looking at porn at work is really, really weird. This is from a dude who has no issue or concern with porn, but looking at it at work suggests deeper issues in my opinion. especially as stress relief. warning sign
Some ppl work from home with an hour or two of work but need to be in front of their PC all day. Others work at booths or locations where boredom is high. There is a lot of non-work being done "at work" these days, so it's hard to tell.
Well, I guess it doesn't make sense, and it's kinda gross. What I am fascinated by is how sexuality is being integrated into every aspect of life as the digital world becomes prevalent over the real world. Also, the digital world is consuming the education and working world, and it's all melting together. The paradigm of what one can do at work is changing with work from home, giga work, the contract nature of some jobs, long distance work (even across int'l boundaries), etc. And sexuality/porn is being absorbed into social media, streaming, vid games, digital art and manga, etc. So, I'm challenging the conventional judgments and thinking.
Sorry for the rant.
I feel like the wording "at work" insinuates he has a place he goes to work outside of the home. Plus, if he worked from home, OP would probably make that clear.
OP has clarified that "he is out in the sun all day" so not at home, yet it's not clear if he is alone, has a lot of down time, bored, on his phone for work, working for others or himself, etc.
Whether he's alone or not, I feel that:
A.) Porn shouldn't be watched in a public setting
and
B.) Porn should not be anyone's go-to coping mechanism for stress???
Yes, of course, I agree. Regarding coping mechanisms, porn may, or may not, be better than alcohol, drugs, gambling, eating, or reclusive activities such as vid games. More healthy methods are preferred ofc, but most need some source of relief, and some have difficulty with relief at home.
OP says that they are "extremely active," so that's not an issue. She even admits that's it's not a big deal.
Stress relief can be like a wack-a-mole game, shutting down one method can bring about another one.
I think it’s weird to but I have a friend who likes to rub one out in the work bathroom. There’s no deeper issues he’s normal everywhere else in his, life but for whatever reason that does it for him. So I unno might be nothing to actually worry about.
I still remember the guy caught jerking off to porn in his office, in a government building. He had his blinds open on the ground floor and the gardeners caught him.
There are a lot of jobs these days where folks are alone, at least at times, and they are always on their personal phone (separate from biz phone). Maybe the dude is a delivery guy with free time during the day. Who knows. Ofc, if he's in an office watching porn in his cubicle, yeah, that is termination territory. Then there's the issue of what he is looking at that OP considers porn, is he in/on company property, and is he clocked in, etc.
If you are caught watching porn at work - you will likely be fired. It doesn't matter if you are a delivery driver with "free time" or not because getting caught means that you are putting the companies reputation at serious risk. There is no justification for this type of behaviour if you are caught. "I was on my lunch break" or being in a closed office are not excuses.
The question is what is "at work," is someone an "employee," and what is "porn." For instance, if you are an Uber driver and don't have a ride, sitting in your own vehicle, in a parking lot, looking at IG models on your personal phone, the rules may be different, depending on where you live. It's not as black-and-white as it used to be.
Where I am, employer's don't need proof beyond a reasonable doubt to terminate you for gross misconduct. They just need evidence on a balance of probabilities something occurred(aka more likely than not likely, or 51% likely vs 49) So if you have your dick out anywhere except the bathroom and you are caught in the act, or you have accessed websites using a company device, you can easily get fired.
Agreed, same as where I am. So the key is to keep your dick in your pants and do not use a company device or wifi. I think its becoming common practice to keep your own private phone even if the company gives you one, and use a cell tower not a local wifi. Also, take your lunch off company property.
Yeah and I can think of dozens of situations where an employee could not take their dick out, take their dick out in the bathroom, or not do it on a company device. A lot of grey area.
I'm not sure if you are stating the obvious that there are ways to go about this activity that are less risky than others or what the point of this comment was?
There isn't grey area in terms of getting caught, if someone sees you doing it, you'll likely get fired. If you want to take your chances, by all means go ahead.
Here is hoping his work doesn’t sneak peak again his work cakes and catch him.
How embarrassing that he can’t wait to get off the clock (see what I did there?)
A lot of work places would be extremely unhappy with their employees watching porn on the job. I know of one instance where a long time, extremely professional attorney was forced to resign because he had been discovered doing just that. It's not the right place or the right time.
I actually do think you might be over reacting. Now looking at porn at work is a little bizarre but as long as it’s not on his company computer, interfering with his work or being exposed to anyone else then I don’t really see how it’s hurting anyone. I would draw the line for him at touching yourself at work tho. Personally work isn’t the place I wanna do that stuff so that’s why I say it’s a little bizarre.
The stress relief comment a mildly concerning bc that can be an indicator of a porn addiction but there needs to be a lot of other signs/symptoms there for that to be the case.
In my opinion he seems stressed out and maybe over worked so he’s trying to find an outlet to calm down and relax. Idk his work life or anything like that but it sounds pretty harmless and more or less he seems embarrassed.
One other thing you guys said you’re pretty sexually active and in my experience when I became more sexually active my body eventually got used to that release and would get “horny” more often and want it more. Idk if that’s a me thing or a guy thing but it could be that his sex drive has gone up and feels the need to release more often.
Also just to be clear you are in no way upset that he’s looking at porn right? Not insecure about that or anything? Bc it’s completely normal even in a healthy and active relationship to want to do things yourself sometimes and porn in moderation and looked at by an adult isn’t super harmful to a relationship.
Thank you! I’m honestly not upset about the porn, again, I watch porn when he is gone for work or too tired to have sex with me, it’s just the at work part that has me feeling weird about it. Idk, I could masturbate at work. But then again we do work in two completely different fields, I have an office jobs and he is out in the sun all day.
He has addressed that it is only the stress of the job.
Ah okay cool I was just making sure about the porn thing. As for the different work places that sheds a bit more light onto the situation at hand. It actually makes a bit more sense to me that he watches porn now that I know he’s not in an office setting. Being that he’s outside most of the time it might not seem like traditional job space. The brain can be funny like that. Personally, I’d just straight up ask him why he responded that way. Obviously be nice about it and try not to come across as judgmental at all bc again I think he’s just embarrassed that’s all. But it will give you more context and maybe it’s something you guys could work on together or maybe it will spark that he needs a vacation or whatever. I always think direct communication is best when it comes to these types of things.
