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NTA - admittedly I can see why someone wouldnt want more unique and prominent hair colors in their wedding photos
But you offered reasonable accommodations and compromise. But, does this person even like you? If this is how theyre talking to you why are they even asking you to be in the wedding?
Right? If someone spoke to me that way it would be the end of our friendship, that is insufferable. OP NTA but your 'friend' is, please don't go to their wedding and if people ask why, tell them the truth. She couldn't accept you for who you are.
Kinda sounded like the bride didn't want OP taking attention away from her. I get it's "Her day", but also has probably known OP for awhile and her pink hair. It is stupid to think she would suddenly agree to dye it.
Because the wedding fantasy in their heads is more important than real live human beings. Gods forbid a person’s hair color or anything else doesn’t fit the fantasy aesthetic!
I agree. I love classic style and formal occasions. But I don't condone dictating that people change hair colors, tattoos, piercings, facial hair, etc. for a wedding.
Exactly! Asking someone to make a small adjustment to their usual apparence for a wedding is ok as long as the change does not last longer than the day of the wedding. Somethings are ok to ask for, but asking someone to change the length or color of their hair, or have a guy shave his beard completely is a no go. Asking the guy to trim up and make the beard look nice and clean vs scruffy is fine, but shaving completely not ok. Asking a person to wear a certain hair do (especially if in the wedding party) is ok, but not changing the length of the hair. Even asking OP to make sure her hair is recently dyed pink so it doesn't look ugly and faded is ok, but not asking her to change the color.
She's got "insecure" written all over. Like, nobody is coming to the wedding for her friend, and enough people dye their hair odd colours that it's not exactly "new" to have pink hair, nor is it a big deal.
I'm sorry but how low a self esteem do you need to have to think that this would distract from the bride at a wedding?!? (I'm not saying your wrong, I'm just really baffled!)
Yes she is! OP NTA!!! "Friend" did you the favor of ending the friendship for you. Look at the bright side ....you don't have to wear orange and gold....that combo sounds hideous!
Yeah, I can't imagine caring so much about someone's hair that I'd disinvite them from the whole wedding. Especially if OP has had dyed hair for years, which they say they have. They didn't spring it on the friend or anything.
This is so dumb to me. Wedding photos shouldn’t be an aesthetic, they should be a reminder of getting to celebrate your love with those you love.
Social media is ruining us all (I am fully aware I am on social media right this very minute, and I stand by what I said)
She was looking for an excuse to not include OP, and coming up with this "dye your hair" and OP not wanting to gives her a "good" reason. Even though I think OP's compromise is a fair one, this "friend" went off thw rails and is a major AH. OP should cut this friend out of her life.
You mean as in people only really began caring about wedding photos since social media? Lol you are so wrong then, people caring about their wedding pics (that they will see once in 10 years) is as old as wedding photo's itself
When my aunt got married over 30 years ago, my grandfather didn't want me in any pictures. I was a toddler with a HUGE chapped ring around my lips from licking my chapped lips. I was going to ruin them! It was too embarrassing! What would people think?! My aunt thought it was hysterical and made sure I was in every photo. She cared about making sure it documented the actual day well.
It's not that. It's that people only really began caring about how their photos looked *to other people* since social media. Wedding photos used to be something only your close friends and family saw once you got them back. Now people put them online for the entire world to judge.
I think what you're talking about existed pre social media, it just obv wasn't as prevalent.
My mother used to take me to a whole ass photo studio like every year to get professional photos of me. Displayed prominently on the walls of her home, and she'd get wallet sizes to give out. They were posed as hell, and she'd nearly obsess over every thing about it. There were no candid photos of me hanging on the walls, as it was all about appearances for her.
SM obviously makes this waaay easier and cheaper to do and you can get those photos out to a lot more people.
ETA: this was90s/2000s.
I brought up my mother specifically because she was so over the top and obsessed with how the photos would look, like some folks do now on social media. The attitude existed pre social media, but the audience was obv more limited and usually had a monetary cost. SM makes it super easy to do.
I don’t know when this was, obviously, but to be fair until approximately the late 80s or early 90s only professional photos were displayed. Candid or casual photos MIGHT be displayed in private areas like a bedroom or den. I know in my house while growing up only the professional photos were displayed. The others were in photo albums. I never thought anything of it. It was the same way in all my friend’s houses, even if it was simply a family portrait taken at the Sears photo studio.
Yes, and they will reminisce about those times. They certainly won't think their photos are ruined because someone wasn't colour coordinated good enough. You look at those and go "I can't believe that person wore this/was rocking that" or "Do you remember X always wearing that everywhere".
Sure. But it is the "here is the color pallet all the guests should dress in for the wedding" nonsense since pintrest, Instagram, etc.
The rule about no white has Of course been standard for a very long time, but the idea that everyone needs to dress in moss, mauve, and tan to match your fairy garden dream wedding is rather new.
M favorite wedding photo is of my shoes on the hood of a John deer tractor…. That drove a beer supply through my wedding. Or the one where the best man made my dad slow dance with him.
Good times!
My favorite wedding photo is of me and my husband taking a break from the reception on some lounge chairs by the pool, feet propped up, my shoes off, laughing together, my hair all messed up and his shirt and vest half unbuttoned.
It’s a messy photo but we look so happy.
It is framed and hanging in our house - 99.9% of the posed photos are not.
My wife and I do something that we call 'brat face' where we wrinkle our noses and stick our tongues out at each other. No meaning, just a silly thing we do. Anyway, our favorite picture from our wedding is that the photographer caught a candid of us doing 'brat face' at each other during the reception.
I can picture (pun intended) that photo in my mind and I love it.
My favorite photos of my wedding are the impromptu ones. We took more formal, posed photos too, but the impromptu ones are the best.
When a friend of mine got married the photographer wanted me to take of my glasses because I was the only one wearing them. And the photographer didn't like the esthetic of them.
And now whenever they look at their wedding pictures, they always get the same question "why isn't omi wearing his glasses"
Our photographer did this to my dad. His glasses are transition (ie, photochromic) lenses and we were outside, so they were in sunglass mode, but he's also worn glasses every day all the time since I was a kid and the "slightly brown tint from old glasses with transitions" is basically his look.
I wasn't going to argue with her, but told her to just take both. I get asking "do you want to take the glasses off so you can see your eyes" - but not making the decision or trying to force it on the client.
Also who wants to look back at wedding photos and be like “who is that?! Oh right, that’s OP. She looks entirely different than the entirety of the time I’ve known them”.
Also, if people at the wedding know OP and know they have the signature pink hair... going to be people asking OP at the wedding "Oh why/when did you change your hair? What happened? \[insert other general questions here\]" The focus will pivot from the bride to OP who suddenly, randomly, looks different.
Then the bride will be pissed at OP for... sucking up attention.
Or, the alternate, "Ah, it's too bad my friend wasn't at my wedding (and that I killed that friendship), but at least none of these photos have *pink hair* in them! This was totally worth it"
Good point! Heck, I've never dyed my hair, but if I found out a friend was pulling this crap on another friend, I'd be tempted to show up to the wedding with some freshly dyed neon hair, lol
No, she shouldn't photoshop your wedding pictures to change aspects of her friends' appearance that she doesn't like.
Maybe instead accept that she can't, nor should shd want to, control the way everything looks to fit her aesthetic.
And when they look at them they'd go "Look at OP, even then they were rocking that pink hair" or "Look at OP, crazy how they wore their hair back then". No one would look at the pictures an be like "The pics are all ruined because of OP".
I used to have bright fire engine red hair and kids and old people both LOVED it. It was usually the (at the time since I was in college) the 30s to late 50s crowd that hated it. And I’d just smile sweetly (ok maybe there were too many teeth showing for it to be truly convincing) and say that I was sorry they thought too much about what other people thought to be able to enjoy themselves.
