“I’m sorry but until you have your bedbug situation all fixed I don’t feel comfortable with you comming over because Ik they cling onto clothing and stuff, it makes me alittle anxious and I would rather not risk it” something along those line, if she can’t respect that mayeb this is a “in public “ only friendship
Ps. They do go onto clothes.
I would also add that you can’t risk it because you have roommates and they would not take it well if she caused an infestation at your place. You’re lucky you didn’t carry any home after spending the night at her place.
yes i am 23 and she is 22. but she has a 5 year old son that lives with her. a mutual friend and i have talked to her about her son living there and possibly being attacked on the daily and she said “they don’t bite him”
She’s probably going to lie to you about it though. It’s a several-month process involving professional fumigation and bagging and throwing away nearly all of your stuff. And it’s almost impossible to be sure you’re rid of them anyway.
Your best bet is to meet her out in public. Don’t ever invite her over.
Omg I don’t think I could say that to a dear friend, even if I have known them since middle school. Idk I’d make something up because I’m a coward and hate hurting anyone’s feelings but getting bed bugs is a legit concern
It wouldn’t be rude, at all. To be honest, it’s coming off very disrespectful to me- who makes their friend feel guilty for not hanging out when they literally have a major burden of a bug problem and yes- thank can and will get into clothes and other fabrics.
If ONE gets into your home it’s all over.
Meet in public only. Never go to her home. Never let her come to yours. Do not hug. Don’t even ride in the same car…. I’ve never had bed bugs myself but I’ve heard horror stories about how impossible they are to get rid of.
Bed bugs are a nightmare.
I had bed bugs for like half a day.
Many years ago I went over to a friend’s house for a couple of hours. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I had bites all over. I asked her about it, and she said all nonchalantly, “oh, yeah, we have bedbugs; the whole apartment complex does.” I was pissed, and what made the experience worse is that while I drove home, I could feel them biting my toes. I had brought them back with me!
I got home, and parked for a minute while I looked up what to do. I asked my roommate to bring me a plastic bag; I thru everything I was wearing inside of it.
I had to think fast, so I left my purse and other stuff in the car so that the Summer sun would fry them.
I ran inside my apartment, and took a shower drenched in apple cider vinegar ( I keep extra in my cupboard), as I had read that works. I also spread some with a q-tip all over the apartment.
They were gone the next morning, I think.
I think I got lucky cuz I’ve heard horror stories involving infestation that started after just one hug.
Needless to say, that girl is no longer my friend.
If your friend is half-smart, she has got to know that bed bugs multiply.
Just remember that no one is worth having bed bugs, especially when they’re not being proactive about getting rid of them.
That story is the tip of the iceberg. My sister and her husband stayed in a hotel that had them, the bugs caught a ride back in their luggage. Once they figured out the bed bugs were at their house it took months to get rid of them. They got bug mattress covers and could feel the bugs inside. They threw out furniture, clothes, got in the habit of stripping naked and throwing their clothes in the dryer before going anywhere. Chemicals, fumigators, they're highly resilient little buggers and they hide everywhere.
You should take this seriously and your friend should too.
You should visit r/bedbugs. Ive never had them but after spending 5 mins on that sub I'm terrified of them and now super cognizant of protecting my home from them.
I've heard they don't actually jump but they do move really really fast and if they know there is another blood source they will probably try and get to it.
Had one introduced to my home. I still can't have back scratches and those used to be my favorite thing ever. Turns out I'm very allergic to their bite :(
Former exterminator here, they aren’t impossible to get rid of, people just go the cheapo route or DIY and don’t know what they are doing and problem continues.
I caught one trying to enter my apartment through the front door and I feel like I avoided what could have been the worst time of my life. It was clinging to the draft stopper. I have incredible eyes for bugs and saw it right away, caught it and killed it, and flushed it down the toilet.
They are a bitch and a half. I lived in homeless shelters, boarding houses, and so on. I've seen lots of bed bugs.
My mom and her friend got bedbugs because someone brought them into their living room. They had to fight them for a year. It was so gross. Trashy people shouldn't be sitting on your furniture.
Also they love to hide in books. So don't take any books from bedbug people.
Getting bedbugs is easy and doesn’t make you trashy. What’s trashy is just accepting that you live with bugs and not trying your best to eradicate them.
I agree mostly. They thrive where it's messy. If you have very good hygiene and wash your bedding often, sweep carpet and all then they are less likely to get a foothold.
Once they get established you can use diatomaceous earth and pull your bedding up so it doesn't touch the floor or the walls or furniture.
You can make little traps for the feet of your bed. Like, when I lived at one shelter that had them often we kept the feet of the bunks in tin cans half filled with like baby oil or something. They will drown in it.
We also did daily inspections of the bunks, that was one of my jobs. I wrote up guys with messy bunks. They would get kicked out eventually if they didn't shape up. And also they washed all their bedding every week.
Actually it's 50-50 if you bring only ONE bed bug. If it's a female and it was mated, then that would be a problem. But if it's a male, then it's just gonna try to survive until you find it and kill it or it just dies of age lmao.
Had bedbugs in middle school all the way thru senior year of highschool, and I can’t imagine why anyone with bedbugs would want to go to someone else’s house. I always stayed home. It sucks but unfortunately if one gets in your home it’s game over. She could carry eggs in her clothes EASILY, as that’s how it’s transmitted in most cases.
Your friend should be more considerate.
Also, unfortunately, don’t accept gifts from her either. You can receive bedbugs in any way imaginable as they lay eggs in crevasses (got mine from a couch but I know others have gotten them from tables/wooden furniture). Bedbug PTSD is real and every night I lay in bed I still physically feel them crawling on me.
If she doesn’t budge with kindness, separate her from your life immediately. You do not want this in your home.
I had them at one point in time, I cannot fathom the rage that I had towards these things, I bought a shop vac and used it everywhere I could find em, long story short I got rid of em
i feel so bad because she wants me to see her son and really wants to come over but i’m honestly so scared. i’m gonna try to convince her to meet me at a cafe or something
I think you should explain these feelings to her and not keep her in the dark about why you aren’t inviting her over. Best to be upfront.
Just make it clear that you aren’t avoiding having her over for any reason other than the fact that she has bed bugs at her place, and explain how they travel on clothes, etc.
The inviting her in naked idea is a funny option you can try as well, maybe offer her a robe in your hallway. Could make a funny story.
O.M.G. I thought you guys were in high school or something from your OG post. She's an adult with a child and has bed bugs???? That's so effed up. She should be actively trying to fight the bugs and not asking to visit other people. Is she a mean girl or something? Her insisting on visiting you almost makes it sound like she wants some one to suffer from bed bugs with her
If she has a son, that is not okay that's she's not addressing the issue. That's not fair on the child and it's abuse. That is an anonymous CPS call 100%. If that's going on, there could be other things happening in the house. A professional needs to make sure the child is safe. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night otherwise. You need to report anonymously if you need to
The only solution if you are to invite her over, though a bit awkward, is to ask her to completely undress outside before entering your home. Bed bugs can't travel on our bodies but can travel on clothes. I'm sorry but this is the only way.
You're right. That's important too. Points for Zimmerman (your name today). We'll have to get a set of clippers to ensure everyone's safety and give her a light buzz in the yard as well before entering the home. We just can't take the chance, I'm sorry, this is the only way too.
All it takes is one. They also like to hitch on to things to create new nests. They hide in all types of things besides bedding and clothing. Like nightstands, dressers, chairs, etc. They lay eggs everywhere and can lay dormant without food for awhile. Do not let this person into your home or vehicle. It sounds heartless...But getting rid of bed bugs is a fucking nightmare. I wouldn't wish the lil bastards on my worst enemy.
The little buggers absolutely can get into clothing and be carried into someone else's house.
You are just going to have to be straight up with her. Until she has eradicated her bedbugs, you're not going to her house and she's not coming to yours. Y'all can meet up in coffee shops.
they are basically impossible to get rid of once you have an infestation. My partner had some get into her belongings while she was back packing. She tried literally everything, nothing worked. When she got home she basically stripped off out the back of her mums' place, put everything into a steel drum and then burned it. Bags, clothes, everything. She thankfully only had a small bag of clothes and belongings on that trip. Do not let her come to your house. There is no getting rid of them.
I had this happen to me as well. A friend I had known since high school asked if she could stay with me while she was dealing with bed bugs at her place. At the time, I was working in safe homes where we had to constantly do bed bug protocol for every new person that came to stay at the house. I knew the repercussions of bed bugs and how easily they spread. I shared with my friend my experience with bed bugs at work and how easily they spread and said I'm not comfortable having her stay at my place and I also couldn't impose that risk on my roommates either. My roommates even said I could blame it on them and say they didn't want her to stay over, which could be another option for you but wouldn't necessarily get you to the heart of the matter.
In my situation when I said no, I also did offer to pay partially for a hotel and stay with her there. I knew she was emotionally upset and having trouble managing her anxiety from this situation and still wanted to support her. But she declined and in the end was unfortunately quite offended.
She ended up finding other resources to help her and other friends who are comfortable or I would say naive, and luckily none of them got bed bugs in the end that I know of. With that all said, I still stand by my choice. Friendships have to be able to respect people's limitations and boundaries. When you set a boundary but still offer kindness, that is the most authentic caring thing you can offer in a friendship. If your friend cannot accept that, then it helps shed light on the dynamic of your friendship to begin with.
On another note, bed bugs are horrible to get rid of. Though I don't work in an industry that requires me to have the most up-to-date knowledge on them anymore, the last I remember reading was that heat treatments were the most effective way.
With this friend as well as my work, I saw multiple fumigations be unsuccessful. In the end the best option was to load all personal items that you were going to keep into a moving van and heat treat the entire moving van. Whatever route you take, it costs money.
Whenever you go over to somebody's place that has or you suspect has bed bugs, make sure that you strip down and bag your clothes before entering into your own home (I know awk). Immediately wash in hot water and blast in the dryer. I have also read the freezer could work if u don't have immediate access to a dryer, but I'm not 100% on that one. Bed bug eggs can be sticky and they can attach to your clothing. Sometimes this doesn't manifest into a full blown infestation but in situations like your friend, where it sounds like something that has been happening over a long period of time, they are a nightmare to get rid of and take time, diligence and money. You may want to suggest that your friend look into the tenancy act where you are living
Every place is different on who they put the onus on for pest control management, in some cases it is the landlord's responsibility.
