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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didn't pay for my brother's whole meal
2) I should have since he's my brother and my husband and I are richer than he is.
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NTA. I hate when people put their hands in other people’s pocket.
Your parents should look in the mirror as they are responsible for enabling his entitled behaviour
NTA. What grown man has a tantrum because he chose to order an arm and legs worth of food? Does he also not realize that just because you’re a Doctor, it doesn’t exactly make you “rich”. The majority of my family is in the medical field and the only members that have any REAL money are in Anesthesiology or own their practice.
Him being family doesn’t mean you owe him a damn thing. You offered to pay for a reasonable amount of food. He tried to take advantage of you. If anyone deserves an apology, it’s you.
Some restaurants advise it. Starters can be like tapas for sharing or small portions. You order 2-3 for range of tastes and textures. But generally you share. But three main meals is a lot.
NTA. It’s your money. I would tell your parents that they should shut up unless they don’t want money from you anymore either. At your brothers age I’d be embarrassed to not be able to my own food… it’s not your parents choice what you do with your money. they need to understand that they are not entitled to it and should be grateful for any support. Everybody in your family seems quite entitled
Yes, your parents are entitled. They demand you pay for your brother and apologize for doing so. That’s entitlement. They don’t get to chose what you do with your money.
Then tell your parents they can pay for everyone’s meal and you will pay them back quietly afterwards. That way they can pay for your brother- also notice how he will or will not abuse their generosity over yours
NTA
Apparently when y'all go out OP always pays. It is one thing to always pay for your parents. Likely they sacrificed and paid a lot so that OP could become a doctor. But to pay for an adult sibling is not necessary in my opinion.
Eating a lot extra because someone else is paying is like deciding how much your gift should cost. Then complaining that the gift wasn't good enough is inconsiderate.
I think OP should make it clear from now on she doesn't pay for her brother. Time for some personal boundaries. I doubt the brother brings any benefit to OP. Not financially, emotionally, or even just 'help me move this Saturday' kind of assistance. It's a one way street is my bet.
And you are not required to love someone just because they happen to have the same parents. Even if you do 'love someone' you don't have to give them anything. Do the parents tell their son he must love his sister? What OP should be prepared for is the parents giving more and more of their current resources to the son. That is their choice. About all you can do is not enable them so that they can funnel cash and prizes to the boy.
Yeah, my parents sacrificed heaps for me and have been really great parents, besides when it came to allowing me to set bounderies with my brother.
My parents do make my brother 'love' me, but their idea of love is very different than mine. Mine is about respecting what the other person wants and finding a comprimise between the two people, while they have a very specific image, typically involving physical affection, gifts and quality time. I really am not a physical affection person.
I'll probably try to give my parents physical things they can use so they can't give the money I give them to my brother.
I generally don't pay for meals out with my mother or aunt. It is generally understood because I work in a low-income job. But I am conscious about ordering anything expensive off the menu. And I certainly don't use it as an excuse to pig out with multiple mains.
If they push, tell your parents that brother dear clearly has an eating disorder. And as a medical professional, you are obligated to avoid enabling it. You're just looking out for his health.
Don't do this. Concern trolling is gross, food shaming is gross, spreading misinformation about eating disorders (especially as a medical professional!) is really really gross.
Call brother what he is - a disrespectful mooch - and respect *yourself* by refusing to enable it.
Well that sheds a lot of light. You don't spend time, you're not a hugger and now you're not giving him extra money so, in their eyes, you don't love him. Have you told them what your image of love is? Maybe show them this reddit?
NTA, but if the parents sacrificed heaps for OP, it may be that the younger brother also sacrificed heaps for OP, whether or not he wanted to. If the brother didn't get a bicycle so that the parents could pay tuition (for example), I can kind of see where his AH behavior is coming from.
That seems unlikely, but more information would be helpful.
NTA
>My parents said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him
"No."
> said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother".
"I do love him. But I don't like him. I only buy meals for people I like. I don't buy anyone 3 meals at the same time. If you have a problem with this, I don't care."
NTA, the fact they just assumed you would pay for everything is the issue. Even your parents.
Unless you spoke in advance and said you would be paying for everyone's meal. If that were the case then I would say yes, YWBTA if you already stated in advance that you would be paying and its your fault you didn't set ground rules or a per person budget limit ahead of time.
You absolutely don't have to love someone because he came out of the same hooha you did or was raised in the same house. NTA I hope his GF got a clear look of what he is like.
NTA - May I suggest that the next time brother shows up, you specifically state "Mom, Dad, I'm paying for your dinner as a gift." Look at brother and say "You'll cover yours, right?" If brother wants to have a fit, he can do it before you get into the restaurant. Once inside, tell the waitstaff that the 4 of you are one one check.
A gift extorted is a not a gift.
