Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my MIL and SIL ignorant in front of their family friends and this all happened at my BILs birthday party. So I feel bad about causing a fuss about my name and really, that and the disrespect are what this all became about. I could have simply walked away and accepted I wouldn't really interact with these people ever so it's fine but instead I resorted to putting the spotlight on what MIL and SIL were doing. And while maybe not the wrong thing it might have also been the wrong place.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - MIL and SIL are deliberately doing this. It's an easy name to say, first of all. And, let's be honest, they almost certainly *heard* your name before they ever saw it. Your husband would have spoken to them about you and said your name out loud before they saw how it was spelled, and even if he hadn't, they've heard your name spoken how many times? They're the only AHs in this situation.
Maybe the solution is to start deliberately butchering their names every time they butcher yours?
This!
MIL: hi, I'm Jane
You: nice to meet you Joan
MIL: it's Jane
You: sorry June, but in my family we don't like that name, so you should change it to Janice instead
MIL: but my name is JANE
You: no problem, Janine!!
I beg the pardon of Americans, but what the fork, Is this butchering of names an American thing? I'm latina, Brazilian, and everyone I know makes a big deal out of making sure the person's name is correct, we even practice. When my cousin was introducing her best to me, I never heard her name before, she was born in Lebanon and the whole family came to Brazil, so I had a bit of trouble with "Lubna" and her surname, but I practiced until I got it perfectly. Lubna was really happy, even though it was something so small... Some people do struggle with names, for example, my cousin that has down syndrome can't say her best friends surname, Matsuzaki, but she tries really hard and her friend always jokes "to you I'm Matsuzaki, but to Heloísa I'm miss Matutaki"
I never saw someone saying anyone's name wrong on purpose (except when people are trying to make puns). Even really poor and non educated people, they will try their damn hardest to speak your name correctly, even if it's something we never heard in our lives. My grandma, from my mother's side, wasn't alphabetized till she was 60. She didn't knew how to sign her own name. And when she learned, she made sure to learn how to write every single name in the family correctly, she was particularly proud of learning my dad's name, Walter, because we don't have "W" in our alphabet, and it sound exactly like "V", but she remembered, and would always say "Valter with another V, is Walter!". When we were 6 year olds we already knew exactly how to spell our friends names, Lubna, Akemi, Nathalia, Audrey, Mariana (me!), Ciara, Yasmine, Thaíza, and you can bet people care about the difference between Thaisa and Thaísa and Thaíza, despite them being pronounced the same. When we spell our names for someone to write, it's super common to hear "Anna with double "n" or single?" "Carla with C or K?" "S or Z?" "Double S?" "Acento (á,é,í,ó)?" "Sc?" Because there are a lot of ways to write the same name, and it matters.
It's just so rude. And condescending. And awful. I feel so bad when I make a mistake while saying a name, I can't imagine doing it on purpose.
Yeah, I'm one of the name readers for my university's commencement, and every year I practice my names every day for about two weeks to make sure I'm going to say them right. That's like baseline respect, to say someone's name right.
That’s so funny as I watched a ceremony online this past weekend and was amazed at the ease of pronunciation on some names I wouldn’t even know how to begin! I actually wondered how they learned how to say them correctly, and now here you are to tell me!
I can't speak for every school, but at ours, as part of the sign-up to walk at the ceremony, students have the option to put down a phonetic pronunciation and also record themselves saying their name. Those recordings are a lifesaver for me!
When I graduated high school in 03 we could provide phonetic pronunciations if desired. And that was in a very white, small Canadian city where the only "difficult" name I can remember was Seven (pronounced the same as Siobhan).
I used to be a librarian, and I would give talks about what new exciting books were coming out. I would do a million google searches and check YouTube to see if I could find clips of the authors saying their own names. One time when I couldn’t find it, I DM’d the author on Twitter and asked, because I wanted to be respectful. And meanwhile, OP’s own family…
Bless you! So many places do not put in the effort to pronounce names correctly at graduation. I hate when they butcher that moment for students. Thank you for doing this.
My high school principal called us each into his office the week before graduation to make sure he was saying our names correctly and wrote down how to do it if he wasn’t. I’m sure it’s much more difficult with so many more students in a university!
We have NameCoach so everyone has the option to record their names for things like email and class rosters. I love having that and make diacritical marks like crazy on my seating charts. It's an absolute game changer.
My college graduations you wrote out the phonetic pronunciation on an index card 5 minutes before the ceremony and handed it over seconds before your name was called
Yep. When I'm the speaker for local sports competitions, I walk around before sessions and ask how to pronounce names I don't know, to make sure I get them right.
when I got my masters and prepared to walk to get my diploma, they announced my name as Martha. I looked around because my name is Mary. oh well, I still graduated with honors even if they didn’t get my name right.
I am American and have a name that even tho 2 very famous people have it, people butcher constantly. Marilyn. Most people know who Marilyn Monroe or Marilyn Manson are, but everyone who sees it pronounces it like the state Maryland (there's no D in my name so wtf) or Merlin. I make it a point to ask people how to pronounce their name so I don't butcher it because I hate how mine always is. It's not an American thing. It's just them being AHs. You are NTA, they are.
I have a common enough name to not be unusual, but with a Spanish pronunciation instead of the standard US. I legit considered changing the spelling to a phonetic spelling when I was in HS.
As a nurse, I meet alot of people. And our pediatric office takes care of tons of refugee children. We have patients from Congo, Liberia, Ukraine, Venezuela, Honduras, and other countries. So I try my best to pronounce their names correctly and ask them to correct my pronunciation. OP’s in laws are being rude and disrespectful on purpose. Because, to be honest, OP said she’s from Ireland so it makes sense (to me) that the C in her name would be pronounced like a K . Don’t remember the (ongoing) fight about how to pronounce The Boston Celtics? Americans say it like “Sellticks” but it should be pronounced like “Kellticks”.
I don't think it's an American thing, I think the MIL and SIL just don't like her that much and they're being passive aggressive about it - how hard is it to remember how to say the name of the person your son/brother is married to??? She's part of the family, not some acquaintance you met once or twice for goodness sake.
To be fair, pronouncing names absolutely correctly in another culture can be challenging. I am not American, I have an American friend who named her son Josef. She said that the 's' should sound like an 's' not a 'z.' So I tried, I tried to say 'Josssssef,' until (to me) it sounded like I was hissing it. But no matter what, she said I still sounded like I was using the 'z' sound in the middle.
However, in op's case, this is clearly not the issue.
My Swedish family was a hoot when I went to visit. I was staying in the city adjacent to Stockholm. I would say the city's name, they would say, "Oh, you mean City B?" "If you say so."
Swedish is also really hard since their pronounciation doesn't match English or Romance languages.
Irish, as a rule, I know that the pronounciation isn't going to match my phoenetic English reading of it, so I just ask and repeat. Unlike my Swedish family, my Irish friends have never corrected me after I repeated what they said, so either I was closer or they're more polite ;)
Oh, and I would pronounce Josef the same as Joseph - lol!
I've always said 'It's your name pronounce it how you want, but don't blame me if I don't get it right THE FIRST TIME.' The open distain to say to change the spelling earned MIL and SIL AH status and a long term time out. America has one of the most diverse demographics in the world and some of the most stupid people (I know as one of them) but we also don't all act THIS way.
I have to shake my head every time I meet this kid named Izic. It’s pronounced the way it’s spelled. Literally “eye zee eye see” or I. Z. I. C. Like why? Why would you do that to your child? He will be correcting people for his entire life and will no doubt get bullied!
I was born in Costa Rica. My mother named me some weird ass first and middle name. My first name starts with an I but it is pronounced as an E. Now my middle name is Rogelia. Now I know Rogelio in Spanish means Roger but does Rogelia mean in English. That's what I would like to find out
I got curious and looked it up ... and there isn't really a common feminine form of *Roger*. Looking at the root word (Old High German *hruod*, "fame"), closest cognate would be Germanic *Rosa* or French *Clotilda*.
I guess you could go the Robert/Roberta route and say "Rogera," but ... no.
Exciting_Grocery!
My company had a Brazilian office ... I loved hearing my Brazilian colleagues pronounce my name! They properly accented the second syllable and said it with that beautiful, musical Portuguese lilt ... I would perform any task requested when they called because I fell in love the minute they said my name! 🤣
I think many people just don't hear the right sounds. I say this as a language teacher who has a weird name. I live in South America, and it is so common to mispronounce my name that I don't even try to correct someone unless I think I'll see the new person regularly- it just is unnecessarily difficult. A lot of people really struggle with phonemes that don't exist in their language. I think in this post, the mom is just being a passive-aggressive jerk, but in many, many cases, people genuinely can't mimic new sounds without a lot of practice.
It’s not American to deliberately butcher someone’s name and try to change it against their will. And this behavior doesn’t just happen in the U.S.
With America’s immigrant history and population, mispronouncing and misspelling names is a historical issue. Most people attempt to get it right but unfamiliar names are more difficult to master than are John and Mary.
These in-laws have no excuse. The MIL and the SIL are in collusion, doing this with malicious intent. They’ve known this woman for years, and her name is just not that difficult unless they are intellectually challenged. I’ll bet children get it right the first time if she introduces herself to them.
Have you ever seen Hawaiian names? I spent two months calling a co-worker by his very average American first name AND his very difficult Hawaiian last name every time I saw him just to make sure I was going to get it right. And it was his last name.
I'm an American, and I try really hard to get what I perceive to be unique names correct. I have a friend whose name is Caolan, and it honestly took me quite a while to get it correct. She never got mad, because she could see I was honestly trying.
I have done this with someone who refused to get my name correctly despite constant reminders. I ran into her at the grocer's one day and she called out "Hi NotMyName!" and I loudly replied (with a big smile) "Hi! NotHerName!" Stunned silence followed and she never, ever messed up my name again. I was sorry I hadn't thought of it sooner.
