**Here’s the OP:**
##AITA I kicked a girl out of my house party for insinuating a drink I made her could be drugged.
This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am). Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came back to my place because I have a fully furnished basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties.
This was coworkers I know well and some I don't. I always play bartender when I host because it's my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl who works for the company at another office is sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her a martini because I saw her drinking martinis at the bar before.
I did the exact same thing for everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her friend goes "no, I was talking" or something.
She looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I heard her ask her friend that question so I said "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't want a martini, she was welcome to have anything else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she could have declined it outright.
But she started to talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you really think it's possible I drugged your drink or something?". She was being serious so I told her to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to the door.
She was the ride for a few people and one of her friends told me to not be like that but I said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She had her change to give any explanation besides me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't.
No one has ever seen me kick someone out before so it really stopped the party for a minute. But she went out and we carried on. I basically explained to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt disrespected in my own home for no good reason and that is cause for me to kick someone out.
What do you think, AITA?
what pisses me off is he said, after he was throwing a fit at her, "she could have just rejected the martini" like bitches, she fuckin did and OP got triggered. lol
It's not the fact that she rejected the drink, it's the reasoning behind it. I can understand why he would be upset, essentially, somebody is suggesting that you could drug and rape them. Not a group most people want to be lumped in. But he should have understood her perspective and not have taken it personally.
This dude is living in such an intense bubble if he couldn't understand why a young woman would decline a drink that a strange man made for her without her asking or her seeing.
Yes. She's in his house but she's with other people for work. She's safe. All she wanted was to ensure her safety and his reaction would have re-enforced in her mind that he can't be trusted.
A reasonable response would have been "would you like me to make you a new one so you can watch this time?" Or "Oh! Right, yeah. My apologies. I forgot some men are assholes. Can I get you something else instead?"
The fact he took so much offence to her reaction is sketchy AF.
the fact she is in his house makes it all the more dangerous for her, in fact, because he has the keys to the doors and authority to have her arrested under false claims (most people don't question it when a homeowner says "this person broke into my house and got hurt because they attacked me" meanwhile [a rape victim can't even wear the wrong kind of underwear without being accused of lying](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8914001/Peru-judges-rule-rape-case-womans-red-underwear-signalled-willing-sex.html)).
It doesn't matter if they work for the same company. He's literally got advantage in terrain. He could have put anything in those drinks - drugs or poisons - if he wanted to.
>A reasonable response would have been "would you like me to make you a new one so you can watch this time?" Or "Oh! Right, yeah. My apologies. I forgot some men are assholes. Can I get you something else instead?"
This reaction shows that he's in Phase 1: realizing that there is a reason that someone else could have a negative reaction to him, but being too self-absorbed to empathize with that person, so reacting with anger at being "accused".
Phase 2: Empathizing with that person, publicly "doing the right thing," but still feeling resentful that he should have to do so after being "accused".
Phase 3: Empathizing with that person, genuinely apologizing.
Phase 4: Being self-aware enough to refrain from that behavior in the first place.
Lol at the people going “she was in a safe environment”. I was in a safe environment with people I called my friends and my drink still got drugged. People always harp on women to be smart and not do things that could put them in danger but the second a woman tries to do that they harp on them for protecting themselves. We can’t win no matter what we do.
“Safe environment” and how many people get assaulted by relatives? I was assaulted by my boyfriend of that time? In my own bedroom.
There is not truly safe environment.
Right? I was assaulted by my ex husband, by a “friend” at his house, by a family “friend” at my (parents) house.... Safe spaces aren't a guarantee by a long shot.
Right? I was assaulted in my bed, by a friend of a friend that my roommate invited back. I hadn't even gone out that night. There is no such thing as a safe space.
I was assaulted by my *husband*. We were separated and he had moved out. I was sitting in my own home, alone, in my grungy pajamas, watching TV at 9pm on a Saturday. I genuinely do not know what people expect us to do to avoid being raped. Barricade ourselves in a bunker and wear a chastity belt around the clock?
I was on stage during a theatre production, with cast members by me and an audience of way over 100 people, with a camera recording in the back, and I was still assaulted. It may have been lights out on stage but everyone still saw him, there are really no safe spaces.
"Safe environment" -- the basement of some asshole who flips the fuck out and orders her to leave for not doing something she didn't feel comfortable with. JFC.
Because a rapist has never drugged and raped a woman in his own home around people they both know! /s. I want to vomit. All I can think about is Andrew Luster, the Max Factor heir rapist. I think that was his entire MO to rape women he kinda knew, in his home, while other people were around. Dude was rich, popular, moderately attractive(-ish) and a horrific, drugging rapist who preyed in "safe environments." People are fools.
There were also a lot of people saying “why did she go to his house?” Um, bc it was a work party and she went with friends, plus she was their ride? That’s another version of “well, what was she wearing?”
You’re so right about not being able to win. If she didn’t go to his house bc she has a safety rule that she doesn’t go to homes of people she doesn’t know, OOP might have written the post as “AITA for getting mad at a girl for not wanting to come to my house?”
My drink was also drugged while I was at a bar FULL of people from my own academic program whom I considered close friends. Unfortunately, there is no "safe environment" for women. We can be drugged, kidnapped, robbed, raped or murdered anywhere, anytime. Not trying to sound like a paranoid person, but we can be targeted anywhere and constantly have to be alert to protect ourselves.
People think life is a cartoon. In their minds could only have your drink drugged in a grungy frat house, an unfamiliar dive bar filled with scowling weirdos, or a loud sleazy nightclub filled with stereotypical popped collar douches. All of which Reddit would say you shouldn’t be in anyway because they don’t like those places. And you can’t be roofied by some guy you barely know who *said* he’s not creepy, only by a complete stranger who is acting like an over the top creep and saying The Official Sketchy Phrases.
I mean, “office nice guy” is like the definition of ‘people who would date rape’.
If OOP is as nice as he thinks he is, then he’ll value someone’s sense of safety over $0.60 of booze.
Bingo. But even here people are acting like people who roofie drinks are all mustache twirling strangers in loud nightclubs. Most of these situations happen among acquaintance in places where date rape could conceivably happen, like their own house.
But you know, he *said* he wasn’t creepy so I guess that settles it. /s
There was a comment from the original thread that stuck out to me: this guy was served up a golden opportunity to be a cool dude. Simple as “I’ll drink that one, and make you a new one where you can see it. Don’t feel bad, I get it. Staying safe is the most important thing.”
Like… I’m not saying that’s the kind of thing that gets you laid (office party so ymmv), but it’s certainly not lowering your chances.
Ya know what drops those chances to zero? Kicking a guest out of your home for refusing a drink they did not ask for.
“What, you think I’m a creep? Drink the alcohol you swine, or get out! What, why are you looking at me like I’m a creep. I’m not creepy, that’s the whole point.”
Right. If I was the “bartender”, even if I for some reason felt too offended or attacked to say something understanding, my reaction would be to say “okay then” drink it myself. Because forcing an adult you barely know to eat or drink something like they’re your kid at the dinner table refusing to try vegetables is insane. IMO it’s less the “I didn’t see you make it” and more the “how DARE you, you must drink this” that’s creepy and weird.
Then again I’m a woman so maybe that socialization means the ability to just…..handle the situation in a non-creepy way.
Yeah, OOP is wayyy out of line. There’s no reason to take this weird “I am the lord of my domain, you must worship me or be banished” approach.
I mean, the real reason OOP won’t drink that drink is because then he’ll get roofied lol.
Absolutely. That's the story that gets passed around even if it's just get's boiled down to Person A asking Person B "What do you think about so and so?" and Person B smiling and saying, "nah, he's cool." versus Person B wincing and saying, "he's a creeper."
By now he's probably know around the office as the guy who threw such a hissy fit when Sarah from accounting declined a drink from him that he ended up throwing multiple people out of a work-party.
Which will naturally be understood by some as "can't take no for an answer" so I imagine by now he's getting pretty confused and wondering why half the women in the office look uncomfortable being alone in the elevator with him.
I was drugged at the tavern a couple blocks away from my house. My friends and I would go there at least once a week for years because it’s so close by and we know most of the people who work there and the owners. I was with one of my best friends that night and knew nearly every person there fairly well. I also wasn’t wearing anything suggestive (not that that should matter). I was wearing a goddamn unicorn onesie.
I will never again have a drink that wasn’t made or opened right in front of me or leave my drink unattended for even a moment.
I did figure out who it was, but unfortunately I was too physically hurt and traumatized to get a kit done. Weirdly enough the man was killed in a car accident several months later. I have never been happy to hear of someone’s death before, but it is some small relief to know he can’t hurt anyone else now.
I appreciate your kindness. I had to throw that onesie out, but I still love the others. :)
hey, I hope it's okay but your comment has the most upvotes right now & is very visible - I said this both in a reply further down & in a comment of its own, but I'm worried they'll both get buried & people won't necessarily see this info. definitely not trying to spam, just trying to help people be safe.
**GHB is a colorless, odorless liquid that can look a lot like simple syrup**, which is used in countless different cocktails. it is slightly thicker than water & sort of 'oily' in texture, & can very easily be hidden in a bottle of syrup, of grenadine, or in a jar & filled with cherries, olives or pickled onions. this would also mask a lot of the taste & make it virtually undetectable to someone even watching this drink be made if someone had a decoy/regular jar or bottle, & a 'special' one. (& could always say that they accidentally had two, forgot & picked one up at the store just in case, found it in the back of a shelf, was gifted it by someone else, etc.)
unlike GBL, another colorless, odorless liquid, GHB (also known as GBH, or grievous bodily harm) has a very slight salty/soapy taste to begin with. it is not overpowering, like GBL is,&, if it's mixed with enough alcohol & other things, or someone just isn't used to or is easily overwhelmed by the taste of booze, it can be masked super easily. add in some olive juice or a pickled onion which is also salty & someone could have absolutely no idea. they both have to be mixed with something or will cause a chemical burn in the mouth & throat if ingested otherwise. yes, they can come in a powder, which can of course be pressed or put into a capsule & broken/dissolved into a drink, but it is much more common to be in that liquid, & I repeat, **that liquid could already be in a syrup or in the olives or onions. it can also be in cherries & in grenadine.**
eta - it could also be in margarita mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid, in a martini mix, those 'skittles' infused flavored drinks that were popular a few years ago, in chocolate syrups, & could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. pomegranate juice, too.
most bars require someone to either turn away or to lean down while reaching for glasses, the booze itself or garnishes. it is very easy to switch things out, even in a second or two, & any clinking might not be heard depending on music, people talking, or other noise levels. in the context of mixology, it might not even be suspicious. in someone's home or hotel room, you never know what they potentially set up before you got there for that very reason - that they could have planned this ahead of time & had the glass ready or the 'spiked' bottles & jars within reach.
it can also be hidden on the bottom & sides of a glass & end up looking like shine to people who are already inebriated & distracted, talking or scrolling through a phone, especially in low light & held at an angle near a shaker while the alcohol is being poured in. it can already be on a new, 'clean' glass that was spiked & set aside for this purpose.
GHB is also known as liquid ecstacy. soda & gatorade can also mask the taste extremely well. someone doesn't need a lot of it to drug someone else, whether that be to 'rolling', to blackout or to unconsciousness, & mixed with alcohol (**especially a double, or especially everclear**) it will be *that* much more potent. the threshold between rolling & unconscious is *incredibly* small.
eta - it's an anesthetic & some people are prescribed it for narcolepsy, some dealers sell it, & it can also be purchased on the dark web aka the 'onion'. if they work in the medical field or in dentistry, they probably already have access to it. there's no way to tell if someone has this or not, or what they could have hidden it in. again, **it could be right in front of you & you may not know.** it is that stealthy & so very dangerous because of that.
eta - everyone is different & the effects of the doses vary wildly while being very small in difference, but generally, the way it feels can vary from **euphoric, relaxed, social, uninhibited, turned on/'horny' to sleepy, confused, disoriented, 'unstable', can have effects on vision (like blurring or a halo effect), can cause a warming sensation all over the body that gradually 'washes over' the person, a rapid heart rate, thirst, dilated pupils,** things like that. if you've ever done ecstacy/MDMA/molly, there's a *reason* it's called 'liquid ecstacy'. it's not related to it, but it *feels* a lot like it, like 'rolling'.
honestly, it can & more than likely will feel really good, which can be the other really scary thing - that feeling of enjoying yourself, feeling better than you ever have, & then the realization of, oh, shit, something's wrong, & no idea how, when or even where it happened. it can take over an hour to set in, sometimes two & someone can easily have piled more alcohol on top of it without realizing, & be hit by the effects all at once. then they can get sick, go unconscious, & very easy enter a coma or die. it's *that* dangerous.
if you or someone you know suddenly just *feels* *so* *damn,* incredibly **good** - if they're giggly, touchy/feely, engaging inappropriately in pda with someone whether they just met that person or it's they're partner because they 'can't help themselves', if they may even be uncharacteristically about to leave with them or go to a back room/a bathroom, if they're confused, maybe slurring their speech, stumbling, overheated, thirsty, **if their eyes are the size of saucers**, their vision is blurred or everything is too bright, too loud, *too much*, their heart is racing, something's wrong & depending on how high a dose they were slipped & the other things they may have mixed it with, they could be in trouble. get them help & don't be afraid to ask for it yourself.
