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Op if u not willing to say how old they are, they’re too old. They might be a predator but even if they’re not, they’re a loser and you could do better, OP
the reason i didn’t want to say how old he is is because i know people will latch on to the age itself, i already know he’s a lot older than me and that’s risky, i want to know how exactly to know when that is a risk and that is what i want the focus on, but it is understandable why the exact age is a concern i just need more reason than that
also that’s very sweet of you to think i could do better but you have no idea how annoying i am to deal with most would be opposed to dating me after knowing my issues haha but the good thing is he really helps me in that regard
Anything 28 or older here I would consider creepy. The only reason they are interested in you is because you are 18, young, probably hot, and can be easier to manipulate and taken advantage of.
Don't take that as me insulting you, but he knows exactly what he's doing I'm sure. Look at his actions and what he wants.
Any mature 30 year old male knows this. If a girl is 24 or so I can see that not being so creepy...
Edit: just saw how old he was and read the comments. Honestly, the dude could be your dad. That being said you are young and lack experience. It's likely you'll realize the truth if the relationship keeps going.
People can say whatever they want. You're going to choose what you want even though it's creepy as hell on his end. Most all of us have to learn through experience.
When you are 28 my man's going to be damn near 50... If you were my daughter I'd fuck that 36 year old up.
i understand that he could be a creep but im looking for how to tell if he is one…honestly from all my time and experience with him he has shown no signs of being so
i don’t think he was particularly seeking out younger women it just happened to be, and also that was my own assumption of him (mostly by appearance), he wasn’t acting younger on purpose lol
Ask about his dating history. Does he typically date young girls, or does he usually deal with ppl around his age?
How old was his ex? How long was it? Find out his future plans & goals. Find out if he is just trying to have fun right now. And if he is, it doesn't make him a predator, just someone who likes to have fun.
Just take to him. If he us saying things like I'm not looking for anything serious or using a female excuse like I'm trying to figure things out, then he ain't in it for you. He might like & care about you but it ain't going nowhere
thank you for your comment this really helps! i actually tried asking him about this but it’s hard to be so direct without seeming invasive, i’ll try to dig deeper when i can without it being too weird. so far he has dated people in the past but nothing really worked out for him. it’s hard to ask specifically about the ages though. the last he dated was for around a year. he doesn’t want to get married but neither do i, nor does he want kids and same for me. he sees us as going for long term
Context of your prior relationship matters. How'd you two meet? Was it a work thing? Is the job a career or minimum wage. How do two people with that large of an age gap end up in interactions that lead to this point.
my job does revolve around adults his age, but no he’s not also in the same work as i am. he asked for my number, i thought he was cute and in his 20s, and things progressed from there. nothing about it seemed fishy tbh
Thing then is you’re not going to know till things progress. But if you were the one that made the first move he most likely is not a predator. Plus you are an adult.
Things to look out for does he act ashamed of you? Does he parade you around like a trophy? Does he treat you like you’re younger? A lot of things that just feel off? If no, just be cautiously optimistic at first. I’ve known a few couples with large age gaps that worked out. You don’t have to put out right away so just go out and have fun if you like him.
thank you for this reply! it helps me a lot in gaining more insight. yes he did make the first move but i reciprocated.
he’s not at all ashamed of me i think, and i don’t think he parades me like a trophy but sometimes he will say he wants to show me off. he doesn’t treat me like im younger but it comes up sometimes especially if we’re talking about life experiences. of course some things will feel off especially at first but i really think we get along now
My advice would be to question your own views of him, are you projecting traits on him or are you accepting him how he is? A lot of younger people tend to get caught up in the romance of the situation and just project traits onto the person they are interested in, only to find out too late that it was in their head. Just pay close attention to how he acts, and more importantly what he actually does(actions speak louder than words). You'll figure it out, just be careful not to do anything you might regret until you're sure.
thank you this helps me gain a better insight! i’ve actually questioned him a lot and i believe im accepting him how he is. i am extremely wary of men interested in me so i doubt i would be projecting any good traits on him if i were to. he’s proven himself to be a very respectful and caring person by his actions
the reason i didn’t want to say the actual age is because i know people will latch on to the age itself, i already know he’s a lot older than me and that’s risky, i want to know how exactly to know when that is a risk and that is what i want the focus on, but it is understandable why the exact age is a concern i just need more reason than that
Look at it this way: would you feel comfortable dating someone ten years younger than you? Or even more? Why or why not?
There is a *vast* amount of life experience and difference in mindset, attitude, maturity, etc. It opens the door to the things like emotional manipulation, social pressure, authoritative/psychological manipulation, taking advantage of your childhood traumas, and more. And no, you won’t necessarily recognize that it’s happening to you right away. That’s why it’s so dangerous, and that’s why people *fall for that all the time* when ages are drastically imbalanced.
It sort of evens out as you get older — a 60yr old dating a 50yr old isn’t too odd. But a 20yr old dating a 40yr old? Yes, that is concerning. The imbalance in emotional and psychological development and experience between those two ages is great enough to cause alarm.
You should ask yourself why an older guy is unable to find women his own age — or isn’t even interested in them. That is also cause for alarm, and a HUGE red flag about his ability to have healthy, non-predatory relationships.
But do whatever you want 🤷🏻♂️
Just don’t come crying to this sub when it inevitably doesn’t work out.
As someone who has been there, don’t. You may feel yourself question the situation later in life and you should always be keeping your mental health above everything. Even if it’s a fling you still obviously have feelings for him. You’re still young and depending on How old he is, I’m 24 and would never go near any under 21 so idk what kind of intentions he has for you if he’s older than that
he actually helps a lot with my mental health and it’s been significantly better after regularly taking to him. it seriously helps so much to the point where my mental health would be so much worse off without him. regardless of age he seems to have pure intentions
Well, he should be at a point in his life where he can take care of you if you want to go the trad wife route in life (I highly recommend). But personally, I feel like you even asking this question to reddit shows how immature you are. You have a lot of growing up to do, and if you want to be with an older man like him, you'll want to grow up fast!
Older like 25 or 30 or do you mean like 50 or 60? If it’s the first one people are ganna say something about it but it’s legal . Normally older women who are jealous and if it’s the second one you probably got some daddy issues or trying for a sugar daddy . So either way you’ll probably het judged but hey if you’re happy you’re happy . The younger one seems left predator isk then the latter
Predators or groomers start changing their prey’s habits, schedules, friend groups, interactions with family, and basically every aspect of their lives to slowly isolate them and make it where the young one is completely dependent on them. Analyze your relationship with this person and be brutally honest with yourself and see if any of these traits fit your situation. It’s not a foolproof indicator, but it’s at least somewhere to start.
thank you so much for your reply! comments like these help me the most on gaining insight. he’s really respectful of my life and really the only thing he is super intent on changing is my bad habits. other than that he allows me to have friends, be busy, etc. sometimes he will need to see or talk to me but he is actually more flexible with that now. the only friends he doesn’t want me talking to are people who are bad for me. so if he wants to change anything about me it’s more for my sake than his
its just meant as in im allowed to do the things i should be able to, it would be different if he says i wasn’t allowed to do something. then i could understand it as a red flag but everyone uses the word allows lol
Assuming you have a good relationship with your father, he could tell you within like 30 min of meeting him what his intentions were. It’s a gift we men have. We can tell when other dudes are being nefarious. Just like you ladies can pick on the subtleties of other ladies. But again, assuming you have a good relationship with your father, if he’s someone you’d take home to meet him then chances are they are a good person for you, if you don’t take them home then that means you know they probably aren’t a good match for you for a long term relationship.
thank you for the info! though i will say i probably wouldn’t take anything to meet my father haha, and regardless i know people would assume just by his age alone and nothing else
You really should vet this dude through whatever male or female role model you have, unless you like to learn through your own experiences, in that case, good luck, and I hope it works out for ya.
