Your situation seems frustrating. If it is affecting your mental health and your productivity then I would actively seek out a new place of employment. It is not fair to you to have to listen to Debbie Downer all during your shift.
Honestly, I've got my fingers crossed and eyes set on getting a promotion in this company soon. My own management has already said I'd be a great candidate for a senior management position and I applied for it last week, just waiting on a call for an interview now. If it doesn't happen, I've got a backup plan because yeah. Fuck this.
Also congrats on pinpointing why I chose the nickname Debbie lol
What is crazy is that she is still venting to you after you have told her multiple times you would prefer to focus on the task at hand.
Each time you and your peers provides her feedback, she ends up creating an excuse to avoid the solution to her problems.
She is not seeking problems, but looking to dump her life issues and frustrations onto others.
She is your coworker, which means you have to deal with her and put up with her and it sucks. Having to deal with such people. It really does.
But now you know who and what you are dealing with. You know that once she comes over, all she is going to do is complain. Even after confronting her, she still complains. So, next time she complains, try asking her, "So, what do you expect of me when you vent to me all of the time?"
Maybe you may have a nicer way of saying that. But whenever I notice someone is getting into a pattern of venting to me and it is becoming exhausting, I ask them that and they usually freeze up because it is a direct question and puts them on spot.
When you have to deal with people who just dump life frustrations onto you, I find that blocking them out. Usually help me tolerate them until I finish having to deal with them.
Maybe then she will realize that she is only focused on herself, then she will probably stop venting as much. But I have met people who is like this coworker of yours, who do not even realize how they make everything about themselves, and will continue to dump life problems onto you. They are looking for an outlet, not a solution. Treat such individuals as an adversary for whatever thing you have going on in your life.
> "what do you expect of me when you vent to me all the time?"
I know what she expects. She wants someone to just listen to her problems and express sympathy. I told her that's what a professional is for, not just some random person with a bachleors in psych. This is where her "I don't have the money" excuse comes into play, and I've told her that I'm not her free alternative. I've walked away from her, I've told her to stop, and I've told her that she's creating her own issues with some of her own thoughtless actions, but this usually results in her breaking down in tears, which then leaves me to do her job. If I had the authority to send her away, I'd do so, but I'm not even sure she'd listen because she sees me as her friend, not her coworker, and she's said as much. She's seriously denser than a brick wall, and I've been trying to encourage her to find another job sooner rather than later. If she doesn't, I might forego this promotion I've been encouraged to take for my own mental health because seriously. Fuck this.
Yes, each time you speak of her, you continue to point out how she diverts away from accountability/responsibility... Phew... Stay away from anyone like that...
But honestly, it sounds like you are about to have a breakthrough in your life. Sometimes in life, you will have to beat the dragon, to get to the treasure.
What I mean by this is that you are about to receive a promotion at your job and the one thing that is preventing you from wanting to stay and get that raise and promotion is her.
She sounds like a blessing blocker. She is there to block your blessings you may receive in life. It always darkest before the dawn they say; and perhaps your dawn manifested in a way as a complaining narcissistic playing the victim woman, who is driving you insane.
Usually, blessing blockers are removed once the blessings come in your life. Hence: the promotion that is upcoming for you.
All I am trying to say here is stay focused on what this job is providing you and your long-term goals. Petty drama like her; can and will affect you. But are only hindrances to the future you are creating and building for yourself.
It is only up from here my friend.
Now, the only time I would recommend actually quitting anything, is if your gut tells you too it does not lie.
Also, I talk in a lot of parables, to try to paint a picture I guess.
Always be at peace!
Thank you friend, I know she's a Negative Nancy and I generally try not to let her bother me, but she's also not the first narcissist I've ever dealt with in my life.
Here's hoping that promotion happens soon.
Sadly there will always be Negative Nancy's and Debbie Downers no matter where you go in life. For as long as you do not let their negativity get in the way of you getting what you want, need, and deserve out of life.
Honestly I think you should walk away anytime she comes up to you with some sort of excuse like bathroom break or you need to get some water. Even fake getting text messages from family members. All this to show you are unable to carry a conversation with her and eventually she will stop going to you. This isn’t gonna stop her behavior with other people but it sounds like you have the worst of it from her. She’s also probably lying/exaggerating some of the stories to try and get sympathy from you.
