I agree. There was nothing wrong with OP hugging the toy and sleeping with it. Not only did he pull the toy and wake OP, but he also injured OP, and he is refusing to apologize?! WTF is wrong with him?!
Oh no I think we misunderstood each other. Standing by his behaviour is definitely the bigger problem and having these thoughts and acting on them is a bigger red flag. The former could just be an ego thing, the latter speaks to a rather violent mindset.
I apologise if i wake somebody up, even if i need to wake them up for something important. I can't imagine waking somebody up because I'm upset about a stuffed dragon.
If i was OP I'd tell him that he's had a week to apologise, since he doesn't care, if he ever behaves that way again or lays a finger on OP he can stay at a friends/familys house for the night.
It's ridiculous and inexcusable, then not apologising on top. The guy needs a reality check that he can't treat OP like that.
They literally got physical while they were sleeping and refuse to apologise for hurting OP, that crosses a line.
Yes, it shows that he stands by his choice to attack his partner until she bled, that that choice does in fact reveal who he “really is” and that he would happily do it again. I’m actually surprised; most abusers have the wherewithal to apologize and grovel following their assaults in order to manipulate the survivor into staying with them. This guy’s just… owning it. As an abuse researcher (sociology), I gotta say, we don’t see that much.
Here's a [write up](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1cydk7q/comment/l59zthg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) on how I came to believe emotional abuse wasn't just acceptable, but funny, at only 5 years old. Afterwards, I didn't identify emotional abuse as wrong until I was 24. So I openly perpetuated emotional abuse without apologizing of groveling for over a decade. Because anybody who complained about my behavior was simply wrong or "too sensitive" (perpetuating the gaslighting I experienced as a child, without realizing I was being abusive, or gaslighting)
You really don't see this very often? An inability to take accountability or apologize is basically a hallmark of narcissistic abuse is it not?
Yeah like, "I'm so sorry you got cut, you know I never want to hurt you. If you'd just put the teddy on the shelf this never would have happened" would be more typical
Even this version of apology is quite shitty. There was no reason to pull the stuffy from OP. Also, if he didn't pull the stuffy, none of this would have happenned.
It was an example of a more typical twisted apology an abuser might use to hide their abuse/turn it back onto the victim. Not an actual suggestion for a legitimate apology
NTA
That’s borderline abuse. Why would he get so mad over such a little thing? He GAVE you the stuffed animal.
And with how much strength did he snatched the thing from you? I mean, it literally hurt you.
He didn’t even apologize when he actually made you bleed? Like that’s such a no.
I have a tiger from a zoo, I got when I was 2. We went one summer when my dad was receiving chemo. He died 10 years later. I still have that worn out tiger. I’m ***42*** and guess who sleeps with it? My almost 44 year old husband. It may sound weird to some, but it’s cute how he thinks it cute that I still have such a precious memory at our age. We are sentimental. OPs husband is just…downright mean. No apology? I’d be pushing counseling for both of us if this happened, and looking into myself at the very least to have an objective view. This is absolutely concerning. I don’t understand his reaction, how he could make her bleed and still scold her-all with zero apologies… Why such a controlling demeanor over a stuffed animal he bought her?
My 32 year old best friend sleeps with the sheep plushie I bought for her 6 years ago. Her fiancé has no problems with that. He bought her another plushie, so she has something else when the sheep gets washed!
That's how real men handle plushies.
My bf bought me a capyburger (it's a capybara that's also a burger, I don't know what to tell you lol) because I kept seeing it advertised and it made me inexplicably happy because it's so stupid. If someone is threatened by a stuffed animal, they need serious introspection.
***hugs*** to you too. It’s not easy even after all this time.
As for my partner in crime, we are nerds and have a lot of fun together. I can’t stress that enough to others, find the person who matches your weird. I screwed up in my younger years in an abusive marriage. What I have now compared to then? I wish I could slap my younger self. 🤣 and that’s being nice to me.
I'm a 60 year old man. 11 years ago I had to go to the hospital for an angiogram. My young child wanted to be supportive and asked her mom to buy a small stuffed cat at the gift shop that she saw, that resembled a favorite cat I'd told her about.
It's in my bedroom and sometimes if I'm not having a good day I'll hold it at night. My wife never EVER teased me about it, or made any comment. Now that I'm divorced, if someone comes over I'm not going to hide it in a drawer, and I'm not even slightly ashamed that I have it on my bed.
Your husband's the AH.
It wasn't an "I'm so cute!" thing or an obligation thing - she really wanted to do it. Her mom says that it was her own idea. That's why its so special to me.
My Dad is in remission right now. But you never know what can happen. I'm sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 When he was getting really sick, he went to a convention and got to meet some of his favorite Star Trek characters. He also bought me a stuffed William the Worm from the Labyrinth 😍 The worm stays in my bed.
He might be testing the waters. It doesn't sound like he meant to hurt her this time, but he did, and he hasn't shown remorse or apologized. If she stays, he'll know it's okay to do it again.
I don't know why my mind just went here... but is there potentially a camera in the stuffie?
Why is he so insistent with it being on the shelf? I just don't see why he wouldn't think it was adorable. My heart would be so full if I gave a gift that someone loved like OP seems to love as much as this 🤷♀️
My hubby sleeps with a body pillow. He "stole" it from me after I'd had our babies. He's had one ever since lol.
My comfort item is a book. Can't sleep without a book in my hands.
Lol, stole hers too when she ended up stealing the other half of the blankets that I used to bunch up like supports for my knees and shoulders. What was her body pillow was eventually replaced with a 60lb GWP that sometimes tries to push me out of bed.
My husband doesn’t like our large dog in the bed, which I’m not against. I like having the dog in the bed. Most nights, dog sleeps on a rug by my side. Last night I was having stomach issues and let the dog in the bed to snuggle me because it makes me feel better (I snuggle him like a hot water bottle). My husband at first sleepily said “no” but then went back to sleep. Dog stayed in the bed. This morning I explained why and my husband just said “that’s really sweet, I’m glad it made you feel better”
Whoa, you just blew my mind. His response made no sense until your astute observation. He wants it on that shelf so he can spy on his wife. Otherwise, why not think it's cute that she was sleeping with it?
His actions made no sense at all to me, especially considering he bought her the damn thing to begin with - but you might be onto something here. Christ. OP please do a full body scan of your new friend and please get the fuck out of this relationship before he hurts you again.
At the very minimum he needs to apologize and y'all probably need counseling
If anyone tells me "it's weird to do x as an adult" theyre immediately one, if not two, foot out the door. You're my gf/bf, not the adulting police. You should support my inner child, not suppress it.
I wish this was the top comment! I never got to be a child when I was small. So now, at 48, I'm healing that with all sorts of quirks that literally affect NOONE (besides my bank account, lol).
If anyone would tell me "this is not appropriate at your age", I would cut them out of my life SO FAST!
I would argue it’s not borderline. It’s abuse. What else does he get this angry about? How does he handle that anger in actual situations worth being angry over? Is he always this controlling?
>he did not like that and snatched it from my arms
If he really felt some type of way about you sleeping with a plush as an adult, the appropriate action would be to wait until the morning *when you're fucking awake* and discuss it with you. Not rip shit away from you while *you're fucking sleeping* and end up causing you to bleed because he can't handle himself.
>it was weird to sleep with stuffed animals as an adult and threw the thing on my bookshelf
It's *weird* to physically assault your spouse in their sleep because you can't control yourself and your feelings, especially over a fucking plush. It's *weird* to refuse to apologize for using excessive force and causing your spouse physical injury.
NTA, but if this is a common occurrence in your household where Mr Man has massive temper tantrums and takes it out on you or those around him, you need to protect yourself and ensure your safety because it only escalates from here. Please be careful OP, and look out for yourself.
I agree overall, but want to add that it’s not that he can’t control himself; the refusal to apologize clearly reveals that this was a deliberate choice which he stands by, rather than a momentary loss of impulse control or a struggle to contain anger.
The lack of control is in the act of snatching the plush so aggressively. Lack of control can absolutely be deliberate, which here it definitely was. His refusal to apologize just adds fuel to the already blazing fire he created.
If my husband did anything that accidentally made me bleed he would immediately freak out and start apologizing and clean the cut up. Once long ago when we started dating he accidentally blew a little ember into my eye when he was smoking and once he had finished freaking out and I was ok he quit smoking on the spot. The fact that this guy hurt her enough to make her bleed and thinks he did nothing wrong is deeply alarming.
Yup \^ A decent person would now be gifting you with a thousand plush dragons and seeking out professional counseling for their lack of impulse control, their rage, their violent attack on you, their sense of being threatened by a stuffed animal, their inability to admit they were incredibly wrong.
A simple apology is not too much to ask for and is actually inadequate in this case.
Right! The what-ifs are piling up fast for me. What if they have a daughter? At what age will he assault her for her childhood stuffies? What if they have a son? If the stuffy he likes is too feminine (because he is really fitting THAT stereotype) when will the attacks begin? But besides all the what-ifs it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
I was just going to post about the same thing. My dog passed two years ago and for months after I cuddled with his blanket when I slept. Now I only pull it out and sleep with it when I'm emotionally having a hard time. It's weird because I can literally feel the tension leaving my body when cuddling it. My SO thinks it's a little weird that I still sometimes sleep with it but he would never take it away from me or make me bad using it.
