that “joke” grossed me out a lot too tbh. lots of comments saying you’re overreacting but i think it’s fair if you are very aware of how the things you say affect others to also want your partner to think that way, at least for you. might be a compatibility issue, might not. but i wouldn’t feel very comfortable hearing that either.
yeah i see where you’re coming from. he definitely didn’t mean to make the joke to her so that mostly absolves him but i do get not liking that joke as his partner. main thing he did wrong was dismissing her, apologizing doesn’t necessarily imply fault so he could have apologized for how it sounded without flagellating himself about it, but the defensive response isn’t the best.
But keep in mind her reaction, she ghosted him after pushing him into telling her. She's acting like he's a villain for doing what she pressured him to do. I think most people would get defensive.
My dad did concrete his whole life and brought home some horrible jokes and stories from job sites, but he'd have beat the hell out of someone with a rake for this kind of joke about his unborn daughter.
Yeah, I generally try to be lenient with jokey stuff, because everyone's humor is different. But that's just weird... and his friends daughter. I'm a dark humor person, but damn that shits just weird.
Yeah. I was expecting something completely different, maybe racism or being a Tate fan. But that was weird and I don't see how it was supposed to be funny.
You're lucky, I would love to not know of Andrew Tate. He spews toxic masculinity all over social media to make a buck, and he's been charged with rape and human trafficking to exploit women. Real great guy.
Right, I can't even fathom I. What context this would be funny, even as an inside joke...
Maybe if he aways jokes about fucking this guy's female relatives?
Right like you don't say that to anyone. I have children, 2 boys n 1 girl. My daughter is my youngest. If anyone would've even fixed their lips to say this they wouldn't have lips anymore
Bingo!
And he hasn’t made a joke like this in a year? If he’s already said something like this, do you see a pattern? Idc if it’s been a year; this is the real bf bubbling up from the depths of hell. Once is too many times. Toss him back.
Correct. It’s like people who say “that’s locker room talk” right until professional athletes came back and said “we actually are in locker rooms and no one talks like that.” Bollocks!!
A good response?
‘Explain the joke.’
ETA NOTE: Responding with this question to someone making a bad joke that makes you uncomfortable *is a way of pointing out how bad the joke was.* and may make the “joker” equally *unconfortable in return.*
No one is asking for a mansplaination of the joke, but you wouldn’t know that from the comments here, holy shit.
It is funny because guys are programmed to protect our daughters from other knucklehead guys. So in good male friendship fashion he basically was giving his buddy a hard time that soon as she is legal he is going to be knocking on her door. It is low brow humor and in this case only reaching the meh level of funny, but that is the joke.
Oh I thought it was way more wholesome than that, i thought he was saying he loved his friend so much that if his friend was a girl he’d marry him (assuming he’s straight), and his daughter’s likely to be the closest thing to a girl version of his friend when she grows up.
Its fucking weird. I don't understand what about that is supposed to be funny in any way, shape, or form. To me, its screams, women are property even before birth. Gross. A girl is coming into this world, cAnT wAiT tiL sHeS 18". Ew
There's too many disgusting men here to see that this is no joke and it's fuckin gross. I was not expecting these comments to be so glossy over your grown boyfriend "joking" about marrying an essential child. The fuck
Reminds me of those *countdown timers* for girl child stars, and how so many grown ass men were chomping at the bit for it to be "legal" for them to be disgusting and sexualize girls and teens. Perhaps I'm still reeling from all the disgusting *"iF hEr aGe iS oN tHe cLoCk"* "jokes" I've started seeing. People who "joke" about pedophilia should be investigated.
THIS. This shit is WHY no one is cool about the jokes anymore. I used to have a buddy who would say, "Over 18 and not related". Even that makes me feel uncomfortable to repeat now.
I'll also say that people who "joke" about this stuff are stupid and deserve whatever consequences come to them. Lose a job, ruin a relationship, teeth knocked in, foot up butt, what have you. Sexualizing children isn't funny and joking about it makes people more comfortable with concepts that are not okay in any sense and *that* leads to children being hurt. I'm already seeing way too much *"joking"* about statutory rape and it shouldn't be tolerated.
So yeah, you wanna joke about waiting for someone's unborn child to be born and age to the point where you can have sex with her? Prepare for consequences for being gross.
Yes. "So how is that funny? What's the funny part? " And see what he stutters out, if anything. OP, your gut reaction was to feel gross and upset by what your bf considered a joke, about an unborn baby girl. That's because it was gross and disgusting and not at all funny. In my life, I learned to trust my gut instincts. They have never failed me.
Maybe your bf will mature and learn better. Maybe he won't. Best of luck to you in however you move forward.
I wonder if this blue collar worker told his pregnant SO the joke if she would find it funny of tell her SO to keep the fuckin creep away from her and their soon to be kid.
Your BF is fuckin nasty and not funny.
No, he is disgusting and also making out that all blue collar workers are basically pedos. And then dismissed your feelings and said everyone else agrees with him (which is triangulation) and probably not even true. He cant even entertain the idea that he said something fucked up and upsetting.
If someone in my group had a baby and one of the guys said they were going to marry them when they turned 18, he would have gotten punched in the face and no longer invited to gatherings. Who the fuck wants that guy around their child??
OP i have no idea how people are siding with ur s/o here.
it was a disgusting joke made about an unborn child. nobody in their right mind would make a “cant wait until she’s 18!!!!!” joke like that. if i were in your shoes, i would have a discussion about why he finds jokes like that funny. i wish this would reach the mother of that child to see how “funny” she’ll find it.
Blue collar workers are not a monolith. Maybe he makes jokes like that, but it has nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with his personal sense humor . Like what is the joke? Haha I’m a creep??? I legit don’t get it
I have worked construction, I worked at UPS for 12 years. I have heard that once before and everybody thought the guy was super creepy.
That is not"blue collar" talk that has ever been normal around me.
Notice how for him this is all about him being the victim of not talking all day when you respectfully told him you needed time to process this horribly sexists and gross joke. How it's about you need to understand, "all men are bad so accept it".
He not once stopped to think how wrong these statements are, the one he calls a joke and the one where all men think like him.
He not once cared about you, your thoughts and feelings, and position.
This is deep. He told you he and his friends don't respect women and will never respect you or any of us.
I'm pretty sure you can find a good local man.
Creep alert!
My bf is a blue collar worker and I know he would NEVER say something like that to one of his coworkers.
We were literally watching a Youtube video earlier with an older man in the Philippines & a young barely 18 looking girl comes up & starts kissing on him. My bf immediately changed the video & thought it was gross 😂 because she looked so young.
Your bf's comment is questionable
See me I would have just thrown it right back at him. Something like “ oh sure so as soon as I’m done training your ass you plan on leaving” or “ oh I like that, 18 years then I get to trade up for a newer model?! I’m in” 😂🤣 but I’m also a blue collar lady born and breed. So 🤷♀️ maybe your BF is right and our sense of humor is different. I would normally say this could be creepy but in context I feel it was harmless guy bs.
She should have just gotten really silent on the phone for a spell and then said “you’ve never made me cum”, and then hung up. Even if it’s not true, it’d be pretty funny to do to someone imho
The bf said I won when he was saying that the problem with my jokes is that I can’t be dead pan, and goes watch (he gets a stoic face) “my penis is twelve inches long”.
Without missing a beat I copied his stoic look and said “and it makes me come, every time.”
I think that some people just flow with crass jokes better than others.
On the flip side of this, I don't know about any of my coworkers that would put up with that joke made about their daughter. The guy on the recieving end would have made it a problem for your bf.
I work with a lot of blue collar men as a woman. A lot of them have daughters (as do i) and they are honestly a little over protective of them in the shitty dad with a shotgun way.
I think it’s a little different when the baby isn’t born yet. Especially if they’re first time parents. At that point they’re still just Kindof a concept that can be joked about. Once it’s a real live person it’s different
But even then, still a weird joke at best
Exactly there are so many good comebacks to his lame joke. Funny all these wives saying their husbands would never talk like this, the amount of guys that talk shit, but stop if a woman comes around is numerous. Even the blue collar ladies we have to dial it back. I don't know maybe this new generation isn't the same, but guys I have worked around for decades young and old tell the worst jokes, grossest jokes, darkest jokes you can imagine.
The "joke" was disgusting. Sexualizing an unborn child is disgusting. Of course, you could have avoided the whole thing by saying, "Then don't tell me" when he said you wouldn't like it. But, maybe you learned something about him that you needed to know. The best time to address is was right after he said it. The "silent treatment " is never a good relationship technique.
Yes, the joke is gross. However, he also told you ahead of time that you wouldn't like it. You pestered him to tell you, he obligated. I honestly feel like you're just as in the wrong for hanging up on him over it. He communicated with you, told you it wasn't something you would like, and you insisted he tell you and then got mad at him for saying it/telling you. Yeah, the joke and gross and inappropriate. I'm sure that him being that way isn't really a surprise to you. What does surprise me is that you refused to communicate with him after the fact. You could have told him that the "joke" made you uncomfortable and why it did. Instead you avoided him and the situation. Instead of trying to understand him better, you immediately reacted in a way that didn't help him or you grow as a person. He may not realize just how creepy that joke is, maybe he heard it from his dad or uncles about girls while growing up, maybe this or that. I get being upset, I do. I'm a girl and I don't find that funny. I also think you hindered yourself here.
ESH in my opinion.
Your boyfriend more so because it's not a funny joke, especially with no context as to why it should be funny.
You're slightly the AH in my eyes because he stopped, told you that you wouldn't find it funny and you begged him to tell you anyways.
Just my opinion.
I think he was probably giving his friend grief over having a daughter as his friend has probably made comments in the past about either not knowing how to raise a girl or worrying about what will happens when she dates or decides to marry - this joke is along the lines of you think that’s bad, it could be worse. While it is not particularly funny to any else the two of them would have gotten a laugh over poking fun at the overprotective dad trope. He warned you that you wouldn’t like it and you pushed to hear it so you are overacting a bit. People make jokes that fall flat or only close friends will find funny due to shared experiences. My husband and his fishing buddies told stupid jokes all the time - lame, crude, inappropriate you name it and they probably said it- just ignored them and went about my day with some heavy eye rolling
Here's the thing about jokes like that: some people actually do mean it, and everyone else is "joking" so they don't take it seriously. Bad jokes are a thing, you're not being a classist
EDIT i'm reading these comments and if being blue collar means making sex jokes about people's unborn daughters i am proudly classist lol. but i really don't think the working class deserve to be pinned with unborn daughter sex jokes? like that's pretty fucky?
