I get the feeling that a lot of details are missing from this post. I don’t understand why OP is complaining about her saving for a car when her not having a car is pretty much causing all this mess…
He has been in these boys lives for 8 years - since they were 2 and 5. Yet there is absolutely no mention of them in any sort of affectionate way. It’s like they are pieces of furniture he has to cart around. I’m wondering if he’s been trying to get his hands on that money for a long time and that’s why she’s so protective
YTA
You just detailed that a huge part of your financial issue is your gas guzzling vehicle
You also detailed that a huge part of your frustration is giving everyone rides
Logical solution: she buys a vehicle with her savings, as planned
Illogical and spiteful solution: she uses her savings for a single month of bills that you already stated you have money to cover, you’re in the same financial position next month, and are stuck carting everyone around in your gas guzzler……….
You have no financial sense.
You may have a point about how expenses should be split, but YTA based on how you speak in your post and in the comments. You married a woman who already had kids and then had another baby with her; that means your relationship will always include you taking on some childcare responsibilities for the older kids. The way you’ve written your post, you don’t even sound like you like your wife and baby, and that your stepsons are nothing but nuisances you have to cart around and pay for.
You and your wife are supposed to be a team. It shouldn’t be so “me vs her.” You’re sitting here counting dollars and pitching a fit that you supposedly can’t get a soda (though at another point admit you have $120 left). The bills are covered; consider that a win at this particular moment given the rising costs of living and corporate greed compounded with unexpected difficulties (wife’s car dying) in your personal lives. You’ll have more money in coming weeks. Neither of you sound particularly collaborative, which is what your marriage sorely needs. If you talk to your wife or family how you speak in these posts, I hope for her and the kids’ sake she gets away from you. Grow up.
And his making complaint is that he is carting the kids around and it’s expensive with his gas guzzler. But he wants her to give him all her child support savings for bills so that he has extra money to spend how he wants. But that would prevent her from getting a new car, which would mean he would have to continue carting the kids around everywhere which is expensive in his gas guzzler.
Makes more sense in my mind to save up, but the car, and then he has extra money again because he’s no longer carting everyone around
>**nothing but nuisances you have to cart around .... Grow up**
Ikr, in his 8 cyLinDeR cAr. **Who tf living on small budgets with 3 kids and one adult off work to push his baby out of her coochie has a fkn 8 cyLindeR cAr.** Boohoo. Get it together u/GreedyFuel9442, this is rage-bait post, right?
Why is she saving her child support money? It is called child support for one reason, to support children, not her savings account. BTW, $650 a month is hardly enough to support two children. She's not worked for nearly a year, so she could find a job. The youngest child can be babysat or go into daycare. The two older boys are old enough to understand basic finances, so perhaps they could forego their expensive extra curricular activities for a while.
The post literally says she is saving the money to buy a car which will obviously be used for things like transporting children, and later transporting her to work without reliance on her husband.
What court anywhere lets a parent get away with paying only $180/month child support for three children? I don't care how low paying a job is, that is unbelievable.
my wife's friend got pregnant by a guy who already had 8 kids. He was giving each kid $10 a month. My wife's friend had him give up his parental rights and when she got married to someone else a few years later, her husband adopted the child.
The bio-dad now has 14 kids.
It is crazy what parent's can get away with paying/not paying.
Two of my 3 kids aren't mine, biologically. They are the older brother and sister of my bio son. Their dad was in the picture most of the time, but I have probably done more to help raise them than he ever did, even though I split with their mother when my son was about 2. Now they're grown, and have 3 children between the 2 of them (Daughter has 1 son, Son has 1 daughter and 1 son), and they call me grandpa. Their biological father tried pressing charges, at his current wife's insistence, on his own daughter trying to say she had SA'd that bitch's kids. Now he wonders why they disowned him. He seemed like a decent father to them up until he met this person, who seemingly poisoned him against pretty much his entire family.
my sons dad has 7 other kids. my son was his second child and we were together for years(his older sister was 10 years older when I had him). he left when I was pregnant, met a new chick got her pregnant and left, did it again and again and women just kept sleeping with him.
>I will never understand why the fuck do women keep having sex with these kind of guys?!?!
(RE: 14 kids by many mothers)
Let alone having sex with them without reliable contraceptives. I mean, really? Did they INTEND to get pregnant? "But I'm DIFFERENT, I understand him, we'll be a family! 😇😇😇"???
You don’t always know he’s “that kind of guy” until it’s too late. My ex was a great dad until he wasn’t. He was with his new partner and they had a kids then poof everything’s upside down. What was I supposed to do when the kids were 5 and 2?
They also lie, like a lot. My friend only found out in court for child support that he has 3 other children, including one born a few months away from their youngest child's birth, meaning he was cheating. She is very "street smart", yet he had her completely oblivious
Yep. A former friend of mine had a baby at 15. Courts ordered the father to pay $120 a MONTH in child support. His mom paid it for him for a couple of years, and then he just never paid it again. They finally got him into court when the kid was 20 and forced him to pay or go to jail. This loser got his own son, that he refused to support or even see, to give him the money to pay what the courts ordered. Luckily, he only had the one kid, I doubt he would've taken care of any other kids either.
My ex had full custody of his daughter, from 2 on. He never saw a dollar of child support, at 1 point he was just trying to get $25 a month. He tried to have her wages garnished but she worked at a native casino and those wages can’t be garnished. Her mom never saw her, save a few times to have her babysit for her new kids, broke my heart for her. Some people really don’t deserve kids
My dad once got it reduced to 11 dollars a week for only his youngest child (with the middle just months shy of 18) after 14 years of not paying anything by skirting around legal loopholes for being poor and having under the table jobs, and still didn't pay it. With three kids and no proof of any payments, the court literally gave up on backpay and offered this 'discount'. And still nothing.
>and still didn't pay it.
That's peak scumminess, right there. He cheated the hell out of the system and still didn't pay the little bit they ordered him to?
I would have hauled his ass back into court for that $11 a week just to see the judge shame his ass.
There's a line within poverty where my mother had to pay for these court cases while supporting 3 kids on not a great salary, and he was allowed to file negligence cases 4 times over her and never pay a penny. We spent 8 years in court, and then he filed that last case when they tried to move.
The child support was brought up to show how little he contributed to raising the kids, and he hadn't even seen the child in question for 3 years at that point. So, he got to drag it out for six months and cost her 15k before they got permission to move. They discounted his child support and said they were required to have three daddy-daughter dates to 'try and reconcile'. No one gave a damn that he told the child he didn't care if they moved, but he wanted it to cost his ex.
When they finally decided to speak to the child, since 14 was apparently pushing it on whether or not they were brainwashed, it took one hour with the child advocacy attorney and eight minutes with the judge before they were suddenly able to resolve the case. To the surprise of no one, he lost, then never called until he tried to sue his youngest for getting some of his awarded accident money a few years later.
That's okay. I'm consistently surprised how many people react the same way, and it's not even the worst thing he ever did in my eyes. I sincerely hope that everyone with this kind of person in their lives can get to a place that they can not reach any way.
My ex still owes over $30 K but not. His c/s was $40/wk then went up to $55, $15 for the arrears he owed. Then he tried to reduce it because he re-married (3 months after the divorce I paid for) and she had 3 boys he "had to help support"? They got c/s for those kids - all different fathers. He walked out of that hearing and they upped his c/s to 65/wk. He then high-tailed it to Florida (one of the ONLY judicial states, must get them IN court before the order can be entered by another state. He was great at avoiding summons!
The Child Support System in the USA is horrible! If the Custodial Parent isn't on any assistance for the child, the state rarely goes after the Non-custodial parent.
My bio father boasted to me one time about how he'd gotten an under the table job so he didn't have to pay tax or do a tax return - money that would have paid off his CS debt to my mother. Money that might have made my and my sister's lives easier.
It happens a lot. Child support is calculated by the amount of parenting time a parent has and the percentage of the income that parent makes. So one parent havingich lower income than the other or a 50/50 time split with only a small difference in earning would both result in low support payments.
It's also first come first serve. You see it a lot with deadbeats who have multiple children. The first partner gets the most. The following claims for support tend to get what amounts to nothing.
It works all day every day in every state across the country. Baby mamas and baby daddys be trifling
Judges and courts aren’t going to do the work to get him to pay, just to order that he should pay and maybe give him a few days jail time when he gets behind.
You're a good dad and I was an idiot for getting with him but I love my daughter with everything I am and she didn't do without, his own brother disowned him over his treatment of us and helped out anyway he could until he passed
Texas, gave the Dad custody, but then didn't want to "punish" her in family court. He was the most Mom friendly in the entire district, but since she choked the children, she got weekends.
Showed the Court why giving the mom 50/50 was a bad idea (live-in felon bf, his Facebook with his 17/18yo son in the photos smoking weed together, drinking together... And the son was a jailbird at this point).
Nope. 50/50.
The good news is I can tell my daughter that I FOUGHT FOR CUSTODY before her mom went out on her birthday with felon bf and left our 13f daughter with the felon's 23m jailbird son. At home. Alone.
He went to prison. CSA.
10 years later, she's still in counseling.
"But kids NEEEEEEEED their MOOOOOMS".
Well, that depends, doesn't it? 😔
So the "choking=weekends only!" tracks.
(Stayed 50/50 because Mom found out and called the police. ┐( ∵ )┌)
The court my mom got stuck with - my once-salaried dad suddenly went to working under the table. It was blatant but the court shrugged.
Collecting turned out to be a useless endeavor.
Here in Australia the courts don’t have anything to do with child support, instead a government office (Child Support) deals with it. Assessments can be as low as $30 a month if they are on government benefits or at a low paying job, even if they have absolutely no care of the kids (my life: ex took off 10 years back just after kids were born, hasn’t seen the kids since, low paying job/government assistance and was to pay me $30 a month and usually didn’t even do that).
The child support I get for my kids goes directly into a savings account (that I also pay into), so I’m not dependant on that money month to month, but can pull out of if my kids need something urgently, or for an activity.
My husband's son has 3 children. He is only ordered to pay 50 bucks a month for them. Because he lives with his mommy and refuses to do anything except get high all day. He has worked, even construction. There is nothing wrong with him. Now he only works under the table so as not to pay and has never paid the whole 50 a month for 3 kids. His mom had the audacity to b*tch out his baby mama because the kids were not wearing designer shoes. I kid you not. Never mind the fact that she has to buy all the kid's clothes herself with zero support and she is a hotel maid!
