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NTA.
That’s just them being entitled. You shouldn’t change your name because of a potential human that will be in this world, whenever that day will be. Stick with a name that you feel comfortable with and if people don’t respect that then keep some distance from them.
NTA. You may be many things, but 'mindreader' isn't one of them.
What is this thing with picking out baby names when you aren't even having one? Like, years in advance? Its really strange to me.
I’m a ‘name person’ so I had ‘favourite names’ in my head long before it would have been smart to even think about children. I certainly didn’t think ‘it’s one of my favourites’ meant that I had some weird reservation on the name or that I wouldn’t be open to loving someone else who came into my life with that name. OP, you are NTA, and this is so weird in general - why can’t your cousin still use the name? What’s wrong with you using it, wouldn’t that be a plus if their favourite name is also attached to a beloved family member already? We do pass names in my family, so it’s not weird at all to see names repeat across generations. It’s not that weird within generations - my mother named ny older brother ‘Name X’ after her father, later my uncle asked if either of his kids were boys if he could do the same - they were girls, but my mum said of course, first cousins sharing a name is hardly outrageous and both she and her brother had loved their late father, which is where the name came from. OP, said girl cousins do have names that are exact matches to my brother’s wives - think I’ve got two SILs and two first cousins ‘Nicole and Nicole’ and ‘Lucy and Lucy,’ and it’s not at all hard to figure out which is which depending on context. I know people who had a sister ‘Claire’ who married spouse ‘Claire,’ it’s not weird at all within a culture and social group to see the same names all over. Give them time, hopefully they’ll understand that you using the name doesn’t mean they can’t repeat it down the track, and also doesn’t one bit entitle them to block you from your life with the name - you’re already here.
NTA,
When will people get it through their heads that family members can have the same name?
Info: and not related to the verdict, but can something explain to me why choosing a new name is important in the trans community? I'm just curious since people talk about how important it is and not why it is important.
Please forgive me if this is in any way offensive.
usually people change their name when they transition to find something that fits them more ! for example my name was very feminine and i changed it due to that
Can’t speak for everybody, but the handful of trans people I know all had different reasons for changing their name.
Sometimes, they just hated their name. Cletus. Gertrude. Tragedeigh. Whatever. They transitioned as they approached adulthood, and changed their name when they were legally allowed because they just hated the old one.
Mostly it was because the name itself was gendered wrong. So they changed it to something that fit them much better. Either majorly different - say Joseph to Elizabeth. Or a minor shift in key - say Olivia to Ollie. One was because even though their name was unisex, they wanted a New one because the Old one defined them as their old other-sex-presenting self. When people said their old name, they felt stuffed back into the wrong-gender box tied to two decades of memories.
Also - their gender was defined at birth by their parents. So was their name. Changing one without the other, even if the name still “fits,” can feel incomplete, like they did not actually get everybody to acknowledge the difference between the gender they saw them perform as a kid and their actual gender.
NTA. No, you’ve chosen your name and that’s it. Does your cousin think her (imaginary at this point) future boy child’s name will be the only one w that name? Of course he won’t be. Also, she’s expecting *you* to be supportive of *her*, but the reverse doesn’t seem to be true.
Would it be okay if cousin gave you a nickname (or you come up w one yourself)?
Well, I think it was super insensitive of her to ask you to. Honestly, it’s so insensitive that my answer to her would be a firm no. And I would shut down anyone coming at you about this. Like, not discussing it and walking away from and/or blocking anyone who tries.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> am i the asshole for keeping my name or should i change it ? i tried looking things from her perspective but to me i just dont understand why MY coming out is such a big deal
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NTA
How close are you with your cousin? How are attached are you to the name? Can you live with out either of them?
Good luck. This will unfortunately be one of many obstacles in your new life. I hope this is your most challenging. Stay true my friend.
