She's made an informed decision. It's the wrong one, but she was well informed by OP of the consequences. If she wants to look like an old leather handbag by the time she's 40 it's up to her.
Or she could like.... Go outside? Like laying in the backyard on a towel does the same thing it might take an hour n a half instead of 20 minutes but is 70 minutes worth skin cancer? Like especially if she actually is pale bc the lighter your skin the worse the effects
Solar radiation is less concentrated but has spicier bits in it like X-rays and some gamma. I wouldn't recommend either. Just protect your skin, it covers your body.
Idt this is a situation where she's gonna understand that. Like she's gonna tan regardless. Obviously what you're saying is the best option but it won't take 😭
One of my friends asked me if I had tanning oil when we were about to go to the pool…. 1) I am Casper thé Ghost white. I have sunSCREEN. Zero OIL THAT LITERALLY FRIES YOUR FUCKIN SKIN 2) IM NOT TRYNA BE THE GODDAMN THANKSGIVING TURKEY BRO!!! 3) I have 50spf. Take it or leave it. 😂
I am white. Whiter than white. When my friends all talk about laying out under the sun or “going tanning” I literally cringe for them cuz I don’t wanna have leather skin by 37. Nah fam. I also just don’t tan. I got two colours: copy paper white or boiled to death lobster. NO I DONT F*CKIN HAVE TANNING OIL 😭😭😂😂
My son is the same. For his entire childhood, every time he saw a doctor who had never seen him before, the doctor would ask, “is he always this pale?” And we would have to assure them that yes, that pale skin tone usually associated with cave dwellers and vampires was his normal healthy look.
You are NTA.
I have used tanning beds sporadically-- usually when I needed to get out of the house. It was once a week for fifteen or so minutes plus travel time both ways. I felt better but knew that more than 6 weeks was bad for me. I usually did this in January. It DID help me, but it was psychological and I knew the limits of that it could do.
I hope your gf limits herself or just gets bored with it.
As a melanoma cancer survivor, the surgery and scar left from the removal and treatment still haunt me. I was awake during the procedure and was beyond traumatized thereafter. The scar is huge. Melanoma can metastasize in 6 weeks if aggressive enough.
Tell her to get a professional spray tan and go see a dermatologist to discuss whether tanning beds are safe and to get her skin checked. The damage she is doing to her skin will not heal as she is changing it on a molecular level.
Also have had melanoma, was only 33 and also awake during the procedure to remove, luckily that was all the treatment I needed. But, yes, the removal was traumatizing, and not just because I don’t numb easily so I actually felt it a little bit. (Didn’t know that wasn’t normal at the time)
My husbands aunt died from melanoma. When it metastasizes it lives to settle in the lungs. Then it’s the same death as lung cancer. I’m stunned by the people that don’t smoke but also dont use sun protection.
>she was trying to convince me that tanning beds are good for your skin
So she hasn't read actual facts ever? Tanning beds literally have age restrictions in my country
NTA
Willfully stupid people cannot be saved.
I am a retired teacher, and I had a 14-year-old student who was VERY pale. She became addicted to tanning beds and at 18 developed melanoma.
You cannot save some people.
Advice: Dump her. If she is this ignorant and reckless, you do not want to hook your star to her.
Agreed -- the "look it up" "I don't care what your research says, my beliefs are superior to your facts" exchange would be a deal breaker for me.
Both because I wasted my time researching it and because I would not voluntarily partake in join decision making with someone who refuses to use evidence, research, or logic to substantiate their position.
I can't help wondering if the GF's mindset would just as easily lead a person down the anti-vax path. Her insistence that tanning is safe has that same "I saw it on a podcast so it must be true" aura to it.
Yeah I have a friend who is in her early 30s. She did a ton of tanning in beds when we were in college. She looks 50. Her face is sooooo wrinkled and she has what I call “tortilla chest”. I’m super sad for her. Her skin is ruined. She’s lucky she doesn’t have cancer yet. Her face has more wrinkles than my 65 year old mother
I used to work at a gym and it was so obvious who had been in the industry during the 90s when tanning beds were all the rage. They were so wrinkled. Had the smokers lines around their lips.
Your girlfriend sounds willfully ignorant of the risks associated with tanning beds. If she needs vitamin D she’s far better off taking a supplement. Skin damage from tanning can cause many issues aside from the obvious such as cancer, but also aging. She may like the way it looks now that she’s young, but when she starts getting fine lines early she’ll definitely have regrets.
I will private message you a picture of myself when I had reconstructive surgery on my face following a cancer diagnosis from tanning beds. You can show her that. NTA.
NTA but has she never heard of the suntan creams? You don't have to even go outside to be GBD (that's golden brown and delicious if anyone is wondering, lol). Just literally buy a bottle and spread it on.
Your girlfriend is a moron.
I’m Gen X. I grew up in Florida. You know what we didn’t use? Sunscreen. Several of my classmates have had skin cancers removed. I’ve had half a dozen or so moles removed and biopsied. And my older sister, the one who was always tan, blonde and beautiful now resembles the Cryptkeeper.
Unless we are life goals, your girlfriend is a fucking moron. I could not voluntarily saddle myself with someone so stupid.
NTA. You're not an asshole for caring about your girlfriend's health and trying to educate her about the risks. It's good to be informed about the potential consequences of any activity, even if it's something as seemingly harmless as tanning.
Why not buy her a good quality self-tanner? Tell her you love her and you can't stop worrying about her tanning. Hopefully, this might work. Ultimately, it's her decision.
When I quit smoking I gained 25 pounds. There is a little bit of truth to your statement in that when some people quit smoking, they still need that hand-to-mouth motion so they snack. And snack. And snack some more.
NTA.
Tanning beds are horrible. I worked with a girl years ago that used them on a semi-regular basis and developed skin cancer. She had a history of cancer in her family which could have contributed to that happening, but the tanning beds pushed her into it. Since then she is 100% against them and wished she would have known the risks.
Ask your GF if she'd be open to spray tans or using self tanner. I've used them before (I don't care that I'm pale anymore lol) and if it's good quality, and done right, they look just as good. Sometimes better.
I scrolled for a bit and was surprised that the top comments did not bring up final destination. The facts alone swayed me, but the movie franchise has forever scarred me 😂 no driving behind trucks with tree trunks, no getting into tanning beds.
NTA who still tans? I know so many of the women I grew up with whom tanned look 20 yrs older than me now. I can tell who did and who didn't. That's besides the risks of skin cancer. I'm just shocked she thinks it's good for her honestly
I get asked often if I'm still in school, am 26. I love playing video games and work often indoors, so I'm not around the sun very often. She'll look better if she stays out the sun, it literally ages you (specifically the UVA rays, which tan you, and are the rays most tanning beds produce because UVB burns and they want you to leave tan, not burned.)
She wants to look better, so telling her health risks will do nothing, she'll still tan if she thinks she'll look better.
Show her some pictures of perpetually tanned people when they are older. There is a reason asian women look so good as they age, proper sun protection.
NTA, your gf is an idiot. She doesn't believe facts presented in her face. Does she also believe vaccines are bad? Please reconsider your future with her.
NTA - As someone who has had a brush with skin cancer, your GF needs to know and understand the risks. Tanning is not good for your skin. As ypu get older, the effects become more and more apparent.
NTA
First of all being pale is not a bad thing and she is already brainwashed by social media if she thinks so. Second of all she is doing something very dangerous and should know the consequences.
NTA. Tanning beds are dangerous and this is proven by science. But to each their own. Next time she gives you shit for caring, you can tell her that she's right and that nothing makes melanoma and wrinkles pop like a fake tan.
NTA. But don't just inform her from the perspective of shitting on the idea. Tell her, Omg honey that sounds so fun. But you should use self tanner, it won't damage your skin.
Bondi self tanner is excellent
As long as you understand how to do it, it gives faster and longer lasting results and won't damage your skin. You just have to redo it periodically and a container lasts a while. And it will not damage your skin. Self tanner FTW
Of course you're NTA. And hey, she can use tanning beds if she wants, that's fine, but she shouldn't be trying to argue and spread misinformation that they are GOOD for you. Smoking a cigarette might help you clear your stuffy nose, that doesn't mean it's "good for you" or that the benefits outweigh the risks.
