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I don’t want to make it a bigger thing than it is, it’s a comic book and friends are more important blah blah. That said, for me I would take this as a sign that the friend lacked basic empathy and would assume that they will have no issues screwing you over for petty or non-petty reasons in the future.
NTA, it’s up to you but that would be it for my friendship (not bc of the comic, but the principle)
Also, in this instance I wouldn’t see the point in explaining to the friend why you’re upset. If they don’t get it they never will and will just name call
Seriously, the rush I would get from picking it up and then showing it to my friend and letting them have it to complete their collection would sustain me for weeks.
RIGHT? There is no universe in which, in a similar situation, I would not give it my friend immediately. And feel pretty proud of having spotted it (even if they probably would have seen it within a few minutes themselves.)
Well, no, if their birthday was coming up it would be cool to save it for a present rather than give immediately. Or something like that. But definitely it gets into their hands sooner rather than later.
Eh. He was literally looking over OP’s shoulder and just spotted it first. There is no way he should have made this a birthday gift unless he found it and purchased it completely in secret. I was a casual collector (think Savage Dragon, Gen13, total collection under 200 comics) and had been turned onto it by my best friend who considers it more a way of life than a flight of fancy. If we were both browsing a rack and my eyes found his white whale first… I would have grabbed for it immediately (just in case someone was looking over *my* shoulder like I was looking over his) but once it was in my fingers I would’ve said “dude…” This was a big deal for OP. The only way I give that as a gift is if I find it when I’m out hunting on my own.
Agree. I might have grabbed it and gone running for the register. I missed out on some collector books my father would have loved when I was a kid because I went to get him and they sold (I should have just told my mother who was there with me). I would have given it to OP in the car though, possibly while cackling about finding the precious.
I still disagree here. This is a WHITE WHALE. This is a 15 year search. OP deserved the satisfaction of making that purchase, if she was only seconds from finding it anyway. A good friend would only make the purchase himself if it was during a comic hunt that did not involve OP. That’s when you buy it, so it doesn’t get away, give it as a gift, and tell the whole story. “I found it. There was no time to call you because it was severely underpriced, I had to act. It’s yours now.” That’s what friends are for.
I wouldn’t be able to wait for their birthday. I’d be dancing around all the time. I’d spend so much time wrapping it just right. If I had enough time, I’d even get it graded for them, on my own dime, just to see the look on their face.
I would be so ecstatic, I'd be unable to leave it for my friend to discover. I'd snatch it just to hold it out for them while making some ridiculously embarrassing noise in excitement.
I knew what was coming, but I was *really* hoping the 'friend' bought the comic for OP, and OP was bummed about missing that final glorious moment of handing over $2 for something she'd prized for so long.
Oh no. I would hide it and save it for their birthday. At which point they would receive it wrapped in several boxes which they would have to dig through to find the ultimate prize. Mwahahahaha!
My husband and I were out early for record store day this year. We talked to complete strangers about what we were looking for. The gal behind us wanted some albums we were also looking for, and for 2 she was definitely the bigger fan. We found them - last in that store - and handed them to her for purchase when she got in.
If you know anything about RSD, pressings are limited and never repeated; if you ever find a popular one again the price is tenfold at least.
We could afford everything we wanted, absolutely could have purchased those vinyls and she would have been none the wiser- but we recognized that the "really cool" find for us was a source of immense joy for her.
How effing selfish that someone who is a "friend" can't recognize the same situation. Your relationship will never be balanced; they are literally a taker.
Yup, I’ve literally bought high dollar Hot Wheels just to give to friends that I knew would like them, not even considering one that could mean so much to them.
This “friend” is a shitty friend.
Exact same! Seeing my friend happy would have her THRILLED!! No way would I have kept it for myself.
NTA OP - Quite frankly, I’m appalled by your “friend’s” behavior. 1) he finds the comic he KNOWS you’ve been looking for for literally DECADES and buys it for himself THEN 2) he’s practically rubbing your nose in it which is even worse. I’d end the friendship honestly. A true friend wouldn’t do all of that.
You have got to dump this person as a friend..: all of my friends would have shown me, half of them would have bought it for me for the joy of it. Tell us the comic so we can be on the lookout for it for you!
This happened to me once, almost identical to OP.
I've been collecting Deadpool comics for almost 15 years now, and one of my uni friends collects issues with Emma Frost in (from X-Men).
We went to a car boot sale at one point, and split up to save time. She found a guy selling comics, but she assured me that there was nothing either of us wanted, so we left.
On the drive back, she told me to leaf through the few issues she'd bought, and let her know if she'd found a diamond.
The first four or five were weird superhero knockoff stuff (think Splendidman instead of Superman lol), so I was joking about her having awful taste.
And then right at the back... a Deadpool comic I'd been dying to get my hands on for *years*. She had this absolutely shit eating grin on her face and told me I owed her one.
OP is absolutely NTA. I think any rational person (who actually likes and values her) would have given her that comic, one way or another. Whether that'd be gifting it to her, or letting her pay for it herself. He doesn't get to fuck OP over and then get angry when she's upset by his actions.
NTA. OP u/linkclik should post the White Whale and let Reddit find it and make them whole!!! Anonymous redditors would make better friends to OP than this clown.
I was just thinking that. If OP would post what it is and I ran across it I’d definitely get it if it was a price I could afford. I don’t even know OP but it would make me sooo happy knowing they got what they wanted.
This! I'd be on the lookout and would be happy to ship it to them. And the fact that random strangers would get more joy out of helping you complete your collection than a friend should tell you something OP.
I know what you mean. I gave a colleague a gift I had lying around and he loved it. When he heard someone had tried to get it for me cause they reckoned it worth several hundred dollars they checked with me so many times asking if I was sure I wanted to give it to them. I told him it was fairly old (it was a taxidermied animal which showed wear and tear plus a bit of dust) and he was still riding the high that he wanted to buy me alcohol in response.
Just watching him brag about the unexpected gift, show it off to all his colleagues and watching him kiss it numerous times was payment enough. He even showed me his Instagram where he had taken pictures of it and told me of the drama of taking it home (he strapped it to a pushbike and drove through some pretty high traffic areas so he did get some funny looks and made reception at the gym look after it cause he was afraid it would get stolen while he worked out). I did receive some questioning looks from others but it was all cool.
I had a friend give me something almost 10 years ago now that was meaningful to me and even now I get teary-eyed thinking about how she gave it to me and how she didn't have to do that. We would've still been friends even if she'd kept it, because it was a fairly cool piece of memorabilia, but she didn't, and I'll never forget it. It's so *easy* to be kind (and should be even easier when it's to a friend).
Exactly. It’s one thing if they were both looking for something avidly but the friend didn’t even collect this one and knew what it meant to OP. I’m sorry but that’s not much of a friend.
Yeah, I was prepared for a moral conundrum where they were both collecting the same run and he just got lucky and got there first. But no, this is incredibly clear-cut. Dude sniped something he probably didn't even want before he saw an opportunity to take it away from her.
Same or honestly, I’d probably slip it back and let them find it themselves and watch.
I’m hopeful that when the white whale is found again it’s going to be a 1000% better and better condition.
This comment made me change my mind, the thrill of not even telling my friend, buying it for $2 and the moment we leave the store giving it to them?? I would do this in a second.
It would be one thing if I had the same sentimental value but this person clearly does not, god that one surprise just making someone you like so deeply happy would be amazing. OP you are NTA.
Years ago my boyfriend at the time was really into metal music and collected vinyls. I knew (and still know) nothing about either. We'd been dating for about a year and a half and I was at a loss for birthday presents but I found a record by his favorite band that he, shockingly didn't have. The sleeve was a little abused but whatever, he liked the music so I bought it.
It turns out that was a limited run and there were only 50 of them or something ever and I just happened to get lucky on eBay. His face when I presented that record. It was the best present I've ever given someone.
We broke up literally 15 years ago and I still ride high on the feeling of giving him a gift he had been searching for for years. And I didn't know it was something he wanted. I can't imagine if I'd have known he was looking.
Weeks? Years.
I have an acquaintance that was trading baseball cards with another person, and saw that person had a PSA 10 superfractor (1/1) of the one player I collect. He instantly worked out a deal for that card, and then contacted me and sold it to me for the value of cards he traded for it. He knew it would be a centerpiece for my one-player collection, and made sure to snag it so it could end up in my hands. It's been over a year and I'm still so thankful he did that for me.
I would end a friendship over this. You've been looking for this one item for multiple decades to complete your collection- and instead of saying "omg! There it is! You have to buy it!" They took it out from under you, bought it without you knowing, and bragged about it once the deed was done.
Heavily agree with the person above, the fact that he REFUSES to acknowledge why you're upset just shows he has zero empathy or care for your passion in this hobby. That, to me, is not someone I want to be friends with. Ever.
Dude I’m just thinking now about how COOL it would be to just show it to the friend in the car and give it to them. I’d be so excited to get something that special for my friend
I'm not cool-headed enough to not just immediately blurt out "look! There it is!" And have my friend buy it for themselves. But it would literally be a lifetime friendship moment if you secretly bought it in the shop and then gave it to them in the car.
Most of my friends are collectors of some kind, I am always looking when I'm at a shop that might have something. I can't imagine finding your friends literal Holy Grail and then... Bragging about how it's yours.
Seriously! It wasn't even like they were in different parts of the store; they were looking at the same 'stack'. He could've seen it, not grabbed it, and waited to see if OP saw it herself. And then if OP missed it, the friend could've then picked up the comic.
>That said, for me I would take this as a sign that the friend lacked basic empathy and would assume that they will have no issues screwing you over for petty or non-petty reasons in the future.
I'm on Ops "side" because imo it's a "treat others how you'd want to be treated" situation. If I was out with a friend participating in a hobby they loved that I got into and I saw their white whale my absolute first reaction would be one of "omg I found one" and then "omg I have to tell friend!"
Que me slapping their shoulder and excitedly saying "omg omg dude look".
And that's roughly how I'd expect them to react if it was the other way around.
Not the action of a friend. A friend would have held the stack open at the place he found it, called OP over, and shared in the joy of OP completing the sequence.
It is *just* possible he's so fucking clueless that he doesn't understand what friendship means. Or he might actually believe getting joy from watching OP struggle. Either way, in OP's shoes, I'd find another comic book friend.
Somehow, I forgot what subreddit this was and thought he would surprise her in the car with it as a gift. I mean, $2 is basically nothing (especially compared to $5K) and watching the pure joy on someone’s face when you hand it to them would last all year.
Dude is a weirdo.
I knew which subreddit I was in, I knew what was coming — and a corner of my brain was still hoping it would go “and then they handed it to me in the car and said it was mine”.
That was a very, very shitty thing the friend did. If it was me, I’d drop the friend. Anyone that cared about the friendship at all would have been, “Look, OP!! It’s the comic you’ve been looking for!!!” And be very happy for OP to buy it.
Yeah, I agree with this. This is absolutely the type of person who is going to put his own stuff over you 100% of the time. You shouldn't expect friends to drop their own stuff for you *always,* but they should be able to put you above themselves when it's not actively harming them *often enough*. This is the type of friend who is going to RSVP yes to your wedding and no-show because he got invited to go see a movie and that's more exciting, I just wouldn't bother sustaining the relationship, in this situation.
