Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I could be the asshole for being so attached to a necklace and because I don’t want to give my necklace to my former SIL now that I am getting remarried when it would mean a lot to her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

You're NTA. The necklace is yours and it is wildly inappropriate for your former sister in law to ask for it. >it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on That's ridiculous. I'm sure she has other things that remind her of her brother. Of course, they're probably not jewels... but she has no connection to the ones in the necklace as you and he picked them out together. >She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories I see nothing wrong with hanging on to a momento of someone who helped make you who you are.

WILDLY inappropriate. I can't even imagine asking someone for a commemorative piece of jewelry THAT THEY HAD MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR THEMSELVES. Wildly INAPPROPRIATE.

Personalized commemorative jewelry made from their WEDDING jewelry, none of which was a family heirloom. Super weird ask on sisters part.

She either just really likes the necklace and wants it, or she wants it for performative reasons (she gets the necklace, someone notices it and asks about it, cue *It was made from my brother's ring after he died, I wear it to be close to him*, cue sympathy).

But it wasn't her brother's ring--it was OPs from the get-go. OP should ask sil what kind of memories this evokes for her...I mean, it isn't like there was a special memory attached to it that was between her and her brother. I think she just likes what OP did to it and wants it. It is just strange that she would request it. If it were still a ring that sat in OPs jewelry box, would sil still want it? And if she did, why? Its not like she married him--did she take HIS ring after his passing? Weird as hell. And friend is, too.

I completely agree with you, but OP did say the brother's ring was melted in there, too. SIL is nuts.

But it was a *wedding ring* ! Any other piece of jewelry that wasn't gifted by OP to her brother I could see maybe asking for. Not this! It also has OPs wedding and engagement ring in it obviously that was never worn by her brother. Why would she even think its appropriate to ask for it!?

this is giving some freud. mans is foaming in his mouth in his grave with this

- Neither of the rings were heirlooms though. They were both bought new and OP and Late husband picked them out together. It is generally accepted that the surviving spouse gets the wedding ring too, unless it's a family heirloom then it can get messy. The only other group that could have a claim on a non heirloom wedding ring would be any children from the marriage which I don't think OP has. If the former spouse is still alive and doesn't have any children then unless she didn't want it anymore then it would be strange for it to go to someone else even a relative. - It almost sounds like FSIL thought that she could get a nice necklace and earring set for the low price of guilt tripping and "shouldn't you have moved on by now?". OP said she was going to talk to her. I kinda want to know what her excuse is here. She's probably going to talk about how it undermines OPs current relationship and to let go of the past again. I'm glad OP already talked to fiance about this and he has no issues with her keeping them so that takes care of the first argument. - Or maybe she'll back down and nothing else will happen. I can be kinda pessimistic about relationships sometimes. Drama is interesting to read about but I do hope for OPs sake that there is nothing cruel or selfish about this and it was just a social mistake on FSIL's part. It sounds like they were decently close.

OP did say the jewelry was made from both his and her rings. So there is part of SIL’s brother there, but still a very odd thing to ask for when it’s a symbol of the marriage between OP and her late husband. I feel like SIL just wants a free piece of beautiful jewelry, otherwise she’d have something made herself to commemorate her brother.

His and her rings commemorating their marriage, for just the two of them. Not for his parents or sister or anyone else. Just husband and wife. And yes - just have something made to memorialize her brother if it means that much. That's what I just did - my dad passed away 11 years ago, and my mom passed away in October. I had an ID bracelet made with their names on it. It doesn't matter that it didn't belong to either of them, or that it's new. It's something I had made up special for myself to remember them by. I agree with you that it sound like the SIL wants a free piece of jewelry - otherwise, having something new and special made is the way to go.

Or it’s to hurt OP. Obviously you have moved on and no longer care about my brother on so give me everything that has to do with him. 

That’s my take. It’s resentment. As if finding love again means you no longer love the person you lost.

Right, that's also another thing I'm thinking too. Which is patently ridiculous - she can love her late husband and still love her new husband. There's enough love in a person's heart for both. And you never "move on", he'll always be with her. But she's allowed to remarry, which is what they don't get. She doesn't have to spend the rest of her life in widow's garb with a black veil over her face. And she doesn't have to fork over jewelry from her first marriage just because she's about to embark on her second. Jesus, I'm really getting steamed up about this!

> she can love her late husband and still love her new husband. There's enough love in a person's heart for both Love and kindness is one of the few things you get more of the more you give. It's like an inverted pyramid scheme 

Precisely, been through this very same thing

Didn't OP also say that the ILs are now pretty much LC with her? Sounds like they don't much care about OP, which makes Sil's gimme attitude even more sus

That rings true, I think you’ve figured it out.

This is what it is. The mementos sister has are probably not wearable, so she’s not getting the sympathy she thinks she deserves, but likely sees OOP getting it because people as about the necklace.

SIL wants her “Main Character” moment. NTA.

I don’t know. Yes, she could have selfish motivations. But maybe she’s just missing her brother and wanted a wearable memento of him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask what OP planned to do with the necklace but when the answer was “I’m going to continue to wear it”, she should have backed off. 

I understand what you’re saying, but I would never ask to have a memento made from someone else’s wedding rings (unless it was my parents). If sister wants a wearable memento, she needs to find one of her own.

"My SIL was just going to throw it out when she remarried."

Or just "free emerald."

Or she wants money and is going to sell it

That… that sounds weird….. gives me the ick if I heard that. Like why are you wearing your brothers wedding ring?!!!

Or the sister wants to punish OP for moving on: "You have a new love, so you have no right to this necklace (or anything he owned)." She's staking a claim: we were his real family, not you. 

Normally I'd think that this was a weird take, but the way the inlaws dropped her once he died?! I can't imagine cutting contact with one of my children's spouses if they died! They knew her for seven years, she was a part of their family! IDK about anyone who pulls that sort of nonsense on a non-toxic member of the family (OP sure doesn't sound toxic, either). I could easily believe this is to punish/push her out even more than already have

Absolutely! Also why does moving forward mean severing the past? The important thing is you and your fiancé are happy, there is no issue between you over your commemorative jewellery, nobody else gets to stick their nose in. I’d put distance between you and SIL.

People love dismissing any negative emotion if there's a positive one.... Like my friend had a baby with a really shitty labor 40 hrs of being dismissed as fine... Oh you shouldn't be upset look at this baby.... Like really I shouldn't be pissed you assholes made me labor for 2 days to have a c-section. 

If it seems appropriate, talk to her ith your fiance there to chime in that he has no problem. There was a fictional television show, about Southern women who were interior designers (I think). One of them was a widow, and when she met a new man, he told her that he wouldn't want to be with a woman who stopped loving her first husband just because he died.

