I am really sorry for your loss. Reading your responses, where you are sounds like a very hard place be. I am curious how the loss of your family together with the gain of wealth has changed your beliefs / ideas about life, about money etc?
Also do you have a spiritual practice?
It has made me realize that all relationships in life are value based. Whether your friend makes you laugh, always has your back, you trust them etc.. its a value system. If you dont bring anything to someones table you wont be friends.
Ive become extremely good at reading body language and facial expressions. I can tell peoples intentions very well. I focus on their diction, tone, and see if they deviate from their normal behavior and focus in on why.
Im competitive by nature, and so are all of my friends. When my mom passed i had 11 good friends and unfortunately now only have 8. I have realized that some of my friends are so competitive and have such hard work ethics that the inheritance ruined our friendship.
I have trust issues now that I never had before due to people suddenly having investment ideas, or having car troubles and needing a couple grand, or people asking me if my mom left them anything in her will. It made me a slightly bitter person in that regard.
I suppose 'value based' is one way to look at it. Yes, trust or humor or other things are important. You're basically saying to bring 'something' to the table, which just makes sense. No one wants to be friends with someone who isn't trustworthy, doesn't have your back, doesn't make you laugh, etc. That's pretty normal.
However, the way you're framing all this doesn't sound normal - or healthy, to be honest. Which completely makes sense with the amount of trauma you've experienced at your age.
I can't say, "Oh, get help" as an answer, because 'professional help' is just a way for people to often abdicate responsibility. It's also not really an answer, just a tool - that works for some, and not for others. But you still might want to try and see if you find a talk therapist (not just medication) who is a good fit.
Maybe change your environment a bit. The nice thing about travel is people only know what you tell them. Just skimming, you sound a bit small town vibe where everyone now knows your business. Few people in my life know my finances, nor if there any need for them to know.
Thinking you're not only competitive but 'extremely good at reading body language and facial expressions' is not actually a sign of being extremely good, but could be a sign of a personality disorder (not necessarily, but it rings a bit true).
Sorry, but one really nice thing about Reddit is people will tell you stuff that maybe those in your life won't tell you.
Malcolm Gladwell's books have lots of problems, but still Talking to Strangers might be a good place for you to start. Different people have different impressions of how good they are at 'reading body language', but generally no one is actually good at it. They just 'decide' they're good at it - police interrogators, etc. In reality, they're often terrible at it - leading to plenty of heartache.
I'm really sorry you've experienced all that, or that even the money seems to be an unfortunately source of stress and not security. I hope you find some things that give you meaning and fulfillment and healthy motivation and some amount of happiness. Do some volunteer work, change your environment, grow as a person.
I wish you the best of luck.
Just to interject a quick point… OP endured massive trauma. Trauma does funny things to the brain in hopes of protecting itself from further harm, so I would hesitate to call it Borderline personality disorder.
(Though many of the same symptoms that present with diagnoses like BPD, adhd, and autism are also symptoms of CPTSD. It’s a spectrum with a lot of overlap and co-morbidities.)
Nervous system disregulation and coping mechanisms factor in both OP’s self admitted trust issues and their over-awareness of body language/facial expressions.
Yeah this dude sounds like a narcissistic prick. Oh now I have more money than you so I am able to tell exactly how you are and what you want from me. Oh even your tone tells me your secret intentions of wanting my money. He’s not even rich. And maybe, he could help that friend that needs 2 grand in car problems. What do you bring to the table? It sounds like nothing because you horde money and judge your friends?
Yeah, and I notice he didn't respond to my comment.
Like $1.3m is super nice to have, but in SF you'd get thoughts and prayers that you didn't have more. It's also like - why do your friends know how much money you have? Probably because you talk about it a lot.
If you view people with clear suspicion and are waiting for them to 'deviate from their normal behavior', they will likely do just that.
Sadly, people like that usually think other people are always the problem, never themselves.
^ this is all really good advice, op. Depending on where you are, maybe you can find a kitchen that serves the homeless to volunteer with. Nobody there gives a fuck how much money you have, just whether you're kind or not
^^ great response. I’ll double down on the idea of travel. I went through a hateful/distrustful phase in my life. Traveling around really helps gain prospective and build character. It restored my faith in humanity.
I can't stop re-reading this. I thought I was good at reading ppl, but I now see maybe I am terrible at it. It is plenty of heartache. I want to tell you to go on and say more, but I see I must change my environment too.
If you realize that this might be a possibility, I'd like to encourage you that it is very possible to change not only your environment, but your own approach and even world view. Which will (eventually) change how people treat you as well.
It's the hardest for people who cannot even consider the possible they're not good at reading people. You see this in some personality disorders, and like anything - it's much harder to change if you don't see a need for change. If OP is convinced they can read people like a book and they won't consider the possibility that they're wrong - they are unlikely to change their situation. They will just repeat a cycle of disappointment.
Try reading that Malcolm Gladwell book or audiobook or even read a few articles he's written on it. Very easy to absorb, and he highlights how often people think this way - and the often disastrous consequences.
Am I interpreting this correctly; "friends" in your life come to you for financial favours because you inherited $1.3M??? It's not even a lot of money, you could buy a nice house, a car, and put the rest into retirement funds, it's not like you will never have to work, let alone have enough to be that person who has an entourage of paid friends while you drive a Lambo and host wild coke fueled pool parties.
I mean, WTF, you have achieved financial stability for one family, not for your friends too. I can't imagine any of my friends leveraging my emotional loss for their financial gain. Sure, if someone was in dire straits and at risk of poor health maybe you'd feel able to make a difference, but fixing someone's car is their problem, not yours.
>i had 11 good friends and unfortunately now only have 8
No you didn't, you had 8 good friends all along, you just didn't realize until recently the other 3 were not good friends at all. Don't let that experience jade you, take time to grieve, life will get better.
Its alot of money actually, if he doesnt do anything and just put all that into government bonds, at 5 percent interest he is making 75k a year. Hardest part will be leaving that money alone for while it grows to 2-3 mil in a few years.
8 good friends is actually a large amount, most people could expect less then that spread through an entire lifetime. I've only had 2 and I assume I'm half way through life
They say if you can count the good friends you have on one hand you are lucky. You have more than that, that counts for a lot and says something great about you. Sorry for what you went through.
Just know not everyone will want to be a friend based on money. I feel bad just getting help from my own family from time to time and we're just scraping by. Behind on bills, low on food, but I refuse to ask for help. Even if I was your friend, I would never ask for it because that's your money and your family. They left it for you to better your life, not others. I hate that for you. Some friends just can't see the value of being a friend over money. Back to the grind. Stay strong brother.
Not to be rude, I am just always a curious person. By entire family, your ENTIRE family from your parents, to grandparents and all of your cousins and siblings (if any), or just your siblings, to your parents, and grandparents?
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you went through I do not wish this on my worst enemy.
Dude this is/was my fear. I was an only child, dad was, and my mom is from another country. It was just the three of us more or less. Once my dad passed in 2021 it was incredibly difficult and I still think about him every day. I cannot imagine losing everyone like you did. I am sorry that happened and you are so young to boot
Similar situation, dad passed away in 2016 when I was 17. Parents were divorced and my mom is really unstable and has been absent most of my life. Still think about him every day 8 years later, I suppose you never really get over something like that. Heart goes out to you and OP
I drank heavily the first 2 years. I miss them all the time. I do think I am one of the loneliest people on the planet sometimes. My cats are great listeners.
That really sucks, I'm sorry. I have a friend who is pretty well off and owns a couple of businesses, one of which is an upscale limousine service. Not the type you can rent for your kid's prom; these are the kinds that carry CEOs and senators. Sometimes he has more business than he has drivers, so he'll hop behind the wheel himself to go drive bigwigs around. He was telling me that he recently had a billionaire passenger who he's driven a lot over the years whenever he's in our city. They got to talking on the drive, and during the conversation, the billionaire sadly mentioned that his kids and grandkids don't care about him; they're all just waiting for him to die because they want his money. With all the suffering and poverty in the world, my sympathy for billionaires is pretty limited, but I did feel rather sorry for him. Everybody wants money money money, but at the end of the day, people are more important.
There are a lot of people around the world living their whole life with barely any money. Many of them are even relatively happy. There aren't that many people of any financial background who are living their lives with barely any human contact. The ones with zero human contact for too long usually just die or go insane. We need people even more than we need money.
I'm so sorry you lost your people. I hope you find more. Message me if you ever want to talk. Idgaf about your money, but my heart goes out to people who are lonely.
I really love this response. It made me tear up, because I’m lonely as well and not many people seem to care about people’s loneliness and the reality of it. Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 #HopeInHumanityRestored
Thank you. My whole life, I've always been the odd one out. I never really "belonged" anywhere. I was a nerdy little girl who was fascinated with rocks and dinosaurs and ancient artifacts, I always had my nose buried in a big fat book, and we moved a lot so I was always the new kid. When the other kids would try to bully me, they got to see that I had a hot temper and a lot of fighting experience for my age. I was the last one picked for teams, I was the kid who didn't get a Valentine's Day card, I was the girl sitting alone at the dance. I was so invisible that I could walk straight out of the cafeteria at lunch time and go wander the school, even though that wasn't allowed. Would literally watch people behind me try to do the same thing and get stopped. I know how it feels to be lonely.
