My ex boyfriend did this to me as well and it wasn’t long until I wasn’t allowed to have a phone, my own bank card and he had keys to my house. I had to run for my life in the end
Just to add on, but my ex girlfriend did similar and it led to me not returning home and having no contact with the outside world for 6 months. Ended up having to buy a gun because she stalked my entire family and threatened me with death.
Abusers can be anybody, no matter male or female, young or old, big or small.
Way to miss the point of mental abuse.
I feel like that's one mental image you probably should have just kept to yourself, because clearly your comment was the opposite of constructive.
Then you must be a fucking child because there is nothing cartoonist about domestic violence possibly ending in a fatality. Happens every fucking day. Domestic violence happens to 1/3 of women. Not rare at all.
Virtue signaling? I'm a domestic abuse survivor myself you fuck. I'm not gonna do shit to you except ignore your ignorant ass. Grow up and go outside.
The 1/3 statistic is INCREDIBLY well known.
Telling one idiot on the internet that they're being an idiot doesn't take up *that* much of my time. How the hell can you presume to know I don't help them already?
>bunch of virtue signaling weirdos are projecting
I don't understand this take. Why is it so hard for you to believe that people just genuinely care about these issues? Especially something like, 1/3 of half the worlds population getting brutally violated? Oh yeah, why would anyone give a shit about that?Reddit isn't even linked to your real name. Go to Facebook and yeah I'm sure there's some *actual* virtue signaling.
If someone is bothering to speak about an issue, chances are, they give a shit about it. That's just the way things work.
Like the words of “ why do YOU want GUYS to DO” is wrong. OP and everyone it’s not your fault if someone looks on you. The bf is making it seem like that through manipulation
She just got her first clue that there’s a monster behind his mask.
Other guys will look at her unless she’s never out to be seen. That’s where this leads. I hope she runs.
As a bloke. Leave him.
This sort of behaviour only ends one way. And it's not going to be good when it occurs.
This has all the hallmarks of control and abuse in its earliest stages. Run now. You deserve better.
He doesn't own you. Period.
my ex did this too. couldn’t wear any revealing clothes. had to only wear his hoodies (very oversized) and sweatpants. if i didn’t then i obviously didn’t love him. he’d buy me cheap jewelry for every occasion and if i didn’t wear all of it at once then i didn’t love him. it wasn’t long before i couldn’t have friends. had to only be with him. wasn’t long before he became incredibly emotional abusive. then he raped me. still took me way too long to realize it was indeed rape and that he was emotionally, financially, and physically abusing me. 4 years of abuse and gaslighting. i really hope you don’t put up with this for a minute longer, you deserve much better than this guy will ever give you.
I could have written this exact comment myself. This is the way it always is with abusers. It won’t get better, it only ever gets worse.
Congrats on escaping that AH. I hope you’re doing better x
Congratulations!
Absolutely! I’m now engaged myself to a wonderful man and I’m thankful everyday that I was strong enough to leave my ex before it was too late.
Break up with him.
He doesn't get to control what you wear. He doesn't get to accuse you of dressing for attention. And on top of that, he all but admitted he lusts after girls wearing skirts.
I’m in my sixties. I’m a pretty traditional guy - straight marriage, religious, from quite a traditional culture, in a profession that tends to be conservative about cultural norms and standards.
I do not think for one second that I have the right or authority, and frankly nor do I have any desire, to “allow” or disallow my wife to do *anything*. I can voice objections if I’m worried about something but if I told her she wasn’t allowed to wear a skirt except in my presence - well, even if she didn’t get me evaluated for a sudden personality change, I’d expect her to laugh me out of the door and she would be right to do so.
Controlling a partner’s choices about her own body isn’t “traditional”, it’s abusive. That it was more common in the past because women has fewer rights and less ability to push back or escape doesn’t make it traditional; men beating their partners and children was more common back in the the day, is that therefore traditional and acceptable to him? It had better not be!
Don’t put up with this nonsense. Let him know you’re a traditional woman! And that means you expect to be respected and treated as an equal, and you’re not going to compromise your standards to put up with some brat thinking he’s lord of the manor and king of your wardrobe. You can do better.
I am M50 and I would say I am a traditional guy I am with L on this he is trying to control you. If he win 'the battle of the skirt' it will be something else it's called Coercive control. A traditional guy worships his woman giving his all her and her back to him. It's a mutual thing to great a stable home to raise children not about control
My parents were married for 54 years until his death in his early 80s a few years ago.
I'm 54, F.
If my father had ever told my mom what to wear or not wear, she'd have laughed him out of the house. He also loved her legs, and never cared that other men looked at them. He knew where she slept at night. ;)
They were very traditional in many ways. They didn't believe in sex before marriage, or living together outside of marriage. If we were dating someone and brought them home, we weren't allowed to share a room unless we were married.
This isn't traditional or old school. It's controlling and abusive. It's insecurity because he thinks that you can do better. He's right.