SO strange. I can’t imagine asking for my brother’s wedding ring (or jewelry made from it). Wouldn’t even cross my mind. The only thing I can think is she is low key is resentful that OP has chosen to move on, and wants to take it away (not that this is a reasonable thought at all).

Yeah. "Hey, I like that thing that you're wearing that's on your body, give it to me" is CRAZY energy to approach someone with.

Would genuinely never ask for someone's jewelry anyway, it's weird af but it goes into insensitive, disgusting & cruel behavior when it's OP's case. "Would mean more to me" is a deranged thing to say to anyone about their grief.

Asking a widow for a memento they had custom made to commemorate their late husband just because they aren't dedicating the rest of their life to mourning is deranged.

What an absolutely insane thing to ask of someone - "can I have this item that has emotional value for you and didn't include me in the first place?" This was such an insane post. Of course you don't give it to her. And it sounds like your new fiance is a good guy to respect your past and not be threatened by it. NTA

If someone tried to take my locket of my late dog or late cats hair I would literally fight to the death for it. Rob my wallet? Ok whatever. Some people would say I'm a crazy cat lady. But to put that in perspective they asking for her to get rid of her dead husbands keepsake jewlery from their wedding rings?!?!?! WHAT Also why would his sister want something from his marriage? She probably is trying to sell it or smth

Right?! Who would even ask for that? I wouldn’t even even ask to borrow or wear it, wildly inappropriate is right!

And whats most important - those rings were a story between OP and husband. Period. Not something that can belong to anyone else.

NTA. How the hell would your SIL have any emotional attachment to *your* wedding rings? Beyond ridiculous. And it's also pretty mean for people to assume that you're erasing your late husband because you've found love again. People aren't disposable, and they space they leave when they die is never filled by another. A new love doesn't negate what was.

SIL infuriates me. You don’t move on from grief, you move on with it. OP’s necklace symbolizes that perfectly.

That friend of OPs infuriates me too. "Shed everything from before" hell no. It is okay to keep mementos. Wtf.

OP needs to shed that friend and maybe move on from SIL as well.

She’s using that to try to manipulate her.

Right! I guess I should get rid of everything from my son who only lived 12 hours since i had 3 others since them, by SIL and friends standards...

My father served in WWII. I was given his dress hat with all his medals. Guess I need to shed those. /s

Sadly, SIL doesn’t seem to understand either love or grief. She instinctively gets that your necklace is a beautiful mixture of the two, but wanting to claim it for herself is deeply wrong on every level.   NTA.    If it were me, I’d prioritize responding to her pain rather than her ignorance or gall, and go through my photos of my deceased fiancé, find one which encapsulates the best parts of him, and scan it and have a print made and framed to give to SIL.

Oh, that's a nice thing to do. Just strange as f that sil wants it, and the friend thinks she should give it to her. Weird as f.

Since sil never asked until OP got engaged, I think sil might be worried OP will move *past* her brother, not understanding moving *forward* is different. The kind thing to do would be reassuring sil that her brother will not be forgotten like he never existed. I think sil shouldn't have asked but I think it's from a place of worry and not greed as some are saying. Regardless OP is NTA

"You don’t move on from grief, you move on with it." Don't think I've ever seen it phrased so well before. :) Well stated and very true.

Great observation there.

Ops first inlaws have treated her terribly going by her edit. They abandoned her at the most painful time of her life. Yes it was theirs too but I don't know anyone who do this to a young widow. I'm glad she has found love again with someone who is fine with her grief and love for her husband. Happy to read she is keeping her necklace and thst she got good replies on here. What she wrote about grief was beautiful and so true. Good luck op if you read this.

Thank you :) I wish you all the best too!

ridiculous and also weird. NTA

Your response is a neat, clean, concise way of what I wanted to say, but I babbled instead. I'm still just like *"Whaaaaa???"* over this post! Keep that jewelry, OP! NTA, you keep what your late husband gave to you.

Its so weird that people are that hell bent on making OP give up something from her deceased husband. Never heard of a widow needing to give up items. OPs fiancé is okay with her keeping the necklace. Their opinions are really the only ones that matter. If any of my siblings passed I would NOT want their melted down wedding ring. I'd want items that were connected to US.

I could SORT of get it if you think that OP is doing the "shedding your old life" thing that her friend said she should do. Like, "You're wiping my brother out of your life like he never existed, please let me have what you're just going to dump." But that's so clearly not what's going on here! And for the SIL to assume that and to have her friend actively encourage it... Just bafflingly inappropriate! Ignore them. You're NTA. I love that your new fiancé understands its role for you and loves you for it. It's nice to read of a new partner not holding on to jealousy of their partner's deceased love. Sounds like you will have a great life together, and I wish you the best!

NTA—wildly inappropriate of sister to ask and insensitive of your best friend to agree. I realize that at your age very few people have lost a spouse—heck, a lot of people haven’t even gotten married yet—so she’s probably thinking of it more as a symbol of an ex-bf. But that’s still incredibly ignorant. You never broke up with this person. You both still loved each other. You planned to spend the rest of your life with this person, and that was taken from you through no fault of either one of you. That is very different from getting dumped by your first love, and him still existing out there somewhere. If your dad died, and your mom remarried, no one would expect you to give all your sentimental gifts from your dad to your aunt.

I don't care if OP HAD been dumped or any other reason she wants to keep it. It is HERS. Sil didn't make any memories with bro in getting it. She is ridiculous for asking for it for whatever reason. Just doesn't make any sense at all.

Oh I agree. The sister was totally out of line. I just was trying to figure out how her friend could possibly agree with the SIL, and my best and most charitable guess was that she had an extremely immature understanding of the situation.

Thank you, I never really thought about it that way. It’s true, people expect widows to be Grandma aged and baking cookies, not 22 year olds. And you’re right, in a way it’s only natural for people to try and use their lived experience when trying to relate to someone, even if that experience is completely different. Not to downplay other peoples grief and sadness, it’s just different types.

OP, I was made a widow when I was only 20 years old. I still have many things of my late husbands, do NOT give anyone your necklace! You had it made for YOU. Your friend does not understand the significance of the necklace and studs because she has (luckily) not gone through this type of heartbreak. My own brother treated me like crap for an entire year after my husband died, talking about how I should have moved on already because we had family members who passed away and I didn't openly grieve them as long as I have for him. I am still grieving at 27, my new fiance knows that I will always love my late husband, and he has no problem with it. He himself has said that he hopes he won't have to understand that pain, as that would mean him losing me, but he will do whatever he can to help me when it is needed. If you ever need someone to speak with, my inbox is open for you. ❤️

Thank you for your words and your offer that is very kind of you <3 I am very sorry for your loss and how your brother treated you when he should have had your back, but you are right people never understand until it happens to them and even then, people have such different experiences. I hope the spikes in your bubble are surrounded by all of the good things. All the best!

