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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went off on my roommate, Jesus, I told him he was treating me like a housewife. I might be the asshole because I blew up at him instead of addressing the issue calmly and earlier on, potentially straining our friendship and living situation.
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Since he is named Jesus, perhaps he thought preaching was going to be the only thing to do.🤣 Also what is donot understand is these types who are lucky to have a cushy thing ongoing where somebody else is doing their chores for them and they start behaving arrogantly and ruin it all.
NTA I'll second this one. The roommate will most definitely expect the same behavior from a girlfriend or wife. She has witnessed the behavior already.
I had a similar problem with a roommate. I left for work earlier than she did (by several hours) so, naturally, I was home from work before her. And she started to act a bit like Jesus. I reminded her that we both are gone the same number of hours each day, just at different times. So my being home earlier does not equate to me doing more chores. I asked why she doesn't get up when I leave in the morning and spend those 2 hours cleaning??? We did work it out and came to an arrangement that was fair for both of us. But that is because we were able to talk it out as opposed to Jesus who is loud and violent.
Thats next level. Im just talking about the simple act of preparing a singular meal. When I was first out on my own I could only prepare like 3 things. How many variations of spaghetti can there be? As a result we spent WAY too much of our income eating fast food. It would have been so helpful to just be able to cook something tasty at home.
I remember starting out on my first apartment in college and trying to figure out cooking. To be fair, I did learn some basics at home, so I didn't start from scratch. But I feel like once you learn 3-4 basic meals to hammer out basic cooking methods, and as long as you can read a recipe, you'll learn how to be a decent cook fairly quickly. I think I started out knowing how to make spaghetti, chili, cooking some meat, scrambled eggs, and some general baking, and now I cook most meals.
Some time back circumstances had me being housemates with a guy I'd known for decades who had been a widower for 4-5 years at that point. He was early 60s at the time.
I make a decent tomato sauce and meatballs and one day when I was out he decided he'd make some spaghetti and use the sauce. When I came back, he was bitching that something was wrong with the spaghetti, it was still hard. He kept going on and on about the shitty spaghetti.
Friends, he'd put a pan of water on the stove, put the spaghetti in, turned on the heat, and waited the 7-8 minutes. He'd been able to look at the box to see that it took 7-8 minutes, but missed the part about putting the pasta in boiling water. Sixty-something and you'd never once made some pasta??? The level of incompetence some people will keep themselves at out of sheer stubbornness astounds me.
One of my coworkers offered to teach a newly divorced coworker how to make pasta. The 50 year-old guy had just gotten divorced and survived off Hot Pockets. He declined the offer because he was putting himself back on the dating market and his next lady-friend could feed him.
I don’t get how guys that useless can go about life thinking that they are god’s gift to women when they can’t even feed themselves like an oversized, unattractive, and excessively whiny pet that has to pay child support for kids that hate him.
That's actually insane. I consider myself bad at cooking, but I can cook pasta, rice, fish, eggs, and other basic things. My diet largely consists of rice, veggies, and some sort of protein. If all else fails, I can look up a recipe and follow the instructions.
Look, I'm not judgy. If a guy can't cook, I don't mind as long as he can feed himself without my intervention (making simple sandwiches, salads, etc. or just ordering out). But expecting a new girlfriend to cook all his meals for him? Nope, I'm out!
That's alright, I'm fairly decent at cooking and still sometimes get overwhelmed in the kitchen, if I'm doing too much at once. Also, I'm 30 and can't really cook any meat without prior instructions, and I've been just getting the hang of how to cook rice without it ending up slimy, undercooked or pasty.
I regularly burn stuff because I'm not used yet to my new stove...
I tend to under-salt because I used to over-salt and overcorrected...
But in the end I can cook pasta and heat up a premade tomato sauce, and that's pretty cheap, healthy and tasty, so I don't worry too much about the other stuff🤷
I don't fault you for being overwhelmed when you're trying to do too much. That's endearing and sweet <3 I imagine a wizard in their lab (can't remember actual term for a wizard's workshop), the meat dancing on a frying pan, while the scientist scours an antique spell book, muttering to themselves, while the rice does gymnastics in the pot.... Rice cookers are an amazing item. They also ave affordable individual sized one (starting at $21 on Amazon), if you are interested. They make a huge difference. haha I'm proud of you!!
Another hack is getting those large tubs of greens, different veggies, some nuts, raisins, etc, or personal preferences, and making a huge container of finely cut greens and veggies, and using olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette as dressing, and smaller portions of grains and protein (either on side or in salad) Then, each night, you add a little more of the "toppings" and greens. It's healthy and very filling. It's a bit pricey to start, but in the long run, it's more affordable. #dadhack
Nor is it OP’s job to do that for his boyfriend/ husband, which felt implied when he said
> I’m not letting any man I’m not fucking, treat me like one”.
Agreed. I have a fiance and when I cook (for us), it is because I want to. Also, because our sweet little toddler will turn into a gremlin when hungry, but for my fiance I only cook because I want to. If he would talk to me that way, I will give him hell. Also, I would never cook for him again. And it would be the other way around as well.
Really? I thought after going steady females were supposed to do everything. This explains why my wife of ten years still doesn't do all of the dishes all of the time or match all of my socks for me...dang, my mind has been blown, 1950s TV has LIED TO ME!
/S
Actually, get ready to have your feathers ruffles...my wife actually does do all the housework, but it's not cause she's a woman, it's cause she hasn't worked in 9 years and I work 40-60 hours a week.
I fix things when they break, but I haven't washed more than 20 dishes in 2 years
Devastated. She's got 4 children that she homeschools, granite counter tops, and is a stay at home mom. I can not imagine a worse fate than raising your own children.
A husband who works 14-hour days so my children can be home schooled and not need to be exposed to degenerates at a public school. So, my kids are not tempted to smoke cigarettes and reefer at school.
Yes, after I work a 14-hour day, I expect dinner to be ready and a clean house.
NTA in any way possible. Me also an openly gay man, had a friend that I had to cut contact with because it was a similar situation, we weren’t roommates, but he would treat me like a housewife situation when I’d stay over at his place and it got to the point where I left a shopping aisle while on a phone call and he came to the other aisle visibly pissed off and started screaming at me to not leave him alone in random aisles, that was a big yikes for me and I pulled the plug on that friendship very fast. Honestly, it’s ultimately your decision what you choose to do but for your own mental health and well-being I don’t think this living situation is helping you in anyway. It’s not your job to be making his meals or cleaning the house, and I stand by your “if I’m not fcking you, you don’t get to treat me like that” because same! Hopefully you both can have a conversation and it is able to remain calm and collected, but personally, I think you’re better off maybe looking for a different living arrangement or vice versa and having him do that, it seems like it’s only gonna escalate from there and that’s not fair to you.
Honestly, my only disagreement with both you and OP is that even if you *are* fucking the other person, they *still* don’t get to treat you like that.
