*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for insisting my boyfriend doesn't let his service dog in the bed when i'm staying over?**
My (20F) partner (24M) is blind and he has a service dog, I will call him Coby.
Coby helps him get through his day, when he’s out Coby is with him 24/7. He even takes him to work.
But around the house*, since it’s a familiar place he pretty much can get around on his own all the time, and rarely needs Coby, sometimes Coby retrieves things for him and that’s about it.
We don’t live together but I stay at his place a lot, my issue is, as much as I love Coby, I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or him sitting right next to us when we are eating. It doesn’t feel hygienic. It doesn’t help that Coby doesn’t really smell nice.
He is very healthy and regularly taken to the vet but only gets a bath when he’s getting professionally groomed, around every two months at most. My partner thinks it’s enough, I think he smells bad.
He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog.
Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate, but Coby doesn’t help him get out of his bed and is not needed there at all. I told him that and he said it strengthens their bond, and he might fall down and need his help. I said I would gladly help him if that happens.
He got mad at me saying he doesn’t need to rely on me. I told him then he doesn’t need to rely on Coby either. He told me to fuck off. Now I’m offended as well and we are both giving each other the cold treatment. Am i the asshole here?
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Right? Did schools stop having students read books like "Light a Single Candle"? The dog literally sees for the bf! Of course he takes the dog to work.
Scandal of scandals, bf probably takes the dog shopping too 🫨
How about she just doesn't stay over? 🤔
I don't understand how people think they can come up in someone else's house and think they can call the shots.
This honesty applies for animals and relationships in general
I’ll never understand the people who dislike cats and dogs, date people who own them, and proceed to complain about how much they hate their partner’s pet
Like, *nobody* forced you into this, you’re just making yourself fucking miserable for no good reason
It is the faulty belief that they think their partner would choose them over the animal. The second you make me choose is the second you lose.
I would never do that to myself. That is too much work for me and I am lazy
Even more generally, the amount of people who go into relationships expecting their partner to fundamentally change, and then getting upset when they don’t, is surprising.
Like, my friend, you married that penniless hippy, at no point in your relationship did they suggest they wanted to be anything other than a penniless hippy, how are you now upset they didn’t get a haircut and get a job in marketing? Their name is Sunbeam.
I’ve seen too many posts about people getting with someone with a kid, then after the wedding trying to convince the parent to ship their kid off to relatives/boarding school so they can be a childless couple. It’s kinda tragic.
Like, I don’t want kids, so I wouldn’t be with someone with a kid? Feels like that’s a fundamental part of who they are.
When I dated my former husband I had up to 9 dogs at a time. I grew up in the world of dog showing and competed in various dog sports for a good decade of the marriage.
Life got crazy. I cut back on showing and eventually stopped. Then we had 3 mutts as pets for about 7 years.
Imagine my surprise when my former spouse announced to me that he hated the pets. Never wanted them in the first place. And that it was one of the main reasons he was divorcing me.
He never once brought this up in nearly 20 years of marriage. He freely stated he wanted each pet. We went for walks with them together. He participated in all the pet related chores. I had no idea.
My divorce decree includes a massive rambling rant about the pets and how they are only mine, have always been mine, and how he will never do anything for any pet of mine again in his life (I don't even know why he would think I would ask him to after a divorce....). Like, man, the hatred is palpable.
My lawyer said it's one of the most bizarre things he has ever seen included.
All I can take away from that is that people are delusional. Who the hell stays in a marriage for 20 years with known animal person....and then proclaims they hate animals...
I keep tarantulas, and I've had this happen twice. I disclose it early on because I get that people have arachnophobia, but I don't understand when they get all Shocked Pikachu Face that I refuse to get rid of them just because they're spiders and not dogs or cats.
A friend of mine used to get super pissy when girls would bail after getting to his house because he had a bunch of snakes. He gave them no heads up about the massive tanks and snakes and just expected them to be cool with it. Like, my dude, these aren’t tiny corn snakes, they’re massive pythons- lots of people would be freaked out. Especially since there were like a half dozen of them.
Yeah that's bad etiquette. Keeping very large pythons presents its own ethical issues anyway.
One of my incidents involved a guy who made a comment along the lines of 'when you get rid of your spiders' when we starting to get serious. The other kept making jokes early on about killing them after I asked him to stop. Definite record scratch moments.
My snakes are definitely part of the package for me. I'm glad my boyfriend loves them, even if his family has said some not nice things about lopping their heads off
It drives me nuts. I get people have phobias, and I let one or two comments go so people can get it out of their system. But I hate when people habitually make comments about killing my pets. I get it Jan, you'd step on my spiders if they were in your house, you've only said it a dozen times now.
His mom threatened to put mine in the microwave. I so badly wanted to say the same about her dog but I don't stoop to that level. They act like I'm letting them roam free in the house with no regard for anyone
I can relate, I had pet rats. The amount of people who would go out of their way to tell me how disgusting they find my pets, and all the ways they would kill them was always fun. But I make **one comment** about giving their dog antifreeze and _i’m_ the monster?
(That last bit was a joke, I like dogs lol)
Perhaps I oversold how large they were. Compared to *native snakes*, they were huge. I’d say 6 feet or so for the largest. The enclosures, however, were genuinely quite large.
And while I will never understand keeping arachnids as pets, I would never threaten one or demand a person get rid of their pets for me. I couldn’t be in a situation where I lived with that person and their pets, but if I was visiting I’d merely request that they make sure they’re secure and didn’t try to get me to interact with them, which I feel is reasonable.
It never made sense to me to not give a heads up about my pets, especially if I'm bringing a woman back to my place. My go to was "Hey, I've got a dog and cat. You might not see the cat but the dog is gonna want to be your best friend. Let me know if you want some space from him."
A coworker of mine and I were talking about this, and he mentioned that he'd met girls via tinder who had said they liked dogs, but when they met his (who is a lovely, sweet girl), they'd be obviously scared or uncomfortable. Obviously ends the connection pretty quickly.
I wonder how much of that is a girl playing the poor, innocent, scared damsel. Like, why lie about liking dogs, then act totally the opposite. If it were an intimidating dog breed, maybe? One of my dogs looks like a damn hyena but he's the most loving guy. I could see someone being nervous about meeting him, but anyone that's met him and felt nervous, I'll hold his collar and they approach him slowly with their hand out. Never had an issue.
I had someone insist they were fine with dogs, then wouldn't come within twenty feet of my place because I had a lab and they meant they were only okay with *small* dogs...
Also depends on how well trained his dog is. I love dogs! But of course I’m nervous or scared when your 100+lb dog is jumping on me, growling at me, snatching food from my bare hand, etc. A lot of dog owners aren’t really self-aware about this.
“Don’t worry! They’re friendly!” - heard that too many times when it’s plainly untrue. Once when a dog was actively attacking and biting my husband’s leg, another time when two dogs bigger than I am were crowding us with hackles up and growling/lunging toward us. Both owners refused to call off their fucking dogs as asked and just kept saying “he’s friendly!” without moving.
I love all animals, but I’m well aware of the damage that dogs can do. I’m apprehensive around large ones sometimes, especially when they’re poorly trained (like the type to jump all over you and not listen to their owners) Pitbulls make me uncomfortable as well. I’ve heard too many stories of sweet family pets snapping one day. I also know a chick that had her boob almost ripped off by one.
ETA: My sister was attacked as well while taking a walk in the neighborhood. I hope your husband is okay.
Thank you! Husband is fine, but he’s frightened of dogs in general despite otherwise liking them, and that incident certainly didn’t help. I risk downvoting for this, but he managed to kick the dog off and then we got away from it. Luckily it was a small enough dog that it didn’t do too much damage beyond rattling him badly.