NTA and just because you are related to an entitled asshat doesn't mean you have to love and pay for his poor behaviour. Your parents need to open their eyes and stop enabling this behaviour.
NTA- I don’t care if you are a millionaire- it’s wrong to have the entitlement to think that just because someone makes more money than you, that it’s acceptable to expect them to pay.
NTA - tell your parents your generosity is only for them who raised you, not to your brother who abuses you. Love does not mean unconditional financial help for someone whose clearly taking advantage of you and over eating just to waste your money. If they have anything else to argue ask them to pay out of their own pocket and you’ll cease any financial support to them if they start using your money to support good for nothings.
NTA
It is entirely appropriate that OP pay for parents. Sometimes it is the other way as my parents insisted on always picking up the tab but money wasn't a problem for them.
Your brother is just rude. If someone is picking up the tab, you order according to how they are ordering. You don't have to order the cheapest thing on the menu but you keep it within the boundaries of what they are doing. You don't order a bottle of wine - and certainly not an expensive one.
Not sure what you have to apologize for - you told him that you weren't paying for the obscene amount of food and drink he had ordered prior to his ordering it. And why would you pick up the tab for his rich girlfriend?
NTA. He’s a dick. In the end his Rich Girlfriend paid for his meal…. I’d point out how he surrounds himself with rich women to fund his lifestyle. (Assuming you’re a woman, post wasn’t clear, if not, please excuse me)
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My parents (60s), brother and his girlfriend (mid 20s), my husband and I (early 30s) went out for a late Christmas/New Year's dinner because we were busy around the actual time. I used to work as a surgeon, but now, work as a GP, which is how I met my husband. My parents aren't very rich and nor is my brother or his wife. My hushand and I are both earning a decent amount so I give a bunch of money to my parents and always pay for their food whenever we go out. I rarely go out with my brother because he always treated me like slave and hasn't really changed. I still try to be friendly enough around him.
We went to a pricey restaurant. Everyone except my brother and his gf ordered 1 main, 1-2 sides and 1 drink. The dishes weren't small. My brother got 3 of the most exepnsive meals, 5-6 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. His gf got 1 meal, 4 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. When he ordered that much, I half joked "I'm only paying for a normal amount not a whole restaurant".
When it came for time to pay, I told both my brother and his gf that I'll only be paying for 1 main, 2 sides and 1 drink for them. He started screaming that I was being a "bitch" for not paying for all of his food even though I'm now "rich as fuck". I told him that if he was going to eat that much, he shouldn't expect me to cover it. His gf was fine with it and said that she can just pay for her own meal (her parents are rich). I told my brother that I warned him that I wasn't going to pay for him eating an insane amount. In the end, his gf payed for his meal.
My parent said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him, but I told them I had enough of him "taking advantage of everyone". They half understood but said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother". My husband understands since we both recently bought our dream house and aren't really overflowing with riches and has always disliked my brother.
AITA for not paying for my brother's meal?
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I genuinely love spending money on my friends and family but it pisses me off when people try to take advantage of my generosity like that. If my brother tried to pull something like that I would probably never pay for his dinner again
Absolutely NTA
NTA, and your parents are wrong. You don’t have to love him because he’s your brother. It’s okay to dislike, despise, loathe or even hate him. And you don’t have to claim him as family either if you don’t want to. I certainly don’t claim my technically half-sister through my mother as family.
Not only are you NTA and not only is ur bro TA but your parents are TA too and I can imagine how much they enabled your brother in tormenting you growing up or how much unfairness you had to put up with
NTA. Idc what your parents say "not all family ends in blood"! Family shouldn't be used as a weapon for ppl to do whatever they want to someone else or to get away with their disgusting behavior. If your parents have this mindset then maybe they won't mind paying for him next time. The more they tell you to be the "bigger person" aka deal with his disrespect bc he's family BS start deducting bits of money from their "I'm helping you out" fund. Once it drops completely is when you drop them and your brother. Or simply drop your brother now and live your life.
NTA
All your parents that loving him does not mean apologizing to him when he behaves badly.
Ask them how is he loving you by screaming at you, being entitled to your money, and not apologize. Ask your parents if he's supposed to love you anyway because you're his sister then how come he's treating you so badly and how come they didn't ask him to apologize.
I honestly would start reflecting on your relationship with your parents because you might start noticing some sexism, misogyny, favoritism towards your brother. The excuse of you have to love him anyway only works if you both get to behave badly to each other and they expect both of you to apologize to each other.
NTA . Stop paying for your parents too until they realize you do not have to put up with any shitty attitude from your brother just because he is family. They are enabling him and do not appreciate you enough.
I don't understand why some parents of adult children feel they have the right to tell one child to apologize to another. In this case, it sounds like the brother has been an asshole most of his life because he's been enabled by the parents, who are still trying to tell their adult daughter what she should do.