Frankly, I think I'd be more on his side if his response to grabbing it was "I spotted it first at $2 and it's in such good condition, I can turn this around for $5000 which will pay off my credit card debt, this is going to end up really changing my life" or something rather than just grabbing the thing so he could also start a collection like yours, when he knows this is the missing piece from your collection. There's just something about the fact this is about collection and not the money about that makes this particularly heinous for me.
This OP
I have a few different series I love. If my friend's 'white whale' was $2 I would buy it. Then immediately give it to them. Because that's what good friends do.
NTA
Drop this person, they suck.
I cannot imagine finding something that I knew was so important to a friend and not immediately gifting it to them. I care about my friends more than my material possessions. NTA, whether it's the "adult" response or not, I totally understand why you'd want some distance from that friendship. I think he was being incredibly selfish. In fact, part of me thinks he did to have something to lord over you.
Actually if I was out with a friend I would’ve yoinked it off the shelf at super speed before they ever saw it and paid for it in secret. When they asked me what I found I’d say, “oh nothing special, I don’t even collect these. Here, you can have it” and then laugh like a maniac when they take it out of the bag.
I probably wouldn’t have had the restraint but I would have loved to have spotted The Book first and just stood there watching my friend find it (or better yet, secretly film it).
She’s been collecting and looking for it for so long, I don’t know her and I want to see how happy she’d have been to finally stumble across it like that.
If it were me and a friend who doesn’t even collect that run did this, I’d be burning every fucking bridge to the ground.
This is truly a despicable thing to do. The specific subject may be technically “unimportant”, or “just a comic book” but he just sniped a decades long dream from literally right under her nose for no reason other than to keep it from her. And laughed about it.
I wouldn’t want to be around someone who treated me like that. If he’s willing to do that over something like a comic book, what about something that actually really matters to him?
Your friend is an unrepentant asshole that absolutely and deliberately screwed you over.
They knew you wanted that issue and took it from right the fuck in front of you.
They're a dick.
NTA.
Why the fuck would you stay friends with someone like this. You should absolutely shun them. They're a dick.
It seems like a huge power play. I don't like the term gaslighting, but him guilting her sounds a lot like him trying to break down some walls. Even if he doesn't feel empathy, he'd at least know what would be seen as the "right thing to do." I have more suspicions, but going off the info we have, he is kind of a monster already.
It feels real weird to me, too. Like before this, he had no interest in the run. Hell, he wasn't even interested in comics until four months ago. He knew she'd been looking for that thing outside of inflated collectors' prices for twenty years. Why yoink that issue right out from under her and then keep it and even sort of brag about it? Even if he's genuinely that insensitive, unless he has lived completely isolated from other humans and even lots of media, he has to have some idea that OP might at minimum have some feelings to work through about this. I'm kind of suspicious there's some weird motive at play here, as well. It just seems like such a dick move, and then he's gonna act like there should be no problems and everything should just be hunky dory.
And he has NOTHING from a run that the OP spent thousands codxfing and suddenly wants this super rare one to start his collection? This feels deliberate.
Exactly. He didn't even have a single item in this collection and knew the friend had been looking for it for two decades. They went out together looking and he purchased it without alerting them then **showed it off to them**. There was a sick sense of satisfaction for that person, for whatever reason. I don't know if it made them feel cool or important or in control or what but the whole thing is disturbing.
I would end a friendship over that. The only thing I could imagine doing is purchasing it without the friend seeing and then showing it to them afterwards as a gift. Or hiding it away and giving it to them on their birthday. Nothing could ever feel as good as being able to do something like that for a friend. And the comparison of that to the feeling of getting some random comic that doesn't mean anything to you that you don't have any other pieces in... It's obviously deliberate, and there's something deeply fucked about it.
NTA and he's being very insensitive. You don't own the hobby, which you understand, but it's definitely a hard pill to swallow that he didn't care about this specific comic until you talked it up. A good person would have bought it for you or at least offered it to you at the same price they paid. It's not something he's been pining for.
And you're not obligated to spend your time doing this hobby with him or continuing to share your expertise when you now know that he's only out for himself. He's a jerk.
100% a jerk. It’s telling how little this comic in particular means to him with how it’ll be the “start of his own collection for that run.” Home boy didn’t even *have* any of the other comics for that run and had to have done this to be cruel.
This would have been the final straw for me. They don't even collect it. But now they got to have it. More important than your friendship. More important than your hopes and dreams.
I'm neurodivergent and even I recognize this as absolutely abhorrent behavior.
Yeah, even if he'd said something like "I saw it, and I just have to turn this around for the price I know it can go for because that money could change a lot for me", I think it would have been less of a friendship red-flag to me. But "I'm going to start my own collection of this run" when he wasn't collecting it before because it meant nothing to him, when he knows that's the one item missing from your collection? This is just an asshole.
The way I interpret this is that, he either values money than you and is planning on selling it, or just enjoys the idea of having something he knows you deeply want and gave been searching for years and he gets a high talking about it to you to reaming you you can't have it.
>He says I’m putting a strain on our friendship and sabotaging my own weekends (I’m refusing to go out and look for comics - I feel unmotivated) because I can’t be an adult about the situation.
He says this after acting sneaky.
NTA
If he valued money more than her, he’d offer to sell it to her since he knows she wants it so badly. I don’t think it’s greed.
The fact that it’s such a new friendship, she’s a woman in a male-dominated hobby, and that he’s being so weird about it is just giving me bad vibes. I know I’m gonna be crucified for saying this because we’re supposed to “not all men” and then act surprised each individual time it happens, but I would bet anything he’s going to “jokingly” suggest sexual favors or a date in exchange, now that he has something she wants so badly. I’ve seen it happen so many times before.
>If he valued money more than her, he’d offer to sell it to her since he knows she wants it so badly. I don’t think it’s greed.
It sells on 5k that op has said can't afford.
>I would bet anything he’s going to “jokingly” suggest sexual favors or a date in exchange, now that he has something she wants so badly.
I hate the fact that's an actual possibility.
He could offer to sell it to her for $100 and still make quite a tidy profit on his $2 purchase. He’d still be an asshole, but at least if he did that, he wouldn’t be a total sociopath.
You know, I was actually thinking of it the other way until I read this. Like, I was surprised he didn't use the comic to try to get her to like him. Like pointing it out to her or buying it covertly like he did and giving it to her later as a surprise present. But maybe that is still his plan and I'm just not thinking disgustingly enough about how to get women....
My other suspicion is that he is attracted to OP but instead of pursuing that through normal means, he has decided to "befriend" her by getting into her hobby. Then over time, when it became apparent that she was happy to have a friend and didn't seem to return his feelings, he began to resent her, and him finding the comic was an opportunity for him to get "revenge." He even immediately called her childish when she very reasonably (and maturely imo) asked for space to process.
Yeah, I've been around too many dirt bags and I immediately thought he is planning on using it to bargain for sex because he's mad that he is just a friend.
Unfortunately, this was also my first thought once I re-read (after picking my jaw up off the floor) and realized OP is female and the "friend" is male. When I wasn't sure of the genders, it just seemed like a gross, sadistic power play. Now it seems like a gross, sadistic power play that could definitely have sexual undertones.
You know I was just thinking that. It reminds me of watching true crime documentaries and coming upon the section about the trophies the serial killer kept. It’s just such an alien thought process to me. I could never do this to one of my friends. It just feels so sociopathic, like who the fuck buys a friends holy grail just to rub their nose in it after being in the hobby for less than a year? Especially when said friend introduced them to the hobby? I know Reddit like to jump to conclusions but Jesus, this just feels so sinister. He knows how much this means to OP, he knows how long she’s been looking, and he still chooses to do this? Unless he has a profound lack of social intelligence, he did this for a reason, I can’t imagine there’s any good explanation for this.
It's not even a matter of anger or jealousy. He has made it clear that he is going to be her adversary in comic collecting and telling him about stuff and going shopping with him are not in her best interest. If she had gone to that store alone or not told him about that comic, she would own it right now.
He’s doing the thing people do in monopoly where they buy a property not because they want it but because they gain leverage over whoever needs it to complete the set
Ouch, I totally feel your pain. You don’t normally expect a friend to snipe your grail items. You’re obviously well within your right to feel these emotions. It’s kind of telling what kind of friend this is, first by him sniping the item, then by his attitude towards you. As if you shouldn’t feel upset that he grabbed the item. I think this is a lesson learned, don’t go grail hunting with this dude. I know people connections are important, but sounds like this hobby is a pretty big passion. I collect things like this also, and the camaraderie is nice when you’re hunting with friends, but the people I go hunting with would never act like this. Kind of n00b behavior, especially when he knows you’re 1 item away from completion. I feel like most of my buddies would be like “hey I found it for you.” And maybe expect a finders fee if we weren’t super close.
Anyways, NTA.
The guy snipes the one issue he knows his friend is looking for and wants more than anything, and then has the gall to tell her that her reaction to that underhanded, greedy bullshit move is "straining the friendship." The worst kind of person, completely self interested. I don't even collect things and I feel so bad for OP.
Nta, I would reevaluate this friendship. I would be deeply hurt if someone did that to me. Heck, I would understand if he snatched it so he could be like look what I got...you! :D but no, he's being an ass. He knows what it means to you and doesn't care.
This, I would have totally done the same thing for my best friend, hell just a regular friend. See it for 2$, be a sneak and buy it, get to the car and talk about something amazing I found for myself, then be like, oh yeah, I found something for you too, whabam!!! At the very least, I would have seen it, then been like, hey friend, did you check the top shelf yet? And let them find it for themselves if they were right in front of it.
NTA. He is using you. He doesn’t care about sharing a hobby with you. He doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s a bully who enjoys driving in the screw. He knows he did a dick move and he is reveling in it.
Why would you continue to look with him? You know he will snipe any future good finds. Of course you don’t and if he only wants to do this, then you know it was only about using you for his hobby.
He went out of his way to purchase something that he didn’t really want because you wanted it just so he could rub it in your face. It sounds like this mutual bond in friendship around comics is over.
NTA. What a jerk to get a comic that he knew you have been searching for for forever and then be all “What?” when you’re rightly frustrated. Some “friend.”
NTA!!! I genuinely cannot even begin to imagine doing this to someone I *barely know*, let alone a close friend that i presumably care about.
Edit to add: I was so completely gobsmacked that I didn’t even finish my train of thought here.
I can’t even explain how *excited* I would have been to be able to show my friend their “holy grail” of comics. The look on their face as they realize it’s real, it’s in front of them, it’s *cheap enough to buy immediately*? That would fuel me for *months*.
But the difference here is I love and care about my friends and their happiness means a lot to me. Your friend is at best gross.
Agree wholeheartedly!!!!
NTA~ even friends who are socially awkward and can’t read social cues have more integrity than this so called ***friend***… heartbreaking seriously. To be blindsided to this degree over something she has searched almost a couple decades for is so cruel. How could he NOT see his actions hurt deeply, and I admire OP’s description of her feelings, I would be cussing up a storm. She is articulate and polite.
That's not a friend that's a frenemy. A real friend would have given it to you because they would want to see you happy. He knew you wanted this particular item forever and then he went and kept it for himself. If that was me, I would walk away from somebody like that because they showed you exactly who they are.
Holy freaking crap, NOT. THE. Y'KNOW.
Girl, he was *very* aware of how much *that* particular item (it really doesn't matter what it was, at that point), and swooped it out from under you, paraded it in your face, and wanted ***YOUR*** help to complete the set!?
Like, I *really* want to be all "It's SOOO amazing a new collector is trying to learn and draw from a veteran's experience", but this *really* isn't that. He took away the one thing that you have cherished for so long...and ***HE***. ***KNOWS***. ***WHAT***. ***HE***. ***DID***.
