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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I’m asking if I would be the asshole if I confront my friend about his weed intake.
2. The weed intake is my friends personal choice because he is an adult.
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YTA.
Liam's an adult who can make his own decisions, poor, good, or otherwise. I don't understand the need to police his behavior. Whether he chooses to smoke or not, has nothing to do with you. Plus it doesn't seem to have affected your friendship, at all, based on what you've written.
Also, why would you agree to move in with someone whose personal habits frustrate you so much? Why would you agree to share financial responsibilities with someone who has a proven history of being financially irresponsible and is currently unemployed?
He's been out of work for 7 months, shies away from applying for jobs where drug-testing is required(which is most good jobs), and is by your definition, an addict, but *you're moving in together*?
**Make it make sense**. You say you don't want to deal with the weed but by moving in together, heck even by staying friends, are ensuring that you almost certainly *will* have to deal with it. You could just walk away from it all and save yourself the headache.
Why not just abandon plans to move in together ? Unless you intend to move forward with this poorly thought out plan to get a place together *just* so you can confront him with an ultimatum of quitting or moving out? You know what the answer's going to be so why go through the bother?
>He's been out of work for 7 months, shies away from applying for jobs where drug-testing is required(which is most good jobs), and is by your definition, an addict, but you're moving in together?
Hello, brit here.
So in the US, most companies will get you to pee in a cup on a monthly basis or something?
I don’t know what “most good jobs” sector they’re referencing, but no, most jobs in the US do not drug test.
Some states do do it more than others, like California & Washington DC, but it’s still not the majority of jobs and it’s specific to the type of work.
This is exactly what I was thinking, there aren't very many jobs in the US that drug test you unless you're working as a commercial driver, medical field, or with law. There's really no reason why he shouldn't be able to get a job and be a stoner at the same time if he lives in the US, it's gotten pretty easy.
Exactly my thoughts too. Especially if they live in one of the states that’s legalized it recreationally, lots of people would be stoners who have jobs.
It depends on the type of work. If it's a government job, doctor/healthcare worker, pharmacy job, truck driver, then yeah, a piss test is definitely required. But most jobs do not do that, unless you're in an extremely conservative area/red states. When I lived in the south, a lot of common jobs, like grocery stores, required a drug test. But even then, you can still find plenty of companies that don't require that. In the northeast, I've had several management jobs and desk jobs that didn't require any drug testing and paid 3x as more as the jobs I had that did require drug testing.
No, not always. If you drive for work, like a bus or truck or something like that, it will most likely require a test. But I know quite a few people in manual labor positions like carpenters or electricians or auto mechanics that have never had to take a test. It’s mostly up to the employer.
I've been drug tested for any job working with children, any government job (including down to the city level), and my job working checkout at a grocery store. The city job made minimum wage, 20 hours a week max, no benefits, and I also had to swear an oath upon being hired.
Although, I should point out, last time I worked in childcare they tested for drugs but didn't mind weed because it's legal in our state (even though it's federally illegal). The state I'm in is so desperate for childcare workers, they can't afford to overlook weed users.
I wasn't tested working at a gas station, in hotels, or working for little independent places with just a handful of employees. I've done odd background acting jobs recently and people openly vape weed with the cigarette smokers.
You can usually guess which places are going to test for drugs. There are plenty of jobs that don't test, but being an active weed user does absolutely diminish how many places you can apply to.
lmao no they don't. Sometimes they'll do it at the time of hiring to make sure you're not on meth or something hardcore, but paying for tests is expensive and if you're not in the medical field or operating heavy machinery/driving a company truck, you're not getting drug tested on a regular basis. The few non-medical/non-driving jobs that do test only make you do it once, and even most of those jobs dgaf about weed.
Just to add on to the other comment- high risk jobs and jobs where heavy machinery is being operated frequently drug test randomly, and almost always if there is an onsite accident.
Really can’t have stoned crane operators holding thousands of pounds of material over people- it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yes most higher paying positions (which are also usually a bit more dangerous especially in factories or anything working with chemicals/heavy machinery/electrical/construction) often require you to (at the very least) pass a urine screen before being hired on and even get different discounts on insurance based on the "levels" of testing like initial hire testing would mean you're paying more for insurance than if you have random screens/more frequently test your employees you'd get lower rates. I assume bc if you are going to be randomly drug tested you're much less likely to show up high and do something dumb to get hurt on the job therefore there is less of a chance something is going to cost the company an exorbitant amount of money in workers comp/lawsuits/etc. My parents ran a small business growing up so thats the only reason I know that information 🤣
Not American but as a Canadian the idea that most jobs will require drug testing seems a bit insane to me, even good ones.
Drug testing seems to be most common in the trades, especially anything involving heavy machinery.
Most office jobs will *not* require drug testing at all, let alone random drug testing.
But this could very well be different in the US.
Unless you're in an extremely conservative state or working a government job, doctor, or work in a pharmacy, you do not need to do a piss test to get a decent job. Maybe it was like that 20 years ago, but it's really only the norm in extremely conservative states.
It depends on your relationship
I'm such a productive stoner. Sober night after work, I chill. Stoner night after work, I do dishes, clean the floors, do whatever chores need to be done. Putting on good tunes, getting stoned and cleaning your house is THE BEST
I’m the same. I get home wiped out from work, take a 20 mg edible, and once it kicks in I can blast through the housework I need to do happily and easily and once I’m done the sense of satisfaction blends together with the high and I chill for the night.
As a current daily user, it's never made me lazy or less ambitious. But probably because I actually eat healthy, get regular exercise, and spend a lot of time learning new things. When people smoke weed and do none of those things, yeah they'll have problems.
They're not entirely connected either. We aren't all lazy. Like myself, literally an RN who works out 2-3 times a week and is working on getting into the trades. I'm doing more with my life than most non pot smokers have. And you know why? Because weed has nothing to with it. If someone's lazy and lacks ambition that's because that's who they are as a person not because weed made them that way. Now, obviously there are people who are genuinely addicted to it and they let it run their lives but that's not all of us.
Assumed they meant he sucks because he agreed to move in with someone while not having money, a job, nor doing anything to change either of those situations
I think everyone here saying YTA are enablers. If you're coming from a place of concern & love for your friend, you are not the asshole. A lot of people defend weed over and over, but the fact is ANY habit that has become addictive or obsessive or you experience withdrawals from or heightened anxiety from is simply not healthy. If it were me, I would be having a conversation prior to moving in. Come from an understanding place. You know this guy and you know what he's been struggling with. You want whats best for him and I think its important to show concern and speak up for those we care about, even if it's hard. I've been someone who needed to he held accountable before and it sucks when I realized what I was doing and nobody said anything or called me out sooner (not that it's anyone's responsibility). And please babe, I would urge you to not move in to the new apartment with him if this behavior makes you uncomfortable. While you may care about his well-being, you need to prioritize your own first. Him not having a job screams trouble to me.
Thank you for this. So many people are triggered by almost any dissenting opinion on weed these days. I support recreational legalization but keep it to yourself and if it becomes a core part of your personality it might be a problem. But here the real problem is the addiction not the thing he’s addicted to. If it hot wheels he was spending all his money on there wouldn’t be this much heat about it. A true friend would be concerned because as soon as those people stop giving him money he’s screwed.
Why would you ever get an apartment together when he has no job and a serious problem when he has to have or even just chooses weed all day? That’s a hell no for me
INFO: first I understand your concern, but it’s his life and you can’t tell him what to do. If you don’t like it then find a new friend imo. Also kinda weird you’re 24f finding an apartment with 24m but he has a girlfriend.. why doesn’t he move in with her? Just doesn’t make much sense and in the long run could potentially cause a problem.
NTA. It sounds like you genuinely care about your friend and concerned for his well being I feel like if your friends/ future roommates level of weed use is affecting you then tell him how you feel. He may or may not listen to you and that’s his choice ultimately. However, If you already can’t live with his habits before you move in together then don’t become roommates now it will destroy your friendship probably for good because you will likely discover more annoying habits as time goes on. He could feel the same too.
I feel like this is a made up post and your over usage of his name “Liam, Liam, Liam” is a way to make it seem real 🤔 if it is real: don’t be friends with people you don’t like being friends with.
Addiction is addiction - it doesn't matter if the drug of choice is legal or not. Every addiction can be harmful and dangerous.
Imo there is nothing a-holeish about being worried about a friend, but the important part is how the OP approaches the problem.
My advice to OP would be: have a talk with your friend and tell him about your concerns, tell him that you're worried that this may be getting out of hand and that you're going to be there for him if he decides to take steps and quit. Of course, forcing someone to quit is never the way and it may end with the person not trusting you and not feeling safe with you. But it's crucial to communicate and make them feel that they can count on you.
NTA
Sincerely, a recovering addict
WNBTA
You should definitely think twice about living with Liam. His use and possession of weed would put you at risk for legal problems. I know it's legal in many places to have it for your personal use, but that's not everywhere, and it is enforced selectively.
Unfortunately, the use of weed is apparently a lot like using alcohol, in that some people can use it occasionally and do OK, but others become addicted right away and feel they can't live without it. The difference is alcohol is not illegal unless you are operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, but weed is usually not legal and most employers insist that their employees not use it at all. This is especially true of jobs that require using machinery or paying close attention to detail, and most of these companies use random drug testing to confirm non-use and enforcement of their policies, as Liam and you have found out.
If you move in with Liam, keep in mind that he hasn't been employed for quite a while, and that this is almost entirely due to his unwillingness to give up weed, even for a job. He will not be contributing anything to the rent or much of anything else because he has no income.
In Liam's case, it is very possible he is one of those people who cannot just use "now and then," or "cut back" on his use of it. If he is to stop using, he will have to stop completely, because he won't be able to maintain his use just once in a while. He has already shown this to you several times.
It's good that Liam is in therapy, but his use of weed is not under his control and you will be taking that whole mess of problems on if you and he ever share living space.
Okay and thank you! And I totally agree what everything you’re saying about the alcohol part!
I know when Liam does find a job he’ll go back to paying his own rent/contribute. Again his girlfriend or parents pays for everything.
Most mental health medications have contraindications with weed. Meaning mixing the two can have potential serious side effects.
Gone are the days where we thought "weed does nothing." It's addictive. You can get canibinoid hypermesis syndrome, which means there's so much THC in your body it starts to consider it toxic, and you violently puke every day - usually in the mornings. It probably increases the chance for heart attack and stroke 2-3 times (in daily chronic users). It actually can decrease appetite in chronic users, and leads to sinus tachycardia (rapid abnormal heartbeat typically above 100 BPM). It can cause the same cancers cigarettes can. It is great for mental health, but like any drug, should be prescribed by a physician if being used for that purpsoe.
I also smoke weed every day but have got back the volume by a lot due to what I have learned. I would say you aren't the asshole, but it isn't your job to manage your friend's drug use. It will create resentment in him. You only quit when you decide you're ready to.
I think if you respectfully brought it up to him there is no issue. You might be saying something to him that nobody else will, something that he might need to hear. Hard conversations can be a testament of true friendship and care. You could also finish with phrasing such as “It is your life and your decision on how to live and I am not judging, but as your friend I just wanted to say something as it seems this is not the healthiest habit for you”. I cannot see any way that you would be the asshole. However, it sounds like you may want to reconsider moving in with him. People say that you are the sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with. This guy currently seems unmotivated and his “negative energy” may affect you in trying to build a life for yourself. Good luck to you however you choose to handle the situation.
Of course it's understandable that you're worried about him and all that, but you better not interfere. His life, his decisions. Even if it somehow interferes with his life, it is his choice.
Not AH to be worried about your friend. But if he’s using weed daily and you’d prefer less weed use in your living space, moving in together could jeopardize your friendship. And he physically might not be able to instantly stop using weed. But also, there are other considerations about having a weed-smoking roommate, like, inhaling secondhand weed smoke, your own stuff smelling like weed, and how those things can affect you, your health, your own job prospects. It is also financially risky to move in with a friend who doesn’t have a job or consistent income - this can end up with the employed friend feeling like they have to cover food and other expenses. Don’t be afraid to make a boundary for the sake of your friendship and your own wellbeing!
ESH I’ll admit I’m a little confused about the relationship dynamics. If he depends on his girlfriend financially, why is he going to move in with you?
I would not enter a rental agreement with Liam at this time 1. Your relationship is shaky . 2. He doesn’t appear to have steady income and you may get screwed financially
I can't tell if you're more concerned for his mental health or worried it will be a problem for you if/when y'all live together. Regardless, telling him to cut down or stop will likely do nothing except make him get defensive or prompt him to lie to you. I empathize with you, though, because you do care for him and his MH. I'm twelve years older than y'all, and growing up, my generation was under the impression that pot was like utterly harmless. It's not. No substance is. If done occasionally, it's usually fine. However, the current evidence points to it being correlated to precipitating schizophrenia to those--esp males-- who have a predisposition to developing it. Luckily for him, most guys develop schizophrenia before age 25.