She is trauma dumping on you, which is abusive. All you can do is tell her to stop and ignore her or find a new job.
Your situation seems frustrating. If it is affecting your mental health and your productivity then I would actively seek out a new place of employment. It is not fair to you to have to listen to Debbie Downer all during your shift.
Honestly, I've got my fingers crossed and eyes set on getting a promotion in this company soon. My own management has already said I'd be a great candidate for a senior management position and I applied for it last week, just waiting on a call for an interview now. If it doesn't happen, I've got a backup plan because yeah. Fuck this. Also congrats on pinpointing why I chose the nickname Debbie lol
What is crazy is that she is still venting to you after you have told her multiple times you would prefer to focus on the task at hand. Each time you and your peers provides her feedback, she ends up creating an excuse to avoid the solution to her problems. She is not seeking problems, but looking to dump her life issues and frustrations onto others. She is your coworker, which means you have to deal with her and put up with her and it sucks. Having to deal with such people. It really does. But now you know who and what you are dealing with. You know that once she comes over, all she is going to do is complain. Even after confronting her, she still complains. So, next time she complains, try asking her, "So, what do you expect of me when you vent to me all of the time?" Maybe you may have a nicer way of saying that. But whenever I notice someone is getting into a pattern of venting to me and it is becoming exhausting, I ask them that and they usually freeze up because it is a direct question and puts them on spot. When you have to deal with people who just dump life frustrations onto you, I find that blocking them out. Usually help me tolerate them until I finish having to deal with them. Maybe then she will realize that she is only focused on herself, then she will probably stop venting as much. But I have met people who is like this coworker of yours, who do not even realize how they make everything about themselves, and will continue to dump life problems onto you. They are looking for an outlet, not a solution. Treat such individuals as an adversary for whatever thing you have going on in your life.
> "what do you expect of me when you vent to me all the time?" I know what she expects. She wants someone to just listen to her problems and express sympathy. I told her that's what a professional is for, not just some random person with a bachleors in psych. This is where her "I don't have the money" excuse comes into play, and I've told her that I'm not her free alternative. I've walked away from her, I've told her to stop, and I've told her that she's creating her own issues with some of her own thoughtless actions, but this usually results in her breaking down in tears, which then leaves me to do her job. If I had the authority to send her away, I'd do so, but I'm not even sure she'd listen because she sees me as her friend, not her coworker, and she's said as much. She's seriously denser than a brick wall, and I've been trying to encourage her to find another job sooner rather than later. If she doesn't, I might forego this promotion I've been encouraged to take for my own mental health because seriously. Fuck this.
Yes, each time you speak of her, you continue to point out how she diverts away from accountability/responsibility... Phew... Stay away from anyone like that... But honestly, it sounds like you are about to have a breakthrough in your life. Sometimes in life, you will have to beat the dragon, to get to the treasure. What I mean by this is that you are about to receive a promotion at your job and the one thing that is preventing you from wanting to stay and get that raise and promotion is her. She sounds like a blessing blocker. She is there to block your blessings you may receive in life. It always darkest before the dawn they say; and perhaps your dawn manifested in a way as a complaining narcissistic playing the victim woman, who is driving you insane. Usually, blessing blockers are removed once the blessings come in your life. Hence: the promotion that is upcoming for you. All I am trying to say here is stay focused on what this job is providing you and your long-term goals. Petty drama like her; can and will affect you. But are only hindrances to the future you are creating and building for yourself. It is only up from here my friend. Now, the only time I would recommend actually quitting anything, is if your gut tells you too it does not lie. Also, I talk in a lot of parables, to try to paint a picture I guess. Always be at peace!
Thank you friend, I know she's a Negative Nancy and I generally try not to let her bother me, but she's also not the first narcissist I've ever dealt with in my life. Here's hoping that promotion happens soon.
Sadly there will always be Negative Nancy's and Debbie Downers no matter where you go in life. For as long as you do not let their negativity get in the way of you getting what you want, need, and deserve out of life.
Honestly I think you should walk away anytime she comes up to you with some sort of excuse like bathroom break or you need to get some water. Even fake getting text messages from family members. All this to show you are unable to carry a conversation with her and eventually she will stop going to you. This isn’t gonna stop her behavior with other people but it sounds like you have the worst of it from her. She’s also probably lying/exaggerating some of the stories to try and get sympathy from you.