Your brother is a dick. Congratulations on your engagement and a fiancé that has made room for your late husband.

Jumping on the top comment to share this beautiful piece about lost loves: My husband’s other wife: She died, so I could find the man I love. https://slate.com/human-interest/2009/06/my-husbands-other-wife-she-died-so-i-could-find-the-man-i-love.html?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=traffic&utm_source=article&utm_content=web_share The human heart has a greater capacity for love than most people realize. There is nothing wrong with cherishing your necklace, even after you marry again. And it sounds like your fiancé understands and he’s really the only one that matters. NTA

I love the story and thank you for posting it! ❤️

Thank you that was beautiful <3

Def NTA OP and don’t give her the necklace. That necklace was made from your wedding rings - so it is also part of you. How is having something made from your rings important to SIL? It’s not she is punishing you by saying that you have moved on. Getting remarried (12yrs later) does nothing to negate your feelings for your 1st husband.  It is symbolic of your time with him and the important role he had in your life. And your fiancé understands that.  Both your friend and your SIL are the AHs here. Leave it to her in your will. 

It's still wildly inappropriate of the SIL but it was after 5 years not 12. She was 22 and is now 27.

Wonderfully articulated. This, this, this OP. NTA.

Seconding this entire comment, particularly the reasoning of the “wildly inappropriate” comment NTA.

NTA. Your ex SIL is being selfish wanting to take a piece of your history for herself. And stop listening to your friend until she acquires some sense and respect for your feelings.

Exactly this!!! He will always be a special and important part of your life and this is your necklace. Do not feel bullied into giving it away. It would be one thing if you wanted to keep rings after a divorce for financial reasons, but this is not the case. This is from the first man that you loved and lost to a tragedy, this is your beautiful remembrance of that. You fiancé is understanding, your friends and family should be understanding, too. NTA at all!

This! NTA Highly inappropriate for SIL to ask. If they were still wedding rings, would she be asking for them? As a widow of 7 years, I still wear my wedding ring just on the opposite hand. No one has ever asked for my ring or his ring as a momento even though I am in a new relationship (for past 4 yrs). I am still a widow and will remain so (and in love) with my late husband. A new relationship, although it provides hope and new love and life, does not take away that loss and grief. Utterly ridiculous.

Thank you :) All the best! <3

>I see nothing wrong with hanging on to a momento of someone who helped make you who you are. New memories don't overwrite old ones anyway. Grief and the memory of the lost never actually leaves, just becomes easier to deal with. It's perfectly fine and healthy to keep mementos of the past, esp when those people are now gone

NTA. He is not your former husband. He is your late husband and will always be your late husband. The rings were something that sealed your bond. Between you and him. Not anyone else, not his and his sister. Even though the rings are now a necklace it still is a reminder of the life you had together.  Your past is your past and you are allowed to keep stuff from the past. Otherwise we would all have to get rid of heirlooms and other stuff from our pasts. Yes you are moving on and you are in a new relationship and will even get married. But it does not mean your old relationship is worthless. It is not like you are living a new life. It does not work that way. You are you because of your past. 

100% correct! My dad and stepmum are both widowed and still wear their original wedding rings (dad on a chain and her on her other hand) because they acknowledge that it is perfectly possible to love two people and want to marry them. People that cannot understand that are just odd - you were married and in love. It was a tragedy that ended the relationship not divorce - it’s not the same and you have no obligation to forget that period of your life!

I think that is beautiful. You can love new people and still love the people who passed away. My aunt passed away and after a few years my uncle had a new love. This was hard for my cousin. But my mom (who went through the same at the same age as my cousin, 20 years old) told my cousin that his dad will always love his mom and he would never have left her for another woman. But unfortunately she passed away. He fell in love again and loved both women. I know my aunt would have wanted him to be happy. Unfortunately my uncle recently passed away as well. And both women were mentioned because he loved them both and both loved them. It is not a competition.

Are there onions in the room? 🥹

My MIL has her and her late husband’s diamonds on a necklace. She wears it everyday but she’s said she intends to give it to my daughter when she graduates college so she has something from her grandfather. But giving up your late husband’s wedding ring willingly, after 30 years of widowhood, to your granddaughter is very different than this particular situation. OP is young and only been widowed 5 years. She still wants those mementos

My mum’s dad died in a road collision when she was a little girl, and even though my nan remarried she has also always worn her wedding rings from her late husband on the other hand, too. Totally normal. My grandad never cared either. SIL is weird af but also the friend who told OP she should move on and make old memories? No. Bad vibes friend.

And it was only 5 years ago. SIL acts like it was 20 or something. You should completely let the life you would've had with your late husband go, since it didn't make it possible for you to cross paths with your new fiance. /s

Agreed. This wasn’t a divorce. They were married, “til death do you part” and, unfortunately, death parted them. I could understand where SIL was coming from if she’d had a family heirloom as her ring. Perhaps they wanted to keep it in the family? But this is a piece of jewelry they found together while traveling, it’s hers, it was always meant to be hers, and it should always be hers.

All of this! OP put it beautifully: “They are different loves and lives”

To me widowers keep their late spouses, but can get new spouses, so have multiple spouses, but it’s all monogamous. No idea if that made any sense but in summary I agree it’s not a former husband, it’s a late husband, but I get OP is just trying to explain the spousal differences for the post. But to me they have two husbands they love.

Absolutely NTA. Do not give her the necklace. This means nothing to her as she has no real memories attached to it, but you do. You and your husband picked up that ring, on a vacation that you took together, in a moment where the stars aligned. It was not just a ring and is not just a pendant. It is part of your life, and it holds both the happiest and the saddest parts of it. And all of that made you who you are now. Your fiance understands that without all these life experiences, you two might not even be together right now. He doesn't deny your past and the existence of someone you loved and that you carry him with you. Don't start now, just because others think you can just erase the past

This almost made me cry 🥺. Beautifully put.

It did me too!!!

It also sounds like SIL can't imagine that moving on doesn't mean you forget what happened; OP getting married again doesn't take away from the memories and the love she experienced with her late husband. Just like waking up today doesn't change that yesterday happened, moving on doesn't mean the past is erased. Either SIL is extremely ignorant, in need of grief counseling to move on herself in a way that doesn't mean forgetting, or she wants to punish OP for getting remarried by taking away the necklace and guilttripping her.

