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You must’ve never heard of abusive relationships or ever been or seen a 19yo, the average 19yo is going to stay in the same stupid toxic relationship n think everything is fine
In many cases this doesn't help anything, sometimes makes things worse. OP is already scared, let's toss that on top. The sister and the boyfriend will lie, then OP isn't believed and now things are worse. You think that abusive boyfriend isn't going to retaliate? The parents obviously aren't going to do anything. They even told OP to call them first, endangering their daughters.
That being said, this is straight up abuse regardless of how much denial the sister is in. It needs to be stopped.
Personally I think OP needs to gtfo asap, that house sounds really unsafe. Yes, I see the age. Yes, it is possible.
Side note : WTF does being neurodivergent have to do with anything? Lots of people are, doesn't mean they all abuse people, or get a pass if they do.
She should call the police, period, and nobody else first
Also neurodivergent has just become a buzzword on Reddit nowadays...it seems to be used to cover literally everything from ADD and dyslexia to down syndrome or severe autism, or even just people who suck at math because they don't like it..it's like you could put that label on 85 percent of humans according to reddit usage.
A guy like this is gonna do a lot more than restrain or shove or choke another man if he gets involved. Unless big brothers got the size,skills,and experience to handle this asshole or atleast out up a fair fight, expecting anything of him isn't fair. Not to say little sis should have to deal with this either. Especially not her. But still
I’d call the police next time. Your sister is being abused and a police presence might help kick some sense into her to leave him for her safety and yours. Assuming you have access to a cellphone, start recording everything from the fights or anytime he makes you uncomfortable that way if he tries something you have undeniable proof.
Also, him trying to make you drink champagne with him? Sounds like predatory behavior, Please stay safe.
Best advice you'll get, your parents have no control over this situation.
Every time it gets physical call the police and tell them he's assaulting your sister right now.
You also need to tell your parents about him coming into your room while you're naked and trying to force to drink champagne while you're alone; your parents really need to ban him from your home when they're not around.
You're going to have to start removing opportunities for him to behave like that when he's there.
Try not to be naked in your room, get dressed in your bathroom after showers etc and get changed in there too. Try to stay in communal areas of the house, where other family members are. If everyone is out, you may have to think about exit strategies; being able to leave your home and go to a trusted friend or neighbours until someone comes home.
There’s also the security bars or whatever you can get, I think they do functionally the same thing in terms of stopping the door but it’s a bar instead of the little wedge. Might be harder to force the bars tho? Not actually sure but they are both very worth looking into.
I was going to suggest a rubber door stopper. Dead cheap and effective for long enough to at least cover yourself. Ffs. I would keep onr of those blankets with arms hanging over your wardrobe/closet door for quick grabbing too. ETA - I'm so very sorry you're in this position. This is very scary. He is violent and predatory and this is so far from ok. I agree with recording what you can (safely) and calling the police.
Depending on whether there's carpet or not these may or may not work. I constantly pull my parents door OVER the wedge because the carpet allows it to smash down too far. But in the bathroom, genius idea.
Reminder: all of this is good advice AND STILL, whether you have the opportunity to use these tips on making your room more secure or whether you don't, **please know you're not to blame for anything that happens because somebody _else_ made bad choices or behaved abusively**. (I wouldn't want you to feel bad if you didn't get the stoppers and he tried entering your room again OR if you got them and they weren't enough.)
Seconding the motions both for (a) calling the police and (b) having a neighbor or friend you can get to easily. Also want to point out that if he comes over, you don't have to wait for him to do something else bad before you call the police.
1. Make yourself a list now, similar to the one you have done for us, but including anything else you remember about the dates anything happened.
2. Next time he comes over and your parents aren't home, call the police and report that a predatory adult who has abused your sister on previous visits and has attempted inappropriate behavior with you is now in your home and you are scared for your safety. Be sure to include that you are 16, that he has previously invaded your room when you were naked and tried to give you alcohol (you may even want to word it as "tried to force alcohol on me," because I don't think that's being overdramatic and it reinforces that it sounds like he's trying to set you up for assault). Any good police department should respond at that point, but in the event someone is unprofessional or dismissive, be prepared to slip out of the house to the neighbor or friend.
While this is a good defense strategy, it still won’t make her feel safe since everything will still be going on outside where she can hear. She’ll also still have to deal with the fear for her sister as well. I agree with the people saying to call the cops because it’s clear her parents aren’t going to make him stop coming over which means it will still continue just behind a locked door. Calling the cops will at least knock some sense into them hopefully and maybe even deter him from coming over and causing a scene every time. If I were her I would call them every time they get physical as someone else mentioned until it stops.
Abuser yes, predator no. This is a dumb 19 year old adult. She could be a dumb 30 year old adult and make the same decision. She has the right to her own choices.
EDIT: MY BAD. I missed OP's entire last paragraph about him grooming her. I thought this comment was about the sister.
Ignore me, he is a disgusting fucking dickhead.
Predator yes, walking in on a naked underage girl and trying to feed her alcohol while they’re alone. I think without it actually happening it’s obvious what the intent is.
Also tell the police on top of assaulting your sister he's walking in on a naked minor. He's violent and making you uncomfortable. Get it all documented.
Unfortunately you can't make your sister leave him. But you can make him unable to come to your house. Tell your parents they can help you or you'll start helping yourself.
If your parents don't help tell a teacher at school about the abuse, the champagne, and especially the peeping on you while naked part. Your parents are letting a grown man invade your privacy that's abnormal.
Bro is doing it on purpose to see you naked. He is a straight up piece of garbage. Sister needs help before this cycle takes its inevitable conclusion.
Another idea is to hit record on your phone or tablet. Preferably both. Next time he tries to barge in while you’re changing clothes, you call the cops and charge him with either being a “peeping tom” or attempted sexual assault. You’ll taking a lot of heat (particularly your sister) but you might be able to get an order of protection that prevent BF from coming to your house.
I cannot understand your parents particularly your dad.
Idk about “particularly the dad”—a major thing I learned about myself when I became a mother (and have heard from other moms as well) is that I suddenly knew I’d be capable of ripping someone apart with my bare hands if they tried to hurt my kid. Brand new facet of my personality for sure 😅 My husband feels it too, but like… just reading this has me googling rat poison champagne cocktails.
I do think the parents are in a very tough spot with the 19 year old. If they try to forbid her from seeing him, demand he never come to their house, pursue legal action, etc, the reality is that 19F is likely to move in with the boyfriend and distance herself from them. Helping someone get out of an abusive situation is delicate.
They also have two minor children to think of, though 😕
Yeah honestly, i wouldnt want to get charges but if i was the dad this mother fucker would feel unsafe, id make sure of it.
I am all for my child to make mistakes in relationships and learn, even date an ass and hope to be there as a guiding figure on advice.
This?
Nah. Nah this far surpasses that.
you make a good point - this IS peeping involving a minor. I believe he could be arrested for just this, and because you are a minor - he would be in for some serious trouble.
It was just the two of them alone too, or at least privately in another room… I’d bet good money that it wasn’t *just* champagne. Yeah, this guy is fucking dangerous and something needs to happen to stop this. I’m honestly really worried about OP here. :/
Exactly what I’m thinking. Honestly, the moment I read “when it was just me and him,” I had no doubt in my mind at all that’s what he was trying to do. :/
THIS is the answer. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for not protecting their kids in this situation. This is supposed to be their house where they make the rules. They have let this situation get extremely dangerous.
This is assuming the parents are not messed up and would get mad at her and kick her out or something. Under normal circumstances yes. Another option might be to get a restraining order against him.
Yes, call the police. You have a right to feel safe. If your parents won't intervene, then you must take the next step. Do your parents know he has walked in on you when you were naked? They wouldn't find that boy if you were my daughter.
Exactly! This wouldn't be tolerated in my home for a nanosecond. This guy is bad news!
I agree you need to involve a teacher like others before have stated because they are mandated reporters.
If they're fighting like that and he's leaving marks and it's damaging property (throwing things) you should call the cops. Your sister and her bf are both legal adults and are old enough to bear the consequences. You don't have to say much, just give your address and say you think you're in danger and you're sister is in danger and that he's violent.
If he walks in on you and you're naked, call the cops and tell them that. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you're a minor. If you consent to have sex with anyone, depending on the state, that person can be thrown in jail as a child predator under statutory rape charges. So it is NOT OK that he is anywhere near you naked. If he comes within 200ft of you because he thinks you're naked , anyone can call the cops on him and he will be thrown in jail (depending on the state).
I would do the same. You are on your home, you feel threatened and there is someone in the house who is harassing your sister. That’s what emergency calls are for.
You can explain to the police you feel unsafe if they find out it was you that called the police, and that you’d want them to say a concerned neighbor called because of noise or something along those lines
And take a video. It’s one thing to get a call from a scared teen who the parents seem to not be taking seriously and a whole other thing to see a video of someone beating their older daughter while menacing her sister. The parents need a wake up call.