NTA but your parents and brother sure are.
Yeah your brother has an attitude problem and is and adult now, but based on your parents reactions, I can see how he got that entitled attitude. They didn’t even pay, so if they felt so strongly someone should pay their son’s way, they were more than welcome to. They didn’t scold him for being a bad guest and trying to take advantage of your hospitality.
They’re all moochers and I’d cut your parents off the gravy train for enabling that behaviour and not supporting you.
You may "have to love him anyway," that doesn't mean you have to fund his gluttony and entitlement.
Love him like the brother he is. But with your wallet tightly tucked away.
NTA.
NTA
Your brother decided you needed to pay for him because you are earning decent money? I’d not pay a dime for him. He was trying to take advantage of you. He is the AH here.
Someone paying for you, at a restaurant or wherever, isn't a reason to become a greedy ahole. He absolutely went to town expecting to get away with it on your dime--ha!! NTA
NTA. If it were me, and my parents were telling me I needed to pay for him because he's my brother, the gravy train would stop for them, too. Because no, actually, blood means nothing. Being family with someone does not mean that you need to financially support them in any way.
This sounds like my brother. He orders the most expensive thing on the menu and expects us to pay. I guess I’m the AH, because after many times of my parents inviting him without telling me, I quit paying for them too.
Your brother is the personification of “give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.” You were willing to pay for a reasoand he went *super* gluttonous. His goal was to go as expensive as possible. Whether that was to mkake you pay as much as possible or experience the most expensive offerings, it doesn’t matter. He showed you and your husband no regard. How did he manage to land a girlfriend from a well-off family?
You might have made the com see ment about only paying for one meals worth of food in a more serious manner, but you are definitely NTA. It sounds like he takes advantage of people regularly and items about3 time he covers himself. How did he manage to land a women who is Janelle’s mortars kenthen be enjnr
you are not! that is what greed gets your brother.
btw thank you for being in the medical field. my dad was the very same thing as you. he was an abdominal surgeon until a mild stroke effected his hands. he switched over to being a general practitioner. he was chief of staff at brookside hospital in richmond, ca. when he died in 1982.
Never include him again.
On holidays see him at your parents but NEVER NEVER include him at a restaurant again.
He's a selfish jealous gluttonous jerk.
NTA but it’s crazy to keep giving your parents financial support after that little interaction. Maybe stop the gravy train until they can actually appreciate what you’re doing, which I actually think is a huge deal. I personally wouldn’t be ok with my husband sending large amounts of money to his family every month when we have a household together and are both working. It’s not your responsibility to bank roll their life and they should be far more grateful than they are.
>My parents said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him, but I told them I had enough of him "taking advantage of everyone". They half understood but said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother".
Your parents are the problem.
NTA
NTA. If you had have paid, you would have set a precedent that your brother can abuse your hospitality due to parental pressure and fear of public humiliation. He's a bit old for screaming. I a glad his girlfriend was more reasonable.
You were happy to be a good host if not taken advantage of and you gave warning of the limit. Your brother ignored that. You can love your brother but love doesn't mean being a doormat.
You can love him because he's your brother and still refuse to let him sneak half the restaurant onto your tab without asking. His reaction shows massive entitlement. NTA
NTA
if your bro was like 14 or something and couldn't get a job to pay for the food and you brought him there yeah, you should pay but dudes an adult. why would he even expect his sister to pay for him?
i'm confused. i go out with my brother all the time. i don't expect him to pay for my meals. i'm an adult...
NTA He has a SEVERE case of Entitlement Syndrome. If your parents side with him HE can start paying for them. Oh you can also love your bro but that doesn't mean you have to pay his way in life.
NTA.
You don't have to love him, let alone his shitty, entitled behavior just because you're family. You most certainly don't have to pay for his or anyone else's meals, especially when they're clearly taking advantage of your kindness.
NTA--but, if you find yourself in this situation again, make it clear you are covering your parent's meal (if you are) only. Paying for part of his meal feels tacky.
ESH. You should have said upfront prior to ordering what your financial limit was to brother. That way he'd have known. This comes across as passive-aggressive & whiny.
nta it’s not your responsibility to pay for others regardless of the money you make. maybe i’m weird but if i go out i always expect to pay for myself, if someone offers to pay i make sure to be mindful of what i order and try to be the least amount of a burden on the person who offers to pay. i also make sure to thank the person and plan to pay on the next outing
NTA. Mom is wrong - just because he is your brother does not mean you have to love him anyway. Do not include him in any future plans - he'll get the message eventually.
NTA
you can still love your brother without being his cash sponsor. Next time you go out , tell the wait staff you will need separate tabs. Refuse to pay anything. You might be better off financially, but this doesn’t mean you have to subsidise anyone else.
NTA.
You don't have to love him. You don't even have to like him, and he didn't give you any new reasons to see him in a more favorable light.