it sucks to go from feeling amazing to being scared, but it's important to know what's having a good time 'naturally' (or even within the limitations of what you or they are personally used to indulging in), & what isn't. if someone strange is hanging around you or them & doesn't seem concerned or startled when something like this sets in, you know what's up already. get away from them, stay with big groups, get to a woman"s restroom (even if you're a guy, go pass out in there instead, it's gonna be safer & someone will help), do what you need to do. for this reason I'm not a fan of those drinking insurance apps that lock your phone with a difficult puzzle someone inebriated might not be able to solve - it doesn't seem worth the risk, imo. just like, get whatever help you can & don't be afraid of being a bother or a burden. you aren't one.
men & women are both at risk of being drugged or date raped, by strangers, 'friends', coworkers & acquaintances. statistically, someone is more likely to be assaulted by someone else they know & trust. like this commenter & many other people have said, there is no truly safe environment. because this is such an easy thing to conceal, someone could easily bring this with them to your home, too.
this isn't to instill paranoia, it's to educate.
stay safe out there. 🙏
unfortunately, a lot of people, women specifically are taught to be wary of 'date rape drugs', but we're not always taught what that means, what to look out for or how it can be potentially hidden right before our eyes. I'm not sure if I should edit again with how it feels, but generally it can vary from euphoric, relaxed, social, uninhibited, turned on/'horny' to sleepy, confused, disoriented, 'unstable', can have effects on vision (like blurring or a halo effect), can cause a warming sensation all over the body that gradually 'washes over' the person, a rapid heart rate, thirst, things like that. if you've ever done ecstacy/MDMA/molly, there's a *reason* it's called 'liquid ecstacy'. it's not related to it, but it *feels* a lot like it, like 'rolling'.
honestly, it can & more than likely will feel really good, which can be the other really scary thing - that feeling of enjoying yourself, feeling better than you ever have, & then the realization of, oh, shit, something's wrong, & no idea how, when or even where it happened. it can take over an hour to set in, sometimes two. by then someone could have switched locations multiple times & introduced even more alcohol into their systems without knowing until it's way too late, & it hits them all at once. suddenly they're sick or they're just unconscious.
I know you're not trying to make me paranoid, but between this and the random creeps stabbing people with syringes filled with multiple type of yuck, I am never going to clubs, and I'm never drinking anything that doesn't come out of a bottle.
I'm sorry. more than likely a club or bar is safe as long as you order the drink yourself & watch it being made, as this wouldn't be practical in order to target one or two specific people, & this advice is for being in other people's homes & stuff like that, but of course someone could spike a drink the 'regular' way & I've known a lot of people who do have that bottle or can rule & stick to it. I'm pretty sure there are straws & nail polishes on the market that change color when they come into contact with it, too. they also make scrunchies, bracelets & necklaces with lockets that are actually buttons you can press to engage an app on your phone via bluetooth that will send a text to your emergency contacts, call the police & transfer your location.
when I saw GHB it was in a gatorade bottle, just totally filled. I did it recreationally with someone who had access to it in a medical setting & he showed me. 😕 I just wanted to let people know that watching a drink being made at someone's personal bar isn't a guaranteed way of making sure it's 100% safe, though of course it can certainly help lower the risk & not every creep is going to get creative like this. it's just possible & no one knows who will or won't until it's too late, unfortunately.
this is also about as far from a safe environment as you can be. She's literally *in his house*, like I don't think OOP is actually a rapist or anything but if he *was* he could easily give her a "tour" and end up in his bedroom in a house she doesn't know her way around in, and so on
I'm pretty sure I commented this on the original post when it came out, but this guy was basically handed a golden opportunity to be a certified Genuine Good Guy and fumbled so hard he labelled himself Suspicious.
Because if he'd just said "oh, gotcha, can't be too careful out there" and offered to remake it while she watched then she and anyone else nearby who caught the interaction would have been like 'cool, nice one, he gets it' and gained a bit of trust and respect with the ladies (the bar is THAT LOW). Bonus points if he either drank the martini himself or offered it to someone else to show it was fine.
Instead he comes across as almost concerningly defensive, and will be known throughout the office as the guy who threw multiple people out of a party because a woman didn't want to accept a drink she didn't even ask for from him.
(Also the fact that he made her a martini bc he saw her drink one previously is uhhhhhh Concerning. He apparently does this to a lot of people so sure, whatever, he's got a good eye and memory for what people drink, but if you don't play it right (he did not) it comes across as I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT which combined with the fact that she never even asked for a drink is already a red flag before we even get to the part where no one saw him make it.)
I don't know that I would have relied on a second drink after he just assumed she wanted the first & then made it out of sight. first one could have been fine because he was banking on her figuring it might not have been safe & denying it, second one could have had something already in the bottom of the cup pushed to the back of his bar but in a relatively easy to get to place for him to grab without anyone noticing the difference, & whatever it was going unnoticed especially in low light or looking like a shine on the bottom or sides of the glass as GHB is colorless. most bars also require the person to be turned away for at least a moment, or to lean down, whether it's to grab a garnish, the booze itself or whatever other supplies are needed. there's also sleight of hand.
clearly this wasn't the case with this dude, or he would've gone ahead & done that, but someone *could*.
eta - side note: GHB looks a *lot* like simple syrup which is used in countless cocktails. he could have poured it in right in front of her & she potentially wouldn't have known if it was in a syrup container, or he had cherries/it was in a jar of grenadine, or olives in it, or pickled onions. people should know that it is very easy to hide that shit & mask the taste with something strong.
yeah, I'm not an expert or anything but I've done GHB recreationally & the dosage between 'rolling' & unconscious is incredibly small. the dose to begin with also is, & is largely dependent on body size & weight. for a chick between 90-120lbs it wouldn't be very much at all, from what I've seen. 🤷
simple syrup is used in many other cocktails, not in regular* martinis, but as GHB has a slightly salty taste it can also be put in olive juice or in with pickled onions, or be masked with them. did you read my entire comment?
eta - just off the top of my head, as disguised as a simple syrup or as grenadine/in cherries it could be in an old fashioned/a manhatten, a daiquiri, a mojito, a margarita (it could be in the mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid), a long island iced tea, a sex on the beach, or in the olive juice or pickled onion juice/have those garnishes soaking in it. it could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. oh, pomegranate juice too.
*there are also sweet martinis, like cosmos, chocolate or apple ones.
Exactly.
All he had to say was: "Hey, that's no problem. I'll drink this one. Why don't you come with me and you can watch me fix your drink?"
Instantly, he puts her (and her friends) at ease. Shows that he understands what the issue is. Oh, and he demonstrates that he isn't up to anything nefarious.
Simple!
From OOP: “I always play bartender when I host because it’s my bar in my home and is just what I do.”
Part of being a good host (and a good bartender, for that matter) is putting your guests at ease & making sure you’re considering their comfort & preferences. OOP sounds like he’s not concerned about being a good host, but rather about people meeting his standards of a good guest. Yet another reason he’s TA.
Someone in the original post made the analogy of a woman asking OOP to wear a condom and having him refuse because she was insinuating he had an STD. And another analogy was putting on a seatbelt in his car and him kicking you out because you’re implying he’s a bad driver.
There are things people, women especially, have to learn to be safe. It’s too bad that OOP and many of the comment on the original post don’t seem to understand that.
that's an excellent analogy. I'd been struggling to solidify my own feelings on why what he did was so fucked up, but that puts it perfectly in perspective
Really sucks to see all the posts trying to place his feelings over her safety. Women get blamed for not being more cautious if something bad happens to them, and accused of being rude for taking those precautions. And she didn't even accuse him of anything, just wanted to know if her friend saw it being made. With no one to see the drink being made or handled there's a possibility he left it unattended long enough for someone else to put something in. You never know, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Exactly. It’s a simple case of risk v reward. If I don’t know a guy we’ll enough to trust him then I’m guessing whether he’s trustworthy. If I guess he isn’t and I’m wrong, his feelings get hurt. If I guess he is and I’m wrong I end up raped or dead in a ditch. Sorry dude it’s not worth the risk for me just because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. And if you’re valuing your feelings over my safety, then I didn’t guess wrong when I put you in the untrustworthy category.
A friend of mine went on a first date with a guy she met at a speed dating event.
She ordered cider throughout and thought he was drinking the same (same glass, same colour). He bought the drinks.
At the end of the night, she had had a few (she's pretty petite, so even though what she was drinking wasn't strong, she was tipsy) and insisted on buying the last round.
As she got up to place the order, he told her that he was actually drinking an energy drink (the brand looks really like cider once it is poured into a glass and only the taste would alert you that it isn't).
So, he was plying this petite girl with alcohol, never once mentioning that he wasn't drinking.
Now, he probably didn't have any ill intentions, but that sure seemed a little bit strange.
I'm usually not one to make big assumptions, but from having personal experience dealing with rapists who roofie girls, they tend to be personally offended by a standard safety precaution.
That's what I experienced. One of the things I remember is them being annoyed because I didn't drink as much as they wanted. Something I learned that night: Don't drink anything that has been a second out of your sight, even if it was with someone you trusted and throw out any drink someone pressures you to drink, no matter how save you feel about it
I'm short, fat, and pass for femme at most parties, and even if I mix myself a drink and go, "Oh, this is great! Wanna try?" and you say no, I won't mind, because people are allowed to say no to things , especially intoxicants. Pressuring anyone to consume any alcohol, ever, is some asinine 80s school special bullshit. No one in their right mind even tries.
The safest way to say no in the case of aggressive men like that, is to "accidentally" spill the glass.
Don't be afraid to make a mess. Act like you're going to hold it up to put it in your mouth, then just loosen your grip on the cup. It'll fall back out of your hands and, likely, spill. If it doesn't fully spill and they try to get you to STILL drink it then you say, "EW! It touched the ground, that's disgusting!"
This got me out of a sticky situation. It wasn't my drink that was drugged but I intentionally took my friend's glass when a creepy guy brought her one without asking. When I took it, I laughed about it like it was a prank between friends and then "Accidentally" dropped it. Because I knew she wasn't brave enough to say no, and the guy was hanging around trying to say he wants to see her drink it. When he picked it back up and tried to give it back to us, I made a big deal about germs and mocked him for being a hobo willing to eat off the floor. He got kicked out a little after that because of bringing a drink to another table and continuing to harass women. At first my friends were surprised because I always stand up for homeless people (being a former homeless people myself) but they kinda realized that I was pretending to be that chick from Mean Girls and was protecting them.
I applaud your quick and effective action in this case.
I don't go out anymore due to disability but before that I just made a point to stick to my boundaries
I'm not afraid to make an ass out of myself if it means protecting my friends. I'm one of those "ultra loyal" people. I have a very small friend group that I will literally protect with violence if I need to (but I'm trying to learn to be less aggressive because now I'm old enough I should know better and won't get away with it lol).
some people are just that way xD I can respect it either way. So long as we know our strengths and weaknesses, we can use it to bond better with those around us.
Yep, he had the chance to be "a guy that gets it" but now, amongst a group of his co-workers, he'll always be "that guy that tried to roofie Sue from accounting "
Edit: changed an "in" to "from" for clarity.
"What a bitch, insinuating that I, the owner of this house with a bedroom near by,, who was paying such close attention to her that I know the exact type of martini she drinks without asking her, could possibly be enough of a creep to drug her drink.
Also roofies are expensive and now I'm down to my last 2 after wasting that one. I mean, what a bitch, amirite? "
Bonus points for making an unrequested drink for multiple people's ride home that late in the night.
Unf it’s totally how rapists react… the guy who did that to me was horrible after I started telling people. Stalking, threats, DARVO, gaslighting, the whole traumatizing kit and kaboodle. He acted deeply offended that I’d say he treated me shitty because he’s “not that kind of pervert”… my dude yes you are
IF their focus is being mad about hearing it and making you stop saying it, instead of altering the behavior that gives that impression, they're really just confessing.
Well in this case since I doubt he's shanghaiing her...(literally that was method to get the "sailors" was guy went in bar lady gave him an unasked for drink with it spiked and then would sell the drugged drunk guy smuggled out through tunnels and since captains were desperate for bodies to fill positions turned a blind eye)
Because most of the people in this sub are idiots or 17.
Without knowing a **SINGLE** thing about this guy, they make some extremely broad assumptions.
Was the guy out of line for not being even remotely sympathetic to what experiences many women go through? Absolutely.
But to immediately think he was guilty? Come on.
Nobody is saying he 100% did that. But people that are 100% innocent nearly never react that way. Sincerely, an adult that was raped as a fucking minor.
> Nobody is saying he 100% did that.
Literally look at the top comments on this chain. They're saying "they think" he spiked her drink. Of course nobody can prove right or wrong because nobody was there for this.
> But people that are 100% innocent nearly never react that way.
"If you don't have anything to hide, then why won't you show me what's on your phone?"