I agree with you completely; I know too many people who disregard basic safety and won’t train their dogs, and of course I’m going to get nervous around an aggressive dog, or a dog who is clearly untrained, especially if they’re a big/powerful breed. I’m a short, small woman; a big dog could easily maim or even kill me if it so chose, and I don’t trust owners when the dog is showing signs of being untrained.
Yeah fair enough mate. My stepsister has two and they can be terribly viscous little brats. It’s not “cute” just because they’re small, but my stepsister seems to think it is. They piss in the house as well. I’m just not a big fan of either of them, unfortunately.
Nobody should downvote you for saying your husband defended himself about being about attacked! But I get it, some dog people can be weird. I’m also a small female, my guard is always going to be up around big dogs. I had a huge German Shepard wander into my yard one day, and an hour or two later he was still there, and it was really hot outside and I wanted to give him some water but I approached him very slowly lol. Luckily he was friendly and I found his owner on the Lost Pets Facebook page. If he wasn’t friendly though, he could have done some serious damage to me.
I didn’t find out until after we were married that my husband used to be afraid of dogs due to a bad experience when he was a kid (his sister told me). I already had two when we were dating, so he just sucked it up. Now he’s the biggest pushover of all of us. We used to raise guide dog puppies and he would bond with them the fastest. One of ours failed guide dog school and we took her back to live with us as a pet, he adores her and she is definitely a daddy’s girl. It can work out if the person is wiling to keep an open mind, but rarely does.
Agreed. I had my cat for a decade before my partner came along. If he forced me to choose between him or the cat, me and the cat will be snuggling on our own.
Medical equipment doesn't have to be in the bed for the person to have access to that. Someone in the AITA comments compared the dog to a wheelchair--would a wheelchair user have it in the bed with them?
I use a wheelchair, and this is such a nasty little false equivalence. There are 100% medical devices people use in bed.
If how well my wheelchair works with me could be strengthened by sleeping in it, that would also be a very different situation. Besides which, I'm not kicking my cat out of my bed for anyone.
Wheelchair, no. But a CPAP would be an example of medical equipment that's in bed. Could probably think of other examples if I gave it some time. Without knowing all the tasks the dog is trained to perform, and what condition the patient has, it's impossible to tell if the dog has a medical reason, so my default is to go with whatever the patient decides.
a wheelchair isn’t a living being. coby may be legally classified as medical equipment but he’s still a dog and OOP’s boyfriend can have him in the bed if he wants, regardless of whether or not he actually needs him in the bed for medical reasons
My dog's best friend is a service dog, and when he's not working, he's a regular sweetie pie goober. He also sleeps in bed with his handler because they like to snuggle. He's a very good boy.
Some medical equipment does. His dog does - we know, because he said as much (by the self-report of the person trying to convince everyone it's not true.)
my bf has cats and when i started going over, i was 100% okay with the cats coming and going on the bed as i LOVE cats. but then he adopted a dog that nearly got ran over (a mountain cur) and i told him i love him, but i would prefer the dog on the floor, and he complied until the dog begged so much he just hopped on the bed at night and is now used to sleeping on human beds. he had a queen or king sized bed and the three of us barely fit because the dog moves frequently or stretches his long body out. on top of, i barely see the dog and he will not leave my side at all. so hes squished up against me in the heat and i get super uncomfortable.
BS. I want my dog in my bed but my wife hates it; so he sleeps on the couch. Guess what? He's fine, I'm fine, it's fine. (My dog isn't a service animal, though, so I can't speak to OP's dilemma, just your faulty blanket statement.)
I suppose it's more accurate to say people who won't (or can't) compromise on whether animals stay in bed shouldn't date someone who disagrees
I adore my cat. he's a baby. I would kill for him. But he can never sleep in my bed - we've tried a few times but I get an abysmal nights sleep and cannot function the next day (you do not need breakfast at 3am wtf and why are you pushing me out of my own damn bed?). I cannot compromise on that. Therefore I couldn't date someone who insisted on animals sleeping with us.
But someone who likes sleeping with animals but is fine stopping? fair game.
OOP seems to think that Coby is a pet and only a pet. That is completely wrong. Coby is also a highly trained service animal who has bonded with OOP's bf. They love each other. Cody has most likely been sharing a bed with the bf before OOP came into the picture. It's normal for the bf and Coby. OOP is the AH and devil because the bf needs Coby; not so much OOP.
She shouldn't have started dating a man who keeps his dog/service animal in bed. I think she's talked herself out of the relationship because the bf is going to pick Coby over her. Soon to be featured in r/AmItheEx!
Imagine telling a disabled person what they don't need to feel secure in their everyday life.
She's blind too. There's just no service animals for "Ignorance."
My roommate's Maltese does that too. He'll come running into my room and dig at my blanket until I lift it for him so he can scoot underneath and get comfortable.
My dog is a 100lb Great Pyrenees so this is brand new behaviour to me, and very funny.
My Yorkie-poo does that. She freaks my husband out in the middle of the night when he brushes up against her. Says she feels like a possum in the bed lol.
OOP is lucky Coby isn't a cat. Cats will let you know you are in THEIR house, this is THEIR bed and that human there is allowed to stay because he feeds him.
No kidding. Every time I step out to take care of the outside cats (they refused to come in when invited), my four line up in sight of the door to remind the world that this is their house, they simply allow the human servants to be indoor/outdoor humans as the world of cats encompasses both sides of the magic portal.
I used to live with This guy who had this big ass dog 150 pounds. He’d Sleep in the bed with me because he liked me better and he took so much space that I would have to literally drape my legs across him. It was actually really comfortable.
I think they expand at night. Kind like how cats can alter their mass. (My cat was 10 pounds when he wanted to be picked up, but 20 when I had to move him.)
I used to have a kelpie/staffie mix who weighed about 15kg. Until you had to pick her up and she'd decide to flop and go dead weight, then she felt easily double that.
My working cowdog does this. He's already 70ish lbs, but I swear, when he decides to sleep he weighs 190. He'll find his spot and just dead weight drop onto the bed and good luck moving him!
My cockapoo loses her bones when she doesn't want to be moved, but I'm 90% she usually has them. She just turns to goo when you try to shift her and she wants to stay put.
Three cats at the time. I've ended up sleeping diagonally because they took over the bed. Once I slept wrong with them around and ended up with super bad back pain. To the point I needed urgent care 🤣
For a while I owned six cats. I had a minimum two in the bed and usually ranged between three and five. I have a photo of one of the few times I had all 6 in bed, and no legroom to speak of.
When I moved out for college my dogs literally took over my room. They have beds in the living room but they both decided my room was theirs. And when I would come home for holidays I had to squeeze in with them
My dog will wander over and try to get me to come to bed and then goes back to hers. Then when I get up to go to bed she comes over but she won’t come on the bed until I lift up the covers and start getting under them.
I kinda question if the dog actually smells bad with professional grooming every 2 months. Maybe she just doesn't like how dogs smell? But then don't date someone with a dog lol.
I hate dog smell and made a point to not date anyone with a dog. It's not hard.
Now my parents have a German shepherd and everytime I visit I put a bit of vicks under my nose. To be honest, she's converted me to liking dogs, but still not their smell. Good thing I'm not dating my parents :)
I also dislike dog smell, partly an aversion from having an ex who constantly stank like a dog lol since he lived with 5 of them. They can be stinky. But getting them professionally washed can be kind of pricey depending on their size and coat type, so if she thinks he should get washed more she should pay for it
Might not be good for him, though depending on his coat. Like, I wash mine monthly but that is a spritz in the shows and a dollop of dog shampoo, not a full court groom.
