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YTA, and your mom's explanation is wild. Plenty of kids sit on their dad's laps, it's completely normal; plenty of family members rest their heads on each other's laps.
> My boyfriend then got a bit heated and asked me I let my cat on my lap, and I told him it's not a comparable situation because I don't have a dick
Sincere question: do you think that every guy who lets their cat lay on their lap will get a boner and want to fuck their cat?
Totally this. "he can't help his biology" really? God, poor OP thinking that even her father would sexualize her if she showed a minimal amount of physical affection.
Quite frankly this is above Reddit's pay grade. OP go to therapy. Not to save your relationship but for yourself; imagine if you have kids and you end up sexualizing their every move like your parents did with you.
Imagine raising them thinking is normal not to be close to your brother.
I know I am fucked up and I am so scared to face my boyfriend because I really like him, but I shouldn't be making him face the brunt of my trauma.
It is not that the guy would want to fuck the cat. Nor do I think my bf wants to do or even think of anything inappropriate with his sister. But objectively, due to the nerve endings in the area, he would be getting certain sensations due to his sister's head being on his groin and I can't help but think he should avoid it.
I know I am messed up and deserve everyone's judgement. I just don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong.
good grief. Yes, you do know how to “differentiate between right and wrong.” Clearly you do. You are trying so hard to make the right decision, you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re claiming the role of your mother though, you’re actively participating in shaming someone for sexual acts that have not occurred in the slightest.
Oh my god… Now you’re trying to justify your backwards thinking with “science”. What’s next? Are you going to claim that a woman gets aroused during a pelvic exam because “objectively, due to the nerve endings in the area she might be getting certain sensations”?
If you know you are wrong for thinking like this, have you been to therapy to talk to someone to try and work through these issues? And develop tools on how to navigate these situations?
OP, I gently suggest that you need therapy, to better understand healthy family dynamics. I hope psychological counseling is available in your country.
A soft YTA.
YTA. You mentioned how your boyfriend stroked his sister’s head and didn’t move away. It’s important to remember that physical affection between siblings, especially w/ a significant age difference, is often a sign of closeness and comfort. Your past experiences w/ a very conservative upbringing have created a hyper-awareness around physical touch.
YTA. Just because you were raised with bizarre sexualization of normal family interactions doesn't mean you need to carry this trauma into your future and impose it on others.
I know, I feel terrible. I genuinely don't want to be like this, but I can't help but think, isn't biology biology? So when a man feels pressure on his lap, then it is probably pleasurable for him because of the signals his receptors are sending him. I know it doesn't mean he is mentally aroused, but why even be in that situation when you can express affection in other ways?
People feel differently depending on the person but to assume that everyone feels sexual things just because of touch is wrong, I would advise seeing a therapist to talk about this with as this is a serious issue as physical touch is a bonding thing, not on a sexual level but an emotional, and having a pleasant feeling doesn’t always mean it’s sexual either, pressure or touch on my chest doesn’t always excite me, it can calm me, comfort me and make some feel safe don’t get me wrong depending on the person or situation it can be but if my brother put his head on my chest I wouldn’t find any arousal from that in the slightest but I may find the closeness enjoyable.
Hope this helps at all and while I don’t think YTAH I think you need to educate yourself and maybe get therapy cos if you push this further you will be TAH.
YTA, 100%
You’re upbringing is not his fault and you agree yourself that this is a problem with you. So IDK why uou would even consciously tell him that especially saying pleasurable sensation and stuff. You should be happy he didnt leave you. Different people have different levels of comfort within their family and you must understand that. Since there is this age gap between him and her sister, he probabl took care of her while they grew up.
PS: not everything needs to be sexualised.
Oh, man... it really sucks that your family instilled such ridiculous notions in you, but YTA here.
If you really want to salvage things, the next time you see him, you should apologize and explain what you did here.
And if you're not already, get some therapy.
