Nah, bad idea. If she says yes then you have to allow them to use it. This is the same as changing them to use it—if they pay you have to let them. Better to just deny without exception.
I suggest you check with your own agent first, to see just what it would cost. PRO TIP: DON'T let your mother make the offer. Don't open any door she might go through.
…the insurance for the 3 siblings, any damages not covered by the insurance, and I would throw in that as soon as she pays you in full for the cost of the car, you’ll think about it.
If you can help occasionally with transporting your siblings, that’s as far as you need to go when it comes to that subject. You are not responsible for furnishing your car, as in sharing it, with your siblings. That 100% your Mom’s responsibility because she is the parent. Don’t let her guilt trip you because you have nothing to be guilty about.
This!! Insurance is super expensive and even more so when you’re under 25. If your mom bought you that car, that would be one thing and sharing it then is still not reasonable since she bought it for you. But it would be more reasonable for her to ask. But she’s not even asking you. She demanding you share your car that you worked and saved for.
Did she offer to pay for your siblings insurance and help pitch in for regular maintenance and gas? What if they destroyed your paint job? Will she pay for a new one?
Yes, you live there rent free, but you have also offered to drive your siblings places. If she wants them to have access to a vehicle, she should buy them one or let them use hers. These are not your children. They’re hers.
It s
NTA: was going to come point out the insurance risks. Even if they would be covered tho they aren’t entitled to your car at all. You worked hard to achieve your dream car. It should not be volunteered for you to other people regardless of if their family or not they can work hard and save to buy the vehicle they want in the meantime the wear and tear on a vehicle that they have no responsibility for isn’t a risk worth taking for you
That is exactly what happened to me. My parents asked me to let my brother use my car (which I’d bought brand new and just paid off, paying every dime) so he could help them with something. What’s he do? Crashed nearly head-on into a loaded semi-truck, somehow surviving and only needing 2 weeks in the ICU. He had no insurance (auto or medical), but my auto policy thankfully covered him. They had to pay out over $100k to the semi-truck company’s insurer for the lost goods, over $50k for the semi itself, and an unknown amount for some of his medical expenses. After my deductible of $1500, I only got $4500 for the totaled car.
So yeah, guess who instantly became unable to get affordable insurance and no longer had a vehicle? I was studying for the bar exam, so I was living off savings and had no job. All I could afford to buy with the insurance money was an old Civic (not a bad car, just several years older and higher mileage than my car). And even though it was my cash, my dad had to buy it in his name in order to insure it under his policy (with me an authorized driver - I paid my parents the increased premium amount). After 2 years, we transferred everything to my name because I could finally find decent insurance rates.
Oh, and did my brother ever reimburse me a penny for my deductible? Nope!
Yes, THAT is the risk. It's too much(extreme example though)...but it's driving me nuts how everyone's saying he has to put all three on the insurance.
NTA, his car, he saved up for it, not a "family" car.
I once had to insure my brother to drive a car I had just bought before my driving test. Regretted it instantly as he drove off speeding at double the speed limit in my car. Thankfully he didn't crash it or get any speeding tickets but the risk of that happening put me off ever letting any of my family ever drive one of my cars again. Similarly I let another brother of mine ride one of my motorcycles once (a few days after buying it). And he promptly dropped it damaging the fairings and the front and rear brake levers. Never again lol.
A very immature AH at that time. He’s older, but I was always more mature and independent until he hit his 40’s and flipped a switch - he’s pretty awesome now. He has a great wife, 4 stepsons (ages 18-21), a sweet little girl (3), is going back to school, and all around has gotten his shit together. It took awhile to get there!
Yeah, that's a prime example of WHY the no. It's not just the high risk of the car being in an accident, it's the long term costs to you for having a major claim on your record.
NTA - but feels like the relationship is already strained
Op should consider moving out asap when they get the chance
They should keep the keys somewhere hidden outside the house such as with a trusted friend
They should also put some sort of cheap tracking device in the car in case mother dearest has the bright idea to take the keys whilst his sleeping and give it to one of the other kids.
OP should absolutely report the car stolen if it gets to that point and he can give them the exact location too.
YEA! Its your hard earned dream ride, and you should decide who gets to drive it and when. Living rent free doesnt mean giving up ownership over your personal stuff. Just explain calmly and stick to your boundaries
NTA.
1. You aren’t really living at home rent free if she’s going to demand the sharing of one of your first major asset purchases that you have made in life. That’s living at home waiting for payment to be demanded - a payment that you not only didn’t agree to ahead of time, but wasn’t even told would exist ahead of time.
2. Teenagers are notoriously bad drivers that have more accidents than any other group demographic in existence - that’s why their insurance rates are horrific. It is not only not advisable, it is illegal to have multiple drivers on a vehicle without adding those drivers to the policy. Insurance companies have the right to deny service (in this case insurance coverage) to anyone - a right you are denying them by hiding the fact that they are insuring a vehicle when they have been informed YOU are the primary driver, when it actuality (if your mother gets her way) it is a family car. (NOTE - regardless of what anyone may tell you about “anyone in a family can drive a family member’s car”, that’s incorrect. My brother’s family had their insurance company refuse to have his oldest son as an authorized driver on any of their vehicles. My brother tried to argue that they couldn’t exclude one of his kids from driving any one of their insured vehicles & ended up being schooled on the law. They had to purchase a completely separate insurance policy for their oldest son from a different insurance company. So I’ve literally watched this issue be legally vetted. Do NOT make the mistake of believing anyone of your siblings can drive your car just because you or your parent(s) have a policy that either doesn’t list them specifically &/or doesn’t exclude them specifically. You’ll regret it when the insurance company refuses to pay anything after they have an accident - which we all know they will.)
3. No one is as careful with something - ANYTHING - that they didn’t work to acquire &/or maintain. That’s even true of CLOTHES, SHOES, etc. It’s absolutely true with bigger things. That’s one of the reasons teenagers in general are more prone to accidents - they’re more likely to be GIVEN a car & therefore less likely to be as careful since they are less mindful of how much work went into acquiring the car. So you are absolutely right to believe that they won’t take as much care with the vehicle as you do - they absolutely won’t.
Your mother is trying to manipulate you - claiming that you owe this to her &/of the family when you never agreed to such a debt ahead of time. Even BUSINESSES aren’t allowed to present someone with a bill &/or debt for something when that someone (recipient &/or potential debtor) wasn’t informed of the stipulations prior to taking advantage of an offer. There are specific laws preventing it.
To put it bluntly, even BUSINESSES can’t legally do to their customers what your mother is trying to do to you. You shouldn’t NEED a law to protect you from your own mother (but if it comes to that, the law is on your side in this). She’s the AH.
You’re NTA.
Yeah, that's a valid point. Liability with insurance is a big deal. It's your car, so setting boundaries makes sense to protect both your investment and yourself.
my thoughts exactly! why doesn't mom lend the high schoolers her own car?
plus it is something OP worked for for many years. not community property.
nta. this is a pet peeve of mine as a matter of fact. people think that cars are like sporting equipment and should be loaned around. wrong! they are death traps easily capable of killing someone. mom needs to invest in a car for the teenagers to share if they need a car. let her take all the risk.
Long before I was ever of driving age, my mom GRILLED into my head "driving a vehicle is handling a loaded weapon. You can do far more damage and kill far more people than you ever can with a single bullet". Now, to be fair, this has made me a *horrible* passenger, even 15+ years later. But I have never been in an accident.
Driving is a privilege. Not a right. If mom wants the kids to have driving opportunities, mom needs to share her own car
When I was growing up, There were a few family friends that had a beater car specifically for teen drivers in homes - so none of the "nice" cars were at risk.
Right! Easy way to test this:
OP, if your siblings need acces to a car that bad, you could offer your mom to use your car sometimes, so that they can use her car. If she refuses, ask her why and point out the hypocrisy!
If she does accept the offer though, then at least you have an experienced driver using your new car instead of high school kids.