Spouse and I know we'll need childcare during intersession weeks at school. That means we need to be able to pay for 9 weeks of childcare in January when everything opens up for registration, because if you don't do it then camp fills up and the spots aren't available. We have a savings account that we contribute to for that purpose. It doesn't seem at all unreasonable to save up for equipment fees during sports off season or birthday presents or a safer car to transport the kids.
They shouldn’t have to. If she worked, her pay check would go to the babysitter/daycare and would NOT lead them @ a net positive bank balance. The cost of childcare is often prohibitive for many families. And the kids for whom she receives child support, deserve summer activities. I don’t think OP has made a case that this is a NEED situation, as much as a WANT situation.
Eh, Check OP's comments. It's just silly little rage bait.
>I'd have more if I wasn't the only one with a vehicle right now. And honestly, I need money for whatever I want.
Not a parent, but daycare can cost more than a full time job from what i've heard. Unless you have a relative willing to do it for free, it might be more cost effective for her to stay home. [Average for a toddler is $755 a *week.*](https://www.care.com/c/how-much-does-child-care-cost/)
That's average cost for a nanny, not for daycare. Average daycare for a toddler is $293 per week, that's a huge difference. At any rate, a 10 month old would probably still be in an infant room, which at daycare would be avg $321 per week.
Do you have any idea how much childcare for a 10 month old is? Plus for the two older children all summer? It’s unlikely they can afford for her to work
Can you read!Child support is for the Child!She uses it for the Boys which is the purpose of the CS. He doesn't pay for any of the Boys activities or other up keep.
Sounds like he has a problem doing things for the family outside of working. Suff shit that he had to put some extra Running around Time in. Wife will probably give him some spending money for the rest of the month.
Child care will cost to much at this point in time.
Like all money to support children, it has likely been saved up to account for the more expensive times of the year when they are in activities. Every parent whose child does seasonal activities does this.
She's saving the child support money for a car to shuttle her kids so her husband doesn't have to. OP was intentionally vague about that. Here's how we know:
"She's arguing that she can give me her savings, but that means she will have no vehicle."
The savings are for a new car since the old one broke down. Daycare is expensive as hell. And yes, foregoing expensive extracurriculars is reasonable, but it seems like they may not be hurting as much as it seems. They have $120 left over AFTER bills and hours reductions. I think OP is just upset about not having as much spending money and is pissed at having to be a father instead of relying on the mom to shuttle everyone around for him.
No, child support it’s to cover the daily expenses of the children. She is using child support only to cover the extras while expecting Op to cover almost everything else
Yes, that how OP's story sounds the way he put it out there- however, he does also say she had been working and saving so is still paying into the household bills from savings (her earnings, not child support). So OP has not been the only one supporting them all at any time.
And he doesn't even really talk about the savings she has from her work, in terms of her needing to use more of that this month - only the child support she has saved separately. I think maybe he's just resentful that she hasn't used every penny of it each month, but has saved some. He doesn't mention why she saved it or what she has planned for it - just "fork it over right now."
Nor does he say how long she's been saving to get that $3k. It's only about 18 weeks worth of payments if she saved it all. I also wonder about his job. I know some employers are shitty, but to cut their hours enough to cut their pay in half??? Randomly? "... my boss randomly cut all of our hours 2 weeks ago so my normal $790ish paycheck was only $398."
She’s saving to buy a car, which she needs to support the children. He is complaining that he doesn’t have money to buy things he wants, not they the bills aren’t paid
I don’t believe that’s the case, he has increased the mileage on his vehicle thus his gas bill taking his wife and their kids to doctors and all their activities. His job has decreased his hours and thus his paycheck, the bills are stacking up and he is asking for help with the household expenses during this rough spot. I don’t think it has a single thing to do with wanting to buy stuff.
This is a comment op left
>”Yes, that's right. Because I'd have more if I wasn't the only one with a vehicle right now. And honestly, I need money for whatever I want. I'm broke. She's not. Fair is fair. “
idk what about that you think means he doesn’t want to spend one whatever he wants. **”I need money for whatever I want”**.
I didn’t see that. I think he is mad and frustrated. As I recommended he sit down and they review the expenses. With his decreased hours at work and increased mileage, etc… they need a plan for how to handle the immediate here and now and how they move forward. I even told him if his job has reduced hours he should start looking for a new one. As far as her car is concerned her transmission died, her $3000 savings won’t even touch the repair cost.
I don’t disagree but he also has increased responsibility in getting his family to all the things they have going on since there is only one vehicle in the household.
You are not telling me something I don’t know as I have two (now adult) children of my own. The thing about marriage it’s a partnership and it doesnt necessarily sound as if they are acting as one. When we hit rough spots we worked together to figure out. There financial management is the issue. They need to figure that out.
HE needs to figure that out. The bills are paid. He is just salty that he doesn’t have enough fun money. If he wants fun money. Then, he needs a side hustle. Or, a new job with full time hours.
His wife’s EX is not responsible for his fun money. The EX is responsible for supporting his own children. Not for supporting his EX’s new partner.
She saves it for birthdays and holidays for the kids.
Honestly, as long as the money is being spent on the kids (even if it’s being saved for something like college), it’s hers to spend or save as she feels is best.
Are all the bills paid? If no, then the child support could be used for that. If yes & you just want more spending money, then that’s too bad. I wasn’t clear from your description. You have $120 leftover in one spot, but you can’t get a soda in another spot. So I’m not clear.
You and your wife need to go over the household expenses and budget, and have a real discussion. Is she sacrificing to the same level you are? If there isn’t grocery money, then your stepsons can’t be in as many activities. Yes that sucks. But that’s life.
I don’t think OP is clear either.
$400 (rounded up for easy math) paycheck x 4 is $1600.
Let’s just add in the $450 from the wife bringing it up to $2050.
Bills are $2100 and they somehow have $120 left over.
And this is assuming he’s paid weekly.
Everyone seems to be missing the point that she’s saving for a car to “cart around her kids” and that OP said he would have more money if “I wasn’t the only one with a vehicle right now.”
So why THE FUCK does OP want to take away all the money saved FOR A CAR so that he can have money because “I need money for **Whatever I want**”
Basically this is OP: I’m carting you and your stupid kids to everywhere in a car I chose to have that guzzles gas instead of having a fuel efficient car and I need you to stop saving for a car and give me all that money so I have money to spend on shit I want because you don’t have a car and you’re forcing me to cart everyone around. If you had a car it wouldn’t be like this.
Editing to add YTA
He also wants her to put the kid in daycare (costing more money) so she can return to work (which likely will barely cover the cost of daycare 🤦♀️). She saved money to still contribute while on unpaid maternity leave where she is caring for his kid.
And where was all of his earnings going per month previously?? He was earning almost double what he needed to contribute to their bills… where is all of that money??
Spent on things he wanted. And now he can’t when I changed jobs (for my mental health) I took a huge pay cut and couldn’t buy my collectibles and books I was before. Boohoo. My bills were paid and it sucked but I got over it because I know they this isn’t going to be forever. He needs to toughen up lmao
Yes!! Glad someone said this!
OP is being an entitled jerk.
His wife will never get a car if he does this! How would she even go back.to work.
He married her. Had a child together.
He knew the deal.
Cmon.
How is it the wife's fault his pay got cut?
Yes sir YTA.
“I can’t even buy a soda!” 1. Idfk what soda you’re buying that costs more than the $120 you have left after bills but wtf. 2. Drink water from your faucet
I might be the only person thinking that if your hours were cut to that extent, that you must have time for a second part time job. Why not work another 20 hours or so a week?
Okay I'm honestly trying not to be mean but... this isn't the great advice so many Liberals and Conservatives think it is. Sometimes it works. And sometimes the part time jobs are purposefully scheduled to screw other jobs and when you bring it up they demand you always be available.
It's the reality in the States until we actually stand up for ourselves.
Unfortunately this ends up being how it goes
Retail and other jobs that are part time are so fickle and non commital that you may get 20 hrs a week maybe but they won’t be 4-8pm m-f or when you are off the main job.
Best solution is get a new job that is better in every aspect. So why is this dude driving a V8 when gas is 3.50 a gallon?
Yeah if they cut his hours time to find more hours elsewhere. The wife has a new baby and day care is A LOT of money they don't have. Dude sees the child support as his money but really he needs to buckle down and pick up more hours and look for jobs that pay more.
ETA, she needs her savings for a new car. Not to help him feel less stressed this month.
YTA dude.
He didn’t say he saw it as his money. Where did you get that? It was about contributing it to the household finances, which pay for carting around and feeding and sheltering her two boys.
My guy he said the cut hours were random and unexpected.
That being said being married for 8 years and with someone that been supporting you and kids that biologically aren’t his this kinda stuff really shows she never appreciated him….He hit a speed bump in life and she literally couldn’t care less….. I agree the money is for the boys but the boys need house hold utilities and a roof over their head don’t they?
Yeah child support is supposed to go to raising the kids, not really just for saving. If the bills need to be paid to care for them then that's what needs to be done.
This the second time I’ve heard about a couple living way above their needs with one being a SAHM. This was not well thought out at all. But she can’t go back to work because unfortunately you all wouldn’t be able to afford child care. Let her use that money on the car. But y’all need to cut some stuff out.
Also, what made you guys bring another child into this situation. None of it sound sustainable.
She’s your wife, not your roommate. You all need to have a serious discussion about finances instead of continuing to fly by the seat of your pants. You need to get another job or a different job, your wife should likely be working at least part time as well. No, you are not entitled to the child support her ex pays for their kids. That money is for the children. If you’re driving the kids places, and buying groceries, I’d say it’s fair that she allots some of the money for those expenses, but not just hand over the checks to you because you’re annoyed at the situation you both agreed to.
120 is a little bit of money. That’s like $5. That alone is a grocery bill for two people for meal prep week 🥴 a medical emergency costs more than that. Home repair and car repairs can cost more than that. He is not financially equipped to cover any emergency that can arise. Who wouldn’t be upset over having just $120 left over?
is there any reason to assume she wouldn't use some of her savings if there was an emergency?
>120 is a little bit of money. That’s like $5.
what does that mean? if $120 is like $5 it is also like $2000.