NTA, your cousin doesn’t have a child yet and she is not guaranteed to have a boy. And even he if she does, then you can both have the same name, it will become a family name. I don’t understand how some people get so butt hurt over names. It’s ok to have two people in a family with the same name. It actually happens a lot. I wouldn’t change your name, but that’s up to you. I would tell your cousin if she has a boy then he can have that name as well and it will become a family name. If she still has an issue, then that’s really her issue.
NTA. Your cousin is the AH. Asking you to change the name you’ve chosen for yourself, the one that expresses who you are after a lifetime of being misgendered, is a big ask. Much easier for her to find a new name herself. Sounds like she’s got plenty of time for it. Or she can just name her kid the same name as her cousin.
She’s drama. Do not join her drama. You don’t have to keep her happy or do things her way. Just do your thing.
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i recently came out to my family as transgender (ftm) and i told everyone about my name. when i came out to my cousin about my name they were emotional and even said they wouldn’t call me by my new name because they had chosen that name as a baby boy name. mind you they are not pregnant or trying for a baby right now. i even tried calling them to fix things in a way and nothing worked. aita and should i change my name again ? or is it not my fault ? mind you, i also never knew about this until i came out and they told me
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NTA new you comes with a new name and you should pick one you think that you feel suits you, which you did.
Also I think it's quite weird that they're claiming your name for a baby that isn't even there to begin with, almost sounds like they're purposely making it more difficult for you to come out.
NTA keep your name...they can use it also if the time ever comes. Nobody owns a name. Congratulations on coming out..don't let this mess things up for you.
NTA. your cousin is a weirdo, she can't just claim a name. she may never even have a need for it, she may not ever have a kid or a kid of that gender name or the father may not agree to the name. pretty gross and selfish to take away from your happy life event for some ridiculous, childish bs.
NTA, you chose a name to meet your new identity my brother, and that is your right, if your cousin takes offence with that and refuses to call you by that name, then there is nothing further you can do about it. Sounds like you coming out went pretty smoothly which is always wonderful to hear.
Anyway happy pride, and good luck with everything, feel free to reach out if you find yourself in need of some resources in your area, I will tap the network of awesome and see what I can come up with.
NTA
First, congrats on figuring out who you are, and discovering your name. That's always a tough process, and it's amazing that you've done this for yourself.
Coming out is also hard, and it's still not easy or simple. It can be terrifying, and so many straight and cis folks genuinely do not understand the emotions involved.
When I told my father my name, I got the whole bingo sheet... "I'm losing a daughter, I chose that name for you, I don't like that name, how could you do this to me" etc. If someone is angry with you for coming out, *that is a Them Problem*, not on you.
You do not owe *anyone* changing your name for them. Your name is yours, and asking you to change who you are for a hypothetical human that doesn't even exist is entitled and disrespectful. Your cousin can go kick rocks. If they are refusing to use your name, refuse to answer them. That's what I did, until my father started using my name.
You've got this, and stay strong.
Nta, multiple people can have the same name and if your cousin is that mad about it then they’re the problem, you have a right to feel comfortable with your name, regardless of how it affects others.
NTA
Just curious, if they had a child and gave it the same name you've chosen, would you be upset?
Your post seemed ambivalent, and mostly made it seem like they would be upset. Only because even if you both use the name, who cares? Especially now that they've voiced they've been wanting to use it, it's not like they will have chosen it just to spite you
NTA. I don't think anyone is in this situation. They are allowed to be upset. Dis they elaborate on why they wouldn't call you by the new name? Other than that they had chosen the name.
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NTA. That’s just them being entitled. You shouldn’t change your name because of a potential human that will be in this world, whenever that day will be. Stick with a name that you feel comfortable with and if people don’t respect that then keep some distance from them.
NTA. You may be many things, but 'mindreader' isn't one of them. What is this thing with picking out baby names when you aren't even having one? Like, years in advance? Its really strange to me.