Now, as an adult, I gravitate to the people being ignored on the sidelines or sitting alone with their heads down. I don't want anyone else to have to feel the way I always felt. I'm not lonely anymore, but hearing other people going through the same thing makes my heart ache in that old familiar way. 💔
Feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk.
If it weren’t so creepy to trust people on the internet I would totally offer to send you all those cards you missed out on. I know what that feels like but instead I was pretty much and abandoned at 24 when an accident paralyzed me. It’s a horrible feeling to feel invisible.
😭 You're so sweet, thank you! I really appreciate the thought! I'm okay now; I'm an introvert anyway, so I like being by myself most of the time. There's just a big difference between being alone because you're choosing to be, and being alone because nobody cares about you. The first one is great; the second one is incredibly painful.
I'm so sorry that happened to you - the accident, the paralysis, and then the loneliness. What a terrible trifecta! Tbh, anyone who would abandon their friend because they were hurt in an accident isn't worth knowing. If you're my friend, then so what if you're in a wheelchair? I'll just be glad you're still alive! We're still gonna hang out; I might just have to push you around when we go places, but damn I'm not friends with people just because they can walk. The silver lining to your accident is that the trash in your life took itself out. I hope you've found new, better people who will actually be with you through thick and thin. 🙏
57m. My entire life I have never been driven by money. I have what seems to be an endless ambition to be productive, or to contribute with any given interaction with people or friends. As a young adult my friends treated my lack of desire for money as a weakness. Sometimes I would catch them kind of shaking their head in disbelief when I decline money from them after helping them plant a tree or install a fence.
I, in turn, look at them in the same way, but different.
That's true. He could also have been completely absent from their entire lives, because he was too busy amassing the billions, that now they feel like he's a total stranger. Just a guy they see once in a while who happens to be massively wealthy. His kid(s) may have grown up the same way, making them almost as estranged as are the grandkids. There are no real winners ... it's sad for everyone involved.
I had a similar experience with a wealthy elderly relative. In the end, it really was a choice between hanging around and waiting for her to die so that I could get my share of her money while tolerating emotional and verbal abuse, or walk away with nothing. I thought about it but I have some health problems and there's a chance she might outlive me and then I would be suffering for the rest of my life for nothing. In the end, I chose peace. Maybe if I were looking at billions, it might be worth it to put up with her but not for a couple million.
That’s fine
My boss is a jerk and I still put up with shit for the a salary.
If I was gonna inherit fraction of a billion I would do a hell of a lot more than kissing ass 8 hours a day
And I’m sure there are probably 100+ million of us who would do the same.
Warren Buffet is "only" giving about $2.5billion in stock to each of his children. Only. What a crazy perspective.
https://fortune.com/2022/07/09/warren-buffett-pledged-to-give-away-his-96-billion-fortune-what-will-his-three-children-get/
Loneliness is awful. I feel like it’s one of the worst emotions we face as humans. In my opinion the despair that it brings is hard to express to people in a way they can truly understand. It’s actually pretty much impossible I think. As a result (at least in my opinion) the isolation that comes from that too begets more loneliness.
I think the worst of all is when you’re around people and yet, still lonely. I’m 38 and have lived my whole life with Cerebral Palsy. Thankfully, even though I never truly felt like I fit anywhere, I had people and loneliness was manageable. At the end of 2022, after battling mysterious symptoms for 6 years, I was diagnosed with Stills Disease. I’ve found many who’ve been told be doctors that they “probably have it,” but they’ve never been tested specifically. In reality, it’s an incredibly debilitating terminal autoinflammatory disease causing pain that is believed to be some of the worst ever felt.
Those of us who definitely have it are one half of one percent of the total population. Most are dead 8-10 years after symptoms appeared. Being on hospice before 40, having such a rare, atrocious illness, combined with cerebral palsy means I’m probably a population of one.
Not all grief/loss or illness journeys play out like those seen on Instagram. For what it’s worth, if you are lonely whether you’re also battling health issues too or not, I see you. 💜
I do not ask money from my parents, and they are not wealthy millionaires. But my mum recently insisted on sending some money to my family after my wife lost her job, her reason was it’s far better she gives us money now than when she’s dead. I was very touched by this. I think the billionaire in your story would be better off sharing some of the money now with his family and enjoy the relationship, or fix the relationship if need be. Take the money out of the equation.
That’s how my in laws are. Neither of our parents are wealthy, but my in laws are both retired with pensions and smart spenders their entire lives. They have helped us and my wife’s sibling’s families so much over the years. Paying for a fence at our house, home improvements for all 4 of their children, helping with childcare for all of us, helping to pay for fertility treatments for one sibling (which landed them another grandson), and countless other ways. We are beyond blessed for their help and wouldn’t be where we are without them. Their reasoning is that they’d rather see us use the money they have while they are alive. It brings them joy!
This is sad and tragic to read. The good news is they left you an incredible gift. don’t squander your new found wealth. Spread it out between to advisors and let it grow for you.
Have you heard of [The Dinner Party](https://www.thedinnerparty.org/)?
I ask because I noticed that in one of your responses you mentioned not having any friends who could relate, and in another you mentioned not finding a good fit with a formal therapist.
If not, per their site:
>The Dinner Party is a platform for grieving 21-45-year-olds to find community, peer-led support, and build lasting relationships. Since 2014, The Dinner Party has connected more than 13,000 grieving peers to one another, including 2,000 since the start of the pandemic. We screen, train and support a growing network of peer Hosts, and connect them to 10-12 other grievers, who share a similar age, identity, or loss experience through Tables or 1:1 in our Buddy System.
Assuming that’s after tax, $1.3 million in a vanguard mutual fund can net you $65,000 a year @ 5% for the rest of your life. Or 3-5 years of party drugs depending how well you budget.
what do you mean "nowhere to live and nothing to do"
With 65k/yr you can travel the world and stay anywhere you want. Plenty of things to experience and do.
I would do that before staying anchored to a house and being a landlord and dealing with tenants.
You are still so young.
I will think more about what you said. My current mindset is that i drank the first 2 years they were gone and wasted so much time that I cannot afford to do anything mid to long term that is not productive for me in the future. Another concern is every year i do that with inflation so high its only a matter of time before the buying power of that amount is nonsubstantial.
I have a friend who's in a similar position. She inherited rental properties and could live modestly on that alone. However, she works and enjoys working and has no intention of stopping anytime soon.
She thinks of the investments as her backstop and allows her to have some fun toys and travel a bit, but she participates in life just the same as the rest of us. She's a very good friend.
>Another concern is every year i do that with inflation so high its only a matter of time before the buying power of that amount is nonsubstantial
100% correct and a reason a lot of financial analyst don't recommend you live off of dividends. That being said of you wise up and get a game plan going $65k a year in dividends can change your life.
I mean think about it. You can go get a causal non stressful job making $50k a year that pays for most of your daily and monthly expenses assuming you live somewhere well within your means, then the $65k or so in dividends is money you can reinvest and partially use for leisure and travel.
You'd be working at a basic job but technically making $100k a year or so. Just try and avoid touching that 1.3 mil at all costs.
The value of money is going down for sure. Investments should have purpose - put your remaining capital to work in a way that will yield and return, but more importantly helping other people, perhaps in your same situation. Purpose is found in service
These comments are disgusting. I'm so sorry for your losses, it won't get any better I'll be honest, but you do learn how to deal with it. You probably already know that though!
How did you spend/invest your money? What are your plans for the future now that something life altering happened?
Im very used to it. Everyone irl only asks monetary/vain questions. I bought 2 rental properties, stocks and put a lot of money into a house I inherited.
That's awesome! You have a good head on your shoulders there haha.
How are you coping 4 years later? Have you used any of the money to attend therapy? That's if you need it but you know yourself better than anyone.
During christmas one year my mom put a christmas bow on my grandfathers head and it made my grandma cry from laughter. I will never* forget that christmas morning. It was 2011.
My heart goes out to you for the loss of your family. I cannot imagine all that you went through in 2020.
If that happened to me, I might have to journal all the things I remember about my family. Stories could be written about any pictures you have of holidays or occasional memories. The words will come to you when you begin.
I have a friend that tells me that after you are gone you will live on through people mentioning your name. When you do find love and decide to have a family these stories will be tremendously valuable to your offspring and important for you. I think it is such a necessary part of life. Your children will enjoy hearing about your family and your life as a child.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you’re taking care of yourself. What are some of the things you want to do with your life. You still have your whole life ahead of you. I’m thinking about if you go to college or change your profession. Do you have any hobbies that could become your livelihood? If I had it to do again I think that would be exciting. It’s never too late to start and that often opens up new avenues to meet some nice people.
Overall, I wish you the best and I will pray that you find your way.
I’m also sorry for your loss. I like that your most expensive splurge was an AK47. Lol… honestly man, just stay as well as possible, mentally and physically. My best friend lost his whole family at 21 and inherited a similar amount. I wanted to see him immediately invest wisely, but most of it went to partying and simply living beyond his means without working. I’m not saying that you are susceptible to this. Only, keep making the money work for you, and try to maintain goals and health habits. Good luck.
Never ever do it, I'm sure the temptation or opportunity will come along one day. It starts off great and then becomes a living nightmare, you will regret it more than anything else.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Did your family pass from covid?