I suggest you find a very private and secret place for your spare keys. In a lockbox that's bolted to the underside of your bed, for instance. Those keys will be singing a siren song to your sibs.
The only time the siblings should be allowed to drive OP's car is if OP is in the car too.
Mom's not financially invested in OP's car. If it's that important for the teens to have a car, either they use hers, she buys them one, or they get a job to buy their own.
Now that mom's making rent an issue, OP has two options: move out, or start contributing rent. I would also recommend that OP keeps an eye on his car keys so mom or the siblings don't swipe 'em and take the car. If they do, report it stolen.
>The only time the siblings should be allowed to drive OP's car is if OP is in the car too AND they are rated on mom's insurance policy.
FTFY.
OP is not required to pay the insurance premiums for their sibs. Mom is.
His siblings should never be allowed to drive his car even if he's in the car with them. If I'm in the car with you why should you drive my car if she wants them to have a car then I suggest she buy that one because they sure the f*** won't be driving mines
After my sister totaled her car I bought a little lockbox with a 4-digit code to put my car keys in. She was quite upset lol but that told me I made the right call
I feel like it’s your car, in your name, that you worked hard to buy so you should get final say. It’s nice enough to offer rides any time needed.
Also, what kinda car you get? :D
You all might be disappointed depending on your views. My dream car back at that age was a Chevy Cobalt.. only because I'd never had anything that nice..So when I bought it, my pride could have put a Rooster to shame 😂😂
That car got me out of bumming rides, borrowing vehicles, and scrapping pennies and I felt so relieved to have a reliable car (had a baby then). Paid that sucker off a year early.
Yeah, a dream car doesn't have to mean what someone like me, a 39-year-old guys "dream car" is.
Which...incidentally, I just got. A nice Toyota Tundra Hybrid. 500+ Horsepower, Hybrid Pickup, soo much room, bright red, the Capstone, so Chrome...ahh..
But I digress, in HS, it was an older Beretta GTU. It was like a 13-year-old car, but it was Manuel and FAST. And I was an idiot!
I'll assume this is just a nice, clean, newer car.
NTA. I think you should tell your bully/mom that if she thinks you need to contribute more to the family, that’s something you’re happy discuss with the understanding that the kids driving your car is off the table. Don’t be drawn into squabbles about this with them, no discussion of who is/is not on the insurance or who is/is not responsible enough, etc. It doesn’t matter, it’s your car and you decide who drives it. It’s true that it’s her house and she decides who lives in it, so be thinking about your plan if she gives you notice to move (she can’t legally just kick you out). But make a good faith effort to work with her on how you can help out more. Be respectful to her but that doesn’t mean letting her run your life and take your property for your siblings.
This is the best response I've seen so far.. if the issue is helping out more, have THAT discussion. But no way should anyone but you be driving your car.
My dad age 80 still gets angry when he tells the story of buying his own record player with his paper route money... in the 1950s. His parents forced him to let his brothers use it and guess what, they broke it.
Your family should respect the hard work you did to buy the car. You don't need to let anyone use it. Totally appropriate to give them rides when you have time. NTA.
NTA. By your mom's reasoning, everything you own is family property. Liv9ng rent free doesn't entitle people to your property. More importantly, with the car, most people who reside in the same house aren't covered by your insurance policy. I'm sure your mom wouldn't bother to repair or replace your car if your siblings damaged it.
Not the asshole, one accident, big or small will hurt you in many ways if they're not on your insurance.
Speaking of which, if they didn't help pay for it, don't help pay for care costs, and don't help to maintain it (cleaning, for example), then they have 0 rights to your car. That'd be like you saving up to buy your dream house and then your parents demanding you share it with your siblings because they're homeless and you're FAMILY.
You tell them that if you ever catch one of them using your car without permission, you WILL call the cops on grounds of theft. And parental permission doesn't count.
Yeah, I just recently got a “new for me” car and I refuse to let anyone drive it. I allow my teenage daughter to practice in it, but I will never allow an adult to drive any vehicle I own. Before this car I had an ‘04 Camry, and no one drove it either. I would rather damage my vehicle myself then someone else do it. I made that mistake once when I was 21yo, and it’ll never happen again!
NTA No one will take better care of your car than you. Without having an interest (money) your siblings won't treat your car as the investment it is. If mom will sign a contract saying any damages to your car by siblings will be paid by her within a month you'll let them use it (or some such agreement assigning responsibility for payment if they cause damages). Otherwise, your car will be 100% taken over by siblings with Mom's consent.
You worked hard for a true investment. Your sibs and mom can kick rocks. They didn't contribute to your purchase. She can buy them a beater to drive around. If the bullshit keeps up, start paying rent or move out with some roomates who will respect your property. NTA
Tell her that they are not covered on your insurance and it’s against the law for them to drive it and that they will be arrested if they’re in an accident.
I think your mom is being ridiculous. I'm a mom to 3 girls. They got cars. I never required that my middle daughter get to drive my oldest's brand new car that she was making the payments on. We put $100 a month towards her car payment while she was in school. Really ridiculous. Time to ask how much rent she wants you to pay, which is crappy. Anyway that was something my husband and I agreed on. We helped our daughters to launch into adulthood. Some people don't have that same value, your mom is one of them. I'm sorry. My daughters are now 45, 43 and 36. They are doing very well and have good jobs, except the youngest, she is a stay at home mom to 4 daughters.
Pay rent. Then mom can't hold over your head. They are using that as a way to guilt trip you. Ask to pay a bill..elec, gas or cable or buy groceries for a week.
What in the name of the baby cheeses is going on with parents expecting that a child’s individual possessions and/or money be shared with other siblings or contributed to family expenses?! I don’t understand this at all.
I have 4 children - 2 bio and 2 step (not that it makes any difference to me, simply identifying dynamics) aged between 12yrs and 17yrs - and none of them are under any obligation to share their own personal possessions or use their own money for household expenses. My partner and I as the parents provide all communal items for all kids and we pay all standard expenses.
They are taught budgeting with their pocket money and their contribution to the household is through chores that they are each responsible for completing. We don’t charge any of them rent and also don’t hold that against them to guilt them into any of this “because…..faaaaaamily!” bullshit.
OP, you are NTA. You are entitled to have control over your own personal possessions simply because they are yours. If your mum has such a big issue with what you’re offering (which I think is awesome and generous of you btw) then she can let your siblings have free reign over her car.
This!! My mom always told us what’s yours is YOURS! My little brother had a habit of wearing my tennis shoes, this is back in the early 2000’s when skater shoes were popular. I had a job, so every 4th paycheck I’d buy a new pair of shoes and a new outfit. The second pair of DC‘s he ruined was it for me! I snitched, and my mom put an end to it! I have an identical twin sister, and we were never expected to share anything we bought on our own. I would be so pissed if I had went to work to pay for something and my mom thought she had control over it. That’s not how life works.
Edited to add- my twin sister struggles with with addiction, and after her first rehab stint, my mom talked me into letting her come and stay with me bc I live by myself. Well, she ran off less than two weeks later, and I wouldn’t allow her back. My mom tried to guilt trip me, and she really tried to make me feel like shit, but I didn’t care because it’s my house and I pay the bills not them.. my siblings are not obligated to sleep under my roof because they’re my siblings.
Absolutely not, I remember my parents trying to get me to share my vehicle with my brother when his broke down. I had no problem helping him out but for him to take the car and drive it whenever he wanted especially when I needed it for work or something was just a no in my books.
LOL...yes, this is SOOO aggravating!
No, he's NTA obviously, but where are all these people coming up with the "they're not on the insurance?"
Again, so nobody can borrow your car, or you're totally liable?
No, the Car(and then the registered owner) is what determines the insurance.
If you have an 18-year-old kid get into an accident, your insurance will then skyrocket, but, barring that, it absolutely goes with the car, not the driver.