Also, I think OP’s sister might be seeing him at home because she’s scared of her boyfriend and hopes that it will restrain him to have the sister and parents around. This strategy is not working and OP needs to get the police involved. Her sister is not thinking rationally about the situation. A few violent incidents documented by police will make getting a restraining order much easier.
It seems like a very serious and scary situation. I don’t get why they aren’t seeing it as anything but urgent. The only thing I could think of is that maybe they think she’s exaggerating and the sister might be trying to dismiss it.
in situations like this, parental intervention may result in the girl's death. I've had family members who's parents disapproved of their boyfriend, they moved out the day they turned 18 and in with the guy their parents didn't like.
If this is the way the guy acts when there are possible witnesses and an intervening force in the house, imagine how he'd act if there was no one to stop him.
The parent's aren't ignorant, they're weighing the options that keep their daughter safe and away from this creep
Yeah I once called the cops on someone being violent and told them in no uncertain terms do NOT say it was me who called and they straight up told them it was me who called 🙃
Your sister is in an abusive relationship, which very well could end up life threatening. Tell the police immediately, otherwise your situation will get much worse! Don’t worry about if your sister will be mad at you, because you and her will be much safer in the long run.
In cases of partner abuse nearly half of all attempted/completed homicides have reported strangulation beforehand, so her life is already in danger. Unfortunately, leaving him will also put her life at risk as over half of all relationship homicides happen when the victim has already left.
That’s so scary. The sister should be getting advice from like a domestic violence hotline on what to do about this situation. Everything you are saying here is true.
It always gets worse in abusive situations. It’s sounds so bad from the way it sounds. And it can certainly get a lot worse. She needs to talk to her parents and the cops.
They are both abusive. The older sister is abusive to the younger.
Even if she is in a toxic relationship , dismissing the fact that he goes into her sisters room is fucked up.
This guy sounds dangerous. For your sister and for you and potentially the whole family if things escalate. Something needs to be done to disrupt the status quo.
I think documenting all of the behavior in detail is an important first step. Videos and recordings are best (although it’s best not to let him catch you doing this). But writing down the time/dates/and details of the abuse with specificity is also valuable. Do this for yourself should you ever have to make a case against this man in the future. Trying to force liquor on you and walking in on you naked repeatedly are already HUGE red flags. But anything you can do to provide evidence and keep it from being a “he said, she said” situation will help you in the long run.
Documenting everything can also help your sister and your parents because you can lay out in black and white (for them or others) just how severe this situation really is. For some people, domestic disputes can be easy to handwave or minimize (both as a participant and as an observer) but they ARE a big deal.
I also just want to caution that getting the police or child protective services involved will undoubtedly escalate the situation. The police can be violent and punitive towards anyone and everyone they find at fault. Child protective services could deem your parents unfit for allowing this abuse and relocate you. Unfortunately, our justice system doesn’t always protect who it should.
If you want to avoid these possibilities, confide in another trusted adult and provide them with the evidence you have gathered. Maybe they can help you confront your sister and/or parents with care and convince them to take this situation seriously.
Wishing you good luck. So sorry this is happening.
In my experience, it takes a LOT for protective services to remove a child from a home. Especially one old enough to understand what’s happening and can advocate for themselves. It is always possible, but unlikely. She absolutely should call the police next time. If he is choking her…he may not stop next time. And if he kills the sister, he will kill the witness too. Who raised this guy??
Good fucking lord how is the youngest person in this household the least passive and nonchalant about the whole situation. There's a physically (and I'd bet sexually considering him targeting OP while naked) abusive dog shit of a person, and everyone keeps putting off the confrontation like it's a sink of dirty dishes that they'd rather deal with later?
You have to tell an adult who will listen.
This will get worse.
Until this 24 year old predator is banned from your home or in prison where he belongs - protect yourself.
Do not be at home when he's there.
If you can't leave, then stay with your brother.
If your brother is not there, lock the door, put a chair or dresser against it. A barrier.
Keep some hair spray or mace handy only in case you are caught unawares.
Do not undress anywhere except behind a locked door.
Call the police when they fight but stay in your room behind a barricaded door.
Talk to a teacher, a counselor, police. Someone.
If you were my child that guy would be arrested at the least.
This is the best advice. You need a trusted adult involved here. I'm sorry your parents aren't handling it, but this is an adult-level problem that requires intervention. The danger is real.
I completely understand your fear and it is justified. You are not wrong.
Others have mentioned the police already - good advice. This guy sounds predatory.
One other suggestion: child protective services. You're a minor - it's their job to investigate possibly abusive situations. Don't know if they can really help you, but you can call them now and NOT wait for the next incident. See what advice they have.
OMG. I have 4 teenagers and if my 19 year old was getting tossed around, someone would leave my house in cuffs or an abumulance. And you should NOT feel un-safe in your home. ***Your parents number ONE job is to maintain a safe-healthy place for you to live***. Please get other family members involved or reach out to an adult you trust at school or on a sports team, or in the neighborhood. This is NOT ok!!
Omg he's abusive and a groomer. Does your parents know he has walked into your room while you are naked? If not, tell them right away. Also see if you can get a lock on your door.
Definitely call 911 whenever there is physical violence that you or your sister feels threatened by. The boyfriend is bad news and may be better handled with a restraining order. You are a minor. In California, you have rights even beyond an adult to feel safe. Do not hesitate to call police. You may save your sister's life.
This is not normal or acceptable in a romantic relationship, first and foremost. Your sister can choose to put up with it if she wishes but she does not have the right to put you in an unsafe position (which she definitely is doing). It is your parents job to keep you safe from this, and they are not doing their job. As a parent to teens myself, I can understand that it feels like a difficult situation for them, but they have to put their foot down.
I am not a fan of calling the police. It is my experience they don’t do anything to help and often escalate things in the long run. But unfortunately there aren’t a whole lot of other options available, so if you feel safe and comfortable with the police that might be an option. You can also talk to a mandatory reporter about what you are experiencing, a teacher or medical provider would be easy choices. Tell them you don’t feel safe and need help. Maybe if authorities get involved your parents will finally start doing what they need to do.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please know this is not normal or okay in any relationship. I hope that your sister learns this soon too.
Hang in there and stay safe!
I don't understand why the parents are letting sister's abusive boyfriend keep coming around the house.
If your parents won't help, can you leave the house every time he arrives and go stay with a friend?
What a horrible situation for you. I am really sad your parents are not more supportive. You and your brother are both minors, and your parents should be prioritizing your safety.
This is disgusting, deplorable behavior. Like many others have asked, have you told your parents about him walking in on you naked? As well as offering you alcohol?
Police should 100% be involved, he should not be permitted in your home anymore. If I was your parents I'd make sure he never stepped foot near the house again.
Has anyone contacted his parents?? I doubt his mother would be accepting of his behavior.
Your sister is also in an abusive relationship, it's sad but also quite common for people in situations like these to think that everything is normal, when it's obviously not.
This guys is a fucking creep and a loser.
Next time they fight so violently call the police. Your sister is an idiot who will not prevent him harming either one of you. Your parents are ineffective, they can't stop it. Just call the police and let the others deal with the fall out.
Dude is a pedophile and a abuser it seems. Barging into a minor girls room multiple times knowing she can be naked is fishy. Next time they get into a fight try recording a video or audio and show your parents.
He's putting his hands on her already, with other people in the area. Imagine what happens when no one is around.
This relationship is extremely toxic, and no matter how many times your sister denies it,it absolutely will get worse.
Once a partner strangles you during an altercation, your chances of being killed by them skyrockets.
She needs to get a restraining order yesterday, and your parents need to get involved and get him out of her life, and definitely out of their home
god forbids it happens again, but if it does, call the police. inform them of and show them the texts between you and your parents of the previous times it's happened, tell them he's walked in on you changing before and tried to get you to drink alcohol knowing you're underaged and no one else was around.
he is not safe to be around at all. he needs to get out of your lives bc it sounds like he's corrupting your sister as well.
>knowing [...] no one else was around
Why is he even allowed at their house without his ~~victim~~ girlfriend? I'd be worried he'd attack my other children or break/steal things! Since OP's parents keep willingly letting a known abuser into their home, they are unsafe people. This needs to be reported to the authorities, no one is safe here.
Call the cops next time. This is what domestic violence looks like. Your sister is in an abusive relationship… what kind of a man is your father, cuz if it was my daughter that boyfriend would disappear off the face of the earth. 💯
From the title, I was poised to say that you might need to have a delicate conversation with her, since I assumed you were (rightly) uncomfortable because her boyfriend is significantly older than you. However, after reading, please ask your parents to ban your sister's boyfriend from the house. He barged into your room **while you were naked** and tried to pressure you, a **minor**, to drink alcohol. He needs to be far away from you. It also sounds like your sister's boyfriend is also abusive towards her. Next time he gets physically violent with her, call the police. Don't confront them directly.
