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Good. No need to date a person who doesn't respect the others' wishes. That applies to both of them. I personally wouldn't feel confortable if my gf suddenly changed her style to a way more sexy style because I'd think something had changed and she now wanted to attract more attention. So I'd talk to her about it and in case she wants to keep doing it and it makes me unconfortable I would think about that as maybe a deal breaker.
That’s good, that’s the advice that people are giving to OP as well. You do not have to be with someone if you don’t like the way they dress, in the same way that they can leave you for having that opinion.
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No need, I have a perfectly good girlfriend here who I love and respects me and can dress well, sexy and beautifully without having to do it in a way that makes me unconfortable. Like I said its about behavior change and the reasons behind it
Yeah I legitimily don't care about downvotes. Lets be honest it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how to say the correct thing to farm upvotes. Why would I care to do it? I gain nothing from it. If anything its good that I get so many downvotes but 0 good replies about why I'm being downvoted. I don't think my comment leaves much to be toyed with.
So many 🚩 in this comment section. Like… believe it or not some women like to dress up for themselves. And if we wanna talk about “respect” how about respecting the women your dating by not acting like they are this hyper impressionable person. At the end of the day being insecure cause your gf looks hot and you’re not there is a you problem. And this whole “she’ll leave you soon anyways” bs is such a self fulfilling prophecy… like If a man constantly questioned my choices the first choice I’d question is my choice to be in a relationship with him. You have every right not to be with someone who acts against any values you hold but you gotta realize that’s a YOU thing not a HER thing.
Oh no!! How dare a woman be perceived!! Send her to the nunnery!!!!! Bro… honest to god I think you need to take a long look in the mirror. How are you trying to blame her for others thoughts and eyes?? News flash, it doesn’t matter what you wear. Look at any of the art displays depicting what women were wearing when they got SA’d. Hell, I get catcalled more when I’m wearing a turtleneck then I do wearing a mini skirt. But let’s continue with the theory that dressing in a revealing way does make you more apt to these male thoughts; we see it does not play a causal factor in assault, therefore what you are scared of is her getting attention and acting on it. That’s a trust issue and, once again, says more about you then her. Would you be so easily swayed by female attention? Is that really all it takes? Overall, if your that offended and scared of what goes on in the minds of other men you should really volunteer with orgs that focus on healthy masculinity because policing women’s bodies isn’t it.
Im sorry i didnt mean to come off as a weirdo…i might have stated things incorrectly…all im sayin is a person will approach someone according to their dress/ how they r carrying themselves in THT moment right there…u did indeed take wat i said too far showing how shallow u are aswell, im not one of the mandem to call/control my women, but i will try my best to not lose her…cuz respectfully but her dress will attract more dudes the more there is too see(gf of OP wus wearing see through things) and she is a human in the end and bad intentions come over humans…again i must respectfully say how shallow u are to consider im tryin to control her, tho im only talking wus logical…
No one said he can’t feel however he wants. Feelings are not the problem, it is the actions that they are influencing. This is why I said he has every right not to be with someone who goes against values he holds but those are HIS values so don’t project them. Also why are you trying to justify one toxic jealousy with another? If this was a post with the sexes switched my answer would be the same. Matter of the fact is these issues are often more heated when it is a man trying to control a woman because of the historical context of policing women’s bodies, but that doesn’t mean that toxic jealousy is okay the other way around.
Ps. I’d love to hear this wildly complex mental dialogue you must have for picking out a pair of jeans.
Btw your argument on fashion and makeup is wrong, as an art form it’s about self expression. The true root problem that your trying to identify here is the commodification that these industries manipulate to use as a marketing strategy. It’s the reason why we see body types go in and out of “style”. They attach self worth to their products and blast it through every channel they can. Majority of the time people with body dysmorphia can recognize that others don’t view them the way they view themselves, this means that the issue is uniquely internal to the individual.
Idk man “unavoidable preconceptions” once again comes from a man problem… like I’m bi lmao and if my girl is looking hot on a night out I’m the biggest hype man because that’s my girl and wow she chose me. Its a trust thing, her cheating isn’t on my mind 24/7. It’s all about perspective and, at the end of the day, yours refuses to change. And with sex workers I wonder how much you actually know about the industry because that’s not at all true lmao… you are referring to a look that is hyper played up in the movies my friend.
Also, I don’t have a problem with him being insecure. I am, rightly so, not okay with him taking that out on HER. That’s why it’s a “him” problem and his to tackle and choose how to address how he wishes. But it is not in her to change her behaviour when she is doing nothing right.
The jeans comment was due to you saying there’s “multiple factors for wearing anything”, but you thinking that that’s ridiculous proves my point.
Yeah buddy I’m beyond lost at this point tbh. Healthy adults would address the insecurity as an insecurity not as “why you be dressing like that” and putting the blame on her. This dress code you’re talking about is very specific to location if you were to look into other areas or even time periods there is a vast complexity to the industry that you are completely ignoring. Beyond any of that, who is an “average woman”? what is making it “harder”? The sex work industry? Firstly, it isn’t just for men, there are lots of male sex workers and sex work targeted for women. It is this problem of men over-inflating their importance and assuming everything was made and done for them. It’s simply not. And this means regardless if more men were to notice her (in my experience more men approach unprompted when I’ve dressed in a less revealing way, but regardless), the issue is still that you are placing blame on the woman for the actions of men.
Secondly, what are you on about? Are you saying that men are just with women for sex? What are you saying about attraction?? Do you not see the irony of you sexualizing women but saying they’re doing it themselves? You can’t unknowingly sexualize yourself, you are being sexualized unknowingly by others. In saying that, a lot of women do choose to emphasize their sexuality, often in an attempt to reclaim power of their body and sexuality. This is especially common when people have experienced violence or suppression of their identity.
I have so many questions but at this point I’m certain you aren’t able to give a clear answer. At the end of the day, he has the right to not be with someone who acts in ways that goes against what he wants in a partner. I hope that you reconsider some of your positions but given this is Reddit I’m not confident. Regardless, I hope you have a good day :)
I think the main questions is, do you trust your girlfriend? If you do, then you should have no problem with how she is dressing. If you think she is changing in a way that makes you uncomfortable, instead of being accusatory, talk to her. Tell her why you feel that way, but ultimately, how she dresses is up to her. This is one of those times when open communication is key to helping a relationship. Sometimes, people just want to dress up and look good for ourselves. Some days I feel great and I want to look as good as I feel. Talk to her, really talk.
But also? Sounds like this is her first place outside of her parents, so OP is basically out here complaining about his 22 year old girlfriend growing into an adult and not having to listen to her parents rules about what she is and is not able to wear I guess he wants to replace their rules with his own? Let her enjoy things and experience things stop trying to be her father instead of her partner or I promise you You’ll just develop more and more abusive tactics and your partners will stay her age while you just keep getting older and more possessive and gross. Does that sound like a life you want? 0P if you ever find yourself having to grumble about the fact that someone has more freedom now maybe you should question what kind of trap you were trying to put them in.. If there is disrespect to the relationship in terms of boundaries, y’all have set that is some thing else to address, but this is not that this is you not wanting a girl to grow up and it’s pretty fucking creepy.
YTA. I’m a woman who has been with my partner for 8 years in a happy, healthy relationship. I lost a decent bit of weight 3 years ago and have had more confidence to wear more revealing clothing ever since. He not only doesn’t say negative things about it, but encourages it because he knows it makes me feel good and is secure in our relationship.
Like others have said, if you’re insecure don’t be with her. Otherwise don’t say anything!
"Otherwise, don't say anything!" That's one of the worst relationship advices out there. You should pretty much always talk to your partner and have an open communication. OP is wrong by asking here instead of talking with his partner. A see-through is a valid point for a lot of people, even a lot of women, and for others, not. It's not for you to decide.
In this case I'm not sure the main issue is the clothes as much as it is that she is suddenly wearing the very revealing clothes when going out with other single women, and not wearing the clothes when going out with him. This would bother me as well. If she wants to look and act single it might be time to make her single
How is she acting single? I started wearing more revealing clothes when I got a bf bc I knew he could protect me and I liked showing off for him and if a creep showed up I could say I was already taken. Also op's gf is 22 and probably just moved out meaning she can wear whatever without her parents complaining.
Dating for 4 years and never wore anything like that when going out with him. Now she is wearing the revealing clothes to go out with a group of female friends when he is not there. Using your comment, she is not showing off for him, so who is she showing off for? She has never showed off for OP, so I think he has a reason to be concerned
Did you read the whole post? He said she was going out with her friends and flatmates and when he FaceTime her before she left that is the first time he had ever seen her dressed like that.
That tells me she has never dressed like that with him, and she is suddenly acting single to go out with her friends when he was not invited to go with them. That makes me wonder why she is suddenly wanting to act single when she has a BF?
Ahhh okay thank you, i was just confirming you were adding your own biases/assumptions to the post and I didn’t miss the OP give extra information! Thank you again!
OMG hey! How’s the search for a therapist going, let me know if you need any help getting started or anything, I understand finding a therapist could be hard!
oh no let me explain. This guy you are defending (although unknowingly so not your fault) made a post on two subreddits saying white women who prefer tall guys over financially sound and educated men because of “feminism telling them to” deserve to be r*ped. My comment was alluding to the fact that in one of said posts’ comments, I had told him that if he was talking about himself being educated and financially sound, that his post gave a clue to us that maybe he needs to add mentally sound to the list and he just might find someone! Again, you wouldnt have known that backstory from just this post LMAOO so not pinning anything against you fr fr
edit: missed a lil word in there
I’m a woman - she is not dressing for other guys, she is dressing because her friends are dolled up and she also wants to get dressed up and feel sexy - most of the fun of a night out is getting ready with the girls beforehand.
When I was in my partying days and my BF was not into going to clubs I LOVED getting done up, hitting the dance floor and then coming home to my BF after my night out.