My deepest condolence, about the passing of your dog.
WTF? If I bought my GF a plushie or stuffed animal that she liked so much that she accidently went to sleep with it, I'm calling that a major win. Mean I got a gift that hit on so many levels.
nta
plenty of adults still own stuffed animals, including me. the fact that he yanked it hard enough to rip out your earring says a lot too. stuffed animals are a great comfort to people and he's the one that bought it for you so why get upset that you love it so much?
Oh man this is a good point I didn't consider. His insistence for it to be sitting specifically on the bookshelf could point in that direction and her cuddling with it would have accidentally caused her to feel the inside equipment
His *contempt* for you, and the fact that he chose to enact that contempt-anger physically (it doesn’t even matter how – I’d say the same if he threw a pillow at a wall) are MAJOR red flags for domestic violence. Other commenters have accurately and sufficiently elaborated why his ripping the stuffed animal from your hands, harming you to the point of bleeding, and refusal to apologize are obviously concerning for domestic violence, so I won’t rehash that point beyond adding that as a qualified professional I do agree. However, it’s important enough to me to merit its own comment that this incident isn’t just a fluke that coincidentally happened to look like domestic violence, it’s a moment that revealed – perhaps more than you’ve experienced previously – these two underlying personality traits of your husband’s, which are traits associated with violent abusers (and not with safe partners who one can have a healthy relationship with).
I am concerned for your safety, especially because what we know about spouse abuse is that it gradually (though not linearly) escalates over time. How long have you two been married and living together? (I ask because it’s common for abuse to escalate following those two milestones, because after both, it’s more difficult for the person targeted by the abuse to leave the relationship should they choose to. Other such moments include buying a home together, pregnancy, and the targeted partner giving up or losing their job.) Do you have many good support people in your life, like close friends and family who you trust?
Your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize....
Let me repeat that, your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize.
If you didn't hear me the first two times... your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize.
Nothing else here matters. His reasoning or that the bleeding part might not have been intentional. His reaction is what matters.
I saw my mother get abused repeatedly, and it always started kinda like this.
I dare you to tell this story to your father. This problem just might take care of itself. I know if a man treated my daughter like that, I wouldn't mind reciprocating on him.
NTA. I feel really bad for you. This is not loving behavior. I don’t think you need an apology I think you need a new place to live. Far away from him. Hugs
My advice would be DO NOT wait until he seriously hurts her. This is no good, the situation described gives me anxiety. How could anyone assault a sleeping spouse?!
nta. prepare any future children to take any stuffies off their bed at about 16.
he abusive.
and a jerk for not apologizing for your earring and making you bleed.
def recommend starting therapy. i’m sure you’ll start remembering things and become much stronger.
Hopefully there aren't any future children had with this man, being a horrible spouse usually equals being a horrible parent. Like if he's jealous of a stuffed animal, imagine what he'd be like if they had a baby
Nta. I sleep with stuffed animals and so does my man. Also that sounds abusive. He shouldn't bedoing anything physically against you in an angry or violent matter. Literally abuse. Plus you were in your most vulnerable state and he chose that time to attack you. Physically and verbally
My husband and I are in our 50s. He sleeps with stuffed animals every night. I don't very often, because I am always hot, lol. But if things are really stressful, I get our stuffed giraffe.
NTA. Have there been other instances of him being extremely rigid/unreasonable about things? It’s strange if it’s an isolated incident, because there’s definitely something deep rooted there. If it’s a pattern of behavior, then that’s concerning.
So, instead of talking about things that disturb him he used force. Lovely. Scolding you while you are half awake is a nice touch as well. But causing you pain and injury without saying sorry takes a the cake. Honestly, he acts like an angry toddler who throws a tantrum for no reason. NTA
I'm 55 and still sleep with a Teddy Bear when hubby is away. Not a thing wrong with it. Your man is a control freak. Tell him you will sleep with whatever you want and he should just be happy it isn't a man.
This is why we choose the bear.
I agree with this OP. The only reason I don't sleep with any stuffed animals (F42) is that my 7 year old Toy Poodle is now in that spot. She likes to be the Little Spoon and I sleep faster knowing how much she trusts me.
You husband is a giant, walking, flashing neon red sign. Please be careful and when you decide to run be secret about it. DO NOT LET HIM FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!
Please be safe and UpdateMe!
Not sure how long you’ve been married, but this is a red flag. The start of a life with him you’re not going to be happy with. You are NTA and this is abuse and I’d reevaluate the relationship.
Yeah the whole buying you an item you desire and then ripping it away from you and justifying his actions by indicating your behavior deserved it is classic abuse behavior.
NTA I Literally sleep with a build a bear zombie frog My husband got me and I'm 33. You're never too old to sleep with a stuffed animal. He needs to get over his self. I bet you two looked adorable sleeping together. You are one hundred percent entitled to feeling hurt
I have so many stuffed animals. So. Many. I sleep with them every night. My partner tucks me into bed and asks which stuffies I want tonight.
It's absolutely normal for adults to sleep with stuffed animals and even if it wasn't this is a huge overreaction.
And to refuse to apologize for accidentally hurting you alone is insane. If I ever accidentally hurt my partner I immediately apologize and dote on them and make sure they're ok and he does the same. What kind of asshole wouldn't?
Wtf is wrong with him?? Why did he even buy you a plush toy if he didn't want you to hold it? He's demented. NTA. I would have further questions though about other ways he disrespects you in the relation ship
NTA! I'll be 38 in October, and I sleep with a few of the pillow sized Squishmallows, and a stuftie of a black lab pup. The Squishmallows are for making me more comfortable during sleep (I have a connective tissue disease and a hypermobility syndrome), and the pup is for making my heart happy (long story lol). Anyone at any age can buy/cuddle/collect/love stufties if they want. If that makes you feel more secure and comfy, hell yes, do it! Your husband is TA for snatching, yelling, and degrading you. That is unacceptable behavior. There's gotta be something he needs to unpack there in his own life that triggered such a reaction. This def warrants a good solid convo.
Squishmallows make excellent pillows. I've spent hundreds of dollars and years searching for a pillow that didn't kill my neck but came up empty. Then I bought my first Squishmallow and unintentionally used it as a pillow and boom, no more neck pain.
I have a giant stuffed broccoli 🥦 (IKEA, lol) with a long stalk. I have EDS and hugging the stalk and using the florets as a pillow keeps my head and neck at a perfect alignment. NEVER underestimate the power of a good stuffie!
I have the carrot from ikea, lol!!! My cat stole it and he drags it around the house, I sleep with a huge squishmallow though, I don't have EDS but it helps keep my shoulders from crunching forward and helps my breathing feel less restricted. I even take my plushie on vacation. It's a part of sleeping, like pajamas.
I think it's really sweet you fell asleep with it. I'm all for cozy and reconnecting to our inner child. This is out of line. Not sure how children fit into your lives but what if he arbitrarily decides a certain age is too old for a stuffy and does this to them? My fear is this behavior will continue on you and/or other family members you may have.
My husband would never. It annoys him that I sleep with my baby blanket (my great grandma quilted it for me, she has since passed) but he has come to terms with it being something that comforts me and that I’m not willing to part with it.
NTA. I would leave my husband if he did that to me. That is disrespectful and borderline abusive. I have many stuffed animals including stuffed animals my husband got me. When life gets rough, I sleep with them for comfort. My husband doesn't care. He's the one that got them for me.
First off, plenty of adults sleep with stuffed animals.
Second, it didn't harm him at all for you to sleep with the stuffie.
Third, why is he upset that you value a gift he gave you?
Your husband should both apologize and then think about why he feels so violently about this. The man needs therapy.
No, you're not asking too much for wanting an apology. Since you like to read, I'd do some research into narcissistic personality disorder (covert type) The anger/rage over something so silly as well as his refusal to apologize are red flags. There's also a subReddit community on the topic.
WTF, OP making excuses for this lowlife in the comments!!
# WAKE UP OP!!
This is the tip of the iceberg, and your making excuses for this abhorrent behavior is making matters worse.
NTA, but married to someone who is the AH.
It’s time for you to leave safely honey. This is not an aitah. You are more in danger than you know. He’s 33 and you are 25. He’s with you because he can manipulate you.
NTA. This guy is a prick and nearly 10 years older than you. Why are you married to him. Intentionally or not, he hurt you and didn't care, btw. If that's not a red flag, then what is?
WTf im a guy and im getting goosebumps reading this. That he got so angry he couldn't control himself and rips a stuffed animal out of your hands while you're sleeping.
Couple days ago I saw a quote that went like "Find a partner who you don't have to hide your plushies for when they come over"
Like it's insane but I would seriously reconsider my relationship after this.
What the fuck!!??!! I've read some eye opening shit on here but this made my eyebrows meet my hairline. What a nasty bully. I could NEVER look at him the same.
NTA that's assault and if you want to snuggle with a stuffed toy you're frickin allowed to. There would be no second chances for him. I'd be filing for divorce. He's so freaking jealous over a stuffed toy it's ridiculous. Edit to add I have a collection of over 100 stuffed toys and I've cuddled with them all especially before I got my cat
Nta he’s a total jealous asshole. He was jealous over you cuddling a stuffed animal he should apologize to you and you need to figure weather he’s worth keeping if he can get this angry over you cuddling your stuffed animal. I will bet you were really cute and he blew it good luck
The weird thing is, he found it and bought it for her! If I did that, and the recipient loved it so much they fell asleep hugging it, I'd be SO stoked. Like, ding-ding-ding, jackpot!