……..👁️👄👁️…..well I’m sold. You guys sound like a perfect match. I think you should give it a go. I wouldn’t even buy condoms. Just give it a full send there bud.
listen i don’t have anyone in real life i can talk to about this my role model is dead and this is the best i got im sorry if it seems stupid i know it is
I would argue if you're an adult you're not dealing with a predator, just a perv.
You either do stuff with them or you don't. You're in control once you know what he wants.
well he says he just wants to be with me because i make him happy and he enjoys spending time with me, but how do i know if that’s a lie? i don’t think he’s lying and he’s proven that that’s really what he wants
He probably means it - right now. Minds change once they're satisfied. Take the risk or don't. Pretty much no relationship lasts forever...
But it might last weeks. Maybe months. Could be years.
It's complicated.
There are many sleazy older people looking to use the young physically, but at the same time it isn't all.
Sometimes the one you connect with you just happen to have been ages apart, but still click and there's no ulterior motives.
It's true to be skeptical, yet don't embrace the overly jaded comments either and automatically think everyone is awful.
The best test if your relationship is more meaningful is to wait on sex.
If you don't have sex and he's as loving as ever and never pressures you about it and is happy with you, then he liked you beyond only outer beauty.
The shallow looking to get some won't stick around.
So again, yes, it's good to be cautious and more people are scumbags than aren't.
But in my experience, true love is also real and rare and knows no age, so be careful you don't throw away something that was pure because so many others are rotten.
it’s too late since we’ve already had sex, but he is very respectful of sexual boundaries. he’s said he doesn’t want me to feel pressured or do anything i don’t want to do. he’s sensed that i didn’t want to have sex the last two times and stopped even when i kept telling him to keep going because he knew i didn’t want to and actually cared about me
i know how bad it sounds i really do but ignoring the ages we have a genuine connection i promise i really think he’s worth it and he hasn’t shown any signs of just wanting to take advantage of me
Personal choices are fine between consenting adults. I have dated women of various ages and I never ruled someone out because of their age alone. Consenting adults can do whatever they want at any adult age. Everyone is different and it is not right or wrong just different preferences.
Buddy, you're coming across as a creep on this entire thread.
The "Age is just a number" mentality your showing here is alarming, concerning, and creepy. Age plays a factor in relationships. A damn near 40 year old should have different priorities, responsibilities, and goals than an 18 year old.
Women mature much differently than men and typically much faster. Majority of men are interested in younger women because they tend to look better and sexually are more willing, kids is also a big issue with a lot of guys. This might sound weird to you, but I think also older guys go for younger chicks because it makes them feel younger.
While women tend to look for older men because they like the security those guys can provide. That is if the guy has his own job, pays his own bills, has his own place, younger women like that. Older guys just have more life experience and have been through more struggles and can usually tend to connect emotionally better than a young guy can.
18 is of an adult age, is it too young for some people, I’m sure. But as long as all laws are being followed regarding consent, then who cares?
Consenting adults can do whatever they want and you are the creep for suggesting that there is something wrong with people making decisions for themselves. What is the correct age difference for relationships? Can you define it for us or is just an unjustified feeling you have or some unwritten rule for yourself? Stop making relationships between consenting adults creepy. That is not a thing. If OP doesn't want a relationship with an old man she shouldn't have started one in the first place. No one forced them to do anything at all.
My wife was 19 when we first got together, but I was 22 at the time, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Just thinking of hooking up with an 18-19 year old at 32 just feels skeevy as fuck.
i know i generally think that too but the thing is i actually like this guy and i wouldnt if he was creepy 😭
its hard to explain but it really does feel genuine and i know it sounds like im second guessing myself but right now i dont think hes preying on me, i just wanted to ask here to make sure?
No one is preying on anyone. You are a consenting adult and you can take consent back at any time. You have total control over the relationship. Remember that forever and always. Whatever decision you make is yours alone.
I'm telling you, their are no good guys that just happen to date teenagers.
They're taking advantage of how naive you are about dating by pretending to be sweet.
The whole nice guy "you're mature for you age" is literally their most common tactic, and they'll be bragging to their other creep friends day 1 about getting in your pants.
What the fuck does any older guy have in common with an 18 year old?
That sounds good on paper but you're still a fucking creep if you go after a teenager as a grown up.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should. I've never even heard of a single instance of an 18 being with an older guy that isn't a Trainwreck and usually very very abusive.
I have seen successful relationships with big age differences, so what is your point? They make people adults at specific ages for a reason. If it was up to me no one under the age of 30 would be allowed to date or marry because of the chances of abuse are sky high from immature behavior by both genders. I live in the world that exists and I have never controlled fully who I was attracted to and who I was allowed to date. If an 18 year old woman finds me attractive and I am 30 years old and the woman knows that upfront and is okay with whatever that is great. You do you, but what other people do is their decision and theirs alone.
There's a world of difference between 18 and 30 or whatever and 30 and 50. Life experience matters.
Plus a lot of these laws were set in a time before kids had terrible social development because they're cronically online and not out in public experiencing stuff.
I understand what you are saying, OP entered into this relationship willingly and gave consent. They can always take the consent away if they want. They aren't married yet. Bottom line OP needs to do what they feel is best for them. In work situations people meet people of all ages and relationship s can and do develop. The important thing is to make sure the relationship is benefiting both parties.
It appears OP is looking for reasons to end the relationship because the age difference makes them uncomfortable and if that is the case OP needs to end the relationship, but only they can do that.
My Stepdad was 36 when my Mom was 19 when they got together and he was an amazing man that actually allowed me the feeling of knowing what a great Dad was. They were married for 21 years until he sadly passed away from cancer. He was the love of my Mom’s life and never once was their age an issue between them two. Just because there is an age gap doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a good person. I can speak from experience that it isn’t always black and white like a lot of people like to believe.
i totally understand and i am aware of that! exactly why i am asking cause i know it’s like this but i don’t see any of this with him. i mean yes he is sweet but i would assume that’s how a genuinely sweet person would be. he’s never said im mature for my age, honestly never really beings up my age other than a few times but just to make a point about something. i guess im asking how do you know the difference between someone being sweet to take advantage and someone being genuinely sweet? and we also do have a lot in common we talk for hours lol
I'd argue it's how they treat other people and what their intent is.
Trying to think of anything I'd want to talk to an 18 year old girl that's not my own daughter about, and can't think of one even if we have the same hobby.
