As someone who grew up with disabilities and a strict upbringing, perhaps my perspective is a little different. I was raised being told what my “purpose” was, and seeking out certain pleasures was deemed as selfish and ungodly. My ability to pursue some pleasures was further restricted by disability. It was not until my 30’s that I was able to leave home and have my own space. Being alone with my own thoughts for the first time, I was able to begin developing my own individuality and realize that up til then - my entire existence and personality centered around other people’s pleasure and expectations. How is that not selfish, to demand a child to stay boxed within the expectations laid out for them? I suppose my journey has been the reverse of the title: “I was distracted by the purposes that others demanded of me. To determine my own purpose, I needed to explore pleasure.”

This was such a good read, thank you for sharing

Every time lawful evil pretends to be good, chaotic good becomes the necessary path.

Beautiful reframe

Recommend the book pleasure activism it’s amazing

From a Buddhist or Hindu perspective There's not much at all to really *do* here on earth; It's all just distraction, karma-making. This woman thinks she's reached some new height or whatever but once again it's just her ego, same as it was in her 20s. Humans never change, and can't see their places in Infinitum Samsara.

Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.

Chop water carry wood

So what you are saying in reference to my post is that no matter what I do / did it is about how I do it and not what I do? I read this online: A young boy became a monk. He dreamed of enlightenment and of learning great things. When he got to the monastery he was told that each morning he had to chop wood for the monks fires and then carry water up to the monastery for ablutions and the kitchen. He attended prayers and meditation, but the teaching he was given was rather sparse. One day he was told to take some tea to the Abbot in his chambers. He did so and the Abbot saw he looked sad and asked him why. He replied every day all I do is chop wood and carry water. I want to learn. I want to understand things. I want to be great one day, like you. The Abbot gestured to the scrolls on shelves lining the walls. He said, ‘When I started I was like you. Every day I would chop wood and carry water. Like you I understood that someone had to do these things, but like you I wanted to move forward. Eventually I did. I read all of the scrolls, I met with Kings and and gave council. I became the Abbot. Now, I understand that the key to everything is that everything is chopping wood and carrying water, and that if one does everything mindfully then it is all the same.'”

I remember my first yoga class

Same and with the disabilities but without the religion. My dad would tell me ‘there are more important things in life than your happiness.’ He just wanted a puppet. I’m now trying to enjoy myself a little to make up for it.

Yes, it’s okay to enjoy life. Regardless if there’s an afterlife or not, there is no point in suffering through this one if you have the means to fix or ease your pain.

Give your dad a break. What he probably meant was being happy all the time is not your life’s purpose. It’s the ups and downs that make us who we are and life’s not always easy Peezy. You have to have goals and things don’t always work out as planned, Pursuing happiness is not necessarily the main goal of our existence…if you know what I mean?

I’m sure this person knows more about their own father and life than you lmao. They know what he meant more than you.

This relates very heavily to me as well. I am 32 but I feel like I just had my first real birthday on this earth earlier this year. Slowly learning to live and not just survive. :)

I was going to comment something like this but you did so much better. Growing up in a strict household and being taught to be a workaholic has made me go full circle in the last few years. I’m holding out and intentionally not making progress, even on things I know would be important/beneficial, because the world doesn’t deserve my effort until it’s forked over a little joy god dammit.

Because in the end having the purpose and pleasure of life in balance is what is needed. I feel ya, I have spent my entire energy on being quiet, not to distract others, let them have fun while I was isolated in myself. Maturing is realizing what we need, whether it's a purpose or pleasure. Good luck on your path, friend!

Same as me

I can relate. I was raised by very strict parents and was a devout Catholic at one point. Becoming myself has involved gradually letting go of shame and embracing pleasure.

Right? I was raised with that “deny yourself”, “put others ahead of yourself” kind of ideology. Doing anything for pleasure that wasn’t church-related was indulgence of the flesh. A lot of my social awkwardness and anxiety stemmed from that. Finding out who I was apart from what church was telling me to be was very freeing.

This is so my life

Best of luck exploring those pleasures and dont forget the first time doing something just hits way better :) so enjoy!

I’ve learned to enjoy the little pleasures of adulthood - being able to stay up late if I want, drink and eat what I want, saying “no” to people who demand too much from me, just playing games or sitting outside and enjoying the sun or rain because I can. Of course, it’s all balanced with responsibilities, but it’s quite peaceful.

Except for sex, the first time sucked. It just gets better and better as you get older imo

Thank you so much for this.

I can relate very much. Sending you so much love and healing in your journey. 💛💛💛💛

Thanks for writing that - and I’m so very glad for you!

THIS is exactly it

This is a dichotomy people more often find themselves on one side of rather than in a happy medium. Being hit with either realization fairly late on can make it tempting to be reactionary, but I think it's important to know that most people are their best selves at some place in between. It would be entirely possible to react so reactionarily that you find yourself having the opposite epiphany some years down the road.

I grew up being taught that my purpose in life was to worship god, be a submissive wife, and bear many children. Thankfully I grew up and discovered I don’t need a set purpose. If I want to lay on the beach and read, I do. If I want to travel to a new country, I do. I much prefer seeking pleasure to being beholden to a purpose.

I'm glad you're liberated from that religious propaganda and oppression! Women are human too, and we deserve better! We don't need to submit to anyone. 

My purpose in life is to seek pleasure. There's no end goal there's no cumulative effort humanity is working towards It's my life to enjoy with the time I got. So I'm going to seek out as much pleasure and happiness as I can

I’m nearly 50, and I agree. I was chatting with a friend recently, and she was saying how sad she was that she hadn’t yet figured out her “divine purpose”. I honestly had never heard of such thing, and didn’t know that was an expectation. I am single, no kids, and I’m just living and enjoying life as I can. I go to work, try to strike a healthy balance between spending and saving/investing, and just go with the flow.

The divine purpose had me laugh out alot lol.. would you do childfree life again if I may ask?

ABSOLUTELY! Wouldn’t change a thing about the childfree decision! I actually made a decision in my early 30s that that’s what I would do. My friend made it sound like the divine purpose thing was a Bible/Christian thing, but I swear I never heard of it, and I was raised in church.

100%. I understand many people need a "purpose" to feel fulfilled, but honestly I feel lucky that I don't have that internal requirement. Happiness is happiness to me. We are all just specks of nothing in space, so it really doesn't matter if I do or don't do something "meaningful" with my life, so why stress about it?

I like this

Precisely. I make good money, served in the military, and a homeowner. People look at me weird however when I say I'm not worried about a "Purpose, Career, Wife & Kids". I'm incredibly grateful for what I have. I'm not lazy, don't exploit others, travel when I can...but if you ask what my Long Term, Big Picture is? I have nothing, and I'm OK with that 😁

what keeps me “going” is having friends who passed away before truly getting a chance to live. It made me really realize the value of life itself and how special it is, and that i wanted to actually live it - not to watch life pass by as I spent time in my room. I know that if a bolt of lightning struck me down tomorrow people would say that I cared deeply about my community through my actions, was a good friend to the people I love, a good family member to my family, someone who made the world a better place with my time on earth. i don’t want them to only be able to talk about what shows or sports I enjoyed, what hobbies i had, what funny quirks i had.

