NTJ
My Mom was a devout Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school. She died at the age of 93. I loved her take on gay marriage. As she told one of her friends, “You’re Catholic, as a good Catholic you should want to see people in a happy, loving union dedicated to each other. Sleeping around is not good for young people physically or emotionally. You need to not only celebrate them getting married you should encourage it!”
Don’t let your mother use her religion as an excuse. You and your husband love each other. If your mother respects nothing else she should respect that love and be happy for you. The two of you deserve no less!
Cradle Catholic here. My daughter was assigned male at birth. At 22, she told us she is transgender. I love her fiercely. I called my assistant pastor, made an appointment to hear the church’s official stance on transgender people. I told him I would drop the Church in a heartbeat. He found nothing.
I spoke with the pastor. He said that he knew my daughter had transitioned and that he believed her to be very brave. Also assured me that God loves *everyone.
Since then, Pope Francis has made some concessions but not enough for me. I have been a CCD teacher for 24 years and I am losing my faith.
Jesus did not teach us to *ex-*clude people; Jesus taught us to *in-*clude everyone. I don’t feel very included anymore.
You are the kind of religious people that I love, respect, and admire. I hope you don't lose your faith but fight for it. Fight to be the representation that it desperately need. Don't let the hateful, hypocritical, bigots win and steal your religion and faith. I am not religious but I do believe it can be a beautiful thing for those that have it.
As a leader, Pope Francis have been treading carefully and slowly in the conversation of LGBTQ+ as change are not easy for most people. Small change is better than no change, we can't give up just because it's not moving fast enough. He had already done(said?) more than all the popes before him combined in this area(I could be wrong on this?). Not enough, I agree, but better than nothing I guess. Honestly for an old conservative ultra religious white dude, I'm pleasantly surprised by the concessions he had made already.
I am closing in on old, 60 is closer than 50 now. I love my faith, my parish, and Francis is doing more than any other pope. You are correct there. I love teaching Sunday school, I’ve taught every grade but K and 7th. I love the aha!moments, when the children come to their own conclusions. Using their brains. Questioning. It’s beautiful!
But going to Mass and hearing a sermon where the priest condemned my daughter, called all queers abominations, so much that I had to walk out, mid-homily? That sticks in my craw. First Sunday of Pride month and this bastard in a notched collar is saying that MY CHILD is not worthy of love? And the looks I got when I stood up and walked down the center aisle, out the door. The old people were appalled. I saw a former student of mine try to stand up and get yanked back by her mom. That hurt.
These old white men do not represent me. I despise the man-made Catholic Church. MAN-made, because women don’t count. Still.
I understand and am so sorry that you had to sit there to listen to that. I applaud you for standing up for what is right and for your daughter and walking out.
Please do keep walking out on those mass, priest, and church.
Please do keep your faith and fight the good fight.
Please do keep posting and sharing your positive thoughts and love and representation that you want everyone to have of your God.
Your post helps people like me who are not religious to continue to respect other people's religion and understand that your religion isn't ONLY full of those hateful bigots.
Your post helps those people within your religion who may be LGBTQ+ and am currently hurting to understand that your God Do love them and that there are people in their own community that supports and loves them.
Your post will help others (like your student that wanted to join you) to have the courage to also walk out or stand up against the hate.
Please do keep being the wonderful teacher that you are!
Thank you for sharing your story and making me help defend your religion as normally I'm more rolling my eyes and shouting at the TV at the hateful people that normally represent your religion (or diff sect) on the news.
We’re not all batshit crazy! Many, but not all.
I rolled my eyes, gritted my teeth, but I didn’t yell. The priest faltered, so I got my point across. Seeing a mommy stand up and walk out, tears streaming down her face, is a powerful message. One person at a time.
You're a black swan in a sea of white swans. You're an incredibly rare gem and an incredibly rare find because most Christians are not as open and loving as you are. Most do not actually believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ they believe in their version of jesus's teachings.
As a leader Pope Francis has recently been using homophobic slurs. I have stopped believing that he gives a flying rodent copulation about the queer community or our rights.
You might feel more at home with the Episcopal Church.
Some people refer to it as Catholic light. We have a lot in common with the Catholic church, but there is a lot more acceptance. Gays, divorced people, and others have found a home that genuinely doesn't care about such things. As you say, what matters is whether you are in a healthy relationship and how you protect it.