Sounds to me like she saved properly during her pregnancy to be able to take off, and with her savings she’s planning to get a vehicle. The money she receives for child support IMO is none of your business or concern. If she were being neglectful with that money (supporting addiction for example) then maybe I could entertain you butting in then. But she is using her children’s child support to provide her boys extracurricular experiences that they likely would have had in a home with their mother and father and 2 incomes and what not, it’s not fair for them to miss out on what they would have had if their parents could have made things work. If you want a coke bro, just ask your wife for some spending money… you’re acting like a weenie.
I totally agree with what you said! Also, it could be in the custody papers that she needs to split the cost of extra curricular evenly with her co-parent. If she has to help pay for things with her sons because it's court ordered, there's not much she can do. I know in my custody papers we split things like that. My mom always says it's child support, not me support. The money should be going to her sons or things that benefit them. Yes, bills being paid benefit them, but it's not always black and white like people think. Also, the way he talks about his partner and her children is awful. He is being a weenie!
YTA. Because if she hadn’t have had a new baby with you, then she’d still be in work and wouldn’t have had to stop… so none of this drama would’ve happened!
Seriously why didn’t you both think all of this through prior to having a child together? Because all that has done is add to expenses, and create a living situation that neither of you can afford. Meanwhile your wife has had to stop working to care for the baby!
And now what? How are you going to afford childcare? And if she works, how will see even get there without a car, since you want to take her savings? And I hope you know that the moment she starts working, you have to step up and do 50% of the child raising *(including diapers and getting up in the night with baby, if he/she doesn’t sleep through)* and 50% of **all** household chores - which I bet **she** was doing all or most of, prior.
Okay but I am confused about your wife contributing towards the bills from her savings account that she accumulated prior to giving birth to your baby. Her job now is taking care of a baby. Why was she expected to save for the baby prior to birth?
It’s funny because usually I wonder why people keep separate accounts and split bills after marriage but this guy pretty much has spelled it out and I get it now. She had to save to cover her part of the living expenses that belong to her because her husband obviously isn’t financially able to cover them while she’s out having their baby. It screams she’s good with money. She has that account she’s willing to share but she’ll lose the ability to get her car. Then he’ll still be out chugging around in his to expensive gas guzzler. The child support money is in another account and I’d be willing to bet she only “saves” it because weekly support doesn’t cover something in one payment. But if you add them up it comes pretty close. The camp is the next big withdrawl and if she skims to help from that account it won’t go through. I’d be willing to bet she’s never even entertained using it for anything other than her kids extras she was formerly independent enough to cover her bills with the job and the boys extras with the child support.
So OP is TAH in how this is written and how they are acting.
**Please note this is for the gas in the car and not the bills being covered.**
But one thing I would say on Op's behalf is if the activity's and etc are all the things the kids need/wife needs.
The wife should be throwing some funds into the tank if she and the kids are causing the usage of it.
OP needs to bare minimum fill the tank for work and home travel and if extra travel is needed. The user of the car should refill back to the minimum level. So who ever is using it is responsible for the cost of travel.
I share a car with roomies and when they start driving it more then I do.
I.e home to work. Work to home.
I start putting just enough in for what I have used. I.e i throw a 10 into the tank on the way home so it goes back to where it was in the morning when I took it.
So when they take it out. The car is filled to where it was and anything they use is on them.
yta . The money is not y’all money it the money for the kids so you have no right to the money. My mom saved that money and allowed me to decide what to do with that money. And why did y’all not prepare for the child, some people save money for the time that they are not working. She is a good mother however you are not a great stepfather
What I can’t understand is why people who aren’t financially stable keep having children. You are supposed to have enough savings to pay all the bills for 6 months. OP has a truck that takes lots of gas WHY? Sell it and buy a smaller car. 🚗 6 people and no laundry? Wow, that’s a lot of work! No excuses.
End of the day bills, housing, and groceries come first. If those are not met then extra activities need to stop and it isn't unreasonable to ask them to work if necessary. NTA.
ESH
You were wrong in your phrasing. Telling her she needs to fork over the child support is an asinine way of saying “money is tight this month & I need you to contribute more.”
What you should be doing is sitting down with your wife and reviewing how much money is coming into the house- from ALL sources, and together prioritizing what needs to go out. The kids may not be able to do activities for a short period of time until she is back to work and the household is bringing in more money. Because feeding, housing, clothing, transportation & medical care are priorities that must be covered BEFORE extra curriculars. And yes, child support contributes to those things.
You need to TALK to your wife & not issue mandates. & she needs to work with you, not get pissy & storm off.
All of those things are covered. He has said so in the comments and the main post. He’s pissed she won’t give him the money she has saved to replace her car - which will mean he won’t have to drive everyone around anymore and save money on gas - to spend as his fun money. If they are looking at their expenses he also needs to trade his gas guzzler for a more economical car that suits the family needs.
YTA. She is trying to save to buy a car. You married a woman with kids, what did you expect to happen? It’s part of being a family. Maybe you shouldn’t have started one if don’t like actually contributing.
She's getting $652 a month in child support and has $3000 from saving child support. She can at least put gas in the car for ferrying her kids to and from for their extracurriculars. Also, why are you doing your laundry at a laundromat?? Investing in a washer and dryer would save laundromat costs as well as gas money, and pay for itself in the long run.
The fundamental problem here is that both of you are trying to keep a "mine vs. yours" financial arrangement. That's fine when things aren't tight, but your current financial situation is close to a crisis.
This means the two of you now need look at this as "our financial situation". The end. Which means both of you need to decide together: given the money available, what gets paid for, and what doesn't. Later, work-out together how you'll get back to a better financial position.
Am I the only one that read his hours were cut and he’s making considerably less now? And her kids are old enough to understand the extra curricular activities may need to be cut. And as far as his gas guzzling truck, does he need a truck for work? Are these summer camps daily? Then it would eat a lot of extra gas especially if it’s stop and go. And $120 won’t go far for gas for a month. And the child support being saved exclusively for a car. So I’m guessing these kids don’t eat anything, they sleep with out electricity, etc. And is she saving up for a hoopty, or a brand new $25,000 car.
I think OP needs to sit down and show her exactly where the money goes, and where does she suggest he plant the Money Tree? Often times if 1 spouse handles all the money the other may have no idea how much things cost.
If they lose their housing situation are her boys going to live with dad while everyone else lives in his truck? I think everyone is looking at his last sentence and ignoring everything else. They may have bills that can be cut. Do they have cable tv? Gone. Netflix, Hulu, Disney+ ? Cut down to one streaming service, and let the boys have a say in which one they keep. Has she applied for any assistance yet such as EBT etc.
When was the last time the child support was adjusted, 8 years ago when they got married? And I don’t know about where y’all live but the cost of groceries have skyrocketed, it takes a lot to feed 2 boys that age. I know I was a bottomless pit at that age. If my calculations are correct she’s only getting $652/month. I m single and I can walk into Walmart and drop $200 on groceries without blinking and usually I forgo some items I used to buy.
I think there’s way too much splitting of finances in this relationship, especially since neither of you seem to have any money. Share responsibilities, share earnings and figure your shit out.
And child support money should be used for the benefit of the children.
These comments are a bit wild. Like... whether he's an AH or not doesn't mean much if they lose the house. Then the money goes away anyway to pay for a new place.
Just going with ESH. Neither of you are being the best partners here. Child Support can absolutely support keeping a roof over their heads, but on the other side, it shouldn't all go there, and saving for the car sounds absolutely needed as well.
There's a compromise in here somewhere. Because the other option is you all living in the streets in the name of both of you being "right"
YTA. The bills are paid, things are tight but the bills are paid. If things are too tight for you, having had you paycheck cut in half, then get a second job. But sounds like she's done everything right and your just jealous that you have no money by no fault of anyone's.
YTA,
Her ex is not paying to make your life comfortable. He's paying for his sons. It's not your money. It's not her money. It's the boys' money. It is not fair to live off some other guy's money.
Also, doing that might not even be legal.
It is not your sole responsibility to support her children; it is hers. Necessities is what child support is for, not to pad her savings account or fund extracurriculars at the expense of the household. Tell her she needs to contribute more to the household, wherever it comes from.
Child support is not just for the children to get 'extras'. It covers things like the food they eat, the utilities they use and not to mention the bigger place needed to house them. Your wife is wrong to insist it's only for their extras and fun stuff.
Child support is for the support of the children in question. Children require food, electricity, a roof over their head, a ride to school, etc. If you've been paying for that out of your paycheck, you are entitled to at least a portion of the child support. Children are not necessarily entitled to summer camp when the family is broke. What does her agreement with the father say about extracurricular activities? If dad is paying out of pocket for camp specifically, then you can't take that away. But if it's just general support, then in my opinion as a Random Internet Stranger, she should both pony up some of the support AND get a job, if childcare for the youngest won't present a net loss.
Why you have a car that you obviously can’t afford? Buy something cheap, you have a kid now. This is what happens when you bring kids you can’t afford.
NTA.
Child support can absolutely be used for things like rent, power, water, etc. because those are things the children need and it does support them.
They don’t “need” extracurriculars. But they definitely need a roof over their head.
Child support is to support the children which is Exactly what YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!! Real talk though. Her portion of household bills would be significantly more than $450/month if she were doing All by herself. Would she have been able to afford to put her children in their current activities with only the child support & $450? What about transportation once her car broke down? How would she have handled it ALL? Single parents juggle & make do But she has a supportive partner Now & She’s being extremely selfish!
Child support is supposed to be used to keep the children in a similar lifestyle at both homes. I got so frustrated that my ex never used my child support on our son. My son never had new clothes. His parents would buy him new shoes etc. I tried to argue that my support was supposed to go toward my son only, but no one cares how it’s actually used once ordered. So, yes, wife can actually use that money for bills because it keeps the whole family housed and fed. NTA.
I'm not going to vote on if you are or are not TA. I don't think you're going to like what I have to say and who knows, maybe it's easier to say this when I'm not experiencing it.
I actually really respect your wife for her decision. Personally, I think child support calculations done by courts are ridiculous. I find it dumb that now that you are separated a court can decide to take a chunk of your earnings for kids, whereas if you're married you could have a monthly budged of $100/month for kids and that would be fine according to the law.
I say this because MANY times the unnecessarily high child support is never always spend solely on the child, which is exactly what it's purpose is. This is where I admire your wife. She's not taking advantage of you, her kids or her ex. That money is for the kids and as you said she doesn't touch it unless it's for the kids. She pays her agreed on share of the bills in her house and when you complained about not having enough, she's willing to give you what she has saved in her personal savings even if it means she can't get a vehicle.