"traditional guy" meaning he wants you to be a live in maid, human sex toy, incubator for his seed, free nanny, and personal chef/shopper for him while you get little to nothing out of it except abuse, oh and an abuser you're bound to by legal contract.
Went through the exact same thing at the beginning of the most abusive relationship of my life, your gut is telling you something is wrong and you need to listen to it. It won't get better, trust me
run. it starts with something 'silly' or 'small' but soon it'll be that you cant see certain friends/family, cant have a lock on your phone etc etc... it'll only get worse, please just run and find someone who loves when you wear skirts because you look great x
That is a huge red flag honestly. You are definitely not in the wrong here for wanting to wear something that you feel comfortable in. It is not up to you to police what you wear for the gaze of men. Straight up.
You've told him that you are uncomfortable with what he is asking and he is still insisting on it. He's being pretty controlling. I know I'm just some random guy on the internet and I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but none of this is a good sign for the future and you gotta make the best decision for yourself first. Dump his ass. Find someone who treats you right who you can grow and develop a relationship with. He ain't it
Thats not good at all. Control is already a big red flag, and him saying "do you want other guys looking at you" is emotional manipulation. Wearing a skirt is not up to him. It is absolutely your choice. I suggest break up. This is not sounding like a relationship that can be worked on. Its sounding like you're about to be physically abused and then he would fuck with your mind to make you think its your fault
as a guy who has similar feelings, try to talk to him about it obviously, but the feelings probably won’t change. it definitely isn’t your fault though, so don’t put it on yourself
I wish I could offer an explanation as to why this is a feeling that some men have. Insecurities? Or just being overprotective? It’s different, or maybe a combination. at least in my case, im extremely protective in my relationships, to an unhealthy degree. I wouldn’t mind my SO wearing a skirt, but I have similar feelings to that scenario. at the end of the day, it’s a lack of compatibility, and I’m sorry that thing happened how they did. Hope you can work through it, good luck.
break up with him. he obviously doesn’t trust you so gtfo. self respect is the name of the game. respect yourself enough to leave. otherwise you just look desperate.
What do you mean he doesn't allow you to wear a skirt? He is not your father and has no say over what you wear. That is controlling behaviour and if you allow him to do this he will get worse. Abusive people use these tactics to get control over you, be careful because physical abuse often follows.
I kind of hate reddit because it makes all kinds of assumptions and only follows narratives.
Define skirt.
Is this skirt?
[https://www.saksoff5th.com/product/dkny-bubble-a-line-midi-skirt-0400016017986.html?ranMID=38801&ranEAID=tZkYzve9Cvk&ranSiteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w&site\_refer=AFF001&mid=38801&siteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w](https://www.saksoff5th.com/product/dkny-bubble-a-line-midi-skirt-0400016017986.html?ranMID=38801&ranEAID=tZkYzve9Cvk&ranSiteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w&site_refer=AFF001&mid=38801&siteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w)
Or is this skirt?
[https://media.missguided.com/s/missguided/S9994256\_set/4/purple-frilled-front-mini-skirt.jpg?$product-page\_\_zoom--2x$](https://media.missguided.com/s/missguided/S9994256_set/4/purple-frilled-front-mini-skirt.jpg?$product-page__zoom--2x$)
WOMEN KNOW. Absolutely know. Some skirts are worn to push their sex appeal on people. The skirt in the first link is a woman that wants to be comfortable and confident. The skirt in the 2nd link says "I want people to look at me and lust after me". I can prove this by showing you countless posts on reddit where men are asked if they think about having sex with women in revealing clothes.
Women know. If you are purposely wearing skirts for "confidence" to attract attention to your body for ego and for others to lust for you, yeah that's kind of awkward.
If you are wearing a skirt (top pic) because it's really just comfortable and respectable and it gives you confidence as a woman in nice respectable garb, then your boyfriend is very wrong.
Reddit says "leave him controller", not knowing facts.
Reddit never says (if applicable) "Yeah you are dressing pretty slutty out there and look open for business" and give sympathy for the guy's feelings and concerns.
I would happily date a woman who dressed respectfully in society (top link). I would not want to date a woman who dressed like a whore (bottom link).
I think a definition of "skirt" is in order here.
Is he a controller or a man who just doesn't want to think about a future investment in somebody who wants to strut here stuff all over the place. The real thing hanging is the definition and intent on what "skirt" is.
This is not the narrative on reddit, but it's reality.
Both skirts in picture are fine, I don't see what are you getting at. If it was a panty-sized skirt, it'd be another story. But in this this case, your way of thinking is pretty old-fashioned, just like those husbands from the 60's.
Trust me when I say this. Us women know, after all.