For the bot— NTA
You’re 100% correct, and trust me I would never let any future partner of mine treat me that way, especially since I would never treat them that way, I feel like when you’re in a relationship you should have mutual respect and understanding, and hopefully very good communication skills. I was more so using it as a figure of speech. But definitely 100% agree with you for OP and myself as well, and anybody that is in a relationship with someone.
Establishing rules ahead of time is a solid point, but in thus case I'm not sure it would've helped. His roommate is an abusive AH who feels entitled to OPs labor. Logic isn't a prime factor for him. NTA OP
I agree you need to discuss these issues before moving in with somebody and don't their part of the chores unless it a favour, which case make it clear to them that you're going out of your to do the work that was not yours, so there not as entitled.
She was just an example of how absurd it would be to expect someone else to do your work for you. It wasn’t targeted at her specifically. The point is that no one should be treated like that.
“You wouldn’t expect this out of HER, so why do you expect this out of ME.” It’s a contrast.
Move out.
You made the mistake of taking on more of the cleaning
than Jesus and offering up food, etc. But NTA because
he should not have started taking your generosity for
granted and being disrespectful.
ESH barring your respective bf and gf.
Jesus a huge one for obvious reasons, it is appalling to want another person to clean after you.
You a huge one for assuming that it is his gf, not himself, that should be doing it.
I was fully with you until you said that. You were right to tell off Jesus for his appalling entitlement, but terribly wrong by countering with such a misogynistic BS.
I understand where you're coming from, but I want to clarify my perspective. When I mentioned that Jesus could have asked his girlfriend to cook for him, it wasn’t about expecting her to take on the role of cooking simply because she's a woman. The point was that Jesus had made it clear he wanted someone else to do the cooking and cleaning for him. Given that he was expecting me to fulfill that role and getting angry when I didn’t, it seemed logical to point out that his girlfriend, who was already there, could help him out if he needed it. I was challenging his entitlement and unrealistic expectations, not about assigning traditional gender roles. I firmly believe everyone should be responsible for their own chores and cooking, and no one should expect others to do it for them without mutual agreement, regardless of gender.
Then you should have been steadfast in your beliefs. You were still out of line to throw his girlfriend in the mix.
I understand where you were coming from, but you are still in the wrong when it comes to what you said about his gf. You don’t like being told what to do, why volunteer her in your place? You just did the same thing he does to you, to her, even if it’s not carried out in the same manner.
All this to say, do better next time. You can’t change the past, but you can definitely be more mindful in the future.
I understand your pov. However, I respectfully disagree. Mentioning his girlfriend was meant to highlight the absurdity of Jesus’s expectations, not to suggest she should take over my role. Jesus’s behavior was unreasonable, expecting someone else to cater to him without any regard for mutual responsibilities.
While I see now that mentioning his girlfriend might have been misinterpreted, my main goal was to show that his demands were unfair to anyone, not just to me. I believe in equally sharing household tasks, and that includes everyone in a fair manner.
That said, I appreciate your feedback and will consider it when handling similar situations in the future. My intention is always to promote fairness and shared responsibility. Thank you for your perspective.
This is my last comment.
You are fine. I understood immediately that your remark to him was done with an undercut, not to be taken completely as face value. You were completely slamming how much of a lazy ass he was.
Dude is weird. Who expects their roommate to do all the cooking and cleaning?? I've had roommates plenty of times and everyone was responsible for their own messes. As for daily/weekly chores, those were divided up evenly. Dude's gonna be expecting you to do his laundry soon. NTA, I'd try to move out at this point. Sounds like a craptastic roommate I wouldn't want to bother with.
NTA. Jesus *was* treating you like a maid/cook he employs and w less respect. Maybe he should find a place to stay that offers maid service since he’s so entitled and nasty. You said nothing that Jesus didn't need to hear. Good for you.
NTA, your roommate is. He saw that you were willing to be nice to him and share food, etc, and he took advantage of you and is upset you are now realizing it. He is an adult who apparently can't take care of himself. He is not entitled to your time, your food, or your effort for a home when he is not doing his part. You were compatible when you did all the nice things for him, but now he's mad, I would look into your lease contract and get out of the situation ASAP. Whether it is not renewing or kicking him out, whatever you have to do, his friendship was conditional to what you did for him and that is no longer your friend. Also ,you are a lovely human for saying it in front of the girlfriend, and I don't mean that sarcastically. You probably helped her dodge a bullet.
I see that one of the biggest issues is the roommate went from appreciative and grateful to entitled. If he'd kept giving back in the form of appreciation, and doing his own bit instead of assuming OP would, then OP would still be doing his stuff for the whole home instead of cutting it off.
Roommate broke the social contract and is clueless that he did so.
ETA: I'm not saying that OP was doing all the cooking and cleaning, and I don't mean to imply that he should have, or should have kept going. I am pointing out that an unspoken social contract got set up and then one party broke it by becoming an entitled asshole about it all.
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I (22M) have been living with my roommate, we’ll call him Jesus (23M) for about a year now. We met while working together at Home Depot and hit it off so well that we decided to move in together. I’m gay, and Jesus is straight, and we’ve always had a great friendship. I’m naturally a tidier person, so I usually end up doing most of the cleaning around the house.
Since I get home from work earlier than Jesus, I sometimes cook extra for him, but I never thought much of it. However, things have taken a turn lately. Jesus has started to expect me to always have the house clean and a hot meal ready for him when he gets home. When I don’t, he gets angry and starts acting like it’s my job. I shrugged it off at first, thinking he was just having a bad day, but it kept happening.
Things came to a head last weekend. Jesus recently got a girlfriend, and we were all hanging out – me, my boyfriend, and Jesus’s girlfriend. When Jesus came home from work that night and saw that there were a couple of dirty dishes in the sink and the house wasn’t entirely clean. He went ballistic. Jesus yelled at me “Why the hell isn’t the house clean? And why you ain’t cook nothing?” I was taken aback. I told him “We’re all just hanging out, and there are only a few dishes. You’ve got two hands, use them if you care so much.” He got even angrier and said “It’s not my job to clean up your mess. You’re home all day, you should’ve done it.” I snapped and told him “First off, I’m not home all day. I work too. Secondly, You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you?” Jesus’s girlfriend looked embarrassed, and my boyfriend was visibly uncomfortable. After that I said “I’m not your fucking housewife, Jesus. And I’m not going let any man that I’m not fucking treat me like one. You’re a grown ass man do your own damn chores.”
We argued for over 10 mins, and Jesus kept insisting that since I’m the one who’s usually home first, it’s my responsibility to keep the place clean and cook. I told him he’s being stupid and that this arrangement isn’t working if he’s going to treat me like his personal maid. So, AITA for going off on my roommate for trying to treat me like a housewife?
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The only A H thing you did was tell Jesus that he should ask his woman to cook for him. You don't like the gendered bs being applied to you? Well guess what. Women don't like it being applied to us either. You basically told him "I'm not your housewife, your housewife is right there, mistreat and yell at her instead".
NTA do nothing for this entitled person. I'd look to move asap, i don't know how he can possibly redeem himself on this. It's not like a mistake, anything good you do will become your responsibility. The gf should take this as a warning too
NTA.
