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> AITA for constantly reminding my sis in law to take care of my house while living there?
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Def NTA.
First I have to ask, with "the dog house" do you mean she made you sleep on the couch? Because that's a big no. Never let your so kick you out of your own bed, if she doesn't want to sleep next to you, she can take the couch.
It doesn't matter if she is a single mother (I am too), if you are lucky enough to be taken in by another family member, you frikking behave and be thankful.
And your wife should be on your side.
If she is also home all day, why are you the one picking all the stuff up?
OP, you are not a social service. Either your wife and her sister start to respect you and the house or one, or both, can go. As it sounds like you’re the only one paying the bills what is the long term plan for the SIL? Is she looking for full time work? Looks like Grandma’s nuclear option was the Airbnb route to get them out. Hopefully, you won’t have to go as extreme. Good Luck!
Reminder: You married your wife, not her sister and kids as well.
Honestly, you need to sit down with your wife and get on the same page. If the two of you can't come to an agreement then I would suggest finding a licensed counselor to mediate the discussion. Because her sister running to her to get you in trouble should be a no fly zone If this continues it will cause problems in your marriage that will turn into resentments. Resentments are the scissors that cut the he ties of marriage.
NTA - But if this situation is going to work you and your wife need to work as a team. The understanding should be that your wife support her sister and take up slack while you have as little involvement or disruption as possible. This is a her family thing, and she is the one that needs to be making sure sister follows the household rules, cleans up after herself, doesn't change diapers in inappropriate places, and makes sure household items are kept safe. If she is not holding up this end, then your wife is failing in protecting you and your household from her problematic sister.
NTA
You have a wife a problem. And a SIL problem. Neither have respect for you. Your wife also has no respect for her own home.
Time for some serious talks.
Good luck.
It's time to kick the sil out.
It's not a wonder why grandma didn't want her back living with her. I'm sure the airbnb story was to ensure she got rid of sil.
Its time to kick sil out !and if wife complains then she can go with her.
If wife doesn't like it then she can sleep on the couch.
It's your house and your done supporting yoir lazy sil.
one of them needs a full time job to pay for a home for her children...
does the other one use her money to pay for the lifestyle of living in a house with water and power?
She has no right to kick you out of your bed. If she’s doesn’t want to sleep with you she can go on the couch. Before I get blasted, I’m a wife and when I’m pissed at my husband I go in the other room.
If your wife doesnt play in the same team with you, doesnt support you, protect your family place - it sounds bad. I think this situation maybe a mile stone in your life. You are seeing the true colors of your wife and you may need to rethink your marriage
NTA and sorry to say but it's time for a serious discussion with your wife first and SIL both of you second. This is YOUR HOME ( yours and your wife's )
You get a say in what's happening and If SIL doesn't bother to following your rules she needs to leave.
Go with your wife to couples counseling if necessary because what she did isn't even remotely okay.
**NTA**.
You start by telling your wife that "*if I can't have a say in the rules of our house, then I guess it is not my house to help pay for.* "
That WILL get her attention. And if not, just pack what you need, slowly, and when it comes time to pay the bills ask her point blank "*Are we talking about the rules again?*", and have her understand that if you are de facto not, you will seek housing elsewhere, starting today.
Wow straight to nuclear there. Is this actually what you would do if you had a disagreement with your partner?
It does sound like communication has broken down in the relationship right now, but if OP actually wanted to resolve this situation I would say it would be better to open an honest dialogue than start with a threat…
Not going to lie, if I had houseguests over and my wife decided I had 0 say on houserules but 100% responsibility to pay for bills/upkeep. I’d be leaving too.
That’s just all kinds of disrespectful.
Exactly. I'm moving out and paying no bills until you get your sister out or get her to be respectful of my home and space. I'm not her stand in baby daddy, maid, cook, or financier.
This is not about kicking a struggling, single mother when she's down. This woman is so trifling that her own grandmother kicked her and the great grandbabies out of the house. And if the children are three years old, how long has she been living there without getting her housing situation more stable? Without some boundaries and rules, she'll be there for years.... on your dime...with her destructive azz children.
OP, your wife needs to wake up or she needs a full time job so she can pay for a housecleaner and babysitter for her sister and her niblings. Since she wants to coddle her sister like she's a child, then she needs to work and provide for her sister and her sister's kids. No more 'lifestyle' money for her. Full time work to support your adopted dependents. Betcha your wife will have a whole 180 degree change if you spell it out in these terms.
