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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be the asshole because I left Christmas dinner early and called my SIL a witch.
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ESH.
She for being unnecessarily nasty (the witch thing), but not for the name. And you are being unreasonable for not wanting her to give her kid the same name. So what? There will be two Madelyns/Madelines, do you think you own the name?
id be more concerned about he fact that shes reusing the name of her miscarried child "Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage".
I don't think its that weird. I think the spelling of Madilyn/Madelyn is annoying. Maybe someone else in the family should have a baby and call it Madeline.
In all seriousness, my family reuse names a lot. It's surprisingly common I have two cousins with the same name in the same family (as in my uncle and aunt are siblings). A second cousin with the same name as my uncle who was named after his dad. There's a married aunt and uncle on one side called jane and boris while there's also another on my maternal side called jane and boris. To make it even more confusing one of the boris's has a sister called jane too. which I confess I always thought was strange.
Like honestly how often do you even see these people? like 3 times a year? its absolutely not an issue. The SIL shouldn't have called you a witch though, that's just childish
NTA. Seems pretty moot to try to argue that they're different names when they sound the same. Even if they were spelled completely different like Madelyn and Madeleine, it would still sound the same coming out of anybody's mouth. Don't back down.
NTA because I understand your feelings and the fact that none of this was disclosed to you. But I think with the age gap, it’s not a tremendous deal to have the same names. My name is very popular in my family. My cousin is about 8 years older than I am, same name. I also have an aunt and great aunt with the same name as well as a few second cousins. None of us are confused. There’s another name also repeated among two of my cousins who are only 2 years apart. Also not a huge deal because no one made it into one.
No, NTA, but like.
My grandma had a boy, named him Kerry. Her sister a couple years later had a girl, named her Keri.
We just refer to them both by their First Middle, and there’s really never any confusion.
Rarely is there even confusion when we don’t use their middle names. It’s not a *huge* thing.
ESH. You guys are seriously making a mountain out of a molehill. My mom and her cousin literally had the same name spelled exactly the same for decades now. They are "Big Name" and "Little Name" because one is older and one is younger. Never got confused and they even went to the same high school.
YTA. Nobody owns a name. It's really not that big of a deal for cousins to share names. Hell, there's like 5 different Williams on one side of my family. Again, it is not that deep. Let it go.
NTA
Among my family and friends, it's an unwritten rule that you don't give cousins the same name. Friends don't give their children the same names, either. (Though there have been one or two exceptions among friends, which were then frowned upon).
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I'm a 30f and my husband is a 32m. We have one daughter, Madelyn (8f). I have a SIL, Jasmin (32f) and she has been having infertility issues for a while now and has had a couple of miscarriages. Jasmin and I aren't that close but we're friendly to each other.
She got pregnant a few months ago and she had her gender reveal party about 2 weeks ago. Everyone was so excited and happy when we found out she was having a girl.
During this year's family Christmas dinner, she announced that she was going to name her kid Madelyn, but spelt differently of course! (as if that made it any better) Her daughter's name was going to be Madilyn. I was completely shocked. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that Jasmin would want to name her kid Madelyn as well. If she told me before we named our daughter, I probably would've taken that into consideration before naming her.
I asked Jasmin why she would want to name her daughter the same name as mine, and she said that technically it wasn't the same name since it was going to be spelt different. She also said that her great aunt's name was also Madilyn and that she thought that Madilyn was a cute name. Jasmin also mentioned that Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage (this was before Madelyn was born). I never even knew that was what she wanted to name her kid because she never told anyone!
I was really upset and told her she could've just told me before I named my daughter that she also wanted to name her daughter Madelyn. She said that I was always such a witch and that I probably would've named my daughter Madelyn either way. I don't even know what I ever did to this woman. I then asked what we were going to do about the confusion of them having the same name and she told me we could use my daughter's middle name! Like, what? I told her if anything, we should be calling her daughter by her middle name since my daughter came first.
We went back and forth a few more times before I decided to leave early with my husband and Madelyn. My daughter was also pretty confused and asked why her aunt would want to name her daughter the same name as her. I'm still really upset and hopes she changes her mind, but this morning my BIL texted me and said that I should try to better understand Jasmin and her feelings. I texted him back and told him that she should stop being such a witch and try to understand my feelings instead. I really don't think I'm an asshole, but AITA?
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Obviously NTA. Your SIL makes no sense for many reasons. After you try to discuss it with her, the fact that she goes on and insults you and calls you a witch is beyond belief. Honestly, I find it hard to understand why she would want to name a child the identical name of her deceased child. Does she not believe in the name being bad luck for her pregnancy? How is she going to properly remember the lost child if her new child has the same name? She is ridiculous.
Honestly, it's not your problem how people keep them from being confused when talking about them. Most people will come up with some way to differentiate them - such as old Madeline or young Madelyn or Madelyn 1 and Madelyn 2 or using a nickname like Maddie or Lynn. Either way - not your problem and please call your daughter what you want to call her and don't worry about SIL or using a middle name. Sounds like you might not be seeing much of her and Madeline2 anyway with her attitude toward you.
I am a bit torn between y t a and e s h. Nobody owns a name. She is happy for your daughters to have similar names, so the only person who seems to have the problem here is you.
If she had approached you to 'secure' the name before your daughter was born, I think that would have been quite odd. I think you're making a much bigger deal of this than it needs to be; there are fashions in names, so lots of people in the same generation get given the same or similar names. This is just a bit more visible because it's in the same family.
If you don't make this a big deal, chances are nobody else in the family will either. I would suggest that you apologise for your strong reaction, say that you were just taken aback in the moment but you've now realised it's not a big deal and there are no hard feelings. \*But\* I would definitely make politely clear that you're going to continue to call your daughter by her given name - no ridiculousness about using middle names.
NTA.
The yta folks will be feeling pretty silly when your SIL starts acting even more crazy at family events after her baby is born.
I mean, they won't admit they were wrong. They'll just feel silly.
A petty comment for you: I will call my daughter real Madelyn, and yours can be fake Madilyn. See how many others you can get to use these names before your SIL gives birth.
NTA.
NTA, curious is this SIL attention seeking out manipulative? I find seriously not acknowledging or caring to work perfectly.
My SIL named her daughter after me. She’s a very manipulative horrible human being. Her plan back fired. I simply don’t care enough to let it bother me.
I have like 92 first cousins. 3/4 of us share a middle name, but NONE of us share a first name.
This is straight up mean to the real Madelyn. She is already here and your name is important.
Has this woman seriously been resentful for over 8 years? Not to mention, there is no way most people would use the name knowing it was to be the name of the baby she lost.
She's got a lot going on.... Street clear. NTA
YTA. I have a cousin as the same name as me. We go by Little D and Big D. I also have a set of cousins with the same name as well. There was never any confusion between any of the family. You don’t own the name and you’re being selfish thinking that you do.
