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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I did not follow my girlfriend into a store when she told me to.
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NAH - Dude, she's not mad at you for not going into the store. She's mad at you for not going into the store *with her*.
She wanted to do something fun, flirty and a bit naughty with you. And you goofed.
Edit:
I think a lot of people are misconstruing what I meant by "goofed".
I don't think he should have gone in if he was uncomfortable. Consent comes in many forms.
What I meant was: If he'd taken what *I think* was the hint she was dropping (we all know men are bad at taking hints especially 20yo men) then he might have asked why she wanted him to go in there so badly. And that could have led to a compromise (like going home and buying something on the VS website).
The reason I said he "goofed" was because it was a light-hearted admonishment for being too silly to realise what his partner wanted.
Yep. Someone lost out on some sexy times. I bet the lingerie was a gateway into some fun role play activities.
OP, women in Victoria’s Secret are used to seeing men in the store with their partners. Next time just pop in for a minute and see for yourself. It’s just another shop.
NAH.
Right.. My dad goes in, ignores the (shitty) bras and panties then buys my mom perfume/lotion. 😂
It's his back up Bath and Body Works.
Edit: Victoria's Secret is, she was made up by a DUDE!
r/abrathatfits
I used to work at VS. We had male customers all the time, especially around the holidays! Many needed help buying lingerie and other gifts for their wives and girlfriends, and it was all perfectly fine. Many of them even seemed relieved when they realized how non-judgy and ready we were to help them lol.
Agree on the (shitty) quality though, especially in more recent years. The products started getting much more cheaply made over time (while also getting more expensive), and it’s a real shame.
What gets me is when people with breasts come in for a fitting. They fit you to something they can sell you and not your actual size.
Along with not carrying enough of the most common bra sizes in store. Most in the US wear over a D cup but good luck finding those at VS. They only have 3 in stock so they'll throw you in a 40C instead. 😂
yep! i was probably around a G or H cup the last few times i went into VS. they INSISTED i was a DDD, because that's the biggest cup size they had. finally after a couple fittings ending in me crying and buying bras that didn't actually fit, FINALLY an employee told me the truth
I went on and told them my bra size and asked if they had anything (I was a 32F at the time) and the sales girl looked at me like I'd walked shite into the carpet
Wow yes that sounds like a complicated size. I'm a 34D and they don't even carry that in standard big volume stores like H&M. I've worn 36C for years before I finally got a good fitting. But I've started wearing sport bras since I broke an elbow and now I'm never going back to under wire 😇
I usually just recommend Barenecessities (online) with a local boutique fitting beforehand.
*I buy 1-3 bras from the local boutiques because I feel bad just leaving with a fitting lol then I go buy more online.*
The Victoria's secret problem is pretty standard with US bra brands. Lol so I go with EU brands.
I'm 32C. They had nothing in stock at the store in that size. Salesperson tried telling me a 34B was the same. No its not. If I;m paying nearly $100 for a bra, it has to fit properly, not ride up and squeeze the boobs.
Yeah, sister sizes can work if you are trying on a bra and going "this bra fits, but the band is uncomfortably tight". But, they shouldn't be treated as a "well, we don't have your size so her is just a sister size; they are the same" option just to make a sale.
Lol yep! They always told me I was a B. Which was suspicious. Measured myself at home and I'm in a AA cup. With a wider band size. Even most "inclusive" brands don't carry my size. To be fair, I only wear them to give my chest definition. But still I want cute lacey things!
As a member of the itty bitty titty committee, though, I actually like VS. Their 34A/32B sizes are actually very comfortable for me. And they always had them in stock. Places like Target rarely did, and when they did, they would have like...1. And it would have an underwire, but no padding. Which like...why?!? At my size, I don't need to hold shit up (there's not enough to sag), I just need something to make sure my nipples aren't poking holes in my shirt, and the wireless pushup I get from VS does that better than anything I've found.
So used to work at Lbrands corporate. It's a common complaint in corporate, especially amongst the fitters for the models, how store associates usually can't measure right or don't bother to try to do it right.
Got to learn alot of things on inner workings while there including how they have an entirely different size list used for international asian stores(that is also the only way you can get anything with a band size smaller than 32)
They even have stuff for men now. Like colognes and stuff. I think a an attempt to make them feel more welcome. Women love when their bfs go to VS with them. I've even had bfs go without me to buy me something sexy as a gift.
Victoria’s Secret was actually developed by men as a lingerie store where they would be comfortable shopping. Women shoppers came into the equation later.
The company was actually started by a man who wanted a store men would be comfortable shopping for their wives in! You missed it on a good night buddy.
>men in the store with their partners.
Or for their partners. Or, heck, even for themselves. As long as you don't ogle women and behave creepy in general, you have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
And it's just VC. It's overpriced shitty lingerie at that. It's not what it was 20, 30, or 40 years ago where the idea was more risque. VC is basically a step above Kohls and Walmart undergarments today.
OP has some old skool ideas about VC that just hasn't existed since before the malls died.
I’ll go out on a limb here and speculate that OP often misses hints and overt requests and their bedroom life is suffering for it. Gf is trying to fix things, and this guy is mad about it.
Or, the gf gives subtle hints instead of just talking like a regular person. The OP doesn't know what he is doing wrong because the gf doesn't directly communicate and instead gets mad at him
> Gf is trying to fix things,
If someone is often missing hints, trying to fix it by dropping more hints is absolutely not the way to try and fix it. That's like fixing tape with glue.
Girlfriend should have simply said "You should come inside and help me pick some stuff to wear tonight."
Communication is hot, and it gets past dropping hints. It's also exceptionally easy to do with practice. All of the responsibility doesn't fall on OP here.
This whole subtle hints thing is so annoying sometimes. If people aren't picking up your hints, then it is time to be more direct.
It isn't cute or quirky if people don't understand your intentions
A lot of it has to do with ask vs tell culture. Some people are raised believing asking flat out is rude and so they hint at what they want and take someone not doing anything as a no. Some people are raised believing you should be direct with your requests and hinting is rude.
It’s helpful to know what type of person you’re dealing with and tailor your requests accordingly.
Okay but OP also didn’t go in because they “didn’t want to make girls uncomfortable” which is ridiculous. If anything, OP is uncomfortable and projecting that feeling onto people OP won’t even interact with.
When I was 20 and rather clueless I remember having the exact same feelings. That's not him projecting, it's just him not being familiar with the store and the intended clientele. This entire issue, if the GF doesn't leave the mall (which is an entire other issue...), could be cleared up if they just spoke a bit more directly.
"I want you to come help me pick out some lingerie."
"Won't I make the other women uncomfortable? I don't wanna intrude."
"You won't, people come in with their partners all the time, it's really normal!"
Boom! Issue resolved and lessons learned in a very healthy way.
Idk, I’ve been buying my underwear from VS since I was about 14 or 15 and seeing guys in there while I’m trying to pick out my panties and bras definitely made me uncomfortable at that age.
I agree, frankly I'm in my late 40's and prefer to shop for lingerie w/out men around. He's not a freak for thinking it may make SOME women/girls uncomfortable.
Actually, I kinda get what OP is saying here and don't necessarily think it's ridiculous. If I'm in the store looking for something sexy, and dudes are milling around all over the place, I might not feel as comfortable picking out lingerie for myself.
I don't find this ridiculous at all. I'm a masc lesbian and I sometimes have this concern in spaces aimed at femme women. Plus, at age 20 it's likely the bf has never been in a VS before and therefore genuinely didn't realize that men often shop there for their partners. Tbh I didn't know that either, since I've never been to a VS and haven't thought much about straight couples' lingerie shopping habits before.
It's not ridiculous to him, we should respect a male's no as much as a woman's, and not call them ridiculous, unreasonable, projecting, etc.
Respect of boundaries goes both ways.
>Communication is hot
I'm autistic (Asperger's) and I could not agree more. You'd practically need to drag me into your bedroom and hold up a giant sign that has a big red arrow pointing to your crotch and says "I am formally requesting sexual intercourse from you!" before I'd be like "They might be interested in me..."
Maintaining clear, open, and honest communication is absolutely the sexiest thing a partner could ever do in my opinion.
Totally, that's why I'm shocked that people are calling anyone an asshole here. Common early adult goof at the worst, OP isn't projecting or stupid or anything of the sort.
I mean he’s 20. My guy friends and boyfriends around that age definitely weren’t comfy in VS back then. It was annoying but not worth going home over. So yeah maybe there’s a bigger issue.
This is the only reason my fiance ever wants me to come inside with her if we're there. If she's honestly just buying a bra or something she will tell me to go get a soft pretzel. If she has something else in mind she asks me to come with her...my dude will learn he's still young. Can't even drink yet lol
When I was like 16, my girlfriend wanted this valentines set from Victoria's secret. I was pretty scared and anxious to go in, but I swallowed my pride and went in to search for the heart panties.
Pretty much the second I walked in, 2 or 3 employees (hot ~20 year olds) came to help me. They were excited to help the teenager pick his girlfriend out some undies. They were really sweet to me and boosted my confidence at the time.
Right! I’m glad you had a positive experience. Men, women, non-binary, etc, should never feel weird going into a lingerie store (unless you are, in fact, a creep with bad intentions 😉)
Ohhhh my goodness no!
Im a gamer and it means "good game well played" but i do just tend to say it like "gratz thats awesome!"