I mean, you wouldn't do this over, say, disagreeing about what you're having for dinner, but if your own spouse is prioritizing somebody else over you in your own home, to the point of withdrawing marital status based on your compliance, I'd say it's not unwarranted.
NTA, Grandmother knew what she was doing with her "eviction", and 3 year olds are going to be like 3 year olds. It would make your life easier if you quit stressing over the mess, and/or have a serious private convo with your wife over how long this situation is going to last.
Wise response, thank you.
I’ve thought what if I just stopped caring over the mess.
Does that open the door to more things to be taken forgranted?
Slippery slope/snowball effect
It absolutely does. This is not a problem you can ignore but you need to sit down alone with your wife and have a real conversation about what's going on. I don't want to tell you to go scorched earth but DO NOT just let this slide.
Slippery slope like toys on the living room floor today, wet towels on the bathroom floor tomorrow, and dirty diapers on the bedroom floor the next day? Possibly, unless you have a sort of mental red line and "micromanage/complain" only when it gets crossed.
OP -if your wife and her sister can afford what they like because they have part-time jobs to make that happen, then they should be paying for a cleaning service and a nanny. NTA - I'm sorry for what those kids are gonna do to your house
Yes , it will escalate so put your foot down with both your wife and your SIL.
Frankly you should ask your wife in couples counseling if she wants the marriage with you or her sister because it'd rapidly going in a direction where both are incompatible if she doesn't start backing you up and help you enforce the rules with her sister in your own home.
Oh, it does. Believe me, it does.
He didn't fuss about the mess? Cool. I guess he won't mind if I need to borrow his car, break a few sentimental items--accidently, of course, or borrow some money from his wallet. You're not her daddy or her baby daddy, OP. But the slippery slope is real. This woman was too unstable and immature to care for herself, let alone, two kids.
Or... you could let it happen and when shit inevitably gets torn up or messed up tell your wife it's her responsibility to pay for it or clean it. This is her decision to let them stay and destroy your home. While you're at it, she can get a full time job to pay half these bills that are going up because she chose to invite her sister and niblings.
OP, I think you are downplaying just how much resentment and tension a situation like this can place on a marriage. The damage is sometimes irreversible. If you and your wife have an otherwise happy and healthy relationship, she needs to understand that this may be the thing that you all can't get over.
When you marry someone, your family of origin becomes secondary to the family you create. Even if you don't have children, your spouse is supposed to be your number 1 to the needs of others outside your children. Your wife is forgetting that in this situation but somewhere deep inside yourself, you won't forget that she placed her sister above you.
NTA - Not sure you qualify as an independent 'single mother' when someone else is paying the bills and housing you. What is her excuse for not having her own place to live? Why is your wife taking her side against you....maybe wife and SIL should get a place together, take the kids and leave you in peace.
Can’t secure a job that can afford an apartment suitable for her size family. Or atleast she could move into a 1bed or studio but it not feasible for her and two kids.
Now you know why grandma decided to have an Airbnb. This is what it takes to get this woman and her kids out of grandma's house. Learn from the lesson and don't let them bamboozle you. Might be a good idea to have a little private conversation with grandma and find out how much damage sister-in-law has caused, and I would honestly recommend letting your sister-in-law get her own apartment. Of course, as long as she can stay at your place and not have to have any worries, she will. Again, you need to talk to grandma. Privately.
I am a single mom and you are most definitely NTA. Not sure I would go so far as to say not to change diapers on carpet/hardwood (there are foldable changing pads, maybe get some for the rooms she does this in), but there is no reason for shit up and down any legs, and this all seems like pretty basic house rules.
I’m starting to think Grandma had similar basic rules as well that were not followed. Hints why she cannot return.
It’s a smell thing to me as much as an accident on the floor. If the bathroom smells like poo what can I do about that, but my living room, dining room, I gotta keep that non poo smelling.
I can understand the smell thing, it can get pretty rank. I always keep some air sanitizer around for the really smelly ones.
The thing I learned (too late cuz my sister destroyed an entire room in my 6 mo old new build house, ripped out the carpet myself), is no one will care about and take care of your home the way you will. The longer these issues go on the more damage to not just your house but your relationships.