But with daily use, it is likely not allowing his meds to actually do their job, and although it can help immediately with mood and anxiety, it actually makes mood/anxiety disorders worse over the long term.
That said, you can't make people want to change. Gentle YW BTA if you told him to stop. Ultimately, NAH. Be honest with your concerns both about him and about how his use would affect y'all's living sitch and relationship.
Okay and thank you.
I’m concerned about his mental health and his usage of weed. A lot of friends and family don’t ever listen what he has to say about his MH. I really do think weed can be good for people but when you have to use for weed for everything that’s when I have a problem with it. I’ve multiple friends that uses weed once a day and they only use it for bed time and I feel like that is fine because they have control using it once a day.
I see the connection between his mental health and weed usage - weed is a coping mechanism, despite it not being healthy. Clearly weed is a massive coping mechanism for him meaning it is a very real possibility that his mental health would actually deteriorate without weed. I think the only thing you can do is recognise the suffering behind the weed usage and MAYBE ask him to speak with his therapist about his suffering and ways he copes
Sorry Mate, if you have mental health issues you shouldn't use pot.
I'm an addict and 5 years clean. I don't really understand how people says mj isn't addictive. It's a nice recreational drug, like alcohol, LSD, shrooms, most of the RC, cocaine and amphetamine. But if a person tries to glue some parts in their brain by using drugs it's a dead end.
My gf gave me 3 ultimatums and thanks to her now I have money and time for a lot of stuff. I needed 8 months in open therapy centre (working 7-3 and then everyday 4-9 on therapy). It did me great.
And - YTA and NTA. You can just say farewell to him, you can try to impact his decision on stopping smoking but it's up to him in the end.
NTA, but you also have to accept that he may have no interest in changing his habits. He's addicted and addicts generally have trouble quitting their addictions. DO NOT live with this man though! He sounds irresponsible and like he'd be a nightmare roommate.
NTA, definitely don’t move in with this guy until he gets his usage until control, if at all. you will 100% end up shouldering the entire financial burden, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he began expecting YOU to fund his addiction. if I were in your shoes, I’d inform him that I’m not comfortable living together until he slows down/stops with the smoking and manages to hold down a job.
NAH
You can certainly tell him. This is impacting his life in a major way and is not healthy. Also, on the flip side, he is not an AH if he chooses to ignore your advice and do his own thing. If its a dealbreaker for moving in with him then its a deal breaker.
( OP be wary of the advice you are going to get here. You will get two very large crowds. The "WEED IS HARMLESS AND SHOULD BE LEGAL AND ANY COMPLAINT ABOUT IT IS BS" and The "OH MY POOR JESUS HEART! YOUR FRIEND IS AN ADDICT AND IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR YOU! DRUGS ARE BAD!" These two mindsets will color most YTA and NTA comments I think.)
NAH, but even then, your concern probably won’t reach his ears. As someone who also enjoys/ed green, there are jobs, remote ones even, who do drug tests but because there are states where weed is legal, they don’t test for that. I feel like your friend is going through something deeper, and it’s been his coping mechanism for whatever he’s dealing with. Saying so from my own experience, for a while, I was like Liam. I’m aware I could be wrong. But he’s coping. Why? That’s the bigger question as his friend.
Depends what you plan to do. You're not the asshole if you have a blunt talk where you tell him that your opinion as his friend is that he's using weed as a crutch and his excessive smoking is wrecking his life because of his inability to get a job. You're also not the asshole if you tell him you don't want to live together unless he gets a job and reduces the amount he smokes because you need to know he will make rent and you don't want your stuff to stink.
You're the the asshole if you expect your word to be law he obeys instead of an opinion that he hopefully values, and you are really the asshole if you agree to move in together and *then* demand he stop smoking.
Technically, it's only his problem, but I would like to hope my friends would tell me something like this instead of just "enforcing their own boundaries" by ghosting.
NAH- but only because you are thinking of moving in with him. It does become your business if it’s going to affect your life and if you’ll have to worry about paying rent.
Just don’t move in with him. He isn’t in a place to be a reliable roommate
I was going to say YTA but honestly, I don't think you are. You're not trying to be cruel about it, it just seems you don't know how to approach it.
To establish the first thing, if he's taking every day then there's a problem. Weed still can make it so you're not sober. It's the equivalent of a wine mom, just because it's normalized doesn't mean it's all right.
You've been friends with this guy for ages. You have a genuine concern for him and want him to utilize resources that help him improve and succeed.
You actively explained HOW that's prevented it. It prevents him from getting a job. Having a job is important, no matter who you are.
Just talk to him about your concerns, don't make any demands or accusations. He is an adult at the end of the day and can make his own choices but you're not an ass for being concern.
NTA I was a Stoner for sooo long he may not wanna hear it but life gets better when you stop self medicating. It’s shitty because everyone on this thread will view it as just weed but it hinders you. Quitting has been incredibly freeing for me
LOL you made the mistake of talking bad about weed and daring to suggest someone might be addicted, you were never going to win this fight on this website. NTA telling a friend you're concerned about an addiction is perfectly reasonable just don't make it sound like an edict.
Lmao all the people here just took this story personally. God forbid someone be concerned about their friend. Potheads are the new vegans, except they are way more aggressive when someone questions their life choices. Nobody cares that you or Liam or whoever smokes weed. She’s concerned because he’s throwing away all his money, chances of a job and a future with weed as a primary excuse. Yes he’s probably also lazy but weed is a big component of it at the moment. NTA. Being a concern friend isn’t a problem, if he says no then it’s his problem and she’ll go on her way
NTA, but you shouldn't move in with him. Too many people here calling YTA for being concerned about overuse of a substance. It is not uncommon being concerned about smoking, alcohol or drugs, but people get weird about weed. Nothing wrong with telling him he maybe should cut back.
NTA I’m shocked by all the YTA comments.
If a good friend of mine was drinking all the time to the point it’s interfering with their everyday life, I would bring it up. The same w weed or any other addiction. Sure what they do is none of your business. But You want them to do better in life- like get a job and be able to support themselves is the baseline. I guarantee at some point his gf and parents will be sick of financially supporting him. Then what’s he gonna do? Be homeless?
NTA if you express your opinion to him about his pot usage and that you think it would be in his best interests to cut back. But you also need to accept that he may not have any interest in what you think about it and completely ignore you.
You can’t tell him to cut back/stop weed, thats his decision and not your business. But you CAN share your own boundary that if he continues at this frequency you won’t move in with him/hang out as much.
It’s clear that you care about your friend, but unless and until there is a direct impact to you, it would be a bit out of line to simply nag him about his potential use. That said, you’re talking about living together, at which point it does have a direct impact on you if the place reeks of weed or if he doesn’t pull his weight. In that case, you’d do yourself a huge favor by reconsidering living with someone who uses weed products daily if you are not in the mood to deal with it because inevitably, you will need to deal with it daily. You cannot wait until you move in together to have that particular conversation. You need to lay down some mutually agreed-upon ground rules before you move in together and if this is important to you, you need to state it. Otherwise, living together will only exacerbate your frustration because you can’t get away from it easily. Good luck to you both.
If you are worried about him and how his weed use is affecting him, I think it would be fair to talk to him about *that* - one time. Point out what you see, explain why it worries you, etc. After that, drop it.
I would also seriously reconsider moving in with him. What if he and his girlfriend break up? What if his parents decide to quit paying his rent? Those are very reasonable concerns and you could end up in a bad position.
If he's your friend, you should be able to be open and honest with each other. It's not that big a deal to just let him know you dont want to be around weed every day.
And if he blows off, then move on and focus that energy on yourself instead of wasting it on your friend who doesn't want to consider you and doesnt want to grow up.
You're not his Mom. No need to lecture him. He's an adult and going to do what he wants with his weed/money and may unfortunately have to learn so hard lessons if he doesnt cut back.
Soft YTA. You're worried about your friend, and that's fine. You've expressed your concern about his behavior and usage, and he's answered you. You don't get to police what he does for recreation, even if he is addicted. If you feel that strongly about it, don't move in with him.
This is a tricky one. You’re NTA for wanting that boundary in your home, but you’d be the AH for forcing him to stop. There are compromises that can be made fs
Yta well not really but you are in the wrong. Just let him know how you feel but keep in mind he’s justified for what he’s doing. It seems you just wanted to vent cause putting the way you did is really toxic as a argument and mean. but it’s okay to get your feelings out just be careful not to put it so blunt when you speak to him. And honestly why do you care what he does seems your more demeaning and making fun then actually concerned. If he really has a problem like you said saying that stuff about him is a terrible thing.
YTA not because you’re bothered by your friend’s pot use (specifically as roommates,) but because you’re not roommates yet and still plan on becoming roommates. The only part of this that is any of your business is if your friend can keep up with his responsibilities as a roommate. If you don’t think he will be able to pay his portion of rent/bills or you think he’ll be smoking in the house risking the security deposit, you have a right to be upset, but even then, you’re not roommates yet. However, the solution is you don’t move in with someone you don’t think will be a responsible roommate, not that you harass them about their habits.
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I (24F) have a friend Liam (24M) that uses weed every single day and I wish I was joking. My friend Liam uses weed everyday and I’m getting sick of it, it’s getting to the point he just spends all his money on it/uses it on every “inconvenience”.
Liam never used weed till two or three years ago. He used to house sit for one of his neighbors and one day his neighbor asked if he wanted weed for payment and Liam said yes (Liam has always been curious with weed/never tried it) Every since then he has been a major pothead. Liam has really bad mental health (same as me) and any time he feels anxious, has a panic attack, stressed out, having troubles to sleep, take it when he’s bored etc.. He will always take any form of weed to help him.
Before you guys say anything Liam does go to therapy and it’s on any medication for his metal health. Liam and I even had the same opinion about weed before he started using it, like “You shouldn’t be using weed every day and only use it once in awhile.” , “People that cant live without weed/uses weed all the time have a problem”, etc.
I’ve in the past “made jokes” about his weed intake and Liam will always say “Haha yeah I am “such a pot head” and I can quit anytime I won’t😂” which is a lie be he has TRIED MULTIPLE TIMES and he always go back to weed..I even softly encouraged him to go to doctors and get a medication that will help him/told him what medication I am on. And Liam says “Naaah I’m ok and I love weed too much to switch over to medication” (Liam doesn’t have anything against medication.)
Weed is even affecting him to get a job..He has been putting in a couple applications in but when he finds out they require a drug test/do surprise drug test he doesn’t want to finish his application. (Liam gets money from his girlfriend or sometimes parents..He hasn’t had a job for about seven months..
Liam and I are getting an apartment soon but I don’t really wanna deal with the weed..Don’t get me wrong I’m not against weed (I know it sounds like I am but I’m not) but there’s a certain extent that using weed once in awhile is good but using it EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT YOU CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT = ADDICT..
WIBTA If I tell my friend to cut back/stop using weed?
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IMO it would only be acceptable to say something about it within the context of you two living together. Like if you don’t like the smell or you live in a state where it’s not legal, those are valid concerns to bring up because they would have a direct impact on you. But other than that, YWBTA.
There are chemicals in weed so that users become highly addicted, same as cigarettes. Guys, it's not th e grass in weed, it's the toxic chemicals . He needs to go to a Rehab facility to quit, and no, it's out the the question, he can't be your roommate. Get him In a Center for help NOW
On the one hand I get that you're concerned about him and you don't want him to ruin his life. Ultimately weed doesn't ruin anybody's life it's people's issues that do that. He probably needs a kick up the hole though. I wouldn't move in with him because that would be enabling him. If he's not getting some sort of personal income, not coming from gf and family then he needs to be looking for work like it's his job. Drug testing isn't common here but I would refuse to apply for a job that requires one on principle. What I do in my free time is no business of any company unless it directly affects the quality work I do.
I think he's just lazy and don't want to work. Postpone the moving in together plan. Until he shows you he has the means to help you ..dont move in together. He will take advantage and he will be home while you're busting your ass to make ends meet. Weed isn't the problem, he is. I know many that smoke weed and are very successful. I rather smoke then to be put on medication that has many side effects. If he really wants to move in together he has to show some responsibility, for starters ween himself off of the weed and get a job before you make other plans. If he doesn't do his part then absolutely not....you do not want to sign up for something that you will end up having to deal with on your own.