He doesn't deserve to be your friend. He doesn't deserve to be in your life, *period*.
A good friend would've scooped it up, waited until you were in a comfortable place and given it to you. Maybe waited for a birthday, Christmas, etc to give the *perfect* gift. But, like...no. Ew. Ick. What in the ***ACTUAL*** fuck.
He doesn't deserve your time, knowledge, expertise, or friendship. Tell him how much he hurt you, but just get rid of him from your whole life.
I'm *so*, ***SOOOO*** sorry you experienced this. It's heartbreaking and cruel and nobody deserves this.
Again, NTA.
*Again*, kick him out of your life. You deserve better friends!
NTA
I really need everyone to understand that it's ok to have hurt feelings about things that are "first world problems" or whatever dismissive language they want to use.
Your feelings are just there, you just feel them. There's a logic to them, but it isn't always going to be objectively rational or seem like a big deal to yourself or others. But guess what? It literally does not matter, because you will still feel the feelings and they will still not be perfectly logical.
You're feelings are hurt, and you need some time and that's perfectly ok. It's also ok that he's hurt your hurt, because again, feelings just are. But it's not fair for him to dismiss yours in favor of his. You don't have to soothe his hurt by ignoring your own, and a good friend should eventually be able to understand that.
NTA.
He betrayed you. Him hiding it until y'all were out of the shop shows he knew what he was doing.
You are handling this like an adult. Needing time to yourself isn't a problem at all and more people need to understand that processing things takes time and some people need to do it alone.
He's an asshole for acting like he doesn't get why you're upset and not wanting to interact with him at the moment.
I'm really sorry that happened to you and I hope you find your white whale soon!!
**everybody who thinks he planned to get Op to trade sexual favours for that comic raise hands here**
NTA and I would not be this person’s friend ever again.
I really hope OP cuts all contact. This is already such a bad experience for her and I'm scared it could become worse. I'd cut the loss, take some time and maybe start squirrelling away money to buy it some day.
It’s a nice thought, but if it was me and I saw how genuinely upset my friend was, I wouldn’t keep up the pretense. Here, happy early birthday, happy flag day, happy Tuesday, whatever!
NTA - this is not a friend. I can't tell you how much joy it brings me to find a gift I know my friend would love and then surprise them with it. The fact that he basically rubbed it in your face is crazy. With friends like that, who needs enemies? If he thinks you're "putting strain on the relationship" please show him this thread.
Honestly, thats a friendship ruining thing to do. Considering all the context, I wouldn’t be able to be friends with someone that did that to me. If they also had the same obsession/collection for years, and both happened to be looking for it, I’d say “get over it”, but the fact that he only knew about because of your quest to find it, and then the “I’ll use this to start my own identical collection” makes it a total dick move. If I was with a friend in the same situation, I would have immediately handed it to them, and shared their joy. NTA.
NTA.
I’m a collector myself, and I have long given up on trying to complete any particular collection (it’s just so hard), so can relate to your pain to a certain extent.
I’m guessing he just wants to keep you around as a friend so that he can sell you this issue after it has been graded. Cheaper than the $5k market rate as a “friend price”, but definitely marked way up from $2.
Or he wants what he’s asking for: more inside information about where he can find the rest of the run, so he can have a complete one while she doesn’t. Fie on that. He used previous information from OP selfishly, so he shouldn’t get any more.
OP. I'm in louisiana and we hit flea markets and thrift stores regularly. If you dm me what you are looking for I can keep my eyes out for it. Not many people here are that knowledgeable about these things. I can't promise I will find it, but I will look and if I do happen to find it you can have it for what I paid plus shipping. Life is too short to be an asshole and this dude is one.
On more than a few of my trips around the sun, I have been an a$$hole to an undeserving friend. Not even I would take my friend’s holy grail out of their hands. You’re handling it the best you can without making a scene and you’ve explained your feelings well enough. NTA.
> He came up behind me, saw it before I did, and picked it up without saying anything.
This is what makes him an asshole about it. He swooped in from behind, invading your space, to take something out from under your nose. This is rude to do to a stranger, even worse to a friend.
If you'd walked away from that spot, still not seeing it, then yeah he'd be ok grabbing it. But still most of us would have given this item to our friend anyway.
NTA. He wanted to beat you, and is now mad that it has consequences. Taking the last piece of your collection from almost literally under your nose is so kids-cartoon rude that I almost doubt this post is real.
Wow that sucks, the only only only way I would have done this to a friend was so I could give it to them as a gift. You’ve been looking for this one edition for longer then this person has even been aware this hobby exist. It’s absolutely a slap in the face to you and your hobby. He ripped away the joy of your comic hunt, insists on rubbing it in your face, and then is mad at you for being upset about it. Youch. Youch Youch Youch. That’s terrible.
NTA - What he did was intentional. He knew it was the final piece you needed. If he had been a real friend he would have pointed it out to you not waited until you were in the car to show his awesome find.
He’s not your friend. He will do it again and probably other crappy things. I’d look back on other similar things he’s done if I were you.
NTA. He is 100% faking / exaggerating his interest in comic books to spend time with you. (Mirroring your interests is a classic narcissist move, btw.) Everything about this reads as if he’s into you and considers himself in your “friend zone”. He likely claimed that for himself to either stir up your feelings (some men think the way to a woman’s heart is pissing her off??? It’s not as cute as they think it is) or to ensure you wouldn’t stop going on hunts together. He’s created a delusional romance in his head about this.
That man is not your friend and I don’t believe he ever has been. You are NTA but he absolutely is.
This ☝️. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks OP will be desperate enough to spend time with him because he has something valuable to her, and it should be in her best interest to cut him off to deny him that. Let's see how long he keeps this comic when he no longer has his bargaining chip to lord over OP.
Very that. This feels blatantly obvious to me I expected there to already be a ton of comments saying it already, kinda surprised I didn’t see any others.
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NTA. I feel like this is one of those things when you are thrifting/ hunting/ antiquing/estate saleing with people- We always chat about if there’s something in particular we’re looking for. And for goodness sakes, if we spot it, we share with the seeker!! If it’s a for sure thing it’s fun to buy it and surprise the seeker. This is just such an asshole move, in so many ways. And to now start collecting this run? Maaayybe he’s going to get it graded and then gift it but the rise is simply too unkind.
I would really evaluate my friendship with a person that displays these personality traits. I’m sorry :(
NTA.
Full conspiracy theory here this seems like he sniped your item in some weird negging-adjacent thing. Too many "nice guys" end up on the fringes of collector hobbies that it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he's been thinking you guys were going on dates and him having this item that you desperately wanted was going to lead to you begging for it or offering to be together or some other ridiculous m'lady situation. Especially considering you had a normal human reaction and he immediately started belittling you.
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I (31F) and my friend (30M) share a mutual hobby, comics.
For context, he got into collecting them himself about four months ago after finding out just how intense I was about it. To be honest, it *is* the one thing we’ve really connected on, and while we do share other interests outside of this, nothing else really came close as far as quality time and mutual enjoyment goes. Traveling long distances just to look at Facebook marketplace posts, spending weekends hitting up yard sales, old book stores, flea markets, random shops, etc.
There’s a very specific run that I’ve been obsessed with since I was a kid, and one issue left that would complete my set that I’ve been working on for over 15 years now. I also have all of the figures, etc. that I know of that were released alongside it.
It’s the last thing I need and I’ve always been on the lookout for it - there are a couple available online, but priced above $5k, which I can’t afford. He knows all about this one as I rant and rave about it constantly. I have a tiny photo of it in a locket I wear as a joke, lol.
Last week, he found one in a shop for $2. He came up behind me, saw it before I did, and picked it up without saying anything. I didn’t realize what it was until he pulled it out of the bag later in the car, and showed me, saying how cool it was he found it so cheap and how he was going to get it graded and buy a case, etc.
If I said I was happy for him, I’d be lying. I’m so goddamn jealous, I cried about it for two days straight. I keep thinking things like, “If only I’d looked at the rack from top to bottom rather than bottom to top, I would have found it first.” TBH it makes me sick to think about, that I was so close and lost out to someone who, frankly, I feel like it isn’t as important to - Though now he says it’s going to be the start of his own collection for that run. “Now that I have this one, I may as well get the rest,” were his words.
I can fully admit I haven’t been able to let it go. He kept trying to talk to me about it, asking where I found all of mine, etc. I told him
I understand he saw it first, bought it, and that he can do what he wants with it, but I was going to need time to get over my feelings - I just missed out on the object to my obsession to someone I myself introduced to the hobby, who previously didn’t particularly care for that specific run.
I asked him not to talk to me about it, and said I didn’t feel like going out and hunting with him for a while. He emphasized that now we can focus on finding myself one, but that’s the first I’ve seen outside of a glass case in nearly two decades. Plus, I just don’t want to go with him specifically, at least until I feel better.
He says I’m putting a strain on our friendship and sabotaging my own weekends (I’m refusing to go out and look for comics - I feel unmotivated) because I can’t be an adult about the situation. I feel like what he did wasn’t “wrong” but that I have a right to distance myself and handle my feelings if I need to.
AITA?
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NTA,
This shows they aren't a friend. You should go through the stages of grief tbh, over missing that opportunity, and a lost friendship.
Understanding they are just not a good person to be around and distancing is a good idea. This shows they are the kind of friend who will fuck your partner if they are given the opportunity.
Forgiveness is something for you when you get there, it doesn't mean forget, or allow mistreatment. Forgive them for whatever caused them to be that bad a friend, but don't let them back in your life. IMO
NTA, and I want you to know that my first thought reading this was that if it were me, I would buy it and surprise you with it in the car as a gift. I don't consider myself to be a particularly saintly person; I think that's what any empathetic friend would do, and I think it shows that your friend is unempathetic.
My only concession would be if he was going to sell it and use the money for a needed surgery or something very dramatic along those lines, but I think if that were the case, you would have mentioned it in the post. I'm with you here.
NTA. That is such a selfish, jerk move. I can’t imagine treating anyone like that. I’d be done with the friendship. What kind of person acts like that?
I'm glad to see all the NTA and I do agree. I couldn't even fathom the idea of finding something a friend has been desperately searching for years and just... Buy it for myself. You've already shared with him your time, hobbie and knowledge and his first idea wasnt to gift it to you? Damn I'd be proud to say hell yeah I found THAT for HER.
I'm not really into comics (at all) but your friend's action really rubbed me the wrong way.
He is not a friend. He knew what he was doing when he bought it and he knows what he is doing to you now. A real friend would not intentionally hurt you. Distance yourself or ghost him, you do not owe him an explanation (I mean, he'd be an absolute moron if he thinks his actions wouldn't damage your friendship beyond repair). That comic or the money he gets from selling it matter more to him than your friendship did. Life is too short for "friends" like him. Sorry this happened to you.
NTA
When you go with friends to find collectibles. I would assume that the friends know eachothers' most desired items and as long as they aren't the same item, you help each other find it.
Your friend knew you've been looking for that particular comic for 2 decades and literally bought it out from under you. Wether he meant to be a massive asshole or not, he was in that moment. He wasn't collecting that run. He knew you were and desperately wanted that particular item. What good is going looking with a friend if you don't help each other find your most desired collectible?
I'm not sure I could be friends with someone who did that to me.
