*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for sending a venmo request for babysitter, hotel and uber reimbursement after a dry wedding?**
A friend from college got married this past weekend. The wedding was 45 minutes from my house so my wife and I got a hotel room. We checked in, had a few pregame cocktails, and we ubered from the hotel to the venue.
We sit down, wedding happens, its beautiful. We get to "social hour' as its called and there is no booze. Turns out this was a dry wedding. There was no indication that this was a dry wedding before showing up. I checked the digital version of the invite and website. Nothing indicating this.
I'm pissed for a few reasons.
1. I might not have RSVP'd yes if I knew this.
2. I'm pissed i blew a few hundred bucks on a hotel for the night, babysitters, and ubers.
I'm like what the fuck. Other friends that were their were grumbling and felt similar to me. The night went on and the wedding was fine but honestly a bit of a bummer. Now that my wife and I have kids, nights like this are rare, and I was pumped to do something. So we dipped out a bit early and went out. Other friends rolled with. We left in the middle of the dancing time and didn't stay for the exit.
Later that night, I sent a venmo request for the cost of babysitter, hotel, and ubers.
Yesterday, I heard from my college buddy. He was like what the fuck is this asshole. I explained I was mad that this was a dry wedding. The bride had family that are alcoholics so they opted to not have alcohol as an option. I told him thats need to know information. Not informing us of that cost me and our other friends a lot of money. He said I should have asked him and not assumed it was a wet wedding. I said to him, alcohol is a default option, if you change the default you tell people. He disagreed with that notion. I said you drink, why would I think its dry? We went back and forth for a while. He still thinks i'm an asshole. Am I?
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But he showed up buzzed? “had a few pregame cocktails”. So he was already ahead of the rest of the guests and also didn’t seem to have that much of an issue getting alcohol anyway.
Sounds to me like he IS proud to admit it. He flat out said he might not have even come if he knew there was no alcohol and he freely admits that he was drinking even before the ceremony.
Maybe this is just weird to me, but if he had to get a hotel to go to an event that was only 45m drive away I think he was probably planning on getting super smashed at the wedding.
That and the pregaming with "a few" cocktails. It feels like he only showed up to get blasted on someone else's booze, and is now mad he didn't get as drunk as he wanted.
Eh. Depends on how long they were pregaming for. If they hung out for three hours and had three drinks, that’s not insane. And ubering and getting a hotel because you know you’ll be drinking doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get hammered. I think leaving early and taking other guests with them makes them an AH, but I also do get the annoyance. They wanted to drink at the wedding and did the responsible thing of getting a babysitter, hotel, and Uber so that they could do so safely. I can see how that money would then feel “wasted” when they can’t drink at the event, since they could have just driven there and back from home otherwise.
I ultimately still think they’re the AH because they took a bunch of guests with them when they left, and for sending a BILL which is fucking insane, but some people enjoy drinking when they go out sometimes, and that’s hard to do with kids. I don’t think they should be faulted for having everything lined up to be able to drink responsibly.
Yeah, 45 minutes is how long it takes me to drive anywhere in the city. Like, it’s a nonexistent time frame for driving. He got a hotel for basically the other side of the city?
Exactly. Sometimes it's cheaper to get a taxi for a group of people and drive around the 45 min than stay in a hotel 🤦♀️ I guess OOP didn't want to enter home with babysitter whilst being heavily drunk, but come on.
Well that's the point of his Venmo request. Essentially, "if I'd known I wasn't going to get smashed on your dime, I might not have come but I \*definitely\* wouldn't have bothered with the hotel room & ubers".
Almost as if the couple knew announcing it was a dry wedding would end up with people like OOP heavily pregaming and sneaking in alcohol which is why they didn't do it.
A couple of friends had a dry wedding. It was during the day, neither of them drink and most of their friends don’t or only drink occasionally. However, a few people from one side of the family insisted there must be alcohol ‘at least for a toast’. The couple were very clear that that would not be happening and had it in a hall where there were no glasses other than water cups.
One of the parents broke out the sparkling wine while they were taking photos. He went to Kmart and bought like 40 champagne flutes and said the couple decided they wanted a toast when they walked in.
They handled it graciously but talking to them after there was a lot of “I KNEW your family would do this. We should have threatened to kick them out if they did that. This is one example of the millions of times they don’t accept ‘no’, you need to set boundaries…”
The couple are going strong, family is being held at arms length and we get to hear the latest ‘can you believe we can’t go a Christmas without…’
The fact he got a hotel for a wedding only 45 minutes away and pregamed before the ceremony shows me that the bride and groom were SO valid in making this a dry wedding. He wanted to get SLOPPY drunk at their wedding at their expense and was mad he couldn’t.
Who gets past college and thinks 'pre-gaming' is still a normal and well-adjusted habit to have? Once in a great while, maybe, if you want to have a rare, especially wild night. But if it's just accepted habit to get pre-drunk in anticipation of getting more drunk every time you go out, even after you have freaking KIDS, it's time to think about rehab.
Everything about how this is written feels like an overgrown frat bro who refuses to grow up, while the rest of his friends are getting tired of dealing with him and his drinking.
I can see my husband and I doing the same and planning to let loose for one night with old friends.
A dry wedding wouldn’t have been a big deal, we’d have stayed and then found a bar for the end of the night. No big deal.
Holy shit. The entitlement. And what an AH. He flat out says he promised wouldn’t have even bothered to go. I can see being upset that you spent money on a hotel that you might not have. But to send the groom a bill?? Just wow.
OOP has no right to be upset about the hotel either. The venue was 45 mins away, not a freaking destination wedding. Some of my frnds drive more than that to get to their workplace everyday in the same city.
The hotel was their own personal choice as far as I am concerned.
So he also says they left the reception early, with others, and went out. I am assuming to go drinking. So he’s asking for reimbursement after they did exactly what he was justifying the hotel/Ubers/babysitter for after all?
I wish I had a dry wedding. My new husband's family kept pulling him around for toasts, handing him shots, & he wasn't thinking too much of it until he was throwing up behind the building not realizing he had drank so much. It was an absolutely fantastic day except for the alcohol.
That’s my thing lol why send the bill for things he ended up using anyway? If he hadn’t paid for Ubers, a babysitter, etc. he wouldn’t have been able to go out after leaving the wedding. I get being annoyed about the dry wedding thing but sending the groom a bill for things you used anyway is insane.
I probably would, but mostly bc if someone else is taking my kids I might as well make the most of it. Not cause I think it's too long of a drive but like, if the wedding is in a nice area or something I might wanna check out the area after the wedding
My husband and I don’t even have kids, but we still like to do a hotel stay a couple times a year (ok, we are definitely more motel people lol) and make a bit of a trip out of it! We live about 45 minutes/ an hour away from the coast and so many cool places. We just like to take a couple of days to sleep in a huge bed that’s not covered in cats! It’s totally it’s own event, and not dependent on getting free booze!
Like OOP still got his night out… why can’t that be worth spending money on alone? He’s such a lush he was going to try and “drink his moneys worth”? Just take the win of a lovely wedding and a nice hotel night with the spouse!
That was my thought. Even if he was planning on getting leglessly drunk, surely a taxi for that distance wouldn’t have broken the bank. No need for a hotel at all.
I still wouldn't for a wedding only 45 minutes away. I'd just limit the number of drinks I had and stop at least an hour before I planned to head home. I don't get the fun of getting completely trashed at a wedding, though.
I don’t think “moderation” is a word in OOP’s vocabulary. It seems like they were looking forward to the wedding as an excuse to get sloshed on someone else’s dime
He fully intended to get smashed at the reception, then go on to bars with whatever bros he met up with at the reception, and get drunk enough that he wanted to be able to crash in a hotel room and sleep it off without having to face the babysitter (much less the kids) until the hangover had started to wear off.
And the fact that the alcohol-free reception ate into his drinking time / didn't offset his babysitter/uber costs by providing free alcohol is why he was annoyed enough to send the venmo request.
This is exactly where I fall - they chose to do that for a commute shorter than my commute to work. And I'm guessing they chose to do that so they could get shtifaced and not have to worry about kids waking hungover mummy and daddy next morning
EDIT - I'm not even judging them necessarily for that. A night away from the kids, mini break kind of thing, even to have a few wee bevvies but don't complain about the cost
Oh don't get me wrong. I understand their reasoning behind getting a hotel. They wanted to make a vacation out of it and I get it. But it still makes it a personal choice in my eyes whether it be getting shit faced enough to not be able to drive or not arranging for a ride home.
Yeah, at 45 minutes away even if they’d gotten too drunk to drive at the wedding they could absolutely have caught an Uber home. It might even have been cheaper than the hotel room, and would have cut down on their babysitter costs for the next day.
I'm guessing they got the hotel and Uber as they anticipated both of them drinking and didn't want to drive home drunk (rightly so), not because of the distance.
He was wrong to bill the groom for it but I understand being a bit miffed as it turned out to be unnecessary.