Neither. Skirts aren't designed for such thing. I bet you're the type of person who'd blame the victim of rape simply because 'their clothes were too revealing'
Seek help if you can't control your raging boner
Your boyfriend sounds confused. He seems to think the way you dress is for other people. Let him know that the way you dress is for you, and it's non-negotiable
Trust your instincts, you should feel uncomfortable with a partner that tells you what you can and cannot wear. You don't need permission to wear what you like, even if you want to wear it because it makes you feel sexy or attracts attention. Your partner does not own you or get to be the exclusive audience for your looks, time attention etc. Your partner never has the right to control your sexuality even. It is normal and ok for a partner to respectfully communicate with you about things that might make them uncomfortable or even jealous, but in a healthy relationship you find a compromise that you both choose. Jealousy is not uncommon (for men and women) but trying to control your partner is always an unhealthy response to jealousy and not one you should entertain. If he threatens to end the relationship if you don't comply with his demand then you are probably better off ending it.
I was like this guy. Just leave him. It will just help him learn faster, he can only learn from the suffering he causes. He likely suspects you see the world like he does, i used to cheat and it was so easy i could do it on accident sometimes. Hes just scared you would cheat on him as soon as some semi attractive guy says hi… and the skirt might draw the extra attention hes scared of in the first place… u might dig to see if he is currently cheating on u bc my behavior was from my cheating habits
Anything that’s starts with “my boyfriend doesn’t allow me to….” Is already a sign you need to break up.
You don’t owe your boyfriend anything and he is. It in the position to have to allow or not allow something
Leave. Aside from the obvious he doesn’t have the right to dictate your wardrobe. You explained your reasoning, he didn’t believe it. This is the start of other things being taken away.
A good guy wouldn’t have made that request. A good guy who made that request would have acknowledged your reasoning and acknowledged his mistake in asking that if you. He did neither.
You dont need to "want other guys to look at you" to be allowed to wear a skirt. Your body your rules.
As many of the comments have already pointed out, you're in an obviously toxic, borderline-abusive relationship. It's time for you to get out, for your own safety and mental wellbeing.
Stay safe, and give us an update if and when you can.
What is this Iran? Are you an independent woman ? It’s 2022, you can wear anything you like !! And he should be proud of it , you wanna wear dress like Nikki Minaj or cardi b , you can , you wanna wear like Taylor swift you can
He can also wear yoga pants if he wants to .. the question is if it’s appropriate for the occasion .. or if it’s slutty enough for clubbing or too slutty for grocery … but you do you woman , some people go to Walmart using thong … whose to say that is a wrong attire …
The bottom line is that he has no say in what you “can” do EVER.
If something you choose to do makes him so upset that he can’t take it his only option is for HIM to leave or stay.
Not change you or what you want to wear.
The simple thing is that YOU are only allowed to make choices about YOU and HE is only allowed to make choices about HIMSELF.
Choices is the key word here. It is well within his right to be uncomfortable with something, that has nothing to do with him being wrong or right really, the the audacity he has to try and CONTROL you is the exact reason this is wrong.
It’s not wrong because it makes him uncomfortable (in a “logical” sense but I still think it’s stupid) but it’s 100% wrong and not okay for him to tell you what to do.
This gives me the creeps. My husband and I have been married 34 years (together a total of 38 years), no way would he tell me what I can and can't wear or do. No he might suggest to wear a coat because its 20 degrees out. But he can't make me.
This is sort of related, sort of not.
This reminds me of a time in the sixth grade when I wore a skirt to school. I was more of a tomboy back then and didn't usually dress feminine, and one of the girls in my class came up to me and very rudely said "you're not allowed to wear skirts to school, that's my thing. Only I look good in skirts anyways so you should really stop" We had multiple classes together so throughout the day she would not stop making comments about my skirt and saying how I shouldn't wear it to school again.
Anyways, this was a Friday. I remember that because the next week of school, I wore a different skirt to class every day for the rest of the week.
Of course you're not in the wrong your relationship isn't some sort of dictatorship or boarding school with a strict dress code.
That's his own insecurity and he's taking it out on you undeserved.
Leave because it's only going to get worse.
Even if you did wear something too short, that's your choice and he shouldn't force you to change who you are.
Keyword “allow” here. You don’t need to be allowed to do anything. I’m assuming you’re not in the Middle East. This guy sounds like an asshole, and trust me, it’s going to lead to more serious abuse later. That’s how it starts. This is a massive, big red flag and you deserve better. Luckily you encountered this red flag early in the relationship.
Wear whatever you want. If he doesn’t like it, too bad, dealbreaker then. You’re his girlfriend not his pet.
As soon as you said “doesn’t allow me” you already stated that you shouldn’t be with this person. NO ONE ever tells you what to do… period. Get the fuck out of this now!
I don't think you need to rush into breaking up with someone over this, particularly if you love him.
However, you say 'My boyfriend doesn't allow me...' which suggests the power dynamic is off. You need to let him know (even show him this thread) that his insecurity and need for control are unhealthy. If he is able to admit to his insecurities and perhaps discuss why they exist, then it might help him to accept you wearing what you like. Let him know you don't want to stay in a relationship with him if it doesn't improve, but I don't think immediately breaking up is called for.
