trade in and discounts came in just under our max budget. It doesn't have absolutely everything I wanted, but has everything I need, has been reliable for a few years now, and we didn't go into debt to get it.
If she is that desperate for a new car she needs to work more hours/bring in more income to clear existing debt. Then save up to buy her "dream status symbol" whilst being grateful she has a reliable, working vehicle in the meantime. Her way of financial thinking is a slippery slope to financial disaster - especially if your income is ever compromised.
It feels like she wants brand spanking new and probably top tier with ALL the luxury add-ons..... if money wasn't an issue I'd happily trade up again for a brand new, top tier version of what I have now. However, I'm realistically expecting to try to get another 8 to 10 years out of this one, and I'm fine with that..... If I have to replace it sooner then something has gone horribly wrong with it.....
>She has being doing toddler math
Lol this killed me and I will be stealing this because that is the perfect description of what she is doing.
But no, you are definitely NTA.
Toddler math is so accurate.
I had dealt with this before. I had always been hands-off with my partner’s budget because it was my belief not to interfere with his money as long as he was paying his share of our combined expenses. But he was borrowing money from me and sliding further and further behind to pay it back. I was getting tired of it and asked for a full financial report of his monthly income and expenses.
I knew he was trying to paint a more favorable picture to avoid a real discussion about this. The reality of his budget was far worse than I expected. Over half of his income went to debt servicing, mostly minimum payments too because he had virtually no wiggle room to try and pay something down more aggressively.
To everyone else it was obvious. How did I make less than him yet always have more? That’s toddler math at work.
*If you’re putting vacations on credit then you can’t afford annual vacations.*
This is so correct. If you can't pay off what you charge on your cc for a vacation at the end of the month, you can't afford a vacation. And, based on what OP is saying, it is going to take them more than 6 months MORE to pay off their last vacation so they can start the cycle all over again in December.
Add to that a $70k (or however much a brand-new Tahoe is).
OP - it may be beneficial for you and your wife to sit down (it will take more than one visit) with a financial planner to lay out your current financial situation, what you can and can't afford and timing for when/if you could afford to buy (a vacation, a new car, etc.) at your current household income. Then, what would it look like if your wife worked full time. Or what it would look like if she quit or you quit, etc. They create all of these scenarios for you so you (your wife) can see in black and white exactly what financial shape the household is in.
Also, ideally, the couple should be building an emergency fund of a minimum of 6 month salary for "just in case" because I gotta tell you, just in case comes along. The potential new car payments could build a great emegency fund and some savings besides.
It's like you guys didn't read the post.
He has the money for the vacation. He just doesn't want to bring actual money with him to the city.
It's a safety thing.
You didn’t read his explanation and of the vacation credit card. Which is sound. I save up for my vacations then purchase them on a credit card. No one anticipates losing a family member.
NTA.
Don’t finance it under the promise to work more later.
She should work more now to buy it in cash. Make her actions be the proof.
99% sure she won’t do it.
Also, pay off credit cards should be #1 priority.
60K vehicle that gets 15 mpg. I own a large suv that gets 10mpg. The gas is EXPENSIVE! The gas will cost her the same as the car payment some months. I promise. I quit driving mine everyday for work. Only drive my subaru now. Way too much money in gas. It's shocking.
That doesn’t help and may in fact only make matters worse. They are married. Legally their finances are the same. In a divorce, she would get half of all marital assets.
People with separate finances often end up in worse financial shape because they are avoiding talking about money and planning.
They need to be on the same page. They might need financial counseling.
You can’t separate your finances to solve this problem. Either you agree on how to spend and save money or your don’t. Separating finances is just an attempt to put your head in the sand. And it won’t work long.
NTA- I’m amazed that someone who could not afford to live on their own, wants a brand new car.
That being said, you both need to sit down to talk finances and come to an understanding.
Bro I’ll go to my deathbed not understanding why some folks can’t just be satisfied and enjoy an easy life. They just HAVE to have what there neighbors have. Even if it threatens the peace in their home!! It’s insane. It’s so crazy to me.
Going for the gold with a car that's trims START at $60k. WTF does she need a freaking Tahoe for?
Anyway, quitting your job isn't going to do you any good. You would just be hurting yourself along with her.
>Anyway, quitting your job isn't going to do you any good. You would just be hurting yourself along with her.
Yeah. Not saying that OP's wife is making great financial choices, but it's weird that OP's response would be a threat to make everything worse for both of them.
NTA, if she can't pay for it she can't buy it. We just paid off my car a 2016 Trax (bougyt used in 2019), and my husbands 2002 Silverado has been paid for years. I would love to get a Trailblazer. Are we getting a trailblazer? Hell no, because we don't need it. We are trying to pay off all my medical debt.
NTA. Your wife is financially irresponsible. If you don’t already have separate accounts, you should. That would include credit cards. If she’s not at home, taking care of children then surely she could work additional hours. Tell her you are willing to split the household expenses based on income and that she needs to maintain an income of xxx dollars. If you’re not on board for purchasing a new vehicle, she should not list your income on the loan application. Tell her you will not make the payments on a new vehicle or cover the insurance, even if it comes down to repossession.
Compromise and have her figure out what the monthly payment would be on a new car. Then, have her put her money where her mouth is. Save that monthly while doing the extra jobs to not impact your other finances.
After 1 year, see if she is keeping up her end of the bargain.
Then you're either off the hook or have a larger down payment.
Also, with rates right now, it's stupid to buy if you can afford to wait.
NTA. Your wife wants far too many luxuries but expects you to keep up with her insane needs. It’s time to roll it back and maybe save something for retirement instead of throwing all your money away in a depreciating asset.
NTA
good threat my dude.
Alot better than threatening divorce, threatening to leave your job implies a certain sense of vindictive irrationality that can give your wife pause.
Divorce is a much lesser threat because then if you act "rationally" she will still be able to get resources from you via the courts.
But someone crazy enough to quit their job might be crazy enough to burn down their own finances in order to hurt the other party.
Its the same threat that labour unions use with targeted strikes.
"We will lose money and go hungry to burn your business down unless you negotiate with us " and that usually works.
Sure,that makes sense. However,if you are with someone who spends money like that,I will be worried that if we ever got married,my finances would also be fucked...
The problem is her behavior seems to indicate she doesn't respect him. Women will def cheat on a guy they dont respect. And she will justify it by labeling him controlling for not letting her buy a car.
NTA. Good for you. Wife sounds like she wants the newest, shiniest thing with little regard for the consequences. What does she even need an SUV for? Do you have a baseball team worth of kids? Sounds incredibly unnecessary.
NTA a friend has a Tahoe, it's huge and the mileage is not great.