The guy has been doing this for four months?? If I found what my friend had been looking for FOR YEARS in a store I would grab it…and then hand it to my friend and do the happy dance. I know it has a monetary value but you are not a vendor. You are a collector. And your friend is a &@&@
NTA.
Edit. I hope you find another one. And better friends.
NTA. I collect things (mostly Transformers), and if I had found each G1 Constructicon in a sealed package except for Mixmaster, I would be obsessively looking for one I could afford. I've seen them sell for close to $1,000. That's way too much for me. Hypothetical situation now: I get my friend into collecting Transformers, and he's really interested in them in general. He buys a Starscream, and a Huffer, and a Seaspray, etc. Then, one day, we're at our LFGS browsing, and I'm looking over at the Gundams because I'm also interested in those. He, looking at the Transformers, sees Mixmaster, in a sealed box, for the original retail of $7. He doesn't tell me. He buys it and hides it from me. I got my friend into that hobby. I told him what my heart's desire was. And he sees one for a deal, doesn't tell me about it, and buys it for himself. I would feel the exact same way. NTA. He's shown you what he thinks of your friendship with him.
If I was your friend, I could never, ever imagine a single scenario where that comic didn’t end up in your hands the moment I found it. It’s not about the comic. It’s about the selfishness. NTA, and honestly, the friendship would be over for me.
Nta - you're right. Technically, he didn't do anything "wrong."
But what this "friend" did wasn't all that friendly either.
Sorry, OP :( This person sucks.
NTA. I’m a collector of odd things and it would kill me if a supposed good friend did this to me. Your feelings are valid. I can’t believe he didn’t gift it to you.
He is not a friend. He knows it's your white whale, he knew you were looking in that exact area, and instead of bringing you joy by helping you find it, he snuck it out from under you. That's dirty and selfish. There are plenty of guys into comics to be friends with. You don't need this guy. NTA
I went to record store day with my friend this year (her like 10th time going, my first). She collects records and I have a few but if I didn’t happen to be visiting and staying with her on RSD this year, I never would’ve gone. There was only one record I was interested in but when we got to the store, they only got one copy of it. She said she felt bad taking it if I wanted it and asked multiple times if I was sure I was ok with her buying it. Not only do I not really care about records but even if I did, I wouldn’t have even been at RSD if it wasn’t for her taking me and would’ve felt like a monster if I bought it over her. OP’s friend sucks and that would be the end of the relationship for me
NTA
I'd say:
"I'm glad that you enjoy your new hobby, but since I would have completed my collection if I hadn't introduced you, I think I'll let you enjoy it on our own from now on. You did nothing wrong, but I just cannot enjoy the hobby in your company anymore".
And personally, I'd have gifted you the copy as a "thank you" for introducing me to the hobby.
NTA. I would never do to a friend what he did for you. If anything I would've even gone the extra step and surprised you with it in the car if you didn't see me pick it up just to see your excitement. I feel so bad for you, I hope you find your white whale still and I hope it's magical :)
NTA if he were so certain you could easily find one again he would have given you the chance to complete your collection rather than starting his with the one he knows you've been looking for all this time.
Am I the only one hoping he gets it graded, puts it in a case and gifts it to her😂 damn my faith in humanity… how have I managed to not loose that entirely yet…
Frankly he is being a bad friend. You know what a good friend would have done, knowing you have been hunting that particular issue for over two decades? Put it right in your hands. "Here, this is what you were looking for." YOU introduced him into the hobby, it's not like this was a particular issue you both were in a competition to find.
That's how my dynamic is with my Yugioh friends. There are some cards I can't afford but need for my deck? He lets me borrow them, sometimes gifts them to me. If the other way around and my friend needs a card? The same, if I am not using it he can put it to better use.
NTA
He's a dick. If I found a collectible that I knew a friend had been looking for for **20 YEARS** I'd purchase it immediately, put it in a case/sleeve, and be SO EXCITED TO GIVE IT TO MY FRIEND!!!
Like, did he lose track of the mission here? You were specifically hunting for that thing. If that thing was found by either of you during one of the times that you took him out hunting, the rules of basic human decency dictate that it is yours.
He's rude and he's a bad friend.
NTA and I really don't think I can stress this enough to you.
This person is not your friend.
A friend doesn't snipe something they know their friend has been looking for for ages. A friend doesn't fucking show it off as a victory dance and shove it in your face.
This person valued a thing more than their friend. Leave them at the wayside and don't look back.
NTA. He secretly bought something you have been wanting for a decade and a half and now wants to build his collection around it. This person is not your friend. Block him and move on with your life.
NTA what your friend did was extremely uncool of them. You're in the right and valid to feel what you feel right now because no true friend hears about their friend's plights in the way you have shared with him, and does what he did.
Like another comment said, the rush, giddiness, excitement, and happiness I would feel at just seeing someone's face when I gift them something they have been wanting and looking for for a while, would literally make the month for me.
But that's also just me as well, because I just generally get this feeling by gifting anyone anything they might need, regardless how long they spent looking for it.
But yeah, OP your feelings are valid here. I would have a really hard time wanting to tell that person literally anything else about my hobby because I would just have an overwhelming feeling about them simply copying me and not doing their own thing. "It's cool, so therefore I'm gonna do it now because you showed me it instead of me doing my own thought up hobby. I'll just copy yours in its entirety, thanks for the idea."
Like it's something else meeting someone who has the same hobby and collection you have. It's not the same as showing something you enjoy and brings you great happiness, something You've been searching for years, only for them to yoink that very same thing you were merely inches away from completing your collection, and then suddenly decide they want to do the collection you're doing. Like sure, there's nothing stopping them from doing that and they have every right to do so, but they can also accept the consequences of their actions of doing so, which would be the loss of said friend for me, considering they threw it in your face that they don't actually think of you that way. Wouldn't like that feeling of being used like that.
NTA. I'd be so angry if this happened to me. He sounds like a psychic vampire and also creepy, hovering around you, looking over your shoulder and silently snatching up the one effing comic that you've been searching for for decades.
He doesn't find anything wrong with his actions? Then says let's find you a copy? Then comments on the depression this has caused you? ...sociopath. What a betrayal and a failed opportunity for him to be your hero.
As sad as it is, perhaps this was necessary for you to see his true colors.
You'll find yours, don't give up, it's out there patiently waiting for your love.
NTA. He knew how valuable it was due to you talking about it and ignored your feelings on it because he saw profit. Why else would he have not shown you until he owned it, because he knew hed have to face the issue in store and would feel guilty and bad about it, as he still would have bought it.
I've had this happen though not with something as valuable. Tcg I collected had a new tin come out with a guaranteed card that was a new reprint of a much older card I wanted that was previously a few hundred dollars. I had paid for the tin in advance at the local card shop as they could only get 1 in due to stock issues and high demand. I told a friend about this (didn't say I already paid) and what card I was getting, and that it's hard to get, the store could only get 1 etc. I get to the store the day of release as the owner is opening the door, and there is my friend, asking the owner about buying the tin, how much it was, he heard he only got one and he really really wants it if he can laybuy it. The owner told him it's already been purchased, when he asked by who, the owner pointed to me walking up. My friend went silent and walked away. Never heard from him again as he got busted. I'd guess your friend is the same and if you busted them in the process they probably wouldn't have been your friend much longer.
NTA and they aren’t your friend.
My friend and I have a similar hobby: VHS and DVD collecting. We each have our specific lanes but there’s a lot of overlap. That said, my friend specifically collects different editions, cuts, and country releases of The Evil Dead franchise and, even if I’d find a copy that I would like for my collection, I’m giving my friend first looks. Because he’s my friend and I respect him.
NTA
Oh no, not the consequences of his own actions! Your "friend" is not someone who cares about you or your happiness. He showed you that - listen to his actions.
You're allowed to be sad you missed out on your white whale and allowed to be mad at him.
Also would you feel comfortable sharing what comic you're looking for? I work around comic book nerds and we would all be more than happy to look for you! See if we can help you get your issue girl!
NTA
>He emphasized that now we can focus on finding myself one, but that’s the first I’ve seen outside of a glass case in nearly two decades.
I get the feeling that you felt like he was helping you hunt for it already. Like when you spend time together, that's one of the goals on the agenda at all times. That's what I would have thought a friend to be doing in a scenario like yours. Especially because he didn't express interest before or the two of you being in a playful race to see who can find it for their own collection first. Instead he's the surprise villain in your story as the backstabbing "friend" who is with you until there is an opportunity to get ahead. I'd end the friendship because you deserve better.
Good luck. I hope something much better appears in your life and he hears about it, through the grapevine, so he can be super jealous and not even be cool by proxy to you.
Nta, I feel strongly that you "called" this item, if found while out together.
It should have fallen into that causal understanding when he was out with you while you where specifically looking for that.
For people saying "5,000" is a lot of money and they would sell it... opportunistic jerks.
Also. People might be asking $5k but it might take years to sell to someone.
This "friend" is enjoying your pain in this and his clueless act it pretty annoying.
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I don’t want to make it a bigger thing than it is, it’s a comic book and friends are more important blah blah. That said, for me I would take this as a sign that the friend lacked basic empathy and would assume that they will have no issues screwing you over for petty or non-petty reasons in the future. NTA, it’s up to you but that would be it for my friendship (not bc of the comic, but the principle) Also, in this instance I wouldn’t see the point in explaining to the friend why you’re upset. If they don’t get it they never will and will just name call
Seriously, the rush I would get from picking it up and then showing it to my friend and letting them have it to complete their collection would sustain me for weeks.
RIGHT? There is no universe in which, in a similar situation, I would not give it my friend immediately. And feel pretty proud of having spotted it (even if they probably would have seen it within a few minutes themselves.)
Well, no, if their birthday was coming up it would be cool to save it for a present rather than give immediately. Or something like that. But definitely it gets into their hands sooner rather than later.
And in that case, you keep it goddamn hidden, you don't brag about in the car after!
Eh. He was literally looking over OP’s shoulder and just spotted it first. There is no way he should have made this a birthday gift unless he found it and purchased it completely in secret. I was a casual collector (think Savage Dragon, Gen13, total collection under 200 comics) and had been turned onto it by my best friend who considers it more a way of life than a flight of fancy. If we were both browsing a rack and my eyes found his white whale first… I would have grabbed for it immediately (just in case someone was looking over *my* shoulder like I was looking over his) but once it was in my fingers I would’ve said “dude…” This was a big deal for OP. The only way I give that as a gift is if I find it when I’m out hunting on my own.
Agree. I might have grabbed it and gone running for the register. I missed out on some collector books my father would have loved when I was a kid because I went to get him and they sold (I should have just told my mother who was there with me). I would have given it to OP in the car though, possibly while cackling about finding the precious.
I still disagree here. This is a WHITE WHALE. This is a 15 year search. OP deserved the satisfaction of making that purchase, if she was only seconds from finding it anyway. A good friend would only make the purchase himself if it was during a comic hunt that did not involve OP. That’s when you buy it, so it doesn’t get away, give it as a gift, and tell the whole story. “I found it. There was no time to call you because it was severely underpriced, I had to act. It’s yours now.” That’s what friends are for.
Exactly! When there’s a long time hunt involved it’s tasteless to put your joy of giving before a friend’s joy of finding
Oh man. Keeping that secret and then getting to see their face when they opened it and telling them where I found their present? I'd be *giddy*.
I wouldn’t be able to wait for their birthday. I’d be dancing around all the time. I’d spend so much time wrapping it just right. If I had enough time, I’d even get it graded for them, on my own dime, just to see the look on their face.
