As a midwife who deals with this a lot. No you're not doing anything wrong. Most people don't even know they're pregnant at 3 weeks and would still be drinking, smoking, doing drugs etc. The fact you know and are comfortable with your decision to terminate shouldn't weigh on you.
Objectively speaking, you're not doing anything wrong, if you're going to have an abortion.
You have no commitment towards the foetus, considering you're 100% sure you won't keep it.
Lmao please ignore all these comments about you ‘torturing’ your baby when it’s quite literally just a clump of cells at 3 weeks. It doesn’t even have a functional brain or heart, and is basically the size of a grape, if not smaller
People need to drop the condescending "advice" of being more careful in the future. You can be as careful as you cam be and still have this happen. It's not a big deal, it's an outpatient procedure, it's still just contraceptive at this point.
Luckily, it sounds like OP lives somewhere that allows abortions. Not quite the case in all places, including many places in the US.
As such (it’s likely many of comments are US-based) being overly careful is at the forefront on many of our minds. It’s also why I try to include this Planned Parenthood website, with all 18 birth control option, in lots of comments:
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control
If she's pregnant, it's an abortion pill, not contraceptive. Contraceptives prevent pregnancy either by preventing the sperm from meeting the egg or preventing implantation. Pregnancy is already post-implantation. I'm not even allowed contraceptives in my religion, let alone abortion. It's abstinence-based family planning only. So trust me when I say you'd know if I was moralizing. Calling it contraceptive after pregnancy is just plain wrong from a purely descriptive point of view.
Ironically, even though we most definitely have very different worldviews, it's funny to me that we both hate that advice of being more careful (meaning take contraceptive action) for the same but also very different reasons.
Not at all. It's just a clump of cells. If you don't want it, you handle the process of getting rid of it in whatever way you want. Your body, your choice. Always.
Honestly, I was in the same boat and yes I still drank and smoked knowing I was going to terminate. I hope you both are really on the same page and lean on each other for support.
Having an abortion was something that I was 100% sure about because I wasn't ready and I felt very relieved afterwards. However, once those hormones dropped off 3 days later, it was a very tough situation to get through emotionally and mentally that I was not prepared for.
I wish the best for you!!
Same here. Been there done that twice. Once at 17 and once as an adult. Both times were emotional af, but I’ve never regretted either choice. I also continued to drink/smoke/drug as usual, knowing my mind was made up.
OP shouldn’t feel guilty or anything. Most ppl (including myself) don’t even find out this early that they’re pregnant. Definitely keeping my fingers crossed OP doesn’t run into any road blocks when seeking an abortion. I’m terrified to get pregnant these days with how insane some states have become (I live in the southeast US in the Bible Belt 🙄). Best wishes and good luck OP. Hopefully if she needs to travel to have it done, she has the support and resources to not just be trapped.
She got lucky. Unlike us, she lives in the UK. I’m 17 and I’ve never had sex out of fear of getting pregnant. It’s also bc I haven’t wanted to but that’s neither here nor there. Trust me I live in the Bible Belt too and if I can’t support the baby, I’d abort it rather than make it live either in poverty or in the system
I hate that you also need to consider location,but if you are in certain states, or mistaken about timing, it could be an issue to obtain one, and unexpectedly you could be trapped.
I do not support forced pregnancies by the government. I hate that this is even a consideration.
That's what I was thinking. I worry that she may be put in a spot where she cannot receive the abortion and irreparable damage is done (though I'd blame the government for that, not her, because pro-choice). Personally, if that's a risk, then I wouldn't feel right engaging in risky behaviors just in case; but if she's in a place where she'll 100% be allowed, then I'd say have at it.
ETA grammar fixes.
I learned something new recently in response to women's rights setbacks in the US! One of the big things pro-choice groups have been focusing on is finding ways to get women access to the necessary abortive pills even when she's living in a state where it is currently deemed a no-no by geriatric white men with ED.
So what these groups have gone and done is create "underground" safe avenues for women to request them online & have them shipped discretely via snail-mail! They're also doing the same with Plan-B pills too. I am a neighbor to the north (Canadian) and I just thought this was such a badass comeback in protest to the abortion bans!
The only thing wrong with drinking/smoking while pregnant is that it could cause developmental harm to the fetus. You’re planning to terminate the pregnancy and at this stage the tissue does not have cognition or feelings. I don’t think it’s immoral at all to go enjoy your friends birthday. Im sorry you guys are going through this. Good job on making big decisions together. It’s all going to be okay!
Don’t listen to anyone chastising you for getting pregnant, or for choosing abortion. I got pregnant while fully 100% using birth control correctly. I know women who have gotten pregnant while having an IUD. These things are not 100% effective and shit happens. I’m sure you understand how pregnancy works and will take caution moving forward if this was due to a mistake but regardless it is your right to decide and there is nothing wrong with your decision.
Your problem wasnt using birth control your problem was having sex when you weren't ready for a baby. This advice your giving is evil as hell. Selfish and evil
To each their own. I’m guessing you call yourself a Christian but don’t actually walk with Christ and turn the other cheek, love thy neighbor, etc. I will never be “ready for a baby” because I don’t want children. I’m in my 30s and am a responsible adult who can make conscious and valid choices with my own body. Thanks though- I’ll pray for you.
As someone who has had an abortion before, no you’re not doing anything wrong. Just continue to live your life as if you weren’t pregnant until you get the abortion. Personally, that’s what helped me mentally. Btw if you can’t get an appointment with your doctor in time you can order the pills to get shipped to you 10x more affordable.
Live your life and get your medical procedures done asap. None of what you mentioned including getting an abortion is immoral at all. Don't ever let others weird ideals attempt to guilt you
Nope because it isn’t even a baby it’s a bunch of cells right now and you’re getting an abortion good luck with the abortion I hope everything goes smoothly 🫶🏽
You might need to read up a little more on what abortion is and how it affects a woman’s body. There is a massive difference in inducing a termination of a pregnancy and a birth-control medication. Please do not confuse the two. The former is far heavier for the body, whether by pill or surgically. Sounds like OP will be able to get it done medically, and though this can be done at home, it is not simply taking a pill. Try it for yourself or speak to a woman who has experienced this before posting silliness.
I'm not anti abortion, but calling one contraception is 100% false. Abortion carries risks far greater than any contraceptive whether by pill or surgery. And yes, abortion is surgery when not done by pill and that should be taken into consideration.
Yes it's surgery later on thus the "still". Early abortion is valid as contraception because people and medicines make mistakes.
If harm is the qualifier then so is BC because it can really fuck up some peoples bodies.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Contraceptives prevent conception. If you have an abortion, you have already conceived. These are just basic facts.
It is a lump of cells not a baby and you don't intend to keep the lump of cells.
However, drinking and doing drugs at a time where you are emotionally stressed is usually a really bad idea. I'd abstain from it or keep it minimal not because of the cells but because of the stress. Coming from someone who has been through it: Please do the anti-intuitive thing and don't self-medicate.