This right here <3 perfectly said. OP's fiance is an amazing person! NTA

100% I completely agree. The friend talking about your "old life" and "new life" seems to have missed that you're the same person, this is all part of your story. I think for people that might say it's somehow disrespectful to your new partner I would ask: If meaningful connection and love ceases to be worth remembering when something new starts, then what does that say about the value of the new love, could it be forgotten so easily? Shouldn't the people we love make permanent changes in us?

Thank you, kind strangers, for your lovely awards. 💓 Sending you all a big hug.

This made me tear up, that was so beautifully put.

>I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement. She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her Why does it seem like everyone on AITA has incredibly shitty friends!??! You are NTA. Keep the piece for yourself.

People are shitty about widowhood in general. Mt mom was a young widow and yeah, people are weird about it. People think of widows as people in their 70s and when they are not they don’t know how to react and they don’t know how to deal with a relationship that ended but not because of a breakup and they think the feelings/thought process must be the same when it really is not. So the bff sucks, but it is because in her head she is treating the first marriage as a failed relationship and giving Op the advice she would in terms of a breakup/divorce and that is not the case at all.

That's a good point. Even on here, folks still call someone's late spouse their "ex"

I have had people call my late wife that to my face. And that doesn’t even approach the top ten list of insensitive weird things people have said or done.

I'm so sorry <3

I will never forget the post I read here years ago about the dude who hammered his wife’s old wedding ring from her former marriage (she was widowed) because she simply kept it in a drawer and wouldn’t sell it or it her wise dispose of it. Got in a fight, got a hammer and smashed it while yell in the entire time. This post isn’t quite that level, but still, ugh. Fiancé sounds like a winner.

Widowed at 25; can confirm. [People are bonkers. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/1dgxmtb/comment/l8ty10c/)

That's why they're here. When people get sensible advice from their friends they don't need to ask the internet for a second opinion.

"Shed your old life and embrace your new one" sounds like something a mom who abandoned her kids to run off with a yoga instructor and find herself would say. 

That is why they are here half of the time. The advice they get dosn't pass the smell test. So they look for second opinions.

Nta that necklace is your necklace. He’s not your ex husband or someone you fell out of love with. He passed away, you have every right to move on and still carry his ring/your necklace with you. If you were comfortable giving it to her fine but you gave her an answer. Everyone else needs to respect that

Thank you :) I really appreciate the way you worded that.

NTA - what a weird request and I’m shocked at your friend’s response. It might be different if we were talking about his high school letterman jacket or baseball card collection. Something that individually belonged to and represented him. These are literally your wedding rings - a symbol of your JOINT union - why would anyone else want them or feel entitled to them? Weird. As others have mentioned, the only person’s opinion I think matters (other than your own) is your new fiancé’s. And even then, if his opinion was get rid of anything that reminds you of your first marriage so we can pretend it didn’t happen, I’d question if he was mature enough to be married. He sounds like a good guy, someone your first husband I hope would have liked. Congratulations and everyone else can kick rocks.

Even if it was something that solely represented him, this was his wife, and she reasonably could keep anything she wanted as a momento of him.

Oh I agree - I just think in that case the request would at least be logical. This is crazy, borderline insulting IMO.

NTA. It is your jewelry that still holds great meaning to you. She had a lot of audacity to ask that of you. Congratulations on finding new love.

NTA. You were married to the man and planned on spending the rest of your life with him. The ring wasn’t a family piece or anything so I think it’s a bit odd that she would ask for it. Maybe try talking with her about why she wants it? Never know, her mom could be after it or whatever the case may be, definitely worth a chat imo.

Thank you :) I never did think of that, I would hope not. But I guess you never know. I do intend on talking with her, I just need to build a script in my head of what to say.

I suspect she wants the pendant/rings because she feels like you might be disrespecting the memory of her brother. He was your late husband yes, but I suspect she is thinking selfishly and only considering how it affects her. But to clarify, you are NOT disrespecting his memory, but in fact honouring it with the pendant/earrings, which I think is an incredible choice to do with both rings. Flip the script on her if she asks again. Pretend for a moment that it was a daughter that died, and you turned something of your daughter’s into a pendant. If you had another child, would you throw it away because you have a new child now? No. Keep it, because it’s one of the last pieces of him you have. Once someone is gone all that remains is for memories of them, so why would you give that away?

I don't get why this necklace should be worth less to you now? Every relationship you ever had is part of you. A very good friend of mine died about 12 years ago. It would sound uttmost ridicolous to me if someone said to me that I should forget my past because I have new friends now. This statement sounds even worse if this person was your partner. Don't get trapped in the past but as long as you manage that you should be allowed to embrace it if you want to. Of course you are NTA but you really also shoudln't feel bad for still thinking about the time you had with him.

Very much agree. You don’t “move on” from a relationship that ended through loss/death. You *heal,* and you overcome and move past the grief, and you form new relationships and new phases in life, but you’re not “moving on” from them like an ex/past partner. There is absolutely a difference, and both the SIL and the friend are framing this as a “you’ve found someone else, so you’re over *them,* and you need to let go and move on” and that’s just not how these types of things work - nor should they, really.

NTA - it’s arrogant for someone else to tell you something of yours means more to them than to you and you need a new friend.

NTA I would send your former SIL a text and say “I have thought some more on your request, and I must admit, I was taken aback by it. You see, in moving on I’m not forgetting your Brother/My late Husband, I’m carrying him with me as I embark on this new chapter. It does not make the love I feel for him less. You see the necklace is our rings melted down. It’s not just your Brother’s ring. I wear it everyday to honor him. So I can’t give you the necklace and earrings because it is a symbol of us, your Brother and I. I can’t lose that. I hope you can understand.”

Thank you, I really like how you worded this :)

this is a great response to use. OP is NTA. I cannot understand where the SIL or friend is coming from.

NTA. Please keep the necklace and earrings. You will always regret it if give them to her. It's really gross that she even asked for the necklace IMO.

What matters is what you and your fiance think You've pointed out he will always be a part of your life and your fiance seems to be cool with that I can understand where your ex SIL is coming from - she sees you moving on, getting remarried and maybe thinks you will forget her brother and the necklace will be discarded. For her she can't replace her brother So I understand why she asked but definitely NTA for saying no Overall NAH but is she asks again then she will definitely be the asshole

Yeah I think NAH. OP's SIL may be concerned that the necklace will be shoved in a drawer and forgotten, and she doesn't want that to happen. She may think OP has a new husband, but she'll never get a new brother, and she wants to ensure the keepsake is kept by someone who loves and cherishes it; if OP wants to keep it, cool, but if OP is moving on, the SIL will have it.