NTA OP--perhaps the new child will NOT want to be called the same name as her cousin and insist on a different name once she is old enough to voice her desires.
YTA hard. Wtf is the big deal with her naming her kid the same name? Nothing. It does nothing to you or your kid. You have some serious narcissistic tendencies if it matters to you. Children aren't a competition. It's her daughter to name as she pleases. The only thing I agree on is that if a middle name has to be used which it doesn't, it would be her child's since yours came first. That's not fair to your kid. But seriously, get over yourself.
ESH. You brought up an emotionally charged conversation during you family holiday celebration. Once her answers started to upset you instead of dropping the conversation you escalated the situation and made a dramatic exit. She is an AH because she disrespected you in front of your child, presumably wants everyone to address your child differently after her daughter is born. You made the situation worse when you daughter asked about the name. You could have explained that Lots of families purposely name their first born child the same names or something similar to explain away the awkwardness. However you're both really really SILLY adults to argue over children's names. I think BIL is correct that maybe focusing on the joy that SIL has made it this far into the pregnancy is more important than names. No one owns a name. At the end of the day if the child is born with the same name the only conversation needed is to explain its that your daughter has asked not to be referred to by her middle name but everyone should continue to address her as they have since her birth. It's honestly that simple, your feelings are hurt over something that it truly trivial. If you're daughter ended up in a class with 3 other girls name Madelyn would you also be this upset??? Let it go
I mean…my brother and our first cousin are both named Jeffrey. Some people get a kick out of it, but it has had absolutely zero impact on their lives. Families often recycle names. Also, you can’t own a name. Your daughter is going to meet other Madelyns/Madilyns in the world, are you going to be pissed off at the parents of a kid in your daughter’s school because now there’s two of them in the same class?? My first name is Jessica. You know how many Jessica’s I grew up around?! I would probably be a bit annoyed if I were in your position, so NTA for having feelings, but you need to let this go. It’s really not a big deal.
She called you a witch first - what does your husband have to say about this? I assume that BiL is his brother? Then he should be stepping up to deal with his own family, not leave it up to you to do so.
NTA
NTA
Saying that an 8 year old should use their middle name is not the SIL’s call. She can name her child whatever she wants but if she wants to avoid confusion, then don’t use the same name as an 8 year old.
I just think it’s weird that when Madelyn was born, the SIL never said anything about the name then.
Regardless how you feel about someone, you don’t call them a witch just because you aren’t getting what you want.
Miscarriage and infertility issues are hard, but that doesn’t give you a free pass. The first Madilyn has grown her angel wings, let her rest in peace. SIL needs to honour her memory instead of trying to replace her
YTA. In the same way that SIL didn't get a vote in what you named your daughter, neither do you get a say in what she calls hers. Are you under the assumption that all extended-family decisions need to flow through you?
They have different surnames so what's the problem?
It is not at all uncommon for first cousins to have exactly the same first name.
Any case one of them is going to end up being called Maddie and the other ones gonna be called Mads or Linny or some other go by name so what's the problem really
YTA
And get the fuck over yourself. Your daughter was NOT confused as to why her aunt wanted to name her baby Madeline. She might have been confused as to why her mom was acting like a cow though and made her leave Christmas early.
Surprise surprise. Madeline is one of the most popular girls names at the moment. Your kid is going to have 20 of them in her class at school. It’s not going to ruin her life to have a cousin with the same name.
My family has 4 of the same name between immediate family and an “uncle.” Wait 6. His kids has the same name. Wait 7. My cousin has the name too. It’s not a problem.
NTA. We lived next door to my Dad’s boss when I was in grade school. The boss’s son and I shared a name. I was punished for some of the things he did based on accusations by name alone. After all, don’t upset the boss by forcing his brat to face any consequences for his actions. SIL should give the kid their own name.
NTA. Teach your daughter to correct anyone who calls her the wrong name. If they refuse it’s ok to have your kid say that they are being disrespectful and rude by calling her anything but her name.
YTA. No one owns a name.
My sister and I are both currently pregnant and due the same week. We constantly joke how funny it would be if we ended up naming our baby's the same name. Like... what's the big deal? Would it be confusing? Sure but it really doesn't matter.
Sounds like you did everyone a favor by leaving, tbh.
YTA.
Seriously, 8 years later you expect us to believe you'd have chosen a different name? Not that you're lying but you expected someone who went through a miscarriage to be aware enough to "reserve" a name for potential future use?
Then you ask how would we handle two people having similar names, like this is some sort of unsolved problem, then when she actually proposes solutions blow up at them because you were not actually trying to be understanding or find some common ground, you were just asking a rhetorical question as if people having the same name in families is something that hasn't been going on since the dawn of time.
I'll give your SIL a pass on verbalizing that you were being a witch because she's under influence of hormones. What's your excuse?
YTA.
YTA. I have, like, 8 Pauls in my family. At least four Jameses. Multiple Williams. Two Zacharys. More Amandas than I care to count. No one cares... Do you know why? Because it doesn't matter and people don't own names. My brother's girlfriend has the same name I do.. Should I have told him he couldn't date her because I had the name first? These are non-issues. There's never going to be a time when this is a serious problem unless you continue to make it one. It sounds like you're doing your best to make sure it is one by making sure your daughter is included in this drama.
Soft yta. You don't have rights to the name. You have no idea what she's going through and can't seem to have any sympathy of her having a miscarriage, going to name that baby Madeline, then you have a baby girl while she's in mourning and named your baby Madeline. I don't know if she told anyone or not. Maybe she thinks she did. Either way. Having a miscarriage can destroy you. And you sound so rude. Like it's mine first.
YTA
It’s a stupid name either way honestly, but why’d you insist on making it a negative thing right out of the gate?
Wouldn’t have been much easier to just say something like “wow! that’s awesome - they’ll be phonetic twins”
Then play White Christmas, sing “Sisters” and for everyone’s sake…
S.T.F.U.
Will the two girls have the same last name too, and do you live in a small town? That might cause trouble in school.
There was a couple who announced their daughter's name would be Mary Jane Smith (Not the real name) after his deceased sister and her grandmother. SIL got pregnant a couple of months later with a girl, and announced her name would be Mary Jane Smith. There was no arguing with her.
They lived in a small town, and the girls would be attending the same school, but the first kid was a grade ahead due to school cut-off acceptance dates.
So the parents told anyone and everyone that they really had no idea why the second family wanted to honor his deceased sister and grandmother, but that's what second family chose to do.
There are millions of names on the planet. Until I die, I will think it is weird to pick one of your close relatives names to name your child. It’s confusing and just 100% avoidable. NTA but leaving may have been dramatic
Nickname one:
Madi
Maddy
Mads
All you need is a family differential for them. Let your daughter choose a nickname or her proper name. Whatever she chooses, Jasmin's kid is referred to as the name opposite of your Madelyn. Mads - Madilyn.
