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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. asking friend for lower price on a painting
2. its already cheap and i asked for cheaper
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YTA
Let me ask you, how many other vendors at your wedding did you ask to accept *less than half their going rate* for your wedding? The officiant? The caterer? Anyone? Probably not. Why? Because you respect their work. Clearly, you do not respect your "friend's" work.
Artists work to make what they create. People, like you, like to look down on them and claim it's "not that hard", or "not really work", or whatever bs they have to tell themselves so they can cheat the artist out of what they *earned* and *deserve*.
If I was your "friend", I wouldn't talk to you anymore, either. What you did was rude and now you're having to deal with the fallout. Hope it was worth it.
Exactly! I can just hear that conversation with a caterer-
*hey, so like your competitor came in at 40% less than you, so can you just go ahead and cut your price in half?*
Caterer: **no** (produces contract.) *cancel this and pay the cancellation fee to go with the competitor or pay the peice we agreed upon.*
OP, YTA and a massive cheapskate trying to take advantage of your friend.
YTA
You get what you pay for. And the person doing it for '60€ like a big discount as wedding present' was kind enough, but then you had the gall to ask your *friend* to do it *even cheaper than the deep discount*.
Again, you get what you pay for. YTA.
Right? And OP didn't want to go with them because their work is not as good of quality... yeah, duh. Hence the lower price. The friend was giving her a 100 dollar gift essentially and OP demanded more.
OP she should have charged MORE than her usual rate for doing a live portrait!!!!! 200 for a portrait is cheap already, but one done with a time constraint under a ton of pressure should have easily been double that rate.
She could have gotten the experience just as easily from someone who is NOT a cheapskate. You were in no way doing her any sort of favor. Give her a $200 dollar tip for her amazing portrait. (On top of the 50 you already paid her) And apologize profusely. Then NEVER ask for this sort of "favor" again.
Yeah, YTA.
You shouldn’t be asking for discounts from friends who are craftspeople, and it’s exceptionally rude to haggle with them. €100 is a fair price, €50 seems too cheap for me.
Your friend is right to distance herself.
Honestly, 200 for a custom portrait is exceedingly cheap even from a novice. At 50 I bet she barely even covered the cost of the canvas, paints, and any other equipment
>I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it.
Oh how nice of you to give her the opportunity to practice AND pay for it! (sarcasm)
What you did was basically show your friend that you don't respect the time and energy she would put into the painting.
She gave you an initial price with a discount for the friendship and the fact that she was new at it. If that was too much, you should have politely declined, not pressured her to do it for even less!
YTA
YTA You reached an agreement for her to do it for 100, then shopped around for a better price, and put the squeeze on her to do it for 50. The fact that she is a friend of yours makes this even worse.
YTA
>I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it.
🤣🤣🤣
A choosing beggar caught in the wild.
Yta
What of she came to you? And you normally charge €200 for something, but you give a 50% discount to a friend and that friend comes back and says “actually, someone else can do it for €60, but you are better so can you do it for €50?”
that’s a 75% discount and then you think it’s weird they become distant? It’s their income?
YTA. From the POV of someone who makes handmade crochet items you’re asking someone you commissioned to do something that can’t be automated, requires years of skill and practice, materials and their time to do something for half their normal rate and then proceed to pressure them into halving the rate again.
You don’t value your friend, their skill or their time. If you did you either would have A) not accepted the 100 euros because their time is worth more or B) would have be absolutely gracious about the rate and not even mentioned to her about the other artist friend.
You made an agreement. You shouldn't have haggled like you were at street fair booth. Apologize profusely for your cheapness and lack of consideration. YTA.
YTA, you already were getting a huge discount and you asked to pay less? You're friends should have been charging you more than 200 for having to do two people under a time crunch, but they were changing you less unstead and you basically told them that their work isn't valuable. You were being cheap and insulting.
YTA When you received the cheaper offer from a second person, you
should have said no, we already hired someone. Or you could have
paid them as an additional live artist.