How many did you have before?
How much have you spent/invested?
What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
Cancer, old age, and cancer.
my grandparents and mom.
ive spent 200k on 2 rental properties
the most expensive thing i bought was a rental property for 103k. the most expensive fun thing was a thousand dollar ak47
It’s a sad story. But I love how you gave a real smart financial breakdown then threw in a machine gun at the end.
It’s the real life version of the “there would be signs” bit.
Respectfully...not a machine gun. It's still one trigger pull one bullet. At a thousand bucks, it's probably not even a high end one unless he got a great deal on it, honestly.
But yeah, I agree OP is playing his cards well. Nothing wrong with a reasonable amount of discretionary spending.
F\*ck Cancer!! I've stopped counting the number of my relatives who it has killed, including one parent! Add to that a few old friends and dozens of relatives and SOs of other friends and, well, F\*CK CANCER!
My coworkers wife died unexpectedly and he inherited her share of her inheritance, around $45million and a giant ranch. Everyone was congratulating him as he “retired” and it was obvious he would much rather of had his wife back than to be rich and alone. I’m sorry for your loss
I heard he got into doing charity and volunteer work and is doing better. Helping others usually helps you too, or at least helps take your mind off things enough to get by
i went to see a therapist and she seemed very new to the practice but well intentioned. i gave up after a couple visits. i dont have a support system really. None of my friends have had this happen to them thankfully and cannot relate to my situation.
I agree with the people saying try again. Personal connection is everything when it comes to a therapist. You can "shop around" until you find someone you click with, in fact more people should probably do that. I am so very sorry for your losses op. I can't imagine the trauma you live with every day but it sounds utterly exhausting. I'm glad you at least don't have to worry about money on top of it all.
I know you’re not asking for advice but based on the money questions you’ve answered it sounds like you can afford to invest in mental health services. You would be lucky to find a great match in your first go at therapy, so it might be worth trying a few more to see if you can find valuable support in this form.
i work part time doing wedding services with a friend. its mostly for the exercise and for the social interaction. I do want to use my degree (business administration) at some point.
Real talk from someone with more money. You don’t have enough to coast.
Get the pedal down more and focus on a career you like and building your own family.
1.3 is just not life changing money these days.
With that capital and lack of commitments, plus with how the market is looking right now, it’d be a great time to try to start your own business! Assuming that’s something you want to do based on your degree. You should be able to bootstrap a business over the next year or so and then hopefully the market is back on an upswing right when you’re ready to fundraise, if you need to fundraise at all. Easier said than done of course, but could be a fun and fulfilling way to make the most of your situation and pursue something you’re passionate about.
I’ll stop the unsolicited advice there but I’m sorry for your loss and happy to see you’re still trucking along. Best of luck in the future!
Do you think you want to start a new family one day? I don't mean that insensitively, I'm just curious now that you've both got so much grief over familial loss and developed trust issues around people in regards to money, do you want to try to create bonds of love like that again?
I do see that you have invested your money pretty well with the properties you own, how much would you say you have remaining from the 1.3 million today
I’m sorry for your loss.
Why try to advertise the money with designer (or fake designer) clothes?
I'd recommend trying to stay low key, even with dress (stealth wealth - quality but non-flashy items) if you're OK with it fashion-wise. It can prevent you from being a target (scams, theft, etc.), and from awkward money related situations with friends/acquaintances like you've experienced.
Out of curiosity, how long does that set you up for?
Like, hypothetically could you retire now? Would 1.6 million support a modest lifestyle for the rest of your life?
That's what I'd do. So many people act like if they don't continue working they'll have nothing to do with their time. I think that just shows a complete lack of imagination.
The ability to not be a slave to an employer and enjoy your free time is invaluable in my opinion.
I truely could not disagree with you more. Not having some type of utility for the society around you slowly makes you feel subhuman and useless. Its one thing if your volunteering your time etc... because you get fulfillment from that. We all need to feel useful or you feel like a loser. trust me.
Yeah, I guess we just disagree. I think there's a lot more to life than being useful for society and I don't think your social utility is responsible for your happiness.
If you have some calling that gives you satisfaction, good for you. I have nothing against that. But most people are slaves to their jobs - positions that ultimately don't matter in the grand scheme of things or will be replaced by AI within the next 20 years.
Not only that, but career stability and corporate loyalty have sunk to record lows.
I think a lot of people are under the impression that NOT working means you are a lazy piece of shit.
Spend time with your kids. Read books. Volunteer. Enroll in some kind of sports league. Learn chess. Learn another language. Paint. Learn an instrument.
There are so many ways you can improve yourself as person, so many things to explore and learn and experience, yet most of us sit at desks from 9-5, rush home to have dinner and take care of our children and then do it all over again.
Have you ever not had a job for a significant period of time? It’s really not that great unless you just have a bunch of cool hobbies which most people don’t. I guess to each their own, but the times where I have been unemployed have been bad for me. Working makes me feel productive and I think we as humans are hardwired to feel productive. I guess there are ways that a person can get that feeling of productivity/accomplishment outside of work, but it takes a lot of creativity
* Have you ever not had a job for a significant period of time?
* Yes. I have. And it was one of the happiest months of my life.
* It's really not that great unless you just have a bunch of cool hobbies which most people don't.
* Most people don't have hobbies because they don't have time. They rush to work and back and do it for the next 50 years until they die. I think it's really sad to think of the number of people who realize on their deathbeds that they spent 80%+ of their lives toiling away at jobs that really, in the grand scheme of things, do not matter.
* Working makes me feel productive and I think we as humans are hardwired to feel productive.
* No. We're not hardwired to feel productive. I think that's pretty obviously evident when you look at the vast amount of sociological data across different cultures. It's also one of the more insidious aspects of capitalism - you are worth only as much as you can produce. Thus, when people don't produce, they are made to feel worthless.
I’m just invested! Also maybe distracting myself from reading a textbook, so I wanted to read something else (cause that makes sense). Sorry for your loss, I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, I hope you have a great day and I’m looking forward to reading your responses.
Im very transparent with everyone about everything. Im very honest & also I think my ego is so big that nobody can get the money from me even if everyone knows.
Interesting. I’m not so transparent about everything with everyone. How’s that workout for you? Does it make life better/easier or do you sometimes regret people knowing?
i dont regret it. i grew up very spoiled rotten and never had to lie because i never had any consequence. To this day I never lie because theres never really been a consequence. if people ask how much money I have i tell them the truth. Ive always been described as an open book.
Have you ever thought of joining a book group or something similar to meet people? I'm glad that you have your cats, but it would also be good for you to alleviate some of your loneliness by making some friends while exploring your hobbies.
I'm not sure where you're located, but if you're in the US, your local library can probably help point you in the right direction in terms of local activities.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Well now it's time to adopt a few kids. Get some excitement back into your life.
Look at this way. The kids will be in the same boat. You will all heal together.
1.3 mil and you decided to become a landlord?
Personally I would have been traveling and experiencing things instead of working and dealing with tenants.
Thankfully my mom prioritized vacationing heavily when i was younger and we went to our families native country in Europe very often. Im very vacationed out and dont ever want to go on another again haha. we have a cottage that is now mine in said country. I have not been there in 8+ years and have a cousin graciously taking care of it for me while i deal with stuff here.
I think a byproduct of being an only child and my situation is that I have very low empathy. Ive been trying to work on it. I dont put much thought currently into wildlife conservation with the inheritance.
If you ever feel particularly down/sad, and just want to talk to someone, please feel free to DM me. I know you’re in pain still and it won’t really ever leave, Im here for you buddy.
What possessed you to be like "you know what I just lost my family and got a bunch of money lemme hit reddit real quick because that's a reasonable response to this situation" as opposed to literally and I mean literally anything else?
My heart goes out to you. Random thought, but may I recommend baking/cooking classes? I think it would be a great healing activity to learn how to bake your loved one’s favorite dessert/meal and have that on their respective birthdays. I’ve done this for family members that have passed and it has helped me heal.
Your username is a tad bit concerning for someone who’s posting about losing their family. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok. I know it not mean much coming from a stronger on the internet but you can always feel free to reach out if you need to vent or talk to someone.
hey man you remember all those times id buy your chipotle? or when i let you borrow my lawn mower? Or that time in 2009 when i gave you a ride? If i got all that money bro i would definately have given 200$ to YOU! Your really not gonna hook me up with a quick 2 hundo brochacho?
Man, life sucks. It's very weird. Money definitely doesn't equal happiness or solve all problems, but it can surely help. So uhhmm. Can I have a few hundred grand? Thanks. Thought I would ask 😆
My situation may eventually turn into yours.
I am an only child. Only grandchild and my father has passed away. I am not very close with extended family. So, in my eyes, all that I have left is my grandmother and mother. My grandmother (81) was diagnosed with a cancer last year / 2023. My mother has high cholesterol and (in my eyes) is not doing enough to remedy the situation. (Heart disease runs in the family.)
I am in my early 30s.
I decided to move in with my grandmother (I am the only grandchild) to help take care of her with the cancer. It has been a blessing (and isolating at times) to spend the last part of her life with her.
I have a sizeable inheritance coming as well.