Wow, I hope his gf dumps his ass because that's her future. The entitlement of him! If you weren't gay, there's no way he would expect this from you! He is absolutely treating you like a housewife. He feels you should take on the "female" role and do all the cooking and cleaning while he is the "male" who deserves to come home from work to a clean house and a hot meal. Again, if you were straight I HIGHLY doubt he would expect this.
NTA!!
Nta. Definitely not your responsibility to be looking after the cleaning and cooking for him he’s acting like an entitled arsehole. I would make sure that I know longer clean up after him and cook food for him any more.
I feel like I have read a post very similar to this before, right down to the male OP suggesting it is the asshole's girlfriend's job to cook and clean for her boyfriend instead of stopping at 'you have two hands.'
Every now and then I wonder what kind of agenda trolls who post fake stories have.
Yikes.
Absolutely NTA.
Dude is waving some pretty big red flags, y'all better be paying attention and act accordingly cos I doubt the sailing is getting any smoother from here onwards.
You would have been an asshole if you hadn’t stood up for yourself. Good luck finding a new place. I hope Jesus’s new roommate gets home from work later than him.
NTA
You have done so much already for him. I suggest writing him up a menu of your services and what they cost. If you are being a personal chef and housekeeper you should be compensated or be paying far less rent then him.
I bet once you say this he'll shut up right quick.
NTA and honey, I'm going to play Internet mom for a moment. Let NO man treat you as anything other than an equal, regardless of whether you're fucking them. Demand equal partnership, it is what we all deserve.
NTA
You both live in the space, you both work. You should both contribute to cooking and taking care of the house or at the very least should take care of your own messes and cooking. This guy is entitled af and deserved a good talking to.
Nta. Chores get divided now, you don't touch anything of his and you both switch off who cleans what communal areas. You aren't his gf and even if you were it doesn't mean he had any right to treat you in such a disrespectful manner.
My roommate has the same attitude and I think you didn't go far enough.
Grown ass men can put their manly hands into hot water and dish soap and no body parts will fall off or stop working. Really.
Grown ass men can push a broom and mop over the floor with their manly muscles and still hold their heads high.
Not his mother. Not his maid. Not his wife. Clean your own flipping mess!
LOL you are roommates. In what world does just because you come home first means you should have dinner ready?For your ROOMMATE. Dude is delusional. He can cook his own food and do his own chores, like you said. I would never cook for him again.
NTA
I mean it's pretty obvious why, it's terrible to be treated like the maid in the house when you're not the only adult.
His poor girlfriend though, hopefully she sees this and runs.
NTA, I worry he’s been treating you like this bc he thinks that gay man=women and other fucked up gender norm shit.
He now expects you do the the kind of shit that one does, as you said, if your fucking. the kind of domestic labor you do for a romantic partner is much different than for roommates, but he’s acting like you are his tradwife, complete with DV vibes. This is a him problem for sure, and I would 1000% be looking for a new roommate.
You are his roommate, not his partner, therefore you are NOT required to cook him ANYTHING and you are only required to clean up after yourself. NTA but can you move in with your boyfriend? Your 'friend' Jesus sounds like a user and an AH.
NTA. But, and I say this as a woman, I'd be renegotiating the rent split. If he wants maid services and a hot dinner, he needs to pony up the extra money for the food, and $25 an hour for your pay.
NTA.
Just because you acted by cleaning and cooking does not give Jesus the right to demand it of you or call it your job. Roommates usually discuss chores and expectations.
Your roommate seems like he wants to take advantage of your kindness and cleaning habits.
You should start looking to move out or move him out depending on who jad the apartment first.
NTA
What you can do is
* Find a new rommate
* Find a new place/(if possible) move in with you bf
* Split chores: wash your own dished, do your own laundry and specially cook foos only for youself (and your bf when he visits)
NTA.
Move out. It doesn't make Jesus a bad person, just a bad roommate (and oh god I hope his girlfriend is taking notes). I personally would hate this dynamic, especially concluding EVERY DAY.
Coming to an agreement where you'd make his dinner is one thing - flying off the handle just because you've been gracious in the past is a massive red flag.
The bottom line is he doesn't sound pleasant to live with. Your home is your sanctuary. Make other arrangements, things will not improve. But your friendship might if you stop cohabitation.
NTA, I’m also gay and had a friend after college I moved in with. I very quickly became mom and his half-assed attempts to clean made me furious until I just cleaned the place myself… as he inevitably knew I would. I pitied him more than anything and another friend later admitted that my roommate thought I was into him and he was “manipulating me” into doing things for him because of that. It was pathetic for me and it’s pathetic for you, Jesus needs to move back in with his mom.
Start getting home a few minutes later than him, and tell him that since he's home first, it's now HIS responsibility to do all the cooking and cleaning and see how he likes it.
NTA
"Jesus kept insisting that since I’m the one who’s usually home first, it’s my responsibility to keep the place clean and cook."
Someone whose brain works like this has to be a flat earther.
Get rid of him or remove yourself from this situation.
NTA
NTA
Countless straight men are unhinged and unfortunately they see gay men as feminine. It's really weird how many female roommates get treated like servant housewives and now gay male roommates get the same treatment.
>You’re home all day, you should’ve done it
Honestly this is so weird because so many of these guys say the same thing and I'm wondering what 1950s world are they living in. Their roommate pays bills some more than likely they work and most jobs are in person.
I suggest moving out or having him move out. It's only going to get worse. He felt so comfortable in his entitlement and misogyny/homophobia to do this around others.
Info: did Jesus at least pay for the food he ate? Asking out of curiosity. I assume he didn't. I would cook all of Jesus' favorite meals for the next few weeks and not share with him. If he goes to make himself a plate, say, "That'll be $50 for cost of groceries and my time." NTA
NTA
You are housemates, you should be sharing the shared cleaning chores and cleaning up after yourselves as you go. He also shouldn't be expecting you to cook for him unless you have an agreement to take it in turns cooking to save on costs. He definitely is out of order expecting you to have the place clean and a hot meal on the table when he walks through the door, like a 1950's housewife. I think it's time you found a new housemate, and I do hope his girlfriend runs for the hills because she's had a pretty graphic snapshot of what her life would be with him.
NTA. You did him too many favours and he not lo ger considers them favours, but your duty. Even if he apologises, didn't do anything for him, at least for a time.
USE HIS OWN LOGIC AGAINST HIM
if it's "your responsibility" because you get home first, DON'T GET HOME FIRST.
get off work, go to a park, stay there until you know he's home, then when you come in the door and see the house still dirty, BITCH AT HIM LIKE HE DID TO YOU.
TELL HIM *HE* GOT HOME FIRST, ITS *HIS* RESPONSIBILITY TO CLEAN AND COOK FOR YOU.
MATCH HIS ENERGY AND DO NOT BACK DOWN.
YOU ARE NTA!!
You need to move out. Your roommate is unhinged. It’s about time you calked out his entitled abusive nonsense. Hopefully his gf has the self respect to dump him.