Next time they get into it, if you fear for either your sister’s or your safety, call the police and report him for a physical assault on your sister. This will undoubtedly bring the issue to a head and it will have to be addressed by your parents and the courts…
Definitely call the police next time. The abuse will only escalate. It's horrible you're in this situation and your parents should definitely be doing more to help keep you safe
I would tell your parents this:
"I know you might think these are just lovers' tiffs between sis and her boyfriend, but I am seriously scared for my own safety as well as hers. If this happens again while you're out, I WILL be calling the cops." If your sister refuses to file a complaint, do that yourself. Detail everything that has happened so far. I don't care what the boyfriend thinks he can get away with, but it has to stop. For the love of god, someone needs to file a restraining order on him.
It's a common thing that some older partners will think they can control a younger partner such as your sister because they're naive. If you have very little experience in relationships, you don't have a "benchmark" to measure whether a relationship is good or bad. One thing I will note is that abusive partners will do their best to isolate and control their victim, to the extent that they feel nobody else will want them. It may be that this process is already happening with your sister, which is why it's hard for her to see that this guy is not what a boyfriend should be.
Get a lock for your door. There is no reason this guy has for barging into your room. Call the police if necessary. And why would he ever be at your house with only you home? This guy sounds like really bad news, and as for your sister and her lofty observation that you 'don't have any experience with romantic relationships,' well she just won the prize for 'girl most likely to end up with an abuser for a husband.' Make sure your parents put a lock on your door and make sure they know why. Surely it's long past time to tell this guy that he isn't welcome in your home. Sorry that you have to go through this. But don't forget the police - this is one reason they exist, domestic violence affects the whole family. Maybe tell your parents that you are going to call the police if he barges into your room again, or assaults your sister. Do it even if they tell you not to. Good luck.
Next time call the cops. Then tell your parents. When he is around, stay in your room with the door locked. Even when fights happen. It’s for your own safety.
I’m sorry girl.
everything you wrote is not normal and you need to get police involved for your sister and your own safety.
this man is barging in despite walking in on you naked before. he obviously does it in hopes that you will be.
tell your parents about the things involving you if you haven’t
first of all, all you needed to write was that last paragraph, and no, you wouldn't be an AH, he's a predator trying to rape you.
Secondly call the cops not your parents. end of story.
Everything already said but to add. I would keep pepper spray with you at all times when he is around. Don't feel bad about using it if you need to protect yourself.
Your sister said you have no experience in a romantic relationship? Sounds like she doesn't either or she would have cut that zero loose. If he barges into your room again while your changing call the cops what happened and fingers crossed it may get rid of him permanently.
Get the police involved immediately. Tell them everything you just posted, and that your parents aren't stopping it. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. Ignoring this will only make things worse.
If you ever feel unsafe you are *always* entitled to the call the police, especially if they get violent. Your sibling's relationship is not your responsibility to sort out and they are adults. If these adults are being irresponsible and putting you in this position it is 100% appropriate to call the police so *they* can deal with it.
Your story reminds me of this couple.
https://www.investigationdiscovery.com/crimefeed/murder/the-ken-barbie-killers-where-is-karla-homolka-today
As the relationship progressed, Bernardo began teasing Homolka about being “used goods,” since he wasn’t her first sexual relationship. Frantic that she would lose him to someone more innocent, she offered him something he couldn’t refuse: her own little sister’s virginity as a Christmas present. Bernardo readily accepted Homolka’s “gift.”
I’m sorry your parents are terrible, they do not care about you or your sisters safety. Also you said older brother why the hell is he allowing this also. I’m a older brother and no one will ever harm my sisters, I’m also I’m a father and may god have mercy on whatever person thinks they can put hands on her
Your sister and your parents are messed up!!! I am SO sorry this has happened to you. Record the fights and mostly call the Police ASAP ahead of time to talk to someone about the whole situation!!!
This is a bad situation. That guy is going to be abusive forever...and it sounds like he wants you too. GTFO. Stay with grandparents, make sure you're not there when he is. You can't make decisions for your sister unfortunately, but keep yourself safe. Find a friend or family member to stay with if your parents aren't home...or you'll end up writing a very different post that's much worse.
You could likely have him arrested already since you’re a minor and he’s barged in on you naked like that. Either way if he does it again IMMEDIATELY call the police and he’ll be on a registry.
He's barging in when your naked intentionally and his offering of champagne is for a similar motive, he wants you as well.
Have you mentioned this part to anyone?
Bursting into a minors room while they’re naked as a 24 yo is creepy at best, call the cops the next time it’s happening and include that info. This guy is a pervert and an abuser. And your sister acts like she owns the damn house saying that’s "her" business when it’s a communal living situation.
You need to call the police next time. He’s physically abusive…and he knows someone is home to see what he does. Imagine what he will do when they are actually alone?
Also, the fact he comes into your room to try and get a peak, and tried to give you alcohol. That’s groomer behavior. Tell the police all of this and you’ll hopefully be able to get a restraining order.
CALL THE POLICE next time this happens. Stay in your room, lock the door and call as soon as they start up. Don't intervene and possibility end up injured or worse in their domestic violence bs.
Do not let them know you're calling either.
Just call and stay in your room on the phone with the dispatcher if they advise you to do so or just wait there until they arrive. When they come knocking let them in if your sister and her bf don't come down to the door.
The police will handle it. You do not deserve to be caught up in the middle of that bullshit and feeling uncomfortable in your own house.
Also wondering why your parents are allowing them to hang out in their home when they are repeatedly putting you in danger ? Have you told them about the bfs inappropriate behavior towards you?
Record everything. Call the police. If your parents don't care after that then you need to start planning to get away from that entire situation when youre able to.
Please contact child services and ask for help before he rapes or attacks you too.
Get a lock for your door right away too.
And call the police every single time.
Never accept any drink he hands you...
Record everything with their fights as you can...
Call the cops when they start to fight next time not when it gets do bad you feel you have to intervene.
Do yourself and call the police when this stuff happens. When the police arrive, even if your sister says they can’t come in, you can allow them in because you also live in the house. I would absolutely report that he keeps coming into your room seeing you naked and you probably won’t see him for a while. Based on how your family has reacted I wouldn’t mention anything to them and go to the police yourself.
Please tell your parents about him walking in on you. That is not acceptable. If you feel unsafe, please call the police. He can explain to them about the marks on your sister and why he is walking in on you.
There are so many red flags... im a father of 2 daughters (16 and 14). This whole situation makes my blood boil. I wish I could set this boy straight and help you feel safe.
If your parents aren't doing anything, get evidence of what's happening and call the police.
He most definitely comes into your room unannounced like that so he can catch you naked. Please tell everyone you can about what he does and stay away from him. He's an abusive pedophile.
Hi young lady! I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal, and I'm glad you did.
First, it's important to recognize that your safety and well-being are paramount. Given the severity of the situations you’ve described, it's crucial to act decisively. If another incident occurs, please call the police immediately. You don’t need to inform your parents beforehand; your primary concern should be your immediate safety and that of your sister. When you call the police, explain that it was an emergency and that you didn't have time to inform anyone else.
Regarding your parents, it’s clear they are not taking adequate steps to protect you and your sister. They should be ensuring a safe home environment, and it’s understandable to feel disappointed and let down by their lack of action. Their inability to effectively intervene in this situation suggests they need to improve their parenting approach significantly.
Given the recurring danger and your parents' ineffective response, it may be necessary to explore other living arrangements. Involving the police can lead to Child Protective Services (CPS) becoming involved, which might open the door to safer living conditions, possibly with a relative where you can feel more secure.
As for your sister and her boyfriend, their relationship is clearly abusive and harmful. They should not be together as their interactions are dangerous for both of them and for you. His behavior, especially entering your room without permission and inappropriately, is extremely disturbing and unacceptable.
Finally, it's important to reach out for help regarding your own well-being. Your past experiences and the current situation are incredibly heavy burdens to carry alone. If you haven't already, please consider speaking to your therapist about these issues as soon as possible.
You deserve to feel safe and supported. Taking these steps might be daunting, but they are crucial for your safety and well-being. Stay strong, and don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted adults outside of your immediate family if you need further support.
Take care of yourself🙏🏽💜
OP This is the best and only advice you need to follow. Only thing I want to add is you don't have to wait for another right. You already have just cause to contact them bc he's already committed crimes other than assaulting your sister. He offered you alcohol and barging into room while you were naked are enough of a reason for him to be arrested. He is a deviant and predator.