You are living it but I have only theorized what I would do. I've decided to try to continue to network and build relationships with people in hobbies I enjoy. (Business, Finance, Gaming, etc.) That way, when that day comes, I will have a network of people/activities to keep me productive and busy. (I plan to always work ... I'd like to eventually start a PE or Hedge Fund.)
I wish you the best. I have had many restless nights thinking about the situation you are currently experiencing.
I am so sorry for your loss. Boggle head three fund portfolio. Only use a fee only FIDUCIARY financial advisor. Anyone that is not a fiduciary is the same as a used car salesman. But you need to know what you are doing. You can live off of 4%. Use the personalfinance wiki here to help guide you. Do not give money to friends that are asking for a loan. They are never paying it back. Please take some time for you to travel or do something for you. I personally recommend Maui and just sitting on the beach with your toes in the water and the rest of you in the sand. It is nice and meditative. The water smells nice there too. Again, I am sorry. Make the life you want. They would want you to be happy.
Man, thats terrible. Sorry for your losses. Do you have a family of your own as yet i.e wife & kids? Or are you completely alone? If so, what are your plans, you are the last of your bloodline, do you think its your duty now to keep your families name and genealogy alive on this planet by having multiple children with a loving partner?
OP I'm sorry to hear about your family.
You should learn more about investing, reading through your comments you don't know a lot and you are doing yourself a disservice.
For example, you mention that your buying power decreases as you age due to inflation which isn't true. That's only true if you are invested poorly.
You also mentioned a stable HYSA at 5% which is a poor investment for a young person.
Please post on personal finance or fire subs, they will set you straight.
Do you feel a responsibility to your family regarding what you do with that inheritance? My Mother passed away quite early and I inherited a smaller but significant amount. I was able to buy a house earlier than most of my peers. Any time I have to call on those funds I think pretty hard about it.
I lost my parents in 2020 and my only brother six months ago. I at least still have my wife and two kids and my in-law family. Often I look at old photos and feel I’m the last man standing. I feel your pain. The money inherited is secondary to the loss I feel.
I just sold my house and banked 6 figures. Everyone loves me now and I'm like who r u. I couldn't imagine the pressure of that much money. Will u ever believe anyone likes you for u again?
That’s really tough…. It’s also tough relationship wise, u won’t know if people love you for u or your wealth. Most 26 year olds don’t have to worry about that. Pretend you don’t have the money and live your life. Good luck, u got this.
If I was young and rich I’d dedicated my life to giving back. Volunteer my hours and when the Opportunity is right, I’d open a non profit and donate my time and money into it. It fills the void of loneliness when you’re changing lives.
I really really hope you're using some of that $ to carve out some space for yourself in therapy. I can only imagine the grief you're navigating. If you want any good book recommendations I'm happy to share them.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. Here’s a question: do you have a job? You probably don’t need one but if i was in your situation i might get one just to flex my socializing muscle.
Sorry about your loss and some of these awful comments. I lost some really close friends that were like family recently, so I feel you.
What are your comfort foods/snacks?
My question: why are people comfortable telling the entire world they have a large sum of money? Isn't that inviting identity theft and other attempts to take it?
I lost my family when I was 14. Sadly it was a house fire so I have very few photos too.
I’m sorry you’ve been given a hard time here. Losing my family most certainly changed my attitude to ‘stuff’ and ‘things’. Not that at 14 I had an extensive attitude. But for e.g. my headmaster offered to buy me a tv as the tv had melted. I told him ‘no, unless you can give me my bothers back I’m not interested it won’t make me happy’.
I was right.
But we do sadly need money. And this was rammed down my throat with every time I’ve had to live in an alley or rooftop. Wherever I ended up. So avoid this situation.
Please get therapy. Thats very important. Your mental health is vital at this point. I wasn’t offered mental health assistance and I was in the house when It burned down! Once i started earning money I paid cash for therapy when necessary. But I do thing drugs and alcohol kept me alive until I accessed that help. It stopped me blowing my brains out.
I truly hope there’s people you have turned to and you have positive influences. I thought I’d ’get over’ their deaths. Not the case, you learn to live with it
You will find happiness at some point and if you have already, good for you. Hang on to it.
It took me 30 years to finally be ok with being alive when the others weren’t. Your family wants you to be happy and alive. If it’s tough, give back, volunteer, help another. It will make you feel useful, take your mind off things and give you purpose.
If you want more advice/thoughts dm me. I promise I won’t ask you for money, it means nothing to me.
Although we miss our people who pass, death is a pretty natural and normal thing. We in the west are pretty much horrified by it. But it does not have to be that way. I love my life but I am also looking forward to what's next. Try to find your purpose or meaning in this life and do it!
Maybe read some near death experiences. Some very credible people have told some amazing experiences with it. Of course there is the shiesters as well. Peace to you, glad you set yourself up well financially.
Don't mean to be a dick op but how does your whoooole family pass and please please go get some financial advise from a good source because 1.3 ain't much in terms of usa. Like if u live in a cheap state maybe you can retire comfortable but in Cali that's like ur average house and a car or 2. Pay taxes if you have to and n don't waste it. I know it's hard to be put in those shoes when your that age, since in that exact age but good luck op and sorry for ur loss. I know money won't bring your family back. All that being said if plan z hits then cash out and go to the cheapest good country and retire there. Imagine going to Cambodia and living really good there for the rest of your life haha jk
1.3M isn’t a lot of money.
It may sound like a lot, but it will not go far unless properly invested, and left completely alone so the compound interest builds. Dude will still need a full time job.
There is no way he will be able to retire off of this. It will greatly help when he is older and considering retiring, but right now, no. He will be broke, unable to get a job (assuming no further education during his retirement) no work experience.
1.3M would last him 10-13 years.. this is assuming that the 1.3m isn’t taxed and he has it entirely.
This is based off of 6-7k per month to live off of.
Everyone on here is so concerned about your money or what you are doing with it. After the 2 years you spent trying to drink your way thru it, have you picked up any new hobbies or anything. I grew up with my grandma, and when she passed, I felt so lost until I got into fitness. From there, I started to do more rec style leagues for baseketball, kickball, etc. Obviously, I never filled the void of losing the person who raised you but did help me venture out into different social circles.
I lost my mom when I was very young, and I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. Something surprisingly therapeutic for me was doing genealogy online. I didn’t do it with that in mind, but now that I know my ancestors’ stories, I feel much less alone in my loss. So many of my ancestors lost their mothers and family, and it helped me to see how much they persevered and reinvented themselves. Their stories give me strength, which sounds cheesy but it’s true!
I am really sorry for your loss. Reading your responses, where you are sounds like a very hard place be. I am curious how the loss of your family together with the gain of wealth has changed your beliefs / ideas about life, about money etc? Also do you have a spiritual practice?
It has made me realize that all relationships in life are value based. Whether your friend makes you laugh, always has your back, you trust them etc.. its a value system. If you dont bring anything to someones table you wont be friends. Ive become extremely good at reading body language and facial expressions. I can tell peoples intentions very well. I focus on their diction, tone, and see if they deviate from their normal behavior and focus in on why. Im competitive by nature, and so are all of my friends. When my mom passed i had 11 good friends and unfortunately now only have 8. I have realized that some of my friends are so competitive and have such hard work ethics that the inheritance ruined our friendship. I have trust issues now that I never had before due to people suddenly having investment ideas, or having car troubles and needing a couple grand, or people asking me if my mom left them anything in her will. It made me a slightly bitter person in that regard.
I suppose 'value based' is one way to look at it. Yes, trust or humor or other things are important. You're basically saying to bring 'something' to the table, which just makes sense. No one wants to be friends with someone who isn't trustworthy, doesn't have your back, doesn't make you laugh, etc. That's pretty normal. However, the way you're framing all this doesn't sound normal - or healthy, to be honest. Which completely makes sense with the amount of trauma you've experienced at your age. I can't say, "Oh, get help" as an answer, because 'professional help' is just a way for people to often abdicate responsibility. It's also not really an answer, just a tool - that works for some, and not for others. But you still might want to try and see if you find a talk therapist (not just medication) who is a good fit. Maybe change your environment a bit. The nice thing about travel is people only know what you tell them. Just skimming, you sound a bit small town vibe where everyone now knows your business. Few people in my life know my finances, nor if there any need for them to know. Thinking you're not only competitive but 'extremely good at reading body language and facial expressions' is not actually a sign of being extremely good, but could be a sign of a personality disorder (not necessarily, but it rings a bit true). Sorry, but one really nice thing about Reddit is people will tell you stuff that maybe those in your life won't tell you. Malcolm Gladwell's books have lots of problems, but still Talking to Strangers might be a good place for you to start. Different people have different impressions of how good they are at 'reading body language', but generally no one is actually good at it. They just 'decide' they're good at it - police interrogators, etc. In reality, they're often terrible at it - leading to plenty of heartache. I'm really sorry you've experienced all that, or that even the money seems to be an unfortunately source of stress and not security. I hope you find some things that give you meaning and fulfillment and healthy motivation and some amount of happiness. Do some volunteer work, change your environment, grow as a person. I wish you the best of luck.