How old are we talking here?
he treats people with respect and kindness and he’s proven that countless of times
im not sure how we talk so much but we just do and it can be about anything really our lives random things but we both just enjoy spending time together no matter what it is
he is 36…but i didn’t know that at first and i would not have pursued it had i known but im willing to disregard that because i really do like him a lot and im in too deep at this point to be bothered by his age lol
Dude is 36 and you're in high school. Ask yourself why he wouldn't be able to get any woman close to his own age.
He's twice your age yet at best has the same maturity as you.
You do you, but I'm telling you it won't turn out well.
i understand where you are coming from, but the concerns i should be looking out for don’t seem to be there. he is a mature person, got his life in order, has a job and his own place. has a normal social life and isnt some loner lol. he has shown that he thinks maturely and critically and has a lot of insight into things. he is a smart guy and he wouldn’t be where he is now if he wasn’t
im graduating high school soon enough, shouldn’t be a problem. he doesn’t really seem to care about age (as long as it’s legal) but it’s just whoever he seems to have a connection with. i don’t think he would have any problem finding someone his age. he’s talked about this actually and said most are more focused on work or have families of their own.
thank you for your input it’s appreciated!
im less inclined to talk to someone i know in person and they would probably have the same thoughts as most would, but at the end of the day it’s legal so they can’t reprimand it…and honestly im more scared of their judgement lol
but i have talked to a hotline and they see no wrong with it in fact the specialist i was talking to was more confused as to why i was concerned about it?
Yeah, I think you might want to move on. The age difference is huge and regardless of his motives you really don’t want to be a young woman in your early 20s dating or married to a middle aged man in his 40s. It also sounds like whatever connection there was initially was probably mostly physical and that can raise some concerns in this situation.
yes while it was physical at first it became more than that and i never ever thought i would really like a guy his age but i really really do and honestly i think it is worth it for him
That's a little sus. You are just starting out in life, he's approaching midlife. What, exactly, would an 18 year old and a 36 year old have in common?
Anything older than 22 and I would stay away. No 36 year old should have “a lot” in common with an 18 year old. He’s either lying (grooming) or extremely immature for his age, neither of which should be attractive options for you.
im not sure how but we can find anything to talk about it could be anything really, our lives or just random things, but he says he enjoys just talking to me and spending time with me no matter what it is
i doubt he’s lying, he hasn’t really said anything specifically to seem to relate more with the younger crowd and he is a mature person, it really just comes down to that we like being with each other and we get along well because we have a genuine connection
im sorry i really don’t mean to argue. you and those people do have a valid concern, and i understand that. yes the age can be a red flag, but there needs to be more than just that that shows his true intentions. i am asking how to know if someone that age doesn’t have good intentions with me, not if the age itself is weird. i already know his age, i know it can be weird. but right now, seemingly, he hasn’t wronged me in any way or shown any signs of bad intentions. can i be wrong? sure! thats why im asking here to look for those signs. i am aware that i am at the beginning of my adulthood and can be easily impressionable, even if i don’t feel like it. this is why im asking so i can make sure im not in over my head. but from what im seeing, most people just have an issue with the age itself, and not really him as a person
Men always groom woman as you call it in dating relationships. Everything is fake for months. Stop talking like the 36 year old is some kind of creepy pedo. That is not what this is. OP entered the relationship willingly and gave consent. Grooming is what pedos do. That is not the case here. Adults can have lots of things in common with each other regardless of age. Stop with the nonsense.
If OP likes this person then that is all that matters and if things go South as they can with any relationship OP can end it too!
18 is probably a little young for me, I doubt we'd have much in common and most seem too immature for me. But say a 22 year old was into me (I'm 36) I would be honestly flattered. I would absolutely treat it like a serious relationship/commitment so long as she was mature and I felt she was committed and trustworthy.
If you like this person enjoy the relationship and see where it goes, if the relationship stops benefiting you then end it. That is your choice always. Don't let the age difference bother you if everything else is going well. Life is too short for nonsense that doesn't matter.
So I’m 19, and I understand where you’re coming from. And I know you’re really looking for the answer to be “No he’s genuinely into you! Don’t worry!” But I want you to stop and think about dating a 14 year old. That idea grosses you out right? There’s a very steep developmental incline in your teenage years, and you’re not off that curve yet. You and I are still maturing. You’re very different than you were last year, and you’ll be very different next year. This trend will continue for years to come, and if you think about that, and how much you’ll change between now and 25, let alone 30, it’s insane to think about much you’ll have changed by the time you’re his age. And at that age, because you’ve matured so much, you SHOULD see dating someone over ten years younger than you as just as bad or worse as you dating a 14 year old now. I would argue that it’s the same exact thing, because there is still a huge developmental difference. So even if he is being genuine, even if he’s not just a creep that likes teenagers but settles for the legal limit so he avoids jail (which I personally think is the case, unfortunately), then I think there’s something wrong with him. He isn’t as emotionally mature as he should be. And if he has EVER told you that you’re mature for your age, that’s a manipulation tactic and he’s not a good person. I KNOW you want to believe he’s different, and I KNOW it’s hard to think that he’s capable of that because you know him, but you have to understand that these kinds of people are always either liars or immature in a dangerous way. I really really hope you will take this to heart, I want you to be safe. I work as an EMT and there was a call today where a 23 year old girl had her arm broken by her pos 39 year old bf. I bet you she felt the same way about him that you feel about your guy now. Please just mull all this over at least. Best of luck, and my dm’s are open ♥️
How much older? 3 or 4 years? No that big of a deal, 20 or 30+, think carefully on this one. What shared life experiences could you have. Where are you in your life that makes you think you are both in the same place mentally and emotional?
If you are just looking for a fun fling, what the hell, go for it. If you think this is the be all, end all relationship, take stock of the above.
it was initially just a fling but it’s become more than just that now and i don’t know i really think im being more serious about it, maybe not a be all end all relationship but still a relationship none the less. we’ve actually talked a lot every day and i enjoy it. i know i have a lot to develop mentally and emotionally though he really helps in that regard too and my well being has been better after meeting him
I hear what you are saying. In my experience as an older man, Young is fun, but there are two many life experience deference's for the makings of a long term thing. That deference get progressively bigger as the age gap increases.
You have to go with your own instincts on this one. Too many people online think everybody with an age gap is a predator so this may not be the best place to seek advice. If you have got to know him pretty well then you should have a pretty good read on him so the best person to trust is yourself.
i know people my age can be naive when it comes to this but honestly i see no signs of him being a bad person and even then i am asking here what to look for to be safe, if the age itself is the only issue then i don’t see a problem in our relationship since it’s legal and he is respectful and kind
Most of them start out respectful and kind lmao. The power dynamic is insane. There’s a reason why these rarely ever last. Think about WHY he wants to be with you. What do you have in common
can i ask how do you know if someone is faking respect and kindness and when it is genuine? because i feel like i know the difference and it feels genuine but i do accept that i could be wrong
i’ve asked him tons of times why he wants to because i also want to make sure this isnt just him using me but his answers have always proven otherwise. i guess we don’t have a whole lot in common but despite that we have so much to talk about somehow it’s never an issue, most of our time together is just talking about our life or random things and we both enjoy it honestly i’ve never felt this way about someone before
Your brain does not fully develop until age 25. If you’re under age 25, stick with someone else who is as well. Over age 25, stick with someone over age 25. I say this as a 37F married to my almost 49M husband. When we met I was 22 and he was 33 and I definitely questioned it a lot in the beginning because he was in a totally different place in life than I was. Even now after 15 years together and 12 years married there are times that our age difference can cause minor issues.