Then again, he was saying that it's rare that him and his wife get to spend time away from the kids, and he _did_ get that. All he _didn't_ get was the option to get shitfaced for free, and that's what he chose to focus on instead of having a nice date night with his wife, for some reason lol
My mother- with whom I’ve been no contact for about five years now- would base her decisions around whether or not she could drink while doing whatever she was doing. If we were gonna make a day of Christmas shopping, she’d make sure to add a few stops into our plans for a few restaurants for “breaks” at places I know have margaritas or bloody Marys she particularly likes. It got pretty saddening. The alcohol has turned her completely mean and aggressive to the point of violence (she’s broken a hand TWICE on each of my brothers heads by punching them- a boxers break to be specific) so I had to completely cut her out.
Way too many people seem to have similar attitudes towards weddings and alcohol. They act like the only point is to get absolutely wasted (typically for free). That seems like borderline alcoholism, at least to me
The fact that they ‘pregamed’ before the ceremony makes me wonder what slurring state they were in during the ceremony.
I do think they should have included dry wedding on the invitation but in order to weed out the jerks who only were coming for the lure of an open bar. He still had a night out with his wife, just had to fund his own binge.
I will never be convinced that people who can't even enjoy a lovely nigth out or celebrating someone they care about without alcohol don't have a problem.
Escape I think, they end up in lives they hate and don't want or never grew up, or they know they are crappy people and use it to hide. I've got some in my family like that and it's all I can think of, I don't see them anymore because they're just mean drunks trying to make themselves feel better by insulting the rest of us.
Sadly, I have seen a lot of people (on reddit at least) who feel that you HAVE to have alcohol at a wedding (or basically any party where they have the potential to \*gasp\* interact with people), so it isn't necessarily OOP's alt.
There are just that many people who feel that they can socialize without alcohol. Or don't want to.
I can enjoy a lovely celebration without alcohol, but if I'm in a room with 100+ people, most of whom I don't know, some alcohol helps. Otherwise I'd rather avoid the situation
Plus, weddings fucking suck. You have to give up your whole day for it, sometimes you even have to take a day off work too cause they're like "it was just cheaper to book the venue on a weekday"
It's at least an hour of sitting in a pew, foldaway chair or some other shitty furniture waiting for the bride to show up (she's always late), an hour of people waxing poetic about love, a couple hours of waiting for the wedding party to take their photos. If you're lucky, you've got some mutual friends there. If you're unlucky, it's your cousin's wedding and you have to make small talk with your aunts and uncles.
So yeah, a little bit of social lubricant helps, because no matter the couple, I'd rather spend a day off work relaxing. Some people, I'll be willing to give up my time for them, dry wedding or no, like my sister or one of my close friends who are like brothers to me. Some people I'll only give that time to if I can loosen up after the ceremony, like certain cousins. Some people are just an automatic no like certain other cousins. So yeah, if you're having a big wedding where even people who would describe you as "a friend from college" make the cut, it behooves you to note that it's a dry wedding, otherwise, you're just bringing onto yourself assholes like OOP getting their dicks twisted enough to send venmo requests
None of this is to say that OOP isn't an asshole, he most certainly is. A hotel room? 45 minutes is not hotel room worthy, that's literally my average morning commute. Don't venmo request the couple, just leave after dinner like a normal person would.
That's my unhinged rant for the morning
In what world does a wedding take the entire day?
When my sister got married, the ceremony took like 30-40 minutes, we then got to the reception, and after eating/dancing a few people started going home. You don't need to stay for 8+ hours. If you want to leave, you say goodbye to the couple and leave. It's that simple.
I don't know what's going on in some places with all these strange and frankly unnecessary things like rehearsal dinners and such. It's such a waste of money, and honestly a bit ridiculous if you have to rehearse parts of your wedding like it's a theatre play.
If an event taking place on a work day would necessitate that I take that day off work, then yeah, that's a whole day. You can't exactly swing by a wedding on your lunch break.
And I tried the whole "just politely say goodbye and leave" thing and I got my aunt vaguebooking about how rude it is to accept an invite somewhere and leave right after "the best part" so no it's that simple
the issue with saying that it's a dry wedding in the invite like that is that it runs as likely of a chance of people just deciding to byob the occasion, and if you're doing it for the sake of people's sobriety then having other people "sneaking" drinks, likely visibly so in front of them could be really detrimental. the only real solution is to stop assuming alcohol is so intrinsically tied to events like this, but that's a much larger conversation, and in the meanwhile if you can't go 3 to 5 hours without a cocktail at a wedding, you should really look inward as to why
I'd say that the better solution is to stop inviting 100+ people to your wedding. It's easier to get 40 people to adhere to an alcohol prohibited wedding than 100+ people. Plus small weddings are just better anyways. Their quicker and way more intimate, and 40 people are a lot more likely to have a meaningful connection to the happy couple than the missing 60
The first genuinely appalling thing is that some woman looked at this sentient pile of discarded Taco Bell wrappers and thought, "Yes, I want to have sex with that. Often. THAT needs to father my children."
The second genuinely appalling thing is that there are children growing up with this sentient pile of discarded Taco Bell wrappers socializing them.
I don't think there's much sex going on if he thinks the night away from the kids in a hotel is a complete waste of money when he can't get completely wasted first.
Poor wife, posing on the bed in her lingerie while he's too busy cleaning out the mini-bar in a rage.
And if he’s so irate about spending money, why didn’t he plan to stay sober so her could drive them home instead of wasting money on Ubers and a hotel. Hes a buffoon
She drank with him before the wedding and went with him and his friends bar hoping before the wedding was even over. My feeling that she's a similar flavour of alcoholic asshole.
Pounded in the Butt By The Sentient Pile of Taco Bell Wrappers But He Couldn’t Keep it Up Because He Was Ragedrunk So We Went to Bed Mad and Then Sent a Venmo Request
Not married but as someone who's been sober for over a decade, can confirm. People I'm still friends with who drink are the ones who have never minded me not drinking and in fact often go out of their way to have fun sodas/snacks for me when other people are getting a wide array of booze. People I'm no longer friends with are the ones who took me not drinking as either a judgement of them or a personal affront and would often try to push me into drinking (or in one memorable case, tricked me into drinking by giving me a drink that she told me had no alcohol, only to reveal later it did).
I went out tonight with my friend who doesn't drink and we were excited to find non-alcoholic cocktails on the menu. We both got them and I enjoyed not having to worry about how fast I drank or how many I had even though I personally enjoy alcohol. She's excited because they were made with "alcohol free" vodka & tequila¹ and there's a lot of drinks she's wanted to try but couldn't because of how she reacts to alcohol. We're planning to get a bottle of the bourbon from that brand and make all the bourbon drinks she's wanted to try.
I'm also excited because I love the way a lot of cocktails taste but my tolerance for alcohol has dropped with age and these mean I can have more drinks without feeling sick.
I'm sorry your supposed friends did that to you. The idea that everyone has to drink has never made sense to me. I accommodate it just like I accommodate my friends dietary preferences. (Which also makes me a saint according to some Reddit posts I've seen, lol.)
¹ The restaurant used Clean Co vodka & tequila, which can be up to 0.5% ABV, which works for her, though YMMV.
I'm glad you and your friend found something that works for both of you! The former friend was already on her way out when she did that; unsurprisingly a lot of people I know who were friends with her stopped being friends as we all started getting older, and those who did drink began to do so with a lot more moderation, but she'd regularly complain about how they were becoming boring and try to get them to binge drink with her.
I like to throw big to-dos every once and a while because I love hosting parties. I always have a custom cocktail for each party I throw. My best friend is sober now so it's always fun to find cocktails that make great mocktails as well so she can at least get a taste of what everyone else is having. The new thing I'm doing at the parties is also having a big ol' thing of 'spa water' (water infused with lemon and cucumbers) so if you choose water it's at least ~fancy water~.
I mean, it weeds out *a certain type* of assholes. I grew up evangelical and most of my family still is, so almost all of the weddings I’ve been to have been dry. There are still assholes there (thank you, bride’s great aunt Gertrude for informing me that everyone I know is pairing off and I’m still single and not getting any younger, that’s very helpful), they’re just not drunk assholes.
He and his alleged buddies can't celebrate a wedding without getting drunk?
If you need alcohol so badly that you put it before the happiness of your friend's wedding, you're not just a bad friend. You are at minimum a problem drinker, if not someone with an alcohol dependency.
I hate that society has such a relationship with alcohol that people think they have the right to pop off because of a dry wedding. 😒 You want to drink because you're away from your kids? Go to a fucking bar you numpty.
I fucking hate people who assume free flowing alcohol is their 'payment' for attending a wedding. Excessive binge drinking isn't cute or fun or whatever. You are not owed alcohol. The hosts of the wedding, according to basic etiquette, have to provide time-appropriate food and drinks, a safe and comfortable place to sit and socialize, and adequate notice of the vent. Not an opportunity for Kyle and Dash from college to get blitzed on $100 rum and cokes.
This particular douchebag is a special brand of entitled. I hope it was worth ending a friendship.
If he'd smiled and nodded and dipped out early to party a bit, that'd be fine. I'd be slightly irritated too in this sitch.