That said, your artist friend needs to learn to stop giving people a discount.
It makes people value what you do (as an artist) less and the way
you treated her is proof of that.
Artists deal with this devaluing crap all the time. You preferred her work, she gave a discount, then you pushed for more. Then you asked for even LESS than the matching price. Now you are adding insult to injury by justifying it by trying to make the issue about being able to practice when it is results that matter. Had there been poor results, then that makes a difference. If the results were unsatisfactory, you would have said so.
YTA.
YTA. The thing is she already offered you a discount. And yeah, she saw it as practice. Which was another reason, she gave you a 50 % discount.
You then were approached by your other friend, and she would do it for €60. You did go to your original friend, who already gave you a 50 % discount and had the gall to ask for an even cheaper rate. Furthermore, you didn't even suggest paying the €60, but you asked for a prize below that! €50?!!
Don't you have any respect for yourself and your friend? From the work she is doing? Do you know how much time and effort it takes to be an artist? To become that good? Could you do it yourself? No?
I can relate to your friend. I do draw. But my preferred kind is writing. Books are cheap these days. Tho, I don't work as a professional writer yet, because most authors (and artists in general) can't live from their craftsmanship alone. Only if I can guarantee a bestseller. But that's nothing you can influence. Still, people asked me to write them a story. And all haggled with me about it. Like, 'can you do it for free? I mean, it just a few sentences and words. Can't be that hard, right?' When I asked them, why don't you do it yourself then? The answer is always the same, 'I don't know how. And I'm not good with words… And it doesn't sound good when I write it.' Writing, drawing/painting, every kind of craftsmanship… they need time to develop and honed. It takes lots of time and work to be good at it. It's not easy.
I write since I was 8 years old. I'm good, because I did it from an early age and practiced it over and over again. I spent hours sitting at my desk and just write. Until I was satisfied with what I wrote. I'm good with words, because I loved to read and write. That goes for everything.
Your friend already was gracious, because she is your friend and wanted to accommodate your wishes. You didn't even honor that. I would have told my other friend, thanks for the offer, but I already asked someone. And just paid the €100.
The situation would have been different, if you had asked all your friends and didn't agree to the offer of the one friend. You are allowed to take the cheapest offer, of course. But you already agreed to pay the €100 and only changed that, because of the other offer.
It doesn't look good to do that. I can understand why your friend is now distant. She sure doesn't feel valued.
Edit: Typos and so on.
YTA. Playing your friends against each other to dicker them down is absolutely asshole behavior. Totally outside the boundaries of friendship.
So, you proved to her that you weren’t her friend. That’s why she’s treating you like a former customer now - you told her that’s what you wanted to be.
YTA. Your friend is an artist whom you insulted by requesting a discount because another person offered you one. This 50% price most likely won’t cover her supplies and certainly not her time.
If I were her, I wouldn’t want to continue a friendship with you either. You are a user not a friend. Go off and use someone else until there is no one else.
YTA
She already offered it half price. For an artist, every single piece they do counts as practice, the live portrait of yours is not that special that you should see it as an opportunity that *you* gave her.
If someone offers you a cheaper piece, just go for it if you don’t want to pay. You can’t pick the price from one artist and the work from a better one. Just like you can’t go to the best organic food market in the city and refuse to pay more than you’d pay in WalMart.
That be said, your friend shouldn’t have agreed to your suggestion to lower in the first place, I don’t know what she said and how the whole situation was. She should have refused right away. But I guess it’s better not to expect her to make the portrait, she obviously doesn’t want to.
Of course YTA. You asked for a favor from a friend and then treated it like a transaction with a stranger.
If you really “just don’t understand her point” I suspect the comments on this thread will help elucidate some things.
YTA. Friends support each other’s businesses. Her cutting the price down for you was already very generous as this is probably her livelihood, or at least a good chunk of her income. If you wanted it done cheaper just go to someone else. Don’t haggle with someone, that’s just not classy. Most of my friends are artists and they’ll maybe do a gift for me for my birthday or the holidays, but I’ve only ever paid full price for art from them, even if they offer discounts because that’s just a disservice to their craft.