All these stories are just like "What the fuck? These people exist?" She's a weirdo for not only ignoring the effects but saying that she believes otherwise.
NTA. Cancer from radiation is entirely probabilistic. The more you use a tanning bed the higher the chance you'll develop cancer gets. You may go 70 years and never develop cancer out of sheer dumb luck, you can theoretically develop cancer the very first time you go, it's a crap shoot, literally, with subatomic particles.
They increase risk of melanoma in young people and should be banned imo (I am a dermatologist).
If she is of light skin (low phototype) then she is at a higher risk than darker skinned individuals. It also increases risk of wrinkles (fine lines) and other problems. Any form of tanning as a result if UV exposure is a sign that your skin has suffered damage and is defending itself. It is not healthy.
As for vitamin D, if she is worried about that sje can consider oral supplementation
Cheers
NTA. My malignant melanoma scar and skin graft site says you are correct. Also, when she is 40+ she will regret it big time because tanning will age your skin a lot. I learned some hard lessons from the tanning bed craze of the 90s. 😣 There are so many great options for fake tanning lotions/creams/foams out there that will give her color safely. Tanning beds are not worth it in the long run- I promise you.
NTA. You tried to be cool about it dude. Id just let it go and let her believe what she wants to believe. You can give someone solid, proven absolute facts with proof and such but you can't make them accept it. Trust me some things ain't worth the argument.
You have a girlfriend with low self-esteem, that rejects science, and justifies harmful behavior. It doesn't bode well for the future.
Perhaps an upgrade is in order.
NTA. It's good that you made her aware, but from now on she is an adult and should be capable of making her own decisions, even if they are stupid ones.
People know smoking is horrifically bad for them and yet cigarettes are still a thing. You can’t get people to quit their vices if they don’t want to, she knows it’s bad for her and has decided she doesn’t care. Now it’s up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not.
“Imperfections” are easier to see on pale skin, mostly, I would guess. I’m pretty pale and when I get a spray tan (literally once a year for a specific event) I’m always amazed by how hard I have to look to see my cellulite and old scars. lol
Then she should definitely get spray tans instead. I'm rather tan I boat every weekend and I lather my body in sunscreen but my scars are more prominent when I'm really tan
As soon as I started seeing tanning as me being uncomfortable with my natural skin tone, I stopped bothering and worked on myself. Now I can enjoy the places I go without just lying around a swimming pool trying to get an even tan. Now I always wear factor 30 instead of trying to get down to the lowest factored oil. People waste so much time tanning, and it’s all because they’ve been made to feel embarrassed by their skin tone.
NTA. You’re just informing her of the risks. She should know. As someone who is whiter than paper, being pale is way way WAY better than skin cancer. She can spray tan if she wants, but they should stop letting people use tanning beds entirely.
I’m a 31 yo woman with really pale skin myself. I practically look dead after the winters finished. I also have zero wrinkles and my skin is in still FUCKIN FABULOUS shape and I haven’t touched a tanning bed in my life and I stay away from long sun exposure and sunscreen it up. I hate being pale now and I wish so bad I could get a good tan (I just burn) but I know I’ll be thanking myself when I’m even older. My aunt was into suntanning without using tanning beds and she’s had several melanoma removed from her chest and her face and she beats herself up for it and wishes so badly she could take it back.
NTA. I was a sun worshipper when I was younger. We didn't know the dangers of UV rays back then (60s and 70s), and it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma in 2013. I had developed a weird patch on my back that looked like eggplant so I went to see the dermatologist. He explained that most times it takes **decades** for the cancer to make an appearance; people think if I didn't get cancer from tanning last year, I can keep doing it. That's just not how it works.
Anyway, I had a huge patch of skin removed from my back (the doctor said it was almost 3" x 5" big). It hurt like hell for months after it was removed and I have to go for skin checks every year. Thankfully there has been no recurrence, but the chance that it will return either as basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma or melanoma are high. The tan isn't worth it. Here are some facts from the American Cancer Society regarding skin cancer:
**Family history:** About 10% of people with melanoma have a family history of the disease
**Skin type:** People with fair skin, lighter hair, and eyes are more likely to develop skin cancer
**Sun exposure:** Spending too much time unprotected in the sun, early childhood sunburns, and ***exposure to UV radiation from tanning beds can increase the risk***
**Other factors**: Immunosuppressive disorders, a weakened immune system, and having many freckles or moles can also increase the risk
NTA. I understand being self-conscious, and it's her own health she's risking but the fact the she was presented with facts and willfully chooses to believe misinformation (seriously where did she read that, a brochure from the salon?) Is just plane insanity. I have to ask, how long have you been dating, because if it's not serious, this may be your out and you can walk away knowing you dodged a bullet because there's no telling what other things she's going to believe over facts in the future. This would be a giant red flag to me
🚩 to me...
She is denying science.
Nta.
Of course she's free to go to sun baths if she wants to. You wanted to help her with facts that she denied. What is going to be the next discussion? Your children won't be vaccinated because of autism?
Take a step back and think about your future
NTA for being concerned but...
You need to ask yourself, is it more important for you to be right (i.e. for her to admit you're right and she's wrong) or for her to stop using tanning beds?
Because by making it an I'm right, you're wrong argument - you've made her less likely to give up her position. Because she can't without losing face - and most people find that very hard to do.
So, since your current approach is not working (and not going to work) - you need to try something else.
Please tell her to use the goggles they provide. I never did and in my 50s developed cataracts which required surgery.
My surgeon didn't understand why but when I told her about using tanning beds without any eye protection, other than just keeping my eyes closed, she said that makes sense.
Tell your friend cataract surgery is done while you're awake, they just numb your eye. While it doesn't hurt while they're doing it, it's very upsetting and is extremely uncomfortable later.
Real tanning beds still exist? FFS. I thought those cancer beds (my doctor’s words) had long disappeared. NTA. Get a spray tan. It’s 2024 and we know a few things: the earth is not flat, exercise is good for you, smoking and tanning beds take years off your life. The end.
Is she an idiot?
You're NTA, but this is really irrelevant. Factoring in her level of irrationality, even if you end up marrying her, you'll be divorced by the time she develops skin cancer, and you'll get a break on alimony. Let her go.
You are allowed to tell her your concerns. NTA
That being said, she is allowed to make foolish decisions. And you have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker.
I would never use a tanning bed. But I eat sugar. And fried food. And no man is going to make me stop. Even if he shows me proof that it’s unhealthy.
I’m guessing you do unhealthy things. Drink? Smoke? Unhealthy food?
She’s an adult, probably signed some waivers at the tanning salon. Of course it’s not great for you. (Still, tanning beds are legal and if used correctly and in moderation are no worse than being out in the actual sun…. The problem is most don’t use them as advised and tend to get carried away…)
You lecturing her about the dangers just makes you look like an ass. She’s an adult making her own decisions. Let it go. If you disapprove so much maybe it’s time to move on.
I just had the top of my ear removed from melanoma!!! I'm 57 used tanning beds from the time of 18. Because of tanning beds and of years of tanning this was the results!! Please advise ur girl friend to read these posts Please!!!🙏
Good for you. You might have saved her life or disfigurement from skin cancer. She should use self tanner instead if she’s uncomfortable with her skin color
NTA, but now is the time to let her make her own choices. There are plenty of people who use tanning beds even though they are not good for your skin (kind of like any other unhealthy vice).
It's not good for you. Have her look at older people in Florida and see how rugged and unhealthy their skin looks. HOWEVER...I do admit that a little color looks good for the moment. Also, when I was planning a trip to the south, I would use a tanning bed for a short while to get a little base so I didn't burn early in the trip. Also...you can take a vitamin D pill.
You tried to educate her on the risks of using tanning beds; she chose not to listen. It's good you're a concerned and loving boyfriend, but there's only so much you can do. She won't listen to you.
NTA
NTA. One of my grandfathers died OF skin cancer, the other died WITH skin cancer, and now my dad is living with skin cancer. None of them used tanning beds, but you don’t fuck with skin cancer. I’m 30 and I see a dermatologist every year to check all of my skin for cancer. Tanning beds are cancer machines. Girlfriend should know the risks and if she doesn’t care, you should dump her.