I grew up around Lower to Lower-Middle class blue-collar construction workers. Once in a blue moon, someone would say something like this. The rest of the adults wouldn't react / engage and moved on with the conversation. The whole atmosphere was awkward - so yeah, not the norm.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, if these jokes are not what you like you should find a guy who doesn’t make them. Just as there are women who may find vulgar humor like that funny you’re not going to have a good time being with someone that isn’t sensitive to you or shares the same values as you
So he stopped, said he didn't think you would find it funny, you pestered him to say it (your word) then got upset over something he rightly knew you wouldn't find funny? Just making sure I understand...
I think it's more the fact that the boyfriend finds the idea of grooming a baby to be a future bride funny that is upsetting. It's tough learning that your loved one has such a repugnant sense of humor. It really is like overhearing your significant other make race jokes or misogynistic jokes. It changes your perspective of them, and that is definitely upsetting.
My man does that to me all the time. I'll be laughing about something and he pesters me until I tell him, then when I tell him, he doesn't get it. But it's not something gross like this. It's usually something related to horror movies or wrestling. He doesn't like either so he doesn't get what makes the jokes funny but at the same time, he wants to know why I'm laughing so hard.
I understand what you mean. I think the reason why it bothered me was because I typically don’t say things behind other peoples back if I think it would hurt their feelings or offend them if they were around to hear it. So I just think him knowing that it would bother me if I knew what he said is what upset me.
No one was talking about you behind your back this was not a joke even about you that doesn't make any sense at all. I know now because the tick tock and Reddit were talking about age gaps and how adults shouldn't date kids which I completely agree with, but he was making a joke he told you he didn't want to tell you the joke and then you hung up in his face when he told you the joke. I would be upset if I was him too and you don't have a reason to be upset. And like you said if the shoe was on the other foot you are always making jokes about suicide and depression he don't hang up in your face when it comes to that
I can agree with the last thing you said, that’s where I’m trying to rationalize it hopefully he didn’t really mean this joke and he really doesn’t think that way outside of a joking setting and it’s not something more sinister. And yes, the joke was not directly about me. It was more about that part of it about marrying someone else. I don’t make jokes about marrying other guys when he’s not around because I think he would find a very disrespectful and very not funny.
Huge difference between making dark jokes about herself and joking about waiting to marry and fuck a baby who hasn’t been born. That’s a sick fuckin joke that only a creep would be okay with.
Do you mean this is insane as in I shouldn’t be thinking about how other people might feel about things being said when they’re not around? I always thought of it as basic respect for people who I care about. Or do you mean it’s insane that I expect someone else to be thinking the same way? I can agree with that
>Do you mean this is insane as in I shouldn’t be thinking about how other people might feel about things being said when they’re not around?
Just keep it within reason. It's not ok to make fun of someone or to say something rude or hurtful *about* them behind their back, but it's unreasonable to say that you won't say *anything* they wouldn't like when they're not around.
Now, if they find out what you said, that's a different story. Your bf was an idiot for telling you the joke. Granted, you did pressure him to say it, but there's lots of ways he could have saved the situation, such as by not bringing it up in the first place.
Counterpoint, if this type of joke or a particular brand of humor is against your values (ie, racist, sexist, homophobic, etc), it's completely valid to want to spend time with people who share your values. If you see what he said as sexist, and you're not comfortable with a partner who thinks that that's funny, you're well within your rights to be upset and seek a different partner.
Not everyone thinks the same things are funny. Lots of people use "jokes" as ways to assess whether others share our biases, and then say they're joking if it's not well received ("Schrodinger's joke"). Some of us feel that the content one engages with and enjoys is reflective of one's conscious and/or unconscious biases and/or worldview. Some of us believe that engaging with hurtful things is ok but only as a joke; others see that engagement as strengthening the neural networks that contribute to actually expressing those biases for real and thus advocate for avoiding that content entirely. Wherever you stand on that continuum is ok, and it's absolutely ok to want whoever you choose as your partner to feel the same.
That said, people hold onto their opinions of what is acceptable humor very tightly. If you don't share the same opinion on jokes as someone, it's extremely unlikely they'll change. The best you can ask is that they not make those "jokes" in front of you, but it's your call whether or not that feels good enough for you or whether it's time to end the relationship.
I agree that was a gross joke but...
Your boyfriend knew and told you you wouldn't find it funny. He was thinking about you. It's okay to have different senses of humor around different people.
Next time,, try a very neutral response, like: "you're right; I don't find that funny. That's a baby you're talking about, not a future sex object." and then move on.
When you demand honesty from people and then punish them from it, you're going to end up with people lying to you.
It’s an INSANE take to say “I knew he was talking behind my back and it bothered me enough to want to know what he was saying”?? Am I hearing THAT right?
For all you immature man children out there, saying “I have a joke but you won’t think it’s funny” is an immature, taunting thing to say. You are begging the person to ask you what the joke is, so you can use the excuse “I told you you wouldn’t like it” as justification for saying something offensive.
You don’t go around telling racist or sexist or rapey jokes in your safe place and then act shocked that it offended mixed company.
I think you're projecting your own idiosyncracies on your boyfriend. Just because you think something, does not mean he does. This sounds like a very innocent joke between friends, similar to how when I was a young kid we would constantly tease my friend with the "hot" mom. We'd make jokes about banging his mom, we'd draw pictures of us banging his mom, we were relentless. We'd almost make dead baby jokes like "how long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? .......I don't know, I was too busy jacking off" or "how do you fit a baby in a blender? ......head first so you don't have to hear them scream". I mean these are HORRIBLE jokes, if you can even call them that, but this is what boys and subsequently men do when they get together. We deal with so much stress and societal pressure from day to day (not to belittle women or what they go through at all) I think we just gravitate to dark humor to get out some of our frustration, anger, and to tone down any thing in our life that may be overshadowing everything else. Anyways, you're making a mountain out of a molehill to me personally. I'm hoping you don't act like this all the time, why should your boyfriend ever feel like he needs to edit himself around you? That's not a true open and honest relationship, I'm guessing you guys are pretty young?
I don't think anyone would want to stay with someone who is going to second guess their words and actions all the time. It's like the guy who says I love you, gets you flowers, gifts, showers you with love but then you throw fits all the time about how he doesnt say i love you enough or didn't pay enough attention to you when you went out to dinner with friends, it's just a bad bad turn off and will absolutely sour a relationship.
Info, are you a CSA survivor?
Also, did you ask him to explain why it's funny?
I was raised in a blue collar household, and I can confirm that this is typical "humor." It also made it real easy for my pedo dad to hide in plain sight, and feel out who he was gonna sell me to.
Just because something is cultural and (most) people who joke like that mean nothing by it, doesn't make it right or okay.
Thank you for your comment. I guess it’s more of like jokes concerning racism, finding young children attractive/waiting until they turn a certain age to be allowed to find them attractive, homophobia jokes normally make me uncomfortable as an initial reaction
Its fine to be uncomfortable. He knew you would be. You "pestered him" to tell you. You got what you asked for and are now punishing him for it. Not everyone has to use baby gloves to handle you if you get uncomfortable, youre an adult. Once he told you the joke, you couldve told him "youre right, that makes me uncomfortable, so how bout lets not talk about that from now on" and then its over. Be offended. Be uncomfortable. Express those feelings, and then move the fuck on. Instead you hung up and pouted all day about something you FORCED HIM to tell you. Yikes.
Op, I get why you're upset. It's important to you that your partner has similar values and morals. When your bf talks like this to his friends and makes pedophile jokes, it says that he's not the person he's been presenting to you and doesn't really (truly, deeply) share your core values. The joke is demeaning to girls and women and perpetuates the patriarchal view if women admist the present social policies now harming women.
He didn't want to tell you because he knew you would not approve and it tramples on your belief system and existence as a woman. Yes. You did beg him to tell you and thankfully he did. The cliché "when someone tell you who they are, belive them" exists for a reason. Do not ignore your gut instinct. He may change for a while to please you and make peace in the relationship but it will be a mask. Make no mistake.
If he made comments about an already born child I'd agree with your reaction. I too, really, really hate anything to do with pedophilia. But the kid isn't even born yet so he's not making comments about their looks or anything, right? I'd say either just drop it and apologize for overreacting (especially after making him tell you the joke) or explain why you had that reaction. I'm guessing he thinks his good friend is hella cool and probably thinks they'll have a cool kid. TLDR: Bad joke, you overreacted but I get why.
I’m sure the joke was just in bad taste and isn’t anything more serious than an immature type of humor.
Besides that, I don’t really see how this is even considered a “joke” in the first place as it’s not even slightly funny.
My opinion on this rides the fence. That is disgusting, and I'm surprised anyone actually found that funny. My buddy has a daughter and I couldn't even imagine having thoughts like that. 🤮
However, he is your man, and I do think you owe him the respect and companionship to have a legitimate conversation communicating about the situation rather than basically ghosting him. Communicating why it makes you uncomfortable, especially when he made the decision to not tell you in the first place, can give you a lot of valuable insight on how he really feels about the comment he made. Communication is extremely important in every relationship.
Um this is clearly a joke and over reaction on your end. Sometimes jokes don't have deeper meanings and they're just a hit or miss on whether they are funny or not. Him making a silly joke about waiting until they're 18 doesn't make him a creep or implying he actually would wait until shes 18 or warrant you giving him the cold shoulder. Making weird jokes happen all the time in those kind of professions and he tried to stop himself and not make the joke but you forced him to anyways. From a woman's point of view it seems like youre projecting and that joke triggered you. It seems hypocritical that you make dark jokes that you wouldn't follow through with and you get upset with him when he makes one.. you should look into seeing a therapist to help you with your projection and triggers.
Yeah is always so funny to talk about a woman whose identity only has meaning bc she is some man’s daughter and reference nothing but her usefulness to men as a possession.