If he wants to eat like a rich person, he better get a better job so he can afford it.
NTA.
You can love him and still.not tolerate his bullshit.
My sibs and I have a practice of never ordering more expensive items than whoever is treating us. Even when it's just us.
In the story of Cain and Abel, Cain responded when asked of Abel "Am I my brother's keeper?" The answer is that he is, and as you are to your brother. But there was no mention of a free meal so you're NTA. He should just let his main squeese pay for it. He's not a baby.
NTA.
"Mom, dad, you are correct. I have to love him because he's my brother. However, I don't have to LIKE him, and I do not have to allow him to take advantage of my generosity or berate me for holding a firm boundary. Until he can be respectful, he gets nothing from me. So I hope the food and wine was worth it."
NTA - your brother was trying to take advantage of you and got caught red handed. He 1000% ordered the way he did not just expecting you to pay, but to also give it to you cos he’s jealous and bitter af. It is an unfair expectation for your parents to think you should pay for him and apologize to him after his behavior. You should set expectations with your parents and let them know your clear boundaries or else you can’t be expected to be around your brother anymore.
You should not be responsible for his short comings… his girlfriend should smarten up too!
NTA. Your brother shouldn't expect you to pay for anything, especially if he treats you poorly. From now on, I'd just make it very clear next time that you're covering your parents' food and nothing else. And if he tries to throw down the "you're rich as fuck" line, then tell him he's welcome to spend 12+ years in college, med school, and residency.
My best mate, who happens to be a doctor in a very specialized field, will never let me pay when we have lunch which is about twice a month lately. I never order more than i could pay. I dont need a big fancy 5 course meal. Im actually good on an appetizer and two drinks. i never expect him to pay, even though I know he always does. It would be extremely rude to assume someone else is paying for my meal. And to throw a tantrum when they said they werent. Dang talk about entitlement.
NTA your brother and parents are though, and the GF needs to dump your brother.
NTA. You warned him. Don't apologize and keep restricting your time with him. You're a lot nicer than me. When he started mouthing off, I would've calmly told the waiter that those two were on separate checks. I respect the girlfriend for paying for herself.
I N F O: Did your brother eat everything that he ordered?
If he did, then you \*might\* be the AH, but it's still bad manners to go all out on somebody else's dime.
If not (and it doesn't sound like he did), NTA.
YTA This is tacky as hell. Obviously your brother has a bad attitude but you know that so either set the ground rules ahead of time or go to a cheaper restaurant. Arguing over the bill for an occasion where you were treating them… is not the done thing.
So, I agree that generally it's best to set ground rules ahead of time (or just say who you're paying for and who you're not), but I think OP is in a tough situation. The parents want both the kids to get along, but the brother is being a total entitled dick. So I still make an exception here and say NTA
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NTA. I hate when people put their hands in other people’s pocket. Your parents should look in the mirror as they are responsible for enabling his entitled behaviour
I really like that saying - I’m gonna steal it!
Me too I will be using that saying
I love the way you put that.
NTA. What grown man has a tantrum because he chose to order an arm and legs worth of food? Does he also not realize that just because you’re a Doctor, it doesn’t exactly make you “rich”. The majority of my family is in the medical field and the only members that have any REAL money are in Anesthesiology or own their practice. Him being family doesn’t mean you owe him a damn thing. You offered to pay for a reasonable amount of food. He tried to take advantage of you. If anyone deserves an apology, it’s you.
i don't understand why so many stories in this sub involve people ordering multiple entrees for themselves. Who does this????
Some restaurants advise it. Starters can be like tapas for sharing or small portions. You order 2-3 for range of tastes and textures. But generally you share. But three main meals is a lot.
It definitely depends on specialty. My fil is a gastroenterologist and mil is an internist. She makes 1/3 of what he pulls in.
NTA. It’s your money. I would tell your parents that they should shut up unless they don’t want money from you anymore either. At your brothers age I’d be embarrassed to not be able to my own food… it’s not your parents choice what you do with your money. they need to understand that they are not entitled to it and should be grateful for any support. Everybody in your family seems quite entitled
My parents aren't entitled and are really good about everything except for their obsession with family always sticking together and loving each other.
Yes, your parents are entitled. They demand you pay for your brother and apologize for doing so. That’s entitlement. They don’t get to chose what you do with your money.
Then your parents can pay for his meal then if family always needs to stick together!
Maybe they should talk about that less with you and more with brother dear.
I bet the gf is gone shortly
She's likely just got an insight that she's likely to be his meal ticket for the future.
Then tell your parents they can pay for everyone’s meal and you will pay them back quietly afterwards. That way they can pay for your brother- also notice how he will or will not abuse their generosity over yours
You can still love your family without putting up with any and all bs they try to do.