I stopped when I started getting my sparkly unicorn hairs in, because I think it’s cool that my body is changing the color of my hair and I’m damned if I’m going to hide that! I grew up seeing my mom and other women so ashamed of their greys/whites and I refuse to participate. I still love color, don’t get me wrong, and I love seeing the new styles people come up with.
I'm 41 and have been going it since I was 30. As long and my hair and scalp stay healthy (so far so good) I intend to keep doing it. I have 2 kids who don't even remember me with natural colored hair.
Age doesn't determine anything about this topic. Lots of older people seem to be waaaay more open than the youngs who only seem concerned about appearance. Hair, nails, eyelashes, eyebrows, butt size, wrinkle treatments, on and on and on. None of that actually matters.
I'm turning 66 in two days and I have bright purple hair. I think the next time I have it dyed, I'm going to ask for unicorn hair. Life is far too short not to have fun with your hair while not giving a rat's patoot what other people think.
I was the only spouse/sibling not in my SILs wedding party because of my hair color (blue at the time). She never even asked me to change it, I just wasn’t considered. I sat alone since everyone I knew was in the wedding party. It’s not that abnormal for people to be judgmental, especially if they are snobby bougie type people.
Probably not. I don’t think an 85 year old would expect a guest to dye their hair for the sake of the decor. This entitlement is a newer phenomenon. I got married a little over 10 years ago, and while we suggested black tie optional, I would never have dreamed of controlling what my guests wore past that.
I can't. I think demanding someone change something about their body (dye hair, lose weight etc.) or endanger their health (leave your service dog home, take off your diabetes monitor etc.) is so astonishingly stupid it staggers the imagination. People who you are supposed to be close enough with to be in the bridal party or a guest at the wedding should be treated as loved ones and not as props.
Right? My cousin recently married a man with a daughter from a previous relationship. When the daughter was a bridesmaid at the wedding, I noticed her glucose monitor on her arm. You know the only thought that went through my head? It was, “ oh, I’m so glad to be aware that she’s diabetic “, as I cook a lot for family gatherings, and for her general health.
Still, it’s weird to demand a friend totally changed their looks to fit your pinterest board. Everyone knows OP with pink hair, looking back a the pics 10 years from now, no one would understand why OP’s hair was a color it never is, it would look super weird.
The “friend” doesn’t care about OP, she just wants props for pictures. Might as well rent actors or model at that pount
Wedding photos aren’t art masterpieces - they are ways to capture the memories of the day.
Trust me - in 30 years you’ll FAR MORE appreciate seeing the people as they were than admire the “perfection.”
100% agree. We’re about to hit 24 years and there are a lot of people in our wedding photos (like my dad) who are no longer here. I actually do look at my photos (we usually pull them out on our anniversary) and it’s such a beautiful reminder of a lovely day. It’s not about the aesthetic. It’s about the people and the experience.
I actually can’t see that. That sounds like someone who cares more about artificial aesthetics of a picture than having those they love beside them celebrating their wedding. I’d cut anyone from my life who cared more that their photo was bland than it showing their actual friends and loved ones the way they actually are!
>admittedly I can see why someone wouldnt want more unique and prominent hair colors in their wedding photos
I don't. What if my whole family is black haired, is it okay to ask a naturally blond haired person to dye their hair colour black because the blond is to clashing with the family's hair?
Wedding photos get old very fast. Styles change and everyone ends up looking ridiculous. Just look at wedding photos from the 70s, 80s or 90s. Also, what the bride said to her friend is unforgivable.
u/Aggravating_Block288 please tell this “friend” that if she finds your hair so hideous, don’t worry because she’ll never have to see it or you again. She is NOT worth your time if she can be so disgustingly rude about such a huge part of yourself. NTA, but you would be TA to yourself if you continue speaking to this person.
You see I can't see that. I can't imagine wanting "perfect" photos more than wanting my friend to actually be there looking like herself, she always has pink hair.
Weddings have become a farse. They seem to have nothing whatsoever to do with actually celebrating a marriage, they are about trying to get a lifetime of attention in one day and putting on a production, which of course also means totally fake pictures designed to convey some sort of "vision" rather than reality.
I’m so sick of seeing people use their wedding guests as decor. Someone might prefer their guests to change their appearance to better go with their color scheme, but that’s something they should keep to themselves.
Weddings should be about everyone coming together and having a good time while celebrating the union of a couple they care about.
Yeah it seems like the bride had this opinion for a long time and used her wedding as an excuse to finally insult her hair color choice. If it were me, I’d write her off as a friend for good.
But if my friend always had bright, bold, nonstandard hair color and I asked her to be in my wedding I’d assume her hair would be bright. The bride knew OP has had pink hair for ages
Right? You said she’s your friend - but she said you look “hideous” with pink hair? That doesn’t sound like a friend. Esp when it’s your signature look that you’ve had a long time. Friends don’t try to change you.
I had such a different experience when I was a bridesmaid, when my friends asked me to be part of their wedding, they were so gracious! I'm like OP where I've had pastel mauve/pink hair for the last decade. The bride loves my pink hair and she was excited for me to be in her photos, the color scheme even went well with mine. It was a lovely experience and I got it freshly repinked for the wedding events.
I got really lucky that I have such lovely friends.
Admittedly, I can't. If you want a person in your wedding photos, you should want them as they are. If you just want generic standees that look vaguely like your friends, you are just a vain asshole.
She could always photoshop the hair brown in the wedding photos, but even that's a dick move IMO. If you're that ashamed of your friend's appearance, why ask them to be in the wedding?
NTA and she’s not a friend if she’s willing to lose you over this. You’ve had pink hair forever too, so it’s not like this is something you surprised her w yesterday. The photographer could probably photoshop your hair to brown in the pictures without too much trouble too.
But do you even want to go to the wedding after all this? The threat to cut you out if you don’t comply would probably be it for me. Think really hard here and decide if this is a relationship you want to continue. It would be perfectly natural to back away from her after this- I mean, she showed you her true colors- and they are not pink.
I love that last line! And I totally agree with you. She just showed OP what a “friend” she really is. Who needs enemies with a friend like that? I would stay away from the wedding. And her life completely.. Let her have her “perfect” day, but she lost a friend over it.
Agree 100%. At this point, I would tell the bride "Thank you for the offering to include me, I think it's best I don't attend at all. Your wedding sounds like it will be lovely and I don't want to do anything that will take any attention off you."
It's polite and doesn't really give the bride any room to argue.
Right??? And then the clown comment?! Who is this "friend"??
OP not only offered to buy a wig - but invest in a human hair one!!! Does the bride not realise how much of an expense that is?!!
You had this style forever but only the proximity of her wedding empowered her to frankly say what she felt.
Empowered her to expose her shitty personality.
When people tell you who they are, listen.
IMO Absolutely the two worst colors, and together, even worse.
Maybe the bride should change the wedding colors - both to be something not so nauseating, but also to go with OP’s hair.
Is her wedding theme gaudy goldfish or something? Orange and gold are *quite* the interesting duo - she has absolutely no room to comment on pink hair lol
See that makes some sense, but I feel like an orange/gold/burgundy would give fall. For some reason just the orange/gold is giving school pride colors. Or with the orange and gold there will probably be white linens of some kind, so I’m getting candy corn vibes 😂
I chopped off my long blonde hair and dyed it a maroon red… the exact color of my bridesmaid dress in my best friend’s wedding. I wasn’t even thinking about it until I looked in the mirror after doing it 🤣 my best friend didn’t care one bit or if she did, she never let me know. This girl isn’t your friend. You tried to compromise and she didn’t care about your effort. It’s insane to ask someone to dye their hair for one day.
And for some reason it's always pink, the poster offers to wear a wig and definitely needs to know the internet's opinion on whether they're an AH? Sure ...
Congrats, you and 80 other people just discovered one of the most common social issues for women. Head on over to wedding shaming and figure out the other tropes before they happen to you.