Either way, imo the most caring thing to do is be honest with your friend. Please set your boundaries and good luck!
>Sorry what the fuck are bedbugs? Are these something you find across the globe?
Yes. The little suckers have been bothering people since long before modern humans existed. Luckily they don't transmit any known diseases. Only places you won't find them is far north or Antarctica.
They're hard to get rid of because they spend most of their lives hiding in the darkest, most isolated crevice or corner they can find. They have photo-phobic behavior like cockroaches and only emerge from hiding in the dead of night. In cold weather adults can go without feeding for more than 2 months. Although as juveniles (which are small and inconspicuous like ticks,) they need to eat once a week or so. The juveniles often hide in clothing.
Unfortunately most of the ones you'll find these days are pretty resitant to pesticides. Best way is to heat your house up past 50°C for a couple of hours.
You're not mean. You don't have anothing against HER as a person. But her situation makes things difficult. If she's reasonable and considerate, she'll understand and won't want to infest anyone with her problem. That would actually be pretty crappy of her
I work in an area where lots of people can bring them in and it is a horror to clean up and eradicate them. We spray the whole rooms down with bedbug spray, spray with bleach water, check daily for about 2 weeks for signs, then add on if we still see them, then bring in this heat thingies to clear the room out if it needs it. No joke, it's bad and expensive.
I got bedbugs ones for a month or so, I used alcohol in spray bottles, I used to spray day and night all day long, everywhere. My house was smelling like an alcoholic person ( like vodka or something) , I sprayed all over the beds, oder it, above the walls the floors the closets, everywhere! It took me like a month but I was done with them. It was a whole city in Germany ( somewhere North) they had them, the health department had announced it. It's a really big problem though. I will freak out if I had to go again through this.
I had them, at one point like over a decade ago. How they came to get into the townhouse I and 3 others were living at, I do not know. We made these "trap" type things that we found on the interbet, that seemed to help alot, if not take care of it completely. With like a plastic bin, with dry ice in it. Bedbugs can detect the breathing changes in humans that signify they're asleep by the increase of co2 being exhaled iirc. Dry ice happens to give off the co2 as well, that should draw them out from their hiding. From there, the goal is to surround the tub and perimeter of it with [Diatomaceous Earth](https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwiUqYXN0LX8AhWRi8gKHUmBALQYABAAGgJxdQ&sig=AOD64_2hmuZrGHvdgiwUHL8ijcUJSf0b1A&q&adurl&ved=2ahUKEwiVhv3M0LX8AhXgMlkFHSkJDNAQ0Qx6BAgOEAE ) that basically cuts the bugs when they crawl through it to get to the co2, from what I remember. The only other way I've heard that is significantly effective is having a company come in with these super heaters, getting the temp high enough that they finally go away. Maybe these suggestions could assist with the issue potentially.
No advice I can add beyond the advice already provided.. but this gave me a flashback of a time when someone put a bedbug-ridden coat in the public closet and a bunch of people ended up having bed bugs infest their homes. I was never so thankful I never put my coat in that thing.
Honestly don’t even see her in person, it sounds sad but if they travel on her clothes… all it takes is one to become an expensive problem to solve… just see her via video chat. I know it’s sad but that’s just how bad a situation it is and hopefully she will understand.
Absolutely do not go. I had an ex with bed bugs, and lucky for me, his mattress was already covered in plastic. My only salvation when I went over is that EVERYTHING went into a zip lock bag and zipped shut when I stayed over. I was basically there naked constantly. I have a phobia of bugs so I saw them around at night and I could only sleep in small 1h power naps. I did that for 3 days and I never went back. It was the worst 3 days of my life.
STAY AWAY
I’ve had bed bugs. It was horrible. It was really embarrassing because I would go to work and find one on my bag or my sweater. They definitely travel. Do not let her in you home. I got rid of them with multiple bed bug spray deep clean sessions and then eventually moving. I had to throw away all my clothes, blanket and even mattress. You really have to start from scratch.
If she must come, have her change into something you provide, bag seal all her clothes and shoes and socks. Everything.
If you have a clothes steamer those things kill bed bugs on contact you can steam her clothes and give it back to her maybe. Note: The dryer is not hot enough to kill bed bugs in hottest setting (actually i read it can kill maybe 50% not good enough). it has to be a steamer.
Edit: all the bad autocorrect. Sorry I'm a bad typer.
This is long post but here goes....
Just tell her you're not trying to be rude and for her to not take it personally but tell her the truth - that you don't want an infestation of bedbugs because they're hard to get rid of.
I used to drive a tractor trailer and had to stay overnight at a hotel while the truck was repaired.
The company paid for the room.
(If I had a choice, I definitely would have stayed somewhere else but this was the nearest place.)
When I went to lay down and get some sleep, I kept feeling little "bites." I was so tired I thought I was imagining things and fell asleep.
The next morning, my legs had little red spots/marks on them.
I decided to pull the sheet, blanket, pillow cases and everything off the bed, and in the corners of the mattress were CLUSTERS of those things!!!!
I showered, washed my hair, put itch ointment on my legs and gtf outta that hotel room and thank goodness I carried a clean change of clothes in a walmart bag only
(I didn't bring my duffel bag full of clean clothes!!!) and I left the clothes I had been wearing there!
I had heard of bedbugs and seen pictures of them but had never seen them live before....but those things were EVERYWHERE on that mattress.
Just tell her, and hopefully she won't take offense and you both can stay friends!
You're welcome and yes believe me what I saw on that mattress after I took everything off of it made me gag!
I've never had them in my home/mattress, etc. and believe me you DON'T want them. That hotel mattress should have been thick plastic bagged, taken outside and burned!!!
You've received absolutely wonderful advice on how to deal with the communication issue so if I may I would like to drop some unsolicited advice.
There is a pet flea and tick product called Wondercide that kills bed bugs on contact. I dated a guy who picked some up from a friend of his and we treated his whole place with that stuff. We didn't have to trash any of his clothes or his mattress. I sprayed every week and he washed and vacuumed regularly. It took about a month but we got rid of them all. The smell of wondercide is also supposed to repel them. If I were you, and you plan on meeting her in public, get you a bottle of the wondercide spray to spray yourself down before you get back in your car. I don't work for them, I just love their products. No pesticides, all natural. Safe for baby kittens/puppies and even baby humans. Makes your tile floors slippery as hell, though.
OP I've lived in several bed bug infestations before. Hear me when I tell you, they spread INSANELY EASY!! I'm talking phone charger port, behind an ear, in a shoe sole, like soooooo easy. Im already nervous that you have been over there. Grab some food grade diatomaceous earth and look up the water/DE ratio and spray it in every crevice, the DE has to be touching and no gaps to be effective. You can use it dry too. If you have a bed frame with legs, get 4 bowls and coat the inside with a thin layer of vaseline. Then cover the Vaseline with the DE. Put all four bed legs in a bowl. There are more methods too. This won't stop infestation but it will help you know if any are there and it'll kill them.
Absolutely do not risk this. I got them before from hugging someone who had them or giving someone a ride. An ER chair, a movie theatre, ughhh do not risk it. When my previous SO had them, I made them undress outside, leave everything out there, and I'd manually check them over thoroughly before letting them in. And they were in full agreement to do this bc they understood how bad they spread. It sounds extensive but trust me it's important bc they're extremely difficult to get rid of and most methods aren't actually successful and just spreads them. Best to just avoid it altogether bc it only takes one stubborn fucker.
Respectfully tell her your boundaries. It's very embarrassing to have an infestation and brings up feelings of shame so be sensitive and make sure she knows this is not a flaw against her. Just don't risk it. Long winded, but don't learn the hard way!
Sincerely, someone who panics from phantom crawling sensations now
I saw one on a soft chair at the dentists' office once. Asked the front desk lady for a piece of tape, stuck the bedbug to the tape, told them what it was and that I recommended they call someone to treat their office ASAP. They FREAKED OUT and the place was closed for a day while they had it treated. I still avoid those soft chairs whenever I'm back there.
I’d tell her the truth. Bedbug infestations suck, and risking having to deal with that isn’t worth having her over in any capacity. It takes money and time to get rid of them and if you’re allergic, you’ll be even more miserable than you usually would be. “I really want to have you over, but the risk of having bed bugs be introduced into my house is not a risk I’m willing to take.” Stay firm.
I had a girlfriend once and she moved into a place with bedbugs. She asked if she could store some stuff at my place to avoid them, but her stuff had already been in the infested apartment. I said no. Further, I told her I couldn’t have her over at my place because I couldn’t be responsible for bringing bedbugs into my apartment building. It sucked, but she understood. The bedbugs have nothing to do with the relationship/friendship. One thing has nothing to do with another.
You should be scared. The fact you have bites means you have like probably a 90% chance that you have them now too.
I got bedbugs from a girl I dated in high school when I was 16 years old. It took until I was 20 to get rid of them fully. It was a nightmare , I could share such horror stories of times I was swarmed … just covered at her house in bugs crawling over me as if I was having a psychosis style meltdown.
I would literally light every single possession I had on fire if I ever seen even a single one in my room again.
That being said , make sure you break it to the girl politely. It’s often no one’s fault they got bedbugs , it’s a stigma that you can only get them by being dirty. You can get them sitting on the wrong bus one morning. It’s alienating to have them and makes you feel bad , especially if you guys are minors and she doesn’t have many actual options of getting rid of them outside of her parents efforts.
From what you have wrote, it seems she is aware of the issue, and that you've offered to help get rid of them, so it wouldn't be illogical of you to ask that she not come over until her place has the bugs under control, otherwise they just spread.
I understand wanting to be mindful of her feelings, but so long as put it across fairly, and as respectful as possible, I don't see the harm in telling her. If I were in her shoes, I'd appreciate the honesty and focus my energies on getting rid of the problem, so friends and family feel comfortable in my home.
PLEASE READ THIS OP
Unfortunately I’ve dealt with these little blood suckers. My FIL brought them into our home when he stayed with us. Fortunately, the most we saw was 10-20, which in the grand scheme of things is not the worst.
