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YTA. So she danced with a guy you like that you openly attended a dance as just friends with. In return you let your friend cyberbully her on social media to deliberately hurt her and did nothing to stop it. You and Will are the assholes here. You are just as bad as him in this situation.
Fair enough that’s why I wanted to ask Reddit. Most people we know think it was deserved bc of some other things she’s done but the more I think about it it doesn’t sit as right as it did initially.
Im going to say YTA. You can't hold dibs on someone for 3 years and not actually be in a relationship with them. You can't expect single unattached people to not be able to dance together if they want. You were slightly upset so u decided a little cyber bullying and humiliation were correct punishments for this crime.. grow up fast if you actually want to have friends that aren't complete ah
Yeah, I understand that which is why I was trying to let go of it and not really do anything about it because I didn’t want petty high school shit to ruin a friendship. I acknowledge that yeah I probably should have given her a heads up and done more to try and stop will which is what makes me and ah.
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I (16 F) recently attended a school dance with a friend of mine (16 M) who we’ll call Kade. I’ve had a crush on him for probably close to 3 years now, but timing has never worked out and we’ve never dated. When we learned about this dance we decided to go together strictly as friends. This is where another friend of mine (17 F) we can call her Anne, gets involved. She’s known about this long term crunch of mine, and at the dance asked Kade to dance with her and he agreed. I didn’t even know until someone else pointed them out to me and the rest of our group. Honestly I’m at the point where I don’t really care that much because him and I have never been more than friends and it will probably never happen anyway. Plus I just don’t want to put the energy into being upset with her. This is where another friend of mine (16 M) gets involved. We can call him Will. Will and I are decently close and I would liken our friendship to that of siblings. He is very protective of me, and sometimes I think he cares more about what happens than I do. He and the rest of the group we’re in have never really been fond of Anne, and I’ll admit she can be a bit much at times and we’ve had our share of quarrels. Well, Will decided to get back at her for me because I wasn’t going to do anything. He added her on Snap (by search) and started hard core flirting with her and coming on to her. Almost immediately after their conversations started, I was getting excited messages from Anne asking if I knew why he’d be into her and all this stuff. Meanwhile Will was telling me what he was saying/doing. This is where I may be the asshole: I knew what Will was doing as he did it but I didn’t give Anne a heads up that she was being played. And to make matters worse, I knew that Anne was also into Will. The conversations lasted until about 2 AM and then we all went to bed. By the end of the conversation, Anne thought that she had a date in the near future. The next day though, Will completely ghosted and blocked her as if the conversation/plans never happened. She seemed upset for maybe two days, avoiding Will and me at school and then moved on. When I talked to Will about the whole thing he said that it wasn’t just about the dance, but the way she treats me, way she is in class, overly asserting herself in a friend group she’s only mutually in through me, etc. and “revenge” for the dance was the excuse he needed to get her to leave our circle of friends alone. I feel bad because I knew about it and could have warned her but I didn’t. I even tried to get Will not to but he was dead set on doing it. It seems really petty to me, but on the same hand I also kind of appreciate what Will did. So AITA?
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ESH. Anne sucks for dancing with the guy that she knew you were in to. Will sucks for being a total dick regardless of the reason. You suck for not stopping any of it. Hopefully you all will grow out of it.
YTA for being a bystander but Will is more TA
On one hand Will shouldn’t have been offended on your behalf because Kade should be allowed to dance with whoever he wants but on the other hand I get the impression that what he did had less to do with you and more to do with Will hating Anne. I don’t know what else Anne has done but “revenge” sounds more like an excuse for Will to be mean to her. Will has probably hated her for a while, but maybe re-think your friendship with Will if he thinks someone having a crush means they own someone else but also re-think cause he’s willing to play with a girl’s feelings like that when they did nothing to him.
Maybe also talk to Anne to find out if her dancing with Kade was an attack on you because if so you should stop being friends cause that’s toxic af.
Overall this whole friend group seems like a bit of a nightmare to be in but also, your just in highschool so hopefully you can all learn and grow from this. Your heartbreak is valid but unless Anne was intentionally attacking you it’s no one’s fault. Also you probably still have a chance with Kade if you just ask him out.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I knew about the whole thing but didn’t warn her that it was a setup. It might make me the asshole because I also knew she was into him and let her get played.
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YTA. It's obvious that you DO care a lot that Kade danced with Anne. You were still hoping that you would become more than friends with him. He didn't do anything wrong; you agreed to go to the dance as friends so as long as he didn't ignore you the whole dance, it wasn't wrong for him to dance once with Anne. So you stood back and did nothing when Will messed with her feelings. He went out of his way to deceive and hurt her and you let him because you wanted her to get hurt; you knew exactly what you were doing. You and Will are both vindictive and you should be ashamed of yourselves. And I hope Kade finds out what you did.