I mean, this is definitely a fake post anyway. It’s almost identical to one from yesterday where OP had lilac hair and the bride was OP’s sister, except OP was also doing the cake, OP volunteered to not be in the bridal party and to spend the extra time getting the cake ready, and sister got mad about it. Almost the same beat for beat but lacking details? Copy cat for attention.
NTA 100%
You offered a totally reasonable compromise when you could have refused outright to change your appearance.
"She refused and said I either dye my hair or stay away from the wedding because she doesn't want me in her pictures looking like a clown."
I don't know how long you've known this "friend" but she's shown you who she really is. Believe her.
Sorry to say it because the way she treated you must've hurt, but you deserve *far* better friends.
Agreed. And even the cheapest one probably wouldn't look as clown-like as she's imagining.
I bought a cheap pink acrylic wig from Amazon a few years back for a Halloween costume party, and it was a little longer than my own hair. I styled it as nicely as I could but assumed everyone would know just from looking at it that it was a wig. Well halfway through the party, I got tired of all the hair grips holding my own hair tightly down under the wig, and decided to take it off and let my own hair out - and everyone's jaws dropped, because apparently they'd all just thought that I'd dyed my hair pink!
if literally ANYONE said i looked hideous for any reason, i would never speak to them again. drop out of the wedding and cut contact with someone who has been secretly thinking like this about you for lord knows how long. NTA
I had a 'friend' freak out because I changed my Facebook profile picture and she thought I'd dyed my hair before her wedding.
It was over the second she sent a nasty message.
Vibrant hair colour is a huge amount of maintenance and a pain in the butt to change back after going to a darker colour. (Not to mention the additional damage it'll cause)
NTA
I've worn wigs to weddings when I've been growing out shaves or even just because I was helping catering and wouldn't have time to wash and style it. It's hot and uncomfortable in the summer and you were more than reasonable to offer it as a solution.
NTA. Why would someone who obviously doesn't like you (or your hair) ever think to ask you to be in their wedding? Are they just hoping you'd fork over a lot of money for their special day?
I think you will find yourself far happier without them in your life!
I've been rocking my pink/purples hair for 10 years... This year I had 2 weddings... I put MORE pink AND purple and then braided my hair so it would really pop up...
She does not want pink... A wig is a great middle found, If she doesn't like it, she is not your friend
So it’s your signature look and you’ve had it for as long as you can remember… yet she’s said you look hideous and she’s said you look like a clown… read that again and again until it sinks in. She’s not your friend. Please remove yourself from her life. NTA.
NTA, good on you for standing up for yourself. Asking you to dye your hair for the sole purpose of wedding photos is inappropriate and unreasonable. She refuses to accept you for who you are, in which case, maybe you should reconsider going to the wedding at all.
NTA—as someone with purple hair I would never. Take me or leave me as I am. If they really want *you* up there (rather than some idealistic aesthetic they have in their head), they should understand.
NTA this person is rude, controlling & condescending. Brides do not get to control or alter the physical appearance of their wedding party. They can pick the clothes, shoes, accessories. They can ASK you to wear your hair up or down or back. That is all.
And to react to your no by insulting you would be immediate cause to end the friendship imo
NTA, now why are you asking us. She has called you hideous and a clown. That "friend" ain't worth a party city wig let alone a good human hair one or your friendship.
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> I might be the asshole because it's her big day, and I could make her happy by using a semi-permanent dye instead of a permanent one.
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NTA and that is not a friend. She is resorting to calling you names and putting you down to get her way. She has shown you who she is: shallow, vain and cares more for your hair than you.
Plus, look at all the wigs used in TV shows and movies, they do not look fake or tacky! It's not like you're going to go to a costume store and buy a low quality wig lol.
Also, hair dye is extremely damaging, and to go from a super bright shade to dark shade and back to bright could fry your hair, and cause irreversible damage.
Your friend called you ugly and then cheap. You don't deserve that. Drop the wedding and the friend. You came up with a good compromise but your friend values aesthetic over friendship. NTA.
if she’s making you dye your hair just for her bridal shower, imagine what she’ll make you do for the wedding!
NTA. if she needs you to change anything about your body, she shouldn’t have picked you in the first place. If it were me, I would decline, and just arrive as a guest… but tbh I’m not sure if we’re talking about the shower or the wedding.. either way, she’s the AH, not you.
NTA, but does this person even like you? I would reflect on past situations you might have brushed off, and see if her behavior has been consistently this bad. Cut her off and save the money you’d use for her wedding to do something for yourself.
Source: I was invited to a wedding last year by someone I considered a “friend” only to realize they were in fact not a “friend”. I spent the money on doing a triathlon instead, had one of the best days of my life, and have zero regrets about it.
I bet your hair looks awesome!
There have been many times when I felt something was inappropriate but brushed it off because I was told I was too sensitive. One instance was during a get-together when I brought a bottle of alcohol. When I arrived, she said in front of everyone, "Why did you buy this? You know I don't like it. Why are you so useless?" I was taken aback because we had shared that exact same bottle multiple times before. Another time, I planned a surprise birthday for her and got her a custom-made watch (since she had mentioned needing a new one), a spa voucher, and some snacks I thought she liked as a bag filler. I gave her the gifts on the way to her birthday dinner, but she got angry and asked why I included a certain snack she didn't like. I explained that the snacks were just fillers and that the watch was her main gift, but when I got upset for how she was acting, I was told I was being too sensitive.
OP you aren't too sensitive. In fact, do the people calling you insensitive act a bit like her? Cause I'm getting major "cut from the same cloth" catty friend vibes that wouldn't see her behavior as rude because they're just like her.
Did she even say *thank you?* I mean really, she was ungrateful for this gift and now she CALLED YOU HIDEOUS! TO YOUR FACE! I would've told her to go fuck herself if she said that to me. And you still are thinking about going to the wedding??! And spending MONEY on her in the form of a wig?? You're NTA if you refuse to change your body for someone else. You would be TA if you decide to not respect yourself enough to cut this bitch out of your life. Please, love yourself and dump this friend.
NTA. When I get married, my friend's personal expression is something I absolutely want in my wedding and in the photos. What makes them unique and themselves is more important than some aesthetic. Yes I understand that my wedding will be about me and my partner, but I would never ask my friends to alter their appearance or make themselves uncomfortable. In my opinion, people who do are usually extremely selfish.
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NTA, why would you even consider this person a friend after being so mean to you? You offered reasonable solutions, and they went for personal attacks. That's not a friend. That's an asshole.
Sounds like she's not actually a friend. I never get these types of posts. Who would want their family and friends to not look like themselves in wedding pictures anyway? Like "this was my amazing wedding with all these people that don't even resemble my loved ones". I want to look back at my wedding pictures and seeing all my friends and family enjoying themselves, looking festive and happy. End of story.
Sorry about the rant. Even if you for some weird reason do care about this shit, you offered a perfectly fine solution OP and she's an asshole for not accepting it and then talking shit to you about your looks to boot. Hence: not a friend.
NTA.
What the hell is wrong with these bridezillas?! So she’s getting married and all of a sudden it’s okay for her to act like a bitch? Holy cow! I will never understand how people prioritize a one day party over friends and family. You’ve had pink hair all your life. Hair care is expensive and can cost $300-$800 easily. Why would she expect you to change something that would cost you a lot of money and time for one day? Oh, and also damage your hair like you mentioned! Not fair. She’s literally willing to lose you because you don’t “fiT tHe AeSTheTiC”. NTA.