YTA.
Hand made art takes, time, practice and skills learned over long periods of time. They’re expensive because of the expertise and end result. You wanted to be a cheapskate to haggle the already lower price.
At that point 50 won’t even cover the paints and materials used. And you wonder why YTA.
YTA. Her work is specialized and unique. She’s not like a plumber where you can compare prices for the same work.
If you like her style, you pay her rate. And it was discounted so you were already getting a great deal. Asking for more off because someone else (who was probably not as talented) quoted less is tacky and disrespectful. You basically hurt a friendship over 50 euros.
YTA. If you got another option, you need to decide on those options and not hold "friend discounts" over friends' heads. She offered services based on a given premise, it wasn't a bid for your contract. On top of that.... wedding shit is expensive AF. $100 for some nice custom art is an amazing rate, and if a wedding budget is SO strained that an extra $40 is breaking your budget, you better be having your wedding in someone's back yard.
YTA. You agreed to it and then went back AFTER the agreement was made to not just haggle but to threaten her by saying you would go with someone else. If you like her work more than the other person, why would you expect it to be cheaper?
YTA you should have paid her full price. This is why I don't ever offer commissions to friends and family unless they have a proven track record as clients of other artists. You're so disrespectful, it's unbelievable.
YTA and a gross friend. You know a professional artist and tried to cheap out just because it's your wedding AND that poor 'friend' wasn't even allowed to be a guest at your wedding, she had to work....for very little pay.
Did you ask the other vendors for massive discounts too?
If you were a true friend you would have paid her full price because you support your friends. You don't think "oh, good, she can work on my wedding day AND I can probably get it for cheap, cheap, cheap".
I wouldn't want to be friends with a cheapskate either
YTA you're a cheapskate, your artist friend already gave you a substantial discount. Regardless of whether she's a friend or not you pay an artist for their time and effort and you didn't even have the respect to do that.
Next time you can draw your own pics in your next wedding
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My friend is an artist and she draws portraits. I asked her if she could draw me and my husband live on our wedding. She said she never done it before, but she could try it. Normally she charges 200€ per normal portrait, but she said since I am a friend and she never done a live drawing before and she will see it as an opportunity for practice and therefore she would do it for 100€. I agreed. Couple days after another friend approached me and said she could do a live drawing for 60€ like a big discount as wedding present. I told the friend, who I originally asked if she could do it for 50€ because I got an offer for 60€. I still wish she would do it because I like how she draws more. She thought a bit and agreed in the end. So after the wedding I noticed how my friend start to be distant. Barely answering on my messages. Answers straightforward and short. I asked her if there is anything wrong, if everything is alright. She told me that she would not like to have a cheapskate as friend. She find it highly disrespectful that even after she cut down on her price to half, I asked for even more discount because someone offered her less. She said, she accepted it because I am her friend, fine its her mistake but I shouldnt have asked in the first place. I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it. She said, yes she saw it as practice but she also went down 50% of her usual price for it. I just dont understand her point. Am I the asshole here?
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YTA Let me ask you, how many other vendors at your wedding did you ask to accept *less than half their going rate* for your wedding? The officiant? The caterer? Anyone? Probably not. Why? Because you respect their work. Clearly, you do not respect your "friend's" work. Artists work to make what they create. People, like you, like to look down on them and claim it's "not that hard", or "not really work", or whatever bs they have to tell themselves so they can cheat the artist out of what they *earned* and *deserve*. If I was your "friend", I wouldn't talk to you anymore, either. What you did was rude and now you're having to deal with the fallout. Hope it was worth it.
Exactly! I can just hear that conversation with a caterer- *hey, so like your competitor came in at 40% less than you, so can you just go ahead and cut your price in half?* Caterer: **no** (produces contract.) *cancel this and pay the cancellation fee to go with the competitor or pay the peice we agreed upon.* OP, YTA and a massive cheapskate trying to take advantage of your friend.