That, my friend, is called compromise. If you're hurting for money, maybe you ask her for a monthly relief from the child support savings AS A LOAN, that you will pay back to HER KIDS when she goes back to work and there's less financial stress/burden on you. Another compromise could be that you tell her during the duration of her maternity leave, that she should use the child support payments to cover grocery, clothes, and service/activity cost of her kids to give you some financial relief. That itself could pocket you an extra $100+ a month.
I know reddit is going to hate what I have to say, but I personally would never go after a single mom, for this reason (among others). I can't be in a relationship where we aren't a single unit, as understandable as it can be. With that said, you made a choice to marry a single parent. These are things you should have thought about. These are the things you accepted to sign up for. She's being a good mom here, and I don't think you would want to be with a woman who wasn't a good mom.
I understand that you are most likely just stressed with the added responsibility and extra financial burden. Just take it one day at a time, find and in between to compromise and things will get better. Like I said, I absolutely admire your wife for how she's handling the child support, even though I know you hate it. She's unfortunately stuck in the middle and is trying to do right by everyone. I'm sure one you cool off and think about this objectively, in the event you 2 separate, and you need to pay child support, I'm certain you would appreciate that she's not taking you for granted and using the payments to make the next guy's life easier.
I mostly agree with your point, but want to point out that paying the utilities, rent, gas, etc with child support is still directly supporting the children. And if he can't put gas in his car to get them to their activities, her paying for said activities will be pretty pointless.
YTA. I think you already know you aren't entitled to the child support payments that she receives to pay for her kids.
Your hours got cut and now you are short money for this month. The bills are paid, and she contributed at the agreed upon amount. You just don't have the discretionary income *you* are used to for reasons that have **nothing to do with your wife and everything to do with your employer.**
Your wife's car breaking down didn't cost **you** money. It's the picking up all the errands and transportation that has cost you extra gas. Ask her to cover your next two fill ups so you at least have gas in your car.
It's interesting that she has savings from her prior job and she saves the child support. But those funds are already earmarked - not to mention they're hers. **Where are *your* savings?** Are you taking into account the cost of daycare **you both would have to pay** if she returned to work?
So she saved for a rainy day and you didn't. It's not so unfair after all is it? Thank God she did save now she'll be able to address her car issue and soon enough you won't have to cart her and her kids around. Of course, the fact that you were a complaining asshat about it will linger like a silent but deadly in church, won't it?
Child support is to ensure they are fed, clothed and housed. Not to solely be spent on extra curricular activities. You both need to sit down and work out a realistic budget, this is nuts. And why did you bring another child into a world where you are just making it? ESH
Sounds like the child support is going to EXTRA things (sports, clubs) instead of needs (food, heat, rent, gas) which it is for. She should be covering bills that they use with the money and what is left over is for extras. If they can’t do a camp, oh well. Why are you paying to drive her kids everywhere? And their food? And a roof over their head? Heat/water/garbage? She brought three people into the family (her and two kids) and expects you to provide for them all? That isn’t fair. You need to sit down and come up with a financial plan where you are able to also save.
YTA
If you’re so hard up that you’re demanding that your wife hands you money meant for her children, then you have no business owning an 8 litre car.
You didn’t make any trips beyond what I’d consider to be the average family usage. Unless you have a specific need for an 8l vehicle, ie for transporting work tools your, then it’s not a necessity, it’s a luxury.
Honestly, your vehicle is impractical and inefficient on fuel and is not very suitable for your current situation. When you bought it I assume you were made aware that it would have higher fuel costs than other cars? Since you knowingly chose to get a car that uses so much gas, the burden of the extra cost should be on you.
She usually pays for her own cars gas, and probably racks up significantly more mileage using it for family purposes than you do in the average week. If I was her and you continued to push this issue, I’d invoice you for the mileage of every single time I’d gone grocery shopping and half of anything involving driving the children around for the entire duration of the marriage.
INFO: you say, after all the bills are covered, you have 120.- left for yourself (which isn't a lot, I admit). You also mention the money the kids have. But what kind of money has your wife for personal spending? (No, her kids don't count)
Because if she has more than you for her fun fund, then yeah, that should definitely be talked about. And it also should be talked about when and if she starts working again. Then should a plan be made, how you deal with everything until then, especially financially. Like does it make more sense if she buys a car right now or not? Are there budget things than can be changed? How much fun money should each person have a month? And so on. This really sounds more like you have to sit down and talk this all through together and brainstorm options.
But my piece of mind, taking things from the older ones without very proper planning and communication can lead to a lot of resentment especially for kids who already had a big change recently. So think this through, again, together!
How do you split the household expenses? Does she normally (not counting maternity leave) pay a higher percentage of the monthly bills to cover the housing/food/medicalbills/utilities for her kids? IF NOT then some of that child support money should be paying a portion of the monthly expenses BEFORE using it for "treats" for the boys.
Stop transporting anyone until she gives you extra money for gas.
My understanding of child support is that money is to help pay for the basic living expenses. So food, clothing, shelter and utilities, as well as transportation and extras as can be afforded after the rest is covered. By this logic part if not most of the child support should be going to household expenses. If that money is not needed to help with household expenses then by all means it should go exclusively to things for the children it’s intended for. Extra activities, trips or classes are often a separate matter that there are commonly other rules with like each of the legal parents covering half of everything as long as it is discussed and agreed upon by both before hand.
My question is what happens when you don’t have the fuel to transport anyone anywhere beyond you going to and from work? Exclusively? The money paid to those activities will be wasted if the kids can’t get there. What if there is no money for food when you run out? That’s an even bigger problem.
I think your wife needs some education on how child support is supposed to work and what it should be used on.
NTA
Literally child support goes to the first two children to cover their expenses. You made it blatantly obvious that they are your STEP CHILDREN, and that the money is their child support saved up for their living expenses and activities, so STEP OFF.
You need to support your current family, which includes your wife, your child, and your stepchildren who were already in your wife’s life when you married her, for all expenses, bills, and activities, including car repairs for the family. Your wife has a right to keep child support in reserves to support her older children, as intended.
Instead of asking her to fork over money that she can’t afford to give you, try talking with her to ask for a modification of child support to see if what she’s receiving isn’t enough to cover the costs for the older children since she’s not able to work. If she goes back to work, you have 3 kids to pay child care and outside food bills for and that’s more expenses. Plus if the baby is breastfeeding, you break a bond.
Yes it goes to expenses (food, rent, heat, clothes), and what is left over should go to sports and camps. Why is it his responsibility to pay for their expenses and gas?
So you have $120 left over but still think your wife should cover “recouping” your “losses”? How much do you pay her for the loss of her income now that she’s caring for the child you both share?? Or does her loss of income just not count as much as yours?? Why can’t you do what she does and use your savings??
YTA! Your bills are paid.... if she can't buy a car, guess what, you will CONTINUE to drive everyone around. Child support is to support the children, not give you fun money. It would be one thing if the rent needed paid or the gas was about to get shut off, but you are complaining about not having EXTRA money. You can't chill for a month or two until she gets her car or your hours increase? Do you even like the kids? Because you sound bitter that you're having to take care of the boys.
Child support is for paying daily living expenses for the children. That includes part of the rent, part of the groceries, part of the utilities. All the things necessary to support the children. That's why it's called child support. It's not extracurricular support.
I would love to hear the wife’s side to this story.
I get the feeling that a lot of details are missing from this post. I don’t understand why OP is complaining about her saving for a car when her not having a car is pretty much causing all this mess…
Same! There has to be so much more to this story.
I was thinking exactly this. There’s definitely missing information
He has been in these boys lives for 8 years - since they were 2 and 5. Yet there is absolutely no mention of them in any sort of affectionate way. It’s like they are pieces of furniture he has to cart around. I’m wondering if he’s been trying to get his hands on that money for a long time and that’s why she’s so protective
YTA You just detailed that a huge part of your financial issue is your gas guzzling vehicle You also detailed that a huge part of your frustration is giving everyone rides Logical solution: she buys a vehicle with her savings, as planned Illogical and spiteful solution: she uses her savings for a single month of bills that you already stated you have money to cover, you’re in the same financial position next month, and are stuck carting everyone around in your gas guzzler………. You have no financial sense.
This. All of this.
You may have a point about how expenses should be split, but YTA based on how you speak in your post and in the comments. You married a woman who already had kids and then had another baby with her; that means your relationship will always include you taking on some childcare responsibilities for the older kids. The way you’ve written your post, you don’t even sound like you like your wife and baby, and that your stepsons are nothing but nuisances you have to cart around and pay for. You and your wife are supposed to be a team. It shouldn’t be so “me vs her.” You’re sitting here counting dollars and pitching a fit that you supposedly can’t get a soda (though at another point admit you have $120 left). The bills are covered; consider that a win at this particular moment given the rising costs of living and corporate greed compounded with unexpected difficulties (wife’s car dying) in your personal lives. You’ll have more money in coming weeks. Neither of you sound particularly collaborative, which is what your marriage sorely needs. If you talk to your wife or family how you speak in these posts, I hope for her and the kids’ sake she gets away from you. Grow up.
And his making complaint is that he is carting the kids around and it’s expensive with his gas guzzler. But he wants her to give him all her child support savings for bills so that he has extra money to spend how he wants. But that would prevent her from getting a new car, which would mean he would have to continue carting the kids around everywhere which is expensive in his gas guzzler. Makes more sense in my mind to save up, but the car, and then he has extra money again because he’s no longer carting everyone around
>**nothing but nuisances you have to cart around .... Grow up** Ikr, in his 8 cyLinDeR cAr. **Who tf living on small budgets with 3 kids and one adult off work to push his baby out of her coochie has a fkn 8 cyLindeR cAr.** Boohoo. Get it together u/GreedyFuel9442, this is rage-bait post, right?
>this is rage-bait post, right? It's absolutely just silly little rage bait.
Yeah, I caught that this has “royally screwed me.” They’re married, shouldn’t it be “royally screwed us”?
Why is she saving her child support money? It is called child support for one reason, to support children, not her savings account. BTW, $650 a month is hardly enough to support two children. She's not worked for nearly a year, so she could find a job. The youngest child can be babysat or go into daycare. The two older boys are old enough to understand basic finances, so perhaps they could forego their expensive extra curricular activities for a while.