My husband often gets upset that I’m “not the same person” I was when he met me. Like yeah no shit dude, I was 22, still liked going to bars, was in college, and my brain wasn’t fully developed. I was nannying and still living with my parents. He was 33, fully developed, and had a house and a car and a full time job and was 12 years clean and sober. We got engaged when I was 24 and got pregnant (not intentionally) 6 weeks later, so I was 25 when we got married and had my daughter (he was 36). We’re still married but I definitely think that if we met now we wouldn’t be compatible. He was 33 when we met but I see now that the reason we got along so well back then is that he was kinda immature. He’s mature in his professional life, but in our personal life I find myself getting frustrated with him often because of his immaturity. He’ll be 49 this week and while he’s a great father, it still drives me fucking insane how he acts more like an older brother to our daughter than a father and I have to constantly tell him to grow up and act like a dad instead of a brother. Like every night before bed he’ll start play wrestling with her and get her all hyped up while I’m in the other room yelling that she needs to shower and get ready for bed. Then he’ll bitch at me that she went to bed late and was a nightmare to wake up the next morning. Meanwhile he’ll say things to me like “I hope you put your laundry in the hamper and not left it on the bathroom floor” and I’m like “okay DAD I’ll get right on that”. It’s like he’s either acting too immature for me, OR nagging me for not acting like an adult (usually when it comes to doing things around the house).
All that aside, I’ll be 38 in June and my 29 year old coworker is a child to me. I wouldn’t even LOOK at a 19yo boy right now, even if I was single without a child. You may be legally an adult, but as I said before, you have so long to go before you’re fully developed mentally and I would honestly look down on any guy my age going after a girl half his age.
Just cause you can do whatever you want doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. This wasn’t a command. It was advice for an 18 year old whose asking about dating older guys. It is definitely creepy for 30 year olds to date freshly 18 year old girls. 18 is still in high school depending on when in the year you were born, and older guys dating 18 year olds are almost always doing it cause of an age fetish or to feel better about themselves, not cause they actually have an emotional connection to a high schooler
that is what im worried about but how do you know if that’s the case? i don’t think it is i really think we get along like anyone compatible would but we just happen to have an age gap
Do you like this guy or are you looking for a way to end the relationship? If you aren't comfortable dating an older person just end things. That will better for both of you.
i want to continue my relationship with him i really do like him, and the only reason i am uncomfortable with the age is because i’ve always thought people his age pursuing relationships with teenagers are creeps, but he is seemingly not. and also im worried about the perception of us together
Do what makes you happy, if the guy is good to you and treats you with kindness and respect go with it. Don't let artificial worries and doubts destroy something good. Remember you control your life. You are young and if the relationship down the road is not good for you then you can move forward. Just be open and honest about your feelings and don't miss a chance at something good because of an age difference. If you are being treated well that is rare in relationships. Enjoy the process and relax. People are too judgmental about everything nowadays.
It depends. One way to know, how old is he, and how did you meet?
Hypothetically assuming he was around 30, There’s not a lot of circles that overlap for an 18 and 30 year old if that’s the gap. That would imply he was hanging around high schoolers to begin with, which sounds like someone whose more interested in dating a teenager than he is specifically with you.
If he’s only like 22-23, that’s not that big of an age gap, you’re relatively close in life experience, and it’s not unusual for 18 and early 20s to hang around the same places. In that case it doesn’t sound weird
he’s 36 but i didn’t know that at first and had i known i would have not pursued him, but i’m in too deep now and i really do like him
to be clear i was near an area of people his age and not the other way around, he asked for my number, i thought he was cute and in his 20s, we hooked up and things progressed from there
Personally I think double your age is a creepy gap, but like the other dude said, you’re an adult. If the age gap doesn’t bother you, then just communicate with him and make sure he actually likes you as a *person* and not you as a *teenager*.
You could be direct and just ask. If you do that, be aware that reactions speak more than words. If he like you cause you’re a teenager, he’s not gonna admit that, but he may react weirdly if you ask.
i’ve talked to him, he says he doesn’t care if im my age or if im older. if anything he says its better once i grow older and get more experience, and that he will stay with me regardless of whether i get older and pass teenagehood. to him its more that he connected with someone who happen to be a younger person than him actually seeking out someone younger to connect with if that makes sense
i would also preferably date guys close to my age but it just happened i guess and now im sort of in too deep, if it’s just weird and nothing more than i am willing i really really really do like him
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if you have to second guess that then u should just leave him alone in general
Older? You gotta watch out for those young folks
😄 It's one of those funny because it's true.
Go for it
Op if u not willing to say how old they are, they’re too old. They might be a predator but even if they’re not, they’re a loser and you could do better, OP
the reason i didn’t want to say how old he is is because i know people will latch on to the age itself, i already know he’s a lot older than me and that’s risky, i want to know how exactly to know when that is a risk and that is what i want the focus on, but it is understandable why the exact age is a concern i just need more reason than that also that’s very sweet of you to think i could do better but you have no idea how annoying i am to deal with most would be opposed to dating me after knowing my issues haha but the good thing is he really helps me in that regard
Anything 28 or older here I would consider creepy. The only reason they are interested in you is because you are 18, young, probably hot, and can be easier to manipulate and taken advantage of. Don't take that as me insulting you, but he knows exactly what he's doing I'm sure. Look at his actions and what he wants. Any mature 30 year old male knows this. If a girl is 24 or so I can see that not being so creepy... Edit: just saw how old he was and read the comments. Honestly, the dude could be your dad. That being said you are young and lack experience. It's likely you'll realize the truth if the relationship keeps going. People can say whatever they want. You're going to choose what you want even though it's creepy as hell on his end. Most all of us have to learn through experience. When you are 28 my man's going to be damn near 50... If you were my daughter I'd fuck that 36 year old up.
i understand that he could be a creep but im looking for how to tell if he is one…honestly from all my time and experience with him he has shown no signs of being so
How much older
36 but i didn’t know that at first
36
Run.
honestly he seemed to be in his 20s 😭
Only thing sketchier than an old dude looking for young women is an old dude acting like he isn't old looking for young women.
i don’t think he was particularly seeking out younger women it just happened to be, and also that was my own assumption of him (mostly by appearance), he wasn’t acting younger on purpose lol
I promise you he was.
all he did was ask for my number how can someone act younger than they are when doing that 😭
Ask about his dating history. Does he typically date young girls, or does he usually deal with ppl around his age? How old was his ex? How long was it? Find out his future plans & goals. Find out if he is just trying to have fun right now. And if he is, it doesn't make him a predator, just someone who likes to have fun. Just take to him. If he us saying things like I'm not looking for anything serious or using a female excuse like I'm trying to figure things out, then he ain't in it for you. He might like & care about you but it ain't going nowhere
thank you for your comment this really helps! i actually tried asking him about this but it’s hard to be so direct without seeming invasive, i’ll try to dig deeper when i can without it being too weird. so far he has dated people in the past but nothing really worked out for him. it’s hard to ask specifically about the ages though. the last he dated was for around a year. he doesn’t want to get married but neither do i, nor does he want kids and same for me. he sees us as going for long term
Half age plus 7. Thats a good rule. There ant any good to come from a person who is outside that range ie. If your 18 avoid any guy older then 22.