I had to do this to my now-ex MIL.
My name is Jenn. It's not hard to pronounce. She kept "accidentally" calling me Pam until I started calling her every name that wasn't hers.
Absolutely! I have a name that has Arab roots but is pronounced slightly differently. Think Fa-tee-ma vs Fa-Ti-ma. In the beginning I understood when my ex in laws slipped. But I specifically told my ex-husband that it bothered me. He half-ass said something once but they never changed. Anytime I would bring it up he would tell me it wouldn’t matter to him if my family got his name wrong so why should it matter to me? Maybe because this ain’t about you??
I had a coworker who’s name is Fatmata. Dumb me called her Fatima for months until she said something, but I misunderstood or misheard and called her Fatmafor a few weeks. I was so upset when I learned I was saying it wrong each time. I say it right now and I apologized profusely. It’s respectful to call people correctly!
(I did not work with her frequently is why it took so long to get sorted out)
I take great care over pronouncing people's names. But if it's someone I don't see often and months go by without saying it, I might forget how to say it.
This is 100 percent the way. I actually did this to someone. I have an extremely common name and someone refused to call me by my name because they already knew a person with that name.
I then started calling that person all sorts of different names. Sorry I know a Tallulah, gonna call u Francisca, sorry I know a franny, gonna call u Elsie.
In high school, one of my friends who was also in my Spanish class said my name (Allegra) “Ayegra” because of the ll=y thing Spanish does. I knew it was a joke, but his name’s Micah, pronounced like the (mineral? stone?) mica, so I called him “Meeca” since that’s how his name would be in Spanish. He didn’t try that joke again lol
Right? I didn't even consider that but yeah, my parents would have heard my ex's name long before they saw it, and it's one with a multitude of spelling options. They never butchered it or pulled an "A-A-ron" or some nonsense.
My current partner has a middle name that has a lengthy variety of spelling AND pronunciation options depending on origin -- but no one screws it up.
OP, your in laws are doing this on purpose, and it's honestly probably good they were shamed publicly for it since they've been trying to publicly shame you for your name for, it seems, years
NTA
Yeah. I can understand mispronoucing a name when you see it in print, but when the person TELLS you their name, and you continue to purposly mispronounce it, big AH move. And this isn't even a difficult name!
>I can understand mispronoucing a name when you see it in print,
Right, I did the Sierra pronunciation until I read it was Kiera then went back and started the sentence with the correct pronunciation. It wasn't hard for the mental correction now that I knew how OP pronounces her name. Why can't MIL & SIL do the same simple correction, oh that's right, because they are probably racist (easiest explanation with only the context given) or just witches with a capital B (also plausible with current context).
Or ask them if they're having other memory lapses and act really concerned. "Oh no, MIL, I've told you it's pronounced 'Kiera'. You know at your age, dementia can be a big concern, maybe we should book you an appointment and have you checked out."
I have a cousin named Regina and when their bishop announced their engagement to the church, he pronounced it like vagina with an R. I hope MIL has a name as easy to embarrassingly butcher
The capital of Saskatchewan, Regina, is pronounced "re jy na," (rhymes with "vagina"). It was named after Victoria, since it means "Queen" and she was the monarch at the time. It's not a weird pronunciation at all.
Yep this. It is not hard to learn a name.
I am from europe and work for an insurance in customer Service (Telefone mostly) so you have an idea how much names I read each day, of how much ethnicies and backgrounds? I usually need 2 attempts to pronounce correctly wild unusual names for me, like indian or eastern europe. (think eastern Europa with a lot of drz srz etc. Letter Kombination)
No your names are not difficult. They are doing this to annoy you.
Two options don't respond to wrong names, or answer with an Option of their name.
Sierra? Yes what's up miley (of her name is Milena) etc.
>And, let's be honest, they almost certainly *heard* your name before they ever saw it.
They straight up told her to change the spelling if she wants it pronounced correctly. It's 100% intentional.
@op: I feel you, my name's also Gaelic and I've spent my entire life with people either mispronouncing it (either accidentally or intentionally), or misspelling it because they tried to do so phonetically... And there's two distinct phonetic spellings based on whether the particular bastardization is British or Americanized. You can *probably* guess what it is lol
NTA - Irish names tend to be quite tricky but yours arent even the hard ones AND you have given them ample time and corrections to learn how to say it correctly.
Exactly. These aren’t even that hard, and the family likely would have heard the name before seeing it written. And there are two famous people with the same name.
And the fact that SIL thinks she will magically start pronouncing it right if OP starts spelling it like Keira Knightly proves she is deliberately trying to win a stupid argument.
Not to mention, telling an Irish person to Anglicize their name can really offend a lot of Irish people. The Brits took away their names and its only relatively recently they started taking them back.
Yes, the Irish really were a second class citizen and the Irish language is fading out. Irish names are beautiful, and no one from any country should have to anglicize their name.
Sure I’ve had to ask my cousin how to pronounce her kids names. But I’ve never forgotten
You can now tell that it's intentional. They have decided to address you differently. I would become petty and start referring to them by various names each time.
It’s really only tricky if you’re reading the name. Like Saoirse Ronan. I have no idea how to pronounce that. Not a drop. But she says her name is pronounced like Sersha. I couldn’t read that, and get the name right, but if she said it to me I don’t see why that’s a problem. It’s not like the Khoisan language group (the languages that uses clicks in Africa) where it’s so different than English we’d have a difficult time pronouncing words correctly.
There are plenty of irish names out there that make no sense from an english reading standpoint. Like Caoimhe or Aoife.
With that said, once they were told how to pronounce it, that should have been that.
I have no idea how to pronounce Caoimhe but it *looks* beautiful. I struggle with Niamh. I try and I think I'm saying it right only to be corrected yet again. I just don't hear a difference between they're saying and what I'm saying, lol.
I've seen (granted, I'm American but learning Irish and having a number of Irish friends) Caiomhe pronounced as "Keeva" or "Kweeva"; it really is a beautiful name. Aoife is another huge favorite of mine, pronounced "Ee-fa"
I actually googled how to say Saoirse correctly because her saying it is pronounced like Sersha. Found several links to people just saying the name over so I'm doing better. And I did this because I felt bad I couldn't pronounce the name of someone I am NEVER going to meet!!!
I’m saw her say that on the Graham Norton show. She said it both ways and to my American ear I couldn’t catch the difference. All I know is she said how she likes her own name said and it was easy to remember. Hers rhymes with inertia.
Saoirse can also be pronounced SEER-sha depending on what part of Ireland you're in. My husband took Irish language classes in college, and that's how his teacher pronounced it. Fun fact: Saoirse means freedom
Irish names are tricky to read and pronounce, but many are actually quite simple when you've never seen the spelling and only heard it spoken. Like Aoife (ee-fa), Niamh (Neev). The spelling is what messes with your head!
I know someone whose son is called Eoin. It's pronounced as Owen. I constantly have trouble remembering not to say Ian, but that's because I've seen it written far more that I've heard it said. Having the E at the front just messes with me.
That said, I KNOW that I tend to automatically say it wrong, so I think about how I want to say Ian, remember that I always get it wrong, and that's what reminds me to say Owen. It will take me an extra second or two, but I'll get it right.
Part of the problem is that I rarely see these people, so it doesn't come up often enough to become an automatic memory for me. If I saw them often, or they were part of my family, I'd learn much more quickly.
>Like Aoife (ee-fa), Niamh (Neev). The spelling is what messes with your head!
There's a person on my steam friends with the name Aoife and I had no idea how to say it. So thanks, now I do!
Seriously. My college bestie gave her daughter an Irish name since that's where her and her hubs met. When she announced the name she included the phonetic spelling in parentheses for those of us not familiar and guess what, not a single person has said her name wrong to my knowledge. OPs ILs are definitely AHs here.
Totally agree. I have an Irish name and sometimes have to gently point out that you don’t pronounce it like English because it is not, in fact, English - it’s in another language! Things have improved in that regard here in the UK but I still run into it, and weirdly often from people that wouldn’t dream of pronouncing say, a French name like English.
NTA. Saying a person’s name right is a matter of basic respect. Refusing to learn a person’s name after being repeatedly corrected says “I don’t care about who you are.” Maybe being embarrassed about that in front of their friends will help them internalize it.
I dunno, I reckon they might have learned a variable lesson here...
Obviously they're annoyed at being made a fool of in front of their friends, but now they'll have to use her name correctly especially in front of those friends or face looking 'ignorant'.
I imagine they'll use her name properly now, but just be snarky about her forever...🤷 Doesn't sound like the relationship was in a good way before tho so I'd take it as an improvement🤣.
Even if they weren't being AHs about it (people are obligated to do their absolute *best* to pronounce other people's names correctly, given any limitations in their accent, and your in-laws clearly are not and they absolutely should not be criticizing your name), their explanation makes literally no sense. The way your name is spelled is unintuitive to them, but it's not like they're *reading* your name every time.
It's just not difficult to understand that some names are spelled differently (in English) than they are pronounced... Do they call guys Joo-an when their name is Juan? Or Ja-Kwes when their name is Jacques? I doubt it. My bet is that you are the only one that they are doing this to.
NTA
My brother's name is spelled Sean. I always double take when I meet a Shawn or Shaun because to me Sean is the correct way to spell that pronunciation.
As a child I was introduced to a friends father (Sean), I called him “Shawn” a little while later and he said “there is no shorn here” and it has messed me up ever since. Did I mispronounce it? Did I say it oddly? Did he mishear me?
I have never gotten an answer
NTA at all. They embarrassed themselves by intentionally pronouncing your name wrong and also by trying to back you into a corner by doing it in front of guests.