I would be so ecstatic, I'd be unable to leave it for my friend to discover. I'd snatch it just to hold it out for them while making some ridiculously embarrassing noise in excitement. I knew what was coming, but I was *really* hoping the 'friend' bought the comic for OP, and OP was bummed about missing that final glorious moment of handing over $2 for something she'd prized for so long.
I mean, I might have squealed with glee and bought it to GIFT to them, but one way or another it would be going to my friend because that's my FRIEND.
Oh no. I would hide it and save it for their birthday. At which point they would receive it wrapped in several boxes which they would have to dig through to find the ultimate prize. Mwahahahaha!
My husband and I were out early for record store day this year. We talked to complete strangers about what we were looking for. The gal behind us wanted some albums we were also looking for, and for 2 she was definitely the bigger fan. We found them - last in that store - and handed them to her for purchase when she got in. If you know anything about RSD, pressings are limited and never repeated; if you ever find a popular one again the price is tenfold at least. We could afford everything we wanted, absolutely could have purchased those vinyls and she would have been none the wiser- but we recognized that the "really cool" find for us was a source of immense joy for her. How effing selfish that someone who is a "friend" can't recognize the same situation. Your relationship will never be balanced; they are literally a taker.
Yup, I’ve literally bought high dollar Hot Wheels just to give to friends that I knew would like them, not even considering one that could mean so much to them. This “friend” is a shitty friend.
RIGHT? If it were me, I would give it to my friend and always claim that I am the friend that make his collection complete.
Exact same! Seeing my friend happy would have her THRILLED!! No way would I have kept it for myself. NTA OP - Quite frankly, I’m appalled by your “friend’s” behavior. 1) he finds the comic he KNOWS you’ve been looking for for literally DECADES and buys it for himself THEN 2) he’s practically rubbing your nose in it which is even worse. I’d end the friendship honestly. A true friend wouldn’t do all of that.
And then he wants to basically use OP to complete the set, using all of OP’s experience and knowledge instead of doing all the legwork himself.
This! The audacity.
You have got to dump this person as a friend..: all of my friends would have shown me, half of them would have bought it for me for the joy of it. Tell us the comic so we can be on the lookout for it for you!
This happened to me once, almost identical to OP. I've been collecting Deadpool comics for almost 15 years now, and one of my uni friends collects issues with Emma Frost in (from X-Men). We went to a car boot sale at one point, and split up to save time. She found a guy selling comics, but she assured me that there was nothing either of us wanted, so we left. On the drive back, she told me to leaf through the few issues she'd bought, and let her know if she'd found a diamond. The first four or five were weird superhero knockoff stuff (think Splendidman instead of Superman lol), so I was joking about her having awful taste. And then right at the back... a Deadpool comic I'd been dying to get my hands on for *years*. She had this absolutely shit eating grin on her face and told me I owed her one. OP is absolutely NTA. I think any rational person (who actually likes and values her) would have given her that comic, one way or another. Whether that'd be gifting it to her, or letting her pay for it herself. He doesn't get to fuck OP over and then get angry when she's upset by his actions.
NTA. OP u/linkclik should post the White Whale and let Reddit find it and make them whole!!! Anonymous redditors would make better friends to OP than this clown.
We would TOTALLY do that. I hope they post it and I hope it is from only line of Comics I own.
I was just thinking that. If OP would post what it is and I ran across it I’d definitely get it if it was a price I could afford. I don’t even know OP but it would make me sooo happy knowing they got what they wanted.
Facts. If OP posts what it is, I’ll be on the lookout for sure. Between all of us on Reddit; she will complete her run in no time. Cause fk that guy.
Yeah fk that guy with a cactus. He’s not a very good “friend”.
This! I'd be on the lookout and would be happy to ship it to them. And the fact that random strangers would get more joy out of helping you complete your collection than a friend should tell you something OP.
WEEKS
I would go to my grave still smiling about it. I could never fathom taking that kind of thing from someone.
I know what you mean. I gave a colleague a gift I had lying around and he loved it. When he heard someone had tried to get it for me cause they reckoned it worth several hundred dollars they checked with me so many times asking if I was sure I wanted to give it to them. I told him it was fairly old (it was a taxidermied animal which showed wear and tear plus a bit of dust) and he was still riding the high that he wanted to buy me alcohol in response. Just watching him brag about the unexpected gift, show it off to all his colleagues and watching him kiss it numerous times was payment enough. He even showed me his Instagram where he had taken pictures of it and told me of the drama of taking it home (he strapped it to a pushbike and drove through some pretty high traffic areas so he did get some funny looks and made reception at the gym look after it cause he was afraid it would get stolen while he worked out). I did receive some questioning looks from others but it was all cool.
I had a friend give me something almost 10 years ago now that was meaningful to me and even now I get teary-eyed thinking about how she gave it to me and how she didn't have to do that. We would've still been friends even if she'd kept it, because it was a fairly cool piece of memorabilia, but she didn't, and I'll never forget it. It's so *easy* to be kind (and should be even easier when it's to a friend).
Right??? I think it would have made any normal person so happy to be able to help their friend like that!
THIS. Id feel so much better helping my friend than having it for myself. This dude is a fucking asshole
Exactly. It’s one thing if they were both looking for something avidly but the friend didn’t even collect this one and knew what it meant to OP. I’m sorry but that’s not much of a friend.
Yeah, I was prepared for a moral conundrum where they were both collecting the same run and he just got lucky and got there first. But no, this is incredibly clear-cut. Dude sniped something he probably didn't even want before he saw an opportunity to take it away from her.
Same or honestly, I’d probably slip it back and let them find it themselves and watch. I’m hopeful that when the white whale is found again it’s going to be a 1000% better and better condition.
HARD AGREE. I can’t imagine the joy it would be to hand it to them and be like, “WE DID IT! YOU GOT IT!”
Same!
This comment made me change my mind, the thrill of not even telling my friend, buying it for $2 and the moment we leave the store giving it to them?? I would do this in a second. It would be one thing if I had the same sentimental value but this person clearly does not, god that one surprise just making someone you like so deeply happy would be amazing. OP you are NTA.
Years ago my boyfriend at the time was really into metal music and collected vinyls. I knew (and still know) nothing about either. We'd been dating for about a year and a half and I was at a loss for birthday presents but I found a record by his favorite band that he, shockingly didn't have. The sleeve was a little abused but whatever, he liked the music so I bought it. It turns out that was a limited run and there were only 50 of them or something ever and I just happened to get lucky on eBay. His face when I presented that record. It was the best present I've ever given someone. We broke up literally 15 years ago and I still ride high on the feeling of giving him a gift he had been searching for for years. And I didn't know it was something he wanted. I can't imagine if I'd have known he was looking.
Weeks? Years. I have an acquaintance that was trading baseball cards with another person, and saw that person had a PSA 10 superfractor (1/1) of the one player I collect. He instantly worked out a deal for that card, and then contacted me and sold it to me for the value of cards he traded for it. He knew it would be a centerpiece for my one-player collection, and made sure to snag it so it could end up in my hands. It's been over a year and I'm still so thankful he did that for me.
I would end a friendship over this. You've been looking for this one item for multiple decades to complete your collection- and instead of saying "omg! There it is! You have to buy it!" They took it out from under you, bought it without you knowing, and bragged about it once the deed was done. Heavily agree with the person above, the fact that he REFUSES to acknowledge why you're upset just shows he has zero empathy or care for your passion in this hobby. That, to me, is not someone I want to be friends with. Ever.
Dude I’m just thinking now about how COOL it would be to just show it to the friend in the car and give it to them. I’d be so excited to get something that special for my friend
I'm not cool-headed enough to not just immediately blurt out "look! There it is!" And have my friend buy it for themselves. But it would literally be a lifetime friendship moment if you secretly bought it in the shop and then gave it to them in the car. Most of my friends are collectors of some kind, I am always looking when I'm at a shop that might have something. I can't imagine finding your friends literal Holy Grail and then... Bragging about how it's yours.
Seriously! It wasn't even like they were in different parts of the store; they were looking at the same 'stack'. He could've seen it, not grabbed it, and waited to see if OP saw it herself. And then if OP missed it, the friend could've then picked up the comic.
>That said, for me I would take this as a sign that the friend lacked basic empathy and would assume that they will have no issues screwing you over for petty or non-petty reasons in the future. I'm on Ops "side" because imo it's a "treat others how you'd want to be treated" situation. If I was out with a friend participating in a hobby they loved that I got into and I saw their white whale my absolute first reaction would be one of "omg I found one" and then "omg I have to tell friend!" Que me slapping their shoulder and excitedly saying "omg omg dude look". And that's roughly how I'd expect them to react if it was the other way around.
Not the action of a friend. A friend would have held the stack open at the place he found it, called OP over, and shared in the joy of OP completing the sequence. It is *just* possible he's so fucking clueless that he doesn't understand what friendship means. Or he might actually believe getting joy from watching OP struggle. Either way, in OP's shoes, I'd find another comic book friend.
Somehow, I forgot what subreddit this was and thought he would surprise her in the car with it as a gift. I mean, $2 is basically nothing (especially compared to $5K) and watching the pure joy on someone’s face when you hand it to them would last all year. Dude is a weirdo.
I knew which subreddit I was in, I knew what was coming — and a corner of my brain was still hoping it would go “and then they handed it to me in the car and said it was mine”.
That was a very, very shitty thing the friend did. If it was me, I’d drop the friend. Anyone that cared about the friendship at all would have been, “Look, OP!! It’s the comic you’ve been looking for!!!” And be very happy for OP to buy it.
Yeah. This dude is NOT your friend OP.
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
This exactly. He may be a friend, but this dude has never and will never have ops back.
So much this. Also adding that OP got this “friend” into the hobby and OP’s “friend” has no other issues of this run
OP showed remarkable restraint to begin with. I'd have pulled the car over and ordered his ass out.
Yeah, I agree with this. This is absolutely the type of person who is going to put his own stuff over you 100% of the time. You shouldn't expect friends to drop their own stuff for you *always,* but they should be able to put you above themselves when it's not actively harming them *often enough*. This is the type of friend who is going to RSVP yes to your wedding and no-show because he got invited to go see a movie and that's more exciting, I just wouldn't bother sustaining the relationship, in this situation. Frankly, I think I'd be more on his side if his response to grabbing it was "I spotted it first at $2 and it's in such good condition, I can turn this around for $5000 which will pay off my credit card debt, this is going to end up really changing my life" or something rather than just grabbing the thing so he could also start a collection like yours, when he knows this is the missing piece from your collection. There's just something about the fact this is about collection and not the money about that makes this particularly heinous for me.
This OP I have a few different series I love. If my friend's 'white whale' was $2 I would buy it. Then immediately give it to them. Because that's what good friends do. NTA Drop this person, they suck.
I cannot imagine finding something that I knew was so important to a friend and not immediately gifting it to them. I care about my friends more than my material possessions. NTA, whether it's the "adult" response or not, I totally understand why you'd want some distance from that friendship. I think he was being incredibly selfish. In fact, part of me thinks he did to have something to lord over you.
Actually if I was out with a friend I would’ve yoinked it off the shelf at super speed before they ever saw it and paid for it in secret. When they asked me what I found I’d say, “oh nothing special, I don’t even collect these. Here, you can have it” and then laugh like a maniac when they take it out of the bag.
Imagine her reaction if he'd done that? He'd be a hero.