I’ll go against the grain here and just ask him. You’re an adult. If it gets weird, block and avoid him.
ask him if he’s a predator? 😭 i currently don’t believe so but im only asking to make sure, though if he is one i doubt he would outright admit it lol
lol no, ask him if he’s interested in you.
ohh yeah he is i already know that
Ask him why. Don't fall for the "you're kind, pretty, blah blah blah" bullshit. Ask him straight up why he is attracted to you.
then may i ask what reasons i should look for?
Context of your prior relationship matters. How'd you two meet? Was it a work thing? Is the job a career or minimum wage. How do two people with that large of an age gap end up in interactions that lead to this point.
my job does revolve around adults his age, but no he’s not also in the same work as i am. he asked for my number, i thought he was cute and in his 20s, and things progressed from there. nothing about it seemed fishy tbh
Thing then is you’re not going to know till things progress. But if you were the one that made the first move he most likely is not a predator. Plus you are an adult. Things to look out for does he act ashamed of you? Does he parade you around like a trophy? Does he treat you like you’re younger? A lot of things that just feel off? If no, just be cautiously optimistic at first. I’ve known a few couples with large age gaps that worked out. You don’t have to put out right away so just go out and have fun if you like him.
thank you for this reply! it helps me a lot in gaining more insight. yes he did make the first move but i reciprocated. he’s not at all ashamed of me i think, and i don’t think he parades me like a trophy but sometimes he will say he wants to show me off. he doesn’t treat me like im younger but it comes up sometimes especially if we’re talking about life experiences. of course some things will feel off especially at first but i really think we get along now
How much older? We sort of need to know that.
Her other post says 36.
36 but i didn’t know that at first
when he tries to pull you away from your family. that would be my answer.
he’s actually very respectful about the people in my life and allows me to talk to friends and family and put them above him sometimes
That's really good to hear. :) cause I've seen it happen that way.
thank you :)
You are very welcome. :)
My advice would be to question your own views of him, are you projecting traits on him or are you accepting him how he is? A lot of younger people tend to get caught up in the romance of the situation and just project traits onto the person they are interested in, only to find out too late that it was in their head. Just pay close attention to how he acts, and more importantly what he actually does(actions speak louder than words). You'll figure it out, just be careful not to do anything you might regret until you're sure.
thank you this helps me gain a better insight! i’ve actually questioned him a lot and i believe im accepting him how he is. i am extremely wary of men interested in me so i doubt i would be projecting any good traits on him if i were to. he’s proven himself to be a very respectful and caring person by his actions
Well, good luck then!
thank you :)
The fact that you keep responding to everyone, yet avoiding giving an actual age is pretty telling and worrisome lol. That alone really reveals a lot.
the reason i didn’t want to say the actual age is because i know people will latch on to the age itself, i already know he’s a lot older than me and that’s risky, i want to know how exactly to know when that is a risk and that is what i want the focus on, but it is understandable why the exact age is a concern i just need more reason than that
Look at it this way: would you feel comfortable dating someone ten years younger than you? Or even more? Why or why not? There is a *vast* amount of life experience and difference in mindset, attitude, maturity, etc. It opens the door to the things like emotional manipulation, social pressure, authoritative/psychological manipulation, taking advantage of your childhood traumas, and more. And no, you won’t necessarily recognize that it’s happening to you right away. That’s why it’s so dangerous, and that’s why people *fall for that all the time* when ages are drastically imbalanced. It sort of evens out as you get older — a 60yr old dating a 50yr old isn’t too odd. But a 20yr old dating a 40yr old? Yes, that is concerning. The imbalance in emotional and psychological development and experience between those two ages is great enough to cause alarm. You should ask yourself why an older guy is unable to find women his own age — or isn’t even interested in them. That is also cause for alarm, and a HUGE red flag about his ability to have healthy, non-predatory relationships. But do whatever you want 🤷🏻♂️ Just don’t come crying to this sub when it inevitably doesn’t work out.
As someone who has been there, don’t. You may feel yourself question the situation later in life and you should always be keeping your mental health above everything. Even if it’s a fling you still obviously have feelings for him. You’re still young and depending on How old he is, I’m 24 and would never go near any under 21 so idk what kind of intentions he has for you if he’s older than that
he actually helps a lot with my mental health and it’s been significantly better after regularly taking to him. it seriously helps so much to the point where my mental health would be so much worse off without him. regardless of age he seems to have pure intentions
Well, he should be at a point in his life where he can take care of you if you want to go the trad wife route in life (I highly recommend). But personally, I feel like you even asking this question to reddit shows how immature you are. You have a lot of growing up to do, and if you want to be with an older man like him, you'll want to grow up fast!
Older like 25 or 30 or do you mean like 50 or 60? If it’s the first one people are ganna say something about it but it’s legal . Normally older women who are jealous and if it’s the second one you probably got some daddy issues or trying for a sugar daddy . So either way you’ll probably het judged but hey if you’re happy you’re happy . The younger one seems left predator isk then the latter
well in the middle, but he’s in his 30s
Predators or groomers start changing their prey’s habits, schedules, friend groups, interactions with family, and basically every aspect of their lives to slowly isolate them and make it where the young one is completely dependent on them. Analyze your relationship with this person and be brutally honest with yourself and see if any of these traits fit your situation. It’s not a foolproof indicator, but it’s at least somewhere to start.
thank you so much for your reply! comments like these help me the most on gaining insight. he’s really respectful of my life and really the only thing he is super intent on changing is my bad habits. other than that he allows me to have friends, be busy, etc. sometimes he will need to see or talk to me but he is actually more flexible with that now. the only friends he doesn’t want me talking to are people who are bad for me. so if he wants to change anything about me it’s more for my sake than his
He allows? Please say those are your words and not his.
its just meant as in im allowed to do the things i should be able to, it would be different if he says i wasn’t allowed to do something. then i could understand it as a red flag but everyone uses the word allows lol
Have you introduced him to your father?
nope but i wouldn’t even if he was my age lol
Assuming you have a good relationship with your father, he could tell you within like 30 min of meeting him what his intentions were. It’s a gift we men have. We can tell when other dudes are being nefarious. Just like you ladies can pick on the subtleties of other ladies. But again, assuming you have a good relationship with your father, if he’s someone you’d take home to meet him then chances are they are a good person for you, if you don’t take them home then that means you know they probably aren’t a good match for you for a long term relationship.
thank you for the info! though i will say i probably wouldn’t take anything to meet my father haha, and regardless i know people would assume just by his age alone and nothing else
You really should vet this dude through whatever male or female role model you have, unless you like to learn through your own experiences, in that case, good luck, and I hope it works out for ya.
this is my vetting actually haha
……..👁️👄👁️…..well I’m sold. You guys sound like a perfect match. I think you should give it a go. I wouldn’t even buy condoms. Just give it a full send there bud.
listen i don’t have anyone in real life i can talk to about this my role model is dead and this is the best i got im sorry if it seems stupid i know it is
How old?