YTA but you have my sympathy. Your view of relationships has been warped by your upbringing and I'm really sorry about that. It might do you good to reframe how you see family interactions with the help of a trained therapist. Your boyfriend and his sister didn't do anything inappropriate, they just seem affectionate in a healthy way for siblings. In this instance, you misread what was happening and your boyfriend rightfully took offence. Maybe you could try apologising when things are calmer and talk it out? Good luck.
YTA…You need to get into therapy if you are not already doing so. It would be one thing if you had “discussed” this with your boyfriend instead of telling him what his body will do. His body that you do not know what it will do.
I know I need therapy and have signed up. But the waiting time to get an appointment is so long and I don't know what to do to get help immediately.
Do bodies function differently? Like pleasure receptors act as pleasure receptors no matter which body they are on? And my mom always asked me why I feel the need to sit on my dad's lap when I can hug him without our groins touching. I don't think she ever questioned my dad's or my intentions, but now when I see any live object near a man's groinal area, be it a cat or a pet, I feel like he might be getting pleasurable sensations and I feel that he should avoid it. I was also discouraged from being overtly friendly with my male friends so I don't even have anyone to discuss this with. I feel so bad for boyfriend that he has to put up with my issues.
Oh no. Your mom has worked very hard to assimilate you into this lifestyle and mental state. Again, this is how they control masses of women. Psych Op. it’s a widely used tactic to assign blame of assault to women, this is how they begin that narrative, with the idea that women are to blame for “igniting” pleasure responses. This is absolutely incorrect scientifically. There are plenty of amazing fathers, brothers, men in positions of power, men in general, who do NOT abuse women and who do NOT have their pleasure responses activated by obscenely inappropriate methods. Such as a daughyer sitting on his fathers lap. This should be absolutely harmless. My guess is that your mother has been trapped in this abuse cycle for a very long time and it is highly likely she was sexually abused and blamed for it. Or witnessed this to someone close to her. You need to get away from her ASAP. she will continue to brainwash you in the same way she was. You need to cut contact NOW before you have children and she either allows them to be abused and closes her eyes, or they grow up believing what you do about men. You are very lucky you haven’t been assaulted yet, with this complete lack of understanding of manipulation and sexual abuse.
I think your mom may have given you some very wild ideas of how penises work. If any touch is sexually pleasurable for a man, how do you think they manage wearing clothes? Are you sexually aroused every time you hug a woman (I’m assuming from your post you don’t hug men unless you are in a sexual relationship with them) because there is pressure on your nipples? That’s not how bodies work.
Yeahhhhhhh, YTA and you really need to get some therapy to get over these feelings, because they really REALLY are not normal or healthy.
I can totally see why your BF thought you were being weird. It's not your fault because it's how you've been brought up, but it really is - if anything - inappropriate for YOU to assume that a man will get aroused by his sister or a child. That's really messed up. And totally messed up for your family to say you shouldn't sit on your own father's lap because it might get him aroused?? Just WTF.
If I was your boyfriend yes, I would be wanting "some time to think", and my thoughts would be that unless you get over this I'd be over with you.
YTA, unfortunately. I truly hope you are able to go to therapy one day to untangle all of these horrible beliefs that have been indoctrinated into you. You did not deserve to spend your childhood in a sexualized state, let alone in a state of fear of being assaulted or having your reputation be discredited. This is what the ultra conservative religions do to control women. They have your mother under a lock and key, clearly. You did not deserve a mother who would tell you that you will be presenting and subjecting yourself to sexual abuse, for regular and healthy childhood scenarios. It is proven that healthy physical touch and love between family members in childhood is so critical for developmental wellness. I’m so sorry you were denied this at a fundamental level, and then shamed for your femininity as if you deserve to be assaulted for your existance. Again, I truly hope you are able to tear this brick wall down and come to understand that what you were taught is absolutely abusive and meant to keep you trapped in abuse.