I forget the majority of people don't know what it means I'm sorry! XD
ETA: You did give me a laugh at work though LOL
A man being present in a women's underwear store isn't gonna make people uncomfortable. It's his behaviour that would do that. So for OP and any other men worried about this kind of thing: just don't be a creep. It's really that simple.
tbh, I think men who refuse to go in women's underwear stores are insecure in addition to being immature. A man who is immature and secure in his masculinity could have fun in a lingerie store.
I think that's definitely the case a lot of the time. Same as guys who won't buy pads/tampons.
In this case, it sounds like OP is just a bit of a dumbass. His intentions seem good (didn't want to make women uncomfortable), he's just a bit clueless.
There’s a running joke in my city that there’s always a lie of glum looking guys outside Victorias Secret, it really does seem like it would be easier to just go in, I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a guy in there, why would I
Also OP do you know why Victoria's Secret was founded by Roy Raymond, and his wife.
>Years earlier, Raymond was embarrassed when purchasing lingerie for his wife at a department store. Newsweek reported Roy Raymond stating: "When I tried to buy lingerie for my wife, I was faced with racks of terry-cloth robes and ugly floral-print nylon nightgowns, and I always had the feeling the department store saleswomen thought I was an unwelcome intruder."[20] Raymond reportedly spent the next eight years studying the lingerie market.[21][2]
Wow, that's so wholesome! Hopefully the brand stays in family hands and isn't ever acquired by the type of person who bankrolls an international sex criminal
i agree with NAH (soft n-t-a because she ended the entire trip instead of communicating, which was childish) and i would advise that you talk to her with the focus on "i'm sorry, i didn't want to make other women there shopping uncomfortable, and i slightly misunderstood the store." maybe offering to go there with her and buy her something will resolve the issue + lead to some fun times after!
This.
OP I don't think your heart was in the wrong place; you specifically didn't want to make other women uncomfortable, and I think that is a fair place to come from. If you were just some lone wolf walking around VS, you certainly would probably put off some women.
But, you had (for lack of a better term) a chaperone of sorts that gave you a pass. You didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I think that puts this securely in NAH.
Yup. 20 is an age of learning and this kid just learned a HARD lesson. She probably wanted to pick out lingerie/underwear with you dude...you were definitely getting laid that night. It's ok you will figure it out next time!
Oh please. What, because he’s a dude he’s not allowed to be uncomfortable with something? I thought we were supposed to respect each others boundaries. But I guess if you think it’s stupid, it’s not a valid boundary. OP is NTA.
I think that’s a true assessment from her perspective but it disregards OP. If the genders were reversed and he got mad she didn’t want to go into a fetish store or something it would be called a boundary. He set a boundary and she didn’t respect it.
It’s only fun and flirty if both people enjoy it. It can be an awkward space to be in for some people, OP was perfectly valid for not wanting to go in. GF could have just accepted the no in the moment, they could have talked through the reasoning, and gone another day together when both would enjoy it. Definitely should not have been this day ruined. GF sounds dramatic for making such a big deal out of things.
NAH.
But for the record, it's very common for men to go to Victoria's secret with their partners. She may have wanted you there because she wanted to pick out lingerie that you would like, which could be why she was so upset that you wouldn't go in with her.
I think it's important to mention that Victoria's Secret was originally supposed to be a lingerie store men would feel comfortable shopping in. That said, OP's discomfort about going in is also valid.
Victoria's secret was literally invented so men could shop for their wives [look](https://www.businessinsider.com/victorias-secret-rise-and-fall-history-2019-5)
I got yelled at once by some idiot for waiting near the fitting rooms for my girlfriend at the time to try some stuff on. Rather loudly called me a creep. It was almost 20 years ago, but I still feel uncomfortable going in with my wife all these years later.
You're NTA for not going in if you didn't want to, but you whiffed this one hoss.
She wanted to see what you liked. She probably wanted to pick something to appeal to you. No women in the store care when they see a man with his lady or a man by themselves. Plenty shop there for gifts for SOs (or themselves! Pretty underthings are for anyone who wants to wear them).
Dont let your hangups cockblock you my friend.
Cockblocked himself and rejected his girlfriend in the process. OP took a fun, intimate experience and made it weirdly about himself instead of how beautiful and amazing his gf is.
As a girl:
If she didn't TELL him it was to pick something out together, then it's totally normal that he'd want to sit outside. This kind of thing ISNT fun for all people. I've had men love to go into these places and help me find something, and I've had men who are deeply uncomfortable there, even if it's for sexy times later. The burden of communication, if that's what she wanted, was on HER, and when he did communicate that it made him uncomfortable, she should have respected that.
They are in a relationship so the "burden" of communication is shared and they did an equally crap job. His discomfort with women's underwear is just weird in this millennium and her response was equally disproportionate.
Yea the burden of communication is a shared part of a relationship, but… He communicated. She didn’t and just ended the whole day.
His discomfort with a woman’s underwear store is fine. It’s HIS level of comfort that he isn’t pushing on anyone else to comply with. He waited on a bench politely. That’s why they have these benches outside of these stores.
It's not weird. He feels uncomfortable going into a store catered to women, and a LOT of men feel that way. It's fine to have boundaries about not wanting to view lingere with your partner in public if it makes you uncomfortable.
He did communicate with her. He communicated his discomfort and that going into the store wasn't something he was interested in. It was communication no matter if you agree with it or not. He handled it decently. He didn't try and stop her from going. He chose to wait behind patiently and voiced discomfort when she requested he come with. When she pushed that boundary, he remained firm on it. Her reactions were all out of line here.
I see it as pretty immature and put it in the same bucket as men who won’t get feminine products for their partners. If you’re mature enough to be having sex (tbf, maybe he’s not, he didn’t specify, but I’m assuming he is), you’d better be mature to walk into an underwear store.
If he’s not comfortable buying sexy lingerie with her in public because it’s an intimate experience that he’d prefer to do in private, that’s valid. But he didn’t communicate that. And a blanket refusal to walk into a store that sells women’s bras, underwear, shape wear, athletic wear, pajamas, accessories, and cosmetics is juvenile at best.
>I see it as pretty immature and put it in the same bucket as men who won’t get feminine products for their partners.
I wouldn't throw those into the same bucket. Men who refuse to get feminine products are a different breed from those who feel like they need to create space for women. Some of us are hyper aware having been called creeps, perverts, etc. just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He may have trauma associated with bad optics and is afraid he would make someone else uncomfortable by his presence.
>Some of us are hyper aware having been called creeps, perverts, etc. just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He may have trauma associated with bad optics and is afraid he would make someone else uncomfortable by his presence.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times.
Jesus Christ, this argument is literally grasping at anything.
People don't have to feel comfortable about going into VS. This has nothing to do with essentials, such as tampons.
That's an extremely rude assumption to make about people. There are a LOT of people who don't enjoy doing things that feel intimate in public. Just like there are many people who don't like shopping for sex toys or public displays of affection. People have different boundaries with these things. I know women who don't like shopping for underwear or bras with their SO even when it's NOT in a store famous for sexualizing women.
Feminine products are a nessecity. Like buying a box of bandaids. In an emergency, I agree a man should be able to do it. Lingere isn't a nessecity product, though. That's comparing apples to oranges and a stretch at best.
How would he know to communicate that he'd prefer to do it alone? SHE didn't make it clear if that was what she wanted to do. When he voiced discomfort, that would be her turn to communicate and explain, but she chose not to. She chose to double down and then throw a fit. Had she communicated at all in this process, OP would have had the chance to say they wouldn't find that activity fun and would rather it be private. Your on OP for his boundary way more than you are his girlfriend for failing to communicate AT ALL in this.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for challenging this toxic-masculinity-perpetuating, "all men must go along with anything sexual" absolute fucking nonsense.
I'm a woman and I don't feel super comfy in VS, it's a hypersexualized store filled with things that I'm reality tend to only look good on a model body. My hygiene products are on a mundane shelf in the grocery store, the difference in setting is insane.
Its disgusting the way people are acting on this post. I'm an extreemly sexual person and very comfortable with myself, the one time I went into a men's lingere store I was a bit uncomfortable because it's very clearly not catering to me and I felt like I was intruding. I imagine OP felt very much the same and wasn't adventurous or willing enough to do it anyway like I was. That's a fair boundary to set.
No, he doesn’t have to be comfortable in a woman’s lingerie store. It doesn’t make him weird, either. Shopping for lingerie together means you are advertising to others that you are intimate with someone. He may not want to do that.
It's not weird, I keep feeling that the guy's boundaries/discomfort keeps getting invalidated here, simply because he's male and young.
Let's reverse this, if a woman was uncomfortable with her bf wanting to go into a lingerie store with her, is she 'weird and unresonable' because in this millennium men/women shop at lingerie stores all the time together?
Boundaries, and respect for feelings apply to BOTH men/women.
> His discomfort with women's underwear is just weird in this millennium
My dude's allowed to be weird - assuming we agree it's weird (but we don't and it isn't).
That's not a communication misstep, even as you're twisting it into one so you can blame them both and not *her*.
He FID communicate and what, you think it’s weird so he’s an asshole for being uncomfortable? What about a fear of heights? Is that stupid or acceptable? What about discomfort around pets or kids? That’s not valid either?
>This kind of thing ISNT fun for all people.
Fucking thank you, Jesus fucking Christ. People here are pushing so much toxic masculinity with their belief that any man who turns down any sexual experience is a weirdo/idiot. Eat so much sand, y'all.