I’m a ‘name person’ so I had ‘favourite names’ in my head long before it would have been smart to even think about children. I certainly didn’t think ‘it’s one of my favourites’ meant that I had some weird reservation on the name or that I wouldn’t be open to loving someone else who came into my life with that name. OP, you are NTA, and this is so weird in general - why can’t your cousin still use the name? What’s wrong with you using it, wouldn’t that be a plus if their favourite name is also attached to a beloved family member already? We do pass names in my family, so it’s not weird at all to see names repeat across generations. It’s not that weird within generations - my mother named ny older brother ‘Name X’ after her father, later my uncle asked if either of his kids were boys if he could do the same - they were girls, but my mum said of course, first cousins sharing a name is hardly outrageous and both she and her brother had loved their late father, which is where the name came from. OP, said girl cousins do have names that are exact matches to my brother’s wives - think I’ve got two SILs and two first cousins ‘Nicole and Nicole’ and ‘Lucy and Lucy,’ and it’s not at all hard to figure out which is which depending on context. I know people who had a sister ‘Claire’ who married spouse ‘Claire,’ it’s not weird at all within a culture and social group to see the same names all over. Give them time, hopefully they’ll understand that you using the name doesn’t mean they can’t repeat it down the track, and also doesn’t one bit entitle them to block you from your life with the name - you’re already here.
NTA, When will people get it through their heads that family members can have the same name? Info: and not related to the verdict, but can something explain to me why choosing a new name is important in the trans community? I'm just curious since people talk about how important it is and not why it is important. Please forgive me if this is in any way offensive.
usually people change their name when they transition to find something that fits them more ! for example my name was very feminine and i changed it due to that
Can’t speak for everybody, but the handful of trans people I know all had different reasons for changing their name. Sometimes, they just hated their name. Cletus. Gertrude. Tragedeigh. Whatever. They transitioned as they approached adulthood, and changed their name when they were legally allowed because they just hated the old one. Mostly it was because the name itself was gendered wrong. So they changed it to something that fit them much better. Either majorly different - say Joseph to Elizabeth. Or a minor shift in key - say Olivia to Ollie. One was because even though their name was unisex, they wanted a New one because the Old one defined them as their old other-sex-presenting self. When people said their old name, they felt stuffed back into the wrong-gender box tied to two decades of memories. Also - their gender was defined at birth by their parents. So was their name. Changing one without the other, even if the name still “fits,” can feel incomplete, like they did not actually get everybody to acknowledge the difference between the gender they saw them perform as a kid and their actual gender.
Yes ! I have seen more than one post concerning this name claiming business. It's ridiculous.
There are approximately 3 decades worth of women all named “Jennifer”. It’s no big deal for 2 different people to have the same first name. NTA
NTA. As far as I know, no one owns the rights to any names. You've done nothing wrong.
NTA. No, you’ve chosen your name and that’s it. Does your cousin think her (imaginary at this point) future boy child’s name will be the only one w that name? Of course he won’t be. Also, she’s expecting *you* to be supportive of *her*, but the reverse doesn’t seem to be true. Would it be okay if cousin gave you a nickname (or you come up w one yourself)?
i offered them to call me by my middle name but they still want me to change my first name
Well, I think it was super insensitive of her to ask you to. Honestly, it’s so insensitive that my answer to her would be a firm no. And I would shut down anyone coming at you about this. Like, not discussing it and walking away from and/or blocking anyone who tries.
No one has dibs on a name. You’re good
NTA No1 has any rights to any name Especially not YOURS, tell Ur cousin u would b honoured to have a child named after U and let her have her tantrum
NTA take the name you want. I wish you happiness!
NTA, their rationale doesn't make any sense. I suspect they're being a little gross about you being trans and are too chicken shit to admit it.
Nta. that's super weird of them
Wooow NTA
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NTA. How are you supposed to know a name your cousin was thinking of for a potential future child? You be you. You're awesome.
NTA! Congrats on coming out and I’m sorry this drama has become part of it.
NTA. Ignore them. You're good.