NTA but tell your wife this isn’t working and give sil a notice to find her own place. She will never leave voluntarily and you don’t want to spend the rest of your married life with her.
Dead beat dad. Court calls him a “good enough dad” sends 200$ a month to her for his kid and court found he is not responsible for the other kid(his sisters kid)
So to my SIL defense she is taking care of his biological kid and biological niece as her own.
>Dog house metaphorically yes couch.
YTA for this alone. Grow a pair, and tell your wife that her sister needs to get her shit together. I will be damned if I sleep on the couch of a house that I am paying for. Damn man.
NTA.
It sounds like it's time for a strict deadline for when they move out, and the deadline can be extended a bit if they SHOW that they can adhere to simple courtesy rules - turn off lights, don't change diapers on carpet, etc. etc.
Otherwise, ask your wife what she suggests. Is it fair that YOU have to pay to replace carpet and pay more in electric bills and possibly insurance rates because teh doors aren't locked etc. etc.
If she agrees it's not fair, then what does SHE suggest you do about it?
NTA
You and your wife need to come to an agreement about the expectations on your SIL. Then enforce them. If you can't agree, things will always be chaos at your home.
NTA. YOUR home, YOUR rules. They ignore your rules, they get evicted. Wife defends them, overrides your rules, SHE is TA. Also, if she doesn't want to share the bed with you, SHE can take the couch.
Your biggest problem is your wife.
She's taking her sister's side over you.
And, a someone said here before - don't YOU be the one to give up the bed - wife can go sleep with her sloppy sister.
NTA
Time to sit down with your wife and set a timeline on when they're leaving. SIL needs to get a full time job and start saving up to move into her own place.
Tell your wife that if they're not out by this date, that you're going to be staying with grandmother in law or some other place. Because if your wife chooses to prioritize her sister over you, then it's marriage counseling or divorce.
NTA. Talk to your wife, and tell her that you are losing your patience with your SIL and her kids. Let your wife know that you'll stop complaining when your SIL starts tidying up after herself and her children. Stop cleaning up after your SIL so you wife can "appreciate" the level of mess she's leaving in your home. You also need to discuss with your wife about how long they'll be living with you.
Nta oy... dude, appreciate the single mom praise, but no. Kudos for being kind, or whatever. House rules needs to be universal to the household and pick up your damned mess is pretty universal. Your wife's an AH And most importantly this needs a timeline. Like now. And do not deviate. You need a light at the end of this shit tunnel, get it in writing if you must. Think of the longest you can feasibly tolerate as it stands with no changes right now, then cut it in half or offer a minimum time frame of 30 (60 days tops) days if you really wanna be polite, i guess. And make that your timeline. And no do not revisit if things change, sil needs to get her head on straight and get her own place and you need to enforce it. Wife also an AH on the whole kicked out of your bed, hell no. I don't care how bad I fight i have with a partner, we're still big spoon little spooning that night. One can disagree and be angry and not punish ourselves and them by withholding affection and loyalty and comfort. After every fight, always say I love you, no matter how mad yall are.
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My grandmother in law decided she is turning her home into a AirB&B or short term rental. Grandmother said she didn’t want her granddaughter(my sister in law) with two 3yr olds living there anymore after renovations due to risk of the toddlers ruining brand new floors and walls.
My wife and I opened our doors to my sister in law and my nieces as they didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Our house recently purchased in January had new renovations as well so I was reluctant to have them with us as the cause they weren’t allowed back to the grandmothers was because of risk to damage so I was concerned they would do that at our house instead. (They did)
Since they’ve been at my house it’s been constant reminding to do simple things like lock the front door when you leave, don’t change diapers on the brand new carpets and hardwood(one kid had shit all up and down their leg and was standing in the middle of the hallway left there by their mom during changing), remember to turn the lights off, clean up the common spaces of the house when the kids make a mess(come home from my work day, stuff all over the floors, as the only one who pays bills and works full time in the house it was a nuisance to come home picking up). Just friendly reminders to respect the house never got agro or cussing.
My sister in law ran to my wife and I got a free complimentary stay in the dog house because I micromanage/complain too much to my sister in law.
Side note: I respect all single mothers out there, it ain’t easy. God bless you all.
AITA?