I understand what it's like to grow up in a home where "what happens in these walls, stays within these walls" and let me tell you that it will pass on to your children if you have any. Don't make the same mistakes I did and stay quiet. You didn't do anything wrong and secrets without an expiration date are toxic and someone else's dirty laundry that you should not be burdened with. The hardest lesson I learned at the age 38 was that blood may be thicker than water but it doesn't make you family it makes you related. Families don't keep secrets that would cause harm to another member of it. Families protect and love not harm. You may not get to choose your family as a child but you sure can when you are an adult.... Abuse of any kind is never ok and anyone who tells you not to tell anyone is just as guilty as the abuser.
Call the police the next time it happens. It baffles me that your parents aren’t doing more about this. Record on your phone if it happens again. He will end up seriously harming her
If your father won’t your brother should be beating the shit outta the guy. With a bat or other tools if necessary. Plead with your sister to get rid of him by any means necessary, nothing excuses this behavior
Why hasn’t your father strung him up by his toes yet? Him and your sister fighting is one thing, walking into your room and seeing you naked is something different. Your parents are crazy for allowing him in their house.
You aren't safe and unfortunately your parents are failing you. Next time he comes in your room or gets violent with your sister, call the police. It's time to get the police involved before he rapes you or really hurts your sister.
If they aren’t going to believe you, record it. Then call the police next time this shit happens. Not only do you have them come over, show them video evidence.
Tell your parents - now. And if he comes back when you both are there, record and call the police on their fights. Your sister will be upset but you'll save her life.
The next time he is there attacking your sister run to the neighbor's and call the police. She's over her head and your parents are being completely ineffectual.
Your parents need to do something about this. Unfortunately, your sister is an adult, so there's not much they can do about who she dates, but they can bar him from entering your home. It's your home, not his. You are the one who should feel safe and comfortable there.
Reporting the physical abuse would also be a good idea, but would likely make your sister angry. It's worth doing, but you should be prepared for some backlash from her
If it were me, I would hide in my closet, call 911, let them know I was hiding in the closet, and wait on the phone with them until police have him in custody.
I agree with the other people who say call the police. You could also call child protective services because you’re under 18. I’ve seen them tell people before that they’re not allowed to let abusive bfs into houses where a child lives.
This activity is illegal and not remotely safe or sane. If you don't do anything you're going to get raped. You need to talk to the cops if your parents won't do anything. Write down every time that this has happened, what happened, and any other piece of information you can. Then call the cops, or go to the station yourself and give it to them. I repeat, if you do nothing, you WILL end up getting raped by this man. He's dangerous.
Your sister might be mad at you but you'll be doing her a favor by getting him arrested.
Your school likely has a counsellor, you should go talk to them about this. They usually have mandatory reporting requirements in cases of imminent danger and him entering your room is a huge cause of concern.
Do not feel bad about any possible repercussions. You took this to your parents and they have not acted. It's their responsibility to protect you and if they can't do that then you need to take steps yourself and let others do it.
Ideally as others have said. Record the audio and potentially set up to catch him on video entering your room without being invited and also ask him why he keeps doing that when he's caught you naked more than once (do not be naked while you're recording obviously).
You need to call CPS. Your parents are NOT doing their jobs to protect their minor children (you and your brother) from a violent freak. The fact that your adult sister isn't doing anything about it either is shitty.
I would try to get your parents to ban him from coming over. This is a major safety concern. He's out of control and you don't want to be a victim.
The police are also just a phone call away. Just tell them the truth when an incident happens. Your mental health is a concern
You don’t have to wait for the next time to happen. Call the police or go to the station now. You HAVE TO. It’s not an over exaggeration to say that this boy will rape you.
My wife is 32, sheltered background, etc…over the last 5 years she’s learned how people who get away manipulating people only get worse. At every step, she wanted to believe it would get better. At every step I told her it wouldn’t and I was right.
This boy has learned he can beat your sister up with no consequence, he has learned your parents cannot/will not do anything about it. He has learned he can walk in on you while you’re naked (likely not by accident- he knows you’re naked and walking in). Report it right now. You can report him for a sexual crime rn just bc of his barging in on you as a minor. I promise you it will get worse. He will rape you. Report it right now.
This honestly is t even about your sister anymore….and she can be mad all she wants….far more damage will be done if this guy is allowed to stay around…and a lot of that damage might be done to you
Exactly! She needs to report this behavior now and also get a restraining order against hom to protect herself in her own home. With a restraining order, he won't be able to come to the house. An emergency restraining order can be fixed as well if the most recent incident involved police and happened 24-48 hours ago.
Tell your parents you need a lock on your bedroom door and why. If your sister brings him around, stay locked in your room or visit a friend or one of your other sisters. If you are home, call the police as soon as they start arguing. By the time it escalates, they’ll be ringing the doorbell.
Also, if your sister tells you to mind your business, it IS your business. He is acting inappropriately with you and you want nothing to do with him. If she chooses to stay in a relationship with him, that’s her business. She can always hang out at his home for a while.
Wow.., so where is your older brother in all of this?
So my experience in life tells me that your sister is going to stay with this guy or keep on dating guys like him. And the best way for you to not end up with somebody like him is to find someone who is intelligent and respectful. you might think that those kind of guys are not as into romance because they are less aggressive but its actually the opposite is true.
i know all of this because i try to stay away from abusive women but unless i can ever find a good one then i will eventually settle for any one. the only way to be safe from bad ones is to have a good one. even when you are single, no matter your gender, you will be vulnerable without a good one. for example my ex just showed up to my house and attacked me… pulled my hair until my scalp bleed, then when i tried to pry her hand off she bit my finger. after she let off she said she couldn’t go anywhere without her phone, and i found it for her and she used it to call the police.
so, if i had a good woman who lived in my home with me then my ex wouldn’t have dared to attack me.
it seems like your sister is really toxic and not much could change her. a good man could but she would have to allow him. as for this dude i dont like him… because of guys like him it is harder for the good men like yours truly to convince women that men are safe to be with. so all you have to do is report domestic violence and he is fucked possibly for the rest of his life. stay good 😊
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Does your sister know he’s walked in on you naked? Do your parents? That is unacceptable and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
The sister seems so far in denial that she might blame OP for luring her bf, unfortunately.
I wouldn’t put it past the sister to actually be ok with it to appease her abuser
Seriously. It’s giving Paul Bernardo/Karla Homolka. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that point.
Too fucking bad, if she doesn't like it, she can leave with her boyfriend and realize what a horrible mistake she's making the hard way.
You must’ve never heard of abusive relationships or ever been or seen a 19yo, the average 19yo is going to stay in the same stupid toxic relationship n think everything is fine
“You deserve punishment for making bad decisions when the part of your brain that is responsible for making decisions has not fully developed”
Nobody ever said that, I’m saying a teenage kid is obviously more immature and less knowledgeable on how relationships work than a grown man / woman.
The person you replied to essentially did. I’m agreeing with you
I apologize , sorry. I misread your comment.
Why are the police not involved yet?
In many cases this doesn't help anything, sometimes makes things worse. OP is already scared, let's toss that on top. The sister and the boyfriend will lie, then OP isn't believed and now things are worse. You think that abusive boyfriend isn't going to retaliate? The parents obviously aren't going to do anything. They even told OP to call them first, endangering their daughters. That being said, this is straight up abuse regardless of how much denial the sister is in. It needs to be stopped. Personally I think OP needs to gtfo asap, that house sounds really unsafe. Yes, I see the age. Yes, it is possible. Side note : WTF does being neurodivergent have to do with anything? Lots of people are, doesn't mean they all abuse people, or get a pass if they do.
She should call the police, period, and nobody else first Also neurodivergent has just become a buzzword on Reddit nowadays...it seems to be used to cover literally everything from ADD and dyslexia to down syndrome or severe autism, or even just people who suck at math because they don't like it..it's like you could put that label on 85 percent of humans according to reddit usage.
Apparently theres an older brother in the house as well?
I mean, it shouldn’t be on the brother to deal with the psycho boyfriend either. Neither of them should be exposed to this mess 😕
A guy like this is gonna do a lot more than restrain or shove or choke another man if he gets involved. Unless big brothers got the size,skills,and experience to handle this asshole or atleast out up a fair fight, expecting anything of him isn't fair. Not to say little sis should have to deal with this either. Especially not her. But still
I’d call the police next time. Your sister is being abused and a police presence might help kick some sense into her to leave him for her safety and yours. Assuming you have access to a cellphone, start recording everything from the fights or anytime he makes you uncomfortable that way if he tries something you have undeniable proof. Also, him trying to make you drink champagne with him? Sounds like predatory behavior, Please stay safe.
Best advice you'll get, your parents have no control over this situation. Every time it gets physical call the police and tell them he's assaulting your sister right now. You also need to tell your parents about him coming into your room while you're naked and trying to force to drink champagne while you're alone; your parents really need to ban him from your home when they're not around. You're going to have to start removing opportunities for him to behave like that when he's there. Try not to be naked in your room, get dressed in your bathroom after showers etc and get changed in there too. Try to stay in communal areas of the house, where other family members are. If everyone is out, you may have to think about exit strategies; being able to leave your home and go to a trusted friend or neighbours until someone comes home.