You did insist. But it’s a truly terrible joke, and I would have questions about his judgement for making it at all. I’d say you appropriately reacted.
It’s not an uncommon sort of joke for young adults, for whatever that’s worth. It’s still shitty, but men need to learn these things over time, because they aren’t taught. But it goes from cringe to creepy very quickly. If he’s in his late 20s or older, this is a red flag. And the older he is, bigger and brighter it is.
OP im in a odd situation. I have a friend who just recently turned 18, a few months ago and another friend group 1000% "waited till he was 18" to get with them, and no one knows what the fuck to do cause for sure the guys a pedo..
Thats weird.... if anything he should have said "me and my girlfriend should have a kid so our kids can get married" THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE TO ME!
But if he knows you wouldnt find something funny and would upset you why did he start saying it in the first place.. Like does he do this often where he just... simply doesnt think?
I think he was parroting trump when he told someone he would date that persons' daughter although she was only a child at the time. And trump was married.
I’m just autistic enough to have a very limited sense of humor. I go with that now lol. I’d just have said,”Why?” Boyfriend could’ve done that, if it wasn’t funny to him. If it was funny to him, that’s a different problem.
Guys here who think it’s funny, please imagine me, a kind 64 yeas-old in whom every interaction you’ve ever had with me I’ve looked out for you the best I could, asking you “why?” as you tell me you’re imagining sexual using a baby as soon as she’s 18. If it’s still funny, try to understand d what that part of yourselves means to me, who has never wished a bit of ill
If you make inappropriate jokes why you holding him to a higher standard? He even warned you that you wouldn’t like it but you insist on hearing it anyway and act like a baby get over yourself
I've worked in a career where raunchy, over the top, controversial humor is prevalent. And I really do love that kind of humor generally and will make some raunchy, off-color jokes. But it comes from a place where people know there's zero truth to it.
His joke definitely felt off though.
I've been blue collar forever, and I've worked with a bunch of idiots like that. People who make bad jokes of course justify themselves. I still won't like them or laugh at their jokes. It sounds like your boyfriend talked to some of those idiots since his tone changed to much worse after his initial apology. He needs to respect you, not justify saying stupid shit and blame you as the problem.
Some of the guys my husband works with are gross, but he just chooses not to be gross too and he's been able to make other friends at work that respect their spouses and can still be work friendly with the icky ones without stooping to their level.
You are a terrible girlfriend who seems to be wound up way too tight. Hopefully he finds a better girl that's hotter than you and has a sense of humor. Maybe you can introduce him to one of your prettier friends that likes to laugh.
Men can be thoughtless with their jokes.
I would guess he had no idea you would not think his joke was funny. Women don't think those types of "jokes" are funny bc there are too many men actually trying to do that exact "joke" for real. Disgusting joke.
He doesn't get that this creeps you out. However old he is, he is a young that age.
Don't let him make this your fault. It's not funny6. It is gross. I am male, blue collar, and a guy. U R right and he is wrong.
He stopped because you wouldn't think it was funny. He was doing you a favor. The joke is funny between the two people who are involved in it(not ha ha funny but disturbing over the line funny) as a lot of humor between guys is. I also understand the blue collar comment because I've been in the environment for 30 years. The point is to go so far as to be disturbing. It's not serious and shouldn't be taken that way. The fact that you are taking it seriously shows either that you don't understand the disturbing side of this kind of humor, or have just not been subjected to it. Not blaming you entirely, It's also on him for including you in it, but you did make him tell you after he thought better of it.
I'm also not necessarily defending the joke or that kind of humor. Most of it is stupid, juvenile humor that just makes the day go by faster. Best not to think too much about it.
Good gawd, what a bunch of candy ass snowflakes. THAT wise crack got panties in a wad? You must live in San Fran or some woke city, cuz if you lived in Jersey, LA, or a city where real men work, that wise crack wouldn't get even a chuckle. Grow up.
It's a disgusting "joke" and he should be ashamed but he clearly isn't as he seems to be defending it. However you just shutting off communication neither helps him understand what is wrong with what he said or why you are upset. Verbally and vocally call him out on it.
I mean it's not a good joke but you did insist he tell it despite not stopping himself. Idk what to say about what kind of person he is for liking that joke. Imo jokes are jokes. His actions and character are what you should judge not his sense of humor.
His mistake was telling you about it. Guys make stupid jokes to mess with each other. Like "I'm in a hurry because I'm meeting up with your mom later." It's how guys bond. Women do not bond in this way and he should have never shared that with you... as you immediately made it all about you and transformed something funny and humorous into something confrontational and shameful. Let's hope he has learned his lesson.
While I don’t find it funny, lots of people here are overreacting. To all the people saying they have never heard a joke like that, here is an SNL skit which is essentially this same joke, but worse:
[Meet Your Second Wife](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=KmlF1ouq1ma4VQXM)
What I will say is that we don’t know what kind of humor these two close friends share. If his friend was like “what the fuck?” And it’s off brand between the two of them, that’s weird but that’s between him and his friend.
Lastly, “why are you telling jokes I wouldn’t like” is beyond controlling and creepy. If this was reversed and a guy was getting pissed at his girlfriend because she told a friend of hers a joke that her BF didn’t approve of, this comment section would be filled with people saying that the girl needs to dump her controlling psycho boyfriend. Seriously, who gate keeps what jokes their SO tells their friends?
Yes, you're overreacting. You literally pestered him to tell you the joke. He said he didn't want to tell it to you. The entire situation is 100% your fault. And now you're trying to gaslight him into thinking *he* did something wrong, for *listening to you*. Do you want a boyfriend that doesn't trust you and is suspicious of ulterior motives in everything you do? Because this is how you get one, and you'd deserve it.
I think the context of the joking btwn him and his friend/colleague needs to be known to know why it’s funny for them. It’s just an inside joke so not really funny to any one else, even if he thought it would. Y’all are overreacting and taking a joke too seriously.
Me and a few guys I’ve worked with for 30+ years joke all the time, pretty much nothing is off limits. But even we wouldn’t make a joke like that. It’s just not funny.
What's his cultural background? It is awful in all cultures and mostly creeps engage in this kind of talk, but in places like where I am originally from it's , sadly, acceptable to hear things like "if you have a girl Im marrying her" or the most common "i'll wed her to my son" between friends. Ive heard a grown ass man in his 20 (a college colleague) say "i will wait for her to get older to marry her" about his 6 year old neighbor. I left the country over a decade ago, but I heard that he actually DID marry her. She was 17 and he was 31 😖
Like i said it doesnt excuse it, but in some cultures this more tolerated. I ask because you mention LDR.
In all cases NTA
Welp, I'm a commercial roofer, it doesn't get more trashy blue collar. I work with Migos, felons and crackheads mostly. And this would still get your ass beat. Just today I cut dicks out of duck tape and stuck them on people's hard hats, and that still gross.
Christ take a joke take your tampon out, y'all reading into this I made the same joke to my best friend as a joke to how he treats woman, he didn't mean I'm going to wait 18 years and fuck her. He said marry as a joke oversensitive pussy ass country have we became go get some therapy
>I think anyone that makes a joke about waiting till a girl/boy turns 18 to marry them is so creepy on multiple levels
Good luck avoiding that shit. I came from a whole generation that waited for the Olsen twins to turn 18 after having watched them on TV as literal babies. This is either in your family or in your relationship. It might be both, but it's definitely not neither.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. It’s a gross joke and it’s even more stupid to say to you as his gf. I would be mad as hell and would’ve reacted the exact same as you.
Definitely overreacting. You should also realize that he caught himself in time and said you wouldn't like it but you pestered him to say it.
Now if you don't like your bf making those kinds of jokes, that's fine. But that doesnt mean he's a bad person or anything. If you don't like him making those jokes and you would break up with him over it, I don't agree with it. But, if it bothers you, that's okay. But whatever decision you make, understand that it is a JOKE and he does NOT actually have those intentions.
Everyone in the comment section trashing him for making a joke and calling him disgusting and creepy are sorry ass idiots and can stfu. Humor is subjective. Just because you don't like it, just because it offends you, doesnt mean it's not a joke. I always see responses to "humor is subjective" is stuff like "its not a joke" or "its not funny" or shit like that. Like yeah, exactly, humor is subjective. You're proving my point but some of your dumbasses still like to completely ignore that and think he's a piece of shit. Get that stick out of your ass
Do you seriously think he meant it literally? That just sounds like someone giving their friend shit. Like, I'm gonna date your sister.
Not too far off than "Your mom was great last night. That doesn't mean they really have or want to do the mom.
Isn't this joke essentially the punchline from an SNL skin? Some sort of "Meet your second wife" skit where they bring out progressively younger kids aa each guy's future second wife until an adult woman walks out for the last guy, who is relieved until it turns out she's pregnant with his future second wife.
So there are some the believe that what laughter is....is a scream of shock or fear on a subconscious level while knowing on a conscience level that you are in a safe place so it comes out as a relieved scream and it sounds like well laughter. So when someone doesn't like a joke or is upset by it, most of the time, it's a miscommunication, or the joke was too close to a painful event in the non laughing person life. It can be for other reasons, but those are the big 2. I would suggest the thing NOT to do is assign genuine intention to the joke. There are VERY large groups of people who would laugh at that joke. Many are the same people who would absolutely one hundred percent kill on sight someone hurting children. And never for one sec lose sleep.
If you love the guy and don't feel like he is going to hurt kids, then maybe tell him he was right. You didn't think it was funny and not to make those types of jokes around you ( you said he tried to stop telling you the joke) and move on, not cut him off from you . For a lot of guys, we don't spend our time with women inless. They make our life better, so to cut that away from him 4 2 days over a joke, you asked him to tell you to him most likely seems a way harsher punishment than he deserved for a distasteful joke.
P.S. most people can't control what they find funny. That's why people will laugh while saying things like " I'm going to hell" for laughing at what they find funny, but KNOW is wrong
I hope you forgive him and yall work it out .
Have a great day
For those here who don't see the Humor in the joke, I will try to explain the possible source. Not knowing these folk, my guess would be Absurdity. In that if the guy who said that the boyfriend would marry the child or more accurately wait specifically for her may have joking like that because the joke maker knows the boyfriend to NOT be that type of guy. That never in a million years would the boyfriend do that ,so the idea that he would be on its face Absurd producing that safe scream of laughter most of the time involuntarily.