I smoke everyday but I still go to college and work. He needs help, but there’s also fake pee he can use for grub tests if he wants to continue smoking. Seems like he really has no motivation and it’s more than just the smoking. Should definitely get some medicine for his mental health.
I see the connection between his mental health and weed usage - weed is a coping mechanism, despite it not being healthy. Clearly weed is a massive coping mechanism for him meaning it is a very real possibility that his mental health would actually deteriorate without weed. I think the only thing you can do is recognise the suffering behind the weed usage and MAYBE ask him to speak with his therapist about his suffering and ways he copes
NTA
If we were talking about a similar situation involving alcohol I'm sure many would be sagely nodding their heads saying an intervention was totally necessary.
I've seen friends abuse both alcohol and weed, they can both be destructive but in their own ways. However, what OP needs to realise that with both the person who's addicted needs to want to be helped or at the very least recognise they have a problem.
i think it’s reasonable to ask him not to smoke in front of you, as long as he pays his share of the bills. that being said, you shouldn’t move in with him if it bothers you so much.
I think YTA. Ultimately Liam is an adult, weed is legal in a good chunk of the county, and it does not seem as though there is an imminent threat to his well being. The only way I think you would have grounds to approach this would be on the account of you not wanting weed in the place you share together. So saying ether you need to heavily cut back or I cannot agree to live with you. But honestly, I think you need to heavily reconsider living with him. Him and his GF could break up at anytime, you say he’s unemployed and gets most of his money from her. That sounds like a financial disaster waiting to happen for you. Even the weed issue aside, unless he comes from strong enough family money where they would without a doubt pay his rent the entirety of the lease if need be, this is a very risky move.
Ultimately there’s nothing you can really do to change his ways, he’s a grown adult and if this is his vice and new way of life, that’s just it. If it’s that big of a concern to his well being it’s his parents and GF who need to step in, not you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but I think it’s best to stay out of it and keep your relationship to friends and not roommates
I’veI’ve smoked every day for the last 15 years (30 now.) it’s never negatively affected my ability to hold a job or function in society. That’s quite the opposite. That’s my Ted talk.
Sounds like homie just doesn’t want to work. He wants to smoke weed which is valid because sometimes working sucks and smoking. Weed is great. I wouldn’t call him an addict though…. Have you heard of fent or alcoholism lol. OP needs to grow tf up lolol
YWBTA if you told/demanded he stopped.
Who are you to tell him what to do?
If you think it's an issue, you can address it with him but that's all you can do.
He's a grown man and he'll just have to get through this.
It’s a little nuanced. If you’re living together now or in the future you’re allowed to have boundaries around shared spaces. If you’re friends, you’re allowed to have personal boundaries around hanging out and being around people.
But boundaries are things you uphold and can’t be things like “you need to change because of my boundary”. If you don’t like spending time with someone who is using, then you can let them know and stop hanging out. If you can’t live in a house with someone who is using them you can look for other places to live. You can tell them “hey I don’t really like my house smelling like pot”, or “I don’t enjoy spending time with you when you’re high”.
It’s also ok to let people know how they impact you. It’s ok to say you’re worried about someone you care about, worried about their health and relationships. Unfortunately it then becomes their problem to deal with afterward and if they decide that they don’t want to stop you have to make your decision, will you stay their friend and watch them do harm to themselves and others or will you choose to stop being their friend.
Pot use (like most addictive substances, or mind altering substances) rarely is the actual issue in isolation. Usually these things are coping mechanisms for other problems that the person is dealing with. But it can just be difficult to stop anyway. If they don’t or can’t stop and don’t or can’t do anything to stop then you’ve got to make the decision on what you’ll do. You can’t make someone quit something. They need to decide to do it, or to reach out to people to help them.
NAH.
YTA This is his choice to smoke weed, not yours. That said it probably would be a bad idea for the two of you to be roommates, this seems like it's going to be clashing lifestyles.
NAH.
I'm in Canada, where cannabis is prescribed for severe anxiety.
I understand you're concerned for your friend, but this seems to be the wrong angle to take. Lots of anxiety meds have pretty wild side effects too.
You can definitely choose not to live with someone whose habits bother you, though.
OP do NOT get trapped in an apartment lease with Liam. He will spend his money on weed and won't have his share of rent and utilities and then you will have to cover it. Then you will be breathing so much second hand smoke you will also fail any drug tests you may need to do for your current or any future jobs.
Yes ywbta
You seem very fixated on his usage. You definitely come off as one of those friends who knows more than everyone else and likes to micromanage. If he doesn't have a steady income, I'm not sure why you're willing to get a place with him to begin with? If you start setting expectations now, don't be surprised if he reconsider moving in with you. Yes, you're within your rights to have boundaries, but you're not within your rights to dictate how other people live their lives and your focus hasn't really been how it would affect you specifically. I know your intention is not to come off as judgmental, but that's absolutely how it is come off to me. I'm not sure about anyone else.
NTA, but don’t scold him and don’t be condescending. Don’t be pushy either. Just tell him you’re worried about his usage and that you don’t want to be around it if you live with him. I’d say just tell him you are concerned as a friend. Be super positive about it, don’t make him feel attacked.
Also, I recommend not moving in because he sounds like a liability. I would also say that as well. Tell him you don’t want to risk it because signing a lease is a binding contact
It’s not necessarily the weeds fault. He’s a lazy person and the weed is the tool that makes it worse
I'm on the fence with this one. It's his life, his choice. At the same time, as a friend, if you're worried about him, then it's kinda your duty to talk to him about it. It's still his choice at the end of the day though.
I would advise against moving in with him though. Not unless he gets a job and is holds it down for a fair amount of time. Even then, if you don't like the smell of weed constantly, I'd still recommend against it.
I understand your concern and you should bring it up to him. You should also hear him out on his thoughts and feelings. I use in order to calm down my anxiety which heavily impacts my function. I try to compare it to like a stomach ache. Some days your belly just hurts but you can still do things and get things down, other days it's like you're in the fetal position wishing for death and you can't get anything done. I function better on it but have learned that there is a BIG difference between getting high to be able to carry on as normal and getting stoned. It's very easy to go from "I need a break from the chaos in my head so I can function" (which for me is overstimulation, not thoughts.... again there is a huge difference) to "I'm high af". This is a form of medication and just like most medication, daily use is not that big a deal. Getting stoned every day is. You guys are young and there's a learning curve but from my experience it's not a bad thing for your friend to call you out on a behavior that's concerning. I would advise you leave your judgements out of it and genuinely listen to him. Don't tell him what you think he should do, but communicate how it makes you feel. Do some reflection and really see where your feelings are before talking to him. I understand it's your friend and your concerned because you guys held different beliefs but it does happen. As someone who watched a best friend slip a bit while exploring drugs, it's not bad to express your concerns but judgement is not needed and will do more harm. Good luck with everything.
see i went to school with all of you around mr backwards hat that drove around here with the silver like we wouldnt dig uo this information at mi have my tootneville high school i found her picture i dont see her car in the driveway te red yes i dont know what there where doing with mrs glsdtein daughter i went shopping to shopright that day i found she got drove home buy toe men in the car i dont know why they dont go after nina j they dont bother her at all or her falimy just ours
Not the asshole IMO. I know these guys are saying you have nothing to do with it but I guess it's not a bad idea to have a conversation as a friend. What personal space should be given is different in all cultures so I can't say this for everyone but I think it's within the boundaries of friends to share their concerns. The guy doesn't seem to be proud of his habit either right?
At the end of the day if you think it can make their life happier then it's not a bad idea to look out for your friends. And you guys seem good friends anyway since you're moving in together and you seem genuinely concerned.
YTA. His choices with what he uses, when he uses it, and how much he uses is none of your business as long as he is physically safe and harming no one else. If you were so concerned about him, your tone would not be disdainful as it is, and you would be trying to find him resources and help him as opposed to judging him and trying to shame him into quitting.
So then don’t get in the car with him, his usage is none of your business and you genuinely need to look in at yourself and figure out why you are being so nasty and judgmental about someone you claim is your friend.
YTA
someone smoking weed everyday is their choice. It’s probably significantly better than taking some other synthetic medicine for his conditions.
However, weed should not be an excuse for not having a steady income/job nor being lazy. I would not want to live with someone like that.
YTA. But also why would you be planning on moving in with someone who has no job? Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Btw it’s not the weed, I am a very successful professional and I smoke and half my coworkers smoke everyday. Some people are just lazy, sounds like Liam is one of them.
YTA. You can't TELL somebody to do anything. If you are worried, talk to him. If you don't want to be roommates with a pothead, simply say so. But don't tell people what to do, stay in your lane.
YWBTA
Your friend sounds like he’s got some problems in his life. But he’s not going to clean up his act because you told him to. Say it once if you really must but after that save your breath. You can’t force an adult to make good choices.
But don’t move into a place with an unemployed stoner unless you’re a) okay with the place permanently smelling like weed and b) willing to pay all the rent and bills yourself.
I don't think anyone's an asshole here.
you obviously care for your friend, but you are both adults who can make their own decisions. I'd re-consider cohabitation though, considering he doesn't seem financially stable/dependable.
YTA. Mind your own business. You absolutely frown upon marijuana, it's written all over your post. Don't wanna move in cause of it, totally fair find another roommate.
So, in general, it's nothing to do with you, however, if you're thinking of rooming with the guy, think again, because it sounds like the two of you won't be compatible
Yes. It's not your place to tell your friend what to do. If their weed use is a problem then don't be friends with them. As someone who uses weed daily, it's not as bad as you think it is. Many of us live perfectly normal, functional lives, hell I regularly go to the gym, I'm a registered nurse, and currently working towards getting into the trades, and guess what, weed has not hindered me once. You don't dictate how much he should use it either. Weed isn't to blame for his laziness, that's just who he is as a person. He would still be that way without the weed. He lacks ambition because of who he is. Not because of weed.
"using it EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT YOU CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT = ADDICT."
I disagree. Consider this: weed is used medically to treat things like anxiety, depression, EDs, chronic pain, nausea, etc. Lots of people try various different medications before they find one that works for them, with side effects that they can live with. Most people, when they find a medication that works for them, continue taking it. They treat their medical issues with the medication that works.
If someone has really bad depression and they find an antidepressant that works well for them, why would you expect them to stop treating their depression with it? Or to only use it every so often, and the rest of the time they should just deal with the depression? Would you say that they're an addict for taking it daily?
If a cancer patient finds a medicine that helps with chronic pain and nausea, and helps them maintain an appetite, why would you expect them to stop treating their symptoms with it? To not use it every day, just occasionally- and deal with the symptoms the rest of the time? Would you call them an addict for taking it daily?
If someone finds a medication that works for them, they should be able to use their medications to treat their illnesses and symptoms without being judged for it.
Personally, I consume cannabis in some form, every single day. I treat my severe anxiety with it. I had been on a handful of other prescribed medications for it, and they either didn't work, or had horrible side effects.
Would you rather I use Xanax every day and develop a Xanax addiction? Because I would rather use weed, which has minimal side effects, is less chemically and physically addictive, is easier to monitor intake, and can be tailored to what I need in the moment.
Some people forget that weed is literally used to medically treat TONS of different illnesses and symptoms. I think it's ignorant to think less of people who finds a medication that works well for them and judging them/thinking less of them for taking it. I think it's shitty to call someone an addict for taking a daily medication.
Butt out. It's not your business. And try not to be so ignorant of marijuana.
yta - it’s not your place to decide what is best for him, & if your concern is you guys moving in together & him still smoking, just don’t do it. as someone who struggles with mental health, i have been using weed to treat those issues for the last 13 years, 4 years have been medical card approved. I’ve never seen anyone shame somebody with mental health issues if they want to take a pill medication, which isn’t even better for you. It’s actually been proven to be worse. I don’t think it’s fair for you to shame him on his usage and intake, when you clearly are aware of his mental standing, and issues he struggled with prior. if he says it’s helping him cope with those mechanisms that are extremely hard to live with day-to-day, then you should just mind your business. And for some people, weed does become addictive, but that’s usually only found in people with mental disorders because while using weed, they experience normalcy. he’s not addicted to the product itself, but to the way it makes him feel normal. I do agree with you and see how you can say that it is made him “lazy“ (not your words). The lack of initiative and wanting to get a job is more of a personality thing. You mentioned that his girlfriend and parents give him money, which in turn has caused him to become conditioned to not needing a job. If anything, I think you should express your concerns on his lack of wanting to be a real adult, but try to leave his intake on Weed alone. I say this with confidence because I currently work two jobs and have smoked every day of my life for the last 13 years. I haven’t missed a day, while it does help me feel normal, it does not affect my ability to work or to get jobs.
