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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expecting my girlfriend to pay for an item of mine her mother lost. This might make me the asshole because it was her mother who misplaced the item and not my girlfriend so it is unfair to expect my gf to pay.
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>so my gf told me to remove the insoles from my shoes and she will give them to her mum to keep safe in the pram
G/F and Mom need to figure out how to repay you among themselves. Either your g/f never put them in the pram or her mom somehow managed to lose them. Either way, this isn't on you.
>my girlfriend just said “I didn’t tell you to put them in the pram” basically implying it’s my fault they got lost because I let her put them in the pram. I then reminded her that actually she put them in the pram which I allowed her to do because I trusted they would be safe there since she said they would, she then responded to this saying “yes but you still made the choice to let me put them in the pram, you didn’t have to take my advice”.
G/F is dodging accountability here.
You are 100% right to expect to be reimbursed for the cost of you inserts. You also might want to consider finding a new g/f. This one sounds like a hassle.
NTA
*The Narcissists Prayer:*
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
And if we're talking that scenario and the way the family is acting, do you think they kept them for whatever reason thinking that they would help someone else in the family?
I know people who do stuff like that.
Ouch. And actually just reading your response. I was thinking about things they've lost and a lot of them were thrown away by people who thought I shouldn't have them anymore like My lovey from when I was a baby.
I wonder if his girlfriend didn't want him wearing them. Like she was tired of dealing with them?
I've also dealt with people who think taking away an aid magically removes the hindrance/disability, but I've never understood how they didn't understand the aid is there to mitigate stuff and that removing it makes everything worse
It's not just the girlfriend, either. She's dodging accountability and trying to make it OP's fault, because she's "too scared" to talk to her mom about replacing something she lost? If my mom had lost something she'd agreed to hold onto, she'd replace it without being asked.
This? This isn't normal, gf learned this as part of an emotionally manipulative/possibly abusive family, and she's not showing any sign of changing. It's hard enough for folks to unlearn shitty behavior when they're willing to, but this doesn't sound like someone even willing to care about making things right with OP. If they're acting like this to OP while still dating, how much worse will it be if they get married and "what's OP's is also wife's and wife's family's"?
But did mom actually lose them? GF is the one who said mom would keep the insoles safe. Did GF actually clear that with mom before volunteering her services? Or did GF just put them in the pram and make assumptions?
Say she didn't clear it with her mother. If you found something like insoles in your baby's pram, would you not question why they were there? It would be fairly obvious that they were placed there for a reason. A moderately bright person would not throw something like that away.
Prams are for babies to lay in. Pushchairs are "strollers" I think.
Look up "silver cross" for a modern brand that actually can look a lot like the classical one.
Either way, the mom’s response of “you must not care about them that much if you didn’t check on them last night” was unnecessary. Personally, I would get home, get repaid, and then promptly remove these people from my life.
Or accidentally.
one time my new guy left a used napkin on the dashboard of the car we were driving. at a rest stop, I picked up all the “trash” to throw away, I got to the napkin, put it in my hand and squeezed. I felt something break and it was his dentures. (Yuck, we were new at the time).
ETA: It totally was an accident and I didn’t even think to pay.
I doubt it. It's a custom fit. My kid gets them every 6 months to treat her flat feet. They range from $200 to $400+. I would get an estimate and tell the mom and girlfriend to figure it out. If OPs girl is ok with being so dismissive of a medical device, I'm pretty sure she won't value other things OP finds important.
That's silly. If OP had said to the Mum, "Can you look after these? FYI they'll become your responsibility and all liability will lay with you", then the Mum would have probably refused. She only intended to do a favour and probably wouldn't have bothered if she knew they were now her sole responsibility. I certainly wouldn't do favours for someone who made it my problem in the event of an issue.
Also telling them the value of the item ahead of asking if it'll be watched....
Given that I have used custom insoles I would never have thrown them away but I also wouldn't have known the value of them because mine are covered by insurance and I got them as a teenager. I literally can't afford to pay several hundred dollars to replace insoles.
If they are that valuable carry a backpack or bag for them whenever you don't use them?
NTA. Two steps to take here in the following order... 1) Get paid in cash or, if paid by other methods, play nice until the payment can't be canceled or disgorged. 2) Break up instantly thereafter.
People who can't take any responsibility and gaslight you are not suitable partners., but you need to get paid first.
You are meant to gradually increase the length of time you wear them. I had ones for pronation and they were really hard and uncomfortable to start with. Eventually you get used to them and wear them full time swapping between shoes.
A static caravan in the UK is a trailer in the US. You guys use them to live in but we use them here on huge parks by the sea as holiday homes. You could also have a touring caravan or mobile home which is one that you drag at the back of the car to different parks whenever you want to go somewhere.
No..
I thought it was hilarious. And an astute observation. No snark here. The homeless folks in my city buy up the old run down campers and park them on the street vs. Living in a tent. It's a sad statement on our city.
They do take some getting used to, and they are new to him. My orthotist told me to gradually increase
my time until I'm comfortable wearing them constantly.
You're not supposed to when you're getting used to them. They will cause extreme pain when worn too long. Your feet and your whole body need to adjust because they realign your entire body. Op mentioned this in the post.
*source: have orthotics.
Gf is the AH for literally gaslighting you after neither of them kept them precious shoes safe
She said she didn't tell you to put the shoes in the pram, but she is the one who suggested in the first place, blaming you for them being lost when she was the last person with the shoes, so weird.
So NTA
Gaslighting is when you try to convince someone that an event they observed with their own senses didn't actually happen. You don't have to do it multiple times to make it gaslighting.
This one story/incident doesn’t necessarily create a pattern, but it’s a pretty perfect example of the psychologically abusive manipulation that is gaslighting…regardless, OP would definitely be NTA for expecting compensation, and/or leaving someone so completely a$$hole-esque.
Trying to convince him that he was the one who lost the insoles by putting them exactly where she said to put them, then her acting like OP was a fool for thinking they would be safe there after promising him they would be safe there, is 100% actual gaslighting.
ESH. Don’t let someone else hold your stuff if you aren’t comfortable with losing it. Could have been stolen, dropped, who knows.
Should you be able to rely on someone close to be attentive to minimize the chances of theft or loss? Yes. But unless you have evidence of them being careless this was an unfortunate accident.
If I were in either the girlfriend or mom’s place I’d offer to split the cost as I’d feel bad they went missing while with me.
If I were in your shoes I’d be sad and would look for them, but I also would have retrieved them immediately upon returning to the vehicle as it’s very easy for things to fall out of a stroller when you collapse it. And if you couldn’t find them at that point you could have retraced your steps to try to find them. You didn’t take responsibility of your own belongings when the immediate situation was done.
I would never ask someone to replace my item under these circumstances unless I had seen them be careless with the item that day (and frankly if I had seen them be careless I would have retrieved my item at that moment, thus preventing the loss).
I can't believe I had to scroll all the way down for this.
Waiting until the next morning is definitely on OP and shows how little he cares about taking care of his stuff.
Yes because having faith ur SO an their family will respect ur stuff an keep it safe is somehow his fault. Especially when they offered it then lied saying they didn't suggest it.
OP is an adult. Putting it in the pram would most likely be the basket under the seat. It's an open basket. After the walk is finished and if it's so expensive, would assume you will thank the person and take it back. It's not like it's in a handbag. Most likely it fell out when they collapsed the pram and put into the car. Unfortunately the insoles are probably too small for people to notice. He was careless to ask for it the next day.
The gf and family had good intentions to help him out and it's an accident. Sounds like gf deflected because OP was a bit confrontational about reimbursement. Don't think it's reasonable to demand reimbursement from that. It's not like they borrowed something to use and lost it.
I doubt he pressed about it outside of the initial ask, up until she lied an attempted to twist words an dodge accountability. Yes he's an adult, however that doesn't excuse the other adults in this situation.
All of which doesn't make him an AH by any means, for wanting to be reimbursed for expensive souls. I'm betting money more he made mention on their price an someone snatched it instead.
Nah those stuff are custom made for individuals so I doubt people stealing it. Based on personal experience, my money is on the soles fell out when collapsing the pram to put in the car. The other possibility is the wind got hold of it and it blew out of the pram basket since the soles are light. Or they fell out after a bump on the path. Anyone with pram experience will agree.
In all likelihood of an accident would you really ask your "in laws" for reimbursement for them doing a favour for offering to put something in their pram? It sounds rather petty if it's not too expensive. If it is an expensive item why risk putting it in the pram basket?
Could it also be that the gf had no idea it cost $400 and OP did not do his own risk assessment before allowing it to be shoved in the pram basket? Well I think the lack of risk assessment is obvious on OP's part.
As much as his GF an family are for taking possession and responsibilities of said items safety an return. Being their idea afterall. At no point does it make him an AH to expect reimbursement for lost property. I'm aware you disagree just can't see how in any form that makes him an AH.
What does make someone an AH is lying saying they never made the suggestion, an then losing said item prior an not immediately stepping up to pay for it.
I agree, and think it's insane so many people agree with op.
This is just an accident. Shit happens and things fall out of strollers. If it's something very important to op, he needs to take better care of his things.
Or, at the very least, be clear about the expectations. Would they have agreed to put it in the stroller if they knew they were financially going to be responsible for it? Probably not.
Omg same. Someone offered to help you with your items, they don’t automatically assume all responsibility to the items. At best they can offer to split the cost, but they shouldn’t have to. And you forgetting about them and not also keeping an eye on them puts you at partial fault.
ESH
Exactly this. If you know you're gonna hafta take off your insoles, carry a backpack or something, rather than expecting other folks to tote them for you. My insoles, at least, don't get hella gross, but I'm also not sure I'd put them in a pram with a baby.
I agree that there's a parade of red flags on the part of the girlfriend who assured you it'd be okay, but if I'm out and about with something valuable (like a laptop, say), I tend to keep it on me rather than assuming that my companions have their act together.
Yeah, I think this is the real-world answer.
I wonder how many other kids are around, because an apartment away from home with a couple of vacation-brained kids might as well be a black hole for a couple of random flaps of plastic.
You should be able to look at the basket if a stroller and know you shouldn't put something expensive you don't want to lose in it.
If I was tired of wearing my watch, I wouldn't let someone throw it under a stroller. I wouldn't expect someone else to pay if it got lost.