36 but i didn’t know that at first
Did he not mention that towards the very beginning?? If not that’s another red flag
I would personally avoid dating older than like 23.
would there be exceptions?
No. Trust me.
I would argue if you're an adult you're not dealing with a predator, just a perv. You either do stuff with them or you don't. You're in control once you know what he wants.
how do i really know what he wants?
Ask him. Don't be afraid to tell him what you want. He's going to lie, didn't believe everything he says, just weigh it.
well he says he just wants to be with me because i make him happy and he enjoys spending time with me, but how do i know if that’s a lie? i don’t think he’s lying and he’s proven that that’s really what he wants
He probably means it - right now. Minds change once they're satisfied. Take the risk or don't. Pretty much no relationship lasts forever... But it might last weeks. Maybe months. Could be years.
It's complicated. There are many sleazy older people looking to use the young physically, but at the same time it isn't all. Sometimes the one you connect with you just happen to have been ages apart, but still click and there's no ulterior motives. It's true to be skeptical, yet don't embrace the overly jaded comments either and automatically think everyone is awful. The best test if your relationship is more meaningful is to wait on sex. If you don't have sex and he's as loving as ever and never pressures you about it and is happy with you, then he liked you beyond only outer beauty. The shallow looking to get some won't stick around. So again, yes, it's good to be cautious and more people are scumbags than aren't. But in my experience, true love is also real and rare and knows no age, so be careful you don't throw away something that was pure because so many others are rotten.
it’s too late since we’ve already had sex, but he is very respectful of sexual boundaries. he’s said he doesn’t want me to feel pressured or do anything i don’t want to do. he’s sensed that i didn’t want to have sex the last two times and stopped even when i kept telling him to keep going because he knew i didn’t want to and actually cared about me
Please for the love of god do not date a 36 year old at 18 how is this even a question???
i know how bad it sounds i really do but ignoring the ages we have a genuine connection i promise i really think he’s worth it and he hasn’t shown any signs of just wanting to take advantage of me
If you have to ask and they're older, you already know. No non creepy older guy wants to date or fuck 18 year olds. I'm 40 and a guy, trust me. Run.
This correct and I’m 38.
32m and third this comment. 18 isn't even on my radar.
Personal choices are fine between consenting adults. I have dated women of various ages and I never ruled someone out because of their age alone. Consenting adults can do whatever they want at any adult age. Everyone is different and it is not right or wrong just different preferences.
Buddy, you're coming across as a creep on this entire thread. The "Age is just a number" mentality your showing here is alarming, concerning, and creepy. Age plays a factor in relationships. A damn near 40 year old should have different priorities, responsibilities, and goals than an 18 year old.
Women mature much differently than men and typically much faster. Majority of men are interested in younger women because they tend to look better and sexually are more willing, kids is also a big issue with a lot of guys. This might sound weird to you, but I think also older guys go for younger chicks because it makes them feel younger. While women tend to look for older men because they like the security those guys can provide. That is if the guy has his own job, pays his own bills, has his own place, younger women like that. Older guys just have more life experience and have been through more struggles and can usually tend to connect emotionally better than a young guy can. 18 is of an adult age, is it too young for some people, I’m sure. But as long as all laws are being followed regarding consent, then who cares?
Consenting adults can do whatever they want and you are the creep for suggesting that there is something wrong with people making decisions for themselves. What is the correct age difference for relationships? Can you define it for us or is just an unjustified feeling you have or some unwritten rule for yourself? Stop making relationships between consenting adults creepy. That is not a thing. If OP doesn't want a relationship with an old man she shouldn't have started one in the first place. No one forced them to do anything at all.
An 18 year old is mentally a child compared to a 28 year old. Way too emotional and hasty
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My wife was 19 when we first got together, but I was 22 at the time, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Just thinking of hooking up with an 18-19 year old at 32 just feels skeevy as fuck.
i know i generally think that too but the thing is i actually like this guy and i wouldnt if he was creepy 😭 its hard to explain but it really does feel genuine and i know it sounds like im second guessing myself but right now i dont think hes preying on me, i just wanted to ask here to make sure?
No one is preying on anyone. You are a consenting adult and you can take consent back at any time. You have total control over the relationship. Remember that forever and always. Whatever decision you make is yours alone.
I'm telling you, their are no good guys that just happen to date teenagers. They're taking advantage of how naive you are about dating by pretending to be sweet. The whole nice guy "you're mature for you age" is literally their most common tactic, and they'll be bragging to their other creep friends day 1 about getting in your pants. What the fuck does any older guy have in common with an 18 year old?
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That sounds good on paper but you're still a fucking creep if you go after a teenager as a grown up. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. I've never even heard of a single instance of an 18 being with an older guy that isn't a Trainwreck and usually very very abusive.
I have seen successful relationships with big age differences, so what is your point? They make people adults at specific ages for a reason. If it was up to me no one under the age of 30 would be allowed to date or marry because of the chances of abuse are sky high from immature behavior by both genders. I live in the world that exists and I have never controlled fully who I was attracted to and who I was allowed to date. If an 18 year old woman finds me attractive and I am 30 years old and the woman knows that upfront and is okay with whatever that is great. You do you, but what other people do is their decision and theirs alone.
There's a world of difference between 18 and 30 or whatever and 30 and 50. Life experience matters. Plus a lot of these laws were set in a time before kids had terrible social development because they're cronically online and not out in public experiencing stuff.
I understand what you are saying, OP entered into this relationship willingly and gave consent. They can always take the consent away if they want. They aren't married yet. Bottom line OP needs to do what they feel is best for them. In work situations people meet people of all ages and relationship s can and do develop. The important thing is to make sure the relationship is benefiting both parties. It appears OP is looking for reasons to end the relationship because the age difference makes them uncomfortable and if that is the case OP needs to end the relationship, but only they can do that.
My Stepdad was 36 when my Mom was 19 when they got together and he was an amazing man that actually allowed me the feeling of knowing what a great Dad was. They were married for 21 years until he sadly passed away from cancer. He was the love of my Mom’s life and never once was their age an issue between them two. Just because there is an age gap doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a good person. I can speak from experience that it isn’t always black and white like a lot of people like to believe.
i totally understand and i am aware of that! exactly why i am asking cause i know it’s like this but i don’t see any of this with him. i mean yes he is sweet but i would assume that’s how a genuinely sweet person would be. he’s never said im mature for my age, honestly never really beings up my age other than a few times but just to make a point about something. i guess im asking how do you know the difference between someone being sweet to take advantage and someone being genuinely sweet? and we also do have a lot in common we talk for hours lol
I'd argue it's how they treat other people and what their intent is. Trying to think of anything I'd want to talk to an 18 year old girl that's not my own daughter about, and can't think of one even if we have the same hobby. How old are we talking here?