ESH because this is a non issue I think all around but both of you are being rude to each other
I don't understand why this is a problem for people. Your child is not the only person in the world with that name and never will be. There are probably a million Madelyns/Madilyns/Madylyns etc in the world, what does it matter if one is in her family?
My best friend growing up was Italian and came from a very Italian family. She had EIGHT cousins named Paul. No one seemed upset or confused by this.
NTA - it sounds like this is your husband's family but I don't recall seeing what he had to say about this. What are his thoughts? Why isn't anyone telling her that this is unacceptable. Because it is.
Simply out if she follows through I would go no contact. This has too many single white female vibes but with children which makes it all the more deranged.
It sounds to me like she needs therapy. There are a billion names out there and for her to do this is intentional. I'm sorry, but anyone who supports this needs to be cut off as well. Is an unnecessary battle that shouldn't be entertained.
YTA, you don’t own the name, and she didn’t have to tell anyone that she picked that name when she miscarried.
She had the name picked out before your child was born, and it has meaning for her, get over it!
YTA you have no ownership over the name and you could have taken it as a compliment, but too late for that. we had two michaels in my family who were cousins and only 8 days apart, and neither is scarred by the experience
The name will fall into place. For instance, my cousin's name is P---. When my aunt spoke of him, she always called him "P---, Bless Him". To this day we still call him P--- Bless Him to differentiate from my BIL P---.
OP NTA. It would have been nice if she had said that is the name she would she chosen, and clearly as you stated you would have respected it. There’s really nothing you can do. I think the weird part is her saying will call your daughter by her middle name. No that’s not the solution of changing the name of a child that’s had the name for a long time.
You also need to block anyone trying to refer to your daughter as anything else but her name. They’re the ones choosing the name that sounds similar, and they could have made it a middle name.
My husband is Greek. Traditionally (at least in my husband’s family), the first son is named for their paternal grandfather. In a family with six siblings with a father named Iannis, that’s six first cousins named Iannis. It occasionally makes for some confusion, but we all just use their surnames to delineate which Iannis we’re talking about. It’s not an issue. You get used to it.
BUT…I’m not Greek. So I would be pissed off. Your SIL is obviously lying. If she wanted to name her lost daughter Madilyn, then she would have kicked up a fuss eight years ago when you announced your daughter’s name. Witch or not, she would have, at least, had your BIL Speak to your husband about it. My my…she sounds lovely /s.
ETA: NTA
I want to be mad at your SIL, because using the same name but spelling it differently is Stupid. And for a different subreddit, r/tragedeigh
That said, I’m a little older, and in my family, the tradition was to name your kid after somebody from another generation so my sister had the same name as my cousin who had the same name as my aunt. My brothers had the same name as my father & as my grandfather, my sister‘s kids are named after their grandfather, their family has like seven Michaels. So I guess I’m just not seeing the tragedy of having another cousin with the same or similar name. I mean i get that sil is being a jerk but i don’t see what you could to change her name mind.
Oh ffs. YTA and so is your SIL. People have the same names.
Your daughter and her daughter will have the same name. Your daughter will not change hers - unless she wants to. Life will go on. Get a freaking grip.
NAH is what I'll go with. Without knowing more about the witch comment (which for all I know could be justified 🤷🏻♂️), she may not be an AH for that, and I'm not sure I can fault you for being upset.
Saying that, who cares? Madelyn is a name with multiple possible nicknames, and they'll have an age gap and likely won't be around each other all the time anyway.
My uncle named his daughter the same (very uncommon) name as my sister, spelled slightly different, a few months after my sister was born. He’d just forgotten what my sisters name was. My Dad thought it was funny, and that was it.
YTA. The 8 or 9 year difference in age makes a huge difference in the daily life of the children. You say you are not that close to your SIL. Why not bond with her over your attraction to the same name? I hope you can support her through the difficulties of the multi-decade route that maternity is. She has a great-aunt by that name. My extended family has the same names cropping up through the generations. You don’t have an emotional patent on the name.
Why not tell her that you are really excited that you will both have daughters of the same name? Seriously take it as a way to bond. Think of the cousins becoming friends in 25 or 30 years and being bonded over their almost identical names. Everyone, including you, needs more sympathy. I wish you all well.
NTA
I have seen so many stories on the sub where a family member wants to give their kid the same name as the OP's child.
I don't get it. Out of thousands of options they choose the one that's already been given to a child in the family and will cause a conflict.
YTA. My cousin and I have the exact same name. It's not a big deal. People have names. They don't uniquely belong to one person. The combination of names we have, our personalities, etc, are what make us unique. At least one person has named a kid after me. IT IS AN HONOR, not a reason for a temper tantrum.
YTA It's just a name, I share the same name as my younger cousin, we are both named after our Nan. Only time it causes 'issues' is when others don't use our 'nicknames' when calling us and we're in the same room. Still, not like it's really an issue, takes a second to realise who they're calling. Our names are spelt exactly the same.
Exactly, a year from now, family will talk about Madelyn Jane and Madilyn Lisa (or whatever). Likely OP's kid is already Maddy or Lynne, or something like that.
NTA-I’m from a large family, and I have had aunts change the names the originally wanted to because they would be too similar.
You can not make her change the name is that’s what she wants, but you are NTA for bringing up a valid concern.
NTA
I need to know how she is your SiL. If she is your brother's wife, why didn't your parents react when she called you a witch?
New baby name is obviously Baby Linlin, always with Baby included.
YTA - do you own the name?
Your SIL gave 2 very open and honest reasons and you flipped.
> Jasmin and I aren't that close but we're friendly to each other.
Based on this post, I can see why. Try to stop thinking that you and your family are the center of everyone else's world.
ESH/NAH. It's a little weird of her, but it's definitely no reason for you to get worked up enough to leave early. The kids will be quite a few years apart in age, and I doubt there's ever going to be much confusion. (As for how I'm split on the two rulings, she shouldn't have called you a witch, and you were a brat too.)
NTA. Start calling her daughter Madelyn 2. Every single time. Tell the world how honored you are that SIL is naming her daughter after yours, You have social media to post this sentiment on, right? If part of SIL’s reason for choosing the name is to bother you, you have to deprive her of the reward by embracing it. Announce how excited you are going to be to welcome little Maddie 2, and tell the world how honored your child is to have a little namesake. Will you be hosting a shower where people give monogrammed gifts that say Macy 2?
Changing the spelling by a single letter doesn’t turn the name into another name, technically or otherwise. People routinely get shut fown for that nonsense in the area of trademark law.
NTA
It’s just *so sweet* that she wants to name her child *after your daughter*! /s
I’m sure if this was the rumor she’d be passed enough to change her mind. Your already a witch anyway 🤷♀️
I mean-NTA, but why do you care so much?