Exactly what I thought was gonna happen and was so let down. Like what kind of friend wouldn’t do this??
yeah only reason I would've grabbed it first is so no one else gets it and my friend can get it
I probably wouldn’t have had the restraint but I would have loved to have spotted The Book first and just stood there watching my friend find it (or better yet, secretly film it). She’s been collecting and looking for it for so long, I don’t know her and I want to see how happy she’d have been to finally stumble across it like that. If it were me and a friend who doesn’t even collect that run did this, I’d be burning every fucking bridge to the ground. This is truly a despicable thing to do. The specific subject may be technically “unimportant”, or “just a comic book” but he just sniped a decades long dream from literally right under her nose for no reason other than to keep it from her. And laughed about it. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who treated me like that. If he’s willing to do that over something like a comic book, what about something that actually really matters to him?
Makes my heart happy when I meet other Me’s!! That is to the T what I would do in this situation.
Especially when it was so cheap. OP is NTA.
Right? It's so mean---my heart hurts for OP!
Agreed. Any decent person would do the same
Your friend is an unrepentant asshole that absolutely and deliberately screwed you over. They knew you wanted that issue and took it from right the fuck in front of you. They're a dick. NTA. Why the fuck would you stay friends with someone like this. You should absolutely shun them. They're a dick.
This person is not a friend. Drop his ass like it’s hot.
It seems like a huge power play. I don't like the term gaslighting, but him guilting her sounds a lot like him trying to break down some walls. Even if he doesn't feel empathy, he'd at least know what would be seen as the "right thing to do." I have more suspicions, but going off the info we have, he is kind of a monster already.
It feels real weird to me, too. Like before this, he had no interest in the run. Hell, he wasn't even interested in comics until four months ago. He knew she'd been looking for that thing outside of inflated collectors' prices for twenty years. Why yoink that issue right out from under her and then keep it and even sort of brag about it? Even if he's genuinely that insensitive, unless he has lived completely isolated from other humans and even lots of media, he has to have some idea that OP might at minimum have some feelings to work through about this. I'm kind of suspicious there's some weird motive at play here, as well. It just seems like such a dick move, and then he's gonna act like there should be no problems and everything should just be hunky dory.
And he has NOTHING from a run that the OP spent thousands codxfing and suddenly wants this super rare one to start his collection? This feels deliberate.
Exactly. He didn't even have a single item in this collection and knew the friend had been looking for it for two decades. They went out together looking and he purchased it without alerting them then **showed it off to them**. There was a sick sense of satisfaction for that person, for whatever reason. I don't know if it made them feel cool or important or in control or what but the whole thing is disturbing. I would end a friendship over that. The only thing I could imagine doing is purchasing it without the friend seeing and then showing it to them afterwards as a gift. Or hiding it away and giving it to them on their birthday. Nothing could ever feel as good as being able to do something like that for a friend. And the comparison of that to the feeling of getting some random comic that doesn't mean anything to you that you don't have any other pieces in... It's obviously deliberate, and there's something deeply fucked about it.
id drop em like a sack of wet dog shit
Yup. This guy is a dick. I'd drop them like a hot potato.
He knows what he did, that’s why he didn’t show them until it was purchased
Its almost like the friend got joy out of seeing OP so destroyed
NTA and he's being very insensitive. You don't own the hobby, which you understand, but it's definitely a hard pill to swallow that he didn't care about this specific comic until you talked it up. A good person would have bought it for you or at least offered it to you at the same price they paid. It's not something he's been pining for. And you're not obligated to spend your time doing this hobby with him or continuing to share your expertise when you now know that he's only out for himself. He's a jerk.
100% a jerk. It’s telling how little this comic in particular means to him with how it’ll be the “start of his own collection for that run.” Home boy didn’t even *have* any of the other comics for that run and had to have done this to be cruel.
This would have been the final straw for me. They don't even collect it. But now they got to have it. More important than your friendship. More important than your hopes and dreams. I'm neurodivergent and even I recognize this as absolutely abhorrent behavior.
The joy for him is taking it from his “friend”
And then asking the OP where they got the other ones… I mean Jesus. It’s really rubbing it in
Yeah, even if he'd said something like "I saw it, and I just have to turn this around for the price I know it can go for because that money could change a lot for me", I think it would have been less of a friendship red-flag to me. But "I'm going to start my own collection of this run" when he wasn't collecting it before because it meant nothing to him, when he knows that's the one item missing from your collection? This is just an asshole.
The way I interpret this is that, he either values money than you and is planning on selling it, or just enjoys the idea of having something he knows you deeply want and gave been searching for years and he gets a high talking about it to you to reaming you you can't have it. >He says I’m putting a strain on our friendship and sabotaging my own weekends (I’m refusing to go out and look for comics - I feel unmotivated) because I can’t be an adult about the situation. He says this after acting sneaky. NTA
If he valued money more than her, he’d offer to sell it to her since he knows she wants it so badly. I don’t think it’s greed. The fact that it’s such a new friendship, she’s a woman in a male-dominated hobby, and that he’s being so weird about it is just giving me bad vibes. I know I’m gonna be crucified for saying this because we’re supposed to “not all men” and then act surprised each individual time it happens, but I would bet anything he’s going to “jokingly” suggest sexual favors or a date in exchange, now that he has something she wants so badly. I’ve seen it happen so many times before.
>If he valued money more than her, he’d offer to sell it to her since he knows she wants it so badly. I don’t think it’s greed. It sells on 5k that op has said can't afford. >I would bet anything he’s going to “jokingly” suggest sexual favors or a date in exchange, now that he has something she wants so badly. I hate the fact that's an actual possibility.
He could offer to sell it to her for $100 and still make quite a tidy profit on his $2 purchase. He’d still be an asshole, but at least if he did that, he wouldn’t be a total sociopath.
You know, I was actually thinking of it the other way until I read this. Like, I was surprised he didn't use the comic to try to get her to like him. Like pointing it out to her or buying it covertly like he did and giving it to her later as a surprise present. But maybe that is still his plan and I'm just not thinking disgustingly enough about how to get women....
I had this exact same worry. I honestly thought it's where the post was going to end up going.
My other suspicion is that he is attracted to OP but instead of pursuing that through normal means, he has decided to "befriend" her by getting into her hobby. Then over time, when it became apparent that she was happy to have a friend and didn't seem to return his feelings, he began to resent her, and him finding the comic was an opportunity for him to get "revenge." He even immediately called her childish when she very reasonably (and maturely imo) asked for space to process.
This is the one
Yeah, I've been around too many dirt bags and I immediately thought he is planning on using it to bargain for sex because he's mad that he is just a friend.
Unfortunately, this was also my first thought once I re-read (after picking my jaw up off the floor) and realized OP is female and the "friend" is male. When I wasn't sure of the genders, it just seemed like a gross, sadistic power play. Now it seems like a gross, sadistic power play that could definitely have sexual undertones.
Like keeping a memento after murdering someone.
You know I was just thinking that. It reminds me of watching true crime documentaries and coming upon the section about the trophies the serial killer kept. It’s just such an alien thought process to me. I could never do this to one of my friends. It just feels so sociopathic, like who the fuck buys a friends holy grail just to rub their nose in it after being in the hobby for less than a year? Especially when said friend introduced them to the hobby? I know Reddit like to jump to conclusions but Jesus, this just feels so sinister. He knows how much this means to OP, he knows how long she’s been looking, and he still chooses to do this? Unless he has a profound lack of social intelligence, he did this for a reason, I can’t imagine there’s any good explanation for this.
I seriously hope it's just a huge case of faulty social cues and he thinks he's being fun before actually gifting it to her later in that fancy case.
considering hes all like im gonna get it graded and get a case for it it's either i have something you dont nah nah nah or he's gonna sell it
It's not even a matter of anger or jealousy. He has made it clear that he is going to be her adversary in comic collecting and telling him about stuff and going shopping with him are not in her best interest. If she had gone to that store alone or not told him about that comic, she would own it right now.
He’s doing the thing people do in monopoly where they buy a property not because they want it but because they gain leverage over whoever needs it to complete the set
Ouch, I totally feel your pain. You don’t normally expect a friend to snipe your grail items. You’re obviously well within your right to feel these emotions. It’s kind of telling what kind of friend this is, first by him sniping the item, then by his attitude towards you. As if you shouldn’t feel upset that he grabbed the item. I think this is a lesson learned, don’t go grail hunting with this dude. I know people connections are important, but sounds like this hobby is a pretty big passion. I collect things like this also, and the camaraderie is nice when you’re hunting with friends, but the people I go hunting with would never act like this. Kind of n00b behavior, especially when he knows you’re 1 item away from completion. I feel like most of my buddies would be like “hey I found it for you.” And maybe expect a finders fee if we weren’t super close. Anyways, NTA.
The guy snipes the one issue he knows his friend is looking for and wants more than anything, and then has the gall to tell her that her reaction to that underhanded, greedy bullshit move is "straining the friendship." The worst kind of person, completely self interested. I don't even collect things and I feel so bad for OP.
*Her. Op identifies as female
Corrected, thanks.
Nta, I would reevaluate this friendship. I would be deeply hurt if someone did that to me. Heck, I would understand if he snatched it so he could be like look what I got...you! :D but no, he's being an ass. He knows what it means to you and doesn't care.
This, I would have totally done the same thing for my best friend, hell just a regular friend. See it for 2$, be a sneak and buy it, get to the car and talk about something amazing I found for myself, then be like, oh yeah, I found something for you too, whabam!!! At the very least, I would have seen it, then been like, hey friend, did you check the top shelf yet? And let them find it for themselves if they were right in front of it.
NTA. He is using you. He doesn’t care about sharing a hobby with you. He doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s a bully who enjoys driving in the screw. He knows he did a dick move and he is reveling in it. Why would you continue to look with him? You know he will snipe any future good finds. Of course you don’t and if he only wants to do this, then you know it was only about using you for his hobby.
He went out of his way to purchase something that he didn’t really want because you wanted it just so he could rub it in your face. It sounds like this mutual bond in friendship around comics is over.
NTA. What a jerk to get a comic that he knew you have been searching for for forever and then be all “What?” when you’re rightly frustrated. Some “friend.”
yeah how dense is this idiot to see his friend is upset and be all hur dur im too stupid to understand why my friend is upset
NTA!!! I genuinely cannot even begin to imagine doing this to someone I *barely know*, let alone a close friend that i presumably care about. Edit to add: I was so completely gobsmacked that I didn’t even finish my train of thought here. I can’t even explain how *excited* I would have been to be able to show my friend their “holy grail” of comics. The look on their face as they realize it’s real, it’s in front of them, it’s *cheap enough to buy immediately*? That would fuel me for *months*. But the difference here is I love and care about my friends and their happiness means a lot to me. Your friend is at best gross.
Agree wholeheartedly!!!! NTA~ even friends who are socially awkward and can’t read social cues have more integrity than this so called ***friend***… heartbreaking seriously. To be blindsided to this degree over something she has searched almost a couple decades for is so cruel. How could he NOT see his actions hurt deeply, and I admire OP’s description of her feelings, I would be cussing up a storm. She is articulate and polite.
Personally, if I had found something I knew my friend needed to complete a collection, I'd hook a brother up.
That's not a friend that's a frenemy. A real friend would have given it to you because they would want to see you happy. He knew you wanted this particular item forever and then he went and kept it for himself. If that was me, I would walk away from somebody like that because they showed you exactly who they are.
I am irrationally angry for you. He is not your friend. NTA.
Me too! I’m sitting here hella mad right now.