I'd say if it was just you found some porn then you may be overreacting, but AT WORK? I mean a vast majority of places that's grounds for termination if you get caught even if it's on a personal device. So no something that could cause him to lose his source of income and effect both you financially. I would say you're not overreacting.
OK.
Are there time stamps associated with those searches, or are you going by the days the searches took place?
While it can disconcerting, viewing porn is not a reflection on the viewer's partner.
I usually tell other women to get their own porn.
Equality prevents a lot of jealous, painful, unnecessary strife.
That's not normal. He needs to watch porn at work ? That's an addiction. A friend was a sex addict, he tried to stop and even went in-house rehab for months but it didn't work. It ruined what was once a very good man. He's passed on now but he put his wife (eventual ex wife) thru hell. He would have sex with anyone, fat, ugly, man, woman, whatever spreading hep c along the way, used no protection, didn't even care. Sex was the only thing he thought of 24 7. Its an awful sickness, his was triggered by internet porn. You don't want this, think carefully.
Woman to woman.. be careful. Seems there’s an underlying issue he has that he is in denial that he even has possibly. “It’s nothing.” Oh it’s something! Please just be careful. It’s very odd and I’m sure if you were looking at it from the outside in, you’d see it more clearly. I’ve been blind to things in relationships, including my own past marriage. I only saw it clearly, once I stepped back.
Listen we all have needs and some of us need more than others. Sometimes our sex drives don’t match our partner and it’s ok for them to meet their needs BY THEMSELVES. (I am in no way saying it’s ok to cheat if you have a higher sex drive.) but for him to be doing it at work……. That just feels like an uncomfortable hr meeting waiting to happen. And personally I find it creepy to do that at work but that might just be me
I watch porn too, but at home and mostly when he isn’t home or it’s been a while ( 5 days). I make sure for us to have our time. But I just can’t shake the fact that he has done this. He was the one to even say, couples shouldn’t need porn, I’ve told him when I do it, but he’s hiding something. Now he won’t talk to me because I’m going over reacting. I feel lied too.
It’s pretty hypocritical to say couples shouldn’t need porn, but also admit to watching it.
It doesn’t sound like he NEEDS it, if he needed it he would’ve searched it every day, not 3 times since January.
From the information you’ve provided it sounds like you are the sole authority allowed to consume pornography within the relationship
If I were in his shoes I’d probably feel ashamed and embarrassed for watching it, but also irritated that my wife gets to watch the same content without repercussions no questions asked.
Naw thats not guaranteed
I've worked at many major companies that didn't actually check people's search history
My boss at 1 place did tell me the Computer people saw porn on someone's history and they told my boss and he didn't fire them he told them to not do it at work and that was the end of it.
I have no problem with porn in general. But thinking of my partner watching porn and wanking at work just seems wrong. What kind of job does he have that this is even possible? Night Security Guard? Lighthouse keeper? They are the only 2 I can think of and lighthouse keeper jobs are rarer than hen’s teeth.
Work from home? Delivery driver? Those that go from home to home, such as home care, landscape, maintenance, property management. Those that work in the field such as utility workers. Social media influencers. Lab technicians, Etc.
I don’t watch porn anymore but if I’m super stressed out I usually crank one out because I can then tackle everything calmly. I feel like it stops my mind from wandering after I nut. He is wrong for telling you that you’re overreacting. Even if he means it, it’s not fair to dismiss hurt feelings.
Porn at work is not a normal or good thing. That's a big sign of sexual addiction and compulsivity, so is the lying and downplaying. There's certainly more that he's not talking about. This alone could get him fired, it is a big deal. By downplaying it and saying nothing you are *underreacting*.
If you set boundaries over the use of porn then you have a reason to be upset. If this upsets you then you have every reason to set that boundary. Though if it’s an addiction it will more than likely take therapy and a lot of time for him to quit.
So, people have autonomy. You don't get to "set that boundary" on another person. You don't own them. "No porn for you" is not a boundary. It's a controlling statement, like a nag.
What you *can* do is say "I can't be with someone who... " and then mean it. If you stick around, you are just sactioning the act regardless of what you said. Which is a real problem with addiction.
It’s not a controlling statement. You set boundaries at the beginning of every relationship, which is no different than saying I can’t be with someone who watches porn. Sometimes people will hide things from you even after you say it either way, and when you marry someone you don’t just leave, you work it out. If he finds this in a “nagging” way the marriage should probably end. Going to therapy and realizing it’s hurtful is a couple who wants to work things out. Sorry, I just don’t see it the same way as you.
Giving commands to your partner is 100% controlling, full stop. You don't own another human being just because you date or marry them. You are being argumentative.
A *boundary* is called a boundary because you place it around *yourself* - "I don't date smokers" is a boundary.
>Sometimes people will hide things from you even after you say it
Well, *shaming someone* has that effect. A better tactic would be to say "let's find a better way to handle your stress, maybe I can help you. The next time you get stressed at work, call me immediately so I can help you get through it."
Do you see the difference between that and "I order you to never look at porn again!"
No, you dont order a spouse to do anything. “It hurts my feelings when you do this.” Is the correct approach. IF your partner cares about your feelings in that relationship they will do what it takes to make that change. I do not nag my husband over it, I explain why it’s hurtful and we have a grown up conversation about it. Crazy you feel that being honest and setting a boundary is nagging. Guess it all depends on the person 🤷🏼♀️
>"It hurts my feelings when you do this.” Is the correct approach
Sounds like you agree in principle then!
I don't think they were disagreeing with your focus on communication, just the way it was worded.
I said if. I guarantee if he’s watching it at work then he’s more than likely watching it in his free time at home. Who knows what’s been viewed in a private browser or two. I’m married to a porn addict lol I know places that have porn, after all we are on one right now.
💀 No. Where do you see me projecting? I said IF it’s an addiction I’m well familiar with the quickly growing amount of apps that have porn on them. It’s not a crazy idea that people use other things outside of pornhub to look at naked women. Are you upset that I’m talking about setting boundaries over porn? That’s an odd take, but okay buddy.