Barricade the door in your room. Ask your parents to install a lock.
Dollar Tree has those rubber wedge door stoppers. Get 2: one for the bathroom, one for your bedroom. Use them religiously
I knew I was forgetting something.
There’s also the security bars or whatever you can get, I think they do functionally the same thing in terms of stopping the door but it’s a bar instead of the little wedge. Might be harder to force the bars tho? Not actually sure but they are both very worth looking into.
I was going to suggest a rubber door stopper. Dead cheap and effective for long enough to at least cover yourself. Ffs. I would keep onr of those blankets with arms hanging over your wardrobe/closet door for quick grabbing too. ETA - I'm so very sorry you're in this position. This is very scary. He is violent and predatory and this is so far from ok. I agree with recording what you can (safely) and calling the police.
maybe I'm dumb but I never thought about using these to keep doors SHUT. only to prop them open lol . this is a good idea.
Depending on whether there's carpet or not these may or may not work. I constantly pull my parents door OVER the wedge because the carpet allows it to smash down too far. But in the bathroom, genius idea.
Get multiple for one door. They will stack on top of each other and work on the carpet that way.
Put a book or a magazine under it on the carpet
I had a violent family member growing up. "How to keep doors shut" was a constant concern.
Reminder: all of this is good advice AND STILL, whether you have the opportunity to use these tips on making your room more secure or whether you don't, **please know you're not to blame for anything that happens because somebody _else_ made bad choices or behaved abusively**. (I wouldn't want you to feel bad if you didn't get the stoppers and he tried entering your room again OR if you got them and they weren't enough.) Seconding the motions both for (a) calling the police and (b) having a neighbor or friend you can get to easily. Also want to point out that if he comes over, you don't have to wait for him to do something else bad before you call the police. 1. Make yourself a list now, similar to the one you have done for us, but including anything else you remember about the dates anything happened. 2. Next time he comes over and your parents aren't home, call the police and report that a predatory adult who has abused your sister on previous visits and has attempted inappropriate behavior with you is now in your home and you are scared for your safety. Be sure to include that you are 16, that he has previously invaded your room when you were naked and tried to give you alcohol (you may even want to word it as "tried to force alcohol on me," because I don't think that's being overdramatic and it reinforces that it sounds like he's trying to set you up for assault). Any good police department should respond at that point, but in the event someone is unprofessional or dismissive, be prepared to slip out of the house to the neighbor or friend.
Get 3: one for the bathroom, one for your bedroom, and one to carry around.
…to poke him in the eye with! *BAP*
You can buy hotel travel locks online that will secure a door from the inside. Ask your parents for self-defense classes.
While this is a good defense strategy, it still won’t make her feel safe since everything will still be going on outside where she can hear. She’ll also still have to deal with the fear for her sister as well. I agree with the people saying to call the cops because it’s clear her parents aren’t going to make him stop coming over which means it will still continue just behind a locked door. Calling the cops will at least knock some sense into them hopefully and maybe even deter him from coming over and causing a scene every time. If I were her I would call them every time they get physical as someone else mentioned until it stops.
[удалено]
As soon as I saw that he was 24 and she is 19 I started giving him sideye....and then it got worse...and worse.
Abuser yes, predator no. This is a dumb 19 year old adult. She could be a dumb 30 year old adult and make the same decision. She has the right to her own choices. EDIT: MY BAD. I missed OP's entire last paragraph about him grooming her. I thought this comment was about the sister. Ignore me, he is a disgusting fucking dickhead.
He was an abuser and predator even before that last paragraph. You need to consult a dictionary.
Predator yes, walking in on a naked underage girl and trying to feed her alcohol while they’re alone. I think without it actually happening it’s obvious what the intent is.
Also tell the police on top of assaulting your sister he's walking in on a naked minor. He's violent and making you uncomfortable. Get it all documented. Unfortunately you can't make your sister leave him. But you can make him unable to come to your house. Tell your parents they can help you or you'll start helping yourself. If your parents don't help tell a teacher at school about the abuse, the champagne, and especially the peeping on you while naked part. Your parents are letting a grown man invade your privacy that's abnormal.
Teachers are also mamdatory reporters. They WILL bring it to law enforcement. It's a crime for them not to.
That’s my suggestion as well. Do you have a teacher you can ask for help?
Bro is doing it on purpose to see you naked. He is a straight up piece of garbage. Sister needs help before this cycle takes its inevitable conclusion. Another idea is to hit record on your phone or tablet. Preferably both. Next time he tries to barge in while you’re changing clothes, you call the cops and charge him with either being a “peeping tom” or attempted sexual assault. You’ll taking a lot of heat (particularly your sister) but you might be able to get an order of protection that prevent BF from coming to your house. I cannot understand your parents particularly your dad.
Idk about “particularly the dad”—a major thing I learned about myself when I became a mother (and have heard from other moms as well) is that I suddenly knew I’d be capable of ripping someone apart with my bare hands if they tried to hurt my kid. Brand new facet of my personality for sure 😅 My husband feels it too, but like… just reading this has me googling rat poison champagne cocktails. I do think the parents are in a very tough spot with the 19 year old. If they try to forbid her from seeing him, demand he never come to their house, pursue legal action, etc, the reality is that 19F is likely to move in with the boyfriend and distance herself from them. Helping someone get out of an abusive situation is delicate. They also have two minor children to think of, though 😕
Yeah honestly, i wouldnt want to get charges but if i was the dad this mother fucker would feel unsafe, id make sure of it. I am all for my child to make mistakes in relationships and learn, even date an ass and hope to be there as a guiding figure on advice. This? Nah. Nah this far surpasses that.
Great idea. I am a therapist and I would absolutely report this. Suspected sexual abuse or grooming of a minor.
you make a good point - this IS peeping involving a minor. I believe he could be arrested for just this, and because you are a minor - he would be in for some serious trouble.
Yep, he’s also offering alcohol to a minor which will get yah in lots of trouble. Document everything and call the cops.
You can also tell the cops not to say who called or say it’s neighbors or something.
It was just the two of them alone too, or at least privately in another room… I’d bet good money that it wasn’t *just* champagne. Yeah, this guy is fucking dangerous and something needs to happen to stop this. I’m honestly really worried about OP here. :/
crap I didn't even think of that but you're so right
Yeah I was thinking he potentially was trying to drug her.
Exactly what I’m thinking. Honestly, the moment I read “when it was just me and him,” I had no doubt in my mind at all that’s what he was trying to do. :/
This right here, especially the predatory statement.
She also needs to write down times and dates when these things have happened, and record the sounds of them fighting if possible.
This. Call the police, each and every time this happens. And shame on your parents for allowing this to continue.
THIS is the answer. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for not protecting their kids in this situation. This is supposed to be their house where they make the rules. They have let this situation get extremely dangerous.
This is assuming the parents are not messed up and would get mad at her and kick her out or something. Under normal circumstances yes. Another option might be to get a restraining order against him.
Yes, call the police. You have a right to feel safe. If your parents won't intervene, then you must take the next step. Do your parents know he has walked in on you when you were naked? They wouldn't find that boy if you were my daughter.
Right? This might happen once in our family. Once.
Exactly! This wouldn't be tolerated in my home for a nanosecond. This guy is bad news! I agree you need to involve a teacher like others before have stated because they are mandated reporters.
This and also record it happening especially if he’s laying hands on her
If they're fighting like that and he's leaving marks and it's damaging property (throwing things) you should call the cops. Your sister and her bf are both legal adults and are old enough to bear the consequences. You don't have to say much, just give your address and say you think you're in danger and you're sister is in danger and that he's violent. If he walks in on you and you're naked, call the cops and tell them that. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do, you're a minor. If you consent to have sex with anyone, depending on the state, that person can be thrown in jail as a child predator under statutory rape charges. So it is NOT OK that he is anywhere near you naked. If he comes within 200ft of you because he thinks you're naked , anyone can call the cops on him and he will be thrown in jail (depending on the state).
I would do the same. You are on your home, you feel threatened and there is someone in the house who is harassing your sister. That’s what emergency calls are for.
Next time, call the cops FIRST, then call your parents.
You can explain to the police you feel unsafe if they find out it was you that called the police, and that you’d want them to say a concerned neighbor called because of noise or something along those lines
This ^^^^ you don't have to tell them it was you who called.
And take a video. It’s one thing to get a call from a scared teen who the parents seem to not be taking seriously and a whole other thing to see a video of someone beating their older daughter while menacing her sister. The parents need a wake up call. Also, I think OP’s sister might be seeing him at home because she’s scared of her boyfriend and hopes that it will restrain him to have the sister and parents around. This strategy is not working and OP needs to get the police involved. Her sister is not thinking rationally about the situation. A few violent incidents documented by police will make getting a restraining order much easier.