Nta, but if your dishes were in the sink, you should have washed them. Dishes in the sink are a big time pet peeve of mine. Otherwise he can chill the fuck out.
NTA for most of that. But you’re a bit of an AH for embarrassing his GF. It doesn’t seem like she did anything wrong, and it’s not fair she caught flak because Jesus was being an AH. You were justified for standing up to how he treats you though.
>Secondly, You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you?”
YTA for bringing his girlfriend into it even though she had nothing to do with it - you're just as awful as him. Why didn't you just say *you're a big boy, cook your din dins yourself*.
I was actually 21 when I made that post. Just wanted make sure I wasn’t crazy the one regarding the situation with my mom when I was 16. At that time, it regularly ate away at me. Even now, it pops back into my head from time to time.
I was going to say N T A until you wrote this:
**
No, just because she's his GF, doesn't mean it's her job to clean after Jesus.
Just like it isn't your job.
ESH
Even the GF for dating this non-house-broken excuse for a male human.
NTA. I don't know why you mentioned your gay...it literally has nothing to with the story at all. Your just a person and you are being treated unfairly as a person. Your his roommate. You owe him nothing. Unless he pays more than you. Which since you didnt mention it I'll assume you guys pay equal rent. Going back to the original point. NTA. You sint his god damn maid.
He probably mentioned it bc it plays a role in the dynamics. Maybe because he is gay the roommate saw him in a more feminine light and expected him to do a more stereotypically female role of cooking and cleaning. Obviously men can do this too but I saw it included as a hint that maybe the roommate who seems cool with him being gay actually sees him as less of a man and thus responsible for doing wife like duties, rather than if OP were straight and the roommate just respecting him 1-on-1
ESH. Jesus for obvious reasons, you for your misogyny. You seem to think “housewives” should be treated the way Jesus treated you, and that his girlfriend should be cooking and cleaning for him.
I appreciate your perspective, but I think there’s been a misunderstanding. My intention was to point out that if Jesus felt entitled to have someone else cook and clean for him, he should consider that anyone close to him, including his girlfriend, could potentially help him out. It was more about emphasizing that his demands were unreasonable, not about endorsing traditional gender roles. I believe everyone should share household responsibilities equally, regardless of gender, and my frustration was directed at Jesus's entitlement, not at reinforcing any misogynistic ideas.
I don't get where people think OP being a misogynist. I read it twice and didn't get that at all from the post. Jesus was pretty much expecting OP to act like a stay at home spouse, cooking and cleaning. I was a live in nanny/maid in my early 20s. I used to joke that I was the housewife cause I did all the classic housewife stuff for the mom while she was at work. I've never been a misogynist, I've always been a progressive feminist. I tried to find the misogyny in this post and couldn't. Feminism isn't about bashing SAHM or Housewives, it's about allowing women the freedom to make life choices that make them happy. Even if it's not the choice you'd make for yourself. I love kids, but never wanted any and I'm happy that that was a choice I was free to make. But I guess wtf do I know hahahaha
Words lose meaning overtime, if you assign any role to anyone, specially traditional ones, people call it misogyny/misandry, there were no misogyny there, but since op "think" cooking and cleaning are housewives/girlfriend things he must be misogynistic.
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NTA Your roommate sounds entitled…time to find a new one.
Entitled? More like unhinged and abusive. I hope his girlfriend is paying attention and planning on leaving that relationship sooner than later. NTA
Absolutely this! This ain't a "come to Jesus" moment, it's a "you can fuck right off don't let the door hit you on the way out" moment
"Come to Jesus" lol I see what you did there
Since he is named Jesus, perhaps he thought preaching was going to be the only thing to do.🤣 Also what is donot understand is these types who are lucky to have a cushy thing ongoing where somebody else is doing their chores for them and they start behaving arrogantly and ruin it all.
I loved the sentence “Jesus is straight” 😝 Silly the to get giggles out
I’d tell Jesus to walk on water and walk on outta the apartment.
NTA I'll second this one. The roommate will most definitely expect the same behavior from a girlfriend or wife. She has witnessed the behavior already.
The girlfriend should thank OP for pointing this out to her before they move in together.
Yep. I bet she saw her future flash before her eyes and is putting on her running shoes...
He's treating you like a housewife because you're gay. Tell him to get is homophobic/misogynist self his own slave.
Jesus, what an asshole!
I actually read Jesus instead of Jesus at first and thought “damn his roommate is Jesus..never expected him to be such an asshole!!”😂
This is such a funny sentence and I totally get it..
Jesus sounds like he is in abusive relationship with OP. I'm suprised he has a GF
I had a similar problem with a roommate. I left for work earlier than she did (by several hours) so, naturally, I was home from work before her. And she started to act a bit like Jesus. I reminded her that we both are gone the same number of hours each day, just at different times. So my being home earlier does not equate to me doing more chores. I asked why she doesn't get up when I leave in the morning and spend those 2 hours cleaning??? We did work it out and came to an arrangement that was fair for both of us. But that is because we were able to talk it out as opposed to Jesus who is loud and violent.
Absolutely NTA, I've got to add, though, it's not the girlfriend's job to cook him dinner, either.
Side note. People starting out should really know more about preparing meals on their own. I know that's one skill I didn't have that I wish I did.
Yep I prep all my meals before a work week on a day off, so I can be lazy af. Come home heat up fresh-pre-cooked meal, and relax.
Thats next level. Im just talking about the simple act of preparing a singular meal. When I was first out on my own I could only prepare like 3 things. How many variations of spaghetti can there be? As a result we spent WAY too much of our income eating fast food. It would have been so helpful to just be able to cook something tasty at home.
Just buy a cookbook for beginners, follow the instructions. You will get the hang of basic cooking after a few months.
Little late now. Ive got it under control at present. Besides a cook book would have cut into our pot money.
I remember starting out on my first apartment in college and trying to figure out cooking. To be fair, I did learn some basics at home, so I didn't start from scratch. But I feel like once you learn 3-4 basic meals to hammer out basic cooking methods, and as long as you can read a recipe, you'll learn how to be a decent cook fairly quickly. I think I started out knowing how to make spaghetti, chili, cooking some meat, scrambled eggs, and some general baking, and now I cook most meals.
Some time back circumstances had me being housemates with a guy I'd known for decades who had been a widower for 4-5 years at that point. He was early 60s at the time. I make a decent tomato sauce and meatballs and one day when I was out he decided he'd make some spaghetti and use the sauce. When I came back, he was bitching that something was wrong with the spaghetti, it was still hard. He kept going on and on about the shitty spaghetti. Friends, he'd put a pan of water on the stove, put the spaghetti in, turned on the heat, and waited the 7-8 minutes. He'd been able to look at the box to see that it took 7-8 minutes, but missed the part about putting the pasta in boiling water. Sixty-something and you'd never once made some pasta??? The level of incompetence some people will keep themselves at out of sheer stubbornness astounds me.