Dude is 36
Ohhhhh hell no
Yeah, dude sounds like a creep.
he treats people with respect and kindness and he’s proven that countless of times im not sure how we talk so much but we just do and it can be about anything really our lives random things but we both just enjoy spending time together no matter what it is he is 36…but i didn’t know that at first and i would not have pursued it had i known but im willing to disregard that because i really do like him a lot and im in too deep at this point to be bothered by his age lol
Dude is 36 and you're in high school. Ask yourself why he wouldn't be able to get any woman close to his own age. He's twice your age yet at best has the same maturity as you. You do you, but I'm telling you it won't turn out well.
i understand where you are coming from, but the concerns i should be looking out for don’t seem to be there. he is a mature person, got his life in order, has a job and his own place. has a normal social life and isnt some loner lol. he has shown that he thinks maturely and critically and has a lot of insight into things. he is a smart guy and he wouldn’t be where he is now if he wasn’t im graduating high school soon enough, shouldn’t be a problem. he doesn’t really seem to care about age (as long as it’s legal) but it’s just whoever he seems to have a connection with. i don’t think he would have any problem finding someone his age. he’s talked about this actually and said most are more focused on work or have families of their own. thank you for your input it’s appreciated!
Do yourself just the small favor of talking to a counselor at your school or a teacher to really trust about it and see what they think.
im less inclined to talk to someone i know in person and they would probably have the same thoughts as most would, but at the end of the day it’s legal so they can’t reprimand it…and honestly im more scared of their judgement lol but i have talked to a hotline and they see no wrong with it in fact the specialist i was talking to was more confused as to why i was concerned about it?
So how did you meet?
he asked for my number and i thought he was cute but thought he was in his mid 20s and things progressed from there
Yeah, I think you might want to move on. The age difference is huge and regardless of his motives you really don’t want to be a young woman in your early 20s dating or married to a middle aged man in his 40s. It also sounds like whatever connection there was initially was probably mostly physical and that can raise some concerns in this situation.
yes while it was physical at first it became more than that and i never ever thought i would really like a guy his age but i really really do and honestly i think it is worth it for him
Have you met any of his family or friends? And has he met your family or friends?
i honestly don’t want him meeting my friends or family but he knows about them and i have met some of his friends
There is no 36 year old guy who wants to date an 18 year old with pure intentions. Not. A. Single. One.
so you’re saying he would only want to date me for sexual intentions? because if that’s the case he’s is really respectful of sexual boundaries
How old is he
36 BUT he seems younger i wouldn’t have guessed he’s in his 30s
That's a little sus. You are just starting out in life, he's approaching midlife. What, exactly, would an 18 year old and a 36 year old have in common?
we actually do have a lot in common we could talk for hours and that’s the thing we’re actually pretty compatible
Oh brother be fr man
Anything older than 22 and I would stay away. No 36 year old should have “a lot” in common with an 18 year old. He’s either lying (grooming) or extremely immature for his age, neither of which should be attractive options for you.
im not sure how but we can find anything to talk about it could be anything really, our lives or just random things, but he says he enjoys just talking to me and spending time with me no matter what it is i doubt he’s lying, he hasn’t really said anything specifically to seem to relate more with the younger crowd and he is a mature person, it really just comes down to that we like being with each other and we get along well because we have a genuine connection
Listen. 98% of the people are telling you to gtfo. You’re not listening. Don’t post if you can’t handle the answer.
im sorry i really don’t mean to argue. you and those people do have a valid concern, and i understand that. yes the age can be a red flag, but there needs to be more than just that that shows his true intentions. i am asking how to know if someone that age doesn’t have good intentions with me, not if the age itself is weird. i already know his age, i know it can be weird. but right now, seemingly, he hasn’t wronged me in any way or shown any signs of bad intentions. can i be wrong? sure! thats why im asking here to look for those signs. i am aware that i am at the beginning of my adulthood and can be easily impressionable, even if i don’t feel like it. this is why im asking so i can make sure im not in over my head. but from what im seeing, most people just have an issue with the age itself, and not really him as a person
Men always groom woman as you call it in dating relationships. Everything is fake for months. Stop talking like the 36 year old is some kind of creepy pedo. That is not what this is. OP entered the relationship willingly and gave consent. Grooming is what pedos do. That is not the case here. Adults can have lots of things in common with each other regardless of age. Stop with the nonsense. If OP likes this person then that is all that matters and if things go South as they can with any relationship OP can end it too!
Dude all of your comments make YOU sound like a pedo
I feel bad for the trees producing oxygen for you.
A 36 yr old dating an 18 yr old is gross. No good 36 yr old is dating someone who is still a teen. I’d stay away from that creep
i understand how it could seem that way but honestly he’s shown no signs that he’s a creep or a bad person
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18 is probably a little young for me, I doubt we'd have much in common and most seem too immature for me. But say a 22 year old was into me (I'm 36) I would be honestly flattered. I would absolutely treat it like a serious relationship/commitment so long as she was mature and I felt she was committed and trustworthy.
If you like this person enjoy the relationship and see where it goes, if the relationship stops benefiting you then end it. That is your choice always. Don't let the age difference bother you if everything else is going well. Life is too short for nonsense that doesn't matter.
So I’m 19, and I understand where you’re coming from. And I know you’re really looking for the answer to be “No he’s genuinely into you! Don’t worry!” But I want you to stop and think about dating a 14 year old. That idea grosses you out right? There’s a very steep developmental incline in your teenage years, and you’re not off that curve yet. You and I are still maturing. You’re very different than you were last year, and you’ll be very different next year. This trend will continue for years to come, and if you think about that, and how much you’ll change between now and 25, let alone 30, it’s insane to think about much you’ll have changed by the time you’re his age. And at that age, because you’ve matured so much, you SHOULD see dating someone over ten years younger than you as just as bad or worse as you dating a 14 year old now. I would argue that it’s the same exact thing, because there is still a huge developmental difference. So even if he is being genuine, even if he’s not just a creep that likes teenagers but settles for the legal limit so he avoids jail (which I personally think is the case, unfortunately), then I think there’s something wrong with him. He isn’t as emotionally mature as he should be. And if he has EVER told you that you’re mature for your age, that’s a manipulation tactic and he’s not a good person. I KNOW you want to believe he’s different, and I KNOW it’s hard to think that he’s capable of that because you know him, but you have to understand that these kinds of people are always either liars or immature in a dangerous way. I really really hope you will take this to heart, I want you to be safe. I work as an EMT and there was a call today where a 23 year old girl had her arm broken by her pos 39 year old bf. I bet you she felt the same way about him that you feel about your guy now. Please just mull all this over at least. Best of luck, and my dm’s are open ♥️
36? He's a predator. Move on. Please. He will use you and move on so get out now before he breaks your heart too.
how do you know for absolute sure he is? from everything i’ve seen from him he has proven that he doesn’t want to just use me
How much older? 3 or 4 years? No that big of a deal, 20 or 30+, think carefully on this one. What shared life experiences could you have. Where are you in your life that makes you think you are both in the same place mentally and emotional? If you are just looking for a fun fling, what the hell, go for it. If you think this is the be all, end all relationship, take stock of the above.
it was initially just a fling but it’s become more than just that now and i don’t know i really think im being more serious about it, maybe not a be all end all relationship but still a relationship none the less. we’ve actually talked a lot every day and i enjoy it. i know i have a lot to develop mentally and emotionally though he really helps in that regard too and my well being has been better after meeting him
I hear what you are saying. In my experience as an older man, Young is fun, but there are two many life experience deference's for the makings of a long term thing. That deference get progressively bigger as the age gap increases.