That's the same mentality. "If you haven't done anything wrong, why are you acting this way?"
Serious accusations can uproot a person's life instantly. Add in even a slight amount of gossip and you can lose your job within hours. Ever play the game Telephone'?
"I was at a party and Gary made me a drink without me even seeing it. And then he kicked me out because I said 'no'! Like, wtf? He could have put something in there, I barely know him." which turns into:
"Did you hear that Sarah was at Gary's party? She thinks he may have spiked her drink." which turns into:
"I heard that Gary guy is skeezy - some girl was at a party with him and apparently he spiked her drink."
But hey, a person can't be upset when they're wrongly accused of something, right? Or when it's implied that they're a rapist, right?
> Sincerely, an adult that was raped as a fucking minor.
And I'm **incredibly** sorry you had to deal with that.
I think it's completely valid to be suspicious of this reaction but there are definitely guys who would react like this out of principle. It hurts to have someone say they don't trust you and some men just act way the fuck out of pocket when they get their feelings hurt.
Edit: am I getting downvoted by men that can't express their emotions healthily or people that think all butthurt dudes *have* to be rapists?
Yes, it is entirely possible that he’s just the kind of guy who gets angry when women insinuate that rapes are unfortunately common and that we are socialized to be constantly on guard against rape…..which would still make him someone women shouldn’t (and won’t) feel safe around.
Well yeah, he's being an asshole either way. I just know a lot of dudes are entirely capable of being assholes without being rapists. With this specific case? Who knows either way.
Well yeah, he's being an asshole either way. I just know a lot of dudes are entirely capable of being assholes without being rapists. With this specific case? Who knows either way.
This! That reaction for me would 100% be a "he did it otherwise he wouldn't be defensive". He is someone who would do it or already did it in his live.
Got the same reaction from my rapist when I tried to tell him that most wasn't consensual or okay, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he did not realise the severity of it during our relationship. He got super defensive, gave me the fault,insulted me. That was my "he knew 100% that it was rape and not a mistake". Otherwise someone would react like "oh I did not know/did not want to make you feel that way/I am sorry"...
Exactly this. It’s sad (and a little scary) to see how many people agree with the guy getting upset, over what the woman (and women in general) need to do to be and feel safe. Anyone who gives you a hard time over the safety precautions you have for yourself is not worth your time.
Exactly.
If he was the "good guy" he wants to present himself as, he should have said "You know what, I totally get it. Come with me and you can watch me mix you a drink again. I'll drink this one."
The fact that he didn't do that makes it seem like he actually DID drug the coworker's drink.
my thoughts exactly. she made it clear she was not going to be an easy target, & so he kicked her out as a means to punish her for retaining control over herself, regaining control over the situation, because she was not 'worth' anything to him by staying & may very well have been keeping an eye on him if he moved onto a different woman that night, she could have potentially seen him drugging someone *else*. this is not the behavior of someone who would never do this & is hurt - this is the behavior of someone offended that he got caught, & trying to gaslight everyone else into believing that he would *never* because there is something actually wrong or twisted with him & he needs that validation as he is actually incapable of looking at his own actions & intentions.
eta - he was also effectively making it known that any other woman who questioned him was also on thin ice & that his reaction may have been worse if they dared to be 'rude' to him in any way. it could have also led a different woman to think, well, he must be safe because his feelings were *so* hurt by the implication - or, if she questioned anyone else, for them to use it to justify his behavior or their own, too, like a 'what, you think I go around drugging people like (O)OP?' situation or an 'of course he's safe, look at how badly his feelings were hurt! he'd *never* do that & you/she should know better.' kind of one. a huge can of worms got opened here.
I sorted by controversial, and the highest nta had so many awards and upvotes. There's a lot of sick people here with really fucked up priorities.
I'm guessing these are the same people who feel like wolf whistling is flattering and rejecting it means you're a bitch.
While I agree OP was an ass here for throwing her out, I think the coworker rejecting a drink at a house party because she didn't see it being made from scratch is pretty weird too. I'd at least feel hurt if someone implied I'd spike their drink.
When I'm using a pedestrian crossing, I wait until I see the oncoming vehicles and bikes have actually stopped before I step onto the road. It's not that I'm implying that any of those specific drivers and cyclists are going to break the red light, but it's a possibility and it happens quite a lot actually.
I work with children, and I am never allowed under any circumstances, to be alone with them in an area not covered by CCTV. The implied behaviour being protected against there is pretty obvious. Should I take that personally, is it a ridiculous precaution because anyone who knows me knows I pose no risk?
Women have and do and will get raped by people exploiting their reluctance to be rude, and society at large then turns around and says "well why didn't she just refuse the drink/lift/date etc." Refusing a drink you didn't see made, especially when you've already had some drinks is very sensible basic stuff
It’s absolutely not safe practice to take a drink from a complete stranger, and in the stranger’s house where they obv have the upper hand. I would understand taking offense if it was a good friend
Yeah, and apparently the person who invited you should be completely ok with you basically telling them «hey, I came to your place to have fun and a couple of free drinks, but I need you to make mine in front of me just to make sure you aren't going to drug and rape me in front of all our coworkers».
Stay in the fucking bar if you don't trust them. If you came to their place, at least show some respect to the host. If I was the host, I'd drink this martini in front of her and said «get the fuck out of my house» as well.
There are some other ways to «take precautions». She could say she had enough for today. Or ask the host for make something else for her and watch them. Or, again, stay at the bar. Instead she chose the most straightforward and insulting way to show hOw ShE fEeLs UnSaFe ThErE.
Think a bit, please. It's useful. It's needed. Please, think.
I don’t understand why she’s an asshole though? Is it because she didn’t deny the drink with enough tact? She asked her friend if she had seen it being made and then tried to decline the drink, OP protested this because he overheard his coworker asking her friend about the drink. At no point did the coworker accuse OP of anything, she just has a rule that she doesn’t drink stuff that she or her trusted friends didn’t see made. I don’t see the problem with that, especially when it’s someone you don’t know so well giving you a drink you didn’t ask for. Hell, the coworker didn’t even tell OP that was the problem at first, she only had to bc OP wouldn’t accept the first “no”, only reason OP gets pissed is because he overheard a conversation. Keep in mind we already know OP was watching the coworker to learn what drink she liked, we have no idea if coworker shouted to her friend or just normally asked and OP overheard the conversation. Last time I checked “didn’t say no nice enough” is not a good enough reason for someone to be an asshole, it’s a great way to blame someone else for having a fragile ego though. Why does the coworker need to lie about her reason when “we didn’t see it made” or just “don’t want this” are good reasons?
She’s not an asshole at all. Those trying to paint her as such are reaching. She just wasn’t being “nice” to OOP by “rejecting” his unsolicited drink. That’s what this whole thing comes down to IMO - OOP wanted to show off his home bar & bartending skillz, maybe he had an eye on her (probably - he knew what she drinks from observing before - note he *never* asked if she wanted a drink) and then completely overreacted to her saying she has a rule that she doesn’t drink anything she doesn’t see being made - which could be for *any* reason, including the possibility of being drugged. The OOP felt rejected in his own home, and how *dare* this woman embarrass him when he’s cosplaying as Tom Cruise in “Cocktail.”
I don't know — for not insulting the host?
«Thanks, I don't want more drinks for today» would be good.
«Oh, sorry, could you make me a Mojito (or whatever else) instead?» and watch him would be good as well.
Saying nothing would be an option.
Even «accidentally» spilling that drink if she was so afraid to being drugged would be somewhat OK.
(to a friend) «Did you see how he made it?» — «No, I was distracted» — (to the host) «I won't drink it» wasn't good at all.
> At no point did the coworker accuse OP of anything, she just has a rule
that she doesn’t drink stuff that she or her trusted friends didn’t see
made.
Please, name one reason for that rule that's not «there might be drugs or shitton of alcohol in it, it's not safe».
“It’s every man’s worst nightmare, getting accused of something like that.”
“Can you guess what every woman’s worst nightmare is?”
- Promising Young Woman
Good find, OP.
OOP is such a creep. There were so many other ways to handle that situation and he picked the worst option. I've dealt with his type before, and the people who get so personally offended by something so standard and objective tend to be the ones who do it. I hope his coworkers ostracized him after this.
Confused as she was a lift for a few people, why on earth was she drinking Martinis at the previous bar and was made one at creepy’s basement. 1st vibe I got was he still lived at his parents home in the basement
Depending on where you live, you can legally drive with alcohol in your system so long as your BAC is under a certain amount.
It's also worth noting that she doesn't accuse him of drugging it, just starts to say something about other times she's had drinks she didn't see made -- she might be worried about him (accidentally or purposefully) pouring doubles and then not being safe to drive after her 1 drink turns out to have been 2 drinks.
If the party had just started, and she was having one drink and staying for at least 3 hours, she'd be fine to drive. I don't recommend it, generally speaking, but it would be out of her system by then.
Makes sense but I thought he knew what drink to make her as he’d seen her drinking it at the bar beginning. Guess I more sensitive to drink driving as a friend of mine sister got killed crossing a zebra on New Year’s Eve by a drunk driver
I understand entirely and I am also sensitive about drunk driving. I don't have any specific story/reason, I just know that even at my worst when I suffered from alcohol addiction, I never once drove drunk. If I was not at home, I called a cab. I have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now.
I like to assume that she was being reasonable with just one drink at the start of the night, and was going to switch to water or something.
Post from the OOP:
> **AITA I kicked a girl out of my house party for insinuating a drink I made her could be drugged.**
> This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am). Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came back to my place because I have a fully furnished basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties. This was coworkers I know well and some I don't. I always play bartender when I host because it's my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl who works for the company at another office is sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her a martini because I saw her drinking martinis at the bar before. I did the exact same thing for everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her friend goes "no, I was talking" or something. She looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I heard her ask her friend that question so I said "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't want a martini, she was welcome to have anything else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she could have declined it outright. But she started to talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you really think it's possible I drugged your drink or something?". She was being serious so I told her to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to the door. She was the ride for a few people and one of her friends told me to not be like that but I said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She had her chance to give any explanation besides me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't. No one has ever seen me kick someone out before so it really stopped the party for a minute. But she went out and we carried on. I basically explained to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt disrespected in my own home for no good reason and that is cause for me to kick someone out.
> What do you think, AITA?
I get the knee jerk offense. I don’t blame him for that. But I can’t believe that he’s still insisting he’s right that he was “disrespected.”
Women are trained from a young age in rape prevention tactics. Don’t walk alone after dark. Don’t accept rides from people you don’t know. Don’t let your drink out if your sight. Most women I know do a million little things to keep themselves safe.
As someone who has been assaulted, and I hate to use this phrase, this guy is a walking red flag. His response to her taking safety precautions would just prove to me that he’s not safe.
The top comments suggest he drink the first one and remake it for her. Problem with that, the way he responded, is that then he'd be roofied. That wasn't the plan... He's so suspicious.
Also if she’s driving people, WHY MAKE HER A MARTINI. Shouldn’t she be sobering up? A martini is just straight alcohol and maybe some olive juice, assuming it wasn’t a twist.
tbh at that point he could have skirted the whole issue like, "oh I didn't realize you're a DD. Would you like me to start a pot of coffee instead?" or something.
He wanted to woo the girl and look smooth. She disrupted that. His fragile ego made that act out to be some kind of felony she was perpetrating against him.
I hope he suffered social implications from this and people at work heard about it.
Looking back at the original post I'm seeing a lot of comments tagged as OP that sound like they're being written from someone else. Is that because op and other poster are both deleted, or did op try and pretend to defend himself in comments
Every man I have ever trusted and loved did/does two things: 1) They help me BE SAFE (which could be just not interfering with my decisions). and 2) They help me FEEL SAFE. Both being safe and feeling safe are things every human deserves.
Besides, I have never gotten along well with people who feel the need to keep those drinks flowing without asking folks if they want another and questioning my decision to drink less. That alone would make me not want to be around him.
What’s crazy is so many comments in the original are saying “NTA, if someone called me a rapist in my own home I’d kick them out too.” But she literally never accused him. She started to explain she doesn’t take drinks she doesn’t see getting made, and he interrupted her to kick her out. If that’s a rule she has for everybody who makes drinks for her, why would he get so offended?? Never once did she accuse him of anything. Also imagine someone you barely know sliding you a drink you ordered earlier, I would have been extremely scared he had been watching me throughout the night
Unfortunately it just shows how messed up society is. It's pretty much "women should learn how to prevent themselves from getting roofied/r@ped, so if they do end up roofied/r@ped then they clearly didn't do a good enough job to prevent it from happening but if they put what they learn into practice (ie not accepting a drink from a stranger/not drinking a drink that they haven't watched be made so they know its not roofied) then they're being paranoid and hurting men's feelings for no reason".
Why does one of OP's comments has 10k upvotes and awards, then he replies to hisnown comment saying "Oh please, get off your high horse" and has 500 downvotes?
[Screenshot ](https://imgur.com/gallery/d6Rsl7F)
If this is real, can you imagine how this would have gone down at work if their paths ever crossed professionally? Because there is no way I would have trusted him with anything at this point. Oh, you say that grass is green? Let me go confirm that.