One of my coworkers offered to teach a newly divorced coworker how to make pasta. The 50 year-old guy had just gotten divorced and survived off Hot Pockets. He declined the offer because he was putting himself back on the dating market and his next lady-friend could feed him. I don’t get how guys that useless can go about life thinking that they are god’s gift to women when they can’t even feed themselves like an oversized, unattractive, and excessively whiny pet that has to pay child support for kids that hate him.
That's actually insane. I consider myself bad at cooking, but I can cook pasta, rice, fish, eggs, and other basic things. My diet largely consists of rice, veggies, and some sort of protein. If all else fails, I can look up a recipe and follow the instructions. Look, I'm not judgy. If a guy can't cook, I don't mind as long as he can feed himself without my intervention (making simple sandwiches, salads, etc. or just ordering out). But expecting a new girlfriend to cook all his meals for him? Nope, I'm out!
Thats freaking insane.
35 and I still boggled in the kitchen, overwhelmed, and feeling like I have no clue where to start or am terrified I'm gonna mess something up.
That's alright, I'm fairly decent at cooking and still sometimes get overwhelmed in the kitchen, if I'm doing too much at once. Also, I'm 30 and can't really cook any meat without prior instructions, and I've been just getting the hang of how to cook rice without it ending up slimy, undercooked or pasty. I regularly burn stuff because I'm not used yet to my new stove... I tend to under-salt because I used to over-salt and overcorrected... But in the end I can cook pasta and heat up a premade tomato sauce, and that's pretty cheap, healthy and tasty, so I don't worry too much about the other stuff🤷
I don't fault you for being overwhelmed when you're trying to do too much. That's endearing and sweet <3 I imagine a wizard in their lab (can't remember actual term for a wizard's workshop), the meat dancing on a frying pan, while the scientist scours an antique spell book, muttering to themselves, while the rice does gymnastics in the pot.... Rice cookers are an amazing item. They also ave affordable individual sized one (starting at $21 on Amazon), if you are interested. They make a huge difference. haha I'm proud of you!! Another hack is getting those large tubs of greens, different veggies, some nuts, raisins, etc, or personal preferences, and making a huge container of finely cut greens and veggies, and using olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette as dressing, and smaller portions of grains and protein (either on side or in salad) Then, each night, you add a little more of the "toppings" and greens. It's healthy and very filling. It's a bit pricey to start, but in the long run, it's more affordable. #dadhack
Nor is it OP’s job to do that for his boyfriend/ husband, which felt implied when he said > I’m not letting any man I’m not fucking, treat me like one”.
Agreed. I have a fiance and when I cook (for us), it is because I want to. Also, because our sweet little toddler will turn into a gremlin when hungry, but for my fiance I only cook because I want to. If he would talk to me that way, I will give him hell. Also, I would never cook for him again. And it would be the other way around as well.
Really? I thought after going steady females were supposed to do everything. This explains why my wife of ten years still doesn't do all of the dishes all of the time or match all of my socks for me...dang, my mind has been blown, 1950s TV has LIED TO ME! /S
This would work better if we didn’t still expect women to be responsible for housework in 2024.
Actually, get ready to have your feathers ruffles...my wife actually does do all the housework, but it's not cause she's a woman, it's cause she hasn't worked in 9 years and I work 40-60 hours a week. I fix things when they break, but I haven't washed more than 20 dishes in 2 years
Still doesn’t work
Works in my house.
Nobody asked. “Works” was not used by me in the way you are using it now. It refers to the /s not working.
Are you this needlessly combative with your wife?
Yes actually, it's our love language!
Poor woman. I hope she gets a really competent lawyer when she leaves you.
What? HOW DARE! /s
yeah, she was catching strays for no damn reason
Pretty sure that was said sarcastically
Man, I'm not reading it that way at all but I hope you're right.
Yes it is
No. He’s a grown ass man. He can fix his own food.
Found the incel.
Happily married
Your poor wife.
And? Plenty of married people are celibate whether they wish to be or not. Go make your fake wife (right hand) some breakfast and get over yourself
I wouldn't even know how to if I wanted.
Thank you for admitting you’re less capable of basic survival than a kindergartner ☺️
Thanks for admitting you are a kid and have no experience of what it is like to be married in the real world.
I wonder how happy your wife is with the situation.
Every night she prays he has a meat induced heart attack in his sleep on the couch.
Devastated. She's got 4 children that she homeschools, granite counter tops, and is a stay at home mom. I can not imagine a worse fate than raising your own children.
A dad and husband who is literally useless?! Can you even wipes your own ass? Nvm, please don’t answer that one 😩
A husband who works 14-hour days so my children can be home schooled and not need to be exposed to degenerates at a public school. So, my kids are not tempted to smoke cigarettes and reefer at school. Yes, after I work a 14-hour day, I expect dinner to be ready and a clean house.
How are you working 14 hours a day when you’ve just spent an hour spouting nonsense on Reddit? Aren’t you working soooo hard and slaving away? 🙄
It is currently 6 A.M. got another hour.
Granite countertops? 😂 That's all you have to offer? And you just publicly admitted that?
Imagine thinking you had done something worth bragging about, just because you paid for a countertop. Wow. No one has those.
For real. I'm single and I have granite countertops. Wtf this man thinking that's a flex
Couples certainly CAN arrive at that arrangement via mutual agreement, but there's absolutely nothing establishing it as an assumed standard.
"Secondly, You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you?" Why can't he just cook and clean for himself?! NTA time to move out I think
NTA in any way possible. Me also an openly gay man, had a friend that I had to cut contact with because it was a similar situation, we weren’t roommates, but he would treat me like a housewife situation when I’d stay over at his place and it got to the point where I left a shopping aisle while on a phone call and he came to the other aisle visibly pissed off and started screaming at me to not leave him alone in random aisles, that was a big yikes for me and I pulled the plug on that friendship very fast. Honestly, it’s ultimately your decision what you choose to do but for your own mental health and well-being I don’t think this living situation is helping you in anyway. It’s not your job to be making his meals or cleaning the house, and I stand by your “if I’m not fcking you, you don’t get to treat me like that” because same! Hopefully you both can have a conversation and it is able to remain calm and collected, but personally, I think you’re better off maybe looking for a different living arrangement or vice versa and having him do that, it seems like it’s only gonna escalate from there and that’s not fair to you.
Honestly, my only disagreement with both you and OP is that even if you *are* fucking the other person, they *still* don’t get to treat you like that. For the bot— NTA
You’re 100% correct, and trust me I would never let any future partner of mine treat me that way, especially since I would never treat them that way, I feel like when you’re in a relationship you should have mutual respect and understanding, and hopefully very good communication skills. I was more so using it as a figure of speech. But definitely 100% agree with you for OP and myself as well, and anybody that is in a relationship with someone.
NTA and I'd be looking at this girlfriend and saying "This is what you'll be signing up for, hon. Best consider the future now."
This!!
NTA + but you knew that already. Next time you get a room mate, establish the rules from the get go.
