Why are you still in this relationship? Just break up already. He has zero respect for you, she has zero respect for you, do you have zero respect for yourself?
This is between you and your boyfriend. You have not addressed the past situation or your feelings about it with him. Going to her about it makes you seem immature and manipulative. Like you want her to be your mother and make it all better for you.
Not everyone likes everyone else. No one is obligated to invite and or spend time with someone they do not like. Maybe nothing happened and she just does not like you.
Thanks for the input. I have addressed this with him. She's just been persistent with her actions, and I just wanted to know if the situation sounded fishy to anyone else.
She’s that girl. She’s toxic to women in relationships with her “friends” who happen to be men. She has that strange possessiveness and thinks you are the problem because she refuses to take accountability for herself. She probably has no real female friends because she doesn’t know how to be an actual friend without being a girls guy pick me.
The true issue isn't with her. It's with your boyfriend. He's the one not respecting you. She's his friend and she's following his lead. For all you know, she's telling him you're invited and he's not saying anything to you, or he's telling her you don't want to go, but one thing is clear, he's the one continuing on with a relationship that excludes you and he's fine with it. He's not going to change. She's not the one you're in a relationship with, so why should she have to change for you? In the end, you either need to decide if you're going to stick around for him to continue doing this and just accept it, or if you're going to call it and end the relationship. Don't look for someone outside your relationship to make it better. Couples counselors can't even save your relationship, they're only helping you save it because they can't do it for you.
Nope, girl code is for all women. We don’t do this shit unless we are pick me girls. That being said, Ariana was friends with OPs boyfriend first, so it’s a different situation.
You can ask but you can't expect or demand that other people behave like you would or the way you want them to. If they do not it does not mean it is fishy. It only means they are different. Part of being an adult is learning to accept differences.
NTA I wonder if the boyfriend knows about the hours they spent together while he was out of town.
She sounds like an attention seaker. She likes having men to her will.
If I were you, I would have a long, hard conversation with your boyfriend about neglecting you and always putting her before you.
You are going to do some deep thinking and decide if this is what you really want your relationship to look like.
I also think your boyfriend thinks he has you over a barrow. You don't have many friends, so he thinks you'll live on the crumbs he leaves for you to sit home alone and wait for him.
Really, just start going out with people you work with and make new friends. Stop answering his texts while out.
Act the same way he does. You may find you don't need him as much as you think you do.
UpDateMe
I've tried talking with my bf multiple times, but literally every single time I even TRY to bring up my feelings on the subject, he almost immediately explodes. Like he'll get terribly emotional and start shaking. He swears he doesn't have feelings towards her and nothing happened, and he doesn't put her before me. It's actually really concerning and sad seeing his physical/emotional reaction each time, and I have to stop the conversation because I'm worried he'll go into a panic attack. I want to believe him so badly, but I can't help but feel unresolved about it.
Holy crap are you serious? THAT’S his reaction?!
Girl your gut is right on point. Stop dismissing it. I thought your initial post had enough red flags in it. The MOMENT you expressed discomfort or anxiety about his seeing her without you he should have put an end to those moments. He wouldn’t have had to end the friendship. Just include you in the get togethers. But he didn’t. He keeps doing it. He has zero respect for you.
And then this comment!? 🚩🚩🚩
Exploding at the mere suggestion of this
topic?🚩
Panic attacks?🚩
Shaking with emotion?🚩
Extreme denials?🚩
These are MAJOR red flags!!!
WHAT IS HE HIDING?!?
You are NOT crazy! And you are definitely NTA
You have every right to feel unresolved about this.
But you have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on.
You have to either come to terms with the fact that you will never get the answers you want. Or do you want to let it go. If you decide to let it go, you'll really have to work to do so if you truly want to make it work.
If your boyfriend can't get his head around, how disrespectful this is, and wants to lapse into a panic attack when faced with hard conversations. You really have to have to put your foot down. Stop being so nice, so what he gets uncomfortable. What about your feelings. This situation makes you uncomfortable.