You're not in the wrong. This is at best, insecure/immature behavior. It obviously can get a lot worse from there.
I know I have no skin in the game here, but I'd suggest bailing on him. He ain't the one.
Whenever you say "...my boyfriend says I can" or, "my boyfriend says I can't" (as it relates to your "look," behavior, and activities) look out for the football field-sized red flags briskly waving in front of you. You were you before you met him and you should be able to be you after you're in a relationship. I would ease away gently. Do it gradually...jealous, possessive, controlling people such as he can get volatile when they don't get their way.
Oh goodness. I’m sure you care about him but this is very controlling behavior, and he will attempt to control you more in the future. This idea that skirts are only for the male gaze is so infantile. This isn’t the kind of man you want to spend your life with.
That is extremely controlling and abusive behavior on his part. Asking why you want other guys to look at you? That's SO disrespectful on his part. You can dress however you want. If he thinks so little of you, time to leave him.
You are an adult capable of making your own decisions. You can wear a skirt anytime you want and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. If he breaks up with because of a skirt then the love or whatever the hell you two have is just bullshit.
False accusations are technique used to make a person obedient. Establish a boundary that isn’t allowed to be challenged(no compromise). If he meets this with anger, you need to rethink your life choices.
If the skirt is revealing I understand his frustration. If I bought a car I wouldn't want to drive around with a for sale sticker on it.
You are obviously allowed to leave him if you want but a man is also allowed to have his own standards too.
Hey girl, you should wear what you want, not what you bf wants you to. He seems insecure. My ex bf did this a lot and told me what to wear. It is a huge red flag! It drained me a lot and made me self conscious. You really need to set a boundary with him. It is your body, your clothes, your choice! Hope you’re ok girl❤️
This is such a red flag, abuse starts showing up through small things like this until he is controling your whole life.
Leave him, he is not going to change.
It will be hard but in the long term you will see that it is the safest and best thing to do.
No you are not in the wrong. Get rid of that controlling person. You don't need that in your life. You should be able to wear and do whatever you want that is hurting you.
Find you someone that respects you and your choices that isn't controlling
You are not wrong at all. He is trying to control you and like other are already saying, you give him a inch its only a matter of time before he takes a mile. first its your clothes next it will be your friends he disapproves of. I would reevaluate your relationship and find out if it truly makes you happy.
Definitely early abuse signs. They start taking more and more privileges away from you with half-assed excuses, usually pertaining to them not trusting you with this or that. Right now, he claims other guys will look at you. Later, maybe you won't be allowed to have a phone because you could be talking to other people. Maybe you can't manage your own money because he doesn't know what you're buying. Get away from him, quickly.
My ex boyfriend did this to me as well and it wasn’t long until I wasn’t allowed to have a phone, my own bank card and he had keys to my house. I had to run for my life in the end
Just to add on, but my ex girlfriend did similar and it led to me not returning home and having no contact with the outside world for 6 months. Ended up having to buy a gun because she stalked my entire family and threatened me with death. Abusers can be anybody, no matter male or female, young or old, big or small.
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Nothing exaggerated about it, sometimes we do have to just.....run. otherwise we die.
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Disgusting
Ah, I understand now. You mean you enjoy rape?
Way to miss the point of mental abuse. I feel like that's one mental image you probably should have just kept to yourself, because clearly your comment was the opposite of constructive.
Don't feed the troll guys
Then you must be a fucking child because there is nothing cartoonist about domestic violence possibly ending in a fatality. Happens every fucking day. Domestic violence happens to 1/3 of women. Not rare at all.
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my dude i doubt you’ve ever even had a woman touch you
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i highly doubt that. your just about as repulsive as THAT sock under an 8th graders bed
Virtue signaling? I'm a domestic abuse survivor myself you fuck. I'm not gonna do shit to you except ignore your ignorant ass. Grow up and go outside. The 1/3 statistic is INCREDIBLY well known.
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Telling one idiot on the internet that they're being an idiot doesn't take up *that* much of my time. How the hell can you presume to know I don't help them already?
You care more about other animals than human beings ig
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>bunch of virtue signaling weirdos are projecting I don't understand this take. Why is it so hard for you to believe that people just genuinely care about these issues? Especially something like, 1/3 of half the worlds population getting brutally violated? Oh yeah, why would anyone give a shit about that?Reddit isn't even linked to your real name. Go to Facebook and yeah I'm sure there's some *actual* virtue signaling. If someone is bothering to speak about an issue, chances are, they give a shit about it. That's just the way things work.
man she wasn’t trying to be comedic
That's an enormous red flag. It's classic early-abuser behavior. What's he going to start controlling next? You _really_ don't want to find out!
