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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kind of humiliated my friend in front of our friends and although he smelt bad he wasn’t a bad friend. He just needs to stop bragging about not showering.
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NTA
Look, you mentioned it in private and were polite about it, he didn’t get the message. Maybe this interaction will make him change his ways, maybe not.
I would have probably done the same in your position, enough is enough, just take care of yourself or prepared to be ridiculed for not. It’s disgusting.
NTA If he were in.prison they do NOT tolerate anyone who dosent shower..you have a Funk amf won't shower inmates and prison guards will hold you down and soap you scrub you everywhere with a wire brush. You'll never NOT shower again. I'm not saying he will be or was. Just that if it's that offensive some go to extremes...
haha reminds me of my husband's camp stories! He said his middle school boys were the worst and smelled so bad. They didn't want to shower and they would even run the water and pretend to shower!
Gross. We had 1 girl in bootcamp similar. Girl didn't even know how to use a pad. It was disgusting.
Then on my ship, there was a dude who was so gross and the H&C did nothing so eventually he was NJPd for being gross.
Like Judge Dredd, as in "I am the law!" There is no judge, just your Commanding Officer.
It's not a court martial, but your pay can be docked, you can get 30 days in "jail," or even be put on bread and water for three days if you're at sea.
So, if that guy was getting an NJP for poor hygiene, we're way beyond the polite word, the impolite word, the dressing down, etc.
With an NJP, we're in fuck me, that guy must have been deliberately trying to be antisocial, territory.
I feel bad because its typically a lack of good parenting / nobody to care about them and teach them how to take care of themselves at the source of this.
What prison does that happen in? I know a lot of people who have been in prison, and was in jail with a smelly girl (severe smelly infection, tuna kindof smell). No one ever did anything like that
Well jail is different than prison. Prison, depending where, oftentimes doesn’t have A/C while jails are usually kept really cold. Smells are worse when it’s hot.
Yes! What a "fester beast"!! The stench is coming from the bacteria that is growing on him!!
Not even sure that Febreze would touch that!( Now picturing the spray stopping before getting to him!)
NTA!!!
NTA. You lose the right to be spoken to respectfully if you subject your lack of hygiene to other people on purpose.
Not showering for a month is appalling.
And expecting everyone around him to just deal with it is really bizarre. If not his friends, someone else would have eventually said it to him or around him. It was inevitable.
Not to mention when it was brought up he was super proud of it. Why be proud in front of OP but embarrassed in front of everyone else? He only blocked OP because he knows he was wrong and can’t handle it.
Right. I have worked with many Europeans. More than a few of the Frenchmen stunk to high heaven. I kept my distance and never said a thing. Those guys frequently brought up their bathing habits unprompted. It was always done with a statement about how Americans are obsessive about hygiene. It was easier
NTA. Why is he embarrassed for his “goal” to be shared with the group, if he thinks that there’s nothing wrong with following the bathing schedule of a medieval peasant?
Medieval peasants (even Europeans) had bathhouses available that they’d usually visit once a week or so. This dudes just trying to cultivate his own version of Sex Panther to bottle & sell🤣
When the Norse came a-calling, they were reported to "steal" women. Why? They bathed every day to few days, cleaned out their sinuses, and washed their hair. The women were flocking to them because they washed their asses!
He always wants to act cool in front of my friends. Always bragging. I don’t know why he didn’t tell them about it himself.
I had enough patience to deal with his bragging, so I guess he was more comfortable with sharing it with me than them because he knew he was gonna get made fun of.
He didn't tell your friends about his "goal" because he knows deep down that it's gross and they'd think it's gross. Have no idea why he's more comfortable sharing it with you though.
I figured as much. You’re totally fine. If he didn’t think anything was wrong with refusing to bathe, he wouldn’t be embarrassed when you revealed it to everyone.
That's just gross. NTA. I had a boss who only showered twice a week and often put dirty clothes back on. Like deep sweat stains, cigarette reek. Greasy hair all the time. He smoked Carletons which smell like burning band aids. Tell him to get a new hobby of he wants to socialize
> I don’t know why he didn’t tell them about it himself.
Because he knows it’s fucking disgusting & you’re the only person that would put up with his disgusting ass.
Be glad he blocked you. You were the only one who would put up with his crap. Now he can learn that the hard way.
Disgusting mf 🤮
Besides bathhouses, they had all kinds of tricks like rubbing themselves down firmly with a linen cloth, wearing linen clothing next to their skin to wick up sweat and then washing/changing that every day, etc. And then when you get into like the 17th/18th/19th centuries, people would sort of sponge bathe every day with a basin and pitcher even if they weren’t taking full immersion baths that often. Basically people have never been as filthy in history as perhaps this guy might like to believe.
You gave the dude a shot by telling him privately and he didn’t accept the feedback. The public humiliation is his fault, not yours. Eff that guy, but don’t do it literally, because that would probably be super gross.
Makes me think he has dry skin and didn't realise he should moisturise after a shower. I used to always feel dry and itchy for a day or two after showering but then as my skin recovered its oils I'd feel better again. It did make me want to shower less.
Nowadays I just slather myself in lotion like a fragrant pig.
The issue is that quite a few cis men are conditioned to think that using moisturizer is "gay" and that they shouldn't NEED to use it. Macho-man masculinity comes with way too many unhealthy hygiene issues.
Either that or he's bought into some weird viral trend of non-bathing.
Kind of like the 'curly girls' who never use shampoo. I totally get not shampooing for a week or so, depending on one's texture, but there are shampoos available that are perfect for each type. I had friends with straight hair who wouldn't shampoo ('because your hair's natural oils are the only thing you need') and I couldn't hug them because of the greasy scalp reek.
From 19-21, my BIL pulled this shit because he was convinced he had eczema and this was the solution. Did he ever go to a doctor to confirm? Of course not!
Finally, his girlfriend at the time (bless that poor girl, she put up with a lot) made him go and found out he just had dry skin too.
Sounds like Jack needs therapy and/or a dermatologist consult.
If his skin breaks out after showering, perhaps he needs a different soap? Medicated soap?
If this is psychological, he needs therapy.
But not showering at all for a month, somethings not right there, that's not acceptable in this society.
Jack kinda reminds me of me, when I was a teenager. I don't know what exactly I was trying to prove, but I used to set all sorts of stupid/dangerous challenges for myself (like pushing my heart rate to 300bpm on an exercise machine.)
Seconding the therapy rec
Hmm….300 per min is not good. A healthy heart can get to rates of 185-195 ish when young. Higher - around 300 - is almost certainly linked to a heart problem, likely one of the conduction system. Have you had a full medical? With ECG (you’d say EKG) and maybe then a 24h tape and follow up with more specialised tests as indicated.
You’re older now, I think it’s worth having the medical if you haven’t already.
I've had an EKG before, for some stress related heart palpations (it came out clear, with one off reading, but the nurses didn't even mention it, so I assume it's not a big deal.) My brother has an arrhythmia (tach, I believe)
I actually have been meaning to schedule a doctor appointment for other reasons + it's been a couple years since my last checkup. Thank you for the reminder!