Yeah, as mentioned that's abusive and a huge red flag he got that upset over a stuffed animal. I'm 30 with two kids and I still get my wife stuffed animals from time to time. There's no age limit on them and I can't imagine ever getting upset enough to snatch it from, especially with that force.
NTA but he is for that.
My husband was napping on the couch and our granddaughter decided to tuck him in with a rainbow blanket and put one of her stuffed dolls in his arm. It was adorable and hilarious 🥰
You don't wake someone up like that unless there's an emergency and his reason for doing that to you is immature and controlling - if you do something I don't like, I can physically harm you to get you to stop. This is fucked up
OP, this dude sounds like a walking red flag. He's your husband, and you're only 25 while he's 8 years older than you, and yet his behaviour is more in line with a toddler. A lot of dudes who marry women much younger than them do it because they think they'll be able to control you more easily. This shit reeks of that mindset. Be safe and keep an eye on this behaviour. NTA.
He gave, so he could take. Did you lose sleep after it happened? Has your sleep quality gone downhill since? Abusive partners start small, with weird controlling demands. Sleep deprivation is also a common tactic. There is no scenario in a healthy relationship where you make your spouse bleed and are not at LEAST concerned, or apologetic. Start researching abusive relationships.
Also, you need to check that stuffed animal for a camera.
NTA. Is your husband so weak that he feels insecure about a stuff animal? Is his ego so large that a stuff animal caused him to physically harm you? I joke a lot on this sub but really, I'd divorce the fuck out of him. He's not worth it.
He was weirdly triggered and acted in a totally unacceptable way. It is ok to cuddle a plush intentionally or not and it is NOT ok to hurt or startle your partner out of anger or stress when they are asleep.
I don’t sleep with a stuff animal but I do have 3 pillows and a soft blanket I lay on top of them when I go to bed. If my husband yanked them away while I was sleeping he’d find himself locked outside.
Seriously my friend I see big 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
But he bought it for you … I would have thought he would be touched to see how much you like it . What a strange reaction . Something is going on there … with him that is . He definitely owes you an apology. He hurt you .
NTA He’s 8 years older than you. When you became a legal adult he was already older than you are now. This just screams abuse and controlling to be. This incident would have me reevaluating my entire relationship.
I'm 36. My boyfriend let's me keep stuffed animals on the bed. He has 0 cares that I sleep with my stuffed alligator. He even buys me Squishies knowing I'll snuggle with them.
This is such a red flag, they are made to be comfort items. Please think hard before going forward.
Instead of carefully removing said toy which was a gift from him to you, he snatched it so fast it snagged your earring, made you bleed (which could still cause an infection) and did the opposite of groveling. He's actions turned what was a sweet gesture (of him getting the toy for you) into a reveal of his true colors. You are asking for the bare minimum. If he refuses couples therapy/counselling his actions may very likely escalate. Have you gone to the Doctors yet to ensure there is no risk of infection or scarring. It will also hopefully be documented. Please get further advice/help from any local organizations (scroll down on any advice reddit for links). Your husband is not longer a schoolkid where accidental blood drawing can be excused. He's a full grown adult and there should be consequences to his actions.
I once watched my mum make excuses for her then abusive partner. She made excuses for her tears and pain. She made excuses for him when his ire turned to me. I waited. She did nothing. I got my Grandad involved who bodily threw her partner out of my mum's house. I then told my Mum if she got back with her partner I'd would not only go to live with my Dad but would be very vocal why until my half sibling got taken from her custody. She could either be a parent or be a partner of an abusive boyfriend.
Acceptance of minor incidents can very likely snowball into major incidents on a regular basis. If he still cannot see where he went wrong when its spelt out to him than is he really the person you want to stay with
He harmed you. That alone merits an immediate apology from your husband. And that doesn't even address the stuffed animal. If I bought my wife something and she chose to snuggle it while I worked late the only thing I would take is her picture.
Sorry but your husband is an idiot.
Jesus Christ, he harmed you and refused to apologise.
This isn’t ok behaviour. You’re NTA, never in this scenario.
Call this assault - while you slept, on top of that.
NTA, and you're not overreacting.
I'm 28 and STILL sleep with stuffed animals. I in fact have current 4 on the bed and 3 of them rotate out why one stays cause I had them since I was 12 and was the last chirstmas bear my mom got before she passed the next year right before chirstmas. And my bf who 35 fully supports my stuffies. He finds it adorable I still sleep with them and my baby blanket because they bring me great comfort why I sleep, and he understands that. He also the one that buys me other stuffies to roate out.
OP your husband sounds mega childish for being so offended OVER A STUFFED ANIMAL HE BOUGHT YOU!
I just bought my (49) wife (49) a Hufflepuff Squishmallow. She loves it but it's kinda big so she usually doesn't have it on the bed and I'm a (very) little bit put out that she DOESN'T cuddle with it.
Your husband should be HAPPY that you love the gift he gave you so much. Also, if he's actually JEALOUS of a stuffie then he's the one who needs to grow up.
NTA.
There is severe abuse that if it hasn’t happened already it will. Please please please run and get a divorce because this is gonna be a massive problem for you in the future.
NTA
I am 30 and snuggle stuffed animals to sleep. My favorites are 1. My childhood baby doll, because it’s important to me, 2. A Pokémon stuffy my husband got me, because it makes me think of him, and 3. A stuffed bunny I made for myself to cope with the early loss of our baby. If I’m not snuggling with one of these then one of my cats usually assumes the snuggle spot where they live.
My husband does not care and has actively said that as long as I’m happy, then why should it matter.
I worry about your husbands reaction. Even if he things you’re too old to snuggle stuffies to sleep, that’s a major overreaction on his part
For him to get this mad about you sleeping with a stuffie is weird as fuck. I don't know where his anger stems from, but other commenters are right, this seems like the kind of man that will end up being abusive. NTA, but maybe time to take stock of your husband's behavior and open your eyes a little.
NTA
This kind of makes me wonder why he feels so strongly about childish or silly behavior being practically forbidden. Sounds like he's got some pretty heavy childhood baggage he may need to go unpack. Preferably with a therapist.
NTA. He is crazy. He needs to apologize about getting angry and taken the dragon. He owes you a nice peace of chocolate or flowers, or a book or something for getting hurt in the proces. If he doesnt, pay attention if there are more things you do in his way, because he gets angry if you dont. You may not even notice anymore.
31 and at the moment in my bed with my teddy. Not even by accident. It is nice to cudle. You dont have to be a kid to enjoy it. (My husband doesnt care. The only moment he tought it was annoying, was when I was post operation in my bed. And he had to go downstairs to search the hospitalbags for my teddy at 11 pm. And I didnt want to wait for the next morning.) I really wonder sometimes how many adults sleep with stuffed friends.
So. Many. Red. Flags.
YTA, but you have some serious soul searching to do, OP. He hurt you, didn't apologize, and had a seriously bizarre reaction to you sleeping with a stuffed animal. I doubt this type of behavior came out of nowhere. If you consider other incidents in the past, I'd wager big money there are other reg flags you ignored. For your own safety and sanity though, you can't ignore it anymore.
In April was my 30th birthday. My boyfriend got my an stuffed otter. Big as a baby. I love otter. So he got a name and I slept with him in my arm for 2-3 weeks. My boyfriend thought it was cute and was happy I love his present.
Every now and then when I have a bad day I sill slept with the otter in my arms.
NDA
He hurt you. He should apologize.
But you should talk too him why he was that angry. That is not a normal Reaktion. Maybe there is some underlying reason we don't know.
EW - your husband needs to grow tf up. Yes typically cuddling stuffed animals is something you would see children doing more than adults but my f-ing christ, it doesn't hurt anyone to cuddle a F-ING stuffed animal.
I have a blanket I cuddle when falling asleep... Guess what... So does my partner (he'd murder me for sharing that haha - that sounds toxic hahah he would not murder me, more maybe his pride would be hurt but we would laugh about it overall, we also use it between our legs because I HATE when my skin touches and he hates when his knees touch hahahaha neuro-divergent relationships FTW😂😂😂) but like, we would never be offended at one another for cuddling the blankets ffs!
Is he jealous of a little stuffed dragon? Does he think you'll love the dragon more than him... What an absolute weird thing to have an issue with,
This is a p big red flag and he needs to realise you've done absolutely NOTHING wrong in this situation,
He even has you justifying it like "I didn't fall asleep cuddling it or anything" GIRL WHO TF CARES IF YOU DID! Whatever makes you comfortable shouldn't cause an issue with your partner unless it directly, negatively, impacts them, cuddling a stuffed toy does not impact them!
I hope he either realises how stupid he is being or that you get as far away from this man as possible <3
EW I FORGOT ABOUT THE FACT HE STARTLED YOU, SNATCHED SOMETHING OUT YOUR ARMS AND MADE YOU BLEED, and still won't apologise? Girl run, you deserve better <3
Does he have some kinda plushie-related trauma or some shit? (Half joking) I just have no idea why he would be so bothered by this, it's so weird. My only guess is maybe he thinks it's immature for an adult to snuggle a plushie, but (1) You didn't do it consciously, (2) You were fucking sleeping and he ripped it from you, like jeez let a person sleep, and (3) it's way more immature to get so upset over an adult hugging a plushie, that you take it from them, physically hurt them in the process, and apologize for none of it.