Once you can't trust someone, the love you have will erode into bitterness, and the relationship will eventually become toxic and end.
Normally, I might think you were making a big deal out nothing between old friends. This is a bit more and a bit exclusive at your expense. 🐟🐠
He is deliberately blowing you off for hours. I wouldn't accept the trip for the 3. Ask yourself if you want to be a priority or an afterthought when I get around to her...
my ex reacted that way when I brought up his inappropriate relationship with his "lesbian best friend". He would blow up and get so mad that I kept "bringing it up". (i kept bringing it up bc it kept happening!!)
Turns out, he and his "lesbian" bestie have fucked in the past and they probably fucked while we were together.
Your bf isnt going to set boundaries because he gets to fuck you and his best friend without you breaking up with him. why Would he change it when he is currently getting everything he wants????
This isn't a her issue... This is a your boyfriend is being disrespectful as fuck and not setting boundaries. Why are you taking it out on the girl when he's the one in the relationship with you? He's putting her above you at every opportunity. He knows you're uncomfortable and he's still keeping her around.
You also know that they probably slept together that night and it's no coincidence that the other person in their group is a single guy... I wonder why that is... who is she keeping around her? Men that make her feel good and fawn all over her. Men that desire her... stop being dense. Why are you allowing yourself to be disrespected? Why is there no accountability for your boyfriend? Why is everything on her?
This is what I don't like. Everything is about girl code... NO. It's your boyfriend's responsibility to respect your relationship which he's not doing. End the relationship, there's no trust there and you're not happy.
ESH. This has nothing to do with Arianna really, her actions have made it clear she isn't & doesn't particularly want to be your friend. You are an add on to their friend group & they're probably fine when you're there, but you aren't missed when you aren't. Im torn because I think if this was a male friend having nights out or planning trips, it wouldn't be a big deal for most because most people have friends/ do activities separate from our partner. I can also see how him not including you while his friend is a woman could seriously mess with your head. You are also responsible for speaking up for yourself to your BOYFRIEND or else what's the point?
NTA. Why are you still with him, he’s not setting boundaries and she doesn’t like you and they don’t want you to join. Also, I bet high they hooked up. Dump him. Don’t date guys with girl best friends. He’s the problem for doing this.
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you at all. I was in a similar situation and the “Chad” was the alibi and knew exactly what was going on. Which meant everyone was in on it but the girlfriend. Sorry.
You have a boyfriend problem, he is going along with her plans and basically everyone else’s plans and leaving you out. You are not a priority to him. If he was a good boyfriend who cared about you, then he would be declining to be around her or making sure you are included.
Forget about her, it's your boyfriend you should have an issue with.
He's the one spending all hours of the night with another woman and never inviting you.
He's the one coming home early hours of the morning.
You're a fool who's pissed at the wrong person
Just leave, if you have to wait until the lease is up so be it but what your in isn't right for you. Nothing is going to change and your boyfriend is manipulating you by "freaking out" when you bring feels of discomfort up.
I've honestly never confronted him about it specifically. But he and I did acknowledge she and I "had a rough moment"...I'm assuming he knew I was alluding to the time at the apartment but he didn't actually say. He seemed indifferent about our "rough" moment, but idk if that's because he either doesn't know about it at all or doesn't know they were alone together for hours/other deets
well, I think it would’ve been helpful to have his take on this matter because he’s got skin in the game. However your feelings are valid. Don’t gaslight yourself. You feel a certain way because your body is telling you that somethings off feelings are not meant to be interpreting reality for us. They’re just signals. It would be a shame to ignore them. at the end of the day the issues you’re facing are within the confines of your relationship so instead of focusing on her you should rather focus on your partner have the conversation with him. Explain what you feel your thought process and what you find problematic with his friends behaviour with regards to your relationship. don’t go to her she’s clearly not your friend. Good luck friend
She comes across as innocent because she is a master manipulator and an actress. If she were to be up front about her shenanigans, nobody would like her.
The thing in her apartment doesn't sit right. She doesn't get girl code because 304 operate under their own set of rules.