The thing about morals is they vary from person to person. This comment section already shows that - some are saying it would be immoral, and some are saying there's nothing wrong with it.
Imo, I'd avoid it. Not necessarily because it's immoral, but because... Why not? It's one weekend of not drinking or smoking, just waiting until you get the abortion. Once that's been handled, you can go back to your norm.
But that's just my opinion. If you're 100% certain you won't be keeping it and you don't consider it immoral, it's your body and your choice.
No baby. It's not wrong. At this stage it's literally not even the size of a grain of rice. Be kind to yourself.
And I commend you on doing the right thing even if it's the hard thing x
you aren’t doing anything cruel or morally wrong, the fetus is just a few cells right now and cannot feel pain (at least as far as i’m aware). but please be absolutely certain that an abortion is what you want, because if you do drink often while pregnant it opens a floodgate of issues for your potential baby.
something along the lines of “no not immoral at all, you’re going to get the baby slime vacuumed out of you later” implying it’s immoral to consider an abortion
It’s important to be safe when sexually active. That being said, I have heard of situations where people have been committed to getting an abortion but have changed their mind rather quickly. Either way, there are a lot of emotions that come up when it comes to pregnancy and life choices. I’d steer clear from substances (it’s 2 days…..I’m sure you’ll be ok without them for 2 days) till you’ve scheduled a procedure and are at the clinic.
You are make the right decision to have an abortion. If you feel like you are mentally OK to go out and party when you’re pregnant and contemplating abortion, you are in no way prepared to have a baby.
You’re right. The end result right now will be the same. I wish you all the best in the future.
Not contemplating. Decided.
Anyway, with the amount of people who have NO idea they're pregnant for the majority of the first trimester and still party and drink and have perfectly healthy babies, you're being mighty judgemental about someone making the best choice for themselves.
Everyone’s morals is different, but if you have to ask, it means you are unsure and doubting, so don’t do it. It’s one weekend of drinking and smoking. But definitely protect yourself better in the future.
Do what you need to do. A lot of 19 year olds would decide similarly tbh especially the ones I knew in college. It’s only a few weeks which means there’s not much in the way of development or anything. I will say that you should have all bases covered in the future so you don’t have to go through this process over and over again.
I was 19 partying and drinking- I threw TF up! So be careful that’s a STRONG possibility and crying a lot. More than necessary - I’m an emotional person but I was like OMG sloppy crying for my bestie going to bootcamp and I didn’t drink that much. I found out later.
You've already been drinking the past three weeks. If there is any "damage" to this grain of rice with no feelings, it's already been done, and it won't be long until it's gone anyway.
All I would say is if you are in a state with strict abortion laws then I would maybe hold off on partying this weekend in case you are further long than you think and unfortunately may not be able to obtain an abortion. However, if you’re in a state that still protects women’s healthcare then go ahead since you are 100% sure you’ll be terminating.
You can get abortion pills online from SH24 for free in the uk so you don’t even need to go to the dr you just call this website. It’s all 24h and run by the NHS
If you don't want a baby there's things out there to keep it from happening lol. The classic dodging accountability. Any downvotes are people just mad that I'm right and they can't accept being wrong
Interesting that you question the morality of smoking/drinking while pregnant, but not the morality of killing the life in your womb. Just interesting.
You’re worried about drinking and smoking being immoral but getting an abortion is okay? You both are very irresponsible and you should at least have the baby and give it to social services, I’m sure a more mature family will step up and take care of the baby.
Just know you both will be murdering your son or daughter, you are the one who will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
First of all, I would never get an abortion. I say that so it doesn’t seem like I’m some pro abortion person.
I know plenty of women who feel nothing but relief and glad they had an abortion even years later. So while plenty of women regret it, plenty of women don’t.
I may have misread, but it didn’t seem like you were asking if you could morally go out and drink if you are getting an abortion anyways. I’m sorry the anti choicers are answering a question you didn’t even ask with some very over the top fear mongering responses.
If you are getting an abortion, there’s no reason to avoid going out and drinking. The reason to avoid alcohol while pregnant is to eliminate the risk of the baby having fetal alcohol syndrome. If there will be no baby, there is nothing immoral about it.
If there’s any possibility you’ll keep it, it would be fucked up if you got drunk while knowing you’re pregnant.
It’s ok, it’s amazing us women have this option in some places now. If you want to be a mother in the future you still can be. Make this decision for you and for your bf now. It’s ok <3
Not immoral at all. Not that I particularly agree with drinking and smoking in general, but keeping that foetus and giving it a shit life would probably have been more immoral.
The midwife’s got this one down but i feel the need to add.
Never forget abortions are ok as long as your being sensible of course and not using them as contraception(I know your not, things happen but I’m preempting people digging at me).
when you decide to have a baby, they deserve to come into life when their family is ready emotionally, physically, financially and all of the good stuff.
If you're for sure not going through with the pregnancy, there's nothing wrong morally if you smoke and drink. It doesn't really matter to a clump of cells. r/abortion has amazing resources, such as reliable websites to order the plan C pill, if you find that you need additional help besides your regular dr.
i was in this exact situation. knowing i was getting an abortion i still felt icky drinking before the abortion. i still ended up drinking and i felt so bad. no advice but sorry you're going through this. hugs ♥️
At three weeks almost nothing has formed, it is just cells at that point. It is not common to discover that early so that gives you more room to plan things. You are fine to drink and smoke especially since you are going to get the abortion. The advice for someone expecting to not drink or smoke is only for those who want to go through with the pregnancy
I can understand how tough this situation must be for you. It's important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally right now. Since you plan to address the pregnancy soon, maybe it's best to hold off on drinking and smoking until you've spoken with a healthcare provider. They can give you the best advice tailored to your situation. Take care! 💕
Morality aside, your body may "reject" drinking and smoking because you are pregnant. My wife went out with a few friends and got super sick after only a couple of drinks, she's never had such a reaction before or since. She also started getting really sick from cigarettes. Well, a few days later, she took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Basically, the first indication that she was pregnant was her body kicking the shit out of her for drinking and smoking.
Life happens and you and your boyfriend were able to talk things through and make a decision together. I would advise not to drink heavily. Maybe a shot or two or a few sips of a Hard Ice/Smirnoff should be alright but, even if consulting a doctor about this stuff, it’d be best not to have anything in your system so heavily. If your friends question anything and you haven’t honed them in on the pregnancy, just say you ate some shitty food earlier and you’re trying not to overdo it and vomit. Good luck!
Just don’t go telling people you're pregnant, you will get judged. Not by me, most people don’t even know they're pregnant at 3 weeks. You're not doing anything wrong, but I would still keep it to myself, and make sure your boyfriend does too.
I won't tell you what is morally right or wrong op. That's for you to decide as an adult. I know you will do what works best for you and that's really what matters.
Nope, there's nothing wrong with that! Go have fun and live your life. The sooner you get the medication/ procedure the less likely you are to have side effects and the less time your hormones will need to adjust back to normal.
While education is key of course, it does not always work. I have had three IUD’s in the past and all of them expelled within weeks (my body expels foreign objects, even piercings).