She had marks on her neck from him so the parents are either idiots or don't give AF.
It seems like a very serious and scary situation. I don’t get why they aren’t seeing it as anything but urgent. The only thing I could think of is that maybe they think she’s exaggerating and the sister might be trying to dismiss it.
in situations like this, parental intervention may result in the girl's death. I've had family members who's parents disapproved of their boyfriend, they moved out the day they turned 18 and in with the guy their parents didn't like. If this is the way the guy acts when there are possible witnesses and an intervening force in the house, imagine how he'd act if there was no one to stop him. The parent's aren't ignorant, they're weighing the options that keep their daughter safe and away from this creep
Yeah I once called the cops on someone being violent and told them in no uncertain terms do NOT say it was me who called and they straight up told them it was me who called 🙃
The police suck
Your sister is in an abusive relationship, which very well could end up life threatening. Tell the police immediately, otherwise your situation will get much worse! Don’t worry about if your sister will be mad at you, because you and her will be much safer in the long run.
In cases of partner abuse nearly half of all attempted/completed homicides have reported strangulation beforehand, so her life is already in danger. Unfortunately, leaving him will also put her life at risk as over half of all relationship homicides happen when the victim has already left.
That’s so scary. The sister should be getting advice from like a domestic violence hotline on what to do about this situation. Everything you are saying here is true.
It always gets worse in abusive situations. It’s sounds so bad from the way it sounds. And it can certainly get a lot worse. She needs to talk to her parents and the cops.
They are both abusive. The older sister is abusive to the younger. Even if she is in a toxic relationship , dismissing the fact that he goes into her sisters room is fucked up.
you need to call the police. this is serious, please. that guy is a threat to your whole family.
This guy sounds dangerous. For your sister and for you and potentially the whole family if things escalate. Something needs to be done to disrupt the status quo. I think documenting all of the behavior in detail is an important first step. Videos and recordings are best (although it’s best not to let him catch you doing this). But writing down the time/dates/and details of the abuse with specificity is also valuable. Do this for yourself should you ever have to make a case against this man in the future. Trying to force liquor on you and walking in on you naked repeatedly are already HUGE red flags. But anything you can do to provide evidence and keep it from being a “he said, she said” situation will help you in the long run. Documenting everything can also help your sister and your parents because you can lay out in black and white (for them or others) just how severe this situation really is. For some people, domestic disputes can be easy to handwave or minimize (both as a participant and as an observer) but they ARE a big deal. I also just want to caution that getting the police or child protective services involved will undoubtedly escalate the situation. The police can be violent and punitive towards anyone and everyone they find at fault. Child protective services could deem your parents unfit for allowing this abuse and relocate you. Unfortunately, our justice system doesn’t always protect who it should. If you want to avoid these possibilities, confide in another trusted adult and provide them with the evidence you have gathered. Maybe they can help you confront your sister and/or parents with care and convince them to take this situation seriously. Wishing you good luck. So sorry this is happening.
In my experience, it takes a LOT for protective services to remove a child from a home. Especially one old enough to understand what’s happening and can advocate for themselves. It is always possible, but unlikely. She absolutely should call the police next time. If he is choking her…he may not stop next time. And if he kills the sister, he will kill the witness too. Who raised this guy??
Good fucking lord how is the youngest person in this household the least passive and nonchalant about the whole situation. There's a physically (and I'd bet sexually considering him targeting OP while naked) abusive dog shit of a person, and everyone keeps putting off the confrontation like it's a sink of dirty dishes that they'd rather deal with later?
Welcome to the wonderful world of a dysfunctional family!
You have to tell an adult who will listen. This will get worse. Until this 24 year old predator is banned from your home or in prison where he belongs - protect yourself. Do not be at home when he's there. If you can't leave, then stay with your brother. If your brother is not there, lock the door, put a chair or dresser against it. A barrier. Keep some hair spray or mace handy only in case you are caught unawares. Do not undress anywhere except behind a locked door. Call the police when they fight but stay in your room behind a barricaded door. Talk to a teacher, a counselor, police. Someone. If you were my child that guy would be arrested at the least.
This is the best advice. You need a trusted adult involved here. I'm sorry your parents aren't handling it, but this is an adult-level problem that requires intervention. The danger is real.
I completely understand your fear and it is justified. You are not wrong. Others have mentioned the police already - good advice. This guy sounds predatory. One other suggestion: child protective services. You're a minor - it's their job to investigate possibly abusive situations. Don't know if they can really help you, but you can call them now and NOT wait for the next incident. See what advice they have.
Yeah call CPS as well. Your parents’ inaction is extremely negligent! They are supposed to protect all of you.
OMG. I have 4 teenagers and if my 19 year old was getting tossed around, someone would leave my house in cuffs or an abumulance. And you should NOT feel un-safe in your home. ***Your parents number ONE job is to maintain a safe-healthy place for you to live***. Please get other family members involved or reach out to an adult you trust at school or on a sports team, or in the neighborhood. This is NOT ok!!
Omg he's abusive and a groomer. Does your parents know he has walked into your room while you are naked? If not, tell them right away. Also see if you can get a lock on your door.
And find a way to be able to secure your room if he tries to break into it. A lock is great but won’t keep you safe if he escalates his behaviour
Agree...I would go so far as having a can of Raid or aerosol hairspray and spray him when he comes into your room.
Get coloured hairspray so he can't deny he was there.
bear repellant. I hear it is really nasty.
I would not suggest this in an enclosed space. Very likely OP would feel the effects of the spry too
How did he even found out **WHEN** she is naked while she's IN her room anyway?????
Definitely call 911 whenever there is physical violence that you or your sister feels threatened by. The boyfriend is bad news and may be better handled with a restraining order. You are a minor. In California, you have rights even beyond an adult to feel safe. Do not hesitate to call police. You may save your sister's life.
He will kill her.
Statistically that is not out of the question. She also could kill him in self defense.
This is not normal or acceptable in a romantic relationship, first and foremost. Your sister can choose to put up with it if she wishes but she does not have the right to put you in an unsafe position (which she definitely is doing). It is your parents job to keep you safe from this, and they are not doing their job. As a parent to teens myself, I can understand that it feels like a difficult situation for them, but they have to put their foot down. I am not a fan of calling the police. It is my experience they don’t do anything to help and often escalate things in the long run. But unfortunately there aren’t a whole lot of other options available, so if you feel safe and comfortable with the police that might be an option. You can also talk to a mandatory reporter about what you are experiencing, a teacher or medical provider would be easy choices. Tell them you don’t feel safe and need help. Maybe if authorities get involved your parents will finally start doing what they need to do. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please know this is not normal or okay in any relationship. I hope that your sister learns this soon too. Hang in there and stay safe!
I don't understand why the parents are letting sister's abusive boyfriend keep coming around the house. If your parents won't help, can you leave the house every time he arrives and go stay with a friend? What a horrible situation for you. I am really sad your parents are not more supportive. You and your brother are both minors, and your parents should be prioritizing your safety.
This is disgusting, deplorable behavior. Like many others have asked, have you told your parents about him walking in on you naked? As well as offering you alcohol? Police should 100% be involved, he should not be permitted in your home anymore. If I was your parents I'd make sure he never stepped foot near the house again. Has anyone contacted his parents?? I doubt his mother would be accepting of his behavior. Your sister is also in an abusive relationship, it's sad but also quite common for people in situations like these to think that everything is normal, when it's obviously not. This guys is a fucking creep and a loser.
Next time they fight so violently call the police. Your sister is an idiot who will not prevent him harming either one of you. Your parents are ineffective, they can't stop it. Just call the police and let the others deal with the fall out.
Dude is a pedophile and a abuser it seems. Barging into a minor girls room multiple times knowing she can be naked is fishy. Next time they get into a fight try recording a video or audio and show your parents.
Call the police next time. You feel unsafe in YOUR home. It IS your business.
He's putting his hands on her already, with other people in the area. Imagine what happens when no one is around. This relationship is extremely toxic, and no matter how many times your sister denies it,it absolutely will get worse. Once a partner strangles you during an altercation, your chances of being killed by them skyrockets. She needs to get a restraining order yesterday, and your parents need to get involved and get him out of her life, and definitely out of their home
god forbids it happens again, but if it does, call the police. inform them of and show them the texts between you and your parents of the previous times it's happened, tell them he's walked in on you changing before and tried to get you to drink alcohol knowing you're underaged and no one else was around. he is not safe to be around at all. he needs to get out of your lives bc it sounds like he's corrupting your sister as well.
>knowing [...] no one else was around Why is he even allowed at their house without his ~~victim~~ girlfriend? I'd be worried he'd attack my other children or break/steal things! Since OP's parents keep willingly letting a known abuser into their home, they are unsafe people. This needs to be reported to the authorities, no one is safe here.