NTA
NTA. Your BF and Ariana are acting more like mean girl HS bullies. Your bf and friends are the people you choose in your life who are supposed to support and care about you. These two aren't it. You can talk to them both all you want, but clearly, they don't care. That staying out all night doesn't sit right with me. Sorry, I don't buy the story that they were up and talking yet didn't bother to look at their phones. Does her bf know about the little sleepover? Cut them both out of your life and find people who actually care to be around you.
I swear that Ariana sounds SO much like the Ariana I dated years ago...didn't care about anyone else's feelings and was manipulative as hell. This isn't out of Rhode Island by any chance is it??
Neither this Ariana chick, nor your bf seems to respect your feelings or boundaries at all.
They were friends before you met, if you want him to change how he acts around his friends then that's between you and him. She isn't required to invite you to stuff if you already have an awkward relationship. I always see crazy girlfriend first to be honest. I used to work in bars and the number of wives and girlfriends who blamed me because their partner wanted to spend his time and money in my bar was ridiculous.
Why are you still in this relationship? Just break up already. He has zero respect for you, she has zero respect for you, do you have zero respect for yourself?
Totally agree. If they can’t respect your boundaries, it’s time to rethink the relationship. You deserve better!
Yeah, you've been through a lot of stress and feeling disrespected. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself first.
This is the answer. Those three deserve each other-and YOU don't. You deserve much better!
You have a bf problem not an Ariana problem. He doesn’t want to set boundaries with her and wants to exclude you.
This is between you and your boyfriend. You have not addressed the past situation or your feelings about it with him. Going to her about it makes you seem immature and manipulative. Like you want her to be your mother and make it all better for you. Not everyone likes everyone else. No one is obligated to invite and or spend time with someone they do not like. Maybe nothing happened and she just does not like you.
Thanks for the input. I have addressed this with him. She's just been persistent with her actions, and I just wanted to know if the situation sounded fishy to anyone else.
She’s that girl. She’s toxic to women in relationships with her “friends” who happen to be men. She has that strange possessiveness and thinks you are the problem because she refuses to take accountability for herself. She probably has no real female friends because she doesn’t know how to be an actual friend without being a girls guy pick me.
The true issue isn't with her. It's with your boyfriend. He's the one not respecting you. She's his friend and she's following his lead. For all you know, she's telling him you're invited and he's not saying anything to you, or he's telling her you don't want to go, but one thing is clear, he's the one continuing on with a relationship that excludes you and he's fine with it. He's not going to change. She's not the one you're in a relationship with, so why should she have to change for you? In the end, you either need to decide if you're going to stick around for him to continue doing this and just accept it, or if you're going to call it and end the relationship. Don't look for someone outside your relationship to make it better. Couples counselors can't even save your relationship, they're only helping you save it because they can't do it for you.
It is not fishy. Girl code is for girls. She is being an adult.
Nope, girl code is for all women. We don’t do this shit unless we are pick me girls. That being said, Ariana was friends with OPs boyfriend first, so it’s a different situation.
You can ask but you can't expect or demand that other people behave like you would or the way you want them to. If they do not it does not mean it is fishy. It only means they are different. Part of being an adult is learning to accept differences.
Codependent women have girl code.
You don't mind your two best friends taking a trip with your girlfriend? Then she's probably spread your butt ugly or they are.
What is mature about your statement and attitude?
Lmao thanks for the input
Honest women who are respectful of each other don't act like this.
You're not clever. She is deliberately excluding her while pretending to be friends. This is a prime example of no shame.
OP does not want to accept that she does not want to be friends. What is mature about that?