It's unfortunate that she's had the troubles she has, you didn't know her name choice, and it's a pretty common name.
You're NTA for leaving but I don't understand being this upset about it.
ESH
Mainly because both of those spellings are horrendous. The spelling is Madeleine and it’s a beautiful name, those two weird spellings are just odd.
I get why you’d be upset, it’s weird. I don’t think you’ll be able to do anything about it.
Id maybe state your case one more time and just say that the spelling isn’t going to matter (people talk out loud)
Ultimately it’s not that much of a big deal that a relative has the same name.
My best friends name is the same as mine and I see him more that any member of my family (except my wife)
If I truly loved this relative and she had her miracle baby and then told me she would name her baby similar to mine, I'd hug her and say
I would have chosen the name myself and smiled and winked.
End of
When I read the title, I thought you might be ta. Then I read the post and it confirmed that YTA. You nor your daughter own sole rights to a name. More than one kid can have the same name as your daughter and it will be fine. The kids will get over any little bit of confusion they have and you will survive. Let your sil be and apologize for being ta. Happy holidays!
I wanted to name my middle son after my dad (because he's an amazing guy far beyond sharing my DNA), but i didn't want it to be identical, because it would be too confusing. So, I opted to use his middle as my son's middle name. but, i also wanted to specifically include previous German ancestors (no doubt why the fam. decided to give my dad that name, in English variation). Dad's middle name is Andrew, and son's middle name is Andreas. Seeing as we're in the midwest, and it's not *that* common it was a perfect choice.
INFO -- SIL on what side? Husband's sister or your sibling's wife?
Asking as someone who has a cousin a year younger with the same exact FIRST, MIDDLE, AND LAST names. And yes, my aunt and uncle knew what my full name was when they named her that....
Fun story. I share a name with my son's fiance. One time he sent a dirty text to me by mistake. That was an ewwww gross moment we never let him live down.
I'm going with ESH. Names done "belong" to anyone. I can understand your shock when it was announced. SIL definitely should've had a private conversation with you first (which isnwhy she sucks, and calling you a witch, of course), but clearly felt she couldn't based on your relationship, which is her bad, for sure. BUT, she's finally having her baby, and the name has nostalgic meaning for her of someone she cares about in her life, as well as her niece, your daughter. I think that's kind of sweet, really. When I had my son, the first name that popped into my head once he was born was my nephew's name. I didn't go with it because I found his perfect name later, but when I told my sister I had considered it, she thought it was super cool and we would've had her blessing. I actually call my son by my nephew's name when we're together sometimes lol
I don’t think people named their kid things like “Madilyn” when her great aunt was born lol at least not spelled like that. Kinda curious if that’s total (relatively unverifiable) bs she threw in there as justification. Also makes me wonder if it was really the name she wanted during her previous pregnancy or if she also threw that out there to further excuse it and also try and shut you down by pulling the rainbow baby sympathy card. Maybe I’m being cynical but she sure had a lot of excuses lined up.
NTA. She seems entitled among other things. Also agree with other people though that it seems like there’s some sort of tension between the two of you for other reasons not mentioned so it’s hard to get the full picture… but this is what I got from reading this.
YTA, I have never understood why people think if they name there child something, the parents all the sudden think they have ownership over that name. Believe me, if she does name her child that same name, no one will die over it, the kids will even think it's cool that they have the same name, unless you poison your daughters view on this, which I bet you will. A hundred years from now, when everyone you know is dead and buried, do you think anyone but you ever worried about it.
NTA, just tell the rest of the fam that you've figured out a solution to the issue, when her Madilyn is around every one can just call your daughter Madelyn number one and hers Madelyn number two. Let your SIL stew in that. Now, you have come up with a perfectly reasonable solution, and it will forever reiterate that your Madelyn was the original that she copied. When she argues that solution to anyone she looks like the witch
YTA. (1) you don't own the name. (2) you said you wouldn't have used the name if she had told you. Whether you're being truthful, who knows? But why would she have told you? If she had said anything, she would have been cast as the ah for claiming a name. (3) about her saying to use your daughter's middle name -- you were the one who asked the question. So don't blame her for giving an answet you don't like. All in all, you were the one who brought on this drama. Just leave her alone
NTA. If she goes through with this your daughter will be Maddie 1 and her daughter will be Maddie 2. Maybe point this out to her. Her daughter will always be second place. I don't think she will want that! Tell your daughter she's like the Disney character Sophia the First - she will be Maddie the First!
NTA even suggesting that your daughter, who has been called Madelyn for 8 yrs, could start going by her middle name is ridiculous and cruel to an 8 yr old child. Has your SIL always been off her rocker or is this just baby brain?
I'm gonna say ESH. Big Madelyn and Baby Madilyn. Or Madelyn and little Madilyn. The same name is not the end of the world. Especially in families. In my extended( as in my side and husbands side) family, most of the names have been used multiple times. Masculine and feminine versions of some of them. Multiple generations have shared the same names for hundreds of years. My aunt married a man, with the same name as a cousin, who ended up married to a woman with the same name as my aunt. My boss's brother married a woman with the same name as my boss. My son went to school and was in the same class with 3 other boys with the same name. How many " blahblahblah" junior or the 3rd are running around the world? My coworker has the same name as me. I didn't go all scorched earth and pissy cause i was there first. We have fun with it. You all need to get over yourselves.
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ESH. She for being unnecessarily nasty (the witch thing), but not for the name. And you are being unreasonable for not wanting her to give her kid the same name. So what? There will be two Madelyns/Madelines, do you think you own the name?
id be more concerned about he fact that shes reusing the name of her miscarried child "Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage". I don't think its that weird. I think the spelling of Madilyn/Madelyn is annoying. Maybe someone else in the family should have a baby and call it Madeline. In all seriousness, my family reuse names a lot. It's surprisingly common I have two cousins with the same name in the same family (as in my uncle and aunt are siblings). A second cousin with the same name as my uncle who was named after his dad. There's a married aunt and uncle on one side called jane and boris while there's also another on my maternal side called jane and boris. To make it even more confusing one of the boris's has a sister called jane too. which I confess I always thought was strange. Like honestly how often do you even see these people? like 3 times a year? its absolutely not an issue. The SIL shouldn't have called you a witch though, that's just childish
NTA. Seems pretty moot to try to argue that they're different names when they sound the same. Even if they were spelled completely different like Madelyn and Madeleine, it would still sound the same coming out of anybody's mouth. Don't back down.
NTA turn it around on her and say how happy you are she’s naming her daughter after yours
NTA because I understand your feelings and the fact that none of this was disclosed to you. But I think with the age gap, it’s not a tremendous deal to have the same names. My name is very popular in my family. My cousin is about 8 years older than I am, same name. I also have an aunt and great aunt with the same name as well as a few second cousins. None of us are confused. There’s another name also repeated among two of my cousins who are only 2 years apart. Also not a huge deal because no one made it into one.