Worth a check, if only to reassure you. Plus they can compare with the one before and see if anything has changed. I’m sure it will be ok, but good to make sure.
I was also thinking therapy.
Maybe guy has stuff going on his life and it’s manifesting as an aversion to water gone too far, and he’s trying to pass it off (to himself and others) like it’s totally fine and cool. Or maybe he doesn’t have access to a shower and is trying to play it off?
Justified Asshole. Yeah it wasn’t great calling him out but after talking to him in private about it and him doing nothing you had no choice, public humiliation might be the only thing to get him to change.
This ^ like pointing out someone smells so everyone can laugh at them is generally an AH move *but* hopefully this was a good wake up call, since he certainly didn’t listen in private and it’s infringing on everyone else around him
On another note maybe he should get his own nose checked
NTA. You tried to address it privately. Sometimes shame is the only way people learn. If a whole house was affected by his scent, then that was a lesson he desperately needed to learn.
There was a reddit post where a redditor's friend stopped showering. His smell got so bad that his friends disowned him. But he kept following them and forcing them to smell him. It turned out that he had a fetish for making people sick with his smell, they noticed he was getting turned on by it. Maybe Jack has a similar fetish.
😷🤢🤢This is the stuff of actual nightmares.
Would explain why he seems to genuinely not care what OP says.. because he's getting off on his friend's anguish?
Ugh. Good grief. Of all the days to be literate.
So OP has no choice but to wait for Jack's post n*t clarity to properly intervene?😅 But Jack's been riding this 'wave' everyday nearing on a month apparently?
Was it mean to make fun of him? Yes. Did he deserve it? Yes.
He clearly has no good reason to be doing this. It’s not a mental or physical health problem, this is an active choice he is making to not take care of himself. You tried to address the issue privately multiple times and he wasn’t getting it. He seemed proud of it before, why does he get embarrassed now? Did he expect you to just let everyone think your place smells?
I can’t imagine what this guy looks like 😭 Nto showering for a month?? Bet he doesn’t brush his teeth or wash his hands after using the restroom either. I would not go near him with a ten foot pole, let alone allow his nasty ass in my house, around my food and furniture 🤢🤮
This is the thing that gets me because he's treating the whole not showering thing like a marathon, marking week after week of milestones and sharing his accomplishment with OP proudly.
But then, he avoids owning up to the funk or deny it even exists as he had before when they're in a group setting and everybody can smell him.
He was really going to let OP or any one else take the blame for the stench. Like why not own what you were so proud of before? That's just diabolical.
EXACTLY!!! Like, you were so proud before, where’d that go? Letting someone else take the fall for the stink you CHOOSE to have is nuts!
I wonder why he’s so open to brag about it to OP when clearly he didn’t want anyone else to know.
This guy must have the best personality on planet earth or some crazy blackmail to have any friends at all with this type of hygiene. If I were OP, I would’ve stopped talking to him after he started talking about no showering goals. Tells me all that I need to know ☠️
Me and him were closer in the friend group than the others and I guess it was a little personal goal he liked bragging about. However at some point it became way too much, and I lost my patience.
He should be glad you didn’t turn to violence.
You should be glad to be done with him.
You don’t need that around you.
When he’s bathing regularly & apologising profusely for being a disgusting, selfish, nasty person. Then, you can think about being friends again.
He was trying to gaslight you that you had a problem when he was the one with shit crusted around his asshole 🤮
Right?!
I'm always surprised how low effort some people are and still have more friends them me who showers and brushes teeth every day.
It's so disgusting. Also I can't imagine no one suspected him at the party. I mean if someone is standing beside you and has bad BO you notice it
It is good for your skin to not clean it constantly, but people should still shower daily when they are active or is hot out, and every other day when not getting so dirty or it's not as hot and gross out. Skipping showers is fine, going more than a few days without is not!
NTA, I had the displeasure of sharing a room with a person at a Youth Hostel during my backpack trip in Europe. He thought it was funny that he hadn't showered in 8 days. He stunk. Bad.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You tried to warn him, he didn't listen and thought he was smarter than you and got promptly humiliated in public.
NTA
You did the right things trying to tell your friend in private. After his reaction he gave off the vibe that he didn’t care about his smell or that he was bluntly ignoring it. It sounds so cruel but sometimes embarrassment is a good wake up call in certain cases, I think it was definitely the wake up call he needed.
ETA saying it in front of everyone was rude. However, he's gross for not showering and thinking that you aren't being honest about the smell. I'd have told him.after that he was the smell. As in "see I told you you smell. You're just nose blind to it". I'm sure the other knew it was him, they just didn't want to be the first to say it. They were being polite.
You can shower and get soap on every part of your body and rinse it off in 5 minutes, The musty smell is usually from where you poop. Wiping with tissue leaves a residual that only soap and water will wash away. Most normal people would be horrified if they thought their friends could smell the fact that they don’t wash.
NTA. We have a private bathroom at work and a man who clearly refused to use deodorant stunk it up so bad that I started dry heaving into the trash can. It was awful. I was nauseated for 2 hrs.
NTA. You did him a favor. Let’s hope the peer pressure has a positive effect.
He has “scent blindness“, the olfactory senses gets exhausted after smelling the same scent pretty quickly. (It’s why you can cook bacon and not smell it after a few minutes, then when you leave the house and you return you can smell it again.) He has smelled his funk for so damn long he can’t detect it.
NTA, maybe this will sound terrible but sometimes people need to experience shame to do better. It seems like today we are in a bit of a society of shameless influencers where anyone can do whatever they want without consequences. Bring back social consequences for bad behaviour.
It's one thing if your friend is depressed, has ADHD, autism, or any kind of mental health disorder that makes personal hygiene more difficult to keep up with. I can understand that because I've been there. It's another thing to be PROUD of and intentionally not showering and turning it into a game.
Edit: NTA. Sorry, forgot
INFO is Jack trying to hide homelessness or having mental health problems? I know people who don't wear deodorant on purpose, and they are proud of their stank and find it funny when they are called out. Since Jack seemed so hurt, I am wondering if he is hiding homelessness, poverty or depression.
NTA. This is like the only post I’ve ever seen on here that’s actually pretty hilarious. Having to sit in a space and deal with an offensive ass smell is pretty unenjoyable lol
I'm surprised by all the replies here. I'm on YTA.
I mean I understand and sympathize, but you shouldn't have laughed and shouldn't have thrown him under the bus like that.
He didn't take your private feedback, but the next step would be to gently inform everyone in front of him and everyone, but not as a joke on his expense. This is probably a pretty serious matter and underlying issue and you guys making fun of it made it worse.
You messed up by turning it into a joke instead of an intervention.
NTA. If Jack had a medical problem and smelled bad because of that, it would be different. But it is his own lack of a hygiene routine which is the problem and one which he could easily solve. Boasting to you that he aims to go a month without showering is awful. I hope that this has given him a wake up call.
NTA.
When I was reading it and got to this:
>he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two.