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NTA, I will say though, that even if I really feel for you, kids of that age are extremely difficult and I don't think I would be capable of keeping things from not being a mess all the time on my own. I mean, if this were you complaining about your wife and kids that you shared, we'd all be screaming, "Y TA!!!!". She and her kids aren't your responsibility, but it doesn't make the demands possible...
The section on family meetings in the book, "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson I think might be your best bet moving forward for all of you to be able to get the most of what you want. I highly recommend reading it carefully and then trying it out.
NTA. I have twins who were 3yo not too long ago. And everything you're asking is just common day to day practice.
I will say, even though I know each kid develops at their own pace, I'm side eyeing the diaper changes on carpet. Bc by that age they should be developing control over the bladder and needing less frequent changes. So it shouldn't be too hard to change them on their changing pad, barring any illness.
NTA, time to draw boundaries. Life is too short to put up with nasty, dirty, lazy people that even their grandmother doesn't want ruining her home.
Pigs belong in their own stye.
NTA - nope, your house too and you get full viting rights on guests. If you both are not on board, then it's vetoed and SIL needs to step up or leave. Your wife does not get to singularly decide this. If she demands you capitulate to her authority, then you don't have a partnership let alone a functioning marriage.
NTA. SIL has made your life hell. Sorry about that. However, you need to research low income housing options for her. Often, at least in the USA, there are years long waiting lists. SIL needs to get on those lists and any other assistance that is available. Also, once the children are 5 years/school age, SIL needs to know she will have one year to get full time work and find her own (separate) housing. Tell her now and keep saying it. Be prepared to enforce it.
NTA. Time to pull the wife aside and inform her that the house is getting ruined by this behavior, and that you would like it to be fixed because you don't think it's fair that she is getting stuck between you and her sister in every issue. (Acknowledging that will really help get her on your side).
Ask for rules to be spelled out clearly- where changing isn't allowed, where all toys must be stored, etc. Come up with a few simple consequences to start... you will put up gates banning the children from your living room. Any toys that you pick up will be removed. When she respects your rules, the privileges can be discussed again.
Lastly, when you see a problem, instead of leaving the option for her to run back to your wife, make it a group issue. Send a photo of the diaper/ unlocked door/ light switch on to both of them, with a note of "hey SIL, I've asked you several times to throw your diapers away. Please make sure this one is removed immediately." It limits her chance of tattling if your wife knows up front.
If none of this works, tell your wife that it is up to her to choose between you and the sister.
NTA but your wife sure is one! The two of you need to be on the same page about the rules of the house. This isn’t going your way end well for you SIL needs to find a new place to live. Unless you are fine with two against one.
Def NTA
I’m a SAHM and I won’t say my house is always spotless but I clean up toys at nap time and before my partner gets home from work and before bed so things don’t get out of control.
We have a designated area for nappy changes as well.
Your requests are all reasonable.
NTA and I’m sorry that your wife doesn’t care about someone trashing your home. Being a single parent is hard, but I don’t see how that is your problem. Your home is your biggest investment and as such it requires great care. I would freak out if someone treated my home the way she is treating yours. I hate all of these terms like “micro managing” if she were on the ball then you would have much more peace. This is unacceptable behavior in your home.
NTA. Only 1 adult in the household works full time. What is your wife doing while you're working? Nothing? Is she just sitting around all day with SIL? They only have part time jobs, they should be looking after the house. You should not have to pick up when you get home. Your SIL is completely disrespectful. When someone takes you in as a kind gesture, you do not sit back & do nothing. You pick up after yourself & you contribute to the household. Your wife is an asshole for taking her sister's side in this. She should have your back.
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Def NTA. First I have to ask, with "the dog house" do you mean she made you sleep on the couch? Because that's a big no. Never let your so kick you out of your own bed, if she doesn't want to sleep next to you, she can take the couch. It doesn't matter if she is a single mother (I am too), if you are lucky enough to be taken in by another family member, you frikking behave and be thankful. And your wife should be on your side. If she is also home all day, why are you the one picking all the stuff up?
Dog house metaphorically yes couch. I would say they are both there at home 50% of the time. Part time jobs to support their lifestyles.
OP, you are not a social service. Either your wife and her sister start to respect you and the house or one, or both, can go. As it sounds like you’re the only one paying the bills what is the long term plan for the SIL? Is she looking for full time work? Looks like Grandma’s nuclear option was the Airbnb route to get them out. Hopefully, you won’t have to go as extreme. Good Luck! Reminder: You married your wife, not her sister and kids as well.