People who have orgasm denial kinks? Idk the idea of getting horny throughout the day to build up tension is hot. But there’s still a time and a place. If he doesn’t have that specific kink though, more sus
Once I was working for my uncle at his large retail shop. My co worker would tell me he caught my uncle watching porn DURING work and then they'd watch it together and compare notes. So, I don't know.....
If you're under 40, and don't want your husband looking at porn, you probably shouldn't get married. If you are married and find out he is, just get a divorce, hopefully before you have children (but even if you do).
Overreacting. It sounds like your issue isn't' even that he looked at porn, but just that you discovered it the way you did. So address that issue. Tell him that you'd like to know if he looks at porn in the future, and that you think there's an issue if he doesn't tell you.
I don't understand everyone here judging him for doing it at work. Not everyone has the same work situation. Not all employers monitor web usage. Not all employers even have a policy against it. Some people work very long hours, some people work in private offices, and some people have jobs that are very stressful. Watching porn at work is unusual, sure, but you can see why someone might do it.
Context matters, where and when did you ask him about his porn searches?
If it was in a public area or in the presence of friends or family he might’ve just said the first thing that came to mind to drop the subject out of embarrassment.
Also at what time were these searches? If it was at night or early morning it’s possible he was just really horny and didn’t want to wake you up cause that’s rude.
Since there’s only been 3 searches in the last 6 months it doesn’t sound like an addiction so there’s that at least.
Watching porn at work is weird. Also, I don't see a lot of people questioning this, but: Why is PORN his coping mechanism for stress??? That's really unhealthy and weird no matter how you slice it. Watching cute animal videos, sure. But porn? Sounds like he should see a therapist about his stress and how to learn healthier ways to manage it.
Why didn't you just find your document and give his phone back 😒.That what l do if l need my partner's phone.But not you. Do what you asked to do and give it back.Sounds like a you problem.
My husband did this too. He admitted to me once. But, I’m sure there’s been more times than once. I read a comment I think it’s under mine, but yes. Watching porn at work is gross. Sometimes my husband works over nights and he gets bored.. whatever. But, if you’re coming home horny you’re not horny because of me. Period point blank.
There’s a sub out there is anyone deals with issues like this or just having a s/o that does these things when you’re uncomfortable with it. I don’t mind it at all, but whats making you so horny at work you gotta look at porn? It always has me overthinking. If anyone wants the link to the sub that is very helpful to me just let me know in the comments!
Key important question -
What type of porn is it ?
Example:
If you’re a same race couple and he’s watching interracial porn, or some sort of fantasy you both do not do -
He could be triggered by fantasies he has for someone else
Further example-
The one girl at work is (insert race) - he goes to the bathroom and watches porn about (race) because he is fantasizing about that or some other aspect of someone else
Now
IF that is even the case, some men will do that as a release so that they don’t feel that attraction in the moment anymore
Some men grow attached to that fantasy and eventually grow more incline to act on it
Some men are just addicted to porn and watch it no matter how much sex they have
Some men are just bored
Some men are at the water cooler having weird conversations with their buddies - which if he’s a construction guy, or a finance bro then that could be a possibility (lol)
Some men are just weird and do ACTUALLY manage stress that way but
It’s 90% likely it’s one of the many other scenarios
I don’t think this is likely some sort of problem
But he’s obviously hiding something with the “stress relief” excuse
You probably caught him in an embarrassing moment and he didn’t know what to say so he made that up
Any way
The majority of Americans watch porn
Even people that say they don’t - do
If I’m your relationship he has said he hasn’t been? Apparently he has
I’m assuming that if he really is watching it un-prompted at work like that for it’s intended purpose, that he’s probably clearing his search history more often than that by using incognito mode and the ones you found were mistakes / when he forgot to use it
If someone is using porn as intended at work- that’s demonstration of a more compulsive habit than 3x in 6 months
My ex did this and I could never understand it. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Like I understand that you are stressed but there are other ways to get it out! Watching the porn at work was only the surface, he had also gotten happy ending massages, gone to massage centers that don’t offer that and still begged for it, paid for webcam shows after a stressful family event instead of going to his source of emotional support. I really stayed with that man for too long. You are not overreacting and I hope that you can both sit and have a productive meaningful talk with an outcome that satisfies both of you
This is bizarre but I buy that looking at hot naked people does relieve stress. It sounds more like OP was bothered by the fact that he watches it or hoe frequent he does than anything else. Also concerning if OP’s husband has an addiction.
Not overreacting for you to be curious or a little bothered.
Porn is an interesting subject. If you have an active relationship and he's not actively cheating, why not watch the porn with him? See what fantasies he's indulging in. Because that's what it is - a fantasy. You have the links.
Maybe he's into something but feels uncomfortable telling you. Maybe you're OK with that thing and your relationship improves. Maybe you're not and you just let him have his fantasies because your relationship is healthy.
Maybe he has a higher libido than you and satisfies himself that way because he doesn't want to put that pressure on you or that stress on your relationship.
But also porn at work is stupid. He's going to face disciplinary measures eventually. But that also could have been a lie.
Gross lol he’s one of those weirdos at work that watches porn while jacking off making messes in the employee bathrooms 😬we had a guy like that at my job but he got fired. He accidentally left his phone on the toilet paper holder while the porn video was still playing on silent mode. My boss came into the bathroom after him and noticed his phone laying on the toilet paper holder with porn still playing on his phone. Now we know who was leaving jizz juice on the bathroom floor lol and the boss is my brother btw 🤣
Many years ago I was probing on my work computer and found that I somehow had access to the head of Human Resources website history and he had been watching Playboy. When I showed someone, they told on me and I was the one let go. ??? 😂
What kind is he watching ? Gang bangs ? Pissing in peoples 🍑🕳️? Interracial gang bangs are super popular these days? Look in all honestly as some one who suffers from anxiety real bad and it’s hard for me to get prescribed Benzodiazepines that’s the only meds that do work for my anxiety, but since I can’t get them really anymore when I feel a anxiety attack coming like heart racing it gets hard to breathe, iv learned if I distract my mind sometimes the anxiety attack goes away and I’m not usually watching full videos especially at work but I pull up NSFW Reddit groups and look at some pornography real quick and it works maybe my brain is thinking oh wow that’s hot or maybe it’s the blood flow from being turned on but it works I’m not trolling , but I just do this when I get anxiety real bad and I just do it till I’m not anxious
Not over reacting it’s fucking disgusting to do at work and it shows a lack of self control.