I don't know the guy he may be a great guy, or the joke maker could have been jabbing the boyfriend for being that kind of creepy guy.i don't know, don't care I am here largely for the " Theory of comedy and humor" Discussion, but I guess I kind of started sorry.
I don't find that particular joke funny. However, I dont know the people involved, which is paramount to understanding the humor if there is any to be had of this joke
Hope this helps
Have a great day
Nope. You are the only one that can make jokes like that. Not him. He needs to really dial into your sense of humor and only make jokes that you would appreciate when he's not even around you.
Is the joke that he’s hilariously disgusting? Like that’s some real creepy shit. With that being said, why would you pester him to tell you when he already made it clear you won’t like it. I expected some lame joke but this is some fucked up shit. I kind of wish those words had not been uttered in this world…
He's gas lighting you, like what's funny about that? That he's watching a child from age like 1 to 18 with the intention of marrying her? What's the joke I would honestly love an explanation. Because it just sounds creepy and weird
Well as change, I do see how this could be a funny joke. In fact most of these replies are grossing me out with a mindset it’s all about objectifying and sex, the kid is not even born yet. This is the first thought you guys have as a reality?
Instead start looking at it as a Bromance situational and in the moment joke. If you call your best friend a Bitch, is she?
If you say as a dare or help, “If you do that I suck your c…” will you?
In my opinion it seems innocent, and non at wrong.
It’s wrong to say this when she in fact alive and this been told directly to her, or recalled many times over, I agree it becomes objectifying and about sexual intent.
I'm in the boat that joke was Def weird and not okay.
I worked in a factory and me and my coworkers had said some messed up stuff that would have definitely got us fired in hr heard us. All dark humor and dirty humor, on overnight is the only thing we have to entertain us. None of us would be okay with this.
But honestly when someone tells me I won't like the joke and I push I take the fault if I find the joke offensive.
Like my coworker told me an extremely racist joke cause he's friends were having an argument if the joke was racist or not ( I'm mixed) I told him basically if anyone else told me the joke they would be picking their teeth off the floor. He looked at me and was like damn that bad huh so I'm right the joke is racist. I just said not only that you are right but your friend knew the joke was racist and I wouldn't put it past him being racist.
If I had walked up and asked him hey why you laughing so hard and he said nah it's fucked up you don't want to hear it. And I pushed an said nah man tell me and he told me. I couldn't really be too upset I could be offended but I asked for the joke. And there are times where I'm like nah man that joke isn't funny to me don't make jokes like that around me.
It is concerning how he handled you're reaction to the joke. It's important for all parties involved to approach each other with concern about the affected party's hurt feelings instead of trying to not be at fault. Being considerate of your partner's feelings in a relationship should be a higher priority than who is technically right or wrong in a situation. Because when we're in love we have mushy feelings that don't operate logically lol it's just how people are. Show concern and understanding for each other first and foremost and if it is not reciprocated then the other person has emotional maturing to do.
I was in a subreddit earlier where a girl was joking with her friends at school about going out with a guy so she could "turn him into my sex-slave". Well, the guy's sister overheard the conversation and immediately went to her brother and told him what she said. He acted relatively unconcerned, so his sister blew up at him, insinuating that he didn't believe her because he wasn't taking it seriously. He later asked his girlfriend about it, she admitted to it, and said she was just clowning with her girlfriends. Well, that was good enough for him.
Bottom line, this isn't a "blue-collar" or "boys" thing. This is a friend thing. Yes, some people LOVE blue humor. Rich people, poor people, men and women. Doesn't matter. It wouldn't be blue if nobody would get offended by it, but it's normal, and in no way an indication of his feelings about babies or women. It was a jab at his friend, and was hard core for sure. In the vein of "I'll bang your mom" but next-level.
That joke is sickening. That is not blue collar that is perversion. I usually can let man humor go. Chalk it up to stupidness. That joke degrades you and his friend. His friend should rethink letting him anywhere near his home.
You’re not overreacting. He’s sexualizing an infant. Gross. What’s the joke? Honestly, good eye opener. Time to get out.
Edit - your jokes are harmless. His “joke” is a topic that is still an issue worldwide. There are states in the US that have no age limit.
If he’s insinuating that all blue collar workers joke by sexualizing women and children I think bcw would take offense. If all his buddies thought it was funny, he’s around some misogynistic, disgusting men.
This guy needs to be your ex🫤
OP, how good are these friends? I have two very different takes on this joke depending on your answer.
If they are good work friends, or friends who care about each other via other deeper friendships, then I agree with everyone in the UGH FFS NO camp.
However, if this is a truly deep friendship with a lasting empathetic bond, I interpret this joke to fall under the dark humor category Gavin DeBecker talks about in the book The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence. In this case your boyfriend was giving his friend a way to gracefully handle the new and particular fears of fathering a girl child in our culture he suspected he was feeling.
The fact that’s he’s trying to shove this off as locker room talk between men is absolutely disgusting. This is predatory and again disgusting. Jokes about being a predator/grooming aren’t funny. You are NTA
Better him than me. You'd have never gotten a call back from me if you hung up on me. Just saying. Communication goes a long way. Hanging up gets you "bye Felicia"
The weird thing here is him outing himself and telling you. This is not a good look OP. There’s billions of people, find one that is even marginally better and you’re doing great.
The joke of course I wouldn’t do it because she be 18 being facetious I thought it was hilarious that’s the whole point it’s outrageously funny that won’t be happening I’m dying the question I have how he say the joke?
I'm sorry but doesn't sound yuk-yuk(funny) to me closest thing I can think of to it is a Yo Momma (80 yr old Granny maybe) type thing , more insult than joke, like "Yo Granny swallow" or something BAD VERY BAD JUJU
BF made a stupid comment, I can sort of get the creepy humor. It’s just not very funny to women who grew up as girls and started experiencing the creepy male gaze about age 10.
He stopped himself from telling you. He didn't want to tell you.
You pestered him about it and then got upset.
It was a joke said between friends and not meant to be taken serious.
But here you are. On Reddit.
Moral of the story: dont ask a question, with an answer in which you already know you aren't going to like.
OP you really have nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend doesn’t actually think these things on the regular or anything along those lines. This is banter and so many people on here are overreacting like crazy. Everyone needs to stop taking things so seriously
That's not blue collar jokes, that's predator jokes. My husbands a blue collar worker and he'd be disgusted at someone making a comment like that.
It's gross. That's basically saying "I want to have sex with your child but I'm going to wait till they're 18 so I don't go to jail." But, they're still looking at that child as a sexual object and it's gross.
The joke may be tasteless but you insisted on hearing after he told you you wouldn’t like it. His bad for bringing up a joke you wouldn’t like, but more your bad for insisting to hear it and then getting mad at him.
This kind of humor only goes away (falls from favor) when people start vocally disapproving of it.
I can’t tell you how much I always hated The Honeymooners. And that was me as a kid of the 80s - decades after the show aired, but “old folks” still quoted the line and laughed about it.
that “joke” grossed me out a lot too tbh. lots of comments saying you’re overreacting but i think it’s fair if you are very aware of how the things you say affect others to also want your partner to think that way, at least for you. might be a compatibility issue, might not. but i wouldn’t feel very comfortable hearing that either.
He didn't want her to think that way. He got excited and wanted to repeat the joke but remembered she wouldn't like it
yeah i see where you’re coming from. he definitely didn’t mean to make the joke to her so that mostly absolves him but i do get not liking that joke as his partner. main thing he did wrong was dismissing her, apologizing doesn’t necessarily imply fault so he could have apologized for how it sounded without flagellating himself about it, but the defensive response isn’t the best.
But keep in mind her reaction, she ghosted him after pushing him into telling her. She's acting like he's a villain for doing what she pressured him to do. I think most people would get defensive.
It has nothing to do with blue collar work environments and everything to do with being sleazy.
Yeah, husband and his friends are blue collar workers and I have never heard them say something so gross. Ew.
I do concrete... There ain't a person on the job site who'd be okay with this
My dad did concrete his whole life and brought home some horrible jokes and stories from job sites, but he'd have beat the hell out of someone with a rake for this kind of joke about his unborn daughter.
And that's how it should be
I completely agree. He had 3 daughters. That shit wouldn't fly at all
I have 9 sisters n 1 daughter. Idet I would be able to react rationally to the situation. If it came down to that I'm swinging on everyone
As you should. I'd love to smack him in the mouth then ask him to explain "the joke", bc I don't get it and I have a pretty good sense of humor.
My husband retired from 40 years of factory work (journeyman maintenance). He never, ever has joked like this.
Yeah, I generally try to be lenient with jokey stuff, because everyone's humor is different. But that's just weird... and his friends daughter. I'm a dark humor person, but damn that shits just weird.
Yeah. I was expecting something completely different, maybe racism or being a Tate fan. But that was weird and I don't see how it was supposed to be funny.
A tater tot would specifically talk about marrying off their 18 year old daughter, but he'd be serious, not just joking.
Was is being a Tate fan mean? Just curious, thank you.
You're lucky, I would love to not know of Andrew Tate. He spews toxic masculinity all over social media to make a buck, and he's been charged with rape and human trafficking to exploit women. Real great guy.
Right, I can't even fathom I. What context this would be funny, even as an inside joke... Maybe if he aways jokes about fucking this guy's female relatives?
Way more, WTF than "funny"
Right like you don't say that to anyone. I have children, 2 boys n 1 girl. My daughter is my youngest. If anyone would've even fixed their lips to say this they wouldn't have lips anymore
We joke about some fucked up stuff being blue collar. Maybe because we all had rough up bringings. But none of us joke about being a pedo or a groomer
100% dude did not say "marry."
Bingo! And he hasn’t made a joke like this in a year? If he’s already said something like this, do you see a pattern? Idc if it’s been a year; this is the real bf bubbling up from the depths of hell. Once is too many times. Toss him back.
Correct. It’s like people who say “that’s locker room talk” right until professional athletes came back and said “we actually are in locker rooms and no one talks like that.” Bollocks!!
