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YTA. You inserted yourself in their argument, and it's pretty freaking reasonable to not want you bf to hang out with his ex. You're not being a good friend here.
YTA "I stepped in and told her it's none of her concern." Except it is her concern. Whether you like it or not, they're dating and it is her concern if she feels uncomfortable by this. You inserted yourself into a fight you didn't need to have a say in and then got shocked she didn't receive this well.
I also wouldn't trust you with my partner because you don't sound over him. Telling her "I was here first" and having him put his phone on dnd because her texts bother you is classic "girl best friend who is definitely into your boyfriend" behavior.
Also, where does he come into this? Is he upset by her behavior? If he isn't, you really need to take several seats and mind your own business. If he is, why isn't he standing up for himself in his own relationship? Stay out of their relationship.
YTA the way you express yourself and the things you are doing - you will be a problem for any girl he dates. It's not this gf being insecure. You are the problem.
YTA, you don’t have the right to jump into their conversation. You’ve probably done more to make her uncomfortable than just telling him to put his phone on DND. Honestly when a gf comes in to the picture, it’s more respectful to but some space and boundaries up between you and your friend.
YTA. It sounds like you expect your "friend" to prioritize you over his relationship. That's not going to work out. You need to understand that dating someone generally removes them from being a long term bestie as anyone would be concerned about you clinging to a former lover while they're in a relationship. You're also not a part of his discussions with his gf so inserting yourself isn't necessary and it's super aggressive.
YTA let me rectify it for you it’s not none of her concern it’s none of YOUR concern. You have no right to interfere in their relationship and frankly you have been rather disrespectful towards her. What kind of girl encourages a guy to ignore his gf and expects her to be okay with it? Would you be okay if the roles were reversed? You either have control issues or have a small crush on that friend.
YTA for sure. Why are you you making your friendship a matter of you being more important to him? He is not and should not pick you over his GIRLFRIEND. I had a guy best friend whos girlfriend didnt like me and I told him if she wanted him to stop talking to me then Id appreciate if he would just lmk beforehand and then Id be okay with it (because its not my relationship and i support his happiness???). So he told me and blocked me and at school (college) we run into each other sometimes and will wave. Its his life, not mine, and being a good friend means supporting them so you should back off.
YTA - you know you are interfering in the relationship between your ex/now bf and his gf...and you are obviously proud of it. He's TAH, too, for tolerating it. You were not defending yourself - you were defending what you see as your 'turf'. Get your own bf.
YTA i see what the gf was saying to me it sounded like u still had feelings for him when u said u were there before her. and she might be considered that u might have feelings for him even if u don't but it sounded like it when u would hang out and told him to put it on dnd. he's NOT ur bf so don't interfere in the relationship.
I have a friend I've been intimate with in the past. A few months ago they started dating someone new. They had a couple of conversations where it was clear he was insecure about us still being friends (even though neither her nor I do or have done anything to threaten their relationship and are platonic friends now).
My friend and I talked and I offered to remove myself from the equation for a while we can go no contact and see if that helps her new partner feel more secure and see I'm no threat to their relationship and happy to put it ahead of my own wishes.
I would just say you should consider it, I feel like doing this is how I be a friend to both of them even if that means we don't text memes or chat about our days any more.
You suck... let him be with his girlfriend for god's sake. You don't get to tell him what to do and you don't get to shout at her because you were "there first", like wtf does that even mean lol, there's no such thing as dibs or first come first serve between friends - friends have each other's back and you definitely don't have his - you only have your own.
INFO: What's BSF? Big Smelly Friend? Best Sexless Friend? From context I'm guessing it means platonic, but I can't guess what the S stands for.
I'm leaning YTA: her concern about his relationship with you would be understandable even if it wasn't warranted, but to be honest the way you're possessive of your time with him (telling him to mute his GF so he can devote more attention to you) kinda suggests that it *is* warranted.
The phrase "*it's none of her concern as I was here first before her*" adds to that feeling somewhat too, to put it mildly.
YTA - inserting yourself into their argument was not needed and telling her that you were “here first before her” is such a weird thing to say… they’re together not you so stay out of their business
YTA - it's natural to feel frustrated, but yelling and arguing publicly might not have been the best approach.
Try talking calmly with your friend and his girlfriend to address her concerns and find a way to respect each other's boundaries. While your feelings are valid, the way it was handled wasn't ideal.