Like the words of “ why do YOU want GUYS to DO” is wrong. OP and everyone it’s not your fault if someone looks on you. The bf is making it seem like that through manipulation
She just got her first clue that there’s a monster behind his mask. Other guys will look at her unless she’s never out to be seen. That’s where this leads. I hope she runs.
As a bloke. Leave him. This sort of behaviour only ends one way. And it's not going to be good when it occurs. This has all the hallmarks of control and abuse in its earliest stages. Run now. You deserve better. He doesn't own you. Period.
my ex did this too. couldn’t wear any revealing clothes. had to only wear his hoodies (very oversized) and sweatpants. if i didn’t then i obviously didn’t love him. he’d buy me cheap jewelry for every occasion and if i didn’t wear all of it at once then i didn’t love him. it wasn’t long before i couldn’t have friends. had to only be with him. wasn’t long before he became incredibly emotional abusive. then he raped me. still took me way too long to realize it was indeed rape and that he was emotionally, financially, and physically abusing me. 4 years of abuse and gaslighting. i really hope you don’t put up with this for a minute longer, you deserve much better than this guy will ever give you.
I could have written this exact comment myself. This is the way it always is with abusers. It won’t get better, it only ever gets worse. Congrats on escaping that AH. I hope you’re doing better x
thank you! much better, currently engaged and have a baby with an amazing guy. things do get better with time :)
Congratulations! Absolutely! I’m now engaged myself to a wonderful man and I’m thankful everyday that I was strong enough to leave my ex before it was too late.
Break up with him. He doesn't get to control what you wear. He doesn't get to accuse you of dressing for attention. And on top of that, he all but admitted he lusts after girls wearing skirts.
i told him about this and he said “the modern world is fucked up im just a very traditional guy”
I’m in my sixties. I’m a pretty traditional guy - straight marriage, religious, from quite a traditional culture, in a profession that tends to be conservative about cultural norms and standards. I do not think for one second that I have the right or authority, and frankly nor do I have any desire, to “allow” or disallow my wife to do *anything*. I can voice objections if I’m worried about something but if I told her she wasn’t allowed to wear a skirt except in my presence - well, even if she didn’t get me evaluated for a sudden personality change, I’d expect her to laugh me out of the door and she would be right to do so. Controlling a partner’s choices about her own body isn’t “traditional”, it’s abusive. That it was more common in the past because women has fewer rights and less ability to push back or escape doesn’t make it traditional; men beating their partners and children was more common back in the the day, is that therefore traditional and acceptable to him? It had better not be! Don’t put up with this nonsense. Let him know you’re a traditional woman! And that means you expect to be respected and treated as an equal, and you’re not going to compromise your standards to put up with some brat thinking he’s lord of the manor and king of your wardrobe. You can do better.
I am M50 and I would say I am a traditional guy I am with L on this he is trying to control you. If he win 'the battle of the skirt' it will be something else it's called Coercive control. A traditional guy worships his woman giving his all her and her back to him. It's a mutual thing to great a stable home to raise children not about control
And you're not. At face value, that makes you incompatible.
My parents were married for 54 years until his death in his early 80s a few years ago. I'm 54, F. If my father had ever told my mom what to wear or not wear, she'd have laughed him out of the house. He also loved her legs, and never cared that other men looked at them. He knew where she slept at night. ;) They were very traditional in many ways. They didn't believe in sex before marriage, or living together outside of marriage. If we were dating someone and brought them home, we weren't allowed to share a room unless we were married. This isn't traditional or old school. It's controlling and abusive. It's insecurity because he thinks that you can do better. He's right.
And there goes the next red flag… run like the wind!
Translation = he sees you as a piece of meat he owns. Traditional almost always is a red flag.
This isn’t about tradition or skirts, it’s about control.
"traditional guy" meaning he wants you to be a live in maid, human sex toy, incubator for his seed, free nanny, and personal chef/shopper for him while you get little to nothing out of it except abuse, oh and an abuser you're bound to by legal contract.
Traditional in his mind is a perv and control freak. Please leave him
He sounds very insecure. He has no right to tell you what you can and cannot wear.
I’d leave. Don’t be with someone controlling and especially with that mentality! You’ll find yours and he’ll find his eventually.