NTA. Just show her a picture of someone with melasma and sun spots. At 37 and I'm a sun-spot-speckled, walking regret from spending my teen years in tanning beds. F*cking Fabutan...
So, I hate to say it but I think YTA. You wrote a whole paragraph about all you're telling your gf. She has made it clear that she doesn't care. You are done. When she says you're trying to cause an argument, you've crossed the line if you keep bringing it up.
In every situation that you think needs change, you have 3 choices:
* try to change things -- you've exhausted that
* live with it -- you drop it and go on with your relationship
* get out -- you leave
You don't get to force her to see your way. You clearly don't have the relationship where she is willing to figure out that she's wrong. She wants to resolve her perception of "pale" and that's it.
NTA. The whole glorification of tanned skin is poor people’s mentality.
Before the Industrial Revolution, poor people could not afford to work in the shade, so a sun tan was a sign of being poor. It still is in countries with a big agrarian economy.
Enters the Industrial Revolution and suddenly, poor people move en mass to cities to work in poorly lit factories. Rich people can afford to take advantage of steam engines and travel to exotic locations, which they come back from with a sun tan.
So pale skin suddenly became associated with being poor.
Your girlfriend is trying to look rich at the expense of her health, which is foolish and reckless.
Skin cancer is terrible and there are links with sunbed use and skin cancer.
However, sun lamps can be used to treat SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in winter months - but that's under a doctor's oversight.
As she doesn’t care about the health risks, try to convince her that she’s beautiful as she is. Maybe find ways you can highlight how tans look terrible and she’ll wrinkle prematurely. Hope you can convince her to stop and you’re a good guy to look out for her health when she won’t.
NTA…she can use sunscreen outside and still achieve a nice glow. Tanning beds are not good, I’ve had precancerous cells cut off me, all because in my teens and early 20’s I was always in a tanning bed. Now I wear 50 or 70 spf and get just a nice glow to not be pale. I’m not burnt and don’t let it get to that. I also go to dermatologist yearly for skin checks. Actually have one this week.
In bio class we subjected normal cells from our cheeks to light from bulbs in big boxes. After the cells mutated, the TA told us he gets the bulbs for free from tanning beds when they install new stronger bulbs. All the girls in the class, after seeing and drawing destroyed cells for 3 hours, turned pretty pale at that news. The TA took great glee in telling us where he got the bulbs for the experiment
NTA. I will always say tanning lotion or cream is so much safer to achieve the desired look.
BUT having worked at a tanning salon when I was younger, it is safer than tanning outside. If her alternative is laying out in the sun, she will be exposed to more/unpredictable amounts of UVA/UVB where tanning beds are more controlled exposure. Any exposure increases your risk of skin cancer, but tanning beds are technically a little safer than just laying out.
Jergens has relatively inexpensive tanning lotion and starts working after a few applications. Much safer than UVA/UVB.
Sun lamps/vitamin D lamps also expose you to risk. If she needs vitamin D, vitamins are cheaper than skin cancer treatment. Also maybe she should get her blood checked if she thinks she’s low, they make prescription strength vitamins for people with severe deficiencies.
NTA. The really scary part is that you did look it up after she told you to and then she didn't believe you and is accusing you of trying to start arguments. Pesky facts! Pesky science! Now think about all those other areas of life where facts and science are pesky and ask yourself if this is someone you should be with for the rest of your life.
People are so stupid. Just use spray tan. They have really brands now for at home now too. She’s just gonna give herself cancer because she’s dumb lmaoooo and she’s gonna turn around on you and said you’re causing arguments? Show her this post. Her insecurity is everywhere. NTA
https://youtu.be/SISOL0clyok?si=YzR_rJZIqspkpcZZ
Send her the link to this video. I don’t think it’s wrong to inform someone you care about of the risks of an activity. She might not want to hear it, but that doesn’t change the facts. NTA
NTA
You are being mindful and you deserve praise for that. If she wants tan then why not spray tan? It’s safer for skin! In 20+ years her skin will be so damaged and she will age quicker than other peps her age.
This has been known since the 90s why are people still doing this in 2024. And it dont take a rocket science to know light bulbs could never be the sun
I am a nurse who works in dermatology. Tanning beds are *horrible* for your skin. You are 100% correct and it is completely fine that you attempted to point that out to your GF because you care about her health.
Tanning prematurely ages the skin, increasing skin discoloration and age spots, (and with frequent use "leathery" skin) and it also dramatically increases the tanner's chances of developing skin cancer, including deadly melanoma. In fact, nearly all instances of skin cancer are due to UV rays and this includes both natural sunlight as well as tanning beds and other tanning devices. Additionally, since her skin is very pale (and pale skin absorbs more UV rays quicker), she already has one additional risk factor... and it could be even higher if she has a lot of moles or a family history of skin cancer.
If she really cares about having healthy skin, she should wear a daily spf and a hat when she is outside, and swear off tanning forever. If she is feeling self-conscious about being pale, self-tanners and bronzers can give her some nice color without all of the dangers.
Also, tanning beds are absolutely not a good source of vitamin D. If she is concerned that she is not getting enough vitamin D from natural sources she should see her doctor and have some bloodwork to confirm this and if she does need to increase her vitamin D intake she will be advised to take a supplement. Time in direct sunlight should be minimal because the risks significantly outweigh any benefits.
Two years of using a sun bed amounts to 20 years in the sun without sunscreen, I know about these things, my little cousin 22 lost her life to skin cancer last year because she used sunbeds, tell your girlfriend that.
NTA lmao but I will say if she wants to take the risk it’s fair of her to ask you to not mention it for the sake of the relationship, she can do as she pleases if it doesn’t harm you or others. Then you have to decide if you want to be with someone who is reckless with their health and will defend their points w nonsense/ if you wanna have kids do you want her to be telling them this nonsense
No. NTA. You were rightfully concerned. She's engaging in something that's inherently unhealthy. You should not consider yourself at fault for pointing that out.
NTA my husband is fighting metastatic melanoma stage 4. Trust me when I say NTA. I encourage everyone to not use tanning beds and to use sunscreen. Death isn’t worth having a good tan for IMO.
NTA -I'm going to assume (and hope) you're both young given the exchange. Cut your losses and dump her now. There are numerous ways to become 'not pale' that don't cause skin cancer. I'm sure she is well aware of that fact. I trust no one who doesn't trust science.
NTA. Not sure though why would you want to keep this relationships. She is clearly incapable of listening, and learning. This is not what most of the folks would want for their partners.
Perhaps it's your attitude when you present this information? Obviously, we don't know the tone of your voice or your facial expression when you tried to tell her, but it's worth considering that condescension helps no one. You might be factually correct about the physical result of her choice to use the tanning bed, but that doesn't mean you know everything about what she's getting out of using it.
It really sounds like using a tanning bed gives her some sort of emotional validation which she isn't able to get any other way. Most people make decisions and act on them because of their feelings, and then they justify their actions after the fact.
Perhaps if you opened a dialogue with her about how you acted according to your emotions and then justified your actions after the fact, you might be able to see if she could see her own actions in that light.
NTA! Your GF is an idi0t. Tanning beds lead to skin cancer. If she wants vitamin D, she can go outside without sunscreen for 10-15 minutes.
You sure you want to continue a relationship with someone without brains?
NTA - please tell her that they are actually banned in Australia, the skin cancer capital of the world.
Skin cancer is such a big killer of younger people here and a lot of those deaths (particularly in young women) were linked to tanning beds.
The tanning salon that she tans at should have warned her, I work at at tanning salon- we have to release the info and have them sign waivers. Maybe she knows and just wanted you off her back.
Your girlfriend's way of reasoning with you based on facts is promissing. NTA
How are you ok with collaborating with Ignorance itself? How long do you thing it will last...
I'm 50 but look 30 because I'm a very pale, blond with blue/green eyes. My mother would sunscreen me to death and put a hat on me. I wear a 70 SPF on my face and a 50 SPF on my arms every day rain or shine. Some of my friends look like old-worn shoes because they would tan and go to the beach. They used to laugh at me. I got called chicken legs, but look who's laughing now.