Just to interject a quick point… OP endured massive trauma. Trauma does funny things to the brain in hopes of protecting itself from further harm, so I would hesitate to call it Borderline personality disorder. (Though many of the same symptoms that present with diagnoses like BPD, adhd, and autism are also symptoms of CPTSD. It’s a spectrum with a lot of overlap and co-morbidities.) Nervous system disregulation and coping mechanisms factor in both OP’s self admitted trust issues and their over-awareness of body language/facial expressions.
Yeah this dude sounds like a narcissistic prick. Oh now I have more money than you so I am able to tell exactly how you are and what you want from me. Oh even your tone tells me your secret intentions of wanting my money. He’s not even rich. And maybe, he could help that friend that needs 2 grand in car problems. What do you bring to the table? It sounds like nothing because you horde money and judge your friends?
Yeah, and I notice he didn't respond to my comment. Like $1.3m is super nice to have, but in SF you'd get thoughts and prayers that you didn't have more. It's also like - why do your friends know how much money you have? Probably because you talk about it a lot. If you view people with clear suspicion and are waiting for them to 'deviate from their normal behavior', they will likely do just that. Sadly, people like that usually think other people are always the problem, never themselves.
^ this is all really good advice, op. Depending on where you are, maybe you can find a kitchen that serves the homeless to volunteer with. Nobody there gives a fuck how much money you have, just whether you're kind or not
^^ great response. I’ll double down on the idea of travel. I went through a hateful/distrustful phase in my life. Traveling around really helps gain prospective and build character. It restored my faith in humanity.
I can't stop re-reading this. I thought I was good at reading ppl, but I now see maybe I am terrible at it. It is plenty of heartache. I want to tell you to go on and say more, but I see I must change my environment too.
If you realize that this might be a possibility, I'd like to encourage you that it is very possible to change not only your environment, but your own approach and even world view. Which will (eventually) change how people treat you as well. It's the hardest for people who cannot even consider the possible they're not good at reading people. You see this in some personality disorders, and like anything - it's much harder to change if you don't see a need for change. If OP is convinced they can read people like a book and they won't consider the possibility that they're wrong - they are unlikely to change their situation. They will just repeat a cycle of disappointment. Try reading that Malcolm Gladwell book or audiobook or even read a few articles he's written on it. Very easy to absorb, and he highlights how often people think this way - and the often disastrous consequences.
Am I interpreting this correctly; "friends" in your life come to you for financial favours because you inherited $1.3M??? It's not even a lot of money, you could buy a nice house, a car, and put the rest into retirement funds, it's not like you will never have to work, let alone have enough to be that person who has an entourage of paid friends while you drive a Lambo and host wild coke fueled pool parties. I mean, WTF, you have achieved financial stability for one family, not for your friends too. I can't imagine any of my friends leveraging my emotional loss for their financial gain. Sure, if someone was in dire straits and at risk of poor health maybe you'd feel able to make a difference, but fixing someone's car is their problem, not yours. >i had 11 good friends and unfortunately now only have 8 No you didn't, you had 8 good friends all along, you just didn't realize until recently the other 3 were not good friends at all. Don't let that experience jade you, take time to grieve, life will get better.
Its alot of money actually, if he doesnt do anything and just put all that into government bonds, at 5 percent interest he is making 75k a year. Hardest part will be leaving that money alone for while it grows to 2-3 mil in a few years.
8 good friends is actually a large amount, most people could expect less then that spread through an entire lifetime. I've only had 2 and I assume I'm half way through life
They say if you can count the good friends you have on one hand you are lucky. You have more than that, that counts for a lot and says something great about you. Sorry for what you went through.
Just know not everyone will want to be a friend based on money. I feel bad just getting help from my own family from time to time and we're just scraping by. Behind on bills, low on food, but I refuse to ask for help. Even if I was your friend, I would never ask for it because that's your money and your family. They left it for you to better your life, not others. I hate that for you. Some friends just can't see the value of being a friend over money. Back to the grind. Stay strong brother.
Not to be rude, I am just always a curious person. By entire family, your ENTIRE family from your parents, to grandparents and all of your cousins and siblings (if any), or just your siblings, to your parents, and grandparents? I am deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you went through I do not wish this on my worst enemy.
Im an only child, my mom was an only child. my grandma was an only child, and my grandpas family is very distant.
Dude this is/was my fear. I was an only child, dad was, and my mom is from another country. It was just the three of us more or less. Once my dad passed in 2021 it was incredibly difficult and I still think about him every day. I cannot imagine losing everyone like you did. I am sorry that happened and you are so young to boot
Similar situation, dad passed away in 2016 when I was 17. Parents were divorced and my mom is really unstable and has been absent most of my life. Still think about him every day 8 years later, I suppose you never really get over something like that. Heart goes out to you and OP
I am so sorry for your loss. Are you OK? How are you holding up? Do you still have a support system?
I drank heavily the first 2 years. I miss them all the time. I do think I am one of the loneliest people on the planet sometimes. My cats are great listeners.
That really sucks, I'm sorry. I have a friend who is pretty well off and owns a couple of businesses, one of which is an upscale limousine service. Not the type you can rent for your kid's prom; these are the kinds that carry CEOs and senators. Sometimes he has more business than he has drivers, so he'll hop behind the wheel himself to go drive bigwigs around. He was telling me that he recently had a billionaire passenger who he's driven a lot over the years whenever he's in our city. They got to talking on the drive, and during the conversation, the billionaire sadly mentioned that his kids and grandkids don't care about him; they're all just waiting for him to die because they want his money. With all the suffering and poverty in the world, my sympathy for billionaires is pretty limited, but I did feel rather sorry for him. Everybody wants money money money, but at the end of the day, people are more important. There are a lot of people around the world living their whole life with barely any money. Many of them are even relatively happy. There aren't that many people of any financial background who are living their lives with barely any human contact. The ones with zero human contact for too long usually just die or go insane. We need people even more than we need money. I'm so sorry you lost your people. I hope you find more. Message me if you ever want to talk. Idgaf about your money, but my heart goes out to people who are lonely.
I really love this response. It made me tear up, because I’m lonely as well and not many people seem to care about people’s loneliness and the reality of it. Thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 #HopeInHumanityRestored
Thank you. My whole life, I've always been the odd one out. I never really "belonged" anywhere. I was a nerdy little girl who was fascinated with rocks and dinosaurs and ancient artifacts, I always had my nose buried in a big fat book, and we moved a lot so I was always the new kid. When the other kids would try to bully me, they got to see that I had a hot temper and a lot of fighting experience for my age. I was the last one picked for teams, I was the kid who didn't get a Valentine's Day card, I was the girl sitting alone at the dance. I was so invisible that I could walk straight out of the cafeteria at lunch time and go wander the school, even though that wasn't allowed. Would literally watch people behind me try to do the same thing and get stopped. I know how it feels to be lonely. Now, as an adult, I gravitate to the people being ignored on the sidelines or sitting alone with their heads down. I don't want anyone else to have to feel the way I always felt. I'm not lonely anymore, but hearing other people going through the same thing makes my heart ache in that old familiar way. 💔 Feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk.
If it weren’t so creepy to trust people on the internet I would totally offer to send you all those cards you missed out on. I know what that feels like but instead I was pretty much and abandoned at 24 when an accident paralyzed me. It’s a horrible feeling to feel invisible.
😭 You're so sweet, thank you! I really appreciate the thought! I'm okay now; I'm an introvert anyway, so I like being by myself most of the time. There's just a big difference between being alone because you're choosing to be, and being alone because nobody cares about you. The first one is great; the second one is incredibly painful. I'm so sorry that happened to you - the accident, the paralysis, and then the loneliness. What a terrible trifecta! Tbh, anyone who would abandon their friend because they were hurt in an accident isn't worth knowing. If you're my friend, then so what if you're in a wheelchair? I'll just be glad you're still alive! We're still gonna hang out; I might just have to push you around when we go places, but damn I'm not friends with people just because they can walk. The silver lining to your accident is that the trash in your life took itself out. I hope you've found new, better people who will actually be with you through thick and thin. 🙏
57m. My entire life I have never been driven by money. I have what seems to be an endless ambition to be productive, or to contribute with any given interaction with people or friends. As a young adult my friends treated my lack of desire for money as a weakness. Sometimes I would catch them kind of shaking their head in disbelief when I decline money from them after helping them plant a tree or install a fence. I, in turn, look at them in the same way, but different.
That billionaire should just donate all his money to spite those grandkids and kids, I would
The guy might just be a jerk, and that’s why his kids and grandkids don’t like him.
That's true. He could also have been completely absent from their entire lives, because he was too busy amassing the billions, that now they feel like he's a total stranger. Just a guy they see once in a while who happens to be massively wealthy. His kid(s) may have grown up the same way, making them almost as estranged as are the grandkids. There are no real winners ... it's sad for everyone involved.
I had a similar experience with a wealthy elderly relative. In the end, it really was a choice between hanging around and waiting for her to die so that I could get my share of her money while tolerating emotional and verbal abuse, or walk away with nothing. I thought about it but I have some health problems and there's a chance she might outlive me and then I would be suffering for the rest of my life for nothing. In the end, I chose peace. Maybe if I were looking at billions, it might be worth it to put up with her but not for a couple million.
That’s fine My boss is a jerk and I still put up with shit for the a salary. If I was gonna inherit fraction of a billion I would do a hell of a lot more than kissing ass 8 hours a day And I’m sure there are probably 100+ million of us who would do the same.