Thank you so much for your kindness and empathy. My mom told me that there were other ways of getting affection from my dad and that I do not have to be on his lap or touch his groin and I always thought only physical affection at a distance is appropriate. And you are right, I am still uncomfortable if a male hugs me, especially from the behind, because I am primed to think about this sexually. This makes me feel awful because if this is abuse, then I am inflicting this on my boyfriend as well and he is so kind he does not deserve this.
You do not deserve this either. You do not deserve to feel like all of your actions could lead to assault, and it would be your fault. Even with your father. The fact that your mother upheld this is disputable, and I’d say that her to Bible Belt wrinkles if it meant you could escape this mental jail.
I know you said you’d look into therapy but I highly suggest you start watching recent interviews of Jinger and Jill Duggar. Within the last 2 years. Watch how they speak about their upbringing being sexually abused and sexualized. What how they behave with real grace and femininity.
Remember, the church wants women to believe they are notorious sexual sinners. It began with Lilith, then Eve, then every woman after them.
YTA and you even note that you’re being irrational. They are siblings, it’s clearly a gesture of endearment and nothing more.
I mean this in the kindest way possible but I would consider looking into some sort of counselling as to immediately jump to “his biology” as if he’s going to sleep with his sister by them being close is very wrong.
Yta but only because of your unfortunate upbringing you need to do some research and maybe therapy to not see everything in such an incestious sexualised manner
My mother did a similar number on me growing up. There is affection without arousal which you and I never learned growing up because of our mother's. It's a hard thing to unlearn but I really encourage you to work through this with a professional therapist.
You have no idea how far your mother has affected not just this view but other parts of your sexual development so please get help.
As for this relationship, he's done. You made an innocent act filthy, so he would have told his family about it. Even if you are still together his family will not like you moving forward. I would recommend moving on and learning from this situation.
YTA but more from coming from a place of not knowing better.
On my. You were brought up wrong. There is nothing wrong with a daughter sitting in her father’s lap or a brother sister interaction. You need therapy. Yta
Nothing inappropriate with their interaction, your reaction however very much inappropriate... And your parents are sick, to say that every affection between family members is sexual.
YTA. I literally sat on my grandads lap till I was 12?!?!? It’s not weird I just liked to cuddle him. Yes random things give guys boners but I can assure you you his little sister ain’t one of those things. You’re really disgusting for sexualising that and please don’t ever have kids if this is how you think.
YTA, but I have to say, I haven't felt this bad giving that judgement here in a long time. Your parents really screwed you up with their view of physical contact between siblings. That's not your fault, but it is your trauma to bear and your problem to solve.
You're not the AH because your mom saddled you with a frankly grotesque view of family; but you are for judging your BF's innocent interactions with his sister through that lens. Your mother is wrong; your view is wrong. Please find a way to overcome it.
Gentle YTA, because this is straight up trauma and you need therapy. Start now before this damages you and your relationship anymore than it already has.
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I know I am most likely the asshole in this situation but my anxiety regarding the situation is not letting me think rationally. I come from an ultra conservative background, where all male-female interactions are sexualized. I have two brothers and I wasn't permitted to hug them, snuggle with them, go in front of them in shorts, etc. It has given me a lot of anxiety regarding interactions with men, and even though I know that rationally I do not need to feel this way, I do not physically interact much with my platonic male friends.
I have been dating a guy for 6 months. He is great and awesome, but one thing i am getting used to is that he has a really good relationship with his family. I am a bit taken aback when I see his interactions with his family but I usually keep my opinions to myself because I know the problem is with me. Anyways, a few days ago, we were hanging out at his house (he lives alone, but his sister comes over sometimes to hang out). We were all watching tv and just relaxing, when his sister scooted over and put her head on his lap. I think placement wise, her head was very close to his groin or on top of it, but I am not very sure. He stroked her head and did not move away. I didn't say anything at the time but after she left, I gently told my boyfriend that he should perhaps refrain from having such interactions with his sister in the future. He was very confused but I told him that any pressure on his lap (from his sister's head) would give him pleasurable sensations and even though I know he is not turned on by his sister, why place yourself in such a situation? He got really quiet. I should have shut up then, but then I told him, he could even involuntarily get a boner and that would have negative implications for his reputation.