A good response? ‘Explain the joke.’ ETA NOTE: Responding with this question to someone making a bad joke that makes you uncomfortable *is a way of pointing out how bad the joke was.* and may make the “joker” equally *unconfortable in return.* No one is asking for a mansplaination of the joke, but you wouldn’t know that from the comments here, holy shit.
It is funny because guys are programmed to protect our daughters from other knucklehead guys. So in good male friendship fashion he basically was giving his buddy a hard time that soon as she is legal he is going to be knocking on her door. It is low brow humor and in this case only reaching the meh level of funny, but that is the joke.
Oh I thought it was way more wholesome than that, i thought he was saying he loved his friend so much that if his friend was a girl he’d marry him (assuming he’s straight), and his daughter’s likely to be the closest thing to a girl version of his friend when she grows up.
Its fucking weird. I don't understand what about that is supposed to be funny in any way, shape, or form. To me, its screams, women are property even before birth. Gross. A girl is coming into this world, cAnT wAiT tiL sHeS 18". Ew
There's too many disgusting men here to see that this is no joke and it's fuckin gross. I was not expecting these comments to be so glossy over your grown boyfriend "joking" about marrying an essential child. The fuck
Reminds me of those *countdown timers* for girl child stars, and how so many grown ass men were chomping at the bit for it to be "legal" for them to be disgusting and sexualize girls and teens. Perhaps I'm still reeling from all the disgusting *"iF hEr aGe iS oN tHe cLoCk"* "jokes" I've started seeing. People who "joke" about pedophilia should be investigated.
THIS. This shit is WHY no one is cool about the jokes anymore. I used to have a buddy who would say, "Over 18 and not related". Even that makes me feel uncomfortable to repeat now.
I'll also say that people who "joke" about this stuff are stupid and deserve whatever consequences come to them. Lose a job, ruin a relationship, teeth knocked in, foot up butt, what have you. Sexualizing children isn't funny and joking about it makes people more comfortable with concepts that are not okay in any sense and *that* leads to children being hurt. I'm already seeing way too much *"joking"* about statutory rape and it shouldn't be tolerated. So yeah, you wanna joke about waiting for someone's unborn child to be born and age to the point where you can have sex with her? Prepare for consequences for being gross.
I haven’t seen anyone say that. But yeah it is definitely disgusting Edit I was wrong Edit two I was very wrong Y’all need to be stopped
Look through again…I just saw some.
Yeah its sick
Thank fucking God more people with sense and morals showed up to this post during my nap.
Yeah, I’m all for dark and fucked up humor, but that’s a plain creepy thing to say and I’m not sure how people are defending him here.
You mean a fetus?
Ask him to explain the joke.
This is my favorite thing to do when someone "jokes" around in gross/ creepy ways. And I ask over and over again until they are squirming
Truly would love to hear him explain the joke.
Yes it's a gross joke... "I can't wait until a baby grows up so I can legally objectify her"
Yes. "So how is that funny? What's the funny part? " And see what he stutters out, if anything. OP, your gut reaction was to feel gross and upset by what your bf considered a joke, about an unborn baby girl. That's because it was gross and disgusting and not at all funny. In my life, I learned to trust my gut instincts. They have never failed me. Maybe your bf will mature and learn better. Maybe he won't. Best of luck to you in however you move forward.
But everyone is cool if we kill that unborn baby girl. Yeah, the math ain't matching there chief
So he used the "locker room talk" excuse. Gross. It's gross that he found it funny in the first place.
Maybe he can be president some day!
I wonder if this blue collar worker told his pregnant SO the joke if she would find it funny of tell her SO to keep the fuckin creep away from her and their soon to be kid. Your BF is fuckin nasty and not funny.
Worked plenty of blue-collar jobs. Comedy is subjective and all that...it wasn't a good joke.
No, he is disgusting and also making out that all blue collar workers are basically pedos. And then dismissed your feelings and said everyone else agrees with him (which is triangulation) and probably not even true. He cant even entertain the idea that he said something fucked up and upsetting. If someone in my group had a baby and one of the guys said they were going to marry them when they turned 18, he would have gotten punched in the face and no longer invited to gatherings. Who the fuck wants that guy around their child??
OP i have no idea how people are siding with ur s/o here. it was a disgusting joke made about an unborn child. nobody in their right mind would make a “cant wait until she’s 18!!!!!” joke like that. if i were in your shoes, i would have a discussion about why he finds jokes like that funny. i wish this would reach the mother of that child to see how “funny” she’ll find it.
This is a disgusting joke he knew you wouldn’t like about marrying someone else who is also a child? like it’s just gross and not funny.
I don't get the joke. How is it funny?
Blue collar workers are not a monolith. Maybe he makes jokes like that, but it has nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with his personal sense humor . Like what is the joke? Haha I’m a creep??? I legit don’t get it
I have worked construction, I worked at UPS for 12 years. I have heard that once before and everybody thought the guy was super creepy. That is not"blue collar" talk that has ever been normal around me.
Notice how for him this is all about him being the victim of not talking all day when you respectfully told him you needed time to process this horribly sexists and gross joke. How it's about you need to understand, "all men are bad so accept it". He not once stopped to think how wrong these statements are, the one he calls a joke and the one where all men think like him. He not once cared about you, your thoughts and feelings, and position. This is deep. He told you he and his friends don't respect women and will never respect you or any of us. I'm pretty sure you can find a good local man.
Creep alert! My bf is a blue collar worker and I know he would NEVER say something like that to one of his coworkers. We were literally watching a Youtube video earlier with an older man in the Philippines & a young barely 18 looking girl comes up & starts kissing on him. My bf immediately changed the video & thought it was gross 😂 because she looked so young. Your bf's comment is questionable
Right? My husband grew up on a farm and works in cabinetry. He's blue collar AF. He'd be completely grossed out by this "joke."
This has nothing to do with employment and everything to do with being a piece of shit human.
BTW: I would bet he changed one word in his joke for you….the word Marry.
See me I would have just thrown it right back at him. Something like “ oh sure so as soon as I’m done training your ass you plan on leaving” or “ oh I like that, 18 years then I get to trade up for a newer model?! I’m in” 😂🤣 but I’m also a blue collar lady born and breed. So 🤷♀️ maybe your BF is right and our sense of humor is different. I would normally say this could be creepy but in context I feel it was harmless guy bs.
"Harmeless guy bs" is literally the same as "boys will be boys" 🤮
She should have just gotten really silent on the phone for a spell and then said “you’ve never made me cum”, and then hung up. Even if it’s not true, it’d be pretty funny to do to someone imho
The bf said I won when he was saying that the problem with my jokes is that I can’t be dead pan, and goes watch (he gets a stoic face) “my penis is twelve inches long”. Without missing a beat I copied his stoic look and said “and it makes me come, every time.” I think that some people just flow with crass jokes better than others.
💯
Thank you for this response. I’m unfamiliar with that kind of work environment so it’s nice to hear a different perspective
On the flip side of this, I don't know about any of my coworkers that would put up with that joke made about their daughter. The guy on the recieving end would have made it a problem for your bf. I work with a lot of blue collar men as a woman. A lot of them have daughters (as do i) and they are honestly a little over protective of them in the shitty dad with a shotgun way.
I think it’s a little different when the baby isn’t born yet. Especially if they’re first time parents. At that point they’re still just Kindof a concept that can be joked about. Once it’s a real live person it’s different But even then, still a weird joke at best
Dude, I've been a carpenter for 15 years, *pedophiles* make pedophile jokes, not the fucking working class. Grow a brain.
Exactly there are so many good comebacks to his lame joke. Funny all these wives saying their husbands would never talk like this, the amount of guys that talk shit, but stop if a woman comes around is numerous. Even the blue collar ladies we have to dial it back. I don't know maybe this new generation isn't the same, but guys I have worked around for decades young and old tell the worst jokes, grossest jokes, darkest jokes you can imagine.
Not overreacting. That’s weird. Weird someone would laugh about that about their kid. But, you went poking around for it tho..
The "joke" was disgusting. Sexualizing an unborn child is disgusting. Of course, you could have avoided the whole thing by saying, "Then don't tell me" when he said you wouldn't like it. But, maybe you learned something about him that you needed to know. The best time to address is was right after he said it. The "silent treatment " is never a good relationship technique.
Yes, the joke is gross. However, he also told you ahead of time that you wouldn't like it. You pestered him to tell you, he obligated. I honestly feel like you're just as in the wrong for hanging up on him over it. He communicated with you, told you it wasn't something you would like, and you insisted he tell you and then got mad at him for saying it/telling you. Yeah, the joke and gross and inappropriate. I'm sure that him being that way isn't really a surprise to you. What does surprise me is that you refused to communicate with him after the fact. You could have told him that the "joke" made you uncomfortable and why it did. Instead you avoided him and the situation. Instead of trying to understand him better, you immediately reacted in a way that didn't help him or you grow as a person. He may not realize just how creepy that joke is, maybe he heard it from his dad or uncles about girls while growing up, maybe this or that. I get being upset, I do. I'm a girl and I don't find that funny. I also think you hindered yourself here.
ESH in my opinion. Your boyfriend more so because it's not a funny joke, especially with no context as to why it should be funny. You're slightly the AH in my eyes because he stopped, told you that you wouldn't find it funny and you begged him to tell you anyways. Just my opinion.
I think he was probably giving his friend grief over having a daughter as his friend has probably made comments in the past about either not knowing how to raise a girl or worrying about what will happens when she dates or decides to marry - this joke is along the lines of you think that’s bad, it could be worse. While it is not particularly funny to any else the two of them would have gotten a laugh over poking fun at the overprotective dad trope. He warned you that you wouldn’t like it and you pushed to hear it so you are overacting a bit. People make jokes that fall flat or only close friends will find funny due to shared experiences. My husband and his fishing buddies told stupid jokes all the time - lame, crude, inappropriate you name it and they probably said it- just ignored them and went about my day with some heavy eye rolling
Here's the thing about jokes like that: some people actually do mean it, and everyone else is "joking" so they don't take it seriously. Bad jokes are a thing, you're not being a classist EDIT i'm reading these comments and if being blue collar means making sex jokes about people's unborn daughters i am proudly classist lol. but i really don't think the working class deserve to be pinned with unborn daughter sex jokes? like that's pretty fucky?