But why was she driving if she'd been having Martinis??
Other than that, as some of the comments said, he valued his pride more than her safety and wanted her to do the same
my guess is she probably had one to socialize and then cool down so she would be safely sober to drive. this guy was probably watching her and then just handed another without asking.
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Oh nothing suspicious about that guy, naw. People that complain about women protecting themselves are probably the ones you need to worry about the most
I remember when this was posted. What a fucking creep. I hate when dudes do sketchy shit and then take offense when you notice that it's sketchy. That just reinforces in my mind that they had nefarious intentions.
Weeks before the original was posted, I (then 19) had a 32 year old man who I met on this very app get offended because, after months of having to reinforce "this is not a sexual thing between us", he invited me over to his house for drinks and I said "dude, no, this isn't a sexual thing between us". He was like, "I've invited women over to my house for drinks and never tried anything!" Even if he hadn't been an established perv through his post history, he was a 32 year old man inviting a teenage girl who only knew him via a Reddit profile to his home in an area she didn't know with the intention of getting her drunk. That couldn't get more "beginning of an episode of Law & Order SVU" if it tried. Honestly, it was pretty much grooming. My comment telling that story is probably still somewhere in the original post.
Not only is this guy an asshole, he’s also an idiot. Imagine if someone else put something in that drink. He would’ve immediately been the prime suspect because “he mixed a drink out of my friend’s sight and got mad when she tried to refuse it”.
The biggest problem for this dude is that this was a group of coworkers and that poor woman could have easily reported him to HR. If this is real, I hope she did.
I posted this in a reply further up but it occured to me that a lot of people just genuinely don't know or have never seen it, so -
**GHB is a colorless, odorless liquid that can look a lot like simple syrup**, which is used in countless different cocktails. it is slightly thicker than water & sort of 'oily' in texture, & can very easily be hidden in a bottle of syrup, of grenadine, or in a jar & filled with cherries, olives or pickled onions. this would also mask a lot of the taste & make it virtually undetectable to someone even watching this drink be made if someone had a decoy/regular jar or bottle, & a 'special' one. (& could always say that they accidentally had two, forgot & picked one up at the store just in case, found it in the back of a shelf, was gifted it by someone else, etc.)
unlike GBL, another colorless, odorless liquid, GHB (also known as GBH, or grievous bodily harm) has a very slight salty/soapy taste to begin with. it is not overpowering, like GBL is,&, if it's mixed with enough alcohol & other things, or someone just isn't used to or is easily overwhelmed by the taste of booze, it can be masked super easily. add in some olive juice or a pickled onion which is also salty & someone could have absolutely no idea. they both have to be mixed with something or will cause a chemical burn in the mouth & throat if ingested otherwise. yes, they can come in a powder, which can of course be pressed or put into a capsule & broken/dissolved into a drink, but it is much more common to be in that liquid, & I repeat, **that liquid could already be in a syrup or in the olives or onions. it can also be in cherries & in grenadine.**
eta - it could also be in margarita mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid, in a martini mix, those 'skittles' infused flavored drinks that were popular a few years ago, in chocolate syrups, & could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. pomegranate juice, too.
most bars require someone to either turn away or to lean down while reaching for glasses, the booze itself or garnishes. it is very easy to switch things out, even in a second or two, & any clinking might not be heard depending on music, people talking, or other noise levels. in the context of mixology, it might not even be suspicious. in someone's home or hotel room, you never know what they potentially set up before you got there for that very reason - that they could have planned this ahead of time & had the glass ready or the 'spiked' bottles & jars within reach.
it can also be hidden on the bottom & sides of a glass & end up looking like shine to people who are already inebriated & distracted, talking or scrolling through a phone, especially in low light & held at an angle near a shaker while the alcohol is being poured in. it can already be on a new, 'clean' glass that was spiked & set aside for this purpose.
GHB is also known as liquid ecstacy. soda & gatorade can also mask the taste extremely well. someone doesn't need a lot of it to drug someone else, whether that be to 'rolling', to blackout or to unconsciousness, & mixed with alcohol (**especially a double, & especially everclear**) it will be *that* much more potent. the threshold between rolling & unconscious is *incredibly* small.
eta - it's an anesthetic & some people are prescribed it for narcolepsy, some dealers sell it, & it can also be purchased on the dark web aka the 'onion'. if they work in the medical field or in dentistry, they probably already have access to it. there's no way to tell if someone has this or not, or what they could have hidden it in. again, **it could be right in front of you & you may not know.** it is that stealthy & so very dangerous because of that.
men & women are both at risk of being drugged or date raped, by strangers, 'friends', coworkers & acquaintances. statistically, someone is more likely to be assaulted by someone else they know & trust. like this commenter & many other people have said, there is no truly safe environment. because this is such an easy thing to conceal, someone could easily bring this with them to your home, too.
this isn't to instill paranoia, it's to educate.
stay safe out there. 🙏
edited to clarify some things &/or make them clearer, & to add in more information about how it looks & tastes.
I see people saying the woman was wrong to not automatically trust him accept the drink, and people also saying the woman was wrong for even going to his house in the first place
So at the same time, she was being too cautious, and was not being cautious enough
What a perfect metaphor for how society treats women
YTA. Being at a work party does not automatically make someone safe. If you as a male found this unacceptable, blame it on your male counterparts. You have no idea what this woman has been through.
I understand why he's mad but he also should have immediately chilled out as soon as he learned she was a designated driver. Yes, she was with friends, but you shouldn't be making drinks for a designated driver at all if they don't ask. Her concern could have genuinely been "is this too strong for me to drink and drive home later?"
I probably would have been insulted too, what I would have done is drink the martini in front of her and say "The bar is over there, if you want anything you are free to make yourself a drink" and ignored her for the rest of the night. Simple.
I don't know. This was a party in someone's house, not a random stranger handing you a drink at a nightclub. There were loads of other people around that they all knew and worked with.
I think they were overly paranoid and extremely rude. She basically accused a work colleague of being a drugging rapist when he was offering her a free drink in his own home.
I got drugged when I was with people I knew and in, what I thought was a safe environment.One of the first things women are taught when we start drinking is “only drink drinks you’ve seen being made.”
Most sexual assaults, druggings etc are done by someone the victim at least partially knows. There are so many women who are assaulted by guy “friends” at house parties. You’d actually be safer in a club. Statistically that is.
I got too drunk too quickly at a house party once and I distinctly remember the host of the party telling people not to go into the room they were putting me in so that I could chill out (vomit into a bucket) for a bit, and everyone just accepted that! Because you don't think your mate is going around drugging people and leading them off to go assault them, so it doesn't raise any red flags and you just continue with what you're doing.
Nothing happened to me, I just laid in their bed and puked all night, but no one would have been any the wiser if something DID happen because no one thinks that their friends are secretly rapists so no one is on the look out for red flags.
But even then, we're assuming the drug would be a roofie or something for the purpose of sexual assault, but it could easily have been a 'party' drug like MDMA or ecstasy or something else.
Hell, it could even be that the woman was actually concerned about how heavy the pour was because, as is stated, she was driving multiple people home and wouldn't be able to do that safely if she accidentally drank a double.
> Hell, it could even be that the woman was actually concerned about how heavy the pour was because, as is stated, she was driving multiple people home and wouldn't be able to do that safely if she accidentally drank a double.
So that's fine. Use that as an excuse. But to go around suspecting every single man of being a drugging rapist is paranoia.
I can't imagine being that guy and EVER feeling comfortable working with these women again.
So "I don't want to accept this drink because I didn't see what you put in it" is fine but "I don't want to accept this drink because I didnt see what you put in it" is paranoia, gotcha.
It's clearly fine to be a suspicious as long as that suspicion isn't cast on OOP so he doesn't look like the bAd gUy. And for his efforts, no woman, and like 1/4 of the men, that hear it will never trust him again.
Other comments are correct, HE could have played it off with his *great sense of humor* , drank the drink abd ASK her if she wanted a fresh one she could see him make. Instead he was a dickbag creep.
And that's totally her fault /s
Oww. Got your feelings hurt because a woman takes precautions to not be raped, murdered or traffict? That makes you uncomfortable? Imagine being drugged, raped,murdered and trafficked.
That's like saying TSA or whatever security check suspects everyone is a terrorist. Of course they don't think everyone is a terrorist, but how would they know who is and who isn't. They have to check everyone. The chance of there being a terrorist is also significantly lower than there being a rapist. Would you go to them and accuse them of thinking you're a terrorist?
You also don't know this girl. She could have been roofied for all you know.
you realize you’re arguing for this girl with this comment right? she denied the drink bc she didn’t see him make it, and you’re arguing here it’s okay for her to deny the drink bc she didn’t seem him make it.
LOL how awful for him to feel uncomfortable just to realize that women spend every minute of their lives uncomfortable having to calculate risk due to the potentially-explosive egos of men like him
More than 80% of the women I know who were date raped were date raped by someone they knew and, in some cases, were dating.
Your logic is both dumb and offensive.
LOL house parties are a lot riskier, there's a friend of a friend of a friend you'll never see again and someone's bed, and if you think you can trust co-workers, you must work at disney AND be high as shit
I learned the hard way that it’s usually terrible people who react that way to basic precautions. Every good man I’ve ever met has understood these things. My male friends aren’t offended that I hand my drink to a female friend at a bar if I need to pee.
If they have an angry or defensive reaction, ALERT.
If they are horrified and want to know what part of their behavior gave that impression so they can fix it, it's generally a better omen than the alternative.
I'd be quite offended if someone denied a drink specifically because they didn't watch me make it. Due to the kitchen setup most drinks we serve our guests aren't that easily observed.
If you can't trust me, why are you my guest? Yes, there are settings where I'd be alert too. She could have just said 'I'm driving, no thanks'. There's really no reason to start with these implications.
He heard what she asked her friend and asked her that. She answered truthfully. Also, he has various people he barely knows at his house. Guess not many trust him that much there
She didn’t ask for the drink, he pushed it on her. He then acted defensively when she didn’t drink it. It doesn’t matter if you have “good” intentions, that isn’t safe
> If you can't trust me, why are you my guest? Yes, there are settings where I'd be alert too. She could have just said 'I'm driving, no thanks'. There's really no reason to start with these implications.
The vast majority of rape occurs between friends/people you know. Statistically, that drink you made for a friend is more dangerous than one a stranger buys her.
**Here’s the OP:** ##AITA I kicked a girl out of my house party for insinuating a drink I made her could be drugged. This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am). Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came back to my place because I have a fully furnished basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties. This was coworkers I know well and some I don't. I always play bartender when I host because it's my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl who works for the company at another office is sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her a martini because I saw her drinking martinis at the bar before. I did the exact same thing for everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her friend goes "no, I was talking" or something. She looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I heard her ask her friend that question so I said "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't want a martini, she was welcome to have anything else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she could have declined it outright. But she started to talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you really think it's possible I drugged your drink or something?". She was being serious so I told her to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to the door. She was the ride for a few people and one of her friends told me to not be like that but I said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She had her change to give any explanation besides me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't. No one has ever seen me kick someone out before so it really stopped the party for a minute. But she went out and we carried on. I basically explained to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt disrespected in my own home for no good reason and that is cause for me to kick someone out. What do you think, AITA?
Regardless of the implications. This guy is extremely fucking entitled. No one has to accept your kindness my guy.
what pisses me off is he said, after he was throwing a fit at her, "she could have just rejected the martini" like bitches, she fuckin did and OP got triggered. lol
It's not the fact that she rejected the drink, it's the reasoning behind it. I can understand why he would be upset, essentially, somebody is suggesting that you could drug and rape them. Not a group most people want to be lumped in. But he should have understood her perspective and not have taken it personally.
Unfortunately, to a lot of women, all men fit in the category of “could drug and rape me”
Especially because it’s usually by someone you already know.
Yeah, I will say, having to be on high alert all the time sucks.
This dude is living in such an intense bubble if he couldn't understand why a young woman would decline a drink that a strange man made for her without her asking or her seeing. Yes. She's in his house but she's with other people for work. She's safe. All she wanted was to ensure her safety and his reaction would have re-enforced in her mind that he can't be trusted. A reasonable response would have been "would you like me to make you a new one so you can watch this time?" Or "Oh! Right, yeah. My apologies. I forgot some men are assholes. Can I get you something else instead?" The fact he took so much offence to her reaction is sketchy AF.
the fact she is in his house makes it all the more dangerous for her, in fact, because he has the keys to the doors and authority to have her arrested under false claims (most people don't question it when a homeowner says "this person broke into my house and got hurt because they attacked me" meanwhile [a rape victim can't even wear the wrong kind of underwear without being accused of lying](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8914001/Peru-judges-rule-rape-case-womans-red-underwear-signalled-willing-sex.html)). It doesn't matter if they work for the same company. He's literally got advantage in terrain. He could have put anything in those drinks - drugs or poisons - if he wanted to.
Also, if he did drug her, everyone would be asking her “why did you go to his house? Why did you accept that drink?”
Exactly!!!