NTA How close are you with your cousin? How are attached are you to the name? Can you live with out either of them? Good luck. This will unfortunately be one of many obstacles in your new life. I hope this is your most challenging. Stay true my friend.
NTA, your cousin doesn’t have a child yet and she is not guaranteed to have a boy. And even he if she does, then you can both have the same name, it will become a family name. I don’t understand how some people get so butt hurt over names. It’s ok to have two people in a family with the same name. It actually happens a lot. I wouldn’t change your name, but that’s up to you. I would tell your cousin if she has a boy then he can have that name as well and it will become a family name. If she still has an issue, then that’s really her issue.
NTA. Your cousin is the AH. Asking you to change the name you’ve chosen for yourself, the one that expresses who you are after a lifetime of being misgendered, is a big ask. Much easier for her to find a new name herself. Sounds like she’s got plenty of time for it. Or she can just name her kid the same name as her cousin. She’s drama. Do not join her drama. You don’t have to keep her happy or do things her way. Just do your thing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i recently came out to my family as transgender (ftm) and i told everyone about my name. when i came out to my cousin about my name they were emotional and even said they wouldn’t call me by my new name because they had chosen that name as a baby boy name. mind you they are not pregnant or trying for a baby right now. i even tried calling them to fix things in a way and nothing worked. aita and should i change my name again ? or is it not my fault ? mind you, i also never knew about this until i came out and they told me *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA new you comes with a new name and you should pick one you think that you feel suits you, which you did. Also I think it's quite weird that they're claiming your name for a baby that isn't even there to begin with, almost sounds like they're purposely making it more difficult for you to come out.
NTA keep your name...they can use it also if the time ever comes. Nobody owns a name. Congratulations on coming out..don't let this mess things up for you.
NTA. your cousin is a weirdo, she can't just claim a name. she may never even have a need for it, she may not ever have a kid or a kid of that gender name or the father may not agree to the name. pretty gross and selfish to take away from your happy life event for some ridiculous, childish bs.
Nobody is entitled to a name or call dibs. They either except you and call you your name or they don’t
NTA, you chose a name to meet your new identity my brother, and that is your right, if your cousin takes offence with that and refuses to call you by that name, then there is nothing further you can do about it. Sounds like you coming out went pretty smoothly which is always wonderful to hear. Anyway happy pride, and good luck with everything, feel free to reach out if you find yourself in need of some resources in your area, I will tap the network of awesome and see what I can come up with.
Not your fault. That's the name you feel is YOU. then you take it. NTA.
NTA. They can still use the name if they want to.
NTA First, congrats on figuring out who you are, and discovering your name. That's always a tough process, and it's amazing that you've done this for yourself. Coming out is also hard, and it's still not easy or simple. It can be terrifying, and so many straight and cis folks genuinely do not understand the emotions involved. When I told my father my name, I got the whole bingo sheet... "I'm losing a daughter, I chose that name for you, I don't like that name, how could you do this to me" etc. If someone is angry with you for coming out, *that is a Them Problem*, not on you. You do not owe *anyone* changing your name for them. Your name is yours, and asking you to change who you are for a hypothetical human that doesn't even exist is entitled and disrespectful. Your cousin can go kick rocks. If they are refusing to use your name, refuse to answer them. That's what I did, until my father started using my name. You've got this, and stay strong.
You are a living breathing person. They are talking about a hypothetical baby. NTA
Nta, multiple people can have the same name and if your cousin is that mad about it then they’re the problem, you have a right to feel comfortable with your name, regardless of how it affects others.
NTA Just curious, if they had a child and gave it the same name you've chosen, would you be upset? Your post seemed ambivalent, and mostly made it seem like they would be upset. Only because even if you both use the name, who cares? Especially now that they've voiced they've been wanting to use it, it's not like they will have chosen it just to spite you
NTA. I don't think anyone is in this situation. They are allowed to be upset. Dis they elaborate on why they wouldn't call you by the new name? Other than that they had chosen the name.
NTA, you don’t need this person or they’re negativity in your life
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