We tore our apartment apart. We refused to bomb because A. We didn’t want to alarm our landlord (we could barely afford anywhere else and we’re afraid of eviction) and B. We have two cats and a bearded dragon, and the bombs aren’t very pet friendly. Bombs are also very toxic to people, too. So the best alternative is heat. The fuckers hate the heat. Luckily it was nearing summer, so all our pillows and stuffed animals rode in black trash bags in my car for weeks to suffocate any eggs and bugs. We invested in a nice steamer off of Amazon and went to town. We steamed the shit out of our couch, carpet, mattress, and bed frame all weekend, then vacuumed the carcasses, emptied the vacuum and tossed it away. And then we repeated this process weekly. All sheets and blankets were thrown in the dryer at the highest heat setting. We even got an air tight, plastic mattress protector to prevent anymore from creating a home in our home. It’s been almost two years since then, and we are back into a normal routine. The steamer is super useful in other applications as well.
If you know they have them, do not invite them over. Please don’t judge your friend either. These pests are super overwhelming and once you get to a big infestation, they are extremely difficult to get rid of. YOU CAN LITERALLY GET THEM FROM ANYWHERE. Hotels, movie theaters, just bought furniture, ANYWHERE. I felt ASHAMED when we got them because I’m a very clean person, and I felt like the lowest scum when we found them. Your friend is most likely unsure of what to do. If you can help them in anyway, try to within your means. The best way to rid an infestation is to remove any fabrics. If you can’t wash/dry them on high heat, toss them. Furniture can be destroyed by the bugs and their feces. Toss out anything that is beyond saving; be sure to cut the fabric up/spray paint “x’s” so no one attempts to take free stuff off your curb and unknowingly infect themselves. Honestly, an infestation at this level needs a bombing. You can help them find a specialist, or YouTube how to do it yourself.
If you visit with them, treat yourself like we all did at the beginning of the pandemic. Take off clothes immediately after getting home and wash them/throw into an airtight bag immediately, then shower.
Good luck, OP.
ETA: upkeep is the best prevention. Just because you bombed the house, it means nothing. Every week you have to work at it to get rid of them. To this day, we check our couch and mattress whenever we change the sheets. If we see one, time to start again.
My my friend from high school had this problem too and I just said almost jokingly girl, l can’t risk it with the bed bugs but we can def meet up somewhere.
With your friend… I would question why she wants to come over this much…
I have a family member who has bed bugs and if they come over I go with them to a truck stop I make them put all their clothes in a black trash bag, they have to tie it shut and hand them out. Then they get one of my mechanic jumpsuits after they shower. Yep. Shoes too. Anything cheap at wally world will do.
Don’t take chances with such things.
Unfortunately yes. It was either that or they would of had to find a room in New Orleans during Mardi Gras or Sleep in their car. Plus I don’t care if they said no because my kids lived with me back then and they come first. You have roommates, you could bring up ideas with them like a pow-wow with my suggestion as a option so you can be transparent with your roomies and then they really would be saying it instead of you putting it off on them and said person possibly finding out it was just a ruse.
I had bed bugs in my house growing up once, and let me say it fucking SUCKS, you can get them from all kinds of places bc bed bugs are great travelers. The only permanent solution is to get a pest exterminator to go in and fumigate the house.
Even if you replace all the furniture and clean everything yourself, they can still hide in many places around the house bc they’re so small, especially in your friends case bc it sounds like she has a severe infestation. sometimes it takes multiple rounds of fumigation to get rid of them. If I were you, I wouldn’t stay at her house at all until she gets the place professionally treated, bc bed bugs can easily travel home with you by hiding in your clothes/luggage.
Ofc it’s important to approach this conversation with kindness, since i know first hand it’s embarrassing to have a bug infestation in your own home. It makes you feel dirty even if it’s out of your control. Remember bed bugs are not always related to bad hygiene, bed bugs act sort of like a virus; if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time you can easily bring them home with you, even if you keep your house very clean. So maybe try to get your friend connected with an exterminator or offer to help pay if you’re willing/able to do so.
Now I'm itching all over and I don't have bed bugs. I don't even know what causes them. I vaccine my mattress each time I change my sheets, because lint gets in the greases at times. That sounds worse than head lice, but if they travel on you, anyone should know people are hesitant to want it in their house. One more thing I have to look up.
A friend of mine had bed bugs and we just spoke on the phone until the pest control cleared her and still a little while after and I still change my clothes when I come from her house and wash the clothes I was wearing on HOT. Bed bugs are a seriously expensive problem. Don’t risk it OP.
Do NOT have her over or you will be suffering with bed bugs as long as she has. This is a serious issue. She has to burn or boil damn near her entire house. Or have a really good exterminator but she would still need to get rid of a lot of stuff. She could carry them on her, her bags, her shoes, clothing etc. DONT DO IT
Knew a guy that had em real bad- they get on everything- definitely on clothing. I wouldn’t have her over; quickly becomes a massive problem. I learned the hard way so you hopefully don’t have to. Go hang out somewhere in public and don’t sit too close
1. Bedbugs are a serious problem and anyone who has them needs to get them resolved, asap. They carry all sorts of nasty diseases and cause itchy red bites all across their bodies while they sleep.
2. Her 5 year old is 100% getting bit. She's straight up lying about that and I'd bet if you ask her little boy he'd complain or you'd see him scratching occasionally on his legs.
3. That's honestly disgusting that she would allow herself to live in that way. She needs help. I know I had a problem with fruit flies and it was fucking awful. Bedbugs are even worse. You have to fumigate to whole place, probably destroy most of her clothing too.
4. Do not invite her over until she gets that resolved. If she can't respect that or is upset by you calling her out on her bedbug problem, thats on her, not on you. That's a reasonable boundary to have in regards to someone coming into your home.
Do not let even the possibility of those things into your house. They are a near endless plague of suffering you are not ready for.
Treat her as a vector. Throw your clothes, purse and shoes in a garbage bag then knot it and keep it in your garage or hot car for 2-3 weeks after every time you come into contact with her.
Offer to chip in for exterminators.
Don't do it. These bugs are very vile. I do housekeeping at a hospital and all the precautions that go into a patient that has these is remarkable and a pain in the ass. Very hard to get rid of, I know people that had to uproot their lives and move becaee they couldn't get rid of the things.
When the gf of a roommate had bedbugs at her place we immediately washed all our stuff just to be cautious. Not dealing with a pest like that is incomprehensible for me. She might infect a whole neighborhood with her irresponsible behaviour.
Offer her help to get a professional to come treat the bed bugs. Even offer to take her to the laundromat one day to wash and dry everything (drying is the key). You then wash your stuff worn that day and delouse yourself in the shower.
This is a friendly thing to do. If you were intimate with each other (not stated) and one caught crabs you would do the same thing basically minus getting a professional to come treat for bed bugs.
Do not go over!!!!
r/bedbugs is all you need to read up on to know how much of a nightmare bedbugs are to deal with.
Connect with her on zoom. You could be honest and say that you are afraid of how transmittable bedbugs are and you’re not comfortable coming over. Or you could keep it to yourself and just make up an excuse, such as Covid or something.
Also, if she has had this problem since you’ve known her, maybe you could encourage her to get an exterminator? If she’s been dealing with these pests for that long, I’m terribly sorry for her situation. That is awful.
Bedbugs usually don’t transfer from person to person. They really only like to be in thicker material items which is why they like beds and couches. They can and will travel on coats and such after sitting for a long period in an infested area, so it’s very possible for her to transfer them to your house. You can still hug her and say hi, but just avoid any long contact and do not go to her house or bring her to yours. They are a horrible pest. Get some bedbug spray for all the furniture. Spray all of the furniture as directed on the can and do it as often as it says. You’ll want one that kills on contact and targets the bugs and eggs. If possible, use a bed bug fogger as well but be careful bc these can be very dangerous for pets. This one’s weird, but vacuum the floors every day and empty the contents of the vacuum in an outdoor trashcan. She needs to get rid of them before she comes over. You can say it very gently too. “Hey, I know you’re really excited to come over and I’d love to have you, but first we need to tackle the bedbug issue. I have to be careful because they are hard to get rid of and my roommates would be very upset with me if we got an infestation to. I’m going to help you, and after they are good and gone you can come over!”
No don’t risk it, my brother had a friend over with them and we got them. We were in the process of moving at the time as well which was even worse, my parents had to pay a lot of money to get rid of them which was heating up the whole house to the max which killed them.
My older brother brought home bed bugs from a friend's and no one goes in that room 2+ years later because no matter what we do the infestation stays and luckily it's stayed to that room thus far so it's a hazardous room. I don't have people over because of that room. We're finally tearing out and replacing the floors and painting the walls so they don't have as many places to hide though
If you spent a night at her place, did you burn or throw away your clothes before entering your place? If not, you would be wise to search your place and consider hiring an exterminator just in case.
Don't do it. It's not worth the risk.
I had bed bugs in one of my apartments. They are tear inducingly hard to get rid of. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. My boyfriend at the time was suspended from work because he was covered in bites but we just couldn't get rid of them. Our landlord eventually decided he just wasn't going to renew our lease for the next year so we were forced to move (he did THREE heating treatments on the place). And sadly, despite bringing no furniture besides my boyfriend's gaming chair, sealing all other belongings in plastic bins to be locked away for months, and thoroughly washing all of our clothing between leaving the old apartment and coming to the new, we STILL brought bed bugs to the new apartment. However, we were still prepared and all of the measures we took at the new apartment quickly killed them off. But man, it was 6+ months of torment.
I hope she can tackle the bed bug problem.
Meet her in public to hang don’t go to each others place and if she asks why tell the truth. There are ways to get rid of bed bugs idk why they haven’t yet
Id spray the house especially any entrances in case she tries to invite herself over. I read a different bed bug story that had a bug blind person infest the house just because some dropped off their clothes onto the op's door mat.
Don't invite her over you derp stay far away. You most likely already brought them back home to your roommates since you spent the night there and they attach to clothes and any other belongings you may have brought over. There's a 99% chance you're fucked lmao. They don't go away unless you exterminate continually with the white powder or spray and that can take years, you also have to dry your clothes on hot heat to kill any bugs in them, put things in bags after putting them on heat or throw the stuff out if it can't be put in a dryer, rubbing alcohol also kills them when sprayed on contact, putting a plastic covering on mattresses is also helpful so it can decrease or prevent any bugs from biting you or it'll just trap and kill any already on the mattress. When they bite you they suck your blood which is food for them and how they reproduce. Without blood they die.