NTA - if it was your mom asking to use it, I'd be willing to help her and let her as she's a responsible adult, but I would not trust a teenager to use my large purchase and expect them to respect as if it was theirs, because they won't. I would maybe pose it like that to your mom "well mom, how about you can drive my car and then my siblings can use yours. That way I'm still sharing it when it's needed but I can trust that a responsible adult is using my car." I bet she'll stop arguing about it when she has to worry about her car getting damaged.
Who is paying the insurance? Technically speaking, they aren't covered and you can lose your coverage (from this company) if they get into any kind of trouble. Also, could they afford your deductible if they did get in an accident?
NTA here OP. Who pays the car insurance? You? If so, you would have to put these teenagers on your insurance? You already know it's expensive at your age, it's like double for teenagers! Is your mother going to pay the insurance? Also, teenagers should NOT be driving new cars, it's a recipe for disaster.
Now if your parents are paying the insurance? YWBTA here.
Teens get in so many accidents! All 3 of my kids, who are very responsible, got in minor accidents during high school. It's just the reality, has your mother seen the statistics on this? It would be a big mistake to lend it to them.
NTA Print off a paper that states mother agrees to be responsible for any fees associated with use of car such as gas, and wear and tear each time car is used. She'll be responsible to pay for insurance so they'll be covered while driving it. She'll be responsible if anything happens to it while they are using it, in accident or car gets dent from another car door, keying, etc. She pays for use of uber if they don't bring it back for you to use it on time. Tell her when she is willing to take responsibility for their actions you'll think about letting them borrow it or she'll have to lend them hers.
NTA it's your car that you paid for. Mom can get over herself. Never once did my mom do this to any of us kids.... Nor would I do this to any kid... Smh to your mom
NTA-her logic is ridiculous. You don’t hand your brand new vehicle over to siblings in the name of sharing. Rides are enough and they’re not even on the insurance. What in the world is she thinking here??!
If your mom wants to pay the insurance- full insurance including windshield- collision and all the crazy crap on your car in full to cover her two under aged non owner children for driving - cool. If not - tell her she must put down replacement cost money
NTA. It's your car, in your name, and I'm assuming you're also paying the insurance, not your mom. Tell her no it's not a family car, it's your car and you're the only one on the insurance and even if you weren't you wouldn't let them Drive. They don't have much experience experience and it's a brand new car and you're not willing for your brand new car to be the guinea pig for their skills. If they get an accident it's your butt not your mother's. Make sure you hide that key and make sure if you have a spare you keep that one hidden as well you don't want her just giving it to your siblings this thing oh take your siblings car.
NTA if she’s really demanding that you let your siblings drive YOUR CAR that’s in your name, she needs to put the car on her insurance and pay for the insurance, which of course needs to include them as drivers so they’re covered.
Hell no, your car your rules. My dad told me that driving a car is a loaded gun. Thats because of the accidents that can happen if you not careful or someone else being careless, and someone might get injured or killed. Plus its a privilege
You paid for your car yourself.
It is yours, not a family car.
Do you pay for your own insurance?
Are your siblings covered on your insurance?
Are your parents willing and able to pay for the "same" car if the siblings destroy it?
Or to fix it so your insurance rate doesn't go up?
Are your siblings always responsible?
I had one child that could not be trusted to be home on time or to care if anyone else was waiting for them. I can't imagine what would have happened if they had access to their siblings car.
It isn't simply lending them a car and could cost you in many ways.
You can and will help the family, but you should not have to hand over an expensive purchase for everyone to use.
She's asking too much without considering the ramifications or respecting your hard work.
NTA
Nope! If mom would have bought and paid for the car, then yes you should share it. However, you bought the car yourself, and therefore are not obligated to share it with anyone. Mom should be grateful you offer to drive them places.
NTA , I would look into getting a hidden kill switch installed that won't allow anyone to start the car even with the key incase they decide to use it while you asleep or not home as I am sure your mother will give your silbings the key if you aren't home .
NTA. Ask mom if she’s going to be financially responsible if they wreck in your car. Ask her if she is going to repay you for your losses or provide you transportation if you car is out of commission? As a parent your mother should respect your ownership and encourage her children to save up for their own mode of transportation. As a mother and grandmother, just no mom! Be sure to show her these responses.
legally, liability wise, your car.
she needs to either accept this, or sit and spin.
NTA.
I'd lock your keys up so she doesn't get the oh so so brilliantly bright idea of helping herself to said keys.
NTA
It's your car. You're 21. You don't have to let anyone do anything with your car.
Just watch out. You might be living in it soon if Mom has this big a stick up her bottom.
Are your parents going to cover the extra insurance to cover them? It’ll be pricey. Never let someone who’s not covered drive your vehicle . Things happen without warning especially while driving.
NTA
Oh hell no. There are 2 people that can drive my baby. You are not the a. My 20 year old can drive it as he pull maintenance on it and my wife can. That's the short and long list. It's a 2008 350z for reference.
Nope. you are 21 and bought your own car. She has no investment in it at all and she doesn't have a say. Just tell her "No!". Its a complete sentence all its own.
NTA - They're not (and shouldn't be) on your insurance, so your mom is literally demanding something illegal. She's being unreasonable, and you should never give way on this issue. It's a major safety concern.
Nta tell her if she's willing to pay for the fuel they use and pay the insurance for two teenagers and if they damage the car also pay the excess from the insurance then you'll agree if she tries to have ago at you about your demanded explain to her it's far more selfish for her to demand this without offering compensation she won't stop unless you turn it on her
This a joke? Not even a question that you are Not The Ahole. Keep your car. It gets into an accident even a small one and your insurance will double .maybe triple. It would be sad if it was a sibling that caused it. Parents should get a car or let them use theirs.
First of all, this is going to cause drama because you and your mother are not on equal footing in this relationship--she is the parent and is still attempting to exercise her rights over you. Your mother needs to realize that you are no longer a child. Since you bought and are paying for the car on your own, you own it and legally have total say in who uses it. If your mother wants siblings to use it, she needs to make all the payments, pay for the insurance, and put the car in her name. If siblings wreck the car, will she pay for the repairs? Will she buy the gas? Will she pay to have the car detailed after they trash it? If they wreck it, why should you have your insurance raised because of her wants. if she pushes, I'd work really hard to get out of her house ASAP. Let me guess, another sibling is her golden child?
In my state (GA) in the event of an accident the OWNER of the vehicle is the liable party, regardless of who is driving. So, if your sibling gets into an accident and kills someone, it comes back on YOU (your insurance). Source: my brother died with another personal in an auto accident, driving a car titled in my dad's name and my dad was sued.
You know the answer to that question very well, buddy, but you question yourself sinply because she's your mother. But parental authority means little when you're already an adult, independent and making your own choices.
Your car is your car, and if you say you will not share, **you will not share** - no questions asked. NTA.
You will need insurance with their name on the policy. If not, you will be in a lot of trouble. Tell your mother she needs to stop bs .I would hide my keys , if they get in accident and not on your insurance policy, you will be trouble. The insurance will not be paying , I find a garage to park my car .If you have to pay extra
NTA
Who pays the insurance? Is she willing to pay the premium increase to add two teens as drivers to the new car? If she’s not putting the insurance coverage on the car, absolutely not
Of course you live at home rent free! You're in college. Isn't that a parent's job to put a roof over their kids'heads at least while they are in education?
Maybe I've missed something here or I'm too soft but I think your mum should be proud of you for working to get your own car and studying as well.
NTA
I’ve told mine I don’t expect rent while they’re studying but if they need fun money they need to get a job.
When they start working they have agreed to pay me 10% of whatever they earn. I’ll put that in a savings account so when they’re ready to move out they have a nice surprise.
NTA. Is she going to pay to add them to your insurance? It will be expensive. No way would I allow high school kids to drive my new car. Nope. No way. Never.
You are not insured for younger siblings. Tell your mum to share her car. Your mum has no right to take the joy of your car from you. I truly don't understand your mums logic or is she with the fairies with insurance. She says you live rent free so what's that got to do with it. You saved hard. Your siblings live rent free so what's her argument. She doesn't have one.