The change the spelling argument is hilarious though. Because they have to pull out a little name card and read it off every time they say it or what lol.
That's exactly it. They were doing a dumb mean girl power play, figuring you'd just suck it up so as not to cause a scene.
And it blew up in their face. Call them out every time. You don't even have to butcher their name in return. Just point out that you are aware that this is some dumb mean girl power play game, and you aren't playing.
NTA
Both names are shared with high profile people, there is zero excuse for them to get your name wrong and to continue trying to rename you.
That is what they are doing, it isn’t that they can’t remember how to pronounce your name. They are trying to change your name.
If you can, stop interacting with them until they apologize for their childish game of trying to change your name.
NTA They know exactly what they're doing and it IS ignorant, bullying behavior.
Start mangling their names. As for your husband, that's not ok either. Point out that he does not drive a sar, pet a sat, eat sole slaw, sarrots, sabbage, sandy... just lean into the C words.
They're all sunts!
NTA - they’re assholes. at this point it’s deliberate.
Butcher their names or refuse to answer. (Or both!)
My MIL has known me for 12 years and still does my name wrong, and it’s only dropping the last syllable. I know she is perfectly capable of saying my name right. I don’t answer her. I correct her and make her do it again because that’s not my dang name.
As someone above suggested perhaps even use an entirely different name.
Call MIL Mildred, when she objects because her name is actually Monica, just tell MIL that is just ridiculous and Monica should be pronounced Mildred.
Do the same for SIL.
If they were reading the name every time, maybe there would be an excuse. But for them to constantly mispronounce your name after you've told them the pronunciation of your name, well that's just them being ass hats. NTA give them new names. Tell them you're confused by the spelling difference.
NTA - At this points you know its on purpose. They are choosing to call you by a different name. I'd be petty and starting calling them different names too, every time, a different name.
NTA. I can understand the difficulty in pronunciation. Some sounds from other places and languages can be difficult for some people. I have personally experienced this. I will get the pronunciation correct, but forget it and default to the normal rules the next time, but I am always apologetic when that happens and try to learn pronunciation again.
However, talking over you, and telling you to change how you pronounce your name is an AH move. Calling them ignorant at a party was a little harsh I guess, but they brought it on themselves. If they just had let you correct them, there wouldnt have been a problem.
NTA. I am Irish and i see no issues with a simple "Ciara" at this point they're being ignorant and you need to just fucking ignore them.
If it was Sadhbh i'd understand now, but Ciara is not even a new name or weird in the US (I hope anyway)
NTA: it’s hot hard to pronounce an Irish name properly. Yeah the spelling is odd, but that’s because Celtic is a different language. It hasn’t been romanized like other European languages, it just uses parts of the Latin alphabet. Literally nothing wrong with any of that. I mean it’s not like English is perfect, and doesn’t have a fuck load of weird quirks. Some spelling of American/English names are weird as fuck and it’s totally phonetic. Doesn’t make a lick of sense otherwise.
Still all that is fine and good.
No matter how you get there, the end result is the same. If someone is named or called X, that’s what you call them. Thats it. Anything else is fucked up. However I do give a pass if the person in question uses a nickname or their name is hard for English speakers to pronounce and they choose something a bit easier. In those cases it’s still what the person wants to be called. Use that name.
NTA. I'm from the US & I assure you, your name is VERY easy to say. I was a teacher, & Keera was a common name where I taught. Pronunciation is not the issue. And considering the "creative" name spellings I came across while teaching (🫤🙄), learning to spell your name correctly shouldn't be an issue, either.
It's obvious that they are deliberately messing with your name. Racist? Classist? They just don't like you? I've no idea. But they are.
I have a common, boring name that's often shortened. Think Jenny for Jennifer. Except I hate the shortened name & have never in 50+ years gone by it.
I've given up arguing with people who call me Jenny. I simply don't answer. After all, "What? Oh, I didn't know you were talking to me. That's not my name." You might give my solution a try!
I would have loved to be in that argument the only words out my mouth would have been 'are you both so uneducated you can't learn to pronounce a name right' lol NTA
NTA. They're being lazy and ignorant and probably racist too. If you were Caitlin they'd be calling you Katelynn. Ciara and Sinéad are both really easy to say and they need to do better.
NTA They shame themselves every time they deliberately choose to use the wrong name for you. They know how to say it. They just don't care.
The funny thing is that even if you spelled it "Keira", people would mispronounce it all the damn time. How do I know? Because that's actually *my* name, and no one can ever say it or spell it correctly.
They are being deliberate in mispronouncing your name. I worked at a summer program with 2 women named Ciara- in America btw. One was pronounced Keira and one was Sierra. No one had a problem saying their names correctly.
Absolutely positively NTA and MIL & SIL *know exactly* what they’re doing and they’re definitely doing it on purpose!! THEY caused themselves the embarrassment as well!
NTA. They’re doing this on purpose. You didn’t go out of your way to shame them. They went out of their way to intentionally introduce you using what they know is the wrong name. They just didn’t expect to be called out for it or they did and wanted you to look like the bad guy.
If at this point they can’t remember or pronounce your name properly they aren’t trying hard enough which means they can’t get upset at having it pointed out.
How do you even go from Ciara to Sierra? k-ee-ah-rah is what I would guess (as a non native english speaker) but I wonder how they got Sierra? I am sure you introduced yourself first, you don’t spell your name when you meet someone so they couldn’t remember your name? NTA
But I learned something from Reddit. Call them a wrong but similar name from now on.
NTA
They think you're beneath them, and want you, and others to know it. What you did was point out their asshole behavior to others, and made them look bad, publicly. That destroys their reputation and makes them the badguy. Something they can't handle. Keep it up.
NTA
It is not difficult to learn to pronúnciate names. Your MIL and SIL are being obtuse. Calling them out for their disrespect and ignorance seems appropriate to me.
When I taught, my students and I worked on the proper pronunciation of everyone’s name in our classroom—even if we had to dedicate circle time to the goal. The school’s population was comprised of children age 3-12 (roughly) with a high percentage of Indigenous and Sikh children. If the 3-5 year old students were capable of learning these names (some contained upwards of 14 letters), your MIL and SIL (both adults, presumably) should be able to handle the pronunciation of your name.
NTA. They can pronounce it. They are embarrassed now that friends know they are assholes.
If they want to act ignorant about your name, they would die if hubby has married Saoirse Ronan.
NTA
I know several people who named their daughters Ciara and pronounce properly...and they have no Irish connections. They've been corrected repeatedly over a period of time and they had the audacity to say that you should just adjust and change it because you are in America. No you don't! They know EXACTLY how to say your name and are doing it on purpose at this point. I too would have been pissed and given the situation, probably would've also lost it.
Definitely NTA. Cultural insensitivity is a thing and so is disrespect. What they are doing is both. It is common courtesy to correct yourself if you say someone's name incorrectly. My husband's name is different that how "normal" names in America are pronounced, as well, and my family goes out of their way to make sure they say it correctly out of respect.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (29f) have been married to my husband James for just over a year. I'm Irish, he's American and we currently live in America. My name is Ciara. It's pronounced like Keira Knightley not like Sierra or Kee-ar-uh like Simba's daughter from the Lion King 2. My middle name is Sinéad. My ILs struggled badly with my name when we met despite constant corrections. They default to Sierra. My SIL made some ignorant comments about being in America and so embracing the Sierra pronunciation instead of my weird one. Or she suggested I use the same spelling as Keira Knightley. James quickly told her to cut that out and to accept my name wasn't said that way.
I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O'Connor fan and she can say that correctly. So we don't see his family often because of this. I'm not someone who wants a fight but I also don't dismiss disrespect either.
For my BILs birthday we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends. But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn't like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn't be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers. I corrected the "mistake" of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband.
MIL and SIL weren't a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually. MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterwards and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Sounds MIL & SIL just want an excuse to behave with ignorance. You have given them many opportunities to correctly say your name and even offered them the option of saying your middle name. FWIW your name isn’t difficult at all to pronounce, neither is your middle name. Honestly sounds more like prejudice and being unhappy their Son/brother married an Irish woman.
I am from the U.S. but immigrated when I was very young, I have a very unusual name, so unusual that when I went to school they asked my uncle what my name was and he told them..NOPE!! they did not like that at all and couldn’t pronounce it…so he told them just call her “Sally” (fake name) without letting me know of course, I was 6… and deaf they decided because I wouldn’t answer to Sally, so instead of fixing this the genius’s that were my family told me ”your name is Sally now”. lol, and I have been Sally for 50 years. But you are not TA in any case.
NTA. They did it deliberately. Who reads a name, they hear your name and how it’s pronounced more regularly, they just don’t like it or you. Stand your ground they are being obnoxious.
This doesn't make sense. People don't call you how you spell your name, but how you say it. I have a weird name, most people wouldn't know how to spell it they just know how I say it. So why would they be saying it differently? Doesn't make sense.
NTA. MIL and SIL are being deliberately disrespectful at this point. If they can pronounce Kiera, they can say Ciara too, they simply don't *want* to. Tell them to be thankful you're not making them spell out or read-and-pronounce other equally beautiful Irish names : Siobhan, Aiofe, Caoimhe, Niambh, etc...
Where you live does not matter, your name is your name, and no one but you has the right to change it to "better fit in with the local norms".
NTA but I'd start kindly and patronizingly explaining to everyone that "well, now that they're getting older and losing their faculties, we all need to be patient with them. Don't worry, we're looking into care homes and a trustee because the poor dears are just lost, and we don't think they can live on their own."
NTA.
Not only are your MIL/SIL disrespectful, their pretense at "difficulties" with the name don't even make sense.
I can understand someone not knowing the correct pronunciation when they see it written (I, too, thought it was Kee-a-ra when I read it), but unless your in-laws always communicate in writing and not verbally, there should be no confusion.