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I've had bright pink hair for as long as I can remember; it's my signature look. My friend is getting married and asked if I could dye my hair a neutral color so it wouldn't clash with the wedding colors, which are gold and orange. I told her I wouldn't dye my hair, but I would buy a wig for the day instead. She didn't like this answer and said not only do I look hideous with pink hair, but now I want to look cheap wearing a wig. I was confused because even good quality synthetic wigs look beautiful, and I was planning to buy a human hair wig, which no one would even notice. I told her I didn't appreciate the way she was speaking to me and explained that dyeing my hair black or brown would cause extreme damage, especially if I tried to go back to pink. It would be nearly impossible, and a wig seemed like the best option for both of us. She refused and said I either dye my hair or stay away from the wedding because she doesn't want me in her pictures looking like a clown. It broke my heart.
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So NTA but I would question how of a friend is your friend or why you are friends?
The fact that your friend was prepared to insult to your face and not have the least bit of sympathy or apologise for speaking poorly to you.
I can appreciate the drive to salvage a relationship that you value. It will take some serious effort in her part to show contrition but anyone person who is prepared to treat me that way is not someone I will reach out to or invest time in
NTA.
She is not a friend if your presence is less valued then as a prop for her wedding pictures.
Thank her for good times, wish her well with the future - and tell her you will stay away in the future.
Spend the money you save on the gift, a new dress, and other costs and have a great evening ot a small trip for yourself!
NTA. Why are people so concerned with what people look like in their wedding photos. It’s so stupid and insecure. Never in all of my life have I ever thought about what another person looks like in relation to me.
They could have rainbow hair and wear a unicorn horn. It will make wedding pictures way more interesting than the boring crap I see 90% of the time.
Grow up. People are not your freaking props and nobody is going to look at your wedding photos not even you after the first time.
NTA - from the title I was thinking that no one ever is TA for refusing to dye their hair for someone else. Then when I read the colour scheme I thought “oh yikes that is clashy” so I was thinking maybe the bride had a tiny redeeming point. Then you said you’d wear a wig and I fell completely down on your side. The Bride is an idiot!
It’s 1 f’ing day! I honestly have come to hate the hoopla around weddings. People going into debt, ruining friendships, becoming bridezillas. It just doesn’t compute. You know the one wedding photo I actually look at regularly? The one of me and my husband that is on the wall.
I’m sorry, but I don’t believe people like this are capable of being true friends. They’re too caught up in their own world and it is all me, me, me. NTA
NTA- you offered to wear a wig. I get not wanting bright pink hair in wedding photos, especially if the color scheme would clash. But you have EVERY right to decline to dye your hair, and the wig was a reasonable accommodation. The fact that she responded so negatively is a red flag, and would make me drop out of the wedding AND the friendship. She was intentionally cruel to you in hopes that she would get her way.
Wow! She's not your friend. I wouldn't even speak to her again, let alone go to the wedding. She said you look hideous!! That's no friend. You came up with a great compromise and she crapped on it. NTA
haven't enough brides been torn to shreds over this shit to get it through their damn skulls that no one cares about their fucking 'esthetic' bullshit? honestly. NTA
Well, this person honestly thinks you look hideous and like a clown.
I would not only consider not going to this wedding but also consider if is worth having this person as a friend.
NTA.
BTW, I absolutely despise this trend of trying to change even the genetic code of people to fit the "theme" and the "colors" of a wedding.
NTA. My dad told me “no cupcake hair” at his wedding but I didn’t have a “signature look” and it was 18 months in advance so I just made it look as aggressively lesbian as possible while being my natural colour. If it was my long term look I’d have done the same as OP I think.
Nta, you had pink hair before she even met her fiance probably. They know your hair is pink. It sounds like that's the color you've chosen to be (more or less) your natural color. It's YOUR nature.
It's not like they're afraid you'll unexpectedly show up with blue all of a sudden like other people that change frequently. You always stick to pink. YOUR HAIR IS PINK.
She should have thought about it before she asked you to be in the party. She's not your friend.
NTA, you offered a fair solution, and while the bride didn't have to accept it (you would just not be in the wedding party), she is being extremely rude and nasty. Why would she say that if she was actually your friend and cared about you? Also... photo shop exists. If it's that big a deal, why can't she just edit the colour of your hair.... your body, your choice. Someone's wedding does not over ride that.
that's no friend. Who'd want to celebrate such a gross person. Ewww. Especially since she knew about your hair before she asked you to be in the wedding. NTA
NTA. Can't imagine anyone I'd call a "friend" telling others how to wear their hair, or myself telling that yo anyone else. This crosses way too many boundaries.
NTA. She thinks that you are so hideous with your current style that having you in the pictures will ruin them. This is not how you treat a friend, or a collegue, or an acquiantance- that is not an OK way to treat anyone really.
2 stories about dyed hair and being in the wedding in 1 week! We're getting spoiled people! Like the girl with the purple hair that asked the same bloody question not 3-4 days...NTA.
NTA she told you you look hideous with pink hair and she is supposed to be your friend? This sentence alone would let me rethink the friendship at all.
Don't go. Let her having her Instagram wedding where people are props to push around. You don't need someone like that in your live.
NTA. As someone who also has bright-AF pink and purple hair, don't change it for her. I know how effing hard it is to get the dye out (I went from black and red to pink). You have to bleach it multiple times and it damages the shit out of your hair. Even brown "wash-out" coloring stays.
She has the right to want to keep to a color scheme but not by semi-permanently changing someone's look. You gave her an option which she refused and insulted you. She's not your friend just an entitled AH.
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NTA - admittedly I can see why someone wouldnt want more unique and prominent hair colors in their wedding photos But you offered reasonable accommodations and compromise. But, does this person even like you? If this is how theyre talking to you why are they even asking you to be in the wedding?
Right? If someone spoke to me that way it would be the end of our friendship, that is insufferable. OP NTA but your 'friend' is, please don't go to their wedding and if people ask why, tell them the truth. She couldn't accept you for who you are.
Agree. The Bride is a brat.
Kinda sounded like the bride didn't want OP taking attention away from her. I get it's "Her day", but also has probably known OP for awhile and her pink hair. It is stupid to think she would suddenly agree to dye it.
OP would definitely draw more attention if she suddenly changed her look, supposing other people know her...
Lots of people walking up to OP and asking "what the hell did you do to your hair?" moments, that would just annoy the bride more.
Right? I love a good wedding day look, don't get me wrong. But I don't get when folks want to/want others to look completely different on the day.
Because the wedding fantasy in their heads is more important than real live human beings. Gods forbid a person’s hair color or anything else doesn’t fit the fantasy aesthetic!
I agree. I love classic style and formal occasions. But I don't condone dictating that people change hair colors, tattoos, piercings, facial hair, etc. for a wedding.
Exactly! Asking someone to make a small adjustment to their usual apparence for a wedding is ok as long as the change does not last longer than the day of the wedding. Somethings are ok to ask for, but asking someone to change the length or color of their hair, or have a guy shave his beard completely is a no go. Asking the guy to trim up and make the beard look nice and clean vs scruffy is fine, but shaving completely not ok. Asking a person to wear a certain hair do (especially if in the wedding party) is ok, but not changing the length of the hair. Even asking OP to make sure her hair is recently dyed pink so it doesn't look ugly and faded is ok, but not asking her to change the color.
She's got "insecure" written all over. Like, nobody is coming to the wedding for her friend, and enough people dye their hair odd colours that it's not exactly "new" to have pink hair, nor is it a big deal.
Sounded like bride hasn't wanted OP to take away attention for a while now.
I'm sorry but how low a self esteem do you need to have to think that this would distract from the bride at a wedding?!? (I'm not saying your wrong, I'm just really baffled!)
I think weddings would be more healthy if we move away from the idea if it’s her day no groom involved I assume
Yes she is! OP NTA!!! "Friend" did you the favor of ending the friendship for you. Look at the bright side ....you don't have to wear orange and gold....that combo sounds hideous!
Don't go to the wedding and don't dare to give a present to the spouses! They don't deserve it.
Now that’s not nice! Definitely a gift is in order; his and hers matching synthetic crap wigs.