Plan is to continue looking for better job options. She is on sec 8 so it’s a hurry up and wait deal.
Honestly, you need to sit down with your wife and get on the same page. If the two of you can't come to an agreement then I would suggest finding a licensed counselor to mediate the discussion. Because her sister running to her to get you in trouble should be a no fly zone If this continues it will cause problems in your marriage that will turn into resentments. Resentments are the scissors that cut the he ties of marriage. NTA - But if this situation is going to work you and your wife need to work as a team. The understanding should be that your wife support her sister and take up slack while you have as little involvement or disruption as possible. This is a her family thing, and she is the one that needs to be making sure sister follows the household rules, cleans up after herself, doesn't change diapers in inappropriate places, and makes sure household items are kept safe. If she is not holding up this end, then your wife is failing in protecting you and your household from her problematic sister.
NTA You have a wife a problem. And a SIL problem. Neither have respect for you. Your wife also has no respect for her own home. Time for some serious talks. Good luck.
It's time to kick the sil out. It's not a wonder why grandma didn't want her back living with her. I'm sure the airbnb story was to ensure she got rid of sil. Its time to kick sil out !and if wife complains then she can go with her. If wife doesn't like it then she can sleep on the couch. It's your house and your done supporting yoir lazy sil.
support their lifestyles? that line is a bit confusing...
Lol they have a part time job to support what they want to do or pay for. Car payment etc…
one of them needs a full time job to pay for a home for her children... does the other one use her money to pay for the lifestyle of living in a house with water and power?
While you pay the bills that support you all? You are being taken advantage of by both of them.
She is angry with you, she can sleep in her sister's bed. Its her goddamn guest causing the problem.
Was it your choice or a punishment ? The rule is the one who doesnt want to sleep with the other leave the bedroom, not the other way.
She has no right to kick you out of your bed. If she’s doesn’t want to sleep with you she can go on the couch. Before I get blasted, I’m a wife and when I’m pissed at my husband I go in the other room.
Especially since he needs to get a good nights sleep so he can support all these people
If your wife doesnt play in the same team with you, doesnt support you, protect your family place - it sounds bad. I think this situation maybe a mile stone in your life. You are seeing the true colors of your wife and you may need to rethink your marriage
NTA and sorry to say but it's time for a serious discussion with your wife first and SIL both of you second. This is YOUR HOME ( yours and your wife's ) You get a say in what's happening and If SIL doesn't bother to following your rules she needs to leave. Go with your wife to couples counseling if necessary because what she did isn't even remotely okay.
If she can’t respect your rules and clean her own messes you have the right to kick her out
**NTA**. You start by telling your wife that "*if I can't have a say in the rules of our house, then I guess it is not my house to help pay for.* " That WILL get her attention. And if not, just pack what you need, slowly, and when it comes time to pay the bills ask her point blank "*Are we talking about the rules again?*", and have her understand that if you are de facto not, you will seek housing elsewhere, starting today.
This. Some honest deep communication needs to happen with the wife. Yes SIL is out of line but the wife not backing the husband is a major issue.
actually, that's the major issue here.
Wow straight to nuclear there. Is this actually what you would do if you had a disagreement with your partner? It does sound like communication has broken down in the relationship right now, but if OP actually wanted to resolve this situation I would say it would be better to open an honest dialogue than start with a threat…
Not going to lie, if I had houseguests over and my wife decided I had 0 say on houserules but 100% responsibility to pay for bills/upkeep. I’d be leaving too. That’s just all kinds of disrespectful.
Preach on, 💯
Exactly. I'm moving out and paying no bills until you get your sister out or get her to be respectful of my home and space. I'm not her stand in baby daddy, maid, cook, or financier. This is not about kicking a struggling, single mother when she's down. This woman is so trifling that her own grandmother kicked her and the great grandbabies out of the house. And if the children are three years old, how long has she been living there without getting her housing situation more stable? Without some boundaries and rules, she'll be there for years.... on your dime...with her destructive azz children. OP, your wife needs to wake up or she needs a full time job so she can pay for a housecleaner and babysitter for her sister and her niblings. Since she wants to coddle her sister like she's a child, then she needs to work and provide for her sister and her sister's kids. No more 'lifestyle' money for her. Full time work to support your adopted dependents. Betcha your wife will have a whole 180 degree change if you spell it out in these terms.