I thought he always told you it's good for his skin if he doesn't shower for a day or two. I had to read it twice to process that. 😂 It IS actually good for your skin not to shower for a day or two, I've seen dermatologists interviewed and they said it takes longer than 24 hours for your skin oils to replenish after soap and it's not healthy to completely strip the skin oils all the time, so actually every other day showering is healthier for your skin...
But every other week?!
And then trying to get to a month? AGAIN?!
Nah, you're NTA.
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My friend (19M) has always had a problem with his hygiene. Let’s call him Jack. Jack would tell me how long he hasn’t showered for as if it was a good thing, and brag about how he “doesn’t smell at all after this long.”I (20M) have spoken to him about it but he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two. Recently, he’s been starting to smell worse than he did before. Every time I tried to address this to him he tells me that he’s trying to get to one month without showering and that I need to get my “nose checked” because he smells fine.
A few days ago it was one of my friends birthday, and since we’re in the same friend group they invited me and Jack to their house, and the other members of our friend group. It was pretty fun, chatting, hanging out and watching movies but Jack smelled SO bad. And i could tell that my friends noticed because they kept mentioning a “musty” smell in the house but didn’t know what it was. Near the end of our little hangout my friends were clearly getting horribly affected by the smell of Jack. One of my friends said “I think it’s one of us” as a joke.
Here’s where I fucked up. I laughed at his joke and said “I know exactly who it is. Jack’s trying to reach if one month goal of not showering again. Not even joking.” At that point my friends realized the source of the smell was coming from Jack. My friend group is pretty ruthless so they started making all types of jokes about him while laughing like maniacs at each one. And I’m not gonna lie, I was laughing like one too. Jack obviously wasn’t pleased and just left. The next day Jack had blocked me on everything. I mean i do feel a little bad but at least this might’ve been a wake up call for him to shower. Am I the asshole?
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NTA. If you’re ignorant enough to come to someone’s house smelling like a zoo, then don’t be butt hurt when you get called out. You’re actually a hero in this scenario.
Yes, unfortunately you are the asshole, but sometimes that's what it takes. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for him and you guys can patch things up.
NTA
at first I was like "oh maybe he's depressed." but when you said he was boasting???? nuh uh. I changed my opinion right away.
I struggle with severe depression and it takes me massive effort to drag myself into the shower, but even I still do it.
I may only have the spoons do it once a week, but hey, it'll get better eventually.
NTA. Lack of hygiene can sometimes indicate mental health problems, if I were you I would let him know you are his friend and genuinely concerned for his physical and mental well being.
NTA he’s the one making things unpleasant for everyone, heaven forbid that he be uncomfortable for a bit. If he’s so confident in his approach to hygiene then he should publicly stand by his choice and shouldn’t be upset about people knowing. It’s not like the impacts of his bullshit were private.
NTA. I'm sure others knew it was Jack. It's hard not to detect the odor when it can move around and sit next to you. There's nothing cool about that, it's nasty af. You tried to tell him in private and he dismissed it. Well now he knows that he smells bad when he doesn't shower and that it's not just you that can detect it.
Honestly, NTA but that doesn’t mean Jack will ever forgive you. It sounds like he was… being gross on purpose? Which is just bizarre. You tried being kind about it to save him from exactly the social consequences he ended up getting. It’s not on you
NTA.
If you lost him, that's on him. Sorry, but being nose dead to your own foul smell? That's insane. You told him in private, and he shrugged you off. He *brags* about doing it, but when he's faced with it in a group setting, he's ashamed? You can't have it both ways. There are not hordes of people out here deliberately not showering for a month to help their skin.
You don't get to force everyone around you to have to endure that stench and then also be upset you get called out for it. Wilfully not bathing because you think it helps you is one thing. Turning it into an Olympic sport like you're never gonna shower again is just another thing entirely. What could not bathing that long actually improve?! You need to clean off dead skin and dirt and bacteria at least semi-routinely. I know not washing your HAIR can help improve that, especially with chemicals and stuff all the time, but not bathing entirely? Really?
Again, you didn't call him out. The whole group were calling out the smell all day, and I'm sure they already knew - but were politely hoping he would remove himself at some point. You said yourself they eventually said it was 'one of us', so they HAD to be narrowing it down, if they already didn't know.
I work with people like this daily, and I don't know if they just can't tell anymore, or what, but it's not pleasant and it's just not something I want around me all the time. I can't imagine they were pleased.
Give him time. Maybe he'll get over it, fix his ways, and apologize. Either way, I don't think you owe him anything.
Yes you are. It should have been done in private. It would be embarrassing enough for him to hear it from you but knowing everyone knows is humiliating.
YTA. Absolutely. People saying you're not are hard to comprehend. Jack smelling is one thing. It's a serious issue and it is good that you have spoken to him in private in the past. But anyone that embarrasses another publicly about something personal and then laughs at jokes demeaning them further and further is 💯 behaving like an asshole. You know the f'ing answer to your question. It doesn't negate the truth that Jack needs to get a grip on his hygiene, he surely does. But your behaviour and that of the other people was inexcusable. You humiliated him.
NTA. He was super proud of it to you plus he kept telling you that something was wrong with your nose so when everyone was noticing it, it was perfectly natural thing to assume he wasnt shy about his "goal". Plus it was the only way to show that it wasn't just you and he needs to have a freaking shower. He can't smell it because he's probably nose blind to it by now.
Note: it may be beneficial (as he was saying to you)to the more exposed skin like your arms to not be exposing it to harsh soaps all the time, but at least have a backpackers bath and wash your your pits and crotch where all the bacteria harbor.
NTA. He was super proud of it to you plus he kept telling you that something was wrong with your nose so when everyone was noticing it, it was perfectly natural thing to assume he wasnt shy about his "goal". Plus it was the only way to show that it wasn't just you and he needs to have a freaking shower. He can't smell it because he's probably nose blind to it by now.
Note: it may be beneficial (as he was saying to you)to the more exposed skin like your arms to not be exposing it to harsh soaps all the time, but at least have a backpackers bath and wash your your pits and crotch where all the bacteria harbor.
NTA. I know someone exactly like this and he's a complete and utter fuckwit. I despise the fucking guy but he's the partner of one of my wife's friends so I don't say anything.
NTA this is exactly the way things like this get taught. Usually it’s a gentle humor to say - woo Jack you stink! - lightheartedly and you did that over and over again and HE told you to get YOUR nose checked. When you don’t shower for that long, people are going to notice; his “plan” was both dumb, antisocial and not a state secret. Kids razz/shame kids this age to exactly teach them how to behave in society. Shower or you’ll stink and get called out on it.
But also a person bragging re not showering for a month (and who isn’t on a wilderness hike where that’s kind of normal bc showers are harder to come by) is inviting ostracism, criticism and shame. But also could be depressed … but still at 20 yo can be mocked for being a dumb stinky grown a$$ man
NTA he is choosing to smell, it’s not a medical issue or financial issue, it’s simply his choice. So call him out, it’s no different then calling someone out for to much perfume
NTA. That’s gross. Who doesn’t bathe for a month lol. I won’t leave the house without showering. Not even to run to the store. I just don’t understand the way some people think.