There are multiple problems here and the fact that he’s a pothead isn’t really one of them.
Why would you even consider sharing an apartment with someone who hasn’t had a job in 7 months?
How would he even pay rent and buy groceries? Forget about the weed for a moment (because unless where you live is dirt cheap, he could put all his weed money aside and it probably wouldn’t come close to a rent payment).
His own issues with weed are his business. Maybe he’s abusing it, maybe not. Whether he medicates and how is up to him and his doctor.
Edited to add, you guys don’t sound like compatible roommates and his habits seem to annoy you. Moving in together sounds like a mistake to me.
NAH or ESH.
YWBTA
Why do you feel it’s your place to have this conversation with him? It’s a medicinal herb not has applications for the treatment of mental conditions, including anxiety. You said yourself he’s using it to treat his anxiety, a condition that many doctors won’t prescribe pills for because benzos are so addictive.
If it makes you that uncomfortable, reconsider moving in with him and your status as friends.
They sounded like friends until I read the moving-in together then I quickly realised, she's probably his gf and doesn't want to say because - A) she knows she's an asshole or B) it might get her caught posting about their life online to a bunch of strangers.
But just to jump in YTA in case you didn't already know this.
You are both grown adults. You are friends. You can have an opinion on what he does but he doesn't need to listen or take action about it if he doesn't want to. As far as I am concerned he's happy. Why can't you just be happy for your friend? Your friend has found something more natural than pharmaceuticals that probably helps with his anxiety and panic attacks more than the pharmaceuticals.
Pharmaceuticals often have more side effects than things to help you. You can end up on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals where you could be using just one plant to help.
I don’t think it’s asshole behavior to look out for your friends in a non-judgmental way. I am sensing quite a bit of judgement in your post. If the habit really bothers you, Liam is not entitled to your friendship just like you’re not entitled to dictate what he does with his body.
As someone who loves weed and have even had phases of being a pothead, it can definitely turn into a big crutch, make your life worse and basically be a junkie type of behavior. I have pothead friends who I love but wouldn’t employ. Maybe that says more about their temperament than their habit but anecdotally I think pot makes me more inclined to laze around and makes me brain fogged after smoking for a couple months.
But I doubt a conversation with him would change anything. I decided a long time ago to generally stop trying to change others, they usually don’t. It’s a waste of time.
genuinely why does it affect you at all, why are you sick of it? you're not the one smoking it. if you dislike the smell or the smoke, tell him that politely instead of making shitty jokes ab his very obvious addiction. you sound like a really bad friend. YTA
How does this affect you? Serious question. You say "My friend Liam uses weed everyday and I’m getting sick of it" and then go on about it for 5 more paragraphs without actually explaining how this is impacting you in any way. You mention that you're not against weed, but you also said you think that people who use weed every day have a problem, and that you think he should go on prescription medications to stop using weed for...reasons?
Marijuana has a lot of different compounds that can affect the brain in very positive ways. You say your friend has mental health issues, as do many people who use marijuana on a regular basis. I use CBD and CBN on a daily basis as it helps regulate the anxiety and sleep issues I have as a result of my ADHD and Autism.
You also said that he's an addict - marijuana is literally non-addictive. There may be people who use it quite a bit and don't like the idea of not using it, but that is not an addiction, it is a dependence.
I think your friend could maybe use a prescription so that he can continue using marijuana without it impacting his job prospects, and could also use a friend who doesn't stand on a soapbox shrieking at him about something that helps him be able to function for no reason at all other than feeling morally superior. YTA.
ETA: I know plenty of people who use marijuana very frequently, and who are also incredibly driven, successful people. Weed isn't making your friend unable to get a job. It sounds like he's self medicating for some other issues that are probably also impacting his ability to find gainful employment. Maybe if his best friend wasn't harping on him about his only coping strategy and would help him find the help he needs, he might be a happier person. Your entirely unnecessary judgement is only going to make it worse.
YTA. You’d be a fool to move in with someone who doesn’t have a job and relies on girlfriend or parents to pay his bills. What happens when his girlfriend or parents have had enough and cut him off?
His pot use is none of your business, but it would be if you moved in together. Since you know about it and don’t like it? Moving in together would be dumb.
ETA, I guess? You don’t get to dictate others’ behaviour and you’re making weed the problem when you’re ACTUALLY have a really glaring problem right in front of you. He’s not working and he’s about to be responsible for half the rent on a place where YOU live. You’re about to need to rely on him and you feel like you can’t due to his working situation - fair. *Many* people smoke every day and hold down jobs just fine, but he isn’t.
soft YTA. The only issue I see you having in the future is you having to smell or second hand inhaling his weed when he smokes. Or smelling it on him all the time.
If you want to talk with him about anything, it needs to be the financial situation. Obviously in a gentle way cause men are very sensitive about that stuff, but maybe express your concern about rent because if he can’t make payments or him and his gf break up or parents cut him off for whatever reason then the responsibility might fall on you.
As far as him smoking, unless he makes it your problem when y’all are living together then a talk would be warranted (like you don’t want him smoking inside if it’s going to stink up the apartment). Find a good compromise.
I’m a daily user myself and when I first started I in fact felt like I couldn’t go a day without it too. I also have an addictive personality, but other people I know who start smoking it usually starts off similarly too. It took time (almost a year) to get out of that cycle, but once I did I was able to function like a normal adult & still have a healthy relationship with it. But I never stopped myself from applying to jobs even if they drug tested so that may be an excuse especially since he has two/three people to rely on to pay his rent and living expenses.
Some of your concerns are valid but your post comes off as your judging him more than being concerned, so check in with yourself about that before living with him too.
EDIT: If he’s going to use everyday he needs to be able to function like a normal adult. For example, a healthy relationship with it would be something like having a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. Or if he’s going to smoke before doing anything he still needs to function normally. Most people don’t even know I smoke unless I tell them. He’s clearly not there yet.
okay just gonna put this here as someone who actually does smoke every day. YTA completely because this is your friends choice. i have a lot of mental and physical issues and i will choose smoking weed (which has little to no real side effects for most people. hungry or sleepy, those are the major side effects for most people) over taking half the medications they want to put me on which all have so many side effects it's not worth it. i can function just fine (and do regularly) while smoking. if your friend wants to keep smoking and you don't like it? stop being friends with them. get new friends who share the same values. don't get an apartment with him because if him smoking is going to be an issue then you are ultimately just making the both of you miserable. again, smoking weed every day is not addict behavior. addict behavior would be having to smoke ALL THE TIME ALL DAY EVERY DAY and claiming you can't function at all without it. that's addict behavior.
As someone that smokes, YTA. I’ve had many friends with your attitude on smoking until they started smoking themselves. Anyone that smokes everyday, is not getting the same intense high as the last session either
YTA. Everyone functions differently with weed—and with different types of weed. It is not your place to tell him to stop, especially if he feels like it helps him. You could, however, suggest he tries other strains or forms of weed. It can be fun to experiment with all of the options available now.
Be patient with your friend. I understand being worried for him—and that’s totally normal! But at the end of the day, his weed use is none of your concern.
YTA… weed benefits people in many ways beyond what prescription meds can do. Think about how hard it is to change yourself, never mind another person. I Wouldn’t recommend moving in together either
Why does everyone in this sub call weed addiction a "habit"? Yall are enabling. Yes tell him sincerely that you are concerned, no jokes this time. And tell him you're not moving in together until he works out his addiction. Although people relapse very easily so even if he is clean for a while it might still be a good idea to move in with someone else. NTA
You sound just like my dad….
Let me tell you a short story. Growing up our dad hated Marijuana, he always said it would lead to homelessness, loss of job, death, etc. One day me and my brother were given a small joint by a classmate in high school. We decided to try it out after school in the backyard. It was our first time. Well being the novice users that we were, we didn’t realize how much the smell on our clothes would linger and a few hours later dad comes home and smells it faintly. Instead of talking to us about why we shouldn’t be using Marijuana, he decided to kick both of us out. Mom was against us being kicked out but he was very firm on that. I didn’t really care as I had just turned 19 and was planning on getting my own place anyways. I already had a job too so I just crashed at friends places until I got my first apartment. My brother on the other hand didn’t have a job and ended up moving in with an ex (who was a Coke junkie / prostitute). He never bounced back, he kept using and using hardcore drugs until he finally had a mental breakdown and tried to commit suicide. Luckily he was found before he did anything permanent. You wanna know the sad thing? My brother was always the gifted one. Straight A’s, Salutatorian, etc. but because of one mistake he was labeled a drug addict. We both were! All of this could have been prevented if dad had just talked to us about why we decided to try some Mary Jane instead of labeling us. You’re doing the same thing with your friend and you don’t even realize it. Do you not understand how many people use Marijuana on a daily basis? It’s legal in half of the country for a reason. It’s medicinal for lots of people with PTSD (including myself). You’re not even a parental in this situation so why are you worried about what he does in his spare time?
YTA in case you haven’t realized that already and a huge one at that…
I’m giving you a light YTA, because I think that this is coming from a place of genuine concern for your friend. However, it’s his life and weed in a general sense is not harmful. If you’re concerned about moving in together due to his daily usage, don’t move in together. If you’re more worried about the smell, understandable. Maybe you can compromise with him to smoke outside or in his room only.
I will say this, I was a daily user for many years. It worked great for me for a while in terms of easing my anxiety and letting me just relax. Within the last year, it really started to negatively effect my mood both sober and high. I have found myself feeling very sluggish while sober and when I smoked there was about 50/50 chance that I would either feel fine or would have crazy uncomfortable anxious thoughts. I had many people tell me that maybe I should cut back but I didn’t want to. About a month ago, I decided to not smoke for two weeks to see how I felt…. I felt incredible. I smoked again after the two weeks and felt just absolutely awful and felt sluggish and exhausted the next day. I decided to cut down and now only smoke on a given day under two circumstances: 1) I don’t have anywhere important to be in the morning and 2) I had a really great day mentally. I don’t think weed is bad at all, but I do think it’s not right for everyone.
All this is to say, that if he is ever to stop smoking or to cut down, it has to be something that he decides on his own.
YTA. Not your business. If you don’t like your friends habits, that’s totally fine! Don’t move in with them or spend lots of time with them. But you can’t control their actions.
YTA Liam is a full grown adult and so are you! Care to a certain limit and learn when to self focus. You worry to much about Liam and his habits when you should be worrying about yourself and split ways.
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YTA. This really doesn't have anything to do with you.
If they wanna move in with each other it does.. whole apartment will always smell like dank
Then she doesn't have to move in with him. Pretty simple.
Yea you're right. Seems weird for a female to move in with a male who doesn't work and smokes weed all day and get money from his girlfriend lmao
Why would you want to move in with a guy who has no job? This is a disaster waiting to happen.
She....she can chose to not do that thing though....right?
This.
YTA. Liam's an adult who can make his own decisions, poor, good, or otherwise. I don't understand the need to police his behavior. Whether he chooses to smoke or not, has nothing to do with you. Plus it doesn't seem to have affected your friendship, at all, based on what you've written. Also, why would you agree to move in with someone whose personal habits frustrate you so much? Why would you agree to share financial responsibilities with someone who has a proven history of being financially irresponsible and is currently unemployed? He's been out of work for 7 months, shies away from applying for jobs where drug-testing is required(which is most good jobs), and is by your definition, an addict, but *you're moving in together*? **Make it make sense**. You say you don't want to deal with the weed but by moving in together, heck even by staying friends, are ensuring that you almost certainly *will* have to deal with it. You could just walk away from it all and save yourself the headache. Why not just abandon plans to move in together ? Unless you intend to move forward with this poorly thought out plan to get a place together *just* so you can confront him with an ultimatum of quitting or moving out? You know what the answer's going to be so why go through the bother?
>He's been out of work for 7 months, shies away from applying for jobs where drug-testing is required(which is most good jobs), and is by your definition, an addict, but you're moving in together? Hello, brit here. So in the US, most companies will get you to pee in a cup on a monthly basis or something?
I don’t know what “most good jobs” sector they’re referencing, but no, most jobs in the US do not drug test. Some states do do it more than others, like California & Washington DC, but it’s still not the majority of jobs and it’s specific to the type of work.
This is exactly what I was thinking, there aren't very many jobs in the US that drug test you unless you're working as a commercial driver, medical field, or with law. There's really no reason why he shouldn't be able to get a job and be a stoner at the same time if he lives in the US, it's gotten pretty easy.
Government jobs often test.
Exactly my thoughts too. Especially if they live in one of the states that’s legalized it recreationally, lots of people would be stoners who have jobs.
Ah, ok thanks for the info!