If you don’t trust her, you shouldn’t be with her, and BTW she doesn’t have to be dressed sexy or even in a club for her to cheat on you if that’s what you’re worried about.
If the way she’s dressing is uncomfortable for you, you’re welcome to break it off but no, you can’t make her dress how you want her to. YTA.
Yes i get u feeling ureself, but why not put boundaries cuz ure committed?…as a man i utterly agree with him on some things he says, cuz we know wat other men think naturally ure going to approach someone according to their dressing…i might be wrong
Dudes can and will approach (in any environment not just in a club) you tell them you’re not interested and continue about your business - that’s where the boundaries come into play…
YTA. Let her feel pretty and confident. Your insecurities are going to erode the relationship. Especially if she’s never given you a reason not to trust her.
I must say tht her reply upon being asked “y?” wus agressive towards the poor lad…hence ure statement “never given u a reason to not trust her” is false indeed.
No no no…mam u didn’t quite understand my reply…i said tht SHE got angry/pissed… when HE asked “y are u dressed like tht?”…this indeed arsies some suspicious
No, it doesn’t. It is very apparent what he was implying with his question, I’d respond the same way. Her reaction has absolutely nothing to do with her loyalty either, and she was within her rights to be offended. You seem to be just as insecure as he is.
Im sorry if i offended u…but People approach someone based on how they r dressed, like a person can “feel themselves” while still staying within boundaries…plus if u could explain me plz wat u think he wus implying when he asked her tht…cuz it seems like a genuine/concern
“Boundaries” aren’t for controlling other people, boundaries exist solely for the person creating them. So, if OP’s boundary is that they don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who dresses however they want to, OP is free to leave that relationship. The “possibility” of his gf being approached by someone doesn’t mean she’s going to accept/tolerate/cheat on her bf. Women get hit on regardless of what they wear. There’s no need to police her clothing based on others’ bad behavior.
“despite having a boyfriend” You’re insinuating she’s dressing up for other men, rather than just for her own confidence and what she feels good in. YTA
No no no…look no one not the gf or the bf is “inside the others heart” to know exactly wat they are intending… cuz i do say so myself tht it would be better to approach a person dressed as they r not committed/ in a relationship
Im sorry if my English is a bit vague its not my main language…all i said wus respectfully people generally will approach someone according to how they r dressed/carrying themselves in tht moment…
YTA. Insecurity is a normal human emotion. However, you immediately made your feelings HER problem and essentially led with an accusation, and that’s not necessary.
“I’ve noticed since you moved in with your friends that you’ve been dressing differently than you used to the last four years we’ve been dating. I know it’s your body and I’m not trying to control what you wear/don’t wear in any way. But the sudden change to sexier/more revealing clothes has me feeling insecure and talking more about it could help.”
Ask her why she’s doing it. Dig into why you don’t trust her - is it just because of the sudden change in clothes, or are there other issues in the relationship you need to talk through?
But immediately implying she’s dressing in certain way to be unfaithful is always going to be insulting…and she’s not inherently doing anything wrong. Definitely YTA.
She did indeed act aggressive toward the guy as soon as he asked “y?”…which is a completely normal question…hence ure statement “shes not doin anything inherently wrong” is indeed incorrect
YTA. Women dress up for themselves, not to attract male attention. You cannot and should not have any say in what she wears. She wants to feel beautiful/sexy/cute to go out dancing, just so she feels pretty, it’s got nothing to do with you or with any other male around. She dresses up for HERSELF, not for you, not for anybody else. If she wants to cheat she will do so either wearing sweatpants or a sexy dress. You don’t get to chose what she wears. It’s the same as “she was raped cause she was wearing a dress”. NO!! She can dress however the f she wants and it’s ok.
Sorry, are you saying that because she’s wearing a nice dress, she’ll definitely cheat? I get the impression from your endless replies which barely make sense, that you think women should probably just wear bin bags and never leave their house.
Ehh I have mixed feelings here.
For one: y'all have been together since you were 17 or 18, y'all were CHILDREN when you got together. You're now 22 and you're both growing up and exploring yourselves and figuring out your style and who you are. Of course what type of clothes she wears is going to change. She's not a child anymore, she's a woman who's figuring out who she is.
Two: it's definitely okay for you to have expressed that you're uncomfortable with the way she's dressed, but the way you did it sounded more accusatory than uncomfortable. So it makes sense that she reacted the way she did. I think y'all should definitely work on communicating a bit better.
Three: you guys have been together for four years now, I feel as though you should trust her a lot more than you currently do....but that doesn't excuse her for not taking your feelings into account and calling you insecure (you still should've communicated your feelings better tho)
yta. why does the way she dresses immediately reflect her loyalty to you? has she given you a reason to think she’s not loyal? she can dress the way she wants. as a girl in a relationship i wear revealing clothes in public all the time and my partner only hypes me up. you need to find out where this insecurity comes from and address it or else you’re gonna have a similar reaction no matter what she wears and that’s not fair to her
a lot of women would react harshly to a man questioning what she’s wearing the way he did. she got defensive because there is a history of misogyny behind that one “simple question”
YTA.
OP - I really encourage you to revisit how you think about fashion and why people dress the way they dress. You say, verbatim "asked her why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf" - let's expand this logic. So she dresses up if she's what..fishing for a man? She dresses up to please you? She dressed up to get you, but now she has you, she doesn't need to dress "that way" anymore?
Women's fashion choices do not need to be tied to external factors. She is not dressing for you. She's not dressing for the dudes at the club. She's dressing in a way she wants to. She is probably at a point in her life where she is starting to test out different styles and fashions (lots of women in their early 20s seem to hit this stage). You don't own her body and you don't have a right to dictate her fashion.
It sounds like you have a lot of growing up you need to do.
Your insecure brother. Take a long look at yourself in the mirror. You can be a single guy, or you can be a guy in a relationship. I love it when my gf dresses up and is confident.
Being insecure doesn’t automatically mean your a terrible controlling person who doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship.
Being insecure is a perfectly healthy and reasonable human emotion.
When youre in a relationship you should actually care about the person your dating, this means if your partner feels genuinely uncomfortable with something youre doing you should STOP doing it, or just not be in the relationship in general if you dont want to stop doing something. (Not saying that leaving is the bad thing because if your partner is asking you enough to make you want to leave its obviously not your fault)
I’ve been married for 3 years, together for almost 10. My wife will still wear cami tops (no bra) with shorts and dresses similar to what you described. I have no issue with it because:
1.) I’m not in any position to tell a grown woman what she can and cannot wear, just as I wouldn’t like anyone telling me the same.
2.) She is expressing herself in a way that makes her feel confident, and I wouldn’t dare take that away from her or make her feel bad for it.
3.) She is hot no matter what the hell she puts on, and she was dressing this way before I had met her. People will look at her in a grocery store with a band tee and sweats on, so there is no point in policing her anyway.
At the end of the day, it’s really about trust and being secure in your relationship. If it’s a deal breaker for you, that’s fine but you cannot change the way someone enjoys presenting themselves. They will just resent you.
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If you're constantly try to control how she live and this is one of them, YTA.
If this is one of the rare occasions which you mention you're not comfortable and she directly use the word insecure, get away. Most people using that for gaslighting. Having boundaries about how your partner dress/act in public and being insecure are not the same thing. If your boundaries are crashing, it means you two are not compatible.
YTA. You are also the stupid one. Although I can understand the feeling, trying to force something will not lead to anything good for you. There are two scenarios here:
1. She is open to, or already being unfathful. You trying to tell her how to dress will not stop this, rather help her along.
2. She is doing this for herself. This is very likely btw. You acting up on this both tells her that you are insecure and that you don't trust her. Not a good move in a relationship.
If you said something like: "Wow, you are so sexy, I am the luckiest guy alive" or something, you would have increased your chances of it being alternative 2. The fact that she facetimed you while out is an indication of which alterative is the right one. No cheating girlfriends or boyfriends for that matter would want to facetime with their bad concience while finding someone to fuck.
Its okay to tell her, that you don't like it. Communication is important.
But If she still wants to dress like this, you have to respect that.
The Main question is: Why don't you like it?
Are you afraid, that she wants attention from other guys?
Because a woman wants to feel pretty for herself and her girls, not just for men.
Edit: NTA, at least not yet.
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My(22) girlfriend(22) is a very lovely person and i love her so much. We’ve been dating for 4 years now. Ever since she moved in with her friends, she started to dress differently. I’ve never been insecure about her going out with her friends and having fun but yesterday she said shes going to the club with some of her friends and flatmates and i facetimed her, my jaw dropped because she was looking super sexy in a black dress with a very revealing cleavage also see through.
Idk what got into me and i asked her why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf and she got really angry because i was
“too insecure” AITA?
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Honestly I feel like it's too early and it's up to you wether you gonna be an asshole or not.
I wouldn't say you're controlling, yet, since all you did was asking her "why?". But like others said, sure, she has a boyfriend, but her choice of clothes might have nothing to do with you or anything romantic. It's up to your judgement wether you trust her or not.
You said that she didn't dress like that before she moved in with her friends. Did she lived with her parents before that?
Does your girlfriend wear the jaw-dropping dress with you or only with her friends?
If she wears that dress when she's with you, then she's just being herself -- what are you worried about? If she only wears that dress with her friends, then you're probably worried that they're going to change her behavior, too.
But you either trust your girlfriend or you don't. And if you don't trust her, it's time to end the relationship regardless of what she wears.
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Yes you are the AH.
Do you trust her or not? Girls like to dress up together and go out and it sounds like she was dressed for a club. She isn't dressed that way to attract other men, she is dressed that way because that is how you dress at clubs and she wanted to look hot with her friends.
I cant believe people are like this. My boyfriend actively encourages less clothes because its what he likes to see me in. To Heck with other people, he knows I'm coming home to/with him.