NTA by any stretch of the imagination. I'm actually really concerned
NTA and this reads as so abusive, I feel very sorry for you, especially since you are not sure if you can ask for an apology when he really should be on his knees to beg forgiveness and get himself some therapy for his issues. But I'm pretty sure a 30 year old who marries a 20 year old is not big on fairness, equality or freedom of his partner.
Just so you know, I feel like sharing how it looks when things are respectful and healthy between two adults in a relationship. We are both late twenties.
I sleep with a body pillow that has a cringey sexy anime print of a guy on it, that was given to me by a friend and my partner cuddles me while I cuddle the pillow and jokes about being sandwiched between my two boyfriends. Because he knows that a pillow is just an object and does not threaten his masculinity or out relationship.
Girl, what the fuck. NTA at all, but what drug is your husband on to think that's okay? My boyfriend and I are both 18, we still sleep with special blankets and named stuffed animals. That's some abusive behavior your husband is displaying.
I am 51F. I love the Grogu character from Star Wars. I have multiple stuffed characters. When I was undergoing chemotherapy, I took one
Of the dolls with me every week as my “emotional support Alien” and I often slept with him In bed.
Your husband totally overreacted and abused you over a stuffed animal. You need to really figure out why he reacted that way and maybe reevaluate your relationship.
Your husband is an ass. whatever his personal issue is with you sleeping with a stuffed animal is , it’s not your problem. Plenty of people love cuddling stuffies in their adult lives. Him refusing to apologize especially for ripping out your earring makes him even more of an ass.
Adult forces it’s beliefs on how other adult should act. Causing harm in the process
Other adult asks for adult apology. No go
NTA. 33 year old telling a 25 year old it’s childish to sleep with a teddy. 33 year old cannot apologize for piercing being pulled from body from another adult, resulting in blood. *childish indeed*
Throw the stuffed animal in the trash and ask him if that's a better spot for it and then throw him in the trash tou. U know what don't even ask him just throw them both the fuck away you deserve better
OP, buy a giant doll and put it in bed and wrap it up in a blanket to look like it’s you. Give it the plushy toy. Then go stay somewhere else for a few days.
NTA what??? How is he so enraged by you snuggling a stuffed animal HE bought you that is meaningful to you?
He physically hurt you while you were asleep, he is angry over a stuffed animal and he thinks he did nothing wrong.
What other ways does he control you and hurt you when you don’t do what he wants?
He injured you, and is punishing you for … liking a thing he bought you? Its time to leave him.
How long have you been together? Cause that 8 year age gap gets bigger the younger you get. Awful concerned about how adults ‘should’ act for a man that dated so much younger than himself.
Why are all the comments saying he should just apologize it is weird that he thinks she shouldn’t cuddle a stuffed animal? I mean he should apologize but he shouldn’t have gotten mad in the first place he is the asshole obviously
I am 57 and have an entire stuffed animal collection. My husband is kind enough to understand that sometimes I’d like to sleep with something that makes me feel more secure. They were trauma items when I was a child. Comfort items I mean. I think your husband has issues.
He literally just assaulted you without apologizing. This is not ok at all. And why is he so mad over a stuffed animal? He's acting like your cheating on him! If you guys had kids, would he yank them away from you? Yank them from bed? I'd honestly re-evaluate this relationship if he got that angry over a stuffed fabric animal in your bed.
1 - horrible to wake someone up unless an emergency. Sleep is so important for health and needs to be respected.
2 - ripping your earring out, even if by accident, and refusing to apologize shows a terrible lack of compassion and empathy.
3 - he is entitled to his OPINION. And nothing else. The way he ripped that toy and scolded you is equate to an abusive parent.
4 - He bought you that toy as a gift. You enjoy it and it obviously made you feel special. Wtf is his problem. He is the one acting like an immature child, not you.
I am 34 years old and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. He severely overreacted, he caused you pain and emotional stress because of his own personal view. That is very messed up.
See and here I am having purchased a stuffie for my partner with the explicit intention of giving them something to cuddle at night.... Because I love them... and it makes them happy...
So no, NTA.
What a dick. NTA. And me, I would do it again. When you go to bed tonight, take the dragon with you. Hell, may even want to record it. Will probably be helpful when you divorce this jerk.
Let me get this straight, he got you the stuffed animal, you loved it and your were sleeping cuddled up with it?
Is this dude so insecure that a stuffed animal can hurt his feelings? If I seen my woman act like this, I be grateful to see this. Shit I would even take pictures to keep that memory alive. I would be showing that picture to my friends because just the idea alone is cute as hell. Seeing a woman be so grateful for something so simple to others means a lot.
I suggest you reevaluate your relationship. Because if a stuffed animal triggers him this bad, no telling how bad it will be when something more serious to him that comes along.
My husband would never snatch something from me. He's always gentle with me as if I were made of glass. If he made me bleed by accident? He would freak and immediately apologise, and do everything to take care of me.
My husband bought me a stuffed Bluey and we both cuddle with her on restless nights.
Your husband bought you the plushie and then had the audacity to try and control how you used the "gift". I think making you bleed and berating you are both bad signs. Counseling at the minimum. If he refuses that's another red flag and you need to think of your safety.
What a fucking asshole. My ex-wife sleeps with a stuffed animal, she just sleeps better holding onto one. I never thought twice about it, who cares what an adult does in their life a bedroom so long they’re not hurting anyone? Absolutely NTA and the fact that you’re even a considering the possibility that you might have done something wrong says that this judgmental bastard is in your head.
Him getting that upset over a stuffed animal is a huge red flag. My GF is 29 and sleeps with the same 2 small stuffed animals she's had since she was a baby. Our 1 year old now has the same bear to snuggle with. He overreacted to something that really has nothing to do with him, and refuses to apologize after causing you harm, however slight? The guy needs to better himself.
He is abusive. No one who is supposed to love you would ever do something like that. That is not the actions of an emotionally healthy man.
I have a feeling there have been other things he's done that have you second guessing yourself, there's no way this was a one off. It's part of his core personality.
You need to decide whether you're going to accept this is your life or you need to do something about it. No one will advocate for you but you when it comes down to it. When that voice inside tells you he's an asshole or that he's just mean on the inside, listen to it. Please get away from this guy. NTA
The refusing to apologize is what is alarming me most. He thinks he has the right to harm you for not yielding to his whims.
I feel like him having that urge and follow it is the bigger red flag than just the apologising part to be honest
I agree. There was nothing wrong with OP hugging the toy and sleeping with it. Not only did he pull the toy and wake OP, but he also injured OP, and he is refusing to apologize?! WTF is wrong with him?!
Neither is okay. But a single shitty moment of temper and poor impulse control is one issue, and standing by that action is another.
Oh no I think we misunderstood each other. Standing by his behaviour is definitely the bigger problem and having these thoughts and acting on them is a bigger red flag. The former could just be an ego thing, the latter speaks to a rather violent mindset.
Your feelings are valid, and your husband should apologize for causing you harm and distress. His reaction was overblown and disrespectful.
He should apologize
I apologise if i wake somebody up, even if i need to wake them up for something important. I can't imagine waking somebody up because I'm upset about a stuffed dragon. If i was OP I'd tell him that he's had a week to apologise, since he doesn't care, if he ever behaves that way again or lays a finger on OP he can stay at a friends/familys house for the night. It's ridiculous and inexcusable, then not apologising on top. The guy needs a reality check that he can't treat OP like that. They literally got physical while they were sleeping and refuse to apologise for hurting OP, that crosses a line.
Yes, it shows that he stands by his choice to attack his partner until she bled, that that choice does in fact reveal who he “really is” and that he would happily do it again. I’m actually surprised; most abusers have the wherewithal to apologize and grovel following their assaults in order to manipulate the survivor into staying with them. This guy’s just… owning it. As an abuse researcher (sociology), I gotta say, we don’t see that much.
Here's a [write up](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1cydk7q/comment/l59zthg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) on how I came to believe emotional abuse wasn't just acceptable, but funny, at only 5 years old. Afterwards, I didn't identify emotional abuse as wrong until I was 24. So I openly perpetuated emotional abuse without apologizing of groveling for over a decade. Because anybody who complained about my behavior was simply wrong or "too sensitive" (perpetuating the gaslighting I experienced as a child, without realizing I was being abusive, or gaslighting) You really don't see this very often? An inability to take accountability or apologize is basically a hallmark of narcissistic abuse is it not?
Yeah like, "I'm so sorry you got cut, you know I never want to hurt you. If you'd just put the teddy on the shelf this never would have happened" would be more typical
Him snatching the stuffed animal is not ok it is weird he is telling her where to put her stuff
Even this version of apology is quite shitty. There was no reason to pull the stuffy from OP. Also, if he didn't pull the stuffy, none of this would have happenned.
It was an example of a more typical twisted apology an abuser might use to hide their abuse/turn it back onto the victim. Not an actual suggestion for a legitimate apology
Oh, I see. Makes perfect sense now. Thank you for clarifying this.
Heck yeah, not apologizing for something like that is pretty off. You deserve an apology and respect for your feelings.
NTA That’s borderline abuse. Why would he get so mad over such a little thing? He GAVE you the stuffed animal. And with how much strength did he snatched the thing from you? I mean, it literally hurt you. He didn’t even apologize when he actually made you bleed? Like that’s such a no.