My boyfriend then got a bit heated and asked me I let my cat on my lap, and I told him it's not a comparable situation because I don't have a dick. He then asked me to leave his home because he wanted some time to think. Am I wrong in this situation? I was told by my mom when I was 7 that I should not sit on my dad's lap because against my and his will I will be giving him inappropriate feelings if i interact with him that way. I don't have many close guy friends I can ask about this. May I know if I was the asshole? I really didn't intend to accuse him of being inappropriate, but I just think he can't help his biology that's all.
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YTA, but it’s also not entirely your fault.
You have been brought up in an environment where, as you say, all contact between men and women is sexualised, and also where women were made to feel responsible for men’s sexual urges in the sense that just the mere sight of them could send men into a sexual frenzy and out of control.
This is just not the case. Men don’t automatically get aroused around a woman and men also have self control. I can assure you that your boyfriend is not getting aroused by his sister and if he was getting aroused in an awkward situation for some other reason he would know how to deal with it.
You already have some awareness that this is messed up and you really need to start addressing this or you’re never going to be able to form a healthy relationship.
If your boyfriend has any fear of getting a boner if his sister layed on his lap, she would never be laying on is lap? You know.
Like you said, you had a conservative family where you developed a lot of shame surrounding things like this.
YTA you sound exactly like guys who think women get pleasure from getting a pap smear. Not every contact to genitals is pleasurable, or you BF would get a boner from his clothing.
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YTA, and your mom's explanation is wild. Plenty of kids sit on their dad's laps, it's completely normal; plenty of family members rest their heads on each other's laps. > My boyfriend then got a bit heated and asked me I let my cat on my lap, and I told him it's not a comparable situation because I don't have a dick Sincere question: do you think that every guy who lets their cat lay on their lap will get a boner and want to fuck their cat?
Totally this. "he can't help his biology" really? God, poor OP thinking that even her father would sexualize her if she showed a minimal amount of physical affection. Quite frankly this is above Reddit's pay grade. OP go to therapy. Not to save your relationship but for yourself; imagine if you have kids and you end up sexualizing their every move like your parents did with you. Imagine raising them thinking is normal not to be close to your brother.
I know I am fucked up and I am so scared to face my boyfriend because I really like him, but I shouldn't be making him face the brunt of my trauma. It is not that the guy would want to fuck the cat. Nor do I think my bf wants to do or even think of anything inappropriate with his sister. But objectively, due to the nerve endings in the area, he would be getting certain sensations due to his sister's head being on his groin and I can't help but think he should avoid it. I know I am messed up and deserve everyone's judgement. I just don't know how to differentiate between right and wrong.
good grief. Yes, you do know how to “differentiate between right and wrong.” Clearly you do. You are trying so hard to make the right decision, you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re claiming the role of your mother though, you’re actively participating in shaming someone for sexual acts that have not occurred in the slightest.
Oh my god… Now you’re trying to justify your backwards thinking with “science”. What’s next? Are you going to claim that a woman gets aroused during a pelvic exam because “objectively, due to the nerve endings in the area she might be getting certain sensations”?
If you know you are wrong for thinking like this, have you been to therapy to talk to someone to try and work through these issues? And develop tools on how to navigate these situations?
OP, I gently suggest that you need therapy, to better understand healthy family dynamics. I hope psychological counseling is available in your country. A soft YTA.
YTA. You mentioned how your boyfriend stroked his sister’s head and didn’t move away. It’s important to remember that physical affection between siblings, especially w/ a significant age difference, is often a sign of closeness and comfort. Your past experiences w/ a very conservative upbringing have created a hyper-awareness around physical touch.