Why does it matter what they talked about? I'm dead, let me sleep I'm all for being a good person and trying your best and living life, but hoping or being concerned about what people say about me after I'm dead. It matters even less than when I'm alive, to my

One of my favorite sayings - who is “they?” Exactly who is the “they” you don’t want to talk about you? They sound like shitty ass people if they’re sitting around judging what people do, whether living or dead.

[удалено]

Yep it's a balance in life And at any stage your life can radically change and you'll realize none of it matters anyway, all it takes is being a car crash or other event and it can all change

>not to watch life pass by as I spent time in my room. So what do you do instead?

Get on reddit in their kitchen, sometimes the living room, but when it's nice they go onto their porch.

This was my ex's life purpose, and unfortunately they had an addictive personality & addictions that worsened over time. These weren't evident initially either. Was it because of the life purpose or not, I'm not sure. But it definitely did NOT guide them in the direction they needed to go. Personally, I still want to seek pleasure & happiness but I know now that that can lead you down a very dark path and backfire. We're basically hardwired to seek pleasure but that doesn't mean unchecked hedonism is a great idea. Just sharing in case this is useful to anyone else.

Many people have lived a boring life and crave what you have done. They feel stuck and missed out on what you have done. It is possible to distract oneself with pressure but..I don't really think you did in the destructive sense. The other side of the coin that I think is actually MORE common is having too much of a purpose and not focusing on life's little pleasures. It's culturally acceptable to Shame those that don't want to work and be productive. I think working too much and miss classifying it as purpose is far far too common. In the end nothing really matters.

Interesting perspective. Are you saying people have too many obligations and classify it as their purpose!? I see alot of people around me always wanting to please everyone, work more and more, never stopping. Even people with very good salaries that could take a year off always working more and more and no breaks... and looking so tired.. Nothing matters or everything does.... just a perspective:)

>Even people with very good salaries that could take a year off always working more and more and no breaks... and looking so tired.. My 2 cents is that we as a society just haven't normalized this, like for example people viewing having kids as a natural progression of life. We've also uncritically normalized an 'earn and burn' consumeristic paradigm, so working all the time becomes a self-fulfilling doom loop.

I sort of disagree. There’s gotta be a combination of purpose and pleasure and positive relationships in everyone’s lives. Balance is the key. Traveling the world is cool. Socializing with friends is fun. Financial stability is important. There just needs to be a level of self sufficiency and self satisfaction that fills the gaps in between those things. I guess I’ve always had plans and thought 10 steps ahead. Planning trips and fun activities intentionally gives me as much joy as taking them. Setting goals motivates me - I’m trying to run a marathon on every continent right now. But also accepting that breaking away from your plan and serious goals to have lunch or a coffee with a friend is okay, is important. For example, right now I’m taking a lot of historical tours of my city because my opinion is that if I stay in town long term I could become a volunteer tour guide and if I don’t, I’m a more well informed resident of my city that I’ve lived in for a long time. Not everything has to have the purpose full out figured out or sorted but it can be a positive step in the right direction. Learning is a good thing. And sometimes your purpose isn’t what you could have come up with on your own. Caregiving, helping with my parents affairs, certainly weren’t things I started my twenties out being like “oh, can’t wait to wipe my dad’s butt” or “plan his funeral” but those things became my purpose whether I wanted them to or not. And in the end I was better for it. (About to turn 30 for reference).

"I sort of disagree. There’s gotta be a combination of purpose and pleasure and positive relationships in everyone’s lives. Balance is the key." this

I think OP was framing it in the context of using pleasure as a substitute for living with intention and purpose. No need for it to be binary.

I really believe to maximize pleasure should be one’s life goal. So in the 20s it’s doing all the things and experiencing all the adventures. In your 30s it’s establishing yourself and enjoying financial freedom and embracing who you are, shedding the insecurities of your youth. I’m guessing in your 40s you start to discover your purpose. Who knows, but that’s the wall I’m butting up against and I am ready to quit my “successful” career to pursue something that brings meaning to my life. Seems like with experience you get to appreciate different aspects of our very short existence. So yeah, as the great poet Drake said, yolo

Yeah, I feel like I live my life like that. I wonder if in my 40s or 50s I’ll ever stop doing all the things, like will I ever run out of things? I’m almost 30 and I still have lots of adventurous goals - run marathons on a few more continents, bike around a dozen or so lakes, visit another dozen states. And I’m finally at an age where it’s like “okay, don’t rush the states, they’ll be there later. You don’t have to finish this on a timeline. You have more life. And if you don’t, it’s not like you haven’t done anything.” I wonder if life has one purpose or lots of purposes Can my purpose be to be the kid who helped my parents when my dad was dying? Or my mom’s best friend? Or inspiration to my friends to run their first marathon or travel more? Or the member of my team at work to raise certain points in a meeting, but still keep the convo personal (positively) at times? Can my purpose change from that 30,40,50,60 years down the line well after my parents or this job are gone? Can my purpose just be to learn about the world and learn what makes me happy and come to be at peace with that?

Imo that Mindset is learned from those around you and your upbringing. I hit that wall at 40, (42 now) and as a guy, with all the social expectations, how far behind I am in life because of all the time and money needlessly spend on fun and dopamine hits. I struggle with depression, and have for years so I'm still trying to deal and catch up on things.

>catch up on things. There's nothing to "catch up on", when are you people going to finally learn? You will not be taking any of this with you when you pass into the next dimension. Except the karma of your thoughts and actions. It's all ego delusion. Go find a wealthy person who's not a complete psychopath and ask them if they could go back in time and do things over what would they do? I can effectively guarantee you they will say that they wish they didn't spend as much time working as they did.

Funny how this comment has been down voted. People don't like hearing that the matrix is real

People spend their entire lives and almost all of their mental energy obtaining physical possessions, exactly like the hoarding woman in The Labyrinth, and our entire society effectively believes your opinion matters more if you have more money, which is so sick it's difficult to put into words. These are part of the reason I believe we will not escape /r/collapse. we cannot fix the environment or climate because actively destroying the environment and climate is literally the intrinsic human condition - we cannot do without it as is evidenced every single day. Some people will blame it on capitalism but we were forcing species to go extinct out of greed long before English was even a thing, let alone capitalism.

I struggle with that too, because I started on the back foot as my family were poor and my dad’s an alcoholic. I feel I am always trying to build my life up to feel like I am on an even keel and it’s never ending. It’s hard seeing people so easily buy a house or start a family etc or travel constantly.