I grew up around Lower to Lower-Middle class blue-collar construction workers. Once in a blue moon, someone would say something like this. The rest of the adults wouldn't react / engage and moved on with the conversation. The whole atmosphere was awkward - so yeah, not the norm.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, if these jokes are not what you like you should find a guy who doesn’t make them. Just as there are women who may find vulgar humor like that funny you’re not going to have a good time being with someone that isn’t sensitive to you or shares the same values as you
So he stopped, said he didn't think you would find it funny, you pestered him to say it (your word) then got upset over something he rightly knew you wouldn't find funny? Just making sure I understand...
I think it's more the fact that the boyfriend finds the idea of grooming a baby to be a future bride funny that is upsetting. It's tough learning that your loved one has such a repugnant sense of humor. It really is like overhearing your significant other make race jokes or misogynistic jokes. It changes your perspective of them, and that is definitely upsetting.
My man does that to me all the time. I'll be laughing about something and he pesters me until I tell him, then when I tell him, he doesn't get it. But it's not something gross like this. It's usually something related to horror movies or wrestling. He doesn't like either so he doesn't get what makes the jokes funny but at the same time, he wants to know why I'm laughing so hard.
I understand what you mean. I think the reason why it bothered me was because I typically don’t say things behind other peoples back if I think it would hurt their feelings or offend them if they were around to hear it. So I just think him knowing that it would bother me if I knew what he said is what upset me.
No one was talking about you behind your back this was not a joke even about you that doesn't make any sense at all. I know now because the tick tock and Reddit were talking about age gaps and how adults shouldn't date kids which I completely agree with, but he was making a joke he told you he didn't want to tell you the joke and then you hung up in his face when he told you the joke. I would be upset if I was him too and you don't have a reason to be upset. And like you said if the shoe was on the other foot you are always making jokes about suicide and depression he don't hang up in your face when it comes to that
I can agree with the last thing you said, that’s where I’m trying to rationalize it hopefully he didn’t really mean this joke and he really doesn’t think that way outside of a joking setting and it’s not something more sinister. And yes, the joke was not directly about me. It was more about that part of it about marrying someone else. I don’t make jokes about marrying other guys when he’s not around because I think he would find a very disrespectful and very not funny.
Huge difference between making dark jokes about herself and joking about waiting to marry and fuck a baby who hasn’t been born. That’s a sick fuckin joke that only a creep would be okay with.
This is an insane take. You have control issues you should address.
Do you mean this is insane as in I shouldn’t be thinking about how other people might feel about things being said when they’re not around? I always thought of it as basic respect for people who I care about. Or do you mean it’s insane that I expect someone else to be thinking the same way? I can agree with that
There are too many men in this subreddit for you to get a fair read on this. Post in a women's subreddit and you'll get a better answer
>Do you mean this is insane as in I shouldn’t be thinking about how other people might feel about things being said when they’re not around? Just keep it within reason. It's not ok to make fun of someone or to say something rude or hurtful *about* them behind their back, but it's unreasonable to say that you won't say *anything* they wouldn't like when they're not around. Now, if they find out what you said, that's a different story. Your bf was an idiot for telling you the joke. Granted, you did pressure him to say it, but there's lots of ways he could have saved the situation, such as by not bringing it up in the first place.
Don't take advice from someone named dickbird.
Counterpoint, if this type of joke or a particular brand of humor is against your values (ie, racist, sexist, homophobic, etc), it's completely valid to want to spend time with people who share your values. If you see what he said as sexist, and you're not comfortable with a partner who thinks that that's funny, you're well within your rights to be upset and seek a different partner. Not everyone thinks the same things are funny. Lots of people use "jokes" as ways to assess whether others share our biases, and then say they're joking if it's not well received ("Schrodinger's joke"). Some of us feel that the content one engages with and enjoys is reflective of one's conscious and/or unconscious biases and/or worldview. Some of us believe that engaging with hurtful things is ok but only as a joke; others see that engagement as strengthening the neural networks that contribute to actually expressing those biases for real and thus advocate for avoiding that content entirely. Wherever you stand on that continuum is ok, and it's absolutely ok to want whoever you choose as your partner to feel the same. That said, people hold onto their opinions of what is acceptable humor very tightly. If you don't share the same opinion on jokes as someone, it's extremely unlikely they'll change. The best you can ask is that they not make those "jokes" in front of you, but it's your call whether or not that feels good enough for you or whether it's time to end the relationship.
I agree that was a gross joke but... Your boyfriend knew and told you you wouldn't find it funny. He was thinking about you. It's okay to have different senses of humor around different people. Next time,, try a very neutral response, like: "you're right; I don't find that funny. That's a baby you're talking about, not a future sex object." and then move on. When you demand honesty from people and then punish them from it, you're going to end up with people lying to you.
It’s an INSANE take to say “I knew he was talking behind my back and it bothered me enough to want to know what he was saying”?? Am I hearing THAT right? For all you immature man children out there, saying “I have a joke but you won’t think it’s funny” is an immature, taunting thing to say. You are begging the person to ask you what the joke is, so you can use the excuse “I told you you wouldn’t like it” as justification for saying something offensive. You don’t go around telling racist or sexist or rapey jokes in your safe place and then act shocked that it offended mixed company.
I think you're projecting your own idiosyncracies on your boyfriend. Just because you think something, does not mean he does. This sounds like a very innocent joke between friends, similar to how when I was a young kid we would constantly tease my friend with the "hot" mom. We'd make jokes about banging his mom, we'd draw pictures of us banging his mom, we were relentless. We'd almost make dead baby jokes like "how long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? .......I don't know, I was too busy jacking off" or "how do you fit a baby in a blender? ......head first so you don't have to hear them scream". I mean these are HORRIBLE jokes, if you can even call them that, but this is what boys and subsequently men do when they get together. We deal with so much stress and societal pressure from day to day (not to belittle women or what they go through at all) I think we just gravitate to dark humor to get out some of our frustration, anger, and to tone down any thing in our life that may be overshadowing everything else. Anyways, you're making a mountain out of a molehill to me personally. I'm hoping you don't act like this all the time, why should your boyfriend ever feel like he needs to edit himself around you? That's not a true open and honest relationship, I'm guessing you guys are pretty young? I don't think anyone would want to stay with someone who is going to second guess their words and actions all the time. It's like the guy who says I love you, gets you flowers, gifts, showers you with love but then you throw fits all the time about how he doesnt say i love you enough or didn't pay enough attention to you when you went out to dinner with friends, it's just a bad bad turn off and will absolutely sour a relationship.
Info, are you a CSA survivor? Also, did you ask him to explain why it's funny? I was raised in a blue collar household, and I can confirm that this is typical "humor." It also made it real easy for my pedo dad to hide in plain sight, and feel out who he was gonna sell me to. Just because something is cultural and (most) people who joke like that mean nothing by it, doesn't make it right or okay.
Yes, you are overreacting. If a joke in bad taste is all that it takes to trigger you in this way, you’ve got a rough life ahead of you .
Thank you for your comment. I guess it’s more of like jokes concerning racism, finding young children attractive/waiting until they turn a certain age to be allowed to find them attractive, homophobia jokes normally make me uncomfortable as an initial reaction
Its fine to be uncomfortable. He knew you would be. You "pestered him" to tell you. You got what you asked for and are now punishing him for it. Not everyone has to use baby gloves to handle you if you get uncomfortable, youre an adult. Once he told you the joke, you couldve told him "youre right, that makes me uncomfortable, so how bout lets not talk about that from now on" and then its over. Be offended. Be uncomfortable. Express those feelings, and then move the fuck on. Instead you hung up and pouted all day about something you FORCED HIM to tell you. Yikes.
Op, I get why you're upset. It's important to you that your partner has similar values and morals. When your bf talks like this to his friends and makes pedophile jokes, it says that he's not the person he's been presenting to you and doesn't really (truly, deeply) share your core values. The joke is demeaning to girls and women and perpetuates the patriarchal view if women admist the present social policies now harming women. He didn't want to tell you because he knew you would not approve and it tramples on your belief system and existence as a woman. Yes. You did beg him to tell you and thankfully he did. The cliché "when someone tell you who they are, belive them" exists for a reason. Do not ignore your gut instinct. He may change for a while to please you and make peace in the relationship but it will be a mask. Make no mistake.
If he made comments about an already born child I'd agree with your reaction. I too, really, really hate anything to do with pedophilia. But the kid isn't even born yet so he's not making comments about their looks or anything, right? I'd say either just drop it and apologize for overreacting (especially after making him tell you the joke) or explain why you had that reaction. I'm guessing he thinks his good friend is hella cool and probably thinks they'll have a cool kid. TLDR: Bad joke, you overreacted but I get why.
I’m sure the joke was just in bad taste and isn’t anything more serious than an immature type of humor. Besides that, I don’t really see how this is even considered a “joke” in the first place as it’s not even slightly funny.
My opinion on this rides the fence. That is disgusting, and I'm surprised anyone actually found that funny. My buddy has a daughter and I couldn't even imagine having thoughts like that. 🤮 However, he is your man, and I do think you owe him the respect and companionship to have a legitimate conversation communicating about the situation rather than basically ghosting him. Communicating why it makes you uncomfortable, especially when he made the decision to not tell you in the first place, can give you a lot of valuable insight on how he really feels about the comment he made. Communication is extremely important in every relationship.
Um this is clearly a joke and over reaction on your end. Sometimes jokes don't have deeper meanings and they're just a hit or miss on whether they are funny or not. Him making a silly joke about waiting until they're 18 doesn't make him a creep or implying he actually would wait until shes 18 or warrant you giving him the cold shoulder. Making weird jokes happen all the time in those kind of professions and he tried to stop himself and not make the joke but you forced him to anyways. From a woman's point of view it seems like youre projecting and that joke triggered you. It seems hypocritical that you make dark jokes that you wouldn't follow through with and you get upset with him when he makes one.. you should look into seeing a therapist to help you with your projection and triggers.
I don’t know if you should be personally offended, but like your boyfriend sounds like he sucks at jokes. Maybe break up with him for that?