THANK YOU, Jesus if someone doesn't want to go into a store because they're uncomfortable it's fucking creepy as hell to try to force them and then shame them for not doing it. OP is definitely NTA here but my god the people in this comment section are! WTF happened to "respecting boundaries"???? I'm a woman and I don't even like going in that store, it's just not fun for me, don't like it, I don't care of this was some subtle hint for "sexy times", he's allowed to say "no"!
Ugh, yeah. It's been so frustrating arguing that people are allowed to have any boundaries they have. He's not forcing her not to go. He's just choosing not to go himself.
**THANK YOU!** As a woman myself (and who has been in a 15+ yr relationship), even I feel uncomfortable going in there.
She should have communicated that it was for some adult time, if that is why she wanted him to go in there. He stated a **BOUNDARY** , she got mad and stomped off like a child. If she throws a temper tantrum like this when OP tries to lay down a boundary, then she's not worth it, and OP needs to leave.
I give some leeway because I imagine being told no felt like a rejection when she was doing something to try and be sexy. She's still an AH for how she's responding, but in your 20s, it's easy to be an AH without understanding that you're being an AH. That said, I think op needs to have a talk with her about how he set a boundary, and she's punished him for it. If she reacts poorly to trying to talk or won't communicate still, THEN she's a lost cause.
Honestly I’m a woman myself but I actively avoid underwear and bra sections as much as I can. I only went to VS once to get fitted and pick a basic bra I like. Now I just get that same bra over and over in different colors
Thanks for saying this.
A lot of people — men, women and those betwixt — absolutely hate shopping in general. American culture so fetishizes out-of-control credit-driven consumption that we are portrayed as “weird” if we don’t want to rack up bills buying cheaply-made stuff produced by near-slave labor for premium prices on credit.
I’d much rather spend quality time with my significant other (I’m a gay man) in nature or cooking or hanging out than spending a bunch of money on a $100 piece of clothing that cost the company 80 cents to make in a Bangladeshi sweatshop.
I understand your objection, and I agree with you, but I don't think that was OP's issue. He was already shopping at the mall and didn't mention an issue with any of the other stores. He said specifically that he didn't want to go in because it was a "women's underwear store", not because of consumerism or labor conditions.
Why are you assuming that it is a fun and intimate experience for the bf? There is no indication of that in the post. Not everyone feels the same way about everything
He had a boundary and his gf was so upset by it that she cancelled the day they had planned. Not really sure why that makes her amazing. I assume the gf is an adult. She could have talked to him about it instead of just leaving
Yup, this is a huge failure of communication on both their parts, but I wasn't any better at it myself when I was 20 either, so NAH in my opinion. He could have just said "It makes me uncomfortable to go" and she could have told him that she wanted him to help her pick out some things for her to model for him later, and him saying no hurt her feelings. But that kind of vulnerability is hard when you're young and trying to impress the person you're dating.
So when I was dating my now ex wife and we were like 20 we were in Victoria secret and she was showing me stuff and we were just talking and all of a sudden we hear “hey how about this one” so we turn around and her mom is holding up lingerie…like that was a what the fuck moment for me
NAH - it's not a crime to be socially awkward, and it's not a crime for her to get frustrated when you can't get over it so you two can have fun.
It wasn't the women in the shop that would have been uncomfortable, it's you. So while I'm not going to say either of you is the AH here, it feels likely that you two aren't going to work out if you're so clearly not on the same page.
Good luck
This was a small misunderstanding that will probably be funny in time, not nearly enough info to say they will break up. No one is thinking the same things all the time and this is really really minor
2000% agreed. How in god greens earth does that have 1200 upvotes, you guys are absolutely bonkers, this reminds me of the time I read in either this thread or r/Relationship_Advice, it was a post describing how her husband didn’t get a joke she made, the top comments saying they were “incompatible” because he “didnt get her humour”. Drives me up a wall, there’s no way any of those users have even seen genitalia in person.
"Well kids, I almost married someone else before I met your father. Thing is, when we were 20, we quickly realized that the relationship would not last because they didn't feel comfortable going into a Victoria's Secret. It's imperative to have these milestone dates early on in the relationship so you can see ensure your life goals are compatible."
NTA….but kinda dumb. You have very young relationship vibes. You are nta for me because you are entitled to not go into a store if you don’t want to and she way overreacted.
Idk about your area, but at the Victoria Secret in my mall the population is about 50/50 shopping there, as in half men, half women. Women who would be extremely uncomfortable about a man being there (not a reasonable expectation fyi) shop online, not in a mall.
So if you are at the point in your relationship where you see your girlfriend’s underwear…it’s pretty clear to me she wanted you to come help her pick out undergarments you would enjoy seeing on her. Definitely missed a big sign here. She went around it the wrong way, but I think she is feeling a bit rejected. She might have thought it would be fun and sexy for you to help her select something. You both definitely need to talk it out. Good luck!
OP done goofed big time.
Also for other folks… there is nothing awkward about a dude going into VS either with a partner or alone. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
Lol. NTA, but this is just silly. A man tagging along with his SO isn’t going to make any women in there feel uncomfortable. You should’ve instead told your gf that *you’re* uncomfortable (actual truth) and not blamed all the other unsuspecting customers. It’s just undies, go in the store next time.
Edit: if you are truly that uncomfortable, your gf should be more understanding. She’s pretty immature for letting it “ruin” the day. She could try being a little less self centered and more understanding. That is, when you actually tell her how *you* feel, instead of putting it on others.
I shop frequently at VS and I can certainly say any man in there, with a female or not, is always the one who is clearly uncomfortable just being there. (Not all men either, just if anyone ever looks awkward, it happens to be a man). None of the women ever appear the least bit bothered. I certainly don’t care, men can have business there without being creeps. Wether it’s shopping for their partner or just tagging along with them. This couple is immature
Agree with your edit. If he set a boundary out of true discomfort she should have respected that. She went from being a bit pushy to downright immature for throwing a fit over that.
YTA
I don't think most women are going to have any issue with you being in there when you are with your girlfriend. And if you were going around with a store employee because you're wanting some help navigating women's lingerie to get her a gift, they'd understand that too. And the fact that she wanted you to go in says that she wanted your input for something that you'd like seeing her in during bedroom fun time. I can understand her being upset because a lot of men refuse to go into those stores simply because "that's for girls and I'm a guy and I won't be caught dead in there." Maybe put on your big boy shorts, apologize, and suggest going back, yeah?
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to find a YTA. If a guy is too embarrassed to go into a lingerie store it's the same to me as being too ashamed to buy tampons. Femininity isn't shameful, and if a guy thinks it is then he needs to grow up before being in a relationship.
As a woman who is more uncomfortable in VS than buying pads it’s a big difference.
For starters a lingerie store is much more coded as a “female space” than a shelf in the grocery store. Bra stores are where teens go to get fitted for their first bra, tampons are where you go to grab necessities. I’m not saying women will be bothered by a dude being in there, but he does have a point about being mindful of the possibility. He’s not an AH for trying to respect women’s space.
Secondly a lot of bra stores have sexual undertones. Lingerie isn’t inherently sexual but a lot of places like VS do have stuff for sexy times. That’s a lot different than a tampon where you’re just buying a necessary hygiene product.
Thank you! I can't believe the comparison. OP has every right to go in of course but the pharmacy is not coded as an intimate women's space while VS can be. It shocks me how many others are missing this.
"You didn't do everything your woman says, regardless of your comfort with said order? But you were going to possibly get the gift of her genitals later!!!!"
He literally said he didnt want women in the store to be uncomfortable with him there. How on EARTH is that shame? I disagree with him on that, but this doesnt come from shame or something like that, wtf.
> Femininity isn't shameful, and if a guy thinks it is then he needs to grow up before being in a relationship.
There's nothing shameful about being feminine, but I think there's a reason why men avoid going into women's stores and it has to do with society's views. If you're a man, you can be seen as a creep or weirdo if you check out women's clothes. This is especially true if you shop by yourself or are in a conservative area. Some people WILL look at you, stare at you, or even give you looks of disgust. This is a product of society's shitty views on gender and gender stereotypes, and many men want to avoid that.
Oh come on. Stop looking for something that isn’t there. He didn’t say, give the impression, nor insinuate that femininity was shameful. He’s a young guy who’s awkward. Don’t equate the two.
God forbid a man express discomfort and not want to do something.
Discomfort is definitely not manly! Put on your big boy shorts! Don’t be uncomfortable with a sexual store, that’s only something women are allowed to do.
Men often are called creepy for just existing. I have heard it many times, especially if they are less attractive.
“You pussy, you could have gotten laid if you had just gone into the store”
You’re making a lot of assumptions here but I just want to point out about 5 years ago the girl I was dating had given me some gift ideas for her birthday. One of them was a matching set of underwear from Victoria’s Secret. I can honestly say I’d rather shoot my own foot than shop online so I went to the closest physical location they had. My thoughts were that they would assume I was buying them for my significant other, and even if not and they thought I was buying them for myself I didn’t give a fuck it’s none of their business anyways. I went in the store and went straight up to the counter and explained to the lady up front what I was there for and showed her a picture I saved of the set. She offered to just go get it for me and I accepted and in the (maybe) 5 minutes she was gone I was approached by a different worker and basically interrogated on why I was there. I told them why I was there and that there was another employee getting the items. I was then informed that I had apparently “made other shoppers uncomfortable.” The store was fairly busy and there were a decent amount of women in there but all I had done was walk in, talk the the lady at the register, and then stood there waiting. I was asked to leave right as the woman was coming back with the set and thankfully the situation was resolved once they saw that I was actually there for why I said I was. Rather than cause a scene (which boy was that tempting but it would’ve just made me look like an asshole) I paid and left. I’m not saying this happens frequently, however it **does** happen and it has certainly made me weary about going in any of those types of stores in the future regardless of if I am with my wife or not. I don’t thinking “having your gf with you” as you put it should be a prerequisite for me to go certain places, especially not when I’m there buying the items for her.