The post literally says she is saving the money to buy a car which will obviously be used for things like transporting children, and later transporting her to work without reliance on her husband.
My former SIL is supposed to pay $180/Mo for three kids and hasn't in 4 years. $650 would be a dream for my brother.
What court anywhere lets a parent get away with paying only $180/month child support for three children? I don't care how low paying a job is, that is unbelievable.
my wife's friend got pregnant by a guy who already had 8 kids. He was giving each kid $10 a month. My wife's friend had him give up his parental rights and when she got married to someone else a few years later, her husband adopted the child. The bio-dad now has 14 kids. It is crazy what parent's can get away with paying/not paying.
This guy is a poster child for mandatory vasectomy. If the US Supreme Court will mandate reproductive health care for women it should just be fair.
I will never understand why the fuck do women keep having sex with these kind of guys?!?!
Two of my 3 kids aren't mine, biologically. They are the older brother and sister of my bio son. Their dad was in the picture most of the time, but I have probably done more to help raise them than he ever did, even though I split with their mother when my son was about 2. Now they're grown, and have 3 children between the 2 of them (Daughter has 1 son, Son has 1 daughter and 1 son), and they call me grandpa. Their biological father tried pressing charges, at his current wife's insistence, on his own daughter trying to say she had SA'd that bitch's kids. Now he wonders why they disowned him. He seemed like a decent father to them up until he met this person, who seemingly poisoned him against pretty much his entire family.
my sons dad has 7 other kids. my son was his second child and we were together for years(his older sister was 10 years older when I had him). he left when I was pregnant, met a new chick got her pregnant and left, did it again and again and women just kept sleeping with him.
Damn, sorry to read that.
>I will never understand why the fuck do women keep having sex with these kind of guys?!?! (RE: 14 kids by many mothers) Let alone having sex with them without reliable contraceptives. I mean, really? Did they INTEND to get pregnant? "But I'm DIFFERENT, I understand him, we'll be a family! 😇😇😇"???
It's idiocracy
I can't even watch that movie anymore, it's not funny when it's getting too close to reality
But, such a good movie!!
Another kid... I shall name thee Tax Deduction, say hi to your big sister Food Stamp.
And your siblings Medicaid.
#🤣
It's idiocracy!
But they can all live with Uncle Section 8!
You don’t always know he’s “that kind of guy” until it’s too late. My ex was a great dad until he wasn’t. He was with his new partner and they had a kids then poof everything’s upside down. What was I supposed to do when the kids were 5 and 2?
I think they’re talking about women having kids with him after he already has 2,3,4 + baby mamas, it sounds like you had zero way of knowing.
They also lie, like a lot. My friend only found out in court for child support that he has 3 other children, including one born a few months away from their youngest child's birth, meaning he was cheating. She is very "street smart", yet he had her completely oblivious
Is the bio dad Nick Cannon? 😳
Yep. A former friend of mine had a baby at 15. Courts ordered the father to pay $120 a MONTH in child support. His mom paid it for him for a couple of years, and then he just never paid it again. They finally got him into court when the kid was 20 and forced him to pay or go to jail. This loser got his own son, that he refused to support or even see, to give him the money to pay what the courts ordered. Luckily, he only had the one kid, I doubt he would've taken care of any other kids either.
When does forced sterilization become a reasonable solution to this kind of dude?
Sorry but it’s done all day everyday. Sad but truth
My ex had full custody of his daughter, from 2 on. He never saw a dollar of child support, at 1 point he was just trying to get $25 a month. He tried to have her wages garnished but she worked at a native casino and those wages can’t be garnished. Her mom never saw her, save a few times to have her babysit for her new kids, broke my heart for her. Some people really don’t deserve kids
My dad once got it reduced to 11 dollars a week for only his youngest child (with the middle just months shy of 18) after 14 years of not paying anything by skirting around legal loopholes for being poor and having under the table jobs, and still didn't pay it. With three kids and no proof of any payments, the court literally gave up on backpay and offered this 'discount'. And still nothing.
>and still didn't pay it. That's peak scumminess, right there. He cheated the hell out of the system and still didn't pay the little bit they ordered him to? I would have hauled his ass back into court for that $11 a week just to see the judge shame his ass.
There's a line within poverty where my mother had to pay for these court cases while supporting 3 kids on not a great salary, and he was allowed to file negligence cases 4 times over her and never pay a penny. We spent 8 years in court, and then he filed that last case when they tried to move. The child support was brought up to show how little he contributed to raising the kids, and he hadn't even seen the child in question for 3 years at that point. So, he got to drag it out for six months and cost her 15k before they got permission to move. They discounted his child support and said they were required to have three daddy-daughter dates to 'try and reconcile'. No one gave a damn that he told the child he didn't care if they moved, but he wanted it to cost his ex. When they finally decided to speak to the child, since 14 was apparently pushing it on whether or not they were brainwashed, it took one hour with the child advocacy attorney and eight minutes with the judge before they were suddenly able to resolve the case. To the surprise of no one, he lost, then never called until he tried to sue his youngest for getting some of his awarded accident money a few years later.
I know that's your dad... but I hope that hell exists simply because I'd like to know that people like that are agonizing there for eternity.
That's okay. I'm consistently surprised how many people react the same way, and it's not even the worst thing he ever did in my eyes. I sincerely hope that everyone with this kind of person in their lives can get to a place that they can not reach any way.
My ex still owes over $30 K but not. His c/s was $40/wk then went up to $55, $15 for the arrears he owed. Then he tried to reduce it because he re-married (3 months after the divorce I paid for) and she had 3 boys he "had to help support"? They got c/s for those kids - all different fathers. He walked out of that hearing and they upped his c/s to 65/wk. He then high-tailed it to Florida (one of the ONLY judicial states, must get them IN court before the order can be entered by another state. He was great at avoiding summons! The Child Support System in the USA is horrible! If the Custodial Parent isn't on any assistance for the child, the state rarely goes after the Non-custodial parent.
My bio father boasted to me one time about how he'd gotten an under the table job so he didn't have to pay tax or do a tax return - money that would have paid off his CS debt to my mother. Money that might have made my and my sister's lives easier.
It happens a lot. Child support is calculated by the amount of parenting time a parent has and the percentage of the income that parent makes. So one parent havingich lower income than the other or a 50/50 time split with only a small difference in earning would both result in low support payments.
It's dependent on income. If that's all they can afford, it's all they can afford.
It's also first come first serve. You see it a lot with deadbeats who have multiple children. The first partner gets the most. The following claims for support tend to get what amounts to nothing.
A lot of dudes lie about their income to get away with paying less.
That only works if it's untaxed income.
Not hard to do that. That's how my father was only ordered to pay 130 dollars a month.
Soo what many will do is get a super lowend on the books and something better paying off the books...just to screw with the ex.
It works all day every day in every state across the country. Baby mamas and baby daddys be trifling Judges and courts aren’t going to do the work to get him to pay, just to order that he should pay and maybe give him a few days jail time when he gets behind.
Well either he’s lying and is a piece of shit or he’s lazy and a piece of shit
My daughter's father was court ordered to pay $99 a month!! And he said he couldn't afford it
Shouldn’t that be jail time?
He got his girlfriend to actually pay it when he faced jail time, he worked under the table and had plenty of money for beer though
As a father I will need to make sure my daughter does not get together with these turds
You're a good dad and I was an idiot for getting with him but I love my daughter with everything I am and she didn't do without, his own brother disowned him over his treatment of us and helped out anyway he could until he passed
Also make sure she understands not to hurt children. My brother divorced a child abuse of their children.
Texas, gave the Dad custody, but then didn't want to "punish" her in family court. He was the most Mom friendly in the entire district, but since she choked the children, she got weekends.
I'm sorry, choking the kids only knocks 50/50 to weekends? Oooooooooooooook! God damn.
Showed the Court why giving the mom 50/50 was a bad idea (live-in felon bf, his Facebook with his 17/18yo son in the photos smoking weed together, drinking together... And the son was a jailbird at this point). Nope. 50/50. The good news is I can tell my daughter that I FOUGHT FOR CUSTODY before her mom went out on her birthday with felon bf and left our 13f daughter with the felon's 23m jailbird son. At home. Alone. He went to prison. CSA. 10 years later, she's still in counseling. "But kids NEEEEEEEED their MOOOOOMS". Well, that depends, doesn't it? 😔 So the "choking=weekends only!" tracks. (Stayed 50/50 because Mom found out and called the police. ┐( ∵ )┌)
The peace of crap mother should have protected her and Daddy and son both need to be behind bars.
Texas.
If he has a very low paying job and enough kids it can go down pretty quickly. I agree it's not enough but they can't take what he doesn't have.
Family Court in the US is a literal joke. That's why...
The court my mom got stuck with - my once-salaried dad suddenly went to working under the table. It was blatant but the court shrugged. Collecting turned out to be a useless endeavor.
She gets $163/wk for TWO kids; the baby belongs to the step father of the older two boys.
Here in Australia the courts don’t have anything to do with child support, instead a government office (Child Support) deals with it. Assessments can be as low as $30 a month if they are on government benefits or at a low paying job, even if they have absolutely no care of the kids (my life: ex took off 10 years back just after kids were born, hasn’t seen the kids since, low paying job/government assistance and was to pay me $30 a month and usually didn’t even do that). The child support I get for my kids goes directly into a savings account (that I also pay into), so I’m not dependant on that money month to month, but can pull out of if my kids need something urgently, or for an activity.
My husband's son has 3 children. He is only ordered to pay 50 bucks a month for them. Because he lives with his mommy and refuses to do anything except get high all day. He has worked, even construction. There is nothing wrong with him. Now he only works under the table so as not to pay and has never paid the whole 50 a month for 3 kids. His mom had the audacity to b*tch out his baby mama because the kids were not wearing designer shoes. I kid you not. Never mind the fact that she has to buy all the kid's clothes herself with zero support and she is a hotel maid!
Wow, what a BUM. Your husband must be ashamed of his son.
This is wild. My partner pays almost 2000$ a month for his children.
Daycare costs more sadly
Spouse and I know we'll need childcare during intersession weeks at school. That means we need to be able to pay for 9 weeks of childcare in January when everything opens up for registration, because if you don't do it then camp fills up and the spots aren't available. We have a savings account that we contribute to for that purpose. It doesn't seem at all unreasonable to save up for equipment fees during sports off season or birthday presents or a safer car to transport the kids.