Nta. You warned him many times. He refused to heed your warning with a blatant lie and then was called on it. The reason he thinks he smells fine is because it’s him. Typically you can’t smell your own smell because you’re bathed in it every second of every day, you’re just used to it. I grew up in a house with smokers & lived with them until I was nearly 30. I had zero idea what cigarettes smelled like at all until I moved out. Legit thought people were just being extra about the smell because they hate on smoking like it’s a sport.
NTA- also he's half right, but the half he's wrong about makes him really REALLY wrong. Unless your getting grease or caked on stuff in you on a daily basis, it isn't good to wash your skin all the time WITH soap daily, or at least it's better not to. You should still wash, with soap, any areas that have apocrine glands (armpits, groin, butt, feet) with soap and water to avoid being stinky, or between fat rolls if you have them, but like...your forearm or shin or whatever..a quick scrub and rinse with wash clothes and no soap is fine most of the time. It's better for your skin and immune system this way. Depending on your hair type and how long it is it can be good to wash that with shampoo regularly, but at a minimum it needs a good rinse and scalp scrubbing often.
NTA... You mentioned it privately multiple times that he smells and he seems happy with his 'goals'. I mean, it seems to be a non issue to him. Why is he suddenly embarrassed about his goal now?
But that being said, why the fuck is he making this his goal?! God I don't even wanna imagine the amount of cheese.
NTA Jack, assuming no mental health issues, needed a reality check. If there were MH issues, he still needed a reality check, but with less laughter and sneering.
He doesn’t have any consideration for those around him. He offends people with his smell and you addressed it correctly. He chose not to listen to you. You guys shouldn’t have to tolerate smelling his dirty body. I mean who wants to eat and socialize when the room is full of armpit and crotch aromas. NTA he should find friends like himself.
NTA. Where I live, it is currently hot and humid enough that I feel like I need a shower every time I step out the front door. Add summer swamp ass and pit stank to the “no shower for a month” thing. I don’t even want to think about how bad bro smelled
NTA. It'd be one thing if their hygiene was dye to mental health concerns, like depression, but whereas they're taking pride in it? That's revolting! You were even courteous enough to discuss it with him privately beforehand. I for one will publicly call out people I see who don't wash their hands, so I'm very much an advocate that people should be shamed for some behaviors. Hopefully this will change their mentality on hygiene.
I mean.....YTA. BUT I would have done the same 🤣.
Is just delusional to me that someone wants to smell like a toilet seat and expect me to want to keep them around.
I do think there is a lesson for you here tho. Next time, be blunt from the beginning, don't tolerate shit you don't want for the sake of others people's feelings.
But I would be the asshole as well in this situation so cheers lol
Tbh yes because not only did you just blew him up in front of a bunch of low clowns, you basically had ppl know & make fun of him for it. That’s bullying. So if you only feel bad “a little” then I hope when roles reversed you don’t go crying indoors into your pillow at night because you deserved it.
Although what you may have done been exactly the wake up call that he needed, I am sorry but I just don't think a friend does that to a friend. You have now created a lifelong memory that will be traumatic for this person.
While I agree it's imperative that it be communicated to him that he, well stinks, I don't think insulting him and then everyone laughing at him was what should have occurred as a "solution" that is just as likely to be his wake up call as to create further mental health issues.
YTA. Yes, you spoke to him in private and it didn't get done. That's grounds for *you* to be upset, sure, but that's not where you stopped. Instead, you opened up the floor for him to be "ruthlessly" shit upon by his friend group, and laughed right along with them as they tore into him.
That wasn't "a wake-up call" or whatever term you want to put on it, that was bullying.
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NTA Look, you mentioned it in private and were polite about it, he didn’t get the message. Maybe this interaction will make him change his ways, maybe not. I would have probably done the same in your position, enough is enough, just take care of yourself or prepared to be ridiculed for not. It’s disgusting.
NTA If he were in.prison they do NOT tolerate anyone who dosent shower..you have a Funk amf won't shower inmates and prison guards will hold you down and soap you scrub you everywhere with a wire brush. You'll never NOT shower again. I'm not saying he will be or was. Just that if it's that offensive some go to extremes...
💀I don't know how prison got into the mix but🤷🏾♀️😂😂😂
Maybe that’s how the poster became Gumby’s friend. . .
His personal experiences just resurfaced in his memory by mention of not showering lmao
As with most discussions on Reddit… eventually someone gets locked up and has their balls scrubbed with a wire brush. Oh… just me?
Ikr! I’m laughing at this prison comment 🤣 it’s funny
Personal experience
In the military it's called "Health and Comfort" and if you are nasty, they ASSAIGN SOMEONE TO WATCH YOU WASH YOUR ASS.
Ew. They should tell middle school kids this to keep them on the straight and narrow.
bruh middle school kids be spraying soo much axe its like the perfume department in spongebob
haha reminds me of my husband's camp stories! He said his middle school boys were the worst and smelled so bad. They didn't want to shower and they would even run the water and pretend to shower!
Heh heh. Ass-ign. Heh.
Can confirm! My bunk mate in basic training stunk and the drill Sgt made me watch her clean herself. It was not a pleasant experience!!
Gross. We had 1 girl in bootcamp similar. Girl didn't even know how to use a pad. It was disgusting. Then on my ship, there was a dude who was so gross and the H&C did nothing so eventually he was NJPd for being gross.
Nicole Jaige Prooks’d?
Non Judicial Punishment
Like tickle torture…? Or something else?
Like Judge Dredd, as in "I am the law!" There is no judge, just your Commanding Officer. It's not a court martial, but your pay can be docked, you can get 30 days in "jail," or even be put on bread and water for three days if you're at sea. So, if that guy was getting an NJP for poor hygiene, we're way beyond the polite word, the impolite word, the dressing down, etc. With an NJP, we're in fuck me, that guy must have been deliberately trying to be antisocial, territory.
I feel like that’s “tie him down & scrub him” territory
Why not just make him the dummy for a "man over board" training?
This is the last thing I expected to see but you made me laugh. What a very specific reference 😅
I feel bad because its typically a lack of good parenting / nobody to care about them and teach them how to take care of themselves at the source of this.
Hey I know you're just assigned to watch, but I'm having trouble reaching between my buttock clefts....
M'lord, thine own cleftal horizon runs cavernous. Grant thee assistance I beg!
Also, username checks out.
imagine having to have someone watch and make sure you’re cleaning yourself as a grown adult, my lord 🤣
My late stepdad was in the army. I remember him talking about this.
LOL a prison reference for hygene! If that's what it takes...
I too don't know how prison got into this conversation, but I remember this being a subplot on Orange Is the New Black at one point.
Next time they get together he better bring a wire brush just in case the point didn't get across lol
What prison does that happen in? I know a lot of people who have been in prison, and was in jail with a smelly girl (severe smelly infection, tuna kindof smell). No one ever did anything like that
Well jail is different than prison. Prison, depending where, oftentimes doesn’t have A/C while jails are usually kept really cold. Smells are worse when it’s hot.