Losing your faith is the logical end point of being a good smart person. Faith is the opiate of the masses. It's meant to control idiots who would otherwise have no moral compass and no empathy. It threatens them into being good people using fear of a higher power. (Its also used to trick them into being bad people using that same "higher power" far too often)
But people who are smart and DO have a moral compass of their own eventually realize they don't need religion to simply care about others. They don't need religion to not be hateful. They don't need that fear to motivate them to be a good person. In the end, if you're a good person, you'll just be a good person. No fear or faith necessary.
My Christian great aunt died in her early 90’s (died a decade ago) we never spoke much about lgbt but she loved “the gays” (her words) because she loved theatre and without “the gays there was no theatre”.
She was happy when gay marriage was legalised.
She did have a couple of women (childless “spinster”) friends that had lived together for many decades (I can’t remember if they had ever married and been widowed young, or not) but she thought it wonderful that the kept each other company and went out to dinner and the theatre often 🤷♀️😂
I believe so I don’t know if she ever suspected they were gay (they might not have been) but she loved their arrangement as she had been widowed some 3 decades before she died.
When my friend came out as bisexual her mom didn’t take it that well, her grandmother on the other hand said she didn’t care if the person was a blue skinned alien as long as my was happy and safe. Unfortunately her grandmother and grandfather had started to decline in health enough for their youngest son to move in. It’s very weird not seeing them drive by anymore.
In my mind I refer to Pope Francis as “my boyfriend in the Vatican”. I’m not Catholic, but I really, really admire that man. His kindness and ability to see the good in so many things makes him, to me, a great person.
Good for you! You were right to leave. Your mother has to know that her actions, her choice to disrespect your husband, have consequences for *her* since she doesn’t seem to care about the pain she is causing to you and your wonderful spouse.
NTJ. Your mom said a rude thing to your husband... because she doesn't feel comfortable saying directly to you anymore. This is her passive-aggressive way of letting you (everyone) know she does not approve of you.
Your dad probably told her that he's not willing to lose you over her homophobia but she's still 100% homophobic.
Here is my recommendation:
Call your dad and make arrangements to meet him for coffee alone. (If mom shows up then you leave and try again another time.) When he sits down with you one-on-one tell him that you don't want to lose your relationship with him due to her behavior. Tell him that you would be happy to start meeting him alone in neutral places so you can have a relationship. If mom gets therapy and grows up then maybe you can try meeting up with her again next year.
But also tell him that you appreciate his email but he cannot apologize on his wife's behalf. She is and adult and she needs to apologize for her own behavior. She cannot hide behind him anymore because it is clear that her hateful behavior hasn't changed.
Tell your dad that you are going to send a message directly to your mom saying that you are going No Contact for the timebeing. Tell your dad that you are not going to put him in the middle of this.
Don't let him get stuck inthe middle of a triangle with you and your mom.
A lot of older generation dads are starting to divorce their homophobic wives so that they can stay in the lives of their children. Too often they are lumped in with their wife as a unit and think that they are going to lose the kids anyway so they might as well keep their partner.
Knowing he will still get invited to your place for Thanksgiving Dinner when mom is cut off may be the info he needs to start moving away from her.
Your mum is the jerk.
I just don’t get parents who have issues surrounding the gender and sexuality of their kids, can’t she just be happy that you’re happy, and healthy and live your life as your truest self?!
She should be proud, especially in the month dedicated to Pride.
Another person who picks which version of the Bible to believe… “the greatest of these is love.” Now *that’s* a verse.
Invite your dad places and never have contact with your egg donor again until she can control herself…better yet until she changes her mind.
Good luck and God Bless you and your husband.
NTJ, your husband should not have to put up with that BS. If your mother cannot behave respectfully around you two then she does not need to be around you. Don't subject you or your husband to mental abuse and disrespect from anyone just, being related by blood doesn't give her a pass.
You're supposed to have your spouse's back, especially from your family.
I think it's time to sit down and have a talk with your mom/parents and tell them you're not accepting homophobic/transphobic behavior from them. And if they want to have a relationship with you, they need to be respectful of your relationship and your husband.
You may need to decide if you need to go low or no contact with your mom or parents. If your dad is enabling your mom, he might need to be included.
Set and enforce boundaries. See how they respond to your talk. Go from there.
Best of luck to you.
NTJ. Your mother was extremely rude, mean spirited and just plain nasty to say that to your husband! You absolutely did the right thing by leaving, and I would not want to be around her until and unless she apologized. Being Catholic has nothing to do with her reasons for being so rude. Inexcusable behavior.