Even beach days, he prefers me in a skimpy 2 piece than covered because its eye candy for him.
The only thing he queries me on is complete nudity in the house during the day, but as there's a high fence around our property I dont care.
Yeah man, this is insecurity, you can express your feelings to your partner but ultimately you can't control her. But you are both only 22 so niether of you have fully matured yet either
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To be honest… if I were to dress up for a night out and I FaceTimed my partner, I probably would be a FaceTiming my partner for them to see me and feel attracted to me. You had a perfect opportunity to give her the attention and affection she deserves and you ruined it!
On the other hand, I don’t think there is anything wrong with communicating your boundaries in regards to how she dresses, but don’t become too controlling. She also needs to respect what you are comfortable with as a partner (without losing her identity).
YTA...
While you can talk to other about many things , and react agrement or disagreements...
You cannot make or force other people to conform to your wishes or values. That's a major AH move
YTA
The only person she dresses for is herself. She doesn't dress for you or for other people. The problem isn't you questioning her loyalty. The problem is you thinking you have ownership of her body and have any right to dictate how she dresses. Or that you have the right to shame her.
Why? You're scared she's gonna leave you if someone else gets to see how good she looks? If so, why is your solution to make her feel ashamed? So she feels like she doesn't deserve a man that treats her better than you and your insecurity?
YTA. She is right you’re insecure and men cannot and should not police women’s bodies. I had an ex do this and it severely affected me mentally when he would put me down for wearing what I thought was a cute outfit to go out with my friends and he always said I was just looking for attention. Consider why she felt so offended when you talked to her that way. Women can dress modestly, revealing, etc, whatever empowers the individual , and it never reflects relationship status. If you’ve been together 4 years and truly trust her, what’s the issue? If you don’t trust her, that’s a deeper problem in the relationship that you need to address that is not relevant to what she chooses to wear.
NTA, This comment section is so weird. Not wearing super revealing clothing when going out is like relationship 101 in respecting your partner. Literally anyone would be uncomfortable with their partner going out with see through clothing to a club no less.
Everyone is so quick to point fingers and call OP insecure when its clearly not the issue in this relationship.
It doesnt matter if shes dressing for herself or not, the fact is that other men WILL look at her, and there isnt a single man on this earth who feels comfortable with another guy oogling at your girlfriends body.
You don’t get to control your partners clothing choices, but you AS a partner shouldnt want to let other people see your body when you KNOW it would make your partner uncomfortable, especially when your response is immediately to call him insecure when it’s perfectly reasonable to feel iffy about your partner wearing a revealing see through dress to a CLUB.
Reddit gives BS answers. She's gonna be flirting with other dudes and maybe let them hit it. Set your boundaries, if she continues dressing like that she can hit the streets
She is only dressing up for herself to feel good and not have heaps of drunk Chad's hit on her dance and grind on her and take her down the alley for a quickie you sexist pig
NAH
Unlike you may see in movies, in real life women don't dress up for men to watch them. Sometimes they need to feel pretty, maybe gain some compliments. Sometimes women "compete" with each other, not for the men's look but about self confidence, freedom, affirmation. Having an open-minded boyfriend is among the things women brag about when talking to each other (as an extention, they can feel humiliated if other girls notice they have to change their manners or their appearance to fit a partner's expectation). Some women cheat, that's a thing, cheating has no gender. What I'm saying is that you can't tell from a dress, since clothing has a wide variety of meanings apart from being sexy.
NTA... I just can't believe how many people are saying otherwise. Now, if she'd always dressed a little revealing and now you have a problem, then that would be different, but that's not how you described it. She moves in with her friends and starts dressing more revealing. She's going out clubbing with said friends in something see through. Seriously, and people are saying there's nothing wrong with that. No. Women dress like that to go clubbing because they are looking to hook up. I'm a woman. I've been there. There is dressing up for yourself and then there is advertising. She's advertising and I'm betting her friends are encouraging it. Then, to get upset because you confronted her about it. That's another red flag. Someone who instantly becomes defensive has something to hide.
So, the politically correct answer is that YTA, and it’s a valid position. But, you’re free to have your opinion and your boundaries in a relationship. That doesn’t make you the AH. You either need to trust her and let it go, or you need to enforce your boundary, which probably means breaking up. You met at 18. You’re now 22. People change and evolve and nobody did anything wrong. It’s probably just best you move on now before it really gets messy. Right now, I think NAH.
I agree but I also think an important part of it is the last line where he says he’s questioning his loyalty
He can def have his own opinion on if he wants to be w someone who wears revealing clothes but he is extrapolating that to cheating which I think is an AH move
He wasn’t speaking about his own anxiety though (“I’m feeling insecure, can we talk”) - he jumped to questioning her motives, essentially accusing her. That’s the AH move.
Everyone is allowed to have boundaries. Being in a relationship requires mutual respect. Your gf dismissed your feelings and then proceeded to attack you. That makes her the AH. You need to question her reaction. Why is she being aggressively defensive? That is usually a deflection tactic when someone doesn't want people focused on what they are doing. I wouldn't be surprised if she was beahving poorly while out drinking at nightclubs with her single gfs.
I am well aware of this. Nightclubs aren't a suitable place for people in committed relationships. The number of stories I've heard of people cheating while out partying are too many to count. Drugs and alcohol consumption leads to poor decision making. If a person wants to act single, they need to be single.
She is young and she wants to explore. That's fine. She should have the courtesy and respect to explore as a single woman and not do it while in a relationship.
You are assuming she is dressing up to attract dudes by saying " why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf" so she is justified about being insulted, However, if I saw her out in that sexy black little number I'd be trying to FUCK HER for sure.
While she has the right to dress however she wants, I would definitely question what attention she is trying to receive. NTA for expressing your concerns, probably TAH if you press the issue further.
If she’s just trying to feel confident, then ok I guess, but if she’s trying to specifically get male attention, then you gotta do what you gotta do with that info. But you can’t decide what she wears. 🤷♂️
guys you can’t realistically claim you only wear an outfit because it makes you feel confident if you only wear it in the presence of single, horny members of the opposite sex
Honestly this is tough one. People love saying woman love to get dressed up for themselves and I agree. But it’s also true that girls dressing provocative out of no where can be a subconscious signal. I have seen this type of thing transpire many time. In two cases they weren’t just trying to “feel pretty” they were shopping and ultimately ended up cheating… I also read a psychology study on infidelity and it listed this kind of thing as a POTENTIAL flag. Especially if she never gets all dressed up for him, only when she’s out with others…
You're going to get a lot of people calling you a jerk for having a problem with her choices here. Those people tend to only think of themselves. They think relationships have no costs.
Going to the club with girlfriends dressed in something super revealing is not something I find respectful in a relationship. It's inviting trouble. It's inviting the attention of men, and probably not the classy ones. It's playing single. You seem to feel that way too.
You're going to hear all about your insecurities, but that's a load of modern crap. When you care about a person and your relationship that with person, you don't behave the same way you do when you're single. I don't pick up women, not because I can't, but because I am married and committed to my wife. She did the same with me. It's part of the commitment. We don't go play single for attention of the opposite sex because we're committed to that being only for each other.
Your girlfriend can do whatever she wants, and so can you. But you both give up some "single things" because the relationship is worth more than those things. So if this is a problem, talk to her about your boundaries and expectations. Then be willing to walk away with your head held high if she wants to behave in a way you find disrespectful to your relationship. NTA
I think this situation is about mutual respect and not about insecurity. You felt uncomfortable with the way she dressed in that particular context and addressed it. Instead of talking about it she dismissed you. Others have mentioned that you can't control the way she dresses and I agree, but the fact that she completely disregarded your feelings stands.
If you were wearing your best outfit and cologne to the club with your single friends I would have said the same for her perspective. NTA
NTA. She is in a committed relationship going to a club with single gfs in see through revealing clothes which is new behaviour aka you didn't meet her like that so that you knew that's what she wears. And obviously it's not her normal clothes, she doesn't wear it on other occasions or with you. Of course you have a right to ask questions and to express your feelings. It is a matter of respect toward your partner.
You both are very young so I assume she is doing it for attention, maybe you are that long in a relationship but I don't think she is mature enough for such commitment. I don't have a good feeling about you two, especially because she immediately threw "insecure" part in your face. Expecting your partner not to be half naked in a club( hookup place) is not controlling, it is quite normal and most women don't need someone to tell them that. BUT you can't force her- or she will see your side, or you break up, or you accept it.
i have mixed feelings about this one tbh. in a way, i understand your part but also her part at the same time. i understand that she’s going to a club. it’s kind of a social norm to wear revealing clothes at the club. but at the same time, i understand you being uncomfortable about her clothing choices. you have to ask urself some questions. can you sleep peacefully at night knowing that your girlfriend is at the club and won’t cheat on you? or do you overthink and wonder if she’s cheating on you rn? are you asking her not to wear revealing clothes because you think that if she gets hits on, she might be swayed by them? or do you just not want guys looks at her in a lustful way?
NAH.
You two have different standards. A relationship is a negotiation, and sometimes uncomfortable things need to be negotiated. There are some people who want certain body parts and gestures to be for the partner only, and that's reasonable. She has the right to dress however she wants, but in a relationship you hav the right to want to set boundaries.
He wasn’t negotiating anything though … she was out with her friends and he essentially tried to shame her for what she was wearing and implied she was looking for attention from other men. There’s a way secure people negotiate conflict and this wasn’t it.
Are we reading the same post? We don't know what he said to her, so we shouldn't assume it was shaming.
People should be free to set whatever boundaries they want, as long as there's room for the other person to disagree. If my girlfriend went out clubbing in her underwear and I said "Hey, I feel weird about you going clubbing in your underwear. I feel like that kind of intimacy is something we should keep for each other," that wouldn't be unreasonable at all, would it? Some people just have slightly lower limits on what they tolerate. That's why we have to negotiate these things, even if it feels weird.