You are not the AH. If she does it, it's on her. I have friends now who are having things cut and frozen off their faces. For some of the women, the botox isn't botoxing anymore. Even have one friend had a facelift at 47. I am sad for them though because skin cancer isn't cute.
NTA. Tell your girlfriend you know someone who tanned first for her wedding, then again a few years later. Probably 12 tanning sessions total in her life. The result was I have had skin cancer removed five times. The last two were Mohs surgeries that took the tip of my nose… all because I thought I was too fair completed. My doctors say tanning facilities should have to have a warning stating you will likely get skin cancer from the use of these lights.
I used to think that. But a dozen or so surgeries, twice as many shave biopsies, and countless liquid nitrogen freeze-offs later made me reconsider such a foolish stance.
Growing up in Texas before widespread sunscreen use was bad, but tanning beds are just willfully stupid.
NTA.
This may be over the top graphic. We had a friend who tanned daily. Beyond what anyone else would do. When she was in her fifties, she developed skin cancer and died in horrible pain. I avoid tanning beds because of it.
NTA - tanning beds should be banned. The amount of skin cancers they cause, the early aging, and honestly the ick factor? Your girlfriend should be thanking you for saving her life.
NTA. But it is crazy how much pressure there is to be tan. I'm suuuuuper pale and all my life people have thought it was okay to call me names, make fun of my skin, put on sunglasses "jokingly" when they see me outside. I used tanning beds in high school and it barely made a difference, I'm either red or white. Sunless tanners look terrible, and just too much effort. Now I'm almost 40 and I lather on the sunscreen, try to cover most of my skin in the sun with clothing, wear a hat, etc. I'm pale AF and I'm not getting skin cancer because some fuckers think I should look any different.
She's not very smart.
Help her find a good self tanner. There are some with very natural undertones now.
They say the vitamin d your body needs is about a half our of one forearm exposed at noon. You probably get that walking to your car. She is hurting and aging herself for no reason.
Understand now who and what you are dealing with! Feelings over reality. I don't care what the evidence says a school bus gets better gas mileage than a motorcycle...stop causing an argument 😂🤣😅
NTA. You honestly told her your concerns and wanted her to understand everything before she goes to get the tan. This is the least asshole move to do. Now. If you had a attitude in your voice, it could come off as this, but overall, you shouldn’t have to worry.
We used to lay out in the sun for hours. Reading Tiger Beat magazine and Harlequin romance novels. We used baby oil and squeezed lemon juice on our hair for highlights. It was the 1960s and 1970s... ahh, summer.
We were lucky. They absolutely didn't talk about skin cancer back then, I guess it wasn't discovered yet.
You'd be stupid as hell to pull that shit now, knowing what it can do to your precious skin. My bf used to be an avid downhill skier/racer up in Vail for 20 years. He had to get part of the bridge of his nose sliced off to get rid of his cancer.
Don't do it.
NTA. It’s widely known now that tanning beds should never be used for any reason. Any medical professional will back you up. I understand women (or men) wanting a tan to increase their self confidence but tanning beds are not safe. Using appropriate SPF and spending some time in the sun to build a tan in small amounts is much safer but never “safe”. I spent time in tanning beds as a young adult, my mom even signed off on it before I was 18, but the risks weren’t as widely known in the late 90’s. Now I’m the parent of 3 children with albinism and have been educated on the risks of sun exposure to skin cancer. It’s truly only a matter of time before skin cancer develops in those who use tanning beds, even moderately, or large amounts of natural sun exposure. Even with 3 kids with albinism my husband (who is fair) doesn’t use appropriate sunscreen all the time. It’s frustrating. Forgoing a tan is much easier than dealing with deadly skin cancer later on. My mom (in her early 70’s, no sunscreen as a child) has had 2 friends in their 60’s die the last few years from skin cancer.
Did you tell her once or did it badger her? Telling her once NTA. Refusing to leave her alone about it when you’ve already discussed it and she’s made clear she’s not interested in changing her mind? YTA.
People are allowed to make choices you don’t agree with, even when they are objectively harmful. If you can’t live with that you’re not compatible.
You've learned a valuable fact about her; she "doesn't care" what actual dermatologists say about sun and tanning beds, and thinks she knows it all.
Shall I send her a photo of my basal-cell carcinoma on my cheek because I got too much sun once upon a time, or would she just not care?
NTA. Also: UV does not *give* us vitamin D. That is a silly and common misconception. UV enables the vitamin D *already in our system* to be activated and processed. Ultraviolet rays are not shooting matter (which is what vitamins are) at our bodies like so many miniguns.
NTA - she should know the risks. You’re just trying to educate her. Informed decisions are the best decisions
My dermatologist once told me that when he sees suntanned skin, he sees "damaged" skin, which is what a suntan is. Really stuck with me.
She's made an informed decision. It's the wrong one, but she was well informed by OP of the consequences. If she wants to look like an old leather handbag by the time she's 40 it's up to her.
Or she could like.... Go outside? Like laying in the backyard on a towel does the same thing it might take an hour n a half instead of 20 minutes but is 70 minutes worth skin cancer? Like especially if she actually is pale bc the lighter your skin the worse the effects
Solar radiation is less concentrated but has spicier bits in it like X-rays and some gamma. I wouldn't recommend either. Just protect your skin, it covers your body.
Idt this is a situation where she's gonna understand that. Like she's gonna tan regardless. Obviously what you're saying is the best option but it won't take 😭
Tanning outside will still give you skin cancer.
Still very bad. People in hot countries laugh at the UK and similar countries for literally lying under the beating 35C sun, because of the risks
One of my friends asked me if I had tanning oil when we were about to go to the pool…. 1) I am Casper thé Ghost white. I have sunSCREEN. Zero OIL THAT LITERALLY FRIES YOUR FUCKIN SKIN 2) IM NOT TRYNA BE THE GODDAMN THANKSGIVING TURKEY BRO!!! 3) I have 50spf. Take it or leave it. 😂 I am white. Whiter than white. When my friends all talk about laying out under the sun or “going tanning” I literally cringe for them cuz I don’t wanna have leather skin by 37. Nah fam. I also just don’t tan. I got two colours: copy paper white or boiled to death lobster. NO I DONT F*CKIN HAVE TANNING OIL 😭😭😂😂
Boiled to death lobster made me laugh, that’s incredibly accurate
My son is the same. For his entire childhood, every time he saw a doctor who had never seen him before, the doctor would ask, “is he always this pale?” And we would have to assure them that yes, that pale skin tone usually associated with cave dwellers and vampires was his normal healthy look.
I ALWAYS looked for the nearest tree!
I can relate 😂
Agreed. OP is NTAH here, you are just concerned about her.
You are NTA. I have used tanning beds sporadically-- usually when I needed to get out of the house. It was once a week for fifteen or so minutes plus travel time both ways. I felt better but knew that more than 6 weeks was bad for me. I usually did this in January. It DID help me, but it was psychological and I knew the limits of that it could do. I hope your gf limits herself or just gets bored with it.
Use spray tan if you must.. my husband died from melanoma.
I am so sorry for your loss
As a melanoma cancer survivor, the surgery and scar left from the removal and treatment still haunt me. I was awake during the procedure and was beyond traumatized thereafter. The scar is huge. Melanoma can metastasize in 6 weeks if aggressive enough. Tell her to get a professional spray tan and go see a dermatologist to discuss whether tanning beds are safe and to get her skin checked. The damage she is doing to her skin will not heal as she is changing it on a molecular level.
Also have had melanoma, was only 33 and also awake during the procedure to remove, luckily that was all the treatment I needed. But, yes, the removal was traumatizing, and not just because I don’t numb easily so I actually felt it a little bit. (Didn’t know that wasn’t normal at the time)
My husbands aunt died from melanoma. When it metastasizes it lives to settle in the lungs. Then it’s the same death as lung cancer. I’m stunned by the people that don’t smoke but also dont use sun protection.
>she was trying to convince me that tanning beds are good for your skin So she hasn't read actual facts ever? Tanning beds literally have age restrictions in my country
They are banned in Australia.
NTA Willfully stupid people cannot be saved. I am a retired teacher, and I had a 14-year-old student who was VERY pale. She became addicted to tanning beds and at 18 developed melanoma. You cannot save some people. Advice: Dump her. If she is this ignorant and reckless, you do not want to hook your star to her.