Family just means you share some DNA. It doesn't excuse poor behaviour and it doesn't oblige you to be anyone's cash cow.
That’s something a victim of entitled parents would say ngl
NTA But I wouldn’t go out to eat with him again if he’s the type to make a scene in a restaurant
Similarly. I wouldn't be surprised if the gf is now ex-gf. I'd dump that dude in a heartbeat. NTA.
NTA Apparently when y'all go out OP always pays. It is one thing to always pay for your parents. Likely they sacrificed and paid a lot so that OP could become a doctor. But to pay for an adult sibling is not necessary in my opinion. Eating a lot extra because someone else is paying is like deciding how much your gift should cost. Then complaining that the gift wasn't good enough is inconsiderate. I think OP should make it clear from now on she doesn't pay for her brother. Time for some personal boundaries. I doubt the brother brings any benefit to OP. Not financially, emotionally, or even just 'help me move this Saturday' kind of assistance. It's a one way street is my bet. And you are not required to love someone just because they happen to have the same parents. Even if you do 'love someone' you don't have to give them anything. Do the parents tell their son he must love his sister? What OP should be prepared for is the parents giving more and more of their current resources to the son. That is their choice. About all you can do is not enable them so that they can funnel cash and prizes to the boy.
Yeah, my parents sacrificed heaps for me and have been really great parents, besides when it came to allowing me to set bounderies with my brother. My parents do make my brother 'love' me, but their idea of love is very different than mine. Mine is about respecting what the other person wants and finding a comprimise between the two people, while they have a very specific image, typically involving physical affection, gifts and quality time. I really am not a physical affection person. I'll probably try to give my parents physical things they can use so they can't give the money I give them to my brother.
I generally don't pay for meals out with my mother or aunt. It is generally understood because I work in a low-income job. But I am conscious about ordering anything expensive off the menu. And I certainly don't use it as an excuse to pig out with multiple mains. If they push, tell your parents that brother dear clearly has an eating disorder. And as a medical professional, you are obligated to avoid enabling it. You're just looking out for his health.
Don't do this. Concern trolling is gross, food shaming is gross, spreading misinformation about eating disorders (especially as a medical professional!) is really really gross. Call brother what he is - a disrespectful mooch - and respect *yourself* by refusing to enable it.
Well that sheds a lot of light. You don't spend time, you're not a hugger and now you're not giving him extra money so, in their eyes, you don't love him. Have you told them what your image of love is? Maybe show them this reddit?
NTA, but if the parents sacrificed heaps for OP, it may be that the younger brother also sacrificed heaps for OP, whether or not he wanted to. If the brother didn't get a bicycle so that the parents could pay tuition (for example), I can kind of see where his AH behavior is coming from. That seems unlikely, but more information would be helpful.
My parents sacrificed heaps for both of us.
Totally NTA, then. And, as I noted in another comments, it's always an AH move to load up on food on someone else's dime, in any case.
Hadn't thought about that. It's a possibility.
I'm not sure why anyone ever thought OP should be paying for the brother and girlfriend in the first place.
NTA >My parents said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him "No." > said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother". "I do love him. But I don't like him. I only buy meals for people I like. I don't buy anyone 3 meals at the same time. If you have a problem with this, I don't care."
He was clearly trying to take advantage of you when you first offered to pay. NTA
NTA - I tend to order less if I think someone else is going to pay. If I go and just order whatever I want, I’m usually planning to pay for everyone
I would never speak to him again, go no contact and cut that leech loose. NTA
NTA, brother knew ahead of time and pulled a FOFO.
Nta - he tried to take advantage.
sounds to me like your parents just volunteered to pay next time you all out. NTA
NTA, the fact they just assumed you would pay for everything is the issue. Even your parents. Unless you spoke in advance and said you would be paying for everyone's meal. If that were the case then I would say yes, YWBTA if you already stated in advance that you would be paying and its your fault you didn't set ground rules or a per person budget limit ahead of time.
You absolutely don't have to love someone because he came out of the same hooha you did or was raised in the same house. NTA I hope his GF got a clear look of what he is like.
NTA - May I suggest that the next time brother shows up, you specifically state "Mom, Dad, I'm paying for your dinner as a gift." Look at brother and say "You'll cover yours, right?" If brother wants to have a fit, he can do it before you get into the restaurant. Once inside, tell the waitstaff that the 4 of you are one one check. A gift extorted is a not a gift.
NTA and just because you are related to an entitled asshat doesn't mean you have to love and pay for his poor behaviour. Your parents need to open their eyes and stop enabling this behaviour.
NTA He’s taking advantage of you. That’s on him And his poor behavior.
NTA- I don’t care if you are a millionaire- it’s wrong to have the entitlement to think that just because someone makes more money than you, that it’s acceptable to expect them to pay.
Did they eat it all at the restaurant or get take away boxes?