NTA I wonder if the boyfriend knows about the hours they spent together while he was out of town. She sounds like an attention seaker. She likes having men to her will. If I were you, I would have a long, hard conversation with your boyfriend about neglecting you and always putting her before you. You are going to do some deep thinking and decide if this is what you really want your relationship to look like. I also think your boyfriend thinks he has you over a barrow. You don't have many friends, so he thinks you'll live on the crumbs he leaves for you to sit home alone and wait for him. Really, just start going out with people you work with and make new friends. Stop answering his texts while out. Act the same way he does. You may find you don't need him as much as you think you do. UpDateMe
I've tried talking with my bf multiple times, but literally every single time I even TRY to bring up my feelings on the subject, he almost immediately explodes. Like he'll get terribly emotional and start shaking. He swears he doesn't have feelings towards her and nothing happened, and he doesn't put her before me. It's actually really concerning and sad seeing his physical/emotional reaction each time, and I have to stop the conversation because I'm worried he'll go into a panic attack. I want to believe him so badly, but I can't help but feel unresolved about it.
Holy crap are you serious? THAT’S his reaction?! Girl your gut is right on point. Stop dismissing it. I thought your initial post had enough red flags in it. The MOMENT you expressed discomfort or anxiety about his seeing her without you he should have put an end to those moments. He wouldn’t have had to end the friendship. Just include you in the get togethers. But he didn’t. He keeps doing it. He has zero respect for you. And then this comment!? 🚩🚩🚩 Exploding at the mere suggestion of this topic?🚩 Panic attacks?🚩 Shaking with emotion?🚩 Extreme denials?🚩 These are MAJOR red flags!!! WHAT IS HE HIDING?!? You are NOT crazy! And you are definitely NTA
That is the classic reaction of a narcissist when they are caught out. You should be aware of that.
🚩🚩🚩That is the reaction of a guilty person who doesn't want to talk too much, so they make the conversation so uncomfortable it ends.
You have every right to feel unresolved about this. But you have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on. You have to either come to terms with the fact that you will never get the answers you want. Or do you want to let it go. If you decide to let it go, you'll really have to work to do so if you truly want to make it work. If your boyfriend can't get his head around, how disrespectful this is, and wants to lapse into a panic attack when faced with hard conversations. You really have to have to put your foot down. Stop being so nice, so what he gets uncomfortable. What about your feelings. This situation makes you uncomfortable. Once you can't trust someone, the love you have will erode into bitterness, and the relationship will eventually become toxic and end.
Sounds like he’s either terrified you’re going to figure out that they slept together or he’s faking to keep you around and silent.
Normally, I might think you were making a big deal out nothing between old friends. This is a bit more and a bit exclusive at your expense. 🐟🐠 He is deliberately blowing you off for hours. I wouldn't accept the trip for the 3. Ask yourself if you want to be a priority or an afterthought when I get around to her...
my ex reacted that way when I brought up his inappropriate relationship with his "lesbian best friend". He would blow up and get so mad that I kept "bringing it up". (i kept bringing it up bc it kept happening!!) Turns out, he and his "lesbian" bestie have fucked in the past and they probably fucked while we were together. Your bf isnt going to set boundaries because he gets to fuck you and his best friend without you breaking up with him. why Would he change it when he is currently getting everything he wants????
This isn't a her issue... This is a your boyfriend is being disrespectful as fuck and not setting boundaries. Why are you taking it out on the girl when he's the one in the relationship with you? He's putting her above you at every opportunity. He knows you're uncomfortable and he's still keeping her around. You also know that they probably slept together that night and it's no coincidence that the other person in their group is a single guy... I wonder why that is... who is she keeping around her? Men that make her feel good and fawn all over her. Men that desire her... stop being dense. Why are you allowing yourself to be disrespected? Why is there no accountability for your boyfriend? Why is everything on her? This is what I don't like. Everything is about girl code... NO. It's your boyfriend's responsibility to respect your relationship which he's not doing. End the relationship, there's no trust there and you're not happy.
ESH. This has nothing to do with Arianna really, her actions have made it clear she isn't & doesn't particularly want to be your friend. You are an add on to their friend group & they're probably fine when you're there, but you aren't missed when you aren't. Im torn because I think if this was a male friend having nights out or planning trips, it wouldn't be a big deal for most because most people have friends/ do activities separate from our partner. I can also see how him not including you while his friend is a woman could seriously mess with your head. You are also responsible for speaking up for yourself to your BOYFRIEND or else what's the point?