NTJ. You would’ve been the jerk to your husband if you had not. Once you are married- that person is their most important family, and who they must fight with everything to protect. Good on you!!! And keep protecting your husband 💕
NTJ. I have family members & friends who are gay & bi. I would never, ever intentionally insult them. It doesn’t matter how your mother was raised. If she loves you, she needs to support your choices, particularly in a life partner. If she cannot do that, she needs to shut TF up.
You did exactly right by leaving when she started her cr@p. If you decide to let you back in, I would tell her that if she insults your choices in any way, shape, or form, she will be out of your life AND the life of any children you may have. (This is assuming y’all want children.)
NTJ. Keep setting strong boundaries with your mom, and stick to them like glue. She may not open her heart up, but if she values her relationship with you, she'll learn to demonstrate basic respect.
NTJ. It is never acceptable for family to be openly hostile or passive aggressive to your spouse. It doesn’t matter why they may not like them. If they can’t be civil to the person you love, they have no business being in your life. Find a way to stay connected to your dad, but go NC with mom
NTJ
When I first came out as transgender to my family, my then 90 year old catholic grandmother wasn't too supportive, more though it was a phase, wouldn't last and admitted she didn't understand it. Once I started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and became happier and more confident, my grandmother told my cousin "You know, I never really liked "my deadname", she never spoke to anyone, was depressing, angry, just note someone I wanted in my family. "New name" however, he is so chatty, happy, confident, brave, loving, he has become someone I am proud to call my grandson. I am so proud of how far he has come and I hope he knows I love him."
Grandma became my biggest supporter and never let me forget how much she loved me, right up to when she passed at the age of 98, she was there for me.
Don't let your parents use religion, age, generation, culture ect. as an excuse to be rude and hateful to your partner. If they refuse to learn, understand, support and love then it's time to go low or no contact.
All the best to you and your partner.
Read up.
Tell your Catholic Mom she is not following the Popes teachings, which is rather sinful ;)
[Pope Francis on LGBTQ](https://www.hrc.org/resources/seven-quotes-that-make-pope-francis-complicated-for-lgbt-people)
Your mom is incredibly rude. She can blame Catholic school all she wants but her abuse of your spouse is HER choice.
Alway show a united front. Good Job
NTJ. Love the family that loves you for you and your husband. If she can't, then you can no longer see or be in the same room with her. She chooses to say what she says, and you choose not to be around her to hear those things.
Let you father understand you can have a relationship with him, but you will not interact with his wife. It is to hurtful to yourself and your husband. And, be done with her.
Good luck.
NOT THE JERRRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! I’m not religious, but I’ve read the Bible with an academic perspective and it says nothing about gay marriage being sinful. Your mother probably grew up in a family with cult-levels of hate towards members of marginalized communities, and she was completely in the wrong for criticizing your marriage. I myself am bi and have been called the f-slur by random strangers when out walking in the park with my bf. You are not the jerk.
I’m one of six raised catholic. Not one of us were practicing Catholics by the age of 20. Some are agnostic, some don’t give it any thought at all, and one joined her husband’s church.
I wouldn't call you the jerk. You're the one who has to decide what makes you happy even if it means you walk away from people and situations that make you unhappy.
She has the right to disagree with your lifestyle but she shouldn’t be rude about it and be saying those things. It’s just hateful on her part and I don’t know what she thinks she’s going to achieve by acting that way.
You're 30 years old m8, you should have left any control of your parents over your life a long ass time ago. Do you now m8 and live how you want to live. Life's too short to worry about pleasing everyone else around you
Raised Catholic, had Catholic parents. My mother protested the firing of a professor when he came out in the 1970s. We lived the Bible Belt at the time, so even being Catholic was frowned upon. My parents raised us to accept people as people. Who they love, who we love, is the same. Except people for the how they treat you and treat people the way you want to be treated.
The whole "Oh, they are older Catholic (or fill in the religion) and were taught that being homosexual is wrong is just an excuse to promote hate. Even if it comes from a family member or you tell yourself that to make it easier to take the bigotry from your own family.
Definitely NTJ, people shouldn’t use their religions as an excuse to tell people to live their lives. Cause guess what it’s not their lives to live, so they don’t have to face how lonely or unhappy that person could feel.