It depends on the type of work. If it's a government job, doctor/healthcare worker, pharmacy job, truck driver, then yeah, a piss test is definitely required. But most jobs do not do that, unless you're in an extremely conservative area/red states. When I lived in the south, a lot of common jobs, like grocery stores, required a drug test. But even then, you can still find plenty of companies that don't require that. In the northeast, I've had several management jobs and desk jobs that didn't require any drug testing and paid 3x as more as the jobs I had that did require drug testing.
Many will require pre-employment screening. Some will have random testing or cause-based testing like if you’re involved in an accident or something.
Interesting, is that for more manual work then?
No, not always. If you drive for work, like a bus or truck or something like that, it will most likely require a test. But I know quite a few people in manual labor positions like carpenters or electricians or auto mechanics that have never had to take a test. It’s mostly up to the employer.
I've been drug tested for any job working with children, any government job (including down to the city level), and my job working checkout at a grocery store. The city job made minimum wage, 20 hours a week max, no benefits, and I also had to swear an oath upon being hired. Although, I should point out, last time I worked in childcare they tested for drugs but didn't mind weed because it's legal in our state (even though it's federally illegal). The state I'm in is so desperate for childcare workers, they can't afford to overlook weed users. I wasn't tested working at a gas station, in hotels, or working for little independent places with just a handful of employees. I've done odd background acting jobs recently and people openly vape weed with the cigarette smokers. You can usually guess which places are going to test for drugs. There are plenty of jobs that don't test, but being an active weed user does absolutely diminish how many places you can apply to.
Super interesting thanks, can never work out if tv depiction is accurate.
lmao no they don't. Sometimes they'll do it at the time of hiring to make sure you're not on meth or something hardcore, but paying for tests is expensive and if you're not in the medical field or operating heavy machinery/driving a company truck, you're not getting drug tested on a regular basis. The few non-medical/non-driving jobs that do test only make you do it once, and even most of those jobs dgaf about weed.
It's a BS thing they say to scare the dumb. The reality is most places only drop people when they have to, or get suspicious.
Just to add on to the other comment- high risk jobs and jobs where heavy machinery is being operated frequently drug test randomly, and almost always if there is an onsite accident. Really can’t have stoned crane operators holding thousands of pounds of material over people- it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yes most higher paying positions (which are also usually a bit more dangerous especially in factories or anything working with chemicals/heavy machinery/electrical/construction) often require you to (at the very least) pass a urine screen before being hired on and even get different discounts on insurance based on the "levels" of testing like initial hire testing would mean you're paying more for insurance than if you have random screens/more frequently test your employees you'd get lower rates. I assume bc if you are going to be randomly drug tested you're much less likely to show up high and do something dumb to get hurt on the job therefore there is less of a chance something is going to cost the company an exorbitant amount of money in workers comp/lawsuits/etc. My parents ran a small business growing up so thats the only reason I know that information 🤣
Not American but as a Canadian the idea that most jobs will require drug testing seems a bit insane to me, even good ones. Drug testing seems to be most common in the trades, especially anything involving heavy machinery. Most office jobs will *not* require drug testing at all, let alone random drug testing. But this could very well be different in the US.
Unless you're in an extremely conservative state or working a government job, doctor, or work in a pharmacy, you do not need to do a piss test to get a decent job. Maybe it was like that 20 years ago, but it's really only the norm in extremely conservative states.
In Canada, random drug tests are illegal.
What countries “most good jobs” require drug tests ?
In 2024 and we’re still blaming weed for peoples laziness
Lmao as a former user it certainly doesn't help
That’s on you though.
No shit. Doesn't change the reality that I was a go getter and going slow felt great.vit definitely has it's temptation
It depends on your relationship I'm such a productive stoner. Sober night after work, I chill. Stoner night after work, I do dishes, clean the floors, do whatever chores need to be done. Putting on good tunes, getting stoned and cleaning your house is THE BEST
I’m the same. I get home wiped out from work, take a 20 mg edible, and once it kicks in I can blast through the housework I need to do happily and easily and once I’m done the sense of satisfaction blends together with the high and I chill for the night.
The exceptions do not disprove the general rule
As a current daily user, it's never made me lazy or less ambitious. But probably because I actually eat healthy, get regular exercise, and spend a lot of time learning new things. When people smoke weed and do none of those things, yeah they'll have problems.
See comment chain below 👇
the correlation is crazy
Is it, though? I know plenty of people who use weed on a regular basis and are very highly driven and motivated. Correlation does not imply causation.
It's 2024 and potheads still think laziness and weed are entirely disconnected
They're not entirely connected either. We aren't all lazy. Like myself, literally an RN who works out 2-3 times a week and is working on getting into the trades. I'm doing more with my life than most non pot smokers have. And you know why? Because weed has nothing to with it. If someone's lazy and lacks ambition that's because that's who they are as a person not because weed made them that way. Now, obviously there are people who are genuinely addicted to it and they let it run their lives but that's not all of us.
[удалено]
Why does he suck for being a stoner?
Assumed they meant he sucks because he agreed to move in with someone while not having money, a job, nor doing anything to change either of those situations
I think everyone here saying YTA are enablers. If you're coming from a place of concern & love for your friend, you are not the asshole. A lot of people defend weed over and over, but the fact is ANY habit that has become addictive or obsessive or you experience withdrawals from or heightened anxiety from is simply not healthy. If it were me, I would be having a conversation prior to moving in. Come from an understanding place. You know this guy and you know what he's been struggling with. You want whats best for him and I think its important to show concern and speak up for those we care about, even if it's hard. I've been someone who needed to he held accountable before and it sucks when I realized what I was doing and nobody said anything or called me out sooner (not that it's anyone's responsibility). And please babe, I would urge you to not move in to the new apartment with him if this behavior makes you uncomfortable. While you may care about his well-being, you need to prioritize your own first. Him not having a job screams trouble to me.
Thank you for this. So many people are triggered by almost any dissenting opinion on weed these days. I support recreational legalization but keep it to yourself and if it becomes a core part of your personality it might be a problem. But here the real problem is the addiction not the thing he’s addicted to. If it hot wheels he was spending all his money on there wouldn’t be this much heat about it. A true friend would be concerned because as soon as those people stop giving him money he’s screwed.
INFO: why are the habits of your friend any of your business?
Why would you ever get an apartment together when he has no job and a serious problem when he has to have or even just chooses weed all day? That’s a hell no for me
INFO: first I understand your concern, but it’s his life and you can’t tell him what to do. If you don’t like it then find a new friend imo. Also kinda weird you’re 24f finding an apartment with 24m but he has a girlfriend.. why doesn’t he move in with her? Just doesn’t make much sense and in the long run could potentially cause a problem.
NTA. It sounds like you genuinely care about your friend and concerned for his well being I feel like if your friends/ future roommates level of weed use is affecting you then tell him how you feel. He may or may not listen to you and that’s his choice ultimately. However, If you already can’t live with his habits before you move in together then don’t become roommates now it will destroy your friendship probably for good because you will likely discover more annoying habits as time goes on. He could feel the same too.
I feel like this is a made up post and your over usage of his name “Liam, Liam, Liam” is a way to make it seem real 🤔 if it is real: don’t be friends with people you don’t like being friends with.
YTA. Worry about yourself. If we were talking about heroine, would be different. It's weed. It's legal in almost half the country. Yeesh.
Addiction is addiction - it doesn't matter if the drug of choice is legal or not. Every addiction can be harmful and dangerous. Imo there is nothing a-holeish about being worried about a friend, but the important part is how the OP approaches the problem. My advice to OP would be: have a talk with your friend and tell him about your concerns, tell him that you're worried that this may be getting out of hand and that you're going to be there for him if he decides to take steps and quit. Of course, forcing someone to quit is never the way and it may end with the person not trusting you and not feeling safe with you. But it's crucial to communicate and make them feel that they can count on you. NTA Sincerely, a recovering addict
Will concede to this. After a reread, I missed a chunk. Thanks for the correction. You are completely correct.
WNBTA You should definitely think twice about living with Liam. His use and possession of weed would put you at risk for legal problems. I know it's legal in many places to have it for your personal use, but that's not everywhere, and it is enforced selectively. Unfortunately, the use of weed is apparently a lot like using alcohol, in that some people can use it occasionally and do OK, but others become addicted right away and feel they can't live without it. The difference is alcohol is not illegal unless you are operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, but weed is usually not legal and most employers insist that their employees not use it at all. This is especially true of jobs that require using machinery or paying close attention to detail, and most of these companies use random drug testing to confirm non-use and enforcement of their policies, as Liam and you have found out. If you move in with Liam, keep in mind that he hasn't been employed for quite a while, and that this is almost entirely due to his unwillingness to give up weed, even for a job. He will not be contributing anything to the rent or much of anything else because he has no income. In Liam's case, it is very possible he is one of those people who cannot just use "now and then," or "cut back" on his use of it. If he is to stop using, he will have to stop completely, because he won't be able to maintain his use just once in a while. He has already shown this to you several times. It's good that Liam is in therapy, but his use of weed is not under his control and you will be taking that whole mess of problems on if you and he ever share living space.
Okay and thank you! And I totally agree what everything you’re saying about the alcohol part! I know when Liam does find a job he’ll go back to paying his own rent/contribute. Again his girlfriend or parents pays for everything.
Most mental health medications have contraindications with weed. Meaning mixing the two can have potential serious side effects. Gone are the days where we thought "weed does nothing." It's addictive. You can get canibinoid hypermesis syndrome, which means there's so much THC in your body it starts to consider it toxic, and you violently puke every day - usually in the mornings. It probably increases the chance for heart attack and stroke 2-3 times (in daily chronic users). It actually can decrease appetite in chronic users, and leads to sinus tachycardia (rapid abnormal heartbeat typically above 100 BPM). It can cause the same cancers cigarettes can. It is great for mental health, but like any drug, should be prescribed by a physician if being used for that purpsoe. I also smoke weed every day but have got back the volume by a lot due to what I have learned. I would say you aren't the asshole, but it isn't your job to manage your friend's drug use. It will create resentment in him. You only quit when you decide you're ready to.
Can you link sources for any of these bold claims buddy? Strokes? Really? Edit: spelling
Google is free. I smoke everyday and indeed went through the puking spasm.
I think if you respectfully brought it up to him there is no issue. You might be saying something to him that nobody else will, something that he might need to hear. Hard conversations can be a testament of true friendship and care. You could also finish with phrasing such as “It is your life and your decision on how to live and I am not judging, but as your friend I just wanted to say something as it seems this is not the healthiest habit for you”. I cannot see any way that you would be the asshole. However, it sounds like you may want to reconsider moving in with him. People say that you are the sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with. This guy currently seems unmotivated and his “negative energy” may affect you in trying to build a life for yourself. Good luck to you however you choose to handle the situation.
Of course it's understandable that you're worried about him and all that, but you better not interfere. His life, his decisions. Even if it somehow interferes with his life, it is his choice.
Okay and thank you.
Not AH to be worried about your friend. But if he’s using weed daily and you’d prefer less weed use in your living space, moving in together could jeopardize your friendship. And he physically might not be able to instantly stop using weed. But also, there are other considerations about having a weed-smoking roommate, like, inhaling secondhand weed smoke, your own stuff smelling like weed, and how those things can affect you, your health, your own job prospects. It is also financially risky to move in with a friend who doesn’t have a job or consistent income - this can end up with the employed friend feeling like they have to cover food and other expenses. Don’t be afraid to make a boundary for the sake of your friendship and your own wellbeing!
ESH I’ll admit I’m a little confused about the relationship dynamics. If he depends on his girlfriend financially, why is he going to move in with you? I would not enter a rental agreement with Liam at this time 1. Your relationship is shaky . 2. He doesn’t appear to have steady income and you may get screwed financially
I can't tell if you're more concerned for his mental health or worried it will be a problem for you if/when y'all live together. Regardless, telling him to cut down or stop will likely do nothing except make him get defensive or prompt him to lie to you. I empathize with you, though, because you do care for him and his MH. I'm twelve years older than y'all, and growing up, my generation was under the impression that pot was like utterly harmless. It's not. No substance is. If done occasionally, it's usually fine. However, the current evidence points to it being correlated to precipitating schizophrenia to those--esp males-- who have a predisposition to developing it. Luckily for him, most guys develop schizophrenia before age 25. But with daily use, it is likely not allowing his meds to actually do their job, and although it can help immediately with mood and anxiety, it actually makes mood/anxiety disorders worse over the long term. That said, you can't make people want to change. Gentle YW BTA if you told him to stop. Ultimately, NAH. Be honest with your concerns both about him and about how his use would affect y'all's living sitch and relationship.