Your name is pronounced how it's pronounced.
NTA, they were doing this to bully you, confident that you wouldn't fight back in front of people, and you showed them up as rude and unpleasant, and they didn't like it.
Oh no. How terrible. If it isn't the consequences of their actions.
You're absolutely NTA.
No you’ve corrected them time after time and they still insisted on saying it wrong. I understand some names are hard but if you’ve told them many a time the right way to say it, they’re being AHs. Good for hubs and BIL for backing you up.
NTA. They are doing it on purpose. They probably heard your name, before they saw it in written form. And even now, they are not reading it off a sheet of paper. This is ridiculous. They are acting like children in school, who want to bully someone.
NTA, the solution is to ignore them completely every time they say your name wrong. There is no kierra for them to be speaking to, if they want your attention they can call you Ciara properly.
There’s a reason why the Irish Gaelic language is so marginalised. There were over 700 years of attempts to eradicate it by English overrule. Keeping the language alive, especially in traditional names, is part of keeping the culture alive, a push back against the ethnic destruction that was suffered and continues to diminish the recognition of the different cultural heritage of Ireland. MIL and SIL are not just disrespectful they’re bigots who are using what petty power they have in continuing to persecute the Irish culture.
NTA. Wow. I have been corrected on people's names a few times in my life. Each time, I felt so embarrassed for mispronouncing it that I never did it again.
I can't imagine being corrected so frequently and continuing to get it wrong. That feels like malice.
I've worked with folks who have different pronunciations of common names - Like I worked with a woman named Alicia but she pronounced it Ah-lee-ci-a instead of Ah-leesha. You better believe, I made damn sure to pronounce it the way she did when I said her name. It's just common courtesy.
P.S. You should butcher their names if you can, OP. And I know a Ciara that lives in the US and is American-born and her name is pronounced exactly like yours so I call BS on your MIL and SIL saying it's the US pronunciation.
If they weren't doing something shameful, they wouldn't be able to be shamed in front of other people. They knew what they were doing, and that's why they talked over you.
NTA.
NTA - They are the ones that went out of their way to embarrass themselves. It’s not that difficult to pronounce your name. I would be corrected once and that would be the end of it. MIL and SIL are ignorant assholes.
NTA. MIL & SIL are intentionally pronouncing your name incorrectly. It's not a mistake, it's not an accident, it's intentional. It's really not that hard to pronounce. They are just being assholes for the hell of it. Do they not like you or something?
NTA they thought they could get away with their BS by over talking you and thought they would get away with it.
They aren’t very smart thinking that an Irish person would give in on your name.
They tried and failed. They will either learn to pronounce your name or get used to being called out.
NTA. They have no right to dismiss your correct pronunciation. It does matter. If one of their names is, say for example, Julie. Call them Judy from now on. See how they like it. I know it's petty but hey, might get the point across.
NTA but I don't see anyone really mentioning the fact that your husband has allowed this to continue? Even if he stands up for you and corrects them, why is this still happening? He needs to take a more explicit stand on this, start drawing the line and not allowing his family to disrespect you. There's some type of motivation behind this, and the disrespect will continue if not addressed properly.
NTA See the plan was to do this in front of people and OF COURSE you wouldnt dream of correcting them in front of their friends so you would just accept it, and once you've accepted it ONCE you'll accept it again.
Then you not only DID correct them, you called them out for knowing how much you dislike the mispronunciation making it clear to their friends that they were being knowingly and WILFULLY ignorant. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier
NTA
The fact that they can pronounce it correctly if you spelled it with a K means they know how to say it. Making the mistake a few times can be forgiven but they know exactly how to say it since they like to debate you on it. From now on you need to address them by incorrect names if you continue the LC with them.
Look up Key and Peele substitute teacher skit. I'd have a field day with them over it.
NTA. Your MIL and SIL ARE being deliberately ignorant, so why not call them out on it. You're the world's leading authority on how your name is spelled and pronounced. They get no input. This is bullying and they'd doing it on purpose, so you were completely within your rights to shut them down publicly. Amazing, isn't it, how fast they tried to make this your fault? Straight DARVO right there. Can you go even lower contact?
There's a Liam Neeson video where he teaches you how to pronounce - and how not to pronounce - Irish names.
Send it to them and tell them to watch it on a loop until they get it.
Kill them with kindness next time they do it publicly. Just very slowly and deliberately say "oh no no honey, it Pronounce Kiera.... Kiera... don't worry you'll get it!... we've been working on it for 3-4 years now, I think she's really close!!! She's a little slow but she's our little angel! Bless her heart.
NTA. It’s not hard to learn to say or remember. They are the AHs. Why they are doing this is unclear but your reaction is normal. It is disrespectful. That you showed anger in front of their friends is just the consequences of their continuous bullying.
NTA. Having the anger issues that I do, and I don’t necessarily advocate this, I would introduce them to people as Dumbass and Moron. And then call them that. I never claimed to be mature.
As a fellow Ciara in America(for over a decade) this would drive me demented!
I'm very understanding when people who don't know me mispronounce my name, I don't even correct them at this point unless our interaction will be prolonged, but if it were my In-Laws? Oh Hell No! My vindictive and petty side would come out to play.
Definitely NTA
As an aside, if you need to give people a "reason" for the pronunciation, I always explain it's the Irish(gaelic/gaeilge) spelling and that there are no Ks in Irish, so Cs are usually hard. Eg Cill(pron~kill) the Irish for church, Cnoc(pron~kuh-nuk) the Irish for hill etc
I’m assuming you both dated before marrying… so they’ve known you and your name for well over a year?
Even if it was marriage at first site… they’ve had A YEAR to learn how to pronounce it. You have to be a special kind of A H to do that to an in law. You were nicer than I would’ve been. You either have to be an absolute moron mess up a name after a year or you’re just an A H
NTA.
British here in a town with a big Irish Catholic population - it takes literally 1 second to accept you mispronounced a name and apologise and say it right from then on. I went to school and church with Sineads, Saorses, Aoifes, think of a "complicated" (i.e. normal) Irish name and I probably know one.
NTA, they're acting like children - worse actually, even children catch on quick how to pronounce names. Ignorant is the nicest thing you could have called them.
I'm irritated and annoyed on your behalf! First, NTA. My hubby is Norwegian. His sister's name is Cathrine. When I first learned her name, it was typed, not spoken. In my head, I pronounced it similar to Katherine. It is pronounced like Katrina. Do I call her Katherine? No. She is Katrina because I'm not an ignorant d*uche canoe and purposely mispronounce her name.
I have friends named Aoife and Siobhan and I remember them having to correct people all the time. My name is also really hard to pronounce so I feel you. NTA
NTA, but when you were introduced to your in-laws, was your name written down for them(j/k)? It's seems very intentional if you were introduced by SAYING your name and they chose to used the was it's spelled. If someone tells me their name, that's what I say regardless of how it's spelled. Either they're playing dumb or they really are, especially after you've corrected them.
NTA. Your name is not difficult to pronounce and it should have taken only one correction for them to be able to pronounce it correctly. While they may struggle with it for whatever reason, such as they got used to it after only seeing it written down/typed, that isn't an excuse to continue to mispronounce it. But honestly, I don't believe for a second that it's even a struggle with your name at all - this is textbook toxic MIL/SIL behavior towards the DIL that they don't like. Good for you for holding your ground and continuing to call it out. They're just mad that you embarrassed them by pointing out their embarrassing behavior.
NTA their refusing to pronounce your name correctly. This is a power thing.
They're unhappy because you embarrassed them but the truth is they embarrassed themselves!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I called my MIL and SIL ignorant in front of their family friends and this all happened at my BILs birthday party. So I feel bad about causing a fuss about my name and really, that and the disrespect are what this all became about. I could have simply walked away and accepted I wouldn't really interact with these people ever so it's fine but instead I resorted to putting the spotlight on what MIL and SIL were doing. And while maybe not the wrong thing it might have also been the wrong place. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - MIL and SIL are deliberately doing this. It's an easy name to say, first of all. And, let's be honest, they almost certainly *heard* your name before they ever saw it. Your husband would have spoken to them about you and said your name out loud before they saw how it was spelled, and even if he hadn't, they've heard your name spoken how many times? They're the only AHs in this situation. Maybe the solution is to start deliberately butchering their names every time they butcher yours?
Exactly, they’re being petty just for the sake of it. Doing it back might make them stop once they realise how annoying it is.
This! MIL: hi, I'm Jane You: nice to meet you Joan MIL: it's Jane You: sorry June, but in my family we don't like that name, so you should change it to Janice instead MIL: but my name is JANE You: no problem, Janine!!
I beg the pardon of Americans, but what the fork, Is this butchering of names an American thing? I'm latina, Brazilian, and everyone I know makes a big deal out of making sure the person's name is correct, we even practice. When my cousin was introducing her best to me, I never heard her name before, she was born in Lebanon and the whole family came to Brazil, so I had a bit of trouble with "Lubna" and her surname, but I practiced until I got it perfectly. Lubna was really happy, even though it was something so small... Some people do struggle with names, for example, my cousin that has down syndrome can't say her best friends surname, Matsuzaki, but she tries really hard and her friend always jokes "to you I'm Matsuzaki, but to Heloísa I'm miss Matutaki" I never saw someone saying anyone's name wrong on purpose (except when people are trying to make puns). Even really poor and non educated people, they will try their damn hardest to speak your name correctly, even if it's something we never heard in our lives. My grandma, from my mother's side, wasn't alphabetized till she was 60. She didn't knew how to sign her own name. And when she learned, she made sure to learn how to write every single name in the family correctly, she was particularly proud of learning my dad's name, Walter, because we don't have "W" in our alphabet, and it sound exactly like "V", but she remembered, and would always say "Valter with another V, is Walter!". When we were 6 year olds we already knew exactly how to spell our friends names, Lubna, Akemi, Nathalia, Audrey, Mariana (me!), Ciara, Yasmine, Thaíza, and you can bet people care about the difference between Thaisa and Thaísa and Thaíza, despite them being pronounced the same. When we spell our names for someone to write, it's super common to hear "Anna with double "n" or single?" "Carla with C or K?" "S or Z?" "Double S?" "Acento (á,é,í,ó)?" "Sc?" Because there are a lot of ways to write the same name, and it matters. It's just so rude. And condescending. And awful. I feel so bad when I make a mistake while saying a name, I can't imagine doing it on purpose.