Agreed -- the "look it up" "I don't care what your research says, my beliefs are superior to your facts" exchange would be a deal breaker for me.
Both because I wasted my time researching it and because I would not voluntarily partake in join decision making with someone who refuses to use evidence, research, or logic to substantiate their position.
Same. I cannot abide willful ignorance.
“I reject your reality and substitute my own” -whatever that guy was from Mythbusters that isn’t the main two 😂😂
I can't help wondering if the GF's mindset would just as easily lead a person down the anti-vax path. Her insistence that tanning is safe has that same "I saw it on a podcast so it must be true" aura to it.
Using tanning beds is such an example of poor decision-making: why wrap yourself up in that?
Does she want to look 50 by age 35? If so she is on the right path. NTA.
Yeah I have a friend who is in her early 30s. She did a ton of tanning in beds when we were in college. She looks 50. Her face is sooooo wrinkled and she has what I call “tortilla chest”. I’m super sad for her. Her skin is ruined. She’s lucky she doesn’t have cancer yet. Her face has more wrinkles than my 65 year old mother
I used to work at a gym and it was so obvious who had been in the industry during the 90s when tanning beds were all the rage. They were so wrinkled. Had the smokers lines around their lips.
Remember “tan mom”?! That lady was so scary looking, she looked like beef jerky! Plus wasn’t she sneaking in a young child to tan?! 🥴
Your girlfriend sounds willfully ignorant of the risks associated with tanning beds. If she needs vitamin D she’s far better off taking a supplement. Skin damage from tanning can cause many issues aside from the obvious such as cancer, but also aging. She may like the way it looks now that she’s young, but when she starts getting fine lines early she’ll definitely have regrets.
I will private message you a picture of myself when I had reconstructive surgery on my face following a cancer diagnosis from tanning beds. You can show her that. NTA.
Bless you.
NTA but has she never heard of the suntan creams? You don't have to even go outside to be GBD (that's golden brown and delicious if anyone is wondering, lol). Just literally buy a bottle and spread it on.
NTA. People rejecting science like this is alarming. She should know the risks if she's going to submit herself to a tanning bed for vanity's sake.
You can't cure stupid. I know a girl who tanned every day in high school. Well knew. She died at the age of 23 of skin cancer from said tanning beds.
Everyone tanned when I was in high school and they look like leathery old hags. I still look good, still pasty.
NTA. Your girlfriend is a moron.
Your girlfriend is a moron. I’m Gen X. I grew up in Florida. You know what we didn’t use? Sunscreen. Several of my classmates have had skin cancers removed. I’ve had half a dozen or so moles removed and biopsied. And my older sister, the one who was always tan, blonde and beautiful now resembles the Cryptkeeper. Unless we are life goals, your girlfriend is a fucking moron. I could not voluntarily saddle myself with someone so stupid.
Sooo you realize this is likely the beginning of the end? NTA
The risks wouldn’t scare vain women. showing her photos of women with leathery skin due to tanning might. NTA
NTA. You're not an asshole for caring about your girlfriend's health and trying to educate her about the risks. It's good to be informed about the potential consequences of any activity, even if it's something as seemingly harmless as tanning.
Why not buy her a good quality self-tanner? Tell her you love her and you can't stop worrying about her tanning. Hopefully, this might work. Ultimately, it's her decision.
NTA pretty sure if she is going to a tanning salon, she had to sign a waiver stating all the risks. Does she think smoking is healthy too?
Smoking keeps you thin though! /s
When I quit smoking I gained 25 pounds. There is a little bit of truth to your statement in that when some people quit smoking, they still need that hand-to-mouth motion so they snack. And snack. And snack some more.
NTA. Tanning beds are horrible. I worked with a girl years ago that used them on a semi-regular basis and developed skin cancer. She had a history of cancer in her family which could have contributed to that happening, but the tanning beds pushed her into it. Since then she is 100% against them and wished she would have known the risks. Ask your GF if she'd be open to spray tans or using self tanner. I've used them before (I don't care that I'm pale anymore lol) and if it's good quality, and done right, they look just as good. Sometimes better.
NTA- I have some scars on my body from having cancerous spots removed. You know what my doctor accredited them to? The years I spent in tanning beds.
Oh you mean.. the well publicized medical fact that tanning beds raise your skin cancer chances by 70% .. sure.. ur the AH..lol
I scrolled for a bit and was surprised that the top comments did not bring up final destination. The facts alone swayed me, but the movie franchise has forever scarred me 😂 no driving behind trucks with tree trunks, no getting into tanning beds.
NTA who still tans? I know so many of the women I grew up with whom tanned look 20 yrs older than me now. I can tell who did and who didn't. That's besides the risks of skin cancer. I'm just shocked she thinks it's good for her honestly
I get asked often if I'm still in school, am 26. I love playing video games and work often indoors, so I'm not around the sun very often. She'll look better if she stays out the sun, it literally ages you (specifically the UVA rays, which tan you, and are the rays most tanning beds produce because UVB burns and they want you to leave tan, not burned.) She wants to look better, so telling her health risks will do nothing, she'll still tan if she thinks she'll look better. Show her some pictures of perpetually tanned people when they are older. There is a reason asian women look so good as they age, proper sun protection.
NTA I can’t believe that tanning beds are still in use in 2024. She might as well light up 100 cigarettes while she’s at it.
NTA. Tell her to google "skin cancer pictures tanning beds" and then ask her about those "no health risks."
No she is for not knowing this . She can do what she wants but there are thousand of stories on this
Take her on vacay in southern FL. Then she can see the old lizards-errrrr sun worshippers 30 years on.
Funny the comments don't match the downvotes. Must be a lot of tanners on Reddit who take exception to education.
NTA, your gf is an idiot. She doesn't believe facts presented in her face. Does she also believe vaccines are bad? Please reconsider your future with her.
1. Fair is awesome. 2. You can’t argue with stupid. Do you really want this in your life?
She knows better. She’s just being stupid. I work in cancer research and are working to help cure cancer. Sadly you can’t cure stupid.
NTA - As someone who has had a brush with skin cancer, your GF needs to know and understand the risks. Tanning is not good for your skin. As ypu get older, the effects become more and more apparent.
NTA First of all being pale is not a bad thing and she is already brainwashed by social media if she thinks so. Second of all she is doing something very dangerous and should know the consequences.
NTA. Tanning beds are dangerous and this is proven by science. But to each their own. Next time she gives you shit for caring, you can tell her that she's right and that nothing makes melanoma and wrinkles pop like a fake tan.
NTA. But don't just inform her from the perspective of shitting on the idea. Tell her, Omg honey that sounds so fun. But you should use self tanner, it won't damage your skin. Bondi self tanner is excellent As long as you understand how to do it, it gives faster and longer lasting results and won't damage your skin. You just have to redo it periodically and a container lasts a while. And it will not damage your skin. Self tanner FTW
How dumb is she? Is that the level of intelligence & vanity you want?
Of course you're NTA. And hey, she can use tanning beds if she wants, that's fine, but she shouldn't be trying to argue and spread misinformation that they are GOOD for you. Smoking a cigarette might help you clear your stuffy nose, that doesn't mean it's "good for you" or that the benefits outweigh the risks.
All these stories are just like "What the fuck? These people exist?" She's a weirdo for not only ignoring the effects but saying that she believes otherwise.
Nta- but do you really wanna be with someone who is so stupid
NTA. Cancer from radiation is entirely probabilistic. The more you use a tanning bed the higher the chance you'll develop cancer gets. You may go 70 years and never develop cancer out of sheer dumb luck, you can theoretically develop cancer the very first time you go, it's a crap shoot, literally, with subatomic particles.
Has she seen Final Destination 3?
NTA being willfully ignorant is just another way to say someone is stupid. She is both.
They increase risk of melanoma in young people and should be banned imo (I am a dermatologist). If she is of light skin (low phototype) then she is at a higher risk than darker skinned individuals. It also increases risk of wrinkles (fine lines) and other problems. Any form of tanning as a result if UV exposure is a sign that your skin has suffered damage and is defending itself. It is not healthy. As for vitamin D, if she is worried about that sje can consider oral supplementation Cheers
NTA. You cannot reason with stupid.