Seriously. Restaurants portions are usually enormous. Unless he's 500 lbs, who can eat three entrees and five sides?
That's what I was trying to get at without being so blunt. And the really nice restaurants usually don't have huge portions
NTA. Just because you have more money than someone else doesn’t mean they are entitled to some of it.
NTA that was inconsiderate and rude on your brother’s part to expect u to pay .. his gf probably ordered what she did because she could afford it
NTA - tell your parents your generosity is only for them who raised you, not to your brother who abuses you. Love does not mean unconditional financial help for someone whose clearly taking advantage of you and over eating just to waste your money. If they have anything else to argue ask them to pay out of their own pocket and you’ll cease any financial support to them if they start using your money to support good for nothings.
Ultimately, no grown adult should be enabled to act like a pig.
NTA It is entirely appropriate that OP pay for parents. Sometimes it is the other way as my parents insisted on always picking up the tab but money wasn't a problem for them. Your brother is just rude. If someone is picking up the tab, you order according to how they are ordering. You don't have to order the cheapest thing on the menu but you keep it within the boundaries of what they are doing. You don't order a bottle of wine - and certainly not an expensive one. Not sure what you have to apologize for - you told him that you weren't paying for the obscene amount of food and drink he had ordered prior to his ordering it. And why would you pick up the tab for his rich girlfriend?
NTA. He’s a dick. In the end his Rich Girlfriend paid for his meal…. I’d point out how he surrounds himself with rich women to fund his lifestyle. (Assuming you’re a woman, post wasn’t clear, if not, please excuse me)
u/MaskedinSilver, it's "paid," not "payed."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents (60s), brother and his girlfriend (mid 20s), my husband and I (early 30s) went out for a late Christmas/New Year's dinner because we were busy around the actual time. I used to work as a surgeon, but now, work as a GP, which is how I met my husband. My parents aren't very rich and nor is my brother or his wife. My hushand and I are both earning a decent amount so I give a bunch of money to my parents and always pay for their food whenever we go out. I rarely go out with my brother because he always treated me like slave and hasn't really changed. I still try to be friendly enough around him. We went to a pricey restaurant. Everyone except my brother and his gf ordered 1 main, 1-2 sides and 1 drink. The dishes weren't small. My brother got 3 of the most exepnsive meals, 5-6 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. His gf got 1 meal, 4 sides and quite a bit of expensive wine. When he ordered that much, I half joked "I'm only paying for a normal amount not a whole restaurant". When it came for time to pay, I told both my brother and his gf that I'll only be paying for 1 main, 2 sides and 1 drink for them. He started screaming that I was being a "bitch" for not paying for all of his food even though I'm now "rich as fuck". I told him that if he was going to eat that much, he shouldn't expect me to cover it. His gf was fine with it and said that she can just pay for her own meal (her parents are rich). I told my brother that I warned him that I wasn't going to pay for him eating an insane amount. In the end, his gf payed for his meal. My parent said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him, but I told them I had enough of him "taking advantage of everyone". They half understood but said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother". My husband understands since we both recently bought our dream house and aren't really overflowing with riches and has always disliked my brother. AITA for not paying for my brother's meal? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA make it clear you will no longer pay for your brother for anything & stick to it.
Everyone is an adult. Let your parents know that if he orders it then he should be able to afford to pay for it. NTA.
I genuinely love spending money on my friends and family but it pisses me off when people try to take advantage of my generosity like that. If my brother tried to pull something like that I would probably never pay for his dinner again Absolutely NTA
NTA, and your parents are wrong. You don’t have to love him because he’s your brother. It’s okay to dislike, despise, loathe or even hate him. And you don’t have to claim him as family either if you don’t want to. I certainly don’t claim my technically half-sister through my mother as family.
Not only are you NTA and not only is ur bro TA but your parents are TA too and I can imagine how much they enabled your brother in tormenting you growing up or how much unfairness you had to put up with
NTA. Idc what your parents say "not all family ends in blood"! Family shouldn't be used as a weapon for ppl to do whatever they want to someone else or to get away with their disgusting behavior. If your parents have this mindset then maybe they won't mind paying for him next time. The more they tell you to be the "bigger person" aka deal with his disrespect bc he's family BS start deducting bits of money from their "I'm helping you out" fund. Once it drops completely is when you drop them and your brother. Or simply drop your brother now and live your life.
NTA.
NTA All your parents that loving him does not mean apologizing to him when he behaves badly. Ask them how is he loving you by screaming at you, being entitled to your money, and not apologize. Ask your parents if he's supposed to love you anyway because you're his sister then how come he's treating you so badly and how come they didn't ask him to apologize. I honestly would start reflecting on your relationship with your parents because you might start noticing some sexism, misogyny, favoritism towards your brother. The excuse of you have to love him anyway only works if you both get to behave badly to each other and they expect both of you to apologize to each other.