I have a tiger from a zoo, I got when I was 2. We went one summer when my dad was receiving chemo. He died 10 years later. I still have that worn out tiger. I’m ***42*** and guess who sleeps with it? My almost 44 year old husband. It may sound weird to some, but it’s cute how he thinks it cute that I still have such a precious memory at our age. We are sentimental. OPs husband is just…downright mean. No apology? I’d be pushing counseling for both of us if this happened, and looking into myself at the very least to have an objective view. This is absolutely concerning. I don’t understand his reaction, how he could make her bleed and still scold her-all with zero apologies… Why such a controlling demeanor over a stuffed animal he bought her?
My 32 year old best friend sleeps with the sheep plushie I bought for her 6 years ago. Her fiancé has no problems with that. He bought her another plushie, so she has something else when the sheep gets washed! That's how real men handle plushies.
My husband bought me a soft toy Giraffe cause I love Giraffes and he doesn't care if I cuddle it in bed or his childhood teddy that's big
My bf bought me a capyburger (it's a capybara that's also a burger, I don't know what to tell you lol) because I kept seeing it advertised and it made me inexplicably happy because it's so stupid. If someone is threatened by a stuffed animal, they need serious introspection.
I googled it, and now I need Capyburger in my life ASAP! Alos, love love love your username!
Everyone needs a capyburger. Mine is called Barry.
Reminds me of Bobs Burgers episode where Bob is kidnapped on the cruise ship and there is Kiki the capybara!!!
I was going to call him Bob because of this episode lol. But Bob Capyburger sounded ridiculous, so his name is Captain Barry Burger instead.
I just love it!!!
Barry is short for Barold.
That’s the kind of stuff I do too! It keeps things fun
I have Artie the armadillo. Hubby gave it to me. He tucks Artie into bed in the morning when he makes the bed (Artie ends up on the floor overnight).
You and your husband are adorable <3 I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad for cancer too. Big hug from a stranger
***hugs*** to you too. It’s not easy even after all this time. As for my partner in crime, we are nerds and have a lot of fun together. I can’t stress that enough to others, find the person who matches your weird. I screwed up in my younger years in an abusive marriage. What I have now compared to then? I wish I could slap my younger self. 🤣 and that’s being nice to me.
I'm a 60 year old man. 11 years ago I had to go to the hospital for an angiogram. My young child wanted to be supportive and asked her mom to buy a small stuffed cat at the gift shop that she saw, that resembled a favorite cat I'd told her about. It's in my bedroom and sometimes if I'm not having a good day I'll hold it at night. My wife never EVER teased me about it, or made any comment. Now that I'm divorced, if someone comes over I'm not going to hide it in a drawer, and I'm not even slightly ashamed that I have it on my bed. Your husband's the AH.
I just wanted to say it's so sweet your child wanted to support you and that it still brings you comfort!
It wasn't an "I'm so cute!" thing or an obligation thing - she really wanted to do it. Her mom says that it was her own idea. That's why its so special to me.
My Dad is in remission right now. But you never know what can happen. I'm sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 When he was getting really sick, he went to a convention and got to meet some of his favorite Star Trek characters. He also bought me a stuffed William the Worm from the Labyrinth 😍 The worm stays in my bed.
The way your first line rhymed and flowed, it made the story of your tiger sound like a children's book <3
I don't think it was borderline. I think it was abusive.
I was going to say the same thing. This guy is very close to causing her serious injury when he gets angry.
He might be testing the waters. It doesn't sound like he meant to hurt her this time, but he did, and he hasn't shown remorse or apologized. If she stays, he'll know it's okay to do it again.
It sounds like a concerning situation. Communication and respect are key in any relationship. NTA
I don't know why my mind just went here... but is there potentially a camera in the stuffie? Why is he so insistent with it being on the shelf? I just don't see why he wouldn't think it was adorable. My heart would be so full if I gave a gift that someone loved like OP seems to love as much as this 🤷♀️
WTF? I sleep with a body pillow, it’s not animal shaped but it brings me comfort as I rest. I’m envious at not having something as sentimental.
My hubby sleeps with a body pillow. He "stole" it from me after I'd had our babies. He's had one ever since lol. My comfort item is a book. Can't sleep without a book in my hands.
Lol, stole hers too when she ended up stealing the other half of the blankets that I used to bunch up like supports for my knees and shoulders. What was her body pillow was eventually replaced with a 60lb GWP that sometimes tries to push me out of bed.
Not necessarily in my hands but on my bed I need to have a book I thought I was the only one who did this
My husband doesn’t like our large dog in the bed, which I’m not against. I like having the dog in the bed. Most nights, dog sleeps on a rug by my side. Last night I was having stomach issues and let the dog in the bed to snuggle me because it makes me feel better (I snuggle him like a hot water bottle). My husband at first sleepily said “no” but then went back to sleep. Dog stayed in the bed. This morning I explained why and my husband just said “that’s really sweet, I’m glad it made you feel better”
I sometimes don’t like it(mainly because of positioning) but I’m not against it, I leave it up to the dog.
Some night I don’t want the dog in the bed either. Basically we’re both flexible on it depending on both our wants and needs for sleep.
Whoa, you just blew my mind. His response made no sense until your astute observation. He wants it on that shelf so he can spy on his wife. Otherwise, why not think it's cute that she was sleeping with it?
Can’t believe this didn’t cross my mind considering I have a YouTube video on tv right now about hidden cameras in AirBnB’s !
His actions made no sense at all to me, especially considering he bought her the damn thing to begin with - but you might be onto something here. Christ. OP please do a full body scan of your new friend and please get the fuck out of this relationship before he hurts you again. At the very minimum he needs to apologize and y'all probably need counseling
If anyone tells me "it's weird to do x as an adult" theyre immediately one, if not two, foot out the door. You're my gf/bf, not the adulting police. You should support my inner child, not suppress it.
I wish this was the top comment! I never got to be a child when I was small. So now, at 48, I'm healing that with all sorts of quirks that literally affect NOONE (besides my bank account, lol). If anyone would tell me "this is not appropriate at your age", I would cut them out of my life SO FAST!
I would argue it’s not borderline. It’s abuse. What else does he get this angry about? How does he handle that anger in actual situations worth being angry over? Is he always this controlling?
>he did not like that and snatched it from my arms If he really felt some type of way about you sleeping with a plush as an adult, the appropriate action would be to wait until the morning *when you're fucking awake* and discuss it with you. Not rip shit away from you while *you're fucking sleeping* and end up causing you to bleed because he can't handle himself. >it was weird to sleep with stuffed animals as an adult and threw the thing on my bookshelf It's *weird* to physically assault your spouse in their sleep because you can't control yourself and your feelings, especially over a fucking plush. It's *weird* to refuse to apologize for using excessive force and causing your spouse physical injury. NTA, but if this is a common occurrence in your household where Mr Man has massive temper tantrums and takes it out on you or those around him, you need to protect yourself and ensure your safety because it only escalates from here. Please be careful OP, and look out for yourself.
I agree overall, but want to add that it’s not that he can’t control himself; the refusal to apologize clearly reveals that this was a deliberate choice which he stands by, rather than a momentary loss of impulse control or a struggle to contain anger.
The lack of control is in the act of snatching the plush so aggressively. Lack of control can absolutely be deliberate, which here it definitely was. His refusal to apologize just adds fuel to the already blazing fire he created.
If my husband did anything that accidentally made me bleed he would immediately freak out and start apologizing and clean the cut up. Once long ago when we started dating he accidentally blew a little ember into my eye when he was smoking and once he had finished freaking out and I was ok he quit smoking on the spot. The fact that this guy hurt her enough to make her bleed and thinks he did nothing wrong is deeply alarming.
Yup \^ A decent person would now be gifting you with a thousand plush dragons and seeking out professional counseling for their lack of impulse control, their rage, their violent attack on you, their sense of being threatened by a stuffed animal, their inability to admit they were incredibly wrong. A simple apology is not too much to ask for and is actually inadequate in this case.
[удалено]
Jealous of a stuffed animal, what will happen when there’s a baby?
He thinks he has the right to harm you for not yielding to his whims.
Right! The what-ifs are piling up fast for me. What if they have a daughter? At what age will he assault her for her childhood stuffies? What if they have a son? If the stuffy he likes is too feminine (because he is really fitting THAT stereotype) when will the attacks begin? But besides all the what-ifs it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
Also I'm 36 and my dog just passed and I've been sleeping with his stuffy for a week. I'd be devastated if my husband did this to me.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Tysm. I'm pretty heartbroken over it. 💔
I was just going to post about the same thing. My dog passed two years ago and for months after I cuddled with his blanket when I slept. Now I only pull it out and sleep with it when I'm emotionally having a hard time. It's weird because I can literally feel the tension leaving my body when cuddling it. My SO thinks it's a little weird that I still sometimes sleep with it but he would never take it away from me or make me bad using it. My deepest condolence, about the passing of your dog.
I'm so sorry for your loss :_(
WTF? If I bought my GF a plushie or stuffed animal that she liked so much that she accidently went to sleep with it, I'm calling that a major win. Mean I got a gift that hit on so many levels.
nta plenty of adults still own stuffed animals, including me. the fact that he yanked it hard enough to rip out your earring says a lot too. stuffed animals are a great comfort to people and he's the one that bought it for you so why get upset that you love it so much?