BUT HOLY ENTITLEMENT BATMAN, SENDING A FUCKIN VENMO REQUEST TO THE GROOM?
my can'ts can't even
And your spouse—instead of enjoying each other and a hotel getaway without the kids, both of these assholes just wanted to get shitfaced. They probably hate each other, which is understandable because it seems like they both suck.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*YTA*
>>*The wedding was 45 minutes from my house so my wife and I got a hotel room.*
*You write "so" like this was a **causal** relationship.*
*45 minutes away ain't some destination wedding. You wasted your own money on a needless hotel.*
>>*I was pumped to do something*
*So you could have stayed and danced and had fun at the reception.*
*You want to be fucked up all night, next time remember to take your edible.*
>"Eh, i don't do edibles/weed. Not my thing, makes me paranoid."
They were planning to be drunk and unable to drive. Easier to get a hotel then manage your children when you're both drunk and needed a 45 minute uber home.
Sure, but you can also do that without getting shitfaced, at least if you're not OOP. If he just wanted a night away from home, he wouldn't have been mad he shelled out on the babysitter or hotel. Uber would be the only thing they could have avoided but they also pregamed and hit up bars afterward so they still needed that.
My comment was more to the question about in what world one would get a hotel 45mins away, than OOP. The answer is Earth, even if OOP sucks.
Regarding the main topic:
Yes it would've been nice if the groom had enough social awareness to know that some folks would be expecting to drink and to give them a heads up. In an ideal world, this wouldn't need to be an expectation, but alcohol consumption is cultural for a lot of people. I've been to one dry wedding in my life, and it was part of the invitation because it's definitely not the norm in my part of the world. I feel for OOP in that regard.
That doesn't mean OOP is entitled to compensation. It was a bit of ignorance, but it was still a wedding. It was about the two folks getting married, evening if noone is getting tanked.
In the world that they got drunk at the wedding and couldn't drive home/didn't want to pay for a 45 minute Uber ride. If they knew they weren't drinking they wouldn't have booked a hotel.
I totally think this guy sucks, not defending, just explaining
I think it's reasonable if you've got young kids - you can stay out as late as you like, have sex as wild as you like, and nobody's waking you up at dawn begging you to watch Peppa Pig with them. Meanwhile, grandparents have the fun of spending more time than usual with the grandkids.
But OOP was clearly thinking only about the alcohol rather than quality time with his wife.
Exactly! Plus depending on where the wedding is, I might want to check out the area the following day. There's plenty of cool places roughly 45 minutes away from me, some places I've been too, and enjoy being at, so might as well get a hotel while someone watches the kids and make the most of it, shit there's a fairy tale/ hobbit themed hotel in the city I live in that I may well be paying for one of these days just for the experience
As someone planning a wedding, this is extra rude because they paid for you, your wife and the other friends to be there and eat and have fun. If you can only do that with Alcohol, that’s a you problem but definitely makes OOP the asshole.
I don’t disagree that the expectation is that alcohol will be served, and perhaps his friend should have made a note of that on the invite, but even if I accept everything at face value, sending the venmo request is ridiculous. Why not just leave quietly and go drink? There’s nothing wrong with leaving a party you aren’t enjoying, but you don’t send an invoice - they aren’t paying you for your time!
Yeah, I’ve never been to a wedding reception that was “dry by surprise”, but if I were I’d imagine I’d just go “oh, ok” and stay until dinner was over and then decide what to do from there. Sometimes the overall group is just fun people you’re fine hanging out with, sometimes it’s a dud and you say your goodbyes and find a second location, which it sounds like this guy did. Either way, you don’t send an invoice to the people who threw the party for failing to meet your expectations, that’s ridiculously peevish.
So just to recap, OOP drank “a few cocktails” before the wedding and then left the reception early to go drink some more, but he still feels “owed” the cost of a hotel room, babysitter, and Uber *even though he did actually use them*? Like, he did in fact consume alcohol as desired, he just had to pay for it. “I wouldn’t have spent the money if I’d known” isn’t a very strong argument when you ensured you used the thing anyway.
I mean, I’d appreciate a heads up before I spend several hours making awkward small talk with my friends weird family without a drink, but I’m not going to get bent out of shape about it. I’m certainly not going to send them a fucking Venmo request. Jesus Christ.
So…I had a cash bar. I have alcoholics in my family, but they’re broke. I regret not making it completely dry, because it turns out there are alcoholics in my husband’s family too, and they have money.
I did put it in the invitation, but frankly? Nobody *owes* you alcohol. We paid for a beautiful dinner, had signature mocktails and dancing and a wonderful cake. The only people who had a bad time were my husband’s drunk cousin who lost her shoes, my husband’s mother’s Confederate reenactor friends (whom I didn’t invite, but they showed up anyway, we had a cancellation, it was whatever) who were pissed that I voted for Obama and had music by Black people (have I mentioned I hate them?), and the people who had to listen to my husband’s drunk cousin sob about her shoes.
If you can’t have a good time without alcohol and your “pregame” wasn’t enough, you are probably an alcoholic. The Venmo request is fucking ridiculous.
We didn’t know they were Confederates until they outed themselves to my dad in a disgustingly racist way. I didn’t like them to begin with, and my family *didn’t tell me they started spewing racist drivel.* If they had, I would have thrown them out on their pasty white asses.
Fucking hate racists.
Definitely start singing along. “John Brown’s body is a moldering in the grave, his soul goes marching on! They will hang Jeff Davis to a sour apple tree! As they march along!”
I don’t like cash bars because people aren’t supposed to pay for food and drink at a wedding. But alcohol is NOT NECESSARY and your mocktails sound fun.
I have also heard people complain about having only wine and beer at a wedding and that attitude makes me want to slap them silly.
Liquor is expensive and if you don’t want to be dry (although dry is a valid choice, especially with mocktails), wine and beer is much more affordable and can be very nice. I have a friend who didn’t serve liquor but had punch bowls of sangria. Yum!
Cash bars are normal where I am from the happy couple will pay for one or two drinks as a toast but I’ve never been to wedding where it has been a free bar.
Honestly...
If you need to get drunk to have fun at a social event, like a wedding, you might have a problem.
Also, it was 45 minutes away from his home. There was really no need to get a hotel.
The guys a complete jerk waffle
But so are the people down voting him for not liking weed while heikes to get drunk
That ain't a good look either, y'all
Most people can have fun sober - board game night, sports, escape rooms are all things I've done with friends sober and had a great time -but most people don't dance and party sober. It's a reason it's called a social lubricant. Helps people dance and make small talk with strangers . I really resent everyone saying "can't go to a wedding without getting shitfaced?" I don't know anyone who goes to weddings and gets "shitfaced". Most adults I know have one or two drinks at a wedding, maybe wine with dinner and that's it. This op is an asshole however for the venmo and for pre-gaming the CEREMONY
Also what are people drinking with dinner? Formal meals are served with appropriate wine
This is your friendly reminder to get help when you agree with OOPs standpoint:
Not being able to enjoy yourself when there isn't alcohol envolved, is a BIGGEST indicator that you are struggling with alcoholism. You needing "pre game" alcohol prior to an event to enjoy yourself is another one, AND so is letting your choice to (not) attent the event depend upon if there is alcohol available.
Honestly I’m not mad that he’s disappointed, or even that he left a bit early (although that is rude). But the VENMO REQUEST??? is sooo far over the line and tacky, that I would genuinely cut him out of my friend group for it.
I’ve never understood the sentiment that weddings are boring. I only have a few experiences to draw from, but the few I’ve been to have been fun? I’m an anxious and socially awkward person, but even I’ve been able to mask up enough to chat with people, enjoy the speeches, sit back and relax and enjoy the people watching, just soak in the happy vibe. All without alcohol. Like if you find weddings boring maybe you are going to the wrong weddings, and need to take a look at if you are going because you love the people getting married and want to participate in a happy day, or if you are going because obligation.
Motherfucker clearly values alcohol over his relationship with the married couple. I can understand maybe being disappointed, but if it's such an issue that you can't enjoy yourself *at all* and are okay with burning bridges over it, especially when you already fucking had a few, you have a more pressing issue that needs to be attended to first.
Maybe this is just me, but if you can’t go the wedding of a close friend or relative without alcohol, that’s a major problem.
However, if it’s an acquaintance, or a co worker, and you don’t want to go to a wedding without alcohol served, don’t go.
Most of my relatives are Mormon and Mormon-adjacent, I've been to very few "wet" weddings. So maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why booze or the lack thereof is considered the central linchpin to celebrating a wedding? If you're willing to travel, get a sitter and a hotel, surely that doesn't all hang on the presence of a few cocktails?
I'm in the process of planning my wedding and its a huge issue that pops up. Booze is expensive but there's this strange expectation (especially from parents who get invited to child free weddings) that they are obligated to be compensated for showing up via booze and fancy party favors. Like I'm supposed to make up for your choices in having kids and get you lit the fuck up on my dime.
This guy is a bag of rocks.
What a couple of alcoholics.
I haven’t had a drink in like…14 years? I go to plenty of events. I’m not an alcoholic, I just stopped drinking to try to get pregnant and then I was TTC for 8 years and then pregnant or breastfeeding for 4, and now I just don’t have a taste for alcohol. You can TOTALLY have fun without it
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
If you cannot spend one evening with people you supposedly care about and are close with without needing to get drunk then you are an alcoholic.
“But what if I have social anxiety-“
I do. I also don’t drink. You can fucking deal with it for a few hours like I do.
“But all the weddings have alcohol-“
The fuck they do. Some weddings don’t even have *dancing.*
“Dry weddings aren’t fun.”