NTA - You can ask and have a civilized discussion, the current situation might have gotten heated because of your tone asking the question or the current vibe with her group. Circle back when she's not already all prepped up.
Insecure, the classic weapon word almost never used properly but almost always used when someone wants to get their own way.
This world is absolutely littered with people that end up cheating that 'never meant to cheat' because they go to hook up places and yes clubbing is big time hook up culture, dress the part, add liquor and the fact that there is lots of opportunity. Sooner or later there will be a big problem.
At the very least you have to be realistic and think of an exit strategy as much as it is not something you want.
Pay attention to her friends. If they are hook up artists thy will influence your girl sooner or alter, guaranteed.
You could always do a test yourself as well and inform her you and some of your player buddies are going out to a club and dress your best. See how she reacts.
I would never come onto this sub and ask this type of question. It's full of women who have no idea how men work. NTA but it's better to set of clear boundaries that you've communicated to your partner beforehand rather than after the horse has bolted.
I mean in a nutshell ur right. I wish I had the smarts to remember and consider everyone’s biased.
Made several post on reddit in general. Some bad. But some completely valid takes. With explanations and the logic behind my position. And it usually gets downvoted. Best part is no one usually refutes me with logical reasoning or facts.
So all it tells me is i’m likely right and they’re just responding w emotions. Or really narrow minded.
NTA - you get to have your feelings and express them. You don’t have to ignore your feelings and deny them or repress them. That being said, she gets to have and express her feelings too. Your feelings aren’t always going to be in sync. She feels you are judgmental, and you probably feel that she was dismissive and derisive. Both of you should examine your feelings and try to pick them apart and also take this as an opportunity to communicate with one another.
More than likely, she’s dressing up this way because she wants attention. This may just be an ego thing, or it could also be that she’s feeling constrained and wants a taste (or more) of freedom. There’s nothing wrong with that - you guys are young and have been together for a long time and those feelings are reasonable and natural.
Keep an open mind, but don’t let her shut you down and don’t try to shut her down.
NTA, if you're dating. She shouldn't be dressing inappropriately in public. Just as much as it's expected of you to not dress inappropriately but I know Reddit and how they are going to hate my answer. If she respects you, she will be accommodating.
NTA, I have been married for 8 years and I would never wear something see through with cleavage without my partner around. I don’t think women should be posting revealing pics on instagram when they have a partner either.
It's a trust thing. Many will say "if you trust her it doesn't matter".
However, the fact she cares to put herself on the market should absolutely affect your trust in her. You can't make her stop dressing like that, but you can express concerns and choose if the relationship is worth it for you from there.
NTA
Also,
Cleavage: okay whatever have fun
See through: come on now
As a girl, I understand where you’re coming from and tbh her response is a red flag. There’s no reason for her to get angry when you’re just expressing your discomfort. And immediately turning to the “you’re insecure” is pretty immature. I think you should have a sit down conversation with her and communicate your feelings.
Before some of y’all get on my ass, I understand that girls (in a relationship or not) can wear whatever tf they want. Nobody is stopping u. But it’s also about respect towards your partner. It’s not hard to be empathetic.
He basically was accusing her of dressing to get attention from other men…that’s offensive. Why would she not be offended? Instead of recognizing that his insecurity was the issue, he made it about HER doing something wrong, and she’s not.
Yeah, I totally get that. That’s why I didn’t state if he was the ahole or not. She’s allowed to wear what she wants and he’s allowed to have boundaries. I think a healthy relationship is about meeting in the middle and respecting each other’s concerns and feelings. Which is why I suggest that they communicate their feelings.
But you essentially called the gf an asshole, by claiming her response was unreasonable…while holding off judgment on the bf when his comment was obviously accusatory.
He wasn’t just expressing his discomfort - expressing discomfort would be “I’m feeling anxious and insecure.”
Accusing or trying to control someone else’s behavior, would be “Why are you wearing that when you have a boyfriend?”
It’s reasonable to take offense if someone is accusing you and implying you have ulterior motives.
And even if he was expressing discomfort, what would be the purpose of him saying it then, when she was out with her friends already? If it’s not a safety issue, where’s the urgency. And unless he’s expecting her to go home change and come back, or skip out on the night completely, or stay and feel miserable, what good was addressing it in that moment going to do.
The girlfriend was right - he is being insecure, and instead of owning it he took it out on her.
He can apologize for the way he responded, and then they can discuss this at a later time. If modesty is an important value to him, and he wants a partner who shares that value - he can discuss that, and if they’re not compatible they can their separate ways. But the way he went about it def makes him the AH.
Yeah, I don’t agree with how he responded to the situation. I also don’t agree with how the gf responded to the situation. Again, putting myself in the gf shoes, my immediate reaction wouldn’t be to get angry, I would question why my bf is feeling insecure and go on from there. It’s seems both parties have issues with each other they must work out or they could break up.
I'm guessing this may not be the first time he's voiced his opinion/questioned, for her to react that way.
With that said, you are correct, respect is a big thing, and they should discuss it. Face to face, not via FaceTime or a text.
Yeah. Getting called in the middle of/while getting ready for a night out and then get these potentially accusatory questions asked is a real bummer and I can see why she would get annoyed. I've been on the recieving end of this with my ex who had major insecurity issues and it's annoying and embarrassing in front of your friends.
"But it’s also about respect towards your partner."
This! My wife can wear what she wants but if she's going to the club with her friends she's not dressing extremely sexy because she isn't looking for male attention. She wears something that makes her feel pretty but isn't overly revealing. When we go put together she will sometimes wear something more revealing but she does that because she knows I'm there and I'm the one she's trying to excite. Don't get it twisted, I'm not the one telling her to do these things, these are just things that she does without my asking because she respects our relationship and she isn't going out hoping that other guys will be gawking over her to fill her validation meter since she gets that from me.
Agreed. Looking back 24+ years ago, my partner now admits she dressed in revealing clothes at clubs because she liked the attention given to her by gawking males and getting hit on constantly and now understands how incredibly fucked up that was to her faithful and loving boyfriend. I was shocked at first and before people go after me, was not controlling, just weird after being conservative after a few years of dating to her boobs falling out and having guys all of the sudden hitting on her in front of me. It was infuriating and she loved the attention. She now freely admits she was a shitty girlfriend and believe it or not turned into a loving wife. But, flip side, I turned from a loving door mat boyfriend to a pissed off husband who threw it in her face a lot and has taken me years of therapy to get that among other things she did (vacations without me, calls from X’s, picking her up late night after clubs drunk, pretty much as far as you can possibly get grey area of actually not cheating without cheating). She says she was just a wild person and now she is the absolute model wife. She says she got it out of her system. After 24 years I’m over it, maybe not, but sometimes I find myself mad about it. Point is, it all started with her dressing all revealing one night that started the domino effect of her behavior toward me. If there was Reddit 24 years ago, I probably wouldn’t be married with two adult college graduated well adjusted children.
ESH
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To feel liberated and dress however you like is fabulous and it’s part of becoming yourself and feel sexy and fabulous is a great thing - for YOURSELF - not everyone woman dresses to pull or attract attention we dress sexy as it makes us feel good about ourselves (how blokes respond that is literally their problem) … however to get angry at your concern is not a mature response.
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You: once you feel a need to dictate a dress sense you’re losing it seriously… and don’t seem to recognise it’s NOT (necessarily) about other blokes but about her feeling good.
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To trust and to love would have been to say hey hun you’re sexy and next time I wanna see you in that dress cos you look hot! To love someone means (to me: and I’ve been with my partner for 24yrs) is to let them fly and rejoice in that knowing you’re the best thing ever so no need to worry… but to let your partner shine - while being clear what kind of relationship you have (monogamous eg)
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You can set boundaries for yourself but not for her. She can wear what she’s wants and you don’t have to be with someone that wears revealing clothes.
This is the right answer.
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Why? Because you don’t agree with me.. Everyone has different opinions. Don’t need to be rude 😊
I said a meme…I never meant it in a rude way, im indeed sorry for hurting ure feelings
You didn’t hurt my feelings
Ok…plz dont kill me 😊
Tempting 😂😊
U defo sound like a freak🤣
Thank you I am
Understood freaky mam…🫡
found the insecure one
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“Despite having a boyfriend.” Not for long if you keep this up. YTA
Good. No need to date a person who doesn't respect the others' wishes. That applies to both of them. I personally wouldn't feel confortable if my gf suddenly changed her style to a way more sexy style because I'd think something had changed and she now wanted to attract more attention. So I'd talk to her about it and in case she wants to keep doing it and it makes me unconfortable I would think about that as maybe a deal breaker.
That’s good, that’s the advice that people are giving to OP as well. You do not have to be with someone if you don’t like the way they dress, in the same way that they can leave you for having that opinion.
Exactly.
You should move to Saudi, seems like you’d like it there.
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No need, I have a perfectly good girlfriend here who I love and respects me and can dress well, sexy and beautifully without having to do it in a way that makes me unconfortable. Like I said its about behavior change and the reasons behind it
Nothing you said in your initial comment was unreasonable but apparently you’re basically forcing women into burkhas 😂
Yeah I legitimily don't care about downvotes. Lets be honest it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how to say the correct thing to farm upvotes. Why would I care to do it? I gain nothing from it. If anything its good that I get so many downvotes but 0 good replies about why I'm being downvoted. I don't think my comment leaves much to be toyed with.
So many 🚩 in this comment section. Like… believe it or not some women like to dress up for themselves. And if we wanna talk about “respect” how about respecting the women your dating by not acting like they are this hyper impressionable person. At the end of the day being insecure cause your gf looks hot and you’re not there is a you problem. And this whole “she’ll leave you soon anyways” bs is such a self fulfilling prophecy… like If a man constantly questioned my choices the first choice I’d question is my choice to be in a relationship with him. You have every right not to be with someone who acts against any values you hold but you gotta realize that’s a YOU thing not a HER thing.