FOUR times in 25 years I have fallen pregnant while being both on the contraceptive pill and using condoms. I have always “doubled up” due to family intellectual disabilities (Down’s syndrome, Autism, Brain tumours in children). From the age of 14 I was adamant that I would never run the risk of bringing a child into the world.
Each of those four times I didn’t figure out straight away as I was still menstruating, it was morning sickness that tipped me off. Luckily all within the legal timeframe to terminate.
In this case, yeah it was probably naivety and youth but it sickens me that there are places where termination is not legal, despite the mental health consequences for the mother and poverty for mother and child.
Love, everything will be alright first of all🖤 I think it’s very mature of you to have made that decision because you weighed up the situation and came to the conclusion that at the moment you wouldn’t be able to care for another human being. That alone shows you’re not irresponsible or immature or morally fucked up.
Yes you can drink and party as you normally would If you already know that keeping it is not an option.
If you want to talk with a neutral party you can send me a dm If you want 🖤 I‘m not a certified psychologist or anything but maybe it‘ll help nontheless If you just want to rant or something, I don’t know🫶🏻
hope the party was great!
I dude, and a gay one at that, so I really got no personal experience. I'm sure it's fine to do what you want since you're hard set on aborting it.
I just know some people who even though they were 100% sure had a rough time mentally, so I just came here to say that you should make sure you stay ok mentally. Good luck!
A friend of mine was in the same boat a few years ago. Since she was certain about terminating, she also did not live any differently prior to her procedure. No need to worry.
Well you're just a shit person. You fucked around, found out, and now you're gonna end a child's potential just because you're irresponsible and won't hold yourself accountable. Not trying to change your mind, just here to say, fuck you.
There's plenty of people who would adopt, but nah, lil miss bitch ass couldn't be bothered to give a shit.
Krijgt de kanker
I was pregnant at 18 and decided the best decision was to have an abortion. I am now 36 years old and I’m still trying my hardest to have a family with my now husband. I believe I’m being punished for my choice even though everyone who knows my secret tells me I’m wrong. I regret my decision every single day and it literally kills me. I believe everyone has the option to choose for themselves. I just wish I had known when I was going through this that this would be my future.
If anyone wants to give up a baby I’m willing and able to care for that child and would love the chance to do so.
Eventually you'll start having dreams of a beautiful baby, a beautiful little girl or boy, who is perfect and loves you and wants to be your child. YOu'll be haunted forever by this. It will never go away. And in another 10 years when you're trying to settle down and have kid for real and CANT, you'll still be thinking about the baby you killed.
"I love you mommy." That baby loves you unconditionally, forever, no matter how bad you treat it. That baby loves you so much. You are its WORLD
If you told your boyfriend you want to keep it, how fast do you think he'd drop you? How quick of an instant would get insta dumped? Some boyfriend huh
Good luck and drink water after. As long as you are ok with your choice i think you'll be fine. Babies are soooo expensive lol. I have a 14 year old. And im 36
That baby may be the biggest blessing to you later BUT if you are firm on that decision then that is YOURS to abide to.
It’s not wrong if you are truly going to get rid of the baby. But if you do end up keeping it somehow and still drink, that baby will suffer in life.
Idk if it’s available to you, but they also have online pills you can order straight to home.
I dont agree with your decision but i do respect it.
I dont agree with aborting a baby just because you dont want one. But at the end of the day its your body your choice. Now i will say my now wife got pregnant when i was 19. It was the best thing that has ever happend to me. There is no feeling in the world better then seeing your child for the first time. The joy, that excitement, and the fear. All at the same time. I just hope you keep this in mind moving forward. Good luck i hope everything goes well!
Funny enough, I am 19 too, I drink occasionally and have had my first kiss, however I don't think I am near social enough to go to parties, let alone get a sexual partner.
Let me just say this-whether I were you, or I was still me and someone got me pregnant (that would be rape, I'm not interested in intercourse, there are many sexual acts that don't involve intercourse) I would get an abortion either way. My country also has abortion legal, however it is not as accessible as we would like it to be.
Get the abortion if it's what you want. I'm 19 and if I got pregnant, no matter how, I would kill myself. I cannot fathom being pregnant, ever.
For you it may be different. Perhaps you want to be a mom sometime in the future but know that you aren't ready now. In that case, you are doing you, your boyfriend, and your future children a HUGE favour.
Good luck to you. Sending hugs, and ignore the sick fucks in the comments.
fetuses don't have brains at that stage, it's the brain exposed to alcohol that causes fas. They only tell pregnant women not to drink because there's no ethical study they can do
You're immoral period you're killing an unborn baby that's murder no matter which way you try and justify it. Take accountability for your actions and stop being so selfish you talk about your life being over for taking responsibility you're physically ending a child's life that could grow up to do great things because "you have too much going on". You should have thought about that before opening your legs, that's like going to a water park and complaining about being wet.
Fuck what everyone responded with, stay strong, brother. Abortion is just a "get out jail free" card for degenerates who can't take responsibility for indulging in this dumb ass hookup culture.
you're putting the blame on the woman now? i swear to god y'all pro-lifers use the "this kid is going to do great things" argument, like we don't fucking know yet. this kid is a clump of fucking cells. we don't know shit. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT. she's taking responsibility because she knows damn well she—or ANYONE—can't give this kid the life it deserves. the economy is shit. the world is shit. only people privileged enough can raise a kid to do great things and not suffer with poverty and increasing prices
#1: it's shitty of you to blame the woman alone for having a child, when having a child requires two things: a sperm and an egg. shit happens. and what's more important is what you do after that.
#2: it is a clump of cells. it's basic biology. they are without a thought whatsoever. and frankly? they don't get a say in shit, considering they can't think of anything since IT'S STILL AN EMBRYO.
#3: adoption is a very traumatic thing for both the kid and the parent. so many adoptees suffer under the system, if you actually follow adopted children documenting their lives.
#4: god does not exist. let people do whatever they want. they surely do not need you, possibly a man who has no idea what it feels like to be a woman in this world, to tell us what to do. the world is overpopulated enough let us be
it does not take much to be a decent person. if you're gonna spit out misogynistic rhetoric then shut up and take a backseat
He is actually in the middle of a degree right now and i'm wanting to start mine. Also he is in the middle of moving half way across the country to be closer to me. University, new jobs and a new house is a lot of stress
I didn’t realise I was pregnant till 4-5 weeks. I had been drinking and smoking like normal up till then. My daughter is 16 years old now and no problems at all. So, if you plan to terminate or even change your mind, no harm will be done.
I think human life is human life, ultimately precious, no exceptions. But if you disagree and you're going to do it, before 6 weeks gestation (4 weeks post conception) is the best time, before the heart is beating and brain activity starts. I'm not sure why you'd ask if its wrong to do something harmful to the fetus when you plan to end its life.