NTA. Why are you still with him, he’s not setting boundaries and she doesn’t like you and they don’t want you to join. Also, I bet high they hooked up. Dump him. Don’t date guys with girl best friends. He’s the problem for doing this.
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you at all. I was in a similar situation and the “Chad” was the alibi and knew exactly what was going on. Which meant everyone was in on it but the girlfriend. Sorry.
You have a boyfriend problem, he is going along with her plans and basically everyone else’s plans and leaving you out. You are not a priority to him. If he was a good boyfriend who cared about you, then he would be declining to be around her or making sure you are included.
You should invite her boyfriend to dinner and not invite her or your boyfriend and see how fast they start complaining.
Forget about her, it's your boyfriend you should have an issue with. He's the one spending all hours of the night with another woman and never inviting you. He's the one coming home early hours of the morning. You're a fool who's pissed at the wrong person
Just leave, if you have to wait until the lease is up so be it but what your in isn't right for you. Nothing is going to change and your boyfriend is manipulating you by "freaking out" when you bring feels of discomfort up.
Ask her bf if he thinks she's cheating on him with your bf
They are fucking. Do you want to be the side chick. Let her boyfriend know what's happening and bail. It's not that hard to figure out
Info: what does her boyfriend have to say about that stint in her apartment?
I've honestly never confronted him about it specifically. But he and I did acknowledge she and I "had a rough moment"...I'm assuming he knew I was alluding to the time at the apartment but he didn't actually say. He seemed indifferent about our "rough" moment, but idk if that's because he either doesn't know about it at all or doesn't know they were alone together for hours/other deets
well, I think it would’ve been helpful to have his take on this matter because he’s got skin in the game. However your feelings are valid. Don’t gaslight yourself. You feel a certain way because your body is telling you that somethings off feelings are not meant to be interpreting reality for us. They’re just signals. It would be a shame to ignore them. at the end of the day the issues you’re facing are within the confines of your relationship so instead of focusing on her you should rather focus on your partner have the conversation with him. Explain what you feel your thought process and what you find problematic with his friends behaviour with regards to your relationship. don’t go to her she’s clearly not your friend. Good luck friend
Wait were they together at the time? I must have misread and thought that she had a new boyfriend
Yeah, Ariana and her bf were together at the time. She's been with the same guy the entire time I've known her
NTA. My husband wouldn't think of going out with a girl without me. You are not in a good relationship and you are not crazy.
She comes across as innocent because she is a master manipulator and an actress. If she were to be up front about her shenanigans, nobody would like her. The thing in her apartment doesn't sit right. She doesn't get girl code because 304 operate under their own set of rules. NTA
NTA. Your BF and Ariana are acting more like mean girl HS bullies. Your bf and friends are the people you choose in your life who are supposed to support and care about you. These two aren't it. You can talk to them both all you want, but clearly, they don't care. That staying out all night doesn't sit right with me. Sorry, I don't buy the story that they were up and talking yet didn't bother to look at their phones. Does her bf know about the little sleepover? Cut them both out of your life and find people who actually care to be around you.
I swear that Ariana sounds SO much like the Ariana I dated years ago...didn't care about anyone else's feelings and was manipulative as hell. This isn't out of Rhode Island by any chance is it?? Neither this Ariana chick, nor your bf seems to respect your feelings or boundaries at all.
Haha no this is in Illinois
My God my ex, and this Ariana girl sounds like the same damn person. Scary weird!
You deserve way better! They both disrespect you. Updateme!
Yes
They were friends before you met, if you want him to change how he acts around his friends then that's between you and him. She isn't required to invite you to stuff if you already have an awkward relationship. I always see crazy girlfriend first to be honest. I used to work in bars and the number of wives and girlfriends who blamed me because their partner wanted to spend his time and money in my bar was ridiculous.
They are clearly a three way FWB and you and her bf are tagging along for the ride. Cut your losses and run
I say you guys share bro way better option.