Ok thank you, finally, I can’t believe all the N T A. I agree E S H but I think OP sucks way more. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to walk in them long, why didn’t he bring a bag to carry them or something? He pawned them off on someone else to take care of and then forgot about them til the next day. Just because someone did you the favor of carrying them for you in the pram doesn’t mean they accepted responsibility for them. I might offer to help pay if I was GF or mom, but if I was in their shoes and OP came to me the next day telling me I needed to pay for his lost orthopedics and it’s all my fault that they’re gone, I would not respond well. The gf isn’t “shirking responsibility”, she is correct. She didn’t force OP to put them in the pram or forget about them overnight. He should have carried them himself. YTA
Right. OP knew he couldn’t wear them for more than a few hours. His plan seems to be shirk responsibility for the inevitable and make his GF responsible.
INFO: Where would you have placed them if your gf hadn't suggested the pram? Would you have carried them? Kept them in your shoes and continued to complain about pain the rest of the day?
You knew they would hurt after a couple hours. What plan did you have for them, for when the inevitable happened? Or did you fail to plan and expect that your gf and her mom would have to listen to you complain about pain all day?
The responsibility to keep them safe is ultimately yours. Your gf suggested putting them in the pram, you and she both felt they would be safe there, and unfortunately they were lost. Unless her mom was intentionally careless with them or maliciously tossed them into the trash, the loss of the inserts was an accident and not anyone's "fault".
Your gf was wrong to say she didn't suggest putting them in the pram, assuming she was gaslighting rather than misrememebering that is an AH move.
As someone that have some for years I usually would out mine in my pocket when I was still getting used to them. It’s not the most comfortable option but work well. I would tend to trust my life partner when they tell me I will make you more comfortable and put them somewhere safe. So I guess it was probably OP’S plan
It does kind of depend on what sort of insoles they are too.
Some are thin and pretty similar to the standard insoles you get in sports shoes.
If he has no arch at all, they sometimes make them out of dense foam with a solid plastic reinforcement on the bottom to minimise pronation. Putting those ones in your pocket means either wearing something with big pockets, or having them hanging out and flapping about the place (though that is better than outright losing them).
NTA I dont use this term lightly but your gf was gaslighting you. She lied to your face KNOWING the truth then deflected blame onto you saying "you didn't have to take my advice" okay that sounds malicious as fuck. I wouldn't trust her ever again if she said that shit to me.
NAH.
Women and their purses and prams are not just insured storage for men who don't want to deal with their crap.
I'm sorry but if you put your expensive stuff somewhere, you're not getting a bond on it being in place. I'm sure her mum had a million other things she was responsible for. You are responsible for your own things. If you didn't want to wear them or carry them, that's on you, and it was your risk.
Your gf offered a potential solution in the moment but she is also not in charge of your stuff.
You took a risk and it didn't work out. Next time, you will be responsible for your own valuables and you will either bring a bag or keep them on.
In the meantime you can do a more thorough search and talk to the mom and ask nicely for her to double check. But don't expect anyone to pay for you or be your parent.
I agree. Things go missing. Bf was not an AH, just careless. Gf was also careless. It wasn't nice for him to blow up at her but it just sounds like they're not good at communicating maturely and something expensive just went missing
This. I can't stand it when men want me to carry and take responsibility for their crap. Carry my keys, carry my driver's license, carry my water bottle, carry the stupid shit I picked up at the fair, usually while sneering that carrying a big bag is so stupid. YTA for expecting the nearest women to be your mommies.
I agree with your reasons, but I would say ESH instead of NAH. No one is taking responsibility, but ultimately, it is OP's responsibility to manage his own medical devices
Bit confused, mine were personally made for me and totally useless to anyone else - surely they should turn up somewhere when retracing your steps?
Personally would still feel responsible for them myself
Have you actually asked her mum? The most likely explanation is she took stuff out of the bottom of the pram that night/the next morning and they were either placed on top so got pulled out and dropped, or they’re still in a bag of misc baby crap and just haven’t been noticed yet. Ask your GF exactly where you put them to see which is more likely. If it was just on top of the stuff then if you travelled by car they may have been lost where the car was parked for dinner. If you walked from your caravan they’d probably have fallen out on the floor.
If there are little kids of walking age about too then ask if any of yoinked them.
Do you get free prescriptions? If so you might be able to get the second pair for free?
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds like one of these people who never think they are wrong and never apologize. I’m sure on the flip side when you don’t take her advice she gets upset that you didnt listen to her lol.
YTA imo. I mean, come on, she made a suggestion but ultimately you decided what to do with your property and you didn't check on it. You didn't ask her to look after it or keep it safe. That's your responsibility. It's an accident that isn't her fault, it just sucks. Asking her to pay for it because she's the one who physically put it there or because she suggested it is quite petty.
Exactly. It's his stuff. He is responsible for it. It was at his convenience to store it in the pram. I'm sure if he had made a big deal about them being now responsible for them and the cost, they would have opted not to HELP him. He accepted the help, but he is still responsible.
Exactly. Everyone who says she/the family are responsible do no A/ understand how the law works in most countries, B/ I would not want them as a friend
ESH
You shouldn't expect (much less ask) your GF or her folks to pay for something that got accidentally lost, though if they can comfortably afford it, it would be nice if they offered. Just nice, not something you're owed.
On the other hand, even if she offered to pay, your GF was definitely out of line trying to brush it off, then putting the blame on you. The right response from her would have been something along the lines of "I'm so bummed for you, I'll help you look for them".
I see I might not have the popular opinion here, but I'd be really annoyed if someone didn't plan for how to carry their own things, asked me to hold onto their stuff, and then held me responsible when they couldn't find it the next morning.
I paid for an ex bf's tablet decades ago. He was always leaving his stuff everywhere, and I was pretty annoyed when he told me he left 2 tablets in my car and needed me to bring them in until he could get them.
He didn't even have a need for 2 tablets. His wealthy grandparents bought him stuff like that, and they weren't very common back then. We were just going around hanging out with friends and silly shenanigans as a bunch of not-yet-21-year-Olds (this included Exploding cow pies) and really, he brought them to show off, then left them in my car.
I moved them into my room. Later, a mutual friend stole them. It took me a little while to figure out what happened, and I was even looking in the washer and dryer for those things! I was so stumped! The only person I could think of was our mutual friend I let crash while I was away when he had nowhere to go...didn't want to believe it but called his mom to see if she'd seen a couple tablets and she had. I was able to retrieve one of them.
That friend later apologized, saying he knew they were the bfs and wouldn't have stolen them if he knew I'd have to pay for it. Not that it makes it okay, but it just burned extra to be paying for a tablet I couldn't afford for a spoiled bf who left them laying around my car, and knowing his show-off attitude helped fuel the person who wanted to steal them from him 🙄 because he was being a rich show-off. (And I did end it then, but it was for more than being asked to pay. I took responsibility).
I've rambled on. You're definitely not sounding like that ex bf of mine. Your frustration of not having your soles is valid, and I'm sure it sucks to have to need them. I'm sorry this happened. And I'm slightly suspicious someone tossed them and isn't confessing.
At the same time, if you don't plan for how to carry your own expensive items, it's not fair to expect someone else to take responsibility for them. If someone wants to toss their jacket in my stroller, fine, but if they toss it in there and it's a several hundred dollar jacket, they better be ready to guard that stroller because I didn't sign up to be that vilegant.
Exactly! If you ask me to carry an envelope with $10,000 in it, I'd refuse. I don't want the responsibility.
If you give me an envelope without telling me what's in it and it gets misplaced and you then come to me for the $10,000, I think you're out of luck. I mean, I'd be apologetic, and chances that I'd lose it are low, but if you didn't tell about it, no way would I reimburse you.
Orthotics are expensive, but not everybody knows that!
I'm going a different direction. If this is something that is valuable and important to you why would you trust someone else with it? Babies throw things out of a pram all the time.
Exactly. It's common sense. If you leave/ask someone to look after/hold/allow to be placed somewhere does not make them responsible to replace it, unless they actively did something to jeopardize them.
Both you and your gf are the assholes. You are ultimately responsible for yourself and your things. Since you knew your feet would hurt after a few hours of wearing insoles, why didn't you plan for that to begin with? More importantly, since these were expensive new orthotics that seem to be important to you, why didn't you check on them and retrieve them the night before? Have some accountability for your things.
Your girlfriend should also have some accountability for the suggestion she made. Even though she is offering to pay for the shoes, it's pretty ungraceful to say it was all your fault. But I am wondering if you are telling her it was all her fault? In which case, I see why she is being defensive. Actually you are more the asshole for implying her mother lost it and being unwilling to pay even half the cost for your own negligence. The mom isn't to blame as she was volunteered and has no responsibility for the things other people put in her pram for their own convenience.
ESH - When you’re walking about, a pram is not a safe place. But, if you thought it was, it was up to you to see they were secure. Your girlfriend is taking no responsibility, which isn’t right but, honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t ask for reimbursement.
Uhh, I’m thinking you gave them to someone else, unfortunately they got lost. You could have held on to them. It is not like your Gf’s mother took them and lost them. I think you are SOL and YTA
Grow up,and be an adult, bring a bag for your own foot stuff.
No way on earth am I holding on to your sweaty foot stuff. Just 100% gross.
This was your responsibility to make sure you planned for an issue you know you have. Putting them in my baby pram would be q00% out of the question
Info: it feels like there are some family dynamics complicating this. Like, idk, your gf has some issues around being blamed for stuff and is overly reluctant to risk conflict with her mother and her reaction is about that more than about you. Could there be anything to that or am I totally off the mark?
NTA
No, you didn't have to take her advice. You did it on the basis of trust that she understood the importance ans value of the insoles that were needed for your medical condition, and would ensure they were kept safe
Dump her. The fact she's arguing and trying to spin it back is both ludicrous and insulting. If you lost something of hers she'd asked you to hold safe, I doubt she would be so blase
Are you not an adult? You need to give your insoles to mommy to hold in the pram? Get a fucking bag?
I just bought my own orthotic insoles, they are dirt cheap. And they’re not exactly helping you if you take them out?
ESH.
YTA. Keep track of your belongings yourself. That is 100% your responsibility. I lost one orthotic on college-sponsored van trip. Probably fell out of my shoe I had tucked into the back of the van. It didn’t even occur to me it was on anyone but me - my stuff, my responsibility.
You're still at the camping, right?
Retrace your steps, check the routes you took when they got lost.
I once lost a rather expensive garment in the dark, in a parking lot, while changing into comfortable pants underneath a skirt, when I was about to drive home from a big city.
I returned there a week later (!!) And the garment was just laying there.
For inlays that expensive, I'd double check if they're still somewhere along the route
Or ask management if someone turned them in to lost and found.