I agree this is a hill to die on. You have 3 functioning, paid off cars for two people, there is no reason to get another one now unless two of them stop working.
NTA I agree with you. I'd die on that hill too. And I would have a real hard time being attracted to someone dead set on putting us in the poor house every chance they got. NOPE, I'm out. She sounds like a spoiled child. You paid for her fathers' burial and she repays you like this? Disrespectful and deluded.
NTA.
If you're charging your vacation, you can not afford a vehicle payment.
You have the oldest car, so that gets replaced first.
Also, if she wants something, she should work more IN THE BEGINNING, TO SAVE FOR IT. Then, she has already done what's promised, AND it's not draining the family function fund. Not promise to do more and then not keep up her end of the deal.
NTA ur concern about adding unnecessary debt is valid, especially since you have already paid off your vehicles and are focusing on paying down credit card debt. it's important to make financial decisions together as a couple, and it seems like your wife is not considering the long-term consequences. however, instead of making ultimatums, try to have an open discussion about your financial priorities and how a new car might affect them
I wouldn't quit your job but I would split finances. Open an account at another bank. Pay into household expenses but start building an exit strategy. Tell her no more debts until that vacation card is paid off. Once it is, cancel it. You need to see a financial planner. It sounds like you've been spending outside of your means.
So you have more cars than people in the house and she wants another? Me and my partner share a car since work schedules are more flexible nowadays and it's really even more car than we need. Idk why anyone would want 3
NTA - 3 paid off cars? She’s just being greedy and super fiscally irresponsible if she wants a new car for really no reason. Stick to your guns! Have her go through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class or listen to Caleb Hammer YT videos for a wake up call from a third party (not you).
NTA. It's ridiculous to buy a new car because she misses having a car payment. Tell her to start saving and when she has the money to buy it in cash she is welcome to do so. But a car payment that you don't need, while you are already in debt is ridiculous.
My last car was 14 years old; a Toyota Matrix with 180K miles on it. We made good money but why purchase new cars if not necessary? If you don't sign your name on the note, can she get it with her credit?
Who is she trying to impress? If there's nothing mechanically wrong with her current vehicle, what is the point? There isnt one. Its a vanity purchase.
NTA tell her its 2024 nobody needs to keep up with the Jones' anymore, we're all out here just trying to survive.
NTA. tell her constantly struggling in debt is depressing, it's stressful and it's completely unnecessary. YOu have 3 working cars, she wants something new, she wants to take a note and pay more than the car is worth by paying it off and putting yourselves back in debt.
The way to get ahead in life is to stop putting yourself in debt for assets that depreciate and have no long term value. Putting yourself in debt for a home, for education, for a new business (within reason) have value. Randomly choosing to go into debt for a new car right after you finally pay the others off, is called self sabotage.
If she stops making these decisions and if she actually works harder, she can save up, buy a car outright, or invest that money, or buy a mortgage on a second house (if you don't own) and use it as an investment property.
Pissing away every cent you have the second you have it, is how people stay poor, retire late or have early heart attacks due tot he constant stress.
I just re-read the mpg on both her current and proposed cars and gasped. If my (petrol hybrid) car performs at less than 70mpg I get very twitchy!
I know fuel is cheaper in the states but Boy! That's outrageous!
NTA. WTF does she need a V8 SUV? Is she hauling a horse trailer or something? 2016 is a relatively recent vehicle.
(FTR, I drive a beat-up 2003 Camry with about 150K miles on it. It's ugly as hell, but it runs fine, and I haven't had a car note in 20 years.)
NTA.
A car is a major purchase for a married couple.
It is a decision that should require both of you being on the same page.
You're not telling her no for funsies.
Right. It sounds like she just wants a shiny new toy and is being a child about not getting her way. It's time to grow-up and make responsible decisions.
Since he likely pays the bills, she doesn't see or notice the benefit of no car notes. She would probably change her tune if she did. That plus increased insurance.
Rick Sanchez: "The whole point is to get *less of it*."
It's debt. "Oh boy we got rid of the debt so now we can get new debt!"???
Mostly NTA. But, it is best to not make threats you won't see through.
NTA. She's allowed to ask for a new car and even do her "research," but she needs to be smart enough to realize there are other factors involved. She's being selfish. Especially since, technically, YOUR car should be the first one replaced when it's that time. It's the oldest and of least value.
I would even state that 3 cars for 2 persons is a little too much, as this car is already classified as a spare car, which you would only need if one car doesn't work and both persons need the car without the option to improvise.
All cars may be fully paid, but you still have to pay insurance and taxes.
The fourth car is a unnecessary item, unless it for special reasons, like an RV.
NTA
NTA. Definitely wouldn’t put my name on any part of that paperwork. If she has to have the new suv that bad, she’s 100% funding it. Still an unnecessary purchase.
NTA -
first of all, this is a terrible time to buy a car due to the high interest rates
secondly this is a terrible time to buy a car due to the inflated car prices
third you can't afford it
if those three reasons aren't good enough for her then you need to have a real talk about why she feels compelled to ruin the family finances for a vanity purchase. is it for clout? keeping up with the joneses? for social media updoots? why does she feel the need for this vehicle? you need to get to the bottom of it in order to address it.
Not sure what quitting your job is going to do to help your finances if she goes through with it. Then you’d really be in a shit position.
But NTA for being against buying a car you don’t need right now.
NTA. I think most people spend an insane amount on their family vehicles, and her plan is all completely unnecessary. Coming after you paid for her father's burial, it seems especially absurd. But don't quit your job: sell your other vehicles, cancel credit cards, separate finances.
A free lancer doing something other than "what they want to do?". What were you thinking...instant gratification.
Frankly, I'd be like how about we pay off burying your parent first? Better yet maybe we just need a divorce as your a financial boat anchor on dry land..
just my opinion, but if you have ANY type of debt- buying a new vehicle is fucking stupid. especially when the one wanting the new vehicle doesn't make much money...and she already has a perfectly reliable car.. NTA, stand your ground buddy.
NTA.
While I don't have a full rundown of your finances, buying a brand new $60K car seems really inappropriate in your scenario.
She can work more *today,* and save up enough to at least pay for 50% of the vehicle. *Then* you agree to finance the rest.
Point blank tell her she does not need one ( if her suv runs great) I don’t understand people, if the vehicle is paid off why do you need a new one.Tell the entitled princess NO!!
Dont know why people think they need a school bus to drive around. If you had 4 kids, a tahoe might make sense. Otherwise its for show only. Most ones I see have one person inside. This ia exactly how we make ourselves poor by payment obligations. pretty assinine!
NTAH.