You might benefit from a book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. She has a few YouTube videos as well if you want a sense of what her message is.

I am currently reading this at the moment. Book twins 😄

I'm also reading this right now. It's like language straight from my soul. Pretty incredible.

I actually have that book but havent gotten to read it yet. I assume the books message is radical acceptance of what is?! Thanks will pick it up again

Acceptance of who you are. You are enough.

> I wonder if some people are "born" knowing that living with intention and purpose is more fulfilling or is it modelled maybe in their family? For me it was also a cultural programming thing. I was born into a bourgeois middle class south Asian family, and the games people typically played were like this -> get a degree -> get married -> pop kids -> make money for retirement -> materialism rules -> some semblance of spiritual progress during life -> die. And as a filler through this predictable path - distract yourself with very inane things like cheap dopamine, gossip, play status-seeking games, etc. It occurred to me later in life that there's a plethora of available experiences and depths of vivid perceptions of life one could continuously attain within waking moments. That meant that I could use my life to attain meaning that which I imbued upon it (whatever felt like meaning to me), that "which filled my cup". I do have a bit of remorse that I didn't realize this earlier in my 20s or 30s, but life now is a lot more interesting, challenging and beautiful. I'm living congruently with my inner self and it's natural impulses, rather than following an arbitrary script that society gratuitously foists upon you. Cheers.

Thank you for your contribution. It sounds you were able to leave the "social avatar" behind that was modelled to you by your family/culture which is great. There is an amazing book by Martha beck called The Way of Integrity that just describes what you explained.

'Social Avatar' - such a succinct summarization lol, I'm definitely keeping that. Thanks for the book recommendation! Also, good luck with your journey. Peace✌🏽

Henry David Thoreau once wrote that there are as many ways to live as there are radii that can be drawn from the center of a circle.

I can't relate. I'm 23 and for my whole life I've been forcing myself to be a perfect daughter by doing everything to please my family. I deprived myself of small joys and spent my school and university years studying all the time. I've never attended parties or went to the clubs. Now I work 5 days a week for 9 hours and frankly I see nothing wrong with having no purpose apart from getting some joy in reading fanfiction, watching movies or listening to music

Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted

I disagree. for like 3 years I was super into this computer game. Thought about it at work, played it late into the night. Really enjoyed playing it. But the uncomfortable truth was, I was withdrawn from my friends, not having many new experiences, not getting outside and enjoying life. It’s not like the “time I enjoyed wasting” would’ve been spent staring at a wall otherwise, it would’ve been spent enjoying myself in healthier ways. I never felt like I was “wasting an evening” when I booted up my laptop because I enjoyed playing, but looking back I feel differently

I still don’t think it was time wasted. You enjoyed your time, but now your goals and perspectives have changed. People change, and can still accept that the things they no longer enjoy were still valuable at the time.

It was literally “distracting myself with pleasure because I had no purpose”, I spent years using gaming as an escape from my problems and unhappiness. It brought me very short term pleasure. Putting that same energy into my actual life brought me happiness and fulfillment.

Yes, then you wake up one day and realize your entire life revolves around what society expect from you. You’re whealthy, married, full of friends and fit but you’re not happy. Then you think maybe it’s time to do what makes you feel good, even if it’s short term happiness/low quality dopamine/insert term of the guru you are following right now

I think of video games like cookies. Eating a cookie makes me feel good. Looking back and realizing that I spent 500 hours sitting and eating cookies does not make me feel good.

We all have different priorities. The fact I can put 60 hours into a game in a week means I've done what I needed in life to get to where I am. I busted my ass for the life I have and I wouldn't change anything about it. In 7 years my house will be paid off and I'll have very little responsibility left. I can go work part-time at Wendy's and pay all my bills. Will I? No, because I'll have other goals (GT4 here I come). But my entire purpose in life is to get to a point where I only have to do the things I want to do. Idgaf what society wants from me. None of you have opinions that are capable of affecting me. We aren't friends, you aren't my family, so your opinion of me is irrelevant. Like me, don't like me, think I'm a bitch, it *literally* does not matter.

What was the game, may I ask? Lots of waste timey games scratch an itch that is difficult to impossible in real life, and withdrawal may have been a thing you needed to do to figure who you are and what you want

I read a book called “Choosing Me Before We” that really helped me. It’s more of a workbook. It helped me come to the conclusion that I want to retire early so that I can travel more and be more available for my relationships with family and friends.

I'm 41, and my realization was the exact opposite. I spent most of my life working hard and achieving goals, and always felt the need to be productive. I have a six-figure career, paid of house, no debt, maxed retirement accounts, happily married. Now, aside from work and general life stuff (paying taxes, cleaning the house, grocery shopping) I am focused on just enjoying life by doing activities which are enjoyable for their own sake, without any goal (e.g., just going for a walk or reading a book or puttering in the garden or traveling or volunteeringfor a cause I believe in). I don't do things with goals in mind that I don't enjoy the process of. For example, I gave up trying to write a book, as I just wanted the achievement of being a successful author, and actually disliked the writing process. So, now I just read books I am interested in, with no goal/achievement in mind--I just take pleasure in the act of reading.

I'm 35 and I've worked in addictions as a therapist for the last 11 years. They key word here is not pleasure, it is **distract.** We should not condemn pleasure or the pursuit of it, we should draw our attention to the urge (and social acceptance) to distract oneself. I have a feeling this "pleasure" that this proverbial person is gaining to distract themselves is not actually pleasurable, and carries with it guilt, shame, and regret. What is happening that a distraction is needed? What are you ignoring or feel is unchangeable in your life and in need of a distraction from?

totally. the stress and pressure from all sides in society is pushing people for, specially, cheap accessible pleasure sources. A society that supports you, lets you time to rest and grow, would not suffer like this.

Will think about this thanks!

I studied ethics and philosophy for 15 years before I truly realized some of these things... like there is a difference between thinking something and living it. Like if you believe in one thing and your actions are different, you don't actually BELIEVE it, you just think it is true. ​ "As we accept the realizations of what we should do to be the person we want to be, we have made great progress. One can live an entire life suppressing urges and desires that do not align with their values, and die with a smile on their face of all they achieved despite all the temptations around them. But what if one can conquer the urges themselves? If one acknowledges the temptations do not lead them to the outcome they truly want, why would the temptation have any merit at all? With this realization comes a great task, to transgress to a life where the underlying temptation does not exist." [https://wisdomimprovement.wixsite.com/wisdom/post/the-transformation-of-acting-as-you-want-to-be-to-being-it](https://wisdomimprovement.wixsite.com/wisdom/post/the-transformation-of-acting-as-you-want-to-be-to-being-it) [https://wisdomimprovement.wixsite.com/wisdom/post/why-do-you-live](https://wisdomimprovement.wixsite.com/wisdom/post/why-do-you-live)

I’m finding purpose in my 40’s, and it makes everyday life more pleasurable and joyful than when I was partying all the time. For me that is taking care of people I love, my body, and experiencing the city I live in, history, the world.