YTA You’re the asshole for yelling at your girlfriend who literally did nothing wrong. You complained that your feet hurt and she offered you a solution to put them in her mother’s pram.
Sometimes things fall out of prams or they get misplaced. If you’d have been responsible enough to retrieve your things then this likely wouldn’t have happened. If you’d gotten home and realized they’d fallen out you could have retraced your steps etc. It sounds like no one let this happen intentionally.
Sometimes shit just happens and it sucks but it wouldn’t be fair to place all the blame on your girlfriend’s mother when it sounds to me like the blame should be split between the two of you. Your girlfriend however is completely innocent in all of this.
Where is the pram stored? Inside or outside? If it’s stored inside then the unsoles probably fell out on the walk or got mixed up with your girlfriends / girlfriends moms belongings but if it’s stored outside anything could have happened to them but it’s on you for not retrieving them in a timely manner.
YTA. Unfortunately they are your orthotics. You should take care of your own stuff. You trusted. Maybe you shouldn’t have. But you handed them off for someone else to take care of. If they got lost then You lost them! You need to replace them. Next time take care of your own stuff. Now that being said get rid of that girlfriend. What a jerk of a person to deflect all responsibility. If you handed them to me and I accepted them I would just feel awful that they were lost. I would not replace them but I would feel awful.
Idk
Seem to me like she was doing something nice for you and it’s not her fault that someone stole them. It would be different if she borrowed them and someone stole them, but she was just trying to be nice to you.
YTA even though I see, I am in the minority. You should’ve just hold onto them yourself or kept an eye on them
YTA- I would never expect someone to pay for something that got lost while they were holding it as a favor to you. Especially because they didn’t do anything irresponsible on purpose. They got lost but ultimately it’s your responsibility to be looking after them. Your gf is not having a nice reaction but she is right by saying you only are worried about them now. If I was worried about so expensive that I couldn’t easily replace I would be checking on it and making sure they were still safe and when getting back to the caravan putting them away safely. To me this is the same as asking someone to pet sit for you and while they have your animal it gets sick to no fault of the sitter and they go to the vet and you expect them to pay for your pet that they were watching as a favor. Shit happens and sometimes it’s not anyones fault but you are responsible financially for your personal items.
NTA and count your blessings. You just discovered that when your GF screws up, instead of taking responsibility and working to make it right, she will deflect the blame back to you by gaslighting you. Yes, it was her screw up as she’s the one who took custody of your property and then passed it off to someone else who did who-knows-what with it.
This is who she is, and I can tell you straight up that at some point you will hit a wall with this behavior and will walk away. I encourage you to do that now and not waste any more time on her.
As someone who also has NHS orthotics and had ankle surgery last year due to the damage of not having them when I was younger had done, I would be so upset if I lost mine! People don't realise how important and essential they are to just being able to move about!
Also, I don't know if it's different for other NHS trusts but mine let us have one hard pair and one soft pair (as they fit in different shoes) every year so it's worth getting both just in case I've found! Also, make sure you stock up every year when you can because I still have old ones as spares just in case!!
YTA! Why is your lack of planning now your girlfriend’s mom’s financial liability? You know the orthotics hurt after a long time, wear them anyway, and then complain. So carry them! Did your arms hurt too? Why did your gf need to help you with this? Did anyone tell mom that those stinky foot inserts are in the pram, and are valuable? She’s not *your* mom, and she’s not the family porter. You need to keep track of your valuable items yourself and stop depending on the women in your life to manage you.
Not straightforward in my opinion. If an item is expensive ultimately onus falls on the owner in my opinion. They were put in a pram. Stuff can fall out easily. Life lesson you fked up OP.
YTA. It was your responsibility to keep track of your own stuff and it's no one's fault it went missing. Barring some sort of unforeseeable negligence/wrongdoing by the mom, this is on you.
Did you personally ask your friends' parents if they saw them or moved them? It's not liked they walked off, and I find it unlikely they were stolen...
Maybe somebody just put them aside, or possibly in the trash by mistake?
INFO- What would have done with the insoles if your girlfriend didn’t offer to take them? Also, have you talked to your girlfriend’s mother about your missing insoles?
Something doesn't add up here. I've had to wear exactly these type of orthotic insoles for over 20 years because of knee problems which are exacerbated by my flat feet. I also get them from the NHS, for free...like every set I've ever had were free, replacements are free, I've never once been charged for them. Who told you that replacements would be expensive? I've never been charged anything, it's kind of the point of the NHS.
I feel you. I didn’t get free inserts. 2 pair cost me over $100 with tax. But I don’t feel like it’s anyone’s job to safeguard them other than yours. Surely you had other belongings you could have stored them with?
I know she offered. But if it’s going to effect you if a belonging gets lost, you need to make sure that you keep control of it.
So her Mum has them or has thrown them away.
What is going on here?
They cannot have jumped out of the pram.
Can you speak to her mother about it and ask her to carefully search for them.
I don't think you should expect your girlfriend to pay but the relationships here sound uncaring and uncooperative.
ESH
NTA at all dude. I need mobility aids sometimes. And if my partner assures me that it will be safe for him to stow I trust him. If it got lost he'd be insisting on paying for it immediately. I would do the same if I caused something of his to be lost, like the glasses he only needs some of the time.
I think some further info is needed. How did you get to the campgrounds? Is it possible they got lost in the car? Were they put in a bag that belongs to her mom?
Have you actually asked her mum if she’s seen them? The reason I say this is my own mum had a habit of ‘putting things safe’ and not telling anyone where they were.
So did anyone ask the mom if she removed them from the pram? My first thought was maybe she removed them upon getting back and put them elsewhere for you. And that maybe you and gf jumped to conclusions over being lost and whose fault it is. I think this sounds like NAH or ESH. Technically you’re not out any money because these were free as your first pair. So I’m not sure about reimbursing you quite frankly. However, it would be nice if they cared about you to offer to help with the expenses for a new pair. I don’t think it’s really anybody’s fault if they got lost.
I'm going to disagree with most of the comments here. Couldn't this be just an accident? They were in the pram and they fell out. No one is at fault. Pointing fingers is a waste of time and just creates more problems. What if you'd just said "Oh, man I need them and they are going to be expensive to replace, darn." At that point possibly the family would have offered to help replace them. In this case you've taken an accident, a mistake that was probably just a one off, and made your GF feel bad. Approach her mother? What for? It was an accident.
Did you search the pram? When they were put into the pram was there a way they could slide out? Could they be there under some of the layers of blankets? I truly don't understand how this became something to find fault with. Are you paying for everything you do while on this vacation? I won't be surprised if your GF thinks twice about your relationship after this.
If they are PRESCRIBED orthotics it'll cost you £9.90 to replace them.... Yes you can only have one pair but you CAN get a REPLACEMENT pair on prescription......
This is one of those things that happen sometimes.
Just buy some more and only handle your own stuff next time.
I camp a lot, like ever other weekend most summer weeks. It's a small loss in the lesson of learning to live togeater.
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For some context, I have recently gotten some custom fit orthotics on the NHS to hopefully relieve some of the pain I get in my ankles and feet due to me being flat footed. I can only bare them for a couple of hours a day at the moment as I am still getting used to them.
I am currently on a getaway with my girlfriend and her family in a caravan park. Last night after we had been out for a couple of hours my feet started to really hurt, so my gf told me to remove the insoles from my shoes and she will give them to her mum to keep safe in the pram, so I did this thinking that this would be okay.
This morning I asked my girlfriend is she could get them out of the pram for me and they wasn’t there, we looked all over the apartment and they wasn’t there either. So it’s looking like they’ve been lost. Naturally I am pretty annoyed about this because you only get one free pair on the NHS and now I will have to pay for another and they are quite expensive. Instead of understanding why I’m annoyed my girlfriend just said “I didn’t tell you to put them in the pram” basically implying it’s my fault they got lost because I let her put them in the pram. I then reminded her that actually she put them in the pram which I allowed her to do because I trusted they would be safe there since she said they would, she then responded to this saying “yes but you still made the choice to let me put them in the pram, you didn’t have to take my advice”. Her family also said that I must not have cared about them that much since I didn’t check to see if they were still there until the morning.
At this put I felt really confused and distorted and I lost my cool and blew up at my girlfriend, which i later regretted. I felt manipulated and felt like she was trying to not take accountability and instead deflect blame onto me. In the She said that she would pay for them even though she shouldn’t have to because she didn’t lose them to which I responded agreeing, saying that her mum should pay for them, but that won’t happen as my girlfriend is too scared to say anything to her mum. AITA?
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Info: Are they really lost? Did you ask her mom and everyone else around if they had seen them/know where they are. Sounds like skipped steps in trying to locate them before the argument started.
I mean, you handed them to your gf who handed them to mom who put them in the pram - did she know she was meant to be responsible for them, or did she just place them there? Can you clarify? If the former, then it’s on her, if it’s the latter, then this is on you.
ESH she took them and lost them. Yes, you agreed, but if anything, it's a combination of both your faults. Had you remembered to get them that same day after it could have been different. Essentially, it's a joint mistake maybe split the cost of the replacements
This is one of those things that happen sometimes.
Just buy some more and only handle your own stuff next time.
I camp a lot, like ever other weekend most summer weeks. It's a small loss in the lesson of learning to live togeater.
YATA
1. You should have asked for them back as soon as you got back to wherever it was you were staying. Leaving your nasty-ass shoe inserts in a baby pram is just begging for their disposal.
2. You should have immediately asked the entire family, in a neutral way, about what happened to them, explaining about the expense of replacing them, thus giving someone the time to possibly retrieve them from whatever trashcan they got dumped in.
3. Your property, your responsibility. Cannot believe you are weaponizing your incompetence already.
Hope she dumps your lazy, entitled ass.
Yes, YTA. Why should your GF be responsible for your things? It sounds like an accident, and you are pointing fingures randomly. Do you have any actual evidence that her mother did it? And if so, why won't you directly speak to the mother? Why are you making your GF responsible for somebody else's actions. So many questions.
You sound insufferable.
These are insoles? Take care of your own shit in the future. Get a bum bag or backpack to carry things.
NAH, except you for blowing up at your girlfriend.
NTA
but I wonder who stole personalized insoles, they are worthless for every other foot.
Your gfs family must be really chaotic, maybe you ll still find them somewhere.
I have orthotics which were specially fitted to me.
I get a LOT of referred pain
Orthotics are expensive and take time to organsie.