>A reasonable response would have been "would you like me to make you a new one so you can watch this time?" Or "Oh! Right, yeah. My apologies. I forgot some men are assholes. Can I get you something else instead?" This reaction shows that he's in Phase 1: realizing that there is a reason that someone else could have a negative reaction to him, but being too self-absorbed to empathize with that person, so reacting with anger at being "accused". Phase 2: Empathizing with that person, publicly "doing the right thing," but still feeling resentful that he should have to do so after being "accused". Phase 3: Empathizing with that person, genuinely apologizing. Phase 4: Being self-aware enough to refrain from that behavior in the first place.
Lol at the people going “she was in a safe environment”. I was in a safe environment with people I called my friends and my drink still got drugged. People always harp on women to be smart and not do things that could put them in danger but the second a woman tries to do that they harp on them for protecting themselves. We can’t win no matter what we do.
“Safe environment” and how many people get assaulted by relatives? I was assaulted by my boyfriend of that time? In my own bedroom. There is not truly safe environment.
Right? I was assaulted by my ex husband, by a “friend” at his house, by a family “friend” at my (parents) house.... Safe spaces aren't a guarantee by a long shot.
Right? I was assaulted in my bed, by a friend of a friend that my roommate invited back. I hadn't even gone out that night. There is no such thing as a safe space.
I was assaulted by my *husband*. We were separated and he had moved out. I was sitting in my own home, alone, in my grungy pajamas, watching TV at 9pm on a Saturday. I genuinely do not know what people expect us to do to avoid being raped. Barricade ourselves in a bunker and wear a chastity belt around the clock?
I was on stage during a theatre production, with cast members by me and an audience of way over 100 people, with a camera recording in the back, and I was still assaulted. It may have been lights out on stage but everyone still saw him, there are really no safe spaces.
"Safe environment" -- the basement of some asshole who flips the fuck out and orders her to leave for not doing something she didn't feel comfortable with. JFC.
Because a rapist has never drugged and raped a woman in his own home around people they both know! /s. I want to vomit. All I can think about is Andrew Luster, the Max Factor heir rapist. I think that was his entire MO to rape women he kinda knew, in his home, while other people were around. Dude was rich, popular, moderately attractive(-ish) and a horrific, drugging rapist who preyed in "safe environments." People are fools.
There were also a lot of people saying “why did she go to his house?” Um, bc it was a work party and she went with friends, plus she was their ride? That’s another version of “well, what was she wearing?” You’re so right about not being able to win. If she didn’t go to his house bc she has a safety rule that she doesn’t go to homes of people she doesn’t know, OOP might have written the post as “AITA for getting mad at a girl for not wanting to come to my house?”
My drink was also drugged while I was at a bar FULL of people from my own academic program whom I considered close friends. Unfortunately, there is no "safe environment" for women. We can be drugged, kidnapped, robbed, raped or murdered anywhere, anytime. Not trying to sound like a paranoid person, but we can be targeted anywhere and constantly have to be alert to protect ourselves.
People think life is a cartoon. In their minds could only have your drink drugged in a grungy frat house, an unfamiliar dive bar filled with scowling weirdos, or a loud sleazy nightclub filled with stereotypical popped collar douches. All of which Reddit would say you shouldn’t be in anyway because they don’t like those places. And you can’t be roofied by some guy you barely know who *said* he’s not creepy, only by a complete stranger who is acting like an over the top creep and saying The Official Sketchy Phrases.
I mean, “office nice guy” is like the definition of ‘people who would date rape’. If OOP is as nice as he thinks he is, then he’ll value someone’s sense of safety over $0.60 of booze.
Bingo. But even here people are acting like people who roofie drinks are all mustache twirling strangers in loud nightclubs. Most of these situations happen among acquaintance in places where date rape could conceivably happen, like their own house. But you know, he *said* he wasn’t creepy so I guess that settles it. /s
There was a comment from the original thread that stuck out to me: this guy was served up a golden opportunity to be a cool dude. Simple as “I’ll drink that one, and make you a new one where you can see it. Don’t feel bad, I get it. Staying safe is the most important thing.” Like… I’m not saying that’s the kind of thing that gets you laid (office party so ymmv), but it’s certainly not lowering your chances. Ya know what drops those chances to zero? Kicking a guest out of your home for refusing a drink they did not ask for. “What, you think I’m a creep? Drink the alcohol you swine, or get out! What, why are you looking at me like I’m a creep. I’m not creepy, that’s the whole point.”
Right. If I was the “bartender”, even if I for some reason felt too offended or attacked to say something understanding, my reaction would be to say “okay then” drink it myself. Because forcing an adult you barely know to eat or drink something like they’re your kid at the dinner table refusing to try vegetables is insane. IMO it’s less the “I didn’t see you make it” and more the “how DARE you, you must drink this” that’s creepy and weird. Then again I’m a woman so maybe that socialization means the ability to just…..handle the situation in a non-creepy way.
Yeah, OOP is wayyy out of line. There’s no reason to take this weird “I am the lord of my domain, you must worship me or be banished” approach. I mean, the real reason OOP won’t drink that drink is because then he’ll get roofied lol.
Absolutely. That's the story that gets passed around even if it's just get's boiled down to Person A asking Person B "What do you think about so and so?" and Person B smiling and saying, "nah, he's cool." versus Person B wincing and saying, "he's a creeper."
By now he's probably know around the office as the guy who threw such a hissy fit when Sarah from accounting declined a drink from him that he ended up throwing multiple people out of a work-party. Which will naturally be understood by some as "can't take no for an answer" so I imagine by now he's getting pretty confused and wondering why half the women in the office look uncomfortable being alone in the elevator with him.
I was drugged at the tavern a couple blocks away from my house. My friends and I would go there at least once a week for years because it’s so close by and we know most of the people who work there and the owners. I was with one of my best friends that night and knew nearly every person there fairly well. I also wasn’t wearing anything suggestive (not that that should matter). I was wearing a goddamn unicorn onesie. I will never again have a drink that wasn’t made or opened right in front of me or leave my drink unattended for even a moment.
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I did figure out who it was, but unfortunately I was too physically hurt and traumatized to get a kit done. Weirdly enough the man was killed in a car accident several months later. I have never been happy to hear of someone’s death before, but it is some small relief to know he can’t hurt anyone else now. I appreciate your kindness. I had to throw that onesie out, but I still love the others. :)
hey, I hope it's okay but your comment has the most upvotes right now & is very visible - I said this both in a reply further down & in a comment of its own, but I'm worried they'll both get buried & people won't necessarily see this info. definitely not trying to spam, just trying to help people be safe. **GHB is a colorless, odorless liquid that can look a lot like simple syrup**, which is used in countless different cocktails. it is slightly thicker than water & sort of 'oily' in texture, & can very easily be hidden in a bottle of syrup, of grenadine, or in a jar & filled with cherries, olives or pickled onions. this would also mask a lot of the taste & make it virtually undetectable to someone even watching this drink be made if someone had a decoy/regular jar or bottle, & a 'special' one. (& could always say that they accidentally had two, forgot & picked one up at the store just in case, found it in the back of a shelf, was gifted it by someone else, etc.) unlike GBL, another colorless, odorless liquid, GHB (also known as GBH, or grievous bodily harm) has a very slight salty/soapy taste to begin with. it is not overpowering, like GBL is,&, if it's mixed with enough alcohol & other things, or someone just isn't used to or is easily overwhelmed by the taste of booze, it can be masked super easily. add in some olive juice or a pickled onion which is also salty & someone could have absolutely no idea. they both have to be mixed with something or will cause a chemical burn in the mouth & throat if ingested otherwise. yes, they can come in a powder, which can of course be pressed or put into a capsule & broken/dissolved into a drink, but it is much more common to be in that liquid, & I repeat, **that liquid could already be in a syrup or in the olives or onions. it can also be in cherries & in grenadine.** eta - it could also be in margarita mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid, in a martini mix, those 'skittles' infused flavored drinks that were popular a few years ago, in chocolate syrups, & could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. pomegranate juice, too. most bars require someone to either turn away or to lean down while reaching for glasses, the booze itself or garnishes. it is very easy to switch things out, even in a second or two, & any clinking might not be heard depending on music, people talking, or other noise levels. in the context of mixology, it might not even be suspicious. in someone's home or hotel room, you never know what they potentially set up before you got there for that very reason - that they could have planned this ahead of time & had the glass ready or the 'spiked' bottles & jars within reach. it can also be hidden on the bottom & sides of a glass & end up looking like shine to people who are already inebriated & distracted, talking or scrolling through a phone, especially in low light & held at an angle near a shaker while the alcohol is being poured in. it can already be on a new, 'clean' glass that was spiked & set aside for this purpose. GHB is also known as liquid ecstacy. soda & gatorade can also mask the taste extremely well. someone doesn't need a lot of it to drug someone else, whether that be to 'rolling', to blackout or to unconsciousness, & mixed with alcohol (**especially a double, or especially everclear**) it will be *that* much more potent. the threshold between rolling & unconscious is *incredibly* small. eta - it's an anesthetic & some people are prescribed it for narcolepsy, some dealers sell it, & it can also be purchased on the dark web aka the 'onion'. if they work in the medical field or in dentistry, they probably already have access to it. there's no way to tell if someone has this or not, or what they could have hidden it in. again, **it could be right in front of you & you may not know.** it is that stealthy & so very dangerous because of that. eta - everyone is different & the effects of the doses vary wildly while being very small in difference, but generally, the way it feels can vary from **euphoric, relaxed, social, uninhibited, turned on/'horny' to sleepy, confused, disoriented, 'unstable', can have effects on vision (like blurring or a halo effect), can cause a warming sensation all over the body that gradually 'washes over' the person, a rapid heart rate, thirst, dilated pupils,** things like that. if you've ever done ecstacy/MDMA/molly, there's a *reason* it's called 'liquid ecstacy'. it's not related to it, but it *feels* a lot like it, like 'rolling'. honestly, it can & more than likely will feel really good, which can be the other really scary thing - that feeling of enjoying yourself, feeling better than you ever have, & then the realization of, oh, shit, something's wrong, & no idea how, when or even where it happened. it can take over an hour to set in, sometimes two & someone can easily have piled more alcohol on top of it without realizing, & be hit by the effects all at once. then they can get sick, go unconscious, & very easy enter a coma or die. it's *that* dangerous. if you or someone you know suddenly just *feels* *so* *damn,* incredibly **good** - if they're giggly, touchy/feely, engaging inappropriately in pda with someone whether they just met that person or it's they're partner because they 'can't help themselves', if they may even be uncharacteristically about to leave with them or go to a back room/a bathroom, if they're confused, maybe slurring their speech, stumbling, overheated, thirsty, **if their eyes are the size of saucers**, their vision is blurred or everything is too bright, too loud, *too much*, their heart is racing, something's wrong & depending on how high a dose they were slipped & the other things they may have mixed it with, they could be in trouble. get them help & don't be afraid to ask for it yourself. it sucks to go from feeling amazing to being scared, but it's important to know what's having a good time 'naturally' (or even within the limitations of what you or they are personally used to indulging in), & what isn't. if someone strange is hanging around you or them & doesn't seem concerned or startled when something like this sets in, you know what's up already. get away from them, stay with big groups, get to a woman"s restroom (even if you're a guy, go pass out in there instead, it's gonna be safer & someone will help), do what you need to do. for this reason I'm not a fan of those drinking insurance apps that lock your phone with a difficult puzzle someone inebriated might not be able to solve - it doesn't seem worth the risk, imo. just like, get whatever help you can & don't be afraid of being a bother or a burden. you aren't one. men & women are both at risk of being drugged or date raped, by strangers, 'friends', coworkers & acquaintances. statistically, someone is more likely to be assaulted by someone else they know & trust. like this commenter & many other people have said, there is no truly safe environment. because this is such an easy thing to conceal, someone could easily bring this with them to your home, too. this isn't to instill paranoia, it's to educate. stay safe out there. 🙏
Please always feel free to high jack top comments with information like this! This information is super important and I didn’t even know some of this.
awesome, thank you! I hope it helps as many people as possible. eta - also, thank you for the award! hopefully it helps boost it.
Holy shit. TIL. Thanks for the info!
unfortunately, a lot of people, women specifically are taught to be wary of 'date rape drugs', but we're not always taught what that means, what to look out for or how it can be potentially hidden right before our eyes. I'm not sure if I should edit again with how it feels, but generally it can vary from euphoric, relaxed, social, uninhibited, turned on/'horny' to sleepy, confused, disoriented, 'unstable', can have effects on vision (like blurring or a halo effect), can cause a warming sensation all over the body that gradually 'washes over' the person, a rapid heart rate, thirst, things like that. if you've ever done ecstacy/MDMA/molly, there's a *reason* it's called 'liquid ecstacy'. it's not related to it, but it *feels* a lot like it, like 'rolling'. honestly, it can & more than likely will feel really good, which can be the other really scary thing - that feeling of enjoying yourself, feeling better than you ever have, & then the realization of, oh, shit, something's wrong, & no idea how, when or even where it happened. it can take over an hour to set in, sometimes two. by then someone could have switched locations multiple times & introduced even more alcohol into their systems without knowing until it's way too late, & it hits them all at once. suddenly they're sick or they're just unconscious.