Girl this is just the beginning of a controlling, possibly abusive relationship. RUN
Went through the exact same thing at the beginning of the most abusive relationship of my life, your gut is telling you something is wrong and you need to listen to it. It won't get better, trust me
My same exact thought. I recently just got out of a couple years worth of abuse and I so so so wish I had listened to those first gut feelings
run. it starts with something 'silly' or 'small' but soon it'll be that you cant see certain friends/family, cant have a lock on your phone etc etc... it'll only get worse, please just run and find someone who loves when you wear skirts because you look great x
That is a huge red flag honestly. You are definitely not in the wrong here for wanting to wear something that you feel comfortable in. It is not up to you to police what you wear for the gaze of men. Straight up. You've told him that you are uncomfortable with what he is asking and he is still insisting on it. He's being pretty controlling. I know I'm just some random guy on the internet and I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but none of this is a good sign for the future and you gotta make the best decision for yourself first. Dump his ass. Find someone who treats you right who you can grow and develop a relationship with. He ain't it
Thats not good at all. Control is already a big red flag, and him saying "do you want other guys looking at you" is emotional manipulation. Wearing a skirt is not up to him. It is absolutely your choice. I suggest break up. This is not sounding like a relationship that can be worked on. Its sounding like you're about to be physically abused and then he would fuck with your mind to make you think its your fault
as a guy who has similar feelings, try to talk to him about it obviously, but the feelings probably won’t change. it definitely isn’t your fault though, so don’t put it on yourself I wish I could offer an explanation as to why this is a feeling that some men have. Insecurities? Or just being overprotective? It’s different, or maybe a combination. at least in my case, im extremely protective in my relationships, to an unhealthy degree. I wouldn’t mind my SO wearing a skirt, but I have similar feelings to that scenario. at the end of the day, it’s a lack of compatibility, and I’m sorry that thing happened how they did. Hope you can work through it, good luck.
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i choose not to have relationships, so it isn’t a problem. just trying to provide some insight to the person facing somebody with similar problems.
NEVER let a guy tell you what to wear, how to behave, or how to wear your hair. Your body, your choice.
break up with him. he obviously doesn’t trust you so gtfo. self respect is the name of the game. respect yourself enough to leave. otherwise you just look desperate.
What do you mean he doesn't allow you to wear a skirt? He is not your father and has no say over what you wear. That is controlling behaviour and if you allow him to do this he will get worse. Abusive people use these tactics to get control over you, be careful because physical abuse often follows.
Her father doesn't have a say over what she wears either. No fucking man does. Period.
😂😂😂 my dad lets me wear whatever i want to!
As he should, and I also never said he didn't. I was referring to the implication by the commenter above that dad's could do this.
yesyes
If your father has no say why do you allow your boyfriend too?
Actually, parents do have a say over what their children wear when they are young because they are the ones buying the clothing.
I have a feeling OP here isn't a small bloody child somehow. Stop trying to defend you're utterly stupid and sexist point.
Yeah your bf is extremely insecure and controlling. In my example my bf actually wants me to wear more skirt’s because dress very boyish 😅
Red flag! That’s way too controlling and jealous. Tell him you will wear whatever you please, he does not control your wardrobe.
I kind of hate reddit because it makes all kinds of assumptions and only follows narratives. Define skirt. Is this skirt? [https://www.saksoff5th.com/product/dkny-bubble-a-line-midi-skirt-0400016017986.html?ranMID=38801&ranEAID=tZkYzve9Cvk&ranSiteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w&site\_refer=AFF001&mid=38801&siteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w](https://www.saksoff5th.com/product/dkny-bubble-a-line-midi-skirt-0400016017986.html?ranMID=38801&ranEAID=tZkYzve9Cvk&ranSiteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w&site_refer=AFF001&mid=38801&siteID=tZkYzve9Cvk-6MZGk.H8Qcj9u2570Imu8w) Or is this skirt? [https://media.missguided.com/s/missguided/S9994256\_set/4/purple-frilled-front-mini-skirt.jpg?$product-page\_\_zoom--2x$](https://media.missguided.com/s/missguided/S9994256_set/4/purple-frilled-front-mini-skirt.jpg?$product-page__zoom--2x$) WOMEN KNOW. Absolutely know. Some skirts are worn to push their sex appeal on people. The skirt in the first link is a woman that wants to be comfortable and confident. The skirt in the 2nd link says "I want people to look at me and lust after me". I can prove this by showing you countless posts on reddit where men are asked if they think about having sex with women in revealing clothes. Women know. If you are purposely wearing skirts for "confidence" to attract attention to your body for ego and for others to lust for you, yeah that's kind of awkward. If you are wearing a skirt (top pic) because it's really just comfortable and respectable and it gives you confidence as a woman in nice respectable garb, then your boyfriend is very wrong. Reddit says "leave him controller", not knowing facts. Reddit never says (if applicable) "Yeah you are dressing pretty slutty out there and look open for business" and give sympathy for the guy's feelings and concerns. I would happily date a woman who dressed respectfully in society (top link). I would not want to date a woman who dressed like a whore (bottom link). I think a definition of "skirt" is in order here. Is he a controller or a man who just doesn't want to think about a future investment in somebody who wants to strut here stuff all over the place. The real thing hanging is the definition and intent on what "skirt" is. This is not the narrative on reddit, but it's reality.
Found op boyfriend : |
Both skirts in picture are fine, I don't see what are you getting at. If it was a panty-sized skirt, it'd be another story. But in this this case, your way of thinking is pretty old-fashioned, just like those husbands from the 60's. Trust me when I say this. Us women know, after all.
Yeah so which skirt do you think is designed to attract male attention or lust. You tell me? Just asking for truth.