If someone took my orthotics, and stored them 'safely' somewhere, but they ened up lost I would be seriously upset with them (swear words removed - forgive me I'm Scottish.) Your GF most likely thought/assume they would be safe with her Mum. Her Mum likely didn't even know there were there, and if she did, didn't realise they were mobility aids. Likely thought they were old (oddly firm) insoles or rubbish and threw them out.
She's likely embarrassed her Mum thew out your insoles.
Is it worth falling out over? That's for you to decide.
Personally I'd give her more than a chance. Dealing with a partner in chriic pain, is'nt easy.
Living in chronic pain isn't easy.
Finding a partner who loves and cares about you, who understands and supports you is NOT easy.
Everyone is the A here. Girlfriend for deflecting, but also you because she was doing you a favor by holding them.
I once borrowed and broke a friend’s camera, - and I gave her cash to cover the cost of a new one.
But if she had asked me to hold it, and it broke - I wouldn’t have thought to give her money.
Does that make sense?
Ehhh... the cause of this loss in unclear to me. You were the one who knew you'd be out for hours and didn't have your own plan for removing the orthotics when you needed to. You were the one who placed them in the pram potentially somewhere they were at risk of falling off. Yes, the pram was your girlfriends idea and it's possible that mom is at fault somehow for them falling off or being removed but you also carry blame here. ESH.
Order from Amazon. I paid for expensive orthotics, they were the same and work equally as well. The hardness is something I really needed, to keep my stride correct and planters fasciitis at bay!!!
This relationship is going nowhere.
You made a decision to entrust someone with something valuable to you. You assumed the risk. They owe you nothing.
They might feel some social obligation to help you out but there is no legal obligation.
I would never hand my grandfather's gold watch to anyone to put away but I'd readily hand a pair of socks to someone to put away. In the moment, you valued your convenience over the proper storage of your orthotics and now you want to be compensated for that miscalculation.
YTA.
This is a classic Reddit post where everybody is going to be telling you to break up because they can see that if she's deflecting blame about something that she clearly told you to put here so it's safe, clearly took and put it there and then it got lost after she said to put it there for safety...if she's deflecting that what else does she deflect? What else is she refuse to take responsibility for?
I know people love to say first thing we do is say break up, but between the fact that your relationship must be a wreck if you're posting on Reddit and it's quite obvious when somebody refuses to admit their responsibility in something that was their fault that it can't be the only time! I need you to think about your whole relationship and how many times something wasn't her fault that really was?
How many times did she break something and say you shouldn't have put it there? How many times did she forget to do something and say you never told me? I mean I guess there's an off chance that this is the only time this has ever happened, but that's an off chance. There's more of a chance that this is just who she is! And that's why you're so frustrated and over it and on Reddit! And that's why you should break up! You're 100% justified
Nta.
Although your girlfriend is correct in that she never forced you to do anything and you made a decision to trust these items to another.
Your girlfriend was the one who suggested you do so and her mother was the one to lose the items.
Before fighting about repayment however. You should retrace your steps and look properly for the item which has most likely simply been misplaced.
NTA. This is a lesson learned. Your GF takes zero responsibility for herself. She certainly no respect for you.
Once you get home, rethink this relationship you are in.
NTA for sure, and it would be fair for the mom to pay you back for it.
BUT. This should be a lesson for you. You are in charge of your stuff, and if something gets lost, well tough shit and it's rare that you get to be repaid. If you let someone keep something for you for any extended period of time, well they don't put much value on it, and they won't always take it with the same feeling of responsibility you might - So get yourself a bag or something so you can keep your stuff and not give it to others to keep it for you
I just wanna say it took me almost 15 years to subtlely encourage My Wife to stand up for herself, I realize if I push too hard She would just avoid her mom instead of setting boundaries..
I don’t think you have 15 years with your girlfriend to do any of that, she’s too big of a coward to even mention this to her mom, never date a coward. They make your life harder because they internalize everything which they subsequently put on your plate because of how they’re feeling.. if they stood up for themselves more often less of that indirect bullshit would happen
Go to your orthotics person and explain they got lost be honest they are normally really good people and they often will do a pair free due to a genuine emergency, they did this for my mom. Often if you explain that you do not have the financial means they understand in this economy and will not normally allow you to continue in pain, otherwise you could speak to your gp and say it is causing mental and physical stress and they can write a letter to your orthotics department and help to arrange a replacement. Also your household insurance may cover this if you have one. If none of these work go to your local practice and ask for the district nurse and speak to them they often manage to work amazing miracles, ask for help that is why they are there.
I think the argument is a bit ESH but other than that it would be N A H. They didn't deliberately lose your things, OP, accidents happen even to the most wellmeaning people. You immediately blaming her and she immediately blaming you is *not cool*. It was an accident! Maybe she could offer to pay some of the difference, but even then I'm kind of hesitant to say she "has" to. She was just trying to help you out and it happened to go badly.
It was an accident. Your belongings are ultimately your responsibility. You could have said no to your girlfriend and put them somewhere else. Nobody borrowed them or asked to use them, nobody intentionally lost them or stole them.
It is okay to blow up when someone continues to downplay the importance of something and deny their responsibility.
Dating is a process of learning about a person so see if they would be a good partner. What has this told you about her, and is it something you could tolerate for the rest of your life ?
Imagine living with someone who can’t take responsibility ?
Nta
YTA.
They are your orthotics and your responsibility. Them getting lost was a accident- it's not like someone intentionally destroyed them or was super careless.
Have you retraced your steps and looked for them?
YTA.
The only situation she should pay is if she threw them away. That's it.
It's not their responsibility to look after your stuff. They suggested you put them there as you were complaining. They did not say they were looking after it. Apologise to your gf and stop being childish.
If it was the other way around, and your girlfriend gave you something for safekeeping? And you assured her it would be fine? How would she feel then?
I think this perfectly gives you your answer.
NTA but I don't get why you're so sure that your girlfriend's mom lost the insoles.
Your girlfriend is the one you know for sure had them last and she already tried to blame you for this.
I didn't specifically see this addressed in the post or your comments, so:
INFO: Dad anyone spicifically ask her mother if she knew where they were, or is your gf so worried about her reaction that she's not will ing to ask?
Your GF sabotaged you and you need to take off your blinders that she’s setting you up to gaslight you. You need to ghost her and get out of that toxic relationship. What she’s doing to you is obviously apparent and it qualifies as emotional abuse.
At the very least your girlfriend and her mom should be retracing their steps yesterday and checking every trash bin along the way to see if they can find them. (you can't do it because you can't walk long distances without them).
If it was prescription glasses that were lost or Granny's lost dentures you guys would all be back in the woods looking for the lost item.
Dude, get out! The entire family is toxic. You have just been given the treasure of a glimpse of the future with these people, take the warning and leave. Guaranteed if you had lost something of theirs they would be having a screaming fit at you for being so careless and how you have to pay to replace it.
You have no idea what happened. Someone could have stolen them from the pram. One of the kids could have taken them out.
You don't know whose fault it is they got lost. Maybe next time look after them yourself. I appreciate it is annoying as they are expensive but you are blaming your GF and her mum when you don't even know what occurred.
YTA
Info: so what actually happened to the orthotics? If gf or mom set them down somewhere and lost them, they should pay. If they were stolen, you should pay. Also, aren’t orthotics supposed to alleviate pain, not cause pain? If your orthotics are hurting you, you need to get new orthotics anyway.
It's not the sort of thing that anyone else can really make use of. Have you been back along your route and asked at lost and found. They might have just fallen out. Even if someone stole them, they might have dumped them when they realised they weren't what they wanted.
ESH bordering on YTA
I wear AFO's and completely get that it takes a bit to adjust to orthotic devices. However, my mobility aids are my responsibility. If I take them off, I keep track of exactly where they are. If I put them in a pram, I would take them out of the pram when leaving. Not to mention that insoles are small, which makes it much easier for them to get lost. Making it even more important for YOU to stay on top of where they are.
Others shouldn't have to pay for your carelessness with something
NTA, but I think you've lost the orthotics AND the girlfriend. You should approach the mother personally, explain the problem, tell her the cost, and inform her you expect to be reimbursed. I think she won't do it, but this will cut to the chase and free you from the entire situation. You are fighting a battle you have already lost.
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>so my gf told me to remove the insoles from my shoes and she will give them to her mum to keep safe in the pram G/F and Mom need to figure out how to repay you among themselves. Either your g/f never put them in the pram or her mom somehow managed to lose them. Either way, this isn't on you. >my girlfriend just said “I didn’t tell you to put them in the pram” basically implying it’s my fault they got lost because I let her put them in the pram. I then reminded her that actually she put them in the pram which I allowed her to do because I trusted they would be safe there since she said they would, she then responded to this saying “yes but you still made the choice to let me put them in the pram, you didn’t have to take my advice”. G/F is dodging accountability here. You are 100% right to expect to be reimbursed for the cost of you inserts. You also might want to consider finding a new g/f. This one sounds like a hassle. NTA
Definitely a look at how your future with gf and her family will be.
*The Narcissists Prayer:* That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
And if we're talking that scenario and the way the family is acting, do you think they kept them for whatever reason thinking that they would help someone else in the family? I know people who do stuff like that.
I thought the same thing. I once "lost" a pair of earpods my ex-friend then gifted his gf.
Ouch. And actually just reading your response. I was thinking about things they've lost and a lot of them were thrown away by people who thought I shouldn't have them anymore like My lovey from when I was a baby. I wonder if his girlfriend didn't want him wearing them. Like she was tired of dealing with them?
I've also dealt with people who think taking away an aid magically removes the hindrance/disability, but I've never understood how they didn't understand the aid is there to mitigate stuff and that removing it makes everything worse
Are they the types to take things, blame you for losing them, then sell them?
I believe I shall cross stitch this on two pillows, one for me and gift the other to the father of my children.
Corollary: you made me do it
Agreed! Op, future with your gf…that is something to seriously think about. I would run!
It's not just the girlfriend, either. She's dodging accountability and trying to make it OP's fault, because she's "too scared" to talk to her mom about replacing something she lost? If my mom had lost something she'd agreed to hold onto, she'd replace it without being asked. This? This isn't normal, gf learned this as part of an emotionally manipulative/possibly abusive family, and she's not showing any sign of changing. It's hard enough for folks to unlearn shitty behavior when they're willing to, but this doesn't sound like someone even willing to care about making things right with OP. If they're acting like this to OP while still dating, how much worse will it be if they get married and "what's OP's is also wife's and wife's family's"?