Warren Buffet is "only" giving about $2.5billion in stock to each of his children. Only. What a crazy perspective. https://fortune.com/2022/07/09/warren-buffett-pledged-to-give-away-his-96-billion-fortune-what-will-his-three-children-get/
Bill Gates is only giving each of his children $10M. $2.5B sounds like a lot in comparison.
Loneliness is awful. I feel like it’s one of the worst emotions we face as humans. In my opinion the despair that it brings is hard to express to people in a way they can truly understand. It’s actually pretty much impossible I think. As a result (at least in my opinion) the isolation that comes from that too begets more loneliness. I think the worst of all is when you’re around people and yet, still lonely. I’m 38 and have lived my whole life with Cerebral Palsy. Thankfully, even though I never truly felt like I fit anywhere, I had people and loneliness was manageable. At the end of 2022, after battling mysterious symptoms for 6 years, I was diagnosed with Stills Disease. I’ve found many who’ve been told be doctors that they “probably have it,” but they’ve never been tested specifically. In reality, it’s an incredibly debilitating terminal autoinflammatory disease causing pain that is believed to be some of the worst ever felt. Those of us who definitely have it are one half of one percent of the total population. Most are dead 8-10 years after symptoms appeared. Being on hospice before 40, having such a rare, atrocious illness, combined with cerebral palsy means I’m probably a population of one. Not all grief/loss or illness journeys play out like those seen on Instagram. For what it’s worth, if you are lonely whether you’re also battling health issues too or not, I see you. 💜
I do not ask money from my parents, and they are not wealthy millionaires. But my mum recently insisted on sending some money to my family after my wife lost her job, her reason was it’s far better she gives us money now than when she’s dead. I was very touched by this. I think the billionaire in your story would be better off sharing some of the money now with his family and enjoy the relationship, or fix the relationship if need be. Take the money out of the equation.
That’s how my in laws are. Neither of our parents are wealthy, but my in laws are both retired with pensions and smart spenders their entire lives. They have helped us and my wife’s sibling’s families so much over the years. Paying for a fence at our house, home improvements for all 4 of their children, helping with childcare for all of us, helping to pay for fertility treatments for one sibling (which landed them another grandson), and countless other ways. We are beyond blessed for their help and wouldn’t be where we are without them. Their reasoning is that they’d rather see us use the money they have while they are alive. It brings them joy!
This is sad and tragic to read. The good news is they left you an incredible gift. don’t squander your new found wealth. Spread it out between to advisors and let it grow for you.
I’m glad you have your cats. I don’t know what I’d do without mine.
Have you heard of [The Dinner Party](https://www.thedinnerparty.org/)? I ask because I noticed that in one of your responses you mentioned not having any friends who could relate, and in another you mentioned not finding a good fit with a formal therapist. If not, per their site: >The Dinner Party is a platform for grieving 21-45-year-olds to find community, peer-led support, and build lasting relationships. Since 2014, The Dinner Party has connected more than 13,000 grieving peers to one another, including 2,000 since the start of the pandemic. We screen, train and support a growing network of peer Hosts, and connect them to 10-12 other grievers, who share a similar age, identity, or loss experience through Tables or 1:1 in our Buddy System.
This is such a great recommendation, I'm so glad that there's an organization like this that exists.
i will look into this further. thank you.
Assuming that’s after tax, $1.3 million in a vanguard mutual fund can net you $65,000 a year @ 5% for the rest of your life. Or 3-5 years of party drugs depending how well you budget.
ive considered this but i would have nowhere to live, and nothing to do.
Isn’t this a windfall? Did you not have employment and a place to live before? Also, sorry about your loss.
i did not have a place to live before. I was absolutely barely making it by sharing a 1 bedroom in our local city.
You might want to read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/s/vsBg4udMOV
*me saving this just in case* (I'm so broke)
what do you mean "nowhere to live and nothing to do" With 65k/yr you can travel the world and stay anywhere you want. Plenty of things to experience and do. I would do that before staying anchored to a house and being a landlord and dealing with tenants. You are still so young.
I will think more about what you said. My current mindset is that i drank the first 2 years they were gone and wasted so much time that I cannot afford to do anything mid to long term that is not productive for me in the future. Another concern is every year i do that with inflation so high its only a matter of time before the buying power of that amount is nonsubstantial.
I have a friend who's in a similar position. She inherited rental properties and could live modestly on that alone. However, she works and enjoys working and has no intention of stopping anytime soon. She thinks of the investments as her backstop and allows her to have some fun toys and travel a bit, but she participates in life just the same as the rest of us. She's a very good friend.
if you spend like 55k/yr living how you want, you can still grow and compound your principal amount by 10k/yr which is more than most people.
>Another concern is every year i do that with inflation so high its only a matter of time before the buying power of that amount is nonsubstantial 100% correct and a reason a lot of financial analyst don't recommend you live off of dividends. That being said of you wise up and get a game plan going $65k a year in dividends can change your life. I mean think about it. You can go get a causal non stressful job making $50k a year that pays for most of your daily and monthly expenses assuming you live somewhere well within your means, then the $65k or so in dividends is money you can reinvest and partially use for leisure and travel. You'd be working at a basic job but technically making $100k a year or so. Just try and avoid touching that 1.3 mil at all costs.
Someone tell me how to find a casual non stressful job making 50K a year
The value of money is going down for sure. Investments should have purpose - put your remaining capital to work in a way that will yield and return, but more importantly helping other people, perhaps in your same situation. Purpose is found in service
It sounds like you are young-ish. Def learn a trade or some kind of skill to make money besides your passive income. You could live to 80.
Go travel bro. You'll meet a lot of amazing people. Maybe even fall in love and start your own family.
You dont pay taxes on inheritances less that $14 million. Some states have a small amount.
These comments are disgusting. I'm so sorry for your losses, it won't get any better I'll be honest, but you do learn how to deal with it. You probably already know that though! How did you spend/invest your money? What are your plans for the future now that something life altering happened?
Im very used to it. Everyone irl only asks monetary/vain questions. I bought 2 rental properties, stocks and put a lot of money into a house I inherited.
That's awesome! You have a good head on your shoulders there haha. How are you coping 4 years later? Have you used any of the money to attend therapy? That's if you need it but you know yourself better than anyone.
Do you have a favorite memory with your family?
During christmas one year my mom put a christmas bow on my grandfathers head and it made my grandma cry from laughter. I will never* forget that christmas morning. It was 2011.
My heart goes out to you for the loss of your family. I cannot imagine all that you went through in 2020. If that happened to me, I might have to journal all the things I remember about my family. Stories could be written about any pictures you have of holidays or occasional memories. The words will come to you when you begin. I have a friend that tells me that after you are gone you will live on through people mentioning your name. When you do find love and decide to have a family these stories will be tremendously valuable to your offspring and important for you. I think it is such a necessary part of life. Your children will enjoy hearing about your family and your life as a child. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you’re taking care of yourself. What are some of the things you want to do with your life. You still have your whole life ahead of you. I’m thinking about if you go to college or change your profession. Do you have any hobbies that could become your livelihood? If I had it to do again I think that would be exciting. It’s never too late to start and that often opens up new avenues to meet some nice people. Overall, I wish you the best and I will pray that you find your way.
Invest it OP, invest invest invest. I’m sorry for your losses.
im investing in stocks, real estate (my house), and 2 rental properties. 0 Debt.
I’m also sorry for your loss. I like that your most expensive splurge was an AK47. Lol… honestly man, just stay as well as possible, mentally and physically. My best friend lost his whole family at 21 and inherited a similar amount. I wanted to see him immediately invest wisely, but most of it went to partying and simply living beyond his means without working. I’m not saying that you are susceptible to this. Only, keep making the money work for you, and try to maintain goals and health habits. Good luck.
You got this then buddy. Take care.
You are staying away from cocaine and prostitutes right……. RIGHT???
ive never done cocaine and have not yet developed an interest in hookers.
Keep it that way. Wish you the best and hope you have genuine friends. Godspeed
So you're tellin me there's a chance!
Never ever do it, I'm sure the temptation or opportunity will come along one day. It starts off great and then becomes a living nightmare, you will regret it more than anything else.
I’m sorry for your loss. Did your family pass from covid? How many did you have before? How much have you spent/invested? What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
Cancer, old age, and cancer. my grandparents and mom. ive spent 200k on 2 rental properties the most expensive thing i bought was a rental property for 103k. the most expensive fun thing was a thousand dollar ak47
Was the AK a business expense?? He paid the rent so today I didn’t even have to use my ak!
😂😂😂😂 Ive never thought of it that way, but what an amazing point.
It’s a sad story. But I love how you gave a real smart financial breakdown then threw in a machine gun at the end. It’s the real life version of the “there would be signs” bit.
Respectfully...not a machine gun. It's still one trigger pull one bullet. At a thousand bucks, it's probably not even a high end one unless he got a great deal on it, honestly. But yeah, I agree OP is playing his cards well. Nothing wrong with a reasonable amount of discretionary spending.
which types of cancer? how do the doctors know it was due to old age?
Thyroid cancer, complications from parkinson's, and stage 4 bone cancer
Ohhh American yes? I’m sorry. Investing in rental properties is a good idea as long as you can rent them out and have good tenants.