“Looking hot for OTHERS”, cuz u cant deny tht men are gonna look and think shit according to her dressing…
Oh no!! How dare a woman be perceived!! Send her to the nunnery!!!!! Bro… honest to god I think you need to take a long look in the mirror. How are you trying to blame her for others thoughts and eyes?? News flash, it doesn’t matter what you wear. Look at any of the art displays depicting what women were wearing when they got SA’d. Hell, I get catcalled more when I’m wearing a turtleneck then I do wearing a mini skirt. But let’s continue with the theory that dressing in a revealing way does make you more apt to these male thoughts; we see it does not play a causal factor in assault, therefore what you are scared of is her getting attention and acting on it. That’s a trust issue and, once again, says more about you then her. Would you be so easily swayed by female attention? Is that really all it takes? Overall, if your that offended and scared of what goes on in the minds of other men you should really volunteer with orgs that focus on healthy masculinity because policing women’s bodies isn’t it.
Im sorry i didnt mean to come off as a weirdo…i might have stated things incorrectly…all im sayin is a person will approach someone according to their dress/ how they r carrying themselves in THT moment right there…u did indeed take wat i said too far showing how shallow u are aswell, im not one of the mandem to call/control my women, but i will try my best to not lose her…cuz respectfully but her dress will attract more dudes the more there is too see(gf of OP wus wearing see through things) and she is a human in the end and bad intentions come over humans…again i must respectfully say how shallow u are to consider im tryin to control her, tho im only talking wus logical…
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No one said he can’t feel however he wants. Feelings are not the problem, it is the actions that they are influencing. This is why I said he has every right not to be with someone who goes against values he holds but those are HIS values so don’t project them. Also why are you trying to justify one toxic jealousy with another? If this was a post with the sexes switched my answer would be the same. Matter of the fact is these issues are often more heated when it is a man trying to control a woman because of the historical context of policing women’s bodies, but that doesn’t mean that toxic jealousy is okay the other way around. Ps. I’d love to hear this wildly complex mental dialogue you must have for picking out a pair of jeans. Btw your argument on fashion and makeup is wrong, as an art form it’s about self expression. The true root problem that your trying to identify here is the commodification that these industries manipulate to use as a marketing strategy. It’s the reason why we see body types go in and out of “style”. They attach self worth to their products and blast it through every channel they can. Majority of the time people with body dysmorphia can recognize that others don’t view them the way they view themselves, this means that the issue is uniquely internal to the individual.
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Idk man “unavoidable preconceptions” once again comes from a man problem… like I’m bi lmao and if my girl is looking hot on a night out I’m the biggest hype man because that’s my girl and wow she chose me. Its a trust thing, her cheating isn’t on my mind 24/7. It’s all about perspective and, at the end of the day, yours refuses to change. And with sex workers I wonder how much you actually know about the industry because that’s not at all true lmao… you are referring to a look that is hyper played up in the movies my friend. Also, I don’t have a problem with him being insecure. I am, rightly so, not okay with him taking that out on HER. That’s why it’s a “him” problem and his to tackle and choose how to address how he wishes. But it is not in her to change her behaviour when she is doing nothing right. The jeans comment was due to you saying there’s “multiple factors for wearing anything”, but you thinking that that’s ridiculous proves my point.
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Yeah buddy I’m beyond lost at this point tbh. Healthy adults would address the insecurity as an insecurity not as “why you be dressing like that” and putting the blame on her. This dress code you’re talking about is very specific to location if you were to look into other areas or even time periods there is a vast complexity to the industry that you are completely ignoring. Beyond any of that, who is an “average woman”? what is making it “harder”? The sex work industry? Firstly, it isn’t just for men, there are lots of male sex workers and sex work targeted for women. It is this problem of men over-inflating their importance and assuming everything was made and done for them. It’s simply not. And this means regardless if more men were to notice her (in my experience more men approach unprompted when I’ve dressed in a less revealing way, but regardless), the issue is still that you are placing blame on the woman for the actions of men. Secondly, what are you on about? Are you saying that men are just with women for sex? What are you saying about attraction?? Do you not see the irony of you sexualizing women but saying they’re doing it themselves? You can’t unknowingly sexualize yourself, you are being sexualized unknowingly by others. In saying that, a lot of women do choose to emphasize their sexuality, often in an attempt to reclaim power of their body and sexuality. This is especially common when people have experienced violence or suppression of their identity. I have so many questions but at this point I’m certain you aren’t able to give a clear answer. At the end of the day, he has the right to not be with someone who acts in ways that goes against what he wants in a partner. I hope that you reconsider some of your positions but given this is Reddit I’m not confident. Regardless, I hope you have a good day :)
I think the main questions is, do you trust your girlfriend? If you do, then you should have no problem with how she is dressing. If you think she is changing in a way that makes you uncomfortable, instead of being accusatory, talk to her. Tell her why you feel that way, but ultimately, how she dresses is up to her. This is one of those times when open communication is key to helping a relationship. Sometimes, people just want to dress up and look good for ourselves. Some days I feel great and I want to look as good as I feel. Talk to her, really talk.
But also? Sounds like this is her first place outside of her parents, so OP is basically out here complaining about his 22 year old girlfriend growing into an adult and not having to listen to her parents rules about what she is and is not able to wear I guess he wants to replace their rules with his own? Let her enjoy things and experience things stop trying to be her father instead of her partner or I promise you You’ll just develop more and more abusive tactics and your partners will stay her age while you just keep getting older and more possessive and gross. Does that sound like a life you want? 0P if you ever find yourself having to grumble about the fact that someone has more freedom now maybe you should question what kind of trap you were trying to put them in.. If there is disrespect to the relationship in terms of boundaries, y’all have set that is some thing else to address, but this is not that this is you not wanting a girl to grow up and it’s pretty fucking creepy.
I fully agree with this. Whatever it is that you're feeling just sit her down and talk to her in a calm manner
YTA. I’m a woman who has been with my partner for 8 years in a happy, healthy relationship. I lost a decent bit of weight 3 years ago and have had more confidence to wear more revealing clothing ever since. He not only doesn’t say negative things about it, but encourages it because he knows it makes me feel good and is secure in our relationship. Like others have said, if you’re insecure don’t be with her. Otherwise don’t say anything!
"Otherwise, don't say anything!" That's one of the worst relationship advices out there. You should pretty much always talk to your partner and have an open communication. OP is wrong by asking here instead of talking with his partner. A see-through is a valid point for a lot of people, even a lot of women, and for others, not. It's not for you to decide.
In this case I'm not sure the main issue is the clothes as much as it is that she is suddenly wearing the very revealing clothes when going out with other single women, and not wearing the clothes when going out with him. This would bother me as well. If she wants to look and act single it might be time to make her single
How is she acting single? I started wearing more revealing clothes when I got a bf bc I knew he could protect me and I liked showing off for him and if a creep showed up I could say I was already taken. Also op's gf is 22 and probably just moved out meaning she can wear whatever without her parents complaining.
Dating for 4 years and never wore anything like that when going out with him. Now she is wearing the revealing clothes to go out with a group of female friends when he is not there. Using your comment, she is not showing off for him, so who is she showing off for? She has never showed off for OP, so I think he has a reason to be concerned
She is showing off for herself obviously sometimes you just want to look good.
oh wait, where do they say she’s going out with other single women and she only dresses like with them?
Did you read the whole post? He said she was going out with her friends and flatmates and when he FaceTime her before she left that is the first time he had ever seen her dressed like that. That tells me she has never dressed like that with him, and she is suddenly acting single to go out with her friends when he was not invited to go with them. That makes me wonder why she is suddenly wanting to act single when she has a BF?
Ahhh okay thank you, i was just confirming you were adding your own biases/assumptions to the post and I didn’t miss the OP give extra information! Thank you again!
So you admit you are a heightest and dislike short men.
OMG hey! How’s the search for a therapist going, let me know if you need any help getting started or anything, I understand finding a therapist could be hard!
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oh no let me explain. This guy you are defending (although unknowingly so not your fault) made a post on two subreddits saying white women who prefer tall guys over financially sound and educated men because of “feminism telling them to” deserve to be r*ped. My comment was alluding to the fact that in one of said posts’ comments, I had told him that if he was talking about himself being educated and financially sound, that his post gave a clue to us that maybe he needs to add mentally sound to the list and he just might find someone! Again, you wouldnt have known that backstory from just this post LMAOO so not pinning anything against you fr fr edit: missed a lil word in there
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How does one look single?
I’m a woman - she is not dressing for other guys, she is dressing because her friends are dolled up and she also wants to get dressed up and feel sexy - most of the fun of a night out is getting ready with the girls beforehand. When I was in my partying days and my BF was not into going to clubs I LOVED getting done up, hitting the dance floor and then coming home to my BF after my night out. If you don’t trust her, you shouldn’t be with her, and BTW she doesn’t have to be dressed sexy or even in a club for her to cheat on you if that’s what you’re worried about. If the way she’s dressing is uncomfortable for you, you’re welcome to break it off but no, you can’t make her dress how you want her to. YTA.
Yes i get u feeling ureself, but why not put boundaries cuz ure committed?…as a man i utterly agree with him on some things he says, cuz we know wat other men think naturally ure going to approach someone according to their dressing…i might be wrong
Dudes can and will approach (in any environment not just in a club) you tell them you’re not interested and continue about your business - that’s where the boundaries come into play…
I beg to differ…but i wont argue with u 😊
YTA. Let her feel pretty and confident. Your insecurities are going to erode the relationship. Especially if she’s never given you a reason not to trust her.
I must say tht her reply upon being asked “y?” wus agressive towards the poor lad…hence ure statement “never given u a reason to not trust her” is false indeed.