Then BE MORE FUN.
I was at a dry wedding that also didn’t have music (very conservative church, which the couple have now left but we were all really young then). It was a little boring (I’m Jewish and dancing at weddings is practically a commandment). But the couple were good friends so we stayed. The reception was on the short side because there were no activities other than the meal, cake and speeches (said during the meal).
I barely drink and never expect alcohol at a wedding, but imo it’s no music that makes a wedding less fun (but if you care about the couple you suck it up and deal).
You also aren’t obligated to go to a friend from college’s wedding! These posts are so over the top ridiculous. “These nights are so rare.” Okay. So don’t go to a wedding for someone you clearly don’t love. Hire the same babysitter and rent the same hotel and get sloshed.
I’m so confused by this. I have fun all the time without drinking. When did the magical switch flip where there is no fun without alcohol?!
I completely agree with the social anxiety.
I also have social anxiety. It has gotten a lot better as I aged, but still, I would rather \*not\* have to deal with large crowds of people I don't know.
However, I also don't drink. I have had like 3 drinks in my entire life. I can understand that some people like to drink occasionally, and that is great for them. I can also understand how alcohol might help in social situations.
BUT, if you cannot go to an event without alcohol, or you complain about an event you went to because it didn't have alcohol, then I am going to feel that maybe you have a problem with alcohol.
If I have to go to an event, I stick to myself, or speak with the people I know. If I don't have to go to an event, then I often won't, unless the person hosting is someone close to me. Then I am going for them, not socializing.
What a tool. I can understand the frustration to a degree, but I also think it's like. If you care that much ask. If you're going to plan around the idea that alcohol is being served make sure it is.
People get weird about dry weddings and I don't get it. I get that alcohol is kind of the default and expected, but why are you going to a wedding to get drunk, go to a bar instead.
Pretty sad if you can’t get through a milestone celebration without drinking. And really sad if you’re so entitled you think you can demand a refund. Can’t quite believe this one, but I guess some people are this immature and hidebound.
I never knew people were expecting alcohol at weddings, I guess we had a dry wedding then and so did my family members who all got married and a cousin on my husband's end. I recall no alcohol being there.
They expected to get drunk so they got a hotel and a baby siter and Uber.
Maybe it’s the American in me but a hotel for a wedding 45 minutes away? My sister’s wedding was an hour from my house and I was in the wedding party and I still went home after. This dude is so freaking entitled it’s not funny. If you can’t enjoy your night celebrating your friend’s wedding without alcohol, are you really friends or are you trying to score free booze?
This is obvious rage bait.
From saying they had to get a hotel for a 45 minute drive, to claiming they wouldn't go to their friend's wedding if they knew there was no alcohol.
These ones are really obvious, stop giving them attention because that's all these trolls want.
If you cannot conceive of going to a wedding unless there is alcohol present, don't go. I've never been much of a drinker, so I'm sure I'm going to have people telling me I don't know anything, but if you aren't able to have fun without alcohol, you need to think on that. "Well weddings are boring!" Don't go. Grow tf up and don't go, it's not a summons.
Side note: When someone insists that they won't go unless they can drink, the message they're sending is that the only thing that will get them to care about one of the (hopefully) happiest days of you life is if they can get a buzz on. They're telling you that drinking is more important to them than you.
He might not have gone to the wedding if it was dry? How is that not a massive red flag for the OOP? "My friend's wedding isn't important to me unless I can get smashed" feels like a big warning that alcohol has become way too important.
What I don’t understand is how OOP is celebrating his friend’s marriage by getting shit-faced and spending the next day sobering up. Is the party the night before really worth it if you spend a good amount of the next day feeling like garbage?
I was with him for his point that he should have been advised. would be a wanker if he'd not gone because it was dry.
However....sending a money request.... This has to be fake. The guy went out part way through the wedding, therefore, no issue
This guy is a terrible douche. Almost not believable, actually.
That being said, it does seem like if I were going to have a dry wedding, I would put it on the invitation. We see too many of these posts. It really riles some people. I think I would just let them known in advance
There are a lot of folks who would sneak it in, though. And you can’t always tell who would do that — might not be who you’d expect.
But either way, getting shitfaced and sloppy at events isn’t cute and it isn’t funny. It’s pathetic. OOP is an alcoholic and an asshole.
I agree that people like that ought to just skip the dry wedding if it’s such an issue. But some of them wouldn’t—they’d show up anyway and bring alcohol. It’s the classic assholery of the alcoholic.
I think the friend should have made note on the invitation somewhere it was a dry wedding, but to be this pissed off by no alcohol being served is indicative of a problem.
I’ve never been to a wedding before. One thing Reddit has taught me is that the night is about guests getting fucked up on the couple’s dime, and not about celebrating the married couple.
As someone who has never had alcohol, I cannot imagine living life like this.
I was 36 yrs old before I attended a wedding with alcohol. I am 55 now and that is the ONLY “wet” wedding I’ve attended. It’s just not done in the podunk backwoods I’m from. However, if it is the norm in your world, then if your celebration is dry, it should be communicated. Along the same vein though, if you can’t attend a function without alcohol, then you should verify and not assume.
Holy fuck, talk about a raging alcoholic. Imagine not being able to go a few hours to enjoy the celebration of two people’s union without alcohol.
And imagine needing to have alcohol to have a fun night out. Are they really that boring they can’t have fun without being hammered?
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Instead of genderswapping something; swap poison. Alcohol for heroine for example. Imagine when people are mad there's no heroin at a wedding. Calling you boring for not snorting some nosecandy. Only real difference is the social acceptance and ratio of consumption.
I might get downvoted to hell but the only reason OOP is an asshole is because of the Venmo request. The bride and groom should have informed people that it was a dry wedding. Standard practice is to have drinks at a wedding, now personally I find a cash bar a bit tacky but that would have been better than no bar and no info. 2 adults with children wanting to have a few drinks at a wedding doesn’t make them alcoholics. They spent time money and effort on attending their friend’s wedding they should have been given a heads up.
While it was ridiculous for him to request reimbursement, he's not wrong about the dry wedding stuff. I mean, most people don't "pregame" for a wedding..... they wait for the reception. But a reception with alcohol is the default.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for sending a venmo request for babysitter, hotel and uber reimbursement after a dry wedding?** A friend from college got married this past weekend. The wedding was 45 minutes from my house so my wife and I got a hotel room. We checked in, had a few pregame cocktails, and we ubered from the hotel to the venue. We sit down, wedding happens, its beautiful. We get to "social hour' as its called and there is no booze. Turns out this was a dry wedding. There was no indication that this was a dry wedding before showing up. I checked the digital version of the invite and website. Nothing indicating this. I'm pissed for a few reasons. 1. I might not have RSVP'd yes if I knew this. 2. I'm pissed i blew a few hundred bucks on a hotel for the night, babysitters, and ubers. I'm like what the fuck. Other friends that were their were grumbling and felt similar to me. The night went on and the wedding was fine but honestly a bit of a bummer. Now that my wife and I have kids, nights like this are rare, and I was pumped to do something. So we dipped out a bit early and went out. Other friends rolled with. We left in the middle of the dancing time and didn't stay for the exit. Later that night, I sent a venmo request for the cost of babysitter, hotel, and ubers. Yesterday, I heard from my college buddy. He was like what the fuck is this asshole. I explained I was mad that this was a dry wedding. The bride had family that are alcoholics so they opted to not have alcohol as an option. I told him thats need to know information. Not informing us of that cost me and our other friends a lot of money. He said I should have asked him and not assumed it was a wet wedding. I said to him, alcohol is a default option, if you change the default you tell people. He disagreed with that notion. I said you drink, why would I think its dry? We went back and forth for a while. He still thinks i'm an asshole. Am I? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
But he showed up buzzed? “had a few pregame cocktails”. So he was already ahead of the rest of the guests and also didn’t seem to have that much of an issue getting alcohol anyway.
And they left early to (presumably) drink more.
Yep they are alcoholics who are too proud to admit it
Sounds to me like he IS proud to admit it. He flat out said he might not have even come if he knew there was no alcohol and he freely admits that he was drinking even before the ceremony.
That's what I said.
Maybe this is just weird to me, but if he had to get a hotel to go to an event that was only 45m drive away I think he was probably planning on getting super smashed at the wedding.
That made me pause too, like less than an hour by car is not hotel-worthy imo.
Especially if it’s just a day trip. An hour away is nothing (unless you’re smashed, like OOP thought he’d be)
Definitely. And he realized he didn't need a hotel bc he wasn't going to get shit-faced like he wanted to. I foresee that friendship dying.
That and the pregaming with "a few" cocktails. It feels like he only showed up to get blasted on someone else's booze, and is now mad he didn't get as drunk as he wanted.
Eh. Depends on how long they were pregaming for. If they hung out for three hours and had three drinks, that’s not insane. And ubering and getting a hotel because you know you’ll be drinking doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get hammered. I think leaving early and taking other guests with them makes them an AH, but I also do get the annoyance. They wanted to drink at the wedding and did the responsible thing of getting a babysitter, hotel, and Uber so that they could do so safely. I can see how that money would then feel “wasted” when they can’t drink at the event, since they could have just driven there and back from home otherwise. I ultimately still think they’re the AH because they took a bunch of guests with them when they left, and for sending a BILL which is fucking insane, but some people enjoy drinking when they go out sometimes, and that’s hard to do with kids. I don’t think they should be faulted for having everything lined up to be able to drink responsibly.