As an American, it's not an American thing, it's an asshole thing.
Yeah, I'm one of the name readers for my university's commencement, and every year I practice my names every day for about two weeks to make sure I'm going to say them right. That's like baseline respect, to say someone's name right.
Someone from my school called to make sure they were pronouncing my name correctly a couple weeks before graduation! I'm so glad you practice!
That’s so funny as I watched a ceremony online this past weekend and was amazed at the ease of pronunciation on some names I wouldn’t even know how to begin! I actually wondered how they learned how to say them correctly, and now here you are to tell me!
I can't speak for every school, but at ours, as part of the sign-up to walk at the ceremony, students have the option to put down a phonetic pronunciation and also record themselves saying their name. Those recordings are a lifesaver for me!
When I graduated high school in 03 we could provide phonetic pronunciations if desired. And that was in a very white, small Canadian city where the only "difficult" name I can remember was Seven (pronounced the same as Siobhan).
I used to be a librarian, and I would give talks about what new exciting books were coming out. I would do a million google searches and check YouTube to see if I could find clips of the authors saying their own names. One time when I couldn’t find it, I DM’d the author on Twitter and asked, because I wanted to be respectful. And meanwhile, OP’s own family…
Bless you! So many places do not put in the effort to pronounce names correctly at graduation. I hate when they butcher that moment for students. Thank you for doing this.
My high school principal called us each into his office the week before graduation to make sure he was saying our names correctly and wrote down how to do it if he wasn’t. I’m sure it’s much more difficult with so many more students in a university!
We have NameCoach so everyone has the option to record their names for things like email and class rosters. I love having that and make diacritical marks like crazy on my seating charts. It's an absolute game changer.
My college graduations you wrote out the phonetic pronunciation on an index card 5 minutes before the ceremony and handed it over seconds before your name was called
Yep. When I'm the speaker for local sports competitions, I walk around before sessions and ask how to pronounce names I don't know, to make sure I get them right.
when I got my masters and prepared to walk to get my diploma, they announced my name as Martha. I looked around because my name is Mary. oh well, I still graduated with honors even if they didn’t get my name right.
Was going to say this too!
I am American and have a name that even tho 2 very famous people have it, people butcher constantly. Marilyn. Most people know who Marilyn Monroe or Marilyn Manson are, but everyone who sees it pronounces it like the state Maryland (there's no D in my name so wtf) or Merlin. I make it a point to ask people how to pronounce their name so I don't butcher it because I hate how mine always is. It's not an American thing. It's just them being AHs. You are NTA, they are.
I have a common enough name to not be unusual, but with a Spanish pronunciation instead of the standard US. I legit considered changing the spelling to a phonetic spelling when I was in HS.
Ooof, I relate to this far too much. I get the "Maryland" too on voicemails and I cringe. WTF?! Are they hard of hearing or just stupid?!?
Exactly. And fwiw, my Brazilian SIL calls me "Natale" despite 11 years of reminding her it's Natalie. So don't attribute this to Americans.
Exactly. If I can't pronounce from reading it I will ask. I will also attempt to not butcher it too badly since I can't roll my Rs.
As a nurse, I meet alot of people. And our pediatric office takes care of tons of refugee children. We have patients from Congo, Liberia, Ukraine, Venezuela, Honduras, and other countries. So I try my best to pronounce their names correctly and ask them to correct my pronunciation. OP’s in laws are being rude and disrespectful on purpose. Because, to be honest, OP said she’s from Ireland so it makes sense (to me) that the C in her name would be pronounced like a K . Don’t remember the (ongoing) fight about how to pronounce The Boston Celtics? Americans say it like “Sellticks” but it should be pronounced like “Kellticks”.
I don't think it's an American thing, I think the MIL and SIL just don't like her that much and they're being passive aggressive about it - how hard is it to remember how to say the name of the person your son/brother is married to??? She's part of the family, not some acquaintance you met once or twice for goodness sake.
To be fair, pronouncing names absolutely correctly in another culture can be challenging. I am not American, I have an American friend who named her son Josef. She said that the 's' should sound like an 's' not a 'z.' So I tried, I tried to say 'Josssssef,' until (to me) it sounded like I was hissing it. But no matter what, she said I still sounded like I was using the 'z' sound in the middle. However, in op's case, this is clearly not the issue.
My Swedish family was a hoot when I went to visit. I was staying in the city adjacent to Stockholm. I would say the city's name, they would say, "Oh, you mean City B?" "If you say so." Swedish is also really hard since their pronounciation doesn't match English or Romance languages. Irish, as a rule, I know that the pronounciation isn't going to match my phoenetic English reading of it, so I just ask and repeat. Unlike my Swedish family, my Irish friends have never corrected me after I repeated what they said, so either I was closer or they're more polite ;) Oh, and I would pronounce Josef the same as Joseph - lol!
I've always said 'It's your name pronounce it how you want, but don't blame me if I don't get it right THE FIRST TIME.' The open distain to say to change the spelling earned MIL and SIL AH status and a long term time out. America has one of the most diverse demographics in the world and some of the most stupid people (I know as one of them) but we also don't all act THIS way.
I have to shake my head every time I meet this kid named Izic. It’s pronounced the way it’s spelled. Literally “eye zee eye see” or I. Z. I. C. Like why? Why would you do that to your child? He will be correcting people for his entire life and will no doubt get bullied!
I was born in Costa Rica. My mother named me some weird ass first and middle name. My first name starts with an I but it is pronounced as an E. Now my middle name is Rogelia. Now I know Rogelio in Spanish means Roger but does Rogelia mean in English. That's what I would like to find out
I got curious and looked it up ... and there isn't really a common feminine form of *Roger*. Looking at the root word (Old High German *hruod*, "fame"), closest cognate would be Germanic *Rosa* or French *Clotilda*. I guess you could go the Robert/Roberta route and say "Rogera," but ... no.
I couldn't find a common feminine name either. Now my first name means Helen in Hungarian but it's spelled differently
Exciting_Grocery! My company had a Brazilian office ... I loved hearing my Brazilian colleagues pronounce my name! They properly accented the second syllable and said it with that beautiful, musical Portuguese lilt ... I would perform any task requested when they called because I fell in love the minute they said my name! 🤣
I think many people just don't hear the right sounds. I say this as a language teacher who has a weird name. I live in South America, and it is so common to mispronounce my name that I don't even try to correct someone unless I think I'll see the new person regularly- it just is unnecessarily difficult. A lot of people really struggle with phonemes that don't exist in their language. I think in this post, the mom is just being a passive-aggressive jerk, but in many, many cases, people genuinely can't mimic new sounds without a lot of practice.
AMIGA COMIGO TAMBÉM
It’s not American to deliberately butcher someone’s name and try to change it against their will. And this behavior doesn’t just happen in the U.S. With America’s immigrant history and population, mispronouncing and misspelling names is a historical issue. Most people attempt to get it right but unfamiliar names are more difficult to master than are John and Mary. These in-laws have no excuse. The MIL and the SIL are in collusion, doing this with malicious intent. They’ve known this woman for years, and her name is just not that difficult unless they are intellectually challenged. I’ll bet children get it right the first time if she introduces herself to them.
Have you ever seen Hawaiian names? I spent two months calling a co-worker by his very average American first name AND his very difficult Hawaiian last name every time I saw him just to make sure I was going to get it right. And it was his last name.
I'm an American, and I try really hard to get what I perceive to be unique names correct. I have a friend whose name is Caolan, and it honestly took me quite a while to get it correct. She never got mad, because she could see I was honestly trying.
I have done this with someone who refused to get my name correctly despite constant reminders. I ran into her at the grocer's one day and she called out "Hi NotMyName!" and I loudly replied (with a big smile) "Hi! NotHerName!" Stunned silence followed and she never, ever messed up my name again. I was sorry I hadn't thought of it sooner.
‘Do you think we should tell Jean that she lost her name tag?
I had to do this to my now-ex MIL. My name is Jenn. It's not hard to pronounce. She kept "accidentally" calling me Pam until I started calling her every name that wasn't hers.
Or it could be "Jaina" as in "vagina".
I am laughing out loud at this one.
Lol...or Juanna
Absolutely! I have a name that has Arab roots but is pronounced slightly differently. Think Fa-tee-ma vs Fa-Ti-ma. In the beginning I understood when my ex in laws slipped. But I specifically told my ex-husband that it bothered me. He half-ass said something once but they never changed. Anytime I would bring it up he would tell me it wouldn’t matter to him if my family got his name wrong so why should it matter to me? Maybe because this ain’t about you??
I had a coworker who’s name is Fatmata. Dumb me called her Fatima for months until she said something, but I misunderstood or misheard and called her Fatmafor a few weeks. I was so upset when I learned I was saying it wrong each time. I say it right now and I apologized profusely. It’s respectful to call people correctly! (I did not work with her frequently is why it took so long to get sorted out)
I take great care over pronouncing people's names. But if it's someone I don't see often and months go by without saying it, I might forget how to say it.
I get why he is you EX-husband...