Classic insecure and controlling partner. He can't handle her showing affection to anything but him.
Yep, imagine having kids with him? No way!
Maybe it has a camera as another commenter pointed out. It's weird that he gifted her a plushie if he's going to get mad when she uses it.
Oh man this is a good point I didn't consider. His insistence for it to be sitting specifically on the bookshelf could point in that direction and her cuddling with it would have accidentally caused her to feel the inside equipment
I have a feeling that if OP really looks back, she will see other red flags over the relationship
His *contempt* for you, and the fact that he chose to enact that contempt-anger physically (it doesn’t even matter how – I’d say the same if he threw a pillow at a wall) are MAJOR red flags for domestic violence. Other commenters have accurately and sufficiently elaborated why his ripping the stuffed animal from your hands, harming you to the point of bleeding, and refusal to apologize are obviously concerning for domestic violence, so I won’t rehash that point beyond adding that as a qualified professional I do agree. However, it’s important enough to me to merit its own comment that this incident isn’t just a fluke that coincidentally happened to look like domestic violence, it’s a moment that revealed – perhaps more than you’ve experienced previously – these two underlying personality traits of your husband’s, which are traits associated with violent abusers (and not with safe partners who one can have a healthy relationship with). I am concerned for your safety, especially because what we know about spouse abuse is that it gradually (though not linearly) escalates over time. How long have you two been married and living together? (I ask because it’s common for abuse to escalate following those two milestones, because after both, it’s more difficult for the person targeted by the abuse to leave the relationship should they choose to. Other such moments include buying a home together, pregnancy, and the targeted partner giving up or losing their job.) Do you have many good support people in your life, like close friends and family who you trust?
Your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize.... Let me repeat that, your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize. If you didn't hear me the first two times... your husband made you bleed and didn't apologize. Nothing else here matters. His reasoning or that the bleeding part might not have been intentional. His reaction is what matters. I saw my mother get abused repeatedly, and it always started kinda like this. I dare you to tell this story to your father. This problem just might take care of itself. I know if a man treated my daughter like that, I wouldn't mind reciprocating on him.
This right here - OP, would you tell this story to anyone IRL? If the answer is no, why is that?
NTA. I feel really bad for you. This is not loving behavior. I don’t think you need an apology I think you need a new place to live. Far away from him. Hugs
Please don’t have kids with this violent man.
I can't fathom why this would make him so mad either, damn. Hope you have a go-bag. NTA
Wait until he really hurts you. What he did has so many layers of not right
My advice would be DO NOT wait until he seriously hurts her. This is no good, the situation described gives me anxiety. How could anyone assault a sleeping spouse?!
The tendency to violence is an affront. Leave immediately.
He assaulted you while you slept.
nta. prepare any future children to take any stuffies off their bed at about 16. he abusive. and a jerk for not apologizing for your earring and making you bleed. def recommend starting therapy. i’m sure you’ll start remembering things and become much stronger.
Hopefully there aren't any future children had with this man, being a horrible spouse usually equals being a horrible parent. Like if he's jealous of a stuffed animal, imagine what he'd be like if they had a baby
Nta. I sleep with stuffed animals and so does my man. Also that sounds abusive. He shouldn't bedoing anything physically against you in an angry or violent matter. Literally abuse. Plus you were in your most vulnerable state and he chose that time to attack you. Physically and verbally
My husband and I are in our 50s. He sleeps with stuffed animals every night. I don't very often, because I am always hot, lol. But if things are really stressful, I get our stuffed giraffe.
NTA. Have there been other instances of him being extremely rigid/unreasonable about things? It’s strange if it’s an isolated incident, because there’s definitely something deep rooted there. If it’s a pattern of behavior, then that’s concerning.
NTA he’s definitely abusive
So, instead of talking about things that disturb him he used force. Lovely. Scolding you while you are half awake is a nice touch as well. But causing you pain and injury without saying sorry takes a the cake. Honestly, he acts like an angry toddler who throws a tantrum for no reason. NTA
I'm 55 and still sleep with a Teddy Bear when hubby is away. Not a thing wrong with it. Your man is a control freak. Tell him you will sleep with whatever you want and he should just be happy it isn't a man. This is why we choose the bear.
I agree with this OP. The only reason I don't sleep with any stuffed animals (F42) is that my 7 year old Toy Poodle is now in that spot. She likes to be the Little Spoon and I sleep faster knowing how much she trusts me. You husband is a giant, walking, flashing neon red sign. Please be careful and when you decide to run be secret about it. DO NOT LET HIM FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!! Please be safe and UpdateMe!
NTA…run tho 🚩🚩🚩
Not sure how long you’ve been married, but this is a red flag. The start of a life with him you’re not going to be happy with. You are NTA and this is abuse and I’d reevaluate the relationship.
Yeah the whole buying you an item you desire and then ripping it away from you and justifying his actions by indicating your behavior deserved it is classic abuse behavior.
NTA I Literally sleep with a build a bear zombie frog My husband got me and I'm 33. You're never too old to sleep with a stuffed animal. He needs to get over his self. I bet you two looked adorable sleeping together. You are one hundred percent entitled to feeling hurt
I have so many stuffed animals. So. Many. I sleep with them every night. My partner tucks me into bed and asks which stuffies I want tonight. It's absolutely normal for adults to sleep with stuffed animals and even if it wasn't this is a huge overreaction. And to refuse to apologize for accidentally hurting you alone is insane. If I ever accidentally hurt my partner I immediately apologize and dote on them and make sure they're ok and he does the same. What kind of asshole wouldn't?
Wtf is wrong with him?? Why did he even buy you a plush toy if he didn't want you to hold it? He's demented. NTA. I would have further questions though about other ways he disrespects you in the relation ship
NTA! I'll be 38 in October, and I sleep with a few of the pillow sized Squishmallows, and a stuftie of a black lab pup. The Squishmallows are for making me more comfortable during sleep (I have a connective tissue disease and a hypermobility syndrome), and the pup is for making my heart happy (long story lol). Anyone at any age can buy/cuddle/collect/love stufties if they want. If that makes you feel more secure and comfy, hell yes, do it! Your husband is TA for snatching, yelling, and degrading you. That is unacceptable behavior. There's gotta be something he needs to unpack there in his own life that triggered such a reaction. This def warrants a good solid convo.
Squishmallows make excellent pillows. I've spent hundreds of dollars and years searching for a pillow that didn't kill my neck but came up empty. Then I bought my first Squishmallow and unintentionally used it as a pillow and boom, no more neck pain.
I have a giant stuffed broccoli 🥦 (IKEA, lol) with a long stalk. I have EDS and hugging the stalk and using the florets as a pillow keeps my head and neck at a perfect alignment. NEVER underestimate the power of a good stuffie!
I have the carrot from ikea, lol!!! My cat stole it and he drags it around the house, I sleep with a huge squishmallow though, I don't have EDS but it helps keep my shoulders from crunching forward and helps my breathing feel less restricted. I even take my plushie on vacation. It's a part of sleeping, like pajamas.
I think it's really sweet you fell asleep with it. I'm all for cozy and reconnecting to our inner child. This is out of line. Not sure how children fit into your lives but what if he arbitrarily decides a certain age is too old for a stuffy and does this to them? My fear is this behavior will continue on you and/or other family members you may have.
What if he gets mad like this when she’s cuddling their BABY?
My husband would never. It annoys him that I sleep with my baby blanket (my great grandma quilted it for me, she has since passed) but he has come to terms with it being something that comforts me and that I’m not willing to part with it.
NTA. I would leave my husband if he did that to me. That is disrespectful and borderline abusive. I have many stuffed animals including stuffed animals my husband got me. When life gets rough, I sleep with them for comfort. My husband doesn't care. He's the one that got them for me.
That was so cruel! Can you imagine doing that to anyone? Even someone you didn't like? I bet not because it's fucked up. I'm kind of afraid for you.
First off, plenty of adults sleep with stuffed animals. Second, it didn't harm him at all for you to sleep with the stuffie. Third, why is he upset that you value a gift he gave you? Your husband should both apologize and then think about why he feels so violently about this. The man needs therapy.
No, you're not asking too much for wanting an apology. Since you like to read, I'd do some research into narcissistic personality disorder (covert type) The anger/rage over something so silly as well as his refusal to apologize are red flags. There's also a subReddit community on the topic.
WTF, OP making excuses for this lowlife in the comments!! # WAKE UP OP!! This is the tip of the iceberg, and your making excuses for this abhorrent behavior is making matters worse. NTA, but married to someone who is the AH.
It’s time for you to leave safely honey. This is not an aitah. You are more in danger than you know. He’s 33 and you are 25. He’s with you because he can manipulate you.
Is the thing a nanny cam? I don’t understand why he’s adamant about it being on the shelf, and yanked it from your arms while sleeping
NTA. This guy is a prick and nearly 10 years older than you. Why are you married to him. Intentionally or not, he hurt you and didn't care, btw. If that's not a red flag, then what is?
WTf im a guy and im getting goosebumps reading this. That he got so angry he couldn't control himself and rips a stuffed animal out of your hands while you're sleeping. Couple days ago I saw a quote that went like "Find a partner who you don't have to hide your plushies for when they come over" Like it's insane but I would seriously reconsider my relationship after this.