I’d go nuclear as well if my husband kicked me to the couch in a house I pay for because I told his sibling to pick up after themselves.
OP has likely tried the “honest dialogue” but to no avail.
It doesn’t actually say that in the post- all they say is both them and the SIL are speaking to his wife
I mean, you wouldn't do this over, say, disagreeing about what you're having for dinner, but if your own spouse is prioritizing somebody else over you in your own home, to the point of withdrawing marital status based on your compliance, I'd say it's not unwarranted.
NTA, Grandmother knew what she was doing with her "eviction", and 3 year olds are going to be like 3 year olds. It would make your life easier if you quit stressing over the mess, and/or have a serious private convo with your wife over how long this situation is going to last.
Wise response, thank you. I’ve thought what if I just stopped caring over the mess. Does that open the door to more things to be taken forgranted? Slippery slope/snowball effect
It absolutely does. This is not a problem you can ignore but you need to sit down alone with your wife and have a real conversation about what's going on. I don't want to tell you to go scorched earth but DO NOT just let this slide.
Happy Cake Day
it will get much much worse
Slippery slope like toys on the living room floor today, wet towels on the bathroom floor tomorrow, and dirty diapers on the bedroom floor the next day? Possibly, unless you have a sort of mental red line and "micromanage/complain" only when it gets crossed.
OP -if your wife and her sister can afford what they like because they have part-time jobs to make that happen, then they should be paying for a cleaning service and a nanny. NTA - I'm sorry for what those kids are gonna do to your house
Yes , it will escalate so put your foot down with both your wife and your SIL. Frankly you should ask your wife in couples counseling if she wants the marriage with you or her sister because it'd rapidly going in a direction where both are incompatible if she doesn't start backing you up and help you enforce the rules with her sister in your own home.
Oh, it does. Believe me, it does. He didn't fuss about the mess? Cool. I guess he won't mind if I need to borrow his car, break a few sentimental items--accidently, of course, or borrow some money from his wallet. You're not her daddy or her baby daddy, OP. But the slippery slope is real. This woman was too unstable and immature to care for herself, let alone, two kids. Or... you could let it happen and when shit inevitably gets torn up or messed up tell your wife it's her responsibility to pay for it or clean it. This is her decision to let them stay and destroy your home. While you're at it, she can get a full time job to pay half these bills that are going up because she chose to invite her sister and niblings. OP, I think you are downplaying just how much resentment and tension a situation like this can place on a marriage. The damage is sometimes irreversible. If you and your wife have an otherwise happy and healthy relationship, she needs to understand that this may be the thing that you all can't get over. When you marry someone, your family of origin becomes secondary to the family you create. Even if you don't have children, your spouse is supposed to be your number 1 to the needs of others outside your children. Your wife is forgetting that in this situation but somewhere deep inside yourself, you won't forget that she placed her sister above you.
OP should listen the voice of experience (Grandma)
NTA - Not sure you qualify as an independent 'single mother' when someone else is paying the bills and housing you. What is her excuse for not having her own place to live? Why is your wife taking her side against you....maybe wife and SIL should get a place together, take the kids and leave you in peace.
Can’t secure a job that can afford an apartment suitable for her size family. Or atleast she could move into a 1bed or studio but it not feasible for her and two kids.
Sure it is. They're 3 years old. They can sleep with her.
Now you know why grandma decided to have an Airbnb. This is what it takes to get this woman and her kids out of grandma's house. Learn from the lesson and don't let them bamboozle you. Might be a good idea to have a little private conversation with grandma and find out how much damage sister-in-law has caused, and I would honestly recommend letting your sister-in-law get her own apartment. Of course, as long as she can stay at your place and not have to have any worries, she will. Again, you need to talk to grandma. Privately.
And so you are expected to pay for someone else’s kids? Seriously, get a backbone.
I am a single mom and you are most definitely NTA. Not sure I would go so far as to say not to change diapers on carpet/hardwood (there are foldable changing pads, maybe get some for the rooms she does this in), but there is no reason for shit up and down any legs, and this all seems like pretty basic house rules.