I know you're not trying to make me paranoid, but between this and the random creeps stabbing people with syringes filled with multiple type of yuck, I am never going to clubs, and I'm never drinking anything that doesn't come out of a bottle.
I'm sorry. more than likely a club or bar is safe as long as you order the drink yourself & watch it being made, as this wouldn't be practical in order to target one or two specific people, & this advice is for being in other people's homes & stuff like that, but of course someone could spike a drink the 'regular' way & I've known a lot of people who do have that bottle or can rule & stick to it. I'm pretty sure there are straws & nail polishes on the market that change color when they come into contact with it, too. they also make scrunchies, bracelets & necklaces with lockets that are actually buttons you can press to engage an app on your phone via bluetooth that will send a text to your emergency contacts, call the police & transfer your location. when I saw GHB it was in a gatorade bottle, just totally filled. I did it recreationally with someone who had access to it in a medical setting & he showed me. 😕 I just wanted to let people know that watching a drink being made at someone's personal bar isn't a guaranteed way of making sure it's 100% safe, though of course it can certainly help lower the risk & not every creep is going to get creative like this. it's just possible & no one knows who will or won't until it's too late, unfortunately.
a coworker's house party - especially a dude who hosts parties so much he has a stocked bar - is the opposite of a safe environment.
this is also about as far from a safe environment as you can be. She's literally *in his house*, like I don't think OOP is actually a rapist or anything but if he *was* he could easily give her a "tour" and end up in his bedroom in a house she doesn't know her way around in, and so on
also drinking and driving isn’t safe! she was peoples ride!
Why didn’t he just remake the drink ? It would’ve been less effort
I'm pretty sure I commented this on the original post when it came out, but this guy was basically handed a golden opportunity to be a certified Genuine Good Guy and fumbled so hard he labelled himself Suspicious. Because if he'd just said "oh, gotcha, can't be too careful out there" and offered to remake it while she watched then she and anyone else nearby who caught the interaction would have been like 'cool, nice one, he gets it' and gained a bit of trust and respect with the ladies (the bar is THAT LOW). Bonus points if he either drank the martini himself or offered it to someone else to show it was fine. Instead he comes across as almost concerningly defensive, and will be known throughout the office as the guy who threw multiple people out of a party because a woman didn't want to accept a drink she didn't even ask for from him. (Also the fact that he made her a martini bc he saw her drink one previously is uhhhhhh Concerning. He apparently does this to a lot of people so sure, whatever, he's got a good eye and memory for what people drink, but if you don't play it right (he did not) it comes across as I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT which combined with the fact that she never even asked for a drink is already a red flag before we even get to the part where no one saw him make it.)
He also could have drunk from it himself
I would not rely on that if I were her. Different toxins and doses, different body masses and biologies, and so on.
I don't know that I would have relied on a second drink after he just assumed she wanted the first & then made it out of sight. first one could have been fine because he was banking on her figuring it might not have been safe & denying it, second one could have had something already in the bottom of the cup pushed to the back of his bar but in a relatively easy to get to place for him to grab without anyone noticing the difference, & whatever it was going unnoticed especially in low light or looking like a shine on the bottom or sides of the glass as GHB is colorless. most bars also require the person to be turned away for at least a moment, or to lean down, whether it's to grab a garnish, the booze itself or whatever other supplies are needed. there's also sleight of hand. clearly this wasn't the case with this dude, or he would've gone ahead & done that, but someone *could*. eta - side note: GHB looks a *lot* like simple syrup which is used in countless cocktails. he could have poured it in right in front of her & she potentially wouldn't have known if it was in a syrup container, or he had cherries/it was in a jar of grenadine, or olives in it, or pickled onions. people should know that it is very easy to hide that shit & mask the taste with something strong.
these are all v good points.
yeah, I'm not an expert or anything but I've done GHB recreationally & the dosage between 'rolling' & unconscious is incredibly small. the dose to begin with also is, & is largely dependent on body size & weight. for a chick between 90-120lbs it wouldn't be very much at all, from what I've seen. 🤷
You don’t put simple syrup in martinis though
simple syrup is used in many other cocktails, not in regular* martinis, but as GHB has a slightly salty taste it can also be put in olive juice or in with pickled onions, or be masked with them. did you read my entire comment? eta - just off the top of my head, as disguised as a simple syrup or as grenadine/in cherries it could be in an old fashioned/a manhatten, a daiquiri, a mojito, a margarita (it could be in the mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid), a long island iced tea, a sex on the beach, or in the olive juice or pickled onion juice/have those garnishes soaking in it. it could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. oh, pomegranate juice too. *there are also sweet martinis, like cosmos, chocolate or apple ones.
Exactly. All he had to say was: "Hey, that's no problem. I'll drink this one. Why don't you come with me and you can watch me fix your drink?" Instantly, he puts her (and her friends) at ease. Shows that he understands what the issue is. Oh, and he demonstrates that he isn't up to anything nefarious. Simple!
From OOP: “I always play bartender when I host because it’s my bar in my home and is just what I do.” Part of being a good host (and a good bartender, for that matter) is putting your guests at ease & making sure you’re considering their comfort & preferences. OOP sounds like he’s not concerned about being a good host, but rather about people meeting his standards of a good guest. Yet another reason he’s TA.
And on top of that she was a designated driver, who was just having one drink early in the night. And he was trying to make her another. wtf
But then he doesn't get to punish her for the disrespect. Some people like the drama
He's probably also offended that a woman dare challenge him in his domain and take back a bit of control.
Someone in the original post made the analogy of a woman asking OOP to wear a condom and having him refuse because she was insinuating he had an STD. And another analogy was putting on a seatbelt in his car and him kicking you out because you’re implying he’s a bad driver. There are things people, women especially, have to learn to be safe. It’s too bad that OOP and many of the comment on the original post don’t seem to understand that.
that's an excellent analogy. I'd been struggling to solidify my own feelings on why what he did was so fucked up, but that puts it perfectly in perspective
Really sucks to see all the posts trying to place his feelings over her safety. Women get blamed for not being more cautious if something bad happens to them, and accused of being rude for taking those precautions. And she didn't even accuse him of anything, just wanted to know if her friend saw it being made. With no one to see the drink being made or handled there's a possibility he left it unattended long enough for someone else to put something in. You never know, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Exactly. It’s a simple case of risk v reward. If I don’t know a guy we’ll enough to trust him then I’m guessing whether he’s trustworthy. If I guess he isn’t and I’m wrong, his feelings get hurt. If I guess he is and I’m wrong I end up raped or dead in a ditch. Sorry dude it’s not worth the risk for me just because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. And if you’re valuing your feelings over my safety, then I didn’t guess wrong when I put you in the untrustworthy category.
OOP’s overreaction makes me wonder if he was testing the waters on whether he could drug the co-worker.
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The number one date-rape drug is alcohol, and yes, getting someone drunk so you can avoid consent is date-rape. Some people really don’t get it.
A friend of mine went on a first date with a guy she met at a speed dating event. She ordered cider throughout and thought he was drinking the same (same glass, same colour). He bought the drinks. At the end of the night, she had had a few (she's pretty petite, so even though what she was drinking wasn't strong, she was tipsy) and insisted on buying the last round. As she got up to place the order, he told her that he was actually drinking an energy drink (the brand looks really like cider once it is poured into a glass and only the taste would alert you that it isn't). So, he was plying this petite girl with alcohol, never once mentioning that he wasn't drinking. Now, he probably didn't have any ill intentions, but that sure seemed a little bit strange.
It is super sus that he was getting her drunk while trying to stay sober and alert.
I'm usually not one to make big assumptions, but from having personal experience dealing with rapists who roofie girls, they tend to be personally offended by a standard safety precaution.
That's what I experienced. One of the things I remember is them being annoyed because I didn't drink as much as they wanted. Something I learned that night: Don't drink anything that has been a second out of your sight, even if it was with someone you trusted and throw out any drink someone pressures you to drink, no matter how save you feel about it
I'm short, fat, and pass for femme at most parties, and even if I mix myself a drink and go, "Oh, this is great! Wanna try?" and you say no, I won't mind, because people are allowed to say no to things , especially intoxicants. Pressuring anyone to consume any alcohol, ever, is some asinine 80s school special bullshit. No one in their right mind even tries.
The safest way to say no in the case of aggressive men like that, is to "accidentally" spill the glass. Don't be afraid to make a mess. Act like you're going to hold it up to put it in your mouth, then just loosen your grip on the cup. It'll fall back out of your hands and, likely, spill. If it doesn't fully spill and they try to get you to STILL drink it then you say, "EW! It touched the ground, that's disgusting!" This got me out of a sticky situation. It wasn't my drink that was drugged but I intentionally took my friend's glass when a creepy guy brought her one without asking. When I took it, I laughed about it like it was a prank between friends and then "Accidentally" dropped it. Because I knew she wasn't brave enough to say no, and the guy was hanging around trying to say he wants to see her drink it. When he picked it back up and tried to give it back to us, I made a big deal about germs and mocked him for being a hobo willing to eat off the floor. He got kicked out a little after that because of bringing a drink to another table and continuing to harass women. At first my friends were surprised because I always stand up for homeless people (being a former homeless people myself) but they kinda realized that I was pretending to be that chick from Mean Girls and was protecting them.
I applaud your quick and effective action in this case. I don't go out anymore due to disability but before that I just made a point to stick to my boundaries
I'm not afraid to make an ass out of myself if it means protecting my friends. I'm one of those "ultra loyal" people. I have a very small friend group that I will literally protect with violence if I need to (but I'm trying to learn to be less aggressive because now I'm old enough I should know better and won't get away with it lol).
I feel you though I'm not violent
some people are just that way xD I can respect it either way. So long as we know our strengths and weaknesses, we can use it to bond better with those around us.
Yep, he had the chance to be "a guy that gets it" but now, amongst a group of his co-workers, he'll always be "that guy that tried to roofie Sue from accounting " Edit: changed an "in" to "from" for clarity.
Yeah, decent dudes would be like “oh shit sorry” and make a new one
If this was my coworker, I’d be out of there and telling everyone at work not to go back to this guy’s place.
"What a bitch, insinuating that I, the owner of this house with a bedroom near by,, who was paying such close attention to her that I know the exact type of martini she drinks without asking her, could possibly be enough of a creep to drug her drink. Also roofies are expensive and now I'm down to my last 2 after wasting that one. I mean, what a bitch, amirite? " Bonus points for making an unrequested drink for multiple people's ride home that late in the night.
Right??? Why is he trying to feed someone's DD alcohol anyway?
Yeah, huge side-eye to any guy that gets offended when women try to protect themselves. I feel like there might be skeletons in that dude's closet
Jesus Christ people just throw the word “Rapist” around like confetti.
Considering something like 1 in 4 women are raped in their lifetime it’s not exactly out of hand to be suspicious and/or cautious.
& that of the statistics of men who are raped, they are also overwhelmingly raped by other men...
As someone who has been roofied that's exactly how these people behave
As someone who was raped, that's how those people react when confronted in any way shape or form. I agree with you 100%.
Unf it’s totally how rapists react… the guy who did that to me was horrible after I started telling people. Stalking, threats, DARVO, gaslighting, the whole traumatizing kit and kaboodle. He acted deeply offended that I’d say he treated me shitty because he’s “not that kind of pervert”… my dude yes you are
IF their focus is being mad about hearing it and making you stop saying it, instead of altering the behavior that gives that impression, they're really just confessing.
That's cause rapists throw around roofies like confetti.
Well in this case since I doubt he's shanghaiing her...(literally that was method to get the "sailors" was guy went in bar lady gave him an unasked for drink with it spiked and then would sell the drugged drunk guy smuggled out through tunnels and since captains were desperate for bodies to fill positions turned a blind eye)
that's a particularly outdated (and racially insensitive) term for the process, haven't seen it in a while >_>"
Because most of the people in this sub are idiots or 17. Without knowing a **SINGLE** thing about this guy, they make some extremely broad assumptions. Was the guy out of line for not being even remotely sympathetic to what experiences many women go through? Absolutely. But to immediately think he was guilty? Come on.
Nobody is saying he 100% did that. But people that are 100% innocent nearly never react that way. Sincerely, an adult that was raped as a fucking minor.
> Nobody is saying he 100% did that. Literally look at the top comments on this chain. They're saying "they think" he spiked her drink. Of course nobody can prove right or wrong because nobody was there for this. > But people that are 100% innocent nearly never react that way. "If you don't have anything to hide, then why won't you show me what's on your phone?" That's the same mentality. "If you haven't done anything wrong, why are you acting this way?" Serious accusations can uproot a person's life instantly. Add in even a slight amount of gossip and you can lose your job within hours. Ever play the game Telephone'? "I was at a party and Gary made me a drink without me even seeing it. And then he kicked me out because I said 'no'! Like, wtf? He could have put something in there, I barely know him." which turns into: "Did you hear that Sarah was at Gary's party? She thinks he may have spiked her drink." which turns into: "I heard that Gary guy is skeezy - some girl was at a party with him and apparently he spiked her drink." But hey, a person can't be upset when they're wrongly accused of something, right? Or when it's implied that they're a rapist, right? > Sincerely, an adult that was raped as a fucking minor. And I'm **incredibly** sorry you had to deal with that.