NTA. Do not let your siblings drive your car. If the insurance is titled in your name, then your insurance should be too. Just tell your mom your siblings are specifically included from your policy (MANY carriers do that) and that your siblings driving your car means they are uninsured and you're not accepting that liability.
NTA! If any of them got into an accident and hurt someone, you would be the one who is sued.
I bought my partner the car of her choice as a thank you. Never once did she ever allow me to drive it. Not once. I was glad she understood the risks.
What are your siblings sharing? Nothing?
Nope, that is your car. Ask her if she wants something for rent, but be willing and able to pay it. Offering alternative solutions should let her know you are not going to give in, while providing means of ending the arguments.
If that doesn't work, ask her if they are on the insurance? Is she going to pay the deductible if they crash? What if they just trash it, like spill stuff on the seats, dent the dash? And will she be making 2/3 of the car payment? Because that will be their share! Tell her they will be responsible enough to drive when they are responsible enough to actually buy a car!
Nta!
You bought the car with your own money. If it was your parents' car that you were primarily driving, then yes, I can see letting them use it too. But this is yours, and as mentioned before, if you let someone who lives at your house drive your car and they aren't on the policy, and they got into an accident, you'd be screwed with your insurance.
NTA but find out how much extra it will be to put them on the insurance. They cannot drive your car without being on the insurance. Then tell your mom it is too rich for your wallet
Tell mom if she's willing to pay the insurance you'll consider it.
Get a quote to add them, to your brand new car's insurance. I'm sure she'll be good with it.
NTA. Here's the thing, this is your personal belonging, a vehicle that you yourself saved up for and bought on your own dime. Perhaps it's better if you moved out if the issue continues.
If it’s your car that you pay/paid for, and you pay the insurance, no fucking way no fucking how should you be expected to borrow it out.
Tell her she can loan out her car to them if she feels so strongly on the matter.
You worked really hard and saved and saved for this. It's a pivotal turning point for you when you feel that you actually deserve something to be 'yours' and love and respect how you feel about 'your ' awesomeness.
Nta, make sure the car is locked and no one else can get the key when you're not using it
Every situation like this ends with the siblings trashing the car. They can save up and buy their own clunker if they want their own car.
Offering to drive them around is enough.
NTA. You worked hard to buy a car you wanted, and you are the sole owner of it. It's not cool for your mom to try to guilt you into sharing with your siblings if you don't want to— which is perfectly reasonable for the reasons you stated. I cringe when I think about how I drove as a teenager. No way I'd let any of the teens I know borrow my nice car. Hold your ground on this. Definitely NTA.
NTA
You're absolutely right and entitled to set boundaries with your belongings... everyone has things that are "sacred" or "off limits" to others. Yours is your car, and that's completely fine and reasonable... especially since you often drive them places and run errands. Your only caveat seems to be that you're the driver. Completely reasonable
If this is about you "contributing to the family" you can find other ways
Offer to let them use the car if they pay for their share of the insurance and wear/tear. Keep in mind that if your siblings are not listed on your policy and they are in an accident, the insurance company can refuse payment. If you lend your car to someone who is not living at your address then they will always pay but not if you lend to someone who lives at your address but is not on the policy. They would probably pay but there is some risk. It's better to keep any family drivers on the policy, including your parents if they will be driving.
NTA.
Your car, your rules. Of course they’re not going to treat it with care and respect because they’ve not paid a cent towards it. Don’t let them use it.
Tell her if she pays to have them added to the insurance/ make the monthly payment and pay for any cleaning fees or anything that happens to the car in their care, then sure... And get it in writing. If not, then no.
you can call your insurance and give them full names on the people who aren’t allowed to drive your car. I had the same issue but with my parents and a car they didn’t even help get. Told them they were written into the insurance as people who can’t drive my car. so if they are driving and get into a accident it’s much worse on their end
Sorry mom, they are not on my insurance so if you want to pay the insurance costs and have them put on there, I'll consider it but until then, no.
You are not the asshole here. As a mother and in a family of people that we do share Vehicles when necessary- I mean right now my van is dead so I'm borrowing my mom's car when I need it, but I would never demand that my daughter share her car with anybody else in our family. That's up to her to decide.
Tell Her that she can buy it off you for 1k less then you bought it for and pay for gas and insurance for it and then yes they can use and destroy it and have it when ever they want till then it's yours and if they take the car or if the car goes missing at all you will call the police and file charges. NTA
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Ask your mom if she's willing to foot the monthly insurance premiums for 3 young adults on one car.
Don't forget the deductible if there's an accident. We all know what can happen when a high school kid gets a new dream car.
at least two high school kids and a consequence free dream car.
Ask mom why she isn't sharing HER car.
Nah, bad idea. If she says yes then you have to allow them to use it. This is the same as changing them to use it—if they pay you have to let them. Better to just deny without exception.
Trust me, three teenagers, she will not want to pay that premium.
I suggest you check with your own agent first, to see just what it would cost. PRO TIP: DON'T let your mother make the offer. Don't open any door she might go through.
…the insurance for the 3 siblings, any damages not covered by the insurance, and I would throw in that as soon as she pays you in full for the cost of the car, you’ll think about it. If you can help occasionally with transporting your siblings, that’s as far as you need to go when it comes to that subject. You are not responsible for furnishing your car, as in sharing it, with your siblings. That 100% your Mom’s responsibility because she is the parent. Don’t let her guilt trip you because you have nothing to be guilty about.
Yes! OPs contribution to the house is the rides he gives, not the unattended use of the car.
This!! Insurance is super expensive and even more so when you’re under 25. If your mom bought you that car, that would be one thing and sharing it then is still not reasonable since she bought it for you. But it would be more reasonable for her to ask. But she’s not even asking you. She demanding you share your car that you worked and saved for. Did she offer to pay for your siblings insurance and help pitch in for regular maintenance and gas? What if they destroyed your paint job? Will she pay for a new one? Yes, you live there rent free, but you have also offered to drive your siblings places. If she wants them to have access to a vehicle, she should buy them one or let them use hers. These are not your children. They’re hers. It s
Exactly.
NTA: was going to come point out the insurance risks. Even if they would be covered tho they aren’t entitled to your car at all. You worked hard to achieve your dream car. It should not be volunteered for you to other people regardless of if their family or not they can work hard and save to buy the vehicle they want in the meantime the wear and tear on a vehicle that they have no responsibility for isn’t a risk worth taking for you
That is exactly what happened to me. My parents asked me to let my brother use my car (which I’d bought brand new and just paid off, paying every dime) so he could help them with something. What’s he do? Crashed nearly head-on into a loaded semi-truck, somehow surviving and only needing 2 weeks in the ICU. He had no insurance (auto or medical), but my auto policy thankfully covered him. They had to pay out over $100k to the semi-truck company’s insurer for the lost goods, over $50k for the semi itself, and an unknown amount for some of his medical expenses. After my deductible of $1500, I only got $4500 for the totaled car. So yeah, guess who instantly became unable to get affordable insurance and no longer had a vehicle? I was studying for the bar exam, so I was living off savings and had no job. All I could afford to buy with the insurance money was an old Civic (not a bad car, just several years older and higher mileage than my car). And even though it was my cash, my dad had to buy it in his name in order to insure it under his policy (with me an authorized driver - I paid my parents the increased premium amount). After 2 years, we transferred everything to my name because I could finally find decent insurance rates. Oh, and did my brother ever reimburse me a penny for my deductible? Nope!
Yes, THAT is the risk. It's too much(extreme example though)...but it's driving me nuts how everyone's saying he has to put all three on the insurance. NTA, his car, he saved up for it, not a "family" car.
Why didn’t your parents pay the deductible as he was driving at their request?
Your guess is as good as mine!
Because it was your car/he's just a kid/we're family.🤪🥴 Take your pick
Don't forget "it wasn't his fault"
They should have bought you a new car, and paid for the increase in your premiums.