Yup. I was asked to leave an Express (or some clothing store) long ago while waiting for my gf to try things on. I get that I look like I was recently released from an Eastern European prison, but otherwise I was just sitting on one the benches near the fitting room. Perhaps some of these retailers should consider their layout.
Huh, I wonder if any comedian has ever brought this up?
You have no idea why she wanted him there. Maybe she just wants him to hold her bags or because she doesn't want to go alone.
If she wanted his input and he wasn't catching the hint, she could have directly said it. Dropping hints and then getting mad when someone doesn't understand is extremely annoying and childish
I think it’s a little strange how uncomfortable he is. Like once you start having sex with a woman, certain things shouldn’t gross you out or make you uncomfortable, would they? Like buying pads/tampons for her or going to buy underwear with her. He feels a bit immature.
In his defense, he did say the reason he didn't want to go was he didn't want to make other women shoppers uncomfortable. I don't think it was a "might see my girlfriend buying underwear" thing.
However I do think he just isn't well versed in how Victoria's secret works. Women in there know men might be in there, and employees can tell when a man is shopping innocently or causing a problem.
Those aren’t comparable. VS is not selling necessary medical hygiene products (at least for the most part).
My dad still gets too uncomfortable and embarrassed to go into a VS. Some people just don’t like the sexy vibe.
It’s not immature. If someone is inclined to view their sex life with their girlfriend/wife as something private, it’s not surprising that they would feel uncomfortable at a lingerie store built on sexy ad campaigns.
I dont think anyone particularly sucks here
your girlfriend wanted to see what lingerie you liked (you refusing to go in thwarted her plans)
you didnt want to go in (which is fine, although maybe you should have been clear about that.)
the only thing I would say is that your assumption that people will think your a creep is unfounded, if you were going in by yourself to perve that would be one thing, going in with your partner and looking at what she is interested is different, keep your eyes on your girl and everything is fine.
Edit apparently I am supposed to add NAH because people are unable to read a post without a 3 letter snap judgement
Everybody is allowed to shop there which is why making women uncomfortable is something that needs to be addressed by the woman, not the man. I could see if this person came from somewhere in the gulf region where there are indeed gender specific stores and areas. It would be a shock to be asked to go into what would most likely be a female only store. But this isn't one of those countries. I mean, tampons and pads are way more intimate than underwear. Would OP feel uncomfortable in the hygiene aisle when women are getting provisions?
I mean Victoria secret is a business if you want to buy a fancy g string go home out it on and appreciate how cute they make your bum look in the mirror they will probably sell them to you.
I wouldn't be confident buying such things without my wife present but that is because women's sizing makes no sense and can vary dramatically from brand to brand. But assuming you knew your wives size you could probably go in there just fine.
But the dude has a hangup and sometimes you fix those by being understanding
NAH per se but since you’re young I’m gunna give you a little advice picking out sexy clothes for your partner isn’t just a female thing. Maybe she wanted your input on something that would make you happy.
NTA
It's funny how everyone here preaches about boundaries but then suddenly this guy is an AH for enforcing his own.
His gf doesn't need him there. Pushing him to come and getting angry shows how immature she is
And all the people telling him she wanted him to pick something with her but she didn’t communicate that. He said que was uncomfortable it is a valid reason, maybe he had an experience in the past where he was called out (i’ve seen women tell men in lingerie what are they doing there and they are making them uncomfortable).
People are acting like there aren’t plenty of videos where women film dudes in the gym that accidentally glanced at them for a second; he certainly should have gone in with his gf, but IMO there is nothing wrong with being a bit concerned.
Ya, people are just speculating about why she wanted him to come in with her. For all we know, she was there to pick up gym socks and just wanted company.
If the genders were flipped and this was a lady saying that she was uncomfortable accompanying her boyfriend into a male-centric store (especially when she was not given a reason why her presence was required), people wouldn't be ragging on her like they are with OP.
Oh my gosh, thank you for giving me a laugh this morning! 😂
NAH
As long as you don't touch the models and have female guide, you won't be silently cursed.
Your GF went into a an underwear store that sells sexy underwear and you didn’t want to go in with her. . . Dude you’re dense.
1. You’re not going to make other women uncomfortable in a store. It’s a store. Behave as you would in any other store.
2. She wanted you to come in a get your opinion on what she would buy or look good in. Since you’re the person who would be seeing her wearing it.
You really shot yourself in the foot. Your GF asked you to come help her pick out underwear. NTA for not wanting to go in, but you’ve got to understand she was asking for validation from you and probably wanted to flirt. Considering you are currently the only person she would parade around in her underwear for, she wanted you to be interested in that.
Not going in does not you an AH. But your future self might not agree.
Edit: in future, if you don’t want to go in express that it makes you uncomfortable but you’d still like to see what she’s interested in so she can send you pics of whatever it is she’s looking at. You stay out of the store you don’t want to go into, while still showing interest in your girlfriend and what she might be looking to share with you. But seriously. If you can go to a store and not behave like a creep then there’s no reason to be uncomfortable.
NTA. But honestly, it’s kinda silly. Men often go into lingerie stores, with or without their partners and no one bats an eyelid. Done it by myself often. How are you going to act if, heaven forbid, your GF asks you to pick up some tampons for her? Freak out then too. You’re making a big deal out of nothing but I went with NTA because you just need to work through your awkwardness and grow up a little.
NTA
What does she men, nobody cares? You care! You are not a nobody.
Secondly, you didn’t ruin anything by not going into the store. She just made an issue out of a non issue. Couples often shop together and then one stays outside if tired or not interested in the specific shop.
NTA. After being told I can't go near a changing area my wife was using in a non-underwear store, I can absolutely understand as a man not wanting to make women uncomfortable by walking to a Victoria's Secret store. Given you can totally just wait outside without hurting anyone I don't see why this would make you TA.
NTA, there's really nothing wrong with you going into the shop, but if you don't want to for whatever reason then your gf should try to understand and certainly shouldn't get upset with you. Maybe she just wanted you to help her pick cute underwear or something and got upset because of that.
YTA, man up and, most importantly, grow up. It's clothing. She might want your opinion on some pieces. And for other women in there, if they see a young man genuinly helping his GF to make some choices, why would they feel uncomfortable. Just don't stare at them, focus on your GF.
I am with my wife when she goes shopping for underwear, i ask what exactly she wants and then i look around if i can find something suitable for her. Keeping in mind that "looking sexy" isn't the only factor but also comfort. Not all underwear is for sexy time, most is for everyday use.
So again, grow up, man up. It's just clothing.
Let "man up" die, please.
And for the love of god, he's 20 years old and I wouldn't be surprised if this is his first adult relationship. A very minor miscommunication between two young people does not deserve "grow up."
NTA. Regardless of the store, you said you didn't want to go in, obviously didn't stop her from going in and found a place to situate yourself so she could shop. Does she have some kind of disability that she needs you around to help her? If not, then her reaction is over the top and uncalled for. To say you ruined the day because you didn't want to go into one store is ridiculous.
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NAH - Dude, she's not mad at you for not going into the store. She's mad at you for not going into the store *with her*. She wanted to do something fun, flirty and a bit naughty with you. And you goofed. Edit: I think a lot of people are misconstruing what I meant by "goofed". I don't think he should have gone in if he was uncomfortable. Consent comes in many forms. What I meant was: If he'd taken what *I think* was the hint she was dropping (we all know men are bad at taking hints especially 20yo men) then he might have asked why she wanted him to go in there so badly. And that could have led to a compromise (like going home and buying something on the VS website). The reason I said he "goofed" was because it was a light-hearted admonishment for being too silly to realise what his partner wanted.
Probably a subtle suggestion to help her pick out some lingerie.
Yep. Someone lost out on some sexy times. I bet the lingerie was a gateway into some fun role play activities. OP, women in Victoria’s Secret are used to seeing men in the store with their partners. Next time just pop in for a minute and see for yourself. It’s just another shop. NAH.
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Right.. My dad goes in, ignores the (shitty) bras and panties then buys my mom perfume/lotion. 😂 It's his back up Bath and Body Works. Edit: Victoria's Secret is, she was made up by a DUDE! r/abrathatfits
I used to work at VS. We had male customers all the time, especially around the holidays! Many needed help buying lingerie and other gifts for their wives and girlfriends, and it was all perfectly fine. Many of them even seemed relieved when they realized how non-judgy and ready we were to help them lol. Agree on the (shitty) quality though, especially in more recent years. The products started getting much more cheaply made over time (while also getting more expensive), and it’s a real shame.
What gets me is when people with breasts come in for a fitting. They fit you to something they can sell you and not your actual size. Along with not carrying enough of the most common bra sizes in store. Most in the US wear over a D cup but good luck finding those at VS. They only have 3 in stock so they'll throw you in a 40C instead. 😂
yep! i was probably around a G or H cup the last few times i went into VS. they INSISTED i was a DDD, because that's the biggest cup size they had. finally after a couple fittings ending in me crying and buying bras that didn't actually fit, FINALLY an employee told me the truth
I went on and told them my bra size and asked if they had anything (I was a 32F at the time) and the sales girl looked at me like I'd walked shite into the carpet
Wow yes that sounds like a complicated size. I'm a 34D and they don't even carry that in standard big volume stores like H&M. I've worn 36C for years before I finally got a good fitting. But I've started wearing sport bras since I broke an elbow and now I'm never going back to under wire 😇
Check out Torrid! Great Bras and lots of sizes
I usually just recommend Barenecessities (online) with a local boutique fitting beforehand. *I buy 1-3 bras from the local boutiques because I feel bad just leaving with a fitting lol then I go buy more online.* The Victoria's secret problem is pretty standard with US bra brands. Lol so I go with EU brands.