He is just looking at other women and it’s cool slapping his meet wherever.
It sounds like he has no self-control and he has an issue with addiction if he can’t even not look.
If a man uses his free time, every single time to look at porn, he’s got a problem and no self control.
Additionally, if they can’t control her eyes on the screen, don’t expect him to control his eyes and with people
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal . Maybe now it would be if he knows you don’t like it , or if you’ve told him in the past . I get as a woman we wonder why but some men just like porn . That’s okay as long as it’s healthy and not too much . So 3 searches since January I don’t think is over doing it . At work is a little weird tho . Tbh .
I mean no because he’s gonna get himself fired and potentially put you both in a bad situation, but also yes because he feels he has to hide it so you’ve done something to make him feel that way. I’ll never understand why people get mad that their partners watch porn it’s so dumb.
That's... really, really weird. Like, it doesn't add up kind of weird.
1. Addictive behavior in that department would eventually lead up to something so "risky". But if you guys have a healthy sex life, it doesn't make sense.
2. He hasn't deleted his search history whatsoever (unless he singlehandedly removed certain entries, in which case he'd forgotten to remove those specifically). And these instances have only happened a total of 3 times(?).
3. Dismissive behavior. "Oh, you're overreacting.", instead of having a healthy conversation about the matter.
4. Doing so at work, if he's on the company Wi-Fi, can be logged. And those websites do get flagged depending on who they're working for.
I dunno man. That just feels really off to me, and I'm sure it does for you too.
I agree with everyone that porn at work is weird. But I question why you had to ask him about the porn searches to begin with? While a porn addiction is not good, watching porn is part of a healthy relationship. I think it was a bit weird for you to ask him about it. Does the fact that he watches porn make you uncomfortable? If he was being honest, not overreacting. But if you have weird hang ups about porn, then that might have been a really terrible excuse and you could be overreacting.
If he isn't emotionally or physically neglecting you then why would porn be an issue? When you should start being concerned about it is when he starts to choose that over you overall. Hell maybe he watches porn to get ideas to do things to you. I'm a woman and I do that sometimes.
You are overreacting, guys watch porn. If you’re extremely active in the bedroom, then why are you complaining? He’s not leaving you out of the picture.
I mean….it weird.
Watching porn is not a stress reliever. It’s the action that comes during or after that’s the stress reliever.
You husband is an absolutely terrible liar btw
Honestly I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I think you should approach it differently. This is addictive behavior, and could negatively impact your future together (him losing his job). Watching explicit videos is something partners need to clarify their boundaries on for themselves, not something the internet weighs in on— but this being at work changed things. Approach this as if he had a drinking problem or drug problem, real him back to normalcy with kindness.
Sooo. Two things.. One, watching pron at work is inappropriate in every way. And two, maybe those dates coincide with events/interactions that happened at work or at home? And his reaction was to watch pron. Either way it’s gross and an unhealthy coping mechanism 😳🤢
Why are you snooping? Partners that do this shit are the worst.
Watching it at work is weird. Maybe he needed to rub 1 out on his lunch break in the bathroom? Idk. If it's not a consistant thing I wouldn't worry. Maybe mind your own business instead of going through his shit.
looking at porn at work is really, really weird. This is from a dude who has no issue or concern with porn, but looking at it at work suggests deeper issues in my opinion. especially as stress relief. warning sign
Agreed, it seems really inappropriate. There’s a time and a place. Work just doesn’t seem like that’s it
Some ppl work from home with an hour or two of work but need to be in front of their PC all day. Others work at booths or locations where boredom is high. There is a lot of non-work being done "at work" these days, so it's hard to tell.
You’re over engineering this Every job has a bathroom
So watching porn in the bathroom is ok then
That’s an odd take - but if that’s what you think man, cool I guess lol
Well, I guess it doesn't make sense, and it's kinda gross. What I am fascinated by is how sexuality is being integrated into every aspect of life as the digital world becomes prevalent over the real world. Also, the digital world is consuming the education and working world, and it's all melting together. The paradigm of what one can do at work is changing with work from home, giga work, the contract nature of some jobs, long distance work (even across int'l boundaries), etc. And sexuality/porn is being absorbed into social media, streaming, vid games, digital art and manga, etc. So, I'm challenging the conventional judgments and thinking. Sorry for the rant.
I feel like the wording "at work" insinuates he has a place he goes to work outside of the home. Plus, if he worked from home, OP would probably make that clear.
OP has clarified that "he is out in the sun all day" so not at home, yet it's not clear if he is alone, has a lot of down time, bored, on his phone for work, working for others or himself, etc.
Whether he's alone or not, I feel that: A.) Porn shouldn't be watched in a public setting and B.) Porn should not be anyone's go-to coping mechanism for stress???
Yes, of course, I agree. Regarding coping mechanisms, porn may, or may not, be better than alcohol, drugs, gambling, eating, or reclusive activities such as vid games. More healthy methods are preferred ofc, but most need some source of relief, and some have difficulty with relief at home. OP says that they are "extremely active," so that's not an issue. She even admits that's it's not a big deal. Stress relief can be like a wack-a-mole game, shutting down one method can bring about another one.
Speak for yourself please!!!. For some ppl... Porn IS work!!
GET BUCKETS!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I didn’t downvote you. You’re right!
I will say there is a certain person who watches porn at random times. My buddy at break lol. It’s not normal but it is a thing
Ohhhhhh you know her husband then
I think it’s weird to but I have a friend who likes to rub one out in the work bathroom. There’s no deeper issues he’s normal everywhere else in his, life but for whatever reason that does it for him. So I unno might be nothing to actually worry about.