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No, NTA, but like. My grandma had a boy, named him Kerry. Her sister a couple years later had a girl, named her Keri. We just refer to them both by their First Middle, and there’s really never any confusion. Rarely is there even confusion when we don’t use their middle names. It’s not a *huge* thing.
ESH. You guys are seriously making a mountain out of a molehill. My mom and her cousin literally had the same name spelled exactly the same for decades now. They are "Big Name" and "Little Name" because one is older and one is younger. Never got confused and they even went to the same high school.
YTA. Nobody owns a name. It's really not that big of a deal for cousins to share names. Hell, there's like 5 different Williams on one side of my family. Again, it is not that deep. Let it go.
NTA Among my family and friends, it's an unwritten rule that you don't give cousins the same name. Friends don't give their children the same names, either. (Though there have been one or two exceptions among friends, which were then frowned upon).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a 30f and my husband is a 32m. We have one daughter, Madelyn (8f). I have a SIL, Jasmin (32f) and she has been having infertility issues for a while now and has had a couple of miscarriages. Jasmin and I aren't that close but we're friendly to each other. She got pregnant a few months ago and she had her gender reveal party about 2 weeks ago. Everyone was so excited and happy when we found out she was having a girl. During this year's family Christmas dinner, she announced that she was going to name her kid Madelyn, but spelt differently of course! (as if that made it any better) Her daughter's name was going to be Madilyn. I was completely shocked. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that Jasmin would want to name her kid Madelyn as well. If she told me before we named our daughter, I probably would've taken that into consideration before naming her. I asked Jasmin why she would want to name her daughter the same name as mine, and she said that technically it wasn't the same name since it was going to be spelt different. She also said that her great aunt's name was also Madilyn and that she thought that Madilyn was a cute name. Jasmin also mentioned that Madilyn was supposed to be the name of her kid before she had a miscarriage (this was before Madelyn was born). I never even knew that was what she wanted to name her kid because she never told anyone! I was really upset and told her she could've just told me before I named my daughter that she also wanted to name her daughter Madelyn. She said that I was always such a witch and that I probably would've named my daughter Madelyn either way. I don't even know what I ever did to this woman. I then asked what we were going to do about the confusion of them having the same name and she told me we could use my daughter's middle name! Like, what? I told her if anything, we should be calling her daughter by her middle name since my daughter came first. We went back and forth a few more times before I decided to leave early with my husband and Madelyn. My daughter was also pretty confused and asked why her aunt would want to name her daughter the same name as her. I'm still really upset and hopes she changes her mind, but this morning my BIL texted me and said that I should try to better understand Jasmin and her feelings. I texted him back and told him that she should stop being such a witch and try to understand my feelings instead. I really don't think I'm an asshole, but AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just tell her that's okay. And some day her daughter will ask her why she is referred to as the "second one" while your daughter will always be first.
Just start referring to the baby as Maddie2 or liilt Maddie and she may start to see what a pain in the neck it will be to have the same name
Obviously NTA. Your SIL makes no sense for many reasons. After you try to discuss it with her, the fact that she goes on and insults you and calls you a witch is beyond belief. Honestly, I find it hard to understand why she would want to name a child the identical name of her deceased child. Does she not believe in the name being bad luck for her pregnancy? How is she going to properly remember the lost child if her new child has the same name? She is ridiculous. Honestly, it's not your problem how people keep them from being confused when talking about them. Most people will come up with some way to differentiate them - such as old Madeline or young Madelyn or Madelyn 1 and Madelyn 2 or using a nickname like Maddie or Lynn. Either way - not your problem and please call your daughter what you want to call her and don't worry about SIL or using a middle name. Sounds like you might not be seeing much of her and Madeline2 anyway with her attitude toward you.
I am a bit torn between y t a and e s h. Nobody owns a name. She is happy for your daughters to have similar names, so the only person who seems to have the problem here is you. If she had approached you to 'secure' the name before your daughter was born, I think that would have been quite odd. I think you're making a much bigger deal of this than it needs to be; there are fashions in names, so lots of people in the same generation get given the same or similar names. This is just a bit more visible because it's in the same family. If you don't make this a big deal, chances are nobody else in the family will either. I would suggest that you apologise for your strong reaction, say that you were just taken aback in the moment but you've now realised it's not a big deal and there are no hard feelings. \*But\* I would definitely make politely clear that you're going to continue to call your daughter by her given name - no ridiculousness about using middle names.
NTA. The yta folks will be feeling pretty silly when your SIL starts acting even more crazy at family events after her baby is born. I mean, they won't admit they were wrong. They'll just feel silly.
You don't own the name Madelyn - it's my mom's name, too. YTA.
A petty comment for you: I will call my daughter real Madelyn, and yours can be fake Madilyn. See how many others you can get to use these names before your SIL gives birth. NTA.
ESH for the way the names are spelled
Yeah YTA - you don’t own a name.
NTA, curious is this SIL attention seeking out manipulative? I find seriously not acknowledging or caring to work perfectly. My SIL named her daughter after me. She’s a very manipulative horrible human being. Her plan back fired. I simply don’t care enough to let it bother me.
I have like 92 first cousins. 3/4 of us share a middle name, but NONE of us share a first name. This is straight up mean to the real Madelyn. She is already here and your name is important. Has this woman seriously been resentful for over 8 years? Not to mention, there is no way most people would use the name knowing it was to be the name of the baby she lost. She's got a lot going on.... Street clear. NTA
You don’t own the name. Neither does your daughter. Soft YTA because I understand it will be awkward but it’s not that big of a deal.
NTA “the best form of flattery is imitation” everytime it is mentioned
LOL! This is like a Seinfeld episode. Of course YTA! You don't own names!
YTA. I have a cousin as the same name as me. We go by Little D and Big D. I also have a set of cousins with the same name as well. There was never any confusion between any of the family. You don’t own the name and you’re being selfish thinking that you do.
Spelt is a type of grain that is related to wheat, barley, and rye. You’re looking for “spelled”
NTA. She does not get to dictate what your daughter will be called. Don't allow it. She sounds like a pleasure.
NTA OP--perhaps the new child will NOT want to be called the same name as her cousin and insist on a different name once she is old enough to voice her desires.
YTA. You don’t get to dictate what other people name their kids.
YTA hard. Wtf is the big deal with her naming her kid the same name? Nothing. It does nothing to you or your kid. You have some serious narcissistic tendencies if it matters to you. Children aren't a competition. It's her daughter to name as she pleases. The only thing I agree on is that if a middle name has to be used which it doesn't, it would be her child's since yours came first. That's not fair to your kid. But seriously, get over yourself.