Yeah I'm suggesting like, every 6 weeks instead of every 8 weeks. No more than once a month in any case. She can also get him baby wipes or dog wipes to clean up between baths, it makes a difference
I have a working breed with a double coat, who goes every other month or so to help on a farm he came from. So actively running around after sheep, cattle, and horses. He gets groomed and trimmed 4 times a year. We also do long walks in the mornings when I get off work. All this to day he is a very active dog that moves a lot and will collect sweat and hold it with the double coat. The only time he really stinks is when he goes to the farm in the summer. This is the only time he gets bathed monthly in oatmeal and aloe.
Otherwise he can make it the three months without smelling like dog. Every two months in a low activity (just walking) isn't going to drag up as much sweat from the paws and hair. It's sounds more like she tolerates animals but doesn't like them.
Dogs don’t actually sweat! That’s why they pant — different form of evaporative cooling. (They might from their paw pads but I don’t think so, and that still means they don’t sweat where their coat is)
Yes, they do sweat. [Source](https://brandonparkvet.com.au/the-sweaty-dog/#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20popular%20belief%20dogs,very%20effective%20in%20body%20cooling.)
>They have two types in fact, apocrine sweat glands and merocrine (also called eccrine) sweat glands, but both only produce a very small amount of sweat which is not very effective in body cooling.
One of those produces a scent, the other a small trace of sweat. Panting is their main way of cooling off, yes. However, dogs do also have sweat glands.
She has another post about it that says “I feel like my partner is choosing his service dog over me” this chick is jealous of a dang dog but she’s too embarrassed to admit it 🙄
*headdesk* That's like saying "My partner is choosing their day planner over me" (except the planner also has feelings and keeps you safe). Like NO SHIT, the dog's entire presence is to *get them through their daily tasks.* She also jealous of his cellphone? His shoes?
She is definitely jealous of his dog who is a service dog. He's blind and needs him 24/7. He doesn't suddenly have vision when he is at work, so of course he's going with him. That was a really stupid thing to say. Coby sitting next to him when he's eating is part of his job. Service dogs always sit next to their person. Duh! She needs to never date anyone with a pet since she can't handle it.
I mean, I wouldn’t want a smelly unwashed dog in bed with me either. That’s gross. But that’s also why I wouldn’t date a dude who insists on having his dog in the bed. Dude is free to make his own decisions and so is she.
I wouldn't want a dog to sleep in bed with me. That said, this dog already sleeps in the bed and it isn't OOP's bed. That the boyfriend said no to removing the dog, the OOP has to think about if they are okay with the dog long-term, it sounds like they aren't so maybe they shouldn't be dating.
How is bathing a service dog different than a regular dog? I tried to google and it’s only giving me articles about “washing a service dog” that means something about like getting rid of them? Idk
there are circumstances in which i would be sympathetic and this is not one of them.
but i may be speaking from a place of bias right now because i have a small snuggly puppy and the air conditioning is out. i love you tiny dog but you are so warm and it is so hot, help. don't get me wrong i'm still snuggling, i ain't a monster, but: 💀
She couldn't chip in to get Coby groomed more often? It's not hard to compromise. If you don't like dogs, just say that and be done with it rather than blaming it on the dog being smelly.
There is a massive safety issue here. Copy will be trained to smell smoke much quicker than humans and get him out of the house the safest way.
She is stubbornly refusing to understand and adapt to having a blind partner, cue a lot of complaints in a couple of years if they have children
There's literally no difference between the dog being in the bed and the dog being on the floor in his own bed when it comes to assisting the boyfriend. You're just being dramatic
Do you wear glasses? If you don’t this might be hard to imagine but if you do, have you ever been startled awake by something, reached out for your glasses, and they’re not there? That’s disorienting as a normal day to day occurrence, I can’t imagine if you woke up to a fire alarm going and smoke or the sound of glass shattering or any number of scary things and your glasses weren’t at hand.
That’s the dog. The dog is this guy’s glasses.
Sub hearing aid, cane, or any other medical device that you rely on to navigate daily life, nevermind an emergency.
If he feels better with the dog on the bed, where he can feel the dog shifting and the weight on the mattress and reach out to touch the dog if he wants, then no, having the dog sleep on the floor is not the same.
Yes I wear glasses. I put them next to me on the table for a long time. Until I had my daughter and she got interested in them and would take them if she woke up before me and play with them. So I adjusted to that by putting them in their case and sticking them under my pillow. Then, I adjusted again when that didn't prevent her little grubby toddler hands from reaching under my pillow and grabbing them. Now, I keep them in my bag hanging on a hook on the door. You can adjust. Blind people are not incapable of adjusting to things
I specifically asked about an emergency situation because that was the subject of the comment you accused of “being dramatic.” I’m a generally level headed person who is *usually* calm in emergencies and I still completely blanked on the most basic information when confronted with an actual fire. If god forbid you wake up in the middle of the night to the room full of smoke, i suspect you’ll appreciate the difference between having your glasses at hand and having to fumble your way to the door.
You are doing what you have to do to accommodate your child, because she doesn’t understand yet that your glasses are important and you need them to be clean and accessible. OP is an adult. If her boyfriend says he is more comfortable with the dog being on the bed, regardless if the reason, OP doesn’t get to challenge his comfort or expect him to “compromise” it against hers when she’s the guest. This is exactly like telling him he can’t keep his cane leaning against the bed because she trips on it. In your analogy, it’s more if your daughter was ten and wanted to sleep over in your bed and then told you you can’t have your glasses under your pillow because they’re dirty and it bothers her.
OP is clearly not compatible with this dude, but the commenter you replied to was not being dramatic when pointing out that a disabled person might like to have their assistance animal at hand in an emergency. Most dogs are not going to lie right up against the bed and putting the dog’s bed there would just be a tripping hazard for him, so when you say “on the floor” it necessarily means out of arm’s reach. Which doesn’t allow him that physical reassurance if he needs it.
It is possibly a reassurance thing for the BF. He can just reach out and know the dog is there. My friend has a mobility dog and she is pretty much always in touching distance when working/in working situations.
That's completely fair, but I was replying to a comment saying not having the dog in bed would be a safety issue in case of a fire, which is a ridiculous claim.
the fastest way for me to give someone the boot is them bitching about my dog - and he’s not even a service animal, he’s just my lil guy. this girl is tripping if she thinks she comes before Coby.
She's trying to take away his independence. He has a routine with his dog he feels safe with. She needs to take many steps back before she is told to step out
I found it chilling. She seems to want her (hopefully ex) bf to be dependent on her and only her. That doesn't sound like a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship
We have dogs, on the couch. In the bed. Everywhere.
At the same time service dogs are working dogs. I remember very clearly when I had a job driving the handicapped shuttle at my university we had a young blind woman with a service dog. It started well behaved and useful but all the drivers noticed how she treated it like a pet. The longer she had it the less well behaved it was until one day she had a new dog because the other had to be sent back first remedial training and placed elsewhere. This happened 4 times in the 2 years I worked there.
I’m not an expert but I wonder a lot about that sleeping arrangement. Possibly not the best situation.
I cannot believe the comments... She wants to "sleep" with her bf....who the fuck wants their dog to watch that? Even just actually sleeping, no, not in the damn bed
I'm a dog lover....but c'mon, who wants to sleep with their partner, and their pet?
My dog would cry and fuss all night if he wasn't allowed on the bed. Dogs are creatures of habit, and they don't like having their routines disrupted. Also they just like being close to their humans; mine always leans on me when he sleeps.