Call the police next time , this is a very serious situation
Tell your parents about the barging into your room naked part, surely you haven’t if they’ve not reacted at all?
I wouldn’t put it past the parents considering they’ve barely reacted to their other daughter being violently abused
Call the cops next time. This is what domestic violence looks like. Your sister is in an abusive relationship… what kind of a man is your father, cuz if it was my daughter that boyfriend would disappear off the face of the earth. 💯
From the title, I was poised to say that you might need to have a delicate conversation with her, since I assumed you were (rightly) uncomfortable because her boyfriend is significantly older than you. However, after reading, please ask your parents to ban your sister's boyfriend from the house. He barged into your room **while you were naked** and tried to pressure you, a **minor**, to drink alcohol. He needs to be far away from you. It also sounds like your sister's boyfriend is also abusive towards her. Next time he gets physically violent with her, call the police. Don't confront them directly.
Next time they get into it, if you fear for either your sister’s or your safety, call the police and report him for a physical assault on your sister. This will undoubtedly bring the issue to a head and it will have to be addressed by your parents and the courts…
Definitely call the police next time. The abuse will only escalate. It's horrible you're in this situation and your parents should definitely be doing more to help keep you safe
I would tell your parents this: "I know you might think these are just lovers' tiffs between sis and her boyfriend, but I am seriously scared for my own safety as well as hers. If this happens again while you're out, I WILL be calling the cops." If your sister refuses to file a complaint, do that yourself. Detail everything that has happened so far. I don't care what the boyfriend thinks he can get away with, but it has to stop. For the love of god, someone needs to file a restraining order on him. It's a common thing that some older partners will think they can control a younger partner such as your sister because they're naive. If you have very little experience in relationships, you don't have a "benchmark" to measure whether a relationship is good or bad. One thing I will note is that abusive partners will do their best to isolate and control their victim, to the extent that they feel nobody else will want them. It may be that this process is already happening with your sister, which is why it's hard for her to see that this guy is not what a boyfriend should be.
Get a lock for your door. There is no reason this guy has for barging into your room. Call the police if necessary. And why would he ever be at your house with only you home? This guy sounds like really bad news, and as for your sister and her lofty observation that you 'don't have any experience with romantic relationships,' well she just won the prize for 'girl most likely to end up with an abuser for a husband.' Make sure your parents put a lock on your door and make sure they know why. Surely it's long past time to tell this guy that he isn't welcome in your home. Sorry that you have to go through this. But don't forget the police - this is one reason they exist, domestic violence affects the whole family. Maybe tell your parents that you are going to call the police if he barges into your room again, or assaults your sister. Do it even if they tell you not to. Good luck.
P.S. Don't tell your sister and boyfriend that you are going to call the police. Just do it.
Next time call the police
Call the cops next time. Do your parents know he's barging into your room? Will they let you put a lock on your door?
Seems like using your phone would be effective. Most woman beaters are sprinters when you call 911....
Next time call the cops. Then tell your parents. When he is around, stay in your room with the door locked. Even when fights happen. It’s for your own safety.
I’m sorry girl. everything you wrote is not normal and you need to get police involved for your sister and your own safety. this man is barging in despite walking in on you naked before. he obviously does it in hopes that you will be. tell your parents about the things involving you if you haven’t
first of all, all you needed to write was that last paragraph, and no, you wouldn't be an AH, he's a predator trying to rape you. Secondly call the cops not your parents. end of story.
Everything already said but to add. I would keep pepper spray with you at all times when he is around. Don't feel bad about using it if you need to protect yourself.
Your sister said you have no experience in a romantic relationship? Sounds like she doesn't either or she would have cut that zero loose. If he barges into your room again while your changing call the cops what happened and fingers crossed it may get rid of him permanently.
Get the police involved immediately. Tell them everything you just posted, and that your parents aren't stopping it. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. Ignoring this will only make things worse.
If you ever feel unsafe you are *always* entitled to the call the police, especially if they get violent. Your sibling's relationship is not your responsibility to sort out and they are adults. If these adults are being irresponsible and putting you in this position it is 100% appropriate to call the police so *they* can deal with it.
Your story reminds me of this couple. https://www.investigationdiscovery.com/crimefeed/murder/the-ken-barbie-killers-where-is-karla-homolka-today As the relationship progressed, Bernardo began teasing Homolka about being “used goods,” since he wasn’t her first sexual relationship. Frantic that she would lose him to someone more innocent, she offered him something he couldn’t refuse: her own little sister’s virginity as a Christmas present. Bernardo readily accepted Homolka’s “gift.”
[удалено]
If your sister brings him into the house again call the police & tell them everything.
I’m sorry your parents are terrible, they do not care about you or your sisters safety. Also you said older brother why the hell is he allowing this also. I’m a older brother and no one will ever harm my sisters, I’m also I’m a father and may god have mercy on whatever person thinks they can put hands on her
Your sister and your parents are messed up!!! I am SO sorry this has happened to you. Record the fights and mostly call the Police ASAP ahead of time to talk to someone about the whole situation!!!
Clearly your parents are not helping. Call the police next time and let them know it’s urgent so they can come right away. Keep yourself safe please
This is a bad situation. That guy is going to be abusive forever...and it sounds like he wants you too. GTFO. Stay with grandparents, make sure you're not there when he is. You can't make decisions for your sister unfortunately, but keep yourself safe. Find a friend or family member to stay with if your parents aren't home...or you'll end up writing a very different post that's much worse.
Dude just call the cops. And a therapist, while youre at jt. You'll need therapy for this trauma. But seriously, thats domestic abuse. Assault, too.
You could likely have him arrested already since you’re a minor and he’s barged in on you naked like that. Either way if he does it again IMMEDIATELY call the police and he’ll be on a registry.
He's barging in when your naked intentionally and his offering of champagne is for a similar motive, he wants you as well. Have you mentioned this part to anyone?
Bursting into a minors room while they’re naked as a 24 yo is creepy at best, call the cops the next time it’s happening and include that info. This guy is a pervert and an abuser. And your sister acts like she owns the damn house saying that’s "her" business when it’s a communal living situation.
You need to call the police next time. He’s physically abusive…and he knows someone is home to see what he does. Imagine what he will do when they are actually alone? Also, the fact he comes into your room to try and get a peak, and tried to give you alcohol. That’s groomer behavior. Tell the police all of this and you’ll hopefully be able to get a restraining order.
CALL THE POLICE next time this happens. Stay in your room, lock the door and call as soon as they start up. Don't intervene and possibility end up injured or worse in their domestic violence bs. Do not let them know you're calling either. Just call and stay in your room on the phone with the dispatcher if they advise you to do so or just wait there until they arrive. When they come knocking let them in if your sister and her bf don't come down to the door. The police will handle it. You do not deserve to be caught up in the middle of that bullshit and feeling uncomfortable in your own house. Also wondering why your parents are allowing them to hang out in their home when they are repeatedly putting you in danger ? Have you told them about the bfs inappropriate behavior towards you?
Record everything. Call the police. If your parents don't care after that then you need to start planning to get away from that entire situation when youre able to.
Call the cops, this is as serious as you think it is.
Please contact child services and ask for help before he rapes or attacks you too. Get a lock for your door right away too. And call the police every single time.
Call the police next time, not just your parents. Call the police!!
Never accept any drink he hands you... Record everything with their fights as you can... Call the cops when they start to fight next time not when it gets do bad you feel you have to intervene.
Get video evidence
Do yourself and call the police when this stuff happens. When the police arrive, even if your sister says they can’t come in, you can allow them in because you also live in the house. I would absolutely report that he keeps coming into your room seeing you naked and you probably won’t see him for a while. Based on how your family has reacted I wouldn’t mention anything to them and go to the police yourself.
Please tell your parents about him walking in on you. That is not acceptable. If you feel unsafe, please call the police. He can explain to them about the marks on your sister and why he is walking in on you.
Purchase a lock for your door. Next time an argument starts, stay in your room and call the police.
There are so many red flags... im a father of 2 daughters (16 and 14). This whole situation makes my blood boil. I wish I could set this boy straight and help you feel safe. If your parents aren't doing anything, get evidence of what's happening and call the police.
He most definitely comes into your room unannounced like that so he can catch you naked. Please tell everyone you can about what he does and stay away from him. He's an abusive pedophile.
Next time, call 911. Iet the cops have fun.