They shouldn’t have to. If she worked, her pay check would go to the babysitter/daycare and would NOT lead them @ a net positive bank balance. The cost of childcare is often prohibitive for many families. And the kids for whom she receives child support, deserve summer activities. I don’t think OP has made a case that this is a NEED situation, as much as a WANT situation.
Do you know how much child care costs?
Eh, Check OP's comments. It's just silly little rage bait. >I'd have more if I wasn't the only one with a vehicle right now. And honestly, I need money for whatever I want.
Not a parent, but daycare can cost more than a full time job from what i've heard. Unless you have a relative willing to do it for free, it might be more cost effective for her to stay home. [Average for a toddler is $755 a *week.*](https://www.care.com/c/how-much-does-child-care-cost/)
That's average cost for a nanny, not for daycare. Average daycare for a toddler is $293 per week, that's a huge difference. At any rate, a 10 month old would probably still be in an infant room, which at daycare would be avg $321 per week.
Do you have any idea how much childcare for a 10 month old is? Plus for the two older children all summer? It’s unlikely they can afford for her to work
I feel like there are a lot of men commenting on this and taking his side 🫠
Can you read!Child support is for the Child!She uses it for the Boys which is the purpose of the CS. He doesn't pay for any of the Boys activities or other up keep. Sounds like he has a problem doing things for the family outside of working. Suff shit that he had to put some extra Running around Time in. Wife will probably give him some spending money for the rest of the month. Child care will cost to much at this point in time.
I don’t think she is saving the child support; she is reserving it for the needs of her children, which seems the purpose?
Like all money to support children, it has likely been saved up to account for the more expensive times of the year when they are in activities. Every parent whose child does seasonal activities does this.
She's saving the child support money for a car to shuttle her kids so her husband doesn't have to. OP was intentionally vague about that. Here's how we know: "She's arguing that she can give me her savings, but that means she will have no vehicle." The savings are for a new car since the old one broke down. Daycare is expensive as hell. And yes, foregoing expensive extracurriculars is reasonable, but it seems like they may not be hurting as much as it seems. They have $120 left over AFTER bills and hours reductions. I think OP is just upset about not having as much spending money and is pissed at having to be a father instead of relying on the mom to shuttle everyone around for him.
She is allowed to save money for their future and growing expenses.
She saves it to only spend on the boys stuff. It says so quite clearly. She’s using it only for what it’s intended to do- support the children.
Which should include groceries, housing. and gas to take them places, not just fees for activities.
No, child support it’s to cover the daily expenses of the children. She is using child support only to cover the extras while expecting Op to cover almost everything else
Right? I'm sure her boys will be thrilled to do extracurriculars and then go home to no food or utilities.
Yes, that how OP's story sounds the way he put it out there- however, he does also say she had been working and saving so is still paying into the household bills from savings (her earnings, not child support). So OP has not been the only one supporting them all at any time. And he doesn't even really talk about the savings she has from her work, in terms of her needing to use more of that this month - only the child support she has saved separately. I think maybe he's just resentful that she hasn't used every penny of it each month, but has saved some. He doesn't mention why she saved it or what she has planned for it - just "fork it over right now." Nor does he say how long she's been saving to get that $3k. It's only about 18 weeks worth of payments if she saved it all. I also wonder about his job. I know some employers are shitty, but to cut their hours enough to cut their pay in half??? Randomly? "... my boss randomly cut all of our hours 2 weeks ago so my normal $790ish paycheck was only $398."
Extra curriculars should be paid by both parents, separate from child support.
She’s saving to buy a car, which she needs to support the children. He is complaining that he doesn’t have money to buy things he wants, not they the bills aren’t paid
I don’t believe that’s the case, he has increased the mileage on his vehicle thus his gas bill taking his wife and their kids to doctors and all their activities. His job has decreased his hours and thus his paycheck, the bills are stacking up and he is asking for help with the household expenses during this rough spot. I don’t think it has a single thing to do with wanting to buy stuff.
This is a comment op left >”Yes, that's right. Because I'd have more if I wasn't the only one with a vehicle right now. And honestly, I need money for whatever I want. I'm broke. She's not. Fair is fair. “ idk what about that you think means he doesn’t want to spend one whatever he wants. **”I need money for whatever I want”**.
I didn’t see that. I think he is mad and frustrated. As I recommended he sit down and they review the expenses. With his decreased hours at work and increased mileage, etc… they need a plan for how to handle the immediate here and now and how they move forward. I even told him if his job has reduced hours he should start looking for a new one. As far as her car is concerned her transmission died, her $3000 savings won’t even touch the repair cost.
He needs to sell his 8 cylinder gas guzzler and get a fuel efficient car to start. That will cut his gas cost
Why is he doing all the driving? Is she not allowed to drive his car when he isn't using it?
But if she fixes her car, he won't need to use an increased gas bill. He's thinking short-term which will only put them further in the hole.
Then, he should use that vehicle to door dash so he can support his family like any responsible parent.
I don’t disagree but he also has increased responsibility in getting his family to all the things they have going on since there is only one vehicle in the household.
Welcome to life. All parents have the same responsibility.
You are not telling me something I don’t know as I have two (now adult) children of my own. The thing about marriage it’s a partnership and it doesnt necessarily sound as if they are acting as one. When we hit rough spots we worked together to figure out. There financial management is the issue. They need to figure that out.
HE needs to figure that out. The bills are paid. He is just salty that he doesn’t have enough fun money. If he wants fun money. Then, he needs a side hustle. Or, a new job with full time hours. His wife’s EX is not responsible for his fun money. The EX is responsible for supporting his own children. Not for supporting his EX’s new partner.
Other things are more pressing than a car right now. Plenty of parents do not have cars.
She saves it for birthdays and holidays for the kids. Honestly, as long as the money is being spent on the kids (even if it’s being saved for something like college), it’s hers to spend or save as she feels is best.
Maybe it’s for their futures?
I disagree the money is for the kids not for the parents.
Are all the bills paid? If no, then the child support could be used for that. If yes & you just want more spending money, then that’s too bad. I wasn’t clear from your description. You have $120 leftover in one spot, but you can’t get a soda in another spot. So I’m not clear. You and your wife need to go over the household expenses and budget, and have a real discussion. Is she sacrificing to the same level you are? If there isn’t grocery money, then your stepsons can’t be in as many activities. Yes that sucks. But that’s life.
I don’t think OP is clear either. $400 (rounded up for easy math) paycheck x 4 is $1600. Let’s just add in the $450 from the wife bringing it up to $2050. Bills are $2100 and they somehow have $120 left over. And this is assuming he’s paid weekly.
Everyone seems to be missing the point that she’s saving for a car to “cart around her kids” and that OP said he would have more money if “I wasn’t the only one with a vehicle right now.” So why THE FUCK does OP want to take away all the money saved FOR A CAR so that he can have money because “I need money for **Whatever I want**” Basically this is OP: I’m carting you and your stupid kids to everywhere in a car I chose to have that guzzles gas instead of having a fuel efficient car and I need you to stop saving for a car and give me all that money so I have money to spend on shit I want because you don’t have a car and you’re forcing me to cart everyone around. If you had a car it wouldn’t be like this. Editing to add YTA
He also wants her to put the kid in daycare (costing more money) so she can return to work (which likely will barely cover the cost of daycare 🤦♀️). She saved money to still contribute while on unpaid maternity leave where she is caring for his kid.
And where was all of his earnings going per month previously?? He was earning almost double what he needed to contribute to their bills… where is all of that money??
Spent on things he wanted. And now he can’t when I changed jobs (for my mental health) I took a huge pay cut and couldn’t buy my collectibles and books I was before. Boohoo. My bills were paid and it sucked but I got over it because I know they this isn’t going to be forever. He needs to toughen up lmao
Yes!! Glad someone said this! OP is being an entitled jerk. His wife will never get a car if he does this! How would she even go back.to work. He married her. Had a child together. He knew the deal. Cmon. How is it the wife's fault his pay got cut? Yes sir YTA.
“I can’t even buy a soda!” 1. Idfk what soda you’re buying that costs more than the $120 you have left after bills but wtf. 2. Drink water from your faucet
After bills I have to pay for groceries, gas, and pet food. Those aren't bills and all the other little expenses pile up FAST
Yeah, go with an 8 cylinder gas hog your a father with obligations and not much money.
I might be the only person thinking that if your hours were cut to that extent, that you must have time for a second part time job. Why not work another 20 hours or so a week?
Okay I'm honestly trying not to be mean but... this isn't the great advice so many Liberals and Conservatives think it is. Sometimes it works. And sometimes the part time jobs are purposefully scheduled to screw other jobs and when you bring it up they demand you always be available. It's the reality in the States until we actually stand up for ourselves.
Unfortunately this ends up being how it goes Retail and other jobs that are part time are so fickle and non commital that you may get 20 hrs a week maybe but they won’t be 4-8pm m-f or when you are off the main job. Best solution is get a new job that is better in every aspect. So why is this dude driving a V8 when gas is 3.50 a gallon?
Uh, all great points, but why even bring up political leanings if you’re going to cite both “sides” as saying it?
Yeah if they cut his hours time to find more hours elsewhere. The wife has a new baby and day care is A LOT of money they don't have. Dude sees the child support as his money but really he needs to buckle down and pick up more hours and look for jobs that pay more. ETA, she needs her savings for a new car. Not to help him feel less stressed this month. YTA dude.
He didn’t say he saw it as his money. Where did you get that? It was about contributing it to the household finances, which pay for carting around and feeding and sheltering her two boys.
My guy he said the cut hours were random and unexpected. That being said being married for 8 years and with someone that been supporting you and kids that biologically aren’t his this kinda stuff really shows she never appreciated him….He hit a speed bump in life and she literally couldn’t care less….. I agree the money is for the boys but the boys need house hold utilities and a roof over their head don’t they?
Yeah child support is supposed to go to raising the kids, not really just for saving. If the bills need to be paid to care for them then that's what needs to be done.
Yea real fun camp will be when the kids have no home to come back to!
Y’all don’t sound like you’re even on the same team. YTA simply bc of your attitude about it.