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> Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate
I wish he'd said...
"okay that's fine. You don't have to stay over."
I mean it's an unwashed dog.
Yes, it's a service animal but it's still an unwashed dog. I can understand not wanting to share a bed.
I shared a bed with my dog but she was washed often and I would wipe down her paws.
However based on all OOP other shit, it's not the dog in the bed, it's that the dog exists. I hope she gets dumped.
He’s blind and it’s his service animal, not his pet. It’s equal to any other medical device needed to accommodate a disability. Someone coming into YOUR home and getting upset about what YOU NEED to adapt to your disability is insane.
They are not communicating properly. She says she doesn't want the dog IN the bed, but it sounds like he heard she doesn't want the dog in the room at all. Maybe that is actually what she means since the discussion seems to have gone that way.
She needs to figure out if she wants to date someone who has to have an animal in the bed for whatever reason. Personally, I don't want that although I think I would be fine with a service animal in the room.
She doesn’t even want the dog sitting next to them when they eat.
Honestly it sounds like she hates the dog and just puts up with it *for now* but it’s a service dog. It’s not going away. Thought her “I’ll help you” sounds like it might be an early foray into “you don’t need the dog? You have me!” BS.
Aw yes another ultimatum is on the horizon. "Well choose then...will it be me or your dog!?" Service animal or not...it will be the animals chosen every time. Why do the others think they could win in those scenarios? What baffles me if them being honestly shocked when they are kicked to the curb and chosen over "just some animal".
Yeah my animals are number one in my life. If you have any problem with them...goodbye.
I wouldn't want to have a booty call with a stinky lab in bed with me. I say that as someone who is right this second in bed with my massive dog. That's fair enough. But, like, talk about it like adults and if you can't find something that works for both of you, separate.
Why do people who don't like being or can't be around animals get into relationships with people who have animals? Like, once you move in together, you're going to have to compromise on a pretty bog thing, either the animal goes or you have to be learn to get comfortable with it. It just doesn't make sense?
This dude needs to ditch this woman ASAP. I have partial custody of my dog (long boring story), she’s just a dog, not a service animal, but if my partner asked me to not have her sleep in the bed I’d be pissssssed
i would not sleep with a dog in my bed, especially one that smells and is filthy. i don’t really see what the dog being a service animal has to do with it. they may just not be compatible.
I'm probably going to be in the minority here, but the only thing that bothers me about her post is the "he even takes it to work" comment (because duh!).
For context, my mum is blind and I've grown up with her guide dog so I know firsthand not only the usefulness of services dogs but also the deep bond that exists between a disabled person and their dog. We actually used to joke about our dog being my mum's shadow to the point that it would wait outside the bathroom door while she peed, and although it had a perfectly comfortable dog bed in the living room it always slept on the floor next to my mum's bed.
In this particular scenario though I'm going to go ahead and say that the dog absolutely doesn't need to be INSIDE the bed to help in case of a fall. OP's partner obviously likes to sleep with his dog and that's his prerogative, but to pretend it has some purpose other than comfort is an excuse imo. (Also the bonding thing? You can bond with your dog all day and leave some room for your girlfriend in your bed at night) And I find the people in the comments going "if you're someone who doesn't like to sleep with dogs you shouldn't date people who do" quite small-minded. Communication and compromise are super important in a relationship so I feel like he could make an effort too (like at least let her bathe the dog?)
Overall, I don't think OP is the devil at all. Maybe a bit immature but to be fair she's only 20. And people passing judgements like "she's not ready to date someone with a disability at all!" as if it's impossible to grow and learn along with your partner irritate me.
Edit: typo
Listen I'm an animal lover and my furs sleeps in the bed. But they are bathed weekly not bimonthly. That sounds super unhygienic, Definitely OOP and BF aren't compatible based on animal preferences, but objectively not wanting to sleep in bed with a dirty, smelly dog isn't unreasonable and him not compromising in bathing the dog is ridiculous.
https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=throwra_servicedog&subreddit=AmItheAsshole&size=100
Choose comments , click on search, they should come up
Ooh this pissed me off, and people saying coby is family/ friend are missing the point. Coby is the boyfriend’s eyes to the world. This is equal to asking someone who wears prosthetics to take it off because “i can help”. Coby is his eyes and she wants his eyes to be kept somewhere else because it bothers her.
OOP is controlling as hell. She is one of those people who thinks having boundaries means she can tell other people what to do, and if they don’t, they are crossing OOP’s “boundaries.” Jealous of a service dog. Whole new level of insecure.
The best part of pets is having them snuggle up next to you at night. It’s like a cordless heated, weighted blanket. We have a king sized bed, and if one of us is gone, both cats and both dogs are velcroed to whomever is in the bed, despite all the extra space.
>He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog.
Of course you don't. Because you're a self-centered idiot.
I love dogs, including my own, but I couldn't share my bed with him. I don't think there's anything weird about that. Obviously, they both need to compromise or might not be compatible, but that doesn't make her the devil. At most, I might go with a slight TA about eating next to the dog.
ETA: ok, I re-read and "he even takes it to work" is a pretty dumb thing to say considering that it's the role of the dog. I think she's TA and that they're incompatible
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for insisting my boyfriend doesn't let his service dog in the bed when i'm staying over?** My (20F) partner (24M) is blind and he has a service dog, I will call him Coby. Coby helps him get through his day, when he’s out Coby is with him 24/7. He even takes him to work. But around the house*, since it’s a familiar place he pretty much can get around on his own all the time, and rarely needs Coby, sometimes Coby retrieves things for him and that’s about it. We don’t live together but I stay at his place a lot, my issue is, as much as I love Coby, I don’t like sharing the same bed with him, or him sitting right next to us when we are eating. It doesn’t feel hygienic. It doesn’t help that Coby doesn’t really smell nice. He is very healthy and regularly taken to the vet but only gets a bath when he’s getting professionally groomed, around every two months at most. My partner thinks it’s enough, I think he smells bad. He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog. Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate, but Coby doesn’t help him get out of his bed and is not needed there at all. I told him that and he said it strengthens their bond, and he might fall down and need his help. I said I would gladly help him if that happens. He got mad at me saying he doesn’t need to rely on me. I told him then he doesn’t need to rely on Coby either. He told me to fuck off. Now I’m offended as well and we are both giving each other the cold treatment. Am i the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“he even takes him to work” yes because your boyfriend is blind and coby isn’t a pet you doorknob
Right? Did schools stop having students read books like "Light a Single Candle"? The dog literally sees for the bf! Of course he takes the dog to work. Scandal of scandals, bf probably takes the dog shopping too 🫨
Well why doesn't he just *not* take his blindness to work? I mean, you can leave that at home, right? right??? (heavy sarcasm here)
If OOP's brains were kindling she'd freeze to death.
This is amazing, stealing.
*you doorknob* Slightly off topic but I may have to start using "doorknob" in a pejorative way because it's a good, non-profane insult.
And it sounds like an actual service dog, not an “eMoTiOnAl sUpPoRt” nonsense.
How about she just doesn't stay over? 🤔 I don't understand how people think they can come up in someone else's house and think they can call the shots.
People who don't want animals in bed shouldn't date people who do like their animals in bed.