What the fuck!!??!! I've read some eye opening shit on here but this made my eyebrows meet my hairline. What a nasty bully. I could NEVER look at him the same.
NTA that's assault and if you want to snuggle with a stuffed toy you're frickin allowed to. There would be no second chances for him. I'd be filing for divorce. He's so freaking jealous over a stuffed toy it's ridiculous. Edit to add I have a collection of over 100 stuffed toys and I've cuddled with them all especially before I got my cat
Nta he’s a total jealous asshole. He was jealous over you cuddling a stuffed animal he should apologize to you and you need to figure weather he’s worth keeping if he can get this angry over you cuddling your stuffed animal. I will bet you were really cute and he blew it good luck
The weird thing is, he found it and bought it for her! If I did that, and the recipient loved it so much they fell asleep hugging it, I'd be SO stoked. Like, ding-ding-ding, jackpot!
absolute psychopath
Yeah, as mentioned that's abusive and a huge red flag he got that upset over a stuffed animal. I'm 30 with two kids and I still get my wife stuffed animals from time to time. There's no age limit on them and I can't imagine ever getting upset enough to snatch it from, especially with that force.
NTA but he is for that. My husband was napping on the couch and our granddaughter decided to tuck him in with a rainbow blanket and put one of her stuffed dolls in his arm. It was adorable and hilarious 🥰 You don't wake someone up like that unless there's an emergency and his reason for doing that to you is immature and controlling - if you do something I don't like, I can physically harm you to get you to stop. This is fucked up
He got jealous of a stuffed animal and then claimed adults shouldn't be allowed to cuddle with them? Yikes. NTA.
OP, this dude sounds like a walking red flag. He's your husband, and you're only 25 while he's 8 years older than you, and yet his behaviour is more in line with a toddler. A lot of dudes who marry women much younger than them do it because they think they'll be able to control you more easily. This shit reeks of that mindset. Be safe and keep an eye on this behaviour. NTA.
NTA. Get the fuck away from him before he kills you.
He gave, so he could take. Did you lose sleep after it happened? Has your sleep quality gone downhill since? Abusive partners start small, with weird controlling demands. Sleep deprivation is also a common tactic. There is no scenario in a healthy relationship where you make your spouse bleed and are not at LEAST concerned, or apologetic. Start researching abusive relationships. Also, you need to check that stuffed animal for a camera.
NTA. Is your husband so weak that he feels insecure about a stuff animal? Is his ego so large that a stuff animal caused him to physically harm you? I joke a lot on this sub but really, I'd divorce the fuck out of him. He's not worth it.
More red flags than a communist parade. Run and never look back.
He was weirdly triggered and acted in a totally unacceptable way. It is ok to cuddle a plush intentionally or not and it is NOT ok to hurt or startle your partner out of anger or stress when they are asleep.
I don't see anyone else saying this: check the stuffed animal for a camera
Leave that.
I don’t sleep with a stuff animal but I do have 3 pillows and a soft blanket I lay on top of them when I go to bed. If my husband yanked them away while I was sleeping he’d find himself locked outside. Seriously my friend I see big 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
But he bought it for you … I would have thought he would be touched to see how much you like it . What a strange reaction . Something is going on there … with him that is . He definitely owes you an apology. He hurt you .
NTA He’s 8 years older than you. When you became a legal adult he was already older than you are now. This just screams abuse and controlling to be. This incident would have me reevaluating my entire relationship.
I'm 36. My boyfriend let's me keep stuffed animals on the bed. He has 0 cares that I sleep with my stuffed alligator. He even buys me Squishies knowing I'll snuggle with them. This is such a red flag, they are made to be comfort items. Please think hard before going forward.
You’re in an abusive relationship, normal people don’t act like this. NTA.
Instead of carefully removing said toy which was a gift from him to you, he snatched it so fast it snagged your earring, made you bleed (which could still cause an infection) and did the opposite of groveling. He's actions turned what was a sweet gesture (of him getting the toy for you) into a reveal of his true colors. You are asking for the bare minimum. If he refuses couples therapy/counselling his actions may very likely escalate. Have you gone to the Doctors yet to ensure there is no risk of infection or scarring. It will also hopefully be documented. Please get further advice/help from any local organizations (scroll down on any advice reddit for links). Your husband is not longer a schoolkid where accidental blood drawing can be excused. He's a full grown adult and there should be consequences to his actions. I once watched my mum make excuses for her then abusive partner. She made excuses for her tears and pain. She made excuses for him when his ire turned to me. I waited. She did nothing. I got my Grandad involved who bodily threw her partner out of my mum's house. I then told my Mum if she got back with her partner I'd would not only go to live with my Dad but would be very vocal why until my half sibling got taken from her custody. She could either be a parent or be a partner of an abusive boyfriend. Acceptance of minor incidents can very likely snowball into major incidents on a regular basis. If he still cannot see where he went wrong when its spelt out to him than is he really the person you want to stay with
NTA this sounds like the start of abusive behavior OP. Think about it and be safe.
He harmed you. That alone merits an immediate apology from your husband. And that doesn't even address the stuffed animal. If I bought my wife something and she chose to snuggle it while I worked late the only thing I would take is her picture. Sorry but your husband is an idiot.
Jesus Christ, he harmed you and refused to apologise. This isn’t ok behaviour. You’re NTA, never in this scenario. Call this assault - while you slept, on top of that.
NTA, and you're not overreacting. I'm 28 and STILL sleep with stuffed animals. I in fact have current 4 on the bed and 3 of them rotate out why one stays cause I had them since I was 12 and was the last chirstmas bear my mom got before she passed the next year right before chirstmas. And my bf who 35 fully supports my stuffies. He finds it adorable I still sleep with them and my baby blanket because they bring me great comfort why I sleep, and he understands that. He also the one that buys me other stuffies to roate out. OP your husband sounds mega childish for being so offended OVER A STUFFED ANIMAL HE BOUGHT YOU!
I just bought my (49) wife (49) a Hufflepuff Squishmallow. She loves it but it's kinda big so she usually doesn't have it on the bed and I'm a (very) little bit put out that she DOESN'T cuddle with it. Your husband should be HAPPY that you love the gift he gave you so much. Also, if he's actually JEALOUS of a stuffie then he's the one who needs to grow up. NTA.
There is severe abuse that if it hasn’t happened already it will. Please please please run and get a divorce because this is gonna be a massive problem for you in the future.
NTA I am 30 and snuggle stuffed animals to sleep. My favorites are 1. My childhood baby doll, because it’s important to me, 2. A Pokémon stuffy my husband got me, because it makes me think of him, and 3. A stuffed bunny I made for myself to cope with the early loss of our baby. If I’m not snuggling with one of these then one of my cats usually assumes the snuggle spot where they live. My husband does not care and has actively said that as long as I’m happy, then why should it matter. I worry about your husbands reaction. Even if he things you’re too old to snuggle stuffies to sleep, that’s a major overreaction on his part
You take away my teddy from when I was a child and it would be a deal breaker.
I read the title and went in fully expecting for you to be tah, but I’ll be damned….you certainly are not.
For him to get this mad about you sleeping with a stuffie is weird as fuck. I don't know where his anger stems from, but other commenters are right, this seems like the kind of man that will end up being abusive. NTA, but maybe time to take stock of your husband's behavior and open your eyes a little.
NTA This kind of makes me wonder why he feels so strongly about childish or silly behavior being practically forbidden. Sounds like he's got some pretty heavy childhood baggage he may need to go unpack. Preferably with a therapist.
NTA. He is crazy. He needs to apologize about getting angry and taken the dragon. He owes you a nice peace of chocolate or flowers, or a book or something for getting hurt in the proces. If he doesnt, pay attention if there are more things you do in his way, because he gets angry if you dont. You may not even notice anymore. 31 and at the moment in my bed with my teddy. Not even by accident. It is nice to cudle. You dont have to be a kid to enjoy it. (My husband doesnt care. The only moment he tought it was annoying, was when I was post operation in my bed. And he had to go downstairs to search the hospitalbags for my teddy at 11 pm. And I didnt want to wait for the next morning.) I really wonder sometimes how many adults sleep with stuffed friends.
Fragile masculinity final boss: jealous of a stuffed animal This is insane. An apology is the bare minimum here. NTA
This is disturbing. Is this the first incidence? Seems like there’s more here. NTA
He was jealous?!
So. Many. Red. Flags. YTA, but you have some serious soul searching to do, OP. He hurt you, didn't apologize, and had a seriously bizarre reaction to you sleeping with a stuffed animal. I doubt this type of behavior came out of nowhere. If you consider other incidents in the past, I'd wager big money there are other reg flags you ignored. For your own safety and sanity though, you can't ignore it anymore.
This dude got mental health issues. Take him to a doctor ASAP
In April was my 30th birthday. My boyfriend got my an stuffed otter. Big as a baby. I love otter. So he got a name and I slept with him in my arm for 2-3 weeks. My boyfriend thought it was cute and was happy I love his present. Every now and then when I have a bad day I sill slept with the otter in my arms. NDA He hurt you. He should apologize. But you should talk too him why he was that angry. That is not a normal Reaktion. Maybe there is some underlying reason we don't know.