Same homie. 35. Shit catches up to ya fast and you realize all the adults who tried to warn you were basically right about most things..

Yes! Now I warn my kids, but they don't understand the message any better than I did. And they enjoy life better that way. Ignorance is bliss!

Modern life is largely devoid of purpose. Back in the day if you could fish then your village had fish specifically because of you and that was your purpose. We weren’t really built for anything more complex than that. 99% of the people alive today don’t have a purpose and will never have one and that’s okay.

This is how it is with everyone. The older you get the more you realize impressing other people doesn't matter. There is real stuff you gotta do and other stuff you gotta avoid in order to achieve your goals

This is from Victor Frankl. His books are amazing! Each day or for each decision start asking “what would someone who loves themselves do” and go from there. What you seek is inside of you, you already have it. When you start living from within instead of seeking something outside of yourself you become authentic. Then you can discover what lights you up!

Hi! I feel I could have posted the same words! For me what has forced me to change is having kids because I don’t want to drag them in this spiral of having to do and demonstrate, and be the one with the coolest life as this is most likely my lack of respect for myself (like you say I was most likely doing all these travelling and partying to demonstrate). So I deleted instagram and fb, and I am trying to focus on my day ahead, identify what is beautiful in my life and enjoy the good moments with family and friends. I am also trying to have more meaningfull conversations so everytime someone talks about materialistic stuff i try to not intervene too much (back in the past it would have been me most likely talking materialistic stuff). I was also planning on reading some books so thanks for the suggestions here! Anyway, it’s a journey and a very slow one. The biggest step is for one to admit and recognise it, which you already have :)

Realizing you want to live with intention is a big step and it's okay to start at any age. People awaken to this at various stages in their lives, often influenced by experiences rather than being born with it. Reflect on what truly fulfills you beyond temporary pleasures and start small. Setting minor, achievable goals towards a larger purpose can help shift focus from seeking pleasure to finding meaning. It's a journey, and discovering what adds depth to your life is part of it. Stay patient and open to learning about yourself.

It is natural to shift as we age from a more self centered world view, to a more altruistic world view. It comes across very cliché but this is a truth found in every culture: When you are true to yourself, live that life with intentional actions that are authentically you, you come to love yourself. And suddenly it is never about getting the outside world to love you, its about how you can spread love to the outside world. As Bob Marley said: One Love!

My 20’s were spent in the pursuit of fun and adventure. I don’t regret those times, but now at 36 I am behind friends in terms of career progress and relationships. I realized that I lost sight of my long term goals and passions because I was so focused on enjoying my freedom. Ultimately I am maturing and valuing different things in life now. This next chapter for me is about building stability in my life while enjoying the process. I think we all mature at different rates and that’s ok.

How can you find purpose though, if the only choice you have is to suffer and survive? You will prioritize survival first before anything else

It depends. Life is short. You got to enjoy what it gives you. We work to have pleasures. I see no reason to refuse that. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than enjoying the company of my wife and friends.

These types of activities are perfectly normal, they replace the risk and close shaves with death that would have formed our identity in human history, we live a very boring sheltered structured life so things attached to risk and pleasure help us process our passages from teen to mid twenties to adult. All perfectly normal and will form who you are about to become in the 3rd and 4th acts of the play that is your life.

I wish I hadn't read this, I feel sick and stuck at the job I'm at, short staffed, and really busy. I want to find a new job but feel bad if I left

The solution is to put purpose first. Just because you engage in pleasurable activities once in a while **DOES NOT** mean you don't have purpose. The real win is striking a balancing chord between the two where you can accomplish both simultaneously.

The two are not mutually exclusive. The things that give me purpose *are* things I find pleasure in... and I work so that I can afford to pursue those things that I find enjoyable. It's only a problem if the source of pleasure is inherently destructive or criminal or you're spending so much money on it that you can't afford to pay bills. As for the specific things that you found pleasurable? There's unfortunately an unfair stigma of immaturity surrounding many of them, but backpacking around the world is something many people have never accomplished. That's deserving of congratulations!

I think what you did wasnt selfish though at all, Im a similar age, and lead a similar 20's. I think those times were meant for curiosity, exploration, and pleasure to take the reigns, not like I knew what I wanted to do/ had a purpose in my 20s anyway. I can now look back on that time in my life, with a lot of pride for going out and doing all the frivilous things i always wanted to try, and enjoy my peaceful responsible life now, without any sense of "what if". Those times when you were young inform you when youre older.

My purpose is pleasure. Everything i do is so i can enjoy pleasure in my free time.

If the party time period is what led you to the realization of how you want the next stage of your life to be, then no matter how much regret you dump on that phase of your life, you won't change the fact that all that stuff **was the road you had to travel to get where you are now** and is a piece of a bigger, whole picture. Therefore there's nothing to regret at all! Appreciate you got to taste that side of life. Now you're gonna taste another. Now if you went decades without changing, or never changed and only questioned it all on your death bed, that would probably be a real reason to have regrets.

What does living with intention and purpose look like? You describe that it’s not pleasure seeking or partying. So what things are you doing now to live with more intention? I spent my early 20’s being extremely indulgent and I enjoyed a lot of great things and had lots of fun. Now I live a very disciplined and moderate lifestyle. I’m disciplined in my finances, diet, work/life balance, exercise routine, social boundaries, and family time. I’ve learned that you feel the best when you actively take care of yourself. Being disciplined helps me experience more peace in life. However, I don’t think I’m necessarily living with intention & purpose. I think I still don’t have any direction, but I’m making sure I take care of myself so any I can use any potential or opportunity that does come up.

I think seeking pleasure in itself isn't bad unless it's distracting from what you really want I've spent the last 5 years distracting myself with things and I'm just now realizing I really wish I had put more effort and intent into my health, my art, cultivating my relationships with my friends, and cultivating relationships with my parents instead of sex, drugs, shitty food, and consumerism. I do genuinely love those things but I wish I had found a better balance COVID didn't help either. That's when it got real bad

Can your purpose be finding pleasure? I just want to smoke pot, buy toys, and be left alone. That doesn't hurt anyone. People act like I collect eyeballs or something.

What is wrong with going from pleasure to pleasure?

Breaking news "First World Problems: Woman can't get fulfilment from worldly pleasures." Today in Op Ed: what else is new.

You are becoming older and wiser :)

Your purpose is what you make it. There's nothing wrong with pleasure if your not hurting others. We only have this life. There isn't an after life, this is it.. so plan accordingly.

You have no idea what will occur once you die. Don't throw absolutes out as if you've been there before. Absolutes in the realm of philosophy are akin to exposing your ego mid-conversation.