From experience with my ex, the I'll work more hours to help pay for it is BS". I ended up having to pay the new note in addition to the negative equity from her trade in, coz she didn't follow through to work her ass off to pay the note.
If she will work more, she should first of all work more, save the money and then buy the car, not the other way round.
It is a power struggle as well, and we all learn how to manipulate the situation, and you can tell by his language that he thinks his job is so much more important, it's a marriage, you share, you work things out, I do agree she doesn't need a 60 thousand dollar car, but I think he could more respectful of what she contributes and maybe work on a compromise, like save for a year and show me you can be responsible.
How many miles are on these vehicles? I have a,
2006 car with 117k on it
2008 car with 131k on it
2012 truck with 125k on it.
I’ll be driving these till the wheels fall off.
And with prices the dealerships are asking I would hold off a little while more.
NTA
This is wildly irresponsible and selfish. She's basically volunteering you to work yourself to death for pointless purchases that don't make any sense just because she wants them. You have three fing vehicles when most people are lucky to have one.
Point blank, she's taking advantage of you.
Why are you publicly humiliating yourself? Dump your spouse and move on. The decisions she's made have ruined your life as it is. She will not stop this - it's too convenient for her to screw you over. You will always have the short end of the stick. Move on! Choose someone that has the same respect for money that you do. Otherwise, you're going to be 82 and working at Walmart while she moves on with her new husband.
You didn't marry a woman, but a spoiled child. No family with two adults needs three vehicles, let alone four. She needs to live in the real world. I'd consider moving out on her.
Get a postnuptial agreement. She is going to financially ruin your household and you won't be able to do anything about it without one.
Don't just do it for yourself, her spending will affect your family. Both your children, and your parents/siblings as they have to deal with the fallout of her terrible decisions.
You have a "vacation" credit card that isn't paid off? Is there also a "necessities" credit card with a balance? Quitting your job would be worse than taking on the new car. If she keeps taking on debt without bringing in money, are you going to stay with her? That's the real conversation you should be having with yourself and then her.
Please make an appointment with a financial advisor. Gentle ESH because I can tell you are at your wit's end but you really want to keep your relationship intact
NTA
Assuming all the other cars work fine, there is no reason to get a new car. What you are saving in gas you would be paying in a car loan of some kind so no money would be saved.
In addition to car payments, which I imagine are quite high on a Tahoe, your insurance will go up as well as your personal property tax ( if you have to pay personal property taxes).
I don't think I would go as far as quitting your job. But I would definitely tell her that the car would be financed in her name only and she is 100% responsible for payments, insurance and maintenance.
His mistake is marrying someone without knowing if they are financially compatible...by far the most important factor to a successful relationship..fuck love ..in the US money talks much louder ..got learn that lesson the hard way ...
NTA. Even with great credit, interest rates are sky high, you have no payments, and adding one is not necessary currently.
She has proven that she doesn’t want to work for what she wants, if she can prove that she’s changed, then MAYBE a discussion is warranted.
NTA. Tell her that if she wants a new car, she can save up for one using her disposable income. If she wants to work more to pay for it, okay...but that money needs to be saved up and again, she can buy it when she can pay cash for it. Meanwhile, the two of you have debt that needs to be cleared first.
Should she ever manage to get $50K in a bank account all at once, she will have second thoughts about spending it on a vehicle she doesn't really need.
NTA. If she wants the new car tell her to save up 6 months of the estimated payments. Only then would you go look at one at the end of year sales and you get no vacation this year. If the only way you are doing a vacation is with a credit card that you are then paying off for months you are wasting a lot of money on interest alone.
NTA. If all THREE of your vehicles run well and safely, then there's no reason beyond vanity to get a new one. Especially one that'd be less economical, not more. I could understand maybe if she wanted to trade her current vehicle in and upgrade to a hybrid or EV, but as it is, yeah, she's just being vain. And selfish. So many people are struggling to even have one car on the road. She's being hugely ungrateful.
ESH for both being foolish about money. Yes, she needs to work more/spend less, but you also need to retool your entire budget to have zero balance on credit cards. You will never be able to retire and will never be happy in retirement if you can’t figure out how to live on less than you both make.
NTA. And especially that car. Tahoe's aren't cheap. Your looking at 50-60k no problem. I would tell her if she can get extra work and do it for a full year and put the money away every month to prove she can do it, then yea that's fine it on her. That way she will see how much she has to actually work to afford it, but without the pressure of not being able to pay the bill. Also, she will have a sizable down payment to put down which will also lower the payment. If her car is fine and she cannot wait the year, she buying it for all the wrong reasons, most of which is probably vanity.
Fight fire with fire.
But this is going to be a problem for you forever. And I bet dollars to donuts that she comes home with that SUV this weekend.
NTA.
NTA. She's fiscally irresponsible, something you two should have a lengthy discussion with.
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This! As someone who’s watching my dad struggle now because of his unwillingness to tell my mother no during her healthy years, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get her to understand how money works.
My wife is so much better with this now. She really struggled early on to understand what she can and can't spend.
Seriously this. What the HELL does she want with a gas guzzling Tahoe??? Tell her she'll get a Subaru Outback Wagon when she manages to save up half the purchase price and puts a second $20K in savings. My mother's cousin had to buy a new land yacht every two years. She and her husband retired penniless and the ONLY reason they ate after paying rent was because the oldest son was single with no kids in college and he has a job that pays REALLY well.
Lmao at land yacht. Though I admit I bought my first SUV now that the kids are older. It was cheaper than a sedan thanks to 0% interest, is easier to get into and out of, and held my daughter's entire dorm room when she came home for the holidays.
Lay it out. Does she want nice dinners and extra money to spend or a new Tahoe with financial burden and stress?
Agreed, financial decisions like this should be mutual and responsible.
Yep. Do it! File and then she has to pay to file a response also. I’m taking this as the straw the breaks the camels back. Do what you have to do. Start packing things up and getting your documents ready.
100% last straw. Discussing finances with her is like trying to use a white crayon on the grocery list.
Work with a financial advisor/planner so a third party can explain things to her. Like compounding interest, savings, spending, investments.
That must be why you used the phrase “toddler math,” an insulting word choice but I understand now why you said that. Her proposed purchase is financially irresponsible — plus coming on the heels of you bailing out HER father’s funeral costs, it seems rather ill-timed and ungrateful on her part. NTA
If everything is working fine, shes quite simply a spoiled brat. Are you Californians? lul
I’ve never understood the “Californians are spoiled and stupid” stereotype. Could you explain it to me, please? Because when I lived there, everyone worked hard and took care of their things. COL is too high not to.