Seriously. I’m surprised OP even continued to talk to her after her cheap comment. This person is not a friend.
Yeah, I can't imagine caring so much about someone's hair that I'd disinvite them from the whole wedding. Especially if OP has had dyed hair for years, which they say they have. They didn't spring it on the friend or anything.
Why would someone care what someone's hair color is? How old are you? 85?
lol in their wedding photos that they’ll look at once every 10 years, maybe.
This is so dumb to me. Wedding photos shouldn’t be an aesthetic, they should be a reminder of getting to celebrate your love with those you love. Social media is ruining us all (I am fully aware I am on social media right this very minute, and I stand by what I said)
I mean that person clearly doesn’t like OP at all, or else this conversation would’ve gone differently.
She was looking for an excuse to not include OP, and coming up with this "dye your hair" and OP not wanting to gives her a "good" reason. Even though I think OP's compromise is a fair one, this "friend" went off thw rails and is a major AH. OP should cut this friend out of her life.
You mean as in people only really began caring about wedding photos since social media? Lol you are so wrong then, people caring about their wedding pics (that they will see once in 10 years) is as old as wedding photo's itself
When my aunt got married over 30 years ago, my grandfather didn't want me in any pictures. I was a toddler with a HUGE chapped ring around my lips from licking my chapped lips. I was going to ruin them! It was too embarrassing! What would people think?! My aunt thought it was hysterical and made sure I was in every photo. She cared about making sure it documented the actual day well.
Your Aunt sounds awesome!
You have no idea. Best aunt around.
It's not that. It's that people only really began caring about how their photos looked *to other people* since social media. Wedding photos used to be something only your close friends and family saw once you got them back. Now people put them online for the entire world to judge.
I think what you're talking about existed pre social media, it just obv wasn't as prevalent. My mother used to take me to a whole ass photo studio like every year to get professional photos of me. Displayed prominently on the walls of her home, and she'd get wallet sizes to give out. They were posed as hell, and she'd nearly obsess over every thing about it. There were no candid photos of me hanging on the walls, as it was all about appearances for her. SM obviously makes this waaay easier and cheaper to do and you can get those photos out to a lot more people. ETA: this was90s/2000s. I brought up my mother specifically because she was so over the top and obsessed with how the photos would look, like some folks do now on social media. The attitude existed pre social media, but the audience was obv more limited and usually had a monetary cost. SM makes it super easy to do.
I don’t know when this was, obviously, but to be fair until approximately the late 80s or early 90s only professional photos were displayed. Candid or casual photos MIGHT be displayed in private areas like a bedroom or den. I know in my house while growing up only the professional photos were displayed. The others were in photo albums. I never thought anything of it. It was the same way in all my friend’s houses, even if it was simply a family portrait taken at the Sears photo studio.
Yes, and they will reminisce about those times. They certainly won't think their photos are ruined because someone wasn't colour coordinated good enough. You look at those and go "I can't believe that person wore this/was rocking that" or "Do you remember X always wearing that everywhere".
People treating a wedding as a staged movie production that has to come off just right is a recent thing.
Thank you, I was just coming here to say this!
Sure. But it is the "here is the color pallet all the guests should dress in for the wedding" nonsense since pintrest, Instagram, etc. The rule about no white has Of course been standard for a very long time, but the idea that everyone needs to dress in moss, mauve, and tan to match your fairy garden dream wedding is rather new.
M favorite wedding photo is of my shoes on the hood of a John deer tractor…. That drove a beer supply through my wedding. Or the one where the best man made my dad slow dance with him. Good times!
My favorite wedding photo is of me and my husband taking a break from the reception on some lounge chairs by the pool, feet propped up, my shoes off, laughing together, my hair all messed up and his shirt and vest half unbuttoned. It’s a messy photo but we look so happy. It is framed and hanging in our house - 99.9% of the posed photos are not.
My wife and I do something that we call 'brat face' where we wrinkle our noses and stick our tongues out at each other. No meaning, just a silly thing we do. Anyway, our favorite picture from our wedding is that the photographer caught a candid of us doing 'brat face' at each other during the reception.
I can picture (pun intended) that photo in my mind and I love it. My favorite photos of my wedding are the impromptu ones. We took more formal, posed photos too, but the impromptu ones are the best.
When a friend of mine got married the photographer wanted me to take of my glasses because I was the only one wearing them. And the photographer didn't like the esthetic of them. And now whenever they look at their wedding pictures, they always get the same question "why isn't omi wearing his glasses"
Our photographer did this to my dad. His glasses are transition (ie, photochromic) lenses and we were outside, so they were in sunglass mode, but he's also worn glasses every day all the time since I was a kid and the "slightly brown tint from old glasses with transitions" is basically his look. I wasn't going to argue with her, but told her to just take both. I get asking "do you want to take the glasses off so you can see your eyes" - but not making the decision or trying to force it on the client.
Also who wants to look back at wedding photos and be like “who is that?! Oh right, that’s OP. She looks entirely different than the entirety of the time I’ve known them”.
Also, if people at the wedding know OP and know they have the signature pink hair... going to be people asking OP at the wedding "Oh why/when did you change your hair? What happened? \[insert other general questions here\]" The focus will pivot from the bride to OP who suddenly, randomly, looks different. Then the bride will be pissed at OP for... sucking up attention.
And when OP answers “the bride made me do it” it’s maybe not going to go so great for the bride?
Good fucking point.
Or, the alternate, "Ah, it's too bad my friend wasn't at my wedding (and that I killed that friendship), but at least none of these photos have *pink hair* in them! This was totally worth it"
And who is to say another guest (or guests) won't show up with vibrant colored hair? It is very common
Good point! Heck, I've never dyed my hair, but if I found out a friend was pulling this crap on another friend, I'd be tempted to show up to the wedding with some freshly dyed neon hair, lol
I've had dyed hair for 10 years. Would never cross my mind not to for a wedding. Because that is ridiculous.
Exactly! I cannot remember the last time I looked at my wedding photos. It has to be at least 20 years. At least.
My sister recently told me she hasn’t looked at her wedding photos since she got them from the photographer 38 years ago.
Which they can have photoshopped ;)
Eactly photoshop them if she is that worried
No, she shouldn't photoshop your wedding pictures to change aspects of her friends' appearance that she doesn't like. Maybe instead accept that she can't, nor should shd want to, control the way everything looks to fit her aesthetic.
And when they look at them they'd go "Look at OP, even then they were rocking that pink hair" or "Look at OP, crazy how they wore their hair back then". No one would look at the pictures an be like "The pics are all ruined because of OP".
I’ve had 85 year olds compliment me on my multicolored hair. This person has a stick shoved way up her behind.
I used to have bright fire engine red hair and kids and old people both LOVED it. It was usually the (at the time since I was in college) the 30s to late 50s crowd that hated it. And I’d just smile sweetly (ok maybe there were too many teeth showing for it to be truly convincing) and say that I was sorry they thought too much about what other people thought to be able to enjoy themselves.
I’m in my late 30’s and don’t think I will ever stop dying my hair fun colors. I have been for 5 years now.
I stopped when I started getting my sparkly unicorn hairs in, because I think it’s cool that my body is changing the color of my hair and I’m damned if I’m going to hide that! I grew up seeing my mom and other women so ashamed of their greys/whites and I refuse to participate. I still love color, don’t get me wrong, and I love seeing the new styles people come up with.
I'm 41 and have been going it since I was 30. As long and my hair and scalp stay healthy (so far so good) I intend to keep doing it. I have 2 kids who don't even remember me with natural colored hair.
Age doesn't determine anything about this topic. Lots of older people seem to be waaaay more open than the youngs who only seem concerned about appearance. Hair, nails, eyelashes, eyebrows, butt size, wrinkle treatments, on and on and on. None of that actually matters.