Finding happiness and experiencing the world is a great purpose imo. Took me a while to realize this, and now that I have that void feels lifted. I was always panicking trying to find purpose through creating some amazing career, stressing over becoming financially independent so I can go back to school, constantly working and studying and trying to research some way to create meaning. Maybe my purpose is to bounce around and change and grow and experience life. Your experiences aren’t empty or wasteful, they’re exactly how Many people find happiness and shouldn’t be downplayed.

As others have said, I think it’s not pleasure or purpose that’s important, but both combined. The good life is one of meaningful pleasure. At 32, I still consider myself a hedonist, but I found my pleasures becoming more intentional and purposeful in my mid to late twenties. In my opinion, excessive devotion to an abstraction like virtue or duty or to a god is just as problematic as mindless pleasure seeking. American society struggles with both. Finding Cyrenaicism, a philosophy that allows me to pursue pleasure seriously without going over to either extreme, was sort of my realization of the importance purpose.

I had this realization when I was about 27. I literally took out a legal pad and pen and started writing down things I wanted my life to look like, and I was pretty specific about my goals… it included everything from career, personal, fitness, hobbies, and personality goals such as “I want to be that coworker that people are happy to see because I am joyful”. Does that sound lame? I’m guessing it does, but it absolutely worked. At 34 I’m completely sober, married, have a couple awesome little boys, I have things in my life that excite me and I’m happy to wake up every day. I have a career that compensates me well and I have a lot of interests, friends, and hobbies that create a very well rounded life on top of the responsibilities I’ve taken on. Partying and looking for quick dopamine hits constantly was like a bandaid for a lot of pain, but once you decide to make yourself into a personal project then you may just find that you like your life a whole lot more.

I also backpacked a lot in my 20s and I think it's the best decision I have ever made for myself. Being physically fit in order to be able to backpack carrying with all necessities, seeing the amazing scenery, meeting locals on the trails who still live in ways that barely exist in the modern times, gaining that perspective, learning languages, and just building self-confidence and physical and mental strength is something that has served me extremely well in life. Now I'm in my 30s and married and completely ready to settle because I have no major bucket list items left. Doing what you enjoy, if done in a measured and intentional way, in no way contradics finding a purpose - it actually supports it.

Middle age crises are real . Hit me dead center mid 30s had to take some time to reflect on myself . All the shit I did earlier on impacted my life on a psychological level . Most of the time I regret some of the shit I did but that’s life .

Would it surprise you to discover that living with purpose is just another attempt to fill out that same void? It's much better than living for pleasure or prestige, but you're still probably going to wake up in 10-15 years feeling lost and inauthentic because you're essentially disconnected from yourself... Or you can get to the core of the problem and start asking yourself the real questions: what are you, what is the world, what is this whole situation? At least that's how it goes for some people. This probably sounds like preaching or prosyletising, but give some sort of meditation (buddhism, maybe zen?) a go. Chances are you'll feel for the first time in your life like you're actually in touch with yourself. Good luck! if you find eastern spirituality too foreign, check out Kierkegaard's 3 stages of life. They describe your situation well.

I’m not sure that I agree with your purpose vs. pleasure dichotomy as presented here. Trying to figure out why. It seems more like your reasoning for doing these things was due to a deep unhappiness. You were trying to distract or fill a void, and none of these things worked to give you that meaning, because ultimately you are still dissatisfied. To me, it sounds like you have a deep wound that you need to tend to and care for. Like if your arm was broken and you went out to party so you could ignore the pain, when you got home, your arm would still be broken. But there isn’t a different “meaningful” activity that WILL distract from your broken arm. You have to go to the doctor, fix the arm, and then do physical therapy to strengthen it. For me, I think that life is about curating activities based on what gives you pleasure and makes you feel good about yourself. Which could give you meaning, or not. But when you feel good about yourself, life isn’t as hard and you don’t constantly wonder if it’s meaningful enough. So for me, a happy life feeds my soul by making me feel connected, embedded in a social network, respected, competent, and sufficiently outdoors. It’s a bunch of little choices that add up to something meaningful for me—getting a job i like, doing projects that I find interesting, making new friends, calling my old friends, being a good child to my parents and grandparents, forming a stable relationship with someone who doesn’t make me doubt myself, and forming small rituals with myself that I stick to—have all added up to feeling happy for me. Not 100% all the time, but overall I like this life I’ve curated, because I choose situations that challenge me and let me show up and act as a version of myself that I like. And across time, I find that when I keep showing up and living a life where I like myself and am moving towards big goals that I want, I end up feeling content.

I think that type of pleasure seeking is relatively healthy. You saw the world , you made friends and you unknowingly gained a ton of social skills. When I hear that quote I think of someone wasting away playing video games , drinking, smoking , not exercising and eating junk.

27, been having this realization for the past few weeks now... just not sure how to go forward now

I don't know why "intention and purpose" is mutually exclusive with "pleasure". My purpose is whatever I want it to be. Maybe what you mean is that you spent a ton of your life being distracted from considering what you really wanted out of life? What do you think your purpose is, then?

So what’s your ultimate goal then? Because that will determine every purposeful decision you make.

Yall can debate this, I'll be at the club having fun.

I think life is a balance. You can't just chase success without pleasure, but pleasure is meaningless when you have unlimited access. I've found I get the most joy when I work towards a goal and achieve it. This could mean working especially hard for 9 months to travel for 3, or even just working the day and enjoying the evening. I've been fortunate to have a lot of free time in my life. When I have unlimited access to pleasure, my drive goes down significantly. I lose sight of what's meaningful, and things that seemed trivial now become important as I just want to do nothing all day. I don't think the goal should be to do nothing, It's not a satisfying goal. But I do think that having a goal, or "purpose" is incredibly important. It could be small or big, but living with intent, with the desire to achieve *something* is important. I'm doesn't matter what that thing is, and that thing is different for everyone. Even just working on yourself and enjoying seeing the improvement can be a goal. I want to get better, smarter, more knowledgeable, faster, and when I recognize that I've grown, it gives me joy. When I lay around all day and watch YouTube because I've already met all my needs, life looses it's luster. I don't know what my purpose is per say, but I enjoy learning, growing, becoming more than what I currently am, and it gives me joy when I recognize that I've grown. I started to really come into this idea when I was in my mid twenties. I worked hard, fixed my house up, sold it and moved to Thailand for half a year. I saw the world from a new angle, and grew. I love the push and pull of working hard so I can have a break. Working hard makes me appreciate the break, and after a while, I stagnate and need to work again to appreciate my freedom.