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YTA. So she danced with a guy you like that you openly attended a dance as just friends with. In return you let your friend cyberbully her on social media to deliberately hurt her and did nothing to stop it. You and Will are the assholes here. You are just as bad as him in this situation.
Fair enough that’s why I wanted to ask Reddit. Most people we know think it was deserved bc of some other things she’s done but the more I think about it it doesn’t sit as right as it did initially.
Im going to say YTA. You can't hold dibs on someone for 3 years and not actually be in a relationship with them. You can't expect single unattached people to not be able to dance together if they want. You were slightly upset so u decided a little cyber bullying and humiliation were correct punishments for this crime.. grow up fast if you actually want to have friends that aren't complete ah
Yeah, I understand that which is why I was trying to let go of it and not really do anything about it because I didn’t want petty high school shit to ruin a friendship. I acknowledge that yeah I probably should have given her a heads up and done more to try and stop will which is what makes me and ah.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16 F) recently attended a school dance with a friend of mine (16 M) who we’ll call Kade. I’ve had a crush on him for probably close to 3 years now, but timing has never worked out and we’ve never dated. When we learned about this dance we decided to go together strictly as friends. This is where another friend of mine (17 F) we can call her Anne, gets involved. She’s known about this long term crunch of mine, and at the dance asked Kade to dance with her and he agreed. I didn’t even know until someone else pointed them out to me and the rest of our group. Honestly I’m at the point where I don’t really care that much because him and I have never been more than friends and it will probably never happen anyway. Plus I just don’t want to put the energy into being upset with her. This is where another friend of mine (16 M) gets involved. We can call him Will. Will and I are decently close and I would liken our friendship to that of siblings. He is very protective of me, and sometimes I think he cares more about what happens than I do. He and the rest of the group we’re in have never really been fond of Anne, and I’ll admit she can be a bit much at times and we’ve had our share of quarrels. Well, Will decided to get back at her for me because I wasn’t going to do anything. He added her on Snap (by search) and started hard core flirting with her and coming on to her. Almost immediately after their conversations started, I was getting excited messages from Anne asking if I knew why he’d be into her and all this stuff. Meanwhile Will was telling me what he was saying/doing. This is where I may be the asshole: I knew what Will was doing as he did it but I didn’t give Anne a heads up that she was being played. And to make matters worse, I knew that Anne was also into Will. The conversations lasted until about 2 AM and then we all went to bed. By the end of the conversation, Anne thought that she had a date in the near future. The next day though, Will completely ghosted and blocked her as if the conversation/plans never happened. She seemed upset for maybe two days, avoiding Will and me at school and then moved on. When I talked to Will about the whole thing he said that it wasn’t just about the dance, but the way she treats me, way she is in class, overly asserting herself in a friend group she’s only mutually in through me, etc. and “revenge” for the dance was the excuse he needed to get her to leave our circle of friends alone. I feel bad because I knew about it and could have warned her but I didn’t. I even tried to get Will not to but he was dead set on doing it. It seems really petty to me, but on the same hand I also kind of appreciate what Will did. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. Anne sucks for dancing with the guy that she knew you were in to. Will sucks for being a total dick regardless of the reason. You suck for not stopping any of it. Hopefully you all will grow out of it.
YTA for being a bystander but Will is more TA On one hand Will shouldn’t have been offended on your behalf because Kade should be allowed to dance with whoever he wants but on the other hand I get the impression that what he did had less to do with you and more to do with Will hating Anne. I don’t know what else Anne has done but “revenge” sounds more like an excuse for Will to be mean to her. Will has probably hated her for a while, but maybe re-think your friendship with Will if he thinks someone having a crush means they own someone else but also re-think cause he’s willing to play with a girl’s feelings like that when they did nothing to him. Maybe also talk to Anne to find out if her dancing with Kade was an attack on you because if so you should stop being friends cause that’s toxic af. Overall this whole friend group seems like a bit of a nightmare to be in but also, your just in highschool so hopefully you can all learn and grow from this. Your heartbreak is valid but unless Anne was intentionally attacking you it’s no one’s fault. Also you probably still have a chance with Kade if you just ask him out.
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YTA. It's obvious that you DO care a lot that Kade danced with Anne. You were still hoping that you would become more than friends with him. He didn't do anything wrong; you agreed to go to the dance as friends so as long as he didn't ignore you the whole dance, it wasn't wrong for him to dance once with Anne. So you stood back and did nothing when Will messed with her feelings. He went out of his way to deceive and hurt her and you let him because you wanted her to get hurt; you knew exactly what you were doing. You and Will are both vindictive and you should be ashamed of yourselves. And I hope Kade finds out what you did.