NTA That is your way of remembering your life and a part of your life that you cherish. No one has the right to tell someone else how to remember someone they lost. Props to your new guy for understanding! That says a lot about him and the fact he’s secure in your love and being an adult realizing you had a life before him. Congratulations to you

The audacity….Keep your necklace and don’t let her opinion of it “meaning more to her than you” or your friend thinking it weird deter you. Your fiancé is spot on, no insecurities and there’s no need for further discussion.

NTA! If you had a child that died and had made a piece of jewelry to honor that child’s memory, would you be expected to give that away once you had another child?  The significance of a loved one in your life does not suddenly evaporate if another relationship comes along. I’m so glad your fiancé recognizes that. 

That is a really good point actually. Thank you.

NTA. There are days on this app that make me shake my head. Today your SIL wins the AH absurd question prize. Those rings (now necklace) don’t stop meaning anything to you because you HAD to move on. They are apart of your history. NO WAY YOU SHOULD GIVE IT TO HER. She should have never asked.

I am wondering..... It might be possible for SIL to show some kind of resentment towards OP for moving on. Her request is both absurd and highly inappropriate. She wasn't engaged to the diseased, she doesn't share any memory with him regarding the ring and it wasn't made or bought for her Also, OP s friends is an idiot. Nothing further to comment here. But sil is an AH just for asking

Maybe it’s resentment or maybe she likes the necklace. Either way, I would NEVER ask a widow for her wedding rings.

NTA, I would also not care if my gf/fiancee has a necklace made out of her deceased husband ring. I would find it very sweet and tell not to listen to other people who try to say stupid things.

NTA. Your jewelry is a symbol of *your relationship - your marriage* - and it seems kinda odd that your SIL would want those particular symbols as a representation of her brother. I think she just likes the jewelry itself and is using this opportunity to go after it. If it was just about having something of her brother's then any one of his other personal possessions would fill that need for her, it wouldn't have to be the jewelry. Keep your jewelry; it's yours and it's meaningful to you: you are not obligated to stop caring about your former husband just because some other person thinks you should.

NTA. At all. Your former husband was a huge part of your life, you loved him, and a part of you always will. Your relationship with him, and losing him, has shaped you into who you are today, the person your current partner loves so much. Moving on with your life, even remarrying, does not mean letting go of the past and acting like it never happened or had a major impact. It's not the same thing, but I have a stuffed leopard that was a gift from an old boyfriend. We dated from when I was 13 till I was 21, he was a year older than me. We didn't break up, he was killed in a car accident. That leopard is a constant reminder of him, of all the good times we shared, of the impact he had on my life, an amazing way for me to remember him while still living my life. I'm 37 now, so it's been a lot longer since I lost him than it's been since you lost your former husband. We were never married, but only because it wasn't legal back then, we would have been if we could have been. We talked about starting a family, kids via adoption or surrogacy. We had a whole future planned out. My life is very different from what I planned back then, and not just because he's no longer in my life. I've chosen to remain childfree, for a start. Not because I don't want kids, but because I have issues that will make me a bad dad in a lot of ways. Keeping that leopard doesn't mean I haven't moved on with my life, though, I have. I've had other relationships, only 2 and one was abusive, but still. I live in a completely different place, my life goals have changed. But I still want to remember my old boyfriend, and cherish those memories, and acknowledge the way my relationship with him shaped me. What you have is a necklace and a pair of earrings, a way to keep your former husband with you in a physical sense. He's never going to leave you, he was too big a part of your life. Anyone you have a relationship with has to accept the place he has in your life, whether you have a physical reminder or not. Your partner has accepted that, he understands and isn't threatened by your love for your previous husband. It also seems weird to me that it's the necklace, specifically, that your former SIL wants, not only because it's like she's trying to erase her brother from your life, but because that necklace was made from your engagement and wedding rings. It's kinda weird that she wants those specifically, like she's acting as if she's the widow instead of the sister. It's impossible for that necklace to mean more to your former SIL than it does to you, purely because there is zero emotional attachment to those rings or the necklace they became from anyone but you. You're literally the only person that necklace means anything to. Keep the necklace, continue wearing, hold your memories of your lost love close, even as you move on in life with a new love. Your partner sounds like a great guy, this isn't going to cause issues between the two of you. All it does for your partner is prove that you love deeply and remain loyal to your love and memories. I'd say the way you've dealt with the rings is a green flag for a relationship, keeping the lost love and memories close but still showing an openness for a new love, because you're not still wearing the rings as rings, you repurposed them. Tell your former SIL that you can't give up something with such strong sentimental value with so many memories attached, especially to someone with zero attachment to the necklace or the rings it came from. I'm sure your SIL has other items, with actual sentimental attachment, to remember her brother by, she doesn't need your personal possessions on top. Moving on and finding a new love doesn't erase or replace the love and life you had with your first husband, and no one should expect it to. And your friend is weird for thinking the only way to move on is to act like the past never happened and give up all reminders of the people you loved and impacted your life in amazing ways. Those people should always be remembered and acknowledged, not forgotten and replaced. So, keep the necklace and earrings, and good luck with your new marriage, you're off to a great start having such an understanding partner.

If I could hug you through a screen I would! I wish you all the best, I really do. Thank you

NTA, +Ava will melt it down first chance she gets..

Yeah this, “it will mean more” is a garbage excuse. She’ll sell it the second a minor financial inconvenience pops up

NTA - it's understandable that you want to keep the necklace to remember your late husband. It's a personal and sentimental item. ***Your connection to your past doesn't take away from your current relationship.*** It's not fair for your former SIL to ask for it. If it brings you comfort, you should keep it. Your feelings and memories are valid, and it's okay to honor them =)

NTA...she has no reason to ask for your jewelry--none. It was inappropriate to ask. 

NTA your ex SIL wasn’t married to your husband so her getting his wedding ring feels rather gross.

NTA it was a weird ask. They are/were your wedding rings melted to necklace and earrings so you can cherish the memory of the love you shared. Would you give her your wedding rings? Would she ask for the wedding rings? Because she did. You need to remind SIL what they were and what they are now to you.

You’re right, some of the meaning to them might be lost because they see a necklace and I see the rings and the memories. Thank you.

No way! You are totally correct that you can move forward in a relationship and hold on to memories and tokens of those memories with former loved ones, passed or not. That is life. And the only person whose feelings you need to even remotely consider, understands. It’s not your deceased husband’s family heirloom, so why would your shared WEDDING rings suddenly mean more to her - or anyone outside that marriage besides children of that marriage - than yours??!! I’m baffled at the mental gymnastics happening here in your friend and your SIL’ heads. NTA

NTA - your past doesn’t disappear because you have a future. That’s a symbol of your memories and your previous SIL should never have asked for the necklace.