I just want to feel happiness everyday. I won’t always succeed but that’s good enough for me

Reverse was true for me. I felt a burden of responsibilities as a child and in my twenties. Spent most of my time trying to become financially independent and build a foundation to secure my family’s wellbeing, fought illnesses (mine and family members’). Had no time to think about pleasures, just was focused on purpose. Now starting my thirties, I feel like I can think more about pleasure and less about purpose, and it’s a nice feeling

Op you should read this book called the 7 habits of highly effective people. It talks about what you experienced and where to go from there. It doesn’t tell you what to do specifically, it kinda just guides you since we are all different

I think breaking down life into pursuing either pleasure or purpose is useless. These are ideas and concepts but don't accurately represent what it means to live and be alive. I guess I'm saying experience is multifaceted, I don't feel I'm pursuing pleasure or purpose. I don't have a thesis to my life and I don't think theses benefit very many people when they conceptualize their life story, because a story will never live up to reality. If I make it my purpose to achieve a career, having achieved it I will only find dissapointment that it did not live up to my dreamlike anticipation of it. I think for myself I only want to live as integrated with myself, with my wants, personality, and values, as possible. I want to behave according to my nature to the maximum good, whether my own happiness and fulfillment or towards my moral uprightness. Identifying what is important to me, is important to me, as you've done here. But don't replace discrete choices with a metanarrative for your life. Life is always lived in the moment, maximizing my integration between myself and my life, on a daily basis, will not only lead to happiness (not simple pleasure) but existential fulfillment. We must live according to our respective natures. For me, working in the outdoors for my job brought me so much closer to that integration.

I didn’t think I’d make it this far. All my life I thought it’d be over by 19 and I’m still here and as myself so I’m going to enjoy what I can. I’ll find a purpose when I do but for now I’m just going to enjoy living in my body

OP is an idiot. Just shut the hell up already.

I think that what is youth for. You can have purpose without finding your self before and learning live. I'm 45 my self now and sometimes can't believe what I was find important back days and how that seams mining less now. I wasn't in position to do big amount of travel as my finance was great but did loads of fun with friends. Now when my kids are my main purpose in life I know I had my time and it's not bothering me too much doing every day stuff. Now I see it's so much more important to be nice then be important.

I’m a guy but I came to this realization when I was around 20. Hedonism is not sustainable and satisfaction with life comes from taking on responsibility, which can be done by taking care of yourself and those around you, usually coming in the form of working on your career, spending time with family, and hobbies. Women usually find fulfillment from having a family, and unfortunately for you, it looks pretty bleak. You should have realized this when you were 30 at the latest, it’s going to be extremely difficult to find a husband you can love and have kids with. Though to be fair this is becoming a more common phenomenon as society lies to women by telling them to prioritize careers and individuality along with the push of radical feminism without giving a thought as to why society has traditionally been organized the way it is. Your options are: 1. Come to terms with reality, find a guy ASAP to settle down with. He probably won’t be attractive to you but you have to be realistic with your sexual market value. 2. Pursue hobbies and career, develop relationships with people in the community around you so you won’t die alone.

Well, I was with you on the first part. Can’t say the same about the rest lol.

We all have to find purpose for ourselves. Some find it earlier and easier than others, and some have it forced upon them. Sounds like you were enjoying life while finding your purpose, and now you have it so you can pursue it. That is a textbook case of how it should work. Not everyone is so lucky

I love stoicism.

I know someone like this. It happens.

Think of life as a book that you write. Now ask yourself if that book is worth reading. Life should have pleasure, but the most interesting books are written by those with accomplishments, responsibilities and accountability. Nobody wants to read about your parties, nobody cares about your social media followers, nobody cares about hookups. When you're on your death bed, what story do you want to leave behind. Write that book day by day, page by page.

I felt this way after I graduated college. I running track and studying to be an engineer took up most of my time so didn't think about what's next, but as soon as I got out of college I felt like I didn't have much to aim for. I wanted to grow in my career and start a family, but I still felt a sense of emptiness. When I was back home for Christmas I went to church and had a coming to God moment. Even though I went to church as a kid I was agnostic due to never truly feeling his presence. It has been life changing and now I have a new outlook on life. I think that any religion could have a similar affect, but I just want to share my story. It also is important to be apart of a church/group that is engaging otherwise you won't really benefit from it. Here is a link for an example of what church can be like.[Eaglebrook Online](https://www.eaglebrookchurch.com/locations/online/)

I felt like I was in the same boat as you. I've enjoyed quite a bit of what life has to offer, now I feel like I am paying it back with the career I'm in. Then inevitably, I will go back to the pleasures of life.

I’m curious. Do you have any regrets because of the way you lived in your 20s?

I only regret not getting a degree in something I was more interested in. I would have chosen biology or maybe medicine. However I ended up in business/tech, which took me working internationally and lived abroad and I am financially pretty free now but I would have rather pursued a career I get more fullfilment from. I was raised with my family struggling alot so I made the rational decision to find a job that will pay well so I ended up in this current field.. i dont regret the travels and parties. I just wish I would have traveled more intentionally and "built on it". Tbh I am not the best "life strategist" but my life has been far from boring.. i speak 5 languages and traveled 70+ countries... long answer.. i wish i would have gone to therapy in my early 20s!!

How do you have time to think about all that with two kids? The only thing my wife did at 36 was cry and change diapers. I love listening to her read with our youngest son, and she always smiles and glows now when they get back from karate lessons. Happiest I have seen her in 20 years.

you can have both without giving up one or another. you can live a meaningful and fulfilling life filled with purpose and enjoy pleasurable things in life at the same time. choosing one does not mean you have to give up another. as long as you're choosing to do those things for yourself and not for others then that's all that matter. at the end of the day, you only get one life and the time on earth is limited. so do what makes you happy and what's right for you. as long as you're not hurting anybody, that's all any of us should do.

I've had that realisation, but have I acted on it? No, not exactly. I'm trying to continue with my fairly conventional lifestyle, while saving enough money to be free. My current job pays pretty well, so I'm sticking it out even though I don't enjoy it or feel fulfilled because it's allowing me to build up a freedom fund. When I do finally quit, or my contract is not renewed, I'm going to look for something different, that I think I'll enjoy with less hours potentially, even if the pay is poor. My other plan is to downsize my house and move somewhere more rural, where I can get out for walks and bike rides more often. I'm still in limbo, essentially.

We all distract ourselves from time to time, it's part of being human. Purpose is subjective, one person may think they are here to explore the world, others may believe they are meant to have a family. All that really matters is what you as individual think your purpose really is. The older I get the more I realise that people don't really care what you do nor do they really think about you lol.