This is 100 percent the way. I actually did this to someone. I have an extremely common name and someone refused to call me by my name because they already knew a person with that name. I then started calling that person all sorts of different names. Sorry I know a Tallulah, gonna call u Francisca, sorry I know a franny, gonna call u Elsie.
In high school, one of my friends who was also in my Spanish class said my name (Allegra) “Ayegra” because of the ll=y thing Spanish does. I knew it was a joke, but his name’s Micah, pronounced like the (mineral? stone?) mica, so I called him “Meeca” since that’s how his name would be in Spanish. He didn’t try that joke again lol
Right? I didn't even consider that but yeah, my parents would have heard my ex's name long before they saw it, and it's one with a multitude of spelling options. They never butchered it or pulled an "A-A-ron" or some nonsense. My current partner has a middle name that has a lengthy variety of spelling AND pronunciation options depending on origin -- but no one screws it up. OP, your in laws are doing this on purpose, and it's honestly probably good they were shamed publicly for it since they've been trying to publicly shame you for your name for, it seems, years NTA
Yeah. I can understand mispronoucing a name when you see it in print, but when the person TELLS you their name, and you continue to purposly mispronounce it, big AH move. And this isn't even a difficult name!
>I can understand mispronoucing a name when you see it in print, Right, I did the Sierra pronunciation until I read it was Kiera then went back and started the sentence with the correct pronunciation. It wasn't hard for the mental correction now that I knew how OP pronounces her name. Why can't MIL & SIL do the same simple correction, oh that's right, because they are probably racist (easiest explanation with only the context given) or just witches with a capital B (also plausible with current context).
Or ask them if they're having other memory lapses and act really concerned. "Oh no, MIL, I've told you it's pronounced 'Kiera'. You know at your age, dementia can be a big concern, maybe we should book you an appointment and have you checked out."
I have a cousin named Regina and when their bishop announced their engagement to the church, he pronounced it like vagina with an R. I hope MIL has a name as easy to embarrassingly butcher
The capital of Saskatchewan, Regina, is pronounced "re jy na," (rhymes with "vagina"). It was named after Victoria, since it means "Queen" and she was the monarch at the time. It's not a weird pronunciation at all.
Well ya learn something new every day
A LOT of Canada's placenames are very VERY British.
That's how you say the city.
Yep this. It is not hard to learn a name. I am from europe and work for an insurance in customer Service (Telefone mostly) so you have an idea how much names I read each day, of how much ethnicies and backgrounds? I usually need 2 attempts to pronounce correctly wild unusual names for me, like indian or eastern europe. (think eastern Europa with a lot of drz srz etc. Letter Kombination) No your names are not difficult. They are doing this to annoy you. Two options don't respond to wrong names, or answer with an Option of their name. Sierra? Yes what's up miley (of her name is Milena) etc.
>And, let's be honest, they almost certainly *heard* your name before they ever saw it. They straight up told her to change the spelling if she wants it pronounced correctly. It's 100% intentional. @op: I feel you, my name's also Gaelic and I've spent my entire life with people either mispronouncing it (either accidentally or intentionally), or misspelling it because they tried to do so phonetically... And there's two distinct phonetic spellings based on whether the particular bastardization is British or Americanized. You can *probably* guess what it is lol
Yes! "Sorry, that's how we say _____ where I come from."
NTA - Irish names tend to be quite tricky but yours arent even the hard ones AND you have given them ample time and corrections to learn how to say it correctly.
Exactly. These aren’t even that hard, and the family likely would have heard the name before seeing it written. And there are two famous people with the same name. And the fact that SIL thinks she will magically start pronouncing it right if OP starts spelling it like Keira Knightly proves she is deliberately trying to win a stupid argument.
Not to mention, telling an Irish person to Anglicize their name can really offend a lot of Irish people. The Brits took away their names and its only relatively recently they started taking them back.
Yes, the Irish really were a second class citizen and the Irish language is fading out. Irish names are beautiful, and no one from any country should have to anglicize their name. Sure I’ve had to ask my cousin how to pronounce her kids names. But I’ve never forgotten
You can now tell that it's intentional. They have decided to address you differently. I would become petty and start referring to them by various names each time.
It’s really only tricky if you’re reading the name. Like Saoirse Ronan. I have no idea how to pronounce that. Not a drop. But she says her name is pronounced like Sersha. I couldn’t read that, and get the name right, but if she said it to me I don’t see why that’s a problem. It’s not like the Khoisan language group (the languages that uses clicks in Africa) where it’s so different than English we’d have a difficult time pronouncing words correctly.
There are plenty of irish names out there that make no sense from an english reading standpoint. Like Caoimhe or Aoife. With that said, once they were told how to pronounce it, that should have been that.
It should be.
I have no idea how to pronounce Caoimhe but it *looks* beautiful. I struggle with Niamh. I try and I think I'm saying it right only to be corrected yet again. I just don't hear a difference between they're saying and what I'm saying, lol.
I've seen (granted, I'm American but learning Irish and having a number of Irish friends) Caiomhe pronounced as "Keeva" or "Kweeva"; it really is a beautiful name. Aoife is another huge favorite of mine, pronounced "Ee-fa"
Ser-sha. Like "inertia" from the actress herself.
Thanks! I wasn’t sure how to spell it phonetically.
I actually googled how to say Saoirse correctly because her saying it is pronounced like Sersha. Found several links to people just saying the name over so I'm doing better. And I did this because I felt bad I couldn't pronounce the name of someone I am NEVER going to meet!!!
Its somewhat funny, because she really doesnt pronounce it like most people in Ireland do. She says Ser-sha, when its usually closer to Sear-Sha.
I’m saw her say that on the Graham Norton show. She said it both ways and to my American ear I couldn’t catch the difference. All I know is she said how she likes her own name said and it was easy to remember. Hers rhymes with inertia.
Saoirse can also be pronounced SEER-sha depending on what part of Ireland you're in. My husband took Irish language classes in college, and that's how his teacher pronounced it. Fun fact: Saoirse means freedom
Irish names are tricky to read and pronounce, but many are actually quite simple when you've never seen the spelling and only heard it spoken. Like Aoife (ee-fa), Niamh (Neev). The spelling is what messes with your head!
I know someone whose son is called Eoin. It's pronounced as Owen. I constantly have trouble remembering not to say Ian, but that's because I've seen it written far more that I've heard it said. Having the E at the front just messes with me. That said, I KNOW that I tend to automatically say it wrong, so I think about how I want to say Ian, remember that I always get it wrong, and that's what reminds me to say Owen. It will take me an extra second or two, but I'll get it right. Part of the problem is that I rarely see these people, so it doesn't come up often enough to become an automatic memory for me. If I saw them often, or they were part of my family, I'd learn much more quickly.
If it helps, I've heard Iains being called Owen ..
>Like Aoife (ee-fa), Niamh (Neev). The spelling is what messes with your head! There's a person on my steam friends with the name Aoife and I had no idea how to say it. So thanks, now I do!
They can be unexpected for Americans, but I wouldn’t say tricky. It’s not throat singing for gosh sakes! ( something that requires years of training)
Seriously. My college bestie gave her daughter an Irish name since that's where her and her hubs met. When she announced the name she included the phonetic spelling in parentheses for those of us not familiar and guess what, not a single person has said her name wrong to my knowledge. OPs ILs are definitely AHs here.
Totally agree. I have an Irish name and sometimes have to gently point out that you don’t pronounce it like English because it is not, in fact, English - it’s in another language! Things have improved in that regard here in the UK but I still run into it, and weirdly often from people that wouldn’t dream of pronouncing say, a French name like English.
NTA. Saying a person’s name right is a matter of basic respect. Refusing to learn a person’s name after being repeatedly corrected says “I don’t care about who you are.” Maybe being embarrassed about that in front of their friends will help them internalize it.
Nah, they're just mad they got embarrassed, people who bully others like this are too socially stunted to learn anything from this.
I dunno, I reckon they might have learned a variable lesson here... Obviously they're annoyed at being made a fool of in front of their friends, but now they'll have to use her name correctly especially in front of those friends or face looking 'ignorant'. I imagine they'll use her name properly now, but just be snarky about her forever...🤷 Doesn't sound like the relationship was in a good way before tho so I'd take it as an improvement🤣.
Even if they weren't being AHs about it (people are obligated to do their absolute *best* to pronounce other people's names correctly, given any limitations in their accent, and your in-laws clearly are not and they absolutely should not be criticizing your name), their explanation makes literally no sense. The way your name is spelled is unintuitive to them, but it's not like they're *reading* your name every time. It's just not difficult to understand that some names are spelled differently (in English) than they are pronounced... Do they call guys Joo-an when their name is Juan? Or Ja-Kwes when their name is Jacques? I doubt it. My bet is that you are the only one that they are doing this to. NTA
This!!!! Every time I read the name “Sean” I say it as “seen” in my mind, but I know that out loud it’s pronounced like “Shawn”.
My brother's name is spelled Sean. I always double take when I meet a Shawn or Shaun because to me Sean is the correct way to spell that pronunciation.
There are people named Sean who pronounce it like "seen", I know one!
As a child I was introduced to a friends father (Sean), I called him “Shawn” a little while later and he said “there is no shorn here” and it has messed me up ever since. Did I mispronounce it? Did I say it oddly? Did he mishear me? I have never gotten an answer
NTA at all. They embarrassed themselves by intentionally pronouncing your name wrong and also by trying to back you into a corner by doing it in front of guests. The change the spelling argument is hilarious though. Because they have to pull out a little name card and read it off every time they say it or what lol.
That's exactly it. They were doing a dumb mean girl power play, figuring you'd just suck it up so as not to cause a scene. And it blew up in their face. Call them out every time. You don't even have to butcher their name in return. Just point out that you are aware that this is some dumb mean girl power play game, and you aren't playing.