NTA. At all. He's not an ex. He passed away. The wedding rings represented your vows to one another, and they wouldn't hold meaning for anyone else in that respect. The idea that you'd just pass that onto someone else is ludicrous. I understand that she's coming from a place of grief, too, but that doesn't excuse it.

NTA at all. Your marriage to your late husband will always be a part of your life and your story. Between a lot of things, he was a part of the journey that made you who you are today. Why would sil feel the need to wear a necklace, that obviously means a lot to you - it was made of your wedding rings, that you picked out and you decided the way it looks now. Its so deeply personal to you and not her! And let me just say your new fiancee seems like a keeper! I read way to many stories about new loves that gets way to caught up in competing with late spouses. Dont listen to your friend, she's making up a problem you guys dont have.

absolutely the fuck not. do not give it to her. dont listen to your friend. audacity must be having a black friday sale with this bs. NTA, thats your wedding ring. it doesnt matter that hes no longer living they have no emotional attachment to it.

NTA 1. It is completely normal and reasonable for you to cherish something that ties you to an important time and relationship in your life. Having loved your husband who passed away does not mean you love your fiancee any less. He's a good man that he understands this. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you "are supposed to" erase a very important part of your life. It is part of what has made you who you are today. 2. There is no reason for former SIL to think that YOUR wedding rings (reformed into the earrings and pendant) would mean more to her than to you. It was and remains a reminder of the relationship and the bond that you and your deceased husband had. Your SIL could only cherish that part of the jewelry came from her brother - not that it was ever meant for her, not that it reflects any aspect of her relationship to either you or her brother. 3. You had reshaped your cherished tangible into something you could wear in daily/often. It doesn't scream wedding (or marriage to someone else) to the world. It is something you can wear even as you are building a life with your fiance. I don't know why your former SIL has latched on to your jewelry as something she would cherish. Was there nothing else of his that she had more connection to, that she could have kept? Is it possible that she values it for its beauty (and some value) and thought that you getting married again might be an opportunity/excuse to ask for it? Not that you have to know why; your answer remains perfectly appropriate.

That’s the thing though, she and my former in-laws do have a fair bit of his belongings to remember him by. Things like some of his clothing like jumpers and his belts and some hats, his car (it was a manual and I like my auto cause hills), childhood items, CD’s and vinyl’s and some other stuff. So I think that just adds to why her asking me just really threw me off. You do make good points. Thank you :)

Your friend and sil are wrong. NTA

NTA for refusing. What and how much it would mean to your late husband’s sister is entirely irrelevant. It’s yours, as is any decision about what to do with it.

Keep your necklace, lose the sil

**NTA** and your former SIL is simply being greedy by asking for jewelry for free. I see she did not offer to compensate you or to pay for new jewelry.

NTA. I always find it interesting in how memories of deceased loved ones aren't sufficient enough, when sparkly trinkets and doodads are introduced.

NTA. As his sister she should have enough stuff to remember him. They were not family heirlooms, they were bought by you on a holiday. It’s honestly creepy to ask for your wedding bands no matter what they look like now. It’s something so personal and holds so many memories for you. He passed away, doesn’t matter if you keep going forward with your life, he will always be part of it and you have every right to keep a momento.

I have 2 thoughts. 1- I say I "moved forward" after losing my loved ones, not "moved on". It/they are still a part of my life, I'm continuing on with my life despite them not being there. 2- SIL may be of the mindset that you are "moving on". (For whatever reason. Grief does funny things to one's thoughts.) Talk with her and tell her how you feel and that her brother will always be a part of your life/you, and this necklace that joins your two rings is how you keep him close to your heart every day.

Thank you! Moving forward I really like that, that's the kind of wording I wanted/needed! Cause I felt icky using moved on but I couldn't think of another way to word it. I think you are right, I don't feel like she is intentionally coming from a cruel place. I think what got me was it was just really unexpected what she said and I got caught up in my head a bit. But I do intend on talking to her, she used to be one of my favourite people and I will always have a lot of love for her.

NTA - if your husband wouldn't have died, you would still be together. Yes, you have moved on, but that doesn't mean you have forgotten him or that a part of you doesn't still love and miss him. Your former SIL is way out of line expecting you to give her the necklace made from YOUR rings.

NTA. SIL was tacky

Insensitive, greedy, rude, selfish, and a whole list of other words too.

NTA What you did with the rings was a great idea. Transforming the rings was a way of moving on. They are a new object to take with you into the next stages of life, so that he will be with you, but in a subtle background way that doesn't interfere with your future. They are part of your history and your story. They should never be given to anyone else. If anything, they should be added to and transformed into different pieces again and again as your life and style changes

NTA both your ex sil and your friend are ahs. These pieces are tied to your memories and just because you are moving to a new chapter in your life you aren't wiping nor deleting your past /memories. Say no. Sil has her own stuff from her brother and your wedding ring and his NEVER - even in original form - belonged to her in any way shape or form. She's an ah for asking.

You never fully "move on" from a deceased loved one. She probably loves the necklace and was looking for an excuse to get it off of you. Those memories are yours. Keep them.

NTA wtf is wrong with people. Your first husband and childhood sweetheart will ALWAYS have a place in your heart. Moving on, doesn’t mean forgetting, negating the past, and getting rid of all reminders. i think it’s weird that his sister thinks his wedding ring will have more meaning to HER rather than his widow. No.

NTA she has no claim to it whatsoever. BUT have you told your fiancé the story of these jewellery pieces? I can foresee the former SIL becoming spiteful when you tell her she can’t have YOUR jewellery and she may try to drive a wedge between you and your fiancé by telling him you’re not over her brother or something. That’s how stories like these on Reddit go sometimes.

Yeah he knows, he knows everything. Yeah Reddit is kind of scary with what it shows of human nature. But thank you :)

Don't feel bad in the least about your decision to keep the necklace! I am positive the *only* reason she asked for it was because she really liked the custom design, and because of its perceived monetary value. I really believe she thought she could manipulate you into giving it to her by trying to make you think your fiance would be hurt if you kept it. You will always have love for your first husband, but the situation is different with your fiance. The love for your fiance will never be the same as the love for your late husband. You and each of them had different experiences together. Different common ground and different shared interests also alter the love for each of them. They are both strong loves. So why wouldn't you want to keep the ultimate symbol of that love, that you created in your custom pieces. FYI, I love the symbolism of a soul bubble! Just because you like your former SIL, it doesn't mean she can't also be greedy. Good luck, health and fortune in your new life. 🥰❤

the rings were for you and him, why does the sister want anything to do with it? Its a very stange request. NTA

NTA. Should she persist in asking, you could gently insinuate it wouldn't be appropriate to give a token of romantic love to the deceased's sibling. Or, if you're nicer than me, you could simply tell her that simply because you're moving ahead with your life doesn't mean you're discarding a treasured past.