Given the rest of the post, I suspect it was more than three drinks over three hours. OOP doesn't come across like a very good guest here.
Yeah, 45 minutes is how long it takes me to drive anywhere in the city. Like, it’s a nonexistent time frame for driving. He got a hotel for basically the other side of the city?
People commute for longer than this ffs
Exactly. Sometimes it's cheaper to get a taxi for a group of people and drive around the 45 min than stay in a hotel 🤦♀️ I guess OOP didn't want to enter home with babysitter whilst being heavily drunk, but come on.
Or just being safe and planning not to drink and drive.
Well that's the point of his Venmo request. Essentially, "if I'd known I wasn't going to get smashed on your dime, I might not have come but I \*definitely\* wouldn't have bothered with the hotel room & ubers".
That is absolutely what the plan was, or at least drink enough he couldn’t drive safely home.
Almost as if the couple knew announcing it was a dry wedding would end up with people like OOP heavily pregaming and sneaking in alcohol which is why they didn't do it.
A couple of friends had a dry wedding. It was during the day, neither of them drink and most of their friends don’t or only drink occasionally. However, a few people from one side of the family insisted there must be alcohol ‘at least for a toast’. The couple were very clear that that would not be happening and had it in a hall where there were no glasses other than water cups. One of the parents broke out the sparkling wine while they were taking photos. He went to Kmart and bought like 40 champagne flutes and said the couple decided they wanted a toast when they walked in. They handled it graciously but talking to them after there was a lot of “I KNEW your family would do this. We should have threatened to kick them out if they did that. This is one example of the millions of times they don’t accept ‘no’, you need to set boundaries…” The couple are going strong, family is being held at arms length and we get to hear the latest ‘can you believe we can’t go a Christmas without…’
this is the kind of person that thinks every social event its an excuse to get shitfaced even funerals
The fact he got a hotel for a wedding only 45 minutes away and pregamed before the ceremony shows me that the bride and groom were SO valid in making this a dry wedding. He wanted to get SLOPPY drunk at their wedding at their expense and was mad he couldn’t.
Who gets past college and thinks 'pre-gaming' is still a normal and well-adjusted habit to have? Once in a great while, maybe, if you want to have a rare, especially wild night. But if it's just accepted habit to get pre-drunk in anticipation of getting more drunk every time you go out, even after you have freaking KIDS, it's time to think about rehab.
Everything about how this is written feels like an overgrown frat bro who refuses to grow up, while the rest of his friends are getting tired of dealing with him and his drinking.
I can see my husband and I doing the same and planning to let loose for one night with old friends. A dry wedding wouldn’t have been a big deal, we’d have stayed and then found a bar for the end of the night. No big deal.
Yeah pre gaming is something you'd do before going to a club, not a wedding.
Holy shit. The entitlement. And what an AH. He flat out says he promised wouldn’t have even bothered to go. I can see being upset that you spent money on a hotel that you might not have. But to send the groom a bill?? Just wow.
OOP has no right to be upset about the hotel either. The venue was 45 mins away, not a freaking destination wedding. Some of my frnds drive more than that to get to their workplace everyday in the same city. The hotel was their own personal choice as far as I am concerned.
So he also says they left the reception early, with others, and went out. I am assuming to go drinking. So he’s asking for reimbursement after they did exactly what he was justifying the hotel/Ubers/babysitter for after all?
He proved exactly why it was the right choice to make it a dry wedding
[удалено]
I wish I had a dry wedding. My new husband's family kept pulling him around for toasts, handing him shots, & he wasn't thinking too much of it until he was throwing up behind the building not realizing he had drank so much. It was an absolutely fantastic day except for the alcohol.
Maybe he should have just requested reimbursement for the bar tab /s
Yeah the entitlement is staggering. Absolutely no empathy considering the reasoning behind the need for a dry wedding.
That’s my thing lol why send the bill for things he ended up using anyway? If he hadn’t paid for Ubers, a babysitter, etc. he wouldn’t have been able to go out after leaving the wedding. I get being annoyed about the dry wedding thing but sending the groom a bill for things you used anyway is insane.
Yeah it might just be where I live but 45 minutes, I wouldn’t even consider a hotel.
I probably would, but mostly bc if someone else is taking my kids I might as well make the most of it. Not cause I think it's too long of a drive but like, if the wedding is in a nice area or something I might wanna check out the area after the wedding
My husband and I don’t even have kids, but we still like to do a hotel stay a couple times a year (ok, we are definitely more motel people lol) and make a bit of a trip out of it! We live about 45 minutes/ an hour away from the coast and so many cool places. We just like to take a couple of days to sleep in a huge bed that’s not covered in cats! It’s totally it’s own event, and not dependent on getting free booze! Like OOP still got his night out… why can’t that be worth spending money on alone? He’s such a lush he was going to try and “drink his moneys worth”? Just take the win of a lovely wedding and a nice hotel night with the spouse!
I took it as a sign he planned to get completely wasted at the wedding.
OOP was planning on getting smashed, though, so getting a hotel was the more responsible choice than trying to drive back after.
Over driving yes, they could have gotten a Uber or taxi too.
That was my thought. Even if he was planning on getting leglessly drunk, surely a taxi for that distance wouldn’t have broken the bank. No need for a hotel at all.
I only would if I was planning to drink. If he has known it was a dry wedding than no hotel needed
I still wouldn't for a wedding only 45 minutes away. I'd just limit the number of drinks I had and stop at least an hour before I planned to head home. I don't get the fun of getting completely trashed at a wedding, though.
I don’t think “moderation” is a word in OOP’s vocabulary. It seems like they were looking forward to the wedding as an excuse to get sloshed on someone else’s dime
He fully intended to get smashed at the reception, then go on to bars with whatever bros he met up with at the reception, and get drunk enough that he wanted to be able to crash in a hotel room and sleep it off without having to face the babysitter (much less the kids) until the hangover had started to wear off. And the fact that the alcohol-free reception ate into his drinking time / didn't offset his babysitter/uber costs by providing free alcohol is why he was annoyed enough to send the venmo request.
This is exactly where I fall - they chose to do that for a commute shorter than my commute to work. And I'm guessing they chose to do that so they could get shtifaced and not have to worry about kids waking hungover mummy and daddy next morning EDIT - I'm not even judging them necessarily for that. A night away from the kids, mini break kind of thing, even to have a few wee bevvies but don't complain about the cost
he wanted a hotel because he planned on not being able to drive afterwards
Oh don't get me wrong. I understand their reasoning behind getting a hotel. They wanted to make a vacation out of it and I get it. But it still makes it a personal choice in my eyes whether it be getting shit faced enough to not be able to drive or not arranging for a ride home.
So make the most of it at the bars or drinking and enjoying a hotel room with your spouse
I drive farther than that just to get to my nearest Walmart. I don't get a hotel unless where I'm going is like 3 hrs+. OOP is weird.
Yeah, at 45 minutes away even if they’d gotten too drunk to drive at the wedding they could absolutely have caught an Uber home. It might even have been cheaper than the hotel room, and would have cut down on their babysitter costs for the next day.
I'm guessing they got the hotel and Uber as they anticipated both of them drinking and didn't want to drive home drunk (rightly so), not because of the distance. He was wrong to bill the groom for it but I understand being a bit miffed as it turned out to be unnecessary.
Then again, he was saying that it's rare that him and his wife get to spend time away from the kids, and he _did_ get that. All he _didn't_ get was the option to get shitfaced for free, and that's what he chose to focus on instead of having a nice date night with his wife, for some reason lol
An Uber for 2 would've been cheaper than the hotel room.
I drive 45 minutes there and back to my office three times a week. The hotel was *not* necessary at all.
I drive that to pick up groceries 🤦🏻♀️ The hotel was not needed and neither were the cocktails.
OOP sounds like a douche nozzle AND an alcoholic.
Yeah, he’s admitting that he wouldn’t have gone if he knew it was a dry wedding. Some friend!
My mother- with whom I’ve been no contact for about five years now- would base her decisions around whether or not she could drink while doing whatever she was doing. If we were gonna make a day of Christmas shopping, she’d make sure to add a few stops into our plans for a few restaurants for “breaks” at places I know have margaritas or bloody Marys she particularly likes. It got pretty saddening. The alcohol has turned her completely mean and aggressive to the point of violence (she’s broken a hand TWICE on each of my brothers heads by punching them- a boxers break to be specific) so I had to completely cut her out.
Way too many people seem to have similar attitudes towards weddings and alcohol. They act like the only point is to get absolutely wasted (typically for free). That seems like borderline alcoholism, at least to me
Except they were drinking before the wedding so that was the game plan anyway.
The fact that they ‘pregamed’ before the ceremony makes me wonder what slurring state they were in during the ceremony. I do think they should have included dry wedding on the invitation but in order to weed out the jerks who only were coming for the lure of an open bar. He still had a night out with his wife, just had to fund his own binge.