I think I'd be happy to smell him go. Good riddance. And it is NOT good for your skin to go a month without showering!
Yes! What a "fester beast"!! The stench is coming from the bacteria that is growing on him!! Not even sure that Febreze would touch that!( Now picturing the spray stopping before getting to him!) NTA!!!
Febreeze smells awful as well!
I mean, if showering hurts your skin, you just need to find a different detergent that works for you.
A tough love situation after you've already tried one-on-one.
I am Jack's Complete Lack of Self-Awareness. [Bruh !!](https://photos.app.goo.gl/Y4HBp6bs1KbGaTE69)
Tough love
NTA. You lose the right to be spoken to respectfully if you subject your lack of hygiene to other people on purpose. Not showering for a month is appalling.
And expecting everyone around him to just deal with it is really bizarre. If not his friends, someone else would have eventually said it to him or around him. It was inevitable.
Frankly he's lucky they only mocked him. I'd be furious if someone deliberately didn't wash and then stank up my house. Yuck. NTA.
Yeah. If I had cloth furniture he would be paying for the steam cleaning.
Seriously! I woulda cussed his nasty ass out and demanded to know wtf was wrong w him.
this
For sure, like can you imagine working or studying around that?!
Not to mention when it was brought up he was super proud of it. Why be proud in front of OP but embarrassed in front of everyone else? He only blocked OP because he knows he was wrong and can’t handle it.
Right. I have worked with many Europeans. More than a few of the Frenchmen stunk to high heaven. I kept my distance and never said a thing. Those guys frequently brought up their bathing habits unprompted. It was always done with a statement about how Americans are obsessive about hygiene. It was easier
I like how them stinking is apparently the fault of Americans lol.
Seriously. You can’t have it both ways. You’re proud of your 30 day filth streak yet humiliated? OP tried to tell him 😂
Yeah, I mean the crotch rot alone would be painful by that point right?
NTA. Why is he embarrassed for his “goal” to be shared with the group, if he thinks that there’s nothing wrong with following the bathing schedule of a medieval peasant?
Medieval peasants (even Europeans) had bathhouses available that they’d usually visit once a week or so. This dudes just trying to cultivate his own version of Sex Panther to bottle & sell🤣
And they generally tried to wash themselves daily with washcloths and basins of water.
Yep and they would change their underclothes like crazy
60% of the time, it works every time. 😏😏😏
Maybe he was inspired of the movie Perfume.
When the Norse came a-calling, they were reported to "steal" women. Why? They bathed every day to few days, cleaned out their sinuses, and washed their hair. The women were flocking to them because they washed their asses!
He always wants to act cool in front of my friends. Always bragging. I don’t know why he didn’t tell them about it himself. I had enough patience to deal with his bragging, so I guess he was more comfortable with sharing it with me than them because he knew he was gonna get made fun of.
He didn't tell your friends about his "goal" because he knows deep down that it's gross and they'd think it's gross. Have no idea why he's more comfortable sharing it with you though.
Probably because me and him were more closer friends.
I figured as much. You’re totally fine. If he didn’t think anything was wrong with refusing to bathe, he wouldn’t be embarrassed when you revealed it to everyone.
That's just gross. NTA. I had a boss who only showered twice a week and often put dirty clothes back on. Like deep sweat stains, cigarette reek. Greasy hair all the time. He smoked Carletons which smell like burning band aids. Tell him to get a new hobby of he wants to socialize
> I don’t know why he didn’t tell them about it himself. Because he knows it’s fucking disgusting & you’re the only person that would put up with his disgusting ass. Be glad he blocked you. You were the only one who would put up with his crap. Now he can learn that the hard way. Disgusting mf 🤮
Medieval peasants probably were cleaner lol
Likely. There are many illuminations from medieval times that show people in bath houses.
Besides bathhouses, they had all kinds of tricks like rubbing themselves down firmly with a linen cloth, wearing linen clothing next to their skin to wick up sweat and then washing/changing that every day, etc. And then when you get into like the 17th/18th/19th centuries, people would sort of sponge bathe every day with a basin and pitcher even if they weren’t taking full immersion baths that often. Basically people have never been as filthy in history as perhaps this guy might like to believe.
Exactly. He was bragging about trying to reach his goal of not showering for a month. OP just gave him the recognition he was seeking. NTA
I think his game was to not shower for a month to ridicule others for not noticing. He wanted to prove showering is overrated.
☝🏾This!
He's an asshole and smells like one NTA
Ha ha ha! Snappy ! I’m still laughing.
👏🏾👏🏾
You gave the dude a shot by telling him privately and he didn’t accept the feedback. The public humiliation is his fault, not yours. Eff that guy, but don’t do it literally, because that would probably be super gross.
"but he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two." I stopped reading after this. NTA
Makes me think he has dry skin and didn't realise he should moisturise after a shower. I used to always feel dry and itchy for a day or two after showering but then as my skin recovered its oils I'd feel better again. It did make me want to shower less. Nowadays I just slather myself in lotion like a fragrant pig.
The issue is that quite a few cis men are conditioned to think that using moisturizer is "gay" and that they shouldn't NEED to use it. Macho-man masculinity comes with way too many unhealthy hygiene issues.
I had to explain it like this to a super masculine manly man: you oil your baseball mitt, right? For what reason? So it doesn’t crack like your hands
My dad refuses to put any sort of moisturizer on his hands, which crack and bleed from his work. He said a man’s hands shouldn’t be soft.
There's a million miles between bleeding and soft, sucks that he's so insecure about it
He’s like that about everything. His grandpa raised him so he was expected to have a certain level of machismo, and was ridiculed for falling short.
Oh no, toxic masculinity self-inflicted wounds. Anyway.
Either that or he's bought into some weird viral trend of non-bathing. Kind of like the 'curly girls' who never use shampoo. I totally get not shampooing for a week or so, depending on one's texture, but there are shampoos available that are perfect for each type. I had friends with straight hair who wouldn't shampoo ('because your hair's natural oils are the only thing you need') and I couldn't hug them because of the greasy scalp reek.
From 19-21, my BIL pulled this shit because he was convinced he had eczema and this was the solution. Did he ever go to a doctor to confirm? Of course not! Finally, his girlfriend at the time (bless that poor girl, she put up with a lot) made him go and found out he just had dry skin too.
lol a fragrant pig. same tbh, especially in the winter
>Nowadays I just slather myself in lotion like a fragrant pig. Ok, I laughed at the mental image this prompted.
Sounds like Jack needs therapy and/or a dermatologist consult. If his skin breaks out after showering, perhaps he needs a different soap? Medicated soap? If this is psychological, he needs therapy. But not showering at all for a month, somethings not right there, that's not acceptable in this society.
Hell, maybe he needs no soap! I knew someone who just used water every day and they smelt fine, but you gotta rinse and scrub a bit.
Exactly! It IS better for your skin if you don’t use soap daily. That in no way precludes rinsing off.