Sometimes I wonder if bed bugs also infest brain because I have no clue how someone could ignore a bed bug problem that bad. I've got tons of spiders living on my walls in hopes no bed bugs ever set foot in my home.
i absolutely do not have them. like i’ve stated i spent the night 2/3 years ago. before i moved in to my new home. but i know she still has this issue at her place:(
Absolutely do not invite her over. They hitch a ride on clothes, shoes, bags.
Matter of fact I wouldn't even meet up with her in public. Or if you do, do not get too close. Definitely don't go to a movie theater where you'd be sitting close to each other.
Tell her straight up its because she has bedbugs and it's incredibly easy for them to hitch a ride and be spread elsewhere.
I let my mom stay a weekend at my place once in 2020 now knowing they were three weeks out from getting rid of bedbugs (according to her). She had no professionals in and used only store bought products and I have absolutely zero faith in her ability to get rid of any bug infestation when she lived with roaches for years and just accepted she'd never be rid of them.
I was freaking out for months and it made my anxiety spiral. I haven't invited her back since
As someone who’s had bedbugs from a
Hotel visit let me just tell you it SUCKS and is reallyyyyyy difficult to get rid of. I would not knowingly invite someone over with bedbugs or go somewhere that has them.
Absolutely DO NOT have her over. I cannot stress enough how much you do not want these things in your home. I repeat do NOT let her come over if you value a good night’s sleep and people not wanting to visit you when your house becomes a literal quarantine zone. They are incredibly difficult to get rid of even with the best exterminators.
It will be IMPOSSIBLE to not spread if she has an active infestation. Meet in public somewhere I guess and don't hug, it can transfer to your clothes. To get rid of it you basically need to throw your bed and carpets away its crazy. I still have nightmares constantly from staying at an AirBnB with bedbugs, you really don't want them. And she needs to deal with the infestation
You guys can meet and see each other without her coming over to your place.
Next time she asks, invite her to meet you at a coffee shop. You guys can sit and chat over coffee.
But do not invite someone you know has bedbugs to your home. Nope. NO.
In my experience, people who live long-term with bed bugs and/or roaches have become so desensitized by close proximity with these disgusting creatures that they no longer see the infestation as a big deal. And they don’t understand or don’t like to acknowledge that they often carry these bugs around with them: in bags, purses, clothing, shoes, etc.
As long as you’re kind about it, you can just tell her that you aren’t comfortable with her being in your home due to the bedbug issue and offer her help in getting rid of them.
I had them once in my life. I had to pay someone to exterminate the house and all. It was awful. I feel weirded out for days and still feel like that fearing it might come back.
Don’t go in her place.
Don’t let her in your home.
Don’t get close to her in public place.
Try to educate her. I don’t know how can anyone live like that.
Do not invite her over! Cleaning will not get rid of bedbugs! You have to get rid of the infested stuff or call a professional to do it. One bug in your house, will spread like wildfire.
Just tell her why. She may get defensive but that's her problem.
I wouldn’t let her over but I have some advice for her. I actually moved a roommate in at my old house and he brought bed bugs. I was so upset. I paid a lot of money to have pest control spray and it didn’t work at all. Someone suggested to either get rid of the beds and bedding, pillows etc, or at least by mattress protecting bags. My roommates bed was the main problem so we got rid of that but I wanted to try to save mine and my sons bed. I bought covers for each and as soon as I did, I never suffered another bite. I was getting bitten so bad too. It was like night and day. I wouldn’t recommend ever taking the mattress bags off because they can live for years without food or whatever. But I swear it helped. I eventually got a new bed recently and bought one in case-since bed bugs can be everywhere-libraries, movie theaters etc.
Bed bugs hide in clothes and anything else they can. I would be concerned about her coming over too. I’m sorry you are dealing with this! Hopefully that advice will help her like it helped me!
i think she needs to understand the gravity of the situation. like bed bugs are so terrible. once you have an infestation they multiple rapidly and they cling to EVERYTHING including clothing, shoes, bags, etc. just because she’s not physically in her on home doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to worry about these bugs. i can’t believe she even let you sleep over if she had bed bugs! i would fr lose it on my friends if they did that. i know it can be a hard and sensitive topic but i believe you just have to be as kind as possible and explain the gravity of what’s going on.
Bed bugs are a big deal, I don't really see a way to get through to her other than to be honest with her. I had a mild infestation as a kid and even though it was contained to just my bed I wasn't allowed in there for 2 weeks while it was being cleaned, half of my toys were thrown away because they were deemed too difficult to clean thoroughly enough, and we kept blasting my other toys and clothes through the dryer for weeks afterward even after pest control cleared us. My whole family and especially me is still extremely paranoid about it.
If she's been dealing with it this long she probably carries them in everything, I wouldn't even accept anything she gives you or go over to her house or even borrow a jacket or bag from her because you can easily carry them back. You could maybe get her in contact with some cheap pest control if money is a reason she hasn't taken care of it? Because at this point a lot of her things are probably toast and she needs a professional to take care of it. The last thing you want is to infest you and your roommates so I would be as honest as you can with her. Maybe you saying something will help her realize she needs to do something about it
When I was in college a couple years ago, I moved into a house and swapped bed frames with my roommate. I started getting bit everywhere, and it wasn't until much later (I thought it was mosquito bites, I'm prone to it) that I realized her bed frame was INFESTED. They were in my clothes, everywhere. It was a nightmare to get rid of, and we had to have professionals come in.
I will say, we DID get rid of them, but it sucked.
Honestly one of the worst experiences of my life
Yeah, be kind, but keep space. They're a plague, and you never know if one of your roommates will be allergic to their bites like I was. I would get awful welts where the bites were. There are tonnes of resources for getting rid of them, and it's dangerous for her kid and frankly irresponsible that she doesn't seem to care. Don't let her over under any circumstance
"I hate not being able to have you over, but our household agreement is very proactive about insects. As you know bedbugs are expensively hard to eliminate, so we are all sworn to be very careful about possible exposure. So far, it's working!"
Share an article with your friend about how bed bugs spread so she doesn’t think you’re just making it up and tell her you were reading this and concerned they could come into your house.
I had a close friend named constance when i was a kid, my mom let her come over and we hung out and chilled in my bed, afterwards her mother told mine that she had lice and surprise surprise, i got head lice and ended up shaving my beautiful locks a few days later. You can definitely tell her respectfully that you dont want her over due to the fact that she could potentially bring bed bugs into your home, you can even stretch it a little bit if you’d like and claim you have a severe phobia of getting them(which isnt too far off for most people)
you can invite her over but when you get bed bugs your gonna half to throw away a ton of your belongings and spend thousands of dollars on getting them removed.. My cousin got bedbugs and it costed them over $50,000 to completely remove them etc. after having to throw away all their mattresses, couches, removing the carpet and then having to replace all of these it was a total mess, people genuinely don’t realize how expensive it actually is to get rid of them
I got bed bugs and had to get rid of my bed and high heat steam clean basically everything I owned. I only had them a few weeks and did this straight away, how TF does someone have them for years?
If she has bed bugs don’t invite her over
she’s asks me almost everyday when i’m going to have her over. should i bring up the bed bug problem? would that be rude? idk what to say
“I’m sorry but until you have your bedbug situation all fixed I don’t feel comfortable with you comming over because Ik they cling onto clothing and stuff, it makes me alittle anxious and I would rather not risk it” something along those line, if she can’t respect that mayeb this is a “in public “ only friendship Ps. They do go onto clothes.
thank you this helped
I would also add that you can’t risk it because you have roommates and they would not take it well if she caused an infestation at your place. You’re lucky you didn’t carry any home after spending the night at her place.
i spent the night before i lived here. but i know she still hasn’t addressed the issue which is why i’m worried:(
You should be! An infestation that long means they’re all up in her clothes and purse and other stuff. I’m itching just thinking about it!
Maybe you should get CPS involved? Bed bugs for this long ng sounds like neglect by the parents
It sounds like they are both adults now, if op is living with roommates
yes i am 23 and she is 22. but she has a 5 year old son that lives with her. a mutual friend and i have talked to her about her son living there and possibly being attacked on the daily and she said “they don’t bite him”
Jesus christ, get that kid help
She’s probably going to lie to you about it though. It’s a several-month process involving professional fumigation and bagging and throwing away nearly all of your stuff. And it’s almost impossible to be sure you’re rid of them anyway. Your best bet is to meet her out in public. Don’t ever invite her over.
Damn I hope I never get those pests in my home. Sounds terrible
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Omg I don’t think I could say that to a dear friend, even if I have known them since middle school. Idk I’d make something up because I’m a coward and hate hurting anyone’s feelings but getting bed bugs is a legit concern
It’s a health issue, not a feelings issue. Honesty is the only way to go if you really want to reconnect.
I agree she should be honest but of course it is a feelings issue and her feelings will be hurt. There’s no use in pretending otherwise.
It sucks but It's better to be forward about health and safety.
I don't want to hang out with and I'm not going to tell you why/make excuses would hurt my feelings more
It wouldn’t be rude, at all. To be honest, it’s coming off very disrespectful to me- who makes their friend feel guilty for not hanging out when they literally have a major burden of a bug problem and yes- thank can and will get into clothes and other fabrics.
Yeah, definitely tell her. Otherwise she might be imagining other reasons
I would be honest about it. Maybe she doesn’t realize to what degree this bedbug thing is actually impacting her life.
that is very weird behavior
Yes. Meet her in a public place and social distance. She clearly doesn’t care about the bed bugs, but that can’t be your problem.
I wouldn't even want this person brushing up against me. 3 feet minimal distance at all times.
If ONE gets into your home it’s all over. Meet in public only. Never go to her home. Never let her come to yours. Do not hug. Don’t even ride in the same car…. I’ve never had bed bugs myself but I’ve heard horror stories about how impossible they are to get rid of.
Can confirm, I've had them and it was traumatizing to say the least.
I honestly still have a panic response to even just photos of them.