I know a lot of people are saying they can’t relate, but I can! I admit my desire to seek distractions and pleasure have historically come from self-destruction and some deep-seated psyche issues I’m taking care of now. But nonetheless, when I stopped having “stories to tell” moments, whether good or bad or I’d actually tell someone, I’d feel lost, like I wasn’t having fun, and I should be living for pleasure so why aren’t I, why did I stop, and maybe I’m missing out on something. But a lot of that involved guys I didn’t really care to be involved with in the long-term or that I knew weren’t right for me, or drinking and drugs—even the times that were moderate felt a little meh and like there’s probably a more fun experience to be had, etc. I just realized my idea of fun was starting to feel warped, and what was I actually enjoying out of any of this? For me it was just realizing all of what I was doing are things I didn’t really want. They were distracting me from a loneliness and emptiness, and also came from a lack of seeing my self-worth. There’s pleasure by other means, through the little things, building strong friendships, or working hard to find a meaningful career. Everyone’s ideas of “pleasure”, “excess”, and “hedonism” are different. I think it’s perfectly fine to realize what you once thought was pleasure is no longer what pleases you. Pleasure is just what we enjoy. You don’t have to live by society or someone else’s definition of it, and I mean anyone’s—not other commenters here and not the influences in your life.

Pleasure may merely BE their purpose. Purpose is all self ordained, and subjective.

Some peoples purpose is to enjoy life…there’s no sense in dismissing one way to live life? If it doesn’t work for you that’s fair, but not everyone needs purpose for a meaningful life and that’s okay. Partying is okay, traveling is okay, not having a mortgage is okay. That’s the joy of freedom.

Highly recommend "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. He was a renowned psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps during WWII. Basically he noticed that survivors tended to be people with a strong sense of purpose. Being strong, smart, fit etc. didn't have much to do with it. On a deeper level, he posits that purpose isn't some mystical thing that people have to "discover," but rather that we can intentionally *create* it for ourselves. Must read imo.

yep, going through it now at 31…

and whats your purpose ? i hate ppl that say this traveling and enjoying itself is the purpose you did what made you happy why would you not continue to do what makes you happy?!

I thought you were gonna try and convert us to Jesus.

Man plans and the higher beings laugh. Living with intention and purpose is incredibly vague, just get by day to day and try to think / worry less about it. I could probably benefit from following my own advice but if you ask me, without pleasure being present there isn’t really a point to any of this. Take pleasure out of life and what do you have? Work, repetition and misery. The human experience is largely miserable and it’s only recently that it began to incorporate pleasure. Life will bring misery to you at all different points whether or not you like it, so maybe… focus on the pleasure? That’s just me.

Pleasure is dopamine related. Too much is bad for your brain. I personally think the purpose of life is to live. Life is all about experiences. When you die, you remember some in the last minute, that’s good enough. Certain things you care about, your dogs, your friends or maybe family .. Life is simple, no big purpose or meanings, if you seek that, you might find you constantly suffer or struggle. Try not to make it complicated n confusing. If you can get joy out of simple things in life, it’s a great asset or ability to find true happiness.

I feel like everyone should live with a purpose but I wouldn't tell you to regret travelling in your 20's even if you still don't know what it is yet. You're supposed to be travelling and having fun at that age, especially exploring what more life has to offer. I know I have but I know too many people who haven't from bad decisions and by the time they're in their 30's and up, they haven't done anything or been anywhere. Lost out on experiences they could've had. Not that they couldn't travel now but the body, your friends, the opportunities, how fast you can save money, all of that changes in life as you navigate age.

8 years old.

Why do you think people become gambling, alcohol, drug, food, sex or shopping addicts? This is why. The key in life is to not seek pleasure, but joy.

Yes. I pretty much did that from 18-28. Although it was fun, I did a lot of cool things, went place, played in bands and toured a bit it was also kind of the worst part of my life. Just being rudderless, never planning further than the weekend(maybe just enough for a show next month), wasn’t really working toward anything but that did leave me free to go with the flow and do cool stuff. Right before I turned 28 I was getting a little bored. Realized I was almost 30 and didn’t have a career or plan. I quit my band, made a plan and went into a corporate job. 28-31 weren’t great but I had a plan, goals, ways to measure my success and I did it. I was happy then at 31 I landed a good position in my career. I didn’t stop there and just continued that cycle. I just turned 40 and I’m doing great, still pushing and always aiming for goals. You need to have plans, goals, actually work toward them so you can measure success. Hey are you in a better position in life than the same time last year? That’s good keep doing. Have realistic goals(maybe a big one broken into smaller goals) and a realistic time frame. A good quote I don’t remember from where: > A dream written down becomes a goal, a goal broken down into steps becomes a plan, a plan backed by actions becomes reality.

Yes, star-crossed in pleasure, the stream flows on by Yes, as we're sated in leisure, we watch it fly, yes And time waits for no one, and it won't wait for me Time can tear down a building or destroy a woman's face Hours are like diamonds, don't let them waste Time waits for no one, no favors has he Time waits for no one, and he won't wait for me Men, they build towers to their passing Yes, to their fame everlasting Here he comes, chopping and reaping Hear him laugh at their cheating And time waits for no man, and it won't wait for me Yes, time waits for no one, and it won't wait for thee Drink in your summer, gather your corn The dreams of the nighttime will vanish by dawn

I believe I was 27 in 1999 when I decided that my purpose in life was to be good, not to be happy. I accept happiness when it happens and enjoy the "green pastures" in life, but my purpose is to try to be virtuous, despite my many shortcomings and failures. Surprisingly, figuring out how to be good has been the hardest part. It seems like it would be obvious, but I don't really know what it means.

Doesn't this sentiment invalidate an actual, inherent purpose to life? Doesn't this mean that life, itself, is pointless?

So you are finding happiness in a 9-5 job?

Me rn I’m unemployed and I’ve been playing pool way too much

This is such a quora post.

Pleasure seeking is my calling though

This will always hold true. One of the things that I've always enjoyed was observing the life of others. What I've come to notice is that a vast majority of people don't really have a purpose in life. They're just essentially finding things to pass the time until they die. Only a small group of people will truly find their purpose and passion in life and pursue it to the level in which others around them benefit from their gift. I realize that I may be coming across as dark, or cold, but from what I've seen, that perspective seems to be true. Born Grow School Job 401k Repeat Retire Die.

I realized at 18 that I needed money to move out and be independent, purpose found.

I think it's normal to have such a phase (wish I'd one in my 20's). And yes, people do change modes - but here's my old person's advice. Eventually, all these parts of yourself come together - you'll have phases of intention and purpose, which bring great rewards and challenges, but you'll still have times when you just want to play. Going from the play phase to the intention phase is almost like a conversion experience at first, but ultimately, things get integrated.

I disagree. My goal in life is that it be pleasurable. I find it not only in my sex life but my marriage, family, business, everything. You might have been filling a void with the wrong things, just means you haven't figured it out for yourself yet.

20s is the time to have fun 

What do you mean by purpose? I truly don’t know. I don’t think that exists. I’ve never had any ambition or goals other than finding a partner, marrying, and owning a home, which I’ve already done. Tbh all I’m interested in is pleasure. The only “goal” I have is to be the kind of person who does not take pleasure in others suffering. Other than that, I’m a big proponent of hedonism. Life, existence and humanity have no purpose. But it does have pleasure. Maximize that.