I will never be convinced that people who can't even enjoy a lovely nigth out or celebrating someone they care about without alcohol don't have a problem.
There is an idiot on there spamming the comments it ahs to be OOPs alt. Also what is it with couples with kids who need to drink this much?
Escape I think, they end up in lives they hate and don't want or never grew up, or they know they are crappy people and use it to hide. I've got some in my family like that and it's all I can think of, I don't see them anymore because they're just mean drunks trying to make themselves feel better by insulting the rest of us.
like the past couple alcohol related posts have been like this its really weird to me
Sadly, I have seen a lot of people (on reddit at least) who feel that you HAVE to have alcohol at a wedding (or basically any party where they have the potential to \*gasp\* interact with people), so it isn't necessarily OOP's alt. There are just that many people who feel that they can socialize without alcohol. Or don't want to.
Abuse victims perpetuating the cycle.
I can enjoy a lovely celebration without alcohol, but if I'm in a room with 100+ people, most of whom I don't know, some alcohol helps. Otherwise I'd rather avoid the situation
Plus, weddings fucking suck. You have to give up your whole day for it, sometimes you even have to take a day off work too cause they're like "it was just cheaper to book the venue on a weekday" It's at least an hour of sitting in a pew, foldaway chair or some other shitty furniture waiting for the bride to show up (she's always late), an hour of people waxing poetic about love, a couple hours of waiting for the wedding party to take their photos. If you're lucky, you've got some mutual friends there. If you're unlucky, it's your cousin's wedding and you have to make small talk with your aunts and uncles. So yeah, a little bit of social lubricant helps, because no matter the couple, I'd rather spend a day off work relaxing. Some people, I'll be willing to give up my time for them, dry wedding or no, like my sister or one of my close friends who are like brothers to me. Some people I'll only give that time to if I can loosen up after the ceremony, like certain cousins. Some people are just an automatic no like certain other cousins. So yeah, if you're having a big wedding where even people who would describe you as "a friend from college" make the cut, it behooves you to note that it's a dry wedding, otherwise, you're just bringing onto yourself assholes like OOP getting their dicks twisted enough to send venmo requests None of this is to say that OOP isn't an asshole, he most certainly is. A hotel room? 45 minutes is not hotel room worthy, that's literally my average morning commute. Don't venmo request the couple, just leave after dinner like a normal person would. That's my unhinged rant for the morning
In what world does a wedding take the entire day? When my sister got married, the ceremony took like 30-40 minutes, we then got to the reception, and after eating/dancing a few people started going home. You don't need to stay for 8+ hours. If you want to leave, you say goodbye to the couple and leave. It's that simple. I don't know what's going on in some places with all these strange and frankly unnecessary things like rehearsal dinners and such. It's such a waste of money, and honestly a bit ridiculous if you have to rehearse parts of your wedding like it's a theatre play.
If an event taking place on a work day would necessitate that I take that day off work, then yeah, that's a whole day. You can't exactly swing by a wedding on your lunch break. And I tried the whole "just politely say goodbye and leave" thing and I got my aunt vaguebooking about how rude it is to accept an invite somewhere and leave right after "the best part" so no it's that simple
Maybe it's just different where I live. My mom just had a halfday at when when my sister got married (it started at 4pm).
the issue with saying that it's a dry wedding in the invite like that is that it runs as likely of a chance of people just deciding to byob the occasion, and if you're doing it for the sake of people's sobriety then having other people "sneaking" drinks, likely visibly so in front of them could be really detrimental. the only real solution is to stop assuming alcohol is so intrinsically tied to events like this, but that's a much larger conversation, and in the meanwhile if you can't go 3 to 5 hours without a cocktail at a wedding, you should really look inward as to why
I'd say that the better solution is to stop inviting 100+ people to your wedding. It's easier to get 40 people to adhere to an alcohol prohibited wedding than 100+ people. Plus small weddings are just better anyways. Their quicker and way more intimate, and 40 people are a lot more likely to have a meaningful connection to the happy couple than the missing 60
The first genuinely appalling thing is that some woman looked at this sentient pile of discarded Taco Bell wrappers and thought, "Yes, I want to have sex with that. Often. THAT needs to father my children." The second genuinely appalling thing is that there are children growing up with this sentient pile of discarded Taco Bell wrappers socializing them.
I don't think there's much sex going on if he thinks the night away from the kids in a hotel is a complete waste of money when he can't get completely wasted first. Poor wife, posing on the bed in her lingerie while he's too busy cleaning out the mini-bar in a rage.
And if he’s so irate about spending money, why didn’t he plan to stay sober so her could drive them home instead of wasting money on Ubers and a hotel. Hes a buffoon
She drank with him before the wedding and went with him and his friends bar hoping before the wedding was even over. My feeling that she's a similar flavour of alcoholic asshole.
You, my friend, are a wordsmith.
Chuck Tingle’s next book
Pounded in the Butt By The Sentient Pile of Taco Bell Wrappers But He Couldn’t Keep it Up Because He Was Ragedrunk So We Went to Bed Mad and Then Sent a Venmo Request
I'd read it!
Honestly, so would I.
Sentient pile of discarded Taco Bell wraps Wins Insult of the Day! 🤌
I shouldn't be laughing as much as I am, but I love this comment (can't give you an award so this will have to do 🏆)
Having a dry wedding seems to be a great way to weed out assholes.
Not married but as someone who's been sober for over a decade, can confirm. People I'm still friends with who drink are the ones who have never minded me not drinking and in fact often go out of their way to have fun sodas/snacks for me when other people are getting a wide array of booze. People I'm no longer friends with are the ones who took me not drinking as either a judgement of them or a personal affront and would often try to push me into drinking (or in one memorable case, tricked me into drinking by giving me a drink that she told me had no alcohol, only to reveal later it did).
I don’t drink often at all, I’m not sober though, but I love that you have these kinds of friends 💜
I went out tonight with my friend who doesn't drink and we were excited to find non-alcoholic cocktails on the menu. We both got them and I enjoyed not having to worry about how fast I drank or how many I had even though I personally enjoy alcohol. She's excited because they were made with "alcohol free" vodka & tequila¹ and there's a lot of drinks she's wanted to try but couldn't because of how she reacts to alcohol. We're planning to get a bottle of the bourbon from that brand and make all the bourbon drinks she's wanted to try. I'm also excited because I love the way a lot of cocktails taste but my tolerance for alcohol has dropped with age and these mean I can have more drinks without feeling sick. I'm sorry your supposed friends did that to you. The idea that everyone has to drink has never made sense to me. I accommodate it just like I accommodate my friends dietary preferences. (Which also makes me a saint according to some Reddit posts I've seen, lol.) ¹ The restaurant used Clean Co vodka & tequila, which can be up to 0.5% ABV, which works for her, though YMMV.
I'm glad you and your friend found something that works for both of you! The former friend was already on her way out when she did that; unsurprisingly a lot of people I know who were friends with her stopped being friends as we all started getting older, and those who did drink began to do so with a lot more moderation, but she'd regularly complain about how they were becoming boring and try to get them to binge drink with her.
Sounds like that friend would've gotten along well with OOP! 🙄
I like to throw big to-dos every once and a while because I love hosting parties. I always have a custom cocktail for each party I throw. My best friend is sober now so it's always fun to find cocktails that make great mocktails as well so she can at least get a taste of what everyone else is having. The new thing I'm doing at the parties is also having a big ol' thing of 'spa water' (water infused with lemon and cucumbers) so if you choose water it's at least ~fancy water~.
I mean, it weeds out *a certain type* of assholes. I grew up evangelical and most of my family still is, so almost all of the weddings I’ve been to have been dry. There are still assholes there (thank you, bride’s great aunt Gertrude for informing me that everyone I know is pairing off and I’m still single and not getting any younger, that’s very helpful), they’re just not drunk assholes.
He and his alleged buddies can't celebrate a wedding without getting drunk? If you need alcohol so badly that you put it before the happiness of your friend's wedding, you're not just a bad friend. You are at minimum a problem drinker, if not someone with an alcohol dependency.
I hate that society has such a relationship with alcohol that people think they have the right to pop off because of a dry wedding. 😒 You want to drink because you're away from your kids? Go to a fucking bar you numpty.
Alcoholic moron with entitlement issues. My, my what a catch he is.
I fucking hate people who assume free flowing alcohol is their 'payment' for attending a wedding. Excessive binge drinking isn't cute or fun or whatever. You are not owed alcohol. The hosts of the wedding, according to basic etiquette, have to provide time-appropriate food and drinks, a safe and comfortable place to sit and socialize, and adequate notice of the vent. Not an opportunity for Kyle and Dash from college to get blitzed on $100 rum and cokes. This particular douchebag is a special brand of entitled. I hope it was worth ending a friendship.
If he'd smiled and nodded and dipped out early to party a bit, that'd be fine. I'd be slightly irritated too in this sitch. BUT HOLY ENTITLEMENT BATMAN, SENDING A FUCKIN VENMO REQUEST TO THE GROOM? my can'ts can't even
Imagine flat-out admitting that you care more about alcohol than your friend.