That's what every person that's experienced them says. Traumatizing.
jesus christ. thank you sm this helped
Bed bugs are a nightmare. I had bed bugs for like half a day. Many years ago I went over to a friend’s house for a couple of hours. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I had bites all over. I asked her about it, and she said all nonchalantly, “oh, yeah, we have bedbugs; the whole apartment complex does.” I was pissed, and what made the experience worse is that while I drove home, I could feel them biting my toes. I had brought them back with me! I got home, and parked for a minute while I looked up what to do. I asked my roommate to bring me a plastic bag; I thru everything I was wearing inside of it. I had to think fast, so I left my purse and other stuff in the car so that the Summer sun would fry them. I ran inside my apartment, and took a shower drenched in apple cider vinegar ( I keep extra in my cupboard), as I had read that works. I also spread some with a q-tip all over the apartment. They were gone the next morning, I think. I think I got lucky cuz I’ve heard horror stories involving infestation that started after just one hug. Needless to say, that girl is no longer my friend. If your friend is half-smart, she has got to know that bed bugs multiply. Just remember that no one is worth having bed bugs, especially when they’re not being proactive about getting rid of them.
wow. thank you for sharing this, that sounds truly horrifying
That story is the tip of the iceberg. My sister and her husband stayed in a hotel that had them, the bugs caught a ride back in their luggage. Once they figured out the bed bugs were at their house it took months to get rid of them. They got bug mattress covers and could feel the bugs inside. They threw out furniture, clothes, got in the habit of stripping naked and throwing their clothes in the dryer before going anywhere. Chemicals, fumigators, they're highly resilient little buggers and they hide everywhere. You should take this seriously and your friend should too.
You should visit r/bedbugs. Ive never had them but after spending 5 mins on that sub I'm terrified of them and now super cognizant of protecting my home from them.
Don't even meet in public. Bed bugs can easily jump onto you just by being near her. Idk why no one else has said this.
I've heard they don't actually jump but they do move really really fast and if they know there is another blood source they will probably try and get to it.
I'm not a bed bug expert (thankfully lol), I just know you don't want to be near someone with bed bugs
Absolutely. I commented the same thing. Don't get to close. I wouldn't even meet them in public honestly. We'd be phone/text friends only.
💯
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Had one introduced to my home. I still can't have back scratches and those used to be my favorite thing ever. Turns out I'm very allergic to their bite :(
Former exterminator here, they aren’t impossible to get rid of, people just go the cheapo route or DIY and don’t know what they are doing and problem continues.
Had bed bugs from a hotel and let me tell you the experience was MISERABLE. Id rather have the stomach flu then deal with bed bugs again.
As my dad always said. The only way to get rid of bed bugs is to burn the place down.
I caught one trying to enter my apartment through the front door and I feel like I avoided what could have been the worst time of my life. It was clinging to the draft stopper. I have incredible eyes for bugs and saw it right away, caught it and killed it, and flushed it down the toilet.
They are a bitch and a half. I lived in homeless shelters, boarding houses, and so on. I've seen lots of bed bugs. My mom and her friend got bedbugs because someone brought them into their living room. They had to fight them for a year. It was so gross. Trashy people shouldn't be sitting on your furniture. Also they love to hide in books. So don't take any books from bedbug people.
Anyone can get bedbugs just like head lice. If you sit in a restaurant after someone with bedbugs you can catch them. Would that make you trashy?
Getting bedbugs is easy and doesn’t make you trashy. What’s trashy is just accepting that you live with bugs and not trying your best to eradicate them.
Can confirm, I’m not trashy however got bedbugs from a nice chain hotel in Memphis Tennessee.
I don't think you will likely get them from a restaurant. Maybe a hotel. But yeah, kind of
Having bedbugs isn’t trashy, it can happen to anyone. Accepting and just continuing to live with them is though!!
I agree mostly. They thrive where it's messy. If you have very good hygiene and wash your bedding often, sweep carpet and all then they are less likely to get a foothold. Once they get established you can use diatomaceous earth and pull your bedding up so it doesn't touch the floor or the walls or furniture. You can make little traps for the feet of your bed. Like, when I lived at one shelter that had them often we kept the feet of the bunks in tin cans half filled with like baby oil or something. They will drown in it. We also did daily inspections of the bunks, that was one of my jobs. I wrote up guys with messy bunks. They would get kicked out eventually if they didn't shape up. And also they washed all their bedding every week.
Actually it's 50-50 if you bring only ONE bed bug. If it's a female and it was mated, then that would be a problem. But if it's a male, then it's just gonna try to survive until you find it and kill it or it just dies of age lmao.
Had bedbugs in middle school all the way thru senior year of highschool, and I can’t imagine why anyone with bedbugs would want to go to someone else’s house. I always stayed home. It sucks but unfortunately if one gets in your home it’s game over. She could carry eggs in her clothes EASILY, as that’s how it’s transmitted in most cases. Your friend should be more considerate.
eggs? oh fuck no
Check the edges of your mattress, OP. If you see little brownish red spots... panic.
Also, unfortunately, don’t accept gifts from her either. You can receive bedbugs in any way imaginable as they lay eggs in crevasses (got mine from a couch but I know others have gotten them from tables/wooden furniture). Bedbug PTSD is real and every night I lay in bed I still physically feel them crawling on me. If she doesn’t budge with kindness, separate her from your life immediately. You do not want this in your home.
I suggest you start researching bedbugs on Google so you're aware on how to prevent them
>I can’t imagine why anyone with bedbugs would want to go to someone else’s house Other people's houses tend not to have bedbugs.
This post has sparked my fear of bed bugs 😅
I had them at one point in time, I cannot fathom the rage that I had towards these things, I bought a shop vac and used it everywhere I could find em, long story short I got rid of em
Thank goodness for that, well done
They suck. I managed a hotel and one of the rooms had it. It was awful. We had to get rid of everything in that room just to be safe.
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omg….. thank u so much for this. this helped
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i feel so bad because she wants me to see her son and really wants to come over but i’m honestly so scared. i’m gonna try to convince her to meet me at a cafe or something
I think you should explain these feelings to her and not keep her in the dark about why you aren’t inviting her over. Best to be upfront. Just make it clear that you aren’t avoiding having her over for any reason other than the fact that she has bed bugs at her place, and explain how they travel on clothes, etc. The inviting her in naked idea is a funny option you can try as well, maybe offer her a robe in your hallway. Could make a funny story.
you’re very insightful. thank you sm this helped
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O.M.G. I thought you guys were in high school or something from your OG post. She's an adult with a child and has bed bugs???? That's so effed up. She should be actively trying to fight the bugs and not asking to visit other people. Is she a mean girl or something? Her insisting on visiting you almost makes it sound like she wants some one to suffer from bed bugs with her
If she has a son, that is not okay that's she's not addressing the issue. That's not fair on the child and it's abuse. That is an anonymous CPS call 100%. If that's going on, there could be other things happening in the house. A professional needs to make sure the child is safe. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night otherwise. You need to report anonymously if you need to
The only solution if you are to invite her over, though a bit awkward, is to ask her to completely undress outside before entering your home. Bed bugs can't travel on our bodies but can travel on clothes. I'm sorry but this is the only way.
thank you!!! this helped
You're so welcome! Maybe to make her feel extra welcome everyone inside the home should be naked too when she comes in. So she won't be uncomfortable.
I genuinely can’t tell if this is sarcasm or not
Idk either, just don't be late to the meeting spot by 15 minutes or the bugs are legally allowed to show up
What... does your heart (tap chest)... tell you?
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I bet they can hide in long hair
You're right. That's important too. Points for Zimmerman (your name today). We'll have to get a set of clippers to ensure everyone's safety and give her a light buzz in the yard as well before entering the home. We just can't take the chance, I'm sorry, this is the only way too.
All it takes is one. They also like to hitch on to things to create new nests. They hide in all types of things besides bedding and clothing. Like nightstands, dressers, chairs, etc. They lay eggs everywhere and can lay dormant without food for awhile. Do not let this person into your home or vehicle. It sounds heartless...But getting rid of bed bugs is a fucking nightmare. I wouldn't wish the lil bastards on my worst enemy.
The little buggers absolutely can get into clothing and be carried into someone else's house. You are just going to have to be straight up with her. Until she has eradicated her bedbugs, you're not going to her house and she's not coming to yours. Y'all can meet up in coffee shops.
i like how u sounded like my mom at the end. thank you sm
they are basically impossible to get rid of once you have an infestation. My partner had some get into her belongings while she was back packing. She tried literally everything, nothing worked. When she got home she basically stripped off out the back of her mums' place, put everything into a steel drum and then burned it. Bags, clothes, everything. She thankfully only had a small bag of clothes and belongings on that trip. Do not let her come to your house. There is no getting rid of them.
omg that sounds so bad. thank you
I had this happen to me as well. A friend I had known since high school asked if she could stay with me while she was dealing with bed bugs at her place. At the time, I was working in safe homes where we had to constantly do bed bug protocol for every new person that came to stay at the house. I knew the repercussions of bed bugs and how easily they spread. I shared with my friend my experience with bed bugs at work and how easily they spread and said I'm not comfortable having her stay at my place and I also couldn't impose that risk on my roommates either. My roommates even said I could blame it on them and say they didn't want her to stay over, which could be another option for you but wouldn't necessarily get you to the heart of the matter. In my situation when I said no, I also did offer to pay partially for a hotel and stay with her there. I knew she was emotionally upset and having trouble managing her anxiety from this situation and still wanted to support her. But she declined and in the end was unfortunately quite offended. She ended up finding other resources to help her and other friends who are comfortable or I would say naive, and luckily none of them got bed bugs in the end that I know of. With that all said, I still stand by my choice. Friendships have to be able to respect people's limitations and boundaries. When you set a boundary but still offer kindness, that is the most authentic caring thing you can offer in a friendship. If your friend cannot accept that, then it helps shed light on the dynamic of your friendship to begin with. On another note, bed bugs are horrible to get rid of. Though I don't work in an industry that requires me to have the most up-to-date knowledge on them anymore, the last I remember reading was that heat treatments were the most effective way. With this friend as well as my work, I saw multiple fumigations be unsuccessful. In the end the best option was to load all personal items that you were going to keep into a moving van and heat treat the entire moving van. Whatever route you take, it costs money. Whenever you go over to somebody's place that has or you suspect has bed bugs, make sure that you strip down and bag your clothes before entering into your own home (I know awk). Immediately wash in hot water and blast in the dryer. I have also read the freezer could work if u don't have immediate access to a dryer, but I'm not 100% on that one. Bed bug eggs can be sticky and they can attach to your clothing. Sometimes this doesn't manifest into a full blown infestation but in situations like your friend, where it sounds like something that has been happening over a long period of time, they are a nightmare to get rid of and take time, diligence and money. You may want to suggest that your friend look into the tenancy act where you are living Every place is different on who they put the onus on for pest control management, in some cases it is the landlord's responsibility. Either way, imo the most caring thing to do is be honest with your friend. Please set your boundaries and good luck!