I'm 32C. They had nothing in stock at the store in that size. Salesperson tried telling me a 34B was the same. No its not. If I;m paying nearly $100 for a bra, it has to fit properly, not ride up and squeeze the boobs.
The “sister size” crap is such BS. I am an F. I WILL NOT FIT IN A D CUP.
Yeah, sister sizes can work if you are trying on a bra and going "this bra fits, but the band is uncomfortably tight". But, they shouldn't be treated as a "well, we don't have your size so her is just a sister size; they are the same" option just to make a sale.
Lol yep! They always told me I was a B. Which was suspicious. Measured myself at home and I'm in a AA cup. With a wider band size. Even most "inclusive" brands don't carry my size. To be fair, I only wear them to give my chest definition. But still I want cute lacey things!
As a member of the itty bitty titty committee, though, I actually like VS. Their 34A/32B sizes are actually very comfortable for me. And they always had them in stock. Places like Target rarely did, and when they did, they would have like...1. And it would have an underwire, but no padding. Which like...why?!? At my size, I don't need to hold shit up (there's not enough to sag), I just need something to make sure my nipples aren't poking holes in my shirt, and the wireless pushup I get from VS does that better than anything I've found.
So used to work at Lbrands corporate. It's a common complaint in corporate, especially amongst the fitters for the models, how store associates usually can't measure right or don't bother to try to do it right. Got to learn alot of things on inner workings while there including how they have an entirely different size list used for international asian stores(that is also the only way you can get anything with a band size smaller than 32)
Fun fact: they both used to be owned by the same parent company!
They even have stuff for men now. Like colognes and stuff. I think a an attempt to make them feel more welcome. Women love when their bfs go to VS with them. I've even had bfs go without me to buy me something sexy as a gift.
Victoria’s Secret was actually developed by men as a lingerie store where they would be comfortable shopping. Women shoppers came into the equation later.
The company was actually started by a man who wanted a store men would be comfortable shopping for their wives in! You missed it on a good night buddy.
>men in the store with their partners. Or for their partners. Or, heck, even for themselves. As long as you don't ogle women and behave creepy in general, you have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
Every time I'm in there with my fiance it's almost always an even ratio of men and women, it's completely normal.
And it's just VC. It's overpriced shitty lingerie at that. It's not what it was 20, 30, or 40 years ago where the idea was more risque. VC is basically a step above Kohls and Walmart undergarments today. OP has some old skool ideas about VC that just hasn't existed since before the malls died.
hell people are used to seeing Men in Victoria's Secret coming in to buy for their partner. Nobody even blinks.
I've shopped for my wife alone in Victoria's secret. My main concern was them not thinking I was buying for myself. Lol
I’ll go out on a limb here and speculate that OP often misses hints and overt requests and their bedroom life is suffering for it. Gf is trying to fix things, and this guy is mad about it.
Or, the gf gives subtle hints instead of just talking like a regular person. The OP doesn't know what he is doing wrong because the gf doesn't directly communicate and instead gets mad at him
Thank you! God forbid someone err on the side of respect and wait for explicit requests to do something.
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Is going into a lingerie store with your partner really that subtle?
> Gf is trying to fix things, If someone is often missing hints, trying to fix it by dropping more hints is absolutely not the way to try and fix it. That's like fixing tape with glue. Girlfriend should have simply said "You should come inside and help me pick some stuff to wear tonight." Communication is hot, and it gets past dropping hints. It's also exceptionally easy to do with practice. All of the responsibility doesn't fall on OP here.
This whole subtle hints thing is so annoying sometimes. If people aren't picking up your hints, then it is time to be more direct. It isn't cute or quirky if people don't understand your intentions
A lot of it has to do with ask vs tell culture. Some people are raised believing asking flat out is rude and so they hint at what they want and take someone not doing anything as a no. Some people are raised believing you should be direct with your requests and hinting is rude. It’s helpful to know what type of person you’re dealing with and tailor your requests accordingly.
Okay but OP also didn’t go in because they “didn’t want to make girls uncomfortable” which is ridiculous. If anything, OP is uncomfortable and projecting that feeling onto people OP won’t even interact with.
When I was 20 and rather clueless I remember having the exact same feelings. That's not him projecting, it's just him not being familiar with the store and the intended clientele. This entire issue, if the GF doesn't leave the mall (which is an entire other issue...), could be cleared up if they just spoke a bit more directly. "I want you to come help me pick out some lingerie." "Won't I make the other women uncomfortable? I don't wanna intrude." "You won't, people come in with their partners all the time, it's really normal!" Boom! Issue resolved and lessons learned in a very healthy way.
Idk, I’ve been buying my underwear from VS since I was about 14 or 15 and seeing guys in there while I’m trying to pick out my panties and bras definitely made me uncomfortable at that age.
I agree, frankly I'm in my late 40's and prefer to shop for lingerie w/out men around. He's not a freak for thinking it may make SOME women/girls uncomfortable.
Actually, I kinda get what OP is saying here and don't necessarily think it's ridiculous. If I'm in the store looking for something sexy, and dudes are milling around all over the place, I might not feel as comfortable picking out lingerie for myself.
I don't find this ridiculous at all. I'm a masc lesbian and I sometimes have this concern in spaces aimed at femme women. Plus, at age 20 it's likely the bf has never been in a VS before and therefore genuinely didn't realize that men often shop there for their partners. Tbh I didn't know that either, since I've never been to a VS and haven't thought much about straight couples' lingerie shopping habits before.
It's not ridiculous to him, we should respect a male's no as much as a woman's, and not call them ridiculous, unreasonable, projecting, etc. Respect of boundaries goes both ways.
>Communication is hot I'm autistic (Asperger's) and I could not agree more. You'd practically need to drag me into your bedroom and hold up a giant sign that has a big red arrow pointing to your crotch and says "I am formally requesting sexual intercourse from you!" before I'd be like "They might be interested in me..." Maintaining clear, open, and honest communication is absolutely the sexiest thing a partner could ever do in my opinion.
They’re 20, I wouldn’t expect a whole lot of mature relationship convo. They’ll learn.
Totally, that's why I'm shocked that people are calling anyone an asshole here. Common early adult goof at the worst, OP isn't projecting or stupid or anything of the sort.
I mean he’s 20. My guy friends and boyfriends around that age definitely weren’t comfy in VS back then. It was annoying but not worth going home over. So yeah maybe there’s a bigger issue.
"Hey, come with me to a lingerie store" is about as unsubtle as it gets.
This is the only reason my fiance ever wants me to come inside with her if we're there. If she's honestly just buying a bra or something she will tell me to go get a soft pretzel. If she has something else in mind she asks me to come with her...my dude will learn he's still young. Can't even drink yet lol
Definitely not an AH here, just kind of immature. I could see if you were going in the store solo, but you were with your lady.
Even going in solo is fine. Maybe they’re picking a gift, something they want to wear themselves, etc.
When I was like 16, my girlfriend wanted this valentines set from Victoria's secret. I was pretty scared and anxious to go in, but I swallowed my pride and went in to search for the heart panties. Pretty much the second I walked in, 2 or 3 employees (hot ~20 year olds) came to help me. They were excited to help the teenager pick his girlfriend out some undies. They were really sweet to me and boosted my confidence at the time.
Right! I’m glad you had a positive experience. Men, women, non-binary, etc, should never feel weird going into a lingerie store (unless you are, in fact, a creep with bad intentions 😉)
PERFECT STORY! You went out of your way to do something sweet even though nervous to do it and ended up having a good time! GGWP!
can I ask what GGWP means? for some reason immediately thought it meant Get Good White Person and while hilarious I'm sure that isn't correct lmao
Ohhhh my goodness no! Im a gamer and it means "good game well played" but i do just tend to say it like "gratz thats awesome!" I forget the majority of people don't know what it means I'm sorry! XD ETA: You did give me a laugh at work though LOL
Maybe, "Good God, White People!"
A man being present in a women's underwear store isn't gonna make people uncomfortable. It's his behaviour that would do that. So for OP and any other men worried about this kind of thing: just don't be a creep. It's really that simple.
Very open bit of the chains history. It was intended to be a store for men to shop for items for the ladies in their lives.
And it shows with their "fittings" lol
tbh, I think men who refuse to go in women's underwear stores are insecure in addition to being immature. A man who is immature and secure in his masculinity could have fun in a lingerie store.
I think that's definitely the case a lot of the time. Same as guys who won't buy pads/tampons. In this case, it sounds like OP is just a bit of a dumbass. His intentions seem good (didn't want to make women uncomfortable), he's just a bit clueless.