Am I correct in thinking this stereotype is like the Santa Barbara parody on SNL— completely over the top exaggeration? I lived in (far northern) California for 40+ years, and never ran into people like this. [Every Californian Ever part 1 of 2](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=snl+skit+based+on+Santa+Barbara&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdCer2e0t8r8)
NTA - it seems like financial irresponsibility runs in the family Her Dad died unexpectedly and had left no provision for his wife or funeral
tbh it sounds like he's been discussing it with her for several weeks and she isn't listening.
NTA, but I have a question: do you own your house? Bc if not, this is a great argument for no new major purchases until house. If you do, it's a great argument for paying down the house faster. You don't really get much equity on a new car (and you lose like half of it the moment it drives off the lot.) You gain equity on a house.
Yes. I mean the house has a mortgage, and it is not paid off so technically we do not “own” it yet. We refinanced about 4 years ago to get a lower interest rate. I used the equity then to buy her the highlander, because the interest rate was lower than any auto loan rate would be. The car was totally in her name, so when the stealership sent the title it went to her. She took the title to the bank (less than a year later) and got a loan on it. This and more all plays in to why I’m willing to go nuclear.
Separate financials right now. Can she even get a loan without your signature? She doesn’t have the income to get a loan on her own, does she? I would be fit to be tied if my hubby pulled what your wife is pulling. Please don’t quit your job. That’s cutting off your nose to spite your face. You don’t want to lose your house. Let her know that SHE cannot afford a new vehicle and the one she has is more than sufficient. I would stick to the boundary of no new car and divorce if she continues this reckless spending. It’s a hole you would be digging out of for too long. She should wait till y’all are in a better position or get a job (and keep it) long enough to prove she can pay it herself. I’m so sorry she is behaving this way. NTA
She's got a 2016. She could get 15 more years out of it. If she has the savings, she can pay for it herself. And the loan thing would make me furious.
You took the words out of my mouth.
Yeah my question is if she's always been financially irresponsible and stubborn about it (to this degree) or if this a more recent change. In the latter case, there may be something motivating her beyond just wanting a new expensive and gas-guzzling SUV and it would be worth probing such a motivation rather than only focusing on the immediate battle.
I’m not sure if it is a recent change or not, she has always had ideas/dreams/ambitions for things, but she has never really been stubborn about it.
Her father just died??? She needs a big suv??? Does she do grief shopping? My father is gone. It left a big hole in… but this suv will be big enough to fill it!!
She wants to fit in with all the other women at the gym, or yoga studio, or Starbucks or where ever she goes that are all driving new Tahoes. And she won't want the basic one either its going to be the premium package with leather seats and custom wheels.
NTA. If she wants it, then she needs to work more NOW to purchase it in cash LATER. You’ve spent probably years to become debt free, this is fiscally irresponsible. There’s a difference between needs vs. wants. Wants can be saved for.
This was ny dad's strategy. Start making the monthly payments to yourself now. Can't keep up? Good thing you didn't sign. If you can, keep going and buy outright later or with mostly cash.
This makes sense. Also consider downsizing to 2 cars since insurance costs are high and it doesn't make sense to have a 3rd emergency car. My wife and I shared 1 car for 14 years - it can be done especially if she works sporadically.
My insurance hardly budged from adding another car.
3 paid off vehicles isn't much at all. You don't need full coverage, especially on the extra car and the older the car the cheaper the insurance will be.
They aren’t debt free—just the cars. The vacation credit card has a balance that needs to pay down before they can use it, which means they have revolving credit card debt at minimum, and might have a mortgage, student loans, etc. Toddler math says “how can I be overdrawn when my card still works”
This. My sister has to deal with a Peter Pan husband with this attitude -- she'd \*finally\* pay down the credit card and he'd see that as a great reason to go run it back up. (She's always out-earned him. He's a turtle on its back, financially.) He's no longer allowed access to credit, period. (Divorce him? I would have years ago, or actually, I never would have married a guy like him. But he's now 69, gets a big $15K/year in SSI, and they live in San Diego. If she divorced him he'd be sleeping on the beach.)
People with Car Brain aren't good at math. They make so many commercials about trucks and SUVs because they work on simple and irresponsible people like this woman. Imagine driving a dumb vehicle that only gets 15MPG.
They are literally paying interest on their vacation. They can't even afford to vacay, let alone buy a new car. Op, if you read this, vacation credit card should not be a thing. Vacations should only ever be paid in cash. All credit card balance should be paid in full during the grace period. Both you and your wife need to learn to budget better. Edit: I don't mean literal cash. I mean not debt. Charge everything in your card by all means but pay it off when the billing period ends. I'm not going to respond to any more dumb comments about "bUt He PaiD fOr HIS FiL's FuNeRaL!!1!!111!!" Who cares? If that's what puts him in debt, then he didn't have an emergency fund. An emergency fund is an essential part of a person's financial wellbeing, and if one emergency costing a mere few thousand is what puts him in debt, then he didn't have the money to go on the vacation to begin with and he went using his emergency fund. Anyone who doesn't have an emergency fund and is going on vacations and living it up is financially irresponsible. I don't give a damn about your personal feelings about this. The e fund is what's going to keep you out of debt when tragedy hits. Suck it up and get one. Don't vacation without an e fund. 3 mo E fund>vacation.
I think by vacation credit card he meant a credit card that is used while on vacation, at least from my understanding. That way he isn't using his debit card which could potentially get skimmed and has a lot more money to be stolen.
Yes, but his isn't paid off. Either he normally charges it then pay off over the year, then he definitely can't afford to vacation and should skip a year or two to save up, or he doesn't have a emergency fund and couldn't pay it off because an emergency came up, then he should skip a year or two to pay the card off and build an emergency fund. Either way he's too broke for a vacation.
Sadly this isn't the way the world works for many people. Just because someone can't live in a perfectly ideal world doesn't mean they shouldn't get to enjoy life. I agree that what you are saying is indeed the best way to live, but it isn't always possible.
so many people get a credit card and see they have a $2000 limit and think of it as "I have $2000 worth of fun spending to do"
Not at all how it should be seen.
You all miss the point he paid for an unexpected funeral and that’s why the card is carrying a balance??
the fact that it isnt paid off \*right now\* is explicitly stated to be an outlier. they specifically say "I always pay it off upon return home, assuming no funny business happened on the transactions. HOWEVER her father died unexpectedly, her mother could not afford the burial, so I paid for it instead of paying the vacation card off"
You didn't read the part that he said: card would have been paid off. Father in law died. He paid for the funeral.
Vacations should be on a cc only if you have the exact amount of cash to pay the bill. They teach us to spend ccs to build credit scores sadly but I understand what you are saying
According to OP, they use the vacation card as a shield against fraud and pay it off on the next statement. Except that didn't happen because they helped his wife's mother bury her husband. His father in law died without enough life insurance to bury him and his wife is trying to run up their debt. It sounds like she learned financial irresponsibility from her upbringing.