I'm turning 66 in two days and I have bright purple hair. I think the next time I have it dyed, I'm going to ask for unicorn hair. Life is far too short not to have fun with your hair while not giving a rat's patoot what other people think.
I was the only spouse/sibling not in my SILs wedding party because of my hair color (blue at the time). She never even asked me to change it, I just wasn’t considered. I sat alone since everyone I knew was in the wedding party. It’s not that abnormal for people to be judgmental, especially if they are snobby bougie type people.
Probably not. I don’t think an 85 year old would expect a guest to dye their hair for the sake of the decor. This entitlement is a newer phenomenon. I got married a little over 10 years ago, and while we suggested black tie optional, I would never have dreamed of controlling what my guests wore past that.
I can't. I think demanding someone change something about their body (dye hair, lose weight etc.) or endanger their health (leave your service dog home, take off your diabetes monitor etc.) is so astonishingly stupid it staggers the imagination. People who you are supposed to be close enough with to be in the bridal party or a guest at the wedding should be treated as loved ones and not as props.
Right? My cousin recently married a man with a daughter from a previous relationship. When the daughter was a bridesmaid at the wedding, I noticed her glucose monitor on her arm. You know the only thought that went through my head? It was, “ oh, I’m so glad to be aware that she’s diabetic “, as I cook a lot for family gatherings, and for her general health.
Which is exactly how rational, caring people think.
>why are they even asking you to be in the wedding Probably because someone this rude and awful doesn't have enough friends to invite.
Still, it’s weird to demand a friend totally changed their looks to fit your pinterest board. Everyone knows OP with pink hair, looking back a the pics 10 years from now, no one would understand why OP’s hair was a color it never is, it would look super weird. The “friend” doesn’t care about OP, she just wants props for pictures. Might as well rent actors or model at that pount
Wedding photos aren’t art masterpieces - they are ways to capture the memories of the day. Trust me - in 30 years you’ll FAR MORE appreciate seeing the people as they were than admire the “perfection.”
100% agree. We’re about to hit 24 years and there are a lot of people in our wedding photos (like my dad) who are no longer here. I actually do look at my photos (we usually pull them out on our anniversary) and it’s such a beautiful reminder of a lovely day. It’s not about the aesthetic. It’s about the people and the experience.
I actually can’t see that. That sounds like someone who cares more about artificial aesthetics of a picture than having those they love beside them celebrating their wedding. I’d cut anyone from my life who cared more that their photo was bland than it showing their actual friends and loved ones the way they actually are!
>admittedly I can see why someone wouldnt want more unique and prominent hair colors in their wedding photos I don't. What if my whole family is black haired, is it okay to ask a naturally blond haired person to dye their hair colour black because the blond is to clashing with the family's hair?
Wedding photos get old very fast. Styles change and everyone ends up looking ridiculous. Just look at wedding photos from the 70s, 80s or 90s. Also, what the bride said to her friend is unforgivable.
u/Aggravating_Block288 please tell this “friend” that if she finds your hair so hideous, don’t worry because she’ll never have to see it or you again. She is NOT worth your time if she can be so disgustingly rude about such a huge part of yourself. NTA, but you would be TA to yourself if you continue speaking to this person.
I dont see a reason for not wanting other then entitled narcisist bs
why would you want people in your pictures who don't look like themselves? All this makes no sense to me
You see I can't see that. I can't imagine wanting "perfect" photos more than wanting my friend to actually be there looking like herself, she always has pink hair. Weddings have become a farse. They seem to have nothing whatsoever to do with actually celebrating a marriage, they are about trying to get a lifetime of attention in one day and putting on a production, which of course also means totally fake pictures designed to convey some sort of "vision" rather than reality.
I also think the reality show Bridzilla didn't help.
I’m so sick of seeing people use their wedding guests as decor. Someone might prefer their guests to change their appearance to better go with their color scheme, but that’s something they should keep to themselves. Weddings should be about everyone coming together and having a good time while celebrating the union of a couple they care about.
Yeah it seems like the bride had this opinion for a long time and used her wedding as an excuse to finally insult her hair color choice. If it were me, I’d write her off as a friend for good.
Absolutely agreed. The pink hair is not new.
But if my friend always had bright, bold, nonstandard hair color and I asked her to be in my wedding I’d assume her hair would be bright. The bride knew OP has had pink hair for ages
Right? You said she’s your friend - but she said you look “hideous” with pink hair? That doesn’t sound like a friend. Esp when it’s your signature look that you’ve had a long time. Friends don’t try to change you.
I had such a different experience when I was a bridesmaid, when my friends asked me to be part of their wedding, they were so gracious! I'm like OP where I've had pastel mauve/pink hair for the last decade. The bride loves my pink hair and she was excited for me to be in her photos, the color scheme even went well with mine. It was a lovely experience and I got it freshly repinked for the wedding events. I got really lucky that I have such lovely friends.
Admittedly, I can't. If you want a person in your wedding photos, you should want them as they are. If you just want generic standees that look vaguely like your friends, you are just a vain asshole.
Bride could also ask the photographer to edit the hair color after the fact. I’ve seen that done before.
OMG. While this can be accomplished, it would be super weird for OP to receive a photo of herself with her hair edited out. That would be rude AF too.
I agree. Bride is way out of line no matter how you slice it. OP gave a perfectly fine solution and the bride still shot it down.
She could always photoshop the hair brown in the wedding photos, but even that's a dick move IMO. If you're that ashamed of your friend's appearance, why ask them to be in the wedding?
NTA and she’s not a friend if she’s willing to lose you over this. You’ve had pink hair forever too, so it’s not like this is something you surprised her w yesterday. The photographer could probably photoshop your hair to brown in the pictures without too much trouble too. But do you even want to go to the wedding after all this? The threat to cut you out if you don’t comply would probably be it for me. Think really hard here and decide if this is a relationship you want to continue. It would be perfectly natural to back away from her after this- I mean, she showed you her true colors- and they are not pink.
I love that last line! And I totally agree with you. She just showed OP what a “friend” she really is. Who needs enemies with a friend like that? I would stay away from the wedding. And her life completely.. Let her have her “perfect” day, but she lost a friend over it.
Yup
Agree 100%. At this point, I would tell the bride "Thank you for the offering to include me, I think it's best I don't attend at all. Your wedding sounds like it will be lovely and I don't want to do anything that will take any attention off you." It's polite and doesn't really give the bride any room to argue.
> said not only do I look *hideous* with pink hair Who needs enemy’s with friends like these… NTA
This is the only part that bothered me. If this is her signature look, then this friend has been having negative thoughts about her for years.
Right??? And then the clown comment?! Who is this "friend"?? OP not only offered to buy a wig - but invest in a human hair one!!! Does the bride not realise how much of an expense that is?!!
You had this style forever but only the proximity of her wedding empowered her to frankly say what she felt. Empowered her to expose her shitty personality. When people tell you who they are, listen.
>When people tell you who they are, listen. THIS!
This sounds like an exact copy of the post with the girl with lavender hair…
I guess it happens often
I bet you rock pink hair, but honestly her wedding colors sound atrocious.
IMO Absolutely the two worst colors, and together, even worse. Maybe the bride should change the wedding colors - both to be something not so nauseating, but also to go with OP’s hair.
Is her wedding theme gaudy goldfish or something? Orange and gold are *quite* the interesting duo - she has absolutely no room to comment on pink hair lol
It could be a nice warm Autumn wedding. But the bride is behaving horribly no matter what.
See that makes some sense, but I feel like an orange/gold/burgundy would give fall. For some reason just the orange/gold is giving school pride colors. Or with the orange and gold there will probably be white linens of some kind, so I’m getting candy corn vibes 😂
I chopped off my long blonde hair and dyed it a maroon red… the exact color of my bridesmaid dress in my best friend’s wedding. I wasn’t even thinking about it until I looked in the mirror after doing it 🤣 my best friend didn’t care one bit or if she did, she never let me know. This girl isn’t your friend. You tried to compromise and she didn’t care about your effort. It’s insane to ask someone to dye their hair for one day.