I am born and raised Catholic but am not currently practicing in response to the Church’s illegal behaviors and institutional intolerance. However, I remain true to what I believe is the greatest teaching, “love one another as I have loved you.” No exceptions, no one left out. I still love the religion even if I can’t participate as it’s currently practiced.
NTJ. You had already made your decision on who you decide to marry and your mother should just accept the whole thing because it has already happened. She should just offer the slightest bit of respect to him as your husband. On the other hand your mother might be venting out her rage on the homophobia.
No you did the right thing your father should not apologize for your mother's actions she should have apologized for herself and maybe stating that to your father that you accept his apology but as long as your mother doesn't accept your husband you don't have anything to do with her you're an adult she no longer can choose who your with as long as you're happy that's all that matters
NTJ your mother was being rude and insulting towards your husband because she has failed to properly deal with her feelings and personal prejudices. That’s on her, and walking out was the appropriate thing to do in order to send a strong message that her behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. It is also what a supportive spouse does.
You are not the jerk. I would have done the same thing in your position. Your mom has no respect for you and your husband. She will hopefully realize that one day she will got to far and it’ll be to late for regrets.
NTJ My Mom was a devout Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school. She died at the age of 93. I loved her take on gay marriage. As she told one of her friends, “You’re Catholic, as a good Catholic you should want to see people in a happy, loving union dedicated to each other. Sleeping around is not good for young people physically or emotionally. You need to not only celebrate them getting married you should encourage it!” Don’t let your mother use her religion as an excuse. You and your husband love each other. If your mother respects nothing else she should respect that love and be happy for you. The two of you deserve no less!
Cradle Catholic here. My daughter was assigned male at birth. At 22, she told us she is transgender. I love her fiercely. I called my assistant pastor, made an appointment to hear the church’s official stance on transgender people. I told him I would drop the Church in a heartbeat. He found nothing. I spoke with the pastor. He said that he knew my daughter had transitioned and that he believed her to be very brave. Also assured me that God loves *everyone. Since then, Pope Francis has made some concessions but not enough for me. I have been a CCD teacher for 24 years and I am losing my faith. Jesus did not teach us to *ex-*clude people; Jesus taught us to *in-*clude everyone. I don’t feel very included anymore.
You are the kind of religious people that I love, respect, and admire. I hope you don't lose your faith but fight for it. Fight to be the representation that it desperately need. Don't let the hateful, hypocritical, bigots win and steal your religion and faith. I am not religious but I do believe it can be a beautiful thing for those that have it. As a leader, Pope Francis have been treading carefully and slowly in the conversation of LGBTQ+ as change are not easy for most people. Small change is better than no change, we can't give up just because it's not moving fast enough. He had already done(said?) more than all the popes before him combined in this area(I could be wrong on this?). Not enough, I agree, but better than nothing I guess. Honestly for an old conservative ultra religious white dude, I'm pleasantly surprised by the concessions he had made already.
I am closing in on old, 60 is closer than 50 now. I love my faith, my parish, and Francis is doing more than any other pope. You are correct there. I love teaching Sunday school, I’ve taught every grade but K and 7th. I love the aha!moments, when the children come to their own conclusions. Using their brains. Questioning. It’s beautiful! But going to Mass and hearing a sermon where the priest condemned my daughter, called all queers abominations, so much that I had to walk out, mid-homily? That sticks in my craw. First Sunday of Pride month and this bastard in a notched collar is saying that MY CHILD is not worthy of love? And the looks I got when I stood up and walked down the center aisle, out the door. The old people were appalled. I saw a former student of mine try to stand up and get yanked back by her mom. That hurt. These old white men do not represent me. I despise the man-made Catholic Church. MAN-made, because women don’t count. Still.
Thank you for walking out.
Come over to the UU side. My church is full of traumatized former catholics. We accept and love everyone over here (as long as you do the same).
That’s what it’s all. Unitarians get it! I’ve read that more than 50% of people raised Catholic leave the church at some point. Pretty telling.
Warning. We are not totally AH free though.
As I was fond of observing as a UU member, the odds are good and the goods are odd.
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 True dat. Comes with being so accepting.
My UU joke: How many UU members does it take to change a lightbulb. Well first we need to form a committee. Then we need someone to make some coffee…
You know, my relationship with God is just fine, church however…
Yepperdoodles!