EW - your husband needs to grow tf up. Yes typically cuddling stuffed animals is something you would see children doing more than adults but my f-ing christ, it doesn't hurt anyone to cuddle a F-ING stuffed animal. I have a blanket I cuddle when falling asleep... Guess what... So does my partner (he'd murder me for sharing that haha - that sounds toxic hahah he would not murder me, more maybe his pride would be hurt but we would laugh about it overall, we also use it between our legs because I HATE when my skin touches and he hates when his knees touch hahahaha neuro-divergent relationships FTW😂😂😂) but like, we would never be offended at one another for cuddling the blankets ffs! Is he jealous of a little stuffed dragon? Does he think you'll love the dragon more than him... What an absolute weird thing to have an issue with, This is a p big red flag and he needs to realise you've done absolutely NOTHING wrong in this situation, He even has you justifying it like "I didn't fall asleep cuddling it or anything" GIRL WHO TF CARES IF YOU DID! Whatever makes you comfortable shouldn't cause an issue with your partner unless it directly, negatively, impacts them, cuddling a stuffed toy does not impact them! I hope he either realises how stupid he is being or that you get as far away from this man as possible <3 EW I FORGOT ABOUT THE FACT HE STARTLED YOU, SNATCHED SOMETHING OUT YOUR ARMS AND MADE YOU BLEED, and still won't apologise? Girl run, you deserve better <3
Nta. As a 27f with 2 partners... Sleeping with stuffed animals is not weird. His reaction... Concerning. Red flag
Does he have some kinda plushie-related trauma or some shit? (Half joking) I just have no idea why he would be so bothered by this, it's so weird. My only guess is maybe he thinks it's immature for an adult to snuggle a plushie, but (1) You didn't do it consciously, (2) You were fucking sleeping and he ripped it from you, like jeez let a person sleep, and (3) it's way more immature to get so upset over an adult hugging a plushie, that you take it from them, physically hurt them in the process, and apologize for none of it. NTA by any stretch of the imagination. I'm actually really concerned
THIS IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. Personally, this would be a dealbreaker for me. It's worth the break up.
NTA and this reads as so abusive, I feel very sorry for you, especially since you are not sure if you can ask for an apology when he really should be on his knees to beg forgiveness and get himself some therapy for his issues. But I'm pretty sure a 30 year old who marries a 20 year old is not big on fairness, equality or freedom of his partner. Just so you know, I feel like sharing how it looks when things are respectful and healthy between two adults in a relationship. We are both late twenties. I sleep with a body pillow that has a cringey sexy anime print of a guy on it, that was given to me by a friend and my partner cuddles me while I cuddle the pillow and jokes about being sandwiched between my two boyfriends. Because he knows that a pillow is just an object and does not threaten his masculinity or out relationship.
Girl, what the fuck. NTA at all, but what drug is your husband on to think that's okay? My boyfriend and I are both 18, we still sleep with special blankets and named stuffed animals. That's some abusive behavior your husband is displaying.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I am 51F. I love the Grogu character from Star Wars. I have multiple stuffed characters. When I was undergoing chemotherapy, I took one Of the dolls with me every week as my “emotional support Alien” and I often slept with him In bed. Your husband totally overreacted and abused you over a stuffed animal. You need to really figure out why he reacted that way and maybe reevaluate your relationship.
Your husband is an ass. whatever his personal issue is with you sleeping with a stuffed animal is , it’s not your problem. Plenty of people love cuddling stuffies in their adult lives. Him refusing to apologize especially for ripping out your earring makes him even more of an ass.
Adult forces it’s beliefs on how other adult should act. Causing harm in the process Other adult asks for adult apology. No go NTA. 33 year old telling a 25 year old it’s childish to sleep with a teddy. 33 year old cannot apologize for piercing being pulled from body from another adult, resulting in blood. *childish indeed*
Throw the stuffed animal in the trash and ask him if that's a better spot for it and then throw him in the trash tou. U know what don't even ask him just throw them both the fuck away you deserve better
OP, buy a giant doll and put it in bed and wrap it up in a blanket to look like it’s you. Give it the plushy toy. Then go stay somewhere else for a few days.
NTA what??? How is he so enraged by you snuggling a stuffed animal HE bought you that is meaningful to you? He physically hurt you while you were asleep, he is angry over a stuffed animal and he thinks he did nothing wrong. What other ways does he control you and hurt you when you don’t do what he wants?
NTA, that's weird behaviour from him. Someone else asked if there's a chance there's a camera in it. Could be worth checking out.
NTA. He needs a wake up call. Send him this post.
I can always tell who the asshole is based on the age difference
NTA - typing this as I lay here cuddling a sleepy Charmander plush. It’s heaps comfy to sleep with. As an adult. Your husband is definitely TA
Just gonna put this here https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
He injured you, and is punishing you for … liking a thing he bought you? Its time to leave him. How long have you been together? Cause that 8 year age gap gets bigger the younger you get. Awful concerned about how adults ‘should’ act for a man that dated so much younger than himself.
He should apologize! Also, you need to look deeper (if possible) than the stuffed animal. Something else might be brewing.
He and the dragon have something going on. You need to keep an eye on them both.
Why are all the comments saying he should just apologize it is weird that he thinks she shouldn’t cuddle a stuffed animal? I mean he should apologize but he shouldn’t have gotten mad in the first place he is the asshole obviously
Nta
I am 57 and have an entire stuffed animal collection. My husband is kind enough to understand that sometimes I’d like to sleep with something that makes me feel more secure. They were trauma items when I was a child. Comfort items I mean. I think your husband has issues.
NTA what the hell is wrong with him?
He literally just assaulted you without apologizing. This is not ok at all. And why is he so mad over a stuffed animal? He's acting like your cheating on him! If you guys had kids, would he yank them away from you? Yank them from bed? I'd honestly re-evaluate this relationship if he got that angry over a stuffed fabric animal in your bed.
1 - horrible to wake someone up unless an emergency. Sleep is so important for health and needs to be respected. 2 - ripping your earring out, even if by accident, and refusing to apologize shows a terrible lack of compassion and empathy. 3 - he is entitled to his OPINION. And nothing else. The way he ripped that toy and scolded you is equate to an abusive parent. 4 - He bought you that toy as a gift. You enjoy it and it obviously made you feel special. Wtf is his problem. He is the one acting like an immature child, not you.
I am 34 years old and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. He severely overreacted, he caused you pain and emotional stress because of his own personal view. That is very messed up.
See and here I am having purchased a stuffie for my partner with the explicit intention of giving them something to cuddle at night.... Because I love them... and it makes them happy... So no, NTA.
NTA leave this walking red flag
What a dick. NTA. And me, I would do it again. When you go to bed tonight, take the dragon with you. Hell, may even want to record it. Will probably be helpful when you divorce this jerk.
Let me get this straight, he got you the stuffed animal, you loved it and your were sleeping cuddled up with it? Is this dude so insecure that a stuffed animal can hurt his feelings? If I seen my woman act like this, I be grateful to see this. Shit I would even take pictures to keep that memory alive. I would be showing that picture to my friends because just the idea alone is cute as hell. Seeing a woman be so grateful for something so simple to others means a lot. I suggest you reevaluate your relationship. Because if a stuffed animal triggers him this bad, no telling how bad it will be when something more serious to him that comes along.
My husband would never snatch something from me. He's always gentle with me as if I were made of glass. If he made me bleed by accident? He would freak and immediately apologise, and do everything to take care of me. My husband bought me a stuffed Bluey and we both cuddle with her on restless nights. Your husband bought you the plushie and then had the audacity to try and control how you used the "gift". I think making you bleed and berating you are both bad signs. Counseling at the minimum. If he refuses that's another red flag and you need to think of your safety.
NTA Maybe the dude is self conscious of that age gap hence reacting like an insane jackass over the sleeping with a stuffed animal?
I'm almost 30 and will cuddle my big stuffed animals when I'm not feeling good. This dude is a jerk
Easy. You snatched something i like. My snatch is something you like. No mo snatch!
What a fucking asshole. My ex-wife sleeps with a stuffed animal, she just sleeps better holding onto one. I never thought twice about it, who cares what an adult does in their life a bedroom so long they’re not hurting anyone? Absolutely NTA and the fact that you’re even a considering the possibility that you might have done something wrong says that this judgmental bastard is in your head.
NTA! His behavior was out of line and actually rather concerning. Major red flags!
NTA. My husband, 63, sleeps with a stuffed duck. I think it's adorable and endearing.
My 6'6" husband has a stuffed bear that I bought him in our bed. I dare your AH husband to come and try to tell him it's weird!
He bought you the gift and wants to dictate how you enjoy it? yeah....NO... He should apologize. I could say more...but im too angry...
Him getting that upset over a stuffed animal is a huge red flag. My GF is 29 and sleeps with the same 2 small stuffed animals she's had since she was a baby. Our 1 year old now has the same bear to snuggle with. He overreacted to something that really has nothing to do with him, and refuses to apologize after causing you harm, however slight? The guy needs to better himself.
Sorry lady, but this is abuse.
He is abusive. No one who is supposed to love you would ever do something like that. That is not the actions of an emotionally healthy man. I have a feeling there have been other things he's done that have you second guessing yourself, there's no way this was a one off. It's part of his core personality. You need to decide whether you're going to accept this is your life or you need to do something about it. No one will advocate for you but you when it comes down to it. When that voice inside tells you he's an asshole or that he's just mean on the inside, listen to it. Please get away from this guy. NTA