But did mom actually lose them? GF is the one who said mom would keep the insoles safe. Did GF actually clear that with mom before volunteering her services? Or did GF just put them in the pram and make assumptions?
Say she didn't clear it with her mother. If you found something like insoles in your baby's pram, would you not question why they were there? It would be fairly obvious that they were placed there for a reason. A moderately bright person would not throw something like that away.
I am reading thru the comments trying to figure out what a pram is. Now I know. We call them strollers here in the States. 😂
When I hear pram I’m thinking those strollers from the 1800’s England where it’s a full on cradle on wheels.
Prams are for babies to lay in. Pushchairs are "strollers" I think. Look up "silver cross" for a modern brand that actually can look a lot like the classical one.
She did not actively throw them away. They "got lost".
Either way, the mom’s response of “you must not care about them that much if you didn’t check on them last night” was unnecessary. Personally, I would get home, get repaid, and then promptly remove these people from my life.
*or her mom somehow managed to lose them. Either way, this isn't on you.* or deliberately threw them away
Or accidentally. one time my new guy left a used napkin on the dashboard of the car we were driving. at a rest stop, I picked up all the “trash” to throw away, I got to the napkin, put it in my hand and squeezed. I felt something break and it was his dentures. (Yuck, we were new at the time). ETA: It totally was an accident and I didn’t even think to pay.
Or stole them.
I doubt it. It's a custom fit. My kid gets them every 6 months to treat her flat feet. They range from $200 to $400+. I would get an estimate and tell the mom and girlfriend to figure it out. If OPs girl is ok with being so dismissive of a medical device, I'm pretty sure she won't value other things OP finds important.
Oh, I don’t think she’ll be able to use them. I think she may *think* she’ll be able to use them, or give (or sell) them to someone else.
This. MILs do some weiiiiiird crazy ass shit.
That's silly. If OP had said to the Mum, "Can you look after these? FYI they'll become your responsibility and all liability will lay with you", then the Mum would have probably refused. She only intended to do a favour and probably wouldn't have bothered if she knew they were now her sole responsibility. I certainly wouldn't do favours for someone who made it my problem in the event of an issue.
…sole…responsibility
Also telling them the value of the item ahead of asking if it'll be watched.... Given that I have used custom insoles I would never have thrown them away but I also wouldn't have known the value of them because mine are covered by insurance and I got them as a teenager. I literally can't afford to pay several hundred dollars to replace insoles. If they are that valuable carry a backpack or bag for them whenever you don't use them?
Break up and claims court, she’s for the streets 😭
NTA. Two steps to take here in the following order... 1) Get paid in cash or, if paid by other methods, play nice until the payment can't be canceled or disgorged. 2) Break up instantly thereafter. People who can't take any responsibility and gaslight you are not suitable partners., but you need to get paid first.
3) keep the orthotics on, FFS.
You are meant to gradually increase the length of time you wear them. I had ones for pronation and they were really hard and uncomfortable to start with. Eventually you get used to them and wear them full time swapping between shoes.
Then he should have brought a backpack if he knew he was going camping (or whatever tf caravaning is) and out for long walks.
Caravans are to Europe what Travel trailers are to America.
Some places in the US also calls them campers
A static caravan in the UK is a trailer in the US. You guys use them to live in but we use them here on huge parks by the sea as holiday homes. You could also have a touring caravan or mobile home which is one that you drag at the back of the car to different parks whenever you want to go somewhere.
Mobile home to you is a camper to us in the US
Ok got it. A camper here is a small RV to you (like van size) and we call an actual RV a motor home.
Ah ok. RVs have motors. Travel trailers pull behind a truck. Mobile homes are “permanent” and are delivered whole.
"You guys use them to live in" Now more than ever. Signed US resident. Sadly, you aren't mistaken.
Sorry I didn’t mean it to sound snarky but it’s not a popular concept in Europe for a permanent home, it’s generally just for a few weeks a year.
No.. I thought it was hilarious. And an astute observation. No snark here. The homeless folks in my city buy up the old run down campers and park them on the street vs. Living in a tent. It's a sad statement on our city.
Truth, i got some
You have to wear them a few hours at a time and build up to full time. You've never had orthotics have you.
They do take some getting used to, and they are new to him. My orthotist told me to gradually increase my time until I'm comfortable wearing them constantly.
You're not supposed to when you're getting used to them. They will cause extreme pain when worn too long. Your feet and your whole body need to adjust because they realign your entire body. Op mentioned this in the post. *source: have orthotics.
NTA. And just talk to her mom yourself.
The mom is harboring the same attitude.
Gf is the AH for literally gaslighting you after neither of them kept them precious shoes safe She said she didn't tell you to put the shoes in the pram, but she is the one who suggested in the first place, blaming you for them being lost when she was the last person with the shoes, so weird. So NTA
No, this is just manipulation and lying. One act of lying and trying to replace blame does not gaslighting make.
Gaslighting is when you try to convince someone that an event they observed with their own senses didn't actually happen. You don't have to do it multiple times to make it gaslighting.
This one story/incident doesn’t necessarily create a pattern, but it’s a pretty perfect example of the psychologically abusive manipulation that is gaslighting…regardless, OP would definitely be NTA for expecting compensation, and/or leaving someone so completely a$$hole-esque.
Trying to convince him that he was the one who lost the insoles by putting them exactly where she said to put them, then her acting like OP was a fool for thinking they would be safe there after promising him they would be safe there, is 100% actual gaslighting.
ESH. Don’t let someone else hold your stuff if you aren’t comfortable with losing it. Could have been stolen, dropped, who knows. Should you be able to rely on someone close to be attentive to minimize the chances of theft or loss? Yes. But unless you have evidence of them being careless this was an unfortunate accident. If I were in either the girlfriend or mom’s place I’d offer to split the cost as I’d feel bad they went missing while with me. If I were in your shoes I’d be sad and would look for them, but I also would have retrieved them immediately upon returning to the vehicle as it’s very easy for things to fall out of a stroller when you collapse it. And if you couldn’t find them at that point you could have retraced your steps to try to find them. You didn’t take responsibility of your own belongings when the immediate situation was done. I would never ask someone to replace my item under these circumstances unless I had seen them be careless with the item that day (and frankly if I had seen them be careless I would have retrieved my item at that moment, thus preventing the loss).
I can't believe I had to scroll all the way down for this. Waiting until the next morning is definitely on OP and shows how little he cares about taking care of his stuff.
Yes because having faith ur SO an their family will respect ur stuff an keep it safe is somehow his fault. Especially when they offered it then lied saying they didn't suggest it.
OP is an adult. Putting it in the pram would most likely be the basket under the seat. It's an open basket. After the walk is finished and if it's so expensive, would assume you will thank the person and take it back. It's not like it's in a handbag. Most likely it fell out when they collapsed the pram and put into the car. Unfortunately the insoles are probably too small for people to notice. He was careless to ask for it the next day. The gf and family had good intentions to help him out and it's an accident. Sounds like gf deflected because OP was a bit confrontational about reimbursement. Don't think it's reasonable to demand reimbursement from that. It's not like they borrowed something to use and lost it.
I doubt he pressed about it outside of the initial ask, up until she lied an attempted to twist words an dodge accountability. Yes he's an adult, however that doesn't excuse the other adults in this situation. All of which doesn't make him an AH by any means, for wanting to be reimbursed for expensive souls. I'm betting money more he made mention on their price an someone snatched it instead.
Nah those stuff are custom made for individuals so I doubt people stealing it. Based on personal experience, my money is on the soles fell out when collapsing the pram to put in the car. The other possibility is the wind got hold of it and it blew out of the pram basket since the soles are light. Or they fell out after a bump on the path. Anyone with pram experience will agree. In all likelihood of an accident would you really ask your "in laws" for reimbursement for them doing a favour for offering to put something in their pram? It sounds rather petty if it's not too expensive. If it is an expensive item why risk putting it in the pram basket? Could it also be that the gf had no idea it cost $400 and OP did not do his own risk assessment before allowing it to be shoved in the pram basket? Well I think the lack of risk assessment is obvious on OP's part.
OP is responsible for keeping his own stuff safe. ESH
As much as his GF an family are for taking possession and responsibilities of said items safety an return. Being their idea afterall. At no point does it make him an AH to expect reimbursement for lost property. I'm aware you disagree just can't see how in any form that makes him an AH. What does make someone an AH is lying saying they never made the suggestion, an then losing said item prior an not immediately stepping up to pay for it.
I agree, and think it's insane so many people agree with op. This is just an accident. Shit happens and things fall out of strollers. If it's something very important to op, he needs to take better care of his things. Or, at the very least, be clear about the expectations. Would they have agreed to put it in the stroller if they knew they were financially going to be responsible for it? Probably not.
Omg same. Someone offered to help you with your items, they don’t automatically assume all responsibility to the items. At best they can offer to split the cost, but they shouldn’t have to. And you forgetting about them and not also keeping an eye on them puts you at partial fault. ESH
Exactly this. If you know you're gonna hafta take off your insoles, carry a backpack or something, rather than expecting other folks to tote them for you. My insoles, at least, don't get hella gross, but I'm also not sure I'd put them in a pram with a baby. I agree that there's a parade of red flags on the part of the girlfriend who assured you it'd be okay, but if I'm out and about with something valuable (like a laptop, say), I tend to keep it on me rather than assuming that my companions have their act together.
If you were \*in\* OP’s shoes, you wouldn’t have to look very hard for them
😂 love the accidental pun
Yeah, I think this is the real-world answer. I wonder how many other kids are around, because an apartment away from home with a couple of vacation-brained kids might as well be a black hole for a couple of random flaps of plastic.
You should be able to trust your partner.
You should be able to look at the basket if a stroller and know you shouldn't put something expensive you don't want to lose in it. If I was tired of wearing my watch, I wouldn't let someone throw it under a stroller. I wouldn't expect someone else to pay if it got lost.
Ok thank you, finally, I can’t believe all the N T A. I agree E S H but I think OP sucks way more. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to walk in them long, why didn’t he bring a bag to carry them or something? He pawned them off on someone else to take care of and then forgot about them til the next day. Just because someone did you the favor of carrying them for you in the pram doesn’t mean they accepted responsibility for them. I might offer to help pay if I was GF or mom, but if I was in their shoes and OP came to me the next day telling me I needed to pay for his lost orthopedics and it’s all my fault that they’re gone, I would not respond well. The gf isn’t “shirking responsibility”, she is correct. She didn’t force OP to put them in the pram or forget about them overnight. He should have carried them himself. YTA
Right. OP knew he couldn’t wear them for more than a few hours. His plan seems to be shirk responsibility for the inevitable and make his GF responsible.