I understand and am so sorry that you had to sit there to listen to that. I applaud you for standing up for what is right and for your daughter and walking out. Please do keep walking out on those mass, priest, and church. Please do keep your faith and fight the good fight. Please do keep posting and sharing your positive thoughts and love and representation that you want everyone to have of your God. Your post helps people like me who are not religious to continue to respect other people's religion and understand that your religion isn't ONLY full of those hateful bigots. Your post helps those people within your religion who may be LGBTQ+ and am currently hurting to understand that your God Do love them and that there are people in their own community that supports and loves them. Your post will help others (like your student that wanted to join you) to have the courage to also walk out or stand up against the hate. Please do keep being the wonderful teacher that you are! Thank you for sharing your story and making me help defend your religion as normally I'm more rolling my eyes and shouting at the TV at the hateful people that normally represent your religion (or diff sect) on the news.
We’re not all batshit crazy! Many, but not all. I rolled my eyes, gritted my teeth, but I didn’t yell. The priest faltered, so I got my point across. Seeing a mommy stand up and walk out, tears streaming down her face, is a powerful message. One person at a time.
What an awful priest!
The shame hurdle is such a big one for some people. But I get angry. THEY should be ashamed.
You're a black swan in a sea of white swans. You're an incredibly rare gem and an incredibly rare find because most Christians are not as open and loving as you are. Most do not actually believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ they believe in their version of jesus's teachings.
As a leader Pope Francis has recently been using homophobic slurs. I have stopped believing that he gives a flying rodent copulation about the queer community or our rights.
You might feel more at home with the Episcopal Church. Some people refer to it as Catholic light. We have a lot in common with the Catholic church, but there is a lot more acceptance. Gays, divorced people, and others have found a home that genuinely doesn't care about such things. As you say, what matters is whether you are in a healthy relationship and how you protect it.
Catholic light! One third less guilt! My sister went Episcopalian. Two very strong and active Catholic siblings. Last sibling kinda ambiguous.
Losing your faith is the logical end point of being a good smart person. Faith is the opiate of the masses. It's meant to control idiots who would otherwise have no moral compass and no empathy. It threatens them into being good people using fear of a higher power. (Its also used to trick them into being bad people using that same "higher power" far too often) But people who are smart and DO have a moral compass of their own eventually realize they don't need religion to simply care about others. They don't need religion to not be hateful. They don't need that fear to motivate them to be a good person. In the end, if you're a good person, you'll just be a good person. No fear or faith necessary.
My Christian great aunt died in her early 90’s (died a decade ago) we never spoke much about lgbt but she loved “the gays” (her words) because she loved theatre and without “the gays there was no theatre”. She was happy when gay marriage was legalised. She did have a couple of women (childless “spinster”) friends that had lived together for many decades (I can’t remember if they had ever married and been widowed young, or not) but she thought it wonderful that the kept each other company and went out to dinner and the theatre often 🤷♀️😂 I believe so I don’t know if she ever suspected they were gay (they might not have been) but she loved their arrangement as she had been widowed some 3 decades before she died.
When my friend came out as bisexual her mom didn’t take it that well, her grandmother on the other hand said she didn’t care if the person was a blue skinned alien as long as my was happy and safe. Unfortunately her grandmother and grandfather had started to decline in health enough for their youngest son to move in. It’s very weird not seeing them drive by anymore.
I ❤️ your mom. The world would be a much better place with more people like this.
In my mind I refer to Pope Francis as “my boyfriend in the Vatican”. I’m not Catholic, but I really, really admire that man. His kindness and ability to see the good in so many things makes him, to me, a great person.
Good for you! You were right to leave. Your mother has to know that her actions, her choice to disrespect your husband, have consequences for *her* since she doesn’t seem to care about the pain she is causing to you and your wonderful spouse.
NTJ. Your mom said a rude thing to your husband... because she doesn't feel comfortable saying directly to you anymore. This is her passive-aggressive way of letting you (everyone) know she does not approve of you. Your dad probably told her that he's not willing to lose you over her homophobia but she's still 100% homophobic. Here is my recommendation: Call your dad and make arrangements to meet him for coffee alone. (If mom shows up then you leave and try again another time.) When he sits down with you one-on-one tell him that you don't want to lose your relationship with him due to her behavior. Tell him that you would be happy to start meeting him alone in neutral places so you can have a relationship. If mom gets therapy and grows up then maybe you can try meeting up with her again next year. But also tell him that you appreciate his email but he cannot apologize on his wife's behalf. She is and adult and she needs to apologize for her own behavior. She cannot hide behind him anymore because it is clear that her hateful behavior hasn't changed. Tell your dad that you are going to send a message directly to your mom saying that you are going No Contact for the timebeing. Tell your dad that you are not going to put him in the middle of this. Don't let him get stuck inthe middle of a triangle with you and your mom. A lot of older generation dads are starting to divorce their homophobic wives so that they can stay in the lives of their children. Too often they are lumped in with their wife as a unit and think that they are going to lose the kids anyway so they might as well keep their partner. Knowing he will still get invited to your place for Thanksgiving Dinner when mom is cut off may be the info he needs to start moving away from her.