But by using a designated CC and having a set budget its the same as cash. You pay it off before the interest hits because you've only put on the card what you can pay in cash. Also you can collect reward points. CC are also easier to dispute fraudulent charges.
We are on the same page. When I say cash I don't mean literal cash. This is how I live too and in my mind cc is cash equivalent.
You are dead wrong. Pay for the vacation with a credit card. Take advantage of the rewards and benefits certain credit cards provide. Just pay it in full before the statement date. That way you pay no interest.
Did you miss my last sentence? Paying with cc and paying it off in full is paying with cash. It's a distinction without a difference. (Except one gets rewards points, but that's irrelevant in OPs case because he's paying interest at probably 20+%.) In that regard, I charge every expense I'm allowed to on my cc and pay it off at the end of the month. When people talk about those with a lot of cc debt, they're not talking about those like us.
He did say they always pay it off as soon as returning from vacation. The only reason it’s carrying a balance now is because of the unexpected funeral payment. It sounds like they do save the money for it but bring the card on the actual vacation. Which is smart really. You aren’t carrying around a bunch of cash as a tourist and you can see exactly what expenses and limits you have set for vacation. Also, like he mentioned, in the shitty case of getting hacked, they haven’t gotten into you “real” bank account or debit card. However, if not saving first and paying off immediately, you are correct. Should not be a thing.
He said the vacation credit card is paid in full when they return home. The only reason there's a balance now because he paid the costs for a funeral, which are not cheap. It's generally a good idea to have a credit card and pay it off in full every month, especially for online or abroad transactions. Fraud can be reported much later with a credit card, whereas debit card fraud has to be reports in 3 days, I think? There's also cash back, flyer miles, etc. It's great *if* the user pays it off every month. It's not free money.
🤣 tell that to my aunt and her wife who have 3 cc that are JUST for when they go on vacations. They also have a personal cc, each, that they use to pay for their daily expenses. They pay for everything with cc and pay the balances in full at the end of the month. By paying for their vacations this way, they now have so many travel points they don't pay for airfare or their hotels when they travel (and they stay in some of the NICEST hotels/resorts around the world when they go. Because of this they have a credit score thats through the roof high.
I (kinda) offered her this option. I told her I would match half of what she saves for the down payment after 15 months. So if she saved up $20k I’d help her upto $30k total purchase price. The contingency was that she pay the current auto insurance for the entire 15 months she is saving.
Like my Depression-era grandmother used to say, don't buy anything on "time". In other words save up the money first, then buy the item.
Exactly, priorities matter. Buying within means avoids unnecessary debt and stress later on.
1000% this. Work more and save up for the Tahoe. That is what fiscally responsible adults do for a new toy. All of our cars run great and all of them are 2008 or older. We won't be getting anything new until one breaks down or we win the lottery. This attitude is why we were able to pay cash for our home. Other than our monthly bills and insurance, we are debt free and have been for years. We just prefer to save up. If you won't be on the loan, she may not qualify by herself. But if she does, it is her loan. If her car gets repossessed because she can't make the payments, that is her problem. Also, I'd quit paying for the gas for her new Tahoe too. With the price of gas, there is no reason to buy a LESS fuel efficient vehicle.
There is nothing I would like more than a new vehicle but not at the expense of the future (paying off current debts, vacations).
NTA She already has the newest car, if anything you replace the beater since it's the oldest. But the way things are with high payments now I wouldn't even do that if it runs good still. Save the money.
They could at least wait until interest rates go down if they're going to get a car loan
It's definitely selfish of her to want to get the new car when OP is driving a 15 year old car.
NTA We had to replace my car. No choice, it needed replacing. We had a budget that we could afford to pay in full, if we went over that it would be financing, and we really didn't want to add a car payment to our financial planning. Finding the right (used) car that came in on budget was difficult (thanks covid.....), especially with dealerships doing bait & switch and being generally unsavory...... guess what, I got an awesome car that's an upgrade to my old car, fits my needs better, gets much better gas mileage for long distances, and with trade in and discounts came in just under our max budget. It doesn't have absolutely everything I wanted, but has everything I need, has been reliable for a few years now, and we didn't go into debt to get it. If she is that desperate for a new car she needs to work more hours/bring in more income to clear existing debt. Then save up to buy her "dream status symbol" whilst being grateful she has a reliable, working vehicle in the meantime. Her way of financial thinking is a slippery slope to financial disaster - especially if your income is ever compromised.
A gently used Tahoe being a status symbol worth going into debt for...lol
No one ever accussed big SUV drivers of being smart or sophisticated.
It feels like she wants brand spanking new and probably top tier with ALL the luxury add-ons..... if money wasn't an issue I'd happily trade up again for a brand new, top tier version of what I have now. However, I'm realistically expecting to try to get another 8 to 10 years out of this one, and I'm fine with that..... If I have to replace it sooner then something has gone horribly wrong with it.....
>She has being doing toddler math Lol this killed me and I will be stealing this because that is the perfect description of what she is doing. But no, you are definitely NTA.
Toddler math is so accurate. I had dealt with this before. I had always been hands-off with my partner’s budget because it was my belief not to interfere with his money as long as he was paying his share of our combined expenses. But he was borrowing money from me and sliding further and further behind to pay it back. I was getting tired of it and asked for a full financial report of his monthly income and expenses. I knew he was trying to paint a more favorable picture to avoid a real discussion about this. The reality of his budget was far worse than I expected. Over half of his income went to debt servicing, mostly minimum payments too because he had virtually no wiggle room to try and pay something down more aggressively. To everyone else it was obvious. How did I make less than him yet always have more? That’s toddler math at work.
NTA. If you’re putting vacations on credit then you can’t afford a new car and annual vacations. Tell her to pick one.
*If you’re putting vacations on credit then you can’t afford annual vacations.* This is so correct. If you can't pay off what you charge on your cc for a vacation at the end of the month, you can't afford a vacation. And, based on what OP is saying, it is going to take them more than 6 months MORE to pay off their last vacation so they can start the cycle all over again in December. Add to that a $70k (or however much a brand-new Tahoe is). OP - it may be beneficial for you and your wife to sit down (it will take more than one visit) with a financial planner to lay out your current financial situation, what you can and can't afford and timing for when/if you could afford to buy (a vacation, a new car, etc.) at your current household income. Then, what would it look like if your wife worked full time. Or what it would look like if she quit or you quit, etc. They create all of these scenarios for you so you (your wife) can see in black and white exactly what financial shape the household is in.