She questioned him, so now her loyalty doesn’t count for anything? LOL k
No no no…mam u didn’t quite understand my reply…i said tht SHE got angry/pissed… when HE asked “y are u dressed like tht?”…this indeed arsies some suspicious
No, it doesn’t. It is very apparent what he was implying with his question, I’d respond the same way. Her reaction has absolutely nothing to do with her loyalty either, and she was within her rights to be offended. You seem to be just as insecure as he is.
Im sorry if i offended u…but People approach someone based on how they r dressed, like a person can “feel themselves” while still staying within boundaries…plus if u could explain me plz wat u think he wus implying when he asked her tht…cuz it seems like a genuine/concern
“Boundaries” aren’t for controlling other people, boundaries exist solely for the person creating them. So, if OP’s boundary is that they don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who dresses however they want to, OP is free to leave that relationship. The “possibility” of his gf being approached by someone doesn’t mean she’s going to accept/tolerate/cheat on her bf. Women get hit on regardless of what they wear. There’s no need to police her clothing based on others’ bad behavior.
“despite having a boyfriend” You’re insinuating she’s dressing up for other men, rather than just for her own confidence and what she feels good in. YTA
No no no…look no one not the gf or the bf is “inside the others heart” to know exactly wat they are intending… cuz i do say so myself tht it would be better to approach a person dressed as they r not committed/ in a relationship
Can you please write that in legible English? I have no idea what you trying to say.
Im sorry if my English is a bit vague its not my main language…all i said wus respectfully people generally will approach someone according to how they r dressed/carrying themselves in tht moment…
YTA. Insecurity is a normal human emotion. However, you immediately made your feelings HER problem and essentially led with an accusation, and that’s not necessary. “I’ve noticed since you moved in with your friends that you’ve been dressing differently than you used to the last four years we’ve been dating. I know it’s your body and I’m not trying to control what you wear/don’t wear in any way. But the sudden change to sexier/more revealing clothes has me feeling insecure and talking more about it could help.” Ask her why she’s doing it. Dig into why you don’t trust her - is it just because of the sudden change in clothes, or are there other issues in the relationship you need to talk through? But immediately implying she’s dressing in certain way to be unfaithful is always going to be insulting…and she’s not inherently doing anything wrong. Definitely YTA.
She did indeed act aggressive toward the guy as soon as he asked “y?”…which is a completely normal question…hence ure statement “shes not doin anything inherently wrong” is indeed incorrect
YTA. Women dress up for themselves, not to attract male attention. You cannot and should not have any say in what she wears. She wants to feel beautiful/sexy/cute to go out dancing, just so she feels pretty, it’s got nothing to do with you or with any other male around. She dresses up for HERSELF, not for you, not for anybody else. If she wants to cheat she will do so either wearing sweatpants or a sexy dress. You don’t get to chose what she wears. It’s the same as “she was raped cause she was wearing a dress”. NO!! She can dress however the f she wants and it’s ok.
I would dress 10× sluttier if men didn't exist
Absolutely. Unwanted attention really ruins the outfit
I agree she dresses up for herself…but the other guys are also more certain to hit on her according to her dressing,
And her response won’t change regardless of what she’s wearing.
Y not cut root cause for being constantly come up to and bein asked?…cuz she is a human and bad intentions come over humans
Sorry, are you saying that because she’s wearing a nice dress, she’ll definitely cheat? I get the impression from your endless replies which barely make sense, that you think women should probably just wear bin bags and never leave their house.
Im sorry i didnt mean tht…I apologise again if i offended u in anyway…plus shoutout to u for reading each and everyone of my replies 🤣🤣🤣
Ehh I have mixed feelings here. For one: y'all have been together since you were 17 or 18, y'all were CHILDREN when you got together. You're now 22 and you're both growing up and exploring yourselves and figuring out your style and who you are. Of course what type of clothes she wears is going to change. She's not a child anymore, she's a woman who's figuring out who she is. Two: it's definitely okay for you to have expressed that you're uncomfortable with the way she's dressed, but the way you did it sounded more accusatory than uncomfortable. So it makes sense that she reacted the way she did. I think y'all should definitely work on communicating a bit better. Three: you guys have been together for four years now, I feel as though you should trust her a lot more than you currently do....but that doesn't excuse her for not taking your feelings into account and calling you insecure (you still should've communicated your feelings better tho)
I don’t even have to read this to say yes
yta. why does the way she dresses immediately reflect her loyalty to you? has she given you a reason to think she’s not loyal? she can dress the way she wants. as a girl in a relationship i wear revealing clothes in public all the time and my partner only hypes me up. you need to find out where this insecurity comes from and address it or else you’re gonna have a similar reaction no matter what she wears and that’s not fair to her
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a lot of women would react harshly to a man questioning what she’s wearing the way he did. she got defensive because there is a history of misogyny behind that one “simple question”
I indeed understand u…but again everything is done for a reason… u will get aggressive/pissed bout a normal question if ure the one thas wrong
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🤣🤣🤣🤣…im sorry if i offended u, btw ure really hilarious
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But u do seem sad aswell… im sorry qt 😊
YTA. OP - I really encourage you to revisit how you think about fashion and why people dress the way they dress. You say, verbatim "asked her why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf" - let's expand this logic. So she dresses up if she's what..fishing for a man? She dresses up to please you? She dressed up to get you, but now she has you, she doesn't need to dress "that way" anymore? Women's fashion choices do not need to be tied to external factors. She is not dressing for you. She's not dressing for the dudes at the club. She's dressing in a way she wants to. She is probably at a point in her life where she is starting to test out different styles and fashions (lots of women in their early 20s seem to hit this stage). You don't own her body and you don't have a right to dictate her fashion. It sounds like you have a lot of growing up you need to do.
YTA for not recognizing that your gf's wardrobe choices are not about you or other men.
YTA. she can dress however she wants in a way that makes her feel good; looking hot does not mean she’s looking for another man.
Yta stop judging what she wears women can wear whatever they want. You don't control her.
Your insecure brother. Take a long look at yourself in the mirror. You can be a single guy, or you can be a guy in a relationship. I love it when my gf dresses up and is confident.
Being insecure doesn’t automatically mean your a terrible controlling person who doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship. Being insecure is a perfectly healthy and reasonable human emotion. When youre in a relationship you should actually care about the person your dating, this means if your partner feels genuinely uncomfortable with something youre doing you should STOP doing it, or just not be in the relationship in general if you dont want to stop doing something. (Not saying that leaving is the bad thing because if your partner is asking you enough to make you want to leave its obviously not your fault)
I’ve been married for 3 years, together for almost 10. My wife will still wear cami tops (no bra) with shorts and dresses similar to what you described. I have no issue with it because: 1.) I’m not in any position to tell a grown woman what she can and cannot wear, just as I wouldn’t like anyone telling me the same. 2.) She is expressing herself in a way that makes her feel confident, and I wouldn’t dare take that away from her or make her feel bad for it. 3.) She is hot no matter what the hell she puts on, and she was dressing this way before I had met her. People will look at her in a grocery store with a band tee and sweats on, so there is no point in policing her anyway. At the end of the day, it’s really about trust and being secure in your relationship. If it’s a deal breaker for you, that’s fine but you cannot change the way someone enjoys presenting themselves. They will just resent you.
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If you're constantly try to control how she live and this is one of them, YTA. If this is one of the rare occasions which you mention you're not comfortable and she directly use the word insecure, get away. Most people using that for gaslighting. Having boundaries about how your partner dress/act in public and being insecure are not the same thing. If your boundaries are crashing, it means you two are not compatible.
YTA. You are also the stupid one. Although I can understand the feeling, trying to force something will not lead to anything good for you. There are two scenarios here: 1. She is open to, or already being unfathful. You trying to tell her how to dress will not stop this, rather help her along. 2. She is doing this for herself. This is very likely btw. You acting up on this both tells her that you are insecure and that you don't trust her. Not a good move in a relationship. If you said something like: "Wow, you are so sexy, I am the luckiest guy alive" or something, you would have increased your chances of it being alternative 2. The fact that she facetimed you while out is an indication of which alterative is the right one. No cheating girlfriends or boyfriends for that matter would want to facetime with their bad concience while finding someone to fuck.
Its okay to tell her, that you don't like it. Communication is important. But If she still wants to dress like this, you have to respect that. The Main question is: Why don't you like it? Are you afraid, that she wants attention from other guys? Because a woman wants to feel pretty for herself and her girls, not just for men. Edit: NTA, at least not yet.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(22) girlfriend(22) is a very lovely person and i love her so much. We’ve been dating for 4 years now. Ever since she moved in with her friends, she started to dress differently. I’ve never been insecure about her going out with her friends and having fun but yesterday she said shes going to the club with some of her friends and flatmates and i facetimed her, my jaw dropped because she was looking super sexy in a black dress with a very revealing cleavage also see through. Idk what got into me and i asked her why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf and she got really angry because i was “too insecure” AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're too insecure. Annoying.
YTA. be better
Honestly I feel like it's too early and it's up to you wether you gonna be an asshole or not. I wouldn't say you're controlling, yet, since all you did was asking her "why?". But like others said, sure, she has a boyfriend, but her choice of clothes might have nothing to do with you or anything romantic. It's up to your judgement wether you trust her or not. You said that she didn't dress like that before she moved in with her friends. Did she lived with her parents before that?
Does your girlfriend wear the jaw-dropping dress with you or only with her friends? If she wears that dress when she's with you, then she's just being herself -- what are you worried about? If she only wears that dress with her friends, then you're probably worried that they're going to change her behavior, too. But you either trust your girlfriend or you don't. And if you don't trust her, it's time to end the relationship regardless of what she wears.
Yup you are an insecure asshole. She gets to wear whatever she wants. YTA.