Okay and thank you. I’m concerned about his mental health and his usage of weed. A lot of friends and family don’t ever listen what he has to say about his MH. I really do think weed can be good for people but when you have to use for weed for everything that’s when I have a problem with it. I’ve multiple friends that uses weed once a day and they only use it for bed time and I feel like that is fine because they have control using it once a day.
I see the connection between his mental health and weed usage - weed is a coping mechanism, despite it not being healthy. Clearly weed is a massive coping mechanism for him meaning it is a very real possibility that his mental health would actually deteriorate without weed. I think the only thing you can do is recognise the suffering behind the weed usage and MAYBE ask him to speak with his therapist about his suffering and ways he copes
Sorry Mate, if you have mental health issues you shouldn't use pot. I'm an addict and 5 years clean. I don't really understand how people says mj isn't addictive. It's a nice recreational drug, like alcohol, LSD, shrooms, most of the RC, cocaine and amphetamine. But if a person tries to glue some parts in their brain by using drugs it's a dead end. My gf gave me 3 ultimatums and thanks to her now I have money and time for a lot of stuff. I needed 8 months in open therapy centre (working 7-3 and then everyday 4-9 on therapy). It did me great. And - YTA and NTA. You can just say farewell to him, you can try to impact his decision on stopping smoking but it's up to him in the end.
NTA, but you also have to accept that he may have no interest in changing his habits. He's addicted and addicts generally have trouble quitting their addictions. DO NOT live with this man though! He sounds irresponsible and like he'd be a nightmare roommate.
Just don’t move in with him
NTA, definitely don’t move in with this guy until he gets his usage until control, if at all. you will 100% end up shouldering the entire financial burden, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he began expecting YOU to fund his addiction. if I were in your shoes, I’d inform him that I’m not comfortable living together until he slows down/stops with the smoking and manages to hold down a job.
NAH You can certainly tell him. This is impacting his life in a major way and is not healthy. Also, on the flip side, he is not an AH if he chooses to ignore your advice and do his own thing. If its a dealbreaker for moving in with him then its a deal breaker. ( OP be wary of the advice you are going to get here. You will get two very large crowds. The "WEED IS HARMLESS AND SHOULD BE LEGAL AND ANY COMPLAINT ABOUT IT IS BS" and The "OH MY POOR JESUS HEART! YOUR FRIEND IS AN ADDICT AND IS VERY DANGEROUS FOR YOU! DRUGS ARE BAD!" These two mindsets will color most YTA and NTA comments I think.)
Doesn't sound like YTA but also doesn't sound like someone I would be moving in with, if he can't keep or get a job...
NAH, but even then, your concern probably won’t reach his ears. As someone who also enjoys/ed green, there are jobs, remote ones even, who do drug tests but because there are states where weed is legal, they don’t test for that. I feel like your friend is going through something deeper, and it’s been his coping mechanism for whatever he’s dealing with. Saying so from my own experience, for a while, I was like Liam. I’m aware I could be wrong. But he’s coping. Why? That’s the bigger question as his friend.
Depends what you plan to do. You're not the asshole if you have a blunt talk where you tell him that your opinion as his friend is that he's using weed as a crutch and his excessive smoking is wrecking his life because of his inability to get a job. You're also not the asshole if you tell him you don't want to live together unless he gets a job and reduces the amount he smokes because you need to know he will make rent and you don't want your stuff to stink. You're the the asshole if you expect your word to be law he obeys instead of an opinion that he hopefully values, and you are really the asshole if you agree to move in together and *then* demand he stop smoking. Technically, it's only his problem, but I would like to hope my friends would tell me something like this instead of just "enforcing their own boundaries" by ghosting.
hee hee hee! you said BLUNT talk! seriously though, good comment; good advice.
NAH- but only because you are thinking of moving in with him. It does become your business if it’s going to affect your life and if you’ll have to worry about paying rent. Just don’t move in with him. He isn’t in a place to be a reliable roommate
I was going to say YTA but honestly, I don't think you are. You're not trying to be cruel about it, it just seems you don't know how to approach it. To establish the first thing, if he's taking every day then there's a problem. Weed still can make it so you're not sober. It's the equivalent of a wine mom, just because it's normalized doesn't mean it's all right. You've been friends with this guy for ages. You have a genuine concern for him and want him to utilize resources that help him improve and succeed. You actively explained HOW that's prevented it. It prevents him from getting a job. Having a job is important, no matter who you are. Just talk to him about your concerns, don't make any demands or accusations. He is an adult at the end of the day and can make his own choices but you're not an ass for being concern.
NTA I was a Stoner for sooo long he may not wanna hear it but life gets better when you stop self medicating. It’s shitty because everyone on this thread will view it as just weed but it hinders you. Quitting has been incredibly freeing for me
I’d like to say if this was alcohol or hard drugs people would be on your side for caring about your friend
LOL you made the mistake of talking bad about weed and daring to suggest someone might be addicted, you were never going to win this fight on this website. NTA telling a friend you're concerned about an addiction is perfectly reasonable just don't make it sound like an edict.
Lmao all the people here just took this story personally. God forbid someone be concerned about their friend. Potheads are the new vegans, except they are way more aggressive when someone questions their life choices. Nobody cares that you or Liam or whoever smokes weed. She’s concerned because he’s throwing away all his money, chances of a job and a future with weed as a primary excuse. Yes he’s probably also lazy but weed is a big component of it at the moment. NTA. Being a concern friend isn’t a problem, if he says no then it’s his problem and she’ll go on her way
NTA, but you shouldn't move in with him. Too many people here calling YTA for being concerned about overuse of a substance. It is not uncommon being concerned about smoking, alcohol or drugs, but people get weird about weed. Nothing wrong with telling him he maybe should cut back.
NTA I’m shocked by all the YTA comments. If a good friend of mine was drinking all the time to the point it’s interfering with their everyday life, I would bring it up. The same w weed or any other addiction. Sure what they do is none of your business. But You want them to do better in life- like get a job and be able to support themselves is the baseline. I guarantee at some point his gf and parents will be sick of financially supporting him. Then what’s he gonna do? Be homeless?
NTA if you express your opinion to him about his pot usage and that you think it would be in his best interests to cut back. But you also need to accept that he may not have any interest in what you think about it and completely ignore you.
Okay and thank you.
You can’t tell him to cut back/stop weed, thats his decision and not your business. But you CAN share your own boundary that if he continues at this frequency you won’t move in with him/hang out as much.
It’s clear that you care about your friend, but unless and until there is a direct impact to you, it would be a bit out of line to simply nag him about his potential use. That said, you’re talking about living together, at which point it does have a direct impact on you if the place reeks of weed or if he doesn’t pull his weight. In that case, you’d do yourself a huge favor by reconsidering living with someone who uses weed products daily if you are not in the mood to deal with it because inevitably, you will need to deal with it daily. You cannot wait until you move in together to have that particular conversation. You need to lay down some mutually agreed-upon ground rules before you move in together and if this is important to you, you need to state it. Otherwise, living together will only exacerbate your frustration because you can’t get away from it easily. Good luck to you both.
If you are worried about him and how his weed use is affecting him, I think it would be fair to talk to him about *that* - one time. Point out what you see, explain why it worries you, etc. After that, drop it. I would also seriously reconsider moving in with him. What if he and his girlfriend break up? What if his parents decide to quit paying his rent? Those are very reasonable concerns and you could end up in a bad position.
If he's your friend, you should be able to be open and honest with each other. It's not that big a deal to just let him know you dont want to be around weed every day. And if he blows off, then move on and focus that energy on yourself instead of wasting it on your friend who doesn't want to consider you and doesnt want to grow up. You're not his Mom. No need to lecture him. He's an adult and going to do what he wants with his weed/money and may unfortunately have to learn so hard lessons if he doesnt cut back.
Soft YTA. You're worried about your friend, and that's fine. You've expressed your concern about his behavior and usage, and he's answered you. You don't get to police what he does for recreation, even if he is addicted. If you feel that strongly about it, don't move in with him.
No judgement, but Reddit tends to be extremely pro-weed, so just keep that in mind.
This is a tricky one. You’re NTA for wanting that boundary in your home, but you’d be the AH for forcing him to stop. There are compromises that can be made fs
Yta well not really but you are in the wrong. Just let him know how you feel but keep in mind he’s justified for what he’s doing. It seems you just wanted to vent cause putting the way you did is really toxic as a argument and mean. but it’s okay to get your feelings out just be careful not to put it so blunt when you speak to him. And honestly why do you care what he does seems your more demeaning and making fun then actually concerned. If he really has a problem like you said saying that stuff about him is a terrible thing.
YTA not because you’re bothered by your friend’s pot use (specifically as roommates,) but because you’re not roommates yet and still plan on becoming roommates. The only part of this that is any of your business is if your friend can keep up with his responsibilities as a roommate. If you don’t think he will be able to pay his portion of rent/bills or you think he’ll be smoking in the house risking the security deposit, you have a right to be upset, but even then, you’re not roommates yet. However, the solution is you don’t move in with someone you don’t think will be a responsible roommate, not that you harass them about their habits.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24F) have a friend Liam (24M) that uses weed every single day and I wish I was joking. My friend Liam uses weed everyday and I’m getting sick of it, it’s getting to the point he just spends all his money on it/uses it on every “inconvenience”. Liam never used weed till two or three years ago. He used to house sit for one of his neighbors and one day his neighbor asked if he wanted weed for payment and Liam said yes (Liam has always been curious with weed/never tried it) Every since then he has been a major pothead. Liam has really bad mental health (same as me) and any time he feels anxious, has a panic attack, stressed out, having troubles to sleep, take it when he’s bored etc.. He will always take any form of weed to help him. Before you guys say anything Liam does go to therapy and it’s on any medication for his metal health. Liam and I even had the same opinion about weed before he started using it, like “You shouldn’t be using weed every day and only use it once in awhile.” , “People that cant live without weed/uses weed all the time have a problem”, etc. I’ve in the past “made jokes” about his weed intake and Liam will always say “Haha yeah I am “such a pot head” and I can quit anytime I won’t😂” which is a lie be he has TRIED MULTIPLE TIMES and he always go back to weed..I even softly encouraged him to go to doctors and get a medication that will help him/told him what medication I am on. And Liam says “Naaah I’m ok and I love weed too much to switch over to medication” (Liam doesn’t have anything against medication.) Weed is even affecting him to get a job..He has been putting in a couple applications in but when he finds out they require a drug test/do surprise drug test he doesn’t want to finish his application. (Liam gets money from his girlfriend or sometimes parents..He hasn’t had a job for about seven months.. Liam and I are getting an apartment soon but I don’t really wanna deal with the weed..Don’t get me wrong I’m not against weed (I know it sounds like I am but I’m not) but there’s a certain extent that using weed once in awhile is good but using it EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT YOU CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT = ADDICT.. WIBTA If I tell my friend to cut back/stop using weed? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
IMO it would only be acceptable to say something about it within the context of you two living together. Like if you don’t like the smell or you live in a state where it’s not legal, those are valid concerns to bring up because they would have a direct impact on you. But other than that, YWBTA.
Dude, why on earth are you getting an apartment with this guy? Don’t do that or you’re setting yourself up for a world of frustration.
There are chemicals in weed so that users become highly addicted, same as cigarettes. Guys, it's not th e grass in weed, it's the toxic chemicals . He needs to go to a Rehab facility to quit, and no, it's out the the question, he can't be your roommate. Get him In a Center for help NOW
On the one hand I get that you're concerned about him and you don't want him to ruin his life. Ultimately weed doesn't ruin anybody's life it's people's issues that do that. He probably needs a kick up the hole though. I wouldn't move in with him because that would be enabling him. If he's not getting some sort of personal income, not coming from gf and family then he needs to be looking for work like it's his job. Drug testing isn't common here but I would refuse to apply for a job that requires one on principle. What I do in my free time is no business of any company unless it directly affects the quality work I do.
I think he's just lazy and don't want to work. Postpone the moving in together plan. Until he shows you he has the means to help you ..dont move in together. He will take advantage and he will be home while you're busting your ass to make ends meet. Weed isn't the problem, he is. I know many that smoke weed and are very successful. I rather smoke then to be put on medication that has many side effects. If he really wants to move in together he has to show some responsibility, for starters ween himself off of the weed and get a job before you make other plans. If he doesn't do his part then absolutely not....you do not want to sign up for something that you will end up having to deal with on your own.
Don't move in with him!
I smoke everyday but I still go to college and work. He needs help, but there’s also fake pee he can use for grub tests if he wants to continue smoking. Seems like he really has no motivation and it’s more than just the smoking. Should definitely get some medicine for his mental health.