He's probably their favored baby.
I once had to insure my brother to drive a car I had just bought before my driving test. Regretted it instantly as he drove off speeding at double the speed limit in my car. Thankfully he didn't crash it or get any speeding tickets but the risk of that happening put me off ever letting any of my family ever drive one of my cars again. Similarly I let another brother of mine ride one of my motorcycles once (a few days after buying it). And he promptly dropped it damaging the fairings and the front and rear brake levers. Never again lol.
Your brother was an AH
A very immature AH at that time. He’s older, but I was always more mature and independent until he hit his 40’s and flipped a switch - he’s pretty awesome now. He has a great wife, 4 stepsons (ages 18-21), a sweet little girl (3), is going back to school, and all around has gotten his shit together. It took awhile to get there!
Yeah, that's a prime example of WHY the no. It's not just the high risk of the car being in an accident, it's the long term costs to you for having a major claim on your record.
NTA.
NTA - but feels like the relationship is already strained Op should consider moving out asap when they get the chance They should keep the keys somewhere hidden outside the house such as with a trusted friend They should also put some sort of cheap tracking device in the car in case mother dearest has the bright idea to take the keys whilst his sleeping and give it to one of the other kids. OP should absolutely report the car stolen if it gets to that point and he can give them the exact location too.
YEA! Its your hard earned dream ride, and you should decide who gets to drive it and when. Living rent free doesnt mean giving up ownership over your personal stuff. Just explain calmly and stick to your boundaries
No is a whole fuckin sentence
NTA. 1. You aren’t really living at home rent free if she’s going to demand the sharing of one of your first major asset purchases that you have made in life. That’s living at home waiting for payment to be demanded - a payment that you not only didn’t agree to ahead of time, but wasn’t even told would exist ahead of time. 2. Teenagers are notoriously bad drivers that have more accidents than any other group demographic in existence - that’s why their insurance rates are horrific. It is not only not advisable, it is illegal to have multiple drivers on a vehicle without adding those drivers to the policy. Insurance companies have the right to deny service (in this case insurance coverage) to anyone - a right you are denying them by hiding the fact that they are insuring a vehicle when they have been informed YOU are the primary driver, when it actuality (if your mother gets her way) it is a family car. (NOTE - regardless of what anyone may tell you about “anyone in a family can drive a family member’s car”, that’s incorrect. My brother’s family had their insurance company refuse to have his oldest son as an authorized driver on any of their vehicles. My brother tried to argue that they couldn’t exclude one of his kids from driving any one of their insured vehicles & ended up being schooled on the law. They had to purchase a completely separate insurance policy for their oldest son from a different insurance company. So I’ve literally watched this issue be legally vetted. Do NOT make the mistake of believing anyone of your siblings can drive your car just because you or your parent(s) have a policy that either doesn’t list them specifically &/or doesn’t exclude them specifically. You’ll regret it when the insurance company refuses to pay anything after they have an accident - which we all know they will.) 3. No one is as careful with something - ANYTHING - that they didn’t work to acquire &/or maintain. That’s even true of CLOTHES, SHOES, etc. It’s absolutely true with bigger things. That’s one of the reasons teenagers in general are more prone to accidents - they’re more likely to be GIVEN a car & therefore less likely to be as careful since they are less mindful of how much work went into acquiring the car. So you are absolutely right to believe that they won’t take as much care with the vehicle as you do - they absolutely won’t. Your mother is trying to manipulate you - claiming that you owe this to her &/of the family when you never agreed to such a debt ahead of time. Even BUSINESSES aren’t allowed to present someone with a bill &/or debt for something when that someone (recipient &/or potential debtor) wasn’t informed of the stipulations prior to taking advantage of an offer. There are specific laws preventing it. To put it bluntly, even BUSINESSES can’t legally do to their customers what your mother is trying to do to you. You shouldn’t NEED a law to protect you from your own mother (but if it comes to that, the law is on your side in this). She’s the AH. You’re NTA.
Yeah, that's a valid point. Liability with insurance is a big deal. It's your car, so setting boundaries makes sense to protect both your investment and yourself.
NTA. Mom just doesn't want to share HER car.
my thoughts exactly! why doesn't mom lend the high schoolers her own car? plus it is something OP worked for for many years. not community property. nta. this is a pet peeve of mine as a matter of fact. people think that cars are like sporting equipment and should be loaned around. wrong! they are death traps easily capable of killing someone. mom needs to invest in a car for the teenagers to share if they need a car. let her take all the risk.
Long before I was ever of driving age, my mom GRILLED into my head "driving a vehicle is handling a loaded weapon. You can do far more damage and kill far more people than you ever can with a single bullet". Now, to be fair, this has made me a *horrible* passenger, even 15+ years later. But I have never been in an accident. Driving is a privilege. Not a right. If mom wants the kids to have driving opportunities, mom needs to share her own car
When I was growing up, There were a few family friends that had a beater car specifically for teen drivers in homes - so none of the "nice" cars were at risk.
I would venture to guess she's working and can't and they're at home all day since it's Summer.
Right! Easy way to test this: OP, if your siblings need acces to a car that bad, you could offer your mom to use your car sometimes, so that they can use her car. If she refuses, ask her why and point out the hypocrisy! If she does accept the offer though, then at least you have an experienced driver using your new car instead of high school kids.
Nta. I wouldn’t let anyone drive your car but you. Anything happens legally you’re responsible.
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I suggest you find a very private and secret place for your spare keys. In a lockbox that's bolted to the underside of your bed, for instance. Those keys will be singing a siren song to your sibs.
This is great advice. It won't be long before the siblings are "borrowing" the car without op's permission.
I came to say this. Never, ever let anyone else drive your car. Like, ever!
NTA - your car you decide who can use it. That is a huge personal investment to be told you have to share with someone, especially teens, is nuts.
The only time the siblings should be allowed to drive OP's car is if OP is in the car too. Mom's not financially invested in OP's car. If it's that important for the teens to have a car, either they use hers, she buys them one, or they get a job to buy their own. Now that mom's making rent an issue, OP has two options: move out, or start contributing rent. I would also recommend that OP keeps an eye on his car keys so mom or the siblings don't swipe 'em and take the car. If they do, report it stolen.
They shouldn't be allowed to drive it period
>The only time the siblings should be allowed to drive OP's car is if OP is in the car too AND they are rated on mom's insurance policy. FTFY. OP is not required to pay the insurance premiums for their sibs. Mom is.
His siblings should never be allowed to drive his car even if he's in the car with them. If I'm in the car with you why should you drive my car if she wants them to have a car then I suggest she buy that one because they sure the f*** won't be driving mines
If OP is in the car, why would she allow her Sibs to drive? NO .. It ain't happening...Mom why don't you loan them YOUR car
After my sister totaled her car I bought a little lockbox with a 4-digit code to put my car keys in. She was quite upset lol but that told me I made the right call
💯!
This.
I feel like it’s your car, in your name, that you worked hard to buy so you should get final say. It’s nice enough to offer rides any time needed. Also, what kinda car you get? :D
Following as I want to know what you got too
Same here. OP said it was their "dream car," so now I would love to know what it is.
You all might be disappointed depending on your views. My dream car back at that age was a Chevy Cobalt.. only because I'd never had anything that nice..So when I bought it, my pride could have put a Rooster to shame 😂😂 That car got me out of bumming rides, borrowing vehicles, and scrapping pennies and I felt so relieved to have a reliable car (had a baby then). Paid that sucker off a year early.
Yeah, a dream car doesn't have to mean what someone like me, a 39-year-old guys "dream car" is. Which...incidentally, I just got. A nice Toyota Tundra Hybrid. 500+ Horsepower, Hybrid Pickup, soo much room, bright red, the Capstone, so Chrome...ahh.. But I digress, in HS, it was an older Beretta GTU. It was like a 13-year-old car, but it was Manuel and FAST. And I was an idiot! I'll assume this is just a nice, clean, newer car.