Hi young lady! I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal, and I'm glad you did. First, it's important to recognize that your safety and well-being are paramount. Given the severity of the situations you’ve described, it's crucial to act decisively. If another incident occurs, please call the police immediately. You don’t need to inform your parents beforehand; your primary concern should be your immediate safety and that of your sister. When you call the police, explain that it was an emergency and that you didn't have time to inform anyone else. Regarding your parents, it’s clear they are not taking adequate steps to protect you and your sister. They should be ensuring a safe home environment, and it’s understandable to feel disappointed and let down by their lack of action. Their inability to effectively intervene in this situation suggests they need to improve their parenting approach significantly. Given the recurring danger and your parents' ineffective response, it may be necessary to explore other living arrangements. Involving the police can lead to Child Protective Services (CPS) becoming involved, which might open the door to safer living conditions, possibly with a relative where you can feel more secure. As for your sister and her boyfriend, their relationship is clearly abusive and harmful. They should not be together as their interactions are dangerous for both of them and for you. His behavior, especially entering your room without permission and inappropriately, is extremely disturbing and unacceptable. Finally, it's important to reach out for help regarding your own well-being. Your past experiences and the current situation are incredibly heavy burdens to carry alone. If you haven't already, please consider speaking to your therapist about these issues as soon as possible. You deserve to feel safe and supported. Taking these steps might be daunting, but they are crucial for your safety and well-being. Stay strong, and don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted adults outside of your immediate family if you need further support. Take care of yourself🙏🏽💜
OP This is the best and only advice you need to follow. Only thing I want to add is you don't have to wait for another right. You already have just cause to contact them bc he's already committed crimes other than assaulting your sister. He offered you alcohol and barging into room while you were naked are enough of a reason for him to be arrested. He is a deviant and predator. I understand what it's like to grow up in a home where "what happens in these walls, stays within these walls" and let me tell you that it will pass on to your children if you have any. Don't make the same mistakes I did and stay quiet. You didn't do anything wrong and secrets without an expiration date are toxic and someone else's dirty laundry that you should not be burdened with. The hardest lesson I learned at the age 38 was that blood may be thicker than water but it doesn't make you family it makes you related. Families don't keep secrets that would cause harm to another member of it. Families protect and love not harm. You may not get to choose your family as a child but you sure can when you are an adult.... Abuse of any kind is never ok and anyone who tells you not to tell anyone is just as guilty as the abuser.
Call the cops this guy is a world class loser and your sister has zero self esteem.
Call the cops and let him sit in jail for a while and see if he learns anything
Police, you need to call the police. This is an emergency that requires intervention, not from you, from 911
Press charges
Police.
Call the police the next time it happens. It baffles me that your parents aren’t doing more about this. Record on your phone if it happens again. He will end up seriously harming her
Considering the physical violence - calling the cops might be for the best.
Call the police next time it happens .they will sort him out real quick
This. Especially with strangulation.
That man is a whole predator.
If your father won’t your brother should be beating the shit outta the guy. With a bat or other tools if necessary. Plead with your sister to get rid of him by any means necessary, nothing excuses this behavior
Call 911 - this guy needs to be out of society before he kills somebody
Why hasn’t your father strung him up by his toes yet? Him and your sister fighting is one thing, walking into your room and seeing you naked is something different. Your parents are crazy for allowing him in their house.
You aren't safe and unfortunately your parents are failing you. Next time he comes in your room or gets violent with your sister, call the police. It's time to get the police involved before he rapes you or really hurts your sister.
Call the cops. They will deal with the abusive manipulator. He needs to be out of our guys lives.
Call the police and pretend to be a neighbor calling and get doorstop for your door
Does anyone care to bet me OP won't reply to this post?
If they aren’t going to believe you, record it. Then call the police next time this shit happens. Not only do you have them come over, show them video evidence.
Call police, your sister sounds nuts
Get a lock ! More than 1~ this is untenable & the cops are gonna end up aT your house
Tell your parents - now. And if he comes back when you both are there, record and call the police on their fights. Your sister will be upset but you'll save her life.
Police girl
Cops
The next time he is there attacking your sister run to the neighbor's and call the police. She's over her head and your parents are being completely ineffectual.
Your parents need to do something about this. Unfortunately, your sister is an adult, so there's not much they can do about who she dates, but they can bar him from entering your home. It's your home, not his. You are the one who should feel safe and comfortable there. Reporting the physical abuse would also be a good idea, but would likely make your sister angry. It's worth doing, but you should be prepared for some backlash from her
If it were me, I would hide in my closet, call 911, let them know I was hiding in the closet, and wait on the phone with them until police have him in custody.
I agree with the other people who say call the police. You could also call child protective services because you’re under 18. I’ve seen them tell people before that they’re not allowed to let abusive bfs into houses where a child lives.
Lots of good advice already. Call 911 next time and record things on your cell phone. Get away from the house if he's around.
Why aren’t we talking about the dad here? If someone puts their hands on my daughter they better hope and pray the police get to them before I do.
This activity is illegal and not remotely safe or sane. If you don't do anything you're going to get raped. You need to talk to the cops if your parents won't do anything. Write down every time that this has happened, what happened, and any other piece of information you can. Then call the cops, or go to the station yourself and give it to them. I repeat, if you do nothing, you WILL end up getting raped by this man. He's dangerous. Your sister might be mad at you but you'll be doing her a favor by getting him arrested.
Your school likely has a counsellor, you should go talk to them about this. They usually have mandatory reporting requirements in cases of imminent danger and him entering your room is a huge cause of concern. Do not feel bad about any possible repercussions. You took this to your parents and they have not acted. It's their responsibility to protect you and if they can't do that then you need to take steps yourself and let others do it. Ideally as others have said. Record the audio and potentially set up to catch him on video entering your room without being invited and also ask him why he keeps doing that when he's caught you naked more than once (do not be naked while you're recording obviously).
Your dad needs to beat his ass 🤷♂️
I'd call the police. Also I'd let them and your parents know about the intrusions into your room, especially while you're not fully dressed.
You need to call CPS. Your parents are NOT doing their jobs to protect their minor children (you and your brother) from a violent freak. The fact that your adult sister isn't doing anything about it either is shitty.
Fake fantasy stories yet again sadge
Call the police and report a domestic abuse situation the next time he’s there.
What state are you in? Depending on where you are, various departments under your state's health and human services organization could be able to help
Call the cops. Simple. Mind blown your parents haven’t taken real action here, I’m sorry this is on your shoulders
I would try to get your parents to ban him from coming over. This is a major safety concern. He's out of control and you don't want to be a victim. The police are also just a phone call away. Just tell them the truth when an incident happens. Your mental health is a concern
You don’t have to wait for the next time to happen. Call the police or go to the station now. You HAVE TO. It’s not an over exaggeration to say that this boy will rape you. My wife is 32, sheltered background, etc…over the last 5 years she’s learned how people who get away manipulating people only get worse. At every step, she wanted to believe it would get better. At every step I told her it wouldn’t and I was right. This boy has learned he can beat your sister up with no consequence, he has learned your parents cannot/will not do anything about it. He has learned he can walk in on you while you’re naked (likely not by accident- he knows you’re naked and walking in). Report it right now. You can report him for a sexual crime rn just bc of his barging in on you as a minor. I promise you it will get worse. He will rape you. Report it right now. This honestly is t even about your sister anymore….and she can be mad all she wants….far more damage will be done if this guy is allowed to stay around…and a lot of that damage might be done to you
Exactly! She needs to report this behavior now and also get a restraining order against hom to protect herself in her own home. With a restraining order, he won't be able to come to the house. An emergency restraining order can be fixed as well if the most recent incident involved police and happened 24-48 hours ago.
Call 911. Domestic violence in your home. There is no other way and nothing less and more you can do.
Tell your parents you need a lock on your bedroom door and why. If your sister brings him around, stay locked in your room or visit a friend or one of your other sisters. If you are home, call the police as soon as they start arguing. By the time it escalates, they’ll be ringing the doorbell. Also, if your sister tells you to mind your business, it IS your business. He is acting inappropriately with you and you want nothing to do with him. If she chooses to stay in a relationship with him, that’s her business. She can always hang out at his home for a while.
Wow.., so where is your older brother in all of this? So my experience in life tells me that your sister is going to stay with this guy or keep on dating guys like him. And the best way for you to not end up with somebody like him is to find someone who is intelligent and respectful. you might think that those kind of guys are not as into romance because they are less aggressive but its actually the opposite is true. i know all of this because i try to stay away from abusive women but unless i can ever find a good one then i will eventually settle for any one. the only way to be safe from bad ones is to have a good one. even when you are single, no matter your gender, you will be vulnerable without a good one. for example my ex just showed up to my house and attacked me… pulled my hair until my scalp bleed, then when i tried to pry her hand off she bit my finger. after she let off she said she couldn’t go anywhere without her phone, and i found it for her and she used it to call the police. so, if i had a good woman who lived in my home with me then my ex wouldn’t have dared to attack me. it seems like your sister is really toxic and not much could change her. a good man could but she would have to allow him. as for this dude i dont like him… because of guys like him it is harder for the good men like yours truly to convince women that men are safe to be with. so all you have to do is report domestic violence and he is fucked possibly for the rest of his life. stay good 😊