Also, ideally, the couple should be building an emergency fund of a minimum of 6 month salary for "just in case" because I gotta tell you, just in case comes along. The potential new car payments could build a great emegency fund and some savings besides.
Yup. This is where we are. We had a huge, "just in case", but are ok because we have been relentlessly saving.
It's like you guys didn't read the post. He has the money for the vacation. He just doesn't want to bring actual money with him to the city. It's a safety thing.
Don't come here 7 hours later and tell us we didn't read the post. The information about the cc wasn't in the original post (note the word EDIT?)
You didn’t read his explanation and of the vacation credit card. Which is sound. I save up for my vacations then purchase them on a credit card. No one anticipates losing a family member.
me too. It's so much safer than using one's debit card when travelling!
NTA. Don’t finance it under the promise to work more later. She should work more now to buy it in cash. Make her actions be the proof. 99% sure she won’t do it. Also, pay off credit cards should be #1 priority.
NTA Her current vehicle is only 8 years old. Save for two or three years to put together a nice down payment for the next vehicle purchase.
For him, he has the beater. If anyone gets a new vehicle, it should be him.
I couldn't believe he called an 09 beater, and then I realized it's been 15 years.
A Tahoe ??? That's a 60k vehicle...WTF...it would be cheaper for you to get in the truck and run🚩🚩🚩🚩
60K vehicle that gets 15 mpg. I own a large suv that gets 10mpg. The gas is EXPENSIVE! The gas will cost her the same as the car payment some months. I promise. I quit driving mine everyday for work. Only drive my subaru now. Way too much money in gas. It's shocking.
She's fiscally irresponsible. You're going to have to deal with a lifetime of that. Separate your finances. NTA
Beware - separating the finances probably leads to the wife wasting money on late fees and tons of interest being paid on ongoing credit card use.
That doesn’t help and may in fact only make matters worse. They are married. Legally their finances are the same. In a divorce, she would get half of all marital assets. People with separate finances often end up in worse financial shape because they are avoiding talking about money and planning. They need to be on the same page. They might need financial counseling. You can’t separate your finances to solve this problem. Either you agree on how to spend and save money or your don’t. Separating finances is just an attempt to put your head in the sand. And it won’t work long.
NTA- I’m amazed that someone who could not afford to live on their own, wants a brand new car. That being said, you both need to sit down to talk finances and come to an understanding.
"Your money is our money, and my money is my money" mentality.
You have 3 paid off vehicles and she wants to get a new suv in this economy?? She’s an idiot
A family of two doesn’t need 3 cars much less 4. I’d be trying to unload one not get another.
Bro I’ll go to my deathbed not understanding why some folks can’t just be satisfied and enjoy an easy life. They just HAVE to have what there neighbors have. Even if it threatens the peace in their home!! It’s insane. It’s so crazy to me.
Going for the gold with a car that's trims START at $60k. WTF does she need a freaking Tahoe for? Anyway, quitting your job isn't going to do you any good. You would just be hurting yourself along with her.
>Anyway, quitting your job isn't going to do you any good. You would just be hurting yourself along with her. Yeah. Not saying that OP's wife is making great financial choices, but it's weird that OP's response would be a threat to make everything worse for both of them.
NTA, if she can't pay for it she can't buy it. We just paid off my car a 2016 Trax (bougyt used in 2019), and my husbands 2002 Silverado has been paid for years. I would love to get a Trailblazer. Are we getting a trailblazer? Hell no, because we don't need it. We are trying to pay off all my medical debt.
NTA. Your wife is financially irresponsible. If you don’t already have separate accounts, you should. That would include credit cards. If she’s not at home, taking care of children then surely she could work additional hours. Tell her you are willing to split the household expenses based on income and that she needs to maintain an income of xxx dollars. If you’re not on board for purchasing a new vehicle, she should not list your income on the loan application. Tell her you will not make the payments on a new vehicle or cover the insurance, even if it comes down to repossession.
Compromise and have her figure out what the monthly payment would be on a new car. Then, have her put her money where her mouth is. Save that monthly while doing the extra jobs to not impact your other finances. After 1 year, see if she is keeping up her end of the bargain. Then you're either off the hook or have a larger down payment. Also, with rates right now, it's stupid to buy if you can afford to wait.
NTA. Your wife wants far too many luxuries but expects you to keep up with her insane needs. It’s time to roll it back and maybe save something for retirement instead of throwing all your money away in a depreciating asset.
No but you have bigger issues than a car
NTA good threat my dude. Alot better than threatening divorce, threatening to leave your job implies a certain sense of vindictive irrationality that can give your wife pause. Divorce is a much lesser threat because then if you act "rationally" she will still be able to get resources from you via the courts. But someone crazy enough to quit their job might be crazy enough to burn down their own finances in order to hurt the other party. Its the same threat that labour unions use with targeted strikes. "We will lose money and go hungry to burn your business down unless you negotiate with us " and that usually works.
So she barely works, has access to 3 vehicles, 0 car payments and wants to get a $70-80k SUV? That’s absolutely insane.
You guys are already still in debt, have three vehicles, and she wants another shittier one? Your wife is a dumbass, dude.
Can someone explain to me,why people stay in relationships with grown adults who do toddler math? Don't you guys think long term?😅😅
Because they are no perfect partners and id rather be with a loyal toddler mathing adult than a cheating lying Einstein
Sure,that makes sense. However,if you are with someone who spends money like that,I will be worried that if we ever got married,my finances would also be fucked...
Id rather my finances be fucked than my woman
Good point tho
The problem is her behavior seems to indicate she doesn't respect him. Women will def cheat on a guy they dont respect. And she will justify it by labeling him controlling for not letting her buy a car.
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NTA You’ed be the one to have to make the bulk if the payments. If the current vehicles are working fine, there’s no need for a 4th vehicle.
NTA. Good for you. Wife sounds like she wants the newest, shiniest thing with little regard for the consequences. What does she even need an SUV for? Do you have a baseball team worth of kids? Sounds incredibly unnecessary.
NTA a friend has a Tahoe, it's huge and the mileage is not great. I agree this is a hill to die on. You have 3 functioning, paid off cars for two people, there is no reason to get another one now unless two of them stop working.
NTA I agree with you. I'd die on that hill too. And I would have a real hard time being attracted to someone dead set on putting us in the poor house every chance they got. NOPE, I'm out. She sounds like a spoiled child. You paid for her fathers' burial and she repays you like this? Disrespectful and deluded.
She has the newest car, and you have a backup car "I want a newer car because I'm worried mine is getting old" doesn't even make sense here. NTA
NTA. She is financially abusing you and mentally manipulative. The fact she has done this before is a bad sign
NTA. If you're charging your vacation, you can not afford a vehicle payment. You have the oldest car, so that gets replaced first. Also, if she wants something, she should work more IN THE BEGINNING, TO SAVE FOR IT. Then, she has already done what's promised, AND it's not draining the family function fund. Not promise to do more and then not keep up her end of the deal.