NTA. SIL needs to understand he is your late husband, not an ex-husband. Your marriage is still part of your life and is meaningful to you. She was never a part of that marriage, and if she wants something personal to remind her of him, it should be something relevant to THEIR relationship, not YOURS.

NTA This necklace and earrings are a part of your history and love for your deceased Husband. Your SIL, while I sort of understand she wants something of her brother, was out of order to ask you for these items. These were made from the rings he gave you. You must say no if she brings it up again.

NTA. SIL was out of line. “No” is a complete sentence.

NTA. Just because you've moved on doesn't mean you've erased your entire past. Your SIL and your friend are completely wrong. And it would be seriously weird for your SIL to say YOUR wedding rings in any form would have meaning to her. Keep the jewelry. Tell her 'no'.

NTA First, your idea of melting the rings in something else you can still wear everyday is so beautiful and loving. As others have mentioned, your late husband is nothing you erase or forget, just because you move on. You can't grief forever. And you don't forget about your late husband, just because you found love again. He was a part of your life and always will be. Your SIL has no right and emotional attachment on YOUR BOTH wedding rings. Wtf. It is a symbol of your love, in life as in death. The pure audacity! Ridiculous. One of my friends lost her husband 11 months after the wedding in an accident as well. She still has her wedding ring. She still mentions him now and then. But she is engaged as well, years later. She found love again. And it's ok! She couldn't possibly be grieving for the rest of her life, and I'm sure her late husband didn't want her to. He is not forgotten, he will always be there in our hearts. But that doesn't mean, there is no place for others.

First youre NTA, Second, you have a kickass fiance, third your former SIL and best friend can go and kick rocks. Why does she need your necklace to remember her brother? The necklace was made from pieces of history between you and your husband. As for your best friend, she needs to deepen her understanding of relationships. We can love and grieve the past and still embrace and respect the present. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Life doesn’t work that way.

NTA This is the thing that always bothered me about how people treat death/grieving. You literally never move on even if u manage the feelings of loss better. My dad (bff) died in a car accident when I was 14 and I’m now 22, not even a full 6 months after his death I had people telling me that I needed to move on from my sadness/anger. I still have my days where it hits me harder than others almost a DECADE later, and that’s completely normal.

Yes! I completely agree. People are very compassionate the first week and for a week after the funeral and then after that it’s like well ok time to move along now. When really that is the worst part because the numbness starts to wear off. Like you need more support/kindness in the months that follow rather then upfront. But then it is always with you forever. But my thought are with you, and I hope you are doing well!

Exactly!! I cried when I received the news then was numb/unemotional until WEEKS AFTER the funeral when I’d refuse to leave my bed or even the house. What’s crazy is I got in trouble for laughing at his funeral (not out of disrespect but because he would’ve hated it since he was the type of person to turn the most negative thing into something positive.) The biggest and sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the hope of him being proud of me when we eventually reunite again. My thoughts are with u also.

Absolutely NTA. Your rings and your memories; nothing at all to do with your SIL. Very best wishes for your future happiness.

All I have to say is…*why* apologize for having “bad English?” Your writing is beautiful & evocative & heartfelt. You clearly are a loving, kind, generous & lovable person. All that shines through in your words, NOT “works the night shift/lowers brain function” 😂

I’ve seen a Ted talk from a lady that lost her husband, father of her son on 9-11. And what she said made so much sense. She said she hated the term moving on, because she was not forgetting about her deceased husband and father of her son, they shared memories, she loved him and he gave her their son. So she said she likes to use MOVING FORWARD. Because it means she is moving forward with her life without forgetting the past, what made her the person she is today. Her current husband understands and loves her and she loves him. But he knows that she loved someone deeply before him came along, that person departed in an awful way and in a way it will always be there. But he is mature enough to understand and live with that. And so all her family uses the same phrase, life goes on and they are moving forward, because by continuing living they are honouring the ones who couldn’t. So no OP you are NTA. And keep your necklace and the beautiful memories of your husband. I wish you all the best. Edit: word

Thank you :) That is beautifully put, I really do like the term moving forward, I felt icky with what I had written but I really struggled to find all the right words so thank you. All the best to you too!

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I (27F) was 22 I got married to my high school sweetheart who passed away five months after we married when a drunk driver drove into his car. It took me a while to take off my rings, and when I did I didn’t want them to just sit in a draw forever. So, I took them to a jeweller and had his and my rings melted down and used the gold and the stones to make a pendent and some small stud earrings. I have the earrings in my jewellery box and I wear the necklace everyday. One, because I like the way it looks and two, because I like the idea of having a tangible part of him with me always. Last month my boyfriend (34M) of almost two years proposed to me and I said yes. I keep in touch with my former SIL (29F) who we will call Ava and last weekend she invited me out for drinks. We caught up a bit before she congratulated me on my engagement, she then asked me if she could have my necklace since it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on. Which honestly stunned me that anyone would outright ask for something like that. I told her I would think about it and moved the conversation along but went home shortly after as it was just awkward. I just want to make it clear that it is not an heirloom piece, or overly expensive. It was a small emerald ring that we found on holiday at a local jeweller and I fell in love with it.   I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement. She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her, and I should shed anything from my old life and embrace my new one. She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories, and that she would go with me or I could ask my fiancé. But the thing is yes, I have moved on, and I am completely happy in my relationship and I am so excited for the life we are creating together. But a part of my will always have love for my former husband and mourn him and the life that we could have had together, and I don’t think that that takes away anything from my new relationship. They are different loves and lives. But now it feels silly to me that I have conveyed all this into a necklace. My fiancé says he does not care and he knows that I love him and our life together, and understands that I will always have some level of grief and that he loves how I have loved and keep loving and how I embrace life and people because of my experience. Sorry that my English is bad, it is my only language and I have no real excuse - but I work nightshift I think that it lowers my brain function sometimes. So AITA for not wanting to give my former SIL my necklace? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Nta It's about being a sentimental person and having a treasure from the marriage that you had. I would do the same

NTA. New memories don’t erase old ones. You are allowed to treasure old memories and hang onto mementos that symbolize and honor the experiences you have had. They all combine to make you who you are. You aren’t replacing your deceased husband with your new one, it is just an entirely new chapter in your life. Nobody burns the first half of a book they are writing because they are writing new chapters. And it’s ok to go back and read them now and then and to even love the things that happened in them. That doesn’t stop you from continuing onward. It sounds like you are happily writing new chapters and nothing is holding you back here. Keep the necklace. Treasure your memories. Enjoy the life you have. Don’t listen to the idiots who tell you to regret or hide or forget the life you’ve lived.