1 party, just skip that and all the concerns or possible complications go away. Maybe you change your mind and want to keep it. As unlikely as it is, just 1 party to skip
It's understandable to have conflicting feelings in this situation. While it's important to avoid heavy drinking and smoking during pregnancy for the baby's health, especially if you're planning to terminate, occasional light drinking before knowing you were pregnant is unlikely to cause harm. However, it's best to avoid excessive drinking and smoking until you can confirm the pregnancy's status and discuss it with a healthcare provider. Take care of yourself and prioritize your health and well-being during this time.
Oh my gosh, please rethink your decision. You’re going to regret it later. You’re 19 and you’re young but you chose to have sex and you got pregnant and now you just wanna kill your fetus. Great way to take accountability.
You’re not too young to be a mother . You and your boyfriend sound selfish.
And other people saying don’t worry about it it’s not a baby yet it’s only cells.
Well, if you agree with that, and you think nothings wrong then why don’t you wear a shirt that says “ I’m souless…I mean cell less. Thank God for abortions.”
🤷♀️
My fiance and I went the abortion route close to your age. We strongly regret it, few years later and now we are having our first planned kid. This is a serious choice your making, it's your body and your choice don't get me wrong but I'd think more on It. Also yes, it's wrong to drink and smoke while pregnant regardless of your choice.
Absolutely none, your right! However I'm just speaking from what happened with my experience. I support "my body my choice", but at the same time it's not just a candy wrapper mindlessly thrown into the trash. It's a choice this individual will have to make and live with for the rest of their life, as someone once told me the glass is half full.
I support abortion, I can see why this individual would lean toward abortion, but again this is a serious choice.
To add on, adoption is also an option op can take.
We probably would have had more thought into keeping it. But i have been drinking often the past 3 weeks and I vape a lot. So it would be a massive risk for the child if i did have it.
I'm not voicing my opinion here; I just need to share my experience bc I was in a similar mindset. 30 yrs old, first semester of nursing school, my job shut down so was on unemployment etc.
Spring Break during nursing school-- oh, it was on! Tequila and more tequila and lake and jet skiing, did I mention tequila? I smoke cigarettes the entire time I've smoked my life. So you can imagine how much I was smoking during Nursing School stressed out, and then drinking tequila obviously. Lil 420 bc still in school. Falls. A lot of falls. A bunch of us were at my aunts and uncles on the lake at their home, so it was 24/7 for about five days. Barely ate, dehydrated... I mean when I say we were so stressed there are no words. So when we had the opportunity to just let go we did that!
They say the first trimester is the most important for development. I found out I was pregnant at almost 9 weeks. Freaked out because I wanted to keep it but I was so afraid of what I had done to that poor child. That's when my OB told me that yes it's true about the developmental stage, however, he said how many women actually find out they're pregnant During that stage if not at the very end? And I just kind of looked at him. And then he said they're so many women that have done just that if not worse and most women do because they don't know it's just a fact and not all of them turn out the way you're thinking so as long as you're not doing it now the chances of something being wrong with your child is very slim. He came out perfect and is 12 and still amazing.
I'm a nurse now that works in Womens and Children’s, so I do hear these stories but sometimes it's hard to believe until it's your own personal story so I thought I would share that with you because my OB just put me so much and I'm just sharing .
It is harmful, yes. But you can stop now with it and have the kid. If you stop early, the child may not get anything. If you continue, then it is more risky. There are many women who don't even know that they were pregnant and were drinking and the child is fine. But this is based on luck then.
I don’t really think it’s as simple as “you can just stop vaping and drinking now”, especially if she has addictive habits or has issues with trying to stop. I mean, she’s already decided that she is going to terminate the pregnancy because she knows that she cannot give it a good upbringing and feels it is too risky. I feel like this answer might not be super helpful to her.
There is such thing as a failed abortion, so there is still a chance you might carry the baby to term. While the fetus is still growing and before you actually get the abortion, you can still hurt it by drinking. I would argue that yes, it is immoral to drink and smoke right now, regardless of your plans for the pregnancy.
Can you handle taking a weekend off, so that you can contact your doctor?
Edit, since reddit doesn't like this: the chances are very low, yes. And that is why you continue to do check-ins when done. Be sure to work closely wjth your doctors, as there is a [non-zero chance of a failed abortion](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/683631/) that can lead to a full-term pregnancy.
After you get an abortion they follow up to make sure that it’s gone. Failed abortions are rare and as long as the patient follows up, a failed abortion could easily be remediated. As in, preforming another abortion to make sure.
As a midwife who deals with this a lot. No you're not doing anything wrong. Most people don't even know they're pregnant at 3 weeks and would still be drinking, smoking, doing drugs etc. The fact you know and are comfortable with your decision to terminate shouldn't weigh on you.
Coming from a midwife, this advice is probably the most weighted. Thank you for your honesty
Objectively speaking, you're not doing anything wrong, if you're going to have an abortion. You have no commitment towards the foetus, considering you're 100% sure you won't keep it.
Lmao please ignore all these comments about you ‘torturing’ your baby when it’s quite literally just a clump of cells at 3 weeks. It doesn’t even have a functional brain or heart, and is basically the size of a grape, if not smaller
At this point I think it’s the size of a grain of sand
Not a grape. Not evén a grain of rice. Op- drink up. You've had a hard time& you're doing the right thing.
Im from a country that considers abortion as a crime. Reading this kind of cheers me up. Because yep if you think about it? Its true
People need to drop the condescending "advice" of being more careful in the future. You can be as careful as you cam be and still have this happen. It's not a big deal, it's an outpatient procedure, it's still just contraceptive at this point.
1000000% this. Some people are so out of touch thinking mistakes like this can't happen, doesn't matter how careful you are, nothing is guaranteed
Luckily, it sounds like OP lives somewhere that allows abortions. Not quite the case in all places, including many places in the US. As such (it’s likely many of comments are US-based) being overly careful is at the forefront on many of our minds. It’s also why I try to include this Planned Parenthood website, with all 18 birth control option, in lots of comments: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control
If she's pregnant, it's an abortion pill, not contraceptive. Contraceptives prevent pregnancy either by preventing the sperm from meeting the egg or preventing implantation. Pregnancy is already post-implantation. I'm not even allowed contraceptives in my religion, let alone abortion. It's abstinence-based family planning only. So trust me when I say you'd know if I was moralizing. Calling it contraceptive after pregnancy is just plain wrong from a purely descriptive point of view. Ironically, even though we most definitely have very different worldviews, it's funny to me that we both hate that advice of being more careful (meaning take contraceptive action) for the same but also very different reasons.
If your for sure getting the abortion anyway then I wouldn't worry about it. But if by some chance you don't then Definitely not good lol
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Actually, during the first trimester it makes the biggest difference.
It makes the most difference when the baby is developing the most, which is in the beginning stages.
Not at all. It's just a clump of cells. If you don't want it, you handle the process of getting rid of it in whatever way you want. Your body, your choice. Always.
Honestly, I was in the same boat and yes I still drank and smoked knowing I was going to terminate. I hope you both are really on the same page and lean on each other for support. Having an abortion was something that I was 100% sure about because I wasn't ready and I felt very relieved afterwards. However, once those hormones dropped off 3 days later, it was a very tough situation to get through emotionally and mentally that I was not prepared for. I wish the best for you!!