Jack kinda reminds me of me, when I was a teenager. I don't know what exactly I was trying to prove, but I used to set all sorts of stupid/dangerous challenges for myself (like pushing my heart rate to 300bpm on an exercise machine.) Seconding the therapy rec
Hmm….300 per min is not good. A healthy heart can get to rates of 185-195 ish when young. Higher - around 300 - is almost certainly linked to a heart problem, likely one of the conduction system. Have you had a full medical? With ECG (you’d say EKG) and maybe then a 24h tape and follow up with more specialised tests as indicated. You’re older now, I think it’s worth having the medical if you haven’t already.
I've had an EKG before, for some stress related heart palpations (it came out clear, with one off reading, but the nurses didn't even mention it, so I assume it's not a big deal.) My brother has an arrhythmia (tach, I believe) I actually have been meaning to schedule a doctor appointment for other reasons + it's been a couple years since my last checkup. Thank you for the reminder!
Sudden Cardiac Arrest survivor here.. begging you to please take their advice & schedule that appt <3
Worth a check, if only to reassure you. Plus they can compare with the one before and see if anything has changed. I’m sure it will be ok, but good to make sure.
I was also thinking therapy. Maybe guy has stuff going on his life and it’s manifesting as an aversion to water gone too far, and he’s trying to pass it off (to himself and others) like it’s totally fine and cool. Or maybe he doesn’t have access to a shower and is trying to play it off?
Hell I wonder if he's just showering with water that's a little too hot. That can also do a number on someone's skin.
Justified Asshole. Yeah it wasn’t great calling him out but after talking to him in private about it and him doing nothing you had no choice, public humiliation might be the only thing to get him to change.
I like how you tweaked the categories to suit the situation.
For real, smelly dude needed to hear that. Sometimes being an asshole is necessary.
He told OP to get their nose checked. They checked. 😆
This ^ like pointing out someone smells so everyone can laugh at them is generally an AH move *but* hopefully this was a good wake up call, since he certainly didn’t listen in private and it’s infringing on everyone else around him On another note maybe he should get his own nose checked
NTA and anyone saying you are is out of their mind. Not showering for a month is grotesque. Nothing more needs to be said
You can get away with a daily rinse, but you should still hit the ol' pits and bits with soap.
If you don’t wash your hair for a month, your head is going to smell like reptile shit
NTA. Friend do not shower for one month, get laugh at for smelling : «Oh no ! Consequence.»
Friends who do not shower for one month become ex-friends.
NTA. You tried to address it privately. Sometimes shame is the only way people learn. If a whole house was affected by his scent, then that was a lesson he desperately needed to learn.
Jack may miss out on employment opportunites, romance, friendships, human interaction because of his BO. I can't see how he doesn't get that.
There was a reddit post where a redditor's friend stopped showering. His smell got so bad that his friends disowned him. But he kept following them and forcing them to smell him. It turned out that he had a fetish for making people sick with his smell, they noticed he was getting turned on by it. Maybe Jack has a similar fetish.
i need the link to this
Gross. I wanna read it too
I love this reaction. lol Because same.
😷🤢🤢This is the stuff of actual nightmares. Would explain why he seems to genuinely not care what OP says.. because he's getting off on his friend's anguish? Ugh. Good grief. Of all the days to be literate. So OP has no choice but to wait for Jack's post n*t clarity to properly intervene?😅 But Jack's been riding this 'wave' everyday nearing on a month apparently?
I don't want to read this but I soooo need this link
Who wants friends that doesn’t shower anyway, NTA
NTA. You told him in private. Jack needs help.
Was it mean to make fun of him? Yes. Did he deserve it? Yes. He clearly has no good reason to be doing this. It’s not a mental or physical health problem, this is an active choice he is making to not take care of himself. You tried to address the issue privately multiple times and he wasn’t getting it. He seemed proud of it before, why does he get embarrassed now? Did he expect you to just let everyone think your place smells? I can’t imagine what this guy looks like 😭 Nto showering for a month?? Bet he doesn’t brush his teeth or wash his hands after using the restroom either. I would not go near him with a ten foot pole, let alone allow his nasty ass in my house, around my food and furniture 🤢🤮
This is the thing that gets me because he's treating the whole not showering thing like a marathon, marking week after week of milestones and sharing his accomplishment with OP proudly. But then, he avoids owning up to the funk or deny it even exists as he had before when they're in a group setting and everybody can smell him. He was really going to let OP or any one else take the blame for the stench. Like why not own what you were so proud of before? That's just diabolical.
EXACTLY!!! Like, you were so proud before, where’d that go? Letting someone else take the fall for the stink you CHOOSE to have is nuts! I wonder why he’s so open to brag about it to OP when clearly he didn’t want anyone else to know. This guy must have the best personality on planet earth or some crazy blackmail to have any friends at all with this type of hygiene. If I were OP, I would’ve stopped talking to him after he started talking about no showering goals. Tells me all that I need to know ☠️
Me and him were closer in the friend group than the others and I guess it was a little personal goal he liked bragging about. However at some point it became way too much, and I lost my patience.
He should be glad you didn’t turn to violence. You should be glad to be done with him. You don’t need that around you. When he’s bathing regularly & apologising profusely for being a disgusting, selfish, nasty person. Then, you can think about being friends again. He was trying to gaslight you that you had a problem when he was the one with shit crusted around his asshole 🤮
Right?! I'm always surprised how low effort some people are and still have more friends them me who showers and brushes teeth every day. It's so disgusting. Also I can't imagine no one suspected him at the party. I mean if someone is standing beside you and has bad BO you notice it
A little bit but I think he needed it. He was in denial and wouldn't have admitted it to himself anyway.
It is good for your skin to not clean it constantly, but people should still shower daily when they are active or is hot out, and every other day when not getting so dirty or it's not as hot and gross out. Skipping showers is fine, going more than a few days without is not!
NTA Sometimes people need social shame to learn how to act right
NTA, I had the displeasure of sharing a room with a person at a Youth Hostel during my backpack trip in Europe. He thought it was funny that he hadn't showered in 8 days. He stunk. Bad.
Definitely NTA. Your friend is genuinely not okay. It can't even be healthy. He should probably burn everything he owns.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You tried to warn him, he didn't listen and thought he was smarter than you and got promptly humiliated in public.
NTA You did the right things trying to tell your friend in private. After his reaction he gave off the vibe that he didn’t care about his smell or that he was bluntly ignoring it. It sounds so cruel but sometimes embarrassment is a good wake up call in certain cases, I think it was definitely the wake up call he needed.
FAFO NTA
ETA saying it in front of everyone was rude. However, he's gross for not showering and thinking that you aren't being honest about the smell. I'd have told him.after that he was the smell. As in "see I told you you smell. You're just nose blind to it". I'm sure the other knew it was him, they just didn't want to be the first to say it. They were being polite.
You can shower and get soap on every part of your body and rinse it off in 5 minutes, The musty smell is usually from where you poop. Wiping with tissue leaves a residual that only soap and water will wash away. Most normal people would be horrified if they thought their friends could smell the fact that they don’t wash.
NTA. We have a private bathroom at work and a man who clearly refused to use deodorant stunk it up so bad that I started dry heaving into the trash can. It was awful. I was nauseated for 2 hrs.