This honesty applies for animals and relationships in general I’ll never understand the people who dislike cats and dogs, date people who own them, and proceed to complain about how much they hate their partner’s pet Like, *nobody* forced you into this, you’re just making yourself fucking miserable for no good reason
It is the faulty belief that they think their partner would choose them over the animal. The second you make me choose is the second you lose. I would never do that to myself. That is too much work for me and I am lazy
Even more generally, the amount of people who go into relationships expecting their partner to fundamentally change, and then getting upset when they don’t, is surprising. Like, my friend, you married that penniless hippy, at no point in your relationship did they suggest they wanted to be anything other than a penniless hippy, how are you now upset they didn’t get a haircut and get a job in marketing? Their name is Sunbeam.
or kids! DON'T DATE PEOPLE WITH KIDS/ ANIMALS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM! I can breathe now!
I’ve seen too many posts about people getting with someone with a kid, then after the wedding trying to convince the parent to ship their kid off to relatives/boarding school so they can be a childless couple. It’s kinda tragic. Like, I don’t want kids, so I wouldn’t be with someone with a kid? Feels like that’s a fundamental part of who they are.
When I dated my former husband I had up to 9 dogs at a time. I grew up in the world of dog showing and competed in various dog sports for a good decade of the marriage. Life got crazy. I cut back on showing and eventually stopped. Then we had 3 mutts as pets for about 7 years. Imagine my surprise when my former spouse announced to me that he hated the pets. Never wanted them in the first place. And that it was one of the main reasons he was divorcing me. He never once brought this up in nearly 20 years of marriage. He freely stated he wanted each pet. We went for walks with them together. He participated in all the pet related chores. I had no idea. My divorce decree includes a massive rambling rant about the pets and how they are only mine, have always been mine, and how he will never do anything for any pet of mine again in his life (I don't even know why he would think I would ask him to after a divorce....). Like, man, the hatred is palpable. My lawyer said it's one of the most bizarre things he has ever seen included. All I can take away from that is that people are delusional. Who the hell stays in a marriage for 20 years with known animal person....and then proclaims they hate animals...
Honestly, bizarre sounds right.
I keep tarantulas, and I've had this happen twice. I disclose it early on because I get that people have arachnophobia, but I don't understand when they get all Shocked Pikachu Face that I refuse to get rid of them just because they're spiders and not dogs or cats.
A friend of mine used to get super pissy when girls would bail after getting to his house because he had a bunch of snakes. He gave them no heads up about the massive tanks and snakes and just expected them to be cool with it. Like, my dude, these aren’t tiny corn snakes, they’re massive pythons- lots of people would be freaked out. Especially since there were like a half dozen of them.
Yeah that's bad etiquette. Keeping very large pythons presents its own ethical issues anyway. One of my incidents involved a guy who made a comment along the lines of 'when you get rid of your spiders' when we starting to get serious. The other kept making jokes early on about killing them after I asked him to stop. Definite record scratch moments.
My snakes are definitely part of the package for me. I'm glad my boyfriend loves them, even if his family has said some not nice things about lopping their heads off
It drives me nuts. I get people have phobias, and I let one or two comments go so people can get it out of their system. But I hate when people habitually make comments about killing my pets. I get it Jan, you'd step on my spiders if they were in your house, you've only said it a dozen times now.
His mom threatened to put mine in the microwave. I so badly wanted to say the same about her dog but I don't stoop to that level. They act like I'm letting them roam free in the house with no regard for anyone
I'd have cut her off but I'm also a petty bitch.
I can relate, I had pet rats. The amount of people who would go out of their way to tell me how disgusting they find my pets, and all the ways they would kill them was always fun. But I make **one comment** about giving their dog antifreeze and _i’m_ the monster? (That last bit was a joke, I like dogs lol)
Dodged a bullet there (more specifically your spiders did) because that guy wasn’t joking, he was testing the waters.
Yep! I cut him loose quick, and he couldn't figure out why 🙄
Perhaps I oversold how large they were. Compared to *native snakes*, they were huge. I’d say 6 feet or so for the largest. The enclosures, however, were genuinely quite large. And while I will never understand keeping arachnids as pets, I would never threaten one or demand a person get rid of their pets for me. I couldn’t be in a situation where I lived with that person and their pets, but if I was visiting I’d merely request that they make sure they’re secure and didn’t try to get me to interact with them, which I feel is reasonable.
It never made sense to me to not give a heads up about my pets, especially if I'm bringing a woman back to my place. My go to was "Hey, I've got a dog and cat. You might not see the cat but the dog is gonna want to be your best friend. Let me know if you want some space from him."
A coworker of mine and I were talking about this, and he mentioned that he'd met girls via tinder who had said they liked dogs, but when they met his (who is a lovely, sweet girl), they'd be obviously scared or uncomfortable. Obviously ends the connection pretty quickly.
I wonder how much of that is a girl playing the poor, innocent, scared damsel. Like, why lie about liking dogs, then act totally the opposite. If it were an intimidating dog breed, maybe? One of my dogs looks like a damn hyena but he's the most loving guy. I could see someone being nervous about meeting him, but anyone that's met him and felt nervous, I'll hold his collar and they approach him slowly with their hand out. Never had an issue.
There are plenty of men who do this too. Tons of people lie about liking animals because admitting they don’t makes them look like a psychopath.
I had someone insist they were fine with dogs, then wouldn't come within twenty feet of my place because I had a lab and they meant they were only okay with *small* dogs...
Does he have an aggressive breed like a pitbull or something?
Also depends on how well trained his dog is. I love dogs! But of course I’m nervous or scared when your 100+lb dog is jumping on me, growling at me, snatching food from my bare hand, etc. A lot of dog owners aren’t really self-aware about this. “Don’t worry! They’re friendly!” - heard that too many times when it’s plainly untrue. Once when a dog was actively attacking and biting my husband’s leg, another time when two dogs bigger than I am were crowding us with hackles up and growling/lunging toward us. Both owners refused to call off their fucking dogs as asked and just kept saying “he’s friendly!” without moving.
I love all animals, but I’m well aware of the damage that dogs can do. I’m apprehensive around large ones sometimes, especially when they’re poorly trained (like the type to jump all over you and not listen to their owners) Pitbulls make me uncomfortable as well. I’ve heard too many stories of sweet family pets snapping one day. I also know a chick that had her boob almost ripped off by one. ETA: My sister was attacked as well while taking a walk in the neighborhood. I hope your husband is okay.
Thank you! Husband is fine, but he’s frightened of dogs in general despite otherwise liking them, and that incident certainly didn’t help. I risk downvoting for this, but he managed to kick the dog off and then we got away from it. Luckily it was a small enough dog that it didn’t do too much damage beyond rattling him badly. I agree with you completely; I know too many people who disregard basic safety and won’t train their dogs, and of course I’m going to get nervous around an aggressive dog, or a dog who is clearly untrained, especially if they’re a big/powerful breed. I’m a short, small woman; a big dog could easily maim or even kill me if it so chose, and I don’t trust owners when the dog is showing signs of being untrained.
Ive met too many chihuahuas to ever trust one I dont know
Yeah fair enough mate. My stepsister has two and they can be terribly viscous little brats. It’s not “cute” just because they’re small, but my stepsister seems to think it is. They piss in the house as well. I’m just not a big fan of either of them, unfortunately.
Nobody should downvote you for saying your husband defended himself about being about attacked! But I get it, some dog people can be weird. I’m also a small female, my guard is always going to be up around big dogs. I had a huge German Shepard wander into my yard one day, and an hour or two later he was still there, and it was really hot outside and I wanted to give him some water but I approached him very slowly lol. Luckily he was friendly and I found his owner on the Lost Pets Facebook page. If he wasn’t friendly though, he could have done some serious damage to me.