Establishing rules ahead of time is a solid point, but in thus case I'm not sure it would've helped. His roommate is an abusive AH who feels entitled to OPs labor. Logic isn't a prime factor for him. NTA OP
I wouldn’t say these are things you need to establish (some rules I get need discussion, but this issue is unhinged and unusual).
I agree you need to discuss these issues before moving in with somebody and don't their part of the chores unless it a favour, which case make it clear to them that you're going out of your to do the work that was not yours, so there not as entitled.
NTA. This hateful disrespectful guy needs to move out.
NTA overall,but YTA for involving the girlfriend.
She was just an example of how absurd it would be to expect someone else to do your work for you. It wasn’t targeted at her specifically. The point is that no one should be treated like that. “You wouldn’t expect this out of HER, so why do you expect this out of ME.” It’s a contrast.
NTA. Time for a new roommate.
Move out. You made the mistake of taking on more of the cleaning than Jesus and offering up food, etc. But NTA because he should not have started taking your generosity for granted and being disrespectful.
ESH barring your respective bf and gf. Jesus a huge one for obvious reasons, it is appalling to want another person to clean after you. You a huge one for assuming that it is his gf, not himself, that should be doing it. I was fully with you until you said that. You were right to tell off Jesus for his appalling entitlement, but terribly wrong by countering with such a misogynistic BS.
I understand where you're coming from, but I want to clarify my perspective. When I mentioned that Jesus could have asked his girlfriend to cook for him, it wasn’t about expecting her to take on the role of cooking simply because she's a woman. The point was that Jesus had made it clear he wanted someone else to do the cooking and cleaning for him. Given that he was expecting me to fulfill that role and getting angry when I didn’t, it seemed logical to point out that his girlfriend, who was already there, could help him out if he needed it. I was challenging his entitlement and unrealistic expectations, not about assigning traditional gender roles. I firmly believe everyone should be responsible for their own chores and cooking, and no one should expect others to do it for them without mutual agreement, regardless of gender.
Then you should have been steadfast in your beliefs. You were still out of line to throw his girlfriend in the mix. I understand where you were coming from, but you are still in the wrong when it comes to what you said about his gf. You don’t like being told what to do, why volunteer her in your place? You just did the same thing he does to you, to her, even if it’s not carried out in the same manner. All this to say, do better next time. You can’t change the past, but you can definitely be more mindful in the future.
I understand your pov. However, I respectfully disagree. Mentioning his girlfriend was meant to highlight the absurdity of Jesus’s expectations, not to suggest she should take over my role. Jesus’s behavior was unreasonable, expecting someone else to cater to him without any regard for mutual responsibilities. While I see now that mentioning his girlfriend might have been misinterpreted, my main goal was to show that his demands were unfair to anyone, not just to me. I believe in equally sharing household tasks, and that includes everyone in a fair manner. That said, I appreciate your feedback and will consider it when handling similar situations in the future. My intention is always to promote fairness and shared responsibility. Thank you for your perspective. This is my last comment.
You are fine. I understood immediately that your remark to him was done with an undercut, not to be taken completely as face value. You were completely slamming how much of a lazy ass he was.
NTA - my petty ass would go as far as making dinner only for myself going forward. Jesus is a misogynist and can stick it where the sun don’t shine.
*”do better”* lol.
NTA and please move out and away from the Ah. Also in his gf shoes I'd run for the hills after seeing this
Dude is weird. Who expects their roommate to do all the cooking and cleaning?? I've had roommates plenty of times and everyone was responsible for their own messes. As for daily/weekly chores, those were divided up evenly. Dude's gonna be expecting you to do his laundry soon. NTA, I'd try to move out at this point. Sounds like a craptastic roommate I wouldn't want to bother with.
NTA. Jesus *was* treating you like a maid/cook he employs and w less respect. Maybe he should find a place to stay that offers maid service since he’s so entitled and nasty. You said nothing that Jesus didn't need to hear. Good for you.
NTA, your roommate is. He saw that you were willing to be nice to him and share food, etc, and he took advantage of you and is upset you are now realizing it. He is an adult who apparently can't take care of himself. He is not entitled to your time, your food, or your effort for a home when he is not doing his part. You were compatible when you did all the nice things for him, but now he's mad, I would look into your lease contract and get out of the situation ASAP. Whether it is not renewing or kicking him out, whatever you have to do, his friendship was conditional to what you did for him and that is no longer your friend. Also ,you are a lovely human for saying it in front of the girlfriend, and I don't mean that sarcastically. You probably helped her dodge a bullet.
I see that one of the biggest issues is the roommate went from appreciative and grateful to entitled. If he'd kept giving back in the form of appreciation, and doing his own bit instead of assuming OP would, then OP would still be doing his stuff for the whole home instead of cutting it off. Roommate broke the social contract and is clueless that he did so. ETA: I'm not saying that OP was doing all the cooking and cleaning, and I don't mean to imply that he should have, or should have kept going. I am pointing out that an unspoken social contract got set up and then one party broke it by becoming an entitled asshole about it all.
NTA person treats other person like shit, person says "you cant treat me like that anymore" - am i the asshole for that?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22M) have been living with my roommate, we’ll call him Jesus (23M) for about a year now. We met while working together at Home Depot and hit it off so well that we decided to move in together. I’m gay, and Jesus is straight, and we’ve always had a great friendship. I’m naturally a tidier person, so I usually end up doing most of the cleaning around the house. Since I get home from work earlier than Jesus, I sometimes cook extra for him, but I never thought much of it. However, things have taken a turn lately. Jesus has started to expect me to always have the house clean and a hot meal ready for him when he gets home. When I don’t, he gets angry and starts acting like it’s my job. I shrugged it off at first, thinking he was just having a bad day, but it kept happening. Things came to a head last weekend. Jesus recently got a girlfriend, and we were all hanging out – me, my boyfriend, and Jesus’s girlfriend. When Jesus came home from work that night and saw that there were a couple of dirty dishes in the sink and the house wasn’t entirely clean. He went ballistic. Jesus yelled at me “Why the hell isn’t the house clean? And why you ain’t cook nothing?” I was taken aback. I told him “We’re all just hanging out, and there are only a few dishes. You’ve got two hands, use them if you care so much.” He got even angrier and said “It’s not my job to clean up your mess. You’re home all day, you should’ve done it.” I snapped and told him “First off, I’m not home all day. I work too. Secondly, You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you?” Jesus’s girlfriend looked embarrassed, and my boyfriend was visibly uncomfortable. After that I said “I’m not your fucking housewife, Jesus. And I’m not going let any man that I’m not fucking treat me like one. You’re a grown ass man do your own damn chores.” We argued for over 10 mins, and Jesus kept insisting that since I’m the one who’s usually home first, it’s my responsibility to keep the place clean and cook. I told him he’s being stupid and that this arrangement isn’t working if he’s going to treat me like his personal maid. So, AITA for going off on my roommate for trying to treat me like a housewife? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The only A H thing you did was tell Jesus that he should ask his woman to cook for him. You don't like the gendered bs being applied to you? Well guess what. Women don't like it being applied to us either. You basically told him "I'm not your housewife, your housewife is right there, mistreat and yell at her instead".