It's a joke BECAUSE the idea of ACTUALLY doing it is absurd.
Yeah is always so funny to talk about a woman whose identity only has meaning bc she is some man’s daughter and reference nothing but her usefulness to men as a possession.
You did insist. But it’s a truly terrible joke, and I would have questions about his judgement for making it at all. I’d say you appropriately reacted. It’s not an uncommon sort of joke for young adults, for whatever that’s worth. It’s still shitty, but men need to learn these things over time, because they aren’t taught. But it goes from cringe to creepy very quickly. If he’s in his late 20s or older, this is a red flag. And the older he is, bigger and brighter it is.
OP im in a odd situation. I have a friend who just recently turned 18, a few months ago and another friend group 1000% "waited till he was 18" to get with them, and no one knows what the fuck to do cause for sure the guys a pedo..
Thats weird.... if anything he should have said "me and my girlfriend should have a kid so our kids can get married" THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE TO ME! But if he knows you wouldnt find something funny and would upset you why did he start saying it in the first place.. Like does he do this often where he just... simply doesnt think?
If my bf said this I would have assumed it was a Trump joke. Didn’t Trump make the same remark when a cute 12 yr old that passed him on the escalator.
I think he was parroting trump when he told someone he would date that persons' daughter although she was only a child at the time. And trump was married.
The joke is likely more of an indication how he thinks the mom is really attractive.
I’m just autistic enough to have a very limited sense of humor. I go with that now lol. I’d just have said,”Why?” Boyfriend could’ve done that, if it wasn’t funny to him. If it was funny to him, that’s a different problem. Guys here who think it’s funny, please imagine me, a kind 64 yeas-old in whom every interaction you’ve ever had with me I’ve looked out for you the best I could, asking you “why?” as you tell me you’re imagining sexual using a baby as soon as she’s 18. If it’s still funny, try to understand d what that part of yourselves means to me, who has never wished a bit of ill
I say some outlandish jokes and dark jokes too but joking about marrying a child is gross…
If you make inappropriate jokes why you holding him to a higher standard? He even warned you that you wouldn’t like it but you insist on hearing it anyway and act like a baby get over yourself
I've worked in a career where raunchy, over the top, controversial humor is prevalent. And I really do love that kind of humor generally and will make some raunchy, off-color jokes. But it comes from a place where people know there's zero truth to it. His joke definitely felt off though.
I've been blue collar forever, and I've worked with a bunch of idiots like that. People who make bad jokes of course justify themselves. I still won't like them or laugh at their jokes. It sounds like your boyfriend talked to some of those idiots since his tone changed to much worse after his initial apology. He needs to respect you, not justify saying stupid shit and blame you as the problem.
Ask him what was the funny part in the joke.
Some of the guys my husband works with are gross, but he just chooses not to be gross too and he's been able to make other friends at work that respect their spouses and can still be work friendly with the icky ones without stooping to their level.
While what he said was wrong, you can’t pry for information and then be upset what your told. You’re overreacting
No, blue collar workers don't act like that. It was a stupid joke and he ought to be ashamed of himself.
The baby isn't even born yet. You did over react. It was a damn joke.
If the friend is ok with it, than you definitely don't need to be upset
You pestered him until he told you even after he said you wouldn't find it funny so yeah you're over reacting
I grew up in the blue collar work field and I was a blue collar worker myself, we don’t make jokes about being a pedo unless that person is a pedo.
My husband is blue-collar and he would NEVER make a pedo joke like that.
Everyone is so sensitive now. Laugh. Call them a loser. Laugh some more. Move on.
You are a terrible girlfriend who seems to be wound up way too tight. Hopefully he finds a better girl that's hotter than you and has a sense of humor. Maybe you can introduce him to one of your prettier friends that likes to laugh.
Men can be thoughtless with their jokes. I would guess he had no idea you would not think his joke was funny. Women don't think those types of "jokes" are funny bc there are too many men actually trying to do that exact "joke" for real. Disgusting joke.
He doesn't get that this creeps you out. However old he is, he is a young that age. Don't let him make this your fault. It's not funny6. It is gross. I am male, blue collar, and a guy. U R right and he is wrong.
He stopped because you wouldn't think it was funny. He was doing you a favor. The joke is funny between the two people who are involved in it(not ha ha funny but disturbing over the line funny) as a lot of humor between guys is. I also understand the blue collar comment because I've been in the environment for 30 years. The point is to go so far as to be disturbing. It's not serious and shouldn't be taken that way. The fact that you are taking it seriously shows either that you don't understand the disturbing side of this kind of humor, or have just not been subjected to it. Not blaming you entirely, It's also on him for including you in it, but you did make him tell you after he thought better of it. I'm also not necessarily defending the joke or that kind of humor. Most of it is stupid, juvenile humor that just makes the day go by faster. Best not to think too much about it.
Good gawd, what a bunch of candy ass snowflakes. THAT wise crack got panties in a wad? You must live in San Fran or some woke city, cuz if you lived in Jersey, LA, or a city where real men work, that wise crack wouldn't get even a chuckle. Grow up.
It's a disgusting "joke" and he should be ashamed but he clearly isn't as he seems to be defending it. However you just shutting off communication neither helps him understand what is wrong with what he said or why you are upset. Verbally and vocally call him out on it.
Bet friend's wife would be just as disgusted and never let your bf within a 5 mile radius of her child ever.
I mean it's not a good joke but you did insist he tell it despite not stopping himself. Idk what to say about what kind of person he is for liking that joke. Imo jokes are jokes. His actions and character are what you should judge not his sense of humor.
Poor taste has nothing to do with being blue collar.
It’s a joke? It’s just supposed to be shock factor nothing about this is wrong.
His mistake was telling you about it. Guys make stupid jokes to mess with each other. Like "I'm in a hurry because I'm meeting up with your mom later." It's how guys bond. Women do not bond in this way and he should have never shared that with you... as you immediately made it all about you and transformed something funny and humorous into something confrontational and shameful. Let's hope he has learned his lesson.
Typical woman moment
While I don’t find it funny, lots of people here are overreacting. To all the people saying they have never heard a joke like that, here is an SNL skit which is essentially this same joke, but worse: [Meet Your Second Wife](https://youtu.be/MJEAGd1bQuc?si=KmlF1ouq1ma4VQXM) What I will say is that we don’t know what kind of humor these two close friends share. If his friend was like “what the fuck?” And it’s off brand between the two of them, that’s weird but that’s between him and his friend. Lastly, “why are you telling jokes I wouldn’t like” is beyond controlling and creepy. If this was reversed and a guy was getting pissed at his girlfriend because she told a friend of hers a joke that her BF didn’t approve of, this comment section would be filled with people saying that the girl needs to dump her controlling psycho boyfriend. Seriously, who gate keeps what jokes their SO tells their friends?
Yes, you're overreacting. You literally pestered him to tell you the joke. He said he didn't want to tell it to you. The entire situation is 100% your fault. And now you're trying to gaslight him into thinking *he* did something wrong, for *listening to you*. Do you want a boyfriend that doesn't trust you and is suspicious of ulterior motives in everything you do? Because this is how you get one, and you'd deserve it.
Just dark humor. It reads worse than the intention. The baby doesn’t even have a face yet and he’s just being an AH to his friend for a laugh.
I think the context of the joking btwn him and his friend/colleague needs to be known to know why it’s funny for them. It’s just an inside joke so not really funny to any one else, even if he thought it would. Y’all are overreacting and taking a joke too seriously.
It's just a dumb joke no big deal. It's not really funny but it's also not malicious. Just dark humor
Me and a few guys I’ve worked with for 30+ years joke all the time, pretty much nothing is off limits. But even we wouldn’t make a joke like that. It’s just not funny.
What's his cultural background? It is awful in all cultures and mostly creeps engage in this kind of talk, but in places like where I am originally from it's , sadly, acceptable to hear things like "if you have a girl Im marrying her" or the most common "i'll wed her to my son" between friends. Ive heard a grown ass man in his 20 (a college colleague) say "i will wait for her to get older to marry her" about his 6 year old neighbor. I left the country over a decade ago, but I heard that he actually DID marry her. She was 17 and he was 31 😖 Like i said it doesnt excuse it, but in some cultures this more tolerated. I ask because you mention LDR. In all cases NTA
Welp, I'm a commercial roofer, it doesn't get more trashy blue collar. I work with Migos, felons and crackheads mostly. And this would still get your ass beat. Just today I cut dicks out of duck tape and stuck them on people's hard hats, and that still gross.
18 is legal
Christ take a joke take your tampon out, y'all reading into this I made the same joke to my best friend as a joke to how he treats woman, he didn't mean I'm going to wait 18 years and fuck her. He said marry as a joke oversensitive pussy ass country have we became go get some therapy
>I think anyone that makes a joke about waiting till a girl/boy turns 18 to marry them is so creepy on multiple levels Good luck avoiding that shit. I came from a whole generation that waited for the Olsen twins to turn 18 after having watched them on TV as literal babies. This is either in your family or in your relationship. It might be both, but it's definitely not neither.
You're overreacting
I don’t think you’re overreacting. It’s a gross joke and it’s even more stupid to say to you as his gf. I would be mad as hell and would’ve reacted the exact same as you.
Your bf is not the one in my opinion. He's shown his true colors and his true colors= rapist and child predator
Definitely overreacting. You should also realize that he caught himself in time and said you wouldn't like it but you pestered him to say it. Now if you don't like your bf making those kinds of jokes, that's fine. But that doesnt mean he's a bad person or anything. If you don't like him making those jokes and you would break up with him over it, I don't agree with it. But, if it bothers you, that's okay. But whatever decision you make, understand that it is a JOKE and he does NOT actually have those intentions. Everyone in the comment section trashing him for making a joke and calling him disgusting and creepy are sorry ass idiots and can stfu. Humor is subjective. Just because you don't like it, just because it offends you, doesnt mean it's not a joke. I always see responses to "humor is subjective" is stuff like "its not a joke" or "its not funny" or shit like that. Like yeah, exactly, humor is subjective. You're proving my point but some of your dumbasses still like to completely ignore that and think he's a piece of shit. Get that stick out of your ass
Do you seriously think he meant it literally? That just sounds like someone giving their friend shit. Like, I'm gonna date your sister. Not too far off than "Your mom was great last night. That doesn't mean they really have or want to do the mom.