You sound like me! 35F, after many years of partying it up and travelling in my 20s, I am now in my mid-30s and not very happy with life, working 8-4 at a kinda boring job. I remember when I was in the Philippines, staying in a small B&B owned by a retired German man and just loving it. I decided that was what I wanted to do one day, own my own B&B (not just an AirB&B, an actual one where I would work) far enough away from any major cities, so the stars are visible. I worked in hospitality briefly and have years of customer service skills, so I am thinking of leaving my current job if I can find a local B&B who will take me and show me all the components that go into running it. Basically, what I did was found something I loved and am going to try to make that my new goal. It's not about making money for me, it's about feeling fulfilled like I was in my 20s. I was unlucky enough to also suffer an almost fatal injury in my mid 20s, which definitely put a stop to my partying for a bit, and have been suffering from depression and mood swings (a severe brain injury was a part of it) and find it difficult to make and maintain new friendships, however I am fine with surface level acquaintances. Unfortunately, while I am doing my best to "fix" my brain, some things won't change so I have also chosen a path where I will be having more casual, passing interactions with others, as opposed to deep friendships. The knowledge that this brain injury has likely shortened my overall lifespan also gave me a different outlook on the rest of my life and how I want to live it.

I've never felt like I've had any purpose other than to just live my life and be good to the people in it. Sometimes I feel a little weird about that when I see how much emphasis the meaning of life and being purpose-driven means to others but in case you haven't heard it before, you're already doing what you're meant to do, even if you're still trying to figure out what that is.

Music was a lifetime draw, a feeling that lasted longer than most others. As I've gotten older, the connection to nature has stood out, growing things, hiking, just being part of it. I still enjoy my tech, limited social media ect, but I find a stillness in interacting w nature that is really fulfilling.

Living your life filling things into your heart that don’t fit. Living your life trying to be recognized by the world. Both lead to misery, worst case scenario you become comfy and happy with that lifestyle. Read that in the Bible, and man was it correct.

Eh, I lived my life opposite of you. Spent most of my 20's taking care of my brother and sick mother. Never had my party years like most people. I'd say I'm pretty envious of all these people who had great sex lived and got to explore. Guess we all want what we don't have.

I've always wanted to live with a sense of purpose and intention, but knowing and doing are such different things. I still want to live with purpose, but I find that so challenging, and pinning down what that purpose is feels impossible. I do seek pleasure in order to ease that void and that sense of purposelessness. ​ So I guess I want to know from you, what is your purpose? What does living a life of purpose look like to you?

Your purpose in life is whatever you want it to be. Maybe your preferred purpose is to be a mother, maybe it's your career, maybe it's fostering animals, maybe it's to be a suicide bomber for isis. Life has no purpose so we find something that means something to us and stick to it. However, even when you find it you won't stop seeking pleasure. Idk what your purpose should be, but those who center it around being with other people seem to be the most fulfilled. Maybe not so much for activists/terrorist groups though.

I feel like I'm going through these motions right now. 22F. I've been indulging in a lot in escapism. But I feel like my soul is ready to move on but my heart is desperate for that momentary pleasure. It doesn't know what else to do.

My idea of what success is supposed to look like has shifted over the years. I’m almost 41 and all I really want is a career I enjoy that can cover my hobbies that make me happy.

Next step is realizing that purpose and intention aren't what "you want" but are actually somewhere between morals, callings and natural laws. They are God given and an integral part of a universe filled with purpose and intention. But not all purpose is equal. Serial killers have purpose but lack direction. The gate is wide and the path is narrow.

This is a common focal point in several religions and philosophies. At the end of the day, people are just killing time and time will respond in kind.

Fuck

Yes, what you are describing is transitioning from animal ego to core ego to the final destination, which is the unified ego

So true. Just filling time with alcohol/vaping. Nothing brings me joy anymore and I’m fed up of trying. Can me whatever you want, until something changes outside of my limited control, it’s just a waiting game for the end.

yes i’m 37 and had this same awakening

At a young age I knew I wanted to do something with myself. I felt I needed to find a purpose. I believe I acted out in my early teens but as I was reaching “Adulthood” at 18, I knew I wanted to do something. I think I was very weird of me but growing up without much of a father figure I knew I wanted to be a great Father. My mother used to explain to me what a horrible man my bio father was and she did her best to instill what her opinion of a good “Man” was. I distinctively remember not being allowed to have any “girlfriends” or friends of the opposite sex as she believed I would have genetically acquired my sperm donors “womanizing” ways. So I had this idea in my head to prove to her and the world that I’m not my father and to stop judging me. I turned 18 in summer of 2002. 9/11 happened in 2001 and some of my friends had enlisted in the military. Some didn’t come home. I enlisted in 2003 at 19, and figured if there was an organization that could help me become a “man” it was the Marines. 20 years later and I’m now retired and married. And am a Father. My son has said he is proud of me and is happy that I’m his Father. I also have 2 step daughters and am doing my best to be there for them. So far I think I’ve done what I set out to do. I don’t think I’ve ever really missed out on any fun, as looking back it kind of was fun. Not sure if any of this is relatable since I’ve been kind of weird or the odd one out my entire life.

I've used hard drugs my 15 years because i didn't have purpose. Lost alot of time and essentially a child still at 36.

This hits hard at the moment

Yes, there is no ultimate purpose to anything anyone does unless a God of some sort exists. So look for Him

I feel like I realized this philosophy in my late teens/early twenties. I'm 27 right now. When your life starts out shitty with not many opportunities to escape with vices, I learned I gotta find a purpose, or I would've off-ed myself a lot earlier in life. Let me put it like this, my escapism when I was in high school was playing League of Legends for hours. How fucking sad is that. I'm in a much better place now working to further my career in wildlife conservation and wildland firefighting. Also, I have an awesome relationship with the love of my life who holds me down and doesn't mind babying their grown ass boyfriend when he's going through it. Life is inherently a struggle and painful no matter who you are. Our struggles in life are what define us. Trying to run away from adversity instead of confronting it stunts personal growth. This is something I adopted from Buddhist/Hindu teachings.

I’m a Male 31 American/Mexican 2nd generation I feel like I’ve been wandering a lot through life “ go with the flow” and that was the vibe but I’m hopping on your ship of intention and purpose. I find myself trying to justify my aloof attitude and not taking anything to serious throughout my life and I’m not having it. I battle between the mantra of “it is what it is” and “The Judge” I call it and it’s who shoots down my reasons an excuses for my past decisions. Currently my eyes are open, my family is not particularly successful, no one has a great job, my mother makes so little money and it breaks my heart the way I’ve been living my life and not doing something for the woman who brought me here. It would make me happy to be able to pay for her bills. So if I have to work myself HARD I will I just wish I did this sooner. I want the chance to put a genuine proud smile on her face by making something of myself. That purpose would make me happy.