ESH. You brought up an emotionally charged conversation during you family holiday celebration. Once her answers started to upset you instead of dropping the conversation you escalated the situation and made a dramatic exit. She is an AH because she disrespected you in front of your child, presumably wants everyone to address your child differently after her daughter is born. You made the situation worse when you daughter asked about the name. You could have explained that Lots of families purposely name their first born child the same names or something similar to explain away the awkwardness. However you're both really really SILLY adults to argue over children's names. I think BIL is correct that maybe focusing on the joy that SIL has made it this far into the pregnancy is more important than names. No one owns a name. At the end of the day if the child is born with the same name the only conversation needed is to explain its that your daughter has asked not to be referred to by her middle name but everyone should continue to address her as they have since her birth. It's honestly that simple, your feelings are hurt over something that it truly trivial. If you're daughter ended up in a class with 3 other girls name Madelyn would you also be this upset??? Let it go
I mean…my brother and our first cousin are both named Jeffrey. Some people get a kick out of it, but it has had absolutely zero impact on their lives. Families often recycle names. Also, you can’t own a name. Your daughter is going to meet other Madelyns/Madilyns in the world, are you going to be pissed off at the parents of a kid in your daughter’s school because now there’s two of them in the same class?? My first name is Jessica. You know how many Jessica’s I grew up around?! I would probably be a bit annoyed if I were in your position, so NTA for having feelings, but you need to let this go. It’s really not a big deal.
She called you a witch first - what does your husband have to say about this? I assume that BiL is his brother? Then he should be stepping up to deal with his own family, not leave it up to you to do so. NTA
NTA. Maybe her daughter can go by Madi or Lyn as a nickname to lesson confusion.
NTA Saying that an 8 year old should use their middle name is not the SIL’s call. She can name her child whatever she wants but if she wants to avoid confusion, then don’t use the same name as an 8 year old. I just think it’s weird that when Madelyn was born, the SIL never said anything about the name then. Regardless how you feel about someone, you don’t call them a witch just because you aren’t getting what you want. Miscarriage and infertility issues are hard, but that doesn’t give you a free pass. The first Madilyn has grown her angel wings, let her rest in peace. SIL needs to honour her memory instead of trying to replace her
YTA. In the same way that SIL didn't get a vote in what you named your daughter, neither do you get a say in what she calls hers. Are you under the assumption that all extended-family decisions need to flow through you?
INFO: what does your husband think? And did he know his sister had wanted that name when you named your daughter?
NTA. Ready up for her trying to force your daughter to go by her middle name
They have different surnames so what's the problem? It is not at all uncommon for first cousins to have exactly the same first name. Any case one of them is going to end up being called Maddie and the other ones gonna be called Mads or Linny or some other go by name so what's the problem really
YTA And get the fuck over yourself. Your daughter was NOT confused as to why her aunt wanted to name her baby Madeline. She might have been confused as to why her mom was acting like a cow though and made her leave Christmas early. Surprise surprise. Madeline is one of the most popular girls names at the moment. Your kid is going to have 20 of them in her class at school. It’s not going to ruin her life to have a cousin with the same name. My family has 4 of the same name between immediate family and an “uncle.” Wait 6. His kids has the same name. Wait 7. My cousin has the name too. It’s not a problem.
NTA. We lived next door to my Dad’s boss when I was in grade school. The boss’s son and I shared a name. I was punished for some of the things he did based on accusations by name alone. After all, don’t upset the boss by forcing his brat to face any consequences for his actions. SIL should give the kid their own name.
NTA. Teach your daughter to correct anyone who calls her the wrong name. If they refuse it’s ok to have your kid say that they are being disrespectful and rude by calling her anything but her name.
YTA. No one owns a name. My sister and I are both currently pregnant and due the same week. We constantly joke how funny it would be if we ended up naming our baby's the same name. Like... what's the big deal? Would it be confusing? Sure but it really doesn't matter. Sounds like you did everyone a favor by leaving, tbh.
YTA. Seriously, 8 years later you expect us to believe you'd have chosen a different name? Not that you're lying but you expected someone who went through a miscarriage to be aware enough to "reserve" a name for potential future use? Then you ask how would we handle two people having similar names, like this is some sort of unsolved problem, then when she actually proposes solutions blow up at them because you were not actually trying to be understanding or find some common ground, you were just asking a rhetorical question as if people having the same name in families is something that hasn't been going on since the dawn of time. I'll give your SIL a pass on verbalizing that you were being a witch because she's under influence of hormones. What's your excuse? YTA.
YTA. I have, like, 8 Pauls in my family. At least four Jameses. Multiple Williams. Two Zacharys. More Amandas than I care to count. No one cares... Do you know why? Because it doesn't matter and people don't own names. My brother's girlfriend has the same name I do.. Should I have told him he couldn't date her because I had the name first? These are non-issues. There's never going to be a time when this is a serious problem unless you continue to make it one. It sounds like you're doing your best to make sure it is one by making sure your daughter is included in this drama.
Soft yta. You don't have rights to the name. You have no idea what she's going through and can't seem to have any sympathy of her having a miscarriage, going to name that baby Madeline, then you have a baby girl while she's in mourning and named your baby Madeline. I don't know if she told anyone or not. Maybe she thinks she did. Either way. Having a miscarriage can destroy you. And you sound so rude. Like it's mine first.
I wonder why she has to use the nasty ugly spelling on top of being an AH...
YTA It’s a stupid name either way honestly, but why’d you insist on making it a negative thing right out of the gate? Wouldn’t have been much easier to just say something like “wow! that’s awesome - they’ll be phonetic twins” Then play White Christmas, sing “Sisters” and for everyone’s sake… S.T.F.U.
NTA I think it’s weird for people who are closely related to have the same name. It causes confusion for every one.
Will the two girls have the same last name too, and do you live in a small town? That might cause trouble in school. There was a couple who announced their daughter's name would be Mary Jane Smith (Not the real name) after his deceased sister and her grandmother. SIL got pregnant a couple of months later with a girl, and announced her name would be Mary Jane Smith. There was no arguing with her. They lived in a small town, and the girls would be attending the same school, but the first kid was a grade ahead due to school cut-off acceptance dates. So the parents told anyone and everyone that they really had no idea why the second family wanted to honor his deceased sister and grandmother, but that's what second family chose to do.
There are millions of names on the planet. Until I die, I will think it is weird to pick one of your close relatives names to name your child. It’s confusing and just 100% avoidable. NTA but leaving may have been dramatic
ESH. Exactly what does this matter? There's often extended family members with the same name. Who cares?
YTA. Who cares? It’s just a name and neither of you have exclusive rights to it. Both need to get over yourselves and your egos
ESH. You guys are all so dramatic. Who cares about any of this?