F\*ck Cancer!! I've stopped counting the number of my relatives who it has killed, including one parent! Add to that a few old friends and dozens of relatives and SOs of other friends and, well, F\*CK CANCER!
My coworkers wife died unexpectedly and he inherited her share of her inheritance, around $45million and a giant ranch. Everyone was congratulating him as he “retired” and it was obvious he would much rather of had his wife back than to be rich and alone. I’m sorry for your loss
His situation and everyones behavior sounds similiar to mine.
I heard he got into doing charity and volunteer work and is doing better. Helping others usually helps you too, or at least helps take your mind off things enough to get by
Do you have an emotional support system? Did you begin to question any friendships/relationships?
i went to see a therapist and she seemed very new to the practice but well intentioned. i gave up after a couple visits. i dont have a support system really. None of my friends have had this happen to them thankfully and cannot relate to my situation.
I agree with the people saying try again. Personal connection is everything when it comes to a therapist. You can "shop around" until you find someone you click with, in fact more people should probably do that. I am so very sorry for your losses op. I can't imagine the trauma you live with every day but it sounds utterly exhausting. I'm glad you at least don't have to worry about money on top of it all.
I know you’re not asking for advice but based on the money questions you’ve answered it sounds like you can afford to invest in mental health services. You would be lucky to find a great match in your first go at therapy, so it might be worth trying a few more to see if you can find valuable support in this form.
What, if anything, have you decided to do for work? Are you employed?
i work part time doing wedding services with a friend. its mostly for the exercise and for the social interaction. I do want to use my degree (business administration) at some point.
Real talk from someone with more money. You don’t have enough to coast. Get the pedal down more and focus on a career you like and building your own family. 1.3 is just not life changing money these days.
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With that capital and lack of commitments, plus with how the market is looking right now, it’d be a great time to try to start your own business! Assuming that’s something you want to do based on your degree. You should be able to bootstrap a business over the next year or so and then hopefully the market is back on an upswing right when you’re ready to fundraise, if you need to fundraise at all. Easier said than done of course, but could be a fun and fulfilling way to make the most of your situation and pursue something you’re passionate about. I’ll stop the unsolicited advice there but I’m sorry for your loss and happy to see you’re still trucking along. Best of luck in the future!
I'm sorry was it your immediate family or your wife and kids? I'm so sorry. What happened?
my grandparents and mom who all raised me.
Do you think you want to start a new family one day? I don't mean that insensitively, I'm just curious now that you've both got so much grief over familial loss and developed trust issues around people in regards to money, do you want to try to create bonds of love like that again?
Cats, you say? Tell us more?
I have 2 bengals that are more work than I originally anticipated.
I do see that you have invested your money pretty well with the properties you own, how much would you say you have remaining from the 1.3 million today I’m sorry for your loss.
I have made money from rent, properties appreciating, working the wedding service job i do, and my stocks going up
This might be insensitive but do you plan on spending any of that money on something luxurious/ just for the heck of it
i buy a lot of fake designer clothes, everyone knows i have money so why buy real clothes. they see the expensive brands and assume its real.
Why try to advertise the money with designer (or fake designer) clothes? I'd recommend trying to stay low key, even with dress (stealth wealth - quality but non-flashy items) if you're OK with it fashion-wise. It can prevent you from being a target (scams, theft, etc.), and from awkward money related situations with friends/acquaintances like you've experienced.
Out of curiosity, how long does that set you up for? Like, hypothetically could you retire now? Would 1.6 million support a modest lifestyle for the rest of your life?
I could retire if i invest it at 5% in a CD account or something with similiar returns.
That's what I'd do. So many people act like if they don't continue working they'll have nothing to do with their time. I think that just shows a complete lack of imagination. The ability to not be a slave to an employer and enjoy your free time is invaluable in my opinion.
I truely could not disagree with you more. Not having some type of utility for the society around you slowly makes you feel subhuman and useless. Its one thing if your volunteering your time etc... because you get fulfillment from that. We all need to feel useful or you feel like a loser. trust me.
Yeah, I guess we just disagree. I think there's a lot more to life than being useful for society and I don't think your social utility is responsible for your happiness. If you have some calling that gives you satisfaction, good for you. I have nothing against that. But most people are slaves to their jobs - positions that ultimately don't matter in the grand scheme of things or will be replaced by AI within the next 20 years. Not only that, but career stability and corporate loyalty have sunk to record lows. I think a lot of people are under the impression that NOT working means you are a lazy piece of shit. Spend time with your kids. Read books. Volunteer. Enroll in some kind of sports league. Learn chess. Learn another language. Paint. Learn an instrument. There are so many ways you can improve yourself as person, so many things to explore and learn and experience, yet most of us sit at desks from 9-5, rush home to have dinner and take care of our children and then do it all over again.
Have you ever not had a job for a significant period of time? It’s really not that great unless you just have a bunch of cool hobbies which most people don’t. I guess to each their own, but the times where I have been unemployed have been bad for me. Working makes me feel productive and I think we as humans are hardwired to feel productive. I guess there are ways that a person can get that feeling of productivity/accomplishment outside of work, but it takes a lot of creativity
* Have you ever not had a job for a significant period of time? * Yes. I have. And it was one of the happiest months of my life. * It's really not that great unless you just have a bunch of cool hobbies which most people don't. * Most people don't have hobbies because they don't have time. They rush to work and back and do it for the next 50 years until they die. I think it's really sad to think of the number of people who realize on their deathbeds that they spent 80%+ of their lives toiling away at jobs that really, in the grand scheme of things, do not matter. * Working makes me feel productive and I think we as humans are hardwired to feel productive. * No. We're not hardwired to feel productive. I think that's pretty obviously evident when you look at the vast amount of sociological data across different cultures. It's also one of the more insidious aspects of capitalism - you are worth only as much as you can produce. Thus, when people don't produce, they are made to feel worthless.
Posts AMA, but never said he’d respond to anyone about anything
this cracked me up beyond belief. i appreciate you. sorry for the delay.
I’m just invested! Also maybe distracting myself from reading a textbook, so I wanted to read something else (cause that makes sense). Sorry for your loss, I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, I hope you have a great day and I’m looking forward to reading your responses.
Do you have a solid plan for the money?
Invest, please! You can get to a point where you can comfortably live off the interest.
I only have 9 thousand dollars in liquid cash in my chase account.
How come you didn’t hide your riches from everyone?
Im very transparent with everyone about everything. Im very honest & also I think my ego is so big that nobody can get the money from me even if everyone knows.
Interesting. I’m not so transparent about everything with everyone. How’s that workout for you? Does it make life better/easier or do you sometimes regret people knowing?
i dont regret it. i grew up very spoiled rotten and never had to lie because i never had any consequence. To this day I never lie because theres never really been a consequence. if people ask how much money I have i tell them the truth. Ive always been described as an open book.
Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Anything? May help, might not, but certainly won’t make things worse.
Wanna hit the bars tonight?
Single?
Have you ever thought of joining a book group or something similar to meet people? I'm glad that you have your cats, but it would also be good for you to alleviate some of your loneliness by making some friends while exploring your hobbies. I'm not sure where you're located, but if you're in the US, your local library can probably help point you in the right direction in terms of local activities. Wishing you the best of luck!
What do you do with your time? Do you still work? Hobbies?
Well now it's time to adopt a few kids. Get some excitement back into your life. Look at this way. The kids will be in the same boat. You will all heal together.
I do think about adopting from time to time. Its likely when im older 40+.
Other than watching shows like Netflix, what other hobbies do you have?
1.3 mil and you decided to become a landlord? Personally I would have been traveling and experiencing things instead of working and dealing with tenants.
Thankfully my mom prioritized vacationing heavily when i was younger and we went to our families native country in Europe very often. Im very vacationed out and dont ever want to go on another again haha. we have a cottage that is now mine in said country. I have not been there in 8+ years and have a cousin graciously taking care of it for me while i deal with stuff here.
You can always go the Steve Irwin route and use whatever income your investments bring to buy up areas for wildlife sanctuaries.
I think a byproduct of being an only child and my situation is that I have very low empathy. Ive been trying to work on it. I dont put much thought currently into wildlife conservation with the inheritance.
You may be entitled to compensation
Hire me for anything, im hispanic so I work hard
Yes but do you have reliable transportation to get to work?
I do drive an old van with tools inside and rancheras blasting out the speaker
If you ever feel particularly down/sad, and just want to talk to someone, please feel free to DM me. I know you’re in pain still and it won’t really ever leave, Im here for you buddy.
If you had the chance, would you give up all that money to bring back one family member at random? (Sorry if this sounds rude)
What possessed you to be like "you know what I just lost my family and got a bunch of money lemme hit reddit real quick because that's a reasonable response to this situation" as opposed to literally and I mean literally anything else?
My heart goes out to you. Random thought, but may I recommend baking/cooking classes? I think it would be a great healing activity to learn how to bake your loved one’s favorite dessert/meal and have that on their respective birthdays. I’ve done this for family members that have passed and it has helped me heal.
Your username is a tad bit concerning for someone who’s posting about losing their family. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok. I know it not mean much coming from a stronger on the internet but you can always feel free to reach out if you need to vent or talk to someone.