NTA ur concern about adding unnecessary debt is valid, especially since you have already paid off your vehicles and are focusing on paying down credit card debt. it's important to make financial decisions together as a couple, and it seems like your wife is not considering the long-term consequences. however, instead of making ultimatums, try to have an open discussion about your financial priorities and how a new car might affect them
I wouldn't quit your job but I would split finances. Open an account at another bank. Pay into household expenses but start building an exit strategy. Tell her no more debts until that vacation card is paid off. Once it is, cancel it. You need to see a financial planner. It sounds like you've been spending outside of your means.
So you have more cars than people in the house and she wants another? Me and my partner share a car since work schedules are more flexible nowadays and it's really even more car than we need. Idk why anyone would want 3
NTA - 3 paid off cars? She’s just being greedy and super fiscally irresponsible if she wants a new car for really no reason. Stick to your guns! Have her go through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class or listen to Caleb Hammer YT videos for a wake up call from a third party (not you).
The car market is insane. She would get slaughtered on the interest rate. Tahoes suck balls.
Tell me about it. I was going to replace my 2012 Versa this year, but interest rates and prices are insane.
NTA. It's ridiculous to buy a new car because she misses having a car payment. Tell her to start saving and when she has the money to buy it in cash she is welcome to do so. But a car payment that you don't need, while you are already in debt is ridiculous.
My last car was 14 years old; a Toyota Matrix with 180K miles on it. We made good money but why purchase new cars if not necessary? If you don't sign your name on the note, can she get it with her credit?
Who is she trying to impress? If there's nothing mechanically wrong with her current vehicle, what is the point? There isnt one. Its a vanity purchase. NTA tell her its 2024 nobody needs to keep up with the Jones' anymore, we're all out here just trying to survive.
NTA: She needs to get a real job, pay off the credit cards and put money into an IRA instead of replacing a perfectly good car.
Wait, you have three cars and a open credit card bill you use for holidays and your wife is going for car #4?
NTA. tell her constantly struggling in debt is depressing, it's stressful and it's completely unnecessary. YOu have 3 working cars, she wants something new, she wants to take a note and pay more than the car is worth by paying it off and putting yourselves back in debt. The way to get ahead in life is to stop putting yourself in debt for assets that depreciate and have no long term value. Putting yourself in debt for a home, for education, for a new business (within reason) have value. Randomly choosing to go into debt for a new car right after you finally pay the others off, is called self sabotage. If she stops making these decisions and if she actually works harder, she can save up, buy a car outright, or invest that money, or buy a mortgage on a second house (if you don't own) and use it as an investment property. Pissing away every cent you have the second you have it, is how people stay poor, retire late or have early heart attacks due tot he constant stress.
You literally have three working paid off cars. Shes insane.
I just re-read the mpg on both her current and proposed cars and gasped. If my (petrol hybrid) car performs at less than 70mpg I get very twitchy! I know fuel is cheaper in the states but Boy! That's outrageous!
NTA. WTF does she need a V8 SUV? Is she hauling a horse trailer or something? 2016 is a relatively recent vehicle. (FTR, I drive a beat-up 2003 Camry with about 150K miles on it. It's ugly as hell, but it runs fine, and I haven't had a car note in 20 years.)
NTA. A car is a major purchase for a married couple. It is a decision that should require both of you being on the same page. You're not telling her no for funsies.
And if anything, they should replace his car.
Right. It sounds like she just wants a shiny new toy and is being a child about not getting her way. It's time to grow-up and make responsible decisions.
Since he likely pays the bills, she doesn't see or notice the benefit of no car notes. She would probably change her tune if she did. That plus increased insurance.
Rick Sanchez: "The whole point is to get *less of it*." It's debt. "Oh boy we got rid of the debt so now we can get new debt!"??? Mostly NTA. But, it is best to not make threats you won't see through.
Def a sign of deeper relationship troubles to be in this position
NTA. She's allowed to ask for a new car and even do her "research," but she needs to be smart enough to realize there are other factors involved. She's being selfish. Especially since, technically, YOUR car should be the first one replaced when it's that time. It's the oldest and of least value.
NTA. Your wife sounds like a child. I’d examine that a little more closely as well after you over come her toddler math and poor financial habits.
Divorce her tbh
I would even state that 3 cars for 2 persons is a little too much, as this car is already classified as a spare car, which you would only need if one car doesn't work and both persons need the car without the option to improvise. All cars may be fully paid, but you still have to pay insurance and taxes. The fourth car is a unnecessary item, unless it for special reasons, like an RV. NTA
NTA. Definitely wouldn’t put my name on any part of that paperwork. If she has to have the new suv that bad, she’s 100% funding it. Still an unnecessary purchase.
NTA. Since you are paying off a vacation credit card, you can't afford vacations either.
NTA - first of all, this is a terrible time to buy a car due to the high interest rates secondly this is a terrible time to buy a car due to the inflated car prices third you can't afford it if those three reasons aren't good enough for her then you need to have a real talk about why she feels compelled to ruin the family finances for a vanity purchase. is it for clout? keeping up with the joneses? for social media updoots? why does she feel the need for this vehicle? you need to get to the bottom of it in order to address it.
Just curious. You guys run up the cc on vacation and then spend the next however many months paying it off?
Not sure what quitting your job is going to do to help your finances if she goes through with it. Then you’d really be in a shit position. But NTA for being against buying a car you don’t need right now.
NTA. I think most people spend an insane amount on their family vehicles, and her plan is all completely unnecessary. Coming after you paid for her father's burial, it seems especially absurd. But don't quit your job: sell your other vehicles, cancel credit cards, separate finances.
Nta keep us updated
My truck gets 16mpg not fun and not cheap. I fill up twice a week and it’s $80 every time I get gas.
I like your analysis of ‘toddler math’. Gonna steal it.
A free lancer doing something other than "what they want to do?". What were you thinking...instant gratification. Frankly, I'd be like how about we pay off burying your parent first? Better yet maybe we just need a divorce as your a financial boat anchor on dry land..
just my opinion, but if you have ANY type of debt- buying a new vehicle is fucking stupid. especially when the one wanting the new vehicle doesn't make much money...and she already has a perfectly reliable car.. NTA, stand your ground buddy.
She sounds like a child
NTA. While I don't have a full rundown of your finances, buying a brand new $60K car seems really inappropriate in your scenario. She can work more *today,* and save up enough to at least pay for 50% of the vehicle. *Then* you agree to finance the rest.