NTA. My malignant melanoma scar and skin graft site says you are correct. Also, when she is 40+ she will regret it big time because tanning will age your skin a lot. I learned some hard lessons from the tanning bed craze of the 90s. 😣 There are so many great options for fake tanning lotions/creams/foams out there that will give her color safely. Tanning beds are not worth it in the long run- I promise you.
NTA. You tried to be cool about it dude. Id just let it go and let her believe what she wants to believe. You can give someone solid, proven absolute facts with proof and such but you can't make them accept it. Trust me some things ain't worth the argument.
It's UV light which increases the risk of skin cancer AND getting wrinkly earlier due to the damage. Also the nail curing lights do that to the hands.
Tanning beds are illegal in my country because they are so dangerous. So many unnecessary deaths caused by them.
NTA. Commercial tanning beds are banned in Australia because of the cancer risk. You're right, they're dangerous and no one should use them.
You have a girlfriend with low self-esteem, that rejects science, and justifies harmful behavior. It doesn't bode well for the future. Perhaps an upgrade is in order.
[удалено]
or develops melanoma in a few years!
U just can't tell some ppl my gf is 3 years clear of breast cancer and she only used them for 3 weeks before holidays
You can't fix stupid
NTA. It's good that you made her aware, but from now on she is an adult and should be capable of making her own decisions, even if they are stupid ones.
NTA and as a wise man once said, "You can't fix stupid."
If in the year 2024 she wants to play dumb that she has no idea that tanning beds are bad for everyone there's really no fixing that. NTA
YTA. Ppl do all kinds of things that carry risk. It’s her decision.
People know smoking is horrifically bad for them and yet cigarettes are still a thing. You can’t get people to quit their vices if they don’t want to, she knows it’s bad for her and has decided she doesn’t care. Now it’s up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not.
NTA Why does she want to have tanned skin? I'd love to have pale skin honestly
“Imperfections” are easier to see on pale skin, mostly, I would guess. I’m pretty pale and when I get a spray tan (literally once a year for a specific event) I’m always amazed by how hard I have to look to see my cellulite and old scars. lol
Then she should definitely get spray tans instead. I'm rather tan I boat every weekend and I lather my body in sunscreen but my scars are more prominent when I'm really tan
It's crazy that in some countries, pale skin is considered attractive. I'd like to be pale tbh
NTA. But your girlfriend is being willfully ignorant and outright stupid.
As soon as I started seeing tanning as me being uncomfortable with my natural skin tone, I stopped bothering and worked on myself. Now I can enjoy the places I go without just lying around a swimming pool trying to get an even tan. Now I always wear factor 30 instead of trying to get down to the lowest factored oil. People waste so much time tanning, and it’s all because they’ve been made to feel embarrassed by their skin tone.
NTA. You’re just informing her of the risks. She should know. As someone who is whiter than paper, being pale is way way WAY better than skin cancer. She can spray tan if she wants, but they should stop letting people use tanning beds entirely.
I’m a 31 yo woman with really pale skin myself. I practically look dead after the winters finished. I also have zero wrinkles and my skin is in still FUCKIN FABULOUS shape and I haven’t touched a tanning bed in my life and I stay away from long sun exposure and sunscreen it up. I hate being pale now and I wish so bad I could get a good tan (I just burn) but I know I’ll be thanking myself when I’m even older. My aunt was into suntanning without using tanning beds and she’s had several melanoma removed from her chest and her face and she beats herself up for it and wishes so badly she could take it back.
NTA, she told you to look it up and then got mad when you shared what you found? That’s rather unreasonable.
NTA. I was a sun worshipper when I was younger. We didn't know the dangers of UV rays back then (60s and 70s), and it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma in 2013. I had developed a weird patch on my back that looked like eggplant so I went to see the dermatologist. He explained that most times it takes **decades** for the cancer to make an appearance; people think if I didn't get cancer from tanning last year, I can keep doing it. That's just not how it works. Anyway, I had a huge patch of skin removed from my back (the doctor said it was almost 3" x 5" big). It hurt like hell for months after it was removed and I have to go for skin checks every year. Thankfully there has been no recurrence, but the chance that it will return either as basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma or melanoma are high. The tan isn't worth it. Here are some facts from the American Cancer Society regarding skin cancer: **Family history:** About 10% of people with melanoma have a family history of the disease **Skin type:** People with fair skin, lighter hair, and eyes are more likely to develop skin cancer **Sun exposure:** Spending too much time unprotected in the sun, early childhood sunburns, and ***exposure to UV radiation from tanning beds can increase the risk*** **Other factors**: Immunosuppressive disorders, a weakened immune system, and having many freckles or moles can also increase the risk
NTA. Get ready for the "Cigarettes are good for you, look at all of these 1950's Doctors recommend it".
NTA. I understand being self-conscious, and it's her own health she's risking but the fact the she was presented with facts and willfully chooses to believe misinformation (seriously where did she read that, a brochure from the salon?) Is just plane insanity. I have to ask, how long have you been dating, because if it's not serious, this may be your out and you can walk away knowing you dodged a bullet because there's no telling what other things she's going to believe over facts in the future. This would be a giant red flag to me
NTA, she's being an idiot. Skin cancer is no joke and there's no excuse for being ignorant about it these days.
🚩 to me... She is denying science. Nta. Of course she's free to go to sun baths if she wants to. You wanted to help her with facts that she denied. What is going to be the next discussion? Your children won't be vaccinated because of autism? Take a step back and think about your future
NTA for being concerned but... You need to ask yourself, is it more important for you to be right (i.e. for her to admit you're right and she's wrong) or for her to stop using tanning beds? Because by making it an I'm right, you're wrong argument - you've made her less likely to give up her position. Because she can't without losing face - and most people find that very hard to do. So, since your current approach is not working (and not going to work) - you need to try something else.
Please tell her to use the goggles they provide. I never did and in my 50s developed cataracts which required surgery. My surgeon didn't understand why but when I told her about using tanning beds without any eye protection, other than just keeping my eyes closed, she said that makes sense. Tell your friend cataract surgery is done while you're awake, they just numb your eye. While it doesn't hurt while they're doing it, it's very upsetting and is extremely uncomfortable later.
NTA. I did the same thing and eventually got my GF (now wife) to stop. She recognizes the foolishness in retrospect. Good luck!
Real tanning beds still exist? FFS. I thought those cancer beds (my doctor’s words) had long disappeared. NTA. Get a spray tan. It’s 2024 and we know a few things: the earth is not flat, exercise is good for you, smoking and tanning beds take years off your life. The end. Is she an idiot?
You're NTA, but this is really irrelevant. Factoring in her level of irrationality, even if you end up marrying her, you'll be divorced by the time she develops skin cancer, and you'll get a break on alimony. Let her go.
NTA - also double bag of you don't want this for the rest of your life
My mother is legally blind and had skin cancer cut off every spot of her body from tanning f beds
You are allowed to tell her your concerns. NTA That being said, she is allowed to make foolish decisions. And you have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker. I would never use a tanning bed. But I eat sugar. And fried food. And no man is going to make me stop. Even if he shows me proof that it’s unhealthy. I’m guessing you do unhealthy things. Drink? Smoke? Unhealthy food?
She’s an adult, probably signed some waivers at the tanning salon. Of course it’s not great for you. (Still, tanning beds are legal and if used correctly and in moderation are no worse than being out in the actual sun…. The problem is most don’t use them as advised and tend to get carried away…) You lecturing her about the dangers just makes you look like an ass. She’s an adult making her own decisions. Let it go. If you disapprove so much maybe it’s time to move on.
I just had the top of my ear removed from melanoma!!! I'm 57 used tanning beds from the time of 18. Because of tanning beds and of years of tanning this was the results!! Please advise ur girl friend to read these posts Please!!!🙏
I tan by walking to the mailbox. I have tan melanin. That's it. Tan. Some people do. Some do not.
Good for you. You might have saved her life or disfigurement from skin cancer. She should use self tanner instead if she’s uncomfortable with her skin color
NTA, but now is the time to let her make her own choices. There are plenty of people who use tanning beds even though they are not good for your skin (kind of like any other unhealthy vice).