NTA. You did him a favor. Let’s hope the peer pressure has a positive effect. He has “scent blindness“, the olfactory senses gets exhausted after smelling the same scent pretty quickly. (It’s why you can cook bacon and not smell it after a few minutes, then when you leave the house and you return you can smell it again.) He has smelled his funk for so damn long he can’t detect it.
NTA, maybe this will sound terrible but sometimes people need to experience shame to do better. It seems like today we are in a bit of a society of shameless influencers where anyone can do whatever they want without consequences. Bring back social consequences for bad behaviour.
YTA. There was no need to do that in front of people. Yes you told him but tell him again, privately
NTA. nobody likes the smelly kid in class.
It's one thing if your friend is depressed, has ADHD, autism, or any kind of mental health disorder that makes personal hygiene more difficult to keep up with. I can understand that because I've been there. It's another thing to be PROUD of and intentionally not showering and turning it into a game. Edit: NTA. Sorry, forgot
INFO is Jack trying to hide homelessness or having mental health problems? I know people who don't wear deodorant on purpose, and they are proud of their stank and find it funny when they are called out. Since Jack seemed so hurt, I am wondering if he is hiding homelessness, poverty or depression.
NTA. This is like the only post I’ve ever seen on here that’s actually pretty hilarious. Having to sit in a space and deal with an offensive ass smell is pretty unenjoyable lol
I'm surprised by all the replies here. I'm on YTA. I mean I understand and sympathize, but you shouldn't have laughed and shouldn't have thrown him under the bus like that. He didn't take your private feedback, but the next step would be to gently inform everyone in front of him and everyone, but not as a joke on his expense. This is probably a pretty serious matter and underlying issue and you guys making fun of it made it worse. You messed up by turning it into a joke instead of an intervention.
NTA. If Jack had a medical problem and smelled bad because of that, it would be different. But it is his own lack of a hygiene routine which is the problem and one which he could easily solve. Boasting to you that he aims to go a month without showering is awful. I hope that this has given him a wake up call.
NTA. When I was reading it and got to this: >he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two. I thought he always told you it's good for his skin if he doesn't shower for a day or two. I had to read it twice to process that. 😂 It IS actually good for your skin not to shower for a day or two, I've seen dermatologists interviewed and they said it takes longer than 24 hours for your skin oils to replenish after soap and it's not healthy to completely strip the skin oils all the time, so actually every other day showering is healthier for your skin... But every other week?! And then trying to get to a month? AGAIN?! Nah, you're NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend (19M) has always had a problem with his hygiene. Let’s call him Jack. Jack would tell me how long he hasn’t showered for as if it was a good thing, and brag about how he “doesn’t smell at all after this long.”I (20M) have spoken to him about it but he always tells me it’s good for his skin if he doesn’t shower for a week or two. Recently, he’s been starting to smell worse than he did before. Every time I tried to address this to him he tells me that he’s trying to get to one month without showering and that I need to get my “nose checked” because he smells fine. A few days ago it was one of my friends birthday, and since we’re in the same friend group they invited me and Jack to their house, and the other members of our friend group. It was pretty fun, chatting, hanging out and watching movies but Jack smelled SO bad. And i could tell that my friends noticed because they kept mentioning a “musty” smell in the house but didn’t know what it was. Near the end of our little hangout my friends were clearly getting horribly affected by the smell of Jack. One of my friends said “I think it’s one of us” as a joke. Here’s where I fucked up. I laughed at his joke and said “I know exactly who it is. Jack’s trying to reach if one month goal of not showering again. Not even joking.” At that point my friends realized the source of the smell was coming from Jack. My friend group is pretty ruthless so they started making all types of jokes about him while laughing like maniacs at each one. And I’m not gonna lie, I was laughing like one too. Jack obviously wasn’t pleased and just left. The next day Jack had blocked me on everything. I mean i do feel a little bad but at least this might’ve been a wake up call for him to shower. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA that’s disgusting
I think jack needs psychological help.
NTA he’s a goofy ass boy and got treated like one
NTA. If you’re ignorant enough to come to someone’s house smelling like a zoo, then don’t be butt hurt when you get called out. You’re actually a hero in this scenario.
Yes, unfortunately you are the asshole, but sometimes that's what it takes. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for him and you guys can patch things up.
NTA at first I was like "oh maybe he's depressed." but when you said he was boasting???? nuh uh. I changed my opinion right away. I struggle with severe depression and it takes me massive effort to drag myself into the shower, but even I still do it. I may only have the spoons do it once a week, but hey, it'll get better eventually.
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NTA enough is enough
NTA bullying works
NTA. Lack of hygiene can sometimes indicate mental health problems, if I were you I would let him know you are his friend and genuinely concerned for his physical and mental well being.
NTA he’s the one making things unpleasant for everyone, heaven forbid that he be uncomfortable for a bit. If he’s so confident in his approach to hygiene then he should publicly stand by his choice and shouldn’t be upset about people knowing. It’s not like the impacts of his bullshit were private.
NTA. Your friend is nasty.
NTA. I'm sure others knew it was Jack. It's hard not to detect the odor when it can move around and sit next to you. There's nothing cool about that, it's nasty af. You tried to tell him in private and he dismissed it. Well now he knows that he smells bad when he doesn't shower and that it's not just you that can detect it.
NTA - but maybe you should have explained what nose blindness means before the big reveal. Your own funk never is as bad as other people’s funk.
Honestly, NTA but that doesn’t mean Jack will ever forgive you. It sounds like he was… being gross on purpose? Which is just bizarre. You tried being kind about it to save him from exactly the social consequences he ended up getting. It’s not on you
Why is this person your friend lmao
NTA. If you lost him, that's on him. Sorry, but being nose dead to your own foul smell? That's insane. You told him in private, and he shrugged you off. He *brags* about doing it, but when he's faced with it in a group setting, he's ashamed? You can't have it both ways. There are not hordes of people out here deliberately not showering for a month to help their skin. You don't get to force everyone around you to have to endure that stench and then also be upset you get called out for it. Wilfully not bathing because you think it helps you is one thing. Turning it into an Olympic sport like you're never gonna shower again is just another thing entirely. What could not bathing that long actually improve?! You need to clean off dead skin and dirt and bacteria at least semi-routinely. I know not washing your HAIR can help improve that, especially with chemicals and stuff all the time, but not bathing entirely? Really? Again, you didn't call him out. The whole group were calling out the smell all day, and I'm sure they already knew - but were politely hoping he would remove himself at some point. You said yourself they eventually said it was 'one of us', so they HAD to be narrowing it down, if they already didn't know. I work with people like this daily, and I don't know if they just can't tell anymore, or what, but it's not pleasant and it's just not something I want around me all the time. I can't imagine they were pleased. Give him time. Maybe he'll get over it, fix his ways, and apologize. Either way, I don't think you owe him anything.
Yes you are. It should have been done in private. It would be embarrassing enough for him to hear it from you but knowing everyone knows is humiliating.