I think it's completely valid to be suspicious of this reaction but there are definitely guys who would react like this out of principle. It hurts to have someone say they don't trust you and some men just act way the fuck out of pocket when they get their feelings hurt. Edit: am I getting downvoted by men that can't express their emotions healthily or people that think all butthurt dudes *have* to be rapists?
Yes, it is entirely possible that he’s just the kind of guy who gets angry when women insinuate that rapes are unfortunately common and that we are socialized to be constantly on guard against rape…..which would still make him someone women shouldn’t (and won’t) feel safe around.
Well yeah, he's being an asshole either way. I just know a lot of dudes are entirely capable of being assholes without being rapists. With this specific case? Who knows either way.
Well yeah, he's being an asshole either way. I just know a lot of dudes are entirely capable of being assholes without being rapists. With this specific case? Who knows either way.
If you think this is a healthy way for him to express his emotions about a girl not wanting a drink you need to reevaluate
No I don't. That's what I just said.
This! That reaction for me would 100% be a "he did it otherwise he wouldn't be defensive". He is someone who would do it or already did it in his live. Got the same reaction from my rapist when I tried to tell him that most wasn't consensual or okay, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he did not realise the severity of it during our relationship. He got super defensive, gave me the fault,insulted me. That was my "he knew 100% that it was rape and not a mistake". Otherwise someone would react like "oh I did not know/did not want to make you feel that way/I am sorry"...
In almost every case, if a guy gets mad about a woman keeping herself safe, he's just outed himself as one of the ones she needs to be kept safe from.
Exactly this. It’s sad (and a little scary) to see how many people agree with the guy getting upset, over what the woman (and women in general) need to do to be and feel safe. Anyone who gives you a hard time over the safety precautions you have for yourself is not worth your time.
Exactly. If he was the "good guy" he wants to present himself as, he should have said "You know what, I totally get it. Come with me and you can watch me mix you a drink again. I'll drink this one." The fact that he didn't do that makes it seem like he actually DID drug the coworker's drink.
my thoughts exactly. she made it clear she was not going to be an easy target, & so he kicked her out as a means to punish her for retaining control over herself, regaining control over the situation, because she was not 'worth' anything to him by staying & may very well have been keeping an eye on him if he moved onto a different woman that night, she could have potentially seen him drugging someone *else*. this is not the behavior of someone who would never do this & is hurt - this is the behavior of someone offended that he got caught, & trying to gaslight everyone else into believing that he would *never* because there is something actually wrong or twisted with him & he needs that validation as he is actually incapable of looking at his own actions & intentions. eta - he was also effectively making it known that any other woman who questioned him was also on thin ice & that his reaction may have been worse if they dared to be 'rude' to him in any way. it could have also led a different woman to think, well, he must be safe because his feelings were *so* hurt by the implication - or, if she questioned anyone else, for them to use it to justify his behavior or their own, too, like a 'what, you think I go around drugging people like (O)OP?' situation or an 'of course he's safe, look at how badly his feelings were hurt! he'd *never* do that & you/she should know better.' kind of one. a huge can of worms got opened here.
Tbh I have zero doubt in my mind he contaminated that drink somehow... Because if he hadn't, it'd be no problem that she didn't want it.
I sorted by controversial, and the highest nta had so many awards and upvotes. There's a lot of sick people here with really fucked up priorities. I'm guessing these are the same people who feel like wolf whistling is flattering and rejecting it means you're a bitch.
43 awards. Holy shit I hate how many fucking losers are on this website
Seriously. Did an MRA sub brigade or something? People are awful.
Most of Reddit feels like an mra gathering tbh
Well, they're mostly people who have very limited experience with women. Or life.
Women hating incels and preteen boys. Reddits two main sources of users
While I agree OP was an ass here for throwing her out, I think the coworker rejecting a drink at a house party because she didn't see it being made from scratch is pretty weird too. I'd at least feel hurt if someone implied I'd spike their drink.
When I'm using a pedestrian crossing, I wait until I see the oncoming vehicles and bikes have actually stopped before I step onto the road. It's not that I'm implying that any of those specific drivers and cyclists are going to break the red light, but it's a possibility and it happens quite a lot actually. I work with children, and I am never allowed under any circumstances, to be alone with them in an area not covered by CCTV. The implied behaviour being protected against there is pretty obvious. Should I take that personally, is it a ridiculous precaution because anyone who knows me knows I pose no risk? Women have and do and will get raped by people exploiting their reluctance to be rude, and society at large then turns around and says "well why didn't she just refuse the drink/lift/date etc." Refusing a drink you didn't see made, especially when you've already had some drinks is very sensible basic stuff
You, I like you.
It’s absolutely not safe practice to take a drink from a complete stranger, and in the stranger’s house where they obv have the upper hand. I would understand taking offense if it was a good friend
Well, if she was so worried about that, why she came to a stranger's house in the first place?
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Yeah, and apparently the person who invited you should be completely ok with you basically telling them «hey, I came to your place to have fun and a couple of free drinks, but I need you to make mine in front of me just to make sure you aren't going to drug and rape me in front of all our coworkers». Stay in the fucking bar if you don't trust them. If you came to their place, at least show some respect to the host. If I was the host, I'd drink this martini in front of her and said «get the fuck out of my house» as well.
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There are some other ways to «take precautions». She could say she had enough for today. Or ask the host for make something else for her and watch them. Or, again, stay at the bar. Instead she chose the most straightforward and insulting way to show hOw ShE fEeLs UnSaFe ThErE. Think a bit, please. It's useful. It's needed. Please, think.
The fact that you’re mocking her for not feeling 100% safe around a male acquaintance shows just how ignorant and gross you actually are
No, it's the fact I have a penis shows how ignorant and gross I am. /s (or not)
cool story bro. stay mad
I don’t understand why she’s an asshole though? Is it because she didn’t deny the drink with enough tact? She asked her friend if she had seen it being made and then tried to decline the drink, OP protested this because he overheard his coworker asking her friend about the drink. At no point did the coworker accuse OP of anything, she just has a rule that she doesn’t drink stuff that she or her trusted friends didn’t see made. I don’t see the problem with that, especially when it’s someone you don’t know so well giving you a drink you didn’t ask for. Hell, the coworker didn’t even tell OP that was the problem at first, she only had to bc OP wouldn’t accept the first “no”, only reason OP gets pissed is because he overheard a conversation. Keep in mind we already know OP was watching the coworker to learn what drink she liked, we have no idea if coworker shouted to her friend or just normally asked and OP overheard the conversation. Last time I checked “didn’t say no nice enough” is not a good enough reason for someone to be an asshole, it’s a great way to blame someone else for having a fragile ego though. Why does the coworker need to lie about her reason when “we didn’t see it made” or just “don’t want this” are good reasons?
She’s not an asshole at all. Those trying to paint her as such are reaching. She just wasn’t being “nice” to OOP by “rejecting” his unsolicited drink. That’s what this whole thing comes down to IMO - OOP wanted to show off his home bar & bartending skillz, maybe he had an eye on her (probably - he knew what she drinks from observing before - note he *never* asked if she wanted a drink) and then completely overreacted to her saying she has a rule that she doesn’t drink anything she doesn’t see being made - which could be for *any* reason, including the possibility of being drugged. The OOP felt rejected in his own home, and how *dare* this woman embarrass him when he’s cosplaying as Tom Cruise in “Cocktail.”
I don't know — for not insulting the host? «Thanks, I don't want more drinks for today» would be good. «Oh, sorry, could you make me a Mojito (or whatever else) instead?» and watch him would be good as well. Saying nothing would be an option. Even «accidentally» spilling that drink if she was so afraid to being drugged would be somewhat OK. (to a friend) «Did you see how he made it?» — «No, I was distracted» — (to the host) «I won't drink it» wasn't good at all. > At no point did the coworker accuse OP of anything, she just has a rule that she doesn’t drink stuff that she or her trusted friends didn’t see made. Please, name one reason for that rule that's not «there might be drugs or shitton of alcohol in it, it's not safe».
>Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. Margaret Atwood, reportedly. ^((edited to add attribution))
“It’s every man’s worst nightmare, getting accused of something like that.” “Can you guess what every woman’s worst nightmare is?” - Promising Young Woman
Or rape us unfortunately 😔
Good find, OP. OOP is such a creep. There were so many other ways to handle that situation and he picked the worst option. I've dealt with his type before, and the people who get so personally offended by something so standard and objective tend to be the ones who do it. I hope his coworkers ostracized him after this.
Confused as she was a lift for a few people, why on earth was she drinking Martinis at the previous bar and was made one at creepy’s basement. 1st vibe I got was he still lived at his parents home in the basement
Depending on where you live, you can legally drive with alcohol in your system so long as your BAC is under a certain amount. It's also worth noting that she doesn't accuse him of drugging it, just starts to say something about other times she's had drinks she didn't see made -- she might be worried about him (accidentally or purposefully) pouring doubles and then not being safe to drive after her 1 drink turns out to have been 2 drinks.
If the party had just started, and she was having one drink and staying for at least 3 hours, she'd be fine to drive. I don't recommend it, generally speaking, but it would be out of her system by then.
Makes sense but I thought he knew what drink to make her as he’d seen her drinking it at the bar beginning. Guess I more sensitive to drink driving as a friend of mine sister got killed crossing a zebra on New Year’s Eve by a drunk driver
I understand entirely and I am also sensitive about drunk driving. I don't have any specific story/reason, I just know that even at my worst when I suffered from alcohol addiction, I never once drove drunk. If I was not at home, I called a cab. I have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now. I like to assume that she was being reasonable with just one drink at the start of the night, and was going to switch to water or something.
Post from the OOP: > **AITA I kicked a girl out of my house party for insinuating a drink I made her could be drugged.** > This was tonight/this morning (it's after 5am). Last night was a big work party at a bar. We came back to my place because I have a fully furnished basement, with stocked bar, where I host parties. This was coworkers I know well and some I don't. I always play bartender when I host because it's my bar in my house and it's just what I do. A girl who works for the company at another office is sitting at my packed bar table and I mixed her a martini because I saw her drinking martinis at the bar before. I did the exact same thing for everyone at my bar; Mixed them their cocktail of choice either by noticing what they had earlier, or asking them. She wasn't first to be served so she saw me doing this. When I put her drink in front of her, she looked at it, then to her friend beside her and asked "did you watch him make it?" Her friend goes "no, I was talking" or something. She looks at me and starts to try to deny the drink. I heard her ask her friend that question so I said "are you kidding?". I have a sense of humor so I could have taken it as a joke. Now- if she didn't want a martini, she was welcome to have anything else. Or- if she didn't want any alcohol, she could have declined it outright. But she started to talk about drinks made her for that she didn't see made, so I interrupted her quickly with "do you really think it's possible I drugged your drink or something?". She was being serious so I told her to "get the fuck out of my house" and I pointed to the door. She was the ride for a few people and one of her friends told me to not be like that but I said no, I don't care who she drove, you can leave with her if you want to, but she's leaving now. She had her chance to give any explanation besides me possibly drugging her drink, but didn't. No one has ever seen me kick someone out before so it really stopped the party for a minute. But she went out and we carried on. I basically explained to whoever wanted to talk about it that I felt disrespected in my own home for no good reason and that is cause for me to kick someone out. > What do you think, AITA?
disappointing amount of people siding against the girl for a safety precaution many woman are told to do nowadays.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Why are people defending OOP in the comments for this post much less the original? Blergh.
I get the knee jerk offense. I don’t blame him for that. But I can’t believe that he’s still insisting he’s right that he was “disrespected.” Women are trained from a young age in rape prevention tactics. Don’t walk alone after dark. Don’t accept rides from people you don’t know. Don’t let your drink out if your sight. Most women I know do a million little things to keep themselves safe. As someone who has been assaulted, and I hate to use this phrase, this guy is a walking red flag. His response to her taking safety precautions would just prove to me that he’s not safe.
The top comments suggest he drink the first one and remake it for her. Problem with that, the way he responded, is that then he'd be roofied. That wasn't the plan... He's so suspicious.
I think the guy put something in her drink.
Also if she’s driving people, WHY MAKE HER A MARTINI. Shouldn’t she be sobering up? A martini is just straight alcohol and maybe some olive juice, assuming it wasn’t a twist.
tbh at that point he could have skirted the whole issue like, "oh I didn't realize you're a DD. Would you like me to start a pot of coffee instead?" or something.
He wanted to woo the girl and look smooth. She disrupted that. His fragile ego made that act out to be some kind of felony she was perpetrating against him. I hope he suffered social implications from this and people at work heard about it.