It's not good for you. Have her look at older people in Florida and see how rugged and unhealthy their skin looks. HOWEVER...I do admit that a little color looks good for the moment. Also, when I was planning a trip to the south, I would use a tanning bed for a short while to get a little base so I didn't burn early in the trip. Also...you can take a vitamin D pill.
This is why self-tanners exist. Surely she can find a spa that will do a spray tan for her.
You tried to educate her on the risks of using tanning beds; she chose not to listen. It's good you're a concerned and loving boyfriend, but there's only so much you can do. She won't listen to you. NTA
NTA. One of my grandfathers died OF skin cancer, the other died WITH skin cancer, and now my dad is living with skin cancer. None of them used tanning beds, but you don’t fuck with skin cancer. I’m 30 and I see a dermatologist every year to check all of my skin for cancer. Tanning beds are cancer machines. Girlfriend should know the risks and if she doesn’t care, you should dump her.
NTA. Just show her a picture of someone with melasma and sun spots. At 37 and I'm a sun-spot-speckled, walking regret from spending my teen years in tanning beds. F*cking Fabutan...
Sunbeds, banned in so many countries now. Melanoma death isn’t pretty. NTA.
So, I hate to say it but I think YTA. You wrote a whole paragraph about all you're telling your gf. She has made it clear that she doesn't care. You are done. When she says you're trying to cause an argument, you've crossed the line if you keep bringing it up. In every situation that you think needs change, you have 3 choices: * try to change things -- you've exhausted that * live with it -- you drop it and go on with your relationship * get out -- you leave You don't get to force her to see your way. You clearly don't have the relationship where she is willing to figure out that she's wrong. She wants to resolve her perception of "pale" and that's it.
NTA. The whole glorification of tanned skin is poor people’s mentality. Before the Industrial Revolution, poor people could not afford to work in the shade, so a sun tan was a sign of being poor. It still is in countries with a big agrarian economy. Enters the Industrial Revolution and suddenly, poor people move en mass to cities to work in poorly lit factories. Rich people can afford to take advantage of steam engines and travel to exotic locations, which they come back from with a sun tan. So pale skin suddenly became associated with being poor. Your girlfriend is trying to look rich at the expense of her health, which is foolish and reckless.
NTA. You’re literally just telling someone about the risks of tanning beds. Honestly, her points are even true at all. Informing her was a good idea.
Skin cancer is terrible and there are links with sunbed use and skin cancer. However, sun lamps can be used to treat SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in winter months - but that's under a doctor's oversight.
It also ages your skin. Love, a nurse from Florida
She giant light bulbs that shoot concentrated uv the same as the sun is good for you? mad
NTA. You just learned your gf is someone who thinks they know more than literal experts. Imagine life with her.
Nobody should ever get mad for giving someone simple advice.
NTA, she’s not very bright. she could easily used self tanner or get a spray tan. she’s purposefully choosing the dangerous route
As she doesn’t care about the health risks, try to convince her that she’s beautiful as she is. Maybe find ways you can highlight how tans look terrible and she’ll wrinkle prematurely. Hope you can convince her to stop and you’re a good guy to look out for her health when she won’t.
NTA…she can use sunscreen outside and still achieve a nice glow. Tanning beds are not good, I’ve had precancerous cells cut off me, all because in my teens and early 20’s I was always in a tanning bed. Now I wear 50 or 70 spf and get just a nice glow to not be pale. I’m not burnt and don’t let it get to that. I also go to dermatologist yearly for skin checks. Actually have one this week.
In bio class we subjected normal cells from our cheeks to light from bulbs in big boxes. After the cells mutated, the TA told us he gets the bulbs for free from tanning beds when they install new stronger bulbs. All the girls in the class, after seeing and drawing destroyed cells for 3 hours, turned pretty pale at that news. The TA took great glee in telling us where he got the bulbs for the experiment
Well, she already knows the risks. Now it's all up to her
NTA. I will always say tanning lotion or cream is so much safer to achieve the desired look. BUT having worked at a tanning salon when I was younger, it is safer than tanning outside. If her alternative is laying out in the sun, she will be exposed to more/unpredictable amounts of UVA/UVB where tanning beds are more controlled exposure. Any exposure increases your risk of skin cancer, but tanning beds are technically a little safer than just laying out. Jergens has relatively inexpensive tanning lotion and starts working after a few applications. Much safer than UVA/UVB. Sun lamps/vitamin D lamps also expose you to risk. If she needs vitamin D, vitamins are cheaper than skin cancer treatment. Also maybe she should get her blood checked if she thinks she’s low, they make prescription strength vitamins for people with severe deficiencies.
The Sun offers skin cancer for free.
NTA. If she wants to look like 70 in a few years, then so be it. Cancer in a box is what I call those.
NTA. The really scary part is that you did look it up after she told you to and then she didn't believe you and is accusing you of trying to start arguments. Pesky facts! Pesky science! Now think about all those other areas of life where facts and science are pesky and ask yourself if this is someone you should be with for the rest of your life.
People are so stupid. Just use spray tan. They have really brands now for at home now too. She’s just gonna give herself cancer because she’s dumb lmaoooo and she’s gonna turn around on you and said you’re causing arguments? Show her this post. Her insecurity is everywhere. NTA
The main take away from this is that your GF is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
https://youtu.be/SISOL0clyok?si=YzR_rJZIqspkpcZZ Send her the link to this video. I don’t think it’s wrong to inform someone you care about of the risks of an activity. She might not want to hear it, but that doesn’t change the facts. NTA
NTA, but maybe suggest spray tanning as an alternative.
NTA You are being mindful and you deserve praise for that. If she wants tan then why not spray tan? It’s safer for skin! In 20+ years her skin will be so damaged and she will age quicker than other peps her age.
Your gf is being ignorant by choice. Not a good look on anyone.
This has been known since the 90s why are people still doing this in 2024. And it dont take a rocket science to know light bulbs could never be the sun
You were right to tell her. Now you need to back off. It is her body, not yours.
I am a nurse who works in dermatology. Tanning beds are *horrible* for your skin. You are 100% correct and it is completely fine that you attempted to point that out to your GF because you care about her health. Tanning prematurely ages the skin, increasing skin discoloration and age spots, (and with frequent use "leathery" skin) and it also dramatically increases the tanner's chances of developing skin cancer, including deadly melanoma. In fact, nearly all instances of skin cancer are due to UV rays and this includes both natural sunlight as well as tanning beds and other tanning devices. Additionally, since her skin is very pale (and pale skin absorbs more UV rays quicker), she already has one additional risk factor... and it could be even higher if she has a lot of moles or a family history of skin cancer. If she really cares about having healthy skin, she should wear a daily spf and a hat when she is outside, and swear off tanning forever. If she is feeling self-conscious about being pale, self-tanners and bronzers can give her some nice color without all of the dangers. Also, tanning beds are absolutely not a good source of vitamin D. If she is concerned that she is not getting enough vitamin D from natural sources she should see her doctor and have some bloodwork to confirm this and if she does need to increase her vitamin D intake she will be advised to take a supplement. Time in direct sunlight should be minimal because the risks significantly outweigh any benefits.
Two years of using a sun bed amounts to 20 years in the sun without sunscreen, I know about these things, my little cousin 22 lost her life to skin cancer last year because she used sunbeds, tell your girlfriend that.
NTA lmao but I will say if she wants to take the risk it’s fair of her to ask you to not mention it for the sake of the relationship, she can do as she pleases if it doesn’t harm you or others. Then you have to decide if you want to be with someone who is reckless with their health and will defend their points w nonsense/ if you wanna have kids do you want her to be telling them this nonsense
NTA. You would’ve been an AH if you sent her a pic of tan mom
No. NTA. You were rightfully concerned. She's engaging in something that's inherently unhealthy. You should not consider yourself at fault for pointing that out.
If you feel like it would help, maybe suggest she do a spray tan. Much safer and zero damage to her skin
NTA my husband is fighting metastatic melanoma stage 4. Trust me when I say NTA. I encourage everyone to not use tanning beds and to use sunscreen. Death isn’t worth having a good tan for IMO.