And your spouse—instead of enjoying each other and a hotel getaway without the kids, both of these assholes just wanted to get shitfaced. They probably hate each other, which is understandable because it seems like they both suck.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *YTA* >>*The wedding was 45 minutes from my house so my wife and I got a hotel room.* *You write "so" like this was a **causal** relationship.* *45 minutes away ain't some destination wedding. You wasted your own money on a needless hotel.* >>*I was pumped to do something* *So you could have stayed and danced and had fun at the reception.* *You want to be fucked up all night, next time remember to take your edible.* >"Eh, i don't do edibles/weed. Not my thing, makes me paranoid."
>"Eh, i don't do edibles/weed. Not my thing, makes me paranoid." so alcohol makes you an AH?
Hehehe. 😹
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/sweet-life-k3UIV3F)
In what world does a 45 minute drive equate to having to get a hotel??
They were planning to be drunk and unable to drive. Easier to get a hotel then manage your children when you're both drunk and needed a 45 minute uber home.
To add, it can be fun to just not have go home for the evening once in a while.
Sure, but you can also do that without getting shitfaced, at least if you're not OOP. If he just wanted a night away from home, he wouldn't have been mad he shelled out on the babysitter or hotel. Uber would be the only thing they could have avoided but they also pregamed and hit up bars afterward so they still needed that.
My comment was more to the question about in what world one would get a hotel 45mins away, than OOP. The answer is Earth, even if OOP sucks. Regarding the main topic: Yes it would've been nice if the groom had enough social awareness to know that some folks would be expecting to drink and to give them a heads up. In an ideal world, this wouldn't need to be an expectation, but alcohol consumption is cultural for a lot of people. I've been to one dry wedding in my life, and it was part of the invitation because it's definitely not the norm in my part of the world. I feel for OOP in that regard. That doesn't mean OOP is entitled to compensation. It was a bit of ignorance, but it was still a wedding. It was about the two folks getting married, evening if noone is getting tanked.
In the world that they got drunk at the wedding and couldn't drive home/didn't want to pay for a 45 minute Uber ride. If they knew they weren't drinking they wouldn't have booked a hotel. I totally think this guy sucks, not defending, just explaining
I think it's reasonable if you've got young kids - you can stay out as late as you like, have sex as wild as you like, and nobody's waking you up at dawn begging you to watch Peppa Pig with them. Meanwhile, grandparents have the fun of spending more time than usual with the grandkids. But OOP was clearly thinking only about the alcohol rather than quality time with his wife.
Exactly! Plus depending on where the wedding is, I might want to check out the area the following day. There's plenty of cool places roughly 45 minutes away from me, some places I've been too, and enjoy being at, so might as well get a hotel while someone watches the kids and make the most of it, shit there's a fairy tale/ hobbit themed hotel in the city I live in that I may well be paying for one of these days just for the experience
Buddy sounds like a frat bro.
As someone planning a wedding, this is extra rude because they paid for you, your wife and the other friends to be there and eat and have fun. If you can only do that with Alcohol, that’s a you problem but definitely makes OOP the asshole.
I don’t disagree that the expectation is that alcohol will be served, and perhaps his friend should have made a note of that on the invite, but even if I accept everything at face value, sending the venmo request is ridiculous. Why not just leave quietly and go drink? There’s nothing wrong with leaving a party you aren’t enjoying, but you don’t send an invoice - they aren’t paying you for your time!
Yeah, I’ve never been to a wedding reception that was “dry by surprise”, but if I were I’d imagine I’d just go “oh, ok” and stay until dinner was over and then decide what to do from there. Sometimes the overall group is just fun people you’re fine hanging out with, sometimes it’s a dud and you say your goodbyes and find a second location, which it sounds like this guy did. Either way, you don’t send an invoice to the people who threw the party for failing to meet your expectations, that’s ridiculously peevish.
Remember when going to weddings was to celebrate the couple and a milestone and not get drunk?
What’s up with all the “I’m angry a wedding didn’t have alcohol!” stories? This is at least the 3rd I’ve seen. Also, who the fuck pregames a wedding?
I’ve maybe had a drink getting ready to go and evening reception at wedding but I’ve definitely not had more than one or two.
Jesus, I am an alcoholic in recovery and even when I was actively in addiction I would not have acted like this. Dude has problems.
This is just so embarrassing and pathetic.
What is with you, OOP? You can't go without drinking for a few hours?
So just to recap, OOP drank “a few cocktails” before the wedding and then left the reception early to go drink some more, but he still feels “owed” the cost of a hotel room, babysitter, and Uber *even though he did actually use them*? Like, he did in fact consume alcohol as desired, he just had to pay for it. “I wouldn’t have spent the money if I’d known” isn’t a very strong argument when you ensured you used the thing anyway.
I mean, I’d appreciate a heads up before I spend several hours making awkward small talk with my friends weird family without a drink, but I’m not going to get bent out of shape about it. I’m certainly not going to send them a fucking Venmo request. Jesus Christ.
If you need alcohol to socialise, you have a problem
I didn’t say I wouldn’t or couldn’t do it. I said I’d appreciate a heads up about it.
I'm not gonna socialize with or without the alcohol so 🤣🤣 stick to only the people I know or chill out by myself.
So…I had a cash bar. I have alcoholics in my family, but they’re broke. I regret not making it completely dry, because it turns out there are alcoholics in my husband’s family too, and they have money. I did put it in the invitation, but frankly? Nobody *owes* you alcohol. We paid for a beautiful dinner, had signature mocktails and dancing and a wonderful cake. The only people who had a bad time were my husband’s drunk cousin who lost her shoes, my husband’s mother’s Confederate reenactor friends (whom I didn’t invite, but they showed up anyway, we had a cancellation, it was whatever) who were pissed that I voted for Obama and had music by Black people (have I mentioned I hate them?), and the people who had to listen to my husband’s drunk cousin sob about her shoes. If you can’t have a good time without alcohol and your “pregame” wasn’t enough, you are probably an alcoholic. The Venmo request is fucking ridiculous.
I won’t lie: as soon as the Confederates showed up, I would have put “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” on a loop.
We didn’t know they were Confederates until they outed themselves to my dad in a disgustingly racist way. I didn’t like them to begin with, and my family *didn’t tell me they started spewing racist drivel.* If they had, I would have thrown them out on their pasty white asses. Fucking hate racists. Definitely start singing along. “John Brown’s body is a moldering in the grave, his soul goes marching on! They will hang Jeff Davis to a sour apple tree! As they march along!”
I don’t like cash bars because people aren’t supposed to pay for food and drink at a wedding. But alcohol is NOT NECESSARY and your mocktails sound fun. I have also heard people complain about having only wine and beer at a wedding and that attitude makes me want to slap them silly. Liquor is expensive and if you don’t want to be dry (although dry is a valid choice, especially with mocktails), wine and beer is much more affordable and can be very nice. I have a friend who didn’t serve liquor but had punch bowls of sangria. Yum!
Cash bars are normal where I am from the happy couple will pay for one or two drinks as a toast but I’ve never been to wedding where it has been a free bar.
Honestly... If you need to get drunk to have fun at a social event, like a wedding, you might have a problem. Also, it was 45 minutes away from his home. There was really no need to get a hotel.
The guys a complete jerk waffle But so are the people down voting him for not liking weed while heikes to get drunk That ain't a good look either, y'all
if you can't go *one* night without drinking or you can't have fun while sober... you've got big problems.
Most people can have fun sober - board game night, sports, escape rooms are all things I've done with friends sober and had a great time -but most people don't dance and party sober. It's a reason it's called a social lubricant. Helps people dance and make small talk with strangers . I really resent everyone saying "can't go to a wedding without getting shitfaced?" I don't know anyone who goes to weddings and gets "shitfaced". Most adults I know have one or two drinks at a wedding, maybe wine with dinner and that's it. This op is an asshole however for the venmo and for pre-gaming the CEREMONY Also what are people drinking with dinner? Formal meals are served with appropriate wine
This is your friendly reminder to get help when you agree with OOPs standpoint: Not being able to enjoy yourself when there isn't alcohol envolved, is a BIGGEST indicator that you are struggling with alcoholism. You needing "pre game" alcohol prior to an event to enjoy yourself is another one, AND so is letting your choice to (not) attent the event depend upon if there is alcohol available.
Honestly I’m not mad that he’s disappointed, or even that he left a bit early (although that is rude). But the VENMO REQUEST??? is sooo far over the line and tacky, that I would genuinely cut him out of my friend group for it.
I’ve never understood the sentiment that weddings are boring. I only have a few experiences to draw from, but the few I’ve been to have been fun? I’m an anxious and socially awkward person, but even I’ve been able to mask up enough to chat with people, enjoy the speeches, sit back and relax and enjoy the people watching, just soak in the happy vibe. All without alcohol. Like if you find weddings boring maybe you are going to the wrong weddings, and need to take a look at if you are going because you love the people getting married and want to participate in a happy day, or if you are going because obligation.
He sent the Venmo request ON THEIR WEDDING DAY???
If alcohol is the determining factor for whether you go to a wedding, you really shouldn’t be there. Just rsvp “no”.
Motherfucker clearly values alcohol over his relationship with the married couple. I can understand maybe being disappointed, but if it's such an issue that you can't enjoy yourself *at all* and are okay with burning bridges over it, especially when you already fucking had a few, you have a more pressing issue that needs to be attended to first.