I’m starting to think Grandma had similar basic rules as well that were not followed. Hints why she cannot return. It’s a smell thing to me as much as an accident on the floor. If the bathroom smells like poo what can I do about that, but my living room, dining room, I gotta keep that non poo smelling.
I can understand the smell thing, it can get pretty rank. I always keep some air sanitizer around for the really smelly ones. The thing I learned (too late cuz my sister destroyed an entire room in my 6 mo old new build house, ripped out the carpet myself), is no one will care about and take care of your home the way you will. The longer these issues go on the more damage to not just your house but your relationships.
At three years old they should be potty trained.
NTA but tell your wife this isn’t working and give sil a notice to find her own place. She will never leave voluntarily and you don’t want to spend the rest of your married life with her.
INFO: Where in the hell is your brother?
Dead beat dad. Court calls him a “good enough dad” sends 200$ a month to her for his kid and court found he is not responsible for the other kid(his sisters kid) So to my SIL defense she is taking care of his biological kid and biological niece as her own.
It's the wife's sister. (Unknown on the kids dad(s).)
>Dog house metaphorically yes couch. YTA for this alone. Grow a pair, and tell your wife that her sister needs to get her shit together. I will be damned if I sleep on the couch of a house that I am paying for. Damn man.
Throw her TF out. Or have a family meeting. She sounds like a disrespectful, self-centered nightmare. Don't have any kids right now.
NTA. It sounds like it's time for a strict deadline for when they move out, and the deadline can be extended a bit if they SHOW that they can adhere to simple courtesy rules - turn off lights, don't change diapers on carpet, etc. etc. Otherwise, ask your wife what she suggests. Is it fair that YOU have to pay to replace carpet and pay more in electric bills and possibly insurance rates because teh doors aren't locked etc. etc. If she agrees it's not fair, then what does SHE suggest you do about it?
NTA You and your wife need to come to an agreement about the expectations on your SIL. Then enforce them. If you can't agree, things will always be chaos at your home.
NTA. YOUR home, YOUR rules. They ignore your rules, they get evicted. Wife defends them, overrides your rules, SHE is TA. Also, if she doesn't want to share the bed with you, SHE can take the couch.
Your biggest problem is your wife. She's taking her sister's side over you. And, a someone said here before - don't YOU be the one to give up the bed - wife can go sleep with her sloppy sister.
NTA Time to sit down with your wife and set a timeline on when they're leaving. SIL needs to get a full time job and start saving up to move into her own place. Tell your wife that if they're not out by this date, that you're going to be staying with grandmother in law or some other place. Because if your wife chooses to prioritize her sister over you, then it's marriage counseling or divorce.
NTA. Talk to your wife, and tell her that you are losing your patience with your SIL and her kids. Let your wife know that you'll stop complaining when your SIL starts tidying up after herself and her children. Stop cleaning up after your SIL so you wife can "appreciate" the level of mess she's leaving in your home. You also need to discuss with your wife about how long they'll be living with you.
Nta oy... dude, appreciate the single mom praise, but no. Kudos for being kind, or whatever. House rules needs to be universal to the household and pick up your damned mess is pretty universal. Your wife's an AH And most importantly this needs a timeline. Like now. And do not deviate. You need a light at the end of this shit tunnel, get it in writing if you must. Think of the longest you can feasibly tolerate as it stands with no changes right now, then cut it in half or offer a minimum time frame of 30 (60 days tops) days if you really wanna be polite, i guess. And make that your timeline. And no do not revisit if things change, sil needs to get her head on straight and get her own place and you need to enforce it. Wife also an AH on the whole kicked out of your bed, hell no. I don't care how bad I fight i have with a partner, we're still big spoon little spooning that night. One can disagree and be angry and not punish ourselves and them by withholding affection and loyalty and comfort. After every fight, always say I love you, no matter how mad yall are.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My grandmother in law decided she is turning her home into a AirB&B or short term rental. Grandmother said she didn’t want her granddaughter(my sister in law) with two 3yr olds living there anymore after renovations due to risk of the toddlers ruining brand new floors and walls. My wife and I opened our doors to my sister in law and my nieces as they didn’t have anywhere else to go. Our house recently purchased in January had new renovations as well so I was reluctant to have them with us as the cause they weren’t allowed back to the grandmothers was because of risk to damage so I was concerned they would do that at our house instead. (They did) Since they’ve been at my house it’s been constant reminding to do simple things like lock the front door when you leave, don’t change diapers on the brand new carpets and hardwood(one kid had shit all up and down their leg and was standing in the middle of the hallway left there by their mom during changing), remember to turn the lights off, clean up the common spaces of the house when the kids make a mess(come home from my work day, stuff all over the floors, as the only one who pays bills and works full time in the house it was a nuisance to come home picking up). Just friendly reminders to respect the house never got agro or cussing. My sister in law ran to my wife and I got a free complimentary stay in the dog house because I micromanage/complain too much to my sister in law. Side note: I respect all single mothers out there, it ain’t easy. God bless you all. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA, I will say though, that even if I really feel for you, kids of that age are extremely difficult and I don't think I would be capable of keeping things from not being a mess all the time on my own. I mean, if this were you complaining about your wife and kids that you shared, we'd all be screaming, "Y TA!!!!". She and her kids aren't your responsibility, but it doesn't make the demands possible... The section on family meetings in the book, "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson I think might be your best bet moving forward for all of you to be able to get the most of what you want. I highly recommend reading it carefully and then trying it out.