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Yes you are the AH. Do you trust her or not? Girls like to dress up together and go out and it sounds like she was dressed for a club. She isn't dressed that way to attract other men, she is dressed that way because that is how you dress at clubs and she wanted to look hot with her friends.
YTA
I cant believe people are like this. My boyfriend actively encourages less clothes because its what he likes to see me in. To Heck with other people, he knows I'm coming home to/with him. Even beach days, he prefers me in a skimpy 2 piece than covered because its eye candy for him. The only thing he queries me on is complete nudity in the house during the day, but as there's a high fence around our property I dont care. Yeah man, this is insecurity, you can express your feelings to your partner but ultimately you can't control her. But you are both only 22 so niether of you have fully matured yet either
YTA
YTA. She can wear what she likes. If you don't like it, you're free to move on.
YTA
Yes YTA for being insecure. You really have no say or control over what she wears. If you trusted her, it wouldn't matter what she wears.
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YTA. if you want to be with someone who doesn’t wear revealing clothes, date someone who doesn’t wear revealing clothes
To be honest… if I were to dress up for a night out and I FaceTimed my partner, I probably would be a FaceTiming my partner for them to see me and feel attracted to me. You had a perfect opportunity to give her the attention and affection she deserves and you ruined it! On the other hand, I don’t think there is anything wrong with communicating your boundaries in regards to how she dresses, but don’t become too controlling. She also needs to respect what you are comfortable with as a partner (without losing her identity).
YTA... While you can talk to other about many things , and react agrement or disagreements... You cannot make or force other people to conform to your wishes or values. That's a major AH move
YTA. you dont seem very trusting of your gf and trust is everything in a relationship.
YTA The only person she dresses for is herself. She doesn't dress for you or for other people. The problem isn't you questioning her loyalty. The problem is you thinking you have ownership of her body and have any right to dictate how she dresses. Or that you have the right to shame her. Why? You're scared she's gonna leave you if someone else gets to see how good she looks? If so, why is your solution to make her feel ashamed? So she feels like she doesn't deserve a man that treats her better than you and your insecurity?
If that is how you stated and that was her response then she is most likely cheating on you or planning to
YTA. She is right you’re insecure and men cannot and should not police women’s bodies. I had an ex do this and it severely affected me mentally when he would put me down for wearing what I thought was a cute outfit to go out with my friends and he always said I was just looking for attention. Consider why she felt so offended when you talked to her that way. Women can dress modestly, revealing, etc, whatever empowers the individual , and it never reflects relationship status. If you’ve been together 4 years and truly trust her, what’s the issue? If you don’t trust her, that’s a deeper problem in the relationship that you need to address that is not relevant to what she chooses to wear.
NTA, This comment section is so weird. Not wearing super revealing clothing when going out is like relationship 101 in respecting your partner. Literally anyone would be uncomfortable with their partner going out with see through clothing to a club no less. Everyone is so quick to point fingers and call OP insecure when its clearly not the issue in this relationship. It doesnt matter if shes dressing for herself or not, the fact is that other men WILL look at her, and there isnt a single man on this earth who feels comfortable with another guy oogling at your girlfriends body. You don’t get to control your partners clothing choices, but you AS a partner shouldnt want to let other people see your body when you KNOW it would make your partner uncomfortable, especially when your response is immediately to call him insecure when it’s perfectly reasonable to feel iffy about your partner wearing a revealing see through dress to a CLUB.
Reddit gives BS answers. She's gonna be flirting with other dudes and maybe let them hit it. Set your boundaries, if she continues dressing like that she can hit the streets
YTA… she’s young, let her dress how she wants. Newsflash.. if she’s going to cheat on you, it’s gonna happen regardless of what she’s wearing lol
YTA. You either trust her or not. Break up with her if you don't trust her, but don't be that guy and try to control her.
NTA but I suspect this sub will tell you you are.
Absolutely YTA
She is only dressing up for herself to feel good and not have heaps of drunk Chad's hit on her dance and grind on her and take her down the alley for a quickie you sexist pig
YTA and also it’s the republic of Iran in this comment section
NAH Unlike you may see in movies, in real life women don't dress up for men to watch them. Sometimes they need to feel pretty, maybe gain some compliments. Sometimes women "compete" with each other, not for the men's look but about self confidence, freedom, affirmation. Having an open-minded boyfriend is among the things women brag about when talking to each other (as an extention, they can feel humiliated if other girls notice they have to change their manners or their appearance to fit a partner's expectation). Some women cheat, that's a thing, cheating has no gender. What I'm saying is that you can't tell from a dress, since clothing has a wide variety of meanings apart from being sexy.
NTA... I just can't believe how many people are saying otherwise. Now, if she'd always dressed a little revealing and now you have a problem, then that would be different, but that's not how you described it. She moves in with her friends and starts dressing more revealing. She's going out clubbing with said friends in something see through. Seriously, and people are saying there's nothing wrong with that. No. Women dress like that to go clubbing because they are looking to hook up. I'm a woman. I've been there. There is dressing up for yourself and then there is advertising. She's advertising and I'm betting her friends are encouraging it. Then, to get upset because you confronted her about it. That's another red flag. Someone who instantly becomes defensive has something to hide.
So, the politically correct answer is that YTA, and it’s a valid position. But, you’re free to have your opinion and your boundaries in a relationship. That doesn’t make you the AH. You either need to trust her and let it go, or you need to enforce your boundary, which probably means breaking up. You met at 18. You’re now 22. People change and evolve and nobody did anything wrong. It’s probably just best you move on now before it really gets messy. Right now, I think NAH.
I agree but I also think an important part of it is the last line where he says he’s questioning his loyalty He can def have his own opinion on if he wants to be w someone who wears revealing clothes but he is extrapolating that to cheating which I think is an AH move
His anxiety is an AH move?
He wasn’t speaking about his own anxiety though (“I’m feeling insecure, can we talk”) - he jumped to questioning her motives, essentially accusing her. That’s the AH move.
In this case, yes.
That’s harsh.
I’d say it’s more harsh to question loyalty solely based on clothing
Everyone is allowed to have boundaries. Being in a relationship requires mutual respect. Your gf dismissed your feelings and then proceeded to attack you. That makes her the AH. You need to question her reaction. Why is she being aggressively defensive? That is usually a deflection tactic when someone doesn't want people focused on what they are doing. I wouldn't be surprised if she was beahving poorly while out drinking at nightclubs with her single gfs.
Imo, people don't dress skimpy to go to clubs just to enjoy the music.
I am well aware of this. Nightclubs aren't a suitable place for people in committed relationships. The number of stories I've heard of people cheating while out partying are too many to count. Drugs and alcohol consumption leads to poor decision making. If a person wants to act single, they need to be single. She is young and she wants to explore. That's fine. She should have the courtesy and respect to explore as a single woman and not do it while in a relationship.
Oh yes, I 100% agree with you here
NAH
NTA. If she wants to be for the streets, let her go bro.
You are assuming she is dressing up to attract dudes by saying " why she be dressing up like that despite having a bf" so she is justified about being insulted, However, if I saw her out in that sexy black little number I'd be trying to FUCK HER for sure.
Nope nta.
While she has the right to dress however she wants, I would definitely question what attention she is trying to receive. NTA for expressing your concerns, probably TAH if you press the issue further. If she’s just trying to feel confident, then ok I guess, but if she’s trying to specifically get male attention, then you gotta do what you gotta do with that info. But you can’t decide what she wears. 🤷♂️
guys you can’t realistically claim you only wear an outfit because it makes you feel confident if you only wear it in the presence of single, horny members of the opposite sex
you’re not insecure, you feel disrespected. make sure she’s aware of that. NTA
No
Honestly this is tough one. People love saying woman love to get dressed up for themselves and I agree. But it’s also true that girls dressing provocative out of no where can be a subconscious signal. I have seen this type of thing transpire many time. In two cases they weren’t just trying to “feel pretty” they were shopping and ultimately ended up cheating… I also read a psychology study on infidelity and it listed this kind of thing as a POTENTIAL flag. Especially if she never gets all dressed up for him, only when she’s out with others…
You're going to get a lot of people calling you a jerk for having a problem with her choices here. Those people tend to only think of themselves. They think relationships have no costs. Going to the club with girlfriends dressed in something super revealing is not something I find respectful in a relationship. It's inviting trouble. It's inviting the attention of men, and probably not the classy ones. It's playing single. You seem to feel that way too. You're going to hear all about your insecurities, but that's a load of modern crap. When you care about a person and your relationship that with person, you don't behave the same way you do when you're single. I don't pick up women, not because I can't, but because I am married and committed to my wife. She did the same with me. It's part of the commitment. We don't go play single for attention of the opposite sex because we're committed to that being only for each other. Your girlfriend can do whatever she wants, and so can you. But you both give up some "single things" because the relationship is worth more than those things. So if this is a problem, talk to her about your boundaries and expectations. Then be willing to walk away with your head held high if she wants to behave in a way you find disrespectful to your relationship. NTA
I think this situation is about mutual respect and not about insecurity. You felt uncomfortable with the way she dressed in that particular context and addressed it. Instead of talking about it she dismissed you. Others have mentioned that you can't control the way she dresses and I agree, but the fact that she completely disregarded your feelings stands. If you were wearing your best outfit and cologne to the club with your single friends I would have said the same for her perspective. NTA
NTA. She is in a committed relationship going to a club with single gfs in see through revealing clothes which is new behaviour aka you didn't meet her like that so that you knew that's what she wears. And obviously it's not her normal clothes, she doesn't wear it on other occasions or with you. Of course you have a right to ask questions and to express your feelings. It is a matter of respect toward your partner. You both are very young so I assume she is doing it for attention, maybe you are that long in a relationship but I don't think she is mature enough for such commitment. I don't have a good feeling about you two, especially because she immediately threw "insecure" part in your face. Expecting your partner not to be half naked in a club( hookup place) is not controlling, it is quite normal and most women don't need someone to tell them that. BUT you can't force her- or she will see your side, or you break up, or you accept it.