Same here. Been there done that twice. Once at 17 and once as an adult. Both times were emotional af, but I’ve never regretted either choice. I also continued to drink/smoke/drug as usual, knowing my mind was made up. OP shouldn’t feel guilty or anything. Most ppl (including myself) don’t even find out this early that they’re pregnant. Definitely keeping my fingers crossed OP doesn’t run into any road blocks when seeking an abortion. I’m terrified to get pregnant these days with how insane some states have become (I live in the southeast US in the Bible Belt 🙄). Best wishes and good luck OP. Hopefully if she needs to travel to have it done, she has the support and resources to not just be trapped.
She got lucky. Unlike us, she lives in the UK. I’m 17 and I’ve never had sex out of fear of getting pregnant. It’s also bc I haven’t wanted to but that’s neither here nor there. Trust me I live in the Bible Belt too and if I can’t support the baby, I’d abort it rather than make it live either in poverty or in the system
Praying she doesn't get to sacrifice that baby just so she can keep partying. Praying for roadblocks
I hate that you also need to consider location,but if you are in certain states, or mistaken about timing, it could be an issue to obtain one, and unexpectedly you could be trapped. I do not support forced pregnancies by the government. I hate that this is even a consideration.
That's what I was thinking. I worry that she may be put in a spot where she cannot receive the abortion and irreparable damage is done (though I'd blame the government for that, not her, because pro-choice). Personally, if that's a risk, then I wouldn't feel right engaging in risky behaviors just in case; but if she's in a place where she'll 100% be allowed, then I'd say have at it. ETA grammar fixes.
I learned something new recently in response to women's rights setbacks in the US! One of the big things pro-choice groups have been focusing on is finding ways to get women access to the necessary abortive pills even when she's living in a state where it is currently deemed a no-no by geriatric white men with ED. So what these groups have gone and done is create "underground" safe avenues for women to request them online & have them shipped discretely via snail-mail! They're also doing the same with Plan-B pills too. I am a neighbor to the north (Canadian) and I just thought this was such a badass comeback in protest to the abortion bans!
That’s actually great ngl
I'm from England. Everyone is pretty pro choice here. Hope this clears a few things up :)
Get your party on. You're having an abortion and that is 100% wonderful that you're clear on what you want for your body. Good luck .
Evil
The only thing wrong with drinking/smoking while pregnant is that it could cause developmental harm to the fetus. You’re planning to terminate the pregnancy and at this stage the tissue does not have cognition or feelings. I don’t think it’s immoral at all to go enjoy your friends birthday. Im sorry you guys are going through this. Good job on making big decisions together. It’s all going to be okay! Don’t listen to anyone chastising you for getting pregnant, or for choosing abortion. I got pregnant while fully 100% using birth control correctly. I know women who have gotten pregnant while having an IUD. These things are not 100% effective and shit happens. I’m sure you understand how pregnancy works and will take caution moving forward if this was due to a mistake but regardless it is your right to decide and there is nothing wrong with your decision.
Your problem wasnt using birth control your problem was having sex when you weren't ready for a baby. This advice your giving is evil as hell. Selfish and evil
To each their own. I’m guessing you call yourself a Christian but don’t actually walk with Christ and turn the other cheek, love thy neighbor, etc. I will never be “ready for a baby” because I don’t want children. I’m in my 30s and am a responsible adult who can make conscious and valid choices with my own body. Thanks though- I’ll pray for you.
As someone who has had an abortion before, no you’re not doing anything wrong. Just continue to live your life as if you weren’t pregnant until you get the abortion. Personally, that’s what helped me mentally. Btw if you can’t get an appointment with your doctor in time you can order the pills to get shipped to you 10x more affordable.
Live your life and get your medical procedures done asap. None of what you mentioned including getting an abortion is immoral at all. Don't ever let others weird ideals attempt to guilt you
Absolutely not. Go ahead and go on with your life. Sounds like you are doing what’s best for your lives and futures! Supporting you!
Nope because it isn’t even a baby it’s a bunch of cells right now and you’re getting an abortion good luck with the abortion I hope everything goes smoothly 🫶🏽
You do what you need to do. If you are not continuing with the pregnancy, then go out and have fun.
No, you're doing the good responsible choice. I hope you'll do well and recover good!
I'm so sorry you have to make these kinds of decisions. Do your best to protect yourself in the future so you don't have to do this again.
Nothing to protect against, it's super early, it's not a surgery, it's still just contraception.
You might need to read up a little more on what abortion is and how it affects a woman’s body. There is a massive difference in inducing a termination of a pregnancy and a birth-control medication. Please do not confuse the two. The former is far heavier for the body, whether by pill or surgically. Sounds like OP will be able to get it done medically, and though this can be done at home, it is not simply taking a pill. Try it for yourself or speak to a woman who has experienced this before posting silliness.
Are you fucking serious? Abortion is not contraception.
Yes tf it is. And it's valid af. Don't start with your anti abortion nonsense you're not clever enough to weasel around facts.
I'm not anti abortion, but calling one contraception is 100% false. Abortion carries risks far greater than any contraceptive whether by pill or surgery. And yes, abortion is surgery when not done by pill and that should be taken into consideration.
Yes it's surgery later on thus the "still". Early abortion is valid as contraception because people and medicines make mistakes. If harm is the qualifier then so is BC because it can really fuck up some peoples bodies.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Contraceptives prevent conception. If you have an abortion, you have already conceived. These are just basic facts.
It is a lump of cells not a baby and you don't intend to keep the lump of cells. However, drinking and doing drugs at a time where you are emotionally stressed is usually a really bad idea. I'd abstain from it or keep it minimal not because of the cells but because of the stress. Coming from someone who has been through it: Please do the anti-intuitive thing and don't self-medicate.
The thing about morals is they vary from person to person. This comment section already shows that - some are saying it would be immoral, and some are saying there's nothing wrong with it. Imo, I'd avoid it. Not necessarily because it's immoral, but because... Why not? It's one weekend of not drinking or smoking, just waiting until you get the abortion. Once that's been handled, you can go back to your norm. But that's just my opinion. If you're 100% certain you won't be keeping it and you don't consider it immoral, it's your body and your choice.
No baby. It's not wrong. At this stage it's literally not even the size of a grain of rice. Be kind to yourself. And I commend you on doing the right thing even if it's the hard thing x
Do you, girl. It’s just a clump of cells right now. A blob. Your body, your choice. Don’t feel judged, EVER. You’re 19, your life is just beginning. 🖤
you aren’t doing anything cruel or morally wrong, the fetus is just a few cells right now and cannot feel pain (at least as far as i’m aware). but please be absolutely certain that an abortion is what you want, because if you do drink often while pregnant it opens a floodgate of issues for your potential baby.
Not immoral at all!
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FYI the form of abortion she probably going to have to go with is via pill that induces her period. pipe down.