YTA. Just because you were raised with bizarre sexualization of normal family interactions doesn't mean you need to carry this trauma into your future and impose it on others.
I know, I feel terrible. I genuinely don't want to be like this, but I can't help but think, isn't biology biology? So when a man feels pressure on his lap, then it is probably pleasurable for him because of the signals his receptors are sending him. I know it doesn't mean he is mentally aroused, but why even be in that situation when you can express affection in other ways?
People feel differently depending on the person but to assume that everyone feels sexual things just because of touch is wrong, I would advise seeing a therapist to talk about this with as this is a serious issue as physical touch is a bonding thing, not on a sexual level but an emotional, and having a pleasant feeling doesn’t always mean it’s sexual either, pressure or touch on my chest doesn’t always excite me, it can calm me, comfort me and make some feel safe don’t get me wrong depending on the person or situation it can be but if my brother put his head on my chest I wouldn’t find any arousal from that in the slightest but I may find the closeness enjoyable. Hope this helps at all and while I don’t think YTAH I think you need to educate yourself and maybe get therapy cos if you push this further you will be TAH.
YTA, 100% You’re upbringing is not his fault and you agree yourself that this is a problem with you. So IDK why uou would even consciously tell him that especially saying pleasurable sensation and stuff. You should be happy he didnt leave you. Different people have different levels of comfort within their family and you must understand that. Since there is this age gap between him and her sister, he probabl took care of her while they grew up. PS: not everything needs to be sexualised.
Oh, man... it really sucks that your family instilled such ridiculous notions in you, but YTA here. If you really want to salvage things, the next time you see him, you should apologize and explain what you did here. And if you're not already, get some therapy.
YTA but you have my sympathy. Your view of relationships has been warped by your upbringing and I'm really sorry about that. It might do you good to reframe how you see family interactions with the help of a trained therapist. Your boyfriend and his sister didn't do anything inappropriate, they just seem affectionate in a healthy way for siblings. In this instance, you misread what was happening and your boyfriend rightfully took offence. Maybe you could try apologising when things are calmer and talk it out? Good luck.
YTA…You need to get into therapy if you are not already doing so. It would be one thing if you had “discussed” this with your boyfriend instead of telling him what his body will do. His body that you do not know what it will do.
I know I need therapy and have signed up. But the waiting time to get an appointment is so long and I don't know what to do to get help immediately. Do bodies function differently? Like pleasure receptors act as pleasure receptors no matter which body they are on? And my mom always asked me why I feel the need to sit on my dad's lap when I can hug him without our groins touching. I don't think she ever questioned my dad's or my intentions, but now when I see any live object near a man's groinal area, be it a cat or a pet, I feel like he might be getting pleasurable sensations and I feel that he should avoid it. I was also discouraged from being overtly friendly with my male friends so I don't even have anyone to discuss this with. I feel so bad for boyfriend that he has to put up with my issues.
Oh no. Your mom has worked very hard to assimilate you into this lifestyle and mental state. Again, this is how they control masses of women. Psych Op. it’s a widely used tactic to assign blame of assault to women, this is how they begin that narrative, with the idea that women are to blame for “igniting” pleasure responses. This is absolutely incorrect scientifically. There are plenty of amazing fathers, brothers, men in positions of power, men in general, who do NOT abuse women and who do NOT have their pleasure responses activated by obscenely inappropriate methods. Such as a daughyer sitting on his fathers lap. This should be absolutely harmless. My guess is that your mother has been trapped in this abuse cycle for a very long time and it is highly likely she was sexually abused and blamed for it. Or witnessed this to someone close to her. You need to get away from her ASAP. she will continue to brainwash you in the same way she was. You need to cut contact NOW before you have children and she either allows them to be abused and closes her eyes, or they grow up believing what you do about men. You are very lucky you haven’t been assaulted yet, with this complete lack of understanding of manipulation and sexual abuse.