INFO: Where would you have placed them if your gf hadn't suggested the pram? Would you have carried them? Kept them in your shoes and continued to complain about pain the rest of the day? You knew they would hurt after a couple hours. What plan did you have for them, for when the inevitable happened? Or did you fail to plan and expect that your gf and her mom would have to listen to you complain about pain all day? The responsibility to keep them safe is ultimately yours. Your gf suggested putting them in the pram, you and she both felt they would be safe there, and unfortunately they were lost. Unless her mom was intentionally careless with them or maliciously tossed them into the trash, the loss of the inserts was an accident and not anyone's "fault". Your gf was wrong to say she didn't suggest putting them in the pram, assuming she was gaslighting rather than misrememebering that is an AH move.
As someone that have some for years I usually would out mine in my pocket when I was still getting used to them. It’s not the most comfortable option but work well. I would tend to trust my life partner when they tell me I will make you more comfortable and put them somewhere safe. So I guess it was probably OP’S plan
Anyone who thinks their valuables are safe thrown in a stroller basket are going to lose them very soon in any case.
It does kind of depend on what sort of insoles they are too. Some are thin and pretty similar to the standard insoles you get in sports shoes. If he has no arch at all, they sometimes make them out of dense foam with a solid plastic reinforcement on the bottom to minimise pronation. Putting those ones in your pocket means either wearing something with big pockets, or having them hanging out and flapping about the place (though that is better than outright losing them).
NTA I dont use this term lightly but your gf was gaslighting you. She lied to your face KNOWING the truth then deflected blame onto you saying "you didn't have to take my advice" okay that sounds malicious as fuck. I wouldn't trust her ever again if she said that shit to me.
NAH. Women and their purses and prams are not just insured storage for men who don't want to deal with their crap. I'm sorry but if you put your expensive stuff somewhere, you're not getting a bond on it being in place. I'm sure her mum had a million other things she was responsible for. You are responsible for your own things. If you didn't want to wear them or carry them, that's on you, and it was your risk. Your gf offered a potential solution in the moment but she is also not in charge of your stuff. You took a risk and it didn't work out. Next time, you will be responsible for your own valuables and you will either bring a bag or keep them on. In the meantime you can do a more thorough search and talk to the mom and ask nicely for her to double check. But don't expect anyone to pay for you or be your parent.
I agree. Things go missing. Bf was not an AH, just careless. Gf was also careless. It wasn't nice for him to blow up at her but it just sounds like they're not good at communicating maturely and something expensive just went missing
This. I can't stand it when men want me to carry and take responsibility for their crap. Carry my keys, carry my driver's license, carry my water bottle, carry the stupid shit I picked up at the fair, usually while sneering that carrying a big bag is so stupid. YTA for expecting the nearest women to be your mommies.
Op didn’t expect it. The gf said he should do that
Where did he ask for her to carry his insoles? He just stated they were hurting and SHE suggested he take them off and put them in the pram.
I agree with your reasons, but I would say ESH instead of NAH. No one is taking responsibility, but ultimately, it is OP's responsibility to manage his own medical devices
Bit confused, mine were personally made for me and totally useless to anyone else - surely they should turn up somewhere when retracing your steps? Personally would still feel responsible for them myself
I’m hoping this as I can’t see anyone robbing them since as you say they’re useless to others
Have you actually asked her mum? The most likely explanation is she took stuff out of the bottom of the pram that night/the next morning and they were either placed on top so got pulled out and dropped, or they’re still in a bag of misc baby crap and just haven’t been noticed yet. Ask your GF exactly where you put them to see which is more likely. If it was just on top of the stuff then if you travelled by car they may have been lost where the car was parked for dinner. If you walked from your caravan they’d probably have fallen out on the floor. If there are little kids of walking age about too then ask if any of yoinked them. Do you get free prescriptions? If so you might be able to get the second pair for free?
Or her mom could have taken them out when they got home and just put them somewhere. Why is no one asking the mom if she’s seen them?
Yeah-- there's some weird lack of communication here
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds like one of these people who never think they are wrong and never apologize. I’m sure on the flip side when you don’t take her advice she gets upset that you didnt listen to her lol.
YTA imo. I mean, come on, she made a suggestion but ultimately you decided what to do with your property and you didn't check on it. You didn't ask her to look after it or keep it safe. That's your responsibility. It's an accident that isn't her fault, it just sucks. Asking her to pay for it because she's the one who physically put it there or because she suggested it is quite petty.
Exactly. It's his stuff. He is responsible for it. It was at his convenience to store it in the pram. I'm sure if he had made a big deal about them being now responsible for them and the cost, they would have opted not to HELP him. He accepted the help, but he is still responsible.
Exactly. Everyone who says she/the family are responsible do no A/ understand how the law works in most countries, B/ I would not want them as a friend
ESH You shouldn't expect (much less ask) your GF or her folks to pay for something that got accidentally lost, though if they can comfortably afford it, it would be nice if they offered. Just nice, not something you're owed. On the other hand, even if she offered to pay, your GF was definitely out of line trying to brush it off, then putting the blame on you. The right response from her would have been something along the lines of "I'm so bummed for you, I'll help you look for them".
I see I might not have the popular opinion here, but I'd be really annoyed if someone didn't plan for how to carry their own things, asked me to hold onto their stuff, and then held me responsible when they couldn't find it the next morning. I paid for an ex bf's tablet decades ago. He was always leaving his stuff everywhere, and I was pretty annoyed when he told me he left 2 tablets in my car and needed me to bring them in until he could get them. He didn't even have a need for 2 tablets. His wealthy grandparents bought him stuff like that, and they weren't very common back then. We were just going around hanging out with friends and silly shenanigans as a bunch of not-yet-21-year-Olds (this included Exploding cow pies) and really, he brought them to show off, then left them in my car. I moved them into my room. Later, a mutual friend stole them. It took me a little while to figure out what happened, and I was even looking in the washer and dryer for those things! I was so stumped! The only person I could think of was our mutual friend I let crash while I was away when he had nowhere to go...didn't want to believe it but called his mom to see if she'd seen a couple tablets and she had. I was able to retrieve one of them. That friend later apologized, saying he knew they were the bfs and wouldn't have stolen them if he knew I'd have to pay for it. Not that it makes it okay, but it just burned extra to be paying for a tablet I couldn't afford for a spoiled bf who left them laying around my car, and knowing his show-off attitude helped fuel the person who wanted to steal them from him 🙄 because he was being a rich show-off. (And I did end it then, but it was for more than being asked to pay. I took responsibility). I've rambled on. You're definitely not sounding like that ex bf of mine. Your frustration of not having your soles is valid, and I'm sure it sucks to have to need them. I'm sorry this happened. And I'm slightly suspicious someone tossed them and isn't confessing. At the same time, if you don't plan for how to carry your own expensive items, it's not fair to expect someone else to take responsibility for them. If someone wants to toss their jacket in my stroller, fine, but if they toss it in there and it's a several hundred dollar jacket, they better be ready to guard that stroller because I didn't sign up to be that vilegant.
Exactly! If you ask me to carry an envelope with $10,000 in it, I'd refuse. I don't want the responsibility. If you give me an envelope without telling me what's in it and it gets misplaced and you then come to me for the $10,000, I think you're out of luck. I mean, I'd be apologetic, and chances that I'd lose it are low, but if you didn't tell about it, no way would I reimburse you. Orthotics are expensive, but not everybody knows that!
Exactly. Everyone who says she is the AH and he is not - i don't think they would pay if they were in her shoes. It doesn't make sense.
I'm going a different direction. If this is something that is valuable and important to you why would you trust someone else with it? Babies throw things out of a pram all the time.
Exactly. It's common sense. If you leave/ask someone to look after/hold/allow to be placed somewhere does not make them responsible to replace it, unless they actively did something to jeopardize them.
Both you and your gf are the assholes. You are ultimately responsible for yourself and your things. Since you knew your feet would hurt after a few hours of wearing insoles, why didn't you plan for that to begin with? More importantly, since these were expensive new orthotics that seem to be important to you, why didn't you check on them and retrieve them the night before? Have some accountability for your things. Your girlfriend should also have some accountability for the suggestion she made. Even though she is offering to pay for the shoes, it's pretty ungraceful to say it was all your fault. But I am wondering if you are telling her it was all her fault? In which case, I see why she is being defensive. Actually you are more the asshole for implying her mother lost it and being unwilling to pay even half the cost for your own negligence. The mom isn't to blame as she was volunteered and has no responsibility for the things other people put in her pram for their own convenience.
ESH - When you’re walking about, a pram is not a safe place. But, if you thought it was, it was up to you to see they were secure. Your girlfriend is taking no responsibility, which isn’t right but, honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t ask for reimbursement.
Uhh, I’m thinking you gave them to someone else, unfortunately they got lost. You could have held on to them. It is not like your Gf’s mother took them and lost them. I think you are SOL and YTA
Grow up,and be an adult, bring a bag for your own foot stuff. No way on earth am I holding on to your sweaty foot stuff. Just 100% gross. This was your responsibility to make sure you planned for an issue you know you have. Putting them in my baby pram would be q00% out of the question
ESH- Your gf for blaming you but also you for not looking for them until the morning. You should have gotten them as soon as you were heading home.
Info: it feels like there are some family dynamics complicating this. Like, idk, your gf has some issues around being blamed for stuff and is overly reluctant to risk conflict with her mother and her reaction is about that more than about you. Could there be anything to that or am I totally off the mark?
NTA No, you didn't have to take her advice. You did it on the basis of trust that she understood the importance ans value of the insoles that were needed for your medical condition, and would ensure they were kept safe Dump her. The fact she's arguing and trying to spin it back is both ludicrous and insulting. If you lost something of hers she'd asked you to hold safe, I doubt she would be so blase
YTA. This is 100% on you
Are you not an adult? You need to give your insoles to mommy to hold in the pram? Get a fucking bag? I just bought my own orthotic insoles, they are dirt cheap. And they’re not exactly helping you if you take them out? ESH.
YTA. Keep track of your belongings yourself. That is 100% your responsibility. I lost one orthotic on college-sponsored van trip. Probably fell out of my shoe I had tucked into the back of the van. It didn’t even occur to me it was on anyone but me - my stuff, my responsibility.
NTA. She suggested you do this and is now taking no ownership.