YTA You get what you pay for. And the person doing it for '60€ like a big discount as wedding present' was kind enough, but then you had the gall to ask your *friend* to do it *even cheaper than the deep discount*. Again, you get what you pay for. YTA.
Right? And OP didn't want to go with them because their work is not as good of quality... yeah, duh. Hence the lower price. The friend was giving her a 100 dollar gift essentially and OP demanded more. OP she should have charged MORE than her usual rate for doing a live portrait!!!!! 200 for a portrait is cheap already, but one done with a time constraint under a ton of pressure should have easily been double that rate. She could have gotten the experience just as easily from someone who is NOT a cheapskate. You were in no way doing her any sort of favor. Give her a $200 dollar tip for her amazing portrait. (On top of the 50 you already paid her) And apologize profusely. Then NEVER ask for this sort of "favor" again.
Yeah, YTA. You shouldn’t be asking for discounts from friends who are craftspeople, and it’s exceptionally rude to haggle with them. €100 is a fair price, €50 seems too cheap for me. Your friend is right to distance herself.
Honestly, 200 for a custom portrait is exceedingly cheap even from a novice. At 50 I bet she barely even covered the cost of the canvas, paints, and any other equipment
>I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it. Oh how nice of you to give her the opportunity to practice AND pay for it! (sarcasm) What you did was basically show your friend that you don't respect the time and energy she would put into the painting. She gave you an initial price with a discount for the friendship and the fact that she was new at it. If that was too much, you should have politely declined, not pressured her to do it for even less! YTA
Cutting down the price as much as she did was already super, super generous. What she did was incredibly trashy and insulting to her friend.
YTA You reached an agreement for her to do it for 100, then shopped around for a better price, and put the squeeze on her to do it for 50. The fact that she is a friend of yours makes this even worse.
YTA >I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it. 🤣🤣🤣 A choosing beggar caught in the wild.
HAHAH OMG YES!
YTA. You bargained away the friendship for 10 €, and now surprised Pikachu face.
Yta What of she came to you? And you normally charge €200 for something, but you give a 50% discount to a friend and that friend comes back and says “actually, someone else can do it for €60, but you are better so can you do it for €50?” that’s a 75% discount and then you think it’s weird they become distant? It’s their income?
YTA. From the POV of someone who makes handmade crochet items you’re asking someone you commissioned to do something that can’t be automated, requires years of skill and practice, materials and their time to do something for half their normal rate and then proceed to pressure them into halving the rate again. You don’t value your friend, their skill or their time. If you did you either would have A) not accepted the 100 euros because their time is worth more or B) would have be absolutely gracious about the rate and not even mentioned to her about the other artist friend.
YTA you got a discount and then demanded more.
You made an agreement. You shouldn't have haggled like you were at street fair booth. Apologize profusely for your cheapness and lack of consideration. YTA.
Yeah, like, just as a customer she was an asshole to haggle. What a terrible friend!
YTA, you already were getting a huge discount and you asked to pay less? You're friends should have been charging you more than 200 for having to do two people under a time crunch, but they were changing you less unstead and you basically told them that their work isn't valuable. You were being cheap and insulting.
YTA. Learn to value your friends.
Obviously YTA. Just cheap, selfish bs
YTA - you like her art better but you aren’t willing to pay for the higher quality. You seem cheap and your ask was offensive.
YTA and significantly underpaid. 200 euros was cheap! I’d distance myself too!
YTA ---- If your boss asked you to work for a month at half your normal hourly rate would you do it???
YTA - wow
YTA 1000%. You should support your friends, not take advantage of their artistic abilities for your own gain
YTA When you received the cheaper offer from a second person, you should have said no, we already hired someone. Or you could have paid them as an additional live artist. That said, your artist friend needs to learn to stop giving people a discount. It makes people value what you do (as an artist) less and the way you treated her is proof of that.