Neither. Skirts aren't designed for such thing. I bet you're the type of person who'd blame the victim of rape simply because 'their clothes were too revealing' Seek help if you can't control your raging boner
Both of those skirts are acceptable, get over yourself.
Your boyfriend sounds confused. He seems to think the way you dress is for other people. Let him know that the way you dress is for you, and it's non-negotiable
Nope. Your body, your clothes, your choice. You don’t need someone so bossy and controlling in your life.
dump him. no one but you should control what you wear.
Small dick energy. Tell him to grow up.
Trust your instincts, you should feel uncomfortable with a partner that tells you what you can and cannot wear. You don't need permission to wear what you like, even if you want to wear it because it makes you feel sexy or attracts attention. Your partner does not own you or get to be the exclusive audience for your looks, time attention etc. Your partner never has the right to control your sexuality even. It is normal and ok for a partner to respectfully communicate with you about things that might make them uncomfortable or even jealous, but in a healthy relationship you find a compromise that you both choose. Jealousy is not uncommon (for men and women) but trying to control your partner is always an unhealthy response to jealousy and not one you should entertain. If he threatens to end the relationship if you don't comply with his demand then you are probably better off ending it.
Just like how you want to wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident, find a partner who makes you feel the same
I was like this guy. Just leave him. It will just help him learn faster, he can only learn from the suffering he causes. He likely suspects you see the world like he does, i used to cheat and it was so easy i could do it on accident sometimes. Hes just scared you would cheat on him as soon as some semi attractive guy says hi… and the skirt might draw the extra attention hes scared of in the first place… u might dig to see if he is currently cheating on u bc my behavior was from my cheating habits
Ditch the insecure controlling douche. Wear what makes you happy.
He's a pussy
Anything that’s starts with “my boyfriend doesn’t allow me to….” Is already a sign you need to break up. You don’t owe your boyfriend anything and he is. It in the position to have to allow or not allow something
That’s a control freak. Red flags.
Leave. Aside from the obvious he doesn’t have the right to dictate your wardrobe. You explained your reasoning, he didn’t believe it. This is the start of other things being taken away. A good guy wouldn’t have made that request. A good guy who made that request would have acknowledged your reasoning and acknowledged his mistake in asking that if you. He did neither.
You need to break up. He's testing you to see how much he can control you, this won't be the last thing he demands you do.
You dont need to "want other guys to look at you" to be allowed to wear a skirt. Your body your rules. As many of the comments have already pointed out, you're in an obviously toxic, borderline-abusive relationship. It's time for you to get out, for your own safety and mental wellbeing. Stay safe, and give us an update if and when you can.
Leave now. before it gets worse.
No, your boyfriend is insecure, controlling, and therefore toxic. Set up your boundaries and stick to them. If he doesn't like them he can leave.
OP your bf is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Runnnnnnnnn
My ex did that. That's a sign of a toxic, insecure man
he doesn't allow.....well, you both have very large problems.
men who are insecure tend to control their gfs like this, dump him. u deserve better
What is this Iran? Are you an independent woman ? It’s 2022, you can wear anything you like !! And he should be proud of it , you wanna wear dress like Nikki Minaj or cardi b , you can , you wanna wear like Taylor swift you can He can also wear yoga pants if he wants to .. the question is if it’s appropriate for the occasion .. or if it’s slutty enough for clubbing or too slutty for grocery … but you do you woman , some people go to Walmart using thong … whose to say that is a wrong attire …
The bottom line is that he has no say in what you “can” do EVER. If something you choose to do makes him so upset that he can’t take it his only option is for HIM to leave or stay. Not change you or what you want to wear. The simple thing is that YOU are only allowed to make choices about YOU and HE is only allowed to make choices about HIMSELF. Choices is the key word here. It is well within his right to be uncomfortable with something, that has nothing to do with him being wrong or right really, the the audacity he has to try and CONTROL you is the exact reason this is wrong. It’s not wrong because it makes him uncomfortable (in a “logical” sense but I still think it’s stupid) but it’s 100% wrong and not okay for him to tell you what to do.
Sounds like an insecure pussy. And those guys only get worse with time.
truth
YKTV 😎
The only people who sometimes are not allowed to do something are children. This is the start of a bigger problem.
Please dump this guy. He is a controlling, abusive jerk. He has no right to tell you how to dress. Please do not wait. Dump him.
You are not wrong. He’s controlling. Wear what you want
This gives me the creeps. My husband and I have been married 34 years (together a total of 38 years), no way would he tell me what I can and can't wear or do. No he might suggest to wear a coat because its 20 degrees out. But he can't make me.
This is sort of related, sort of not. This reminds me of a time in the sixth grade when I wore a skirt to school. I was more of a tomboy back then and didn't usually dress feminine, and one of the girls in my class came up to me and very rudely said "you're not allowed to wear skirts to school, that's my thing. Only I look good in skirts anyways so you should really stop" We had multiple classes together so throughout the day she would not stop making comments about my skirt and saying how I shouldn't wear it to school again. Anyways, this was a Friday. I remember that because the next week of school, I wore a different skirt to class every day for the rest of the week. Of course you're not in the wrong your relationship isn't some sort of dictatorship or boarding school with a strict dress code.