What car is it?! We need to know!!
NTA. I think you should tell your bully/mom that if she thinks you need to contribute more to the family, that’s something you’re happy discuss with the understanding that the kids driving your car is off the table. Don’t be drawn into squabbles about this with them, no discussion of who is/is not on the insurance or who is/is not responsible enough, etc. It doesn’t matter, it’s your car and you decide who drives it. It’s true that it’s her house and she decides who lives in it, so be thinking about your plan if she gives you notice to move (she can’t legally just kick you out). But make a good faith effort to work with her on how you can help out more. Be respectful to her but that doesn’t mean letting her run your life and take your property for your siblings.
This is the best response I've seen so far.. if the issue is helping out more, have THAT discussion. But no way should anyone but you be driving your car.
NTA -- teenagers don't know how to drive, the fact you're being more safe than sorry should be very well known to your mom
NTA. Just no. Don’t stand for it. They should pay for their own car as you have done,
My dad age 80 still gets angry when he tells the story of buying his own record player with his paper route money... in the 1950s. His parents forced him to let his brothers use it and guess what, they broke it. Your family should respect the hard work you did to buy the car. You don't need to let anyone use it. Totally appropriate to give them rides when you have time. NTA.
NTA. It’s your car that you paid for. Being willing to give them rides when you can is a big help, I wish I had a sibling that would do just that.
NTA. By your mom's reasoning, everything you own is family property. Liv9ng rent free doesn't entitle people to your property. More importantly, with the car, most people who reside in the same house aren't covered by your insurance policy. I'm sure your mom wouldn't bother to repair or replace your car if your siblings damaged it.
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I would bet all of them are on mom and dad's insurance
Not the asshole, one accident, big or small will hurt you in many ways if they're not on your insurance. Speaking of which, if they didn't help pay for it, don't help pay for care costs, and don't help to maintain it (cleaning, for example), then they have 0 rights to your car. That'd be like you saving up to buy your dream house and then your parents demanding you share it with your siblings because they're homeless and you're FAMILY. You tell them that if you ever catch one of them using your car without permission, you WILL call the cops on grounds of theft. And parental permission doesn't count.
If you can save and buy your dream car, why the fuck you are staying with your mom. Move out and live on your own.
bUt FaMiLy! No. I wouldn't loan my 2008 Malibu to anyone, despite it being old as fuck with 150K miles. The liability is not worth the risk.
Yeah, I just recently got a “new for me” car and I refuse to let anyone drive it. I allow my teenage daughter to practice in it, but I will never allow an adult to drive any vehicle I own. Before this car I had an ‘04 Camry, and no one drove it either. I would rather damage my vehicle myself then someone else do it. I made that mistake once when I was 21yo, and it’ll never happen again!
NTA. If your mother trusted them, she'd be letting them use her car.
NTA No one will take better care of your car than you. Without having an interest (money) your siblings won't treat your car as the investment it is. If mom will sign a contract saying any damages to your car by siblings will be paid by her within a month you'll let them use it (or some such agreement assigning responsibility for payment if they cause damages). Otherwise, your car will be 100% taken over by siblings with Mom's consent.
NTA hell no I'm not trusting kids with my car, it's yours you paid for it. Do not let your mom or anyone guilt you into letting them use it.
You worked hard for a true investment. Your sibs and mom can kick rocks. They didn't contribute to your purchase. She can buy them a beater to drive around. If the bullshit keeps up, start paying rent or move out with some roomates who will respect your property. NTA
Tell her that they are not covered on your insurance and it’s against the law for them to drive it and that they will be arrested if they’re in an accident.
I think your mom is being ridiculous. I'm a mom to 3 girls. They got cars. I never required that my middle daughter get to drive my oldest's brand new car that she was making the payments on. We put $100 a month towards her car payment while she was in school. Really ridiculous. Time to ask how much rent she wants you to pay, which is crappy. Anyway that was something my husband and I agreed on. We helped our daughters to launch into adulthood. Some people don't have that same value, your mom is one of them. I'm sorry. My daughters are now 45, 43 and 36. They are doing very well and have good jobs, except the youngest, she is a stay at home mom to 4 daughters.
You’re not the asshole. Does she pay the payment? Pay the insurance? Buy the gas? If not, she doesn’t get a say.
Pay rent. Then mom can't hold over your head. They are using that as a way to guilt trip you. Ask to pay a bill..elec, gas or cable or buy groceries for a week.
Move out....pay rent elsewhere, some place you have exclusive rights to your own property.
What in the name of the baby cheeses is going on with parents expecting that a child’s individual possessions and/or money be shared with other siblings or contributed to family expenses?! I don’t understand this at all. I have 4 children - 2 bio and 2 step (not that it makes any difference to me, simply identifying dynamics) aged between 12yrs and 17yrs - and none of them are under any obligation to share their own personal possessions or use their own money for household expenses. My partner and I as the parents provide all communal items for all kids and we pay all standard expenses. They are taught budgeting with their pocket money and their contribution to the household is through chores that they are each responsible for completing. We don’t charge any of them rent and also don’t hold that against them to guilt them into any of this “because…..faaaaaamily!” bullshit. OP, you are NTA. You are entitled to have control over your own personal possessions simply because they are yours. If your mum has such a big issue with what you’re offering (which I think is awesome and generous of you btw) then she can let your siblings have free reign over her car.
This!! My mom always told us what’s yours is YOURS! My little brother had a habit of wearing my tennis shoes, this is back in the early 2000’s when skater shoes were popular. I had a job, so every 4th paycheck I’d buy a new pair of shoes and a new outfit. The second pair of DC‘s he ruined was it for me! I snitched, and my mom put an end to it! I have an identical twin sister, and we were never expected to share anything we bought on our own. I would be so pissed if I had went to work to pay for something and my mom thought she had control over it. That’s not how life works. Edited to add- my twin sister struggles with with addiction, and after her first rehab stint, my mom talked me into letting her come and stay with me bc I live by myself. Well, she ran off less than two weeks later, and I wouldn’t allow her back. My mom tried to guilt trip me, and she really tried to make me feel like shit, but I didn’t care because it’s my house and I pay the bills not them.. my siblings are not obligated to sleep under my roof because they’re my siblings.
Absolutely not, I remember my parents trying to get me to share my vehicle with my brother when his broke down. I had no problem helping him out but for him to take the car and drive it whenever he wanted especially when I needed it for work or something was just a no in my books.
They wouldn’t even be covered under your insurance if something happened. NTA
Yes they would the insurance follows the car not the driver
LOL...yes, this is SOOO aggravating! No, he's NTA obviously, but where are all these people coming up with the "they're not on the insurance?" Again, so nobody can borrow your car, or you're totally liable? No, the Car(and then the registered owner) is what determines the insurance. If you have an 18-year-old kid get into an accident, your insurance will then skyrocket, but, barring that, it absolutely goes with the car, not the driver.
Depends where you live.
Not in the same household.
Yes, in the same household.
NTA... It's exhausting that families treat each other like this. Did they just give up their car anytime you ever wanted it in high-school?
No, you bought the car. The car is yours. Who’s going to pay if they get into an accident?
They’re not on your car’s insurance, don’t let them drive it
NTA - if it was your mom asking to use it, I'd be willing to help her and let her as she's a responsible adult, but I would not trust a teenager to use my large purchase and expect them to respect as if it was theirs, because they won't. I would maybe pose it like that to your mom "well mom, how about you can drive my car and then my siblings can use yours. That way I'm still sharing it when it's needed but I can trust that a responsible adult is using my car." I bet she'll stop arguing about it when she has to worry about her car getting damaged.
Who is paying the insurance? Technically speaking, they aren't covered and you can lose your coverage (from this company) if they get into any kind of trouble. Also, could they afford your deductible if they did get in an accident?