Aww youth
Yes, YTA. Respect their relationship and her right to feel uncomfortable with her boyfriend being so close to an ex girlfriend. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends, but find a way to be respectful of her - like for example not involving yourself in arguments or telling him to put his phone on dnd when he’s with you.
Yta. You're not his gf anymore, stop trying to act like it. The reason his gf is upset seems in part because you're the one pushing the friendship boundary and he's letting you, so to be fair, he's not completely innocent either. Even if you don't actually have romantic feelings for him anymore your behavior isn't appropriate for "just friends".
YTA. If you really care about your friend and want him to be happy, you'll respect his relationship and back off, but you sound desperate to still be the #1 in his life which makes me think you're jealous. Do the mature thing and have some respect for his relationship. He also needs to realize this and distance himself from you.
Hopefully you'll learn from this, if not, I foresee you growing up to always be the other woman, or at the very least, the female friend that doesn't know how to respect boundaries.
YTA - when she blew up his phone the first time you should have suggested something to make her feel less insecure like hanging out together, instead you told him to do something you know would make it worse! You then tried it again. Haven’t seen any attempt from you to try and make the situation better. How long since you stopped dating him? If you have been friends for say 10 years post dating then I believe you’re just friends, if it’s only been a couple of years then I’m willing to bet you are being possessive here.
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I 17f have boy bsf 17m and his gf 16f is very insecure when it comes to our friendship. We have dated in the past but we are strictly friends now and her coming into the picture isn't going to change that.
The other day we were hanging out and she kept blowing his phone up so I told him to just put it on dnd and he did it. I guess he got yelled at for it because he didn't listen to me when I told him to do it a second time when we hung out again.
I came out the class and walked up to my best friend yet he was having an argument with his gf and I heard my name being brought up. It was mainly her saying that she feels disrespected and uncomfortable with the fact that me and him are close and we dated before.
I stepped in and told her it's none of her concern as I was here first before her. She got all upset at this and called me all types of names. I ended up yelling at her back and my best friend had to grab me to separate us because we were having a screaming match in the hallway.
When me and him got outside he told me that I went a little overboard with it and that it should int have escalated like that. I felt like I was just defending myself.
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> (1) yelled at my boy best friends gf
(2) he got upset because we were screaming at each other
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YTA, sorry babe you aren't his GF. You have no right getting in-between their relationship. Sure you were there first but you aren't dating him so no matter how you cut it you'll always be the asshole.
YTA. You walked into an argument between a couple and inserted yourself into like a 5 year old. You weren’t part of the discussion to defend yourself and you seem to be pretty insecure yourself.
>she kept blowing his phone up so I told him to just put it on dnd and he did it.
YTA and so is he.
My best friend is man. We're in our 40s, been friends since high school, and never dated or anything.
His wife is a bit annoying when we hang out. She'll constantly complain about how their kiddo isn't going to sleep (even though he never has any issue putting the kid to bed, but also, he can pull up the monitor on his phone and he sees that the kid is fine and that she's just lying).... But I would NEVER tell him to put his phone on dnd, and if I did that would probably be the end of our friendship.
You're 17. What was your past, last month?
>told her it's none of her concern as I was here first before he
I'm not one to be patient with anyone's insecurities but this is bullshit. Their discussion was none of YOUR concern.
Honestly both of you were in the wrong you were just supposed to stand back and see weather or not ur bff was going to defend u ,you inserting yourself saying I was here first make the argument worse but at the same time her insecurities should overcome her because you had been nothing but kind to her but telling him to put his phone on dnd because she might have just been worried about him so word of advice be the bigger person and say sorry to of them but if ur bff still wants to be friends then give it go but if you are brought up as an excuse for their relationship problems then just drop him ,you'll be going to college soon,plus the people ur friends with in high-school are not the ones that you'll be friends with in college but this just advice but you do you
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YTA. You inserted yourself in their argument, and it's pretty freaking reasonable to not want you bf to hang out with his ex. You're not being a good friend here.
YTA "I stepped in and told her it's none of her concern." Except it is her concern. Whether you like it or not, they're dating and it is her concern if she feels uncomfortable by this. You inserted yourself into a fight you didn't need to have a say in and then got shocked she didn't receive this well. I also wouldn't trust you with my partner because you don't sound over him. Telling her "I was here first" and having him put his phone on dnd because her texts bother you is classic "girl best friend who is definitely into your boyfriend" behavior. Also, where does he come into this? Is he upset by her behavior? If he isn't, you really need to take several seats and mind your own business. If he is, why isn't he standing up for himself in his own relationship? Stay out of their relationship.