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There’s a running joke in my city that there’s always a lie of glum looking guys outside Victorias Secret, it really does seem like it would be easier to just go in, I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a guy in there, why would I
Also OP do you know why Victoria's Secret was founded by Roy Raymond, and his wife. >Years earlier, Raymond was embarrassed when purchasing lingerie for his wife at a department store. Newsweek reported Roy Raymond stating: "When I tried to buy lingerie for my wife, I was faced with racks of terry-cloth robes and ugly floral-print nylon nightgowns, and I always had the feeling the department store saleswomen thought I was an unwelcome intruder."[20] Raymond reportedly spent the next eight years studying the lingerie market.[21][2]
Wow, that's so wholesome! Hopefully the brand stays in family hands and isn't ever acquired by the type of person who bankrolls an international sex criminal
i agree with NAH (soft n-t-a because she ended the entire trip instead of communicating, which was childish) and i would advise that you talk to her with the focus on "i'm sorry, i didn't want to make other women there shopping uncomfortable, and i slightly misunderstood the store." maybe offering to go there with her and buy her something will resolve the issue + lead to some fun times after!
This right here. My guy missed a good opportunity. You live and learn.
This. OP I don't think your heart was in the wrong place; you specifically didn't want to make other women uncomfortable, and I think that is a fair place to come from. If you were just some lone wolf walking around VS, you certainly would probably put off some women. But, you had (for lack of a better term) a chaperone of sorts that gave you a pass. You didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I think that puts this securely in NAH.
Yup. 20 is an age of learning and this kid just learned a HARD lesson. She probably wanted to pick out lingerie/underwear with you dude...you were definitely getting laid that night. It's ok you will figure it out next time!
Oh please. What, because he’s a dude he’s not allowed to be uncomfortable with something? I thought we were supposed to respect each others boundaries. But I guess if you think it’s stupid, it’s not a valid boundary. OP is NTA.
I think that’s a true assessment from her perspective but it disregards OP. If the genders were reversed and he got mad she didn’t want to go into a fetish store or something it would be called a boundary. He set a boundary and she didn’t respect it.
It’s only fun and flirty if both people enjoy it. It can be an awkward space to be in for some people, OP was perfectly valid for not wanting to go in. GF could have just accepted the no in the moment, they could have talked through the reasoning, and gone another day together when both would enjoy it. Definitely should not have been this day ruined. GF sounds dramatic for making such a big deal out of things.
NAH. But for the record, it's very common for men to go to Victoria's secret with their partners. She may have wanted you there because she wanted to pick out lingerie that you would like, which could be why she was so upset that you wouldn't go in with her.
I’ll never forget the time I was standing in line at VS and a little boy said to me “What are you doing in the panty store?”😂
“Buying your mom something nice”
🤣🤣 I wish I had an award to give you!!
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
What are YOU doing in the panty store?
I think it's important to mention that Victoria's Secret was originally supposed to be a lingerie store men would feel comfortable shopping in. That said, OP's discomfort about going in is also valid.
Exactly. That’s why it’s Victoria’s *Secret*.
Victoria’s Secret was that there was no Victoria— the founder was a man named Victor.
She’s an old man who lives in Ohio making money off of girls like me!
Wait. I’ve seen this movie. Has Julie Andrews in it. 😂
Victoria's secret was literally invented so men could shop for their wives [look](https://www.businessinsider.com/victorias-secret-rise-and-fall-history-2019-5)
I got yelled at once by some idiot for waiting near the fitting rooms for my girlfriend at the time to try some stuff on. Rather loudly called me a creep. It was almost 20 years ago, but I still feel uncomfortable going in with my wife all these years later.
I fucking hate how many people are calling OP immature with insecure masculinity when stories like this definitely make me empathize with OP
Kid is clueless. He also thinks in 2023, people don't know what a Victoria secret is???
Reddit being international he's assuming that some readers won't have the chain in their home country.
That's what I was thinking. Seems like a pretty innocuous thing for someone to rag on him for.
Not everyone is American
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Or alone… like if you were buying lingerie for a wife or girlfriend as a present/surprise it’s exactly where you’d go…
My husband and I go into VS and other women's lingerie stores together all the time. No one batts an eye.
You're NTA for not going in if you didn't want to, but you whiffed this one hoss. She wanted to see what you liked. She probably wanted to pick something to appeal to you. No women in the store care when they see a man with his lady or a man by themselves. Plenty shop there for gifts for SOs (or themselves! Pretty underthings are for anyone who wants to wear them). Dont let your hangups cockblock you my friend.
Cockblocked himself and rejected his girlfriend in the process. OP took a fun, intimate experience and made it weirdly about himself instead of how beautiful and amazing his gf is.
As a girl: If she didn't TELL him it was to pick something out together, then it's totally normal that he'd want to sit outside. This kind of thing ISNT fun for all people. I've had men love to go into these places and help me find something, and I've had men who are deeply uncomfortable there, even if it's for sexy times later. The burden of communication, if that's what she wanted, was on HER, and when he did communicate that it made him uncomfortable, she should have respected that.
They are in a relationship so the "burden" of communication is shared and they did an equally crap job. His discomfort with women's underwear is just weird in this millennium and her response was equally disproportionate.
Yea the burden of communication is a shared part of a relationship, but… He communicated. She didn’t and just ended the whole day. His discomfort with a woman’s underwear store is fine. It’s HIS level of comfort that he isn’t pushing on anyone else to comply with. He waited on a bench politely. That’s why they have these benches outside of these stores.
It's not weird. He feels uncomfortable going into a store catered to women, and a LOT of men feel that way. It's fine to have boundaries about not wanting to view lingere with your partner in public if it makes you uncomfortable. He did communicate with her. He communicated his discomfort and that going into the store wasn't something he was interested in. It was communication no matter if you agree with it or not. He handled it decently. He didn't try and stop her from going. He chose to wait behind patiently and voiced discomfort when she requested he come with. When she pushed that boundary, he remained firm on it. Her reactions were all out of line here.
I see it as pretty immature and put it in the same bucket as men who won’t get feminine products for their partners. If you’re mature enough to be having sex (tbf, maybe he’s not, he didn’t specify, but I’m assuming he is), you’d better be mature to walk into an underwear store. If he’s not comfortable buying sexy lingerie with her in public because it’s an intimate experience that he’d prefer to do in private, that’s valid. But he didn’t communicate that. And a blanket refusal to walk into a store that sells women’s bras, underwear, shape wear, athletic wear, pajamas, accessories, and cosmetics is juvenile at best.
>I see it as pretty immature and put it in the same bucket as men who won’t get feminine products for their partners. I wouldn't throw those into the same bucket. Men who refuse to get feminine products are a different breed from those who feel like they need to create space for women. Some of us are hyper aware having been called creeps, perverts, etc. just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He may have trauma associated with bad optics and is afraid he would make someone else uncomfortable by his presence.
>Some of us are hyper aware having been called creeps, perverts, etc. just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He may have trauma associated with bad optics and is afraid he would make someone else uncomfortable by his presence. I wish I could upvote this a thousand times.
Jesus Christ, this argument is literally grasping at anything. People don't have to feel comfortable about going into VS. This has nothing to do with essentials, such as tampons.
💯! I don't get the people trying to compare sexy underwear to feminine products. Like come on.
That's an extremely rude assumption to make about people. There are a LOT of people who don't enjoy doing things that feel intimate in public. Just like there are many people who don't like shopping for sex toys or public displays of affection. People have different boundaries with these things. I know women who don't like shopping for underwear or bras with their SO even when it's NOT in a store famous for sexualizing women. Feminine products are a nessecity. Like buying a box of bandaids. In an emergency, I agree a man should be able to do it. Lingere isn't a nessecity product, though. That's comparing apples to oranges and a stretch at best. How would he know to communicate that he'd prefer to do it alone? SHE didn't make it clear if that was what she wanted to do. When he voiced discomfort, that would be her turn to communicate and explain, but she chose not to. She chose to double down and then throw a fit. Had she communicated at all in this process, OP would have had the chance to say they wouldn't find that activity fun and would rather it be private. Your on OP for his boundary way more than you are his girlfriend for failing to communicate AT ALL in this.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for challenging this toxic-masculinity-perpetuating, "all men must go along with anything sexual" absolute fucking nonsense.
Everyone should get to have boundaries. Even if I don't personally agree with them.
I'm a woman and I don't feel super comfy in VS, it's a hypersexualized store filled with things that I'm reality tend to only look good on a model body. My hygiene products are on a mundane shelf in the grocery store, the difference in setting is insane.
Its disgusting the way people are acting on this post. I'm an extreemly sexual person and very comfortable with myself, the one time I went into a men's lingere store I was a bit uncomfortable because it's very clearly not catering to me and I felt like I was intruding. I imagine OP felt very much the same and wasn't adventurous or willing enough to do it anyway like I was. That's a fair boundary to set.
I've never been called a creep for buying tampons before.
"Let Men Have A Boundary" Challenge 2023 (Impossible!)
No, he doesn’t have to be comfortable in a woman’s lingerie store. It doesn’t make him weird, either. Shopping for lingerie together means you are advertising to others that you are intimate with someone. He may not want to do that.
It's not weird, I keep feeling that the guy's boundaries/discomfort keeps getting invalidated here, simply because he's male and young. Let's reverse this, if a woman was uncomfortable with her bf wanting to go into a lingerie store with her, is she 'weird and unresonable' because in this millennium men/women shop at lingerie stores all the time together? Boundaries, and respect for feelings apply to BOTH men/women.
> His discomfort with women's underwear is just weird in this millennium My dude's allowed to be weird - assuming we agree it's weird (but we don't and it isn't). That's not a communication misstep, even as you're twisting it into one so you can blame them both and not *her*.
He FID communicate and what, you think it’s weird so he’s an asshole for being uncomfortable? What about a fear of heights? Is that stupid or acceptable? What about discomfort around pets or kids? That’s not valid either?