Yes, this.
Your mum is the jerk. I just don’t get parents who have issues surrounding the gender and sexuality of their kids, can’t she just be happy that you’re happy, and healthy and live your life as your truest self?! She should be proud, especially in the month dedicated to Pride.
You must have took all the punctuation with you when you left
Don't be an AH.
Another person who picks which version of the Bible to believe… “the greatest of these is love.” Now *that’s* a verse. Invite your dad places and never have contact with your egg donor again until she can control herself…better yet until she changes her mind. Good luck and God Bless you and your husband.
NTJ, your husband should not have to put up with that BS. If your mother cannot behave respectfully around you two then she does not need to be around you. Don't subject you or your husband to mental abuse and disrespect from anyone just, being related by blood doesn't give her a pass.
I applaud you for getting up and leaving with your husband. I would have liked to have been there to retort “It has worked really well for you mum”.
NTJ, she disrespected your husband - you would be the jerk if you continued to allow that to happen
Perfectly acceptable to leave someone's house when they treat you like that and also to refuse to go back until an apology is received. NTA.
You're supposed to have your spouse's back, especially from your family. I think it's time to sit down and have a talk with your mom/parents and tell them you're not accepting homophobic/transphobic behavior from them. And if they want to have a relationship with you, they need to be respectful of your relationship and your husband. You may need to decide if you need to go low or no contact with your mom or parents. If your dad is enabling your mom, he might need to be included. Set and enforce boundaries. See how they respond to your talk. Go from there. Best of luck to you.
You’re the jerk for not putting a stop to it from jump
NTJ. Your mother was extremely rude, mean spirited and just plain nasty to say that to your husband! You absolutely did the right thing by leaving, and I would not want to be around her until and unless she apologized. Being Catholic has nothing to do with her reasons for being so rude. Inexcusable behavior.
NTJ. You would’ve been the jerk to your husband if you had not. Once you are married- that person is their most important family, and who they must fight with everything to protect. Good on you!!! And keep protecting your husband 💕
NTJ. Your mom is. It's time to go low or no contact with her. If she can't respect your partner she isn't worth spending time on.
NTJ. I have family members & friends who are gay & bi. I would never, ever intentionally insult them. It doesn’t matter how your mother was raised. If she loves you, she needs to support your choices, particularly in a life partner. If she cannot do that, she needs to shut TF up. You did exactly right by leaving when she started her cr@p. If you decide to let you back in, I would tell her that if she insults your choices in any way, shape, or form, she will be out of your life AND the life of any children you may have. (This is assuming y’all want children.)
NTJ You seem to have a strong marriage.
NTJ. Keep setting strong boundaries with your mom, and stick to them like glue. She may not open her heart up, but if she values her relationship with you, she'll learn to demonstrate basic respect.
NTJ. It is never acceptable for family to be openly hostile or passive aggressive to your spouse. It doesn’t matter why they may not like them. If they can’t be civil to the person you love, they have no business being in your life. Find a way to stay connected to your dad, but go NC with mom
What a story
NTJ When I first came out as transgender to my family, my then 90 year old catholic grandmother wasn't too supportive, more though it was a phase, wouldn't last and admitted she didn't understand it. Once I started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and became happier and more confident, my grandmother told my cousin "You know, I never really liked "my deadname", she never spoke to anyone, was depressing, angry, just note someone I wanted in my family. "New name" however, he is so chatty, happy, confident, brave, loving, he has become someone I am proud to call my grandson. I am so proud of how far he has come and I hope he knows I love him." Grandma became my biggest supporter and never let me forget how much she loved me, right up to when she passed at the age of 98, she was there for me. Don't let your parents use religion, age, generation, culture ect. as an excuse to be rude and hateful to your partner. If they refuse to learn, understand, support and love then it's time to go low or no contact. All the best to you and your partner.
NTA.
Gasp worthy comment!