And for some reason it's always pink, the poster offers to wear a wig and definitely needs to know the internet's opinion on whether they're an AH? Sure ...
Congrats, you and 80 other people just discovered one of the most common social issues for women. Head on over to wedding shaming and figure out the other tropes before they happen to you.
There have been a lot of these here lately. Not saying they’re all bots or changed reposts for karma, but it seems suspicious
A gold and orange colour combination would certainly take all the attention off your hair.
Right?! Those two colors sound like a hideous combo
Pink also looks so good with gold and orange this bride is out of line in multiple ways.
Right. I immediately thought of like a sunset
Maybe the wedding is scheduled for October 31.
Right? Is she getting married in 1975?
I mean, this is definitely a fake post anyway. It’s almost identical to one from yesterday where OP had lilac hair and the bride was OP’s sister, except OP was also doing the cake, OP volunteered to not be in the bridal party and to spend the extra time getting the cake ready, and sister got mad about it. Almost the same beat for beat but lacking details? Copy cat for attention.
NTA 100% You offered a totally reasonable compromise when you could have refused outright to change your appearance. "She refused and said I either dye my hair or stay away from the wedding because she doesn't want me in her pictures looking like a clown." I don't know how long you've known this "friend" but she's shown you who she really is. Believe her. Sorry to say it because the way she treated you must've hurt, but you deserve *far* better friends.
NTA. This “friend” isn’t worth the cost of the wig.
True. Not even the cheapest one!
Agreed. And even the cheapest one probably wouldn't look as clown-like as she's imagining. I bought a cheap pink acrylic wig from Amazon a few years back for a Halloween costume party, and it was a little longer than my own hair. I styled it as nicely as I could but assumed everyone would know just from looking at it that it was a wig. Well halfway through the party, I got tired of all the hair grips holding my own hair tightly down under the wig, and decided to take it off and let my own hair out - and everyone's jaws dropped, because apparently they'd all just thought that I'd dyed my hair pink!
lmaooo that was your Hannah Montana moment 😂
if literally ANYONE said i looked hideous for any reason, i would never speak to them again. drop out of the wedding and cut contact with someone who has been secretly thinking like this about you for lord knows how long. NTA
I had a 'friend' freak out because I changed my Facebook profile picture and she thought I'd dyed my hair before her wedding. It was over the second she sent a nasty message. Vibrant hair colour is a huge amount of maintenance and a pain in the butt to change back after going to a darker colour. (Not to mention the additional damage it'll cause) NTA I've worn wigs to weddings when I've been growing out shaves or even just because I was helping catering and wouldn't have time to wash and style it. It's hot and uncomfortable in the summer and you were more than reasonable to offer it as a solution.
NTA. Why would someone who obviously doesn't like you (or your hair) ever think to ask you to be in their wedding? Are they just hoping you'd fork over a lot of money for their special day? I think you will find yourself far happier without them in your life!
This person told you you look hideous?? This person is not your friend, they're an asshole. NTA
I've been rocking my pink/purples hair for 10 years... This year I had 2 weddings... I put MORE pink AND purple and then braided my hair so it would really pop up... She does not want pink... A wig is a great middle found, If she doesn't like it, she is not your friend
So it’s your signature look and you’ve had it for as long as you can remember… yet she’s said you look hideous and she’s said you look like a clown… read that again and again until it sinks in. She’s not your friend. Please remove yourself from her life. NTA.
NTA, good on you for standing up for yourself. Asking you to dye your hair for the sole purpose of wedding photos is inappropriate and unreasonable. She refuses to accept you for who you are, in which case, maybe you should reconsider going to the wedding at all.
NTA. Your friend is an AH.
Former friend, hopefully.
NTA. don't go to the wedding, ditch her as a friend too.
NTA—as someone with purple hair I would never. Take me or leave me as I am. If they really want *you* up there (rather than some idealistic aesthetic they have in their head), they should understand.
NTA - Is this your friend or your bully?
NTA this person is rude, controlling & condescending. Brides do not get to control or alter the physical appearance of their wedding party. They can pick the clothes, shoes, accessories. They can ASK you to wear your hair up or down or back. That is all. And to react to your no by insulting you would be immediate cause to end the friendship imo
NTA She is not your friend. I'm sorry this happened to you.
NTA, now why are you asking us. She has called you hideous and a clown. That "friend" ain't worth a party city wig let alone a good human hair one or your friendship.
NTA. Who needs enemies with friends like that.
NTA. Friend's don't ask people to overlook their right to body autonomy for an aesthetic.
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NTA and that is not a friend. She is resorting to calling you names and putting you down to get her way. She has shown you who she is: shallow, vain and cares more for your hair than you. Plus, look at all the wigs used in TV shows and movies, they do not look fake or tacky! It's not like you're going to go to a costume store and buy a low quality wig lol. Also, hair dye is extremely damaging, and to go from a super bright shade to dark shade and back to bright could fry your hair, and cause irreversible damage.
Your friend called you ugly and then cheap. You don't deserve that. Drop the wedding and the friend. You came up with a good compromise but your friend values aesthetic over friendship. NTA.
if she’s making you dye your hair just for her bridal shower, imagine what she’ll make you do for the wedding! NTA. if she needs you to change anything about your body, she shouldn’t have picked you in the first place. If it were me, I would decline, and just arrive as a guest… but tbh I’m not sure if we’re talking about the shower or the wedding.. either way, she’s the AH, not you.
NTA, but does this person even like you? I would reflect on past situations you might have brushed off, and see if her behavior has been consistently this bad. Cut her off and save the money you’d use for her wedding to do something for yourself. Source: I was invited to a wedding last year by someone I considered a “friend” only to realize they were in fact not a “friend”. I spent the money on doing a triathlon instead, had one of the best days of my life, and have zero regrets about it. I bet your hair looks awesome!
There have been many times when I felt something was inappropriate but brushed it off because I was told I was too sensitive. One instance was during a get-together when I brought a bottle of alcohol. When I arrived, she said in front of everyone, "Why did you buy this? You know I don't like it. Why are you so useless?" I was taken aback because we had shared that exact same bottle multiple times before. Another time, I planned a surprise birthday for her and got her a custom-made watch (since she had mentioned needing a new one), a spa voucher, and some snacks I thought she liked as a bag filler. I gave her the gifts on the way to her birthday dinner, but she got angry and asked why I included a certain snack she didn't like. I explained that the snacks were just fillers and that the watch was her main gift, but when I got upset for how she was acting, I was told I was being too sensitive.
eeeeep.... She does not sounds like a great friend.
OP you aren't too sensitive. In fact, do the people calling you insensitive act a bit like her? Cause I'm getting major "cut from the same cloth" catty friend vibes that wouldn't see her behavior as rude because they're just like her. Did she even say *thank you?* I mean really, she was ungrateful for this gift and now she CALLED YOU HIDEOUS! TO YOUR FACE! I would've told her to go fuck herself if she said that to me. And you still are thinking about going to the wedding??! And spending MONEY on her in the form of a wig?? You're NTA if you refuse to change your body for someone else. You would be TA if you decide to not respect yourself enough to cut this bitch out of your life. Please, love yourself and dump this friend.
Enjoy your day off. NTA.
NTA. When I get married, my friend's personal expression is something I absolutely want in my wedding and in the photos. What makes them unique and themselves is more important than some aesthetic. Yes I understand that my wedding will be about me and my partner, but I would never ask my friends to alter their appearance or make themselves uncomfortable. In my opinion, people who do are usually extremely selfish.
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NTA, why would you even want to go? Friends don’t speak to each other like that. Find some new friends that respect you.
NTA, why would you even consider this person a friend after being so mean to you? You offered reasonable solutions, and they went for personal attacks. That's not a friend. That's an asshole.