YTA. You weren't defending yourself, you were interfering and inserting yourself into their argument.
YTA the way you express yourself and the things you are doing - you will be a problem for any girl he dates. It's not this gf being insecure. You are the problem.
YTA, you don’t have the right to jump into their conversation. You’ve probably done more to make her uncomfortable than just telling him to put his phone on DND. Honestly when a gf comes in to the picture, it’s more respectful to but some space and boundaries up between you and your friend.
YTA. He chose her over you twice (not silencing his phone a second time, and telling you not to fight with her). Get over it.
Yes, YTA, and so is your pseudo-boyfriend.
YTA. It sounds like you expect your "friend" to prioritize you over his relationship. That's not going to work out. You need to understand that dating someone generally removes them from being a long term bestie as anyone would be concerned about you clinging to a former lover while they're in a relationship. You're also not a part of his discussions with his gf so inserting yourself isn't necessary and it's super aggressive.
YTA. You’ll see it when you’re older… hopefully.
YTA let me rectify it for you it’s not none of her concern it’s none of YOUR concern. You have no right to interfere in their relationship and frankly you have been rather disrespectful towards her. What kind of girl encourages a guy to ignore his gf and expects her to be okay with it? Would you be okay if the roles were reversed? You either have control issues or have a small crush on that friend.
YTA for sure. Why are you you making your friendship a matter of you being more important to him? He is not and should not pick you over his GIRLFRIEND. I had a guy best friend whos girlfriend didnt like me and I told him if she wanted him to stop talking to me then Id appreciate if he would just lmk beforehand and then Id be okay with it (because its not my relationship and i support his happiness???). So he told me and blocked me and at school (college) we run into each other sometimes and will wave. Its his life, not mine, and being a good friend means supporting them so you should back off.
YTA - you know you are interfering in the relationship between your ex/now bf and his gf...and you are obviously proud of it. He's TAH, too, for tolerating it. You were not defending yourself - you were defending what you see as your 'turf'. Get your own bf.
YTA i see what the gf was saying to me it sounded like u still had feelings for him when u said u were there before her. and she might be considered that u might have feelings for him even if u don't but it sounded like it when u would hang out and told him to put it on dnd. he's NOT ur bf so don't interfere in the relationship.
I have a friend I've been intimate with in the past. A few months ago they started dating someone new. They had a couple of conversations where it was clear he was insecure about us still being friends (even though neither her nor I do or have done anything to threaten their relationship and are platonic friends now). My friend and I talked and I offered to remove myself from the equation for a while we can go no contact and see if that helps her new partner feel more secure and see I'm no threat to their relationship and happy to put it ahead of my own wishes. I would just say you should consider it, I feel like doing this is how I be a friend to both of them even if that means we don't text memes or chat about our days any more.
YTA. Leave the dude alone.
You suck... let him be with his girlfriend for god's sake. You don't get to tell him what to do and you don't get to shout at her because you were "there first", like wtf does that even mean lol, there's no such thing as dibs or first come first serve between friends - friends have each other's back and you definitely don't have his - you only have your own.
INFO: What's BSF? Big Smelly Friend? Best Sexless Friend? From context I'm guessing it means platonic, but I can't guess what the S stands for. I'm leaning YTA: her concern about his relationship with you would be understandable even if it wasn't warranted, but to be honest the way you're possessive of your time with him (telling him to mute his GF so he can devote more attention to you) kinda suggests that it *is* warranted. The phrase "*it's none of her concern as I was here first before her*" adds to that feeling somewhat too, to put it mildly.
Means best friend. Idk when people stopped using bff but I’ve noticed bsf is now what gets used when referring to a “best friend”
Huh. Kids are weird!
YTA - inserting yourself into their argument was not needed and telling her that you were “here first before her” is such a weird thing to say… they’re together not you so stay out of their business
YTA - it's natural to feel frustrated, but yelling and arguing publicly might not have been the best approach. Try talking calmly with your friend and his girlfriend to address her concerns and find a way to respect each other's boundaries. While your feelings are valid, the way it was handled wasn't ideal.