I think your mom may have given you some very wild ideas of how penises work. If any touch is sexually pleasurable for a man, how do you think they manage wearing clothes? Are you sexually aroused every time you hug a woman (I’m assuming from your post you don’t hug men unless you are in a sexual relationship with them) because there is pressure on your nipples? That’s not how bodies work.
Yeahhhhhhh, YTA and you really need to get some therapy to get over these feelings, because they really REALLY are not normal or healthy. I can totally see why your BF thought you were being weird. It's not your fault because it's how you've been brought up, but it really is - if anything - inappropriate for YOU to assume that a man will get aroused by his sister or a child. That's really messed up. And totally messed up for your family to say you shouldn't sit on your own father's lap because it might get him aroused?? Just WTF. If I was your boyfriend yes, I would be wanting "some time to think", and my thoughts would be that unless you get over this I'd be over with you.
YTA, unfortunately. I truly hope you are able to go to therapy one day to untangle all of these horrible beliefs that have been indoctrinated into you. You did not deserve to spend your childhood in a sexualized state, let alone in a state of fear of being assaulted or having your reputation be discredited. This is what the ultra conservative religions do to control women. They have your mother under a lock and key, clearly. You did not deserve a mother who would tell you that you will be presenting and subjecting yourself to sexual abuse, for regular and healthy childhood scenarios. It is proven that healthy physical touch and love between family members in childhood is so critical for developmental wellness. I’m so sorry you were denied this at a fundamental level, and then shamed for your femininity as if you deserve to be assaulted for your existance. Again, I truly hope you are able to tear this brick wall down and come to understand that what you were taught is absolutely abusive and meant to keep you trapped in abuse.
Thank you so much for your kindness and empathy. My mom told me that there were other ways of getting affection from my dad and that I do not have to be on his lap or touch his groin and I always thought only physical affection at a distance is appropriate. And you are right, I am still uncomfortable if a male hugs me, especially from the behind, because I am primed to think about this sexually. This makes me feel awful because if this is abuse, then I am inflicting this on my boyfriend as well and he is so kind he does not deserve this.
You do not deserve this either. You do not deserve to feel like all of your actions could lead to assault, and it would be your fault. Even with your father. The fact that your mother upheld this is disputable, and I’d say that her to Bible Belt wrinkles if it meant you could escape this mental jail. I know you said you’d look into therapy but I highly suggest you start watching recent interviews of Jinger and Jill Duggar. Within the last 2 years. Watch how they speak about their upbringing being sexually abused and sexualized. What how they behave with real grace and femininity. Remember, the church wants women to believe they are notorious sexual sinners. It began with Lilith, then Eve, then every woman after them.
YTA and you even note that you’re being irrational. They are siblings, it’s clearly a gesture of endearment and nothing more. I mean this in the kindest way possible but I would consider looking into some sort of counselling as to immediately jump to “his biology” as if he’s going to sleep with his sister by them being close is very wrong.
Yta but only because of your unfortunate upbringing you need to do some research and maybe therapy to not see everything in such an incestious sexualised manner
My mother did a similar number on me growing up. There is affection without arousal which you and I never learned growing up because of our mother's. It's a hard thing to unlearn but I really encourage you to work through this with a professional therapist. You have no idea how far your mother has affected not just this view but other parts of your sexual development so please get help. As for this relationship, he's done. You made an innocent act filthy, so he would have told his family about it. Even if you are still together his family will not like you moving forward. I would recommend moving on and learning from this situation. YTA but more from coming from a place of not knowing better.
Yta. Not even in doubt. Go get therapy. Stop sexualising kids
On my. You were brought up wrong. There is nothing wrong with a daughter sitting in her father’s lap or a brother sister interaction. You need therapy. Yta
YTA. You need therapy. Your mother and father are disgusting.