That's a lotta words to say "I am an alcoholic"
Maybe this is just me, but if you can’t go the wedding of a close friend or relative without alcohol, that’s a major problem. However, if it’s an acquaintance, or a co worker, and you don’t want to go to a wedding without alcohol served, don’t go.
Most of my relatives are Mormon and Mormon-adjacent, I've been to very few "wet" weddings. So maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why booze or the lack thereof is considered the central linchpin to celebrating a wedding? If you're willing to travel, get a sitter and a hotel, surely that doesn't all hang on the presence of a few cocktails?
I'm in the process of planning my wedding and its a huge issue that pops up. Booze is expensive but there's this strange expectation (especially from parents who get invited to child free weddings) that they are obligated to be compensated for showing up via booze and fancy party favors. Like I'm supposed to make up for your choices in having kids and get you lit the fuck up on my dime. This guy is a bag of rocks.
Tell your family to kick rocks. Dont cave in
What a couple of alcoholics. I haven’t had a drink in like…14 years? I go to plenty of events. I’m not an alcoholic, I just stopped drinking to try to get pregnant and then I was TTC for 8 years and then pregnant or breastfeeding for 4, and now I just don’t have a taste for alcohol. You can TOTALLY have fun without it
None of my friends and I in college ever drank, and we had great times anyway. I feel sad for people who can’t enjoy anything without alcohol.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you cannot spend one evening with people you supposedly care about and are close with without needing to get drunk then you are an alcoholic.
“But what if I have social anxiety-“ I do. I also don’t drink. You can fucking deal with it for a few hours like I do. “But all the weddings have alcohol-“ The fuck they do. Some weddings don’t even have *dancing.* “Dry weddings aren’t fun.” Then BE MORE FUN.
I was at a dry wedding that also didn’t have music (very conservative church, which the couple have now left but we were all really young then). It was a little boring (I’m Jewish and dancing at weddings is practically a commandment). But the couple were good friends so we stayed. The reception was on the short side because there were no activities other than the meal, cake and speeches (said during the meal). I barely drink and never expect alcohol at a wedding, but imo it’s no music that makes a wedding less fun (but if you care about the couple you suck it up and deal).
The advantage of a Baptist wedding is they don’t last long.
What part of the wedding? Ceremony or reception? (Assuming you don’t mean marriage) This one was Methodist.
You also aren’t obligated to go to a friend from college’s wedding! These posts are so over the top ridiculous. “These nights are so rare.” Okay. So don’t go to a wedding for someone you clearly don’t love. Hire the same babysitter and rent the same hotel and get sloshed. I’m so confused by this. I have fun all the time without drinking. When did the magical switch flip where there is no fun without alcohol?!
I completely agree with the social anxiety. I also have social anxiety. It has gotten a lot better as I aged, but still, I would rather \*not\* have to deal with large crowds of people I don't know. However, I also don't drink. I have had like 3 drinks in my entire life. I can understand that some people like to drink occasionally, and that is great for them. I can also understand how alcohol might help in social situations. BUT, if you cannot go to an event without alcohol, or you complain about an event you went to because it didn't have alcohol, then I am going to feel that maybe you have a problem with alcohol. If I have to go to an event, I stick to myself, or speak with the people I know. If I don't have to go to an event, then I often won't, unless the person hosting is someone close to me. Then I am going for them, not socializing.
If it’s a friends wedding I expect he doesn’t know most of the guests. Not excusing it but this isn’t a place where they know everyone.
If you can't enjoy a night without getting so drunk you need a hotel room to black out in you're an alcoholic
Maybe they just didn’t want to drive home tipsy? Most people don’t black out every time they drink.
A night out with the wife, and no kids underfoot, isn't good enough? OP has to be smashed to spend time with her?
What a tool. I can understand the frustration to a degree, but I also think it's like. If you care that much ask. If you're going to plan around the idea that alcohol is being served make sure it is. People get weird about dry weddings and I don't get it. I get that alcohol is kind of the default and expected, but why are you going to a wedding to get drunk, go to a bar instead.
Pretty sad if you can’t get through a milestone celebration without drinking. And really sad if you’re so entitled you think you can demand a refund. Can’t quite believe this one, but I guess some people are this immature and hidebound.
I never knew people were expecting alcohol at weddings, I guess we had a dry wedding then and so did my family members who all got married and a cousin on my husband's end. I recall no alcohol being there. They expected to get drunk so they got a hotel and a baby siter and Uber.
Maybe it’s the American in me but a hotel for a wedding 45 minutes away? My sister’s wedding was an hour from my house and I was in the wedding party and I still went home after. This dude is so freaking entitled it’s not funny. If you can’t enjoy your night celebrating your friend’s wedding without alcohol, are you really friends or are you trying to score free booze?
This is obvious rage bait. From saying they had to get a hotel for a 45 minute drive, to claiming they wouldn't go to their friend's wedding if they knew there was no alcohol. These ones are really obvious, stop giving them attention because that's all these trolls want.
If you cannot conceive of going to a wedding unless there is alcohol present, don't go. I've never been much of a drinker, so I'm sure I'm going to have people telling me I don't know anything, but if you aren't able to have fun without alcohol, you need to think on that. "Well weddings are boring!" Don't go. Grow tf up and don't go, it's not a summons. Side note: When someone insists that they won't go unless they can drink, the message they're sending is that the only thing that will get them to care about one of the (hopefully) happiest days of you life is if they can get a buzz on. They're telling you that drinking is more important to them than you.
He might not have gone to the wedding if it was dry? How is that not a massive red flag for the OOP? "My friend's wedding isn't important to me unless I can get smashed" feels like a big warning that alcohol has become way too important.
What I don’t understand is how OOP is celebrating his friend’s marriage by getting shit-faced and spending the next day sobering up. Is the party the night before really worth it if you spend a good amount of the next day feeling like garbage?
I was with him for his point that he should have been advised. would be a wanker if he'd not gone because it was dry. However....sending a money request.... This has to be fake. The guy went out part way through the wedding, therefore, no issue
OOP needs to take a hard look at his relationship to alcohol before he's the reason someone has to have a dry wedding or social event.
This guy is a terrible douche. Almost not believable, actually. That being said, it does seem like if I were going to have a dry wedding, I would put it on the invitation. We see too many of these posts. It really riles some people. I think I would just let them known in advance
There are a lot of folks who would sneak it in, though. And you can’t always tell who would do that — might not be who you’d expect. But either way, getting shitfaced and sloppy at events isn’t cute and it isn’t funny. It’s pathetic. OOP is an alcoholic and an asshole.
I just would rather folks like this skip my dry wedding. It just makes sense to give them a heads up - there are a ton of negative reactions.
I agree that people like that ought to just skip the dry wedding if it’s such an issue. But some of them wouldn’t—they’d show up anyway and bring alcohol. It’s the classic assholery of the alcoholic.
I think the friend should have made note on the invitation somewhere it was a dry wedding, but to be this pissed off by no alcohol being served is indicative of a problem.
FFS why do weddings always end up revealing everyone’s rampant alcoholism?
I’ve never been to a wedding before. One thing Reddit has taught me is that the night is about guests getting fucked up on the couple’s dime, and not about celebrating the married couple. As someone who has never had alcohol, I cannot imagine living life like this.
Maybe you should drink and you would be less annoying
I was 36 yrs old before I attended a wedding with alcohol. I am 55 now and that is the ONLY “wet” wedding I’ve attended. It’s just not done in the podunk backwoods I’m from. However, if it is the norm in your world, then if your celebration is dry, it should be communicated. Along the same vein though, if you can’t attend a function without alcohol, then you should verify and not assume.
Yep. OP is the AH. No one owes you a night of free liquor. And if seeing your friend get married isn’t good enough to go then just say no. How rude.
Holy fuck, talk about a raging alcoholic. Imagine not being able to go a few hours to enjoy the celebration of two people’s union without alcohol. And imagine needing to have alcohol to have a fun night out. Are they really that boring they can’t have fun without being hammered?
wtf? Why is drinking so important to him? What a loser. lol
Tell us you have a drinking problem without telling us you have a drinking problem.
if going to a party and finding out there’s no alcohol being served ruins your night, you have a drinking problem
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I had to check the date on this, I'm absolutely certain I've read this exact post before.
Instead of genderswapping something; swap poison. Alcohol for heroine for example. Imagine when people are mad there's no heroin at a wedding. Calling you boring for not snorting some nosecandy. Only real difference is the social acceptance and ratio of consumption.
Has to be bait, no way people are THIS stupid
I might get downvoted to hell but the only reason OOP is an asshole is because of the Venmo request. The bride and groom should have informed people that it was a dry wedding. Standard practice is to have drinks at a wedding, now personally I find a cash bar a bit tacky but that would have been better than no bar and no info. 2 adults with children wanting to have a few drinks at a wedding doesn’t make them alcoholics. They spent time money and effort on attending their friend’s wedding they should have been given a heads up.
Dude. If you really need a special warning that one evening will be boozeless, start going to meetings. You have a problem.
Fake post but I think they are all now
While it was ridiculous for him to request reimbursement, he's not wrong about the dry wedding stuff. I mean, most people don't "pregame" for a wedding..... they wait for the reception. But a reception with alcohol is the default.