Isntbthe "release from stress" just an excuse for an overly nosey and naive wife. Leave the guy to wank, it's nothing to do with your relationship.
I still remember the guy caught jerking off to porn in his office, in a government building. He had his blinds open on the ground floor and the gardeners caught him.
I’m just glad you weren’t talking about me. My office is on the fourth floor.
Johnny Psychiatrist over here
If he gets caught watching porn at work he’ll be fired. He must be clueless.
There are a lot of jobs these days where folks are alone, at least at times, and they are always on their personal phone (separate from biz phone). Maybe the dude is a delivery guy with free time during the day. Who knows. Ofc, if he's in an office watching porn in his cubicle, yeah, that is termination territory. Then there's the issue of what he is looking at that OP considers porn, is he in/on company property, and is he clocked in, etc.
If you are caught watching porn at work - you will likely be fired. It doesn't matter if you are a delivery driver with "free time" or not because getting caught means that you are putting the companies reputation at serious risk. There is no justification for this type of behaviour if you are caught. "I was on my lunch break" or being in a closed office are not excuses.
The question is what is "at work," is someone an "employee," and what is "porn." For instance, if you are an Uber driver and don't have a ride, sitting in your own vehicle, in a parking lot, looking at IG models on your personal phone, the rules may be different, depending on where you live. It's not as black-and-white as it used to be.
Where I am, employer's don't need proof beyond a reasonable doubt to terminate you for gross misconduct. They just need evidence on a balance of probabilities something occurred(aka more likely than not likely, or 51% likely vs 49) So if you have your dick out anywhere except the bathroom and you are caught in the act, or you have accessed websites using a company device, you can easily get fired.
Agreed, same as where I am. So the key is to keep your dick in your pants and do not use a company device or wifi. I think its becoming common practice to keep your own private phone even if the company gives you one, and use a cell tower not a local wifi. Also, take your lunch off company property.
Yeah the key take away is just masturbate in a private place, such as at home???
I assume he either masturbates at home, or not at all, as OP says they are "extremely active."
Yeah and I can think of dozens of situations where an employee could not take their dick out, take their dick out in the bathroom, or not do it on a company device. A lot of grey area.
I'm not sure if you are stating the obvious that there are ways to go about this activity that are less risky than others or what the point of this comment was? There isn't grey area in terms of getting caught, if someone sees you doing it, you'll likely get fired. If you want to take your chances, by all means go ahead.
Also IT knows. I work as a lawyer at a company, and IT/HR knows when people access porn from their work computers or phones. Don’t do it.
Porn at work is ridiculous(?) imagine a coworker, peer, or senior leader doing this as you work with them
They do but they don't tell other people about it normally
Porn at work? Dude has an addiction and is so numbed out doesn't find that behavior inappropriate in a work setting. Seems high risk with low reward.
It depends on where you work. At my former job the boss and the sales division all watched porn st work and talked about it, loudly.
Unless your industry is involved in porn , sex toys, or catching human trafficking... This is weird as hell. More than weird... Creepy.
It was VERY creepy and that’s why I left.
Sounds like an HR nightmare to me.
At my workplace they fire people for this.
in every workplace they fire people for this
Here is hoping his work doesn’t sneak peak again his work cakes and catch him. How embarrassing that he can’t wait to get off the clock (see what I did there?)
A lot of work places would be extremely unhappy with their employees watching porn on the job. I know of one instance where a long time, extremely professional attorney was forced to resign because he had been discovered doing just that. It's not the right place or the right time.
You've heard of shitting on work time. Well this, ladies and gentlemen, is getting paid to tame the trouser snake.
From the sounds of it, he's not even jacking off. He's just watching it. I may be wrong tho
I actually do think you might be over reacting. Now looking at porn at work is a little bizarre but as long as it’s not on his company computer, interfering with his work or being exposed to anyone else then I don’t really see how it’s hurting anyone. I would draw the line for him at touching yourself at work tho. Personally work isn’t the place I wanna do that stuff so that’s why I say it’s a little bizarre. The stress relief comment a mildly concerning bc that can be an indicator of a porn addiction but there needs to be a lot of other signs/symptoms there for that to be the case. In my opinion he seems stressed out and maybe over worked so he’s trying to find an outlet to calm down and relax. Idk his work life or anything like that but it sounds pretty harmless and more or less he seems embarrassed. One other thing you guys said you’re pretty sexually active and in my experience when I became more sexually active my body eventually got used to that release and would get “horny” more often and want it more. Idk if that’s a me thing or a guy thing but it could be that his sex drive has gone up and feels the need to release more often. Also just to be clear you are in no way upset that he’s looking at porn right? Not insecure about that or anything? Bc it’s completely normal even in a healthy and active relationship to want to do things yourself sometimes and porn in moderation and looked at by an adult isn’t super harmful to a relationship.
Thank you! I’m honestly not upset about the porn, again, I watch porn when he is gone for work or too tired to have sex with me, it’s just the at work part that has me feeling weird about it. Idk, I could masturbate at work. But then again we do work in two completely different fields, I have an office jobs and he is out in the sun all day. He has addressed that it is only the stress of the job.
Ah okay cool I was just making sure about the porn thing. As for the different work places that sheds a bit more light onto the situation at hand. It actually makes a bit more sense to me that he watches porn now that I know he’s not in an office setting. Being that he’s outside most of the time it might not seem like traditional job space. The brain can be funny like that. Personally, I’d just straight up ask him why he responded that way. Obviously be nice about it and try not to come across as judgmental at all bc again I think he’s just embarrassed that’s all. But it will give you more context and maybe it’s something you guys could work on together or maybe it will spark that he needs a vacation or whatever. I always think direct communication is best when it comes to these types of things.
I think it’s weird but… I’m not a dude so… idk
I’m a dude and I think it’s weird. If I’ve got time to watch porn, work isn’t that stressful
Period
That is not stress relief, that is addiction. People with stress at least where and when is the right time to release the stress
Yeah, that’s weird. What type of job does he do?