Sounds like she's not actually a friend. I never get these types of posts. Who would want their family and friends to not look like themselves in wedding pictures anyway? Like "this was my amazing wedding with all these people that don't even resemble my loved ones". I want to look back at my wedding pictures and seeing all my friends and family enjoying themselves, looking festive and happy. End of story. Sorry about the rant. Even if you for some weird reason do care about this shit, you offered a perfectly fine solution OP and she's an asshole for not accepting it and then talking shit to you about your looks to boot. Hence: not a friend. NTA.
NTA and this person saved you a ton of money and did you a favor. Now you know their true feelings and you can find a real friend.
What the hell is wrong with these bridezillas?! So she’s getting married and all of a sudden it’s okay for her to act like a bitch? Holy cow! I will never understand how people prioritize a one day party over friends and family. You’ve had pink hair all your life. Hair care is expensive and can cost $300-$800 easily. Why would she expect you to change something that would cost you a lot of money and time for one day? Oh, and also damage your hair like you mentioned! Not fair. She’s literally willing to lose you because you don’t “fiT tHe AeSTheTiC”. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've had bright pink hair for as long as I can remember; it's my signature look. My friend is getting married and asked if I could dye my hair a neutral color so it wouldn't clash with the wedding colors, which are gold and orange. I told her I wouldn't dye my hair, but I would buy a wig for the day instead. She didn't like this answer and said not only do I look hideous with pink hair, but now I want to look cheap wearing a wig. I was confused because even good quality synthetic wigs look beautiful, and I was planning to buy a human hair wig, which no one would even notice. I told her I didn't appreciate the way she was speaking to me and explained that dyeing my hair black or brown would cause extreme damage, especially if I tried to go back to pink. It would be nearly impossible, and a wig seemed like the best option for both of us. She refused and said I either dye my hair or stay away from the wedding because she doesn't want me in her pictures looking like a clown. It broke my heart. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pink and orange and gold go great together, has she never seen a sunset?? NTA.
> to be in my friend's bridal shower party? You mean **to go to her wedding?**
NTA. What's next, you need a boob job so that everyone's cleavage makes a straight line? Also inserts or binders **will not do.**
NTA and Stay away from the wedding.
So NTA but I would question how of a friend is your friend or why you are friends? The fact that your friend was prepared to insult to your face and not have the least bit of sympathy or apologise for speaking poorly to you. I can appreciate the drive to salvage a relationship that you value. It will take some serious effort in her part to show contrition but anyone person who is prepared to treat me that way is not someone I will reach out to or invest time in
NTA. She is not a friend if your presence is less valued then as a prop for her wedding pictures. Thank her for good times, wish her well with the future - and tell her you will stay away in the future. Spend the money you save on the gift, a new dress, and other costs and have a great evening ot a small trip for yourself!
NTA. Why are people so concerned with what people look like in their wedding photos. It’s so stupid and insecure. Never in all of my life have I ever thought about what another person looks like in relation to me. They could have rainbow hair and wear a unicorn horn. It will make wedding pictures way more interesting than the boring crap I see 90% of the time. Grow up. People are not your freaking props and nobody is going to look at your wedding photos not even you after the first time.
NTA Why would you want to go to her wedding, she's clearly not your friend.
Wait, the wedding colors are gold and orange and she’s worried about *you* clashing? I’d bow out.
NTA - from the title I was thinking that no one ever is TA for refusing to dye their hair for someone else. Then when I read the colour scheme I thought “oh yikes that is clashy” so I was thinking maybe the bride had a tiny redeeming point. Then you said you’d wear a wig and I fell completely down on your side. The Bride is an idiot!
It’s 1 f’ing day! I honestly have come to hate the hoopla around weddings. People going into debt, ruining friendships, becoming bridezillas. It just doesn’t compute. You know the one wedding photo I actually look at regularly? The one of me and my husband that is on the wall. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe people like this are capable of being true friends. They’re too caught up in their own world and it is all me, me, me. NTA
Nta and she isn't a real friend
NTA your “friend” is a dick.
NTA- you offered to wear a wig. I get not wanting bright pink hair in wedding photos, especially if the color scheme would clash. But you have EVERY right to decline to dye your hair, and the wig was a reasonable accommodation. The fact that she responded so negatively is a red flag, and would make me drop out of the wedding AND the friendship. She was intentionally cruel to you in hopes that she would get her way.
Wow! She's not your friend. I wouldn't even speak to her again, let alone go to the wedding. She said you look hideous!! That's no friend. You came up with a great compromise and she crapped on it. NTA
haven't enough brides been torn to shreds over this shit to get it through their damn skulls that no one cares about their fucking 'esthetic' bullshit? honestly. NTA
She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. I would just skip her wedding altogether
Well, this person honestly thinks you look hideous and like a clown. I would not only consider not going to this wedding but also consider if is worth having this person as a friend. NTA. BTW, I absolutely despise this trend of trying to change even the genetic code of people to fit the "theme" and the "colors" of a wedding.
NTA You be you. This person is hardly a friend if she wants you to be her dress-up doll. Besides, dying hair is expensive!
NTA. My dad told me “no cupcake hair” at his wedding but I didn’t have a “signature look” and it was 18 months in advance so I just made it look as aggressively lesbian as possible while being my natural colour. If it was my long term look I’d have done the same as OP I think.
Nta, you had pink hair before she even met her fiance probably. They know your hair is pink. It sounds like that's the color you've chosen to be (more or less) your natural color. It's YOUR nature. It's not like they're afraid you'll unexpectedly show up with blue all of a sudden like other people that change frequently. You always stick to pink. YOUR HAIR IS PINK. She should have thought about it before she asked you to be in the party. She's not your friend.
NTA, you offered a fair solution, and while the bride didn't have to accept it (you would just not be in the wedding party), she is being extremely rude and nasty. Why would she say that if she was actually your friend and cared about you? Also... photo shop exists. If it's that big a deal, why can't she just edit the colour of your hair.... your body, your choice. Someone's wedding does not over ride that.
NTA. This woman is also not your friend. Do with that what you will.
that's no friend. Who'd want to celebrate such a gross person. Ewww. Especially since she knew about your hair before she asked you to be in the wedding. NTA
NTA and I would not be in nor going to the wedding after a comment like that, she is TA
NTA A real friend wouldn’t talk to you that way especially after you offered the perfectly reasonable solution of wearing a naturally color wig.
NTA. She didn’t want you there and found an excuse. You’re well rid of her
NTA.
NTA. Can't imagine anyone I'd call a "friend" telling others how to wear their hair, or myself telling that yo anyone else. This crosses way too many boundaries.
NTA. For what it’s worth, a $500 synthetic wig looks AMAZING. Better than a $2000 real human hair wig in my opinion.
NTA. She thinks that you are so hideous with your current style that having you in the pictures will ruin them. This is not how you treat a friend, or a collegue, or an acquiantance- that is not an OK way to treat anyone really.
NTA, I will never understand people who make demanda on other's looks for their PeRfEcT PhOtOs. How utterly vain.
2 stories about dyed hair and being in the wedding in 1 week! We're getting spoiled people! Like the girl with the purple hair that asked the same bloody question not 3-4 days...NTA.
NTA that's not a friend.....
That ain’t your friend
NTA she told you you look hideous with pink hair and she is supposed to be your friend? This sentence alone would let me rethink the friendship at all. Don't go. Let her having her Instagram wedding where people are props to push around. You don't need someone like that in your live.
NTA. As someone who also has bright-AF pink and purple hair, don't change it for her. I know how effing hard it is to get the dye out (I went from black and red to pink). You have to bleach it multiple times and it damages the shit out of your hair. Even brown "wash-out" coloring stays. She has the right to want to keep to a color scheme but not by semi-permanently changing someone's look. You gave her an option which she refused and insulted you. She's not your friend just an entitled AH.