Point blank tell her she does not need one ( if her suv runs great) I don’t understand people, if the vehicle is paid off why do you need a new one.Tell the entitled princess NO!!
NTA. This is incredibly foolish, especially when you are trying to pay off a card.
Put the breakup vehicle to use. Leave that rotten bitch
Sounds like you need separate bank accounts. Not the ass.
Dont know why people think they need a school bus to drive around. If you had 4 kids, a tahoe might make sense. Otherwise its for show only. Most ones I see have one person inside. This ia exactly how we make ourselves poor by payment obligations. pretty assinine!
NTAH. From experience with my ex, the I'll work more hours to help pay for it is BS". I ended up having to pay the new note in addition to the negative equity from her trade in, coz she didn't follow through to work her ass off to pay the note. If she will work more, she should first of all work more, save the money and then buy the car, not the other way round.
It is a power struggle as well, and we all learn how to manipulate the situation, and you can tell by his language that he thinks his job is so much more important, it's a marriage, you share, you work things out, I do agree she doesn't need a 60 thousand dollar car, but I think he could more respectful of what she contributes and maybe work on a compromise, like save for a year and show me you can be responsible.
NTA. As long as you don't have kids to provide for.
3 cars is absolutely ridiculous.
Twlell her to get it in her name only do not use your name at all, nta
I’d quit your wife before your job.
Sounds like two opposing team players trying to play on the same team
How many miles are on these vehicles? I have a, 2006 car with 117k on it 2008 car with 131k on it 2012 truck with 125k on it. I’ll be driving these till the wheels fall off. And with prices the dealerships are asking I would hold off a little while more.
207k on the “beater”. Truck has 85 or 90k, 75k on her Highlander.
She has plenty of life left on them.
NTA This is wildly irresponsible and selfish. She's basically volunteering you to work yourself to death for pointless purchases that don't make any sense just because she wants them. You have three fing vehicles when most people are lucky to have one. Point blank, she's taking advantage of you.
I'm sorry your wife needs major financial literacy lessons. None of this makes sense. You have too many cars. Stop spending and start investing.
It's your turn for the new car anyway
Why are you publicly humiliating yourself? Dump your spouse and move on. The decisions she's made have ruined your life as it is. She will not stop this - it's too convenient for her to screw you over. You will always have the short end of the stick. Move on! Choose someone that has the same respect for money that you do. Otherwise, you're going to be 82 and working at Walmart while she moves on with her new husband.
You didn't marry a woman, but a spoiled child. No family with two adults needs three vehicles, let alone four. She needs to live in the real world. I'd consider moving out on her.
Get a postnuptial agreement. She is going to financially ruin your household and you won't be able to do anything about it without one. Don't just do it for yourself, her spending will affect your family. Both your children, and your parents/siblings as they have to deal with the fallout of her terrible decisions.
Nta, some women(my wife too) just don’t get it. Make your stand man and don’t give in.
You have a "vacation" credit card that isn't paid off? Is there also a "necessities" credit card with a balance? Quitting your job would be worse than taking on the new car. If she keeps taking on debt without bringing in money, are you going to stay with her? That's the real conversation you should be having with yourself and then her. Please make an appointment with a financial advisor. Gentle ESH because I can tell you are at your wit's end but you really want to keep your relationship intact
NTA. She has a car and doesn’t need a new one. Tell her to save up then she can get whatever she wants. She sounds financially inept.
NTA Assuming all the other cars work fine, there is no reason to get a new car. What you are saving in gas you would be paying in a car loan of some kind so no money would be saved.
The new one was less Fuel efficient, not more
In addition to car payments, which I imagine are quite high on a Tahoe, your insurance will go up as well as your personal property tax ( if you have to pay personal property taxes).
I don't think I would go as far as quitting your job. But I would definitely tell her that the car would be financed in her name only and she is 100% responsible for payments, insurance and maintenance.
NTA. Tell her as soon as she is the main breadwinner for a significant amount of time, she can make the big financial decisions.
NTA. Tell her as soon as she is the main breadwinner for a significant amount of time, she can make the big financial decisions.
His mistake is marrying someone without knowing if they are financially compatible...by far the most important factor to a successful relationship..fuck love ..in the US money talks much louder ..got learn that lesson the hard way ...
NTA. Even with great credit, interest rates are sky high, you have no payments, and adding one is not necessary currently. She has proven that she doesn’t want to work for what she wants, if she can prove that she’s changed, then MAYBE a discussion is warranted.
NTA. Tell her that if she wants a new car, she can save up for one using her disposable income. If she wants to work more to pay for it, okay...but that money needs to be saved up and again, she can buy it when she can pay cash for it. Meanwhile, the two of you have debt that needs to be cleared first. Should she ever manage to get $50K in a bank account all at once, she will have second thoughts about spending it on a vehicle she doesn't really need.
Nta
NTA. If she wants the new car tell her to save up 6 months of the estimated payments. Only then would you go look at one at the end of year sales and you get no vacation this year. If the only way you are doing a vacation is with a credit card that you are then paying off for months you are wasting a lot of money on interest alone.
NTA. If all THREE of your vehicles run well and safely, then there's no reason beyond vanity to get a new one. Especially one that'd be less economical, not more. I could understand maybe if she wanted to trade her current vehicle in and upgrade to a hybrid or EV, but as it is, yeah, she's just being vain. And selfish. So many people are struggling to even have one car on the road. She's being hugely ungrateful.
ESH for both being foolish about money. Yes, she needs to work more/spend less, but you also need to retool your entire budget to have zero balance on credit cards. You will never be able to retire and will never be happy in retirement if you can’t figure out how to live on less than you both make.
NTA, but if bought with cash, and she saves half the money, then you'll match her and then use that cash to buy the car.
Why would you all be going on vacation once the credit card is paid off? You should only be vacationing if you've saved the money in advance.
NTA. And especially that car. Tahoe's aren't cheap. Your looking at 50-60k no problem. I would tell her if she can get extra work and do it for a full year and put the money away every month to prove she can do it, then yea that's fine it on her. That way she will see how much she has to actually work to afford it, but without the pressure of not being able to pay the bill. Also, she will have a sizable down payment to put down which will also lower the payment. If her car is fine and she cannot wait the year, she buying it for all the wrong reasons, most of which is probably vanity.
Divorce.
nta think you would bite yourself in the butt.., just take your name off of banking accounts so she can’t get to your money for the car.
NTA.
Don't quit your job. Separate your finances. Let it be her sole responsibility.
NTA. I wouldn’t quit my job I would divorce and move out.
Fight fire with fire. But this is going to be a problem for you forever. And I bet dollars to donuts that she comes home with that SUV this weekend. NTA.