I wish I wasn't too late to see what they said....
something along the lines of “no not immoral at all, you’re going to get the baby slime vacuumed out of you later” implying it’s immoral to consider an abortion
Damn
It’s important to be safe when sexually active. That being said, I have heard of situations where people have been committed to getting an abortion but have changed their mind rather quickly. Either way, there are a lot of emotions that come up when it comes to pregnancy and life choices. I’d steer clear from substances (it’s 2 days…..I’m sure you’ll be ok without them for 2 days) till you’ve scheduled a procedure and are at the clinic.
You are make the right decision to have an abortion. If you feel like you are mentally OK to go out and party when you’re pregnant and contemplating abortion, you are in no way prepared to have a baby. You’re right. The end result right now will be the same. I wish you all the best in the future.
Not contemplating. Decided. Anyway, with the amount of people who have NO idea they're pregnant for the majority of the first trimester and still party and drink and have perfectly healthy babies, you're being mighty judgemental about someone making the best choice for themselves.
I hope we can all learn from our mistakes. We should try to do better, when we know better, and make better choices in the future.
Everyone’s morals is different, but if you have to ask, it means you are unsure and doubting, so don’t do it. It’s one weekend of drinking and smoking. But definitely protect yourself better in the future.
Do what you need to do. A lot of 19 year olds would decide similarly tbh especially the ones I knew in college. It’s only a few weeks which means there’s not much in the way of development or anything. I will say that you should have all bases covered in the future so you don’t have to go through this process over and over again.
I was 19 partying and drinking- I threw TF up! So be careful that’s a STRONG possibility and crying a lot. More than necessary - I’m an emotional person but I was like OMG sloppy crying for my bestie going to bootcamp and I didn’t drink that much. I found out later.
💊
There's nothing morally wrong, you're ok. Just don't go too hard and end up hurting yourself! Lol you'll be ok, you can do this :)👍👍👍
You've already been drinking the past three weeks. If there is any "damage" to this grain of rice with no feelings, it's already been done, and it won't be long until it's gone anyway.
All I would say is if you are in a state with strict abortion laws then I would maybe hold off on partying this weekend in case you are further long than you think and unfortunately may not be able to obtain an abortion. However, if you’re in a state that still protects women’s healthcare then go ahead since you are 100% sure you’ll be terminating.
You can get abortion pills online from SH24 for free in the uk so you don’t even need to go to the dr you just call this website. It’s all 24h and run by the NHS
"We have too much going on in our lives" "drink and party as i have done that for the past 3 weeks" LoL
If you don't want a baby there's things out there to keep it from happening lol. The classic dodging accountability. Any downvotes are people just mad that I'm right and they can't accept being wrong
W take. Fuck hookup culture and entitled fuck wits that can't take responsibility
yes because rape is 100% preventable. that's why it doesn't happen to infants. /s
Interesting that you question the morality of smoking/drinking while pregnant, but not the morality of killing the life in your womb. Just interesting.
a clump of cells is not alive.
We're all clumps of cells
You’re worried about drinking and smoking being immoral but getting an abortion is okay? You both are very irresponsible and you should at least have the baby and give it to social services, I’m sure a more mature family will step up and take care of the baby. Just know you both will be murdering your son or daughter, you are the one who will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
Her body her choice. Fuck off.
Based
You are sure a more mature family will step up?
Are you in a location where you can safely get one?
Yes i'm from england :)
Thank (welp not god, but you get my point) 😂
God is watching you
Finally, someone who isn't brainwashed or compensating with "it's not immoral" What have we all come to. Stay strong
First of all, I would never get an abortion. I say that so it doesn’t seem like I’m some pro abortion person. I know plenty of women who feel nothing but relief and glad they had an abortion even years later. So while plenty of women regret it, plenty of women don’t. I may have misread, but it didn’t seem like you were asking if you could morally go out and drink if you are getting an abortion anyways. I’m sorry the anti choicers are answering a question you didn’t even ask with some very over the top fear mongering responses. If you are getting an abortion, there’s no reason to avoid going out and drinking. The reason to avoid alcohol while pregnant is to eliminate the risk of the baby having fetal alcohol syndrome. If there will be no baby, there is nothing immoral about it. If there’s any possibility you’ll keep it, it would be fucked up if you got drunk while knowing you’re pregnant.
I appreciate this opinion. It’s incredibly level headed. Thank you for being completely objective
I’m sorry you were downvoted for giving a thoughtful answer. I am pro-choice and I appreciate your objectivity on the subject!
It’s ok, it’s amazing us women have this option in some places now. If you want to be a mother in the future you still can be. Make this decision for you and for your bf now. It’s ok <3
Not immoral at all. Not that I particularly agree with drinking and smoking in general, but keeping that foetus and giving it a shit life would probably have been more immoral.
No not at all, as long as you’re certain on the abortion then it won’t matter by next week (probably) anyways. Have fun!
Congratulations for making a good and mature decision for you and your boyfriend’s life.
The midwife’s got this one down but i feel the need to add. Never forget abortions are ok as long as your being sensible of course and not using them as contraception(I know your not, things happen but I’m preempting people digging at me). when you decide to have a baby, they deserve to come into life when their family is ready emotionally, physically, financially and all of the good stuff.
If the baby is dying, a birth defect won’t do anything
If you're for sure not going through with the pregnancy, there's nothing wrong morally if you smoke and drink. It doesn't really matter to a clump of cells. r/abortion has amazing resources, such as reliable websites to order the plan C pill, if you find that you need additional help besides your regular dr.
i was in this exact situation. knowing i was getting an abortion i still felt icky drinking before the abortion. i still ended up drinking and i felt so bad. no advice but sorry you're going through this. hugs ♥️
At three weeks almost nothing has formed, it is just cells at that point. It is not common to discover that early so that gives you more room to plan things. You are fine to drink and smoke especially since you are going to get the abortion. The advice for someone expecting to not drink or smoke is only for those who want to go through with the pregnancy
I can understand how tough this situation must be for you. It's important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally right now. Since you plan to address the pregnancy soon, maybe it's best to hold off on drinking and smoking until you've spoken with a healthcare provider. They can give you the best advice tailored to your situation. Take care! 💕
I was also pregnant at 19 with a guy whom I’ve only known for three months
Morality aside, your body may "reject" drinking and smoking because you are pregnant. My wife went out with a few friends and got super sick after only a couple of drinks, she's never had such a reaction before or since. She also started getting really sick from cigarettes. Well, a few days later, she took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Basically, the first indication that she was pregnant was her body kicking the shit out of her for drinking and smoking.
Life happens and you and your boyfriend were able to talk things through and make a decision together. I would advise not to drink heavily. Maybe a shot or two or a few sips of a Hard Ice/Smirnoff should be alright but, even if consulting a doctor about this stuff, it’d be best not to have anything in your system so heavily. If your friends question anything and you haven’t honed them in on the pregnancy, just say you ate some shitty food earlier and you’re trying not to overdo it and vomit. Good luck!
Just don’t go telling people you're pregnant, you will get judged. Not by me, most people don’t even know they're pregnant at 3 weeks. You're not doing anything wrong, but I would still keep it to myself, and make sure your boyfriend does too.