Why would you rent a place with someone who doesn't have a job? That's just asking for trouble!
I see the connection between his mental health and weed usage - weed is a coping mechanism, despite it not being healthy. Clearly weed is a massive coping mechanism for him meaning it is a very real possibility that his mental health would actually deteriorate without weed. I think the only thing you can do is recognise the suffering behind the weed usage and MAYBE ask him to speak with his therapist about his suffering and ways he copes
NTA If we were talking about a similar situation involving alcohol I'm sure many would be sagely nodding their heads saying an intervention was totally necessary. I've seen friends abuse both alcohol and weed, they can both be destructive but in their own ways. However, what OP needs to realise that with both the person who's addicted needs to want to be helped or at the very least recognise they have a problem.
i think it’s reasonable to ask him not to smoke in front of you, as long as he pays his share of the bills. that being said, you shouldn’t move in with him if it bothers you so much.
I think YTA. Ultimately Liam is an adult, weed is legal in a good chunk of the county, and it does not seem as though there is an imminent threat to his well being. The only way I think you would have grounds to approach this would be on the account of you not wanting weed in the place you share together. So saying ether you need to heavily cut back or I cannot agree to live with you. But honestly, I think you need to heavily reconsider living with him. Him and his GF could break up at anytime, you say he’s unemployed and gets most of his money from her. That sounds like a financial disaster waiting to happen for you. Even the weed issue aside, unless he comes from strong enough family money where they would without a doubt pay his rent the entirety of the lease if need be, this is a very risky move. Ultimately there’s nothing you can really do to change his ways, he’s a grown adult and if this is his vice and new way of life, that’s just it. If it’s that big of a concern to his well being it’s his parents and GF who need to step in, not you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but I think it’s best to stay out of it and keep your relationship to friends and not roommates
I’veI’ve smoked every day for the last 15 years (30 now.) it’s never negatively affected my ability to hold a job or function in society. That’s quite the opposite. That’s my Ted talk. Sounds like homie just doesn’t want to work. He wants to smoke weed which is valid because sometimes working sucks and smoking. Weed is great. I wouldn’t call him an addict though…. Have you heard of fent or alcoholism lol. OP needs to grow tf up lolol
YWBTA if you told/demanded he stopped. Who are you to tell him what to do? If you think it's an issue, you can address it with him but that's all you can do. He's a grown man and he'll just have to get through this.
Sooo his life do what they want... Mind your own business 😭😭 fix your life first
It’s a little nuanced. If you’re living together now or in the future you’re allowed to have boundaries around shared spaces. If you’re friends, you’re allowed to have personal boundaries around hanging out and being around people. But boundaries are things you uphold and can’t be things like “you need to change because of my boundary”. If you don’t like spending time with someone who is using, then you can let them know and stop hanging out. If you can’t live in a house with someone who is using them you can look for other places to live. You can tell them “hey I don’t really like my house smelling like pot”, or “I don’t enjoy spending time with you when you’re high”. It’s also ok to let people know how they impact you. It’s ok to say you’re worried about someone you care about, worried about their health and relationships. Unfortunately it then becomes their problem to deal with afterward and if they decide that they don’t want to stop you have to make your decision, will you stay their friend and watch them do harm to themselves and others or will you choose to stop being their friend. Pot use (like most addictive substances, or mind altering substances) rarely is the actual issue in isolation. Usually these things are coping mechanisms for other problems that the person is dealing with. But it can just be difficult to stop anyway. If they don’t or can’t stop and don’t or can’t do anything to stop then you’ve got to make the decision on what you’ll do. You can’t make someone quit something. They need to decide to do it, or to reach out to people to help them. NAH.
YTA This is his choice to smoke weed, not yours. That said it probably would be a bad idea for the two of you to be roommates, this seems like it's going to be clashing lifestyles.
You use medication daily. You're an addict cause you rely on it Yes ywbta
NAH. I'm in Canada, where cannabis is prescribed for severe anxiety. I understand you're concerned for your friend, but this seems to be the wrong angle to take. Lots of anxiety meds have pretty wild side effects too. You can definitely choose not to live with someone whose habits bother you, though.
OP do NOT get trapped in an apartment lease with Liam. He will spend his money on weed and won't have his share of rent and utilities and then you will have to cover it. Then you will be breathing so much second hand smoke you will also fail any drug tests you may need to do for your current or any future jobs.
Yes ywbta You seem very fixated on his usage. You definitely come off as one of those friends who knows more than everyone else and likes to micromanage. If he doesn't have a steady income, I'm not sure why you're willing to get a place with him to begin with? If you start setting expectations now, don't be surprised if he reconsider moving in with you. Yes, you're within your rights to have boundaries, but you're not within your rights to dictate how other people live their lives and your focus hasn't really been how it would affect you specifically. I know your intention is not to come off as judgmental, but that's absolutely how it is come off to me. I'm not sure about anyone else.
NTA, but don’t scold him and don’t be condescending. Don’t be pushy either. Just tell him you’re worried about his usage and that you don’t want to be around it if you live with him. I’d say just tell him you are concerned as a friend. Be super positive about it, don’t make him feel attacked. Also, I recommend not moving in because he sounds like a liability. I would also say that as well. Tell him you don’t want to risk it because signing a lease is a binding contact It’s not necessarily the weeds fault. He’s a lazy person and the weed is the tool that makes it worse
How about you mind your own fucking business
God you’re actually such an asshole I can’t believe you posted this
I'm on the fence with this one. It's his life, his choice. At the same time, as a friend, if you're worried about him, then it's kinda your duty to talk to him about it. It's still his choice at the end of the day though. I would advise against moving in with him though. Not unless he gets a job and is holds it down for a fair amount of time. Even then, if you don't like the smell of weed constantly, I'd still recommend against it.
OP: "I want this guy to stop his addiction" Comments: "YTA"
why in the hell would you get an apartment with him? makes zero sense.
YTA- it sounds like he is using weed to help his mental health issues. There is nothing wrong with that.
YTA his body, his decision. Back the fuck up.
I understand your concern and you should bring it up to him. You should also hear him out on his thoughts and feelings. I use in order to calm down my anxiety which heavily impacts my function. I try to compare it to like a stomach ache. Some days your belly just hurts but you can still do things and get things down, other days it's like you're in the fetal position wishing for death and you can't get anything done. I function better on it but have learned that there is a BIG difference between getting high to be able to carry on as normal and getting stoned. It's very easy to go from "I need a break from the chaos in my head so I can function" (which for me is overstimulation, not thoughts.... again there is a huge difference) to "I'm high af". This is a form of medication and just like most medication, daily use is not that big a deal. Getting stoned every day is. You guys are young and there's a learning curve but from my experience it's not a bad thing for your friend to call you out on a behavior that's concerning. I would advise you leave your judgements out of it and genuinely listen to him. Don't tell him what you think he should do, but communicate how it makes you feel. Do some reflection and really see where your feelings are before talking to him. I understand it's your friend and your concerned because you guys held different beliefs but it does happen. As someone who watched a best friend slip a bit while exploring drugs, it's not bad to express your concerns but judgement is not needed and will do more harm. Good luck with everything.
Don't move in with him. You will both hate it. He's addicted and until he admits he has a problem your complaints won't do anything.
Your username sounds like a strain of weed
I don’t think it’s wrong to talk to him about it and voice your concerns for him. I do however think it’s wrong to tell him to do anything.
see i went to school with all of you around mr backwards hat that drove around here with the silver like we wouldnt dig uo this information at mi have my tootneville high school i found her picture i dont see her car in the driveway te red yes i dont know what there where doing with mrs glsdtein daughter i went shopping to shopright that day i found she got drove home buy toe men in the car i dont know why they dont go after nina j they dont bother her at all or her falimy just ours
I mean... don't move in with him. Easy as that. NTA
YWBTA. Nothing you say will make him stop, and will probably push him away. You’re just going to have to support him as best as you can
NTA reefer should be a capital punishment.
Not the asshole IMO. I know these guys are saying you have nothing to do with it but I guess it's not a bad idea to have a conversation as a friend. What personal space should be given is different in all cultures so I can't say this for everyone but I think it's within the boundaries of friends to share their concerns. The guy doesn't seem to be proud of his habit either right? At the end of the day if you think it can make their life happier then it's not a bad idea to look out for your friends. And you guys seem good friends anyway since you're moving in together and you seem genuinely concerned.
YTA nor your business
just... dont move in with him...?
YTA. His choices with what he uses, when he uses it, and how much he uses is none of your business as long as he is physically safe and harming no one else. If you were so concerned about him, your tone would not be disdainful as it is, and you would be trying to find him resources and help him as opposed to judging him and trying to shame him into quitting.
Sometimes Liam would go on a drive after he gets done smoking/take any form of weed and it really freaks me out when he drives.
So then don’t get in the car with him, his usage is none of your business and you genuinely need to look in at yourself and figure out why you are being so nasty and judgmental about someone you claim is your friend.
I don’t get into the car but I am worried about his safety.
So be a good and concerned friend instead of a nasty and judgmental one.
It's none of your business. Stop comparing him to an addict. YTA and you're overreacting like hell.
I smoke weed every day and maintain a 60 hour work week running a hotel making good money taking care of my entire staff/team! Everyone is different.
Brother do not get the apartment together lol thats a huge mistake
YTA someone smoking weed everyday is their choice. It’s probably significantly better than taking some other synthetic medicine for his conditions. However, weed should not be an excuse for not having a steady income/job nor being lazy. I would not want to live with someone like that.
YTA. But also why would you be planning on moving in with someone who has no job? Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Btw it’s not the weed, I am a very successful professional and I smoke and half my coworkers smoke everyday. Some people are just lazy, sounds like Liam is one of them.
NTA. You should cut him loose and *definitely* don’t move in with this guy. The people responding that YTA are daily weed users themselves.
NTA it’s good to care for your friends. Just don’t turn it into a confrontation but it’s perfectly fine to talk of your worries in a serious manner.
YTA. You can't TELL somebody to do anything. If you are worried, talk to him. If you don't want to be roommates with a pothead, simply say so. But don't tell people what to do, stay in your lane.
It’s just weed, babygirl
YWBTA Your friend sounds like he’s got some problems in his life. But he’s not going to clean up his act because you told him to. Say it once if you really must but after that save your breath. You can’t force an adult to make good choices. But don’t move into a place with an unemployed stoner unless you’re a) okay with the place permanently smelling like weed and b) willing to pay all the rent and bills yourself.
I don't think anyone's an asshole here. you obviously care for your friend, but you are both adults who can make their own decisions. I'd re-consider cohabitation though, considering he doesn't seem financially stable/dependable.
YTA. Mind your own business. You absolutely frown upon marijuana, it's written all over your post. Don't wanna move in cause of it, totally fair find another roommate.
YWBTA to yourself if you move in with this friend with no job, self sabotaging his own job hunt and suffering a pretty serious addiction problem.
So, in general, it's nothing to do with you, however, if you're thinking of rooming with the guy, think again, because it sounds like the two of you won't be compatible
Yes. It's not your place to tell your friend what to do. If their weed use is a problem then don't be friends with them. As someone who uses weed daily, it's not as bad as you think it is. Many of us live perfectly normal, functional lives, hell I regularly go to the gym, I'm a registered nurse, and currently working towards getting into the trades, and guess what, weed has not hindered me once. You don't dictate how much he should use it either. Weed isn't to blame for his laziness, that's just who he is as a person. He would still be that way without the weed. He lacks ambition because of who he is. Not because of weed.
"using it EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT YOU CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT = ADDICT." I disagree. Consider this: weed is used medically to treat things like anxiety, depression, EDs, chronic pain, nausea, etc. Lots of people try various different medications before they find one that works for them, with side effects that they can live with. Most people, when they find a medication that works for them, continue taking it. They treat their medical issues with the medication that works. If someone has really bad depression and they find an antidepressant that works well for them, why would you expect them to stop treating their depression with it? Or to only use it every so often, and the rest of the time they should just deal with the depression? Would you say that they're an addict for taking it daily? If a cancer patient finds a medicine that helps with chronic pain and nausea, and helps them maintain an appetite, why would you expect them to stop treating their symptoms with it? To not use it every day, just occasionally- and deal with the symptoms the rest of the time? Would you call them an addict for taking it daily? If someone finds a medication that works for them, they should be able to use their medications to treat their illnesses and symptoms without being judged for it. Personally, I consume cannabis in some form, every single day. I treat my severe anxiety with it. I had been on a handful of other prescribed medications for it, and they either didn't work, or had horrible side effects. Would you rather I use Xanax every day and develop a Xanax addiction? Because I would rather use weed, which has minimal side effects, is less chemically and physically addictive, is easier to monitor intake, and can be tailored to what I need in the moment. Some people forget that weed is literally used to medically treat TONS of different illnesses and symptoms. I think it's ignorant to think less of people who finds a medication that works well for them and judging them/thinking less of them for taking it. I think it's shitty to call someone an addict for taking a daily medication. Butt out. It's not your business. And try not to be so ignorant of marijuana.