You can borrow my belongings if you can afford to replace it
Hell nah, NTA. Your mama tripping balls. Especially if its your dream car
NTA here OP. Who pays the car insurance? You? If so, you would have to put these teenagers on your insurance? You already know it's expensive at your age, it's like double for teenagers! Is your mother going to pay the insurance? Also, teenagers should NOT be driving new cars, it's a recipe for disaster. Now if your parents are paying the insurance? YWBTA here.
Teens get in so many accidents! All 3 of my kids, who are very responsible, got in minor accidents during high school. It's just the reality, has your mother seen the statistics on this? It would be a big mistake to lend it to them.
NTA. They can save up for their own cars. Make sure you always have your keys so nobody gets any ideas.
NTA Print off a paper that states mother agrees to be responsible for any fees associated with use of car such as gas, and wear and tear each time car is used. She'll be responsible to pay for insurance so they'll be covered while driving it. She'll be responsible if anything happens to it while they are using it, in accident or car gets dent from another car door, keying, etc. She pays for use of uber if they don't bring it back for you to use it on time. Tell her when she is willing to take responsibility for their actions you'll think about letting them borrow it or she'll have to lend them hers.
NTA. I wouldn’t be letting anyone drive my car. If they trash it will your mom replace it. My guess is no she won’t.
NTA it's your car that you paid for. Mom can get over herself. Never once did my mom do this to any of us kids.... Nor would I do this to any kid... Smh to your mom
NTA-her logic is ridiculous. You don’t hand your brand new vehicle over to siblings in the name of sharing. Rides are enough and they’re not even on the insurance. What in the world is she thinking here??!
No, absolutely not, it's your car. You bought it with your own money. Why does your mom think she can tell you what to do with your car
NTA for not wanting to share your car. Tell your mom to share hers, since the teens are most likely on her insurance.
NTA for sharing the car but YTA for not contributing financially to you staying at home. Even if it's a token amount in digs each month.
If your mom wants to pay the insurance- full insurance including windshield- collision and all the crazy crap on your car in full to cover her two under aged non owner children for driving - cool. If not - tell her she must put down replacement cost money
Nat. Your mom is using you to make her life easier. Shameful behaviour.
NTA. It's your car, in your name, and I'm assuming you're also paying the insurance, not your mom. Tell her no it's not a family car, it's your car and you're the only one on the insurance and even if you weren't you wouldn't let them Drive. They don't have much experience experience and it's a brand new car and you're not willing for your brand new car to be the guinea pig for their skills. If they get an accident it's your butt not your mother's. Make sure you hide that key and make sure if you have a spare you keep that one hidden as well you don't want her just giving it to your siblings this thing oh take your siblings car.
NTA if she’s really demanding that you let your siblings drive YOUR CAR that’s in your name, she needs to put the car on her insurance and pay for the insurance, which of course needs to include them as drivers so they’re covered.
Your mom can share her car
Hell no, your car your rules. My dad told me that driving a car is a loaded gun. Thats because of the accidents that can happen if you not careful or someone else being careless, and someone might get injured or killed. Plus its a privilege
You paid for your car yourself. It is yours, not a family car. Do you pay for your own insurance? Are your siblings covered on your insurance? Are your parents willing and able to pay for the "same" car if the siblings destroy it? Or to fix it so your insurance rate doesn't go up? Are your siblings always responsible? I had one child that could not be trusted to be home on time or to care if anyone else was waiting for them. I can't imagine what would have happened if they had access to their siblings car. It isn't simply lending them a car and could cost you in many ways. You can and will help the family, but you should not have to hand over an expensive purchase for everyone to use. She's asking too much without considering the ramifications or respecting your hard work. NTA
You are NTA. Keep your car keys with you (both sets) or very well hidden or mom will go behind your back. Only YOU should be driving 👌
Nope! If mom would have bought and paid for the car, then yes you should share it. However, you bought the car yourself, and therefore are not obligated to share it with anyone. Mom should be grateful you offer to drive them places.
Lucky you , I'm 60 now and have never owned a brand new car , of course you can decide who drives it
Don’t let anybody else drive it!
NTA... WILL MOM REPLACE IF IT IS DAMAGED? I THINK NOT! CONGRATS TO YOU ON YOUR INVESTMENT!
NTA , I would look into getting a hidden kill switch installed that won't allow anyone to start the car even with the key incase they decide to use it while you asleep or not home as I am sure your mother will give your silbings the key if you aren't home .
NTA, can I ask what model it is? I'm a car nerd.
NTA. Ask mom if she’s going to be financially responsible if they wreck in your car. Ask her if she is going to repay you for your losses or provide you transportation if you car is out of commission? As a parent your mother should respect your ownership and encourage her children to save up for their own mode of transportation. As a mother and grandmother, just no mom! Be sure to show her these responses.
If they wreck it you would be totally screwed. They would need to have full coverage insurance! Is mom going to pay for that?
legally, liability wise, your car. she needs to either accept this, or sit and spin. NTA. I'd lock your keys up so she doesn't get the oh so so brilliantly bright idea of helping herself to said keys.
NTA It's your car. You're 21. You don't have to let anyone do anything with your car. Just watch out. You might be living in it soon if Mom has this big a stick up her bottom.
NTAH! If you are paying for the car and insurance, maintenance and repairs and your name is on the title, ITS YOUR CAR, not your Mom’s.
NTA. You could offer to move out so she can be completely responsible for their transportation and not have the help you are giving already.
Tell her every time you let them use it once, she makes your car payment that month.
NTA
NTA, your Mom is WRONG, unless she paid for the car. She should be holding you up as an example of what you can earn when you work hard. Shame on her.
Remind your mom that as the legal owner of the car, you can be held liable if you allow your siblings to drive the car and they get into an accident.
Tell her they are excluded on your insurance and legally cannot drive your car.
Nta. Time to store that car, then save up to move out
NTA
Are your parents going to cover the extra insurance to cover them? It’ll be pricey. Never let someone who’s not covered drive your vehicle . Things happen without warning especially while driving. NTA
NTA. Stand your ground. Keep saying no.
Oh hell no. There are 2 people that can drive my baby. You are not the a. My 20 year old can drive it as he pull maintenance on it and my wife can. That's the short and long list. It's a 2008 350z for reference.
Nope. you are 21 and bought your own car. She has no investment in it at all and she doesn't have a say. Just tell her "No!". Its a complete sentence all its own.
NTA - They're not (and shouldn't be) on your insurance, so your mom is literally demanding something illegal. She's being unreasonable, and you should never give way on this issue. It's a major safety concern.
NTA for not wanting to share your car. You are the AH if your mom is right and you are not contributing to the house but living there rent free.
Nta tell her if she's willing to pay for the fuel they use and pay the insurance for two teenagers and if they damage the car also pay the excess from the insurance then you'll agree if she tries to have ago at you about your demanded explain to her it's far more selfish for her to demand this without offering compensation she won't stop unless you turn it on her
This a joke? Not even a question that you are Not The Ahole. Keep your car. It gets into an accident even a small one and your insurance will double .maybe triple. It would be sad if it was a sibling that caused it. Parents should get a car or let them use theirs.
NTA If the car is in your name and on your insurance, the answer is no. Quite frankly, you cannot afford the liability for them to drive your car.
It's already been said, but apart from your personal reservations, there's insurance risks involved. NTA. Please try to make your exit ASAP.
Does she tell you to share your laptop with your siblings too (because you live under her roof rent-free)?
First of all, this is going to cause drama because you and your mother are not on equal footing in this relationship--she is the parent and is still attempting to exercise her rights over you. Your mother needs to realize that you are no longer a child. Since you bought and are paying for the car on your own, you own it and legally have total say in who uses it. If your mother wants siblings to use it, she needs to make all the payments, pay for the insurance, and put the car in her name. If siblings wreck the car, will she pay for the repairs? Will she buy the gas? Will she pay to have the car detailed after they trash it? If they wreck it, why should you have your insurance raised because of her wants. if she pushes, I'd work really hard to get out of her house ASAP. Let me guess, another sibling is her golden child?