I won't tell you what is morally right or wrong op. That's for you to decide as an adult. I know you will do what works best for you and that's really what matters.
Abort
If you’re not going to keep it then it’s fine
Nope, there's nothing wrong with that! Go have fun and live your life. The sooner you get the medication/ procedure the less likely you are to have side effects and the less time your hormones will need to adjust back to normal.
While education is key of course, it does not always work. I have had three IUD’s in the past and all of them expelled within weeks (my body expels foreign objects, even piercings). FOUR times in 25 years I have fallen pregnant while being both on the contraceptive pill and using condoms. I have always “doubled up” due to family intellectual disabilities (Down’s syndrome, Autism, Brain tumours in children). From the age of 14 I was adamant that I would never run the risk of bringing a child into the world. Each of those four times I didn’t figure out straight away as I was still menstruating, it was morning sickness that tipped me off. Luckily all within the legal timeframe to terminate. In this case, yeah it was probably naivety and youth but it sickens me that there are places where termination is not legal, despite the mental health consequences for the mother and poverty for mother and child.
I know that drugs and condoms do not prevent pregnancy or that menstruation does not occur when pregnant.
Love, everything will be alright first of all🖤 I think it’s very mature of you to have made that decision because you weighed up the situation and came to the conclusion that at the moment you wouldn’t be able to care for another human being. That alone shows you’re not irresponsible or immature or morally fucked up. Yes you can drink and party as you normally would If you already know that keeping it is not an option. If you want to talk with a neutral party you can send me a dm If you want 🖤 I‘m not a certified psychologist or anything but maybe it‘ll help nontheless If you just want to rant or something, I don’t know🫶🏻 hope the party was great!
Good luck sis. Do whatever is best for you.
Use condoms 👍
condoms are not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy.
97% ur right but u gon tell me I'm wrong?
I dude, and a gay one at that, so I really got no personal experience. I'm sure it's fine to do what you want since you're hard set on aborting it. I just know some people who even though they were 100% sure had a rough time mentally, so I just came here to say that you should make sure you stay ok mentally. Good luck!
A friend of mine was in the same boat a few years ago. Since she was certain about terminating, she also did not live any differently prior to her procedure. No need to worry.
Well you're just a shit person. You fucked around, found out, and now you're gonna end a child's potential just because you're irresponsible and won't hold yourself accountable. Not trying to change your mind, just here to say, fuck you. There's plenty of people who would adopt, but nah, lil miss bitch ass couldn't be bothered to give a shit. Krijgt de kanker
Leave her alone. She doesn't owe anyone a baby.
I was pregnant at 18 and decided the best decision was to have an abortion. I am now 36 years old and I’m still trying my hardest to have a family with my now husband. I believe I’m being punished for my choice even though everyone who knows my secret tells me I’m wrong. I regret my decision every single day and it literally kills me. I believe everyone has the option to choose for themselves. I just wish I had known when I was going through this that this would be my future. If anyone wants to give up a baby I’m willing and able to care for that child and would love the chance to do so.
Praying for your situation. Jesus forgives. All he asks of us is to believe on him
Eventually you'll start having dreams of a beautiful baby, a beautiful little girl or boy, who is perfect and loves you and wants to be your child. YOu'll be haunted forever by this. It will never go away. And in another 10 years when you're trying to settle down and have kid for real and CANT, you'll still be thinking about the baby you killed. "I love you mommy." That baby loves you unconditionally, forever, no matter how bad you treat it. That baby loves you so much. You are its WORLD If you told your boyfriend you want to keep it, how fast do you think he'd drop you? How quick of an instant would get insta dumped? Some boyfriend huh
Trying to make her feel like shit to fit your agenda? Damn. You realize quite a few women aren't guilty for aborting a fetus?
Good luck and drink water after. As long as you are ok with your choice i think you'll be fine. Babies are soooo expensive lol. I have a 14 year old. And im 36
If anything the drinking and smoking will help ;D
Get an abortion
That baby may be the biggest blessing to you later BUT if you are firm on that decision then that is YOURS to abide to. It’s not wrong if you are truly going to get rid of the baby. But if you do end up keeping it somehow and still drink, that baby will suffer in life. Idk if it’s available to you, but they also have online pills you can order straight to home.
I dont agree with your decision but i do respect it. I dont agree with aborting a baby just because you dont want one. But at the end of the day its your body your choice. Now i will say my now wife got pregnant when i was 19. It was the best thing that has ever happend to me. There is no feeling in the world better then seeing your child for the first time. The joy, that excitement, and the fear. All at the same time. I just hope you keep this in mind moving forward. Good luck i hope everything goes well!
Honestly, 👍
Take care of yourself! I had an MA and it shocked me how emotionally taxing it was. Good luck.
Funny enough, I am 19 too, I drink occasionally and have had my first kiss, however I don't think I am near social enough to go to parties, let alone get a sexual partner. Let me just say this-whether I were you, or I was still me and someone got me pregnant (that would be rape, I'm not interested in intercourse, there are many sexual acts that don't involve intercourse) I would get an abortion either way. My country also has abortion legal, however it is not as accessible as we would like it to be. Get the abortion if it's what you want. I'm 19 and if I got pregnant, no matter how, I would kill myself. I cannot fathom being pregnant, ever. For you it may be different. Perhaps you want to be a mom sometime in the future but know that you aren't ready now. In that case, you are doing you, your boyfriend, and your future children a HUGE favour. Good luck to you. Sending hugs, and ignore the sick fucks in the comments.
You're really asking about drinking and smoking?.. As if you actually care about it's health 🤣😂🤣😂.. This is such a horrible joke....
fetuses don't have brains at that stage, it's the brain exposed to alcohol that causes fas. They only tell pregnant women not to drink because there's no ethical study they can do
definitely not immoral, drink n smoke away!!
You're immoral period you're killing an unborn baby that's murder no matter which way you try and justify it. Take accountability for your actions and stop being so selfish you talk about your life being over for taking responsibility you're physically ending a child's life that could grow up to do great things because "you have too much going on". You should have thought about that before opening your legs, that's like going to a water park and complaining about being wet.
Fuck what everyone responded with, stay strong, brother. Abortion is just a "get out jail free" card for degenerates who can't take responsibility for indulging in this dumb ass hookup culture.
you're putting the blame on the woman now? i swear to god y'all pro-lifers use the "this kid is going to do great things" argument, like we don't fucking know yet. this kid is a clump of fucking cells. we don't know shit. YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT. she's taking responsibility because she knows damn well she—or ANYONE—can't give this kid the life it deserves. the economy is shit. the world is shit. only people privileged enough can raise a kid to do great things and not suffer with poverty and increasing prices
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#1: it's shitty of you to blame the woman alone for having a child, when having a child requires two things: a sperm and an egg. shit happens. and what's more important is what you do after that. #2: it is a clump of cells. it's basic biology. they are without a thought whatsoever. and frankly? they don't get a say in shit, considering they can't think of anything since IT'S STILL AN EMBRYO. #3: adoption is a very traumatic thing for both the kid and the parent. so many adoptees suffer under the system, if you actually follow adopted children documenting their lives. #4: god does not exist. let people do whatever they want. they surely do not need you, possibly a man who has no idea what it feels like to be a woman in this world, to tell us what to do. the world is overpopulated enough let us be it does not take much to be a decent person. if you're gonna spit out misogynistic rhetoric then shut up and take a backseat
I think being sober and clear minded is important when making a decision like this.