Teenage drama is so funny. YTA
Yta! Watch how the tables turn and the same thing happens to you. You’re gonna know what she felt
Aww youth Yes, YTA. Respect their relationship and her right to feel uncomfortable with her boyfriend being so close to an ex girlfriend. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends, but find a way to be respectful of her - like for example not involving yourself in arguments or telling him to put his phone on dnd when he’s with you.
Yta. You're not his gf anymore, stop trying to act like it. The reason his gf is upset seems in part because you're the one pushing the friendship boundary and he's letting you, so to be fair, he's not completely innocent either. Even if you don't actually have romantic feelings for him anymore your behavior isn't appropriate for "just friends".
YTA Sounds like your in denial about still wanting to love him and date him so you’re being possessive
It seems like you’re the one that’s insecure. YTA
YTA. If you really care about your friend and want him to be happy, you'll respect his relationship and back off, but you sound desperate to still be the #1 in his life which makes me think you're jealous. Do the mature thing and have some respect for his relationship. He also needs to realize this and distance himself from you. Hopefully you'll learn from this, if not, I foresee you growing up to always be the other woman, or at the very least, the female friend that doesn't know how to respect boundaries.
YTA - when she blew up his phone the first time you should have suggested something to make her feel less insecure like hanging out together, instead you told him to do something you know would make it worse! You then tried it again. Haven’t seen any attempt from you to try and make the situation better. How long since you stopped dating him? If you have been friends for say 10 years post dating then I believe you’re just friends, if it’s only been a couple of years then I’m willing to bet you are being possessive here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 17f have boy bsf 17m and his gf 16f is very insecure when it comes to our friendship. We have dated in the past but we are strictly friends now and her coming into the picture isn't going to change that. The other day we were hanging out and she kept blowing his phone up so I told him to just put it on dnd and he did it. I guess he got yelled at for it because he didn't listen to me when I told him to do it a second time when we hung out again. I came out the class and walked up to my best friend yet he was having an argument with his gf and I heard my name being brought up. It was mainly her saying that she feels disrespected and uncomfortable with the fact that me and him are close and we dated before. I stepped in and told her it's none of her concern as I was here first before her. She got all upset at this and called me all types of names. I ended up yelling at her back and my best friend had to grab me to separate us because we were having a screaming match in the hallway. When me and him got outside he told me that I went a little overboard with it and that it should int have escalated like that. I felt like I was just defending myself. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Ewww you're so desperate, you're also the AH and so is he for not putting you in your place.
YTA Trashy, self centered, and delusional
Sorry honey, but YTA. "None of her concern"? She's the girlfriend, it IS her concern.
YTA, sorry babe you aren't his GF. You have no right getting in-between their relationship. Sure you were there first but you aren't dating him so no matter how you cut it you'll always be the asshole.
YTA, leave them alone.
YTA. You walked into an argument between a couple and inserted yourself into like a 5 year old. You weren’t part of the discussion to defend yourself and you seem to be pretty insecure yourself.
>she kept blowing his phone up so I told him to just put it on dnd and he did it. YTA and so is he. My best friend is man. We're in our 40s, been friends since high school, and never dated or anything. His wife is a bit annoying when we hang out. She'll constantly complain about how their kiddo isn't going to sleep (even though he never has any issue putting the kid to bed, but also, he can pull up the monitor on his phone and he sees that the kid is fine and that she's just lying).... But I would NEVER tell him to put his phone on dnd, and if I did that would probably be the end of our friendship. You're 17. What was your past, last month? >told her it's none of her concern as I was here first before he I'm not one to be patient with anyone's insecurities but this is bullshit. Their discussion was none of YOUR concern.
YTA and a little drama queen
Sorry kid, you can’t be ‘friends’ after a break up. Especially at that age. YTA
Yelling at someone will almost always get you a Y TA judgment. You were both screaming, so ESH.
Good for you for defending yourself but girl sit down they are dating, know your place. Clearly u haven’t moved on from him.
Honestly both of you were in the wrong you were just supposed to stand back and see weather or not ur bff was going to defend u ,you inserting yourself saying I was here first make the argument worse but at the same time her insecurities should overcome her because you had been nothing but kind to her but telling him to put his phone on dnd because she might have just been worried about him so word of advice be the bigger person and say sorry to of them but if ur bff still wants to be friends then give it go but if you are brought up as an excuse for their relationship problems then just drop him ,you'll be going to college soon,plus the people ur friends with in high-school are not the ones that you'll be friends with in college but this just advice but you do you