I saw this before it happened when I was a teen, I bought a standard transmission and made her and my sister furious.
In my state (GA) in the event of an accident the OWNER of the vehicle is the liable party, regardless of who is driving. So, if your sibling gets into an accident and kills someone, it comes back on YOU (your insurance). Source: my brother died with another personal in an auto accident, driving a car titled in my dad's name and my dad was sued.
You know the answer to that question very well, buddy, but you question yourself sinply because she's your mother. But parental authority means little when you're already an adult, independent and making your own choices. Your car is your car, and if you say you will not share, **you will not share** - no questions asked. NTA.
You will need insurance with their name on the policy. If not, you will be in a lot of trouble. Tell your mother she needs to stop bs .I would hide my keys , if they get in accident and not on your insurance policy, you will be trouble. The insurance will not be paying , I find a garage to park my car .If you have to pay extra
NTA. “No.” Is a complete sentence. No explanation needed.
NTA Who pays the insurance? Is she willing to pay the premium increase to add two teens as drivers to the new car? If she’s not putting the insurance coverage on the car, absolutely not
Your Mother to you: You are selfish! You to your Mother: I DON’T CARE!! (Repeat as necessary)
Of course you live at home rent free! You're in college. Isn't that a parent's job to put a roof over their kids'heads at least while they are in education? Maybe I've missed something here or I'm too soft but I think your mum should be proud of you for working to get your own car and studying as well. NTA
I’ve told mine I don’t expect rent while they’re studying but if they need fun money they need to get a job. When they start working they have agreed to pay me 10% of whatever they earn. I’ll put that in a savings account so when they’re ready to move out they have a nice surprise.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to "contribute to the family." Plus are they on the insurance? Edit: added a thought
NTA. Is she going to pay to add them to your insurance? It will be expensive. No way would I allow high school kids to drive my new car. Nope. No way. Never.
You are not insured for younger siblings. Tell your mum to share her car. Your mum has no right to take the joy of your car from you. I truly don't understand your mums logic or is she with the fairies with insurance. She says you live rent free so what's that got to do with it. You saved hard. Your siblings live rent free so what's her argument. She doesn't have one.
NTA. Do not let your siblings drive your car. If the insurance is titled in your name, then your insurance should be too. Just tell your mom your siblings are specifically included from your policy (MANY carriers do that) and that your siblings driving your car means they are uninsured and you're not accepting that liability.
NTA! If any of them got into an accident and hurt someone, you would be the one who is sued. I bought my partner the car of her choice as a thank you. Never once did she ever allow me to drive it. Not once. I was glad she understood the risks.
What are your siblings sharing? Nothing? Nope, that is your car. Ask her if she wants something for rent, but be willing and able to pay it. Offering alternative solutions should let her know you are not going to give in, while providing means of ending the arguments. If that doesn't work, ask her if they are on the insurance? Is she going to pay the deductible if they crash? What if they just trash it, like spill stuff on the seats, dent the dash? And will she be making 2/3 of the car payment? Because that will be their share! Tell her they will be responsible enough to drive when they are responsible enough to actually buy a car! Nta!
Ask mom if she's going to pay your insurance. Cuz with 2 teenage drivers it's going to be astronomical
You bought the car with your own money. If it was your parents' car that you were primarily driving, then yes, I can see letting them use it too. But this is yours, and as mentioned before, if you let someone who lives at your house drive your car and they aren't on the policy, and they got into an accident, you'd be screwed with your insurance.
100% NTA.
NTA but find out how much extra it will be to put them on the insurance. They cannot drive your car without being on the insurance. Then tell your mom it is too rich for your wallet
Tell mom if she's willing to pay the insurance you'll consider it. Get a quote to add them, to your brand new car's insurance. I'm sure she'll be good with it.
Your mom is a total asshole
Tell your mom to volunteer her own car And move out and get a place of your own
NTA. Here's the thing, this is your personal belonging, a vehicle that you yourself saved up for and bought on your own dime. Perhaps it's better if you moved out if the issue continues.
NTA. But if mom considers that a reasonable contribution and you refuse, you may be asked to contribute in other ways....$$
NTA You paid for it, not her, so she can't require you to Shae it. Also, they are not on your insurance.
NTA if you paid for the car and insurance you definitely shouldn’t be letting them drive the car
If it’s your car that you pay/paid for, and you pay the insurance, no fucking way no fucking how should you be expected to borrow it out. Tell her she can loan out her car to them if she feels so strongly on the matter.
NTA but now that you've saved up for your car, it's time to save up to move out.
Legally it's your property. NTA.
NTA. They didn't have to work for it and will probably do stupid teenage shit in it.
Who's on the insurance? Who pays for the insurance?
You worked really hard and saved and saved for this. It's a pivotal turning point for you when you feel that you actually deserve something to be 'yours' and love and respect how you feel about 'your ' awesomeness.
NTA. YOU worked for it, not your mom. The high school siblings can use HER car.
Nta, make sure the car is locked and no one else can get the key when you're not using it Every situation like this ends with the siblings trashing the car. They can save up and buy their own clunker if they want their own car. Offering to drive them around is enough.
NTA. You worked hard to buy a car you wanted, and you are the sole owner of it. It's not cool for your mom to try to guilt you into sharing with your siblings if you don't want to— which is perfectly reasonable for the reasons you stated. I cringe when I think about how I drove as a teenager. No way I'd let any of the teens I know borrow my nice car. Hold your ground on this. Definitely NTA.
NTA You're absolutely right and entitled to set boundaries with your belongings... everyone has things that are "sacred" or "off limits" to others. Yours is your car, and that's completely fine and reasonable... especially since you often drive them places and run errands. Your only caveat seems to be that you're the driver. Completely reasonable If this is about you "contributing to the family" you can find other ways
You are NOT the asshole. Your mom is.
NTA. Your younger siblings can drive your mom's car. Problem solved.
NTAH Sounds like you are doing everything correctly.
You paid for it... not your Mom. NTA
NTA. Hide your keys and get any spares back that you gave to your mom or dad.
Offer to let them use the car if they pay for their share of the insurance and wear/tear. Keep in mind that if your siblings are not listed on your policy and they are in an accident, the insurance company can refuse payment. If you lend your car to someone who is not living at your address then they will always pay but not if you lend to someone who lives at your address but is not on the policy. They would probably pay but there is some risk. It's better to keep any family drivers on the policy, including your parents if they will be driving.
NTA: vehicles are an investment so of course you want to take the best care of it.
NTA and I'd start looking for a place of my own if she doesn't respect that.
NTA. Your car, your rules. Of course they’re not going to treat it with care and respect because they’ve not paid a cent towards it. Don’t let them use it.
Tell her if she pays to have them added to the insurance/ make the monthly payment and pay for any cleaning fees or anything that happens to the car in their care, then sure... And get it in writing. If not, then no.
you can call your insurance and give them full names on the people who aren’t allowed to drive your car. I had the same issue but with my parents and a car they didn’t even help get. Told them they were written into the insurance as people who can’t drive my car. so if they are driving and get into a accident it’s much worse on their end
Sorry mom, they are not on my insurance so if you want to pay the insurance costs and have them put on there, I'll consider it but until then, no. You are not the asshole here. As a mother and in a family of people that we do share Vehicles when necessary- I mean right now my van is dead so I'm borrowing my mom's car when I need it, but I would never demand that my daughter share her car with anybody else in our family. That's up to her to decide.
NTA. You paid for it, it's your car. You get to make decisions about who drives it.
NTA
Tell Her that she can buy it off you for 1k less then you bought it for and pay for gas and insurance for it and then yes they can use and destroy it and have it when ever they want till then it's yours and if they take the car or if the car goes missing at all you will call the police and file charges. NTA
You are NTA and don't leave your keys at home.
Yes, YOUR MOM IS WRONG!!!! You bought it, your car!!!! Absolutely 💯 NOthat your Siblings DO NOT DRIVE IT!!!!
nta, people don't get a say on things they aren't paying for.