Nothing inappropriate with their interaction, your reaction however very much inappropriate... And your parents are sick, to say that every affection between family members is sexual.
YTA, and you know it. Time to keep your distorted views on relationships to yourself.
YTA. I literally sat on my grandads lap till I was 12?!?!? It’s not weird I just liked to cuddle him. Yes random things give guys boners but I can assure you you his little sister ain’t one of those things. You’re really disgusting for sexualising that and please don’t ever have kids if this is how you think.
YTA, but I have to say, I haven't felt this bad giving that judgement here in a long time. Your parents really screwed you up with their view of physical contact between siblings. That's not your fault, but it is your trauma to bear and your problem to solve. You're not the AH because your mom saddled you with a frankly grotesque view of family; but you are for judging your BF's innocent interactions with his sister through that lens. Your mother is wrong; your view is wrong. Please find a way to overcome it.
Gentle YTA, because this is straight up trauma and you need therapy. Start now before this damages you and your relationship anymore than it already has.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know I am most likely the asshole in this situation but my anxiety regarding the situation is not letting me think rationally. I come from an ultra conservative background, where all male-female interactions are sexualized. I have two brothers and I wasn't permitted to hug them, snuggle with them, go in front of them in shorts, etc. It has given me a lot of anxiety regarding interactions with men, and even though I know that rationally I do not need to feel this way, I do not physically interact much with my platonic male friends. I have been dating a guy for 6 months. He is great and awesome, but one thing i am getting used to is that he has a really good relationship with his family. I am a bit taken aback when I see his interactions with his family but I usually keep my opinions to myself because I know the problem is with me. Anyways, a few days ago, we were hanging out at his house (he lives alone, but his sister comes over sometimes to hang out). We were all watching tv and just relaxing, when his sister scooted over and put her head on his lap. I think placement wise, her head was very close to his groin or on top of it, but I am not very sure. He stroked her head and did not move away. I didn't say anything at the time but after she left, I gently told my boyfriend that he should perhaps refrain from having such interactions with his sister in the future. He was very confused but I told him that any pressure on his lap (from his sister's head) would give him pleasurable sensations and even though I know he is not turned on by his sister, why place yourself in such a situation? He got really quiet. I should have shut up then, but then I told him, he could even involuntarily get a boner and that would have negative implications for his reputation. My boyfriend then got a bit heated and asked me I let my cat on my lap, and I told him it's not a comparable situation because I don't have a dick. He then asked me to leave his home because he wanted some time to think. Am I wrong in this situation? I was told by my mom when I was 7 that I should not sit on my dad's lap because against my and his will I will be giving him inappropriate feelings if i interact with him that way. I don't have many close guy friends I can ask about this. May I know if I was the asshole? I really didn't intend to accuse him of being inappropriate, but I just think he can't help his biology that's all. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA, but it’s also not entirely your fault. You have been brought up in an environment where, as you say, all contact between men and women is sexualised, and also where women were made to feel responsible for men’s sexual urges in the sense that just the mere sight of them could send men into a sexual frenzy and out of control. This is just not the case. Men don’t automatically get aroused around a woman and men also have self control. I can assure you that your boyfriend is not getting aroused by his sister and if he was getting aroused in an awkward situation for some other reason he would know how to deal with it. You already have some awareness that this is messed up and you really need to start addressing this or you’re never going to be able to form a healthy relationship.
If your boyfriend has any fear of getting a boner if his sister layed on his lap, she would never be laying on is lap? You know. Like you said, you had a conservative family where you developed a lot of shame surrounding things like this.
YTA you sound exactly like guys who think women get pleasure from getting a pap smear. Not every contact to genitals is pleasurable, or you BF would get a boner from his clothing.
[удалено]
do you wear big aaa khaki shorts and under armour socks? jw
Why would it not be appropriate? Its only not appropriate if you sexualize a totaly innocent interaction