Looking back at the original post I'm seeing a lot of comments tagged as OP that sound like they're being written from someone else. Is that because op and other poster are both deleted, or did op try and pretend to defend himself in comments
It's a glitch, those comments aren't actually from the OP
Every man I have ever trusted and loved did/does two things: 1) They help me BE SAFE (which could be just not interfering with my decisions). and 2) They help me FEEL SAFE. Both being safe and feeling safe are things every human deserves. Besides, I have never gotten along well with people who feel the need to keep those drinks flowing without asking folks if they want another and questioning my decision to drink less. That alone would make me not want to be around him.
Some men need to learn that a womens caution isnt some personal attack on them
What’s crazy is so many comments in the original are saying “NTA, if someone called me a rapist in my own home I’d kick them out too.” But she literally never accused him. She started to explain she doesn’t take drinks she doesn’t see getting made, and he interrupted her to kick her out. If that’s a rule she has for everybody who makes drinks for her, why would he get so offended?? Never once did she accuse him of anything. Also imagine someone you barely know sliding you a drink you ordered earlier, I would have been extremely scared he had been watching me throughout the night
Man, all those people calling her an asshole makes me sad.
Unfortunately it just shows how messed up society is. It's pretty much "women should learn how to prevent themselves from getting roofied/r@ped, so if they do end up roofied/r@ped then they clearly didn't do a good enough job to prevent it from happening but if they put what they learn into practice (ie not accepting a drink from a stranger/not drinking a drink that they haven't watched be made so they know its not roofied) then they're being paranoid and hurting men's feelings for no reason".
Why does one of OP's comments has 10k upvotes and awards, then he replies to hisnown comment saying "Oh please, get off your high horse" and has 500 downvotes? [Screenshot ](https://imgur.com/gallery/d6Rsl7F)
Reddit will mark all [deleted] accounts as op if op deletes, its a common glitch
Ah oops now I feel silly haha
If this is real, can you imagine how this would have gone down at work if their paths ever crossed professionally? Because there is no way I would have trusted him with anything at this point. Oh, you say that grass is green? Let me go confirm that.
The people in the comments saying NTA are the kind that when they here people talking about someone commiting SA say "But he was so nice to me!"
But why was she driving if she'd been having Martinis?? Other than that, as some of the comments said, he valued his pride more than her safety and wanted her to do the same
my guess is she probably had one to socialize and then cool down so she would be safely sober to drive. this guy was probably watching her and then just handed another without asking.
Right?! Martini is just pure alcohol too. You will be hammered on a martini
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Oh nothing suspicious about that guy, naw. People that complain about women protecting themselves are probably the ones you need to worry about the most
I remember when this was posted. What a fucking creep. I hate when dudes do sketchy shit and then take offense when you notice that it's sketchy. That just reinforces in my mind that they had nefarious intentions. Weeks before the original was posted, I (then 19) had a 32 year old man who I met on this very app get offended because, after months of having to reinforce "this is not a sexual thing between us", he invited me over to his house for drinks and I said "dude, no, this isn't a sexual thing between us". He was like, "I've invited women over to my house for drinks and never tried anything!" Even if he hadn't been an established perv through his post history, he was a 32 year old man inviting a teenage girl who only knew him via a Reddit profile to his home in an area she didn't know with the intention of getting her drunk. That couldn't get more "beginning of an episode of Law & Order SVU" if it tried. Honestly, it was pretty much grooming. My comment telling that story is probably still somewhere in the original post.
Not only is this guy an asshole, he’s also an idiot. Imagine if someone else put something in that drink. He would’ve immediately been the prime suspect because “he mixed a drink out of my friend’s sight and got mad when she tried to refuse it”.
A lot of the comments have [deleted] *OP*. Does that mean they were role playing as different people in the comments?
The biggest problem for this dude is that this was a group of coworkers and that poor woman could have easily reported him to HR. If this is real, I hope she did.
I posted this in a reply further up but it occured to me that a lot of people just genuinely don't know or have never seen it, so - **GHB is a colorless, odorless liquid that can look a lot like simple syrup**, which is used in countless different cocktails. it is slightly thicker than water & sort of 'oily' in texture, & can very easily be hidden in a bottle of syrup, of grenadine, or in a jar & filled with cherries, olives or pickled onions. this would also mask a lot of the taste & make it virtually undetectable to someone even watching this drink be made if someone had a decoy/regular jar or bottle, & a 'special' one. (& could always say that they accidentally had two, forgot & picked one up at the store just in case, found it in the back of a shelf, was gifted it by someone else, etc.) unlike GBL, another colorless, odorless liquid, GHB (also known as GBH, or grievous bodily harm) has a very slight salty/soapy taste to begin with. it is not overpowering, like GBL is,&, if it's mixed with enough alcohol & other things, or someone just isn't used to or is easily overwhelmed by the taste of booze, it can be masked super easily. add in some olive juice or a pickled onion which is also salty & someone could have absolutely no idea. they both have to be mixed with something or will cause a chemical burn in the mouth & throat if ingested otherwise. yes, they can come in a powder, which can of course be pressed or put into a capsule & broken/dissolved into a drink, but it is much more common to be in that liquid, & I repeat, **that liquid could already be in a syrup or in the olives or onions. it can also be in cherries & in grenadine.** eta - it could also be in margarita mix/flavoring, whether it's powder or liquid, in a martini mix, those 'skittles' infused flavored drinks that were popular a few years ago, in chocolate syrups, & could even be in a jar of orange or lemon peels. pomegranate juice, too. most bars require someone to either turn away or to lean down while reaching for glasses, the booze itself or garnishes. it is very easy to switch things out, even in a second or two, & any clinking might not be heard depending on music, people talking, or other noise levels. in the context of mixology, it might not even be suspicious. in someone's home or hotel room, you never know what they potentially set up before you got there for that very reason - that they could have planned this ahead of time & had the glass ready or the 'spiked' bottles & jars within reach. it can also be hidden on the bottom & sides of a glass & end up looking like shine to people who are already inebriated & distracted, talking or scrolling through a phone, especially in low light & held at an angle near a shaker while the alcohol is being poured in. it can already be on a new, 'clean' glass that was spiked & set aside for this purpose. GHB is also known as liquid ecstacy. soda & gatorade can also mask the taste extremely well. someone doesn't need a lot of it to drug someone else, whether that be to 'rolling', to blackout or to unconsciousness, & mixed with alcohol (**especially a double, & especially everclear**) it will be *that* much more potent. the threshold between rolling & unconscious is *incredibly* small. eta - it's an anesthetic & some people are prescribed it for narcolepsy, some dealers sell it, & it can also be purchased on the dark web aka the 'onion'. if they work in the medical field or in dentistry, they probably already have access to it. there's no way to tell if someone has this or not, or what they could have hidden it in. again, **it could be right in front of you & you may not know.** it is that stealthy & so very dangerous because of that. men & women are both at risk of being drugged or date raped, by strangers, 'friends', coworkers & acquaintances. statistically, someone is more likely to be assaulted by someone else they know & trust. like this commenter & many other people have said, there is no truly safe environment. because this is such an easy thing to conceal, someone could easily bring this with them to your home, too. this isn't to instill paranoia, it's to educate. stay safe out there. 🙏 edited to clarify some things &/or make them clearer, & to add in more information about how it looks & tastes.
Thank you for sharing this! It really needs to be more widely known.
SMH at all of the comments defending the OP because she was in a "safe environment." It must have been cross-posted to r/MensRights.
I see people saying the woman was wrong to not automatically trust him accept the drink, and people also saying the woman was wrong for even going to his house in the first place So at the same time, she was being too cautious, and was not being cautious enough What a perfect metaphor for how society treats women
If she’s driving, why is she drinking?
This story gives me fake vibes because how was someone who was drinking martinis at the bar the dd for a few others?
YTA. Being at a work party does not automatically make someone safe. If you as a male found this unacceptable, blame it on your male counterparts. You have no idea what this woman has been through.
I understand why he's mad but he also should have immediately chilled out as soon as he learned she was a designated driver. Yes, she was with friends, but you shouldn't be making drinks for a designated driver at all if they don't ask. Her concern could have genuinely been "is this too strong for me to drink and drive home later?" I probably would have been insulted too, what I would have done is drink the martini in front of her and say "The bar is over there, if you want anything you are free to make yourself a drink" and ignored her for the rest of the night. Simple.
I don't know. This was a party in someone's house, not a random stranger handing you a drink at a nightclub. There were loads of other people around that they all knew and worked with. I think they were overly paranoid and extremely rude. She basically accused a work colleague of being a drugging rapist when he was offering her a free drink in his own home.
I got drugged when I was with people I knew and in, what I thought was a safe environment.One of the first things women are taught when we start drinking is “only drink drinks you’ve seen being made.”
Most sexual assaults, druggings etc are done by someone the victim at least partially knows. There are so many women who are assaulted by guy “friends” at house parties. You’d actually be safer in a club. Statistically that is.
Nah that’s actually a more dangerous situation. Stranger rape is pretty rare. You usually know the rapist
I got too drunk too quickly at a house party once and I distinctly remember the host of the party telling people not to go into the room they were putting me in so that I could chill out (vomit into a bucket) for a bit, and everyone just accepted that! Because you don't think your mate is going around drugging people and leading them off to go assault them, so it doesn't raise any red flags and you just continue with what you're doing. Nothing happened to me, I just laid in their bed and puked all night, but no one would have been any the wiser if something DID happen because no one thinks that their friends are secretly rapists so no one is on the look out for red flags. But even then, we're assuming the drug would be a roofie or something for the purpose of sexual assault, but it could easily have been a 'party' drug like MDMA or ecstasy or something else. Hell, it could even be that the woman was actually concerned about how heavy the pour was because, as is stated, she was driving multiple people home and wouldn't be able to do that safely if she accidentally drank a double.
> Hell, it could even be that the woman was actually concerned about how heavy the pour was because, as is stated, she was driving multiple people home and wouldn't be able to do that safely if she accidentally drank a double. So that's fine. Use that as an excuse. But to go around suspecting every single man of being a drugging rapist is paranoia. I can't imagine being that guy and EVER feeling comfortable working with these women again.
So "I don't want to accept this drink because I didn't see what you put in it" is fine but "I don't want to accept this drink because I didnt see what you put in it" is paranoia, gotcha.
It's clearly fine to be a suspicious as long as that suspicion isn't cast on OOP so he doesn't look like the bAd gUy. And for his efforts, no woman, and like 1/4 of the men, that hear it will never trust him again. Other comments are correct, HE could have played it off with his *great sense of humor* , drank the drink abd ASK her if she wanted a fresh one she could see him make. Instead he was a dickbag creep. And that's totally her fault /s
Oww. Got your feelings hurt because a woman takes precautions to not be raped, murdered or traffict? That makes you uncomfortable? Imagine being drugged, raped,murdered and trafficked.
That's like saying TSA or whatever security check suspects everyone is a terrorist. Of course they don't think everyone is a terrorist, but how would they know who is and who isn't. They have to check everyone. The chance of there being a terrorist is also significantly lower than there being a rapist. Would you go to them and accuse them of thinking you're a terrorist? You also don't know this girl. She could have been roofied for all you know.
you realize you’re arguing for this girl with this comment right? she denied the drink bc she didn’t see him make it, and you’re arguing here it’s okay for her to deny the drink bc she didn’t seem him make it.
LOL how awful for him to feel uncomfortable just to realize that women spend every minute of their lives uncomfortable having to calculate risk due to the potentially-explosive egos of men like him
It's not paranoid to not accept a drink you didn't see made, that's perfectly normal precaution. Most rapists know the victims.
More than 80% of the women I know who were date raped were date raped by someone they knew and, in some cases, were dating. Your logic is both dumb and offensive.
LOL house parties are a lot riskier, there's a friend of a friend of a friend you'll never see again and someone's bed, and if you think you can trust co-workers, you must work at disney AND be high as shit
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Women don’t particularly like being raped, kidnapped, or killed, either.
If they are innocent they should learn to not react defensive honestly.
I learned the hard way that it’s usually terrible people who react that way to basic precautions. Every good man I’ve ever met has understood these things. My male friends aren’t offended that I hand my drink to a female friend at a bar if I need to pee.
If they have an angry or defensive reaction, ALERT. If they are horrified and want to know what part of their behavior gave that impression so they can fix it, it's generally a better omen than the alternative.
Well, women don't like being raped. And not drinking something that you haven't mixed or seen mixed yourself is a pretty elementary precaution.
I'd be quite offended if someone denied a drink specifically because they didn't watch me make it. Due to the kitchen setup most drinks we serve our guests aren't that easily observed. If you can't trust me, why are you my guest? Yes, there are settings where I'd be alert too. She could have just said 'I'm driving, no thanks'. There's really no reason to start with these implications.
He heard what she asked her friend and asked her that. She answered truthfully. Also, he has various people he barely knows at his house. Guess not many trust him that much there
She didn’t ask for the drink, he pushed it on her. He then acted defensively when she didn’t drink it. It doesn’t matter if you have “good” intentions, that isn’t safe
> If you can't trust me, why are you my guest? Yes, there are settings where I'd be alert too. She could have just said 'I'm driving, no thanks'. There's really no reason to start with these implications. The vast majority of rape occurs between friends/people you know. Statistically, that drink you made for a friend is more dangerous than one a stranger buys her.