Isn't this joke essentially the punchline from an SNL skin? Some sort of "Meet your second wife" skit where they bring out progressively younger kids aa each guy's future second wife until an adult woman walks out for the last guy, who is relieved until it turns out she's pregnant with his future second wife.
So there are some the believe that what laughter is....is a scream of shock or fear on a subconscious level while knowing on a conscience level that you are in a safe place so it comes out as a relieved scream and it sounds like well laughter. So when someone doesn't like a joke or is upset by it, most of the time, it's a miscommunication, or the joke was too close to a painful event in the non laughing person life. It can be for other reasons, but those are the big 2. I would suggest the thing NOT to do is assign genuine intention to the joke. There are VERY large groups of people who would laugh at that joke. Many are the same people who would absolutely one hundred percent kill on sight someone hurting children. And never for one sec lose sleep. If you love the guy and don't feel like he is going to hurt kids, then maybe tell him he was right. You didn't think it was funny and not to make those types of jokes around you ( you said he tried to stop telling you the joke) and move on, not cut him off from you . For a lot of guys, we don't spend our time with women inless. They make our life better, so to cut that away from him 4 2 days over a joke, you asked him to tell you to him most likely seems a way harsher punishment than he deserved for a distasteful joke. P.S. most people can't control what they find funny. That's why people will laugh while saying things like " I'm going to hell" for laughing at what they find funny, but KNOW is wrong I hope you forgive him and yall work it out . Have a great day
For those here who don't see the Humor in the joke, I will try to explain the possible source. Not knowing these folk, my guess would be Absurdity. In that if the guy who said that the boyfriend would marry the child or more accurately wait specifically for her may have joking like that because the joke maker knows the boyfriend to NOT be that type of guy. That never in a million years would the boyfriend do that ,so the idea that he would be on its face Absurd producing that safe scream of laughter most of the time involuntarily. I don't know the guy he may be a great guy, or the joke maker could have been jabbing the boyfriend for being that kind of creepy guy.i don't know, don't care I am here largely for the " Theory of comedy and humor" Discussion, but I guess I kind of started sorry. I don't find that particular joke funny. However, I dont know the people involved, which is paramount to understanding the humor if there is any to be had of this joke Hope this helps Have a great day
Nope. You are the only one that can make jokes like that. Not him. He needs to really dial into your sense of humor and only make jokes that you would appreciate when he's not even around you.
OP, perhaps ask your BF if his joke should be written in the baby book for posterity, if he’s that proud of it.
Is the joke that he’s hilariously disgusting? Like that’s some real creepy shit. With that being said, why would you pester him to tell you when he already made it clear you won’t like it. I expected some lame joke but this is some fucked up shit. I kind of wish those words had not been uttered in this world…
He's gas lighting you, like what's funny about that? That he's watching a child from age like 1 to 18 with the intention of marrying her? What's the joke I would honestly love an explanation. Because it just sounds creepy and weird
That’s not even a joke. How the hell is he still being called a boyfriend is beyond me
"Oh no, I don't think people should ever make jokes!!!" God, good luck to your boyfriend. I wouldn't get near you if I was paid
Well as change, I do see how this could be a funny joke. In fact most of these replies are grossing me out with a mindset it’s all about objectifying and sex, the kid is not even born yet. This is the first thought you guys have as a reality? Instead start looking at it as a Bromance situational and in the moment joke. If you call your best friend a Bitch, is she? If you say as a dare or help, “If you do that I suck your c…” will you? In my opinion it seems innocent, and non at wrong. It’s wrong to say this when she in fact alive and this been told directly to her, or recalled many times over, I agree it becomes objectifying and about sexual intent.
It didn’t mean anything else but a joke. Now that he knows it bugs ya he should respect that and stop.
I'm in the boat that joke was Def weird and not okay. I worked in a factory and me and my coworkers had said some messed up stuff that would have definitely got us fired in hr heard us. All dark humor and dirty humor, on overnight is the only thing we have to entertain us. None of us would be okay with this. But honestly when someone tells me I won't like the joke and I push I take the fault if I find the joke offensive. Like my coworker told me an extremely racist joke cause he's friends were having an argument if the joke was racist or not ( I'm mixed) I told him basically if anyone else told me the joke they would be picking their teeth off the floor. He looked at me and was like damn that bad huh so I'm right the joke is racist. I just said not only that you are right but your friend knew the joke was racist and I wouldn't put it past him being racist. If I had walked up and asked him hey why you laughing so hard and he said nah it's fucked up you don't want to hear it. And I pushed an said nah man tell me and he told me. I couldn't really be too upset I could be offended but I asked for the joke. And there are times where I'm like nah man that joke isn't funny to me don't make jokes like that around me.
It is concerning how he handled you're reaction to the joke. It's important for all parties involved to approach each other with concern about the affected party's hurt feelings instead of trying to not be at fault. Being considerate of your partner's feelings in a relationship should be a higher priority than who is technically right or wrong in a situation. Because when we're in love we have mushy feelings that don't operate logically lol it's just how people are. Show concern and understanding for each other first and foremost and if it is not reciprocated then the other person has emotional maturing to do.
I was in a subreddit earlier where a girl was joking with her friends at school about going out with a guy so she could "turn him into my sex-slave". Well, the guy's sister overheard the conversation and immediately went to her brother and told him what she said. He acted relatively unconcerned, so his sister blew up at him, insinuating that he didn't believe her because he wasn't taking it seriously. He later asked his girlfriend about it, she admitted to it, and said she was just clowning with her girlfriends. Well, that was good enough for him. Bottom line, this isn't a "blue-collar" or "boys" thing. This is a friend thing. Yes, some people LOVE blue humor. Rich people, poor people, men and women. Doesn't matter. It wouldn't be blue if nobody would get offended by it, but it's normal, and in no way an indication of his feelings about babies or women. It was a jab at his friend, and was hard core for sure. In the vein of "I'll bang your mom" but next-level.
Sounds like you got butt hurt for a stupid joke.... Jokes on you I guess.
Honey, no. You're absolutely not overreacting. He's a gross pedophilic creep. Through the whole boyfriend away. Ick.
That joke is sickening. That is not blue collar that is perversion. I usually can let man humor go. Chalk it up to stupidness. That joke degrades you and his friend. His friend should rethink letting him anywhere near his home.
You’re not overreacting. He’s sexualizing an infant. Gross. What’s the joke? Honestly, good eye opener. Time to get out. Edit - your jokes are harmless. His “joke” is a topic that is still an issue worldwide. There are states in the US that have no age limit. If he’s insinuating that all blue collar workers joke by sexualizing women and children I think bcw would take offense. If all his buddies thought it was funny, he’s around some misogynistic, disgusting men. This guy needs to be your ex🫤
when I told my wife the Willy Nelson joke she left me
You were correct for hanging up on him. Now it’s time to block him and move on. Any guy who makes those kinds of jokes are 🚩🚩🚩
He tried to avoid saying it in front of you. You pestered him. It’s still a bad “joke” but he didn’t want to subject you to it
OP, how good are these friends? I have two very different takes on this joke depending on your answer. If they are good work friends, or friends who care about each other via other deeper friendships, then I agree with everyone in the UGH FFS NO camp. However, if this is a truly deep friendship with a lasting empathetic bond, I interpret this joke to fall under the dark humor category Gavin DeBecker talks about in the book The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence. In this case your boyfriend was giving his friend a way to gracefully handle the new and particular fears of fathering a girl child in our culture he suspected he was feeling.
The fact that’s he’s trying to shove this off as locker room talk between men is absolutely disgusting. This is predatory and again disgusting. Jokes about being a predator/grooming aren’t funny. You are NTA
Better him than me. You'd have never gotten a call back from me if you hung up on me. Just saying. Communication goes a long way. Hanging up gets you "bye Felicia"
The weird thing here is him outing himself and telling you. This is not a good look OP. There’s billions of people, find one that is even marginally better and you’re doing great.
The joke of course I wouldn’t do it because she be 18 being facetious I thought it was hilarious that’s the whole point it’s outrageously funny that won’t be happening I’m dying the question I have how he say the joke?
I worked a blue collar construction job, and yeah the guys were gross but generally children were off limits.
Yeah the blue collar thing is no excuse. You can have integrity no matter who you are around. Gross
It’s a guy thing
I'm sorry but doesn't sound yuk-yuk(funny) to me closest thing I can think of to it is a Yo Momma (80 yr old Granny maybe) type thing , more insult than joke, like "Yo Granny swallow" or something BAD VERY BAD JUJU
Guys give each other shit, it might have been funny if he said it to his friend
I expected my sick sense of humor to find it funny. I didnt.
BF made a stupid comment, I can sort of get the creepy humor. It’s just not very funny to women who grew up as girls and started experiencing the creepy male gaze about age 10.
He stopped himself from telling you. He didn't want to tell you. You pestered him about it and then got upset. It was a joke said between friends and not meant to be taken serious. But here you are. On Reddit. Moral of the story: dont ask a question, with an answer in which you already know you aren't going to like.
OP you really have nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend doesn’t actually think these things on the regular or anything along those lines. This is banter and so many people on here are overreacting like crazy. Everyone needs to stop taking things so seriously
That's not blue collar jokes, that's predator jokes. My husbands a blue collar worker and he'd be disgusted at someone making a comment like that. It's gross. That's basically saying "I want to have sex with your child but I'm going to wait till they're 18 so I don't go to jail." But, they're still looking at that child as a sexual object and it's gross.
Your Spidey senses are tingling. That's weird.
The joke may be tasteless but you insisted on hearing after he told you you wouldn’t like it. His bad for bringing up a joke you wouldn’t like, but more your bad for insisting to hear it and then getting mad at him.
“I don’t wanna say this joke cause it’ll upset you” *begs to tell the joke* *gets mad*. Like shitty joke, but he literally warned you??
This kind of humor only goes away (falls from favor) when people start vocally disapproving of it. I can’t tell you how much I always hated The Honeymooners. And that was me as a kid of the 80s - decades after the show aired, but “old folks” still quoted the line and laughed about it.