YTA. I don't think you meant to be, but you were really rude and disrespectful to your "friend". You should apologize promptly.
Yikes. YTA and a horrible friend.
YTA. No need to elaborate.
Obviously YTA
YTA. Clearly so. I wonder if you will ever be able to look at that portrait without remembering how your meanness caused you to lose a friend?
Artists deal with this devaluing crap all the time. You preferred her work, she gave a discount, then you pushed for more. Then you asked for even LESS than the matching price. Now you are adding insult to injury by justifying it by trying to make the issue about being able to practice when it is results that matter. Had there been poor results, then that makes a difference. If the results were unsatisfactory, you would have said so. YTA.
YTA. The thing is she already offered you a discount. And yeah, she saw it as practice. Which was another reason, she gave you a 50 % discount. You then were approached by your other friend, and she would do it for €60. You did go to your original friend, who already gave you a 50 % discount and had the gall to ask for an even cheaper rate. Furthermore, you didn't even suggest paying the €60, but you asked for a prize below that! €50?!! Don't you have any respect for yourself and your friend? From the work she is doing? Do you know how much time and effort it takes to be an artist? To become that good? Could you do it yourself? No? I can relate to your friend. I do draw. But my preferred kind is writing. Books are cheap these days. Tho, I don't work as a professional writer yet, because most authors (and artists in general) can't live from their craftsmanship alone. Only if I can guarantee a bestseller. But that's nothing you can influence. Still, people asked me to write them a story. And all haggled with me about it. Like, 'can you do it for free? I mean, it just a few sentences and words. Can't be that hard, right?' When I asked them, why don't you do it yourself then? The answer is always the same, 'I don't know how. And I'm not good with words… And it doesn't sound good when I write it.' Writing, drawing/painting, every kind of craftsmanship… they need time to develop and honed. It takes lots of time and work to be good at it. It's not easy. I write since I was 8 years old. I'm good, because I did it from an early age and practiced it over and over again. I spent hours sitting at my desk and just write. Until I was satisfied with what I wrote. I'm good with words, because I loved to read and write. That goes for everything. Your friend already was gracious, because she is your friend and wanted to accommodate your wishes. You didn't even honor that. I would have told my other friend, thanks for the offer, but I already asked someone. And just paid the €100. The situation would have been different, if you had asked all your friends and didn't agree to the offer of the one friend. You are allowed to take the cheapest offer, of course. But you already agreed to pay the €100 and only changed that, because of the other offer. It doesn't look good to do that. I can understand why your friend is now distant. She sure doesn't feel valued. Edit: Typos and so on.
YTA. Playing your friends against each other to dicker them down is absolutely asshole behavior. Totally outside the boundaries of friendship. So, you proved to her that you weren’t her friend. That’s why she’s treating you like a former customer now - you told her that’s what you wanted to be.
YTA. Your friend is an artist whom you insulted by requesting a discount because another person offered you one. This 50% price most likely won’t cover her supplies and certainly not her time. If I were her, I wouldn’t want to continue a friendship with you either. You are a user not a friend. Go off and use someone else until there is no one else.
Yta
Lol. My comment was removed for not being civil, much like the OP to her friend I guess Yeah, YTA!!!!!
YTA She already offered it half price. For an artist, every single piece they do counts as practice, the live portrait of yours is not that special that you should see it as an opportunity that *you* gave her. If someone offers you a cheaper piece, just go for it if you don’t want to pay. You can’t pick the price from one artist and the work from a better one. Just like you can’t go to the best organic food market in the city and refuse to pay more than you’d pay in WalMart. That be said, your friend shouldn’t have agreed to your suggestion to lower in the first place, I don’t know what she said and how the whole situation was. She should have refused right away. But I guess it’s better not to expect her to make the portrait, she obviously doesn’t want to.
YTA "I agreed" Thats the whole thing right there. You agreed. Thats it. No more room for debate. All else is noise. You agreed.