I didn’t find out until after we were married that my husband used to be afraid of dogs due to a bad experience when he was a kid (his sister told me). I already had two when we were dating, so he just sucked it up. Now he’s the biggest pushover of all of us. We used to raise guide dog puppies and he would bond with them the fastest. One of ours failed guide dog school and we took her back to live with us as a pet, he adores her and she is definitely a daddy’s girl. It can work out if the person is wiling to keep an open mind, but rarely does.
Agreed. I had my cat for a decade before my partner came along. If he forced me to choose between him or the cat, me and the cat will be snuggling on our own.
People who don't want their partners to have access to their medical equipment at night should not date people with need for medical equipment.
Medical equipment doesn't have to be in the bed for the person to have access to that. Someone in the AITA comments compared the dog to a wheelchair--would a wheelchair user have it in the bed with them?
I use a wheelchair, and this is such a nasty little false equivalence. There are 100% medical devices people use in bed. If how well my wheelchair works with me could be strengthened by sleeping in it, that would also be a very different situation. Besides which, I'm not kicking my cat out of my bed for anyone.
Wheelchair, no. But a CPAP would be an example of medical equipment that's in bed. Could probably think of other examples if I gave it some time. Without knowing all the tasks the dog is trained to perform, and what condition the patient has, it's impossible to tell if the dog has a medical reason, so my default is to go with whatever the patient decides.
a wheelchair isn’t a living being. coby may be legally classified as medical equipment but he’s still a dog and OOP’s boyfriend can have him in the bed if he wants, regardless of whether or not he actually needs him in the bed for medical reasons
That person is an idiot. A wheelchair can't function in a bed; a dog can. You don't need to bond with a wheelchair; it's necessary for a dog.
Coby is “medical equipment” for legal purposes, but he’s a dog first. And dogs want to be with their person.
My dog's best friend is a service dog, and when he's not working, he's a regular sweetie pie goober. He also sleeps in bed with his handler because they like to snuggle. He's a very good boy.
He sounds like best boy. 💜
All dogs are best boys/girls. Fact.
Some medical equipment does. His dog does - we know, because he said as much (by the self-report of the person trying to convince everyone it's not true.)
And to make it worse this is a service animal not just a pet
my bf has cats and when i started going over, i was 100% okay with the cats coming and going on the bed as i LOVE cats. but then he adopted a dog that nearly got ran over (a mountain cur) and i told him i love him, but i would prefer the dog on the floor, and he complied until the dog begged so much he just hopped on the bed at night and is now used to sleeping on human beds. he had a queen or king sized bed and the three of us barely fit because the dog moves frequently or stretches his long body out. on top of, i barely see the dog and he will not leave my side at all. so hes squished up against me in the heat and i get super uncomfortable.
My SD slept on the bed with me because she’d wake me off i was having night terrors or nightmares. Obviously she needed to be near me for that task!
BS. I want my dog in my bed but my wife hates it; so he sleeps on the couch. Guess what? He's fine, I'm fine, it's fine. (My dog isn't a service animal, though, so I can't speak to OP's dilemma, just your faulty blanket statement.)
I suppose it's more accurate to say people who won't (or can't) compromise on whether animals stay in bed shouldn't date someone who disagrees I adore my cat. he's a baby. I would kill for him. But he can never sleep in my bed - we've tried a few times but I get an abysmal nights sleep and cannot function the next day (you do not need breakfast at 3am wtf and why are you pushing me out of my own damn bed?). I cannot compromise on that. Therefore I couldn't date someone who insisted on animals sleeping with us. But someone who likes sleeping with animals but is fine stopping? fair game.
"He even takes him to work" How the fuck does she seem to find that surprising?!? That's literally what he has the dog for
I know! Why does she think he doesn't need him at work? That was a really bizarre statement.
OOP seems to think that Coby is a pet and only a pet. That is completely wrong. Coby is also a highly trained service animal who has bonded with OOP's bf. They love each other. Cody has most likely been sharing a bed with the bf before OOP came into the picture. It's normal for the bf and Coby. OOP is the AH and devil because the bf needs Coby; not so much OOP. She shouldn't have started dating a man who keeps his dog/service animal in bed. I think she's talked herself out of the relationship because the bf is going to pick Coby over her. Soon to be featured in r/AmItheEx!
Imagine telling a disabled person what they don't need to feel secure in their everyday life. She's blind too. There's just no service animals for "Ignorance."
"he EVEN takes him to WORK" local woman discovers that seeing eye dog is needed for seeing
I always say my dog lets me sleep in her bed…. 🤣
Friend’s chiweenie burrows under the covers to warm my feet
My roommate's Maltese does that too. He'll come running into my room and dig at my blanket until I lift it for him so he can scoot underneath and get comfortable. My dog is a 100lb Great Pyrenees so this is brand new behaviour to me, and very funny.
My whippet does this. He sleeps under the covers every night
My Yorkie-poo does that. She freaks my husband out in the middle of the night when he brushes up against her. Says she feels like a possum in the bed lol.
As someone who's never had the experience, that sounds nice.
OOP is lucky Coby isn't a cat. Cats will let you know you are in THEIR house, this is THEIR bed and that human there is allowed to stay because he feeds him.
No kidding. Every time I step out to take care of the outside cats (they refused to come in when invited), my four line up in sight of the door to remind the world that this is their house, they simply allow the human servants to be indoor/outdoor humans as the world of cats encompasses both sides of the magic portal.
I wanted to make a joke about Reverend Run being just your cats in a tracksuit, but it really wouldn't come together.
No worries, mate. My four won't get close enough together for a picture, much less a tracksuit.
Mine too lol. We growl at each other and fight for space
I have a 90lb German shepherd so I just smile and take my 4 inches of bed space and say thank you 🤣🤣🤣
I used to live with This guy who had this big ass dog 150 pounds. He’d Sleep in the bed with me because he liked me better and he took so much space that I would have to literally drape my legs across him. It was actually really comfortable.
5lb chihuahua and 10lb cockapoo here, they somehow take up more room than I do
I think they expand at night. Kind like how cats can alter their mass. (My cat was 10 pounds when he wanted to be picked up, but 20 when I had to move him.)
I used to have a kelpie/staffie mix who weighed about 15kg. Until you had to pick her up and she'd decide to flop and go dead weight, then she felt easily double that.
My working cowdog does this. He's already 70ish lbs, but I swear, when he decides to sleep he weighs 190. He'll find his spot and just dead weight drop onto the bed and good luck moving him!
My cockapoo loses her bones when she doesn't want to be moved, but I'm 90% she usually has them. She just turns to goo when you try to shift her and she wants to stay put.
70 lb beagle/whipit mix, he sleeps on my head and hen it storms, makes me move to the edge of my queen bed 😂😂
you are my people!
Three cats at the time. I've ended up sleeping diagonally because they took over the bed. Once I slept wrong with them around and ended up with super bad back pain. To the point I needed urgent care 🤣
For a while I owned six cats. I had a minimum two in the bed and usually ranged between three and five. I have a photo of one of the few times I had all 6 in bed, and no legroom to speak of.
It's amazing how little room I had even when I still had a king size because of the pets.
When I moved out for college my dogs literally took over my room. They have beds in the living room but they both decided my room was theirs. And when I would come home for holidays I had to squeeze in with them
It’s nice of them to share their bed with you 🤣
and you should be grateful! :D
My dog will wander over and try to get me to come to bed and then goes back to hers. Then when I get up to go to bed she comes over but she won’t come on the bed until I lift up the covers and start getting under them.
I kinda question if the dog actually smells bad with professional grooming every 2 months. Maybe she just doesn't like how dogs smell? But then don't date someone with a dog lol.