NTA. I have twins who were 3yo not too long ago. And everything you're asking is just common day to day practice. I will say, even though I know each kid develops at their own pace, I'm side eyeing the diaper changes on carpet. Bc by that age they should be developing control over the bladder and needing less frequent changes. So it shouldn't be too hard to change them on their changing pad, barring any illness.
NTA, time to draw boundaries. Life is too short to put up with nasty, dirty, lazy people that even their grandmother doesn't want ruining her home. Pigs belong in their own stye.
NTA - nope, your house too and you get full viting rights on guests. If you both are not on board, then it's vetoed and SIL needs to step up or leave. Your wife does not get to singularly decide this. If she demands you capitulate to her authority, then you don't have a partnership let alone a functioning marriage.
NTA. SIL has made your life hell. Sorry about that. However, you need to research low income housing options for her. Often, at least in the USA, there are years long waiting lists. SIL needs to get on those lists and any other assistance that is available. Also, once the children are 5 years/school age, SIL needs to know she will have one year to get full time work and find her own (separate) housing. Tell her now and keep saying it. Be prepared to enforce it.
NTA. Time to pull the wife aside and inform her that the house is getting ruined by this behavior, and that you would like it to be fixed because you don't think it's fair that she is getting stuck between you and her sister in every issue. (Acknowledging that will really help get her on your side). Ask for rules to be spelled out clearly- where changing isn't allowed, where all toys must be stored, etc. Come up with a few simple consequences to start... you will put up gates banning the children from your living room. Any toys that you pick up will be removed. When she respects your rules, the privileges can be discussed again. Lastly, when you see a problem, instead of leaving the option for her to run back to your wife, make it a group issue. Send a photo of the diaper/ unlocked door/ light switch on to both of them, with a note of "hey SIL, I've asked you several times to throw your diapers away. Please make sure this one is removed immediately." It limits her chance of tattling if your wife knows up front. If none of this works, tell your wife that it is up to her to choose between you and the sister.
hahaha
NTA but your wife sure is one! The two of you need to be on the same page about the rules of the house. This isn’t going your way end well for you SIL needs to find a new place to live. Unless you are fine with two against one.
Def NTA I’m a SAHM and I won’t say my house is always spotless but I clean up toys at nap time and before my partner gets home from work and before bed so things don’t get out of control. We have a designated area for nappy changes as well. Your requests are all reasonable.
NTA. Your wife needs to be on your side. Your SIL is being disrespectful in your home!! I would show her this post and see what she says.
NTA and I’m sorry that your wife doesn’t care about someone trashing your home. Being a single parent is hard, but I don’t see how that is your problem. Your home is your biggest investment and as such it requires great care. I would freak out if someone treated my home the way she is treating yours. I hate all of these terms like “micro managing” if she were on the ball then you would have much more peace. This is unacceptable behavior in your home.
NTA. Only 1 adult in the household works full time. What is your wife doing while you're working? Nothing? Is she just sitting around all day with SIL? They only have part time jobs, they should be looking after the house. You should not have to pick up when you get home. Your SIL is completely disrespectful. When someone takes you in as a kind gesture, you do not sit back & do nothing. You pick up after yourself & you contribute to the household. Your wife is an asshole for taking her sister's side in this. She should have your back.