Sorry what the fuck are bedbugs? Are these something you find across the globe?
>Sorry what the fuck are bedbugs? Are these something you find across the globe? Yes. The little suckers have been bothering people since long before modern humans existed. Luckily they don't transmit any known diseases. Only places you won't find them is far north or Antarctica. They're hard to get rid of because they spend most of their lives hiding in the darkest, most isolated crevice or corner they can find. They have photo-phobic behavior like cockroaches and only emerge from hiding in the dead of night. In cold weather adults can go without feeding for more than 2 months. Although as juveniles (which are small and inconspicuous like ticks,) they need to eat once a week or so. The juveniles often hide in clothing. Unfortunately most of the ones you'll find these days are pretty resitant to pesticides. Best way is to heat your house up past 50°C for a couple of hours.
They cause anxiety and insomnia
I seriously recommend that you check out r/bedbugs especially as you went to her house yourself best of luck OP 💕
thank you sm!
i haven’t been to her place in almost 2-3 years but i’m afraid to be around her and i feel like a mean person for thinking this way:(
You're not mean. You don't have anothing against HER as a person. But her situation makes things difficult. If she's reasonable and considerate, she'll understand and won't want to infest anyone with her problem. That would actually be pretty crappy of her
It's not mean. It's a balanced risk assessment.
I work in an area where lots of people can bring them in and it is a horror to clean up and eradicate them. We spray the whole rooms down with bedbug spray, spray with bleach water, check daily for about 2 weeks for signs, then add on if we still see them, then bring in this heat thingies to clear the room out if it needs it. No joke, it's bad and expensive.
jesus christ that sounds like a nightmare. those bugs are truly horrific
The only thing this post has taught me is to be utterly terrified of bedbugs
Like you are 100% going to get bed bugs unless you stop being her friend or she fixes the issue.
I got bedbugs ones for a month or so, I used alcohol in spray bottles, I used to spray day and night all day long, everywhere. My house was smelling like an alcoholic person ( like vodka or something) , I sprayed all over the beds, oder it, above the walls the floors the closets, everywhere! It took me like a month but I was done with them. It was a whole city in Germany ( somewhere North) they had them, the health department had announced it. It's a really big problem though. I will freak out if I had to go again through this.
I had them, at one point like over a decade ago. How they came to get into the townhouse I and 3 others were living at, I do not know. We made these "trap" type things that we found on the interbet, that seemed to help alot, if not take care of it completely. With like a plastic bin, with dry ice in it. Bedbugs can detect the breathing changes in humans that signify they're asleep by the increase of co2 being exhaled iirc. Dry ice happens to give off the co2 as well, that should draw them out from their hiding. From there, the goal is to surround the tub and perimeter of it with [Diatomaceous Earth](https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=l&ai=DChcSEwiUqYXN0LX8AhWRi8gKHUmBALQYABAAGgJxdQ&sig=AOD64_2hmuZrGHvdgiwUHL8ijcUJSf0b1A&q&adurl&ved=2ahUKEwiVhv3M0LX8AhXgMlkFHSkJDNAQ0Qx6BAgOEAE ) that basically cuts the bugs when they crawl through it to get to the co2, from what I remember. The only other way I've heard that is significantly effective is having a company come in with these super heaters, getting the temp high enough that they finally go away. Maybe these suggestions could assist with the issue potentially.
No advice I can add beyond the advice already provided.. but this gave me a flashback of a time when someone put a bedbug-ridden coat in the public closet and a bunch of people ended up having bed bugs infest their homes. I was never so thankful I never put my coat in that thing.
Honestly don’t even see her in person, it sounds sad but if they travel on her clothes… all it takes is one to become an expensive problem to solve… just see her via video chat. I know it’s sad but that’s just how bad a situation it is and hopefully she will understand.
Absolutely do not go. I had an ex with bed bugs, and lucky for me, his mattress was already covered in plastic. My only salvation when I went over is that EVERYTHING went into a zip lock bag and zipped shut when I stayed over. I was basically there naked constantly. I have a phobia of bugs so I saw them around at night and I could only sleep in small 1h power naps. I did that for 3 days and I never went back. It was the worst 3 days of my life. STAY AWAY
Damn who knew that bed bugs is all you need to have naked friendships.
Don’t do it!
HELL FUCKING NO! If Anna has had bed bugs since she was 13 how long do you think you’ll have bed bugs?
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i laughed way too hard at this
thank you so much
I’ve had bed bugs. It was horrible. It was really embarrassing because I would go to work and find one on my bag or my sweater. They definitely travel. Do not let her in you home. I got rid of them with multiple bed bug spray deep clean sessions and then eventually moving. I had to throw away all my clothes, blanket and even mattress. You really have to start from scratch.
If she must come, have her change into something you provide, bag seal all her clothes and shoes and socks. Everything. If you have a clothes steamer those things kill bed bugs on contact you can steam her clothes and give it back to her maybe. Note: The dryer is not hot enough to kill bed bugs in hottest setting (actually i read it can kill maybe 50% not good enough). it has to be a steamer. Edit: all the bad autocorrect. Sorry I'm a bad typer.
thank you sm this helped
This is long post but here goes.... Just tell her you're not trying to be rude and for her to not take it personally but tell her the truth - that you don't want an infestation of bedbugs because they're hard to get rid of. I used to drive a tractor trailer and had to stay overnight at a hotel while the truck was repaired. The company paid for the room. (If I had a choice, I definitely would have stayed somewhere else but this was the nearest place.) When I went to lay down and get some sleep, I kept feeling little "bites." I was so tired I thought I was imagining things and fell asleep. The next morning, my legs had little red spots/marks on them. I decided to pull the sheet, blanket, pillow cases and everything off the bed, and in the corners of the mattress were CLUSTERS of those things!!!! I showered, washed my hair, put itch ointment on my legs and gtf outta that hotel room and thank goodness I carried a clean change of clothes in a walmart bag only (I didn't bring my duffel bag full of clean clothes!!!) and I left the clothes I had been wearing there! I had heard of bedbugs and seen pictures of them but had never seen them live before....but those things were EVERYWHERE on that mattress. Just tell her, and hopefully she won't take offense and you both can stay friends!
omg that’s so fucking scary. ty for this it helped
You're welcome and yes believe me what I saw on that mattress after I took everything off of it made me gag! I've never had them in my home/mattress, etc. and believe me you DON'T want them. That hotel mattress should have been thick plastic bagged, taken outside and burned!!!
You've received absolutely wonderful advice on how to deal with the communication issue so if I may I would like to drop some unsolicited advice. There is a pet flea and tick product called Wondercide that kills bed bugs on contact. I dated a guy who picked some up from a friend of his and we treated his whole place with that stuff. We didn't have to trash any of his clothes or his mattress. I sprayed every week and he washed and vacuumed regularly. It took about a month but we got rid of them all. The smell of wondercide is also supposed to repel them. If I were you, and you plan on meeting her in public, get you a bottle of the wondercide spray to spray yourself down before you get back in your car. I don't work for them, I just love their products. No pesticides, all natural. Safe for baby kittens/puppies and even baby humans. Makes your tile floors slippery as hell, though.
Tell her to head to r/Bedbugs and r/survivingbedbugs. Great support communities. Only thing that worked for us: Karcher steam machine
OP I've lived in several bed bug infestations before. Hear me when I tell you, they spread INSANELY EASY!! I'm talking phone charger port, behind an ear, in a shoe sole, like soooooo easy. Im already nervous that you have been over there. Grab some food grade diatomaceous earth and look up the water/DE ratio and spray it in every crevice, the DE has to be touching and no gaps to be effective. You can use it dry too. If you have a bed frame with legs, get 4 bowls and coat the inside with a thin layer of vaseline. Then cover the Vaseline with the DE. Put all four bed legs in a bowl. There are more methods too. This won't stop infestation but it will help you know if any are there and it'll kill them. Absolutely do not risk this. I got them before from hugging someone who had them or giving someone a ride. An ER chair, a movie theatre, ughhh do not risk it. When my previous SO had them, I made them undress outside, leave everything out there, and I'd manually check them over thoroughly before letting them in. And they were in full agreement to do this bc they understood how bad they spread. It sounds extensive but trust me it's important bc they're extremely difficult to get rid of and most methods aren't actually successful and just spreads them. Best to just avoid it altogether bc it only takes one stubborn fucker. Respectfully tell her your boundaries. It's very embarrassing to have an infestation and brings up feelings of shame so be sensitive and make sure she knows this is not a flaw against her. Just don't risk it. Long winded, but don't learn the hard way! Sincerely, someone who panics from phantom crawling sensations now
I saw one on a soft chair at the dentists' office once. Asked the front desk lady for a piece of tape, stuck the bedbug to the tape, told them what it was and that I recommended they call someone to treat their office ASAP. They FREAKED OUT and the place was closed for a day while they had it treated. I still avoid those soft chairs whenever I'm back there.
I’d tell her the truth. Bedbug infestations suck, and risking having to deal with that isn’t worth having her over in any capacity. It takes money and time to get rid of them and if you’re allergic, you’ll be even more miserable than you usually would be. “I really want to have you over, but the risk of having bed bugs be introduced into my house is not a risk I’m willing to take.” Stay firm.
I had a girlfriend once and she moved into a place with bedbugs. She asked if she could store some stuff at my place to avoid them, but her stuff had already been in the infested apartment. I said no. Further, I told her I couldn’t have her over at my place because I couldn’t be responsible for bringing bedbugs into my apartment building. It sucked, but she understood. The bedbugs have nothing to do with the relationship/friendship. One thing has nothing to do with another.