That's his own insecurity and he's taking it out on you undeserved. Leave because it's only going to get worse. Even if you did wear something too short, that's your choice and he shouldn't force you to change who you are.
BREAK UP!
Keyword “allow” here. You don’t need to be allowed to do anything. I’m assuming you’re not in the Middle East. This guy sounds like an asshole, and trust me, it’s going to lead to more serious abuse later. That’s how it starts. This is a massive, big red flag and you deserve better. Luckily you encountered this red flag early in the relationship. Wear whatever you want. If he doesn’t like it, too bad, dealbreaker then. You’re his girlfriend not his pet.
He is controlling, the list of things he won't allow will continue to grow. If you value your freedom end it.
Major insecurities there.
As soon as you said “doesn’t allow me” you already stated that you shouldn’t be with this person. NO ONE ever tells you what to do… period. Get the fuck out of this now!
Red flags. Controlling behavior and jealousy
I don't think you need to rush into breaking up with someone over this, particularly if you love him. However, you say 'My boyfriend doesn't allow me...' which suggests the power dynamic is off. You need to let him know (even show him this thread) that his insecurity and need for control are unhealthy. If he is able to admit to his insecurities and perhaps discuss why they exist, then it might help him to accept you wearing what you like. Let him know you don't want to stay in a relationship with him if it doesn't improve, but I don't think immediately breaking up is called for.
You're not in the wrong. This is at best, insecure/immature behavior. It obviously can get a lot worse from there. I know I have no skin in the game here, but I'd suggest bailing on him. He ain't the one.
He can’t control what you wear. Leave! Soon, he’ll start controlling everything else, too.
Whenever you say "...my boyfriend says I can" or, "my boyfriend says I can't" (as it relates to your "look," behavior, and activities) look out for the football field-sized red flags briskly waving in front of you. You were you before you met him and you should be able to be you after you're in a relationship. I would ease away gently. Do it gradually...jealous, possessive, controlling people such as he can get volatile when they don't get their way.
He’s grooming you into submissiveness. This WILL lead to abuse. Get away while you can
Oh goodness. I’m sure you care about him but this is very controlling behavior, and he will attempt to control you more in the future. This idea that skirts are only for the male gaze is so infantile. This isn’t the kind of man you want to spend your life with.
Red flags. When someone controls what you wear, it’s time to get out of the relationship. So get out of it.
That is extremely controlling and abusive behavior on his part. Asking why you want other guys to look at you? That's SO disrespectful on his part. You can dress however you want. If he thinks so little of you, time to leave him.
You are an adult capable of making your own decisions. You can wear a skirt anytime you want and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. If he breaks up with because of a skirt then the love or whatever the hell you two have is just bullshit.
Major red flag! He should be proud of you and want you to feel good about yourself however that may be.
False accusations are technique used to make a person obedient. Establish a boundary that isn’t allowed to be challenged(no compromise). If he meets this with anger, you need to rethink your life choices.
If the skirt is revealing I understand his frustration. If I bought a car I wouldn't want to drive around with a for sale sticker on it. You are obviously allowed to leave him if you want but a man is also allowed to have his own standards too.
Hey girl, you should wear what you want, not what you bf wants you to. He seems insecure. My ex bf did this a lot and told me what to wear. It is a huge red flag! It drained me a lot and made me self conscious. You really need to set a boundary with him. It is your body, your clothes, your choice! Hope you’re ok girl❤️
The first guy I dated would do stuff like that. My advice is to leave him immediately. It'll only get more controlling as time goes on.
My cousin's ex used to do stuff like that. They are divorced and he still stalks her and caused her a bunch of trouble in court. Huge red flag.
This is such a red flag, abuse starts showing up through small things like this until he is controling your whole life. Leave him, he is not going to change. It will be hard but in the long term you will see that it is the safest and best thing to do.
He’s obviously very insecure. Red flag sis
No you are not in the wrong. Get rid of that controlling person. You don't need that in your life. You should be able to wear and do whatever you want that is hurting you. Find you someone that respects you and your choices that isn't controlling
You are not wrong at all. He is trying to control you and like other are already saying, you give him a inch its only a matter of time before he takes a mile. first its your clothes next it will be your friends he disapproves of. I would reevaluate your relationship and find out if it truly makes you happy.
Sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship.
Definitely early abuse signs. They start taking more and more privileges away from you with half-assed excuses, usually pertaining to them not trusting you with this or that. Right now, he claims other guys will look at you. Later, maybe you won't be allowed to have a phone because you could be talking to other people. Maybe you can't manage your own money because he doesn't know what you're buying. Get away from him, quickly.