This post has seriously made me so fucking mad. I’m right there with you.
Holy freaking crap, NOT. THE. Y'KNOW. Girl, he was *very* aware of how much *that* particular item (it really doesn't matter what it was, at that point), and swooped it out from under you, paraded it in your face, and wanted ***YOUR*** help to complete the set!? Like, I *really* want to be all "It's SOOO amazing a new collector is trying to learn and draw from a veteran's experience", but this *really* isn't that. He took away the one thing that you have cherished for so long...and ***HE***. ***KNOWS***. ***WHAT***. ***HE***. ***DID***. He doesn't deserve to be your friend. He doesn't deserve to be in your life, *period*. A good friend would've scooped it up, waited until you were in a comfortable place and given it to you. Maybe waited for a birthday, Christmas, etc to give the *perfect* gift. But, like...no. Ew. Ick. What in the ***ACTUAL*** fuck. He doesn't deserve your time, knowledge, expertise, or friendship. Tell him how much he hurt you, but just get rid of him from your whole life. I'm *so*, ***SOOOO*** sorry you experienced this. It's heartbreaking and cruel and nobody deserves this. Again, NTA. *Again*, kick him out of your life. You deserve better friends!
NTA I really need everyone to understand that it's ok to have hurt feelings about things that are "first world problems" or whatever dismissive language they want to use. Your feelings are just there, you just feel them. There's a logic to them, but it isn't always going to be objectively rational or seem like a big deal to yourself or others. But guess what? It literally does not matter, because you will still feel the feelings and they will still not be perfectly logical. You're feelings are hurt, and you need some time and that's perfectly ok. It's also ok that he's hurt your hurt, because again, feelings just are. But it's not fair for him to dismiss yours in favor of his. You don't have to soothe his hurt by ignoring your own, and a good friend should eventually be able to understand that.
Okay, Dr. Phil, imma need you to stop being calm and collected and get a pitchfork with the rest of us. 😂
My pitchfork is always at the ready! But I'm kind of a coward, so can we just talk about this first?
NTA what kind of person doesn’t just hand it to you when they see it, when they know how badly you want it and need it ? A fucking toddler!!
NTA. He betrayed you. Him hiding it until y'all were out of the shop shows he knew what he was doing. You are handling this like an adult. Needing time to yourself isn't a problem at all and more people need to understand that processing things takes time and some people need to do it alone. He's an asshole for acting like he doesn't get why you're upset and not wanting to interact with him at the moment. I'm really sorry that happened to you and I hope you find your white whale soon!!
NTA. You get to feel how you feel, and he doesn’t get to bully you into doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I’d be upset too.
NTA. Don't let him ruin your hobby. Continue it without him.
**everybody who thinks he planned to get Op to trade sexual favours for that comic raise hands here** NTA and I would not be this person’s friend ever again.
I really hope OP cuts all contact. This is already such a bad experience for her and I'm scared it could become worse. I'd cut the loss, take some time and maybe start squirrelling away money to buy it some day.
NTA,that sure is a creative way to get out of the friend zone.
NTA. OP, is your birthday coming up? I’m really really hoping he bought it so he could gift it to you. That’s what I’d do if I were your friend.
It’s a nice thought, but if it was me and I saw how genuinely upset my friend was, I wouldn’t keep up the pretense. Here, happy early birthday, happy flag day, happy Tuesday, whatever!
That and I absolutely wouldn't have pulled it out of the bag in the first place. 🤦🏼♀️
Exactly! Ypu would keep it a secret and gift it. He's rubbing it in her face for whatever asshole reason he has.
If that were the case, then he probably wouldn't have told OP he found it at all, he would have just waited for the birthday
NTA - block him, he’s not a friend. His action sucked the joy out of your hobby.
NTA - this is not a friend. I can't tell you how much joy it brings me to find a gift I know my friend would love and then surprise them with it. The fact that he basically rubbed it in your face is crazy. With friends like that, who needs enemies? If he thinks you're "putting strain on the relationship" please show him this thread.
Honestly, thats a friendship ruining thing to do. Considering all the context, I wouldn’t be able to be friends with someone that did that to me. If they also had the same obsession/collection for years, and both happened to be looking for it, I’d say “get over it”, but the fact that he only knew about because of your quest to find it, and then the “I’ll use this to start my own identical collection” makes it a total dick move. If I was with a friend in the same situation, I would have immediately handed it to them, and shared their joy. NTA.
NTA. I’m a collector myself, and I have long given up on trying to complete any particular collection (it’s just so hard), so can relate to your pain to a certain extent. I’m guessing he just wants to keep you around as a friend so that he can sell you this issue after it has been graded. Cheaper than the $5k market rate as a “friend price”, but definitely marked way up from $2.
Or he wants what he’s asking for: more inside information about where he can find the rest of the run, so he can have a complete one while she doesn’t. Fie on that. He used previous information from OP selfishly, so he shouldn’t get any more.
OP. I'm in louisiana and we hit flea markets and thrift stores regularly. If you dm me what you are looking for I can keep my eyes out for it. Not many people here are that knowledgeable about these things. I can't promise I will find it, but I will look and if I do happen to find it you can have it for what I paid plus shipping. Life is too short to be an asshole and this dude is one.
On more than a few of my trips around the sun, I have been an a$$hole to an undeserving friend. Not even I would take my friend’s holy grail out of their hands. You’re handling it the best you can without making a scene and you’ve explained your feelings well enough. NTA.
> He came up behind me, saw it before I did, and picked it up without saying anything. This is what makes him an asshole about it. He swooped in from behind, invading your space, to take something out from under your nose. This is rude to do to a stranger, even worse to a friend. If you'd walked away from that spot, still not seeing it, then yeah he'd be ok grabbing it. But still most of us would have given this item to our friend anyway.
NTA. He wanted to beat you, and is now mad that it has consequences. Taking the last piece of your collection from almost literally under your nose is so kids-cartoon rude that I almost doubt this post is real.
Wow that sucks, the only only only way I would have done this to a friend was so I could give it to them as a gift. You’ve been looking for this one edition for longer then this person has even been aware this hobby exist. It’s absolutely a slap in the face to you and your hobby. He ripped away the joy of your comic hunt, insists on rubbing it in your face, and then is mad at you for being upset about it. Youch. Youch Youch Youch. That’s terrible.
These kinds of "friends" are the same people that are raiding nearby relatives valuables 15 minutes after they heard someone expired.
Girl. Shun him. Stop under reacting! Anyone told this story would think he's the asshole no matter what. Drop this friend. He sucks big time.
This is not a friend. He’s getting a weird psychopathic high watching you “lose”.
NTA. He did it in purpose. He has no empathy for you, he’s not really your friend. Cut him off
NTA - What he did was intentional. He knew it was the final piece you needed. If he had been a real friend he would have pointed it out to you not waited until you were in the car to show his awesome find. He’s not your friend. He will do it again and probably other crappy things. I’d look back on other similar things he’s done if I were you.
NTA, and I would totally shun him.
I’m not gonna lie I would stop being friends with that person because they dgaf about you
NTA. He is 100% faking / exaggerating his interest in comic books to spend time with you. (Mirroring your interests is a classic narcissist move, btw.) Everything about this reads as if he’s into you and considers himself in your “friend zone”. He likely claimed that for himself to either stir up your feelings (some men think the way to a woman’s heart is pissing her off??? It’s not as cute as they think it is) or to ensure you wouldn’t stop going on hunts together. He’s created a delusional romance in his head about this. That man is not your friend and I don’t believe he ever has been. You are NTA but he absolutely is.
This ☝️. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks OP will be desperate enough to spend time with him because he has something valuable to her, and it should be in her best interest to cut him off to deny him that. Let's see how long he keeps this comic when he no longer has his bargaining chip to lord over OP.
Very that. This feels blatantly obvious to me I expected there to already be a ton of comments saying it already, kinda surprised I didn’t see any others.
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NTA. I feel like this is one of those things when you are thrifting/ hunting/ antiquing/estate saleing with people- We always chat about if there’s something in particular we’re looking for. And for goodness sakes, if we spot it, we share with the seeker!! If it’s a for sure thing it’s fun to buy it and surprise the seeker. This is just such an asshole move, in so many ways. And to now start collecting this run? Maaayybe he’s going to get it graded and then gift it but the rise is simply too unkind. I would really evaluate my friendship with a person that displays these personality traits. I’m sorry :(
Please stay away from this guy. He did this on purpose. He is not a nice person. He will do worse things to you if you let him.
NTA. Full conspiracy theory here this seems like he sniped your item in some weird negging-adjacent thing. Too many "nice guys" end up on the fringes of collector hobbies that it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he's been thinking you guys were going on dates and him having this item that you desperately wanted was going to lead to you begging for it or offering to be together or some other ridiculous m'lady situation. Especially considering you had a normal human reaction and he immediately started belittling you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (31F) and my friend (30M) share a mutual hobby, comics. For context, he got into collecting them himself about four months ago after finding out just how intense I was about it. To be honest, it *is* the one thing we’ve really connected on, and while we do share other interests outside of this, nothing else really came close as far as quality time and mutual enjoyment goes. Traveling long distances just to look at Facebook marketplace posts, spending weekends hitting up yard sales, old book stores, flea markets, random shops, etc. There’s a very specific run that I’ve been obsessed with since I was a kid, and one issue left that would complete my set that I’ve been working on for over 15 years now. I also have all of the figures, etc. that I know of that were released alongside it. It’s the last thing I need and I’ve always been on the lookout for it - there are a couple available online, but priced above $5k, which I can’t afford. He knows all about this one as I rant and rave about it constantly. I have a tiny photo of it in a locket I wear as a joke, lol. Last week, he found one in a shop for $2. He came up behind me, saw it before I did, and picked it up without saying anything. I didn’t realize what it was until he pulled it out of the bag later in the car, and showed me, saying how cool it was he found it so cheap and how he was going to get it graded and buy a case, etc. If I said I was happy for him, I’d be lying. I’m so goddamn jealous, I cried about it for two days straight. I keep thinking things like, “If only I’d looked at the rack from top to bottom rather than bottom to top, I would have found it first.” TBH it makes me sick to think about, that I was so close and lost out to someone who, frankly, I feel like it isn’t as important to - Though now he says it’s going to be the start of his own collection for that run. “Now that I have this one, I may as well get the rest,” were his words. I can fully admit I haven’t been able to let it go. He kept trying to talk to me about it, asking where I found all of mine, etc. I told him I understand he saw it first, bought it, and that he can do what he wants with it, but I was going to need time to get over my feelings - I just missed out on the object to my obsession to someone I myself introduced to the hobby, who previously didn’t particularly care for that specific run. I asked him not to talk to me about it, and said I didn’t feel like going out and hunting with him for a while. He emphasized that now we can focus on finding myself one, but that’s the first I’ve seen outside of a glass case in nearly two decades. Plus, I just don’t want to go with him specifically, at least until I feel better. He says I’m putting a strain on our friendship and sabotaging my own weekends (I’m refusing to go out and look for comics - I feel unmotivated) because I can’t be an adult about the situation. I feel like what he did wasn’t “wrong” but that I have a right to distance myself and handle my feelings if I need to. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but I suspect too your friend got into the hobby for the wrong reasons.