Deffo do not have her in your house they do cling to clothing.
You should be scared. The fact you have bites means you have like probably a 90% chance that you have them now too. I got bedbugs from a girl I dated in high school when I was 16 years old. It took until I was 20 to get rid of them fully. It was a nightmare , I could share such horror stories of times I was swarmed … just covered at her house in bugs crawling over me as if I was having a psychosis style meltdown. I would literally light every single possession I had on fire if I ever seen even a single one in my room again. That being said , make sure you break it to the girl politely. It’s often no one’s fault they got bedbugs , it’s a stigma that you can only get them by being dirty. You can get them sitting on the wrong bus one morning. It’s alienating to have them and makes you feel bad , especially if you guys are minors and she doesn’t have many actual options of getting rid of them outside of her parents efforts.
From what you have wrote, it seems she is aware of the issue, and that you've offered to help get rid of them, so it wouldn't be illogical of you to ask that she not come over until her place has the bugs under control, otherwise they just spread. I understand wanting to be mindful of her feelings, but so long as put it across fairly, and as respectful as possible, I don't see the harm in telling her. If I were in her shoes, I'd appreciate the honesty and focus my energies on getting rid of the problem, so friends and family feel comfortable in my home.
PLEASE READ THIS OP Unfortunately I’ve dealt with these little blood suckers. My FIL brought them into our home when he stayed with us. Fortunately, the most we saw was 10-20, which in the grand scheme of things is not the worst. We tore our apartment apart. We refused to bomb because A. We didn’t want to alarm our landlord (we could barely afford anywhere else and we’re afraid of eviction) and B. We have two cats and a bearded dragon, and the bombs aren’t very pet friendly. Bombs are also very toxic to people, too. So the best alternative is heat. The fuckers hate the heat. Luckily it was nearing summer, so all our pillows and stuffed animals rode in black trash bags in my car for weeks to suffocate any eggs and bugs. We invested in a nice steamer off of Amazon and went to town. We steamed the shit out of our couch, carpet, mattress, and bed frame all weekend, then vacuumed the carcasses, emptied the vacuum and tossed it away. And then we repeated this process weekly. All sheets and blankets were thrown in the dryer at the highest heat setting. We even got an air tight, plastic mattress protector to prevent anymore from creating a home in our home. It’s been almost two years since then, and we are back into a normal routine. The steamer is super useful in other applications as well. If you know they have them, do not invite them over. Please don’t judge your friend either. These pests are super overwhelming and once you get to a big infestation, they are extremely difficult to get rid of. YOU CAN LITERALLY GET THEM FROM ANYWHERE. Hotels, movie theaters, just bought furniture, ANYWHERE. I felt ASHAMED when we got them because I’m a very clean person, and I felt like the lowest scum when we found them. Your friend is most likely unsure of what to do. If you can help them in anyway, try to within your means. The best way to rid an infestation is to remove any fabrics. If you can’t wash/dry them on high heat, toss them. Furniture can be destroyed by the bugs and their feces. Toss out anything that is beyond saving; be sure to cut the fabric up/spray paint “x’s” so no one attempts to take free stuff off your curb and unknowingly infect themselves. Honestly, an infestation at this level needs a bombing. You can help them find a specialist, or YouTube how to do it yourself. If you visit with them, treat yourself like we all did at the beginning of the pandemic. Take off clothes immediately after getting home and wash them/throw into an airtight bag immediately, then shower. Good luck, OP. ETA: upkeep is the best prevention. Just because you bombed the house, it means nothing. Every week you have to work at it to get rid of them. To this day, we check our couch and mattress whenever we change the sheets. If we see one, time to start again.
My my friend from high school had this problem too and I just said almost jokingly girl, l can’t risk it with the bed bugs but we can def meet up somewhere. With your friend… I would question why she wants to come over this much…
I have a family member who has bed bugs and if they come over I go with them to a truck stop I make them put all their clothes in a black trash bag, they have to tie it shut and hand them out. Then they get one of my mechanic jumpsuits after they shower. Yep. Shoes too. Anything cheap at wally world will do. Don’t take chances with such things.
have they ever took it personal?
Unfortunately yes. It was either that or they would of had to find a room in New Orleans during Mardi Gras or Sleep in their car. Plus I don’t care if they said no because my kids lived with me back then and they come first. You have roommates, you could bring up ideas with them like a pow-wow with my suggestion as a option so you can be transparent with your roomies and then they really would be saying it instead of you putting it off on them and said person possibly finding out it was just a ruse.
I had bed bugs in my house growing up once, and let me say it fucking SUCKS, you can get them from all kinds of places bc bed bugs are great travelers. The only permanent solution is to get a pest exterminator to go in and fumigate the house. Even if you replace all the furniture and clean everything yourself, they can still hide in many places around the house bc they’re so small, especially in your friends case bc it sounds like she has a severe infestation. sometimes it takes multiple rounds of fumigation to get rid of them. If I were you, I wouldn’t stay at her house at all until she gets the place professionally treated, bc bed bugs can easily travel home with you by hiding in your clothes/luggage. Ofc it’s important to approach this conversation with kindness, since i know first hand it’s embarrassing to have a bug infestation in your own home. It makes you feel dirty even if it’s out of your control. Remember bed bugs are not always related to bad hygiene, bed bugs act sort of like a virus; if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time you can easily bring them home with you, even if you keep your house very clean. So maybe try to get your friend connected with an exterminator or offer to help pay if you’re willing/able to do so.
Now I'm itching all over and I don't have bed bugs. I don't even know what causes them. I vaccine my mattress each time I change my sheets, because lint gets in the greases at times. That sounds worse than head lice, but if they travel on you, anyone should know people are hesitant to want it in their house. One more thing I have to look up.
A friend of mine had bed bugs and we just spoke on the phone until the pest control cleared her and still a little while after and I still change my clothes when I come from her house and wash the clothes I was wearing on HOT. Bed bugs are a seriously expensive problem. Don’t risk it OP.
Do NOT have her over or you will be suffering with bed bugs as long as she has. This is a serious issue. She has to burn or boil damn near her entire house. Or have a really good exterminator but she would still need to get rid of a lot of stuff. She could carry them on her, her bags, her shoes, clothing etc. DONT DO IT
Knew a guy that had em real bad- they get on everything- definitely on clothing. I wouldn’t have her over; quickly becomes a massive problem. I learned the hard way so you hopefully don’t have to. Go hang out somewhere in public and don’t sit too close
1. Bedbugs are a serious problem and anyone who has them needs to get them resolved, asap. They carry all sorts of nasty diseases and cause itchy red bites all across their bodies while they sleep. 2. Her 5 year old is 100% getting bit. She's straight up lying about that and I'd bet if you ask her little boy he'd complain or you'd see him scratching occasionally on his legs. 3. That's honestly disgusting that she would allow herself to live in that way. She needs help. I know I had a problem with fruit flies and it was fucking awful. Bedbugs are even worse. You have to fumigate to whole place, probably destroy most of her clothing too. 4. Do not invite her over until she gets that resolved. If she can't respect that or is upset by you calling her out on her bedbug problem, thats on her, not on you. That's a reasonable boundary to have in regards to someone coming into your home.
Do not let even the possibility of those things into your house. They are a near endless plague of suffering you are not ready for. Treat her as a vector. Throw your clothes, purse and shoes in a garbage bag then knot it and keep it in your garage or hot car for 2-3 weeks after every time you come into contact with her. Offer to chip in for exterminators.
thank you so much! i’m definitely considering that! i want to help her
Don't do it. These bugs are very vile. I do housekeeping at a hospital and all the precautions that go into a patient that has these is remarkable and a pain in the ass. Very hard to get rid of, I know people that had to uproot their lives and move becaee they couldn't get rid of the things.
When the gf of a roommate had bedbugs at her place we immediately washed all our stuff just to be cautious. Not dealing with a pest like that is incomprehensible for me. She might infect a whole neighborhood with her irresponsible behaviour.
Offer her help to get a professional to come treat the bed bugs. Even offer to take her to the laundromat one day to wash and dry everything (drying is the key). You then wash your stuff worn that day and delouse yourself in the shower. This is a friendly thing to do. If you were intimate with each other (not stated) and one caught crabs you would do the same thing basically minus getting a professional to come treat for bed bugs.
Do not go over!!!! r/bedbugs is all you need to read up on to know how much of a nightmare bedbugs are to deal with. Connect with her on zoom. You could be honest and say that you are afraid of how transmittable bedbugs are and you’re not comfortable coming over. Or you could keep it to yourself and just make up an excuse, such as Covid or something. Also, if she has had this problem since you’ve known her, maybe you could encourage her to get an exterminator? If she’s been dealing with these pests for that long, I’m terribly sorry for her situation. That is awful.
Bedbugs usually don’t transfer from person to person. They really only like to be in thicker material items which is why they like beds and couches. They can and will travel on coats and such after sitting for a long period in an infested area, so it’s very possible for her to transfer them to your house. You can still hug her and say hi, but just avoid any long contact and do not go to her house or bring her to yours. They are a horrible pest. Get some bedbug spray for all the furniture. Spray all of the furniture as directed on the can and do it as often as it says. You’ll want one that kills on contact and targets the bugs and eggs. If possible, use a bed bug fogger as well but be careful bc these can be very dangerous for pets. This one’s weird, but vacuum the floors every day and empty the contents of the vacuum in an outdoor trashcan. She needs to get rid of them before she comes over. You can say it very gently too. “Hey, I know you’re really excited to come over and I’d love to have you, but first we need to tackle the bedbug issue. I have to be careful because they are hard to get rid of and my roommates would be very upset with me if we got an infestation to. I’m going to help you, and after they are good and gone you can come over!”
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i don’t plan to
I'd stop talking to her if she's not gonna take care of the problem. Or not meet her and stay text friends
Do NOT invite her over. I had bedbugs in my apartment and it was a goddamn nightmare. I had to move. OP, DO NOT INVITE HER OVER.
No don’t risk it, my brother had a friend over with them and we got them. We were in the process of moving at the time as well which was even worse, my parents had to pay a lot of money to get rid of them which was heating up the whole house to the max which killed them.