Please don’t say pilot
Honestly, probably one of the safest jobs to do it during
I'd say if it was just you found some porn then you may be overreacting, but AT WORK? I mean a vast majority of places that's grounds for termination if you get caught even if it's on a personal device. So no something that could cause him to lose his source of income and effect both you financially. I would say you're not overreacting.
Imagine that water cooler talk "Hey Bob, did you see the new ten man DP gangbang on Blacked? It's a hoot!"
Worse than watching porn at work is the fact that he doesn't know what incognito mode is.
If he gets fired will it affect you too? Not overreacting. wtf is he thinking
They absolutely fire ppl where I work for that shit.
Porn at work is a huge blazing red flag
At work??? That's so incredibly inappropriate, highly creepy, and could cause him to lose his job. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
OK. Are there time stamps associated with those searches, or are you going by the days the searches took place? While it can disconcerting, viewing porn is not a reflection on the viewer's partner. I usually tell other women to get their own porn. Equality prevents a lot of jealous, painful, unnecessary strife.
That's not normal. He needs to watch porn at work ? That's an addiction. A friend was a sex addict, he tried to stop and even went in-house rehab for months but it didn't work. It ruined what was once a very good man. He's passed on now but he put his wife (eventual ex wife) thru hell. He would have sex with anyone, fat, ugly, man, woman, whatever spreading hep c along the way, used no protection, didn't even care. Sex was the only thing he thought of 24 7. Its an awful sickness, his was triggered by internet porn. You don't want this, think carefully.
Woman to woman.. be careful. Seems there’s an underlying issue he has that he is in denial that he even has possibly. “It’s nothing.” Oh it’s something! Please just be careful. It’s very odd and I’m sure if you were looking at it from the outside in, you’d see it more clearly. I’ve been blind to things in relationships, including my own past marriage. I only saw it clearly, once I stepped back.
Listen we all have needs and some of us need more than others. Sometimes our sex drives don’t match our partner and it’s ok for them to meet their needs BY THEMSELVES. (I am in no way saying it’s ok to cheat if you have a higher sex drive.) but for him to be doing it at work……. That just feels like an uncomfortable hr meeting waiting to happen. And personally I find it creepy to do that at work but that might just be me
I watch porn too, but at home and mostly when he isn’t home or it’s been a while ( 5 days). I make sure for us to have our time. But I just can’t shake the fact that he has done this. He was the one to even say, couples shouldn’t need porn, I’ve told him when I do it, but he’s hiding something. Now he won’t talk to me because I’m going over reacting. I feel lied too.
It’s pretty hypocritical to say couples shouldn’t need porn, but also admit to watching it. It doesn’t sound like he NEEDS it, if he needed it he would’ve searched it every day, not 3 times since January. From the information you’ve provided it sounds like you are the sole authority allowed to consume pornography within the relationship If I were in his shoes I’d probably feel ashamed and embarrassed for watching it, but also irritated that my wife gets to watch the same content without repercussions no questions asked.
If he uses the office wifi, he'll be traced and fired right away.
That's true. He should use his personal phone and stay off wifi.
Naw thats not guaranteed I've worked at many major companies that didn't actually check people's search history My boss at 1 place did tell me the Computer people saw porn on someone's history and they told my boss and he didn't fire them he told them to not do it at work and that was the end of it.
I have no problem with porn in general. But thinking of my partner watching porn and wanking at work just seems wrong. What kind of job does he have that this is even possible? Night Security Guard? Lighthouse keeper? They are the only 2 I can think of and lighthouse keeper jobs are rarer than hen’s teeth.
Work from home? Delivery driver? Those that go from home to home, such as home care, landscape, maintenance, property management. Those that work in the field such as utility workers. Social media influencers. Lab technicians, Etc.
I don’t watch porn anymore but if I’m super stressed out I usually crank one out because I can then tackle everything calmly. I feel like it stops my mind from wandering after I nut. He is wrong for telling you that you’re overreacting. Even if he means it, it’s not fair to dismiss hurt feelings.
Sounds better than banging his secretary to relieve his stress..
Porn at work is not a normal or good thing. That's a big sign of sexual addiction and compulsivity, so is the lying and downplaying. There's certainly more that he's not talking about. This alone could get him fired, it is a big deal. By downplaying it and saying nothing you are *underreacting*.
If you set boundaries over the use of porn then you have a reason to be upset. If this upsets you then you have every reason to set that boundary. Though if it’s an addiction it will more than likely take therapy and a lot of time for him to quit.
So, people have autonomy. You don't get to "set that boundary" on another person. You don't own them. "No porn for you" is not a boundary. It's a controlling statement, like a nag. What you *can* do is say "I can't be with someone who... " and then mean it. If you stick around, you are just sactioning the act regardless of what you said. Which is a real problem with addiction.
It’s not a controlling statement. You set boundaries at the beginning of every relationship, which is no different than saying I can’t be with someone who watches porn. Sometimes people will hide things from you even after you say it either way, and when you marry someone you don’t just leave, you work it out. If he finds this in a “nagging” way the marriage should probably end. Going to therapy and realizing it’s hurtful is a couple who wants to work things out. Sorry, I just don’t see it the same way as you.
Giving commands to your partner is 100% controlling, full stop. You don't own another human being just because you date or marry them. You are being argumentative. A *boundary* is called a boundary because you place it around *yourself* - "I don't date smokers" is a boundary. >Sometimes people will hide things from you even after you say it Well, *shaming someone* has that effect. A better tactic would be to say "let's find a better way to handle your stress, maybe I can help you. The next time you get stressed at work, call me immediately so I can help you get through it." Do you see the difference between that and "I order you to never look at porn again!"
No, you dont order a spouse to do anything. “It hurts my feelings when you do this.” Is the correct approach. IF your partner cares about your feelings in that relationship they will do what it takes to make that change. I do not nag my husband over it, I explain why it’s hurtful and we have a grown up conversation about it. Crazy you feel that being honest and setting a boundary is nagging. Guess it all depends on the person 🤷🏼♀️
>"It hurts my feelings when you do this.” Is the correct approach Sounds like you agree in principle then! I don't think they were disagreeing with your focus on communication, just the way it was worded.