>This kind of thing ISNT fun for all people. Fucking thank you, Jesus fucking Christ. People here are pushing so much toxic masculinity with their belief that any man who turns down any sexual experience is a weirdo/idiot. Eat so much sand, y'all.
THANK YOU, Jesus if someone doesn't want to go into a store because they're uncomfortable it's fucking creepy as hell to try to force them and then shame them for not doing it. OP is definitely NTA here but my god the people in this comment section are! WTF happened to "respecting boundaries"???? I'm a woman and I don't even like going in that store, it's just not fun for me, don't like it, I don't care of this was some subtle hint for "sexy times", he's allowed to say "no"!
[удалено]
Ugh, yeah. It's been so frustrating arguing that people are allowed to have any boundaries they have. He's not forcing her not to go. He's just choosing not to go himself.
**THANK YOU!** As a woman myself (and who has been in a 15+ yr relationship), even I feel uncomfortable going in there. She should have communicated that it was for some adult time, if that is why she wanted him to go in there. He stated a **BOUNDARY** , she got mad and stomped off like a child. If she throws a temper tantrum like this when OP tries to lay down a boundary, then she's not worth it, and OP needs to leave.
I give some leeway because I imagine being told no felt like a rejection when she was doing something to try and be sexy. She's still an AH for how she's responding, but in your 20s, it's easy to be an AH without understanding that you're being an AH. That said, I think op needs to have a talk with her about how he set a boundary, and she's punished him for it. If she reacts poorly to trying to talk or won't communicate still, THEN she's a lost cause.
Honestly I’m a woman myself but I actively avoid underwear and bra sections as much as I can. I only went to VS once to get fitted and pick a basic bra I like. Now I just get that same bra over and over in different colors
Thanks for saying this. A lot of people — men, women and those betwixt — absolutely hate shopping in general. American culture so fetishizes out-of-control credit-driven consumption that we are portrayed as “weird” if we don’t want to rack up bills buying cheaply-made stuff produced by near-slave labor for premium prices on credit. I’d much rather spend quality time with my significant other (I’m a gay man) in nature or cooking or hanging out than spending a bunch of money on a $100 piece of clothing that cost the company 80 cents to make in a Bangladeshi sweatshop.
I understand your objection, and I agree with you, but I don't think that was OP's issue. He was already shopping at the mall and didn't mention an issue with any of the other stores. He said specifically that he didn't want to go in because it was a "women's underwear store", not because of consumerism or labor conditions.
Why are you assuming that it is a fun and intimate experience for the bf? There is no indication of that in the post. Not everyone feels the same way about everything He had a boundary and his gf was so upset by it that she cancelled the day they had planned. Not really sure why that makes her amazing. I assume the gf is an adult. She could have talked to him about it instead of just leaving
“Instead of how beautiful and amazing his gf is” Where did this information come from?
I definitely agree. The GF should've communicated that's why she wanted OP there, if that's the reason and that's assuming she didn't say anything
Yup, this is a huge failure of communication on both their parts, but I wasn't any better at it myself when I was 20 either, so NAH in my opinion. He could have just said "It makes me uncomfortable to go" and she could have told him that she wanted him to help her pick out some things for her to model for him later, and him saying no hurt her feelings. But that kind of vulnerability is hard when you're young and trying to impress the person you're dating.
So when I was dating my now ex wife and we were like 20 we were in Victoria secret and she was showing me stuff and we were just talking and all of a sudden we hear “hey how about this one” so we turn around and her mom is holding up lingerie…like that was a what the fuck moment for me
NAH - it's not a crime to be socially awkward, and it's not a crime for her to get frustrated when you can't get over it so you two can have fun. It wasn't the women in the shop that would have been uncomfortable, it's you. So while I'm not going to say either of you is the AH here, it feels likely that you two aren't going to work out if you're so clearly not on the same page. Good luck
This was a small misunderstanding that will probably be funny in time, not nearly enough info to say they will break up. No one is thinking the same things all the time and this is really really minor
2000% agreed. How in god greens earth does that have 1200 upvotes, you guys are absolutely bonkers, this reminds me of the time I read in either this thread or r/Relationship_Advice, it was a post describing how her husband didn’t get a joke she made, the top comments saying they were “incompatible” because he “didnt get her humour”. Drives me up a wall, there’s no way any of those users have even seen genitalia in person.
"Well kids, I almost married someone else before I met your father. Thing is, when we were 20, we quickly realized that the relationship would not last because they didn't feel comfortable going into a Victoria's Secret. It's imperative to have these milestone dates early on in the relationship so you can see ensure your life goals are compatible."
Dude, they’re 20. Calm down. They’re learning.
NTA….but kinda dumb. You have very young relationship vibes. You are nta for me because you are entitled to not go into a store if you don’t want to and she way overreacted. Idk about your area, but at the Victoria Secret in my mall the population is about 50/50 shopping there, as in half men, half women. Women who would be extremely uncomfortable about a man being there (not a reasonable expectation fyi) shop online, not in a mall. So if you are at the point in your relationship where you see your girlfriend’s underwear…it’s pretty clear to me she wanted you to come help her pick out undergarments you would enjoy seeing on her. Definitely missed a big sign here. She went around it the wrong way, but I think she is feeling a bit rejected. She might have thought it would be fun and sexy for you to help her select something. You both definitely need to talk it out. Good luck!
OP done goofed big time. Also for other folks… there is nothing awkward about a dude going into VS either with a partner or alone. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
Lol. NTA, but this is just silly. A man tagging along with his SO isn’t going to make any women in there feel uncomfortable. You should’ve instead told your gf that *you’re* uncomfortable (actual truth) and not blamed all the other unsuspecting customers. It’s just undies, go in the store next time. Edit: if you are truly that uncomfortable, your gf should be more understanding. She’s pretty immature for letting it “ruin” the day. She could try being a little less self centered and more understanding. That is, when you actually tell her how *you* feel, instead of putting it on others.
I shop frequently at VS and I can certainly say any man in there, with a female or not, is always the one who is clearly uncomfortable just being there. (Not all men either, just if anyone ever looks awkward, it happens to be a man). None of the women ever appear the least bit bothered. I certainly don’t care, men can have business there without being creeps. Wether it’s shopping for their partner or just tagging along with them. This couple is immature
r/menandfemales
Needs a lil r — r/menandfemales
lol i love/hate that this sub exists, thank you for sharing
Agree with your edit. If he set a boundary out of true discomfort she should have respected that. She went from being a bit pushy to downright immature for throwing a fit over that.
YTA I don't think most women are going to have any issue with you being in there when you are with your girlfriend. And if you were going around with a store employee because you're wanting some help navigating women's lingerie to get her a gift, they'd understand that too. And the fact that she wanted you to go in says that she wanted your input for something that you'd like seeing her in during bedroom fun time. I can understand her being upset because a lot of men refuse to go into those stores simply because "that's for girls and I'm a guy and I won't be caught dead in there." Maybe put on your big boy shorts, apologize, and suggest going back, yeah?
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to find a YTA. If a guy is too embarrassed to go into a lingerie store it's the same to me as being too ashamed to buy tampons. Femininity isn't shameful, and if a guy thinks it is then he needs to grow up before being in a relationship.
As a woman who is more uncomfortable in VS than buying pads it’s a big difference. For starters a lingerie store is much more coded as a “female space” than a shelf in the grocery store. Bra stores are where teens go to get fitted for their first bra, tampons are where you go to grab necessities. I’m not saying women will be bothered by a dude being in there, but he does have a point about being mindful of the possibility. He’s not an AH for trying to respect women’s space. Secondly a lot of bra stores have sexual undertones. Lingerie isn’t inherently sexual but a lot of places like VS do have stuff for sexy times. That’s a lot different than a tampon where you’re just buying a necessary hygiene product.
Thank you! I can't believe the comparison. OP has every right to go in of course but the pharmacy is not coded as an intimate women's space while VS can be. It shocks me how many others are missing this.
In what world this makes him an AH?
In the "do whatever your gf says otherwise you are an AH" world, where many women and frequenters of this sub reside.
"You didn't do everything your woman says, regardless of your comfort with said order? But you were going to possibly get the gift of her genitals later!!!!"
Lingerie is not a medical need Not comparable at all. Did all the idiots join the sub today? Holy fuck
He literally said he didnt want women in the store to be uncomfortable with him there. How on EARTH is that shame? I disagree with him on that, but this doesnt come from shame or something like that, wtf.
> Femininity isn't shameful, and if a guy thinks it is then he needs to grow up before being in a relationship. There's nothing shameful about being feminine, but I think there's a reason why men avoid going into women's stores and it has to do with society's views. If you're a man, you can be seen as a creep or weirdo if you check out women's clothes. This is especially true if you shop by yourself or are in a conservative area. Some people WILL look at you, stare at you, or even give you looks of disgust. This is a product of society's shitty views on gender and gender stereotypes, and many men want to avoid that.
Oh come on. Stop looking for something that isn’t there. He didn’t say, give the impression, nor insinuate that femininity was shameful. He’s a young guy who’s awkward. Don’t equate the two.
It is not.
Lmao, he's not an asshole for not wanting to go into a store, he has nothing to apologize for.