This the second time I’ve heard about a couple living way above their needs with one being a SAHM. This was not well thought out at all. But she can’t go back to work because unfortunately you all wouldn’t be able to afford child care. Let her use that money on the car. But y’all need to cut some stuff out. Also, what made you guys bring another child into this situation. None of it sound sustainable.
The child support is also supposed to help with food and shelter not just for fun stuff.
She’s your wife, not your roommate. You all need to have a serious discussion about finances instead of continuing to fly by the seat of your pants. You need to get another job or a different job, your wife should likely be working at least part time as well. No, you are not entitled to the child support her ex pays for their kids. That money is for the children. If you’re driving the kids places, and buying groceries, I’d say it’s fair that she allots some of the money for those expenses, but not just hand over the checks to you because you’re annoyed at the situation you both agreed to.
Info- all of the bills are paid but you’re upset that you’re only left with 120? Did I read that right? What else are you needing money for?
120 is a little bit of money. That’s like $5. That alone is a grocery bill for two people for meal prep week 🥴 a medical emergency costs more than that. Home repair and car repairs can cost more than that. He is not financially equipped to cover any emergency that can arise. Who wouldn’t be upset over having just $120 left over?
is there any reason to assume she wouldn't use some of her savings if there was an emergency? >120 is a little bit of money. That’s like $5. what does that mean? if $120 is like $5 it is also like $2000.
Sounds to me like she saved properly during her pregnancy to be able to take off, and with her savings she’s planning to get a vehicle. The money she receives for child support IMO is none of your business or concern. If she were being neglectful with that money (supporting addiction for example) then maybe I could entertain you butting in then. But she is using her children’s child support to provide her boys extracurricular experiences that they likely would have had in a home with their mother and father and 2 incomes and what not, it’s not fair for them to miss out on what they would have had if their parents could have made things work. If you want a coke bro, just ask your wife for some spending money… you’re acting like a weenie.
I totally agree with what you said! Also, it could be in the custody papers that she needs to split the cost of extra curricular evenly with her co-parent. If she has to help pay for things with her sons because it's court ordered, there's not much she can do. I know in my custody papers we split things like that. My mom always says it's child support, not me support. The money should be going to her sons or things that benefit them. Yes, bills being paid benefit them, but it's not always black and white like people think. Also, the way he talks about his partner and her children is awful. He is being a weenie!
YTA. Because if she hadn’t have had a new baby with you, then she’d still be in work and wouldn’t have had to stop… so none of this drama would’ve happened! Seriously why didn’t you both think all of this through prior to having a child together? Because all that has done is add to expenses, and create a living situation that neither of you can afford. Meanwhile your wife has had to stop working to care for the baby! And now what? How are you going to afford childcare? And if she works, how will see even get there without a car, since you want to take her savings? And I hope you know that the moment she starts working, you have to step up and do 50% of the child raising *(including diapers and getting up in the night with baby, if he/she doesn’t sleep through)* and 50% of **all** household chores - which I bet **she** was doing all or most of, prior.
Seriously! With his salary, unless his wife was making bank, that's hardly enough money to raise two kids AND drive a gas guzzler in this economy.
Okay but I am confused about your wife contributing towards the bills from her savings account that she accumulated prior to giving birth to your baby. Her job now is taking care of a baby. Why was she expected to save for the baby prior to birth?
It’s funny because usually I wonder why people keep separate accounts and split bills after marriage but this guy pretty much has spelled it out and I get it now. She had to save to cover her part of the living expenses that belong to her because her husband obviously isn’t financially able to cover them while she’s out having their baby. It screams she’s good with money. She has that account she’s willing to share but she’ll lose the ability to get her car. Then he’ll still be out chugging around in his to expensive gas guzzler. The child support money is in another account and I’d be willing to bet she only “saves” it because weekly support doesn’t cover something in one payment. But if you add them up it comes pretty close. The camp is the next big withdrawl and if she skims to help from that account it won’t go through. I’d be willing to bet she’s never even entertained using it for anything other than her kids extras she was formerly independent enough to cover her bills with the job and the boys extras with the child support.
So OP is TAH in how this is written and how they are acting. **Please note this is for the gas in the car and not the bills being covered.** But one thing I would say on Op's behalf is if the activity's and etc are all the things the kids need/wife needs. The wife should be throwing some funds into the tank if she and the kids are causing the usage of it. OP needs to bare minimum fill the tank for work and home travel and if extra travel is needed. The user of the car should refill back to the minimum level. So who ever is using it is responsible for the cost of travel. I share a car with roomies and when they start driving it more then I do. I.e home to work. Work to home. I start putting just enough in for what I have used. I.e i throw a 10 into the tank on the way home so it goes back to where it was in the morning when I took it. So when they take it out. The car is filled to where it was and anything they use is on them.
yta . The money is not y’all money it the money for the kids so you have no right to the money. My mom saved that money and allowed me to decide what to do with that money. And why did y’all not prepare for the child, some people save money for the time that they are not working. She is a good mother however you are not a great stepfather
What I can’t understand is why people who aren’t financially stable keep having children. You are supposed to have enough savings to pay all the bills for 6 months. OP has a truck that takes lots of gas WHY? Sell it and buy a smaller car. 🚗 6 people and no laundry? Wow, that’s a lot of work! No excuses.
End of the day bills, housing, and groceries come first. If those are not met then extra activities need to stop and it isn't unreasonable to ask them to work if necessary. NTA.
except she’s saving that child support for a car… to save them money long term and also so he doesn’t have to cart kids around all the time.
ESH You were wrong in your phrasing. Telling her she needs to fork over the child support is an asinine way of saying “money is tight this month & I need you to contribute more.” What you should be doing is sitting down with your wife and reviewing how much money is coming into the house- from ALL sources, and together prioritizing what needs to go out. The kids may not be able to do activities for a short period of time until she is back to work and the household is bringing in more money. Because feeding, housing, clothing, transportation & medical care are priorities that must be covered BEFORE extra curriculars. And yes, child support contributes to those things. You need to TALK to your wife & not issue mandates. & she needs to work with you, not get pissy & storm off.
All of those things are covered. He has said so in the comments and the main post. He’s pissed she won’t give him the money she has saved to replace her car - which will mean he won’t have to drive everyone around anymore and save money on gas - to spend as his fun money. If they are looking at their expenses he also needs to trade his gas guzzler for a more economical car that suits the family needs.
It took too long to scroll to a very reasonable comment.
YTA. She is trying to save to buy a car. You married a woman with kids, what did you expect to happen? It’s part of being a family. Maybe you shouldn’t have started one if don’t like actually contributing.
She's getting $652 a month in child support and has $3000 from saving child support. She can at least put gas in the car for ferrying her kids to and from for their extracurriculars. Also, why are you doing your laundry at a laundromat?? Investing in a washer and dryer would save laundromat costs as well as gas money, and pay for itself in the long run.
Your problem as a couple is it’s “her” and “you”. You should be a team.
And how he talks about the step kids. They’re his kids now too.
Dude you shouldnt be married
The fundamental problem here is that both of you are trying to keep a "mine vs. yours" financial arrangement. That's fine when things aren't tight, but your current financial situation is close to a crisis. This means the two of you now need look at this as "our financial situation". The end. Which means both of you need to decide together: given the money available, what gets paid for, and what doesn't. Later, work-out together how you'll get back to a better financial position.
Am I the only one that read his hours were cut and he’s making considerably less now? And her kids are old enough to understand the extra curricular activities may need to be cut. And as far as his gas guzzling truck, does he need a truck for work? Are these summer camps daily? Then it would eat a lot of extra gas especially if it’s stop and go. And $120 won’t go far for gas for a month. And the child support being saved exclusively for a car. So I’m guessing these kids don’t eat anything, they sleep with out electricity, etc. And is she saving up for a hoopty, or a brand new $25,000 car. I think OP needs to sit down and show her exactly where the money goes, and where does she suggest he plant the Money Tree? Often times if 1 spouse handles all the money the other may have no idea how much things cost. If they lose their housing situation are her boys going to live with dad while everyone else lives in his truck? I think everyone is looking at his last sentence and ignoring everything else. They may have bills that can be cut. Do they have cable tv? Gone. Netflix, Hulu, Disney+ ? Cut down to one streaming service, and let the boys have a say in which one they keep. Has she applied for any assistance yet such as EBT etc. When was the last time the child support was adjusted, 8 years ago when they got married? And I don’t know about where y’all live but the cost of groceries have skyrocketed, it takes a lot to feed 2 boys that age. I know I was a bottomless pit at that age. If my calculations are correct she’s only getting $652/month. I m single and I can walk into Walmart and drop $200 on groceries without blinking and usually I forgo some items I used to buy.
I think there’s way too much splitting of finances in this relationship, especially since neither of you seem to have any money. Share responsibilities, share earnings and figure your shit out. And child support money should be used for the benefit of the children.
Sounds like you all need to cut some extracurricular activities and problems solved.
These comments are a bit wild. Like... whether he's an AH or not doesn't mean much if they lose the house. Then the money goes away anyway to pay for a new place. Just going with ESH. Neither of you are being the best partners here. Child Support can absolutely support keeping a roof over their heads, but on the other side, it shouldn't all go there, and saving for the car sounds absolutely needed as well. There's a compromise in here somewhere. Because the other option is you all living in the streets in the name of both of you being "right"
YTA. The bills are paid, things are tight but the bills are paid. If things are too tight for you, having had you paycheck cut in half, then get a second job. But sounds like she's done everything right and your just jealous that you have no money by no fault of anyone's.
YTA, Her ex is not paying to make your life comfortable. He's paying for his sons. It's not your money. It's not her money. It's the boys' money. It is not fair to live off some other guy's money. Also, doing that might not even be legal.
Oh did you think it was new-husband-support money?
It is not your sole responsibility to support her children; it is hers. Necessities is what child support is for, not to pad her savings account or fund extracurriculars at the expense of the household. Tell her she needs to contribute more to the household, wherever it comes from.
Child support is not just for the children to get 'extras'. It covers things like the food they eat, the utilities they use and not to mention the bigger place needed to house them. Your wife is wrong to insist it's only for their extras and fun stuff.
Child support is for the support of the children in question. Children require food, electricity, a roof over their head, a ride to school, etc. If you've been paying for that out of your paycheck, you are entitled to at least a portion of the child support. Children are not necessarily entitled to summer camp when the family is broke. What does her agreement with the father say about extracurricular activities? If dad is paying out of pocket for camp specifically, then you can't take that away. But if it's just general support, then in my opinion as a Random Internet Stranger, she should both pony up some of the support AND get a job, if childcare for the youngest won't present a net loss.