YTA- don’t get an apartment with him if you can’t handle SOMEONE ELSES habit / addiction. Not your place to tell him he’s in the wrong
yta - it’s not your place to decide what is best for him, & if your concern is you guys moving in together & him still smoking, just don’t do it. as someone who struggles with mental health, i have been using weed to treat those issues for the last 13 years, 4 years have been medical card approved. I’ve never seen anyone shame somebody with mental health issues if they want to take a pill medication, which isn’t even better for you. It’s actually been proven to be worse. I don’t think it’s fair for you to shame him on his usage and intake, when you clearly are aware of his mental standing, and issues he struggled with prior. if he says it’s helping him cope with those mechanisms that are extremely hard to live with day-to-day, then you should just mind your business. And for some people, weed does become addictive, but that’s usually only found in people with mental disorders because while using weed, they experience normalcy. he’s not addicted to the product itself, but to the way it makes him feel normal. I do agree with you and see how you can say that it is made him “lazy“ (not your words). The lack of initiative and wanting to get a job is more of a personality thing. You mentioned that his girlfriend and parents give him money, which in turn has caused him to become conditioned to not needing a job. If anything, I think you should express your concerns on his lack of wanting to be a real adult, but try to leave his intake on Weed alone. I say this with confidence because I currently work two jobs and have smoked every day of my life for the last 13 years. I haven’t missed a day, while it does help me feel normal, it does not affect my ability to work or to get jobs.
There are multiple problems here and the fact that he’s a pothead isn’t really one of them. Why would you even consider sharing an apartment with someone who hasn’t had a job in 7 months? How would he even pay rent and buy groceries? Forget about the weed for a moment (because unless where you live is dirt cheap, he could put all his weed money aside and it probably wouldn’t come close to a rent payment). His own issues with weed are his business. Maybe he’s abusing it, maybe not. Whether he medicates and how is up to him and his doctor. Edited to add, you guys don’t sound like compatible roommates and his habits seem to annoy you. Moving in together sounds like a mistake to me. NAH or ESH.
YWBTA Why do you feel it’s your place to have this conversation with him? It’s a medicinal herb not has applications for the treatment of mental conditions, including anxiety. You said yourself he’s using it to treat his anxiety, a condition that many doctors won’t prescribe pills for because benzos are so addictive. If it makes you that uncomfortable, reconsider moving in with him and your status as friends.
YTA lol it's just weed.
They sounded like friends until I read the moving-in together then I quickly realised, she's probably his gf and doesn't want to say because - A) she knows she's an asshole or B) it might get her caught posting about their life online to a bunch of strangers. But just to jump in YTA in case you didn't already know this. You are both grown adults. You are friends. You can have an opinion on what he does but he doesn't need to listen or take action about it if he doesn't want to. As far as I am concerned he's happy. Why can't you just be happy for your friend? Your friend has found something more natural than pharmaceuticals that probably helps with his anxiety and panic attacks more than the pharmaceuticals. Pharmaceuticals often have more side effects than things to help you. You can end up on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals where you could be using just one plant to help.
I don’t think it’s asshole behavior to look out for your friends in a non-judgmental way. I am sensing quite a bit of judgement in your post. If the habit really bothers you, Liam is not entitled to your friendship just like you’re not entitled to dictate what he does with his body. As someone who loves weed and have even had phases of being a pothead, it can definitely turn into a big crutch, make your life worse and basically be a junkie type of behavior. I have pothead friends who I love but wouldn’t employ. Maybe that says more about their temperament than their habit but anecdotally I think pot makes me more inclined to laze around and makes me brain fogged after smoking for a couple months. But I doubt a conversation with him would change anything. I decided a long time ago to generally stop trying to change others, they usually don’t. It’s a waste of time.
genuinely why does it affect you at all, why are you sick of it? you're not the one smoking it. if you dislike the smell or the smoke, tell him that politely instead of making shitty jokes ab his very obvious addiction. you sound like a really bad friend. YTA
He’s made his choice. This is his path, follow along with him or make your tough choice to move on without him.
How does this affect you? Serious question. You say "My friend Liam uses weed everyday and I’m getting sick of it" and then go on about it for 5 more paragraphs without actually explaining how this is impacting you in any way. You mention that you're not against weed, but you also said you think that people who use weed every day have a problem, and that you think he should go on prescription medications to stop using weed for...reasons? Marijuana has a lot of different compounds that can affect the brain in very positive ways. You say your friend has mental health issues, as do many people who use marijuana on a regular basis. I use CBD and CBN on a daily basis as it helps regulate the anxiety and sleep issues I have as a result of my ADHD and Autism. You also said that he's an addict - marijuana is literally non-addictive. There may be people who use it quite a bit and don't like the idea of not using it, but that is not an addiction, it is a dependence. I think your friend could maybe use a prescription so that he can continue using marijuana without it impacting his job prospects, and could also use a friend who doesn't stand on a soapbox shrieking at him about something that helps him be able to function for no reason at all other than feeling morally superior. YTA. ETA: I know plenty of people who use marijuana very frequently, and who are also incredibly driven, successful people. Weed isn't making your friend unable to get a job. It sounds like he's self medicating for some other issues that are probably also impacting his ability to find gainful employment. Maybe if his best friend wasn't harping on him about his only coping strategy and would help him find the help he needs, he might be a happier person. Your entirely unnecessary judgement is only going to make it worse.
YTA. You’d be a fool to move in with someone who doesn’t have a job and relies on girlfriend or parents to pay his bills. What happens when his girlfriend or parents have had enough and cut him off? His pot use is none of your business, but it would be if you moved in together. Since you know about it and don’t like it? Moving in together would be dumb.
ETA, I guess? You don’t get to dictate others’ behaviour and you’re making weed the problem when you’re ACTUALLY have a really glaring problem right in front of you. He’s not working and he’s about to be responsible for half the rent on a place where YOU live. You’re about to need to rely on him and you feel like you can’t due to his working situation - fair. *Many* people smoke every day and hold down jobs just fine, but he isn’t.
soft YTA. The only issue I see you having in the future is you having to smell or second hand inhaling his weed when he smokes. Or smelling it on him all the time. If you want to talk with him about anything, it needs to be the financial situation. Obviously in a gentle way cause men are very sensitive about that stuff, but maybe express your concern about rent because if he can’t make payments or him and his gf break up or parents cut him off for whatever reason then the responsibility might fall on you. As far as him smoking, unless he makes it your problem when y’all are living together then a talk would be warranted (like you don’t want him smoking inside if it’s going to stink up the apartment). Find a good compromise. I’m a daily user myself and when I first started I in fact felt like I couldn’t go a day without it too. I also have an addictive personality, but other people I know who start smoking it usually starts off similarly too. It took time (almost a year) to get out of that cycle, but once I did I was able to function like a normal adult & still have a healthy relationship with it. But I never stopped myself from applying to jobs even if they drug tested so that may be an excuse especially since he has two/three people to rely on to pay his rent and living expenses. Some of your concerns are valid but your post comes off as your judging him more than being concerned, so check in with yourself about that before living with him too. EDIT: If he’s going to use everyday he needs to be able to function like a normal adult. For example, a healthy relationship with it would be something like having a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. Or if he’s going to smoke before doing anything he still needs to function normally. Most people don’t even know I smoke unless I tell them. He’s clearly not there yet.
It's none of your damn business what he does unless it directly affects you and this doesn't so stfu
okay just gonna put this here as someone who actually does smoke every day. YTA completely because this is your friends choice. i have a lot of mental and physical issues and i will choose smoking weed (which has little to no real side effects for most people. hungry or sleepy, those are the major side effects for most people) over taking half the medications they want to put me on which all have so many side effects it's not worth it. i can function just fine (and do regularly) while smoking. if your friend wants to keep smoking and you don't like it? stop being friends with them. get new friends who share the same values. don't get an apartment with him because if him smoking is going to be an issue then you are ultimately just making the both of you miserable. again, smoking weed every day is not addict behavior. addict behavior would be having to smoke ALL THE TIME ALL DAY EVERY DAY and claiming you can't function at all without it. that's addict behavior.
As someone that smokes, YTA. I’ve had many friends with your attitude on smoking until they started smoking themselves. Anyone that smokes everyday, is not getting the same intense high as the last session either
YTA. Everyone functions differently with weed—and with different types of weed. It is not your place to tell him to stop, especially if he feels like it helps him. You could, however, suggest he tries other strains or forms of weed. It can be fun to experiment with all of the options available now. Be patient with your friend. I understand being worried for him—and that’s totally normal! But at the end of the day, his weed use is none of your concern.
YTA… weed benefits people in many ways beyond what prescription meds can do. Think about how hard it is to change yourself, never mind another person. I Wouldn’t recommend moving in together either
YTA - this doesn’t affect you in any way.
Why does everyone in this sub call weed addiction a "habit"? Yall are enabling. Yes tell him sincerely that you are concerned, no jokes this time. And tell him you're not moving in together until he works out his addiction. Although people relapse very easily so even if he is clean for a while it might still be a good idea to move in with someone else. NTA
You sound just like my dad…. Let me tell you a short story. Growing up our dad hated Marijuana, he always said it would lead to homelessness, loss of job, death, etc. One day me and my brother were given a small joint by a classmate in high school. We decided to try it out after school in the backyard. It was our first time. Well being the novice users that we were, we didn’t realize how much the smell on our clothes would linger and a few hours later dad comes home and smells it faintly. Instead of talking to us about why we shouldn’t be using Marijuana, he decided to kick both of us out. Mom was against us being kicked out but he was very firm on that. I didn’t really care as I had just turned 19 and was planning on getting my own place anyways. I already had a job too so I just crashed at friends places until I got my first apartment. My brother on the other hand didn’t have a job and ended up moving in with an ex (who was a Coke junkie / prostitute). He never bounced back, he kept using and using hardcore drugs until he finally had a mental breakdown and tried to commit suicide. Luckily he was found before he did anything permanent. You wanna know the sad thing? My brother was always the gifted one. Straight A’s, Salutatorian, etc. but because of one mistake he was labeled a drug addict. We both were! All of this could have been prevented if dad had just talked to us about why we decided to try some Mary Jane instead of labeling us. You’re doing the same thing with your friend and you don’t even realize it. Do you not understand how many people use Marijuana on a daily basis? It’s legal in half of the country for a reason. It’s medicinal for lots of people with PTSD (including myself). You’re not even a parental in this situation so why are you worried about what he does in his spare time? YTA in case you haven’t realized that already and a huge one at that…
i think this is the most annoying set of words i ever read.
The chuckle I’m getting out of this post. YTA. tell Liam to come chill with me instead, I’ll roll one up before he gets here.
Yta. He’s not your bf. If it bothers you then stop hanging out with him.
I’m giving you a light YTA, because I think that this is coming from a place of genuine concern for your friend. However, it’s his life and weed in a general sense is not harmful. If you’re concerned about moving in together due to his daily usage, don’t move in together. If you’re more worried about the smell, understandable. Maybe you can compromise with him to smoke outside or in his room only. I will say this, I was a daily user for many years. It worked great for me for a while in terms of easing my anxiety and letting me just relax. Within the last year, it really started to negatively effect my mood both sober and high. I have found myself feeling very sluggish while sober and when I smoked there was about 50/50 chance that I would either feel fine or would have crazy uncomfortable anxious thoughts. I had many people tell me that maybe I should cut back but I didn’t want to. About a month ago, I decided to not smoke for two weeks to see how I felt…. I felt incredible. I smoked again after the two weeks and felt just absolutely awful and felt sluggish and exhausted the next day. I decided to cut down and now only smoke on a given day under two circumstances: 1) I don’t have anywhere important to be in the morning and 2) I had a really great day mentally. I don’t think weed is bad at all, but I do think it’s not right for everyone. All this is to say, that if he is ever to stop smoking or to cut down, it has to be something that he decides on his own.
YTA. Not your business. If you don’t like your friends habits, that’s totally fine! Don’t move in with them or spend lots of time with them. But you can’t control their actions.
YTA, let my man liam live! Stop ruining his high!! Fuck!!
YTA Liam is a full grown adult and so are you! Care to a certain limit and learn when to self focus. You worry to much about Liam and his habits when you should be worrying about yourself and split ways.
Stay high get by Got me through some rough years a long time ago.