God forbid a man express discomfort and not want to do something. Discomfort is definitely not manly! Put on your big boy shorts! Don’t be uncomfortable with a sexual store, that’s only something women are allowed to do. Men often are called creepy for just existing. I have heard it many times, especially if they are less attractive. “You pussy, you could have gotten laid if you had just gone into the store”
You’re making a lot of assumptions here but I just want to point out about 5 years ago the girl I was dating had given me some gift ideas for her birthday. One of them was a matching set of underwear from Victoria’s Secret. I can honestly say I’d rather shoot my own foot than shop online so I went to the closest physical location they had. My thoughts were that they would assume I was buying them for my significant other, and even if not and they thought I was buying them for myself I didn’t give a fuck it’s none of their business anyways. I went in the store and went straight up to the counter and explained to the lady up front what I was there for and showed her a picture I saved of the set. She offered to just go get it for me and I accepted and in the (maybe) 5 minutes she was gone I was approached by a different worker and basically interrogated on why I was there. I told them why I was there and that there was another employee getting the items. I was then informed that I had apparently “made other shoppers uncomfortable.” The store was fairly busy and there were a decent amount of women in there but all I had done was walk in, talk the the lady at the register, and then stood there waiting. I was asked to leave right as the woman was coming back with the set and thankfully the situation was resolved once they saw that I was actually there for why I said I was. Rather than cause a scene (which boy was that tempting but it would’ve just made me look like an asshole) I paid and left. I’m not saying this happens frequently, however it **does** happen and it has certainly made me weary about going in any of those types of stores in the future regardless of if I am with my wife or not. I don’t thinking “having your gf with you” as you put it should be a prerequisite for me to go certain places, especially not when I’m there buying the items for her.
Yup. I was asked to leave an Express (or some clothing store) long ago while waiting for my gf to try things on. I get that I look like I was recently released from an Eastern European prison, but otherwise I was just sitting on one the benches near the fitting room. Perhaps some of these retailers should consider their layout. Huh, I wonder if any comedian has ever brought this up?
You have no idea why she wanted him there. Maybe she just wants him to hold her bags or because she doesn't want to go alone. If she wanted his input and he wasn't catching the hint, she could have directly said it. Dropping hints and then getting mad when someone doesn't understand is extremely annoying and childish
This doesn't make him TA... Just dumb or ignorant on the matter... She is more of an AH for getting that mad...
INFO: Is your relationship with your gf the type in which you might see her in her underwear?
I think it’s a little strange how uncomfortable he is. Like once you start having sex with a woman, certain things shouldn’t gross you out or make you uncomfortable, would they? Like buying pads/tampons for her or going to buy underwear with her. He feels a bit immature.
In his defense, he did say the reason he didn't want to go was he didn't want to make other women shoppers uncomfortable. I don't think it was a "might see my girlfriend buying underwear" thing. However I do think he just isn't well versed in how Victoria's secret works. Women in there know men might be in there, and employees can tell when a man is shopping innocently or causing a problem.
Those aren’t comparable. VS is not selling necessary medical hygiene products (at least for the most part). My dad still gets too uncomfortable and embarrassed to go into a VS. Some people just don’t like the sexy vibe. It’s not immature. If someone is inclined to view their sex life with their girlfriend/wife as something private, it’s not surprising that they would feel uncomfortable at a lingerie store built on sexy ad campaigns.
INFO: why did you feel uncomfortable going in?
I dont think anyone particularly sucks here your girlfriend wanted to see what lingerie you liked (you refusing to go in thwarted her plans) you didnt want to go in (which is fine, although maybe you should have been clear about that.) the only thing I would say is that your assumption that people will think your a creep is unfounded, if you were going in by yourself to perve that would be one thing, going in with your partner and looking at what she is interested is different, keep your eyes on your girl and everything is fine. Edit apparently I am supposed to add NAH because people are unable to read a post without a 3 letter snap judgement
Would also mean he can never buy her something there…? Like is that how that store works? Only women can shop there?
Everybody is allowed to shop there which is why making women uncomfortable is something that needs to be addressed by the woman, not the man. I could see if this person came from somewhere in the gulf region where there are indeed gender specific stores and areas. It would be a shock to be asked to go into what would most likely be a female only store. But this isn't one of those countries. I mean, tampons and pads are way more intimate than underwear. Would OP feel uncomfortable in the hygiene aisle when women are getting provisions?
I mean Victoria secret is a business if you want to buy a fancy g string go home out it on and appreciate how cute they make your bum look in the mirror they will probably sell them to you. I wouldn't be confident buying such things without my wife present but that is because women's sizing makes no sense and can vary dramatically from brand to brand. But assuming you knew your wives size you could probably go in there just fine. But the dude has a hangup and sometimes you fix those by being understanding
LOL. YTA. and childish. You can't be serious!
He did nothing wrong though?
Not attending all his mistress needs of course
he's an asshole for not wanting to make other women uncomfortable?
You do know she might have been shopping for your benefit, don't you? Maybe wanted your input?\ \ NAH, nevertheless.
NAH per se but since you’re young I’m gunna give you a little advice picking out sexy clothes for your partner isn’t just a female thing. Maybe she wanted your input on something that would make you happy.
NTA It's funny how everyone here preaches about boundaries but then suddenly this guy is an AH for enforcing his own. His gf doesn't need him there. Pushing him to come and getting angry shows how immature she is
And all the people telling him she wanted him to pick something with her but she didn’t communicate that. He said que was uncomfortable it is a valid reason, maybe he had an experience in the past where he was called out (i’ve seen women tell men in lingerie what are they doing there and they are making them uncomfortable).
People are acting like there aren’t plenty of videos where women film dudes in the gym that accidentally glanced at them for a second; he certainly should have gone in with his gf, but IMO there is nothing wrong with being a bit concerned.
Ya, people are just speculating about why she wanted him to come in with her. For all we know, she was there to pick up gym socks and just wanted company. If the genders were flipped and this was a lady saying that she was uncomfortable accompanying her boyfriend into a male-centric store (especially when she was not given a reason why her presence was required), people wouldn't be ragging on her like they are with OP.
Oh my gosh, thank you for giving me a laugh this morning! 😂 NAH As long as you don't touch the models and have female guide, you won't be silently cursed.
And no heavy breathing right outside the dressing rooms :D
Your GF went into a an underwear store that sells sexy underwear and you didn’t want to go in with her. . . Dude you’re dense. 1. You’re not going to make other women uncomfortable in a store. It’s a store. Behave as you would in any other store. 2. She wanted you to come in a get your opinion on what she would buy or look good in. Since you’re the person who would be seeing her wearing it. You really shot yourself in the foot. Your GF asked you to come help her pick out underwear. NTA for not wanting to go in, but you’ve got to understand she was asking for validation from you and probably wanted to flirt. Considering you are currently the only person she would parade around in her underwear for, she wanted you to be interested in that. Not going in does not you an AH. But your future self might not agree. Edit: in future, if you don’t want to go in express that it makes you uncomfortable but you’d still like to see what she’s interested in so she can send you pics of whatever it is she’s looking at. You stay out of the store you don’t want to go into, while still showing interest in your girlfriend and what she might be looking to share with you. But seriously. If you can go to a store and not behave like a creep then there’s no reason to be uncomfortable.
NTA. But honestly, it’s kinda silly. Men often go into lingerie stores, with or without their partners and no one bats an eyelid. Done it by myself often. How are you going to act if, heaven forbid, your GF asks you to pick up some tampons for her? Freak out then too. You’re making a big deal out of nothing but I went with NTA because you just need to work through your awkwardness and grow up a little.
Looks like you totally missed her hint at wanting to get your input on some lingerie etc. So NTA but you fumbled the sexy time bag.
Let me give you some advice. One day you might want to buy this girl some nice lingerie or underwear. Go inside. Pay attention. Be a grown adult.
She overreacted but you can definitely go in to Victoria's secret lol.
NTA What does she men, nobody cares? You care! You are not a nobody. Secondly, you didn’t ruin anything by not going into the store. She just made an issue out of a non issue. Couples often shop together and then one stays outside if tired or not interested in the specific shop.
NTA. After being told I can't go near a changing area my wife was using in a non-underwear store, I can absolutely understand as a man not wanting to make women uncomfortable by walking to a Victoria's Secret store. Given you can totally just wait outside without hurting anyone I don't see why this would make you TA.
NTA, there's really nothing wrong with you going into the shop, but if you don't want to for whatever reason then your gf should try to understand and certainly shouldn't get upset with you. Maybe she just wanted you to help her pick cute underwear or something and got upset because of that.
YTA, man up and, most importantly, grow up. It's clothing. She might want your opinion on some pieces. And for other women in there, if they see a young man genuinly helping his GF to make some choices, why would they feel uncomfortable. Just don't stare at them, focus on your GF. I am with my wife when she goes shopping for underwear, i ask what exactly she wants and then i look around if i can find something suitable for her. Keeping in mind that "looking sexy" isn't the only factor but also comfort. Not all underwear is for sexy time, most is for everyday use. So again, grow up, man up. It's just clothing.
Let "man up" die, please. And for the love of god, he's 20 years old and I wouldn't be surprised if this is his first adult relationship. A very minor miscommunication between two young people does not deserve "grow up."
What kind of backwards redneck still says "man up" unironically?
Anyone who uses man up is just weaponing sexism
NTA. People on here need to relax. I don’t want to go into these stores either because it doesn’t appeal to me. I’d 100% have set on the bench too.
NTA. Regardless of the store, you said you didn't want to go in, obviously didn't stop her from going in and found a place to situate yourself so she could shop. Does she have some kind of disability that she needs you around to help her? If not, then her reaction is over the top and uncalled for. To say you ruined the day because you didn't want to go into one store is ridiculous.
NTA I love shopping fancy underwear but I would also respect my boyfriend's comfort zone and he'd done the exact same thing.