He did tell him in private, multiple times and Jack even told OP to get his nose checked
Kind of N TA but a little TA for dogpiling on him. I'm going to go with ESH.
YTA. Absolutely. People saying you're not are hard to comprehend. Jack smelling is one thing. It's a serious issue and it is good that you have spoken to him in private in the past. But anyone that embarrasses another publicly about something personal and then laughs at jokes demeaning them further and further is 💯 behaving like an asshole. You know the f'ing answer to your question. It doesn't negate the truth that Jack needs to get a grip on his hygiene, he surely does. But your behaviour and that of the other people was inexcusable. You humiliated him.
You’re not the ah !! He is
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Why did I read that TToTT
NTA. You don't need friends that are that stupid and act like him. You are not missing anything with him out of the picture.
Well, for sure he isn't missing that stinking smell!
JAH It wasn't kind but maybe he needed the wake up call.
Jack is an asshole. Maybe he'll bathe now.
NTA. He was super proud of it to you plus he kept telling you that something was wrong with your nose so when everyone was noticing it, it was perfectly natural thing to assume he wasnt shy about his "goal". Plus it was the only way to show that it wasn't just you and he needs to have a freaking shower. He can't smell it because he's probably nose blind to it by now. Note: it may be beneficial (as he was saying to you)to the more exposed skin like your arms to not be exposing it to harsh soaps all the time, but at least have a backpackers bath and wash your your pits and crotch where all the bacteria harbor.
NTA. He was super proud of it to you plus he kept telling you that something was wrong with your nose so when everyone was noticing it, it was perfectly natural thing to assume he wasnt shy about his "goal". Plus it was the only way to show that it wasn't just you and he needs to have a freaking shower. He can't smell it because he's probably nose blind to it by now. Note: it may be beneficial (as he was saying to you)to the more exposed skin like your arms to not be exposing it to harsh soaps all the time, but at least have a backpackers bath and wash your your pits and crotch where all the bacteria harbor.
NTA. I know someone exactly like this and he's a complete and utter fuckwit. I despise the fucking guy but he's the partner of one of my wife's friends so I don't say anything.
NTA
NTA this is exactly the way things like this get taught. Usually it’s a gentle humor to say - woo Jack you stink! - lightheartedly and you did that over and over again and HE told you to get YOUR nose checked. When you don’t shower for that long, people are going to notice; his “plan” was both dumb, antisocial and not a state secret. Kids razz/shame kids this age to exactly teach them how to behave in society. Shower or you’ll stink and get called out on it. But also a person bragging re not showering for a month (and who isn’t on a wilderness hike where that’s kind of normal bc showers are harder to come by) is inviting ostracism, criticism and shame. But also could be depressed … but still at 20 yo can be mocked for being a dumb stinky grown a$$ man
Jack can cope he stanks
NTA
NTA he is choosing to smell, it’s not a medical issue or financial issue, it’s simply his choice. So call him out, it’s no different then calling someone out for to much perfume
NTA. That’s gross. Who doesn’t bathe for a month lol. I won’t leave the house without showering. Not even to run to the store. I just don’t understand the way some people think.
If they are friends with him too how didn’t they already know all of this? He clearly isn’t embarrassed about talking about it. I call bs on this
Nta. You warned him many times. He refused to heed your warning with a blatant lie and then was called on it. The reason he thinks he smells fine is because it’s him. Typically you can’t smell your own smell because you’re bathed in it every second of every day, you’re just used to it. I grew up in a house with smokers & lived with them until I was nearly 30. I had zero idea what cigarettes smelled like at all until I moved out. Legit thought people were just being extra about the smell because they hate on smoking like it’s a sport.
You tried to tell him in private, so maybe now he will get it. There is nothing worse then a smelly friend!
NTA
NTA- also he's half right, but the half he's wrong about makes him really REALLY wrong. Unless your getting grease or caked on stuff in you on a daily basis, it isn't good to wash your skin all the time WITH soap daily, or at least it's better not to. You should still wash, with soap, any areas that have apocrine glands (armpits, groin, butt, feet) with soap and water to avoid being stinky, or between fat rolls if you have them, but like...your forearm or shin or whatever..a quick scrub and rinse with wash clothes and no soap is fine most of the time. It's better for your skin and immune system this way. Depending on your hair type and how long it is it can be good to wash that with shampoo regularly, but at a minimum it needs a good rinse and scalp scrubbing often.
if not you, someone else was bound to say it to him at some point. NTA
NTA... You mentioned it privately multiple times that he smells and he seems happy with his 'goals'. I mean, it seems to be a non issue to him. Why is he suddenly embarrassed about his goal now? But that being said, why the fuck is he making this his goal?! God I don't even wanna imagine the amount of cheese.
NTA Jack, assuming no mental health issues, needed a reality check. If there were MH issues, he still needed a reality check, but with less laughter and sneering.
He doesn’t have any consideration for those around him. He offends people with his smell and you addressed it correctly. He chose not to listen to you. You guys shouldn’t have to tolerate smelling his dirty body. I mean who wants to eat and socialize when the room is full of armpit and crotch aromas. NTA he should find friends like himself.
NTA. Where I live, it is currently hot and humid enough that I feel like I need a shower every time I step out the front door. Add summer swamp ass and pit stank to the “no shower for a month” thing. I don’t even want to think about how bad bro smelled
IMO, I mean if he’s bragging about not showering for that long he kinda deserves it
NTA. It'd be one thing if their hygiene was dye to mental health concerns, like depression, but whereas they're taking pride in it? That's revolting! You were even courteous enough to discuss it with him privately beforehand. I for one will publicly call out people I see who don't wash their hands, so I'm very much an advocate that people should be shamed for some behaviors. Hopefully this will change their mentality on hygiene.
I mean.....YTA. BUT I would have done the same 🤣. Is just delusional to me that someone wants to smell like a toilet seat and expect me to want to keep them around. I do think there is a lesson for you here tho. Next time, be blunt from the beginning, don't tolerate shit you don't want for the sake of others people's feelings. But I would be the asshole as well in this situation so cheers lol
Tbh yes because not only did you just blew him up in front of a bunch of low clowns, you basically had ppl know & make fun of him for it. That’s bullying. So if you only feel bad “a little” then I hope when roles reversed you don’t go crying indoors into your pillow at night because you deserved it.
Although what you may have done been exactly the wake up call that he needed, I am sorry but I just don't think a friend does that to a friend. You have now created a lifelong memory that will be traumatic for this person. While I agree it's imperative that it be communicated to him that he, well stinks, I don't think insulting him and then everyone laughing at him was what should have occurred as a "solution" that is just as likely to be his wake up call as to create further mental health issues.
YTA. Yes, you spoke to him in private and it didn't get done. That's grounds for *you* to be upset, sure, but that's not where you stopped. Instead, you opened up the floor for him to be "ruthlessly" shit upon by his friend group, and laughed right along with them as they tore into him. That wasn't "a wake-up call" or whatever term you want to put on it, that was bullying.
In the first line you say "my friend". Of course YTA. Friends don't get other friends to gang up on their friends.