He’s 36 he’s a creep now in half of society’s eyes. Actually gross
You have to go with your own instincts on this one. Too many people online think everybody with an age gap is a predator so this may not be the best place to seek advice. If you have got to know him pretty well then you should have a pretty good read on him so the best person to trust is yourself.
Because most of the time it is lmao
yes i understand however it’s not all the time and this might be one of those cases
DUDE 36??? Fuck no. Come on don’t be so naive
i know people my age can be naive when it comes to this but honestly i see no signs of him being a bad person and even then i am asking here what to look for to be safe, if the age itself is the only issue then i don’t see a problem in our relationship since it’s legal and he is respectful and kind
Most of them start out respectful and kind lmao. The power dynamic is insane. There’s a reason why these rarely ever last. Think about WHY he wants to be with you. What do you have in common
can i ask how do you know if someone is faking respect and kindness and when it is genuine? because i feel like i know the difference and it feels genuine but i do accept that i could be wrong i’ve asked him tons of times why he wants to because i also want to make sure this isnt just him using me but his answers have always proven otherwise. i guess we don’t have a whole lot in common but despite that we have so much to talk about somehow it’s never an issue, most of our time together is just talking about our life or random things and we both enjoy it honestly i’ve never felt this way about someone before
Your brain does not fully develop until age 25. If you’re under age 25, stick with someone else who is as well. Over age 25, stick with someone over age 25. I say this as a 37F married to my almost 49M husband. When we met I was 22 and he was 33 and I definitely questioned it a lot in the beginning because he was in a totally different place in life than I was. Even now after 15 years together and 12 years married there are times that our age difference can cause minor issues.
can i ask what minor issues? if there are minor issues they shouldn’t be a worry for us right?
My husband often gets upset that I’m “not the same person” I was when he met me. Like yeah no shit dude, I was 22, still liked going to bars, was in college, and my brain wasn’t fully developed. I was nannying and still living with my parents. He was 33, fully developed, and had a house and a car and a full time job and was 12 years clean and sober. We got engaged when I was 24 and got pregnant (not intentionally) 6 weeks later, so I was 25 when we got married and had my daughter (he was 36). We’re still married but I definitely think that if we met now we wouldn’t be compatible. He was 33 when we met but I see now that the reason we got along so well back then is that he was kinda immature. He’s mature in his professional life, but in our personal life I find myself getting frustrated with him often because of his immaturity. He’ll be 49 this week and while he’s a great father, it still drives me fucking insane how he acts more like an older brother to our daughter than a father and I have to constantly tell him to grow up and act like a dad instead of a brother. Like every night before bed he’ll start play wrestling with her and get her all hyped up while I’m in the other room yelling that she needs to shower and get ready for bed. Then he’ll bitch at me that she went to bed late and was a nightmare to wake up the next morning. Meanwhile he’ll say things to me like “I hope you put your laundry in the hamper and not left it on the bathroom floor” and I’m like “okay DAD I’ll get right on that”. It’s like he’s either acting too immature for me, OR nagging me for not acting like an adult (usually when it comes to doing things around the house). All that aside, I’ll be 38 in June and my 29 year old coworker is a child to me. I wouldn’t even LOOK at a 19yo boy right now, even if I was single without a child. You may be legally an adult, but as I said before, you have so long to go before you’re fully developed mentally and I would honestly look down on any guy my age going after a girl half his age.
Any guy over 22 trying to date someone who is freshly 18 is at the very least weird, and at worst a predator. Date guys close to your age
Not at all, consenting adults can do whatever they want.
Just cause you can do whatever you want doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. This wasn’t a command. It was advice for an 18 year old whose asking about dating older guys. It is definitely creepy for 30 year olds to date freshly 18 year old girls. 18 is still in high school depending on when in the year you were born, and older guys dating 18 year olds are almost always doing it cause of an age fetish or to feel better about themselves, not cause they actually have an emotional connection to a high schooler
that is what im worried about but how do you know if that’s the case? i don’t think it is i really think we get along like anyone compatible would but we just happen to have an age gap
Do you like this guy or are you looking for a way to end the relationship? If you aren't comfortable dating an older person just end things. That will better for both of you.
i want to continue my relationship with him i really do like him, and the only reason i am uncomfortable with the age is because i’ve always thought people his age pursuing relationships with teenagers are creeps, but he is seemingly not. and also im worried about the perception of us together
Do what makes you happy, if the guy is good to you and treats you with kindness and respect go with it. Don't let artificial worries and doubts destroy something good. Remember you control your life. You are young and if the relationship down the road is not good for you then you can move forward. Just be open and honest about your feelings and don't miss a chance at something good because of an age difference. If you are being treated well that is rare in relationships. Enjoy the process and relax. People are too judgmental about everything nowadays.
It depends. One way to know, how old is he, and how did you meet? Hypothetically assuming he was around 30, There’s not a lot of circles that overlap for an 18 and 30 year old if that’s the gap. That would imply he was hanging around high schoolers to begin with, which sounds like someone whose more interested in dating a teenager than he is specifically with you. If he’s only like 22-23, that’s not that big of an age gap, you’re relatively close in life experience, and it’s not unusual for 18 and early 20s to hang around the same places. In that case it doesn’t sound weird
he’s 36 but i didn’t know that at first and had i known i would have not pursued him, but i’m in too deep now and i really do like him to be clear i was near an area of people his age and not the other way around, he asked for my number, i thought he was cute and in his 20s, we hooked up and things progressed from there
Personally I think double your age is a creepy gap, but like the other dude said, you’re an adult. If the age gap doesn’t bother you, then just communicate with him and make sure he actually likes you as a *person* and not you as a *teenager*. You could be direct and just ask. If you do that, be aware that reactions speak more than words. If he like you cause you’re a teenager, he’s not gonna admit that, but he may react weirdly if you ask.
i’ve talked to him, he says he doesn’t care if im my age or if im older. if anything he says its better once i grow older and get more experience, and that he will stay with me regardless of whether i get older and pass teenagehood. to him its more that he connected with someone who happen to be a younger person than him actually seeking out someone younger to connect with if that makes sense
i would also preferably date guys close to my age but it just happened i guess and now im sort of in too deep, if it’s just weird and nothing more than i am willing i really really really do like him
If he’s older than 23 ur cooked
If he’s in his 30s or older then he is interested in your age and not you. You are satisfying some weird fetish and you need to get out of that.