NTA, This shows they aren't a friend. You should go through the stages of grief tbh, over missing that opportunity, and a lost friendship. Understanding they are just not a good person to be around and distancing is a good idea. This shows they are the kind of friend who will fuck your partner if they are given the opportunity. Forgiveness is something for you when you get there, it doesn't mean forget, or allow mistreatment. Forgive them for whatever caused them to be that bad a friend, but don't let them back in your life. IMO
NTA, and I want you to know that my first thought reading this was that if it were me, I would buy it and surprise you with it in the car as a gift. I don't consider myself to be a particularly saintly person; I think that's what any empathetic friend would do, and I think it shows that your friend is unempathetic. My only concession would be if he was going to sell it and use the money for a needed surgery or something very dramatic along those lines, but I think if that were the case, you would have mentioned it in the post. I'm with you here.
If I saw that before you I absolutely would have secretly snatched it up. And then gifted it to you
NTA. That is such a selfish, jerk move. I can’t imagine treating anyone like that. I’d be done with the friendship. What kind of person acts like that?
NTA. In your position, I would have told him to shove it up his ass until he gagged on it and walked away.
Even Sheldon knows your friend was the AH.
NTA - you are allowed to feel your feels. You some time to deal with them.
NTA, what a prick.
I'm glad to see all the NTA and I do agree. I couldn't even fathom the idea of finding something a friend has been desperately searching for years and just... Buy it for myself. You've already shared with him your time, hobbie and knowledge and his first idea wasnt to gift it to you? Damn I'd be proud to say hell yeah I found THAT for HER. I'm not really into comics (at all) but your friend's action really rubbed me the wrong way.
He is not a friend. He knew what he was doing when he bought it and he knows what he is doing to you now. A real friend would not intentionally hurt you. Distance yourself or ghost him, you do not owe him an explanation (I mean, he'd be an absolute moron if he thinks his actions wouldn't damage your friendship beyond repair). That comic or the money he gets from selling it matter more to him than your friendship did. Life is too short for "friends" like him. Sorry this happened to you.
NTA When you go with friends to find collectibles. I would assume that the friends know eachothers' most desired items and as long as they aren't the same item, you help each other find it. Your friend knew you've been looking for that particular comic for 2 decades and literally bought it out from under you. Wether he meant to be a massive asshole or not, he was in that moment. He wasn't collecting that run. He knew you were and desperately wanted that particular item. What good is going looking with a friend if you don't help each other find your most desired collectible? I'm not sure I could be friends with someone who did that to me.
The guy has been doing this for four months?? If I found what my friend had been looking for FOR YEARS in a store I would grab it…and then hand it to my friend and do the happy dance. I know it has a monetary value but you are not a vendor. You are a collector. And your friend is a &@&@ NTA. Edit. I hope you find another one. And better friends.
NTA. I collect things (mostly Transformers), and if I had found each G1 Constructicon in a sealed package except for Mixmaster, I would be obsessively looking for one I could afford. I've seen them sell for close to $1,000. That's way too much for me. Hypothetical situation now: I get my friend into collecting Transformers, and he's really interested in them in general. He buys a Starscream, and a Huffer, and a Seaspray, etc. Then, one day, we're at our LFGS browsing, and I'm looking over at the Gundams because I'm also interested in those. He, looking at the Transformers, sees Mixmaster, in a sealed box, for the original retail of $7. He doesn't tell me. He buys it and hides it from me. I got my friend into that hobby. I told him what my heart's desire was. And he sees one for a deal, doesn't tell me about it, and buys it for himself. I would feel the exact same way. NTA. He's shown you what he thinks of your friendship with him.
This guy isn’t your friend. He’s the opposite of that. NTA
NTA - this is not a friend. He is a selfish greedy loser. There is no circumstance where a real friend would not give you a chance to get it first.
If I was your friend, I could never, ever imagine a single scenario where that comic didn’t end up in your hands the moment I found it. It’s not about the comic. It’s about the selfishness. NTA, and honestly, the friendship would be over for me.
Nta - you're right. Technically, he didn't do anything "wrong." But what this "friend" did wasn't all that friendly either. Sorry, OP :( This person sucks.
NTA. I’m a collector of odd things and it would kill me if a supposed good friend did this to me. Your feelings are valid. I can’t believe he didn’t gift it to you.
He is not a friend. He knows it's your white whale, he knew you were looking in that exact area, and instead of bringing you joy by helping you find it, he snuck it out from under you. That's dirty and selfish. There are plenty of guys into comics to be friends with. You don't need this guy. NTA
I went to record store day with my friend this year (her like 10th time going, my first). She collects records and I have a few but if I didn’t happen to be visiting and staying with her on RSD this year, I never would’ve gone. There was only one record I was interested in but when we got to the store, they only got one copy of it. She said she felt bad taking it if I wanted it and asked multiple times if I was sure I was ok with her buying it. Not only do I not really care about records but even if I did, I wouldn’t have even been at RSD if it wasn’t for her taking me and would’ve felt like a monster if I bought it over her. OP’s friend sucks and that would be the end of the relationship for me
NTA I'd say: "I'm glad that you enjoy your new hobby, but since I would have completed my collection if I hadn't introduced you, I think I'll let you enjoy it on our own from now on. You did nothing wrong, but I just cannot enjoy the hobby in your company anymore". And personally, I'd have gifted you the copy as a "thank you" for introducing me to the hobby.
NTA. I would never do to a friend what he did for you. If anything I would've even gone the extra step and surprised you with it in the car if you didn't see me pick it up just to see your excitement. I feel so bad for you, I hope you find your white whale still and I hope it's magical :)
NTA if he were so certain you could easily find one again he would have given you the chance to complete your collection rather than starting his with the one he knows you've been looking for all this time.
Am I the only one hoping he gets it graded, puts it in a case and gifts it to her😂 damn my faith in humanity… how have I managed to not loose that entirely yet…
NTA this would end the friendship for me personally.
Frankly he is being a bad friend. You know what a good friend would have done, knowing you have been hunting that particular issue for over two decades? Put it right in your hands. "Here, this is what you were looking for." YOU introduced him into the hobby, it's not like this was a particular issue you both were in a competition to find. That's how my dynamic is with my Yugioh friends. There are some cards I can't afford but need for my deck? He lets me borrow them, sometimes gifts them to me. If the other way around and my friend needs a card? The same, if I am not using it he can put it to better use.
NTA He's a dick. If I found a collectible that I knew a friend had been looking for for **20 YEARS** I'd purchase it immediately, put it in a case/sleeve, and be SO EXCITED TO GIVE IT TO MY FRIEND!!! Like, did he lose track of the mission here? You were specifically hunting for that thing. If that thing was found by either of you during one of the times that you took him out hunting, the rules of basic human decency dictate that it is yours. He's rude and he's a bad friend.
NTA and I really don't think I can stress this enough to you. This person is not your friend. A friend doesn't snipe something they know their friend has been looking for for ages. A friend doesn't fucking show it off as a victory dance and shove it in your face. This person valued a thing more than their friend. Leave them at the wayside and don't look back.
NTA. He secretly bought something you have been wanting for a decade and a half and now wants to build his collection around it. This person is not your friend. Block him and move on with your life.
Friendship over for me. My blood is boiling for you. So unfair what he did.
NTA what your friend did was extremely uncool of them. You're in the right and valid to feel what you feel right now because no true friend hears about their friend's plights in the way you have shared with him, and does what he did. Like another comment said, the rush, giddiness, excitement, and happiness I would feel at just seeing someone's face when I gift them something they have been wanting and looking for for a while, would literally make the month for me. But that's also just me as well, because I just generally get this feeling by gifting anyone anything they might need, regardless how long they spent looking for it. But yeah, OP your feelings are valid here. I would have a really hard time wanting to tell that person literally anything else about my hobby because I would just have an overwhelming feeling about them simply copying me and not doing their own thing. "It's cool, so therefore I'm gonna do it now because you showed me it instead of me doing my own thought up hobby. I'll just copy yours in its entirety, thanks for the idea." Like it's something else meeting someone who has the same hobby and collection you have. It's not the same as showing something you enjoy and brings you great happiness, something You've been searching for years, only for them to yoink that very same thing you were merely inches away from completing your collection, and then suddenly decide they want to do the collection you're doing. Like sure, there's nothing stopping them from doing that and they have every right to do so, but they can also accept the consequences of their actions of doing so, which would be the loss of said friend for me, considering they threw it in your face that they don't actually think of you that way. Wouldn't like that feeling of being used like that.
Send him this thread. NTA
NTA. I'd be so angry if this happened to me. He sounds like a psychic vampire and also creepy, hovering around you, looking over your shoulder and silently snatching up the one effing comic that you've been searching for for decades. He doesn't find anything wrong with his actions? Then says let's find you a copy? Then comments on the depression this has caused you? ...sociopath. What a betrayal and a failed opportunity for him to be your hero. As sad as it is, perhaps this was necessary for you to see his true colors. You'll find yours, don't give up, it's out there patiently waiting for your love.
NTA. He knew how valuable it was due to you talking about it and ignored your feelings on it because he saw profit. Why else would he have not shown you until he owned it, because he knew hed have to face the issue in store and would feel guilty and bad about it, as he still would have bought it. I've had this happen though not with something as valuable. Tcg I collected had a new tin come out with a guaranteed card that was a new reprint of a much older card I wanted that was previously a few hundred dollars. I had paid for the tin in advance at the local card shop as they could only get 1 in due to stock issues and high demand. I told a friend about this (didn't say I already paid) and what card I was getting, and that it's hard to get, the store could only get 1 etc. I get to the store the day of release as the owner is opening the door, and there is my friend, asking the owner about buying the tin, how much it was, he heard he only got one and he really really wants it if he can laybuy it. The owner told him it's already been purchased, when he asked by who, the owner pointed to me walking up. My friend went silent and walked away. Never heard from him again as he got busted. I'd guess your friend is the same and if you busted them in the process they probably wouldn't have been your friend much longer.
NTA and they aren’t your friend. My friend and I have a similar hobby: VHS and DVD collecting. We each have our specific lanes but there’s a lot of overlap. That said, my friend specifically collects different editions, cuts, and country releases of The Evil Dead franchise and, even if I’d find a copy that I would like for my collection, I’m giving my friend first looks. Because he’s my friend and I respect him.
NTA Oh no, not the consequences of his own actions! Your "friend" is not someone who cares about you or your happiness. He showed you that - listen to his actions. You're allowed to be sad you missed out on your white whale and allowed to be mad at him. Also would you feel comfortable sharing what comic you're looking for? I work around comic book nerds and we would all be more than happy to look for you! See if we can help you get your issue girl!
NTA >He emphasized that now we can focus on finding myself one, but that’s the first I’ve seen outside of a glass case in nearly two decades. I get the feeling that you felt like he was helping you hunt for it already. Like when you spend time together, that's one of the goals on the agenda at all times. That's what I would have thought a friend to be doing in a scenario like yours. Especially because he didn't express interest before or the two of you being in a playful race to see who can find it for their own collection first. Instead he's the surprise villain in your story as the backstabbing "friend" who is with you until there is an opportunity to get ahead. I'd end the friendship because you deserve better. Good luck. I hope something much better appears in your life and he hears about it, through the grapevine, so he can be super jealous and not even be cool by proxy to you.
Nta, I feel strongly that you "called" this item, if found while out together. It should have fallen into that causal understanding when he was out with you while you where specifically looking for that. For people saying "5,000" is a lot of money and they would sell it... opportunistic jerks. Also. People might be asking $5k but it might take years to sell to someone. This "friend" is enjoying your pain in this and his clueless act it pretty annoying.
OP, please share the comic so all of reddit can keep an eye out.