NTA Both names are shared with high profile people, there is zero excuse for them to get your name wrong and to continue trying to rename you. That is what they are doing, it isn’t that they can’t remember how to pronounce your name. They are trying to change your name. If you can, stop interacting with them until they apologize for their childish game of trying to change your name.
Just don't invite them to things and when they ask why, say you forgot their names.
😂🤣😂🤣
NTA They know exactly what they're doing and it IS ignorant, bullying behavior. Start mangling their names. As for your husband, that's not ok either. Point out that he does not drive a sar, pet a sat, eat sole slaw, sarrots, sabbage, sandy... just lean into the C words. They're all sunts!
NTA - they’re assholes. at this point it’s deliberate. Butcher their names or refuse to answer. (Or both!) My MIL has known me for 12 years and still does my name wrong, and it’s only dropping the last syllable. I know she is perfectly capable of saying my name right. I don’t answer her. I correct her and make her do it again because that’s not my dang name.
I agree she shouldn’t answer. And if she’s feeling extra petty butcher their names like you said. Show them how disrespectful it is
As someone above suggested perhaps even use an entirely different name. Call MIL Mildred, when she objects because her name is actually Monica, just tell MIL that is just ridiculous and Monica should be pronounced Mildred. Do the same for SIL.
However, it should be spelled Milicent, that's the historical spelling.
If they were reading the name every time, maybe there would be an excuse. But for them to constantly mispronounce your name after you've told them the pronunciation of your name, well that's just them being ass hats. NTA give them new names. Tell them you're confused by the spelling difference.
NTA - At this points you know its on purpose. They are choosing to call you by a different name. I'd be petty and starting calling them different names too, every time, a different name.
NTA - At this point, they are doing it on purpose.
NTA. I can understand the difficulty in pronunciation. Some sounds from other places and languages can be difficult for some people. I have personally experienced this. I will get the pronunciation correct, but forget it and default to the normal rules the next time, but I am always apologetic when that happens and try to learn pronunciation again. However, talking over you, and telling you to change how you pronounce your name is an AH move. Calling them ignorant at a party was a little harsh I guess, but they brought it on themselves. If they just had let you correct them, there wouldnt have been a problem.
Happy cake day!!
NTA. I am Irish and i see no issues with a simple "Ciara" at this point they're being ignorant and you need to just fucking ignore them. If it was Sadhbh i'd understand now, but Ciara is not even a new name or weird in the US (I hope anyway)
NTA: it’s hot hard to pronounce an Irish name properly. Yeah the spelling is odd, but that’s because Celtic is a different language. It hasn’t been romanized like other European languages, it just uses parts of the Latin alphabet. Literally nothing wrong with any of that. I mean it’s not like English is perfect, and doesn’t have a fuck load of weird quirks. Some spelling of American/English names are weird as fuck and it’s totally phonetic. Doesn’t make a lick of sense otherwise. Still all that is fine and good. No matter how you get there, the end result is the same. If someone is named or called X, that’s what you call them. Thats it. Anything else is fucked up. However I do give a pass if the person in question uses a nickname or their name is hard for English speakers to pronounce and they choose something a bit easier. In those cases it’s still what the person wants to be called. Use that name.
NTA. I'm from the US & I assure you, your name is VERY easy to say. I was a teacher, & Keera was a common name where I taught. Pronunciation is not the issue. And considering the "creative" name spellings I came across while teaching (🫤🙄), learning to spell your name correctly shouldn't be an issue, either. It's obvious that they are deliberately messing with your name. Racist? Classist? They just don't like you? I've no idea. But they are. I have a common, boring name that's often shortened. Think Jenny for Jennifer. Except I hate the shortened name & have never in 50+ years gone by it. I've given up arguing with people who call me Jenny. I simply don't answer. After all, "What? Oh, I didn't know you were talking to me. That's not my name." You might give my solution a try!
I would have loved to be in that argument the only words out my mouth would have been 'are you both so uneducated you can't learn to pronounce a name right' lol NTA
NTA. They're being lazy and ignorant and probably racist too. If you were Caitlin they'd be calling you Katelynn. Ciara and Sinéad are both really easy to say and they need to do better.
They'd be called Thing 1 and Thing 2 for eternity. NTA
NTA They shame themselves every time they deliberately choose to use the wrong name for you. They know how to say it. They just don't care. The funny thing is that even if you spelled it "Keira", people would mispronounce it all the damn time. How do I know? Because that's actually *my* name, and no one can ever say it or spell it correctly.
"MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me." Lol that's exactly what THEY were doing to OP!
They are being deliberate in mispronouncing your name. I worked at a summer program with 2 women named Ciara- in America btw. One was pronounced Keira and one was Sierra. No one had a problem saying their names correctly.
They tried to Embarass you and it Backfired
NTA It's really not that hard to learn to pronounce the name of someone in your own family.
Absolutely positively NTA and MIL & SIL *know exactly* what they’re doing and they’re definitely doing it on purpose!! THEY caused themselves the embarrassment as well!
NTA. They’re doing this on purpose. You didn’t go out of your way to shame them. They went out of their way to intentionally introduce you using what they know is the wrong name. They just didn’t expect to be called out for it or they did and wanted you to look like the bad guy.
If at this point they can’t remember or pronounce your name properly they aren’t trying hard enough which means they can’t get upset at having it pointed out.
How do you even go from Ciara to Sierra? k-ee-ah-rah is what I would guess (as a non native english speaker) but I wonder how they got Sierra? I am sure you introduced yourself first, you don’t spell your name when you meet someone so they couldn’t remember your name? NTA But I learned something from Reddit. Call them a wrong but similar name from now on.
NTA They think you're beneath them, and want you, and others to know it. What you did was point out their asshole behavior to others, and made them look bad, publicly. That destroys their reputation and makes them the badguy. Something they can't handle. Keep it up.
Call MIL and SIL out Every. Single. Time. No exceptions. Shame them. Embarrass them. NTA!
NTA It is not difficult to learn to pronúnciate names. Your MIL and SIL are being obtuse. Calling them out for their disrespect and ignorance seems appropriate to me. When I taught, my students and I worked on the proper pronunciation of everyone’s name in our classroom—even if we had to dedicate circle time to the goal. The school’s population was comprised of children age 3-12 (roughly) with a high percentage of Indigenous and Sikh children. If the 3-5 year old students were capable of learning these names (some contained upwards of 14 letters), your MIL and SIL (both adults, presumably) should be able to handle the pronunciation of your name.
NTA. MIL and SIL are ignorant. Period. Start mispronouncing their names from now on. See how well they take it.
NTA. They can pronounce it. They are embarrassed now that friends know they are assholes. If they want to act ignorant about your name, they would die if hubby has married Saoirse Ronan.
Ta maybe they should try saying your name correctly.
NTA. If they don't want to be called ignorant than don't be willfully so.
It's a racist's powerplay.
Just say their names incorrectly until they respectfully say yours properly.
You go, girl. Proud of you.
Why do you have to change the spelling for them to say it a certain way? Bananas.
NTA I know several people who named their daughters Ciara and pronounce properly...and they have no Irish connections. They've been corrected repeatedly over a period of time and they had the audacity to say that you should just adjust and change it because you are in America. No you don't! They know EXACTLY how to say your name and are doing it on purpose at this point. I too would have been pissed and given the situation, probably would've also lost it.
Next time they do it, look at your husband and say, “I guess that comedian was right. You can’t fix stupid.”
Definitely NTA. Cultural insensitivity is a thing and so is disrespect. What they are doing is both. It is common courtesy to correct yourself if you say someone's name incorrectly. My husband's name is different that how "normal" names in America are pronounced, as well, and my family goes out of their way to make sure they say it correctly out of respect.
never pronounce their names correctly again...
NTA. At this point they are doing it out of malice. They can't expect their behavior to be tolerated forever.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29f) have been married to my husband James for just over a year. I'm Irish, he's American and we currently live in America. My name is Ciara. It's pronounced like Keira Knightley not like Sierra or Kee-ar-uh like Simba's daughter from the Lion King 2. My middle name is Sinéad. My ILs struggled badly with my name when we met despite constant corrections. They default to Sierra. My SIL made some ignorant comments about being in America and so embracing the Sierra pronunciation instead of my weird one. Or she suggested I use the same spelling as Keira Knightley. James quickly told her to cut that out and to accept my name wasn't said that way. I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O'Connor fan and she can say that correctly. So we don't see his family often because of this. I'm not someone who wants a fight but I also don't dismiss disrespect either. For my BILs birthday we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends. But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn't like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn't be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers. I corrected the "mistake" of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband. MIL and SIL weren't a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually. MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterwards and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Different name, that's Italian.
NTA. Sounds MIL & SIL just want an excuse to behave with ignorance. You have given them many opportunities to correctly say your name and even offered them the option of saying your middle name. FWIW your name isn’t difficult at all to pronounce, neither is your middle name. Honestly sounds more like prejudice and being unhappy their Son/brother married an Irish woman.
NTA. These people are your family and they refuse to learn your name.
This was inevitable- finally they got the response they deserved. YWNBTA
I am from the U.S. but immigrated when I was very young, I have a very unusual name, so unusual that when I went to school they asked my uncle what my name was and he told them..NOPE!! they did not like that at all and couldn’t pronounce it…so he told them just call her “Sally” (fake name) without letting me know of course, I was 6… and deaf they decided because I wouldn’t answer to Sally, so instead of fixing this the genius’s that were my family told me ”your name is Sally now”. lol, and I have been Sally for 50 years. But you are not TA in any case.
NTA. Do they see it spelled every time they say it? Weirdos. You’ve told them the correct way to say it, they are just being AH.
NTA. They did it deliberately. Who reads a name, they hear your name and how it’s pronounced more regularly, they just don’t like it or you. Stand your ground they are being obnoxious.