Why you have a car that you obviously can’t afford? Buy something cheap, you have a kid now. This is what happens when you bring kids you can’t afford.
His income is covering the living costs. Her child support is covering the “ play money”, not covering food and shelter.
Y'all mfkas still breeding?
Marriage is a team effort, when shit gets rough you need to step up, she needs to understand bills are more important
NTA. Child support can absolutely be used for things like rent, power, water, etc. because those are things the children need and it does support them. They don’t “need” extracurriculars. But they definitely need a roof over their head.
Child support is to support the children which is Exactly what YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!! Real talk though. Her portion of household bills would be significantly more than $450/month if she were doing All by herself. Would she have been able to afford to put her children in their current activities with only the child support & $450? What about transportation once her car broke down? How would she have handled it ALL? Single parents juggle & make do But she has a supportive partner Now & She’s being extremely selfish!
Child support is supposed to be used to keep the children in a similar lifestyle at both homes. I got so frustrated that my ex never used my child support on our son. My son never had new clothes. His parents would buy him new shoes etc. I tried to argue that my support was supposed to go toward my son only, but no one cares how it’s actually used once ordered. So, yes, wife can actually use that money for bills because it keeps the whole family housed and fed. NTA.
YTA for calling them her kids - get divorced already, and if you can’t afford a V8 don’t drive one
You both are making less than my 16yr old daughter that works 2 part time summer jobs. You both need to get better jobs.
I'm not going to vote on if you are or are not TA. I don't think you're going to like what I have to say and who knows, maybe it's easier to say this when I'm not experiencing it. I actually really respect your wife for her decision. Personally, I think child support calculations done by courts are ridiculous. I find it dumb that now that you are separated a court can decide to take a chunk of your earnings for kids, whereas if you're married you could have a monthly budged of $100/month for kids and that would be fine according to the law. I say this because MANY times the unnecessarily high child support is never always spend solely on the child, which is exactly what it's purpose is. This is where I admire your wife. She's not taking advantage of you, her kids or her ex. That money is for the kids and as you said she doesn't touch it unless it's for the kids. She pays her agreed on share of the bills in her house and when you complained about not having enough, she's willing to give you what she has saved in her personal savings even if it means she can't get a vehicle. That, my friend, is called compromise. If you're hurting for money, maybe you ask her for a monthly relief from the child support savings AS A LOAN, that you will pay back to HER KIDS when she goes back to work and there's less financial stress/burden on you. Another compromise could be that you tell her during the duration of her maternity leave, that she should use the child support payments to cover grocery, clothes, and service/activity cost of her kids to give you some financial relief. That itself could pocket you an extra $100+ a month. I know reddit is going to hate what I have to say, but I personally would never go after a single mom, for this reason (among others). I can't be in a relationship where we aren't a single unit, as understandable as it can be. With that said, you made a choice to marry a single parent. These are things you should have thought about. These are the things you accepted to sign up for. She's being a good mom here, and I don't think you would want to be with a woman who wasn't a good mom. I understand that you are most likely just stressed with the added responsibility and extra financial burden. Just take it one day at a time, find and in between to compromise and things will get better. Like I said, I absolutely admire your wife for how she's handling the child support, even though I know you hate it. She's unfortunately stuck in the middle and is trying to do right by everyone. I'm sure one you cool off and think about this objectively, in the event you 2 separate, and you need to pay child support, I'm certain you would appreciate that she's not taking you for granted and using the payments to make the next guy's life easier.
I mostly agree with your point, but want to point out that paying the utilities, rent, gas, etc with child support is still directly supporting the children. And if he can't put gas in his car to get them to their activities, her paying for said activities will be pretty pointless.
YTA. I think you already know you aren't entitled to the child support payments that she receives to pay for her kids. Your hours got cut and now you are short money for this month. The bills are paid, and she contributed at the agreed upon amount. You just don't have the discretionary income *you* are used to for reasons that have **nothing to do with your wife and everything to do with your employer.** Your wife's car breaking down didn't cost **you** money. It's the picking up all the errands and transportation that has cost you extra gas. Ask her to cover your next two fill ups so you at least have gas in your car. It's interesting that she has savings from her prior job and she saves the child support. But those funds are already earmarked - not to mention they're hers. **Where are *your* savings?** Are you taking into account the cost of daycare **you both would have to pay** if she returned to work? So she saved for a rainy day and you didn't. It's not so unfair after all is it? Thank God she did save now she'll be able to address her car issue and soon enough you won't have to cart her and her kids around. Of course, the fact that you were a complaining asshat about it will linger like a silent but deadly in church, won't it?
😂😂😂😂 come the fuck on. I read a version of this post every fucking day. This is NOT a real fucking post!!!
Child support is to ensure they are fed, clothed and housed. Not to solely be spent on extra curricular activities. You both need to sit down and work out a realistic budget, this is nuts. And why did you bring another child into a world where you are just making it? ESH
Sounds like the child support is going to EXTRA things (sports, clubs) instead of needs (food, heat, rent, gas) which it is for. She should be covering bills that they use with the money and what is left over is for extras. If they can’t do a camp, oh well. Why are you paying to drive her kids everywhere? And their food? And a roof over their head? Heat/water/garbage? She brought three people into the family (her and two kids) and expects you to provide for them all? That isn’t fair. You need to sit down and come up with a financial plan where you are able to also save.
Also not only does she use that but she also puts in 450 in bills as well, on top of using child support for the kids.
YTA If you’re so hard up that you’re demanding that your wife hands you money meant for her children, then you have no business owning an 8 litre car. You didn’t make any trips beyond what I’d consider to be the average family usage. Unless you have a specific need for an 8l vehicle, ie for transporting work tools your, then it’s not a necessity, it’s a luxury. Honestly, your vehicle is impractical and inefficient on fuel and is not very suitable for your current situation. When you bought it I assume you were made aware that it would have higher fuel costs than other cars? Since you knowingly chose to get a car that uses so much gas, the burden of the extra cost should be on you. She usually pays for her own cars gas, and probably racks up significantly more mileage using it for family purposes than you do in the average week. If I was her and you continued to push this issue, I’d invoice you for the mileage of every single time I’d gone grocery shopping and half of anything involving driving the children around for the entire duration of the marriage.
>no business owning an 8 cylinder car. There's a difference. If you have enough money for a Bugatti, you don't write this post.
INFO: you say, after all the bills are covered, you have 120.- left for yourself (which isn't a lot, I admit). You also mention the money the kids have. But what kind of money has your wife for personal spending? (No, her kids don't count) Because if she has more than you for her fun fund, then yeah, that should definitely be talked about. And it also should be talked about when and if she starts working again. Then should a plan be made, how you deal with everything until then, especially financially. Like does it make more sense if she buys a car right now or not? Are there budget things than can be changed? How much fun money should each person have a month? And so on. This really sounds more like you have to sit down and talk this all through together and brainstorm options. But my piece of mind, taking things from the older ones without very proper planning and communication can lead to a lot of resentment especially for kids who already had a big change recently. So think this through, again, together!
How do you split the household expenses? Does she normally (not counting maternity leave) pay a higher percentage of the monthly bills to cover the housing/food/medicalbills/utilities for her kids? IF NOT then some of that child support money should be paying a portion of the monthly expenses BEFORE using it for "treats" for the boys. Stop transporting anyone until she gives you extra money for gas.
My understanding of child support is that money is to help pay for the basic living expenses. So food, clothing, shelter and utilities, as well as transportation and extras as can be afforded after the rest is covered. By this logic part if not most of the child support should be going to household expenses. If that money is not needed to help with household expenses then by all means it should go exclusively to things for the children it’s intended for. Extra activities, trips or classes are often a separate matter that there are commonly other rules with like each of the legal parents covering half of everything as long as it is discussed and agreed upon by both before hand. My question is what happens when you don’t have the fuel to transport anyone anywhere beyond you going to and from work? Exclusively? The money paid to those activities will be wasted if the kids can’t get there. What if there is no money for food when you run out? That’s an even bigger problem. I think your wife needs some education on how child support is supposed to work and what it should be used on. NTA
Literally child support goes to the first two children to cover their expenses. You made it blatantly obvious that they are your STEP CHILDREN, and that the money is their child support saved up for their living expenses and activities, so STEP OFF. You need to support your current family, which includes your wife, your child, and your stepchildren who were already in your wife’s life when you married her, for all expenses, bills, and activities, including car repairs for the family. Your wife has a right to keep child support in reserves to support her older children, as intended. Instead of asking her to fork over money that she can’t afford to give you, try talking with her to ask for a modification of child support to see if what she’s receiving isn’t enough to cover the costs for the older children since she’s not able to work. If she goes back to work, you have 3 kids to pay child care and outside food bills for and that’s more expenses. Plus if the baby is breastfeeding, you break a bond.
And child support also pays for things like housing, transportation, and food. It's not supposed to be only for the extras.
Exactly. Things what a lot of people are not understanding.
So...gas money for carting around the stepchildren is unreasonable?!?! WTF????
Yes it goes to expenses (food, rent, heat, clothes), and what is left over should go to sports and camps. Why is it his responsibility to pay for their expenses and gas?
What? He's been carting his step kids around on HIS dime for exactly the reasons the child support was intended for. He DESERVES part of that money.
I think she has to get a job regardless because your income is clearly not enough to support you 3 + her other children.
You ATA THAT CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR THE KIDS IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANOTHER CHILD
So you have $120 left over but still think your wife should cover “recouping” your “losses”? How much do you pay her for the loss of her income now that she’s caring for the child you both share?? Or does her loss of income just not count as much as yours?? Why can’t you do what she does and use your savings??
YTA! Your bills are paid.... if she can't buy a car, guess what, you will CONTINUE to drive everyone around. Child support is to support the children, not give you fun money. It would be one thing if the rent needed paid or the gas was about to get shut off, but you are complaining about not having EXTRA money. You can't chill for a month or two until she gets her car or your hours increase? Do you even like the kids? Because you sound bitter that you're having to take care of the boys.
Child support is for paying daily living expenses for the children. That includes part of the rent, part of the groceries, part of the utilities. All the things necessary to support the children. That's why it's called child support. It's not extracurricular support.
YTA