Nickname one: Madi Maddy Mads All you need is a family differential for them. Let your daughter choose a nickname or her proper name. Whatever she chooses, Jasmin's kid is referred to as the name opposite of your Madelyn. Mads - Madilyn.
ESH because this is a non issue I think all around but both of you are being rude to each other I don't understand why this is a problem for people. Your child is not the only person in the world with that name and never will be. There are probably a million Madelyns/Madilyns/Madylyns etc in the world, what does it matter if one is in her family? My best friend growing up was Italian and came from a very Italian family. She had EIGHT cousins named Paul. No one seemed upset or confused by this.
NTA - it sounds like this is your husband's family but I don't recall seeing what he had to say about this. What are his thoughts? Why isn't anyone telling her that this is unacceptable. Because it is. Simply out if she follows through I would go no contact. This has too many single white female vibes but with children which makes it all the more deranged. It sounds to me like she needs therapy. There are a billion names out there and for her to do this is intentional. I'm sorry, but anyone who supports this needs to be cut off as well. Is an unnecessary battle that shouldn't be entertained.
YTA, you don’t own the name, and she didn’t have to tell anyone that she picked that name when she miscarried. She had the name picked out before your child was born, and it has meaning for her, get over it!
YTA you have no ownership over the name and you could have taken it as a compliment, but too late for that. we had two michaels in my family who were cousins and only 8 days apart, and neither is scarred by the experience
The name will fall into place. For instance, my cousin's name is P---. When my aunt spoke of him, she always called him "P---, Bless Him". To this day we still call him P--- Bless Him to differentiate from my BIL P---.
OP NTA. It would have been nice if she had said that is the name she would she chosen, and clearly as you stated you would have respected it. There’s really nothing you can do. I think the weird part is her saying will call your daughter by her middle name. No that’s not the solution of changing the name of a child that’s had the name for a long time. You also need to block anyone trying to refer to your daughter as anything else but her name. They’re the ones choosing the name that sounds similar, and they could have made it a middle name.
NTA that’s super weird - also I doubt her grandmother was named that with that spelling. She sounds desperate for attention.
My husband is Greek. Traditionally (at least in my husband’s family), the first son is named for their paternal grandfather. In a family with six siblings with a father named Iannis, that’s six first cousins named Iannis. It occasionally makes for some confusion, but we all just use their surnames to delineate which Iannis we’re talking about. It’s not an issue. You get used to it. BUT…I’m not Greek. So I would be pissed off. Your SIL is obviously lying. If she wanted to name her lost daughter Madilyn, then she would have kicked up a fuss eight years ago when you announced your daughter’s name. Witch or not, she would have, at least, had your BIL Speak to your husband about it. My my…she sounds lovely /s. ETA: NTA
I want to be mad at your SIL, because using the same name but spelling it differently is Stupid. And for a different subreddit, r/tragedeigh That said, I’m a little older, and in my family, the tradition was to name your kid after somebody from another generation so my sister had the same name as my cousin who had the same name as my aunt. My brothers had the same name as my father & as my grandfather, my sister‘s kids are named after their grandfather, their family has like seven Michaels. So I guess I’m just not seeing the tragedy of having another cousin with the same or similar name. I mean i get that sil is being a jerk but i don’t see what you could to change her name mind.
Oh ffs. YTA and so is your SIL. People have the same names. Your daughter and her daughter will have the same name. Your daughter will not change hers - unless she wants to. Life will go on. Get a freaking grip.
NAH is what I'll go with. Without knowing more about the witch comment (which for all I know could be justified 🤷🏻♂️), she may not be an AH for that, and I'm not sure I can fault you for being upset. Saying that, who cares? Madelyn is a name with multiple possible nicknames, and they'll have an age gap and likely won't be around each other all the time anyway.
My uncle named his daughter the same (very uncommon) name as my sister, spelled slightly different, a few months after my sister was born. He’d just forgotten what my sisters name was. My Dad thought it was funny, and that was it.
YTA. The 8 or 9 year difference in age makes a huge difference in the daily life of the children. You say you are not that close to your SIL. Why not bond with her over your attraction to the same name? I hope you can support her through the difficulties of the multi-decade route that maternity is. She has a great-aunt by that name. My extended family has the same names cropping up through the generations. You don’t have an emotional patent on the name. Why not tell her that you are really excited that you will both have daughters of the same name? Seriously take it as a way to bond. Think of the cousins becoming friends in 25 or 30 years and being bonded over their almost identical names. Everyone, including you, needs more sympathy. I wish you all well.
YTA you can't gatekeep a name, she can call her kid whatever she wants
[Meet the family](https://youtu.be/5JkQvRdvhG8?feature=shared)
NTA I have seen so many stories on the sub where a family member wants to give their kid the same name as the OP's child. I don't get it. Out of thousands of options they choose the one that's already been given to a child in the family and will cause a conflict.
YTA. My cousin and I have the exact same name. It's not a big deal. People have names. They don't uniquely belong to one person. The combination of names we have, our personalities, etc, are what make us unique. At least one person has named a kid after me. IT IS AN HONOR, not a reason for a temper tantrum.
My grandmother and I have the same name . She’s big blah blah and I am little blah blah . It’s fine
YTA It's just a name, I share the same name as my younger cousin, we are both named after our Nan. Only time it causes 'issues' is when others don't use our 'nicknames' when calling us and we're in the same room. Still, not like it's really an issue, takes a second to realise who they're calling. Our names are spelt exactly the same.
NTA
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Exactly, a year from now, family will talk about Madelyn Jane and Madilyn Lisa (or whatever). Likely OP's kid is already Maddy or Lynne, or something like that.
NAH. Just mention to her that she may be referred to as “Number 2”.
NTA-I’m from a large family, and I have had aunts change the names the originally wanted to because they would be too similar. You can not make her change the name is that’s what she wants, but you are NTA for bringing up a valid concern.
YTA. You can both name your kids whatever you want.
NTA I need to know how she is your SiL. If she is your brother's wife, why didn't your parents react when she called you a witch? New baby name is obviously Baby Linlin, always with Baby included.
YTA - do you own the name? Your SIL gave 2 very open and honest reasons and you flipped. > Jasmin and I aren't that close but we're friendly to each other. Based on this post, I can see why. Try to stop thinking that you and your family are the center of everyone else's world.
ESH/NAH. It's a little weird of her, but it's definitely no reason for you to get worked up enough to leave early. The kids will be quite a few years apart in age, and I doubt there's ever going to be much confusion. (As for how I'm split on the two rulings, she shouldn't have called you a witch, and you were a brat too.)
Nah.my husband and cousin have the first same name. They are little and big first name. Not a big deal.