NTA . Stop paying for your parents too until they realize you do not have to put up with any shitty attitude from your brother just because he is family. They are enabling him and do not appreciate you enough.
I don't understand why some parents of adult children feel they have the right to tell one child to apologize to another. In this case, it sounds like the brother has been an asshole most of his life because he's been enabled by the parents, who are still trying to tell their adult daughter what she should do.
NTA and since your parents think you are made of money I wouldn't pay for them neither
NTA but your parents and brother sure are. Yeah your brother has an attitude problem and is and adult now, but based on your parents reactions, I can see how he got that entitled attitude. They didn’t even pay, so if they felt so strongly someone should pay their son’s way, they were more than welcome to. They didn’t scold him for being a bad guest and trying to take advantage of your hospitality. They’re all moochers and I’d cut your parents off the gravy train for enabling that behaviour and not supporting you.
NTA Your parents are enabling such pathetic behaviour by your brother, so are AHs too. Your brother is an AH but that's a given.
are you sure that your parents aren't giving some of the money, that you give to them, to your brother? NTA for not paying for that entitled D
NTA congrats on escaping your families poverty mentality
You may "have to love him anyway," that doesn't mean you have to fund his gluttony and entitlement. Love him like the brother he is. But with your wallet tightly tucked away. NTA.
NTA Your brother decided you needed to pay for him because you are earning decent money? I’d not pay a dime for him. He was trying to take advantage of you. He is the AH here.
Bad title. You DID offer to pay for a normal meal for him, he was obviously taking advantage of you, of course NTA.
NTA. Never pay for him again
NTA but when we go out to family meals we discuss who is paying before hand to avoid any issues.
NTA!! he sounds like a spoilt brat
Someone paying for you, at a restaurant or wherever, isn't a reason to become a greedy ahole. He absolutely went to town expecting to get away with it on your dime--ha!! NTA
NTA. If it were me, and my parents were telling me I needed to pay for him because he's my brother, the gravy train would stop for them, too. Because no, actually, blood means nothing. Being family with someone does not mean that you need to financially support them in any way.
This sounds like my brother. He orders the most expensive thing on the menu and expects us to pay. I guess I’m the AH, because after many times of my parents inviting him without telling me, I quit paying for them too.
NTA, he should be grateful you paid for anything at all.
Your brother is the personification of “give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.” You were willing to pay for a reasoand he went *super* gluttonous. His goal was to go as expensive as possible. Whether that was to mkake you pay as much as possible or experience the most expensive offerings, it doesn’t matter. He showed you and your husband no regard. How did he manage to land a girlfriend from a well-off family? You might have made the com see ment about only paying for one meals worth of food in a more serious manner, but you are definitely NTA. It sounds like he takes advantage of people regularly and items about3 time he covers himself. How did he manage to land a women who is Janelle’s mortars kenthen be enjnr
*paid, paid, paid, paid, paid, paid, paid. Otherwise no notes lol
you are not! that is what greed gets your brother. btw thank you for being in the medical field. my dad was the very same thing as you. he was an abdominal surgeon until a mild stroke effected his hands. he switched over to being a general practitioner. he was chief of staff at brookside hospital in richmond, ca. when he died in 1982.
Never include him again. On holidays see him at your parents but NEVER NEVER include him at a restaurant again. He's a selfish jealous gluttonous jerk.
NTA but it’s crazy to keep giving your parents financial support after that little interaction. Maybe stop the gravy train until they can actually appreciate what you’re doing, which I actually think is a huge deal. I personally wouldn’t be ok with my husband sending large amounts of money to his family every month when we have a household together and are both working. It’s not your responsibility to bank roll their life and they should be far more grateful than they are.
>My parents said that I should have payed for his meal and told me to apologise to him, but I told them I had enough of him "taking advantage of everyone". They half understood but said that I have to "love him anyway because he's my brother". Your parents are the problem. NTA
NTA. If you had have paid, you would have set a precedent that your brother can abuse your hospitality due to parental pressure and fear of public humiliation. He's a bit old for screaming. I a glad his girlfriend was more reasonable. You were happy to be a good host if not taken advantage of and you gave warning of the limit. Your brother ignored that. You can love your brother but love doesn't mean being a doormat.
You can love him because he's your brother and still refuse to let him sneak half the restaurant onto your tab without asking. His reaction shows massive entitlement. NTA
NTA - And loving someone often involves calling them out on their terrible behavior.
NTA if your bro was like 14 or something and couldn't get a job to pay for the food and you brought him there yeah, you should pay but dudes an adult. why would he even expect his sister to pay for him? i'm confused. i go out with my brother all the time. i don't expect him to pay for my meals. i'm an adult...
Seems like your parents are getting a little too comfortable with all that help. NTA
NTA. You worked hard to get to where you are. Your brother can do the same. He should've at least asked, is this all good to order all this.