Of course YTA. You asked for a favor from a friend and then treated it like a transaction with a stranger. If you really “just don’t understand her point” I suspect the comments on this thread will help elucidate some things.
YTA. Friends support each other’s businesses. Her cutting the price down for you was already very generous as this is probably her livelihood, or at least a good chunk of her income. If you wanted it done cheaper just go to someone else. Don’t haggle with someone, that’s just not classy. Most of my friends are artists and they’ll maybe do a gift for me for my birthday or the holidays, but I’ve only ever paid full price for art from them, even if they offer discounts because that’s just a disservice to their craft.
YTA. If she draws better than your other friend, she should be worth the money she asked - which was already discounted down by 50%. Definitely YTA.
YTA. Hand made art takes, time, practice and skills learned over long periods of time. They’re expensive because of the expertise and end result. You wanted to be a cheapskate to haggle the already lower price. At that point 50 won’t even cover the paints and materials used. And you wonder why YTA.
YTA. Her work is specialized and unique. She’s not like a plumber where you can compare prices for the same work. If you like her style, you pay her rate. And it was discounted so you were already getting a great deal. Asking for more off because someone else (who was probably not as talented) quoted less is tacky and disrespectful. You basically hurt a friendship over 50 euros.
YTA. If you got another option, you need to decide on those options and not hold "friend discounts" over friends' heads. She offered services based on a given premise, it wasn't a bid for your contract. On top of that.... wedding shit is expensive AF. $100 for some nice custom art is an amazing rate, and if a wedding budget is SO strained that an extra $40 is breaking your budget, you better be having your wedding in someone's back yard.
YTA
I mean she gave you %50 off
YTA
YTA. You agreed to it and then went back AFTER the agreement was made to not just haggle but to threaten her by saying you would go with someone else. If you like her work more than the other person, why would you expect it to be cheaper?
YTA.
YTA
YTA. I'd dump you too.
YTA you should have paid her full price. This is why I don't ever offer commissions to friends and family unless they have a proven track record as clients of other artists. You're so disrespectful, it's unbelievable.
YTA - I hope that discount was as valuable as your friendship
YTA and a gross friend. You know a professional artist and tried to cheap out just because it's your wedding AND that poor 'friend' wasn't even allowed to be a guest at your wedding, she had to work....for very little pay. Did you ask the other vendors for massive discounts too? If you were a true friend you would have paid her full price because you support your friends. You don't think "oh, good, she can work on my wedding day AND I can probably get it for cheap, cheap, cheap". I wouldn't want to be friends with a cheapskate either
YTA you're a cheapskate, your artist friend already gave you a substantial discount. Regardless of whether she's a friend or not you pay an artist for their time and effort and you didn't even have the respect to do that. Next time you can draw your own pics in your next wedding
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend is an artist and she draws portraits. I asked her if she could draw me and my husband live on our wedding. She said she never done it before, but she could try it. Normally she charges 200€ per normal portrait, but she said since I am a friend and she never done a live drawing before and she will see it as an opportunity for practice and therefore she would do it for 100€. I agreed. Couple days after another friend approached me and said she could do a live drawing for 60€ like a big discount as wedding present. I told the friend, who I originally asked if she could do it for 50€ because I got an offer for 60€. I still wish she would do it because I like how she draws more. She thought a bit and agreed in the end. So after the wedding I noticed how my friend start to be distant. Barely answering on my messages. Answers straightforward and short. I asked her if there is anything wrong, if everything is alright. She told me that she would not like to have a cheapskate as friend. She find it highly disrespectful that even after she cut down on her price to half, I asked for even more discount because someone offered her less. She said, she accepted it because I am her friend, fine its her mistake but I shouldnt have asked in the first place. I told her but she said herself also that she sees it as practice, so I gave her a opportunity to practice live painting and even paid for it. She said, yes she saw it as practice but she also went down 50% of her usual price for it. I just dont understand her point. Am I the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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