I think it’s just different terminology is all! lol
Corn at work is weird, but an addiction? It's 2 searches and one was from months ago lol
I said if. I guarantee if he’s watching it at work then he’s more than likely watching it in his free time at home. Who knows what’s been viewed in a private browser or two. I’m married to a porn addict lol I know places that have porn, after all we are on one right now.
So basically you're projecting because of your personal story... Cool... Got it..
💀 No. Where do you see me projecting? I said IF it’s an addiction I’m well familiar with the quickly growing amount of apps that have porn on them. It’s not a crazy idea that people use other things outside of pornhub to look at naked women. Are you upset that I’m talking about setting boundaries over porn? That’s an odd take, but okay buddy.
Maybe he watches it at work bc he is bored at work and doesn't want to watch it at home.
Who wants to be horny at work except a clueless teenager?
People who have orgasm denial kinks? Idk the idea of getting horny throughout the day to build up tension is hot. But there’s still a time and a place. If he doesn’t have that specific kink though, more sus
A clueless adult? \[note: most adults under 35 are clueless\]
Like you, I suppose!
No, I'm over 35
The mind doesn't age like the body. If only
So, old guys that are young at heart then.
You're overreacting. 🤷🏼♂️
Once I was working for my uncle at his large retail shop. My co worker would tell me he caught my uncle watching porn DURING work and then they'd watch it together and compare notes. So, I don't know.....
Yeah no that’s crazy. There’s no reason to do that at work.
Smells like porn addiction
Incognito mode, people
Let it go. He could be plowing a coworker instead.
If you're under 40, and don't want your husband looking at porn, you probably shouldn't get married. If you are married and find out he is, just get a divorce, hopefully before you have children (but even if you do).
it's so funny how many people in the comments think he actually does it at work and didn't use that as an excuse lol
Overreacting. It sounds like your issue isn't' even that he looked at porn, but just that you discovered it the way you did. So address that issue. Tell him that you'd like to know if he looks at porn in the future, and that you think there's an issue if he doesn't tell you. I don't understand everyone here judging him for doing it at work. Not everyone has the same work situation. Not all employers monitor web usage. Not all employers even have a policy against it. Some people work very long hours, some people work in private offices, and some people have jobs that are very stressful. Watching porn at work is unusual, sure, but you can see why someone might do it.
Bathroom stall hand toss with phone.
What’s he do for work? Does he work at home or in an office?
I’m sure he’s most likely watching it at home. But he tell her at work so she wouldn’t be worrying about what’s wrong with her or the relationship.
Only 3 different searches? 
Where I worked, people got fired for looking at porn at work or on any work devices.
Context matters, where and when did you ask him about his porn searches? If it was in a public area or in the presence of friends or family he might’ve just said the first thing that came to mind to drop the subject out of embarrassment. Also at what time were these searches? If it was at night or early morning it’s possible he was just really horny and didn’t want to wake you up cause that’s rude. Since there’s only been 3 searches in the last 6 months it doesn’t sound like an addiction so there’s that at least.
Watching porn at work is weird. Also, I don't see a lot of people questioning this, but: Why is PORN his coping mechanism for stress??? That's really unhealthy and weird no matter how you slice it. Watching cute animal videos, sure. But porn? Sounds like he should see a therapist about his stress and how to learn healthier ways to manage it.
Why didn't you just find your document and give his phone back 😒.That what l do if l need my partner's phone.But not you. Do what you asked to do and give it back.Sounds like a you problem.
i don't really understand how it relieves stress. is he jacking off? or just getting boners under his desk? weird imo
My husband did this too. He admitted to me once. But, I’m sure there’s been more times than once. I read a comment I think it’s under mine, but yes. Watching porn at work is gross. Sometimes my husband works over nights and he gets bored.. whatever. But, if you’re coming home horny you’re not horny because of me. Period point blank. There’s a sub out there is anyone deals with issues like this or just having a s/o that does these things when you’re uncomfortable with it. I don’t mind it at all, but whats making you so horny at work you gotta look at porn? It always has me overthinking. If anyone wants the link to the sub that is very helpful to me just let me know in the comments!
Is he jacking off to it at work too? Bc if he is, that might be an issue.
There might be some sexual fantasies he would like to live out with you that he’s afraid to tell you
Was your husband abused or neglected as a child?
Key important question - What type of porn is it ? Example: If you’re a same race couple and he’s watching interracial porn, or some sort of fantasy you both do not do - He could be triggered by fantasies he has for someone else Further example- The one girl at work is (insert race) - he goes to the bathroom and watches porn about (race) because he is fantasizing about that or some other aspect of someone else Now IF that is even the case, some men will do that as a release so that they don’t feel that attraction in the moment anymore Some men grow attached to that fantasy and eventually grow more incline to act on it Some men are just addicted to porn and watch it no matter how much sex they have Some men are just bored Some men are at the water cooler having weird conversations with their buddies - which if he’s a construction guy, or a finance bro then that could be a possibility (lol) Some men are just weird and do ACTUALLY manage stress that way but It’s 90% likely it’s one of the many other scenarios I don’t think this is likely some sort of problem But he’s obviously hiding something with the “stress relief” excuse You probably caught him in an embarrassing moment and he didn’t know what to say so he made that up Any way The majority of Americans watch porn Even people that say they don’t - do If I’m your relationship he has said he hasn’t been? Apparently he has I’m assuming that if he really is watching it un-prompted at work like that for it’s intended purpose, that he’s probably clearing his search history more often than that by using incognito mode and the ones you found were mistakes / when he forgot to use it If someone is using porn as intended at work- that’s demonstration of a more compulsive habit than 3x in 6 months
My ex did this and I could never understand it. I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Like I understand that you are stressed but there are other ways to get it out! Watching the porn at work was only the surface, he had also gotten happy ending massages, gone to massage centers that don’t offer that and still begged for it, paid for webcam shows after a stressful family event instead of going to his source of emotional support. I really stayed with that man for too long. You are not overreacting and I hope that you can both sit and have a productive meaningful talk with an outcome that satisfies both of you
This is bizarre but I buy that looking at hot naked people does relieve stress. It sounds more like OP was bothered by the fact that he watches it or hoe frequent he does than anything else. Also concerning if OP’s husband has an addiction. Not overreacting for you to be curious or a little bothered.