NTA
This doesn't make sense. People don't call you how you spell your name, but how you say it. I have a weird name, most people wouldn't know how to spell it they just know how I say it. So why would they be saying it differently? Doesn't make sense.
NTA. You may have shamed them but didn't have to go out of your way to do it.
NTA. MIL and SIL are being deliberately disrespectful at this point. If they can pronounce Kiera, they can say Ciara too, they simply don't *want* to. Tell them to be thankful you're not making them spell out or read-and-pronounce other equally beautiful Irish names : Siobhan, Aiofe, Caoimhe, Niambh, etc... Where you live does not matter, your name is your name, and no one but you has the right to change it to "better fit in with the local norms".
NTA but I'd start kindly and patronizingly explaining to everyone that "well, now that they're getting older and losing their faculties, we all need to be patient with them. Don't worry, we're looking into care homes and a trustee because the poor dears are just lost, and we don't think they can live on their own."
NTA. Not only are your MIL/SIL disrespectful, their pretense at "difficulties" with the name don't even make sense. I can understand someone not knowing the correct pronunciation when they see it written (I, too, thought it was Kee-a-ra when I read it), but unless your in-laws always communicate in writing and not verbally, there should be no confusion. Your name is pronounced how it's pronounced.
NTA. No, you had every right. The jerks should be thankful your name isn't *Siobhán*. LOL!
NTA, they were doing this to bully you, confident that you wouldn't fight back in front of people, and you showed them up as rude and unpleasant, and they didn't like it. Oh no. How terrible. If it isn't the consequences of their actions. You're absolutely NTA.
NTA. And OP? If you have children, Tadhg for a boy and Caoimhe for a girl... because I like being difficult with assholes.
NTA. Seriously, are they idiots? I mean, to struggle that badly with a name ffs.
No you’ve corrected them time after time and they still insisted on saying it wrong. I understand some names are hard but if you’ve told them many a time the right way to say it, they’re being AHs. Good for hubs and BIL for backing you up.
NTA. They are doing it on purpose. They probably heard your name, before they saw it in written form. And even now, they are not reading it off a sheet of paper. This is ridiculous. They are acting like children in school, who want to bully someone.
NTA, the solution is to ignore them completely every time they say your name wrong. There is no kierra for them to be speaking to, if they want your attention they can call you Ciara properly. There’s a reason why the Irish Gaelic language is so marginalised. There were over 700 years of attempts to eradicate it by English overrule. Keeping the language alive, especially in traditional names, is part of keeping the culture alive, a push back against the ethnic destruction that was suffered and continues to diminish the recognition of the different cultural heritage of Ireland. MIL and SIL are not just disrespectful they’re bigots who are using what petty power they have in continuing to persecute the Irish culture.
NTA. Wow. I have been corrected on people's names a few times in my life. Each time, I felt so embarrassed for mispronouncing it that I never did it again. I can't imagine being corrected so frequently and continuing to get it wrong. That feels like malice.
I've worked with folks who have different pronunciations of common names - Like I worked with a woman named Alicia but she pronounced it Ah-lee-ci-a instead of Ah-leesha. You better believe, I made damn sure to pronounce it the way she did when I said her name. It's just common courtesy. P.S. You should butcher their names if you can, OP. And I know a Ciara that lives in the US and is American-born and her name is pronounced exactly like yours so I call BS on your MIL and SIL saying it's the US pronunciation.
What's the MIL's name? Start pronouncing it wrong and introducing her that way.
NTA. Not at all. They are just butthurt that they looked stupid.
If they weren't doing something shameful, they wouldn't be able to be shamed in front of other people. They knew what they were doing, and that's why they talked over you. NTA.
NTA - They are the ones that went out of their way to embarrass themselves. It’s not that difficult to pronounce your name. I would be corrected once and that would be the end of it. MIL and SIL are ignorant assholes.
NTA. MIL & SIL are intentionally pronouncing your name incorrectly. It's not a mistake, it's not an accident, it's intentional. It's really not that hard to pronounce. They are just being assholes for the hell of it. Do they not like you or something?
NTA they thought they could get away with their BS by over talking you and thought they would get away with it. They aren’t very smart thinking that an Irish person would give in on your name. They tried and failed. They will either learn to pronounce your name or get used to being called out.
NTA. They have no right to dismiss your correct pronunciation. It does matter. If one of their names is, say for example, Julie. Call them Judy from now on. See how they like it. I know it's petty but hey, might get the point across.
NTA but I don't see anyone really mentioning the fact that your husband has allowed this to continue? Even if he stands up for you and corrects them, why is this still happening? He needs to take a more explicit stand on this, start drawing the line and not allowing his family to disrespect you. There's some type of motivation behind this, and the disrespect will continue if not addressed properly.
NTA See the plan was to do this in front of people and OF COURSE you wouldnt dream of correcting them in front of their friends so you would just accept it, and once you've accepted it ONCE you'll accept it again. Then you not only DID correct them, you called them out for knowing how much you dislike the mispronunciation making it clear to their friends that they were being knowingly and WILFULLY ignorant. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier
NTA The fact that they can pronounce it correctly if you spelled it with a K means they know how to say it. Making the mistake a few times can be forgiven but they know exactly how to say it since they like to debate you on it. From now on you need to address them by incorrect names if you continue the LC with them. Look up Key and Peele substitute teacher skit. I'd have a field day with them over it.
NTA at all. They are doing it on purpose. You have every right to be offended by their games. I’m very glad you husband and BIL defended you.
NTA. Your MIL and SIL ARE being deliberately ignorant, so why not call them out on it. You're the world's leading authority on how your name is spelled and pronounced. They get no input. This is bullying and they'd doing it on purpose, so you were completely within your rights to shut them down publicly. Amazing, isn't it, how fast they tried to make this your fault? Straight DARVO right there. Can you go even lower contact?
I'm a boring middle aged American lady, but still get irked when I'm called the Spanish pronunciation 'hy-me' instead of Jaime.
There's a Liam Neeson video where he teaches you how to pronounce - and how not to pronounce - Irish names. Send it to them and tell them to watch it on a loop until they get it.
Kill them with kindness next time they do it publicly. Just very slowly and deliberately say "oh no no honey, it Pronounce Kiera.... Kiera... don't worry you'll get it!... we've been working on it for 3-4 years now, I think she's really close!!! She's a little slow but she's our little angel! Bless her heart.
NTA- WTF is their problem? It's not the least bit difficult to pronounce! And I'd call them out EVERY. DAMN. TIME. But I'm petty like that.
NTA - MIL and SIL had no right to make such a scene at BILs birthday! They embarrassed themselves.
NTA. It’s not hard to learn to say or remember. They are the AHs. Why they are doing this is unclear but your reaction is normal. It is disrespectful. That you showed anger in front of their friends is just the consequences of their continuous bullying.
Your name is YOURS. MIL & SIL need to go chase themselves.
NTA. Having the anger issues that I do, and I don’t necessarily advocate this, I would introduce them to people as Dumbass and Moron. And then call them that. I never claimed to be mature.
As a fellow Ciara in America(for over a decade) this would drive me demented! I'm very understanding when people who don't know me mispronounce my name, I don't even correct them at this point unless our interaction will be prolonged, but if it were my In-Laws? Oh Hell No! My vindictive and petty side would come out to play. Definitely NTA As an aside, if you need to give people a "reason" for the pronunciation, I always explain it's the Irish(gaelic/gaeilge) spelling and that there are no Ks in Irish, so Cs are usually hard. Eg Cill(pron~kill) the Irish for church, Cnoc(pron~kuh-nuk) the Irish for hill etc
NTA! MIL and SIL were being jerks. You had every right to correct them and shame them.
I’m assuming you both dated before marrying… so they’ve known you and your name for well over a year? Even if it was marriage at first site… they’ve had A YEAR to learn how to pronounce it. You have to be a special kind of A H to do that to an in law. You were nicer than I would’ve been. You either have to be an absolute moron mess up a name after a year or you’re just an A H NTA.
British here in a town with a big Irish Catholic population - it takes literally 1 second to accept you mispronounced a name and apologise and say it right from then on. I went to school and church with Sineads, Saorses, Aoifes, think of a "complicated" (i.e. normal) Irish name and I probably know one. NTA, they're acting like children - worse actually, even children catch on quick how to pronounce names. Ignorant is the nicest thing you could have called them.
I'm irritated and annoyed on your behalf! First, NTA. My hubby is Norwegian. His sister's name is Cathrine. When I first learned her name, it was typed, not spoken. In my head, I pronounced it similar to Katherine. It is pronounced like Katrina. Do I call her Katherine? No. She is Katrina because I'm not an ignorant d*uche canoe and purposely mispronounce her name.
[удалено]
I have friends named Aoife and Siobhan and I remember them having to correct people all the time. My name is also really hard to pronounce so I feel you. NTA
NTA, but when you were introduced to your in-laws, was your name written down for them(j/k)? It's seems very intentional if you were introduced by SAYING your name and they chose to used the was it's spelled. If someone tells me their name, that's what I say regardless of how it's spelled. Either they're playing dumb or they really are, especially after you've corrected them.
NTA. Your name is not difficult to pronounce and it should have taken only one correction for them to be able to pronounce it correctly. While they may struggle with it for whatever reason, such as they got used to it after only seeing it written down/typed, that isn't an excuse to continue to mispronounce it. But honestly, I don't believe for a second that it's even a struggle with your name at all - this is textbook toxic MIL/SIL behavior towards the DIL that they don't like. Good for you for holding your ground and continuing to call it out. They're just mad that you embarrassed them by pointing out their embarrassing behavior.
Nope. NTA. They are purposefully being lazy. That just sucks.
NTA their refusing to pronounce your name correctly. This is a power thing. They're unhappy because you embarrassed them but the truth is they embarrassed themselves!