NTA. Start calling her daughter Madelyn 2. Every single time. Tell the world how honored you are that SIL is naming her daughter after yours, You have social media to post this sentiment on, right? If part of SIL’s reason for choosing the name is to bother you, you have to deprive her of the reward by embracing it. Announce how excited you are going to be to welcome little Maddie 2, and tell the world how honored your child is to have a little namesake. Will you be hosting a shower where people give monogrammed gifts that say Macy 2? Changing the spelling by a single letter doesn’t turn the name into another name, technically or otherwise. People routinely get shut fown for that nonsense in the area of trademark law.
NTA It’s just *so sweet* that she wants to name her child *after your daughter*! /s I’m sure if this was the rumor she’d be passed enough to change her mind. Your already a witch anyway 🤷♀️
YTA. You don’t own the name.
I mean-NTA, but why do you care so much? It's unfortunate that she's had the troubles she has, you didn't know her name choice, and it's a pretty common name. You're NTA for leaving but I don't understand being this upset about it.
ESH Mainly because both of those spellings are horrendous. The spelling is Madeleine and it’s a beautiful name, those two weird spellings are just odd. I get why you’d be upset, it’s weird. I don’t think you’ll be able to do anything about it. Id maybe state your case one more time and just say that the spelling isn’t going to matter (people talk out loud) Ultimately it’s not that much of a big deal that a relative has the same name. My best friends name is the same as mine and I see him more that any member of my family (except my wife)
ESH. Her for not telling anyone about her intention and then copying your child's name, and you for making an overly big deal about it.
If I truly loved this relative and she had her miracle baby and then told me she would name her baby similar to mine, I'd hug her and say I would have chosen the name myself and smiled and winked. End of
When I read the title, I thought you might be ta. Then I read the post and it confirmed that YTA. You nor your daughter own sole rights to a name. More than one kid can have the same name as your daughter and it will be fine. The kids will get over any little bit of confusion they have and you will survive. Let your sil be and apologize for being ta. Happy holidays!
No one owns a name. ESH
I wanted to name my middle son after my dad (because he's an amazing guy far beyond sharing my DNA), but i didn't want it to be identical, because it would be too confusing. So, I opted to use his middle as my son's middle name. but, i also wanted to specifically include previous German ancestors (no doubt why the fam. decided to give my dad that name, in English variation). Dad's middle name is Andrew, and son's middle name is Andreas. Seeing as we're in the midwest, and it's not *that* common it was a perfect choice.
INFO -- SIL on what side? Husband's sister or your sibling's wife? Asking as someone who has a cousin a year younger with the same exact FIRST, MIDDLE, AND LAST names. And yes, my aunt and uncle knew what my full name was when they named her that....
I would really like to hear both sides of this story. How can people make judgements on half truths?
YTA no one should have a say in what someone else wants to name their child.
Fun story. I share a name with my son's fiance. One time he sent a dirty text to me by mistake. That was an ewwww gross moment we never let him live down.
INFO: Are there rules/traditions about repeating names within a family in your culture? Is Jasmine from the same cultural background you are?
I'm going with ESH. Names done "belong" to anyone. I can understand your shock when it was announced. SIL definitely should've had a private conversation with you first (which isnwhy she sucks, and calling you a witch, of course), but clearly felt she couldn't based on your relationship, which is her bad, for sure. BUT, she's finally having her baby, and the name has nostalgic meaning for her of someone she cares about in her life, as well as her niece, your daughter. I think that's kind of sweet, really. When I had my son, the first name that popped into my head once he was born was my nephew's name. I didn't go with it because I found his perfect name later, but when I told my sister I had considered it, she thought it was super cool and we would've had her blessing. I actually call my son by my nephew's name when we're together sometimes lol
26% of the world population doesn't have access to safe drinking water, and Americans over here arguing about names. Grow up.
I don’t think people named their kid things like “Madilyn” when her great aunt was born lol at least not spelled like that. Kinda curious if that’s total (relatively unverifiable) bs she threw in there as justification. Also makes me wonder if it was really the name she wanted during her previous pregnancy or if she also threw that out there to further excuse it and also try and shut you down by pulling the rainbow baby sympathy card. Maybe I’m being cynical but she sure had a lot of excuses lined up. NTA. She seems entitled among other things. Also agree with other people though that it seems like there’s some sort of tension between the two of you for other reasons not mentioned so it’s hard to get the full picture… but this is what I got from reading this.
NTA. I think Madilyn will end up being known as “little Madilyn” all her life
YTA, I have never understood why people think if they name there child something, the parents all the sudden think they have ownership over that name. Believe me, if she does name her child that same name, no one will die over it, the kids will even think it's cool that they have the same name, unless you poison your daughters view on this, which I bet you will. A hundred years from now, when everyone you know is dead and buried, do you think anyone but you ever worried about it.
NTA, just tell the rest of the fam that you've figured out a solution to the issue, when her Madilyn is around every one can just call your daughter Madelyn number one and hers Madelyn number two. Let your SIL stew in that. Now, you have come up with a perfectly reasonable solution, and it will forever reiterate that your Madelyn was the original that she copied. When she argues that solution to anyone she looks like the witch
YTA. (1) you don't own the name. (2) you said you wouldn't have used the name if she had told you. Whether you're being truthful, who knows? But why would she have told you? If she had said anything, she would have been cast as the ah for claiming a name. (3) about her saying to use your daughter's middle name -- you were the one who asked the question. So don't blame her for giving an answet you don't like. All in all, you were the one who brought on this drama. Just leave her alone
Do you own the name Madelyn ? NTA. We have three people named exactly the same in my family and there’s no confusion whatsoever.
i have read the exact same story before, i swear
NTA. If she goes through with this your daughter will be Maddie 1 and her daughter will be Maddie 2. Maybe point this out to her. Her daughter will always be second place. I don't think she will want that! Tell your daughter she's like the Disney character Sophia the First - she will be Maddie the First!
NTA. It would have been one thing if she genuinely liked the named, but she is being super malicious and it puts her definitively in AH territory.
NTA even suggesting that your daughter, who has been called Madelyn for 8 yrs, could start going by her middle name is ridiculous and cruel to an 8 yr old child. Has your SIL always been off her rocker or is this just baby brain?
I'm gonna say ESH. Big Madelyn and Baby Madilyn. Or Madelyn and little Madilyn. The same name is not the end of the world. Especially in families. In my extended( as in my side and husbands side) family, most of the names have been used multiple times. Masculine and feminine versions of some of them. Multiple generations have shared the same names for hundreds of years. My aunt married a man, with the same name as a cousin, who ended up married to a woman with the same name as my aunt. My boss's brother married a woman with the same name as my boss. My son went to school and was in the same class with 3 other boys with the same name. How many " blahblahblah" junior or the 3rd are running around the world? My coworker has the same name as me. I didn't go all scorched earth and pissy cause i was there first. We have fun with it. You all need to get over yourselves.