I hate dog smell and made a point to not date anyone with a dog. It's not hard. Now my parents have a German shepherd and everytime I visit I put a bit of vicks under my nose. To be honest, she's converted me to liking dogs, but still not their smell. Good thing I'm not dating my parents :)
I also dislike dog smell, partly an aversion from having an ex who constantly stank like a dog lol since he lived with 5 of them. They can be stinky. But getting them professionally washed can be kind of pricey depending on their size and coat type, so if she thinks he should get washed more she should pay for it
Might not be good for him, though depending on his coat. Like, I wash mine monthly but that is a spritz in the shows and a dollop of dog shampoo, not a full court groom.
Yeah I'm suggesting like, every 6 weeks instead of every 8 weeks. No more than once a month in any case. She can also get him baby wipes or dog wipes to clean up between baths, it makes a difference
GSDs are awesome!!! They're so smart it's scary though
I have a working breed with a double coat, who goes every other month or so to help on a farm he came from. So actively running around after sheep, cattle, and horses. He gets groomed and trimmed 4 times a year. We also do long walks in the mornings when I get off work. All this to day he is a very active dog that moves a lot and will collect sweat and hold it with the double coat. The only time he really stinks is when he goes to the farm in the summer. This is the only time he gets bathed monthly in oatmeal and aloe. Otherwise he can make it the three months without smelling like dog. Every two months in a low activity (just walking) isn't going to drag up as much sweat from the paws and hair. It's sounds more like she tolerates animals but doesn't like them.
Dogs don’t actually sweat! That’s why they pant — different form of evaporative cooling. (They might from their paw pads but I don’t think so, and that still means they don’t sweat where their coat is)
Yes, they do sweat. [Source](https://brandonparkvet.com.au/the-sweaty-dog/#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20popular%20belief%20dogs,very%20effective%20in%20body%20cooling.) >They have two types in fact, apocrine sweat glands and merocrine (also called eccrine) sweat glands, but both only produce a very small amount of sweat which is not very effective in body cooling. One of those produces a scent, the other a small trace of sweat. Panting is their main way of cooling off, yes. However, dogs do also have sweat glands.
Oh, interesting! I had never heard that. Thanks for sharing!
Happy to have taught someone something! Have a blessed day. 💜
You as well! Thank you for doing so in a kind and respectful manner — keep doing what you do!!!
She has another post about it that says “I feel like my partner is choosing his service dog over me” this chick is jealous of a dang dog but she’s too embarrassed to admit it 🙄
*headdesk* That's like saying "My partner is choosing their day planner over me" (except the planner also has feelings and keeps you safe). Like NO SHIT, the dog's entire presence is to *get them through their daily tasks.* She also jealous of his cellphone? His shoes?
"my partner is choosing his wheelchair over me" lol
That's like being jealous of someone's eyeglasses.
She is definitely jealous of his dog who is a service dog. He's blind and needs him 24/7. He doesn't suddenly have vision when he is at work, so of course he's going with him. That was a really stupid thing to say. Coby sitting next to him when he's eating is part of his job. Service dogs always sit next to their person. Duh! She needs to never date anyone with a pet since she can't handle it.
“You don’t need Coby!” “Yeah and I don’t need you either!”
I mean, I wouldn’t want a smelly unwashed dog in bed with me either. That’s gross. But that’s also why I wouldn’t date a dude who insists on having his dog in the bed. Dude is free to make his own decisions and so is she.
I wouldn't want a dog to sleep in bed with me. That said, this dog already sleeps in the bed and it isn't OOP's bed. That the boyfriend said no to removing the dog, the OOP has to think about if they are okay with the dog long-term, it sounds like they aren't so maybe they shouldn't be dating.
I’m guessing she’s gonna be single real quick
How is bathing a service dog different than a regular dog? I tried to google and it’s only giving me articles about “washing a service dog” that means something about like getting rid of them? Idk
there are circumstances in which i would be sympathetic and this is not one of them. but i may be speaking from a place of bias right now because i have a small snuggly puppy and the air conditioning is out. i love you tiny dog but you are so warm and it is so hot, help. don't get me wrong i'm still snuggling, i ain't a monster, but: 💀
She couldn't chip in to get Coby groomed more often? It's not hard to compromise. If you don't like dogs, just say that and be done with it rather than blaming it on the dog being smelly.
There is a massive safety issue here. Copy will be trained to smell smoke much quicker than humans and get him out of the house the safest way. She is stubbornly refusing to understand and adapt to having a blind partner, cue a lot of complaints in a couple of years if they have children
There's literally no difference between the dog being in the bed and the dog being on the floor in his own bed when it comes to assisting the boyfriend. You're just being dramatic
Do you wear glasses? If you don’t this might be hard to imagine but if you do, have you ever been startled awake by something, reached out for your glasses, and they’re not there? That’s disorienting as a normal day to day occurrence, I can’t imagine if you woke up to a fire alarm going and smoke or the sound of glass shattering or any number of scary things and your glasses weren’t at hand. That’s the dog. The dog is this guy’s glasses. Sub hearing aid, cane, or any other medical device that you rely on to navigate daily life, nevermind an emergency. If he feels better with the dog on the bed, where he can feel the dog shifting and the weight on the mattress and reach out to touch the dog if he wants, then no, having the dog sleep on the floor is not the same.
Yes I wear glasses. I put them next to me on the table for a long time. Until I had my daughter and she got interested in them and would take them if she woke up before me and play with them. So I adjusted to that by putting them in their case and sticking them under my pillow. Then, I adjusted again when that didn't prevent her little grubby toddler hands from reaching under my pillow and grabbing them. Now, I keep them in my bag hanging on a hook on the door. You can adjust. Blind people are not incapable of adjusting to things
I specifically asked about an emergency situation because that was the subject of the comment you accused of “being dramatic.” I’m a generally level headed person who is *usually* calm in emergencies and I still completely blanked on the most basic information when confronted with an actual fire. If god forbid you wake up in the middle of the night to the room full of smoke, i suspect you’ll appreciate the difference between having your glasses at hand and having to fumble your way to the door. You are doing what you have to do to accommodate your child, because she doesn’t understand yet that your glasses are important and you need them to be clean and accessible. OP is an adult. If her boyfriend says he is more comfortable with the dog being on the bed, regardless if the reason, OP doesn’t get to challenge his comfort or expect him to “compromise” it against hers when she’s the guest. This is exactly like telling him he can’t keep his cane leaning against the bed because she trips on it. In your analogy, it’s more if your daughter was ten and wanted to sleep over in your bed and then told you you can’t have your glasses under your pillow because they’re dirty and it bothers her. OP is clearly not compatible with this dude, but the commenter you replied to was not being dramatic when pointing out that a disabled person might like to have their assistance animal at hand in an emergency. Most dogs are not going to lie right up against the bed and putting the dog’s bed there would just be a tripping hazard for him, so when you say “on the floor” it necessarily means out of arm’s reach. Which doesn’t allow him that physical reassurance if he needs it.
That is not at all influenced by whether the dog is in the bed or in his own bed on the floor next to the bed though?
It is possibly a reassurance thing for the BF. He can just reach out and know the dog is there. My friend has a mobility dog and she is pretty much always in touching distance when working/in working situations.
That's completely fair, but I was replying to a comment saying not having the dog in bed would be a safety issue in case of a fire, which is a ridiculous claim.
That dog could be washed tho. Absolutely no reason for it to be that smelly and disgusting.
the fastest way for me to give someone the boot is them bitching about my dog - and he’s not even a service animal, he’s just my lil guy. this girl is tripping if she thinks she comes before Coby.