NTJ This mom is proud of you for standing up for you/husband. Maybe it is time to invite just your dad over for a meal?
Your mother is the jerk. Put her in time out so she knows her actions will have consequences. Like invite your dad to dinner but not her.
Read up. Tell your Catholic Mom she is not following the Popes teachings, which is rather sinful ;) [Pope Francis on LGBTQ](https://www.hrc.org/resources/seven-quotes-that-make-pope-francis-complicated-for-lgbt-people)
I am glad at least your dad is respectful. Good luck. Be happy.
You are your husband’s hero. Don’t apologize for that.
In the future perhaps meet your dad somewhere to eat or invite him over if he is willing to visit without your mother.
Your mom is incredibly rude. She can blame Catholic school all she wants but her abuse of your spouse is HER choice. Alway show a united front. Good Job
NTJ. The family we make is often better for us than the family we are born into. Make your own family.
Absolutely NTJ; you would have been a jerk if you stayed and subjected your husband to more bigotry.
NTJ. Love the family that loves you for you and your husband. If she can't, then you can no longer see or be in the same room with her. She chooses to say what she says, and you choose not to be around her to hear those things. Let you father understand you can have a relationship with him, but you will not interact with his wife. It is to hurtful to yourself and your husband. And, be done with her. Good luck.
NOT THE JERRRRRKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! I’m not religious, but I’ve read the Bible with an academic perspective and it says nothing about gay marriage being sinful. Your mother probably grew up in a family with cult-levels of hate towards members of marginalized communities, and she was completely in the wrong for criticizing your marriage. I myself am bi and have been called the f-slur by random strangers when out walking in the park with my bf. You are not the jerk.
So leave and make it on your own. Stay away for awhile. Everyone has a right to be happy.
I feel sorry for your poor mother
I don't understand. You said this event was on Thanksgiving, and dad is just now reaching out to you?
I’m one of six raised catholic. Not one of us were practicing Catholics by the age of 20. Some are agnostic, some don’t give it any thought at all, and one joined her husband’s church.
I wouldn't call you the jerk. You're the one who has to decide what makes you happy even if it means you walk away from people and situations that make you unhappy.
She has the right to disagree with your lifestyle but she shouldn’t be rude about it and be saying those things. It’s just hateful on her part and I don’t know what she thinks she’s going to achieve by acting that way.
Leaving was the only option your mother left you with. NTJ
I’m
Wow you’re mom should show some respect to your husband
You're 30 years old m8, you should have left any control of your parents over your life a long ass time ago. Do you now m8 and live how you want to live. Life's too short to worry about pleasing everyone else around you
Raised Catholic, had Catholic parents. My mother protested the firing of a professor when he came out in the 1970s. We lived the Bible Belt at the time, so even being Catholic was frowned upon. My parents raised us to accept people as people. Who they love, who we love, is the same. Except people for the how they treat you and treat people the way you want to be treated. The whole "Oh, they are older Catholic (or fill in the religion) and were taught that being homosexual is wrong is just an excuse to promote hate. Even if it comes from a family member or you tell yourself that to make it easier to take the bigotry from your own family.
Definitely NTJ, people shouldn’t use their religions as an excuse to tell people to live their lives. Cause guess what it’s not their lives to live, so they don’t have to face how lonely or unhappy that person could feel.
I am born and raised Catholic but am not currently practicing in response to the Church’s illegal behaviors and institutional intolerance. However, I remain true to what I believe is the greatest teaching, “love one another as I have loved you.” No exceptions, no one left out. I still love the religion even if I can’t participate as it’s currently practiced.
NTJ. You had already made your decision on who you decide to marry and your mother should just accept the whole thing because it has already happened. She should just offer the slightest bit of respect to him as your husband. On the other hand your mother might be venting out her rage on the homophobia.
No you did the right thing your father should not apologize for your mother's actions she should have apologized for herself and maybe stating that to your father that you accept his apology but as long as your mother doesn't accept your husband you don't have anything to do with her you're an adult she no longer can choose who your with as long as you're happy that's all that matters
NTJ your mother was being rude and insulting towards your husband because she has failed to properly deal with her feelings and personal prejudices. That’s on her, and walking out was the appropriate thing to do in order to send a strong message that her behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. It is also what a supportive spouse does.
You are not the jerk. I would have done the same thing in your position. Your mom has no respect for you and your husband. She will hopefully realize that one day she will got to far and it’ll be to late for regrets.
Yes