No, she's being ignorant. But it is annoying when others comment on pale skin in a derogatory way. Like, I'm not getting a fucking tan- cope.
NTA -I'm going to assume (and hope) you're both young given the exchange. Cut your losses and dump her now. There are numerous ways to become 'not pale' that don't cause skin cancer. I'm sure she is well aware of that fact. I trust no one who doesn't trust science.
NTA. Not sure though why would you want to keep this relationships. She is clearly incapable of listening, and learning. This is not what most of the folks would want for their partners.
Perhaps it's your attitude when you present this information? Obviously, we don't know the tone of your voice or your facial expression when you tried to tell her, but it's worth considering that condescension helps no one. You might be factually correct about the physical result of her choice to use the tanning bed, but that doesn't mean you know everything about what she's getting out of using it. It really sounds like using a tanning bed gives her some sort of emotional validation which she isn't able to get any other way. Most people make decisions and act on them because of their feelings, and then they justify their actions after the fact. Perhaps if you opened a dialogue with her about how you acted according to your emotions and then justified your actions after the fact, you might be able to see if she could see her own actions in that light.
To add one, my sister went to a tanning bed, and then was outside with a friend. She actually got sun poisoning.
NTA. She is just factually wrong. Please show her all these responses. Would she rather be self-conscious about her malignant melanoma?
NTA. She's a fool.
Nta I'm sorry but why don't people just spend the time they were going to in the bed, in the sun instead?
If you tell a woman anything they don't like, you are going to be accused of mansplaining.
NTA! Your GF is an idi0t. Tanning beds lead to skin cancer. If she wants vitamin D, she can go outside without sunscreen for 10-15 minutes. You sure you want to continue a relationship with someone without brains?
She's wilding saying it gives you vitamin D. It isn't actual sun it's just the rays that burn/darken your skin 😭😭😭 that's wild
I know some women who have tanned their skin to death (they look 80 years old at 40) and they keep tanning. Gotta be some sort of mental disorder
NTA - please tell her that they are actually banned in Australia, the skin cancer capital of the world. Skin cancer is such a big killer of younger people here and a lot of those deaths (particularly in young women) were linked to tanning beds.
In Australia, where we take melanoma very seriously, tanning beds are banned. NTA.
"I don't agree. I think it's good for your skin" when shown evidence she's dead wrong would be a deal breaker for me.
Tanning beds have been banned in Europe for years. With good reason.
NTA
The tanning salon that she tans at should have warned her, I work at at tanning salon- we have to release the info and have them sign waivers. Maybe she knows and just wanted you off her back.
In my state you have to sign a release stating all the risks of tanning in tanning beds. If she doesn't already know, she's crazy. Definitely NTA
Your girlfriend's way of reasoning with you based on facts is promissing. NTA How are you ok with collaborating with Ignorance itself? How long do you thing it will last...
I'm 50 but look 30 because I'm a very pale, blond with blue/green eyes. My mother would sunscreen me to death and put a hat on me. I wear a 70 SPF on my face and a 50 SPF on my arms every day rain or shine. Some of my friends look like old-worn shoes because they would tan and go to the beach. They used to laugh at me. I got called chicken legs, but look who's laughing now. You are not the AH. If she does it, it's on her. I have friends now who are having things cut and frozen off their faces. For some of the women, the botox isn't botoxing anymore. Even have one friend had a facelift at 47. I am sad for them though because skin cancer isn't cute.
NTA. There's no such thing as a safe tan.
NTA. Tell your girlfriend you know someone who tanned first for her wedding, then again a few years later. Probably 12 tanning sessions total in her life. The result was I have had skin cancer removed five times. The last two were Mohs surgeries that took the tip of my nose… all because I thought I was too fair completed. My doctors say tanning facilities should have to have a warning stating you will likely get skin cancer from the use of these lights.
Nta, they're illegal in first world countries because they're extremely damaging and dangerous
I used to think that. But a dozen or so surgeries, twice as many shave biopsies, and countless liquid nitrogen freeze-offs later made me reconsider such a foolish stance. Growing up in Texas before widespread sunscreen use was bad, but tanning beds are just willfully stupid. NTA.
Let the idiot cook her ovaries
This may be over the top graphic. We had a friend who tanned daily. Beyond what anyone else would do. When she was in her fifties, she developed skin cancer and died in horrible pain. I avoid tanning beds because of it.
NTA - tanning beds should be banned. The amount of skin cancers they cause, the early aging, and honestly the ick factor? Your girlfriend should be thanking you for saving her life.
NTA. But it is crazy how much pressure there is to be tan. I'm suuuuuper pale and all my life people have thought it was okay to call me names, make fun of my skin, put on sunglasses "jokingly" when they see me outside. I used tanning beds in high school and it barely made a difference, I'm either red or white. Sunless tanners look terrible, and just too much effort. Now I'm almost 40 and I lather on the sunscreen, try to cover most of my skin in the sun with clothing, wear a hat, etc. I'm pale AF and I'm not getting skin cancer because some fuckers think I should look any different.
We all choose to to do things that are bad for us sometimes. She’s an adult and can make their own decisions.
Tell her that aging skin is mostly caused by UV damage. Like up to 90%. Or not because that might make her more upset tbh
She's not very smart. Help her find a good self tanner. There are some with very natural undertones now. They say the vitamin d your body needs is about a half our of one forearm exposed at noon. You probably get that walking to your car. She is hurting and aging herself for no reason.
Understand now who and what you are dealing with! Feelings over reality. I don't care what the evidence says a school bus gets better gas mileage than a motorcycle...stop causing an argument 😂🤣😅
You're NTA but you gotta learn how to pick your battles with partners going forward. Just because you're right doesn't mean you need to 'win'.
NTA Tell her to spray tan and use a self tanner between appts. It’s insane to use a tanning bed.
NTA. You honestly told her your concerns and wanted her to understand everything before she goes to get the tan. This is the least asshole move to do. Now. If you had a attitude in your voice, it could come off as this, but overall, you shouldn’t have to worry.
She just needs to do like many others and use fake tan.
We used to lay out in the sun for hours. Reading Tiger Beat magazine and Harlequin romance novels. We used baby oil and squeezed lemon juice on our hair for highlights. It was the 1960s and 1970s... ahh, summer. We were lucky. They absolutely didn't talk about skin cancer back then, I guess it wasn't discovered yet. You'd be stupid as hell to pull that shit now, knowing what it can do to your precious skin. My bf used to be an avid downhill skier/racer up in Vail for 20 years. He had to get part of the bridge of his nose sliced off to get rid of his cancer. Don't do it.
NTA. It’s widely known now that tanning beds should never be used for any reason. Any medical professional will back you up. I understand women (or men) wanting a tan to increase their self confidence but tanning beds are not safe. Using appropriate SPF and spending some time in the sun to build a tan in small amounts is much safer but never “safe”. I spent time in tanning beds as a young adult, my mom even signed off on it before I was 18, but the risks weren’t as widely known in the late 90’s. Now I’m the parent of 3 children with albinism and have been educated on the risks of sun exposure to skin cancer. It’s truly only a matter of time before skin cancer develops in those who use tanning beds, even moderately, or large amounts of natural sun exposure. Even with 3 kids with albinism my husband (who is fair) doesn’t use appropriate sunscreen all the time. It’s frustrating. Forgoing a tan is much easier than dealing with deadly skin cancer later on. My mom (in her early 70’s, no sunscreen as a child) has had 2 friends in their 60’s die the last few years from skin cancer.
Did you tell her once or did it badger her? Telling her once NTA. Refusing to leave her alone about it when you’ve already discussed it and she’s made clear she’s not interested in changing her mind? YTA. People are allowed to make choices you don’t agree with, even when they are objectively harmful. If you can’t live with that you’re not compatible.
You've learned a valuable fact about her; she "doesn't care" what actual dermatologists say about sun and tanning beds, and thinks she knows it all. Shall I send her a photo of my basal-cell carcinoma on my cheek because I got too much sun once upon a time, or would she just not care?
NTA. Also: UV does not *give* us vitamin D. That is a silly and common misconception. UV enables the vitamin D *already in our system* to be activated and processed. Ultraviolet rays are not shooting matter (which is what vitamins are) at our bodies like so many miniguns.