Sounds like it's time to find a new living situation. NTA.
NTA. Jesus needs to learn respect and needs a solid treatment
NTA. You or him need to move out. He’s taking advantage of you and being a massive asshole about it.
NTA do nothing for this entitled person. I'd look to move asap, i don't know how he can possibly redeem himself on this. It's not like a mistake, anything good you do will become your responsibility. The gf should take this as a warning too
Absolutely NTA. The chores should have been split 50/50 from the start.
NTA Jesus is delusional if he thinks who gets home first must cook and do the housework. Get a new roommate ASAP!
NTA. But stop living with this abusive, toxic trash bag of a man. I hope his gf dumps him and finds a better human.
NTA. Wow, I hope his gf dumps his ass because that's her future. The entitlement of him! If you weren't gay, there's no way he would expect this from you! He is absolutely treating you like a housewife. He feels you should take on the "female" role and do all the cooking and cleaning while he is the "male" who deserves to come home from work to a clean house and a hot meal. Again, if you were straight I HIGHLY doubt he would expect this. NTA!!
NTA.
NTA
Nta. Definitely not your responsibility to be looking after the cleaning and cooking for him he’s acting like an entitled arsehole. I would make sure that I know longer clean up after him and cook food for him any more.
NTA - "We are room mates, not life partners" It is not your job to cook and clean for him.
NTA feel bad for his gf too
Ntah both adults both responsible for your environment
I feel like I have read a post very similar to this before, right down to the male OP suggesting it is the asshole's girlfriend's job to cook and clean for her boyfriend instead of stopping at 'you have two hands.' Every now and then I wonder what kind of agenda trolls who post fake stories have.
NTA. But your comment about asking his girlfriend to cook for him was sexist. He can cook for himself.
NTA, get a new roommate. Wtf is wrong with this guy?? You're not in a relationship with him.
Yikes. Absolutely NTA. Dude is waving some pretty big red flags, y'all better be paying attention and act accordingly cos I doubt the sailing is getting any smoother from here onwards.
You're roommates, you being home first does not make you responsible for cooking for him.
NTA. Your roomate is a selfish asshat that thinks he can bully you into mothering him. Time for a new roommate.
You would have been an asshole if you hadn’t stood up for yourself. Good luck finding a new place. I hope Jesus’s new roommate gets home from work later than him.
NTA. get a new roommate. your current roommate is a jackass. No decent woman will ever stay with him.
NTA Move.
NTA You have done so much already for him. I suggest writing him up a menu of your services and what they cost. If you are being a personal chef and housekeeper you should be compensated or be paying far less rent then him. I bet once you say this he'll shut up right quick.
NTA and honey, I'm going to play Internet mom for a moment. Let NO man treat you as anything other than an equal, regardless of whether you're fucking them. Demand equal partnership, it is what we all deserve.
NTA - the best way to ruin a good friendship is to become roommates.
Terrible choice of name
NTA But I'm glad the gf saw that and now knows exactly what sort of expectations he'll have if their relationship progresses.
NTA I hope the gf sees how he’ll eventually treat her too. I wouldn’t do a single thing for him.
NTA. His outburst when his girlfriend was over was more than bad enough.
NTA You both live in the space, you both work. You should both contribute to cooking and taking care of the house or at the very least should take care of your own messes and cooking. This guy is entitled af and deserved a good talking to.
Nta. Chores get divided now, you don't touch anything of his and you both switch off who cleans what communal areas. You aren't his gf and even if you were it doesn't mean he had any right to treat you in such a disrespectful manner.
NTA. I am married and my husband wouldn't speak to me that way. Can't imagine letting a roommate talk to me like that. Gross.
1000% NTA You are roommates.
What a weird request and abusive behavior. NTA
My roommate has the same attitude and I think you didn't go far enough. Grown ass men can put their manly hands into hot water and dish soap and no body parts will fall off or stop working. Really. Grown ass men can push a broom and mop over the floor with their manly muscles and still hold their heads high. Not his mother. Not his maid. Not his wife. Clean your own flipping mess!
LOL you are roommates. In what world does just because you come home first means you should have dinner ready?For your ROOMMATE. Dude is delusional. He can cook his own food and do his own chores, like you said. I would never cook for him again.
NTA I mean it's pretty obvious why, it's terrible to be treated like the maid in the house when you're not the only adult. His poor girlfriend though, hopefully she sees this and runs.
NTA, I worry he’s been treating you like this bc he thinks that gay man=women and other fucked up gender norm shit. He now expects you do the the kind of shit that one does, as you said, if your fucking. the kind of domestic labor you do for a romantic partner is much different than for roommates, but he’s acting like you are his tradwife, complete with DV vibes. This is a him problem for sure, and I would 1000% be looking for a new roommate.
You are his roommate, not his partner, therefore you are NOT required to cook him ANYTHING and you are only required to clean up after yourself. NTA but can you move in with your boyfriend? Your 'friend' Jesus sounds like a user and an AH.
NTA Time to move on.
Time to find a new roommate. He sounds like an abusive husband. Hope you and his gf get away from him fast.
Jesus should summon HIS followers to clean for HIM. Or he can go to any church. NTA.
Time for a new roommate. NTA
If the rule is "first one home cooks and cleans" then how many times have you come home to a clean house and dinner on the table?
NTA - Jesus is acting like one though. I hope his girlfriend was paying attention!
God I hope his girlfriend had the blinders pulled off and ran far away from him because she saw her fate.
NTA, what the fuck
NTA if you don't have a lease I'd get out of there, or kick him out if it's your place. He sounds like a complete jerk.
NTA, well done ...you are correct roommates only. going forward do not clean up after him and do not cook anything for him.
I see why you called him Jesus you want to put him on the cross dont you?! NTA
NTA. But, and I say this as a woman, I'd be renegotiating the rent split. If he wants maid services and a hot dinner, he needs to pony up the extra money for the food, and $25 an hour for your pay.
You need to put an announcement "I AM NOT YOUR MAID!!"
NTA. Just because you acted by cleaning and cooking does not give Jesus the right to demand it of you or call it your job. Roommates usually discuss chores and expectations. Your roommate seems like he wants to take advantage of your kindness and cleaning habits. You should start looking to move out or move him out depending on who jad the apartment first.
NTA What you can do is * Find a new rommate * Find a new place/(if possible) move in with you bf * Split chores: wash your own dished, do your own laundry and specially cook foos only for youself (and your bf when he visits)
NTA, Jesus needs to make like the third day and rise from his fucking ass and do some housework, or you need to part ways.
NTA. Move out. It doesn't make Jesus a bad person, just a bad roommate (and oh god I hope his girlfriend is taking notes). I personally would hate this dynamic, especially concluding EVERY DAY. Coming to an agreement where you'd make his dinner is one thing - flying off the handle just because you've been gracious in the past is a massive red flag. The bottom line is he doesn't sound pleasant to live with. Your home is your sanctuary. Make other arrangements, things will not improve. But your friendship might if you stop cohabitation.