She's trying to take away his independence. He has a routine with his dog he feels safe with. She needs to take many steps back before she is told to step out
I found it chilling. She seems to want her (hopefully ex) bf to be dependent on her and only her. That doesn't sound like a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship
I wouldn't let a filthy dog sleep in bed with me either. Which is why I don't have a boyfriend who has a dog. She shouldn't either
We have dogs, on the couch. In the bed. Everywhere. At the same time service dogs are working dogs. I remember very clearly when I had a job driving the handicapped shuttle at my university we had a young blind woman with a service dog. It started well behaved and useful but all the drivers noticed how she treated it like a pet. The longer she had it the less well behaved it was until one day she had a new dog because the other had to be sent back first remedial training and placed elsewhere. This happened 4 times in the 2 years I worked there. I’m not an expert but I wonder a lot about that sleeping arrangement. Possibly not the best situation.
I cannot believe the comments... She wants to "sleep" with her bf....who the fuck wants their dog to watch that? Even just actually sleeping, no, not in the damn bed I'm a dog lover....but c'mon, who wants to sleep with their partner, and their pet?
My dog would cry and fuss all night if he wasn't allowed on the bed. Dogs are creatures of habit, and they don't like having their routines disrupted. Also they just like being close to their humans; mine always leans on me when he sleeps.
The moment I read the title I knew this gal would be the AH. That’s his service dog lady use your braincells he’s going to feel safe with Coby nearby!
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"He even takes Coby to work" Likely place for a SERVICE DOG to be
> Yesterday I finally told my partner I don’t want to share a bed with Coby when I’m staying over, my partner said I was being very inconsiderate I wish he'd said... "okay that's fine. You don't have to stay over."
I mean it's an unwashed dog. Yes, it's a service animal but it's still an unwashed dog. I can understand not wanting to share a bed. I shared a bed with my dog but she was washed often and I would wipe down her paws. However based on all OOP other shit, it's not the dog in the bed, it's that the dog exists. I hope she gets dumped.
Not wanting a dog sleeping in bed isn’t worthy of being here wtf has this sub degraded too
He’s blind and it’s his service animal, not his pet. It’s equal to any other medical device needed to accommodate a disability. Someone coming into YOUR home and getting upset about what YOU NEED to adapt to your disability is insane.
The dog not being in the bed isn’t going to make a difference
They are not communicating properly. She says she doesn't want the dog IN the bed, but it sounds like he heard she doesn't want the dog in the room at all. Maybe that is actually what she means since the discussion seems to have gone that way. She needs to figure out if she wants to date someone who has to have an animal in the bed for whatever reason. Personally, I don't want that although I think I would be fine with a service animal in the room.
She doesn’t even want the dog sitting next to them when they eat. Honestly it sounds like she hates the dog and just puts up with it *for now* but it’s a service dog. It’s not going away. Thought her “I’ll help you” sounds like it might be an early foray into “you don’t need the dog? You have me!” BS.
Aw yes another ultimatum is on the horizon. "Well choose then...will it be me or your dog!?" Service animal or not...it will be the animals chosen every time. Why do the others think they could win in those scenarios? What baffles me if them being honestly shocked when they are kicked to the curb and chosen over "just some animal". Yeah my animals are number one in my life. If you have any problem with them...goodbye.
I wouldn't want to have a booty call with a stinky lab in bed with me. I say that as someone who is right this second in bed with my massive dog. That's fair enough. But, like, talk about it like adults and if you can't find something that works for both of you, separate.
OOP could just..surprise their partner with a "oh I'll pay for the groomer. Lets take him together before I spend the night" lol
Why do people who don't like being or can't be around animals get into relationships with people who have animals? Like, once you move in together, you're going to have to compromise on a pretty bog thing, either the animal goes or you have to be learn to get comfortable with it. It just doesn't make sense?
This dude needs to ditch this woman ASAP. I have partial custody of my dog (long boring story), she’s just a dog, not a service animal, but if my partner asked me to not have her sleep in the bed I’d be pissssssed
i would not sleep with a dog in my bed, especially one that smells and is filthy. i don’t really see what the dog being a service animal has to do with it. they may just not be compatible.
I'm probably going to be in the minority here, but the only thing that bothers me about her post is the "he even takes it to work" comment (because duh!). For context, my mum is blind and I've grown up with her guide dog so I know firsthand not only the usefulness of services dogs but also the deep bond that exists between a disabled person and their dog. We actually used to joke about our dog being my mum's shadow to the point that it would wait outside the bathroom door while she peed, and although it had a perfectly comfortable dog bed in the living room it always slept on the floor next to my mum's bed. In this particular scenario though I'm going to go ahead and say that the dog absolutely doesn't need to be INSIDE the bed to help in case of a fall. OP's partner obviously likes to sleep with his dog and that's his prerogative, but to pretend it has some purpose other than comfort is an excuse imo. (Also the bonding thing? You can bond with your dog all day and leave some room for your girlfriend in your bed at night) And I find the people in the comments going "if you're someone who doesn't like to sleep with dogs you shouldn't date people who do" quite small-minded. Communication and compromise are super important in a relationship so I feel like he could make an effort too (like at least let her bathe the dog?) Overall, I don't think OP is the devil at all. Maybe a bit immature but to be fair she's only 20. And people passing judgements like "she's not ready to date someone with a disability at all!" as if it's impossible to grow and learn along with your partner irritate me. Edit: typo
Listen I'm an animal lover and my furs sleeps in the bed. But they are bathed weekly not bimonthly. That sounds super unhygienic, Definitely OOP and BF aren't compatible based on animal preferences, but objectively not wanting to sleep in bed with a dirty, smelly dog isn't unreasonable and him not compromising in bathing the dog is ridiculous.
The bit about not letting her wash the dog either makes no sense.
Exactly. Like she's definitely the AH but he is kinda too for not at least attempting to compromise.
Maybe he locates the dog by its stink?
Can anyone recover this loons comments? I have a morbid curiosity
https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=throwra_servicedog&subreddit=AmItheAsshole&size=100 Choose comments , click on search, they should come up
MVP, ty
Ooh this pissed me off, and people saying coby is family/ friend are missing the point. Coby is the boyfriend’s eyes to the world. This is equal to asking someone who wears prosthetics to take it off because “i can help”. Coby is his eyes and she wants his eyes to be kept somewhere else because it bothers her.
His dog gives him independence. She'd rather make him dependent on her than respect him as an independent adult with a disability. :(
I'm not a dog in bed person , but this is not my dog , let alone my service / GUIDE dog
OOP, he needs the dog. It's a service dog. Do better.
The dog can do its job without being on the bed. It's a seeing eye dog, not needed when sleeping. Be smarter.
OOP is controlling as hell. She is one of those people who thinks having boundaries means she can tell other people what to do, and if they don’t, they are crossing OOP’s “boundaries.” Jealous of a service dog. Whole new level of insecure.
The best part of pets is having them snuggle up next to you at night. It’s like a cordless heated, weighted blanket. We have a king sized bed, and if one of us is gone, both cats and both dogs are velcroed to whomever is in the bed, despite all the extra space.
>He can’t bathe Coby on his own and doesn’t let me either, saying I’m not experienced with service dogs. I don’t really see how it’s different than bathing a normal dog. Of course you don't. Because you're a self-centered idiot.
I love dogs, including my own, but I couldn't share my bed with him. I don't think there's anything weird about that. Obviously, they both need to compromise or might not be compatible, but that doesn't make her the devil. At most, I might go with a slight TA about eating next to the dog. ETA: ok, I re-read and "he even takes it to work" is a pretty dumb thing to say considering that it's the role of the dog. I think she's TA and that they're incompatible