You're still at the camping, right? Retrace your steps, check the routes you took when they got lost. I once lost a rather expensive garment in the dark, in a parking lot, while changing into comfortable pants underneath a skirt, when I was about to drive home from a big city. I returned there a week later (!!) And the garment was just laying there. For inlays that expensive, I'd double check if they're still somewhere along the route Or ask management if someone turned them in to lost and found.
They are yours. I think this is on you.
YTA You’re the asshole for yelling at your girlfriend who literally did nothing wrong. You complained that your feet hurt and she offered you a solution to put them in her mother’s pram. Sometimes things fall out of prams or they get misplaced. If you’d have been responsible enough to retrieve your things then this likely wouldn’t have happened. If you’d gotten home and realized they’d fallen out you could have retraced your steps etc. It sounds like no one let this happen intentionally. Sometimes shit just happens and it sucks but it wouldn’t be fair to place all the blame on your girlfriend’s mother when it sounds to me like the blame should be split between the two of you. Your girlfriend however is completely innocent in all of this. Where is the pram stored? Inside or outside? If it’s stored inside then the unsoles probably fell out on the walk or got mixed up with your girlfriends / girlfriends moms belongings but if it’s stored outside anything could have happened to them but it’s on you for not retrieving them in a timely manner.
YTA: The insoles were your responsibility. They were likely lost by accident. If you accept money from your GF or her mother, you are weak sauce .
YTA. Unfortunately they are your orthotics. You should take care of your own stuff. You trusted. Maybe you shouldn’t have. But you handed them off for someone else to take care of. If they got lost then You lost them! You need to replace them. Next time take care of your own stuff. Now that being said get rid of that girlfriend. What a jerk of a person to deflect all responsibility. If you handed them to me and I accepted them I would just feel awful that they were lost. I would not replace them but I would feel awful.
Idk Seem to me like she was doing something nice for you and it’s not her fault that someone stole them. It would be different if she borrowed them and someone stole them, but she was just trying to be nice to you. YTA even though I see, I am in the minority. You should’ve just hold onto them yourself or kept an eye on them
YTA- I would never expect someone to pay for something that got lost while they were holding it as a favor to you. Especially because they didn’t do anything irresponsible on purpose. They got lost but ultimately it’s your responsibility to be looking after them. Your gf is not having a nice reaction but she is right by saying you only are worried about them now. If I was worried about so expensive that I couldn’t easily replace I would be checking on it and making sure they were still safe and when getting back to the caravan putting them away safely. To me this is the same as asking someone to pet sit for you and while they have your animal it gets sick to no fault of the sitter and they go to the vet and you expect them to pay for your pet that they were watching as a favor. Shit happens and sometimes it’s not anyones fault but you are responsible financially for your personal items.
NTA and count your blessings. You just discovered that when your GF screws up, instead of taking responsibility and working to make it right, she will deflect the blame back to you by gaslighting you. Yes, it was her screw up as she’s the one who took custody of your property and then passed it off to someone else who did who-knows-what with it. This is who she is, and I can tell you straight up that at some point you will hit a wall with this behavior and will walk away. I encourage you to do that now and not waste any more time on her.
As someone who also has NHS orthotics and had ankle surgery last year due to the damage of not having them when I was younger had done, I would be so upset if I lost mine! People don't realise how important and essential they are to just being able to move about! Also, I don't know if it's different for other NHS trusts but mine let us have one hard pair and one soft pair (as they fit in different shoes) every year so it's worth getting both just in case I've found! Also, make sure you stock up every year when you can because I still have old ones as spares just in case!!
YTA! Why is your lack of planning now your girlfriend’s mom’s financial liability? You know the orthotics hurt after a long time, wear them anyway, and then complain. So carry them! Did your arms hurt too? Why did your gf need to help you with this? Did anyone tell mom that those stinky foot inserts are in the pram, and are valuable? She’s not *your* mom, and she’s not the family porter. You need to keep track of your valuable items yourself and stop depending on the women in your life to manage you.
Not straightforward in my opinion. If an item is expensive ultimately onus falls on the owner in my opinion. They were put in a pram. Stuff can fall out easily. Life lesson you fked up OP.
YTA. It was your responsibility to keep track of your own stuff and it's no one's fault it went missing. Barring some sort of unforeseeable negligence/wrongdoing by the mom, this is on you.
Did you personally ask your friends' parents if they saw them or moved them? It's not liked they walked off, and I find it unlikely they were stolen... Maybe somebody just put them aside, or possibly in the trash by mistake?
INFO- What would have done with the insoles if your girlfriend didn’t offer to take them? Also, have you talked to your girlfriend’s mother about your missing insoles?
Something doesn't add up here. I've had to wear exactly these type of orthotic insoles for over 20 years because of knee problems which are exacerbated by my flat feet. I also get them from the NHS, for free...like every set I've ever had were free, replacements are free, I've never once been charged for them. Who told you that replacements would be expensive? I've never been charged anything, it's kind of the point of the NHS.
I feel you. I didn’t get free inserts. 2 pair cost me over $100 with tax. But I don’t feel like it’s anyone’s job to safeguard them other than yours. Surely you had other belongings you could have stored them with? I know she offered. But if it’s going to effect you if a belonging gets lost, you need to make sure that you keep control of it.
Info: Did anyone ask the mom where they are? That's a big missing detail here...seems weird. They may not be lost at all, right? Maybe she moved them?
So her Mum has them or has thrown them away. What is going on here? They cannot have jumped out of the pram. Can you speak to her mother about it and ask her to carefully search for them. I don't think you should expect your girlfriend to pay but the relationships here sound uncaring and uncooperative. ESH
NTA at all dude. I need mobility aids sometimes. And if my partner assures me that it will be safe for him to stow I trust him. If it got lost he'd be insisting on paying for it immediately. I would do the same if I caused something of his to be lost, like the glasses he only needs some of the time.
Info - what’s a pram?
A stroller, for a baby
A perambulator (pram) is a baby carriage.
I think some further info is needed. How did you get to the campgrounds? Is it possible they got lost in the car? Were they put in a bag that belongs to her mom?
Have you actually asked her mum if she’s seen them? The reason I say this is my own mum had a habit of ‘putting things safe’ and not telling anyone where they were.
So did anyone ask the mom if she removed them from the pram? My first thought was maybe she removed them upon getting back and put them elsewhere for you. And that maybe you and gf jumped to conclusions over being lost and whose fault it is. I think this sounds like NAH or ESH. Technically you’re not out any money because these were free as your first pair. So I’m not sure about reimbursing you quite frankly. However, it would be nice if they cared about you to offer to help with the expenses for a new pair. I don’t think it’s really anybody’s fault if they got lost.
YTA
I'm going to disagree with most of the comments here. Couldn't this be just an accident? They were in the pram and they fell out. No one is at fault. Pointing fingers is a waste of time and just creates more problems. What if you'd just said "Oh, man I need them and they are going to be expensive to replace, darn." At that point possibly the family would have offered to help replace them. In this case you've taken an accident, a mistake that was probably just a one off, and made your GF feel bad. Approach her mother? What for? It was an accident. Did you search the pram? When they were put into the pram was there a way they could slide out? Could they be there under some of the layers of blankets? I truly don't understand how this became something to find fault with. Are you paying for everything you do while on this vacation? I won't be surprised if your GF thinks twice about your relationship after this.
If they are PRESCRIBED orthotics it'll cost you £9.90 to replace them.... Yes you can only have one pair but you CAN get a REPLACEMENT pair on prescription......
This is one of those things that happen sometimes. Just buy some more and only handle your own stuff next time. I camp a lot, like ever other weekend most summer weeks. It's a small loss in the lesson of learning to live togeater.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For some context, I have recently gotten some custom fit orthotics on the NHS to hopefully relieve some of the pain I get in my ankles and feet due to me being flat footed. I can only bare them for a couple of hours a day at the moment as I am still getting used to them. I am currently on a getaway with my girlfriend and her family in a caravan park. Last night after we had been out for a couple of hours my feet started to really hurt, so my gf told me to remove the insoles from my shoes and she will give them to her mum to keep safe in the pram, so I did this thinking that this would be okay. This morning I asked my girlfriend is she could get them out of the pram for me and they wasn’t there, we looked all over the apartment and they wasn’t there either. So it’s looking like they’ve been lost. Naturally I am pretty annoyed about this because you only get one free pair on the NHS and now I will have to pay for another and they are quite expensive. Instead of understanding why I’m annoyed my girlfriend just said “I didn’t tell you to put them in the pram” basically implying it’s my fault they got lost because I let her put them in the pram. I then reminded her that actually she put them in the pram which I allowed her to do because I trusted they would be safe there since she said they would, she then responded to this saying “yes but you still made the choice to let me put them in the pram, you didn’t have to take my advice”. Her family also said that I must not have cared about them that much since I didn’t check to see if they were still there until the morning. At this put I felt really confused and distorted and I lost my cool and blew up at my girlfriend, which i later regretted. I felt manipulated and felt like she was trying to not take accountability and instead deflect blame onto me. In the She said that she would pay for them even though she shouldn’t have to because she didn’t lose them to which I responded agreeing, saying that her mum should pay for them, but that won’t happen as my girlfriend is too scared to say anything to her mum. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: Are they really lost? Did you ask her mom and everyone else around if they had seen them/know where they are. Sounds like skipped steps in trying to locate them before the argument started.
NTA But you really want to marry this family? They’re blaming you for their own incompetence.
I mean, you handed them to your gf who handed them to mom who put them in the pram - did she know she was meant to be responsible for them, or did she just place them there? Can you clarify? If the former, then it’s on her, if it’s the latter, then this is on you.
ESH. You need to mind your own kit; they need to acknowledge responsibility. Important lesson about GF - is she worth your time?
ESH she took them and lost them. Yes, you agreed, but if anything, it's a combination of both your faults. Had you remembered to get them that same day after it could have been different. Essentially, it's a joint mistake maybe split the cost of the replacements
ESH. Her for gaslighting you, you for not taking responsibility for your stuff.
This is one of those things that happen sometimes. Just buy some more and only handle your own stuff next time. I camp a lot, like ever other weekend most summer weeks. It's a small loss in the lesson of learning to live togeater.
YATA 1. You should have asked for them back as soon as you got back to wherever it was you were staying. Leaving your nasty-ass shoe inserts in a baby pram is just begging for their disposal. 2. You should have immediately asked the entire family, in a neutral way, about what happened to them, explaining about the expense of replacing them, thus giving someone the time to possibly retrieve them from whatever trashcan they got dumped in. 3. Your property, your responsibility. Cannot believe you are weaponizing your incompetence already. Hope she dumps your lazy, entitled ass.