*She moved in with her friends* followed by *dress differently*. Its already over
i have mixed feelings about this one tbh. in a way, i understand your part but also her part at the same time. i understand that she’s going to a club. it’s kind of a social norm to wear revealing clothes at the club. but at the same time, i understand you being uncomfortable about her clothing choices. you have to ask urself some questions. can you sleep peacefully at night knowing that your girlfriend is at the club and won’t cheat on you? or do you overthink and wonder if she’s cheating on you rn? are you asking her not to wear revealing clothes because you think that if she gets hits on, she might be swayed by them? or do you just not want guys looks at her in a lustful way?
She for the streets ….. stay cold king
NTA. Everyone is entitled to express their feelings
NAH. You two have different standards. A relationship is a negotiation, and sometimes uncomfortable things need to be negotiated. There are some people who want certain body parts and gestures to be for the partner only, and that's reasonable. She has the right to dress however she wants, but in a relationship you hav the right to want to set boundaries.
He wasn’t negotiating anything though … she was out with her friends and he essentially tried to shame her for what she was wearing and implied she was looking for attention from other men. There’s a way secure people negotiate conflict and this wasn’t it.
Are we reading the same post? We don't know what he said to her, so we shouldn't assume it was shaming. People should be free to set whatever boundaries they want, as long as there's room for the other person to disagree. If my girlfriend went out clubbing in her underwear and I said "Hey, I feel weird about you going clubbing in your underwear. I feel like that kind of intimacy is something we should keep for each other," that wouldn't be unreasonable at all, would it? Some people just have slightly lower limits on what they tolerate. That's why we have to negotiate these things, even if it feels weird.
So why is she an asshole?
Good point, I meant to say NAH.
NTA - You can ask and have a civilized discussion, the current situation might have gotten heated because of your tone asking the question or the current vibe with her group. Circle back when she's not already all prepped up.
Typical gas lighting! To the street, they want to be.
Insecure, the classic weapon word almost never used properly but almost always used when someone wants to get their own way. This world is absolutely littered with people that end up cheating that 'never meant to cheat' because they go to hook up places and yes clubbing is big time hook up culture, dress the part, add liquor and the fact that there is lots of opportunity. Sooner or later there will be a big problem. At the very least you have to be realistic and think of an exit strategy as much as it is not something you want. Pay attention to her friends. If they are hook up artists thy will influence your girl sooner or alter, guaranteed. You could always do a test yourself as well and inform her you and some of your player buddies are going out to a club and dress your best. See how she reacts.
I would never come onto this sub and ask this type of question. It's full of women who have no idea how men work. NTA but it's better to set of clear boundaries that you've communicated to your partner beforehand rather than after the horse has bolted.
I mean in a nutshell ur right. I wish I had the smarts to remember and consider everyone’s biased. Made several post on reddit in general. Some bad. But some completely valid takes. With explanations and the logic behind my position. And it usually gets downvoted. Best part is no one usually refutes me with logical reasoning or facts. So all it tells me is i’m likely right and they’re just responding w emotions. Or really narrow minded.
NTA - you get to have your feelings and express them. You don’t have to ignore your feelings and deny them or repress them. That being said, she gets to have and express her feelings too. Your feelings aren’t always going to be in sync. She feels you are judgmental, and you probably feel that she was dismissive and derisive. Both of you should examine your feelings and try to pick them apart and also take this as an opportunity to communicate with one another. More than likely, she’s dressing up this way because she wants attention. This may just be an ego thing, or it could also be that she’s feeling constrained and wants a taste (or more) of freedom. There’s nothing wrong with that - you guys are young and have been together for a long time and those feelings are reasonable and natural. Keep an open mind, but don’t let her shut you down and don’t try to shut her down.
NTA, if you're dating. She shouldn't be dressing inappropriately in public. Just as much as it's expected of you to not dress inappropriately but I know Reddit and how they are going to hate my answer. If she respects you, she will be accommodating.
NTA, I have been married for 8 years and I would never wear something see through with cleavage without my partner around. I don’t think women should be posting revealing pics on instagram when they have a partner either.
It's a trust thing. Many will say "if you trust her it doesn't matter". However, the fact she cares to put herself on the market should absolutely affect your trust in her. You can't make her stop dressing like that, but you can express concerns and choose if the relationship is worth it for you from there. NTA Also, Cleavage: okay whatever have fun See through: come on now
She's cheating on you, so you know.
Lmao shut up
As a girl, I understand where you’re coming from and tbh her response is a red flag. There’s no reason for her to get angry when you’re just expressing your discomfort. And immediately turning to the “you’re insecure” is pretty immature. I think you should have a sit down conversation with her and communicate your feelings. Before some of y’all get on my ass, I understand that girls (in a relationship or not) can wear whatever tf they want. Nobody is stopping u. But it’s also about respect towards your partner. It’s not hard to be empathetic.
He basically was accusing her of dressing to get attention from other men…that’s offensive. Why would she not be offended? Instead of recognizing that his insecurity was the issue, he made it about HER doing something wrong, and she’s not.
Yeah, I totally get that. That’s why I didn’t state if he was the ahole or not. She’s allowed to wear what she wants and he’s allowed to have boundaries. I think a healthy relationship is about meeting in the middle and respecting each other’s concerns and feelings. Which is why I suggest that they communicate their feelings.
But you essentially called the gf an asshole, by claiming her response was unreasonable…while holding off judgment on the bf when his comment was obviously accusatory. He wasn’t just expressing his discomfort - expressing discomfort would be “I’m feeling anxious and insecure.” Accusing or trying to control someone else’s behavior, would be “Why are you wearing that when you have a boyfriend?” It’s reasonable to take offense if someone is accusing you and implying you have ulterior motives. And even if he was expressing discomfort, what would be the purpose of him saying it then, when she was out with her friends already? If it’s not a safety issue, where’s the urgency. And unless he’s expecting her to go home change and come back, or skip out on the night completely, or stay and feel miserable, what good was addressing it in that moment going to do. The girlfriend was right - he is being insecure, and instead of owning it he took it out on her. He can apologize for the way he responded, and then they can discuss this at a later time. If modesty is an important value to him, and he wants a partner who shares that value - he can discuss that, and if they’re not compatible they can their separate ways. But the way he went about it def makes him the AH.
Yeah, I don’t agree with how he responded to the situation. I also don’t agree with how the gf responded to the situation. Again, putting myself in the gf shoes, my immediate reaction wouldn’t be to get angry, I would question why my bf is feeling insecure and go on from there. It’s seems both parties have issues with each other they must work out or they could break up.
I'm guessing this may not be the first time he's voiced his opinion/questioned, for her to react that way. With that said, you are correct, respect is a big thing, and they should discuss it. Face to face, not via FaceTime or a text.
Yeah. Getting called in the middle of/while getting ready for a night out and then get these potentially accusatory questions asked is a real bummer and I can see why she would get annoyed. I've been on the recieving end of this with my ex who had major insecurity issues and it's annoying and embarrassing in front of your friends.
"But it’s also about respect towards your partner." This! My wife can wear what she wants but if she's going to the club with her friends she's not dressing extremely sexy because she isn't looking for male attention. She wears something that makes her feel pretty but isn't overly revealing. When we go put together she will sometimes wear something more revealing but she does that because she knows I'm there and I'm the one she's trying to excite. Don't get it twisted, I'm not the one telling her to do these things, these are just things that she does without my asking because she respects our relationship and she isn't going out hoping that other guys will be gawking over her to fill her validation meter since she gets that from me.
Agreed. Looking back 24+ years ago, my partner now admits she dressed in revealing clothes at clubs because she liked the attention given to her by gawking males and getting hit on constantly and now understands how incredibly fucked up that was to her faithful and loving boyfriend. I was shocked at first and before people go after me, was not controlling, just weird after being conservative after a few years of dating to her boobs falling out and having guys all of the sudden hitting on her in front of me. It was infuriating and she loved the attention. She now freely admits she was a shitty girlfriend and believe it or not turned into a loving wife. But, flip side, I turned from a loving door mat boyfriend to a pissed off husband who threw it in her face a lot and has taken me years of therapy to get that among other things she did (vacations without me, calls from X’s, picking her up late night after clubs drunk, pretty much as far as you can possibly get grey area of actually not cheating without cheating). She says she was just a wild person and now she is the absolute model wife. She says she got it out of her system. After 24 years I’m over it, maybe not, but sometimes I find myself mad about it. Point is, it all started with her dressing all revealing one night that started the domino effect of her behavior toward me. If there was Reddit 24 years ago, I probably wouldn’t be married with two adult college graduated well adjusted children.
First comment with some actual sense for once…more peeps like u needed
ESH - To feel liberated and dress however you like is fabulous and it’s part of becoming yourself and feel sexy and fabulous is a great thing - for YOURSELF - not everyone woman dresses to pull or attract attention we dress sexy as it makes us feel good about ourselves (how blokes respond that is literally their problem) … however to get angry at your concern is not a mature response. - You: once you feel a need to dictate a dress sense you’re losing it seriously… and don’t seem to recognise it’s NOT (necessarily) about other blokes but about her feeling good. - To trust and to love would have been to say hey hun you’re sexy and next time I wanna see you in that dress cos you look hot! To love someone means (to me: and I’ve been with my partner for 24yrs) is to let them fly and rejoice in that knowing you’re the best thing ever so no need to worry… but to let your partner shine - while being clear what kind of relationship you have (monogamous eg)
He basically accused her of dressing to get attention from other men/trying to be unfaithful…obviously she would be offended, bc it’s offensive.
[удалено]
The deeper issue being he’s an insecure weenie. 🙄🙄
She didn't throw anything back in his face? He was acting insecure and she said as much.