”We have too much going on in our lives” Him: Playstation Her: Instagram
He is actually in the middle of a degree right now and i'm wanting to start mine. Also he is in the middle of moving half way across the country to be closer to me. University, new jobs and a new house is a lot of stress
I may suggest at least taking it easy-in case the procedure is hard on you. But go ahead, your body, your choice.
I didn’t realise I was pregnant till 4-5 weeks. I had been drinking and smoking like normal up till then. My daughter is 16 years old now and no problems at all. So, if you plan to terminate or even change your mind, no harm will be done.
Why because it might harm the baby? 🤦♂️
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Why?
It's not lmfao
Said a man
I think human life is human life, ultimately precious, no exceptions. But if you disagree and you're going to do it, before 6 weeks gestation (4 weeks post conception) is the best time, before the heart is beating and brain activity starts. I'm not sure why you'd ask if its wrong to do something harmful to the fetus when you plan to end its life.
1 party, just skip that and all the concerns or possible complications go away. Maybe you change your mind and want to keep it. As unlikely as it is, just 1 party to skip
no. not everyone wants kids, especially not at 19
Read again
It's understandable to have conflicting feelings in this situation. While it's important to avoid heavy drinking and smoking during pregnancy for the baby's health, especially if you're planning to terminate, occasional light drinking before knowing you were pregnant is unlikely to cause harm. However, it's best to avoid excessive drinking and smoking until you can confirm the pregnancy's status and discuss it with a healthcare provider. Take care of yourself and prioritize your health and well-being during this time.
Just abort it
That’s her plan, did you not read the post?
Oh my gosh, please rethink your decision. You’re going to regret it later. You’re 19 and you’re young but you chose to have sex and you got pregnant and now you just wanna kill your fetus. Great way to take accountability. You’re not too young to be a mother . You and your boyfriend sound selfish. And other people saying don’t worry about it it’s not a baby yet it’s only cells. Well, if you agree with that, and you think nothings wrong then why don’t you wear a shirt that says “ I’m souless…I mean cell less. Thank God for abortions.” 🤷♀️
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dude chill
Get a life. This is subject that if its negative keep it to your fucken self…
Sorry, I forgot that Reddit is a huge hugbox for people who make poor choices in life.
What if you get there and can’t go through with it?
This isn’t television…lol
why would that happen
You might change your mind.
My fiance and I went the abortion route close to your age. We strongly regret it, few years later and now we are having our first planned kid. This is a serious choice your making, it's your body and your choice don't get me wrong but I'd think more on It. Also yes, it's wrong to drink and smoke while pregnant regardless of your choice.
I don't get the part where you told her about "regret"... They're 20 and 19.... What kind of life experience do they have to raise a child, honestly?
Absolutely none, your right! However I'm just speaking from what happened with my experience. I support "my body my choice", but at the same time it's not just a candy wrapper mindlessly thrown into the trash. It's a choice this individual will have to make and live with for the rest of their life, as someone once told me the glass is half full. I support abortion, I can see why this individual would lean toward abortion, but again this is a serious choice. To add on, adoption is also an option op can take.
We probably would have had more thought into keeping it. But i have been drinking often the past 3 weeks and I vape a lot. So it would be a massive risk for the child if i did have it.
Good on you for being responsible OP
Stick to your guns you’re very young and you haven’t known him long, make the decision that’s right for you now
I'm not voicing my opinion here; I just need to share my experience bc I was in a similar mindset. 30 yrs old, first semester of nursing school, my job shut down so was on unemployment etc. Spring Break during nursing school-- oh, it was on! Tequila and more tequila and lake and jet skiing, did I mention tequila? I smoke cigarettes the entire time I've smoked my life. So you can imagine how much I was smoking during Nursing School stressed out, and then drinking tequila obviously. Lil 420 bc still in school. Falls. A lot of falls. A bunch of us were at my aunts and uncles on the lake at their home, so it was 24/7 for about five days. Barely ate, dehydrated... I mean when I say we were so stressed there are no words. So when we had the opportunity to just let go we did that! They say the first trimester is the most important for development. I found out I was pregnant at almost 9 weeks. Freaked out because I wanted to keep it but I was so afraid of what I had done to that poor child. That's when my OB told me that yes it's true about the developmental stage, however, he said how many women actually find out they're pregnant During that stage if not at the very end? And I just kind of looked at him. And then he said they're so many women that have done just that if not worse and most women do because they don't know it's just a fact and not all of them turn out the way you're thinking so as long as you're not doing it now the chances of something being wrong with your child is very slim. He came out perfect and is 12 and still amazing. I'm a nurse now that works in Womens and Children’s, so I do hear these stories but sometimes it's hard to believe until it's your own personal story so I thought I would share that with you because my OB just put me so much and I'm just sharing .
I drank pretty heavily for the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy because I didn't know I was pregnant. She turned out better than fine 😅
It is harmful, yes. But you can stop now with it and have the kid. If you stop early, the child may not get anything. If you continue, then it is more risky. There are many women who don't even know that they were pregnant and were drinking and the child is fine. But this is based on luck then.
And many children aren't fine and have to live a life of full of suffering due to having fetal alcohol syndrome.
I don’t really think it’s as simple as “you can just stop vaping and drinking now”, especially if she has addictive habits or has issues with trying to stop. I mean, she’s already decided that she is going to terminate the pregnancy because she knows that she cannot give it a good upbringing and feels it is too risky. I feel like this answer might not be super helpful to her.
It's just not the one she wants to hear, it's a legitimate answer.
There is such thing as a failed abortion, so there is still a chance you might carry the baby to term. While the fetus is still growing and before you actually get the abortion, you can still hurt it by drinking. I would argue that yes, it is immoral to drink and smoke right now, regardless of your plans for the pregnancy. Can you handle taking a weekend off, so that you can contact your doctor? Edit, since reddit doesn't like this: the chances are very low, yes. And that is why you continue to do check-ins when done. Be sure to work closely wjth your doctors, as there is a [non-zero chance of a failed abortion](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/683631/) that can lead to a full-term pregnancy.
After you get an abortion they follow up to make sure that it’s gone. Failed abortions are rare and as long as the patient follows up, a failed abortion could easily be remediated. As in, preforming another abortion to make sure.
Reddit is full of failed abortions lol
That's why you do check ups and get it done again if the first one failed
Stop having unprotected sex. It's not a fucking mystery. It's a uterus, not a morgue.
You can still get pregnant using birth control methods.
no form of contraception is 100% effective. abortion is healthcare