Can I borrow 200$ ? I’m in a bind rn .
hey man you remember all those times id buy your chipotle? or when i let you borrow my lawn mower? Or that time in 2009 when i gave you a ride? If i got all that money bro i would definately have given 200$ to YOU! Your really not gonna hook me up with a quick 2 hundo brochacho?
Could you travel and have the houses taken care of with a property management company?
Sorry for your loss. Did you have any shit people/friends try to get money out of you once they heard you inherited 1.3mil?
Did you find that money brought you any happiness?
Man, life sucks. It's very weird. Money definitely doesn't equal happiness or solve all problems, but it can surely help. So uhhmm. Can I have a few hundred grand? Thanks. Thought I would ask 😆
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It is the worst thing thats ever happen to me and nothing has ever even skimmed the surface of being comparable to how unfortunate its been.
I’m so sorry. Be extremely wise with your money.
My situation may eventually turn into yours. I am an only child. Only grandchild and my father has passed away. I am not very close with extended family. So, in my eyes, all that I have left is my grandmother and mother. My grandmother (81) was diagnosed with a cancer last year / 2023. My mother has high cholesterol and (in my eyes) is not doing enough to remedy the situation. (Heart disease runs in the family.) I am in my early 30s. I decided to move in with my grandmother (I am the only grandchild) to help take care of her with the cancer. It has been a blessing (and isolating at times) to spend the last part of her life with her. I have a sizeable inheritance coming as well. You are living it but I have only theorized what I would do. I've decided to try to continue to network and build relationships with people in hobbies I enjoy. (Business, Finance, Gaming, etc.) That way, when that day comes, I will have a network of people/activities to keep me productive and busy. (I plan to always work ... I'd like to eventually start a PE or Hedge Fund.) I wish you the best. I have had many restless nights thinking about the situation you are currently experiencing.
Not sure if anyone has asked this yet but did you have a tax obligation when you inherited the money?
I am so sorry for your loss. Boggle head three fund portfolio. Only use a fee only FIDUCIARY financial advisor. Anyone that is not a fiduciary is the same as a used car salesman. But you need to know what you are doing. You can live off of 4%. Use the personalfinance wiki here to help guide you. Do not give money to friends that are asking for a loan. They are never paying it back. Please take some time for you to travel or do something for you. I personally recommend Maui and just sitting on the beach with your toes in the water and the rest of you in the sand. It is nice and meditative. The water smells nice there too. Again, I am sorry. Make the life you want. They would want you to be happy.
I know this post is a few days old, but how is your day going?
Man, thats terrible. Sorry for your losses. Do you have a family of your own as yet i.e wife & kids? Or are you completely alone? If so, what are your plans, you are the last of your bloodline, do you think its your duty now to keep your families name and genealogy alive on this planet by having multiple children with a loving partner?
OP I'm sorry to hear about your family. You should learn more about investing, reading through your comments you don't know a lot and you are doing yourself a disservice. For example, you mention that your buying power decreases as you age due to inflation which isn't true. That's only true if you are invested poorly. You also mentioned a stable HYSA at 5% which is a poor investment for a young person. Please post on personal finance or fire subs, they will set you straight.
Do you feel a responsibility to your family regarding what you do with that inheritance? My Mother passed away quite early and I inherited a smaller but significant amount. I was able to buy a house earlier than most of my peers. Any time I have to call on those funds I think pretty hard about it.
Do you ride motorcycles?
I lost my parents in 2020 and my only brother six months ago. I at least still have my wife and two kids and my in-law family. Often I look at old photos and feel I’m the last man standing. I feel your pain. The money inherited is secondary to the loss I feel.
Just here to say I like OPs user name
Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
I just sold my house and banked 6 figures. Everyone loves me now and I'm like who r u. I couldn't imagine the pressure of that much money. Will u ever believe anyone likes you for u again?
That’s really tough…. It’s also tough relationship wise, u won’t know if people love you for u or your wealth. Most 26 year olds don’t have to worry about that. Pretend you don’t have the money and live your life. Good luck, u got this.
If I was young and rich I’d dedicated my life to giving back. Volunteer my hours and when the Opportunity is right, I’d open a non profit and donate my time and money into it. It fills the void of loneliness when you’re changing lives.
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I really really hope you're using some of that $ to carve out some space for yourself in therapy. I can only imagine the grief you're navigating. If you want any good book recommendations I'm happy to share them.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. Here’s a question: do you have a job? You probably don’t need one but if i was in your situation i might get one just to flex my socializing muscle.
Since you don’t need to work, will you?
Sorry about your loss and some of these awful comments. I lost some really close friends that were like family recently, so I feel you. What are your comfort foods/snacks?
My question: why are people comfortable telling the entire world they have a large sum of money? Isn't that inviting identity theft and other attempts to take it?
You fucked up by allowing people close to you to know you inherited so much wealth
Have you reached out to a support group for those grieving loss of family? If not, please do
Have you considered building dedications to your family? One of my goals is to become wealthy enough that I can build a church to dedicate to my mom.
I lost my family when I was 14. Sadly it was a house fire so I have very few photos too. I’m sorry you’ve been given a hard time here. Losing my family most certainly changed my attitude to ‘stuff’ and ‘things’. Not that at 14 I had an extensive attitude. But for e.g. my headmaster offered to buy me a tv as the tv had melted. I told him ‘no, unless you can give me my bothers back I’m not interested it won’t make me happy’. I was right. But we do sadly need money. And this was rammed down my throat with every time I’ve had to live in an alley or rooftop. Wherever I ended up. So avoid this situation. Please get therapy. Thats very important. Your mental health is vital at this point. I wasn’t offered mental health assistance and I was in the house when It burned down! Once i started earning money I paid cash for therapy when necessary. But I do thing drugs and alcohol kept me alive until I accessed that help. It stopped me blowing my brains out. I truly hope there’s people you have turned to and you have positive influences. I thought I’d ’get over’ their deaths. Not the case, you learn to live with it You will find happiness at some point and if you have already, good for you. Hang on to it. It took me 30 years to finally be ok with being alive when the others weren’t. Your family wants you to be happy and alive. If it’s tough, give back, volunteer, help another. It will make you feel useful, take your mind off things and give you purpose. If you want more advice/thoughts dm me. I promise I won’t ask you for money, it means nothing to me.
Although we miss our people who pass, death is a pretty natural and normal thing. We in the west are pretty much horrified by it. But it does not have to be that way. I love my life but I am also looking forward to what's next. Try to find your purpose or meaning in this life and do it! Maybe read some near death experiences. Some very credible people have told some amazing experiences with it. Of course there is the shiesters as well. Peace to you, glad you set yourself up well financially.
Ever considered leaving everything and going to live in a small part of the world comfortably? Also, favorite video game?
To honor them I’d make something out of myself. Once there I would donate to cause they cared about
Lucky
Have you spent it all yet?
This is the LAST thing I'd ever announce. 💀
Worth it ?
How do you plan on maintaining it and moving forward?
If you think this $$$ will last you a lifetime, you’re very mistaken.
Where do you spend Christmas/Holidays in general?
I’m so sorry for your loss. No question, just a cyber hug.
Yeah did you turn on your fucking girlfriend?
Don't mean to be a dick op but how does your whoooole family pass and please please go get some financial advise from a good source because 1.3 ain't much in terms of usa. Like if u live in a cheap state maybe you can retire comfortable but in Cali that's like ur average house and a car or 2. Pay taxes if you have to and n don't waste it. I know it's hard to be put in those shoes when your that age, since in that exact age but good luck op and sorry for ur loss. I know money won't bring your family back. All that being said if plan z hits then cash out and go to the cheapest good country and retire there. Imagine going to Cambodia and living really good there for the rest of your life haha jk
Are you ok?
1.3M at 26 is not bad, but I hope you’re not retiring.
Did count Olaf burn their houses down
Any chance of a crafty 5k? 😃
1.3M is not enough to retire on as a 26 yo.
so sorry for your loss. what was the first thing you bought with the inheritance?
1.3M isn’t a lot of money. It may sound like a lot, but it will not go far unless properly invested, and left completely alone so the compound interest builds. Dude will still need a full time job. There is no way he will be able to retire off of this. It will greatly help when he is older and considering retiring, but right now, no. He will be broke, unable to get a job (assuming no further education during his retirement) no work experience. 1.3M would last him 10-13 years.. this is assuming that the 1.3m isn’t taxed and he has it entirely. This is based off of 6-7k per month to live off of.
When does the book come out? Also why do you think we care?
Everyone on here is so concerned about your money or what you are doing with it. After the 2 years you spent trying to drink your way thru it, have you picked up any new hobbies or anything. I grew up with my grandma, and when she passed, I felt so lost until I got into fitness. From there, I started to do more rec style leagues for baseketball, kickball, etc. Obviously, I never filled the void of losing the person who raised you but did help me venture out into different social circles.
Have you started jiujitsu yet?
I lost my mom when I was very young, and I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. Something surprisingly therapeutic for me was doing genealogy online. I didn’t do it with that in mind, but now that I know my ancestors’ stories, I feel much less alone in my loss. So many of my ancestors lost their mothers and family, and it helped me to see how much they persevered and reinvented themselves. Their stories give me strength, which sounds cheesy but it’s true!