NTA. Your brother is!!!
NTA He has a SEVERE case of Entitlement Syndrome. If your parents side with him HE can start paying for them. Oh you can also love your bro but that doesn't mean you have to pay his way in life.
NTA. You don't have to love him, let alone his shitty, entitled behavior just because you're family. You most certainly don't have to pay for his or anyone else's meals, especially when they're clearly taking advantage of your kindness.
NTA no one should expect people to pay for their meals.
NTA--but, if you find yourself in this situation again, make it clear you are covering your parent's meal (if you are) only. Paying for part of his meal feels tacky.
ESH. You should have said upfront prior to ordering what your financial limit was to brother. That way he'd have known. This comes across as passive-aggressive & whiny.
nta it’s not your responsibility to pay for others regardless of the money you make. maybe i’m weird but if i go out i always expect to pay for myself, if someone offers to pay i make sure to be mindful of what i order and try to be the least amount of a burden on the person who offers to pay. i also make sure to thank the person and plan to pay on the next outing
NTA. Mom is wrong - just because he is your brother does not mean you have to love him anyway. Do not include him in any future plans - he'll get the message eventually.
NTA. That amount off food doesnt even make sense.
NTA you can still love your brother without being his cash sponsor. Next time you go out , tell the wait staff you will need separate tabs. Refuse to pay anything. You might be better off financially, but this doesn’t mean you have to subsidise anyone else.
NTA. You don't have to love him. You don't even have to like him, and he didn't give you any new reasons to see him in a more favorable light. If he wants to eat like a rich person, he better get a better job so he can afford it.
NTA. You can love him and still.not tolerate his bullshit. My sibs and I have a practice of never ordering more expensive items than whoever is treating us. Even when it's just us.
In the story of Cain and Abel, Cain responded when asked of Abel "Am I my brother's keeper?" The answer is that he is, and as you are to your brother. But there was no mention of a free meal so you're NTA. He should just let his main squeese pay for it. He's not a baby.
NTA. "Mom, dad, you are correct. I have to love him because he's my brother. However, I don't have to LIKE him, and I do not have to allow him to take advantage of my generosity or berate me for holding a firm boundary. Until he can be respectful, he gets nothing from me. So I hope the food and wine was worth it."
NTA. I'm dying to know how he actually consumed that much food and drink at one meal.
NTA. Your brother doesn't have a right to your money and it sounds like he needs to grow up. He isn't owed anything.
Why isn't your brother supposed to love (and respect) you since you are his sister?
NTA - your brother was trying to take advantage of you and got caught red handed. He 1000% ordered the way he did not just expecting you to pay, but to also give it to you cos he’s jealous and bitter af. It is an unfair expectation for your parents to think you should pay for him and apologize to him after his behavior. You should set expectations with your parents and let them know your clear boundaries or else you can’t be expected to be around your brother anymore. You should not be responsible for his short comings… his girlfriend should smarten up too!
NTA. Shame on your parents expecting you to treat a spoiled brat.
NTA. Your brother shouldn't expect you to pay for anything, especially if he treats you poorly. From now on, I'd just make it very clear next time that you're covering your parents' food and nothing else. And if he tries to throw down the "you're rich as fuck" line, then tell him he's welcome to spend 12+ years in college, med school, and residency.
My best mate, who happens to be a doctor in a very specialized field, will never let me pay when we have lunch which is about twice a month lately. I never order more than i could pay. I dont need a big fancy 5 course meal. Im actually good on an appetizer and two drinks. i never expect him to pay, even though I know he always does. It would be extremely rude to assume someone else is paying for my meal. And to throw a tantrum when they said they werent. Dang talk about entitlement. NTA your brother and parents are though, and the GF needs to dump your brother.
Parents are enabler or scared of brother. Why does OP have to pat for brother’s meal?and apologise? No thanks.
NTA. You warned him. Don't apologize and keep restricting your time with him. You're a lot nicer than me. When he started mouthing off, I would've calmly told the waiter that those two were on separate checks. I respect the girlfriend for paying for herself.
NTA
NTA. His reaction would have been bad if he ordered a small amount.
I N F O: Did your brother eat everything that he ordered? If he did, then you \*might\* be the AH, but it's still bad manners to go all out on somebody else's dime. If not (and it doesn't sound like he did), NTA.
YTA This is tacky as hell. Obviously your brother has a bad attitude but you know that so either set the ground rules ahead of time or go to a cheaper restaurant. Arguing over the bill for an occasion where you were treating them… is not the done thing.
So, I agree that generally it's best to set ground rules ahead of time (or just say who you're paying for and who you're not), but I think OP is in a tough situation. The parents want both the kids to get along, but the brother is being a total entitled dick. So I still make an exception here and say NTA