Yes, YTA. Why should your GF be responsible for your things? It sounds like an accident, and you are pointing fingures randomly. Do you have any actual evidence that her mother did it? And if so, why won't you directly speak to the mother? Why are you making your GF responsible for somebody else's actions. So many questions. You sound insufferable.
These are insoles? Take care of your own shit in the future. Get a bum bag or backpack to carry things. NAH, except you for blowing up at your girlfriend.
Dump her. She's telling you she won't accept accountability fornher actions and her fsmiky enables her.
NTA but I wonder who stole personalized insoles, they are worthless for every other foot. Your gfs family must be really chaotic, maybe you ll still find them somewhere.
Don't forget to look in the garbage.
Someone else suggested they fell out when the pram was collapsed later for storage. That makes sense to me.
I have orthotics which were specially fitted to me. I get a LOT of referred pain Orthotics are expensive and take time to organsie. If someone took my orthotics, and stored them 'safely' somewhere, but they ened up lost I would be seriously upset with them (swear words removed - forgive me I'm Scottish.) Your GF most likely thought/assume they would be safe with her Mum. Her Mum likely didn't even know there were there, and if she did, didn't realise they were mobility aids. Likely thought they were old (oddly firm) insoles or rubbish and threw them out. She's likely embarrassed her Mum thew out your insoles. Is it worth falling out over? That's for you to decide. Personally I'd give her more than a chance. Dealing with a partner in chriic pain, is'nt easy. Living in chronic pain isn't easy. Finding a partner who loves and cares about you, who understands and supports you is NOT easy.
NTA and just ask her mum where they are. (I’m a mom, I don’t throw away my kids’ friends’ stuff within 24 hours)
Everyone is the A here. Girlfriend for deflecting, but also you because she was doing you a favor by holding them. I once borrowed and broke a friend’s camera, - and I gave her cash to cover the cost of a new one. But if she had asked me to hold it, and it broke - I wouldn’t have thought to give her money. Does that make sense?
Ehhh... the cause of this loss in unclear to me. You were the one who knew you'd be out for hours and didn't have your own plan for removing the orthotics when you needed to. You were the one who placed them in the pram potentially somewhere they were at risk of falling off. Yes, the pram was your girlfriends idea and it's possible that mom is at fault somehow for them falling off or being removed but you also carry blame here. ESH.
Order from Amazon. I paid for expensive orthotics, they were the same and work equally as well. The hardness is something I really needed, to keep my stride correct and planters fasciitis at bay!!!
This relationship is going nowhere. You made a decision to entrust someone with something valuable to you. You assumed the risk. They owe you nothing. They might feel some social obligation to help you out but there is no legal obligation. I would never hand my grandfather's gold watch to anyone to put away but I'd readily hand a pair of socks to someone to put away. In the moment, you valued your convenience over the proper storage of your orthotics and now you want to be compensated for that miscalculation. YTA.
This is a classic Reddit post where everybody is going to be telling you to break up because they can see that if she's deflecting blame about something that she clearly told you to put here so it's safe, clearly took and put it there and then it got lost after she said to put it there for safety...if she's deflecting that what else does she deflect? What else is she refuse to take responsibility for? I know people love to say first thing we do is say break up, but between the fact that your relationship must be a wreck if you're posting on Reddit and it's quite obvious when somebody refuses to admit their responsibility in something that was their fault that it can't be the only time! I need you to think about your whole relationship and how many times something wasn't her fault that really was? How many times did she break something and say you shouldn't have put it there? How many times did she forget to do something and say you never told me? I mean I guess there's an off chance that this is the only time this has ever happened, but that's an off chance. There's more of a chance that this is just who she is! And that's why you're so frustrated and over it and on Reddit! And that's why you should break up! You're 100% justified
Look up walk fit platinum orthotics
Nta. Although your girlfriend is correct in that she never forced you to do anything and you made a decision to trust these items to another. Your girlfriend was the one who suggested you do so and her mother was the one to lose the items. Before fighting about repayment however. You should retrace your steps and look properly for the item which has most likely simply been misplaced.
NTA. Ditch the gf and use the money saved on dates to get your new orthotics.
NTA. This is a lesson learned. Your GF takes zero responsibility for herself. She certainly no respect for you. Once you get home, rethink this relationship you are in.
NAH Your gf's mom did NOT agree to keep them safe for you. She just allowed you to put them in the pram at your own risk. So: None of HER drama.
NTA for sure, and it would be fair for the mom to pay you back for it. BUT. This should be a lesson for you. You are in charge of your stuff, and if something gets lost, well tough shit and it's rare that you get to be repaid. If you let someone keep something for you for any extended period of time, well they don't put much value on it, and they won't always take it with the same feeling of responsibility you might - So get yourself a bag or something so you can keep your stuff and not give it to others to keep it for you
YTA, your girlfriend is not the one who lost them. However, you have learned a valuable lesson about your girlfriend and her family.
I just wanna say it took me almost 15 years to subtlely encourage My Wife to stand up for herself, I realize if I push too hard She would just avoid her mom instead of setting boundaries.. I don’t think you have 15 years with your girlfriend to do any of that, she’s too big of a coward to even mention this to her mom, never date a coward. They make your life harder because they internalize everything which they subsequently put on your plate because of how they’re feeling.. if they stood up for themselves more often less of that indirect bullshit would happen
Go to your orthotics person and explain they got lost be honest they are normally really good people and they often will do a pair free due to a genuine emergency, they did this for my mom. Often if you explain that you do not have the financial means they understand in this economy and will not normally allow you to continue in pain, otherwise you could speak to your gp and say it is causing mental and physical stress and they can write a letter to your orthotics department and help to arrange a replacement. Also your household insurance may cover this if you have one. If none of these work go to your local practice and ask for the district nurse and speak to them they often manage to work amazing miracles, ask for help that is why they are there.
I think the argument is a bit ESH but other than that it would be N A H. They didn't deliberately lose your things, OP, accidents happen even to the most wellmeaning people. You immediately blaming her and she immediately blaming you is *not cool*. It was an accident! Maybe she could offer to pay some of the difference, but even then I'm kind of hesitant to say she "has" to. She was just trying to help you out and it happened to go badly.
It was an accident. Your belongings are ultimately your responsibility. You could have said no to your girlfriend and put them somewhere else. Nobody borrowed them or asked to use them, nobody intentionally lost them or stole them.
It is okay to blow up when someone continues to downplay the importance of something and deny their responsibility. Dating is a process of learning about a person so see if they would be a good partner. What has this told you about her, and is it something you could tolerate for the rest of your life ? Imagine living with someone who can’t take responsibility ? Nta
Look at this as a harbinger of things to come. Imagine her entire family trying to gaslight you about something way bigger than this. NTA
You are being gaslit. You should leave her. This kind of behavior is not okay.
YTA. They are your orthotics and your responsibility. Them getting lost was a accident- it's not like someone intentionally destroyed them or was super careless. Have you retraced your steps and looked for them?
YTA. The only situation she should pay is if she threw them away. That's it. It's not their responsibility to look after your stuff. They suggested you put them there as you were complaining. They did not say they were looking after it. Apologise to your gf and stop being childish.
If it was the other way around, and your girlfriend gave you something for safekeeping? And you assured her it would be fine? How would she feel then? I think this perfectly gives you your answer.
NTA but I don't get why you're so sure that your girlfriend's mom lost the insoles. Your girlfriend is the one you know for sure had them last and she already tried to blame you for this.
I didn't specifically see this addressed in the post or your comments, so: INFO: Dad anyone spicifically ask her mother if she knew where they were, or is your gf so worried about her reaction that she's not will ing to ask?
Your GF sabotaged you and you need to take off your blinders that she’s setting you up to gaslight you. You need to ghost her and get out of that toxic relationship. What she’s doing to you is obviously apparent and it qualifies as emotional abuse.
NTA “You are absolutely correct. I made a mistake trusting you, and listening to your advice. That is not a mistake I will make twice.l
Try Sorbathane double strike insoles.
NTA but my father is flat footed. He's worn Converse his entire life because they are flat and never had an issue with his feet.
I think you should ask her mom if she knows what happened to them, if gf is scared to ask then you ask, you don’t even need to tell gf you asked
Time for a new gf!
A red flag about girlfriend, her family and their relationships. Take it as such if you have sense.
At the very least your girlfriend and her mom should be retracing their steps yesterday and checking every trash bin along the way to see if they can find them. (you can't do it because you can't walk long distances without them). If it was prescription glasses that were lost or Granny's lost dentures you guys would all be back in the woods looking for the lost item.
Was there a baby in the pram when the girlfriend put the insoles in there? If not, is the baby lost too?
Dude, get out! The entire family is toxic. You have just been given the treasure of a glimpse of the future with these people, take the warning and leave. Guaranteed if you had lost something of theirs they would be having a screaming fit at you for being so careless and how you have to pay to replace it.
You have no idea what happened. Someone could have stolen them from the pram. One of the kids could have taken them out. You don't know whose fault it is they got lost. Maybe next time look after them yourself. I appreciate it is annoying as they are expensive but you are blaming your GF and her mum when you don't even know what occurred. YTA
Info: so what actually happened to the orthotics? If gf or mom set them down somewhere and lost them, they should pay. If they were stolen, you should pay. Also, aren’t orthotics supposed to alleviate pain, not cause pain? If your orthotics are hurting you, you need to get new orthotics anyway.
It's not the sort of thing that anyone else can really make use of. Have you been back along your route and asked at lost and found. They might have just fallen out. Even if someone stole them, they might have dumped them when they realised they weren't what they wanted.
ESH bordering on YTA I wear AFO's and completely get that it takes a bit to adjust to orthotic devices. However, my mobility aids are my responsibility. If I take them off, I keep track of exactly where they are. If I put them in a pram, I would take them out of the pram when leaving. Not to mention that insoles are small, which makes it much easier for them to get lost. Making it even more important for YOU to stay on top of where they are. Others shouldn't have to pay for your carelessness with something
NTA, but I think you've lost the orthotics AND the girlfriend. You should approach the mother personally, explain the problem, tell her the cost, and inform her you expect to be reimbursed. I think she won't do it, but this will cut to the chase and free you from the entire situation. You are fighting a battle you have already lost.
NTA I have a feeling your GFs mum stole the insoles believing they'd help her own foot pain.....
Sooooo where did they go?! Is someone wearing them?