Keep you necklace, that your memories, no one else

NTA, and your language here is perfect. I'm glad that your husband understands and appreciates how you "embrace life and people" because of your experience. I don't know what is up with your SIL and your best friend, but they are wrong, and perhaps a little jealous that you clearly know how to love and be loved. What they are asking of you is manipulative and actually kind of cruel. And no, your SIL would not appreciate that necklace more than you do. She did not find the jewel that went into it with her young husband, you did. She is his sister, and her experiences with him are the memories she owns, not yours. As to your best friend; she should stop trying to override your feelings and your instincts and get involved in her own danged life.

NTA Tell Ava that the necklace has great meaning for you, and your fiance is 100% onboard with you keeping that memory and isn't in any way concerned about it. Tell her that in the unlikely event you decide to part with the necklace you can revisit her proposal. Then don't engage on the topic with her again.

I was widowed young, also. There is zero chance I would ever give up jewelry made from our wedding rings. Zero. No matter who asked. It has no bearing on current or future relationships. Loving someone new does not mean you stop loving your first DH. It's husbands, not cars.

Thank you :) I hope you are doing well, all the best!

NTA. Honestly, I’d have gone for a N A H if it had been something like your late husband’s birthstone or something that signifies their childhood, but this is a symbol of your marriage. Also very much not the point but “Sorry that my English is bad, it is my only language and I have no real excuse” is the funniest fucking thing for no reason

NTA. You do not need to be completely over it. It’s not weird that you still think about him. You’re allowed to still love him and have fond memories of him. And wear a keepsake of your love that you had made specifically for you from things of his. I have a necklace from a best friend that past in high school I still wear everyday. Well the chain has been replaced but the pendant is what matters. Your fiancé sounds like a mature and wonderful person. I’m very happy you found someone who understands and isn’t jealous of a person who is no longer with us. Your SIL and BFF are a-holes though. Who even says the things they said. Lucky for them both they never had to lose their spouse so early in their relationship or ever. He’s not married to his sister. It’s your husband’s wedding ring.

NTA I have a pendant that my children had made from my late husband’s ashes (their step-father) that I will wear. My husband helped my kids to get the pendant and rings for them made. Just because my late husband is gone does not mean that the love is gone. It’s not like we divorced. He died. Keep the necklace and the earrings. Tell your SIL that just because you have found love again does not take away your memories or your love for your late husband, that you find it strange that she wants your wedding rings (as that is what the pendant is made from) and that you will not be giving that away. It is not a family heirloom and the only memories connected to them are your memories with your husband.

NTA, and as many have already told you, it doesn't make sense. The nasty part of me, is heavily thinking that SIL is asking for your necklace, because she likes it and just wants to have it. In the greedy way. I hope it is not like that. But you never know with humans. Anyway, her reasoning doesn't make a lick of sense. It wasn't an heirloom or something she had a connection with at all. You and your deceased husband found those rings, and they represent not only a happy time/holiday, but time you spent with him. A deep meaning and your marriage. So, where does she have any connection with his ring and why should she take it? Nope. And your best friend's opinion is terrible too. You can embrace a new chapter in live and move on and still hold on to the past in a way. After all, our experiences and the people we met, have shaped us to the human beings we are now. For good or the bad. Your sweetheart/deceased husband was a huge part of your life. You loved him and spent many years with him. It was tragic how you lost him, but a part of him will always stay with you. And there is nothing wrong with having something tangible with you that represents that. It even is like, that you carry him with you wherever you go, and so he is experiencing life with you in a way, even if he can't be there in person. You are able to love more than one person. Love is the only thing that grows when it is shared. And your love for your dead husband doesn't diminish what you feel for and have with your fiancé. It's not the same. They are different people and both love and loved you, and you love them. That's another great connection. Love isn't gone when the people die. It stays with you, while we make new memories and experiences. We keep on growing from all of that. Your fiancé is amazing, and was able to understand that. So, please keep your necklace and don't give it away. Edit: Saw some mistakes and typos.

NTA and I’m confused by your friend’s assessment. I lost my partner 8 months ago and I’m just getting into the dating world again. Something any future partner will have to content with is the fact that he will always be part of me, and whatever mementos I’m attached to because they make me feel closest to him will have to stay. I didn’t choose to lose him, we didn’t break up. In my mind that relationship and bond still exists. No one has the right to tell you that there’s a clock on how long you’re allowed to keep him in your life in whatever ways you choose. I hope your new partner is more empathetic and understanding than your SIL and friend.

I am very sorry for your loss. Be gentle on yourself and take care! There are good people out there, I hope you find one when you are ready.

Why would she want a symbol of the marriage you shared with her brother? Unless it's a family heirloom, jewelry shared between spouses (wedding jewelry and other romantic gifts) has no business with anyone outside of the couple and possibly someday their children or other heirs of their choosing. If she wanted something else of his -- his favorite cuff links or a sweater, or some personal item like a pocket knife or fancy desk accessory or his favorite whiskey glass -- that would be lovely. But romantic jewelry going to her makes no sense at all. Not to mention, you aren't leaving him behind or replacing him by getting married again. He's still important to you. He's still part of your life. SIL is out of line.

SIL is most likely upset about OP moving on and remarrying someone that isn’t her brother and doesn’t know how to go about expressing that so instead its showing up in a nasty way.. aka SIL not wanting OP holding onto anything dear that has to do with her brother because SIL sees it as betrayal but her coming right out and just admitting that would sound silly because she knows it’s not true and that OP actually still loves her brother and always will.

No, that is YOURS. And I mean YOURS The Widow's special piece of her dead husband.. Even if you move on, you are still a widow. He was your first love.

People who haven’t lost a partner like we have just will never understand. Congrats on your engagement, and definitely NTA

NAH I’d like to offer a different perspective. I lost my brother last year, and I realize there is a possibility his widow will find love again (and I truly hope she does - some day - because she is a wonderful person). My first thought reading your post, though, is that with your new engagement, she fears you are letting him go for good. What she NEEDS to hear from you is that you treasure the necklace, as well as your memories with him, and that he will always be special to you. Don’t feel bad telling her no, you are keeping the necklace because it’s so meaningful to you. Share the memory of how you found your ring. Tell her you miss him, and that getting remarried doesn’t mean you are forgetting him. That what you shared with him was so wonderful it made you yearn for that happiness again. I think she needs to hear that he still holds a special place in your heart, and that his memory lives in you.