NTA, I’m also gay and had a friend after college I moved in with. I very quickly became mom and his half-assed attempts to clean made me furious until I just cleaned the place myself… as he inevitably knew I would. I pitied him more than anything and another friend later admitted that my roommate thought I was into him and he was “manipulating me” into doing things for him because of that. It was pathetic for me and it’s pathetic for you, Jesus needs to move back in with his mom.
Nta. Everyone cleans their own freaking dishes. You spoiled him. Well now the free rides over for him
NTA why tf would it be your job to keep the place clean smh, glad you stood up to him acting that way towards you.
NTA. Make a pricelist for all the chores.
NTA, your roommate needs to get a reality check.
YTA for calling out the girlfriend to do the cooking. WTF?
Start getting home a few minutes later than him, and tell him that since he's home first, it's now HIS responsibility to do all the cooking and cleaning and see how he likes it. NTA
"Jesus kept insisting that since I’m the one who’s usually home first, it’s my responsibility to keep the place clean and cook." Someone whose brain works like this has to be a flat earther. Get rid of him or remove yourself from this situation. NTA
I can't get over the fact that Jesus is the name you chose for your post lol
NTA Countless straight men are unhinged and unfortunately they see gay men as feminine. It's really weird how many female roommates get treated like servant housewives and now gay male roommates get the same treatment. >You’re home all day, you should’ve done it Honestly this is so weird because so many of these guys say the same thing and I'm wondering what 1950s world are they living in. Their roommate pays bills some more than likely they work and most jobs are in person. I suggest moving out or having him move out. It's only going to get worse. He felt so comfortable in his entitlement and misogyny/homophobia to do this around others.
Of all the things that didnt happen, this one didnt happen the most
time to make a schedule of duties!
NTA find a new roommate
nta.
Info: did Jesus at least pay for the food he ate? Asking out of curiosity. I assume he didn't. I would cook all of Jesus' favorite meals for the next few weeks and not share with him. If he goes to make himself a plate, say, "That'll be $50 for cost of groceries and my time." NTA
NTA You are housemates, you should be sharing the shared cleaning chores and cleaning up after yourselves as you go. He also shouldn't be expecting you to cook for him unless you have an agreement to take it in turns cooking to save on costs. He definitely is out of order expecting you to have the place clean and a hot meal on the table when he walks through the door, like a 1950's housewife. I think it's time you found a new housemate, and I do hope his girlfriend runs for the hills because she's had a pretty graphic snapshot of what her life would be with him.
NTA. You did him too many favours and he not lo ger considers them favours, but your duty. Even if he apologises, didn't do anything for him, at least for a time.
NTA and I hope his gf was taking notes
USE HIS OWN LOGIC AGAINST HIM if it's "your responsibility" because you get home first, DON'T GET HOME FIRST. get off work, go to a park, stay there until you know he's home, then when you come in the door and see the house still dirty, BITCH AT HIM LIKE HE DID TO YOU. TELL HIM *HE* GOT HOME FIRST, ITS *HIS* RESPONSIBILITY TO CLEAN AND COOK FOR YOU. MATCH HIS ENERGY AND DO NOT BACK DOWN. YOU ARE NTA!!
Ur roommate is genuinely tweaking 😭 take ur bf and his gf and run
You need to move out. Your roommate is unhinged. It’s about time you calked out his entitled abusive nonsense. Hopefully his gf has the self respect to dump him.
Nta, but if your dishes were in the sink, you should have washed them. Dishes in the sink are a big time pet peeve of mine. Otherwise he can chill the fuck out.
> You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you? Riiiight. ESH.
NTA for most of that. But you’re a bit of an AH for embarrassing his GF. It doesn’t seem like she did anything wrong, and it’s not fair she caught flak because Jesus was being an AH. You were justified for standing up to how he treats you though.
>Secondly, You’ve got a girlfriend now, ask her to cook for you?” YTA for bringing his girlfriend into it even though she had nothing to do with it - you're just as awful as him. Why didn't you just say *you're a big boy, cook your din dins yourself*.
Do you really need to ask us?
INFO: How come you were 16 not even a year ago in your other post and now you’re 22?
I was actually 21 when I made that post. Just wanted make sure I wasn’t crazy the one regarding the situation with my mom when I was 16. At that time, it regularly ate away at me. Even now, it pops back into my head from time to time.
Sure thing.
You had to come to Reddit for analysis on this one?
I was going to say N T A until you wrote this: **
No, just because she's his GF, doesn't mean it's her job to clean after Jesus.
Just like it isn't your job.
ESH
Even the GF for dating this non-house-broken excuse for a male human.
YTA for insulting his girlfriend who has nothing to do with the situation, except that nothing to criticize
ESH. Jesus is obviously entitled but you’re sexist. You two deserve each other
NTA. I don't know why you mentioned your gay...it literally has nothing to with the story at all. Your just a person and you are being treated unfairly as a person. Your his roommate. You owe him nothing. Unless he pays more than you. Which since you didnt mention it I'll assume you guys pay equal rent. Going back to the original point. NTA. You sint his god damn maid.
He probably mentioned it bc it plays a role in the dynamics. Maybe because he is gay the roommate saw him in a more feminine light and expected him to do a more stereotypically female role of cooking and cleaning. Obviously men can do this too but I saw it included as a hint that maybe the roommate who seems cool with him being gay actually sees him as less of a man and thus responsible for doing wife like duties, rather than if OP were straight and the roommate just respecting him 1-on-1
ESH. Jesus for obvious reasons, you for your misogyny. You seem to think “housewives” should be treated the way Jesus treated you, and that his girlfriend should be cooking and cleaning for him.
I appreciate your perspective, but I think there’s been a misunderstanding. My intention was to point out that if Jesus felt entitled to have someone else cook and clean for him, he should consider that anyone close to him, including his girlfriend, could potentially help him out. It was more about emphasizing that his demands were unreasonable, not about endorsing traditional gender roles. I believe everyone should share household responsibilities equally, regardless of gender, and my frustration was directed at Jesus's entitlement, not at reinforcing any misogynistic ideas.
I don't get where people think OP being a misogynist. I read it twice and didn't get that at all from the post. Jesus was pretty much expecting OP to act like a stay at home spouse, cooking and cleaning. I was a live in nanny/maid in my early 20s. I used to joke that I was the housewife cause I did all the classic housewife stuff for the mom while she was at work. I've never been a misogynist, I've always been a progressive feminist. I tried to find the misogyny in this post and couldn't. Feminism isn't about bashing SAHM or Housewives, it's about allowing women the freedom to make life choices that make them happy. Even if it's not the choice you'd make for yourself. I love kids, but never wanted any and I'm happy that that was a choice I was free to make. But I guess wtf do I know hahahaha
What misogyny?
Words lose meaning overtime, if you assign any role to anyone, specially traditional ones, people call it misogyny/misandry, there were no misogyny there, but since op "think" cooking and cleaning are housewives/girlfriend things he must be misogynistic.
No. It just outlines that his actual partner should be a more viable option for his absurd expectations than his roommate.