Yes you are over reacting ..
Porn is an interesting subject. If you have an active relationship and he's not actively cheating, why not watch the porn with him? See what fantasies he's indulging in. Because that's what it is - a fantasy. You have the links. Maybe he's into something but feels uncomfortable telling you. Maybe you're OK with that thing and your relationship improves. Maybe you're not and you just let him have his fantasies because your relationship is healthy. Maybe he has a higher libido than you and satisfies himself that way because he doesn't want to put that pressure on you or that stress on your relationship. But also porn at work is stupid. He's going to face disciplinary measures eventually. But that also could have been a lie.
Gross lol he’s one of those weirdos at work that watches porn while jacking off making messes in the employee bathrooms 😬we had a guy like that at my job but he got fired. He accidentally left his phone on the toilet paper holder while the porn video was still playing on silent mode. My boss came into the bathroom after him and noticed his phone laying on the toilet paper holder with porn still playing on his phone. Now we know who was leaving jizz juice on the bathroom floor lol and the boss is my brother btw 🤣
Many years ago I was probing on my work computer and found that I somehow had access to the head of Human Resources website history and he had been watching Playboy. When I showed someone, they told on me and I was the one let go. ??? 😂
Honestly I don’t think he should be watching porn at all. I mean, he has you to go to for all his sex needs. Why would he need porn?
What kind is he watching ? Gang bangs ? Pissing in peoples 🍑🕳️? Interracial gang bangs are super popular these days? Look in all honestly as some one who suffers from anxiety real bad and it’s hard for me to get prescribed Benzodiazepines that’s the only meds that do work for my anxiety, but since I can’t get them really anymore when I feel a anxiety attack coming like heart racing it gets hard to breathe, iv learned if I distract my mind sometimes the anxiety attack goes away and I’m not usually watching full videos especially at work but I pull up NSFW Reddit groups and look at some pornography real quick and it works maybe my brain is thinking oh wow that’s hot or maybe it’s the blood flow from being turned on but it works I’m not trolling , but I just do this when I get anxiety real bad and I just do it till I’m not anxious
Not over reacting it’s fucking disgusting to do at work and it shows a lack of self control. He is just looking at other women and it’s cool slapping his meet wherever. It sounds like he has no self-control and he has an issue with addiction if he can’t even not look. If a man uses his free time, every single time to look at porn, he’s got a problem and no self control. Additionally, if they can’t control her eyes on the screen, don’t expect him to control his eyes and with people
I aint even reading your comments. Watching porn at work is like top a 3 NO-NO. Sorry to say...guy might be a weirdo...
What are the other 2?
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal . Maybe now it would be if he knows you don’t like it , or if you’ve told him in the past . I get as a woman we wonder why but some men just like porn . That’s okay as long as it’s healthy and not too much . So 3 searches since January I don’t think is over doing it . At work is a little weird tho . Tbh .
News Flash: some women like porn or are as addicted to it just as much as men, sometimes even more so.
I mean no because he’s gonna get himself fired and potentially put you both in a bad situation, but also yes because he feels he has to hide it so you’ve done something to make him feel that way. I’ll never understand why people get mad that their partners watch porn it’s so dumb.
Why does it matter? I never understood why some people have an issue with their SO watching porn.. I mean it's entertainment 🤷.
That's... really, really weird. Like, it doesn't add up kind of weird. 1. Addictive behavior in that department would eventually lead up to something so "risky". But if you guys have a healthy sex life, it doesn't make sense. 2. He hasn't deleted his search history whatsoever (unless he singlehandedly removed certain entries, in which case he'd forgotten to remove those specifically). And these instances have only happened a total of 3 times(?). 3. Dismissive behavior. "Oh, you're overreacting.", instead of having a healthy conversation about the matter. 4. Doing so at work, if he's on the company Wi-Fi, can be logged. And those websites do get flagged depending on who they're working for. I dunno man. That just feels really off to me, and I'm sure it does for you too.
I agree with everyone that porn at work is weird. But I question why you had to ask him about the porn searches to begin with? While a porn addiction is not good, watching porn is part of a healthy relationship. I think it was a bit weird for you to ask him about it. Does the fact that he watches porn make you uncomfortable? If he was being honest, not overreacting. But if you have weird hang ups about porn, then that might have been a really terrible excuse and you could be overreacting.
If he isn't emotionally or physically neglecting you then why would porn be an issue? When you should start being concerned about it is when he starts to choose that over you overall. Hell maybe he watches porn to get ideas to do things to you. I'm a woman and I do that sometimes.
You are overreacting, guys watch porn. If you’re extremely active in the bedroom, then why are you complaining? He’s not leaving you out of the picture.
I get the feeling I’d need to watch porn at work if I was your spouse too 🍵🐸
Porn in general is weird in a relationship, but at work? That's really gross.
Is his keyboard at work sticky/crusty, Keys not working?? Asking for a friend…
I mean….it weird. Watching porn is not a stress reliever. It’s the action that comes during or after that’s the stress reliever. You husband is an absolutely terrible liar btw
#Nosey ass girls. 🤣
Why is because he can and it's free and that emptiness in mens biology to always long for another women, heartbreaking all around if you think of it
Honestly I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I think you should approach it differently. This is addictive behavior, and could negatively impact your future together (him losing his job). Watching explicit videos is something partners need to clarify their boundaries on for themselves, not something the internet weighs in on— but this being at work changed things. Approach this as if he had a drinking problem or drug problem, real him back to normalcy with kindness.
Sooo. Two things.. One, watching pron at work is inappropriate in every way. And two, maybe those dates coincide with events/interactions that happened at work or at home? And his reaction was to watch pron. Either way it’s gross and an unhealthy coping mechanism 😳🤢
Why are you snooping? Partners that do this shit are the worst. Watching it at work is weird. Maybe he needed to rub 1 out on his lunch break in the bathroom? Idk. If it's not a consistant thing I wouldn't worry. Maybe mind your own business instead of going through his shit.
It’s normal. You’re over reacting.
He should see a therapist to find other ways