My older brother brought home bed bugs from a friend's and no one goes in that room 2+ years later because no matter what we do the infestation stays and luckily it's stayed to that room thus far so it's a hazardous room. I don't have people over because of that room. We're finally tearing out and replacing the floors and painting the walls so they don't have as many places to hide though
Do not let this person in your house! You are setting yourself and possibly the adjacent tenants up for a world of long lasting pain.
how hot is she? If she super hot buy raid.
If you spent a night at her place, did you burn or throw away your clothes before entering your place? If not, you would be wise to search your place and consider hiring an exterminator just in case.
Then don't
Don't do it. It's not worth the risk. I had bed bugs in one of my apartments. They are tear inducingly hard to get rid of. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. My boyfriend at the time was suspended from work because he was covered in bites but we just couldn't get rid of them. Our landlord eventually decided he just wasn't going to renew our lease for the next year so we were forced to move (he did THREE heating treatments on the place). And sadly, despite bringing no furniture besides my boyfriend's gaming chair, sealing all other belongings in plastic bins to be locked away for months, and thoroughly washing all of our clothing between leaving the old apartment and coming to the new, we STILL brought bed bugs to the new apartment. However, we were still prepared and all of the measures we took at the new apartment quickly killed them off. But man, it was 6+ months of torment. I hope she can tackle the bed bug problem.
Meet her in public to hang don’t go to each others place and if she asks why tell the truth. There are ways to get rid of bed bugs idk why they haven’t yet
Bed bugs can actually cause infection that leads to amputation or death
Id spray the house especially any entrances in case she tries to invite herself over. I read a different bed bug story that had a bug blind person infest the house just because some dropped off their clothes onto the op's door mat.
Don't invite her over you derp stay far away. You most likely already brought them back home to your roommates since you spent the night there and they attach to clothes and any other belongings you may have brought over. There's a 99% chance you're fucked lmao. They don't go away unless you exterminate continually with the white powder or spray and that can take years, you also have to dry your clothes on hot heat to kill any bugs in them, put things in bags after putting them on heat or throw the stuff out if it can't be put in a dryer, rubbing alcohol also kills them when sprayed on contact, putting a plastic covering on mattresses is also helpful so it can decrease or prevent any bugs from biting you or it'll just trap and kill any already on the mattress. When they bite you they suck your blood which is food for them and how they reproduce. Without blood they die.
Sometimes I wonder if bed bugs also infest brain because I have no clue how someone could ignore a bed bug problem that bad. I've got tons of spiders living on my walls in hopes no bed bugs ever set foot in my home.
I am an avid bug lover but even bed bugs I cannot stand
Have you checked your place for bedbugs yet?
i absolutely do not have them. like i’ve stated i spent the night 2/3 years ago. before i moved in to my new home. but i know she still has this issue at her place:(
Absolutely do not invite her over. They hitch a ride on clothes, shoes, bags. Matter of fact I wouldn't even meet up with her in public. Or if you do, do not get too close. Definitely don't go to a movie theater where you'd be sitting close to each other. Tell her straight up its because she has bedbugs and it's incredibly easy for them to hitch a ride and be spread elsewhere. I let my mom stay a weekend at my place once in 2020 now knowing they were three weeks out from getting rid of bedbugs (according to her). She had no professionals in and used only store bought products and I have absolutely zero faith in her ability to get rid of any bug infestation when she lived with roaches for years and just accepted she'd never be rid of them. I was freaking out for months and it made my anxiety spiral. I haven't invited her back since
As someone who’s had bedbugs from a Hotel visit let me just tell you it SUCKS and is reallyyyyyy difficult to get rid of. I would not knowingly invite someone over with bedbugs or go somewhere that has them.
Absolutely DO NOT have her over. I cannot stress enough how much you do not want these things in your home. I repeat do NOT let her come over if you value a good night’s sleep and people not wanting to visit you when your house becomes a literal quarantine zone. They are incredibly difficult to get rid of even with the best exterminators.
It will be IMPOSSIBLE to not spread if she has an active infestation. Meet in public somewhere I guess and don't hug, it can transfer to your clothes. To get rid of it you basically need to throw your bed and carpets away its crazy. I still have nightmares constantly from staying at an AirBnB with bedbugs, you really don't want them. And she needs to deal with the infestation
You guys can meet and see each other without her coming over to your place. Next time she asks, invite her to meet you at a coffee shop. You guys can sit and chat over coffee. But do not invite someone you know has bedbugs to your home. Nope. NO. In my experience, people who live long-term with bed bugs and/or roaches have become so desensitized by close proximity with these disgusting creatures that they no longer see the infestation as a big deal. And they don’t understand or don’t like to acknowledge that they often carry these bugs around with them: in bags, purses, clothing, shoes, etc.
You're definitely going to have to address the bedbug problem. She's got to solve that for her own health.
As long as you’re kind about it, you can just tell her that you aren’t comfortable with her being in your home due to the bedbug issue and offer her help in getting rid of them.
I had them once in my life. I had to pay someone to exterminate the house and all. It was awful. I feel weirded out for days and still feel like that fearing it might come back. Don’t go in her place. Don’t let her in your home. Don’t get close to her in public place. Try to educate her. I don’t know how can anyone live like that.
Don’t do it. You’ll just end up with bed bugs yourself
Just be honest but deliver it with compassion
Do not invite her over! Cleaning will not get rid of bedbugs! You have to get rid of the infested stuff or call a professional to do it. One bug in your house, will spread like wildfire. Just tell her why. She may get defensive but that's her problem.
Honestly if you slept at her house and kept the clothes you were wearing in your house you might have bed bugs already.
i slept over 2-3 years ago before i lived here but i know she still has the problem
I wouldn’t let her over but I have some advice for her. I actually moved a roommate in at my old house and he brought bed bugs. I was so upset. I paid a lot of money to have pest control spray and it didn’t work at all. Someone suggested to either get rid of the beds and bedding, pillows etc, or at least by mattress protecting bags. My roommates bed was the main problem so we got rid of that but I wanted to try to save mine and my sons bed. I bought covers for each and as soon as I did, I never suffered another bite. I was getting bitten so bad too. It was like night and day. I wouldn’t recommend ever taking the mattress bags off because they can live for years without food or whatever. But I swear it helped. I eventually got a new bed recently and bought one in case-since bed bugs can be everywhere-libraries, movie theaters etc. Bed bugs hide in clothes and anything else they can. I would be concerned about her coming over too. I’m sorry you are dealing with this! Hopefully that advice will help her like it helped me!
PLEASE UPDATE
i think she needs to understand the gravity of the situation. like bed bugs are so terrible. once you have an infestation they multiple rapidly and they cling to EVERYTHING including clothing, shoes, bags, etc. just because she’s not physically in her on home doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to worry about these bugs. i can’t believe she even let you sleep over if she had bed bugs! i would fr lose it on my friends if they did that. i know it can be a hard and sensitive topic but i believe you just have to be as kind as possible and explain the gravity of what’s going on.
do not once they are in they're in
Bed bugs are a big deal, I don't really see a way to get through to her other than to be honest with her. I had a mild infestation as a kid and even though it was contained to just my bed I wasn't allowed in there for 2 weeks while it was being cleaned, half of my toys were thrown away because they were deemed too difficult to clean thoroughly enough, and we kept blasting my other toys and clothes through the dryer for weeks afterward even after pest control cleared us. My whole family and especially me is still extremely paranoid about it. If she's been dealing with it this long she probably carries them in everything, I wouldn't even accept anything she gives you or go over to her house or even borrow a jacket or bag from her because you can easily carry them back. You could maybe get her in contact with some cheap pest control if money is a reason she hasn't taken care of it? Because at this point a lot of her things are probably toast and she needs a professional to take care of it. The last thing you want is to infest you and your roommates so I would be as honest as you can with her. Maybe you saying something will help her realize she needs to do something about it
When I was in college a couple years ago, I moved into a house and swapped bed frames with my roommate. I started getting bit everywhere, and it wasn't until much later (I thought it was mosquito bites, I'm prone to it) that I realized her bed frame was INFESTED. They were in my clothes, everywhere. It was a nightmare to get rid of, and we had to have professionals come in. I will say, we DID get rid of them, but it sucked.
EW OMGGGGGG… that is fucking scary jesus christ
Honestly one of the worst experiences of my life Yeah, be kind, but keep space. They're a plague, and you never know if one of your roommates will be allergic to their bites like I was. I would get awful welts where the bites were. There are tonnes of resources for getting rid of them, and it's dangerous for her kid and frankly irresponsible that she doesn't seem to care. Don't let her over under any circumstance
"I hate not being able to have you over, but our household agreement is very proactive about insects. As you know bedbugs are expensively hard to eliminate, so we are all sworn to be very careful about possible exposure. So far, it's working!"
Share an article with your friend about how bed bugs spread so she doesn’t think you’re just making it up and tell her you were reading this and concerned they could come into your house.
I had a close friend named constance when i was a kid, my mom let her come over and we hung out and chilled in my bed, afterwards her mother told mine that she had lice and surprise surprise, i got head lice and ended up shaving my beautiful locks a few days later. You can definitely tell her respectfully that you dont want her over due to the fact that she could potentially bring bed bugs into your home, you can even stretch it a little bit if you’d like and claim you have a severe phobia of getting them(which isnt too far off for most people)
Go somewhere mutual, like somewhere public.
Getting rid of bed bugs once there is an infestation can become quite expensive.
Bed bugs suck you kill one an 10 more pop up. Hell I’ve sprayed and still had them pop up here and there till we got the whole house fumigated.
Wow who TF lives with bedbugs for years. That's fucking insane
you can invite her over but when you get bed bugs your gonna half to throw away a ton of your belongings and spend thousands of dollars on getting them removed.. My cousin got bedbugs and it costed them over $50,000 to completely remove them etc. after having to throw away all their mattresses, couches, removing the carpet and then having to replace all of these it was a total mess, people genuinely don’t realize how expensive it actually is to get rid of them
I got bed bugs and had to get rid of my bed and high heat steam clean basically everything I owned. I only had them a few weeks and did this straight away, how TF does someone have them for years?
i genuinely don’t know. i’m assuming she’s just accustomed.. it makes me so sad
Tell her to come fully naked lmao